#i can’t believe i ruined the case like an IDIOT!! i got annoyed bc they wouldn’t disconnect

[mildmayfoxe]

bro. i completely fucked up my headphones case (stupid mistake. my fault) (my poor beloved headphones) the other day and ordered the newer version of the same thing bc my same ones wouldn’t arrive in time for my trip (leaving thursday) and they were on sale ($38!) (i have off brand bluetooth ear buds) (i’m not spending $100 on headphones sorry) (my cheap ones work just fine) and the new ones came today and the sound quality was absolutely awful. tinny and horrible. and they wanted me to download an APP!! waste of money and time. so disappointing. however i did just find my same ones (they could never let me down) on walmart dot com (for $44. acceptable) and they are supposed to arrive on wednesday. pray for me

[2018shawn]

newborn???

I’m soft for dad!Tom atm so how about surprising him that you’re pregnant by giving him a mini Spider-Man suit. 🥺🥺🥺

a/n: I can’t believe how much I’m writing am I feeling OkAyY??? I really loved this request so THANK U I also really enjoyed writing this and think it may be one of my favourite things ever wieghnksd thank u to @shawnsmoose​ for putting up with me annoying her 

a/n 2.0: can we also appreciate the ending bc I feel it is true tom style ... caring ... but not necessary 

warnings: the teeniest tiniest talk of smut until Tom does a tom. swearing I think?? maybe??? fluff???? TESSA. BABIES. HAPPY BYE 

You sighed, looking at the ridiculously big clock on the wall opposite you. 6pm; Still at least another hour until Tom got home and that’s with the best of traffic. Straightening the table runner yet again, you brushed over it with your hands to remove any creases before moving on to straightening the cutlery. It was funny, really; that you thought cooking tom’s favourite dinner would somehow soften the blow of the news you had to break to him.

Okay, you said aloud to yourself, stepping back with your hands on your hips to admire your - if you say so yourself – perfect display. Checking under your seat where you always sat, you made sure the small gift bag was there, just in case you’d dreamt putting it there, nodding to yourself when you saw it sat waiting. Might as well make a start on the vegetables.

In the kitchen, you played some soft music to calm your nerves. You stood in the door of the refrigerator, the light hitting you as you squinted at the half-finished bottle of white wine which was screaming your name. It’s gonna be a long 9 months. Sighing as you grabbed the peach lemonade instead; you flipped it towards the counter, feeling super impressed with yourself when it landed upright. Tom and Jake would never, you thought, laughing to yourself as you recalled their excitement on the plane when they managed to get it in the cup holder in one go.

It was safe to say, after one and a half months of him filming in a completely different country, you were ready for him to return as even the pictures on the walls were rolling their eyes at you talking to yourself. Your phone pinged, and you pulled it from your back pocket before it had even stopped vibrating.

Traffic ain’t too bad. See you soon, baby girl 🥺🏡💛

Can’t wait, roastie’s are in the oven and beers in the fridge 🐷🍺

Marry me? 💛💛💛

You giggled as you were about to shove your phone back in your pocket, another vibration forcing you to open your phone screen again.

Actually, that’s not even a question. You will marry me 🍑😈

“Oh honey, I’m homeeeeee!” He sang, and you heard his suitcase roll across the hard hallway floor before it stopped, assumingly being propped up at the bottom of the stairs. You’d missed his goofy ways, he annoyingly loud voice, his warm hugs.

He practically ran into the kitchen, hitting the breaks when he saw you heading towards his direction. “HI,” he screamed, actually running up to you and wrapping his arms around your waist. You think he almost knocked you over, but you knew he wouldn’t allow that to happen. Holding you close, he made a super squishy noise as he bear hugged you, lifting you off the ground.

“Hi, baby” You giggled, pulling your head away, your chests still touching, and arms still tangled around each other.

His lips came crashing down, eager to feel you, touch you, taste you. He’d missed you more than he’d let on since he’d been away. He knew you struggled being alone for such a long period of time, so he took it upon himself to be the stronger one, insisting that it wasn’t long until he’d be home and you’re in his arms. He, of course, felt even possibly worse than you did, wanting nothing more to be home with you, to make sure you’re safe. He’d be lying if he said his brothers coming around to borrow his computer shit was all coincidental.

He tasted of a mixture of mento’s, the mint ones, and cherry pepsi max and it felt infectious. He hummed into your lips as your fingers found their way into his bouncy hair and his fingers curled into your waist, almost like he was checking you were actually real. “How long do we have until dinner’s ready?” He smirked, nudging your nose with his.

On cue, the timer on the oven starting a repetitive beep and he groaned, pouting his bottom lip out like a little kid when you walked away, swaying your hips with an extra bounce. He tried distracting you as you dished up your meal, which was the last thing he wanted to eat with you stood in front of him. “Tom, I need to talk to you first, remember.”

“Yeah, but we could also talk after?” His arms were wrapped around your waist as you spooned the vegetable on his overloaded plate; you were definitely a feeder. You swatted his arm away as he tried to steal a roast potato, which were of course covered in your secret seasoning. He managed to sneak one, groaning and whistling out loud when he realised it was far too hot for consumption. Raising your eyebrows, you scowled him as if to say I told you so.

To say he was more interested in tasting you than tasting his dinner, it wasn’t on his plate for longer than 7 minutes, approx, washing the whole thing down with the rest of his beer. He joked that he’d finished filming now, meaning there was room for more food without a strict diet for once.

“So, you wanted to talk?” He asked, leaning back in his chair as he patted at his stomach. Oh the irony.

“Uh, yeh…” you shuffled in your seat, palms feeling sweaty and throat going a little dry, “I got you something.”

You started to bend down, to retrieve your gift from under the table but he slid back in his chair, causing a screech across the wooden floor, “OOOO, NO. I got YOU something!”

“No, Tom, can it…” he was already out the door heading to his suitcase before you could finish, leaving you to finish your sentence, “… wait.”

He came back through, holding a tiny bag, placing a delicate kiss on your forehead. “There was this little store and I knew you’d love it, because you like silver jewellery, so I got this made.” He shoved it in your hands, pulling the seat out and sitting next to you, instead of in his normal seat opposite. Your heart warmed at his thoughtful gift, although you had to chew at your lip as your nerves built. Inside was a little box, wrapped in a delicate white ribbon, with assumingly the company name’s initials embossed onto the front. It was like he was watching you open a Christmas present, spilling tails of how he thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s got you yet and if you don’t wear it, he will. Your lips parted as you opened the lid, the silver bangle shining up at you. Wrapped around were three separate charms; two T’s, and your own initial. “Because we’re like a little family, right? And I wanted to be with you, and you…” he laughed as he stroked Tessa who was sat under his feet, “even if I’m physically not.”

You weren’t soft, by any stretch of the imagination, but something about tom made you feel like jelly and melt like butter. “I bloody love you, you idiot.” You beamed, “it’s beautiful, thank you.” You couldn’t help but note how there may soon need to be another initial on there, panicking as you played his words over in your mind. We’re like a little family. What if what you’re about to tell him is going to ruin everything? What if he doesn’t want it? What if he doesn’t want you?

“So… my turn now,” he smiled, fluttering his eyelashes at you. You sighed heavily. Here goes nothing. Reaching under your chair, his eyebrows raised with an impressed glow at your organisation, much different to his presentation. He furrowed his eyebrows, hands reaching out for the small, brown gift bag, clinching his fingers back and forth like a little kid himself.

If he thought you opened your present slowly, boy, did he wanna be in your shoes right now. He fought with the white tissue paper you’d wrapped the small item in, muttering to himself as he eventually just ragged it out and threw it behind him, tessa immediately jumping to it and running around with it in her mouth like the proudest dog in the world.

The pattern of the item was familiar to him - how could it not be? The red and blue suit, with black lines decorating the majority, was exceptionally smaller compared to the one he wore on set. His face was scrunched up in confusion, “you know I can just get one that fits me right?”

“It’s not meant to fit you,” you rolled your eyes, reaching over and turning over the size tag that was still attached.

“First size/newborn” he whispered to himself, “newborn...”

He sat for about 10 seconds in silence, and it killed you, because it felt like 10 hours. His eyes finally snapped up to meat your worried overwatch, “NEWBORN?!”

Excitingly repeating the word, he pointed at the small baby grow “newborn?”

Then to his (in true Tom style) his penis, “newborn?”

And then finally to your lower stomach, “newborn?”

You nodded, bringing your lips together into a thin line as you let him digest the news. He grabbed the small sleepsuit, clutching it in his hand as he lunged forward, wrapping his arms around you, wanting to never let go. “I didn’t know if you wanted this yet, and I understand if you’re not ready, and we can talk, but I really think I...”

He pulled you back, a hand on each shoulder, resting his forehead against yours. “Y/N, this is the best fucking this to ever happen to me, to us. Thank you so much...” your eyes filled up, just as his did, only yours was with relief. You’d never considered getting rid of the baby, and hoped Tom didn’t want to either, but you did come to accept that he might not be ready.

“I think I should thank you, it’s you that looked really hot at the premiere. And it’s also you that didn’t pull out quick enough, evidently” You giggled, and he laughed too, using his thumbs to wipe the tears that were only just escaping your eyes.

“You looked hot too.” He stated, giving you a peck on the lips. “How long have you known?”

“About a week, I knew your dumb ass would fly home and ruin filming for something that’s the size of a blueberry.”

“Oh my god, we got a baby blueberryyyy” he grinned, his hand coming down to rest on your stomach.

“I mean, yeh, but at the minute all you’ll feel is just roast potatoes in there”

Tucked up in bed, you rested on his chest, his fingers drawing random patterns on your side as you leant into him. “Are we really.. gonna do this?” You stuttered out, feeling his lips press to the top of your head.

He adjusted so you shuffled gently onto your back, rolling himself on top of you, leaning on his forearms to be careful not to crush you, and your blueberry. “I wouldn’t ever force you to keep it... him... her? Baby berry?... But I know you’re just scared. And I am too but that’s ok.” He pressed loving kisses to your tingling lips between each set of words as your hands toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I mean, we were gonna have one eventually.”

“We were?” You smirked, interested to hear more.

“Mhmmm...” he hummed, moving his lips from your mouth and across your jaw, eventually ending up at the delicate skin on your neck as he spoke, “I think 3. 1 boy, 1 girl, 1 blueberry...” Your laugh filled the room at not only his tom-ness, but the way his breath tickled your neck as he spoke. “In a big house, and another tessa, maybe a couple more chickens because my kids are gonna love dippy egg and soldiers.”

His tongue lapped the areas his teeth were nibbling, swapping his needy, harsh touch for a more gentle approach. You groaned into him, back arching as he grazed all your sensitive spots, his hands running up your t shirt and cupping your breast. You moaned his name into him, with nothing but love filling the word.

Your nipples grew hard between his fingers as he toyed with you, barely noticing how he was moving around on top of you, reaching over to the bedside drawer and rummaging through.

“Tom, what on Earth are you doing?” You laughed.

“Getting a condom?

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars CXLIV (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I hate the absolute lack of organization my career has and I’m so full of violence bc of it omg -Danny

Words: 4,862

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to: ‘Wicked Game’ -by Gemma Haynes

Chapter Six: Growing Hopes.

Mel walked into the kitchen twenty minutes after her talk with Harry, her heart still beating harshly against her chest.

Her theory could be wrong, but at the same time, it was the best way to keep the lifeline and make sure it'd be useful.

They had three rules:

Keep a clear head, no romance could happen between them.

They would use the connection in case of major injuries, and only if they were given consent.

Harry had to learn to ground himself, and they would stay away from the other's problems unless requested differently.

"Hand me that baby!" She demanded Erick when she saw him.

"He's happy with me!" He complained, turning his back on her.

"I'm his sister!" Mel tickled his sides and he immediately gave in, Erick hated to be tickled. "Come here, Leggie, was this bad man annoying you?"

"It just won't budge, this has always worked before, I just can't understand it!" Mrs Weasley said from across the room, struggling to fix Hermione's eye.

"It'll be Fred and George's idea of a funny joke, making sure it can't come off," Ginny shrugged.

"But it's got to come off! I can't go around looking like this forever!"

"It won't stay forever," Mel said. "They're not that cruel..."

"You two stop moving around, you'll upset him!" Emily warned them, looking at the way Mel and Erick continued to fight for the boy's attention.

"We'll find an antidote, don't worry," Mrs Weasley patted Hermione's head.

"Bill told me 'ow Fred and George are very amusing!" said Fleur.

"Yes, I can hardly breathe for laughing," Hermione said sharply.

"Sorry about that," Mel sat down in front of the blonde. "She's a bit on edge — our O.W.L's will be arriving today..."

"Mrs Weasley, you're quite, quite sure no owls have arrived this morning?"

"Yes, dear, I'd have noticed. But it's barely nine, there's still plenty of time..."

"I know I messed up Ancient Runes," Hermione paced around the room, "I definitely made at least one serious mistranslation. And the Defense Against the Dark Arts practical was no good at all. I thought Transfiguration went all right at the time, but looking back —"

"Hermione, will you shut up, you're not the only one who's nervous!" Ron exclaimed. "And when you've got your eleven 'Outstanding' O.W.L.s..."

"Don't, don't, don't!" said Hermione. "I know I've failed everything!"

"Were you nervous about your O.W.L.s?" Harry asked Erick, he sat next to Mel and started playing with her brother.

"I was more worried about my family finding out I was talking to a muggle," He shrugged. "I had done all I could — Studied and wrote until my hands and eyes hurt, there was nothing I could do apart from waiting..."

"Erick was obsessed with getting his Prefect badge, the fifth-year examinations were a piece of cake for him, right?" Mel smiled.

"Yeah well, I really wanted to be a Prefect," He sighed. "I was an idiot..."

"You still are," Mel barely managed to cover Reg's face from the cloth Erick threw her at her remark. "Careful, you twat!"

"What happens if we fail, though?" Harry grabbed the baby, not wanting him to get hurt.

"We discuss our options with our Head of House, I asked Professor McGonagall at the end of last term," Hermione replied.

"At Beauxbatons," Fleur started, "we 'ad a different way of doing things. I think it was better. We sat our examinations after six years of study, not five, and then —"

Hermione screamed and ran to the window. Mel stood up and followed, Reggie started to cry.

"They're definitely owls," said Ron, looking out the window and gulping.

"And there are four of them," said Harry, walking up to them with the baby still in his arms.

"One for each of us," Hermione shivered. "Oh no... oh no... oh no..."

The girl gripped Ron's arm, Mel tried to quiet her brother distractedly, but she was too nervous to do it in a gentle way. Emily got closer and grabbed the baby, Erick stood next to the group.

"It's going to be okay, guys," He said simply.

"Oh shut up, what do you know?" Ron frowned.

"Oh no!" squealed Hermione, squeezing Ron's arm harder.

Mrs Weasley opened the kitchen window. Four owls landed on the table and lifted their right legs so they could grab their letters. Mel grabbed her own and ripped the envelope so fast she almost ruined the letter.

Ordinary Wizarding Level Results

Pass Grades

Mel Dumbledore Sultens has achieved:

Astronomy (O)

Care of Magical Creatures (O)

Charms (O)

Defense Against the Dark Arts (O)

Divination (P)

Herbology (E)

History of Magic (O)

Potions (O)

Transfiguration (O)

"Eight O.W.L's!" Erick had been reading over her shoulder. "That's wonderful, Mely!"

"Only failed Divination and History of Magic, and who cares about them?" Ron said brightly, showing her his letter. "Here — swap —"

Harry showed her his letter, there was only one 'O' in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but the rest was okay, all E's... and he'd gotten a 'P' on Divination like her.

"Knew you'd be top at Defense Against the Dark Arts," Ron punched Harry and Mel on the shoulders. "We've done all right, haven't we?"

"Well done!" said Mrs Weasley, ruffling Ron's hair. "Seven O.W.L.s, that's more than Fred and George got together!"

"I'm so proud of you!" Emily said, kissing Harry's cheek and hugging Mel tightly.

Erick pulled her in for an unexpected hug and lifted her from the ground, Mel laughed at his outburst.

"Hermione?" said Ginny carefully, noticing she was the only one who was quiet. "How did you do?"

"I — not bad," Hermione replied.

"Oh, come off it," Ron snatched her letter and read it quickly. "Yep — nine 'Outstandings' and one 'Exceeds Expectations' at Defense Against the Dark Arts. You're actually disappointed, aren't you?"

Hermione shook her head quietly, Mel and Harry laughed. Ron was looking at their friend with so much affection she couldn't believe she was the only one noticing.

"Well, we're N.E.W.T. students now!" grinned Ron, then he walked up to Erick and shook his hand. "Hope you're ready to welcome me in in those study sessions of yours... Godric knows I'll need them. Mum, are there any more sausages?"

Mel noticed she was still quite settled in Erick's arms and quickly moved out of his reach, patting his arm awkwardly.

"Your last year," She said. "How are you feeling?"

Erick looked at her.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye."

When the letters with their booklists arrived the morning after Harry's birthday, they had a pleasant surprise in them.

"I'm Headboy..." Erick said under his breath.

"I'm Captain!" Harry exclaimed.

The room lit up instantly, Mel got closer to examine Erick's badge and hugged him tightly, then she went to Harry.

"That gives you equal status with prefects!" Hermione was saying. "You can use our special bathroom now and everything!"

"Wow, I remember when Charlie wore one of these," said Ron. "Harry, this is so cool, you're my Captain — if you let me back on the team, I suppose, ha ha..."

"He'll let us in if he knows what's good for the team," Mel teased. "You and I are the reason why we won last year. And where was he? Playing hide in seek with Hagrid's little brother!"

"Careful, you don't want to upset your Captain," Harry joked.

"Oh, shut up," She snorted.

"Well, I don't suppose we can put off a trip to Diagon Alley much longer now you've got these," said Mrs Weasley. "We'll go on Saturday as long as your father doesn't have to go into work again. I'm not going there without him."

"Mum, d'you honestly think You-Know-Who's going to be hiding behind a bookshelf in Flourish and Blotts?"

"Fortescue and Ollivander went on holiday, did they? If you think security's a laughing matter you can stay behind and I'll get your things myself —"

"No, I wanna come, I want to see Fred and George's shop!" Ron exclaimed.

"Then you just buck up your ideas, young man, before I decide you're too immature to come with us! And that goes for returning to Hogwarts as well!"

Ron turned to look at his friends.

"Blimey... you can't even make a joke 'round here anymore..."

"Don't feel bad, you have the emotional range of a teaspoon, you can't help it!" Mel taunted, walking past him.

Mel left the burrow with her Firebolt on one shoulder, ready to go and play with her friends when she spotted Erick sitting under a tree, reading one of the books he'd borrowed from her. For some reason, she felt like talking to him even though there was nothing new to say.

"Don't you get tired of reading?" She nudged his leg. "Don't get me wrong, I love books, but summer should be spent under the sun, gaining a bit of colour..."

"I have enough colour," Erick looked up at her. "I get all sweaty under the sun — hugely unattractive, and I have a reputation to maintain."

"As the heartthrob of our group?" Mel smirked. "I thought that was my title!"

"Your title is Lady Dumbledore," He grinned.

"Leaving you alone with Fred and George in Grimmauld Place was a mistake," She sat down next to him, examining his book. "Dracula? Finally reading something else than romance and fairytales I see..."

"Dracula's kind of romantic. Sort of fairy-like as well... if you look past the blood and violence..."

"Well, sounds like something realistic for sure..."

"Oh, please, didn't you say to me years ago that life could be a fairytale and all that?"

Mel groaned, she shook her head.

"That same day you told me how hard it is to choose between emotions and duty. We can't always be happy — What was I thinking when I thought I'd get the princess's ending, anyway? I'm a witch!"

"That's not the bubbly miss I used to know," Erick raised a brow. "I understand, though. My dreams were never as pink as yours, but they were ambitious... I guess they still are, but in a prudent way..."

"It's a start," Mel leaned against the tree. "I feel like I'm rebuilding myself... It's complicated."

"That makes two of us," He sighed. "It's good to have someone that understands, right?"

Mel suddenly felt self-conscious about how close they'd become over the last few weeks. It triggered the fly or fight reaction in her. Whatever she'd done with Fred last year helped her move on from her heartache, but it didn't make her trust her romantic feelings, whatever those pesky things were.

"Everything okay?"

She felt a tingling sensation, like thunder announcing a storm. Had his eyes always looked that honey-like with the sunlight?

"Yep," Mel squeaked, standing up and grabbing her firebolt. "I want to play..."

"Sure..." Erick frowned slightly. "Yeah, go ahead..."

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"My hair would get messy and I'd be all out of breath! Such a nightmare..."

"That's the whiny Prince I know," Mel smiled tensely, walking away.

Diagon Alley was nothing like the bright, lousy place she used to remember. Every window had been covered with Ministry posters, Mel anxiously ran her fingers over the scars on her hand, scowling at every single banner.

Emily, Hagrid (who was there as their guard), Ron, Hermione, Harry and her went to get new robes. Ginny, Erick, Mr and Mrs Weasley decided to go and buy the books everyone needed.

No one noticed Harry Potter was passing next to them, Mel was starting to understand what it'd been like to live during the first wizarding war, and now she was living the second wave. She was slowly sinking in her own anguish when someone touched her shoulder gently.

"Don't get upset," Harry said, making eye contact. "Remember our game?" She nodded. "You want to play?"

She nodded again. He took a moment to think of a word, then he continued:

"Quidditch. Q—U— I— D..."

"D..." She whispered. "I— T— C— H."

"What's your favourite spell?"

"I..." She tilted her head. "I don't have one."

"Wise choice," He held her hand and guided her towards the next shop. "C'mon..."

Mel stared at him, Harry was acting so differently compared to last year it was almost scarier than his angry version. Still, she didn't let go of his hand until they entered the next shop. Emily went in with them, Hagrid stayed outside to watch the entrance.

"...not a child, in case you haven't noticed, Mother. I am perfectly capable of doing my shopping alone."

"Now, dear, your mother's quite right, none of us is supposed to go wandering around on our own anymore, it's nothing to do with being a child —"

"Watch where you're sticking that pin, will you!"

Draco walked out of the dressing room and stood in front of a mirror. After a second of quiet staring, he realized they were there.

"If you're wondering what the smell is, Mother," Malfoy sneered. "A Mudblood just walked in..."

"I don't think there's any need for language like that!" Madam Malkin walked out of the backroom as well. "And I don't want wands drawn in my shop either!"

The boys had their wands out, pointing at Malfoy. Hermione whispered something about ignoring the boy.

"Yeah, like you'd dare do magic out of school," Malfoy scoffed. "Who blacked your eye, Granger? I want to send them flowers."

"That's quite enough!" said Madam Malkin. "Madam — please —"

Narcissa Malfoy stared at Emily for a long time, then at the rest of the group.

"Put those away," she said shortly. "If you attack my son again, I shall ensure that it is the last thing you ever do."

"Really?" Harry stepped forward, he was as tall as the woman, and this seemed to encourage him. "Going to get a few Death Eater pals to do us in, are you?"

"Harry," Mel said in a tone of warning, Madame Malkin gasped.

"Really, you shouldn't accuse — dangerous thing to say — wands away, please!"

"Harry," Emily insisted. "Be wise..."

"I see that being Dumbledore's favourite has given you a false sense of security, Harry Potter," Narcissa smiled. "But Dumbledore won't always be there to protect you."

"Wow... look at that..." Harry looked around. "He's not here now! So why not have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!"

"That's enough," Mel said sternly, lowering the boy's arm.

"Don't you dare talk to my mother like that, Potter!" Malfoy tried to get close but stumbled on his long robes.

"It's all right, Draco," said Narcissa, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I expect Potter will be reunited with dear Sirius before I am reunited with Lucius."

Harry tried to raised his wand again.

"I think we've had enough useless fights!" The girl stopped him. "My uncle may not be here but I'm pretty able to stop you on my own, Harry."

"Mel's right..." Emily put a hand on his shoulder to ease him.

"I think this left sleeve could come up a little bit more," Madame Malkin said anxiously, reaching for Malfoy's robes. "Dear, let me just —"

"Ouch! Watch where you're putting your pins, woman! Mother — I don't think I want these anymore —"

"You're right, Draco," said Narcissa, "now I know the kind of scum that shops here... We'll do better at Twilfitt and Tatting's. Oh, and Sultens," She eyed Emily one last time before leaving. "Congrats on birthing another bastard..."

"Let them go," Mel said roughly to the boys, noticing they were ready to attack again.

Emily looked away while the Malfoys exited the store.

"Mum?" The girl approached the woman carefully.

"It's fine," She said quietly. "I just need a moment... I'm fine."

"Got ev'rything?" Hagrid asked them once they left the store.

"Just about... Did you see the Malfoys?"

"Yeah— Bu' they wouldn' dare make trouble in the middle o' Diagon Alley, Harry. Don' worry abou' them."

Mr and Mrs Weasley, Ginny and Erick arrived, all holding large packages.

"Everyone all right? Got your robes? Right then, we can pop in at the Apothecary and Eeylops on the way to Fred and George's — stick close, now..."

Mel remained silent the whole time they spent in the Apothecary, she picked the few ingredients for her next term and paid without focusing on what she was doing.

"How are you?" Erick caught up with her. "Harry told me what happened... You know the Malfoys are rubbish..."

Harry had sent Erick to talk to her? Instead of going himself? He was definitely keeping his distance. Which was excellent, but she didn't know why it hurt her anyway.

"I've heard it once or twice... never bothered me because I knew my father loved me, I never stopped to think about my mum..."

"What?"

"My parents never married," Mel explained. "They did everything a married couple is supposed to do... everything except marrying. They were waiting for the war to end."

"Titles are nothing unless you give them meaning, your mother knows that. Names mean nothing unless you want them to... Mel Dumbledore, that's one that'll mean great things one day."

Mel knew he was right, her parents had loved each other, and she had all the right in the world to be treated as a Dumbledore. Leon Regulus would be a Black if he wanted to, and her mother didn't need to do things like everyone else to be valid.

Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes was the only cheerful building left. They knew how to brighten up even the gloomiest of places. Mel felt a strong tug at the base of her stomach; she'd missed her friends.

'WHY ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO?

U-NO-POO—

"They really know their priorities, don't they?" Erick raised a brow.

"They'll be murdered in their beds!" Mrs Weasley lamented.

"No they won't!" Ron laughed. "This is brilliant!"

Mel couldn't help feeling a bit anxious, Emily stared at the sign and smiled absently.

"Sirius would've loved this..."

With every step she took inside the loud and crowded place, her chest warmed up with memories. She'd been present for the creation of at least half of all those, it was a nice change to reminisce over something that made her happy instead of miserable and mournful.

"'One simple incantation and you will enter a top-quality, highly realistic, thirty-minute daydream," Hermione read. "Easy to fit into the average school lesson and virtually undetectable (side effects include vacant expression and minor drooling). Not for sale to under-sixteens' — You know, that really is extraordinary magic!"

"For that, Hermione, you can have one for free."

Mel turned around so fast she accidentally hit Harry's face with her hair. She jumped into Fred's arms and squeezed him as hard as she could, a pleasant wave of accomplishment washed over her when she noticed she was almost as tall as him now. Almost, the top of her head was barely reaching his nose, though.

"Good to see I've been missed," He beamed. "How are you handling our break-up, Lady? Not good I see... Listen, I'm trying to date new people, having you in my arms every time we see each other it's kind of a bad look."

"Shut up," Mel quickly cleaned her tear-stained face. "I'm sorry, I don't go around jumping on people and crying — I'm just happy to see you."

Fred ruffled her hair and offered her a handkerchief he pulled out from his pocket.

"How are you, Harry?" He reached for the boy's hand and shook it. "And what's happened to your eye, Hermione?"

"Your punching telescope."

"Oh blimey, I forgot about those! Here —" He pulled a tub of something out of another pocket and gave it to her. "Just dab it on, that bruise'll be gone within the hour. We had to find a decent bruise remover. We're testing most of our products on ourselves."

"It is safe, isn't it?" Hermione asked reluctantly.

"'Course it is! Come on, guys, I'll give you a tour. Wait —" He looked around. "Where's the Prince?"

Mel looked around as well. "He was right behind me when I walked in!"

"We'll find him," Fred put an arm around her shoulders and guided her towards a shelf. "You've grown! Try to stay like this, won't you? If my ex-girlfriend ends up being taller and prettier than me..."

"Looks like I'm halfway there!" She teased.

Harry followed them, Hermione decided to stay behind.

"Muggle magic tricks!" Fred happily pointed to the boxes on their right. "For freaks like Dad, you know, who love Muggle stuff. It's not a big earner, but we do fairly steady business, they're great novelties — Erick will love them... Oh, here's George — Ah, hello there, Prince!"

"Caught him snooping around the love potions," George smirked, his own arm around Erick, who was now taller than him. "Can you believe it? As if this twat needed one! — Blimey, lady, you're taller too! That's not fair!"

George shook hands with Harry, and Erick allowed Fred to give him a hug.

"Giving them the tour? Come through the back, guys, that's where we're making the real money — pocket anything, you— and you'll pay in more than Galleons!" George warned a boy who was trying to get edible dark marks from a tub — "they'll make anyone sick!"

George guided them to the back, Erick approached her with a worried expression.

"You've been crying."

"What?" She touched her face, but it was dry. "How do you..? Doesn't matter, I got emotional, that's all."

"Emotional?"

"I'd missed the twins, alright?" Mel replied defensively.

"You didn't even date for real..." Erick grumbled, she pretended not to hear.

"We've just developed this more serious line," Fred explained to them. "Funny how it happened..."

"You wouldn't believe how many people, even people who work at the Ministry, can't do a decent Shield Charm," George mentioned. "'Course, they didn't have you two teaching them."

"That's right... Well, we thought Shield Hats were a bit of a laugh, you know, challenge your mate to jinx you while wearing it and watch his face when the jinx just bounces off. But the Ministry bought five hundred for all its support staff! And we're still getting massive orders!"

"So we've expanded into a range of Shield Cloaks, Shield Gloves..."

"...I mean, they wouldn't help much against the Unforgivable Curses, but for minor to moderate hexes or jinxes..."

"An abrupt attack would no longer be useful," Mel said in astonishment. "Boys, this is wonderful!"

"We thought we'd get into the whole area of Defense Against the Dark Arts, because it's such a money-spinner," George nodded. "This is cool. Look, Instant Darkness Powder, we're importing it from Peru. Handy if you want to make a quick escape."

"And our Decoy Detonators are just walking off the shelves, look," said Fred. "You just drop one surreptitiously and it'll run off and make a nice loud noise out of sight, giving you a diversion if you need one.

"Impressive," Erick admitted, examining the boxes.

There was something absurd about the way Fred and George were so casually talking about their newest products. The context in which these things had been created was dark, but to them, it was just another funny experiment that had succeeded, and as crazy as it was, Mel felt hopeful. If something as bright, colourful and happy could still stand in the midst of war, then surely not everything was changing for the worst.

"Handy," said Harry.

"Here," George grabbed a fistful of the products and put a bit on the hands of the three friends.

"There's a customer out here looking for a joke cauldron, Mr Weasley and Mr Weasley," A girl said through the curtain.

Hearing the 'Mr Weasley' reminded her that time wasn't forgiving, and soon enough she would also be of age. However, this seemed terribly unimportant when so many marvellous things were happening around her.

"Right you are, Verity, I'm coming," said George. "Guys, you help yourself to anything you want, all right? No charge."

"I can't do that!" said Harry.

"And neither can we," Mel frowned, Erick nodded.

"You don't pay here," said Fred, brushing it aside.

"But —"

"You gave us our start-up loan, Harry, we haven't forgotten," said George. "Erick, your gran' got us this place and he asked for nothing in return but for us to watch over you, and that means we don't accept the money he left so you could watch after yourself. Mel," He smirked. "You're just too pretty to pay."

"Don't forget she's always believed in us! Helped while we were making half of these!" Fred added. "But yeah, being good-looking is the main reason."

Mel snorted, she was unaware of the way Erick rolled his eyes at the innocent and playful compliments.

"Take whatever you like," George shrugged, "and just remember to tell people where you got it, if they ask."

Fred led them back into the main room, Hermione and Ginny were still checking the Patented Daydream Charms.

"Haven't you girls found our special WonderWitch products yet? Follow me, ladies..."

"Oh, wow," Mel grimaced. "This looks like something Umbridge would love..."

Near the window was an array of violently pink products around which a cluster of excited girls was giggling enthusiastically. Hermione and Ginny both hung back, looking wary.

"There you go," said Fred. "Best range of love potions you'll find anywhere."

"Do they work?" Ginny asked sceptically.

"Certainly they work, for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question —"

"— and the attractiveness of the girl," George was suddenly once more at their side. "But we're not selling them to our sister. Not when she's already got about five boys on the go from what we've —"

"Whatever you've heard from Ron is a big fat lie," said Ginny curtly.

"Wait," Mel smirked. "Were these the potions you were examining a while ago, Prince?"

"Oh yeah," George said, a devilish grin on his face. "But he doesn't need them. Not when he's finally gaining weight and colour! I tell you, now that he's a hero he'll be having hoards of people lining up for a date!"

Mel laughed, picking up a bottle. "I'm intrigued..."

"Oh no," Fred snatched the bottle from her hand. "You give this to a boy and you'll drive him mad!"

"He'd end up in St. Mungo's for sure," George nodded solemnly.

"Sod off, you two," Mel protested. "I wasn't planning on buying it!"

"Good," said Harry and Erick at the same time.

"What's this?" Ginny asked promptly, distracting the twins.

"Guaranteed ten-second pimple vanisher," said Fred. "Excellent on everything from boils to blackheads, but don't change the subject. Are you or are you not currently going out with a boy called Dean Thomas?"

"Yes, I am. And last time I looked, he was definitely one boy, not five. What are those?"

"Pygmy Puffs," said George. "Miniature puffskeins, we can't breed them fast enough. So what about Michael Corner?"

"I dumped him, he was a bad loser — They're really cute!"

"They're fairly cuddly, yes. But you're moving through boyfriends a bit fast, aren't you?" Fred insisted.

Ginny turned to look at him, both hands on her hips and looking alarmingly similar to her mother.

"It's none of your business. And I'll thank you," She yelled to Ron, who had just appeared, "not to tell tales about me to these two!"

"That's three Galleons, nine Sickles, and a Knut," said Fred. "Cough up."

"I'm your brother!"

"And that's our stuff you're nicking. Three Galleons, nine Sickles. I'll knock off the Knut."

"But I haven't got three Galleons, nine Sickles!"

"You'd better put it back then, and mind you put it on the right shelves."

Ron dropped the boxes, yelled at Fred to put them right up his arse, and showed him his middle finger. Unfortunately, Mrs Weasley was there to witness it.

"If I see you do that again I'll jinx your fingers together!"

"Mum, can I have a Pygmy Puff?" asked Ginny.

"A what?"

"Look, they're so sweet..."

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Mel and Erick suddenly had a wide view of the window. Malfoy was hurrying down the street across from theirs.

"Wonder where his mummy is?" Harry asked.

"Given her the slip by the looks of it," said Ron.

"Why, though?" said Hermione.

"Throwing a tantrum, maybe?" Erick offered.

"Get under here, quick," said Harry, pulling his Invisibility Cloak out.

"Oh — I don't know, Harry," Hermione looked towards the rest of the group.

"He's Malfoy, who cares what he's doing?" Mel frowned.

"Come on!" Ron insisted.

Erick looked over his shoulder, making sure no one was watching.

"I'll distract them," He said. "Just try to be back soon."

"Thank you," Mel whispered, disappearing under the cloak.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha​​​​​ @vampiregirl1797 ​​​​ @siriuslysirius1107 ​​​​@stardusthigh​​​​ @mikariell95​​​​ @vernon-dursley​​​​​ @thesuitelifeofafangirl​​​​ @tomshollandz ​​​​ ​​ @reverse-hxlland​​​​ @hamiltonwc​​​​ @omiwashere​​​​ @t-rexs-world​​​​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @21bruhs​​​​ @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @dielgonacoffee ​​​​ @thelastpyle ​​​ @cedricisnotdead @aconfusedslytherin​ ​

[in-silks-and-flesh-and-leather]

Hi! I’m probably awfully late to this bc I just started following you recently and just read your “interrupting wedding” series and I want to tell you how much I love it!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! They are so so so good. I started with Flip. The part about how dating him was like dating “the idea of a man” in the beginning was so poignant. I’m a sucker for this wedding crashing trope and you captured it so well! I also ooo’ed and aaah’ed when I got to the part where he still had a case to finish before interrupting the wedding—Flip dammit!!—and I really was not expecting him to haul reader off like that!!! I also liked reader’s reactions a lot, very realistic, not cloying, not whiny, not bitchy, just overall, real and sympathetic.

(Now this is getting long—I hope you don’t mind!)

Then I read the two part Clyde series. Now mind you, I read a lot of fics (not necessarily in ADCU) and I’m one of those people where I don’t mind reading the same trope, the same play by play over and over and over, so naively here I was totally ready for Flip but Clyde 2.0 and would have been very easily satisfied with such. Though a part of was thinking hmm how does sweet soft Clyde end up breaking reader’s heart and they break up to begin with?? But, you sneaky and brilliant queen you, you surprised me!! It was ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING!!! Waaaah!! I was not ready for it! It was delightfully in character for Clyde and so fresh! Also, I laughed out loud for reals at the part where Jimmy goes “he works with kids?” And Clyde goes “no foot doctor”. So much so that my husband who was sitting next to me on the couch looked at me quizzically and I had to squeal and flail my arms about explaining your little gem I just read to him, “well you’ve seen Logan Lucky-can’t you just imagine Jimmy the idiot (lovable of course) saying that?” Now I have also read a lot of smut. Filthy, downright illegally dirty smut. That is usually my cup of tea. And I usually avoid angst bc it can often be not done right, and especially I tend to be wary of the Grand-Misunderstanding-If-Only-They-Had-Talked Trope but you wrote it so well, it was so believable and neither character was annoying. And it has been a long while since I read something so sweet and angsty without primary smut and loved it so much, that I again, exclaimed to dear husband, “It isn’t even smutty (yet) and I love it!!” Anyway I just adored this fic!

And now I shall proceed to read the one of Sevier!! I have never read a single fic of him before bc I was never interested, but what the hell I will now bc I’m sure yours is amazing and delicious!

Thank you for writing and sharing these stories! I shall be diving in to the rest of your fics. I’m so glad I followed you. I’m sure everyone told you already how great your writings are but apparently I have been living under a dumb rock.

One question: whatever happened to the little horseshoe necklace that Clyde originally got for reader?

Oh, wow, thank you so much!

That series came out of nowhere one day and now it’s one of my absolute favorites <3

Thank you so much for noticing and pointing out the details; I always try to think of how each specific guy, and the people around them, would act and what kind of RC would suit him, and how situations might realistically play out even if the setting is unusual.

And these ruined wedding stories are perfect for that <3

I also try not to repeat myself - when I talk to people about my dislike of fluff/smut, my main turn off is that they’re all basically the same, unspecific to the character, repetitive and, as a result, boring (to me) - so I never want to do that in my writing.

And another huge thank you for taking the time to write such beautiful things - people mainly get excited about smut and that gets shared and talked about, so most of the time I have a feeling that nobody is reading my stories (apart from the few absolutely wonderful people who give me feedback about the actual writing).

I try to create stories and plots and dimension for all characters, so when people don’t have anything to say, it really is discouraging. That’s why your comment really made an impact on me <3

I’m so happy and flattered you want to keep reading my stuff, I do hope you enjoy it <3

And I have an epilogue for the Clyde story - I almost always have so many more ideas than I can fit into a story - and it touches on the necklace, so now I think I’ll have to finish it and post it, I feel really inspired to do so <3

[queen-of-bel]

i think someone already asked for paz and kaz?? if not then them, in case someone asked for them, kandori and maki for the hc meme!

MY TWO FAVE DUOS EVER. i’ll do them all bc i could fill out a hundred prompts about them

Persona 1, Persona 2EP, general Metal Gear spoilers incoming

Putting under a read more because it is loooong (sorry in advance)

Kandori

realistic: Oh, Kandori was absolutely the one who alerted Nanjo to his existence in p2ep. I’ve written multiple posts on Kandori’s motivations, but bottom line, Kandori wanted to work against Nyarlathotep’s plans as much as he believed his fate would allow him to. Kandori had infinite strength and should have been the impenetrable stronghold that kept Tatsuzou safe. He is the only boss in the entire game to not have a low health stance, and he resists everything. He’s able to catch Tatsuya’s sword with one hand, as Tatsuya says:

“Kandori tilts his face out of the way, and when my blade grazes his ear, he grabs it with his left hand. All I have to do is pull back, and it’ll cost him his fingers. He gives me a broad, natural smile. However, even when I yank it with all my strength, my sword doesn’t move a centimeter. It’s like it’s caught in a vise.”

Kandori’s revival should not have been found out by anyone (especially since everyone watched him die the first time). But somehow, the word leaked back to Nanjo. It’s not impossible to think that it was Togashi who leaked the information, but there’s a line of Kandori’s that really makes me think Kandori himself was the source.

Once Maya et. al + Tatsuya arrive on the Nichinmaru, Kandori says that “all the players are in place”, implying that he’s the one who brought them all together like this. This was a very meticulously crafted plan, and it only could’ve worked if Nanjo heard of Kandori’s revival, which leads me to believe that it was Kandori, not Togashi, who spread the rumors of his own revival.

while it may not be realistic, it is hilarious: Due to the high levels of contempt he feels for Tatsuzou, I’d love to think that Kandori just fucks with Tatsuzou constantly. He’ll move all the furniture in Tatsuzou’s office just a few inches to the left, or he’ll swap the position of some of the books on his shelf. It’s infuriating to Tatsuzou bc Kandori’s antics are just enough that he knows something is off, but he can never pinpoint exactly what it is. Kandori, meanwhile, insists that nothing is wrong, and convinces Tatsuzou that it’s just his old age getting to him.

heart-crushing and awful: I bet Kandori kept tabs on the P1 crew during his time under Tatsuzou. While he’s said to have an obsession with Tatsuya, there’s no reason to believe that the care he showed for Maki in P1 went away, and he’s grateful to the P1 cast for saving her. I like to think that Kandori found out that Reiji’s going to have a child, and stashed away a large amount of money (bonus points if he embezzled from Tatsuzou) to send to him, especially since Reiji’s girlfriend’s house collapsed. Kandori doesn’t sign his name on it or anything, so the money arrives to Reiji in an unmarked envelope, with only Reiji’s name written on it.

Reiji first thinks that it might have been Nanjo who sent the money (because that envelope is packed, and Nanjo is the only person he knows rich enough to send that much). Nanjo denies this, and after a while, the two of them come to the conclusion that the only other possible person could have been Kandori. Reiji thankfully accepts the money, and this whole incident reinforces in his mind that “Takashi” was the right name to choose for his son.

unrealistic: In order to cope with the boredom and emptiness he felt as SEBEC’s Mikage-Cho branch president, Kandori set up a secret room in SEBEC filled with video game consoles. During the height of his depression, Kandori would just be so engrossed in his games that he would forget he has actual meetings to go to. Cue Takeda apologizing profusely to clients, saying that Kandori’s running a bit late, and Takeda has to practically drag Kandori by the collar out of the little gamer den that he’s created for himself.

Maki

realistic: After her training under Eriko, she realizes that she misses painting and wants to pick it up again. She eventually incorporates that into her profession, becoming an art therapist.

while it may not be realistic, it is hilarious: Maki really wants to be good at baking, but she’s terrible at it. You know, like this:

She knows that she’s created a monstrosity but at least it’s still edible, right? So she brings these to P1 cast reunions. Nanjo is just appalled, and has to excuse himself because he knows he’s just going to be too blunt (prompting Mark to call him a “dickweed” again). Yuka, having no filter, just straight up says how horrible they look, but then she offers to teach Maki how to bake, since she’s pretty damn good at it herself.

heart-crushing and awful: Maki definitely regrets not accompanying Maya to the Nichinmaru. She doesn’t blame Nanjo/Eriko for not being able to save Kandori, but ever since she heard that Kandori was alive again, she’s wanted nothing more than to talk to him again.

She thinks that if she were there at the undersea ruins, maybe she could have convinced him to come along with her. This regret is just going to add to the massive amounts of guilt she feels over the Mikage-Cho incident.

unrealistic: It took ideal Maki a while to perfect her “cringe” negotiation. When she first tried it, she would burst out laughing too much, absolutely ruining it, and angering a lot of demons along the way.

Paz

realistic: Kaz has constantly asked her to come feed treats to Nuke with him. She’s always agreed, because that’s the role she’s supposed to play, but she really hates it at first. Eventually, as she comes to like Kaz more, it becomes the highlight of her day, and she begins to really look forward to it. She finds herself prolonging Nuke’s feeding sessions, just so she can spend more time with Nuke and Kaz.

while it may not be realistic, it is hilarious: So you know how Paz couldn’t stand Kaz at first? She wasn’t exactly subtle about it, so everyone at MSF knew that Paz thought Kaz was an enormous idiot. Cecile was so happy to find someone else who felt that way about Kaz (and she’s always wanted a reason to get closer to Paz), so she goes to Paz to air her grievances about what a pest Monsieur Miller is being. Paz, meanwhile, does not give a single shit. She still thinks Cecile is just a ditz, and now she’s irritated that she has to deal with both Kaz and Cecile’s annoying antics.

heart-crushing and awful: I’ve thought about this for a long time. I really have. But there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can be any more awful than what we got in canon. I have a lot of characters that fall under the “deserved better” category, but Paz takes the top of that list.

Paz is a unique character in Metal Gear in that she was not supposed to have anything to do with war. Other characters’ lives in the series were intertwined with war, whether by choice or by fate. Even characters like Chico or Sunny were born into it, given their parents and upbringing. 

It’s never clear how Zero was able to come in contact with Paz, but I think it was intentional to never specify it. It’s not important to know how Zero found Paz, because fundamentally, Paz is not an important person. She’s nobody special. She was literally just some random orphan living in the US, and Zero went out of his way to drag her into his plans.

To me, Paz’s character parallels the child soldiers in Zanzibar Land. They’re both representative of how ruthless Zero and Big Boss were in their quests to fulfill their interpretations of the Boss’ will. Zero and Big Boss were both willing to employ any tactic possible to reach this end goal, and they didn’t care about the pain and destruction they left in their path.

But I digress...

That being said, I think Paz felt sick when she saw MSF soldiers playing with the mini remote-controlled ZEKE that Huey had built. For her, it was just a reminder of the duty that she had to carry out. She wasn’t allowed to be happy at MSF, and she eventually would have to fight to the death with Snake.

unrealistic: Writing Love Deterrence with Kaz and Zadornov made her want to learn how to play the guitar. In my totally self-indulgent “Zero and Skull Face both get brain aneurysms and drop dead 4 days before Peace Day” AU, Paz approaches Kaz and asks him to give her guitar lessons.

Kaz

realistic: The morning after the monthly birthday party at MSF (you know, where Kaz invited everyone to see the real Kazuhira Miller?), he’s embarrassed as hell. He been so protective of Paz the entire night, and it turned out he was the crudest person at the party. He goes to apologize to Paz, and can barely look her in the eyes as he’s doing so. Paz, meanwhile, can’t stop laughing. Her opinion of Kaz had been softening ever since he visited her when she was sick, but interacting with him during the party had really made her like him. Kaz still feels a bit of shame, but upon seeing Paz genuinely laugh for the first time, he can’t help but feel so publicly embarrassing himself was all worth it.

while it may not be realistic, it is hilarious: MORE 90S FOXHOUND PETTINESS

The first year that both Big Boss and Kaz are at FOXHOUND, Kaz bakes a cake for BB’s birthday. As BB accepts the cake, he wonders if Kaz has forgiven him, but then he looks down at it and sees

And these are the cheapest, shittiest cigarettes that Kaz could make, because you know his petty ass rolled them himself. BB picks up a cigarette and it’s so sloppily rolled that it immediately falls apart and the tobacco spills all over the cake and the floor and BB looks up to Kaz and Kaz is just smiling back like

heart-crushing and awful: Ohoho, I have many thoughts as to Master Miller’s life post-Zanzibar Land and his final moments. Now that Big Boss is finally dead, Kaz’s life loses all meaning. Skull Face, Huey, Big Boss, they’re all dead, and suddenly, the decades of anger he carried with him has nowhere to channel itself to. I think he becomes an empty shell of a man, just sort of running on autopilot.

So when Ocelot breaks into Kaz’s house to kill him, you absolutely know that Ocelot wasn’t discrete about it. There’s no way that Ocelot’s overdramatic cowboy ass didn’t gloat about it, to show that he was able to get the upper hand in the end.

Kaz just doesn’t care.

Kaz’s life is plagued with regrets. While none of it was intentional, his impulsivity and short-sightedness has really screwed over a lot of people and absolutely destroyed so many people’s lives. I think when Ocelot came to kill Kaz (and I’m going to toss in a bit of torture, just because Ocelot’s petty ass remembers Kaz complaining about Ocelot’s getting “too many kicks from his ‘art of interrogation’”), Kaz just resigned and doesn’t even attempt to fight back. He knows that this is a sad and undignified way to die, but he believes that this is karma and he deserves it.

unrealistic: Okay I’ve talked about this a little, but I want to add to it.

Kaz absolutely kept a Burn Book like in Mean Girls.

After MGSV, Big Boss and Ocelot make their way in the book as well. Underneath Ocelot’s picture, Kaz writes “Too gay to function. Also, cowboys are stupid.” BB has got 5 whole pages dedicated to him, but the line that Kaz is most proud of is “Didn't shower for a month... during SUMMER, and to this day still hasn't washed his hair.”

Thank you for asking!

send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.01 Thoughts *spoilers*

- the kids... are JUNIORS? Uh okay.

- VERONICA. MY LOVE. MY BABY. IN A POP’S OUTFIT!!!

- still iffy about Betty being in law... like where’d it come from? Her likeness of it? It’s probably just because of Archie’s trial and the fact that she constantly breaks the law, but still... it seemed to come out of nowhere

- In the narration he talked about Archie, Betty, and Veronica being the “best friends you’ll ever have” and I’m just stating that that means that Jeronica are officially best friends! Y E S BITCH!

- did this bitch seriously just call Nick St. Claire... INNOCENT? And brought up the fact that he pulled a gun on Sweet Pea? I’ve always wanted that confrontation but NOT LIKE THIS.

- MARY ANDREWS! A fucking legend! Her speech was incredible, too. Like, if I was a Riverdale resident and didn’t know Archie, I would definitely believe that he was innocent. But of course something stupid like Archie being a dumbass (love you though, Arch) is going to fuck everything up 🙄🙄🙄

- JOSIE AND KEVIN STANDING SIDE BY SIDE IS ALL I NEEDED!!! I can’t wait to see more of them as step siblings and shit. Maybe she can convince Kevin not to get with Moose lmao I hate him so fucking much

- HIRAM YOU DO NOT GET TO FUCKING TALK TO ARCHIE YOU LITTLE BITCH

- I’VE SEEN SPOILERS SO I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE FRED PUNCH A BITCH

- As amazing as that was though... THAT WOULDN’T HELP ARCHIE’S CASE IT WOULD MAKE IT WORSE!!!

- lmao Hiram gets angry and pushes the guy who kept him from getting back at Fred as if he didn’t start it what a bitch

- dilton and Ben... are really gonna die aren’t they. This is a Midge situation— bring them back to kill them wow... also why does Dilton look like he could be Sweet Pea’s younger brother...

- so both Veronica and Jughead got chocolate shakes. I’m not saying they’re soulmates... but they’re soulmates and I don’t care what Camila says about Jeronica... they’re meant to be together oops

- CHERYL MY BISEXUAL/LESBIAN QUEEN!!!! MAKING HER FUCKING ENTRANCE!

- but it’s so sad that she made the effort to invite all of them to her party but they couldn’t make an exception to couples weekend... like I know it helped Cheryl get with Toni but that’s just... sad.

- ALSO CHERY’S JACKET IM WHEEZING CALL AN AMBULANCE

- of course Choni had three months of development but we won’t see it 🙃🙃🙃

- can’t really hear what Alice and Polly are really saying... but I definitely heard Alice say “ritual” and you never hear that word unless you’re in a cult wake the fuck up alice you can’t be more fucked up than Betty and Polly you need to help save them

- Dr. Glass... therapist? Mmhm but wouldn’t they tell her that she’s too reliant and co-dependent on Jughead and hopefully break them up? I call bullshit on this therapist

- BARCHIE + FRED WORKING ON A CAR TOGEHER WOW WE LOVE A FUTURE ENDGAME BEING HOT ASS MECHANICS TOGETHER WITH HER FUTURE FAMILY

- “we did it dad” the way he said this... might have made me choke... it was so happy and excited, like a kid. I’m NOT CRYING OKAY

- “just in time” *Fred immediately avoids eye contact with Archie before stating he’s going back into the house* BITCH HE’S GOING IN THERE TO CRY HUH LIKE HE’S THINKING ABOUT HIS SON GOING TO JAIL THIS IS HORRIBLE.

- “the jury is still deliberating, you don’t need to put your house in order” Betty... it’s called JUST IN CASE. Plus it would ease his mind so... shut up lmao

- THE TEARS IN RONNIE’S EYES AS SHE’S CONFRONTING HER FATHER BBY NOOOO

- ALSO SHE HAS TO LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS HIM IM SO SORRY SWEETIE GO LIVE WITH JUG OR MOVE IN WITH FRED! She doesn’t deserve this you bitch ass Hiram

- also I’m sad that Hiram doesn’t have a bruise from Fred punching him

- I’ll say it until I die but I’m just gonna say it now: HIRAM IS A BITCH ASS HOE! He literally destroyed Archie’s life and devastated his daughter... all for a fucking P R I S O N

- SWEET PEA AND FANGS HAVE OFFICIALLY BLESSED MY SCREENS YAY. Also Fangs your bisexual ass is showing with that extremely open shirt... and Sweet Pea... you fucking too lmao I love Swangs (no hate but I’m also kinda here for Swosie even though it’s just a fling)

- it’s... so annoying... that Hiram is with the Ghoulies, yet makes out the Serpents to be the worst. Like Hiram your bought gang members are cannibals (apparently), and are the ACTUAL gang that sells and distributes Jingle Jangle soooo wtf

- Jug... you can’t send Fangs without backup. I REPEAT YOU CANNOT SEND FANGS WITHOUT SOME BACKUP! He got shot once and I swear if he’s hurt again I’m going to end you. I only care about certain people: Sweet Pea, Fangs, Cheryl, Toni, Veronica, and Archie... so if you get one of them hurt you’re dead to me

- we all been knew that Archie’s tattoo was fake but LOOK AT FP IN GLASSES I’M

- I love Betty with these outfits. They’re really nice tbh

- Alice... you can’t burn SOMEONE ELSE’S JOURNAL! Also yeah it’s filled with negative shit but that’s why it’s written in journals... to vent and get it over with.

- also if you have to reference someone (Edgar) every sentence you know you’re probably too reliant on them

- although what Alice says about sitting still and shit is kinda true I guess. Betty doesn’t need to be constantly figuring shit out but I’ll just pretend I never agreed with the woman in a fucking cult

- is Polly gonna tell her about her Betty’s “darkness” because PLEASE(or the webcamming). When Alice gets better she can call Betty out on her shit.

- Cheryl’s a queen, I love her place, but Moose is here so uhhhh ew.

- SWOSIE BITCHES!!!! I saw gifs of it and I love it

- “not even a tall, cool drink of sweet water like you...” as she STROKES HIS FUCKING CHEST I’M

- but he was so happy and cute “I can’t wait to see you in the hallways”

- BITCH SWEET PEA IS A ROMANTIC WHAT

- the way he leans back into the kiss is everything, and the way he watches her leave I’m star struck goodbye

- you give me Swosie just to immediately go to Mevin? You couldn’t have gone to another couple at least? Don’t ruin the moment ugh

- Kevin... is proposing... a sex pact? Wtf? But Moose looks so uncomfortable, which I find actually pretty sad. Kevin wants someone who’s out, who isn’t afraid to be with him in public and that person isn’t Moose. He was really happy with Joaquin and now that he knows why Joaquin was slightly distant there’ll be no secrets between them so... bring Joaquin back so Joavin can rise again you cowards! Moose needs to find himself, but he shouldn’t bring Kevin with him. He needs to go through this by himself.

- mmhm Reggie not giving a damn about Archie’s (fake) Serpent tattoo... I want to see Reggie apologize to the Serpents (and also find out that Sweet Pea is his brother oops)

- oh Bc Archie asks Reggie’s cool with the Serpents. I DEFINITELY need an apology right fucking now, Mantle.

- “whatcha thinking bout, babe?” BABE. B A B E. BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE

- I have subtitles on and it says “Tee-Tee” NO ITS T-T (or just TT)

- poor Cheryl 😭😭😭

- but also why the fuck is there a couch outside by the pool lmao

- Veronica is constantly about to cry and I’m... with her. I’m gonna cry too STAWP

- YAS JOSIE!!!!

- dilton... we were all excited to see you again but now you’re just being a creepy weirdo so...

- FANGS MY BBY

- UMMMMMM LEAVE HOTDOG ALONE

- lmao Betty seems so out of place at this little Serpent meeting... she really does not belong there

- “the Serpent Queen is a Warrior queen” the next fucking sentence better be Toni or Sweet Pea shutting her the fuck down. If she was a “Serpent Queen” she would ACTUALLY TRULY care about the Serpents instead of joining so she can stay closer to Jughead and shit

- Sweet Pea slightly shook his head in the background so I’m just gonna... pretend he told Betty to shut the fuck up

- Betty’s gonna fuck everything up and then blame it on someone else isn’t she

- Awww Archie overhearing his parents talking about Archie and the trial. “Even I couldn’t stop Hiram Lodge from getting his claws into our son” STAWP 😭😭😭

- Archie thinks that he deserves this? Bitch BETTY is the one who’s done actual (okay well the worst crimes of the group) crimes but her bitch ass isn’t going to jail! She never gets any repurcussions. If anyone deserves going to jail it’s Betty

- Sheriff Minetta... no one misses you

- Betty has her own Serpent jacket... I mean thanks I hate it but I also hate to admit that she looks actually good in it. Still doesn’t deserve to be a Serpent she’s done nothing for them except bone their “leader”

- lmao Cheryl is strong af pushing Betty back into the car.

- Jughead... do you seriously think they’re going to let you leave with Hot Dog? Lmao maybe you do deserve Betty you two are both idiots

- YASSS CHERYL FUCK MALACHAI UPPPPP

- this weird dream of Archie’s was pretty cool. I was confused for a second but still it was really awesome

- of course the one thing Betty ACTUALLY needs and she lies about it. Also, add forging prescriptions to her list of criminal offenses. Can you just once write Betty to be likable? When she comforted Veronica was great (although still need an apology from her) but that Serpent queen line... omfg no

- although they’re a part of a fucking cult Polly is making some great points.

- YOUNGBLOOD BY 5SOS!!

- So... despite being invited by Cheryl to her party they don’t invite her or anyone else to the fucking water hole place? Wtf

- “last one in gets a sticky maple!” That’s... kind of rude considering what Chuck did to Veronica. Speaking of where is Chuck? Did they start that redemption ark for NOTHING? Also the statement is worse when V is the last to jump in...

- wow look at Varchie being the hottest couple (there. The hottest couple is obviously Choni)

- Jughead you’re not supposed to burn the marshmallows

- JUGHEAD YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL ARCHIE TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT YOU STUPID FUCK

- YES BETTY! GET SOME FUCKING HELP

- If Jughead supports this, they will finally being going in a good direction? For once? Like if you’re going to force this disgusting ship on us at least make them healthy and tolerable

- I hate them but the beanie scene was cute. Probably because Cole actually improvised that

- When Varchie’s scene was still much better, hotter, and aesthetic than Betty and Jughead’s lmao thank you Riverdale

- why do they make Varchie cuter when they’re going to end them? This is bullshit

- hey maybe if they make Betty and Jughead cuter (cause let’s be honest they’ve had like two cute scenes that I’ll admit to lol) they’ll end their relationship too

- VEGAS

- what the fuck dilton lol

- “we can talk about this when I get back” wow that’s a surefire way to make sure that Dilton dies

- like I said Archie does something stupid and ruins EVERYTHING.

- Archie... if you’re FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE no one FUCKING cares that they’d have to go through this shit again. I love you but you’re stupid as fuck

- Veronica 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- ARCHIE’S LAST WORDS WILL BE “I love you, Veronica” IM SOBBING

- Veronica’s look to Hiram is lethal and I’m here for it.

- Honestly... if they somehow manage to make this about Betty I’ll scream because we all know Betty has to be interwoven into every plot

- DADS OF RIVERDALE FUCK YEAH

- ALL OF THEM WORKING TOGETHER? YES BITCH

- AND VERONICA STILL HAS TO GO HOME WITH HIRAM?

- honestly though why didn’t they make her testify awhile ago? They said it was too late but her statement would help? She LIVES with the man, she could easily tell them about how much of a master manipulator he is like... what the fuck

- literally Veronica just wear a wire around Hiram so you can implicate him. He legit just told you that he did all of this to get back at you for choosing him over blood (also wow so healthy)

- “you don’t have a daughter anymore” we love and stan Veronica

- so... Jug shouldn’t have gone alone but uhh Dilton is fucking dead

- um what the fuck is with the babies... and also why is Betty convulsing? Probably gonna be blamed on the supernatural instead of her Adderral. (Also I just reached the limit of this holy fuck lmao)