#i can convey to those ppl that their actions also hold weight and even though i'm trying i will not be the only person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shenzuns · 2 years

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man.

my 2022 hard pill to swallow is that sometimes being bitter is not the best result for those i care about and even though i’m angry about things, being the mature one, being the kind one though that’s Really Fucking Hard will be the best thing.

and it hurts, and it sucks, and i want to be the asshole guard dog i’ve always ever been but no one’s ever stayed in the face of my rage so i have to be kind always. and i want to be kind, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so difficult and it hurts. i would love to stew in my rage and my bitterness and my cries of ‘it’s not fair’ but i’m not given the option to be childish anymore and it SUCKS ass and dicks and this is the cruelest thing abt growing up. being kind isn’t as easy as it used to be.

#𝟶𝟶𝟶. 𝙳𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺 𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚁 ，𝙳𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺 𝙽𝙾𝚅𝙴𝙻. — ( out. )#tbd.#vent /#it... sucks this isn't like uhh oh im being cruel to ppl around me!#no i just got #into a big fight with ppl closest to me who said some very hurtful things #but. in lieu of this. bc they aren't prepared to be the mature ones #it's My Mantle to be mature and be less spiteful and it hurts #and i wish it was easier to make it stop hurting bc a big part of me just wants #things to go back to how they used to be but i'm angry and sad and bitter #and so i have to overcome that in order for things to be ok and it... sucks dude #indignation at its finest #i dont know at my core i dont think im a cruel person #i just know i can be very bitter and spiteful and these r my fatal flaws to work through #but. it's painful. idk.#hopefully when i swallow this Ugly Pill to be the 'mature one'#i can convey to those ppl that their actions also hold weight and even though i'm trying i will not be the only person #to make an effort. it's mutual and i am willing to put aside my hurt for the sake of something better to come from this #it's...... yeah. typing this out makes me feel so self righteous but i dont know #i have to scream about it somewhere i think

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