#i am archiving my threadfics from twitter here

[twinclownsoflotuspiers]

Chengxian Minific | angst, open end, mutual pining, postcanon

In the past whenever Jiang Cheng suffered from insomnia, Wei Wuxian used to sing to help him sleep. While a-jie did it too, somehow Wei Wuxian's voice always helped soothe him better. Coz when Wei Wuxian sang, his voice got softer with a husky quality. Wei Wuxian was always better at instruments than singing. He tended to go slightly off key at times and he didn't have a high scale but Jiang Cheng loved his singing especially for that. It was strangely soothing, strangely grounding.

When after the whole Sunshot Campaign happens n Wei Wuxian begins avoiding him, Jiang Cheng doesn't have time to worry much coz he is preoccupied with rebuilding the sect and dealing with diplomatic stuff. But occasionally he would sit alone in the office, frustrated & unable to sleep and he would recall Wei Wuxian's voice & miss it terribly. Even if he wants to ask the other to sing, he can't bring himself to ever do it because there seems to be a chasm between them now & he doesn't know how to cross it.

And then things go further to the deep end and Wei Wuxian defects then dies and Jiang Cheng is left in the wake cursing, mourning - conflicted whether to hate or grieve the one he loved, still loves. He distracts himself through overworking, taking care of Jin Ling, hunting down demonic cultivators who think the power is a "fun" thing and use it for wrong purposes. What would they know when demonic cultivation lost him some of the most important people in his whole life. He wouldn't let himself admit that he missed Wei Wuxian's soft singing and the comfort it brought him. He wouldn't let himself admit that he missed Wei Wuxian.

Life goes on. Jiang Cheng thinks he's getting better at moving on. But then Wei Wuxian comes back, secrets are revealed and suddenly his life is thrown into chaos once again. Suddenly a lot of things are explained & once again Jiang Cheng is conflicted about what to feel - hate? anger? guilt? sadness? overwhelming love? Gratitude? All of them together? He decides to let himself feel acceptance and peace and fulfill Wei Wuxian's wishes and let him go.

"If he's happy perhaps I can be happy for him too"

He tries not to think about how he still misses Wei Wuxian's voice, his songs. It wouldn't be the same now anyway. Wei Wuxian doesn't have the Same body or voice as before. He thinks they both can be happy apart.

No one would've expected however, for a collaborative nighthunt to go wrong & Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian stuck in a cave together with Jiang Cheng badly injured to boot. The cave is blocked & they're separated from everyone And this feels strangely similar to the indoctrination situation & Xuanwu cave.

Jiang Cheng is in pain even if they've tried to treat his wounds as much as possible. Wei Wuxian awkwardly tries to get him to rest but Jiang Cheng can't sleep nor rest peacefully.

He tries to ignore the other man, to shut his eyes and drift, and then he hears it. Wei Wuxian singing. His voice isn't the same. It's not soft and husky anymore. It's slightly nasal and lighter. Yet Jiang Cheng can't help but feel a lump in his throat.

Wei Wuxian continues singing & that is when Jiang Cheng notices the words he had never Noticed before. Of course he knows the song because it's the same song Wei Wuxian always used to sing except Jiang Cheng had never noticed the words before seeing he always fell asleep before Wei Wuxian reached the crucial bits.

And Jiang Cheng can't help but get amazed, shocked, bewildered. Because these are words of longing, of awe, of affection and love - it's a one sided confession & Jiang Cheng is baffled because he's been hearing this song since they were 11 and....is this for him?

He sits up suddenly, startling Wei Wuxian, and asks him so, tentatively and with a strange feeling blooming within. Wei Wuxian is looking at him in shock & surprisingly, fear.

"You didn't fall asleep?" He asks

"No," Jiang Cheng replies. "Answer my question, Wei Wuxian. What does that song mean?"

Wei Wuxian looks ready to deflect and run away as always and Jiang Cheng is TIRED. He's had enough of both of them always running away and he wants answers.

"For once, Wei Wuxian please don't lie to me," he says tiredly. "Who is that song for?"

Wei Wuxian crumbles, looking extremely tired himself. Maybe all the running away was taking a toll on him too. Who even knew with him?

"For you," he answers.

And Jiang Cheng’s heart skips a beat but he can't believe it. "You're lying."

"I'm done lying," Wei Wuxian snaps back & he looks REALLY tired, like he's breaking apart from inside out and Jiang Cheng has NEVER seen him look this vulnerable. "I wrote that song and I wrote it for you."

They're both quiet, not knowing where to go from there. Jiang Cheng doesn't know what to feel once again. On one hand he's happy that Wei Wuxian had written such a song for him. On another, he's not sure what to do with the reminder that it would now be in the past & Wei Wuxian has someone else now.

"That song....I still mean every word in it"

Jiang Cheng looks up in shock and Wei Wuxian has a painful smile on his face.

"I'm sorry for dumping this on you," Wei Wuxian continues. "I'm always dumping unnecessary burdens on you. I will never fault you for hating me. I know I'm selfish for it, but I still need you to know after all. Jiang Cheng....every word in the song, I meant it then, I still mean it now"

Jiang Cheng can't believe it, but there's a part of him that feels like a heavy burden had just suddenly lifted from his heart.

"You don't need to return my feelings," Wei Wuxian is rambling now, & tears are streaming down his face. Jiang Cheng realises it's been a while since he last saw the other cry. "I'm sorry I'm saying it all now, but...I just wanted you to know. I'm sorry...."

Jiang Cheng wonders if he hadn't been awake & heard the song for how much longer would Wei Wuxian continue hiding it all.

"You're an idiot" he tells him and Wei Wuxian laughs.

"I know."

"No you don't," Jiang Cheng counters. There's something buzzing under his skin and he NEEDS to say something. "You don't know. I---"

He stops, frustrated at himself & his hesitation. "If I could compose songs I'd make one for you too."

"What?" Wei Wuxian asks in confusion.

Jiang Cheng gestures vaguely, frustrated, "I return them. Your feelings. I return them all. Always have."

He wants to jump off a cliff in mortification.

Wei Wuxian is staring at him, disbelieving. "Why would you?" He whispers. "After everything that I've..."

"I HAVEN'T forgiven you," Jiang Cheng grits out. "But I can't--"

I can't stop loving you either.

It's what he wants to say but can't say. Fortunately Wei Wuxian gets it. There was a time they could communicate without words. Perhaps it wasn't entirely lost.

When rescuers manage to get them out, things haven't been fully solved but there's a certain peace in both.

As they bow to each other before parting ways, Wei Wuxian looks at him with a silent promise There was still lot to talk out. But maybe, for once, jc could be hopeful

-End-