caffineandcoziness

[kuromi-hoemie]

i love indies sm i just added 14 to my wishlist. there was one AAA game i was somewhat interested in but decided against bc it felt like too much of a hit or miss.

speaking of which, i counted and yeah i like 92% of my indies but only like 50% of AAAs (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) at that price too??? girl.. why pay like 2-5 games' worth on a forgettable experience that won't stretch past 20hrs when u could just get the 2-5 games, have them probably be great and keep busy for months

[shoko-komi]

The Komi Report - Communications 444 & 445

This week in Komi Can't Communicate:

Tomohito Oda beats a dead horse...

...and the girls gamble.

Read It: Mangareader Mangakakalot Viz Media (North America Exclusive) Mangadex (English updates are dead, but there’s the backlog; and Spanish + Portuguese language updates)

As a Valentines Day gift, Oda has given me a headache.

I'll split this report into two parts

The Rumikai stuff

The Girl Talk Meeting

So skip to the second half if you're sick of reading my opinions on Rumikai. You won't hurt my feelings, because I understand alksdnlaknsdlak

So, after last weeks train-wreck I made two attempts at interpreting what was going on between Rumiko and Wakai; my first in the main Komi Report, and my second in an additional post that I made after I'd had time to reflect on the chapter and hear other people's thoughts. For brevity I'll assume you've read those.

Turns out I was sort of half right the first time, and half right the second. Rumiko was planning to turn him down...

...but was waiting until after the big soccer game. Then, when Wakai made his declaration, she said "uh-huh" because she was happy about it, and apparently couldn't resist.

What an absolute stinker.

Wakai's declaration was a poor thing to do for the following reasons:

It put immense pressure on Rumiko, who had explicitly told Wakai that she was feeling conflicted and needed time and space to think so she could give him a clear answer when she was ready

Wakai's choice of words was far too intense. "I play for you now" and "be mine forever" are insane things to say to a girl you barely know and with whom you aren't involved romantically

(A brief aside; mind that it's perfectly fine for characters in stories to do bad things and make bad choices. I lay out Wakais sins not to criticize him as a person, but to criticize the narrative choices Oda made in constructing and representing these events.)

However, as I initially thought, Oda does want the audience to view the declaration as straightforwardly romantic. Does he think this is what girls want?

Big declarations like this are common in romantic media - speeding to the airport to catch them before they board the plane, crashing through the window to stop the wedding, etc - and it can be very romantic, but only when the narrative is constructed properly. The characters involved need to actually like.... be in love. As well, there need to be outside factors that are preventing them from being together. That way, the declaration of love comes across as "we're in love and I won't let anything take you away from me" rather than what we have here, which is "I'm attempting to force you into a relationship by overwhelming you suddenly".

This plot-line is so severely undeveloped and mismanaged that Wakai just comes across as creepy and uncomfortably intense. Which could have been interesting if that had been the intention, but obviously it isn't. The fact that Rumiko is written to have enjoyed it and still might like Wakai makes me so frustrated I'll need to lie down after this. Oda also wrote the other girls to be all for it...

Sasaki and Kato would never endorse this.

I won't mince words; this whole thing reeks of misogyny. Reeks of it. I'm not joking nor am I being hyperbolic. There is the distinct odor of misogyny through this whole thing. Oda has a confusing track record when it comes to writing women; sometimes he's remarkable, other times he's about average for a shōnen mangaka (which is to say; bad). This is the worst he's ever done, in my opinion.

Not only that, but this apparently isn't even the climax of this story. Oda is still dragging his feet on the will-they-won't-they question. Rumiko is still conflicted. Pardon my language, but for fucks sake. Please let this end.......

If I had to guess, I'd say this dead horse will likely be beaten all the way to the end of the series. The love triangle spanned their entire second year (which was great because the love triangle ruled). To me, this plot appears to be the third year equivalent and will follow the same structure. Fucking huzzah.

Honestly, with any future Rumikai chapters I may just skip them. it depends on whether anything worth talking about happens, but I predict that any further developments will just be the same old thing. I'm thoroughly tired of them and I don't expect I'll have anything else to add. But we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Let my blood pressure ease and fall aklsndlaknsdlaknsdlkansd

I've been really looking forward to the Girl Talk meeting about the TadaKomi kiss ever since that happened. It's unfortunate that a certain wet blanket was thrown over the whole thing, but I'm still determined to enjoy the fun bits of these chapters. So without further ado, let's let our hair down and have some fun:

asjdnalsdnlasndlansdlansdja

I would have bet my gummies on mint; if someone is anticipating their first kiss, it's likely they'll have a mint beforehand so their breath doesn't smell. My first kiss tasted like fried chicken and orange fanta, because that's what she and I had been eating beforehand.

alsdnlajsdnklajsdnajsdajkd wait a minute... when did Ase have her first kiss? That's new information!!!! How exciting!!!!

Girl I want to know the end of that sentence.

It says "the end" there, which is confusing. But it also says this is only the beginning of the investigation, so hopefully next week will continue it. We need to hear the story of Ase and Naruses first kiss. I like those two, so I'm keen for that.

--------------------------------------------------

Parting thoughts; there were bits to enjoy in these chapters, but they lie in the shadow of something truly dreadful. Hopefully we'll get more of the Girl Talk meeting next week, but there's also sure to be a chapter about Wakai's perspective on the soccer game event sooner or later. I'm feeling drained.....

My dear reader, I wish you a happy Valentines Day. I'm married to the Komi Report and cannot take on a lover, but it's still nice to celebrate love. Please enjoy some friend chocolate I made for you

Stay safe. I'll see you next week.

[rvnawaytrain]

❝   ―  GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN ❞

AN INDEPENDENT & NON-SELECTIVE portrayal of an original character, JANE DOE, based on extensive lore including explorations of CLASSIC HORROR, FINAL GIRL TROPES, PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR, ENTROPY, GREEK TRAGEDY & MORE . Extremely verse flexible with dozens of established verses available. STRICTLY 18+ FOR MUN COMFORT

Laid to rest by BUNNIGHULEH ( they/it/she & 22 ).

THEMES OF Facing your fate — TEETH BARED AND EMBRACING THE UGLINESS OF SURVIVAL — claws tearing into the belly of the world around you. Rip and feed from the ichor. Ignore the stares, and concerned judgement they won't understand. You have to survive. You will survive. You will live to see the end of this. You WILL survive! (you won't), imperfect victims, crimes to survive, the true sacrifice of survival (WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, WHO DO YOU SEE? AFTER EVERYTHING, IS IT STILL YOU? ), when a kid falls in a broken system, will they even make a sound? Self-exploration, self-realization and what makes an identity — is it a name? a face? a fight? DEATH AS A METAPHOR and INESCAPABLE REALITY (but damn if we won't try), losing yourself and losing grip of what defines you. Upspoken emotions that threaten to choke you. Untreated mental illness. Trauma that has been left to fester & facing it all on your own (is it independence if you never have a choice?) & screaming destinies no one around you seems to heed

AFFILIATED WITH (BLOG LORE). @coastercrushed (OTP, shared verses), @frieddiscjockey (OTP, shared verses) @hangtenn (shared verses), @slateir (BROTP, shared verses and lore), @who-is-muses (brotp & otp, shared verses and lore)

ALSO SEEN ON. Dcwnthercbbithcle

 CARRD | INTEREST CHECKER | MEMES/PROMPTS | PLAYLIST | MULTI-MUSE

WARNING this blog, the stories presented, and the character of Doe by extension is not one of closure or justice. THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING HERE. NO LOVING FAMILIES HUNTING AND FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE, WITH HAPPY MEMORIES HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE. THERE ARE NO HERO COPS OR EXPERT DETECTIVES SWOOPING IN TO RIGHT THE WRONGS OF THE PAST. Doe's story is a tale of shattered dreams, missed futures and potential squandered by a cruel and indifferent world. Doe's story is an unflinching, uncompromising tragedy in all respects and therefore will contain elements that can be distressing, including mentions of systemic violence, untreated mental illness, stalking, trauma, abuse, blood & gore, body horror, and other sensitive subjects.

PLEASE READ AHEAD AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

RULES BENEATH THE CUT

Hello Hello ! Good morning, afternoon or night, depending on where you are! I see you've found my rules list! Thank you! I really appreciate you coming down here to read this for me! I'll try to spare you from having to read me prattling on, but I'd just like to get an introduction for myself out of the way; then we can get into the fun stuff!

Also, though it's not vital, please know I WILL NEVER BE MAD AT YOU IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY BREAK A RULE. I know it's easy to look at these rules as an ' if you cross, you die , ' sort of deal; however, trust me, I get it! I've accidentally broken rules, and I've had my rules broken; to err is to be human. If you make a mistake, we can always move past it. Just try your best, okay? It's all about respect and trying!

BASICS

Respect my muses’ boundaries.

Respect my personal boundaries.

If there’s one thing I am, it’s slow; please respect that. It's nothing personal. I am just a perfectionist, I study full-time and my interest and energy are fleeting.

Please be nice! This is non-negotiable. I don't care if your muses are rude; I mean, I play Kondraki for god sake; however, OOC I expect you to at least give me common courtesy. Rudeness is not tolerated.

Please, please, please don't use me as a meme/musing source! The occasional reblog is not a big deal, however, I've recently experienced problems with backlogs of reblogs clogging up my notifications, so please go directly to the source!

I am multi-ship and a bit of a shipping whore to be honest. However, I do not auto-ship based on the canon; sometimes I will ship my muses with one another and give them interwoven stories. Sometimes this will mean my muses are not open to being shipped with; other times this means those characters can't be interacted with unless you accept this pre-established relationship. Of course- I will never force these relationships on you. However, please do respect them and my ability to ship or not ship my characters.

I also do what I want! It sounds silly, but my blog is highly canon-divergent and headcanon based. If you don't like that, that's okay, but don't try to get on my back over it!

I am very crossover friendly! If a verse isn't outright written about in the characters, then ask me about it! I can always whip something up for you!

I am 21+, and all of my muses are 18+ ( and often horror-centred ), so NSFW in terms of uncomfortable themes and sometimes straight-up smut WILL occur. If this isn't alright with you, please leave now!

Like I said before, I am uncomfortable with minors interacting because of the sheer nature of this blog, so please, if you are under 18, leave now.

Likewise, I do explore triggering topics regarding mental illness and trauma. If you are uncomfortable, please leave now.

Mun opinion and muse opinion are two different things!! Some of my characters are actually the fucking worst, but I'd like to think I'm not! Haha

I DO…

Encourage you to send asks, prompts, ideas, anything!

Encourage you to choose a muse, or several!

Encourage you to shoot me an ooc ask for any reason, even just to say hi! Especially just to say hi! Haha

Encourage you to not stress and take your time!

Encourage you to read up on my muses and lore!

Encourage you to remind me if you think I've forgotten!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/23/21

vacation problems, baybee

listening pitch black, by sencit feat. lady blackbird (deathloop soundtrack). i do not think i will be playing this game since a particular twist was revealed to me (if i had two nickels &tc) and my backlog is already...very long, but this track is a banger. i like this more than many “real” james bond movie opening songs

reading mawrth valliis, by EPHK. the schtick is “presented in the original martian” which i think could have been a stronger creative choice if there was less dialogue? the lettering is very pretty, but it’s sort of a frustrating read. i fucking hate the character design and the twist, but the art is lovely in a very textural way, and i’m a sucker for pages like this. 126 p is not a lot of my time wasted

watching the anime otherside picnic is based off the light novel (and manga adaptation) of otherside picnic by iori miyazawa, itself based off the novel roadside picnic by the strugatsky brothers. in short, otherside picnic is a gay genderbent college AU isekai that manages to capture some of the psychological horror and financial desperation of the original. still with me? available free here (legally, even! you’re welcome).

i care about these girls in a way i don’t usually with anime. part of this is bc this anime does tick all my boxes- young lesbians figuring themselves out, who grow into a well-oiled pair that also goofs around on their off time, a perpetually exasperated handler/patron, The City Is Alive And Will Get You, it’s an adaptation of one of my favorite things, jokes about the availability and type of guns in open-world RPGs that made me laugh like a hyena. there’s a bit about someone growing their hair out that genuinely gutted me. i am probably going to buy physical copies of these light novels bc apparently the POV voice is Quite Something and they’re more explicitly gay.

the animation is Fine, the sound mixing is quite good imo, the emotional arcs were satisfying, i really love halfhour shows bc it’s so easy to watch a whole season in like three days if you’re not careful. hour-long shows are Appointment Television. that’s a Time Investment i simply do not always have

this show (unfortunately) features the US military stationed at okinawa (the marines ARE the ones most likely to get themselves into this sort of situation tbh) and therefore cannot let anything really bad happen to them although i really do think they should just be left to tear each other apart in the Zone/otherside

playing still having a Time with meshes not meshing in sable (also a piece of graffiti i needed to follow to start a quest simply...wasn’t there?) but it’s very forgivable, imo. i am willing to put up with a lot for a pretty game with mysterious solar-system spanning mysteries and wrecked ships to climb around. 4/6 of the way done with the ship AI quest and i am extremely excited and also pre-grieving what i think happened

ANYWAY. BIG DISH YAAAAAAY

making found :) dead :) moths :) in :) my :) new :) sewing :) machine :) cabinet :) so that’s been fumigated to the best of my ability, please cross your fingers i did not introduce clothes moths to my house bc that’s the last fucking thing i need (sewing machine backstory here)

so i haven’t actually started sewing anything yet, and the first thing i was going to make was a new ironing board cover, so it’s hard to prep anything. am i starting with any of the half finished projects i have already cut out? heavens fucking no we’re going to do something with this dreadful flag print i picked up in the summer. setting invisible zippers, truly my beloathed

pattern companies: it’s a shift dress...with a TWIST!

me, every time: it’s a shift dress... with a TWIST!!! :0

[queen-susans-revenge]

Fic Writer Review (thanks to @gondalsqueen for tagging, this is a fun one!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

57

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

176720

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Six, but the vast majority for Star Wars. I wrote one Batman story that was very dashed off, mostly a quick character sketch for a possible AU. One Sherlock Holmes story that still gets some love on AO3. Two Lord of the Rings stories. A couple of reworked fairy tales. And five for Dragon Age.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well, the top two are my Star Wars Rebels smut epics, Fade to Black (514) and Fade to Black and Back (396), which are literally just about all the sex Kanan and Hera have in the offscreen moments in every episode. I have zero shame about this.

Then there's Talk About It (335), which is another smutty piece based on a bit of party banter in Dragon Age: Origins.

Wedding Dance (312 kudos, and back to Star Wars Rebels) is my most popular non-smutty fic, but Passion, Serenity (263) is big time smut about cartoon characters again. Listen, it's not all I write; it's just what I write best, apparently!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, although I'm behind in responding, because I get overwhelmed easily. I have all the comment notifications saved in my email though so I can stroke them over lovingly like a dragon admiring her gemstone hoard. Every now and then while I'm being dragonish over my comments I get a burst of virtuosity and think "I'll reply to some of these!" and then I do, so I am slowly working through my backlog, and I can only apologize to those of you who are getting your responses years and years later.

I always meant to answer. I always treasured your comment.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Scenes from Rivendell. By like, a lot. If you've never thought too much about Aragorn's mom Gilraen, please let me invite you to all the feels.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think I ever have! I should do that, sometime, it sounds fun.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, I had someone chide me for writing smut on a kid's show. But I try to be really careful about tagging so only the people who WANT to see the smut end up finding it.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The dirty kind ;o

(Though there generally has to be at least one girl involved for me to be interested. I have written some m/m content, but not a whole lot.)

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, not that I know of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes and it's the BEST thing!! I absolutely love it when anybody does translations, art, podfics or spin-offs of my stuff. It feels amazing to see my work out there in the world, living and traveling.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

None of my AO3 works are co-written. I had an original story that got picked up for a fiction podcast that was co-authored with a friend. Although the story behind that honestly was that I wrote the thing and insisted he accept the co-author credit because it was based on one of his characters in a roleplaying game.

Something similar will probably happen with a different friend and the space pirate novel that I'm working on now, if it ever gets published.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't know! Certainly Kanan and Hera is what I put the vast majority of my fic-writing energy into. But I was a huge X-Files shipper back in the day and Mulder and Scully still hold a special place in my heart.

14. What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I'm super grateful to @gondalsqueen for doing Fade to Red so I can feel like that project actually got finished properly! I think I no longer have any outstanding wips?

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialog, and sometimes cadence/rhythm, when I hit a good stride.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Self indulgence. In fanfic that's a tendency I don't even try to fight though, because it's what fic is for. In original fic though it's always a struggle to keep it tight and keep it flowing. And not try to show off Everything I Know About Mythology, or How Cool This One Idea I Had Is, or whatever.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Tricky! Relying on Google Translate is probably a bad idea.

I'll give an example from my current project. There's a scene set in a laboratory on Mars where Something Has Gone Terribly Wrong and I wanted automated warnings playing on a loop in various languages for maximum spook factor.

The English is "Warning! Please evacuate the building!" so I ran that through Google Translate for Russian... and then asked a Russian-born friend to verify that it was a good translation. He responded that it was not, because in fact that phrase needs some cultural translation before the literal one will make sense. As he put it: "The Russian would be a lot more direct. And they wouldn't say 'please.'" So instead, he gave me "Vnimaniye! Vyhodi zdaniye!" which is something more like "Attention! Exit building." And I absolutely love that.

So, I think before you can really write dialog well in another language you either need some direct knowledge/understanding, or a native speaker who doesn't mind looking it over for you.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I thiiiiiiink it was X-Files. All those fics were lost in time, like tears in rain (no it's fine they were terrible).

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

It's hard to pick, but it might be one of the Sabine stories. Heart's Blood, maybe.

I always stress about tagging people and being annoying or leaving someone out, so please consider yourself tagged if you want to be!

[walriding]

      five years ago today I made my first post on this blog. technically the blog is older than that -- originally it was gonna be for the angel Gabriel from supernatural, but for whatever reason I set aside a url and did some basic work and then just. never started writing. I’d been doing tumblr rp across various fandoms since like 2012, and I was writing on warrior cats forums before that (and yeah if you ever wondered why I go by moss it’s because my first warrior cat oc was named mosspath and it just stuck lol). I bounced around a lot, never really stuck with a blog for more than six months to a year. before Miles I was writing Poe Dameron, but the corner of the SW fandom I inhabited kinda fizzled a couple months after TFA, and I drifted off eventually too. but I had so many gd icons. I wanted a new blog -- hence the Gabriel thought -- and around the same time one of my mutuals on my personal blog was posting about Outlast again. I vaguely remembered watching let’s plays of it previously, but their postings got me to look into it again. they mostly talked about whistleblower so I got into that first, then went back and watched stuff about the first game. then I bought it on steam for myself.

      I converted this blog for a Miles muse before I’d finished playing it. I was only four chapters in when I started writing, and finished the game like two weeks after kicking off the blog (thanks for the timestamps steam achievements lol). and Oscar Isaac was my faceclaim of choice just because of the aforementioned backlog of Poe icons, and now I literally cannot see Miles any other way.

      a lot has happened in five years. I graduated college, moved to Florida twice -- once to work my literal dream job at Disney, got my first real big girl career job, moved into my first real apartment, adopted a cat, lived through a year and a half of a global fucking pandemic. it’s been A Lot. writing isn’t always easy, doesn’t always come natural. there are days, sometimes weeks when this blog has been a source of stress, but other than a few hiatuses I’ve been here pretty consistently for these five years. and in the grand scheme of things, that’s so completely eclipsed by all of the good my time here has brought me. I’ve met some amazing people, people who have been a joy to know beyond just our muses and who I’m lucky to count as some of my closest friends. friends who have taught me things about myself, have made me grow and change and become the person that I am now. and if that sounds overblown and sappy that’s fine and I don’t care because it’s true. I sure as hell wasn’t done growing up at 18, and there have been so many aspects of my life from 20 to 25 that have been shaped by connections that I’ve made here that I really do feel like I have grown up on this blog, and I wouldn’t change that for the world because all of it has made me me.

      I know it’s cliched and kinda outdated to talk about your muse like they’re a separate person, but Miles has been such a constant in my life for so long now it’s hard not to think of him like his own presence. writing him has been fun and angsty and exciting and challenging, and I’ve loved being able to develop his character for five goddamn years. I love him as a muse -- both a source and an outlet for my creativity (when it strikes) -- and writing him really has been a journey. he’s special to me in a way that no other character has been, and probably never will be. 

      so thank you to everyone who’s been here for any span of the last half a decade, who’s let me rant and ramble my way through all manner of plot / character related bullshit. you guys mean more to me than I can express. you’ve helped Miles develop, and in a lot of ways you’ve helped me develop too. and who doesn’t love some good character growth? 

[theramseyloft]

3/12/21 Loft Notes

My idiot son thought he would challenge the shop vac today over it getting to go into quarantine when he can't.

He tried to bite what he considered its face.

Patron: "And what did he consider its face?"

The nozzle I was sucking up dried Bird-Bird hallway poos with.

Patron: "w....while it was on or"

I was using it at the time, yes.

It went predictably.

It's too narrow to suck his head all the way in, but he did snatch away from it and run.

Nothing injured, no worries.

Ooh!

IQ just received Rogue's sample!

So, I should know their sex Tuesday or Thursday. (2-4 work days...)

Patron: "what are you hoping for cock or hen?"

Just to know.

I have people on the wait list for therapy cocks and hens, if they pass.

If they wash, but are friendly, I have people on the list for companion birds of either sex.

And if they prefer other birds, I have some one on the breeders list for Spread.

So, no matter what sex or temperament Rogue turns out to be, there is a home lined up.

Bluh... I am just... Worn to the bone exhausted.

Ok.

Got all the inside stuff done, and need to stop for lunch.

It feels like I'm just running so far below empty...

Patron: "God I feel you, but you can do it! Get help if you need to, you don’t have to do it all yourself (hopefully)"

Bless you for the sentiment, but I do.

Got food in me again. Hopefully, that helps.

No pip marks yet on the bator egg.

Need to ask you guys a favor from now on.

If y'all see me online on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, doing anything but taking loft notes here...

Ask me if I am done in the loft.

My executive function is so garbage that it functions like a tower of blocks that I have to manually stack at the beginning of every day.  

Especially if I'm low on spoons, doing anything other than what manually needs to be done for the birds in the morning forces another block in at the base of the stack, and the whole thing topples.  

It can take me hours to restack it, and I cannot move until it's restacked.

Thank you.  

I have restacked that damn thing four times today, I am just getting started with work in the actual loft, only the inside birds have been fed.

I'm kind of a mess, nothing is fixing it, and I keep being magnetically drawn to my phone for any hope of a dopamine boost.

My brain is fried, and I just need to keep moving until I can stop.

Rogue is up and mobile, so I need to start harness work for them SOON!!!

Patron: "what is rogue looking like? i tried to look up a pic earlier and only see a hatch day pic"

Yeah, I have over w eek of media backlogged because I just... Have had no time.

Black with white flights.

Between prep for travel Monday, some family crap that broke out that night and only allowed me two hours of sleep, travel on Tuesday, server drama that night, literally collapsing from exhaustion, having to get up and clean the loft Wednesday, and car shopping on Thursday...

The only time I have had to myself was spent sleeping.  

I have not even had time to post any of the photos I have taken.

I am dead on my freaking feet.

And yeah, Rogue is Leonard's.

He's the only spread cock, and he appears homozygous.

Ginger is Ash Red. Unless he carries blue or brown, all babies out of him will be ash red.

Chiffon is also spread, but they're heterozygous, not yet sexually mature, and likely a hen.

Angel is getting the hang of hands being the interaction bits, and has discovered that there are no unpleasant consequences for biting those.

He seems to feel better now that he knows what part of me he can lodge complaints with and engage for play fights.

He is absolutely fascinated by the bucket of seeds with character that I have cleaned off the floor.

Birds are getting a little treat today!

It's nice out.

I'mma fill them a bath.

They have been trying to bathe in their water dish for weeks now.

Betty and Liang's egg was fertile, but died two days or so into development.

Which means she can be safely separated as soon as some one wants her.

God bless that salt and mineral brick absorbing moisture from the air.

The sand has been SO easy to clean!

Note to self, check Satin's fan and Sprinks' underfluffies and see if they need their breeding trims renewed...

Oh!  I should probably check Farthing's underfluffies too.

Some one tread or attempted to, but I couldn't see who.

Weeeell fuck me runnin'...

Couture has a crest.

Sprinks doesn't cary a crest.

Satin is half Danzig, so he does, but if his were dominant, or partially dominant, he would express it.

The Komorner crest is partially a hood, much the way an Old Dutch Capuchin's is.

That's a combination of the Shell Crest (recessive) and a hood modifier (which appears partially dominant, if Papillion and Cookie are anything to go on.

Cotoure maaaay be another Vito child...

Which would also explain their very small size.

A child out of Satin and Sprinks should be HUGE!

Like, just-under-Lucy big.

The Lahore pattern, I believe, is a combination of bald head and capped.

So, throw in another bald head, and the cap separates out.

So, Vito has been a GREAT investment for loft diversity!

Hopefully, his kids inherit his fertility and not so much his bastard. XD

He's been a great nest partner to Leela (who may also need her underfluffies trimmed)

I'd really like to see what he is like on peeps before he retires for his slutty, slutty crimes.

Betty tops the retirement list right now for having a sexually mature daughter and granddaughter, and a second granddaughter out of another son.

WAY too much temptation for a boy who loves girls shaped like Hagrid.

Luxie tops the hen list for being Luxie.

Liang is retired already.  Now that MJ is mom-ing like she should, she's lower on the list.

Presently, Vito is after Betty on the retirement list for slutty bastard crimes. XD

Good lord, the little black pied peeps are taking flying hops!

There are vids up on insta of the bath, and of Leonard feeding his peeps.

Patron: "Oh my god if that's another Vito kid"

"did you ever catch Sprinks interested in him"

Nope!

Angel is a very funny man. He was wooing my feet, and when I told him that, he charged in and bit my toe. XD

And then pooed the one patch of sand I had cleaned. XD

Danica may be getting ready to lay tonight.

Danica may be getting ready to lay tonight.

In the box she and Ginger had wanted before Satin and Sprinks had to come in.

Farthing and Leela just got their underfluffies trimmed.

Angel, caught in the act, eating garbage.

He just got more dumped on him, shook it off, and went right back to rummaging for treats.

Has made not move one to leave.

Now he is on my shoulder, complaining about me repeatedly interrupting him by dumping in more.

Thistle just tread Mj, despite Pippin's cock blocking efforts.

Holding Nettle is apparently a crime.

Angel bit my ear for it and got tossed off my shoulder.

Now he's back, complaining about it.

She loafed in my lap after fighting me the whole way through putting Nettle down.

Angel does NOT think I am engaging him enough.

Since biting isn't working, he is now pooping where I have just cleaned.

I don't like the way Ginger is breathing.

He's been fine up to this point...

And it could just be from being really active this evening...

But he isn't the only bird who was and none of the rest are panting like that.

Man, it would SUCK for Nica to lay and then me to have to bring him in...

But the way his chest is pumping, and he keeps flexing his beak hinge really worries me.

Hopefully, some one else lays near enough to Nica that I can swap her eggs over.

Or he's just gotten a feather or something stuck in his choanal slit.

Ok.  I think is is something stuck.

He hasn't done the uncomfortable yawn or swallow.

Just flexed his beak a lot and itched at the corners of his mouth.

It looks like he's dislodged it and is breathing normally.

Y'all have NO idea how paranoid I am about Trich!

Mm.. that looked like an uncomfortable yawn and more heavy breathing.

Gonna grab him once I finish up the sand.

God damnit... Lot of mucus...

Maybe something stuck?  Can't tell...

I'm tired, and don't want to accidentally hurt him..

I also don't want to risk putting Danica in a dangerous position when she's about to lay.

Her bastard ex could kill her by forcing her into another stress lay.

I may have a solution.

Need to run to get it set up, though.

Ok, on our way to Walmart to grab a kennel.

The only place open didn't have the size kennel I wanted, but they had a pet taxi big enough.

The egg due to hatch today was rotten.

[redphienix]

making a reminder post at 4 am before I sleep a bit.

want to decide the next game for the blog to play through.

downloaded a handful of games from my backlog to choose between (hardly all available, but it's the handful I decided to pick between).

Can't decide now, decide later, input welcome but not needed.

Death Stranding

full playthrough, could be interesting, seems really 'chill vibe as you play' kinda game, doesn't sound like it'll be a 10/10 game that hypes me up or gives me a ton to say, but who knows.

Gundam Versus

Definitely NOT a full playthrough, probably just play through the trials and make some clips or gifs for fun, this is a multiplayer vs game and I don't have PSPlus anymore so we can all do the math, but hey it's that arcade fun I enjoyed from Fed vs Zeon but HD as fuck and with more fanservice to gundam series I know nothing about.

Downside: They sanction out a ton of gundam as DLC and while I don't know many gundam I DO know the BURNING FINGER! mother fucker- and he's DLC which I don't have- so I'll have a lot of fun but I also won't get to play as BURNING FINGER!

Since it's not a full playthrough this will be a short distraction for like a few days to a week and then I'll be back to picking the next game lol

Persona 5 Royal

I haven't played Persona yet. People dig that series, right? It's like, good, and I think it tackles big topics sometimes- with mixed results if that one video I watched around P5's release was anything to go off of but hey. Sounds interesting, and if memory serves that video was more in line with "This was a misstep or mishandling, but an effort was made and the other topics fair better" or something like that.

I'm dwelling on that instead of the game- I hear game is good- Wonder how long playing through P5 would be lol.

Crystal Chronicles

I would love to playthrough this whole thing but: No Plus, This Port Isn't Great (I think they patched some of the bull but it's a pretty cheap port)

As such: Curious how boring it'd be to try and beat solo. Might be fun in its own way.

Yakuza 6

Am I emotionally ready for Kiryu's death?

Never!

Is it about time I finally face it?

PERHAPS!

Judgment

Instead of Y6 I could tackle the dragon engine spinoff instead- I mean I heard good things!

River City Girls

I think this would be a really great time!

I'd have fucking NOTHING to say the entire playthrough but I could try and figure out something???

Hell maybe liveblogging wouldn't work but who knows, either way it could be a nice game to make gifs of and post boss fight vids, I dunno.

Looks fun!

Unravel TWO

I loved Unravel a lot and I've owned 2 since release or just about. I really should give it a run :)

Wonder if it's coop only, if so I can't right now but that's okay.

Pyre

Eeeeeeeh, I downloaded it to playthrough, and it's a game I have infinite respect and interest in- but also I just don't find the gameplay entirely enjoyable. It's on the better end for what a sports game can be to interest me- but for a whole playthrough?

I dunno man, maybe? There is a LOT to like here. Maybe.

OH! And it'd DEFINITELY be a game that gives me a ton to talk about! Those are the games I best enjoy liveblogging.

Phoenix Wright Trilogy

I'm like 1 case in- not so sure about liveblogging this one but I might sit down and play through it for myself because it seems really fun.

Ni no Kuni Remaster

I haven't touched this one for more than like a minute at release (of the OG version). It's one of those games people say is really good- I bet I'd like it.

Unrelated to PS4 downloads but options none the less:

FFTA2

I was an upset little bitch about playing through FFTA and the truth is I feel the same as I did then, but with like 80% less vitriol.

I still think FFTA is a huge misstep- they gave us FFT, one of the best tactical RPGs of all time with a mature and interesting story, and they kid-ified it with a kid story that holds no 'even applicable to an adult player!' angles and simplified combat and a REALLY stupid 'items teach skills' system like what Front Mission does but without the interesting robot stuff or interesting story of FM.

Basically I think it's a mediocre game geared towards kids, and that's Fine, but it's the ONLY followup to FFT we ever got- that's insulting.

Anyways I heard FFTA2 was better, and even if it's not I do think I'm better prepared to enjoy what it has to offer than I was for FFTA where all my years of spite tainted that playthrough.

Again, I still feel the same, just less bitter, lol.

Daggerfall Unity

I.... can feel my lifeforce draining just implying I play this next.

I just finished doing Morrowind, but it looks fun man... but it's also me practically begging for another 300 hour playthrough, like, man.

But maybe... lol

Pokemon Reborn

Heard this was a good and cool pokemon hack. That's about all I got- I have it downloaded (though I should check to see if I have the latest version) and it could be a good time.

Morrowind Expansions

I'm not ready for these, too soon after beating the main game, but later!

Dragon Ball Z - Attack of the Saiyans (DS RPG)

When I first heard about this game I thought it sounded like a top tier DBZ game- it's supposed to be a full turn based party based RPG of the series- like FF but DBZ, and sometimes it's just really entertaining to play something so simple in concept.

DQ4 (DS version)

This is one of those "Which do I play next in the series" moments, and 4 makes the most sense, obviously.

I've done 1-3, so ignoring the later ones I've played, 4 makes the most sense. I should double check which version is considered the best or at least the pros and cons first, kinda like how I sought out the SNES version of 3 or the GBC version of 1-2, but I think the DS one sounds like a good fit.

DQ9 (DS)

Not yet, later. I wanna go in order a bit more. But important to remember I COULD play this.

DQH Rocket Slime

I heard the DQ spinoffs were fun, like the mystery dungeon deal, or this one which I think is also a mystery dungeon deal I don't remember. Either way! I wanna say I heard this was really fun and I wouldn't mind finding out what this is.

DQM:J2

I don't really want to play this next since I just beat Joker, but I won't lie- I can't lie here.

I played a few minutes of this after beating Joker- and here's the deal, Joker had me tired by the end because it kinda just felt like a middling game.

The few minutes of this I played though? Revitalizing. Exciting. Interesting.

So while I don't want to play it so soon after Joker 1, I gotta admit, I don't think I'd hate playing it so soon lol.

DQ5 (ds version)

See DQ9<

DQ6 (DS version)

See DQ9<

Ghost Trick

I read that this was an interesting DS game, and I remember seeing something about this on like G4 or something back in the day.

Could be interesting to showcase.

Mario & Luigi Bowser's Inside Story

After I beat Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga it was recommended that I try some of the sequels and hey- I loved superstar, so good to weigh this option.

Mario & Luigi Partners in time

See previous.

Nine hours nine persons nine doors

I don't remember what this is, might be because I'm tired as I type this- I think it's an escape room game but that might be entirely wrong.

For some reason whenever I think of this game I think of danganronpa or whatever the fuck that game is and that's probably entirely wrong to compare- I vaguely remember this being renown at release as a cool game- so there's that.

Pokemon Soul Silver (maybe nuzlocke?)

Despite 2nd gen being tied for my favorite gen, I've never played the remake. So just casually replaying 2nd gen could be chill :) Nuzlocke optional but eh because I did nuzlocke 2nd gen before and it wasn't half as interesting as nuzlocking first gen was.

[tres-spades-hotel]

The Adventures of Avaline

Chapter 2 – Responsibilities

When I return to the throne room, I see two little children.

‘Hello!’ The boy who shows me a bright smile is Altair, the child messenger of the Department of Punishments.

‘Are the new goddess?’ The girl with pink hair I instantly recognise as Vega, the child messenger of the Department of Wishes. I smile at their adorableness.

‘Yes, I am. My name is Avaline. I’m the Goddess of Destiny.’ I bow in a graceful manner and their eyes shine.

‘Wow! It’s really nice to meet you!’ Vega says. I squat down to their height to speak with them easier.

‘It’s nice to meet the both of you too! What are you doing here?’ I ask.

‘His Highness asked us to show you to your room. Please follow us!’

‘Haha, okay thank you!’ They both grab my hands and I follow the children out of the throne room.

They’re such little bundles of joy! Plus their excitement is contagious. I’m actually excited to be here and start working. Since I was human, I’d like to think that I’m more mindful of how humans work. Hopefully, this will work to my advantage. Although, I’ve never heard of the Department of Souls before. It must be an important Department though if it’s dealing with souls.

The stories say that human souls enter into a rebirth cycle so human souls are reborn after a certain amount of time. It’s how the MC was reborn from Clotho. I wonder what kind of department it is and what kinds of gods and goddess I’ll encounter.

This is my life now I’ll just have to own it.

We arrive at a pair of doors with golden handles.

‘Here we are! This is your room. Now we actually have to go, we have a ton of work to do.’ Vega says in a dejected voice. I go down to their level.

‘That’s okay you two. Just promise me that we’ll see each other again to play, okay?’ Their eyes sparkle at my warm words.

‘Yes!’ They both shout out and hug me tightly before running off in opposite directions. So cute!

I stare at the doors for a moment, wondering what is inside. But I take a deep breath and push the doors open.

Inside is a large room. The chamber has two levels but it seems to be angled so that the bottom floor is larger than the top level. The floor itself is a mahogany colour. As I step inside, the doors behind me close automatically. When I look back I see two wall-bookcases either side of the doors. I wonder if the King knows how much I love books. I am, or was, an Aquarius.

Turning around, I walk further into my room. On my left is a large couch with two single chairs either side and a large coffee table. In the middle of the room is the reflecting pool that I will now have to use. I wonder if I can use the reflecting pool for work too. I look into the pool and see a group of people in a village. They’re grooming some horses. I smile at the scene when suddenly a pair of children run around the horses, seeming to be having fun. The scene disappears and a new one shows up of a couple working in a farm. It seems that their adult children are helping them tend to the plants. Everyone is in very old-fashioned clothing and I don’t see any tractors or farming equipment which reconfirms that this Earth is very far back in the past.

I stand up and look around some more. Either side of the reflecting pool are two sets of short, curved staircases. Under the stairs are more bookshelves which makes me squeal in delight. Can you tell how much I love books? I go up the left staircase and see a large bed below a big window. On my left is a cupboard with a desk placed perfectly in the middle. I’ll definitely be spending a lot of time here. There are bedside tables and a long wardrobe on the right which is where I catch a glimpse of my reflection.

I nearly jump back when I see myself. I walk over slowly to my reflection who looks as confused as I feel. All of the changes I felt on my body, I see in front of me. But what shocks me the most, is the face that I see. I feel my fingers slowly stroke the skin on my face. It’s the same face I had as a human. It sems as if my features have changed slightly though but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I spin in front of the mirror and feel myself smiling. I’m really alive. A goddess, but alive. I won’t age, I won’t die – probably – I’ll always be me. I just hope I don’t lose who I am inside. The human I am is still here and she is always here to stay.

That’s when I notice my eyes. On closer inspection, the stars shine bright almost in the shape of sun, with a circle and triangular shapes jutting out of it. But what bewilders me is the fact that the stars are moving. They move as if in water and occasional fit into the same sun shape. Are they meant to do that? Actually, didn’t Leon look confused when he saw my eyes? Where they moving at the time?

Turning away from the mirror, I flop backwards onto the bed. The ceiling has two golden chandeliers similar to those in the hallways. Thinking about being a goddess means that I have powers. Which means I can snap my fingers and make anything appear?

Sitting up at the prospect, I close my eyes and lift my right hand in the air. I think of the object that I want and SNAP. I feel a small object plop onto my lap and open my eyes. A little lion teddy has appeared and I smile uncontrollably.

‘Oh my god, it actually worked!’ I lift up the lion like a baby and marvel at its softness and cuteness. The lion is just like teddies I used to have when I was a kid.

‘Lion, I name thee…. Leo!’ It’s not very imaginative but I’ll take it. I hug the lion, squeezing it tight. Flopping back down I decide to sleep for a little while with Leo at my side.

*

The next day, I open my doors to a little girl who is not Vega. She has lavender hair and a little flower crown that is lopsided.

‘Oh, hello there.’ I say, crouching down to meet her height.

‘Hello Lady Avaline! My name is Lilac and I am the messenger of the Department of Souls. Lady Evelyn has told me to bring you to the office. Are you ready to go?’ She seems to be much younger than Vega and Altair but I smile at her politeness. My hands correct the crown on her head only to realise that it doesn’t fit very well. I frown.

‘This crown is a bit too big for you Lilac.’

‘Yes, I’m still really small but I’ll grow into it eventually! I joined the Department of Souls recently so I still have a few years to grow.’ She explains. I pat her head and hold out my hand.

‘Well then, shall we go?’ She looks at my hand uncertainly but she puts her little hand into mine.

‘Everyone is very busy at the moment preparing for Lord Leon’s ordination ceremony today.’ Lilac tells me as a group of gods pass by with paperwork.

‘Sounds intense. I hope everything goes well.’ I respond.

‘It will! He’s going to become the Chief Minister of the Department of Wishes.’

‘Really? The Wishes are probably going to have their hands full in the future.’ I say with a smile. Lilac looks up at me.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Haha, don’t worry about it. Let’s get going, hm?’ Lilac points out where the other departments are and the different rooms as well.

‘So here is the ballroom where lots of big parties are held. All the goddess’ look so pretty in their gowns. Sometimes the King likes to have competitions too.’ I scrunch up my face.

‘What do you mean competitions?’

‘Sometimes everyone has to vote for the best couple, best dressed, best ballroom dancer and so on. He likes to hold competitions in general though.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘Over there is the Punishments. At the Department of Souls, we work closely with them because when a lot of humans die at the same time it causes a backlog of paperwork for us. So we work with the Punishments in order to prevent as much death as possible.’

‘Is that what the department does? Dealing with human souls?’ I ask, bewildered.

‘Yes. At the same time, we work with the Wishes because we also control which souls are reborn on Earth and these souls have to be good, not evil or had done bad things. But that job is mostly for higher up gods like Lady Evelyn and Lady Ria.’ She says.

‘Lady Ria?’

‘Oh, you’ll meet her right now! Here we are!’ We finally made it to the Souls office which seems to be in a small corner of the Palace. The doors are large like the others but it has a more silver tint in the light. There is a pair of statues holding long rods on either side of the doors.

‘What are these? They look so strong.’ I say attempting to touch one when the eyes immediately open.

‘Ah!’ I say startled and jump back.

‘Thank you milady for the compliment. We are guards of the Department of Souls, created by the Chief Minister Evelyn.’ I look down at Lilac who nods in confirmation.

‘Lady Evelyn will explain everything! Hurry, let’s go!’ The guards open the door and Lilac eagerly pulls me inside.

The office is large, similar to the throne room, with elongated stain-glass windows at the back. The room is bustling with activity when we enter. There are desks which are curved in rows all the way to the back. As we walk in, gods and goddess’ look at me curiously, some even giving a polite smile and nod. When I look down to say something to Lilac, I see a large flower pattern on the floor. It’s an English rose but instead of pink, it is golden.

‘Oh wow! It’s beautiful.’ I exclaim and Lilac jumps up and down on one of the petals.

‘Isn’t it? I love to jump from one petal to the other when I’m not working!’ She giggles excitedly and I laugh along with her. But when I step on a petal as well, it lights up. I step back shocked.

‘Why did it do that?’ I ask Lilac.

‘That is because the Soul System is responding to your power.’ A different voice echoes, silencing everyone. I look up to the voice standing behind a large desk on an elevated platform. Behind is a map of Earth but not as I know it.

‘You must be Avaline, the Goddess of Destiny. His Highness has told me of you. Welcome to the Department of Souls.’ An almost elderly looking woman stands up. She wears a white dress and a shawl wrapped around her. Despite her age, I guess, she has perfect features but also has a hint of proudness and maturity to her. She steps down from the platform and holds her arms out in greeting.

‘Oh, thank you, you must be Lady Evelyn?’ I ask nervously. She has a powerful aura around her, like Leon and Zyglavis. She definitely is the Chief Minister.

Evelyn smiles warmly at me.

‘Yes, it is I. We’re very lucky to have such a powerful goddess here in Souls.’

‘Powerful?’

Evelyn address’ her subordinates.

‘His Highness has deemed her the most powerful goddess in the Heavens. I’m sure you can all feel it.’ Isn’t that the same thing I heard some of the gods whispering yesterday? And why did she say it in such a proud tone? We don’t even know each other?

‘Um…’ As I look around nervously, everyone scrutinises me closely. I can’t tell if I’m being judged in a bad way or not, that I feel more intimidated by the second.

‘Lady Avaline over here is Lady Ria. She is the Apprentice of Souls. It’s sort of like a Vice-Minister title.’ The goddess, Ria, seems also quite mature. She wears her deep black hair back in a tight ponytail, extenuating her facial features. Unlike Lady Evelyn, she ears a black suite attire with the sleeves rolled up. A gold choker with a symbol on a pendant is the only jewellery she wears.

‘Hello, it’s nice to meet you.’ I bow slightly to the almost stoic woman. Ria narrows her eyes and nods at me. Does she not like me?

‘Avaline here will be working with us in the department. I expect an excellent work ethic from you, dear.’ She says, patting me on the shoulder.

‘Um, thank you. I’ll do my best!’ I try to say enthusiastically but I feel more nervous.

‘Remember everyone, today is Lord Leon’s ordination ceremony. Finish as much work as you can to prevent backlog. I think we deserve a break so all work can wait until tomorrow.’ Lady Evelyn says. Everyone gets back to work, looking over documents.

She turns to me.

‘Now Avaline, this is our main office. Over on the left is a reflecting pool room which we use to see the humans. Our work in the department is very important. Every document and file is a single human’s life from the second they are born to the second their heart stops beating. We decide whether the human’s soul deserves a ‘second chance’ and can enter the Soul System.’ She explains.

‘The Soul System? Lilac mentioned that.’

‘Yes, only I as the Chief Minister can summon it. Ria also can because she is my Apprentice. I cannot show you now, but the Soul System is the globe with rings around it. Each ring is a tier with souls floating on it. Each soul is different and requires different things. It is the cycle of rebirth itself.’

‘This sounds very complicated.’ I whisper but she catches it.

‘Yes it is. But it will become second nature to you. As my subordinate, it is your duty to decides whether a soul can be reborn. I will check some of these but not all. Since you’re new, I will check your work to make sure you’re on the right track. We don’t want any evil souls being reborn on Earth.’

‘What happens to the ones that don’t get reborn?’

‘They get sent to the Underworld.’ She replies.

‘Anyway, Lilac will give you your paperwork. Have a look before the ceremony starts. Sit with Ria in the throne room.’ Lady Evelyn says and sits back at her desk.

‘Follow me, your desk is next to mine.’ Ria walks over to the desk closest to Lady Evelyn. Beside it is a clean desk with a stack of documents.

*

After some time, the office begins to empty as gods and goddess’ leave to get ready for the ceremony. Lady Evelyn snaps her fingers and changes Ria and I’s outfits to gowns. Ria wears a navy blue figure-hugging gown with one strap on it. There is a slit up the side too to reveal her leg. I wear a strapless pastel orange gown with three-quarter length sleeves. The bodice hugs my chest while the rest slightly balloons out.

I follow Ria to the throne room which is lively with gods and goddess’ attempting to get the best seat for the ceremony. The front is filled with those who are high ranking in the Department of Wishes, Punishments and Souls. Ria spares no second in marching her way to her seat.

‘Hey, wait up!’ I shout out, scrambling to follow behind her. She walks confidently and doesn’t look at anyone. I can tell her grumpy attitude is displeasing as many get out of her path pretty quickly. We sit down at the very front with a few other gods from Souls who give a nod of greeting. I lean towards Ria.

‘Why am I sitting at the front? I’m not high ranking. Am I?’ She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms and legs.

‘You’re not since you are inexperienced. But Lady Evelyn wanted you to see the ceremony up close. Besides, you’re a Souls now. And the Souls is enough of a title to make you high ranking above all the other departments.’ She says the last part in a smug tone.

‘Is the Department of Souls really that important?’ She glares at me.

‘Of course! We deal with life and death every day. You can’t say the same for the other departments in the Heavens. Not even Punishments deal with that kind of thing.’ She sighs when she sees a look of exasperation on my face.

‘It takes a special kind of god or goddess to work in the Department of Souls. Unlike bigger departments like Wishes and Punishments, we value quality. Not quantity. That’s why we’re such a small department compared to the rest. Every subordinate is important. Our decisions decide what kind of humans live on Earth. You’re here because the King sees potential in you.’ Ria takes a breath and leans back on her chair.

‘You’re really proud of who you are, huh?’ I say to the air. Ria only huffs.

‘Just don’t screw up is my advice. And go to Evelyn if you need assistance.’

‘Right. I promise.’ I turn my sight to the King’s throne when I see somebody’s eyes already staring my way.

Leon sits lazily in his seat, but his gaze is as alert as ever. His eyes are concentrated on me, as if I just became his next prey. I feel my face flush under his intense gaze. No doubt, he’s thinking I’m weird or strange after what happened in the church. I look away for a moment but when I look back, he’s still looking at me! His eyes take in my gown too, making me feel like I’m a piece of meat laid out for him to take a bite.

I don’t know what to do so I hesitantly smile at him. The next thing I know he’s smirking at me as if I just got up and started dancing around like a clown. I feel my lips pull down into a frown and suddenly I’m pouting. His smirk gets even wider as he watches me pull annoyed faces. I catch myself giggle at this strange conversation we seem to be having. He rests his chin on the palm of his hand, observing me intently. I wonder what he’s thinking?

Suddenly, a hand ready to snap enters my vision and I blink, turning to see Ria with a questioning look on her face.

‘What are you staring at?’ She asks, raising her eyebrow.

‘Nothing! I was just… admiring the throne room! It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ I respond quickly and she just as quickly rolls her eyes at me.

‘Don’t tell you you’re also infatuated with that Wild Lion.’ She says with disbelief.

‘Infatuated? Me? No! Of course not!’ Looking at each other as I tell a sweet lie causes us to burst out in giggles.

‘Um, I mean, it’s not like that. Anyway, isn’t everyone charmed by Lord Leon?’ I ask and she chuckles darkly.

‘Everyone is but me. I don’t see the attraction. He didn’t work to get the position he’s getting today. He was practically born into it.’

‘Oh, I understand what you mean. He comes from an elite family right?’ I ask, turning back to see Leon still staring at me!

‘He does. Plus he’s the most powerful god next to the King so a large title is befitting for him. Unlike you.’ I turn back to Ria.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re the most powerful goddess next to the King. Don’t you think you need a big title like him?’ She gestures with her chin to Leon.

‘I’m not experienced enough for that kind of thing. I’m ready for such a big responsibility. I’d rather do what I can for the humans rather than stress over titles or statuses.’ Ria raises her eyebrow almost in shock.

‘What? Did I say something weird?’

‘No. It’s just, many goddess’ would say the opposite. I… I don’t know many goddess’ in general but to hear you say that is strange.’

‘Thanks.’ I say.

‘I believe in working hard to gain a status that is most deserving of the work you put in, in the first place.’

‘That sounds like a god… we know. So… who is attractive to you?’ I elbow her in a wink-wink-nudge-nudge gesture and she shakes me off.

‘Even if I had an attraction to a god, I wouldn’t tell it to you.’ She huffs away from, crossing her arms.

‘Well, Lord Zyglavis is pretty hard working. Isn’t he?’ I say.

‘Of course he is. But don’t think I’m attracted to him. I respect him. There’s a difference.’ I burst out laughing.

‘What?!’

‘You’re so cute.’ She blushes intensely at my comment.

‘Be quiet! It’s about to start!’

I sit still, stifling my giggles.

‘When the ceremony is over, I’ll help you get started on your paperwork.’

My eyes widen as I look over to see Ria smiling ever so slightly. To gain the approval of the Apprentice of Souls is an extreme achievement. Maybe there’s more to Lady Ria’s stern, grumpy side.

The King appears to officiate the ceremony. I watch Lady Evelyn stand beside him. I lean in to whisper to Ria.

‘Why is she standing there?’

‘To put the crown on his head. Now shush!’

Leon saunters up to the King. Lady Evelyn smiles sweetly at him and places the crown on his head.

*

Afterwards, everyone gathers in the ballroom, congratulating Leon on becoming the Chief Minister of Wishes. The ballroom looks exactly like the one in SCM with chandeliers and a large stage area for speeches and performances. There are different levels and raised platforms, creating a larger space for everyone who lives in the Palace.

I almost wish I could take it all in without being hounded.

‘Lady Avaline, you’re looking very beautiful. Are you sure you do not want a god such as I by your side?’

‘No, really thank you. I’m sure that there are other goddess’ who are more deserving of your attention.’ I try to placate a god who has been attempting to sweep me away.

‘You jest I’m certain. I mean, who wouldn’t want such a powerful goddess by their side? You’re aura is beautifully frightening.’ He attempts to take a strand of my hair when Ria comes to my rescue.

‘Have you no shame? Your lover is staring daggers at you. And you wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of her… might.’ She takes my arm and drags me away quickly but I could tell the god had tensed up.

‘Thank you! I didn’t know how to get him to leave me alone.’

‘You need to be more aggressive with gods like him. If you don’t put your foot down fast, they’ll follow you forever.’ I cringe when the music changes.

‘Oh, what’s happening?’

‘A group of goddess’ put together a dance for Lord Leon and the King. Let’s stand over here where you don’t get in the way.’ She pulls me to the side.

‘Hey!’

‘Hello.’

‘You’re so mean.’

‘Thank you, that’s the first time you’ve complimented in the last few hours since we’ve met.’ She smirks at me, having more fun teasing me than the party we’re at.

I puff out my cheeks when she puts a glass of champagne in my face.

‘Drink. It’ll make you feel in the party mood.’

‘I’m pretty sure I’ll be as grumpy as you when I’m done with this glass.’

‘What did you say!?’

‘Nothing!’

A large group of goddess’ are adorned with sparkling jewels and they dance like professionals. They match the beat and the rhythm of the music perfectly that it’s hard not to begin clapping along. Suddenly, they start pulling in gods in the crowd to dance with them. Some of the elder gods shyly refuse but the younger ones seem to be ready to dance the night away. Everyone is having lots of fun.

Suddenly, the music dies down and the King appears on the stage.

‘This is an auspicious occasion, for a new Department Minister is born. However, that is not the only reason we are celebrating today. A new goddess joins us in this wonderful event. Her ability and power alone has made you all curious, no doubt.’ At those words, everyone knows exactly who he is talking about. Many of whom even turn to look my way.

‘Everyone please welcome Avaline, the Goddess of Destiny to the Palace.’ Clapping echoes across the ballroom and I feel my body temperature rise rapidly at the attention. I bow slightly and send a smile to everyone I see.

‘To commemorate this extraordinary day, the new Department Minister and the new goddess will dance together.’ Murmurs and gasps travel through the crowd like a wave in the sea.

I have to dance … with Leon?!

I’m hit lightly with a shoulder. Ria motions for me to move since everyone is looking at me now. I nod and turn to the centre when a hand is held out in front of me.

‘Well? What are you waiting for?’

Leon stands before me, confident as ever. I’m not bad at ballroom dancing but if I mess up, it will be humiliating not only for me, but for him to.

Hesitantly, I place my hand in Leon’s who immediately pulls me towards him and places his hand on my waist. He guides me to the centre of the ballroom with all eyes on us. Our eyes never leave each other’s. Suddenly, everyone doesn’t matter anymore. Only he does.

[quickspinner]

Second Chance - Ch 1 The One That Got Away

Hello friends! Continuing posting my backlog of work that was posted to AO3 but not Tumblr. You can filter the backlog tag if you don’t want to see these fyi.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Summary: 

It's been years since he last saw Marinette. He's a successful rock star and she's been traveling the world chasing her dreams. Luka thought he had grown up and moved on, but when Marinette lands back in Paris and seeks him out, it takes about ten seconds for him to figure out he can't resist a second chance.

Aged-up, total self-indulgent Lukanette fluff. There will be some implied sexual content later on but nothing explicit. 

The beginning of this first chapter comes from the last chapter of I Will Give You the Stars, and while you don’t have to have read that one first, the two stories do go well together.

Luka tossed his sweaty hair back from his face and looked out at the blinding lights. “Okay guys,” he said into the microphone, picking idly at his guitar. “I think we’re gonna take it down a bit for this next song. But first, can we bring the house lights up please?”

Used to his quirks, the lighting crew responded quickly, dimming the lights in his eyes and turning up the lights on the crowd in the packed stadium.

“That’s better,” Luka said, skimming the crowd of fans waving and screaming wildly. “I know this might be kinda weird if this is your first show with me, but I just like to see you. Put some faces to my audience. This is a two way street, you and me, and I don’t wanna forget that.”

A small crowd of girls off to his right screamed in rehearsed unison, “WE LOVE YOU LUKA!” 

He grinned toward them and winked. “Love you too, sweethearts.” As they shrieked excitedly he looked at the banner they were holding up, decorated with birthday cakes and glittery letters. “Seventeen huh? Nice. Happy birthday, babe.” The girl in the middle of the group wearing a sparkly tiara put her hands over her mouth, eyes huge, while her friends practically mobbed her. Luka chuckled and returned to his perusal of the crowd, meeting as many eyes as he could. Somewhere a group of fans screamed for Juleka and out of the corner of his eye he could see her raise a lace-gloved hand to blow them a kiss. 

Suddenly he locked eyes with a familiar sapphire gaze and the rest of the stadium disappeared. 

“Well hey there, beautiful,” he said softly, ignoring the several ladies in the line of his gaze who swooned or screamed. She knew who he was talking to, a slow smile spreading over her face. “I didn’t know you were back in Paris.” His grin widened as he took in the faces around her. “Wow, check it out Jules, looks like a bunch of old friends came to see us tonight. Awesome.” 

He tore his gaze away with effort, and looked up to the balcony. He couldn’t see faces up there as well, but he let his gaze rake across slowly before nodding. “All right. Now that we know each other, let’s get back to the music, shall we?”

The lighting crew recognized their cue, and the blinding lights were back as the stadium went dark. Luka stepped back from the mic for a moment to take a deep, centering breath, focusing on the vibrations of the stage that he could feel even through his heavy boots, the feel of his guitar in his hands, and the song he could still hear ringing in his mind even though he couldn’t see her anymore.

Then his fingers began to move, and he stepped back up to the mic.

***

They didn’t get to meet their friends that night, which was just as well as far as Luka was concerned. He wasn’t ever at his best right after a show, sweaty and sore and exhausted and he definitely didn’t want to see her looking like he’d just been run over by his tour bus. But Rose—bless beautiful, sweet, romantic Rose—Rose had his back. When Juleka wasn’t looking, Rose slipped a piece of paper in his hand that had a phone number, a time, and the name of his favorite café. “I knew you’d be free in the morning,” she whispered. “I figured you wouldn’t mind missing out on the sleep.”

“You’re the best,” he whispered back, slipping the paper in his pocket as Rose glanced anxiously at Juleka.

Marinette was already waiting outside the next morning as he walked up, looking like she’d walked straight out of his dreams. She caught sight of him and smiled, turning to face him as his heart skipped a few beats.

He was a grown-ass man and a legitimate rock star, and that smile still did things to him. 

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Luka grinned, opening his arms. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hi Luka,” Marinette smiled, coming into his arms to hug him and then rising on her toes to exchange cheek kisses. “The show last night was great.”

“It was great to have you guys there,” Luka said, letting her go and opening the café door for her. “I have to admit, I’m getting kinda sick of big shows. I miss connecting with people the way I did when I was playing smaller venues.”

“The price of being a famous rock star,” she said as he pulled out a chair for her at his usual table.

“Not that famous,” he protested, sitting down across from her.

“Pretty famous,” she grinned, leaning her elbows on the table to look up at him. 

He shrugged and grinned at the ground. “Yeah, okay, maybe.”

Marinette smiled. “I’m glad it hasn’t changed you, Luka.”

“So when did you get back in town?” Luka asked, ready to be done talking about himself. 

“Two nights ago.”

“And the first thing you did was come see my show? I’m flattered.”

“Really, I was lucky,” Marinette admitted. “The others got tickets ages ago, before I knew I would be here, but Mylene’s at that stage of pregnancy where she’s falling asleep all the time, so she gave me her ticket. I think Ivan was relieved, actually.”  

Luka picked up her hand. “Marinette, any time you want to come to a performance you know you just have to ask.”

“Says the man who’s changed his number four times in the last year,” she teased. 

Luka winced. “Yeah this whole fame thing really puts a crimp in my social life sometimes. I have a whole new appreciation for what Adrien went through in school. At least not that many people recognize me like this.” He gestured to his casual outfit, black jeans and a plain grey tshirt that were a far cry from his elaborate stage costumes and makeup. “Sometimes people recognize the hair and the ink but mostly I get left alone as long as I keep a low profile.” 

Marinette rested her chin on her hand and smiled up at him. “I like the hair. Must be cooler on stage this way, and it photographs better. Your eyes are too nice to be hidden all the time.”

“So my agent told me,” Luka sighed, running his hand over the short hair beneath the blue tinted locks falling from the top. “And you’re right, it is cooler. I like yours too,” he added, reaching out his free hand to tweak a loose strand on her shoulder. “You look good with it long. Anyway, I’m sorry about the phone thing. I’ll give you my assistant’s number before we leave, she can always put you through if I have to change it again. I don’t want to lose touch with you over something so stupid.”  He realized suddenly that she was blushing, watching his thumb move over her fingers. Fortunately the waiter approached just at that moment, giving him an excuse to let go of her hand casually. 

Luka was a regular here and he chatted easily with the staff as they came and went with water and menus, but he had a hard time keeping his eyes off Marinette. Damn, after all this time she still affected him the same way, drawing him in like a magnet. Like him, she was dressed casually, in jeans and a fitted shirt with a wide neck that left a distracting amount of her freckled shoulders and collarbone bare. She was everything he remembered, just matured, mellowed, more. He’d known in his gut that he was on a high-speed train to heartbreak the minute he’d locked eyes with her in the show.

“Tell me what you’ve been doing since you left,” Luka said as soon as the staff had left with their orders. 

“So many things,” Marinette breathed. “Luka, it was amazing, I learned so much and I got to see and do so much.”

“Tell me,” he murmured, leaning on the table, already entranced by her passion. God, he needed his guitar, he could write whole albums on the look in her eyes right now.

She brightened, pulling out a battered sketchbook. Luka moved his chair around the table to be next to her and propped his chin in his hand, letting her voice wash over him as she took him on a tour of her dreams.

“I’m not boring you, am I?” she asked suddenly, looking up at him with slightly wide eyes that reminded him of the nervous girl who’d walked into his room all those years ago.

“Not in the least,” he told her and he knew he must be giving her some kind of look because her blush spread down to her neckline. 

He was saved from doing something reckless by the arrival of their food. Clearing his throat, he moved back to his end of the table and asked about her parents. 

They talked about their families as they ate, the crazy things Anarka got up to that Luka had to bail her out of (sometimes with the police, once literally when there was a mishap on the boat), how Marinette’s parents had coped with her two-year absence, what their mutual friends had been up to. 

And she told him about the things that hadn’t been so great about her trip, the jet lag and the long hours, picking up from one city and moving on just when she’d finally gotten comfortable, the frustrations of frequently having conversations in English when it was neither conversant’s first language. 

“Every time I’d get depressed I’d feel ungrateful,” she told him, idly picking apart what was left of her food. “Like, so many people entered that competition and out of everyone they chose me to have this fantastic experience in all these different design houses, and there I was acting homesick and lonely.  And...meeting so many new people made me realize how rare and precious my true friends are...and how maybe there were some I didn’t appreciate enough.” She glanced up at him through her lashes, biting her lip, and he swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say. 

Before he could, she pushed her plate away and abruptly changed the subject. “So, when are you going to put out another calendar?” She ginned.

Luka groaned and put his face down on the table. “Please tell me you didn’t see one of those.”

“Oh I very much did,” she laughed. “If I can find it once I’m unpacked maybe you’ll sign it for me. October was my favorite, though July was probably the most...hmm...inspiring.” She laughed as he put his arms over his head, partly to cover the brilliant red that he was sure covered his neck and ears. “Luka Couffaine, are you actually embarrassed?”

“Thoroughly,” he said from beneath his arms. Sighing, he forced himself to sit up, scrubbing at his face with his hands. “I try really hard to pretend that whole thing never happened, honestly. I felt like such a—“ He shook his head.

“Was it really awful?” She asked, her amusement turning to sympathy.

“I hated every minute of it,” he said bluntly. “I didn’t want to do it but a bunch of things happened at once right then and my family really needed the money. And I figured, better me than Juleka, who knows what they’d have wanted her to do and her fans are way scarier than mine.” He made a face. “Don’t tell her I said that, she’ll get all pissed at me for getting all big brothery on her.”

“I’m sorry, Luka, I didn’t know.” Marinette reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I won’t tease you about it anymore.”

“Thanks.” His mouth quirked up at the corner. “October, huh? That was the black and white one, right? That one wasn’t so bad. At least it was artistic. And I got to wear actual pants.”

Marinette giggled. “And you made them look good. It was a good picture. Sexy, but soulful. And with the guitar and the ripped jeans, it felt like I was seeing you, and not a stranger who kinda looked like you, you know.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “Honestly it wasn’t the pictures I minded so much, my agent kept the really embarrassing ones out of it and we made sure they were destroyed, just I could have lived without being treated like a doll without any feelings or dignity.” 

“Mmm, I see that a lot. A lot of designers and stylists stop seeing models as people. I guess knowing Adrien for so many years made it hard for me to think that way. The designers I was shadowing got really frustrated with me because of it.”

“Maybe I’m hopelessly optimistic but I think your way will pay off in the end.” He winked at her. “I can guarantee that if I ever have to do anything like that again, I’ll be calling you to be my stylist. If this tour weren't already under contract I’d hire you on the spot.” 

Marinette kicked him under the table. “You’re biased, Luka.”

“Always have been when it comes to you. Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“Luka,” she began and then hesitated. He waited patiently, though curiosity was eating him alive as she licked her lips and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Listen I know you’re really busy and your schedule’s kind of crazy and it was already super nice of you to make time to have lunch with me—“ Luka had to cover the smile tugging at his lips with his hand at this very Marinette ramble. “But I was wondering, if you might want to have dinner with me, um...as a date.” She swallowed and looked up at him and he could not believe that she thought for one second he might actually say no.

“Hell yeah,” he grinned, reaching out to take her hand. “I mean I do have to check my schedule, but I’ll make time. I’ll call you? Probably not tonight, but no later than tomorrow evening, I promise.”

His phone alarm went off in his pocket before he’d even finished speaking, and he sighed, pulling it out.

“You have to go?” Marinette smiled crookedly.

“Yeah, I do,” he said, silencing the alarm and putting his phone away. He reached across the table and took her both hands in his. “It’s been great seeing you again Marinette. I’m so glad we’ve been able to catch up.” He kissed her hands as he stood up. “I’ll call you soon, okay?” 

“Was everything to your satisfaction, Mr. Couffaine?” 

Luka turned, grasping the hand offered by the suited man behind him. “Fantastic as always, Gerard, and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Luka?” Gerard smiled under his mustache but didn’t reply. “Please let the lady have whatever she’d like for dessert on my tab, okay?” 

“Of course, Mr. Couffaine.”

Luka rolled his eyes and smiled back at a Marinette one more time with a quick wave, her own smile warming him as he turned to go.

The minute the studio's car service picked him up, his phone was in his hand.  “Lucille,” he said when his assistant picked up, hoping she couldn’t hear the idiotic grin on his face. “Yeah, I’m on my way, but have you got a few minutes? Can you run me through what my schedule looks like? I need you to free up an evening for me in the next week.”

It took more than a few minutes, and he had to cancel three meetings and move back a rehearsal, but he could not bring himself to care. 

Because when the one that got away suddenly walks back into your life and asks you out, who gives a crap about meetings?

[cviperfan]

Okay so partially motivated by how many references there were in SPoP and largely bc it's been in my backlog for years and I remembered the whole thing got uploaded to youtube a while ago, I finally got around to watching Revolutionary Girl Utena for the first time so time for some hot takes

2 clarify I did see the movie about around 2000 which was my introduction to the series, and I did see like 1 episode back in anime club (over a decade ago now tbh) but for the most part I went into this with only a vague sense of the ending and offhand knowledge of a few of the weird comedy episodes so this was mostly a blind watch

Before getting into #spoilers I will say that this ended up being an easy Top 5 and that it's definitely still worth watching (fair warning for the very frequent rape and incest (and sometimes both)), especially if you've somehow also avoided most of the context of this show like me, and it really is one of the rare Nothing Else Like It kind of show (though it has roots in older shoujo like Rose of Versailles and modern stuff like Revue Starlight have picked up its lede)

Okay spoilers from here on

I really only kinda have vague memories of the more knightly take on Utena from the movie so Series!Utena having this powerful Dumb Jock Energy threw me

Like she's out here invoking the Air Bud Rule from minute one

This bit where Akio is going on about some Important Life Lesson thing and she's just fuckin

crab walking im

what a hero i love her

I have always kinda been more partial to shoujo than shounen bc the sense of like emotional urgency and the heightened exaggerated feelings are just more compelling to me narratively and what Utena does spectacularly is really drive that to fucking 11 and it permeates every aspect of the show

Like the melodrama of it all is so shameless and it's so committed to letting its visuals and music drive the mood and emotional intensity of its stakes that they kind of speak for themselves and demand to be taken on their own terms rather than having clear or rigid interpretations

Like it's kind of a situation of "yes most of what you're seeing ties into the show's bigger themes and characterization but also you can just vibe to the spectacle as well" like even when it's not on the Dueling Arena there's a theatricality underlying everything that pairs perfectly with the spirit of shoujo even as it... not necessarily contradicts it, but challenges it in some ways and also wants to coexist with it?

And I think that's the interesting thing how it wants to tackle some of these arch concepts tied into the genre while also being deeply intertwined with it.  Like it really is a Product Of Its Time in so many ways but it also feels somehow timeless and transgressive in others even now?

Like part of me would be interested to see a remake that took into account 23 years of conversation about how much perceptions of gender and sexuality have changed but at the same time would it lose some essential part of itself in that transition?  idk potentially

Also lbr a hypothetical remake wouldn't even attempt to revise anything it would just redo it thus making it pointless

So I know this has been a thing that's been brought up before but seeing it play out dang RGU and NGE really are just companion pieces to each other huh

Subverting the themes and narrative arcs of their respective genres, mysterious quiet girl who's directly the key to everything, the ritual of action setpieces rendered as Actual Ritual in the story, banger OP, comphet ruining everyone's lives

Also they really don't have much in common comparatively but I'm definitely seeing pieces of Utena in Kill la Kill too?  Particularly how Mako's arc feels like a fleshing out and expansion from the archetype divergence Wakaba got in that one ep (I can't believe klk was the utena/wakaba au fanfic)

Speaking of which damn he is a sleazy bastard and a gross predator but ngl Akio can Get It he and Ragyo are basically the same character and I guess this is just my type apparently???? oops

Like I'm recognizing how like really awful he is but also you really can't blame Utena for crushing on him he is super hot and charming

aside i lost it at the audacity of "well even tho i am a man like twice your age (AT LEAST) and took advantage of the situation and also i am clearly not the type to take no for an answer since you didn't reject me you're basically just as bad as me" bruh

The Black Rose Arc is... interesting bc like it borders on superfluous with how it resolves and yet the introduction of a "monster of the week" type power rangers element specifically built to expand on the secondary cast is a pretty inspired choice

again my primary point of introduction to the series was the movie which is basically a remix of the Student Council arc so when I got to 12 I was like wth are they gonna fill the rest of this with? WELP

What I really like about it is that usually this kind of setup-- the 'character is faced with their dark inner thoughts they shy away from and they become a short-term enemy' deal-- ends with the char in question coming to terms with this and overcoming it to become a better person

but here it's just like... they lose and then they just gotta... sit with that, forever.  Like it doesn't really change the status quo of their relationships w/ utena or the others but it does just stick around for them and now the audience knows that about them too.  like sometimes you just can't take that shit back.

Utena's relationship to queerness, having heard about it tangentially for years but seeing it play out now is also interesting bc while in the grand scheme it doesn't feel necessarily any more ahead of its time than something like Cardcaptor Sakura there is a casualness to it that's distinct

Like for the most part it's either kind of the tangential fluff that even then was part of shoujo as a standard but then there's also stuff like the Akio/Touga or Touga/Saionji hinting or Kozue's casual pass at Anthy in addition to the maintext Juri/Shiori push-pull and ofc the subtext-but-maintext Utena/Anthy threads

I wanna take a moment to talk about Juri bc of how kind of in the spirit of the show itself it plays things both with and against the grain with her

Like she's a Tragic Lesbian which is nothing new but usually this character type (and Distinctively Lesbian characters in general) in anime/manga tend to be portrayed as being very predatory, invasive and either played for laughs or to repulse the audience, so the degree of empathy RGU shows her in 97 is rare to see even now.  

Like there is a "safeness" to her bc of how unattainable Shiori is (though their arc ends in a decidedly ambiguious way), but it doesn't really feel like she's getting the short end of the stick over the more straight-leaning characters bc arguably all of the relationships here are defined by an aspect of chasing the unattainable, echoing Utena's own quixotic search for her Prince, and her choosing to remain closeted feels realistic *especially because* of the surrounding context of how heteronormative the world she exists in is.  Like the character is aware of that and is navigating it in a way that feels honest

Speaking of which it's interesting how the reveal of Juri's pining for Shiori in Ep 7 echoes the bigger reveal of Utena/Anthy bc of how it plays up this heterocentric love triangle or at least it seems to be but then the cards are on the table and no that's really not what it is at all, and it feels significant that after spending most of the series naively oblivious to Juri’s feelings and what she wants out of a relationship with Shiori that Utena finally Gets It in Ep 37

Is it a coincidence Juri actually gets to be the one to point it out? No

Speaking of triangles big ups to the Ruka/Juri/Shiori one honestly bc of how hard it commits to the unknown third result of a LT where absolutely no one comes out happy and it actually works even with the handicap of Ruka basically coming out of nowhere just for these two episodes

Like all three of them want the one person who's absolutely never gonna love them back and that's just rough buddy and isn't that kinda the show in a nutshell

So the thing that struck me about Utena/Anthy and how it plays out is how subtle it really is.  And that does make sense bc while f/f teasing/subtext again was part of shoujo before it's quite a different thing for the heroine to ultimately reject her 2 male love interests and choose a life with her female best friend, esp in nineteen ninety seven

Like I think you can argue that Ep 12 feels like The Moment where What Their Relationship Is, Definitely shifts and that possibility is suddenly there, and then it doesn't come back in a big way until the ending but there are tiny glimpses throughout where you can see that working in the background if you’re really paying attention

Small things like Anthy's flashes of unspoken jealousy, Utena fretting over her even when she's in bed with Akio, and part of that is coming from going in with a knowledge of what the endgame is and keeping an eye out for it.  I can hardly imagine being a viewer during the og broadcast and then ep 34 comes and suddenly the intent is made clear and our understanding of the inciting incident gets all flipped turned upside down

And to a modern viewer I can get coming into this for the first time and being frustrated at just how close to the chest it gets played, but that's also kind of the only way it gets to happen at that point in time?  But I think it ultimately is effective and vital to their individual arcs and dovetails nicely with the themes of the show

Like I remember hearing that original manga creator Chiho Saito was pretty against their paired ending, but with a lot of convincing from Ikuhara ultimately came around to it, and it's hard to imagine the anime's ending working any other way and being nearly as impactful

And there is something really beautiful about the bucking against the established idea of yuri relationships being a childish concept that gets left behind in order to 'grow up' actually becoming the impetus of their own journeys into adulthood and eventually back to each other, and it’s hard not to feel a little disappointed that for this Bold Step and declaration for the future that RGU takes that while yuri is more common than ever it largely continues to exist within the realm of schoolgirls and something to be left behind in adolescence like for RGU’s faults and shortcomings it saw this world of possibility in moving forward, while the genre largely elected to stand still

And it really speaks to either the timelessness of the show or how much the queer experience has remained constant that even with a tragic ending, that hope, or rather the promise of their reunion, feels bold and defiant and genuinely uplifting even now

Like the moment where just before they reach out to each other one final time, and their voices as children speak out to each other, as if finally fulfilling a promise they barely remember, I really did just start ugly crying

Lastly some assorted closing thoughts--

-Touga?  Punk.  Guy really takes advantage of Utena's whole prince thing to manipulate her, ends up losing to her in the rematch and then fucks off to mope for like AN ENTIRE SEASON then pops back up "oh yea im in love with her literally nothing else about my behavior has changed tho" like lmao you tried i guess

-Also i know Touga's design is p stock standard bishounen ojou-sama type but god this is all i can think about when I see him

- Green Touga Saionji is a bitch-ass motherfucker but like he at least tried more than anyone else so uh that's something I guess?????

Like the guy clearly has some unresolved feelings about Touga so i'm inclined to be sympathetic bc wow poor choice my dude but also... bitch-ass motherfucker

-Nanami really went through this thing for me where it's like... she's a brat and a shitty person but it's also hard to really dislike her bc she does get what she deserves most of the time and also she gets kinkshamed more than most of the cast despite none of them really having a high ground over her lol

-Miki did nothing wrong (aside from like the implied incest but that's also like... half the relationships in this show uh)

sidenote I can completely see the notable excess of Incest Subtext/Maintext being intended as like... A Thing to comment on how common it is within shoujo and also tying in to like the bigger themes of Growing Up bc the idea that you’re chasing after your own damn siblings betrays some freudian inability to mature or whatever but tbqh it doesn’t always feel like the show knows the line between commenting on this and indulging in it and RGU is very indulgent by its own nature so I really can’t blame people put off by the show as a whole bc this is an area where RGU is largely indistinguishable from its genre peers

-Juri really did nothing wrong tho also props for having the best duels

-FUCK SHIORI THO for eel 

so obviously i have not seen the show up to now but I've been in yuri circles for a long time so I knew about Juri/Shiori and my perception of it had always been "oh it's one of those kinda messy with complicated feelings" kinda ships where the drama is a big part of the appeal and that's true but like

the actual nature of it I did not realize up to now and OH SHIORI'S REALLY THAT BITCH HUH

So not only does she date that one anonymous guy specifically to spite Juri unaware she doesn't actually like him BUT THEN WHEN THEY GET REUNITED SHE'S JUST LIKE LOL IT DIDNT MATTER BUT HEY WE COOL RIGHT *AND THEN* when she finds out about Juri's feelings she's like HELL YEA I CAN HANG THIS OVER HER HEAD FOREVER FUCK HER

***AND THEN*** when she gets some karma after Ruka dumps her ass she airs her dirty laundry out in front of EVERYBODY like Juri hasn't been dealing with this shit like an absolute champ the whole time like?????

Like ok i get that there's the sad longing drama there and usually that's my jam and the show itself seems to end on kind of an ambiguous note and the follow-up manga from this year seems to leave it as kind of a "maybe" but I'm sorry get Juri a better GF 2020 she deserves better

I saw some Juri/Wakaba going through the tumblr tag for the show and honestly that's some big brain shit I'm here for it

Also now knowing exactly how this dynamic operates it really makes that Jasper/Lapis reference pic one of the SU crew drew of them read very.... interestingly???????? (tho Lapis' design reads a lot closer to Kozue and that's probably a closer personality analogue too)

-I love that thing in ep 37 where the whole SC is just very casually like hey utena if the whole revolutionizing the world thing with anthy doesn't work out uhhh call me im free haha just kidding unless...? lmao

-I'm pretty uninclined to try to pin precise sexuality HCs to characters for series this old where the ambiguity is part of how its danced around like partly coming from my own experience I'm inclined to read Utena as bi but that really is just coming from me?

But on the other hand literally every time a guy is like "i love you utena come be happy with me and we can love each other forever" she's like "k" after having left them on read for a day and disconnects from them entirely so lesbian going through comphet is a pretty valid read i think lol

-Lastly I think it’s pretty interesting but validly frustrating how fast and loose the show’s relationship with dream logic and non-traditional storytelling really is like when the shadow girls show up I was like “oh this is a greek chorus thing and it’s meant to reflect on the themes of the episode” (or uh in the case of exactly Ep 29 to break from tradition and explicitly tell us what a characters deal is lmao) but then no actually turns out they’re actually real characters who exist within the show too fuck you

ANYWAY I really did love this show and felt like I got a lot out of it despite it being pretty infamously hard to decipher but the ways it's inscrutable appeal to me specifically so very happy with this I'm gonna be thinking about it for a while

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 70

After every serious arc, I like to do a fluffy chapter. Super fluffy.  And this one is no exception.

There are three people I cannot thank enough for helping with this chapter. First up is @charlylimph-blog for helping me get the character of Charly right.  You may remember her briefly as the woman with the collar from the Food Festival arc.

Second, of course, is @satan-parisienne for beta-ing the stuff I churn out.  She is in town for New Year’s this week, and I had the absolute pleasure of watching her reactions in real-time (something I haven’t gotten to do in several months)! 

Last but not least, @baelpenrose, who has been giving the last few chapters a read to make sure the story is consistent and to poke holes in anything I may have missed or got mixed up.

Happy New Year, and I hope to see you all in the New Roaring 20s!

”Sophia, we sorta kinda maybe need to talk?”

I glanced up from my datapad, rubbing the cramp in my neck as I did. With Insert Winter Holiday – and the crisis with Else – behind us, the backlog at work basically qualified as cruel and unusual punishment in most Terran jurisdictions.  Unfortunately, we weren’t on Terra anymore, so I was working twenty hour days trying to get things back on an even keel. Neither my joints nor my partners were very appreciative of it, but at least Conor and Maverick complained less than my spine did.

When I saw my visitor, I stood with much crackling to greet her.  Charly bounced in, completely oblivious to my crunchy joints. “You work too much,” she scolded without preamble.  “We need a ladies’ night – you, me, Tyche, and Xiomara. No arguments.”

Arching an eyebrow at her uncharacteristically demanding tone, I glanced over her shoulder.  A dark silhouette that rivaled Conor’s height flashed a quick, blinding white grin. I shrugged and looked back to the energetic brunette in front of me. “And when am I supposed to have time for a ladies’ night, Charly?”

“I already talked to Xiomara, who talked to Tyche, who told Alistair to clear your calendar the day after tomorrow.  So, tomorrow night, we’re getting cute and going out!”

“Three out of four of those names are in relationships,” I pointed out.

“So? It’s drinks with the girls.  I tried to ask Grey, but they don’t want to go.” She dropped her eyes and pouted at my navel before looking back in the direction of my face. “Still. It’s not like we have to be on the hunt for sexy fun times just to go out and have drinks together. It’ll be fun. And you know you love the Undine, you just haven’t had an excuse to go back with everything going on.”

Bacon Bloody Marys… I shook my head vigorously, focusing on the present. “You do realize that Xio, Tyche, and I are probably going to talk about work, right?”

“Duh. Geez, that’s what the booze is for.  Complaining about work is enhanced… by the booze.”

I sighed.  Ever since she had been released from medical observation, I had learned that saying no to Charly was incredibly difficult.  Even Tyche just kind of went along with her in something of a confused daze. I swore, the woman had a superpower – people just agreed with her.  The only thing standing between her and Galactic domination was the same low threshold my sister and I shared for being around people.

If she was this eager to go out, to a bar, for a girls’ night, who were we to say no?

“Can I at least take today to think about – “ I tried in vain, only to be cut off.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Girls’ night! Girls’ Night! Ladies’ gonna get druuuuuunk!” she started chanting and dancing in a circle.

 Sure enough, the next night saw Tyche fussing over my outfit and hair, gently trying to tousle it into something she obviously understood and I didn’t.  Xiomara was laughing hard enough that the only thing saving her from an abrupt, face-first introduction with the floor was the doorway she was leaning against.  When I tried to turn my head to scowl at her, Tyche used one very firm fingertip to turn my head back to her. “I’m almost done. Would you just hold still? Sheesh,” she grumbled.

“You know I hate getting dolled up,” I pointed out sulkily.  

She ignored me, instead stepping back to look at her handiwork. “I think that will work,” she finally pronounced with a nod.

The mirror she held up made me want to scream. “I look exactly like I did before!” I cried in confusion. “Why did you spend an hour making my hair look exactly the same!?”

With a low growl, she rolled her eyes and shook her head at a now-gasping Xiomara. “Some people just don’t understand,” she sighed dramatically. Glaring at me, she pointed at my hair. “This does not look the same. It looks intentional.”

Xiomara temporarily sobered up enough to contribute her two cents. “Before, you had bed-head.  Now, you have sex hair.  Big difference.”

“You. Two. Are. Loony,” I ground out. I reached to run a hand through my hair in frustration, only to have Tyche intercept it.

“Don’t you dare. I don’t have time to fix it,” she ordered before dragging me out of my office, my hand still clutched tightly in her grasp.  Groaning as loudly as possible in hopes of rescue, I reluctantly allowed myself to be pulled along until we reached the Undine. Once outside, my sister stopped and dropped my hand, giving me one last once-over before seeming content that I hadn’t managed to wreck her painstaking work in the last forty meters.

I was permitted to enter the pub under my own power.  Making our way to the back of the space, we found Charly had already claimed a high-top.  As soon as we were visible, Coffey gently cupped her jaw in one massive hand and gave her a kiss that was paired with a look that clearly meant Stay out of trouble.  Charly just gave him an angelic smile.

Frankly, the odds of that were fifty-fifty.  Charly wasn’t reckless – not by a long shot. On the contrary, I had learned in recent weeks that she was usually very quiet and extremely cautious. In absolute, direct conflict with this was an underlying need to play pranks on unsuspecting victims.

Given her usual demeanor, ‘unsuspecting’ was synonymous with ‘everyone on the Ark except Noah and Coffey’.  Well, Coffey at least suspected it, but he wasn’t exactly immune to pranks. When I asked her about it once, she just shrugged and told me “Hey, if I’m going to be punished, I may as well deserve it.”

The man in question waved one hand at the three of us before disappearing into the crowd.  I honestly had no clue how he did that – he was easily the second tallest human on the ship.  More annoyingly, he did it all. The. Damned. Time. It was profoundly frustrating, albeit very impressive. Squashing the sigh I felt bubbling up, I turned back to the table. Tyche and Xiomara were already seated, leaving me a seat across from my sister.

No sooner did I climb onto my seat, than Sebastian came through the crowd with a tray full of drinks.  Coconut rum and fruit juice for Tyche, an enormous Bloody Mary for myself, neat whiskey for Xiomara, and eye-catchingly blue something-slushy with a huge wedge of pineapple and an umbrella for Charly.  She caught me looking and held it up so I could see it better. “It has alcohol, I swear – blue curacao, cognac, and rum.”

With a skeptic glance, Tyche sniffed the drink and wrinkled her nose. “Sounds like a hangover.”

“Nuh-uh,” Charly retorted. “It sounds like fun!”

Xiomara rolled her eyes before downing her whiskey with a wink at me. “If we’re here to drink, may as well, right?”

An hour and a half later, Sebastian was taking away our most recent set of empty glasses, ducking Tyche’s hand as she gesticulated wildly.  She was telling some story to Charly, who had slowly scooted her chair closer and closer.  At the moment, she was leaning on the part of the table that was actually in front of my sister, watching and giggling as Tyche enthusiastically flailed and made exaggerated faces.  I could not figure out for the life of me what story she was telling, but a few minutes later she tipped her head back with a clap of her hands and a peal of laughter. This sent Charly into a fit of giggles, face down on her arms.

I glanced at Xiomara, who was smiling, but still clearly sober despite her drinks. With a conspiratorial tone, I told her “They are soooo drrrrr… draaa…. dur-rur-rur… Inebriated. Very inebriated.”

Xio stopped mid-sip to arch an eyebrow at me. “You seriously couldn’t get out the word drunk so you went with, of all things, inebriated!?”

Tyche and Charly collapsed into howling laughter at the disbelief in her tone. I just tapped my temple and sat as straight as I possibly could, offended. “Dain bramage, Xio. Loooooots of brain damage.”  I ruined my scolding tone by belatedly realizing what I had initially said and snorting with laughter.

That seemed to break the dam to pieces, because I started giggling and could not stop myself no matter how hard I tried.  It didn’t help when, just as the giggling started to trickle off, Charly howled “Dain Bramaaaage!” at the top of her lungs and blindly toasted the room with a mostly-empty hurricane glass.  The gesture sent the wedge of pineapple on the rim into a tumbling arc…

Right into Xiomara’s whiskey, droplets splashing her face.

I didn’t know whether it was the pineapple or the wet-cat look on Xio’s face, but either way, it was the funniest thing the three of us had ever seen. Soon, Tyche and I were leaning against Charly, fighting for breath against the laughter that was possessing us like minor demons.

“Ha, ha, ha,” Xiomara mock-sneered. “Go ahead, laugh it up.  I swear, you three are –“

When she stopped mid-sentence, Tyche popped up like a meerkat.  Almost immediately, she was smacking my shoulder and shaking Charly. “Look!  Looklooklooklooklook.”

Xiomara was frozen, face slack, mouth half-open with the dying breath of whatever she was about to call us.  Her eyes were glued to the entrance of the Undine.  I felt two different spots in my neck pop as I snapped my head around to see what she was staring at.  At first, all I could see was just an ocean of people getting after-work drinks and socializing… granted, it was a little quieter than I expected, and more people were talking in hushed tones than I remembered from bars back home, but maybe I was just out of touch.

Tyche saved me again by reaching across, grabbing my jaw, and turning my head to face what Xiomara was looking at: a beautiful woman, about my height, with what seemed like miles of thick, black hair, and a stunning blue saree with warm gold and pale green details coming over her shoulder.  I could see how she was a show-stopper, honestly, but Xio’s reaction seemed a bit dramatic.

In contrast to this, Charly’s head came up, dislodging Tyche’s hand. “Oh, that’s just Parvati!  She’s an artist.  I think she told me once she did murals in the Before?”

The statement seemed to snap Xio out of her trance. “What? How do you know her?”

Oblivious to the demanding tone, Charly shrugged. “She works with Hannah a lot. Like, a lot-lot. So I’ve met her a few times.  She’s really lovely, honestly.  Some of her work is in the database… she did a lot of politically-charged protest art, like this one…what was it called?” She snapped her fingers a few times, lost in thought. “Started with a ‘G’ I think? Refugee something?”

“Refugee Guernica!?” my sister and I demanded at the same time.  

“Yeah! That one.  The really violent one.”

The piece had been extremely controversial: a hyper-realistic mural of climate refugees, posed to evoke the original Picasso work and gaunt with starvation.  That, alone, would have been palatable to the powers-that-were.  However… the artist had gone one step further and portrayed what had been livestock in the original work as human beings, feasted upon by the fattened rich.  It had also been in true-to-life color, which hadn’t helped soften any blows.  Tyche and I had both been breathless the first time we saw an image of it.

“That is the person who did that mural?” Tyche asked, pointing a finger at the woman across the bar.

Charly nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! Parvati Fletcher.  Remember? Signed all her murals with a little arrow, fletched with peacock feathers?”

Xiomara’s eyes narrowed. “She did the one decrying the Baconists, didn’t she?”

“Yeah! Animal Farm, the scene where the pigs were adding ‘but some animals are more equal than others’.  I don’t know if Parvati has it in her to hate, but the closest I ever saw her come was when she compared Baconists to the rich. She said that the only difference between the two was that Baconists were more honest about wanting annihilate humanity.”

Dark eyes narrowed as Xio flicked open her datapad, summoning data furiously. Abruptly, she relaxed. “I remember this file… We suspected her after what happened on Level One, but Noah confirmed on three separate occasions that she was telling the truth.”

“Duuuuuhhhhhhhhh,” Charly intoned, rolling her eyes comically. “Vati doesn’t argue much, but one thing that will always make her speak is the fact that she only believes that humanity is at its best if everyone is given the opportunity to be their best.”

“That’s… why she’s here, isn’t it?” I asked with dawning comprehension.

“Well, yeah. Why else? You’re here for the same reason, right? You believe in the best in a person, no matter the person, right?  Well, she believes in that… It’s like, if you’re a psychologist, she would be a sociologist.  She believes in the best in humanity, not just the best in a person.”

Huh. That was a breath of fresh air.  I glanced back at Xiomara. She looked lost, and I followed her sight back to the same blue and earth-tone saree, shining dark hair, and a bright white laugh. I glanced back and forth a few times before the realization hit me between the eyes like a sledgehammer. The gaping stare, the quick background check and almost melting relief… “Xio?” I whispered in that special, extra-quiet volume only drunk people can use. “You like her, don’t you?”

“Tell the whole bar, why don’t you?” she grumbled.

“Hey, I’m not judging,” I held my hands up placatingly. “I just…. I had a completely different idea in mind for your type, that’s all.  Took me a bit to realize I was so, so wrong.”

“Oh, yeah, peopling-queen?” she smirked. “Do tell, what did you have in mind as ‘my type’?”

“Well, I saw this video once of a lady who broke a pumpkin in half between her thighs…” I gave her a pointed look.

Next to her, Tyche nodded vigorously. “And more sharp objects.  We both thought your affections could only be won by someone who could best you in single combat.”

Charly scowled. “There are more types of combat than fighting, you two.  I bet Parvati has incited more political uprisings than any four people at this table.” My brows furrowed and I opened my mouth to say something, but Charly rolled her eyes again and cut me off. “Yes, Sophia. I am aware there are only four people at this table. That’s the point.”

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[thememcry]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent ( potentially ) / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. 

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. (apparently there are youtube comments circulating about how boring or weak aerith is. if an explanation needs be provided for how strong of a woman, character, and fighter she is in her own regard then the point of the character is missed entirely.)

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.  (the big baddies know of her, the little baddies know to look for her and the heroes just learned of why she’s important).

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

      it depends entirely on the person / character i’m writing and what verse they’re in. when someone approaches me and doesn’t specify a verse i give them main verse (ff7r) and follow canon as closely as i’d like. but most of my threads diverge from canon for exploration or other purposes. i’m not concerned with how close to canon my aerith is ------obviously i’d like people to hear her voice when i have her speak, or see her performing the actions i have her commit to but i’d also like this interpretation to be my own. so when someone reads a piece of my writing they say oh yes, that’s kay’s aerith definitely.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.  

      i could make an entire post about all of the things i love about aerith gainsborough on its own, so i’ll try not to let this be too rambly.

      she is such a three-dimensional character and she always has been. people expect just to meet the damsel in distress, to rely on cloud and company to help her out at every twist and turn. square even did a good job selling her appearance: soft pinks, gentle features, and when she was given a voice actor the first few times they always went the route of someone who had a lighter lilt. to the first glance she is very much all of those things. except it’s not all she is.

      aerith wears masks to cover the horrendous things that happened to her as a child: experimentation, the shocking loss of her mother after escaping it, crushing loneliness, an awareness that she was different and nobody around who understood the properties of that difference to explain it to her in a way that didn’t terrify her. she heard the planet, could tell when people passed away and rejoined the lifestream, surrounded by all of these voices yet so fucking alone. and did she let it make her bitter? did she become angry or cold, jaded or cruel? no. aerith is kind and giving without being too self-sacrificing and without making her boring. she’s not as innocent as people are made to believe.

      look at her first interactions with cloud. she flirts mercilessly with him, and then you discover she did it to zack, too. she’s not afraid to express herself in any fashion and she’s unapologetic about how forward and positive she is. despite all of the shitty things that happened to her, she’s still all of these great things. she’s scrappy, she can be a brat (ask the turks!) and she blooms under the cover of oppression that she lives. sure, she’s in a beautiful house with a loving mother figure but she’s in the slums and she’s being watched constantly by some part of the company that wants to see her dissected or worse.

      and she’s divine. no, literally. of course it takes her death for the realization of that divinity to really be understood by the fan base and even by her own party, but once aerith dies she becomes an actual deity. it’s sad that you don’t get her in your party any more but it’s obvious how much she affected everyone she worked with (and even those she didn’t). they spend the rest of the game avenging her, they spend the rest of the game explaining their grief over her loss, promising her death won’t be in vain. and once that’s done? there’s an entire movie where cloud deals with his grief over everything, but mainly his self-appointed guilt over her death. as if he could have changed it? i mentioned to @seraphicwiing​ in a conversation (an au one) about sephiroth and aerith ------he didn’t kill or break her. he gifted her divinity.

      so this sweet flower girl goes from a first appearance damsel in distress to an actual conduit of the planet, watching over her friends and everyone else from the spiritual plane of it. controlling the lifestream itself to rise up and crush back meteor.

      if you don’t like her by this point, it’s a lost cause. honestly, just go play pacman or something.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  

      maybe strong female leads aren’t your cup of tea? perhaps you really wanted aerith to maintain her softness and have none of the bite or edge that i argue make her interesting?

      some people want a strong woman to be something like paine in ffx-2, or lightning in ffxiii, or even lulu in ffx itself ... dark and perhaps a bit brooding, angry with someone or something. they can be gentle but they’re mostly a razor sharp edge threatening to slice anyone who tries to get close to them. aerith is arguably a hot take on the stronger female leads ... even compared to tifa. you don’t doubt that a woman who fights with her fists is a tough, bad bitch ... but aerith isn’t physically strong. she’s the image of a princess honestly and that’s just not what some people want to see or deal with.

      arguably her personality can come off a bit strong. she’s snarky and, as i said, a tease. she can be bratty from time to time and that can absolutely be read as irritating, especially to someone whose looking for negative personality traits to focus on at a first glance.

      and a lot of people just see her as a love interest to cloud. and she is, i won’t deny that. it’s been further addressed in the remake with her dream sequence that cloud absolutely has feelings for her. it dredges up the age-old argument from 1997 of: tifa or aerith. why does it have to be or? why can’t he love them both in different ways? or the same way? it’s not like aerith has a lot of time to be the love interest, anyway. we all know how disc 1 ended, by this point.

      perhaps people see her end-game divinity as a deus-ex mechanic. sure, it kind of it. but the game never hid its intentions of why aerith was there. she was always special, we just didn’t know how. she always had holy, we just didn’t know what it meant at the time. but it does seem a bit convenient that right as the meteor is going to crush midgar ------here comes the lifestream, holding it back so holy can stop it! wow, amazing! darn that aerith and her connection to the planet. how awful. maybe cloud could have just braver’d it.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  

      i love her. it’s just that simple. she’s so complex and so different from other characters i tend to gravitate toward. she has a darkness but she’s good, genuinely. i usually go for people who are deeply seeded in some kind of trauma, or are just generally a piece of shit. and aerith certainly has her trauma, but she’s risen above it. she chooses to live her life as much as she can before the ultimate doom clock ticks to 0, you know?

      i admire her beauty. not just her physical beauty (and she is), but the beauty of her as a person. i wish i could be as endlessly positive as she is, even faced against such awful odds. i wish i could be the kind of person who surrounds themselves with people who love them, despite their flaws. but i am very much the opposite of aerith.

      i consider myself endlessly lucky to be a mouthpiece of some kind of version of her. this is a character i’ve had a connection to since i was like, 7 or 9 (and i’m 30 now). the very fact that i get to log in every day and express some form of this wonderful character keeps me connected to her. she has a loud voice in my head, and i think she always had. i think that remake just re-lit the flame for her.

      i wrote her a long time ago, during myspace rp days. but we all know how myspace ended. so i choose to write her now because it feels right. and i really do enjoy having someone who shines so brightly in my head.

What keeps your inspiration going?  

      the same as everyone else, i think: music, clips of the character, art of her ... but mostly? my writing partners. i wouldn’t be anywhere without the people in this site who come to me every day with an interest in my interpretation of aerith. i never expected so many lovely humans to want to see what i can do with her. but i have people dm’ing me on discord every day with ideas or thoughts, with musings or what-if’s ... and it really just keeps this muse so alive for me.

      even though i have a backlog of drafts and inbox things to answer, i can know that they will get done ... it’s just up to me as a human to write things out.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. 

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.  (i’d prefer to write out a reply to a solo drabble).

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO. 

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

      in the proper context. i don’t want someone coming on here and telling me i play aerith wrong because it’s not what she would do canon. that’s cool, i don’t write her strictly canon. but if i’m having doubts and i ask for the feedback, i’m open to it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  

      always. i am 100% always accepting development questions.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  

      nope. i don’t care if you agree with my headcanons or not. i’m sure there are people who don’t like that i have a ship with a sephiroth, or a reeve, or that i’ve had her mess around with rufus or biggs. i’m sure there are people who despise the way i make her speak to people ... and that’s fine. they’re allowed to. but this is my interpretation of aerith and so far i’m loving everything that i’ve gotten to do with her. especially those things that include character building with others.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

      they’re allowed to disagree. they’re also not beholden to follow me. i won’t be upset if they unfollow me. it’s their comfort, after all. and i’d rather spend time on here enjoying myself than either having someone voice their dislike of my interpretation or get vocal about how they’re uncomfortable.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  

      people have really hated aerith since 1997. they’re allowed to have their silly opinions of her. and i’m allowed not to entertain them.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  

      please do. i’m human and i make mistakes. i’d love to fix them.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?  

      yes, but i’ve had people mention that i seem a little unapproachable. please approach me. if you want to write with me let me know. if you want to chat ooc with me talk to me. i promise i’m an absolute dimwit on my side of the screen. i’m spacy but i try to be as nice and welcoming as possible. somehow i’ve conned a few friends out of this rpc already with my idiocy, so please please please come chat with me.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[noona-clock]

DaySense: Summer ☀️ - Part 2, Final Chapter

A Day6 collab series with the lovely @cramelot 💋

Genre: College & Soulmate!AU

Pairing: Jae x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2

You had been an avid fan of Day6 for almost two years now, though it honestly felt like it was just yesterday when you’d seen them play at your favorite coffee shop on campus.

It had been during your second year of college, and... frankly, it hadn’t been a good time for you. Your younger sister had been going through some scary health issues, your dad had lost his job, your Chemistry professor was a huge asshole and wouldn’t let you try to bring your grade up with some extra assignments, and... your boyfriend had just dumped you.

So when you’d been moping over a hazelnut latte and heard these sweet angel voices singing a song called “Colors,” you’d fallen in love instantly.

You had recognized one of the musicians, the bass player, from your literature class, but the others you hadn’t seen before. And one of the guitarists, the blonde with the glasses, had caught your eye. By the end of their set, you hadn’t been able to take your eyes off him and had become determined to find out more about him.

Ever since then, you’d followed them around. You’d been to as many gigs and shows and competitions as you could, always sitting far enough away so they wouldn’t notice you.

You were a fangirl, yes, but you weren’t that type of fangirl.

They were fellow students, after all. It’s not like they were some elevated beings who deserved to be worshipped and treated like Gods. You absolutely adored their music, and you eventually developed a major crush on Jae, but you didn’t want to make a big show of meeting them or getting their autograph or asking to take pictures or anything.

Although... you did definitely daydream about Jae. A lot.

He was just so cute! And funny! You had his tweet notifications turned on, and it took everything in you not to like and retweet every single one just seconds after he posted it.

But you kept all this to yourself because what if you ended up in the same class together?! Or what if you ran into him on campus?! If you told one of your friends about your crush, they would tell someone else who was a friend of a friend of one of the other Day6 members, and Jae would end up hearing about this random girl who was in love with him without ever having met him and you would never stand a chance at actually dating him.

So yeah.

You were a fangirl, but you weren’t that type of fangirl.

Although last night had hit you pretty hard.

Watching Day6′s amazing performance of one of your favorite songs, “Congratulations” and then hearing their name announced for third runner up?

Yikes.

You couldn’t even imagine how they felt.

You tried not to think too much about it, how unfair it all was, but now that spring classes were over and summer classes had yet to begin... you didn’t really have much else to think about.

So when you woke up around 8 this morning, around the usual time you woke up for classes all semester, you decided to head to the closest coffee shop for an iced hazelnut latte.

When you didn’t have anything on your schedule, you tended to stay in bed (or at least in your pajamas) all day, so it was best if you made yourself get up and actually do something.

After throwing on some shorts, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap, you headed out to procure your cold, caffeinated beverage.

Not even twenty minutes after leaving your apartment, you were already exiting the cafe, iced latte in hand.

When classes weren’t in session, apparently, things around campus were pretty dead. There was no extremely long line at the cafe, and the baristas hadn’t been backlogged with orders like they usually were.

You slid your phone out of your pocket as you strode down the sidewalk, deciding to catch up on everything you’d missed on social media since before Battle of the Bands last night. (...Meaning, you wanted to see if Jae had tweeted anything or posted on Instagram.)

Before pulling up Twitter, though, you plugged in your headphones and shuffled your Day6 playlist on YouTube.

Since they hadn’t released any recorded music yet, you had to make do with the videos they posted on their YouTube channel. It was much better than nothing, and by now, you were pretty sure you accounted for more than half of their views!

Once the smooth guitar of “Out of My Mind” began to play, you let out a soft sigh of contentment and took a sip of your latte.

Could summer be off to any more of a perfect start?

Well... yes. 

If Day6 had won last night, that would’ve made things truly perfect.

But that hadn’t happened, so what else can you do?

You bobbed your head along to the music as you scrolled through Twitter, holding yourself back from singing along out loud since you were in public and all. 

A couple of tweets from Jae showed up on your timeline, so you obviously liked them.

And... you were really tempted to reply back to the one about Battle of the Bands.

...Would today be the day you plucked up the courage to actually say something to him?

I mean, say something online.

You took a deep breath, clicking on his tweet... letting your thumb hover over the ‘Reply’ button...

Oh, god.

Should you?

I mean... why not? He would appreciate the support, right?!

Definitely!

So you clicked ‘Reply’ and your phone’s keyboard popped up and you started typing and then you noticed a shadow on the sidewalk in front of you and you quickly looked up but you weren’t quick enough and you knocked right into whoever it was.

“Ooph!” you groaned as your cheek hit the person’s shoulder. You immediately stopped walking, holding your latte out to the side so you wouldn’t spill any of it. 

And then you looked up.

It took a second to realize who it was, but your eyes widened slightly when you did.

...It was him.

Oh... oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

It was Jae in all his glory. Red hat, pink shirt, glasses, plush lips, blonde hair - all of it.

(Red hat and pink shirt, though? Interesting color combination seeing as it was summer, not Valentine’s Day.)

You quickly stopped your music and reached up to yank one of your earbuds out.

“I am so sorry!” you breathed, sounding just as shy as you felt right now.

“Oh, no, it’s --” Jae had been holding out a camera, and he shifted his gaze from his lens to your face.

And, just like yours had, his eyes widened slightly. But they also looked... unfocused somehow?

“No, it’s my -- my fault --” he stammered, his eyes frantically searching you.

...Why was he frantically searching you?

And... why was his hat changing colors?

It had just been red a second ago, but now it was... you honestly weren’t sure what color that was, you’d never seen it before in your life.

Maybe a huge cloud was up in the sky, casting a shadow or something.

“Are you all right?” you asked a bit timidly since Jae wasn’t really saying anything else.

Jae shook his head slightly, blinking furiously and taking a step back. “Ye -- yeah, I just... something’s... I don’t know what’s happening.”

You also took a step back because, as Jae was talking and looking at you...

Okay, you weren’t going to believe this.

His... eyes? And teeth? Were... changing color? Just like his hat?

What?!

They were now bright and shining and sharply contrasted against the rest of his face and you had no idea what was going on.

Hold on, though. Hadn’t Jae just said ‘I don’t know what’s happening’? So he was experiencing something weird, too?

“Wait, what’s happening to you?” you asked, your heart racing with panic.

“I --”

You noticed his hat again, and now you were sure it was definitely a different color. And your mind was too overwhelmed to comprehend what was going on, so you interrupted him and blurted out the first thing which came to your mind: “I’m sorry, what color is your hat?”

Jae’s hand immediately flew up to his head, resting on top of his hat.

“Black,” he answered. His eyes flitted upward, and he exhaled sharply. “I mean, they all told me it was black, and that’s what I saw, and yes. It’s definitely black.”

“...Black? But... it was just -- I thought it was red, and your -- your eyes and teeth and -- it was red. Black? What do you mean?”

To your surprise, Jae responded to your question by letting out a huge sigh of relief.

“Okay, so, something’s happening to you, too?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

You glanced around, trying to see if anything else had changed color, but nothing caught your eye.

“I have no idea,” you answered with a shake of your head. “All I know is your hat was definitely red but now it’s not.”

Jae stood there for a second, obviously thinking about something... and then he grabbed hold of your arm, leading you over to a nearby bench. Once you sat down, he slid in next to you, angling to face you.

“My hat was never red,” he began. “But listen -- just hear me out, okay?”

You nodded.

Because what else were you going to do?! Something really, really weird was happening, and Jae was sitting next to you actually talking to you and oh my god.

So, yes. You would listen.

Jae took a deep breath, biting his lower lip momentarily.

God, his lips were even more luscious up close.

“Okay, so, my whole life -- my whole life -- everything has been basically the same three colors. I guess it’s always been black and white and gray. I don’t know, it’s been really hard to figure things out because no one else can see what I see. I would always hear about all these colors and how beautiful things were, but I never understood. The doctors said I was just colorblind. I’ve never been able to drive anywhere alone because I can’t tell what color the stoplight is, and I have to ask someone if my outfit is color-coordinated because everything looks the same, and I can’t just leave the house looking like a fool, you know?”

You nodded even though you were fairly sure it was a rhetorical question.

“I mean, I know I look good in every color no matter what, but I don’t want to go out wearing neon yellow and brown! But when I bumped into you just now...” He looked down at his shirt and pinched the fabric in-between his thumb and index finger, pulling it out slightly. “What color is this?”

“Pink,” you told him.

“Pink! This morning, it was not this color. I mean, Brian told me it was pink, but this is not the color I saw. ...But now I see pink.”

You furrowed your brow, trying to make sense of all this. “So... your shirt changed color for you, and your hat changed color for me...” you murmured with extreme confusion. “...What is going on?”

“I have no idea!” he laughed. “All I know is, just a minute ago, I still saw everything in the same three colors. And now... I don’t know, man.”

He gazed around, his eyes shining as he took in the scenery around you.

And then, suddenly, he let out a little gasp.

“Wait -- wait a minute.” He turned toward you even more, and your heart began to race even more. “You said -- could you not see black before?”

You shook your head quickly. “I kept getting confused in school when they were teaching us colors because black always looked different. It looked like another color -- purple or green or blue or red. The same goes for white and gray. I never knew -- the ophthalmologist said I must just have some unknown eye disease where I couldn’t process those colors...” You pointed at his hat. “You’re saying that’s black?”

Jae nodded.

“And what about your teeth?”

“White. Pearly white, to be exact,” he answered with a little smirk.

Your eyes searched around some more, landing on the camera he was holding in his lap. It was the same color as his hat, so you nodded toward it and said, “That’s black, too?”

“Yep.”

Okay. None of this made sense.

“Why... why am I suddenly seeing black and pearly white, and you’re suddenly seeing colors?” you asked, still staring at his camera. Because if you stared at him, you probably wouldn’t be able to breathe.

“I don’t kn --” 

Jae cut himself off, and the sudden, unexpected silence forced you to look up at him.

...Yep. You were right. You kind of weren’t able to breathe.

But it’s cool. It’s all good. No big. Who needs to breathe, anyway?

“What?” you asked softly, wondering why he had stopped talking.

Jae’s lips parted, his eyes widened. He obviously thought he had figured something out, and his head jerked to stare right into your eyes.

“Wait a second,” he breathed. “I think -- what... what if this is our soulmate thing?”

A strangled laugh escaped from your throat because what in the world?!

“Soulmate?” you repeated, somewhat dumbfounded.

“Yeah! With my parents, their names showed up as tattoos on each other’s arm the year they met, so I figured that’s what would happen to me,” Jae explained. “I was just waiting for the right time. But... but what if that’s not my thing? What if my whole colorblind thing had to do with -- with meeting you?”

Okay, you thought you couldn’t breathe before when you were looking at him. But now he was talking about soulmates. Insinuating that you were his soulmate.

How were you still alive?!

“What about your parents? What was their thing?” he asked, his brow furrowed in curiosity as he gazed at you intently.

“They could hear each other’s voice in their thoughts,” you told him. “I could only hear my own voice, so I just figured... I didn’t have a soulmate.”

“So, I couldn’t see colors. You could only see colors,” Jae said quickly. “But after bumping into each other, we can both see everything. Isn’t that -- I mean, don’t you think that’s weird?!”

Well, now that he put it like that, it did seem like it was more than a coincidence.

There was just one problem.

“But I’ve seen you plenty of times,” you admitted, feeling your cheeks begin to flush. “I -- I mean, I know your band. I’ve been to a ton of your shows. I just saw you last night!”

Jae froze for a second but then a smirk slowly began to form on his lips. “You know who I am?”

You nodded bashfully.

“Wow,” he said, sounding very smug -- and yet still humble. “Thank you for supporting us, I really appreciate it. And don’t worry about last night. We’re already preparing for next year. That’s why I was filming. I want to document our year-long process of turning over a new leaf and actually winning next year. Post them on YouTube and stuff --”

Ahhh! What?! He was vlogging?! For a whole year?! Oh, god, you would have so much to look forward to!

“But that’s not the point,” he said, breaking into your thoughts. “The point is, maybe you’ve seen me, but we never actually met until just now. And that’s the point of this soulmate thing. You have to meet them.”

...Okay, well, he did have a point.

So... was Jae your soulmate?

Was actual Jae, the guy you’d had a crush on from the band you’d fallen in love with, your actual soulmate?

Were you about to live out a fangirl’s fantasy right now?

“I’m Jae,” he said, holding his hand out toward you.

You timidly took hold of it, shaking it and pulling your lips into a little grin. “I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I see you already have your coffee this morning, but if you’re not busy, would you mind accompanying me to the cafe?”

Okay.

So.

Actual Jae, the guy you’d had a crush on from the band you’d fallen in love with, was asking you to go with him to the cafe. A coffee date.

Jae was asking you on a date.

“Sure,” you nodded.

He stood from the bench, smiling at you and gesturing for you to begin walking first.

And then he got out his camera and began filming again.

“Sorry about that,” he said before shifting the camera to get you in the frame. “I just literally bumped into someone, and something really weird happened... but we’ll talk about that later. Anyway, the fact is, I found a new friend, and we’re going to get coffee. Let’s get it!”

You let out a soft chuckle, glancing over at Jae and trying to keep from smirking or smiling or something which would give away the fact you were over the moon about being in his presence. 

You still didn’t know for sure if he was your true soulmate (though it seemed possible, and you were honestly crossing your fingers he was because oh my god how amazing and squeal-worthy would that be?!), but... you were more than willing to spend your summer figuring it out.

Sungjin (Fall), Young K (Winter), Wonpil (Spring), Dowoon (Summer Finale)

[solidandsound]

My goal for 2017 was to beat 50 games. Unless I finish anything else over the next couple of days (doubtful), my actual number is 46, which I’m still quite happy with.

Some of these were games I’d already started before 2017 (e.g. Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix, which I played most of throughout 2016 and finished in January). Many were small indie games, some only a few minutes long (e.g. Secrets Agent, which is maybe ten minutes). Some were more middling offerings (e.g. Aerannis, which I clocked 8 hours in), and some were the big, exciting games that 2017 is coming to be known for. There are also many games I played significant amounts of this year that do not count towards the above number because I haven’t finished them (like World of Final Fantasy, which I got for Christmas last year but still haven’t finished despite returning to it every couple of months).

DLC also makes calculating that number a little more difficult, especially the way DLC is more frequently being handled. Final Fantasy XV was released towards the end of 2016, and I ‘finished’ it, at the latest, in early 2017. But that was only the main story. There are a few DLC episodes out now (I’ve played two of them) as well as story improvements and a bigger DLC campaign. I could finish those, but the developers have stated that there’s going to be even more DLC in 2018, which is bizarre for a game that’s a year old, but less bizarre now than it used to be. Breath of the Wild’s DLC took a while to be released (also not part of the above number for that reason), and Xenoblade Chronicles 2 looks to be releasing DLC until at least autumn 2018. For a person who likes his games to be one and done, this trend is frustrating. Companies want their games to last longer, to remain fresh in our minds so we can give them more money. This is largely antithetical to the pursuit of games as an art form, and it’s also annoying. I like finishing things. Not knowing when the DLC is gonna stop robs me of the satisfaction of saying a game is complete, of adding it to my end of year count.

The best game I played that came out this year is almost certainly Persona 5. For all its failings, it is a solid, polished RPG that at least tries to tackle social inequality. Most of the games I really loved that I played this year are actually from years prior, however. I’m glad I finished Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne this year, because it made me appreciate Persona 5 even more.

I dove into two older series I’ve always loved this year. One is Breath of Fire. The only BoF game I’d completed before was IV, but I’d played a lot of III as well. I went through I, II, and III in 2017, finishing the entire main series (Dragon Quarter notwithstanding). IV remains my favourite in the series, but all the games are oozing with charm and personality. Very few games manage to feel as original as BoF, even though they are, at the series’ core, standard JRPGs.

The other series I dove into is Xenosaga. Last year I replayed Xenosaga Episode I. This year I replayed Episode II and then finally, finally finished Episode III. I’ve long considered I to be one of my favourite games of all time, but III is a masterpiece that manages to surpass it. Its only faults are in the spaces where you can tell the series was supposed to have more titles in it before it was cancelled prematurely, and maybe one annoying sidequest. And the fanservice. Otherwise it is nearly perfect, and ends the series beautifully. The KOS-MOS showdown near the end has got to be one of my favourite gaming moments ever.

On the indie side of things I loved Read Only Memories, the queer sci-fi I’ve always wanted; Curtain, an artful representation of abusive relationships; Even the Ocean, a mindful environmental fable with impeccable mechanics; We Know the Devil, one of the most poetically written visual novels I’ve ever played; Lieve Oma, a touching tribute to memory; and Strange Flesh, a bizarre gay sex beat-em-up. I also loved Longest Night and Longest Night: Lost Constellation, two free side games for Night in the Woods, which is definitely on my list of games to play for 2018. If you were curious but not sold on NitW, play those two games and they will sell you on it.

Which brings me to the games I’m looking forward to playing (and/or beating) in 2018. Night in the Woods is up there, and they just released a fancy new expanded edition, so it seems like the perfect time to finally jump in. The new Steven Universe game, Save the Light, is out now as well, and given how good Attack the Light is, I would be a fool not to play this one. Blue Reflection also has me curious, as a Persona-lite game with magical girls, even though it’s gotta be a fanservicey mess. And I can’t forget about Tacoma for more queer sci-fi.

I plan on doing a deeper dive into the Shin Megami Tensei series as well. I’m already playing Persona Q and Tokyo Mirage Sessions, and 2018 is the year I finish both of them. Once those are off my plate, I can jump into Digital Devil Saga, which was gifted to me this year, and then more of the core series, maybe starting with the first Shin Megami Tensei on iOS. Who knows when SMT V on the Switch will be out, but I want to burn through more of the series before it gets here.

I’m also playing and plan on finishing Atelier Sophie (might check out more Atelier after), Beat Sneak Bandit (and I still have Bumpy Road to play to finish my Simogo backlog before they announce their new game), Bravely Second (the devs keep hinting at a Bravely Third), Fire Emblem Fates (it’s just Revelations left, and I wanna beat it before getting to Echoes which was a Christmas gift), Valkyria Chronicles II (stoked for VC 4!), and as I’ve already mentioned, World of FF and Xenoblade Chronicles 2.

In my backlog to be hopefully played this year are Horizon Zero Dawn (I’ve been wanting to play this since it was announced!), I Am Setsuna, Kentucky Route Zero, Lost Dimension, Mass Effect 3, Muramasa, Nights of Azure, Owlboy, and lots, lots more.

Some games coming out in 2018 I’m looking forward to are Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth: Hacker’s Memory, Radiant Historia Perfect Chronology, Alliance Alive, 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim, Ooblets, Heart Forth Alicia, The Last of Us 2, and Kingdom Hearts III (not sure about 2018 for those last two though).

Shout-out to Splatoon 2, the only multiplayer game to keep me playing even though it doesn’t satisfy my craving for endings because it never fucking ends. It’s just that good.

I hope 2018 is relatively slow for new game releases, so I can do some much needed catch-up. 2018 also looks like it could be a good year for my writing career, as long as I focus enough, so I’m only planning on beating a modest 40 games. If you’ve read this far, feel free to chat me up about what games you’ve played this year. As evidenced here, I can go on forever about video games.

[punkrockbuttrfly]

So I was tagged in this thing by the wonderful @fezofrassilon (who you should all be following if only for the awesome name) to name 5 things that make me happy:

1) Doctor Who. I think that should be pretty obvious by now. My naturally critical nature has led some in my life to believe that I only watch the show to complain about it, but rest assured, no matter how much I may sometimes have issues with the show, I love it more than I can explain. While I do love the TV show, I’ve got to admit my favourite “incarnation” of Doctor Who is the Big Finish audio dramas, where most of my money has gone since I first started listening in about 2014. Especially in their early days when the writing was a lot more experimental, but even in recent days where they have been much less so, the writing talent they get behind the stories is honestly the best in the franchise IMO. They tend to have some fantastic ideas which are backed up really well by great sound design, and this is why, much as I have issues with him as a showrunner, I’d love so much to see Steven Moffat write for Big Finish one day, as I think he’d fit right in. My favourite Doctor is the Eighth Doctor as played by the amazing Paul McGann. My favourite Companion is Charlotte “Charley” Pollard, whom I love so much I literally named myself after her. My favourite Classic Who story is Genesis of the Daleks. My favourite New Who story is Utopia. My favourite Big Finish story (and my favourite story overall) is The Chimes of Midnight.

2) Being referred to as my actual gender, especially when I’m not expecting it. I am female, but because I have not started medically transitioning yet and I really suck at makeup, I look male, and present as mostly such for much of my time due to confidence issues and the fact that not doing so is liable to get me assaulted. So being in a situation where I can present as and be referred to as female is incredibly liberating and validating, partially because I don’t get to do it as often as I’d like.

3) Spending time with friends. And I know that’s really cliché, but fuck you I love it. I recently went and visited some of my friends from uni and I had a great time and met a lot of really nice people as well. Tomorrow I’m planning on going to see The Disaster Artist with my best friend (which I will review on my film review blog at @criticalpraisefilm wink wink shameless plug) and I’m really looking forward to it because he is The Best and I love spending time with him (also we’ve both had kinda a crappy few months and it’s always good to see him).

4) Video games. Really general, but I play quite a lot of video games. I have a massive backlog right now as well, not helped by the fact that I’m currently replaying Final Fantasy XV again because Episode Ignis just came out and I finished that in like a day, so I’m playing through the game again because it’s just great. I’ve got a lot of games to play, and also Shadow of the Colossus, the best video game ever, has been remade for PS4 and is coming out in February and I’m so excited you guys.

5) Writing. I don’t do it as often as I should, but when I write something and see the completed work I feel this great sense of accomplishment. I’ve got a bunch of stuff in the works, but right now I’m working on: A short story where Death is dragged out of retirement to kill someone who absolutely refuses to die. A short story in which the Prime Minister of England goes missing for a couple of hours, and his refusal to explain where he went causes rumours that he was abducted by aliens which eventually leads to nuclear war A short story in which a trans girl takes a selfie when she feels pretty one day, and the picture comes to life and the girl starts bonding with it A short story about an AI that tries to kill all the humans in the space station it runs, but is hilariously incompetent at doing so A short story deconstructing the trope in media where a horrific evil or creature is imprisoned or sealed away, seemingly forever, but not actually killed. A possible novel-length story about a world in which people can get tattoos that grant superpowers, where an ex-assassin is tasked with killing a criminal who has made himself nigh-invincible and is going on a rampage, with conspiracies galore. Most of these are just in the planning stages right now, and fuck knows if I’ll ever actually finish any of them, but I want to do so, and it’s the thought that counts, right?

I’m going to tag @the-last-alicorn, @medinajayecabaret, @theboythatswhatiwant, @firesofthefae, and @willgrahamsstagdo because I don’t know 10 people.