#i cannot stress how hard it is to have proper grammar and punctuation on mobile so like if i missedsomething plz forgive me

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Slutty Christmas Elf

~with softness~

@electricrituals​ hit me with this delightful prompt : “Hey babe! <3 I have a Christmas prompt idea if you're interested... I'm thinking Geralt is a Mall Santa (unwillingly, probably because he lost a bet, most likely to Lambert) and Jaskier is one of Santa's Elves. Sparks fly and things get NSFW in a... broom closet? Bathroom? Anywhere they absolutely should NOT be ;)” and you bet your ass I sat in the corner of the living room after Thanksgiving dinner listening to Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson sing Christmas songs while writing some hoey Christmas smut on my phone. 

Warnings: well its smutty so 18+ plz, anal fingering, anal sex, gentle dom vibes (no i currently cant write Jask any other way), trying (and failing) to keep quiet, v inappropriate use of a mall storage closet lmao, not a whole lot of up front communication but what is consent if not showing up to a closet for a booty call?  A shitload of swearing - as usual

________________

"You promised, Geralt. Sit your ass down and get the fat pads on your thigh. They'll get sore if you don't." Lambert dangled the red Santa hat in front of Geralt's face with a devious grin. 

Geralt snatched it out of his hands, "Technically, I didn't even lose the bet…" 

Lambert had been walking away but he turned around when he caught the mutter, "Oh, I'm sorry? How many wings did you eat?" 

Geralt rolled his eyes and shoved the hat over his hair. 

"How many? Couldn't hear you!" 

"Twelve…" Geralt sighed. 

Lambert grinned, "That's RIGHT. Don't bet your Saturday on hot wings with me," he damn near skipped back behind the camera. 

Geralt sat for light tests and someone slapping him with a makeup sponge full of blush before he was finally allowed to go get his coffee. 

In the green room all the elves were lounging around, most on their phones, but one was hopping on one foot trying to get those stupid little booties on. 

He only barely had time to set his coffee down before he had an arm full of swearing elf.

"Fuck! Shit, I'm sorry. The cunts just don't fucking fit." The elf stood himself up, using Geralt's shoulder to keep upright as he finally yanked the bootie on. 

Geralt chuckled, "You know this is a kids event right?" 

The elf straightened up, hand formerly gripping Geralt's shoulder now sliding down his biceps as his bright blue eyes sparkled, "Then why'd they hire such a handsome Santa?" 

Geralt blushed, sure the makeup wasn't going to hide his embarrassment, "Lost a bet," he stammered. 

"Good thing we both have more wholesome friends," the elf winked, nodding over to a blonde girl with a guitar on her lap, "I'm Jaskier." 

"Geralt!" Lambert hollered from the hall and Geralt deflated, his eyes nearly rolling out onto the ground. 

"That's me," he squeezed Jaskier’s elbow before walking away, "You gonna stay standing without me?" 

Jaskier grinned, "I'm already swooning." 

Geralt did his best to keep himself from giggling as he jogged back over to Lambert. 

Jaskier, it turned out, was actually very good with kids, especially the ones who were scared but Geralt absolutely didn't pay close attention to him at all. He most certainly didn't look at his ass when he bent down to tie a kids shoe, and he would never glance over at him whenever he heard a particularly musical peak of laughter. Nope. Not Geralt.

Jaskier caught him looking more than he'd like to admit, winking every time. It sent a little swarm of butterflies through his insides and he'd only just met the man. Honestly who the fuck did Geralt think he was? 

When lunch break was called Jaskier made an excuse to sashay up to him and lightly hip-check him, "Hey there big guy. Enjoy your show?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Geralt nearly lost his breath, "So that was intentional?" 

Jaskier rested his elbow on Geralt's shoulder and lowered his voice as Geralt instinctively placed a hand at his back, "We've got an hour and forty minutes before lunch is over…" 

Geralt's eyes bulged but he felt a heat shoot through his body at the suggestion, "How do you want to spend the break?"

Jaskier licked his lips and stood on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "Supply closet past the bathrooms. 5 minutes." 

Jaskier snagged his wallet before he jogged out of the greenroom and down the hall. Geralt was frozen in place. 

Was he really gonna do this? He didn't even know Jaskier’s last name. He might not even have a condom on him. Unless there was one in his gym bag? Yep. He was definitely gonna do this... maybe. 

Lambert appeared out of nowhere while he was rifling through his bag, "Hey! Wanna get lunch at the taco place? My treat." 

Fuck. 

"Uh… rain check? I have uh… have to let Roach out." Geralt snagged his keys and wallet, praying Lambert didn't hear the little crinkle of foil he's hastily tucked into a card slot. 

Lambert quirked an eyebrow at him but shrugged it off, "Long as you're back on time." 

Geralt was speed walking down the hall, internally debating just how good of an idea this was. He might just walk past to his truck and actually go let his dog out. Nope. He glanced up and down the hall before cracking the door open. 

It was dark. Fuck. 

Before his self esteem could take a nosedive the door next to it opened and Jaskier leaned out, "That wasn't five minutes. Get in here. If Lambert finds us that's on you." 

Geralt cupped Jaskier's face and pressed their lips together, kissing him back into the dimly lit room and closing the door behind him, "He's caught me doing worse." 

"Mmm! Top or bottom?" Jaskier squeaked between kisses as he unzipped Geralt from the ridiculous Santa suit. 

He pulled back to step out of the onesie, left in his briefs and undershirt, "What?"

Jaskier was already peeling off his green leggings, "You wanna fuck? Or be fucked?" 

Geralt's cock twitched to life as he sheepishly admitted, "Be fucked." 

Jaskier groaned and bit his lip as he dug a condom out of his wallet, "Merry Christmas to me." 

Geralt chuckled, tossing his condom to Jaskier, "You're getting my hopes up." 

"Oh, darling," a dangerous look flashed in Jaskier's eyes, "pants off, face the door." 

Geralt shivered at his tone and did as he was told, pressing his hands to the cold metal and glancing back over his shoulder. Jaskier tore open one of the packs and rolled the condom over his fingers before coming to stand behind Geralt. 

"Are you going to be good and stay quiet for me?" 

Oh fuck. Geralt's breath hitched at his words and his cock ached to be touched. He bit his lip and nodded vigorously. 

Jaskier ran his other hand over his shoulders and back, guiding his feet back a bit so his ass was better presented, "You like that? Being told what to do? Giving up control?" 

Geralt pressed his forehead on the door, his breath coming in gasps already, "Yes, just don't call me 'honey'."

Jaskier pressed a kiss to his shoulder, "Wouldn't dream of it. Ready?" 

Geralt nodded and Jaskier dragged his two fingers over Geralt's hole, making use of the lube on the condom as best he could. Geralt shivered, and pushed out a breath to keep from moaning as Jaskier massaged his rim. 

"That's it, just relax. Let me make you feel good." Jaskier whispered in his ear, stroking his side and kissing the back of his neck, "Do you want to touch yourself?" 

Geralt hadn't even realized he was waiting for permission but fuck did he want to, "Please?" 

Jaskier stepped to the side a bit, still massaging Geralt while he tipped his chin toward him and kissed him, "Do what you want, love." 

Geralt gripped his cock and pumped ever so slowly, stifling another moan. Jaskier mouthed at his jaw and behind his ear as he slowly pushed one finger in, just to the first knuckle. Geralt's rhythm faltered and he gasped, "More." 

Jaskier's breath was shaky as he began pumping and curling his finger, looking for that lovely little spot. 

"Two," Geralt gasped, "you won't reach it without two fing-ehmm!"

Jaskier did exactly as he was told and a wave of pleasure rolled through Geralt's body, "Like…. This?" Jaskier curled his fingers again and held the pressure on Geralt's prostate for a few seconds while Geralt trembled. 

He whined as he nodded, canting his hips back. 

Jaskier stilled his ministrations and gathered Geralt to his chest to whisper in his ear, "I thought you said you'd be quiet for me?" 

"I can," Geralt whispered, "I promise." 

Jaskier hummed and pressed his palm over the center of Geralt's chest, "I'm going to add another finger. But you have to keep quiet." 

Geralt's hand pressed over Jaskier's, "I will. I will." He panted. 

Jaskier did as he'd said and Geralt bit down on his lip, finally feeling almost full. Jaskier began pumping again, pressing his own erection against Geralt's hip, "Good boy." 

Geralt rocked back against Jaskier's bulge, fucking himself on his fingers, "I'm ready." 

"You sure?" 

"One hundred percent." 

Jaskier pressed against his prostate one more time before slipping his hand out, making Geralt shudder and bite his knuckle to suppress a groan. Jaskier had the second condom out and ready almost immediately, lining himself up at Geralt's entrance as he ran his hands over his back in long soothing strokes. 

"You tell me when," Jaskier cooed, "pause for pause, stop for get out, work?" 

Geralt nodded and repeated the code before leaning against the door on one elbow with his palm flat against the metal, "Go ahead." 

Jaskier moaned as he slowly and steadily pushed in. Geralt twisted his hand over the head of his cock and almost forgot how to exhale he was so full. Jaskier slowly began rocking back and forth, maybe a centimeter or two at a time. As he started to thrust in earnest the bells on his costume started to jingle in time. 

Geralt tried to ignore it, but it was just so ridiculous and he was going to start laugh soon, "Jask, p-pause," he chuckled.

Jaskier froze, a hand coming to Geralt's neck and jaw, asking him wordlessly to look at him, "what is it?"

"The bells. Its- fuck it's too funny." 

Jaskier laughed as he peeled his shirt off and tossed it in a heap with his leggings, "Thank gods, they’re annoying." 

Geralt huffed in amusement as he rocked his hips a bit but his breaths quickly turned to pants as Jaskier picked up his pace again. For as quiet as he'd told Geralt to be, Jaskier was moaning wantonly whenever Geralt clenched or hummed as he brushed his prostate. 

Geralt had given up stroking his cock in favor of squeezing at the base for a while when Jaskier finally said he was close, staving off his orgasm as long as he could. The sweet slick fullness mixed with the near panic of constantly being on the edge was intoxicating and Geralt wanted to hang onto every second. 

Jaskier held his hips and squeezed like he'd really wanted to dig in and Geralt wished he would, "Are you-?" 

"Yes," Geralt really wasn't sure how he formed words, his whole body was pulsing and shaking. 

"F-fuck! Oh, Geralt. Sonofa-hmmm." Jaskier came with rough thrusts, keeping one hand wrapped around the base of the condom as he rode out his orgasm. 

Geralt gave himself three good pumps and that was all it took to send him over the edge. He barely kept his legs under him as he shook and groaned while Jaskier pulled out to dispose of the condom. He pressed his cheek against the door and sighed at the relief on his slightly sweaty skin, only mildly aware of Jaskier getting dressed behind him. 

"Geralt, how do you feel?" Jaskier brushed some stray hairs out of his face. 

"Hmmm."

"Good hmmm?" 

Geralt nodded and pushed off the door, running a hand through his hair to pull himself together. 

Jaskier didn't seem to be in a rush though, helping him get dressed and clean up in his rather hazy afterglow. He lead Geralt over to one of the benches and sat down, pulling Geralt into his lap, straddling his hips. His arms wrapped around Geralt's waist and pulled him close, one hand snaking into his hair and lightly scratching little circles on his scalp. Geralt hummed in exhausted pleasure and laid his head on Jaskier's shoulders, wrapping his arms around his ribs. 

"For as scary as you look, you're a big softie," Jaskier laughed, giving him a little squeeze. 

Geralt heaved a sigh as if raising his head from Jaskier's shoulder was a monumental effort, "I thought you said 'handsome'?" He teased, looking to Jaskier's lips as if to ask permission. 

Jaskier pressed a soft kiss to his lips, overwhelmingly gentle for a quickie in a supply closet, "Scary good-looking," he mumbled between kisses. 

Geralt let out an amused huff and before he could stop himself, asked, "Wanna go get lunch?" 

Jaskier pulled back to look at him in bewilderment. 

Geralt scrambled to take it back, failing miserably, "Unless- I mean. We fucked in a mall closet I'm not saying- i- fuck, I ruined it." 

Jaskier placed a finger over his lips and smiled, "I'd love to." 

[makeitwithmike]

5 Powerful Writing Books For Mastering The Art of Web Copywriting

By Jini Maxin

Words sell your wares online… it’s true! Even if you load your website with images and rely on a high-res Instagram account, you still need well-written captions and concise CTAs.

Create a website minus any copy and see what happens. I bet Google spiders won’t crawl your pages. Your website won’t rank well in SERPs. And traffic won’t come your way.

Here’s why: because Google recognizes words and not images. Words are the true currency of the web.

But of course you need to string pearls and not potatoes together to create compelling content for your online wares. Whether it be it your product descriptions, website text, marketing eblasts, blog posts or newsletters, believe me when I say that every word you use has a definite role to play when it comes to your conversion rate.

If your words don’t mean a thing to users, it would defeat the very purpose of coming up with a good product or service in the first place, right?

But given that there are over 1,000,000,000 websites in the world competing for attention, it’s intimidating even trying to write well, let alone actually doing it. Here are five powerful books that will help you get on the right track.

1. ‘Web Copy That Sells’ by Maria Veloso

Do you think web copywriting and print copywriting are the same thing?

If, yes, then you are wrong my friend.

And you don’t have to just take my word for it. Read Web Copy That Sells by Mario Veloso and all your doubts will be allayed.

For me, this book was an eye-opener. As a fan of fictional books, I would go to great lengths to make sure my business blog posts sounded like one of the authors I was currently stuck on… be it J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, Clive Cussler, Kathy Reichs or Cecelia Ahern.

But then, Mario Veloso’s book came to my attention and I thought, what am I doing?! Sense, finally, struck.

Principles of print shouldn’t be applied to the web; the book made this point loud and clear. Your web copy is intended for one purpose: to make sales, not to win some Man Booker or Pulitzer Prize. You’ve still got to craft the copy but it should be fairly concise and to-the-point.

Bottom line: Cut the clutter. Inject some emotion.

That said, don’t stop reading fictional stuff. Do not, I repeat, do not stop reading fictional stuff. Because it gets your emotional juices flowing. And sometimes, you can derive some amazing concepts out of it. Check out my previous post here, which was heavily influenced by the Harry Potter series.

Key takeaways:

Write advertorial copy – no direct selling messages, please.

Use plain and simple words that will appeal to your target audience.

Keep the content scannable for people who read on smartphones or tablets.

Focus on bite-sized chunks and avoid corporate speak.

Use text boxes while introducing stories, testimonials and case studies.

Employ the cliffhanger principle to make people click to another page.

This is the ultimate book in web copywriting, in my opinion. It really gets you thinking about how to write perfect web copy and the psychology behind it. It teaches you how to mathematically calculate the selling ability of your website and trains you to write copy that gets readers salivating for your product or service.

2. ‘On Writing Well’ by William Zinsser

If you are planning to read only one book on writing this year, then this should be the book. I simply cannot stress enough how much this classic text on writing can help you improve your writing style. It’s practically a bible for those who love words.

When I came across it, I was super desperate to make my technical copy sound… well… super technical.

On Writing Well helped me figure out how and since then, honestly speaking, my writing has changed for the better.

It helps you focus enough on using short words, shorter sentences and shorter paragraphs. It teaches you that just because you’re writing technical copy, there’s no need to overstuff it with technical jargon that makes no sense to the general population (i.e., non-technical folks).

This is important because the majority of online readers include non-technical folks as well, and it’s equally important for them to figure what all the fuss is all about, especially if you are looking for more ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ for your post on social media.

Furthermore, the writing principles included in this book are generic in nature and thus can be applied to all domains of writing.

Key takeaways:

If any technical expert says your piece is ‘dumb’, that’s their problem, not yours. Strengthen your piece with your own experience and be sincere. Your best credential is yourself.

Think small. Decide what corner of your subject you’re going to bite off and be content to cover it and stop.

Express your opinions. Use ‘I’ wherever you can.

Find more about this book: The 30th Anniversary Edition On Writing Well by William Zinsser

3. ‘On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft’ by Stephen King

The lover of night and the macabre, Stephen King, has no fewer than 66 non-fiction books to his name. On Writing: 10th Anniversary Edition: A Memoir of the Craft is his one non-fiction offering and it’s insanely popular. Writers everywhere use it as a resource to read, think and act upon.

It’s part memoir, part craft of writing. It details King’s early years in the company of a single mother who encouraged him to write his own original stuff; his constant tug-of-war with his insecurities; his experience working in a laundry while writing his popular novel Carrie; and writing 2,000 words every damn day.

There’s a complete chapter on King’s writing ‘toolbox’ as well. However, the most important takeaway is his attitude to writing; which can be explained thus: “you must not come lightly to the blank page.”

Simply put, writing is hard work. Be prepared to put in the hours.

Key takeaway:

“One of the really bad things you can do to your writing is to dress up the vocabulary, looking for long words because you’re maybe a little ashamed of your short ones.”

4. ‘Syntax and Sin’ by Constance Hale

“One pearl is better than a whole necklace of potatoes.” That’s the opening line of Syntax and Sin and it had me hooked from the get-go – that’s why I used it in the start of this post.

The author, Constance Hale, aptly describes empty words as ‘potatoes’ and rich words as ‘pearls’. In her opinion, only a few words are fit to be strung into a sentence and it’s the job of the writer to identify them and pull them together – word by word.

The book partly deals with grammar rules, and partly with tips on how to produce ‘sinfully’ good prose. And, if you suffer from the misconceived notion that grammar books are dry and stuffy, rest assured that Syntax and Sin is nothing of the sort.

It’s one of the hippest grammar books I’ve ever read. The writing is out of this world, and the grammar lessons are extraordinary. It makes you want to write. It’s so inspirational.

Some of the examples of how to write the ‘perfect lead’ literally give you awestruck moments thanks to Hale’s straightforward approach and matter-of-fact tone.

If you are hoping to make the lead sentence of your blog posts stop the reader dead in their tracks, read this book.

Key takeaway:

“One pearl is better than a whole necklace of potatoes.”

5. ‘Penguin Guide To Punctuation’ by R.L. Trask

Do you know exactly when to use the capital letter ‘P’ for President and small letter ‘p’ for president? Do you know about the four types of commas? Or do you worry that your web copy is riddled with tiny errors that could cost you credibility?

If so, then you need to go order the Penguin Guide to Punctuation. The book literally proves that big things come in small packages. All 156 pages in length, it sheds light on the proper usage of colons, semi-colons, apostrophes, quotation marks, italics, boldface and much more in an easily digestible way.

This book is actually the only reference tool you need for grammar and punctuation.

Key takeaways:

Differences in American usage and British usage are very precise, and very important.

As a general rule, never use an apostrophe in writing plural forms. It is absolutely wrong to write pizza’s, video’s, fine wine’s, cream tea’s, and mountain bike’s.

Conclusion

Whether it’s one of them or all of them, the books above are of indispensable value to aspiring or indeed seasoned copywriters. Two other books, On Writing Life by Annie Dilliard and The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, are also great resources and well worth a read, especially the latter one.

Now, it’s your turn. Tell me, which writing books have inspired you to come up with better web copy, and other marketing communications?

I would love to hear what has helped you shoot up your dull sales.

Guest Author: Jini Maxin is a senior writer at OpenXcell – a top Mobile App Development Company. She has a masters degree in journalism and mass communications and is a frequent contributor to several top online publications and websites. Her favorite pastimes include reading books (both fiction and nonfiction) and being introspective. Get in touch with her on Linkedin and Twitter.

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