#i dont know at my core i dont think im a cruel person

[shenzuns]

man.

my 2022 hard pill to swallow is that sometimes being bitter is not the best result for those i care about and even though i’m angry about things, being the mature one, being the kind one though that’s Really Fucking Hard will be the best thing.

and it hurts, and it sucks, and i want to be the asshole guard dog i’ve always ever been but no one’s ever stayed in the face of my rage so i have to be kind always. and i want to be kind, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so difficult and it hurts. i would love to stew in my rage and my bitterness and my cries of ‘it’s not fair’ but i’m not given the option to be childish anymore and it SUCKS ass and dicks and this is the cruelest thing abt growing up. being kind isn’t as easy as it used to be.

[noveauskull]

CALLING OUT ALL L&DS PLAYERS RN!!!

I have a genuine question that revolves around this very specific story idea and im just D Y I N G to know if i should make it happen or not and i need the words and support of every fellow L&DS writer and reader ASAP

(im super anxious writing this cause what if everyone thinks this idea sucks or not enough ppl see this post cause they dgaf 😭😭)

so im thinking of making a fanfic of L&DS where MC has a twin sister. this twin sister is like her evil half and tbh not really her twin but more like part of MC's self where all the evil and painful things she did is hidden in that half of herself which is her twin sister.

MC lost her memories of all the male leads in L&DS when she used her aether core to divide herself into the worse half of her, which is why she has heart problems and overall just issues with having an aether core, because of her twin that carries all the past mistakes and sorrows she had.

I plan on making MC's twin a very aggressive, childish and petty person, but she can have her times of weakness and be very sweet and caring when she wants to, i mean, she is the bitter half of MC so of course she has to be cruel, but we also get to see how MC's twin grows into being the true version of MC.

I would just jump onto making the fic happen however i need it to be clear that the main focus won't be MC herself but MC's twin, and all the male leads in L&DS will be showing affection towards MC AT FIRST before moving on towards MC's twin.

I even have the names of MC and MC's twin planned out (since I cant always narrate them as MC and MC's twin) in both chinese and english! *since L&DS is a chinese game and also because im using english to write the fic*

Also the debate on making this fic a fluff only with slight angst or fluff, angst and SMUTTY AS HELL with all male leads is a very, very, VERY big option that im struggling to choose, but as my pride and joy of being a smut writer, i think the smut side is really pushing through here.

So far these are all the main information i wanna share before making the fic happen, hopefully enough blogs reply to this post cause i am in DESPERATE NEED OF FEEDBACK cause if no one is going to read it why bother amiright or amiright LMAO

im kidding but please do give your thoughts on this! if i dont think a lot of people are interested im cool with that too but again it'd be amazing to actually write a full on fanfic that isnt just oneshots or short tumblr posts, and a SMUT one at that!

Im always eager to challenge myself and i think im ready to take the leap for this one!

[thyqueerblueberry]

roman roy and fleabag parallels

hi. so, the worms in my brain got a little (very) out of hand and this post is a result of it👍

let's talk about the line "i dont know what to do with all the love i have for her i dont know where to put it." fleabag as a character is deeply, incredibly flawed. she's broken, depressed, self-destructive; i could go on and on. to me, the show was essentially about love and grief and being able to find support in the people around you, and coming to terms with the fact that there are in fact, people that love you and that you deserve to be loved. fleabag thinks she's "greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical and depraved" and yeah, she is, but she's also trying her damned best to get through life goddamit. roman, my precious failbaby, my son, he literally thinks of himself as unlovable, thinks he deserves being hit because he's "annoying." the core of roman's self-hate stems from the abuse he suffered as a child (and continues to), all those years that he spent trying to please a father who thought there was something wrong with him. he's a cruel, evil guy (first time we see that on screen was the baseball game where he promised that kid 1 mil and then proceeded to tear the cheque in front of his eyes) and yeah, he too, is "greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical and depraved."

"i think you know how to love better than any of us that's why you find it all so painful." phoebe waller-bridge why would you do this to me. do i even have to elaborate on this line? fleabag holds so much love in her she doesn't know what to do with it she wants to be loved but doesn't want to go through the terrible ordeal of being known, of being seen, her boyfriend literally told her "don't make me hate you, loving you is hard enough as it is", the priest's speech on love, his decision to choose to stay or leave her and he chose the former !!!! her relationship with her sister, how claire loves her but doesn't see her, not the way the priest did. just. yeah. rome. he has so, so much love to give. i think out of all the characters on succ, he's the one vulnerable enough to say something like "i don't know dad, love?" like??? and that scene where he asks greg to get him one of logan's sweater, something that smells like him?? how he's the one who initiates hugs?? "hey can we do the hug-y thing"??????????? ARHJHJEFKHDFS im not going to elaborate on the love he has for logan or his siblings bc there are sooo many posts that do it better than i could, but essentially, just like fleabag, roman wants to be loved but he doesn't think of himself as deserving of it.

their relationship with sex. it's so different but also not?? my friend phrased it for me so im just going to paste that over here (my fave part about this is the fact that they literally haven't watched succession but figured all this out from whatever i've told them HAH)

feel free to interact w this post and elaborate on this more!!

how they blame themselves for the death of the person they loved (logan and boo), although in rome's case it's kinda funny in a tragic way if him calling logan a cunt is what killed logan.

how they use humor as a coping mechanism, how they deal with guilt.

something something their relationship with their sibling/s too.

and that is all for today, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[chesthighwater]

daud for the character ask <3

First impression: FUCK that guy. CANNOT STAND HIS ASS. bro he killed my wife and kidnapped my child!!! the fucking plague is worse because of him!! OUR STATE'S INTELLIGENCE AGENCY PUT A TYRANT ON THE THRONE BECAUSE OF THIS GUY i am killing him the second i see him. on fucking sight. 0 mercy. kill kill murder kill (and i did. did not even let him finish the speech, just immediate "fuck you and die". i remember having discussed this with friends at the time and everyone being like "yeah no way that motherfucker gets to live, what the hell" LMAO)

Impression now: oh how the turn tables! um. im very normal about him. i have a normal amount of thoughts. it takes like centuries to get to the core of whatever the fuck his deal is. despite appearances, he operates internally from a collective "we" and doesn't know what to do with himself when it's gone. he very much tears himself apart but not in a tortured angsty way because he's totally fine and normal ok. grit teeth and push through survival attitude. more pretentious than he lets on, perhaps. he has so many fucking issues and he acknowledges 0 of them. saviour of orphans maker of orphans a frog in a boiling pot a cynically willing pawn a man of practicalities the shadow the heel the knife you already know all this

Favorite moment: excellent question! the most memorable things for me i think are the little first person cutscenes in the dlcs- him waking up (and potentially almost decapitating a whaler), putting on the overseer mask, interrogating the brigmore witch... and- i've talked about this before- i really like moments of him being very casually cruel. because that sort of thing comes so easy to him.

Idea for a story: ......my brainrot document which is pretty much just tiny ideas and snippets is currently 25 pages long and literally all of them save for a few involve daud. and that's not at all counting the offshoots in separate documents that are on their way to becoming actual fics. so yeah, idea for a story is right

Unpopular opinion: this is always a tough question to answer because i dont want to imply i know anything about what opinions are popular. but i guess. i slightly prefer high chaos Murder Enjoyer absolute bastard daud, and it takes me slightly more effort to get into low chaos grief stricken change of heart daud. i think the latter needs to be handled with a certain finesse (that i personally for instance lack LMAO)

Favorite relationship: it's almost overkill to answer this question. but daudmartin.

Favorite headcanon: ahahaha i have many :'D here let's go for something silly: he has an almost drill sergeant like attitude if a new whaler is REALLY going through it. hes not gonna NOT comfort them, but he's also. not really gonna comfort them. yknow very "okay i know this is tough and you hate me a little right now, but it's way worse out there, alright? so you have to get your shit together right here right now, or you'll die on an actual mission." it's not exactly tough love but it sure is something.

ask me characters and stuff<3

[loverboyjamespotter]

You have a point. I enjoyed pioneers but it was really tough.. But tbh I really didn't get the violence. I mean at some point I could unterstand sirius.. But with james? And I also didn’t really understood the epilouge. Somehow you could feel how devoted they were to each other but on the other hand it I had the feeling the didn't love each other at all u know? All in all I had fun reading it, and the author did a great job, but I couldn't really get behind it u know?

thanks for the message anon!!

i totally agree! i think the writer is clearly extremely talented, their prose is literally amazing as is their world-building!

...BUT!!!! it kind of felt like an oc x oc story if you get what i mean? like it didnt .. FEEL like james and sirius? because like you pointed out the violence made NOOOO sense??? maybe im just not edgy enough or something for the target audience but idk i just dont think JAMES POTTER would treat sirius like that???

the epilogue was again very well written and evocative ... but it just wasnt james and sirius to me?

THATS EXACTLY IT!! at some point you end up asking yourself ... do they even CARE about each other holy shit????

and of course! i agree! its fantastic writing!!!! but i couldnt get behind it either bc its just not what i think prongsfoot is about. i think its a slippery slope in fandom bc of course we all have our own creative licenses (im a fic writer myself!!) but (maybe unpopular opinion) it gets to the point where the characterisation is unrecognisable as the character we all love? you have to ask yourself ... WOULD james potter treat sirius like that? and for me the answer is most certainly NO.

for me at least the appeal of prongsfoot is that james is sirius' safe space he is the only person who TRULY understood sirius - i dont think anyone can refute how CRUEL it was that not a SINGLE person stood up for sirius when he was taken to azkaban, they TRULY all thought him capable of what he was accused of. but i just could NEVER believe that james would go along with all that if he survived the attack on halloween night. thats the POINT of their entire dynamic. they were inseparable, they understood each other like no one else.

so i think having a passionate fiery prongsfoot is a great idea ... i often compare prongsfoot to cathy/heathcliff! and the slytherin!sirius au by arliedraws is sooooo good!

but the violence in pioneers felt gratuitous and untrue to prongsfoot's core!

again thats just my opinion!

[blueiight]

lfg… lighting out for the territories

Reinhard had always hated parties, and this one was no exception. He didn’t mind the stiff white dress uniform he was wearing, nor did he mind the food, or the music. It was simply the concept of being at a party, when he would rather be doing something productive.

“So, you’re the celebrity,” Dominique said. Her voice was low for a woman’s, and somewhat sultry.

OMG DOMINIQUE!!! MY MF GIRLFRIEND!!!

i love econ bro rein wiaw reinhard and stringer bell would get along well (or hate eachother) (bc we all know reinhard is a utilitarian goody-two-shoes despite being a conqueror. no love for the fiends & the pushers, von musel!)

the fact that this description is in the first chapter.. very ambitious.. even so early u see reinhard’s cruel outlook “…while the saving of four hundred Alliance soldiers may mean much to their families, in a war where battles regularly involve the lives and deaths of millions of people, it’s insignificant.” u can juxtapose this to yang’s moral dilemma bc reinhard has none. in fact hes like a lot of ppl will die for a greater cause (while that aspect of war torments yang, it is something a younger reinhard can alr rationalize??? rein canon compliant REDACTED?) wiaw reinhard is so fascinating to me bc hes in a far more disadvantageous position than he ever was at any point of canon tl. not to be oh ur sister aint in the kaiser’s ears skirt admiral~~ but its kinda like that. reinhard my baby im so sorry plz dont kill m-

BISHOP DEGSBY…???!!! also rly love the mention of the mandate … the goldenbaums r like this bizarro mix of prussian aesthetic, franco revanchism& legit hitlerite shit especially back in rudolf’s heyday n the intersection of emperor-god more associated in certain eastern cultures than not like theyre sooo weird the empire is so weird.

Reinhard’s smile was cold. “The Alliance is my home, and I am grateful to it for all that it has given me, but I do not pretend that the reason I fled there as a child was out of some ideological purity. It was out of a simple desire to keep the ones I love safe. To say anything to the contrary would be the height of hypocrisy.”

“And yet you claim to hate the Goldenbaums?”

“Hatred is not ideology, Bishop. It’s personal.”

reinhard von musel playa hater of year u.c. 796 😂

im sorry to put on my evil fujo goggles but i think something clicked here so canon lotgh reinhard had kircheis but distance from his family while in wiaw he has his family but distance from kircheis… ofc his hatred of the goldenbaum come from the same core of them tryna sexually barter his sister but its so fascinating here.

omg is reinhard being an econ bro slash amateur space socmed influencer the equivament of yang’s second rate historian bro-ism in canon tl . except reinhard loves this space military shit & the econ is an accidental hustle. that is the funniest shit ever + is actually more adjacent to my relationship w history… and even this whole blog. health bro shoehorned into amateur historian/anthropologist on yaoi tumblr

INGRIDDDD OMG I FUCKING CALLED IT..!!!

YOOOOOOO THIS SHIT CRAZY CULT COERCION MEETS HUMAN TRAFFICKING?? INGRID BEING THE SAME AGE AS ANNEROSE WHEN SHE MET LUDDY? I did not think she was that young at the wedding what is going awnnn hunny.

blackwell is like struggling to parse if reinhard is a fuckboy while reinhard is like im something of a feminist myself, (he really is my baby god its 2019 again the peak of my reinhard cte)

IS CH2 TITLE A ZORA NEALE HURSTON REF? This is the third wiaw chapter title ref i clocked methinks.

another moment id 100% comm is reinhard in jeans & a light 80s style jacket. reinhard always forgets hes in the top .5% percentile of beauty its hilaryus. pretty girl who just wants to be one of the bros

oh wow we’re actually getting ‘earth church being given cogent beliefs outside of being the space illuminati/blood libelesque as they were in canon’ wow thank u so much for fixing up that disasterclass. authornim’s catholic upbringing is bleeding thru but it makes it more poetic! but catholics dont be dope fiends like this. haha love it

MULLER!!!!! Lmao im already so into this game of telephone theyre playing.

It had been a waste of a day, and Reinhard had returned to his apartment in a bad mood. His mood only got worse when he found that his entire apartment had been ransacked while he was out. His personal computer was missing, and it was clear that the thief had left in a hurry, which meant that they had known Reinhard was returning home, which meant that it was not a thief but probably an imperial agent.

Reinhard stood with his hands on his hips in the middle of his studio, and addressed the room in the imperial language, using his general haughty tone, even though he had just had his apartment broken into, and he was somewhat disheveled from his day of training.

“Lieutenant Commander Muller,” he said. “I’m sure that you know by now that I do not keep anything other than my personal correspondence on my personal computer, and that my personal correspondence is of absolutely zero interest to you. Furthermore, you will notice that, although we share similar responsibilities, I have not, and do not intend to, break into your personal quarters. We may be enemies, but Phezzan would have you believe that we are living for the moment on a civilized planet, and I would hope that we can behave like civilized men.

“In the interest of not causing too great of a disturbance to the detente which exists here on Phezzan, I will not elevate this issue if you would return my property to me. I will be at the park at 54th and Lexard tomorrow evening. I will see you there, Lieutenant Commander Muller.”

IM ACTUALLY CACKLING!!!!!! hes so catty i love her. muller trying to look like a student but failing😂

“Well, I mean, he’s not… He’s not from the Empire.”

“Oh?”

“Like he would have been killed under Rudolph. Or at least sent to do labor.”

adding w/e starzone the galactic empire is in as ‘places to avoid entirely if ur any visible person of color’ MY God the absence of metaphor is striking amc iwtv voice . love how reinhard is like oh if u think u got my tea off a blog name then u rly gone get sum. tell leigh send hugs & kisses to my first love xoxo reinhard von musel

“Sir, my sister is more competent than I am,” Reinhard said, which made Blackwell laugh.

And is!!!

“Tell me.” She was a little more direct without the bishop present, which Reinhard thought was both interesting and an improvement.

LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER!??? also im Lmbo @ reinhard going ‘well do i look like yo mf mama (earth) ‘ hes such a smartass i adore him. ik authornim oppresses reinhard but they truly Get Him!!!!

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Ingrid said. She looked up at the candle-lit altar. “You may look like a god, but you are only a man.”

Reinhard shook his head, too used to strange remarks about his appearance to be embarrassed. “I’ve never seen a god move anything in the world, so I would much prefer to be a man. Besides, my sister looks better than I do.”

im obsessed w ingrid bodying reinhard in such a manner with religious undertones & reinhard going fuck god. my sister’s cuter than me.

Ingrid’s hand dropped back to clutch the pew. “Part of me lived. Part of me died. A very dear… friend… of mine sacrificed her standing to save me. The Earth Church protected me. I’m very grateful to their patronage.”

DOES SHE FEEL LIKE A DEAD MAN WALKING…. IS THE EARTH CHURCH TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE LOSS OF WHAT WAS HOME FOR HER. MAGGIE😢😢😢HER SON ERWIN💔💔

REINHARD LOCKET…😢👀

As far as the man you encountered at a party, yes, I do believe I know who you’re referring to. I… hope... that you do not have too many reasons to come into contact with him, but if you should see him again, you may let him know that his message was received very happily, and that, quote, “I’m doing what you said to.”

OHMYGOD💔💔💔💔 wait im kinda jtfo at yang pov in this message cuz he prolly thinking to himself aw shit someone could be figuring me out on phezzan meanwhile reinhard & muller is in a quasi one sided homosexual espionage rigmarole

OMG ANNEROSE IS BACK!!!!

Linz had rather kindly made her a sign that read, “If your question is about my personal life, the answer is ‘NO.’ If you have an actual question, please come in.”

⚰️⚰️⚰️

[effervescentdragon]

Hi hi hi so im like all keyed up and like have the biggest smile on my face rn and thats jus cause i read in the reflection and OH MY GODD i forgot how could it was (is) but yeah so like i read it frm the first chapter again and lemme tell you i fell in love all over again . I really forgot how good this was . Okay so lemme tell you about my favourite parts (or like things that i absolutely loved and want to like pick your brain (with your permission obviously) because how can someone come up with something that good) so 1. The fact like Charles always runs and like barrels into Carlos and hugs him everytime (everytime is a stretch but he's done it a couple times so ) like that is just so sweet to me and it brings me so much joy. Right also idk if im making up things but that scene in ch 1. where they all talking about the leclerc brothers and Sebastian blushes and something lewis says am i reading too much there ? Oh and i love how you like told the background of the leclerc family like it was all so seamless. And the part where they say monte carlo is their city that was so tender like my heart was hurting. Oh oh also the part where lando kisses carlos and i had to like pause for a minute and i was like honestly worried what was gonna happen next like the anticipation was bad i was so nervous and charles playing the piano for carlos when carlos is like semi panicking is so so tender and sweet and everything nice like i was swooning oh and like my favourite part was finding out the marc you were talking about in brazil was MARC MARQUEZ like i thought about it but wasnt sure but when you mentioned alex i was like yayyy like yess im starved for marc crumbs but yeah and seb just being overall such a good character and i live how you incorporate the red bull seb because yes at his core his always redbulls like thats him and the part where you were like marc dragged alex with him is such a good line or like thinking because yeah redbull is cruel and and lorenzo was such a suprise character like he was so kind and you jus made me fall in love with him the whole scene with carlos and him was jus chefs kiss and this whole part "No, I’m not okay. I’m a failure, and a coward, and I am wasting my life..." just broke my heart in pieces like it was so raw and this part also "So Carlos raced in his new Ferrari and learned everything he could from Sebastian..." is so good because of how if you put it next to how he felt in the start its so different and it kinda shows how carlos changed like the parallels are insane like mind blowing insane i think that was one of my favourite things . And lets not forget the whole elevator scene that was just like nerves i was so excited to see what happens next and all the reactions like they were all so spot on and the fact that charles might have been the first person (outside his family i guess) that stood up for him is something so personal to me . This story is good good that like im not sure how to tell you like i dont even know if i have enough words and last but like my most most favourite thing when they finally kiss i wanted to like scream like yess and you ended it on such a good note. And im like so sorry that you feeling the way you are i think i wish i could just give you a hug (with permission again) and i hope you feel alright soon.♡♡♡ PS. Im so sorry if this is like stupidly long but i just wanted to like tell you everything and if this sounds like rambling and if doesnt make sense i am also sorry it is like 3 in the morning. But yeah :) :) :)

D

ive read this like 7 times since i woke up, thank you SO MUCH FOR THIS! dont apologize for it being too long, there is no such thing as too long when it comes to feedback on my writing, it just makes me sooooo happy!! and of course you can pick my brain about things, permission granted i LOVE talking about my writing and i love when people like it!!! :DDD

okay so yes, they are just generally very touchy with each other and i tried to show it. also charles is a flirt and he likes being manhandled so he used every chance to have carlos manhandle him :)) and yes, i know i had sth about seb and lewis in this verse somewhere, but i have no idea what or where. we'll see how things develop, because i know seb will be a big part of it in general with being carlos' teammate and charles'.. whatever he is. friend. mentor. something :D

lando kissing carlos was the first thing i wrote for this chapter, and that was back in october or so. i remember asking misa about whether my carlos' reaction to it was right because i wasnt sure about my carlos characterisation. and YES. i got into motogp, and by that i mean i got into marc (i wish vice versa was also happening) and then i couldnt resist at least mentioning him :D bcs it fit so well with the whole red bull thing :D

yes im so glad you noticed! i tried to show carlos' progress as a person throught he fic, in his racing but also in how he looked at himself and the world around him! and yeah, charles standing up to sr wasnt supposed to happen now, bcs my notes for the next chapter were atually "charels&sr, charles isnt impressed", but it just fit narratively, and im a big fan of letting the story tell itself.

i am accepting all the hugs and thank you so so fucking much for this, i was grinning the whole time i read it, every time, it means the world! <333 im feeling a bit better now, so thank you for asking! <3 i hope oyu have a wonderful day, you made mine!

[audaciiaearchive]

🔥

Unpopular opinion time || Accepting

i don't know if this is such an unpopular opinion now, but the way people say 'oh if you write this bad thing that means you support it' realLY GRINDS MY GEARS. like oh, i write the living personification of the british empire so that means i looove imperialism. NO. WRONGO LMAO. i write conall as a terrible irredeemable thing because he IS. but there are some people who see that i write him and would assume that i condone his and the actions of the british empire when thats clearly not how im writing him 🥴

but that can be said for anyone writing anything morally questionable. just bc someone writes something that is wrong, unforgivable, cruel, unjust, etc, doesnt mean they support it. how else do you get conflict in fiction? you as the reader are meant to judge how a character reacts to something bad, and if they react in a way thats against your own morals or the general morals of humankind then you know theyre a questionable person. thats the point. how do we write villains and conflict and things that happen to people if us as writers are made out to support these things simply?? from writing them??

and if youre writing a canon character, sometimes these bad things are a core part of their development as a character (for example, camilla being sexually abused by her own brother. i dont think donna tartt condones that happening, but that was part of camillas character development) and i think we would be doing a disservice to the character if we erased that bad thing from happening to them. same thing with villains or antagonists doing bad things. we'd be doing a disservice to an antagonist by erasing the bad things they do to people.

so...yeah. if you write things that are morally questionable or things that are bad...that doesnt mean you support that thing and it kills me that us as writers are expected to water things down just bc of that 🙄

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[crisps-craft]

hellohellooo,How are you doing? i hope well!! I saw that you were offering free reading so I was wondering if i could get one? If yes,Thank you!!. My initials are P.N,I am a virgo sun,sag moon and gemini rising. I think this 😬 emoji really represents me as a person efinewfin. Is there any kind of gossip flying around about me? . Thank you for doing this! I hope you are taking care of yourself and taking breaks when needed. HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

hi! i hope that you are doing well! thank for you for being patient :)

here is what came out - 8 of cups, knight of swords, ace of cups, page of wands

seeing the knight of swords makes me think that yes- there is some sort of gossip flying around. swords represents communication and the knight represents messages being sent / how people take action and move - so this represents someone who is communicating quickly and sneakily about you? it might be somewhat harsh criticisms / critiques. i dont want to fill you with anxiety (remember that tarot is not guaranteed) but thats the impression im getting

i feel like there is one person in particular who is obsessed with you and your energy (or 'was' obsessed with you- i know this reading was a little late so im not 100% sure of the timeline here) im getting a very harsh character- someone who is blunt and just downright cruel. if there is anyone you have in mind, you know who they are- they are somewhat obvious about it tbh. just a nasty person.

because you are represented by the page of wands, this shows the core of their jealousy. frankly, they feel threatened because you have demonstrated your capabilities as a hard worker- someone who is young and quickly moving through the ranks / accelerating in a way that they are mad about (because on their path, it took them much longer and they don't have the same natural talent as you type of thing) so they almost think that things are "easy" for you- this could be someone at work? i could be wrong about that. i got office vibes, an older woman (again, could be wrong) her face is harsh too- it contorts and almost looks evil when she glares jeez. like you'll tell her that she looks nice or you are just being decent and she pulls out the coldest glare :( i hope that you are doing better and that you are finding ways to protect your energy- if you need any help or advice, just let me know ive been in similar situations and i know how anxiety inducing it can be

however, tarot is not always 100% accurate, so take it with a grain of salt. take what resonates and leave what doesn't. im wishing you the best love

[xxtha-blog]

Traits People in the Fandom like to give Dream that instantly turn me away from their comics.

Wow, that's a long title. Okay, did you ever just want to hear me complain? If so, you came to the right place!

Im on a little salt bregade right now with my exasperation at lack of enjoyable Dream content in this fandom so this isn't some in depth analysis post or some if you give Dream these traits, you're a bad writer and need to stop. No. This is just a: here's some character traits people commonly write Dream with that severely conflict with the character I love him for, thus making me incapable of enjoying whatever 'Dream' they're writing because to me it doesn't look like Dream at all. And also why I don't like it and why I think this happens so frequently. And because this is just my opinion, you can either agree or ignore me. (And I mean, second one is a good option lol)

Jerkish - The classic asshole Dream. The one that says 'all this bad things that happened to me? Pffttsgsf I don't want to be a better person so I'm going to be a dick to everyone else.' This is probably the most common and usually comes with a lot of the other traits I'm about to mention

Sarcastic - This ones not that bad and if it's the only one I'll usually be fine with it, but he isn't sarcastic or passive aggressive, his closest trait to this is that he's stubborn. He's not going to shoot back something to make someone upset or because he's mad at them, even Nightmare, he's going to say something that might contend with someone for the purpose of making that person think about the bad or negative thing they're doing and won't stop until the person is either rethinking their originally negative position or is growing too negative for it to be rational to keep pressing and will try something else. In one it's a good intention, and with sarcasm it's this 'I need to get back at them and I don't care if it helps the situation or makes it worse' intention. And Dream is always the former.

Violent - The Dream that's always ready to get into a fight no matter what. Talking calmly? what's that?

Unsympathetic/Insensitive - this one is super easy to slip by the radar of a lot of people, so I often get people who ask me why I don't like certain ways people write Dream and it's usually because of this. This is him not understanding or sympathizing with someone else's situation even if it differs from his own, mainly for harmless things. People not wanting to do something because they're uncomfortable and Dream being written as trying to get them to do it to the point they get upset. A negative or toxic stubbornness, so to speak. Which really sucks because Dream is one of the sweetest most sensitive character I've seen and it gets rid of all that nuance.

Egotistical - :( I really don't like this one. It's your typical, I'm better than you, (usually toward Nightmare). It makes me sad. Combine unsympathetic and egotistical together and you get the jerk Dream that hates negativity and thinks negative people are bad.

Ableist - Hear me out, this isn't the same as people saying canon Dream is ableist for like, not being friends with Ink? (Wheeze). it's the type of Dream that purposefully targets someone's mental illnesses in cruel or unfair ways, usually Nightmare.

Neglectful - The Dream that says fuck protecting positivity lmao. And I need not say more.

Cowardly - The Dream that either won't own up to the problems he caused, pretends he never caused problems, and/or won't do anything to stop problems occuring.

Underhanded - the type of Dream that won't talk shit to someone's face but will make either subtly or blatantly mean comments about them behind their back.

Stupid - The type of Dream that makes decisions that will clearly cause the suffering of a lot of people for stupid reasons and/or the type of Dream that couldn't solve a 2x2 rubix cube and relies on everyone else to solve things for him because people think lack of knowledge = stupidity in the original. Which isn't true.

Selfish - The type of Dream that makes decisions that will clearly cause the suffering of other people for selfish or self absorbed reasons.

Controlling - I see this one so much and it hurts me. It's most likely due to people trying to make his desire to do good negative in this way, but directly conflicts with the fact it does no good if he becomes a toxic asshole with it. It's the type of Dream that won't let anyone do anything he doesn't deemed 100% positivity approved and becomes a toxic, controlling, manipulative asshole. Usually with a relationship bonus. ;')

Dense - Another negative stubbornness. A Dream that can't see when something's clearly making someone upset.

Overbearing - a branch of insensitive and stupid. the 'Everything is great! Isn't everything great! You're suffering? No! Everything is great and happy, be happy! I'm ALWAYS happy' Dream. Toxic positivity.

Irritable - The Dream that gets really angry at people for some reason? Normally because they're being negative or just not taking him seriously. This contends with Dream's canon in the sense that instead of getting angry he gets more sad/upset rather than some dry anger, and only when someone is being really cruel. I never like seeing a purely angry Dream. I'd rather him break down into tears, asking quietly why someone is doing this, instead of scream insults at them. Because we all know taking your anger out on someone helps solve problems and doesn't escalate situations.

Venegeful - The Dream that won't stop until the people who have wronged him or are doing wrong are either punished or dead. What's helping people be better, am I right?

Unforgiving - The Dream that never forgives people for wrongdoings and/or actively brings up past mistakes for no good reason, or just to get back at someone, usually to Nightmare. Often used as some moral superiority complex.

Smug - whenever he's right, he'll make sure you know it.

Overlycompetitive - the sore winner that wants to challenge people all the time, that'll rub it in their face when he's better. A subcategory of smug. This isn't to say canon Dream is never competitive, its just to say he isn't a dick about it.

I think a lot of people give them these traits because they think he's not 'flawed' enough. Like, they don't see to understand that 'good' traits can be flaws, or as we've seen here, think Dream's other good traits should be made into even more flaws, which directly conflict with his core morals and motivations.

I know a lot of people just write him like this for fun, and that's fine. I like Swap Dream by song-song-a actually, I think he's cool. There are a couple of exceptions where it's set up well enough that this isn't the Dream I know that I dont get fucking whiplash while reading. I'm not saying its wrong to write him like this, I'm just saying it's not enjoyable for me.

For the most part, it turns me away from the comic, or au, or am, almost instantly. I'm not interested in reading about Dream becomes an asshole edition 600. and it wouldn't be a problem for me if almost anyone wrote him well like every other character gets the liberty of.

Like, I also hate Chibi Blueberry but at least there's a ton of good Swap content out there so I'm not here talking about Chibi Blueberry lol.

Anyways, I'll probably add more traits if I think of any, so if you're trying to write Dream close to canon, you can use this as a what not to do post I guess. Otherwise enjoy my rant xD.

[meatmandean]

everyone is calling out the cw for killing off their lgbtq + or minority characters and calling them homophobic or misogynistic.

like, i get it but also dont?

i look at it as its part of the plot. they were TRYING to validate and provide representation with these character, and its unfortunate that they were killed off-but thats kind of the whole show. all of winchesters friends or family dies regardless of who they are. and i know people get mad with the ‘it was plot’ argument-but its a fictional story, it needs to have plot to develop the major characters (TFW) and the main story. Look at Charlie for example—if they kept her alive, then what? shes not a main character, and i love her-i do-but the story isnt about her i guess? they would have probably not included her in eps, but people would still get mad. the show has never really focused on relationships (not romantic ones anyways). at its core it has always been abt the winchester and the family theyve made along the way ((and i will admit the ending did a pretty piss poor job at portraying that))

idk really, i dont want to offend anyone or start an argument, thats not my intention, im just trying to understand better where all of this is coming from. i hate to see everyone falling apart hating on this show that we all have loved for so long. it feels like all of this stuff is getting out of control and we got to remember, at the end of the day, it IS just a tv show. there are much bigger fights out there. sorry for the rant. i want to understand better.

So this show DOES kill off a lot of characters, no matter what their identities are, but I think you have to look at a lot of different aspects to this to understand people’s anger. When it comes to how they’ve treated women, the early seasons very VERY often used women as nothing more than tragic victims, sexy evil women to lust over, sex objects for Dean to seduce, or cardboard cutout women with no real personality. They would then kill these women off either for Winchester manpain or, if they’re evil, as a heroic moment. Characters like Bela or Jo who had real promise to be interesting characters, were written off and killed because fans were misogynistic towards them. So the writers figured they weren’t worth the trouble. I will give them credit for being BETTER at writing women nowadays, their female characters in the recent seasons have felt like more complete characters.

People of color on the show are incredibly rare. Like very, very rare. Even as minor characters. And the handful of notable characters that weren’t white tended to be killed off for shock value. Or they were villains. Or both. Can you think of a single notable person of color in this show that isn’t dead? I can think about Kaia and Patience and that’s it. And we haven’t seen Patience in seasons and we went several seasons thinking Kaia was dead for good. Can you name up to 10 characters of color in GENERAL in this show? No? Even though it’s a goddamn 15 season show??? If they’re already such a massive minority in this show, they should be taking into consideration how their deaths would look to their audience. Of course people would be pissed.

LGBTQ characters have a whole history of being killed off in media. It happens constantly, that’s why you hear people complain about it so much. Charlie’s death was not necessary. They DO have recurring characters that they have managed not to kill off. Garth, Jody, and Donna for example. It can happen. Charlie meant a lot to a ton of fans. She wasn’t a main character, but she made people feel good and represented and they killed her off BRUTALLY. It wasn’t even totally necessary for the plot, they could’ve come up with all sorts of different things that could’ve made Dean finally snap for those last couple eps. It was cruel to LGBT people watching that saw her as positive representation. Cas was killed literally IMMEDIATELY after he came out and we never heard from him again. It fucking sucks to see this over and over again not only for LGBT people but for all minority groups. I’m not saying they could NEVER kill off a woman or a person of color or a gay character, but it happens constantly. There’s a lot more I can say about this but I’m just rambling and this has gotten long enough

[princeharukoji]

2HA REVIEW/ THOUGHTS

SPOILERS AHEAD

So where shall I start? I really liked this story. Book 1 and 2 was a slow burn. I didn't mind it. Because we need to see Moran's personality changes, the love blossoming between the 2 main lead. It was slow, but did a great work. Because actually in the beginning (not Taxian Jun, but the reborn Moran) I couldn't stand the MC...well okay maybe I couldn't stand TXJ actually 😂 but the thing is real. I really liked how every character i disliked slowly started to like, love, and then wanted to protecc 🥺 Ok Chu Wanning has my heart from the beginning to the end. But I disliked Moran, Xue Meng, Nangong Si, Nangong Xu, the ghost girl from the start, Jiang Xi, Mei Hanxue. And I love them all. I even wanted a heart breaking Xue Meng and Jiang Xin father and son moment aaaaaaa. But what I got in the end was a knife in my heart by seeing Xue Meng get to know about Jiang Xi's adooted son 😭 So actually every character I was uninterested I became interested.

I get to like Moran more and more, and wanted them to be together. When Chu Wanning died, i cried. Twice, bc first the present Shizun then the previous Shizun life were taken away. But when Moran learned the truth about wontons, when he went to catch CWN's soul to the underworld...when his affection started to bloom again. Oh God, i could see sparkling eyes, and red ears Shizun.

After 5 yrs Shizun wake up. Ok so tbh the thirst they got made me crazy. At least it keot going on like 40 chapters and i was like OMFG HORNY TEENAGERS 😂 I couldn't bear their pain and thirst hahaha it was a long way to get togetheger. But they live was blooming, it got deeper and deeper.

Tho we were half at the story and they get together... Tho CWN didn't know Moran's secrets yet. Definetely it can't be a happy end like this... I started to train my soul, from now on it will be hell. And yes, actually hell happened through the 3rd book.

Nangong Si and Ye Wangxi storyline broke my heart. I wanted them to be happy together so much they would deserve it. Xue Meng's parents were so strong, they amazed me especially the Madam with her sacrifice. There was a lot of time when I thought YES go and get them. When Nangong Xi told his story I wished he could get his revenge. When Sisheng peak fall I wished they would let the world end. The 3rd book was amazing. I didn't mind that i couldn't breath. It was full of actions, it was fast, it was running at full speed, and I liked it. I liked that I couldn't read at one moment because I was hungry reading and scan readed a lot of things to get to the important part so i had to stop but i couldn't.

Until the last 2 chapters. Because the last 2 chapters gave me a headache. Chapter 309 made me cry I cried so hard. The reborn Moran's death was through 3 chapters. I felt my heart was taken out. Seeing CWN care for him and when he died he didn't want to let it go... I cried like a child. The whole situation with the judgments, the humiliating... It was hard to read. CWN came to save him I.... I cried. The same reborn technique can't be used twice on a soul, and Shizu already made him reborn in the previous life. When he gave his spirit to the body and made the same thing like TXJ in previous life to keep his body alive, until they're living the other's body won't rot- i kinda sensed that it will be used. But after his spirit core were fused in TXJ, the emperor met Moran, give his reborn memories to the 10 yrs old dead body and his soul, I was afraid his soul will merge in that body. But Taxian Jun has one soul, and he changed too, saved everybody and saved Shizun. When he was dying I asked my phone "HOW WILL THIS BE HAPPY END ITS OVER HIS BODY WILL TURN TO ASHES".

And then he woke up at a demon palace. Plot armor. Not dead, not alive. In one chapter "the last card" ironically REALLY is a last card. We get to know that not just Shi Mei, but Mo Ran is actually ACTUALLY A SPECIAL BUTTERFLY-BONED BEAUTY like WHAAAAT 😂😂 you... You can't just throw something so special so randomly. It doesn't work like that. It's totally a PLOT ARMOR! I can think that Taxian Jun was made to look like a demon but... It is not enough clue in the story to make me feel that it is a well builded line.

And the other thing.. why I have mixed feelings is the split personality. Like Moran and Taxian Jun exist. Both of them in one person. Mo Ran is too good while Taxian Jun is too agressive and possessive. This is why i would love to see his personality fused, like a normal human. It was a bit meh. I don't really like it. I would like to see a bit more agressive and possessive Moran, who is grey. Not just 3 days good Moran and 1 day his Majesty. But I will see how will this threesome work in the extras...

+1 Chu Xun'a story was really good, i thought it will be more into it, when they met in the underworld too, I really love how everything is connected!! And the thing that Chu Wanning is a divide wood spirit..... And áll the tree puns.... I cry 😂

I have to mention the antagonist too. Well from the start I didn't liked him. Shi Mei was fake. So fake I could see it. I had a feeling he will be the protagonist, and I spoiled it to later too. His story... Did not touch my heart so much. I thought I will like him, but I just like the present and alive Shi Mei! He chosen a different path. But previous shimei, Hua Binan....he was cruel. He didn't care about humans, just demons, and after knowing her mother story... It just didn't hit the right spots. He wasn't that much of a grey character i love.

This is it for now, maybe i will edit it, or write a part 2 when I feel it. I really love this story, I dont know what to do after it, tho i still have the extras fortunately. I can't wait the cdrama from it, Im so excited to see my 2 fav Shizun and disciple!!

PS pls feel free to talk to me, I don't really have ppl near me who read it, so im happy to chat about it with anybody 😭

[generouscoffeelove]

THE UNASSEMBLED WORDS

Things not always go your way they never even stay the same but you can make your mind to go with the flow u can make yourself to work within the things but sometimes it's hard to face the reality sometimes you are not ready to accept the situation, we all are never mature enough that we cant cry crying makes your mind healthy but overthinking only leads to depression and stress. People will say whatever will come in their mind but it's not always necessary to carefully listen to their opinions. 

When you are determined to achieve something and deep down you know that the path you chose is right for you then no one can divert our mind from those guts. People will depress you, they will tell you that u r wrong and their opinions are right bcz they can't see a person becoming more successful than they themselves. Nowadays no one is more sincere to you than your parents, not even your relatives.

Sometimes I think about the day when I will achieve my dreams but then what if I have no more plans to move on ? what if i get the person i love but what after that ? as i will be near to it i will forget the hurdles and all the things i lost on the path towards my goal. Man is greedy, his requirements can never be completed bcz he wants more & more. If u want to get to ur dreams u have to listen to yourself only u dont care about the people and even if u hurt them u have no problem but then comes the deceiving part where u think that following your dreams might separate your family from u this fear of losing someone really special in ur life makes ur way turn back. I think it's the law of life u cant live happily if the people around u r sad. A person like me sometimes thinks that leave everything and go get whatever u want but in the end u have to come back. U will never forget where u belong and thats how u feel the existence of love.

 The first love relations with you are of the same blood. But how can u fall for someone so badly ? How can you love someone out there in this world more than those people who raised you ? This love can be of two types. The love relation with Allah and secondly the other with one of his people. How weird it is to think that we pray to get someone else in our lives instead of praying to get Allah’s affection. To be honest, pray for it and you will get the things you love automatically even if you love someone so badly. First put this in your mind that excess of everything is bad. It's only Allah who will give u everything and will never upset u but the people around u can love u the most but can also give u the pain that u cant bear. 

Everything happens for good. Maybe someone in your past who deceived you was there by Allah’s choice to make you strong and to make you prepared that nobody is there with you forever. People will always stay in search to get ur weak points but staying close to Allah will hide all of those mistakes on ur side which u made unexpectedly or even if u knew u should pray to be forgave and he will forgive u try to pray from the core of your heart. Nothing is more peaceful than crying in sujood bcz that is the moment when u feel hopeless and u dont have words to describe the society around u that how u feel. I faced a lot of times when i was compared and i was insulted but all i used to do was to stay silent and secretly in the heart say “ Ya Allah u should answer them”. Sometimes its good to stay quiet bcz the silence makes the people go crazy. The silence is breaked automatically by Allah. He himself shows the people that u were wrong.

 Not always u have to stay silent but when u r being doubted for a wrong reason or the person saying is crossing the limits listen 3 times but the 4th time smack his face. Bcz they deserve it. From my perspective rules should be for everyone, and the strictness u faced should also be embossed on the coming kids. It's not right to scold or insult someone in the middle where everyone is sitting bcz it makes you stressed and this is the fact where suicidal thoughts start to enclave even a young mind. I dont why im even writing this but the point is that i really don't want anyone to interfere in our lives and not even to scold us bcz they dont live with us they don't face the things we are facing right now, they cant live a week with us but after all they are right and they will never like to meet a person with empty pockets. To every individual on this planet earth, money is everything and money can buy happiness even. People will embrace you till the day u have money but the day u fall a little they will not even ask that are u ok or do u need any help. 

Life will change so will the people but the real face of people can only be seen when you stand in a tough time and they turn their backs away from you. We lived a great past life, we went to restaurants, we ate mcdonalds and shopped etc. so what everybody does when they have money. People should really look into themselves and then say a word to other people. At the end i would like to share a small verse with huge meaning from Quran that:

 In surah alam nashra

            “Beshak har mushkil ke baad asani hai”

            “Indeed after every hard time there’s good time”

People will stay with you till you are useful to them. the day u fall in need of help, some will help u only those who were sincere to u maybe it can be those people whom u never even noticed or they were not even in priority but they stand with u, they come into your life as angels. Because you wanted them and they were to be in your life by the grace of Allah. 

As you grow up u learn through experiences u learn to stand after crawling but not at once u fall u cry and then u get up, u stand at ur own. As a kid, u are learning actually u are learning throughout your life; from people and mistakes. U are not living until u fail.

 U learn to live through love and failures. Love is the road which can give u the best memories to laugh and cry on, but the bumps can give u those bruises and wounds which will heal but the pain will last forever. The time is cruel after u lose someone u love, and even more when the loved one becomes part of your routine. U cannot live without food as well as love. It's easy to console the broken person but it's not possible to feel the pain as that person is feeling. During this time the emotions are at level best of depression and stress if u cant be nice to them then better stay away bcz they can even harm themselves.

Love is very important in life. If u love someone but can’t tell bcz of some fear.

The fear can be of being rejected or it can be the matter of pride. The matter of our reputation is very sensitive, especially for a girl. A small mistake can break the entire reputation which was made from long and hard work. But people will only bring up the flaws bcz they need a topic to talk on. More importantly,the thing that matters is peace with the reputation u hold, if u have reputation and money but u still feel alone u are not fine. 

The hardest part in life is to live without the person whom you cry for days and nights but you can't tell bcz u are afraid of losing the reputation u hold. It's not wrong but it's killing u deep inside. U keep smiling but its only breaking you. It's funny cuz u are ruining yourself. Less to be worried bcz u are being destroyed by love. The part that hits hard and it's all about fate. Being compared to a less experienced person is bad bcz u know that the person hasn't faced any of the circumstances as u did.

“A dream is a wish that your heart makes”

For loving someone you don't have to be perfect. U dont have to change yourself bcz u know that person will accept u no matter what. This is the belief that love brings into our soul. Love happens; it never asks you who I should be with. It's the beauty and the magic of eyes which makes u staring. A fact says that if a person misses you they appear in your dream and if you think about someone alot it means that person was thinking about you first. I believe a lot in these facts bcz they happen a lot. The real fun and peace in love is by burning in the fire of awareness. U keep waiting for the other person to make a move but what to do if the other person is waiting for u. 

Okay, I know I'm talking rubbish right now. It's currently 3:14 a.m. and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not in the mood to write in my diary so it's better to keep on writing to keep yourself busy. Life is not in the mood to study all i want to do is to explode up and cry i know why but tears seem to be dried and i no longer have emotions my mind just wants to fall into midnight in a deep conversation with myself or with a trustworthy my heart seems to beat for some reasons that keep giving me the same tensions which i want to remove. It feels like my soul is whirling like a storm. I don't know what to do to scream or to cry or to stay awake or sleep. Sometimes i just want to stay up and think about my future and the choices I'm making but i don't have leisure time. 

Hard times will not stay with you forever but at every point of ur life they will make u realize that don't forget where u belong and what u survived in ur past. U can never forget your past bcz ur weakness makes u strong. It's better not to expect alot from people. They can bring u disappointment only or a bit of what u were expecting. U cant eat when ur hands are tied u have to make a move to eat and feed your hunger nobody else is going to do this for you.

 Be independent. It's an easy sentence with two words to say but it requires all of your life to be courageous enough to face the coming hurdles. U are going to face many challenges .

“if ur life got harder congratulations !! u just leveled up”.

 Smile even if there are 1000 reasons not too but this time during these days it seems to me as if I'm the shining star alone in the sky where clouds are trying to dull my spark but i keep shining the clouds hide me but then i come back. The mechanism of nature also teaches you many lessons of life. If you think deeply, the sun teaches you that after every dusk there is dawn. The sky can't show the glitter of stars without night. The moon tells you it's good to go through phases. The black clouds teach u that when u are loaded after going through many stages its ok to let everything pour out through tears. The average rain can bring happiness to the beings on earth they will feel calm but if it rains more than normal it destroys the belongings of human.Similarly, if we cry normally it freshens our mind but the excess of it leads to depression and damage of internal conditions and peace.

“Excess of everything is bad”

I don't know when girls felt peaceful in their lives, enjoyed and cherished the most beautiful moments of their lives. All the time they have to worry about something even if it's health,dressing,family,friends or some sort of harassment. She cant feel free to live. Talking to a male about life and studies is a crime and is considered something related to flirting and to be feel ashamed on. Something for which the parents can't speak on if they want to. The people thinking in this way for someone's daughter should think that in future they will also have daughters and what if this will happen to them. If today you consider someone else your daughter or sister honestly u have a peaceful and beautiful future.

But if u see girls as some material to be used and thrown u were born to be wrong then even if u say urself muslim or human look at ur habits and inner person it is more worse than animal. You have to change yourself first to change the people around you.

[littlebabycrybtch]

ngl i am. so fucking tired of ugly ass ableists openly and Blatantly hating common disability and mental illness traits, only when they happen to be presented by nt/abled people, and actually thinking theyre being Allies for that. lmfao like. ‘the person im mocking isnt autistic tho theyre just being an awkward introvert that acts weird in public!’ ok so your viewpoint is that you admit looking and acting disabled by itself is hilarious and mock worthy up until finding out theyre actually disabled??? you dont think maybe those traits just need sensitivity and shouldnt be funny or deserving of retaliation to you either way??? that you should unlearn hating these things bc it is still 100% rooted in internalized ableism??? 

im sorry but ppl nowadays (yes even other nd people) are just excusing being uneducated and disrespectful af, you think you have some magic privilege radar (aka deciding through willful ignorance and dehumanization that everybody you want to be an unfiltered asshole towards Has to be an open target), you conveniently forget how common being undiagnosed is under our medical system, you refuse to grow up and respect things like social anxiety and adhd as valid impairing neurodivergencies in even the most Basic ways, you care more abt your jokes being ruined than the prospect of contributing to oppression, and you literally SEEK OUT opportunities to be cruel abt these vulnerable traits with seemingly abled people bc ohoho frankly, it Does totally make you uncomfortable and annoyed when you see this from nd people, but you get in trouble for not being understanding abt that right. so instead of unworking anything you hold your tongue and then cringe ur pants later over ppl who are supposed to be normal tm for portraying these ~unsavory~ traits at every POSSIBLE chance you can get, and somehow dont put it together that beyond the obvious harmful affect it has on minorities, you’re supposed to be respectful abt these things, Not just when they imply a minority status, but because for the love of god you miscreants theyre just struggles you dont personally understand and it regularly inflicts harm on others when theyre judged. ‘be nice to harmlessly different people’ is quite genuinely the easiest, most kindergarten concept i think any human person could ever comprehend and it is a necessary core moral to activism, or even just basic decency. but everybody fucking ignores it on purpose to stay ugly and comfortable lmaoo

so when you make fun of abled ppl for disabled traits all you’re showcasing is that you actually, absolutely, do hold prejudice towards them, and are Normalizing the hate they receive, which believe it or not, hurts disabled ppl. the distinction doesnt fucking matter. you’re not ‘’’’getting away with’’’ anything, its not ‘’’’okay when theyre nt’’’’ or w/e like just bc you arent oppressing them or smth doesnt mean shit, the problem is that you’re still fucking oppressing us by using 0 critical thought with these dumbass 'how to be a bad person but still get the social benefits of being an activist’ loopholes you all keep tryna popularize and cash in on. im tired of this. its disgusting and backwards. if you dont actually hate my autism then why the fuck do you hate it and laugh so goddamn much when abled ppl Look like me??? how is that supposed to translate to support??? how is it Not supposed to impact my oppression??? tbh lol just get over it you cringe idiots i dont wanna see another stupid ass ‘weird annoying introvert’ joke on my dash yall are just being gross now to validate your bad opinions and you know it

[pechebeche]

I hate to reopen closed wounds but would you mind telling us what happened with the d20 stuff? I understand it was something about ppl not liking the fact that u made nsfw content (which honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal to me) but learning that that you were harassed off the fandom makes me go ??? I am very confused it’s literally not that deep why did they do this

I know I’m like a year(?) late to all of this but I’m really upset I honestly hope you’re in a better place and know that I love you and support you and they’re shitty people who don’t deserve anything and trust that they WILL have karma at their throats when they least expect it.

Wish I was online at the time, I can only send love and prayers your way :( <33

I've been sitting on this ask for a week or so now, trying to decide how - and whether or not i even should - answer it.

thinking too much abt my harassment inevitably causes me to spiral. what remains from that time is impossible for me to look at without going off the deep. it doesnt really feel fair to expect people to believe me without evidence when thats...why i was harassed in the first place.

but also, and maybe more importantly. i have seen firsthand that it does not take much for people on the internet to decide you are subhuman and deserve to be treated as such. i would never, ever wish for anyone to be treated the way i was, including the people who treated me that way. as difficult as it is for me to remind myself some days, many of the people who harassed me probably genuinely thought they were in the right and doing a moral duty, and just didn't fully grasp that there was a person on the other side of the screen.

if i have any sort of audience that i dont absolutely know and trust, i dont think i can, in good conscience, name some of the people who mistreated me, and some of the ways in which they mistreated me, in a public sphere. i just can't. i don't trust the internet enough.

(if i sound morally righteous abt this, its because i absolutely am. i am extending more respect and kindness to the people who hurt me in this moment than they ever extended to me. i am bitter and miserable about the fact that after everything they did to me, it is still my responsibility to be the bigger person. i'm never going to get closure. i am going to have to take some of the things they said and did to my grave. i'm allowed to be angry about it.)

what i WILL say is that, in interest of objectivity, when the callout post was originally made about me, it was not just about my nsfw content, but about racism. i've outlined these allegations here. (there is one allegation i left out here because it was on twitter instead, and because it took what i said so far out of context that i remember looking at it and having a full moment where i thought i was straight up dreaming and would wake up because i couldnt believe anyone was twisting my words that hard and not getting called out on it.)

i will also say that i'm sure the original callout post is still up and that, helpfully, it included links on the wayback archive to posts i had made which either were inconsistent with or directly contradicted the call out! (im never gonna get over the note about how i had never apologized that linked directly to an apology) if you’re willing to search it up, it may provide greater insight both into my bias, since obviously i naturally see my own side of the story, and into theirs.

i have never argued that my insensitivity was justified, and i dont want anyone to twist my words to pretend i am. what i am saying is that it was unfair and cruel to turn my unawareness into a public spectacle to be mocked. my actions may have been exaggerated or made up, but the core of it is that even if i had been that terrible, there was no excuse for turning what could & should have been a learning experience that i could improve from into an excuse to, put simply, bully someone out of a space. not once was i approached with these issues or had them explained to me privately before i was publicly denounced as unforgivable and refusing to learn. neither the poster nor any of my endless harassers, nor any of my friends who reblogged the post without bothering to tell me about it, didnt even link me in the post itself; i had to SEARCH IT UP. they were not interested in teaching me or my followers. they were interested in isolating me and forcing me out of their fandom by any means necessary, including my death. that is not an acceptable way to treat people who have not committed Actual, Physical Crimes. that is not the type of activism we as a society should encourage.

i hope that one day i will be able to give a more complete picture. but it isn't today. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.