#tis the season to be hoey

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Slutty Christmas Elf

~with softness~

@electricrituals​ hit me with this delightful prompt : “Hey babe! <3 I have a Christmas prompt idea if you're interested... I'm thinking Geralt is a Mall Santa (unwillingly, probably because he lost a bet, most likely to Lambert) and Jaskier is one of Santa's Elves. Sparks fly and things get NSFW in a... broom closet? Bathroom? Anywhere they absolutely should NOT be ;)” and you bet your ass I sat in the corner of the living room after Thanksgiving dinner listening to Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson sing Christmas songs while writing some hoey Christmas smut on my phone. 

Warnings: well its smutty so 18+ plz, anal fingering, anal sex, gentle dom vibes (no i currently cant write Jask any other way), trying (and failing) to keep quiet, v inappropriate use of a mall storage closet lmao, not a whole lot of up front communication but what is consent if not showing up to a closet for a booty call?  A shitload of swearing - as usual

________________

"You promised, Geralt. Sit your ass down and get the fat pads on your thigh. They'll get sore if you don't." Lambert dangled the red Santa hat in front of Geralt's face with a devious grin. 

Geralt snatched it out of his hands, "Technically, I didn't even lose the bet…" 

Lambert had been walking away but he turned around when he caught the mutter, "Oh, I'm sorry? How many wings did you eat?" 

Geralt rolled his eyes and shoved the hat over his hair. 

"How many? Couldn't hear you!" 

"Twelve…" Geralt sighed. 

Lambert grinned, "That's RIGHT. Don't bet your Saturday on hot wings with me," he damn near skipped back behind the camera. 

Geralt sat for light tests and someone slapping him with a makeup sponge full of blush before he was finally allowed to go get his coffee. 

In the green room all the elves were lounging around, most on their phones, but one was hopping on one foot trying to get those stupid little booties on. 

He only barely had time to set his coffee down before he had an arm full of swearing elf.

"Fuck! Shit, I'm sorry. The cunts just don't fucking fit." The elf stood himself up, using Geralt's shoulder to keep upright as he finally yanked the bootie on. 

Geralt chuckled, "You know this is a kids event right?" 

The elf straightened up, hand formerly gripping Geralt's shoulder now sliding down his biceps as his bright blue eyes sparkled, "Then why'd they hire such a handsome Santa?" 

Geralt blushed, sure the makeup wasn't going to hide his embarrassment, "Lost a bet," he stammered. 

"Good thing we both have more wholesome friends," the elf winked, nodding over to a blonde girl with a guitar on her lap, "I'm Jaskier." 

"Geralt!" Lambert hollered from the hall and Geralt deflated, his eyes nearly rolling out onto the ground. 

"That's me," he squeezed Jaskier’s elbow before walking away, "You gonna stay standing without me?" 

Jaskier grinned, "I'm already swooning." 

Geralt did his best to keep himself from giggling as he jogged back over to Lambert. 

Jaskier, it turned out, was actually very good with kids, especially the ones who were scared but Geralt absolutely didn't pay close attention to him at all. He most certainly didn't look at his ass when he bent down to tie a kids shoe, and he would never glance over at him whenever he heard a particularly musical peak of laughter. Nope. Not Geralt.

Jaskier caught him looking more than he'd like to admit, winking every time. It sent a little swarm of butterflies through his insides and he'd only just met the man. Honestly who the fuck did Geralt think he was? 

When lunch break was called Jaskier made an excuse to sashay up to him and lightly hip-check him, "Hey there big guy. Enjoy your show?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Geralt nearly lost his breath, "So that was intentional?" 

Jaskier rested his elbow on Geralt's shoulder and lowered his voice as Geralt instinctively placed a hand at his back, "We've got an hour and forty minutes before lunch is over…" 

Geralt's eyes bulged but he felt a heat shoot through his body at the suggestion, "How do you want to spend the break?"

Jaskier licked his lips and stood on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "Supply closet past the bathrooms. 5 minutes." 

Jaskier snagged his wallet before he jogged out of the greenroom and down the hall. Geralt was frozen in place. 

Was he really gonna do this? He didn't even know Jaskier’s last name. He might not even have a condom on him. Unless there was one in his gym bag? Yep. He was definitely gonna do this... maybe. 

Lambert appeared out of nowhere while he was rifling through his bag, "Hey! Wanna get lunch at the taco place? My treat." 

Fuck. 

"Uh… rain check? I have uh… have to let Roach out." Geralt snagged his keys and wallet, praying Lambert didn't hear the little crinkle of foil he's hastily tucked into a card slot. 

Lambert quirked an eyebrow at him but shrugged it off, "Long as you're back on time." 

Geralt was speed walking down the hall, internally debating just how good of an idea this was. He might just walk past to his truck and actually go let his dog out. Nope. He glanced up and down the hall before cracking the door open. 

It was dark. Fuck. 

Before his self esteem could take a nosedive the door next to it opened and Jaskier leaned out, "That wasn't five minutes. Get in here. If Lambert finds us that's on you." 

Geralt cupped Jaskier's face and pressed their lips together, kissing him back into the dimly lit room and closing the door behind him, "He's caught me doing worse." 

"Mmm! Top or bottom?" Jaskier squeaked between kisses as he unzipped Geralt from the ridiculous Santa suit. 

He pulled back to step out of the onesie, left in his briefs and undershirt, "What?"

Jaskier was already peeling off his green leggings, "You wanna fuck? Or be fucked?" 

Geralt's cock twitched to life as he sheepishly admitted, "Be fucked." 

Jaskier groaned and bit his lip as he dug a condom out of his wallet, "Merry Christmas to me." 

Geralt chuckled, tossing his condom to Jaskier, "You're getting my hopes up." 

"Oh, darling," a dangerous look flashed in Jaskier's eyes, "pants off, face the door." 

Geralt shivered at his tone and did as he was told, pressing his hands to the cold metal and glancing back over his shoulder. Jaskier tore open one of the packs and rolled the condom over his fingers before coming to stand behind Geralt. 

"Are you going to be good and stay quiet for me?" 

Oh fuck. Geralt's breath hitched at his words and his cock ached to be touched. He bit his lip and nodded vigorously. 

Jaskier ran his other hand over his shoulders and back, guiding his feet back a bit so his ass was better presented, "You like that? Being told what to do? Giving up control?" 

Geralt pressed his forehead on the door, his breath coming in gasps already, "Yes, just don't call me 'honey'."

Jaskier pressed a kiss to his shoulder, "Wouldn't dream of it. Ready?" 

Geralt nodded and Jaskier dragged his two fingers over Geralt's hole, making use of the lube on the condom as best he could. Geralt shivered, and pushed out a breath to keep from moaning as Jaskier massaged his rim. 

"That's it, just relax. Let me make you feel good." Jaskier whispered in his ear, stroking his side and kissing the back of his neck, "Do you want to touch yourself?" 

Geralt hadn't even realized he was waiting for permission but fuck did he want to, "Please?" 

Jaskier stepped to the side a bit, still massaging Geralt while he tipped his chin toward him and kissed him, "Do what you want, love." 

Geralt gripped his cock and pumped ever so slowly, stifling another moan. Jaskier mouthed at his jaw and behind his ear as he slowly pushed one finger in, just to the first knuckle. Geralt's rhythm faltered and he gasped, "More." 

Jaskier's breath was shaky as he began pumping and curling his finger, looking for that lovely little spot. 

"Two," Geralt gasped, "you won't reach it without two fing-ehmm!"

Jaskier did exactly as he was told and a wave of pleasure rolled through Geralt's body, "Like…. This?" Jaskier curled his fingers again and held the pressure on Geralt's prostate for a few seconds while Geralt trembled. 

He whined as he nodded, canting his hips back. 

Jaskier stilled his ministrations and gathered Geralt to his chest to whisper in his ear, "I thought you said you'd be quiet for me?" 

"I can," Geralt whispered, "I promise." 

Jaskier hummed and pressed his palm over the center of Geralt's chest, "I'm going to add another finger. But you have to keep quiet." 

Geralt's hand pressed over Jaskier's, "I will. I will." He panted. 

Jaskier did as he'd said and Geralt bit down on his lip, finally feeling almost full. Jaskier began pumping again, pressing his own erection against Geralt's hip, "Good boy." 

Geralt rocked back against Jaskier's bulge, fucking himself on his fingers, "I'm ready." 

"You sure?" 

"One hundred percent." 

Jaskier pressed against his prostate one more time before slipping his hand out, making Geralt shudder and bite his knuckle to suppress a groan. Jaskier had the second condom out and ready almost immediately, lining himself up at Geralt's entrance as he ran his hands over his back in long soothing strokes. 

"You tell me when," Jaskier cooed, "pause for pause, stop for get out, work?" 

Geralt nodded and repeated the code before leaning against the door on one elbow with his palm flat against the metal, "Go ahead." 

Jaskier moaned as he slowly and steadily pushed in. Geralt twisted his hand over the head of his cock and almost forgot how to exhale he was so full. Jaskier slowly began rocking back and forth, maybe a centimeter or two at a time. As he started to thrust in earnest the bells on his costume started to jingle in time. 

Geralt tried to ignore it, but it was just so ridiculous and he was going to start laugh soon, "Jask, p-pause," he chuckled.

Jaskier froze, a hand coming to Geralt's neck and jaw, asking him wordlessly to look at him, "what is it?"

"The bells. Its- fuck it's too funny." 

Jaskier laughed as he peeled his shirt off and tossed it in a heap with his leggings, "Thank gods, they’re annoying." 

Geralt huffed in amusement as he rocked his hips a bit but his breaths quickly turned to pants as Jaskier picked up his pace again. For as quiet as he'd told Geralt to be, Jaskier was moaning wantonly whenever Geralt clenched or hummed as he brushed his prostate. 

Geralt had given up stroking his cock in favor of squeezing at the base for a while when Jaskier finally said he was close, staving off his orgasm as long as he could. The sweet slick fullness mixed with the near panic of constantly being on the edge was intoxicating and Geralt wanted to hang onto every second. 

Jaskier held his hips and squeezed like he'd really wanted to dig in and Geralt wished he would, "Are you-?" 

"Yes," Geralt really wasn't sure how he formed words, his whole body was pulsing and shaking. 

"F-fuck! Oh, Geralt. Sonofa-hmmm." Jaskier came with rough thrusts, keeping one hand wrapped around the base of the condom as he rode out his orgasm. 

Geralt gave himself three good pumps and that was all it took to send him over the edge. He barely kept his legs under him as he shook and groaned while Jaskier pulled out to dispose of the condom. He pressed his cheek against the door and sighed at the relief on his slightly sweaty skin, only mildly aware of Jaskier getting dressed behind him. 

"Geralt, how do you feel?" Jaskier brushed some stray hairs out of his face. 

"Hmmm."

"Good hmmm?" 

Geralt nodded and pushed off the door, running a hand through his hair to pull himself together. 

Jaskier didn't seem to be in a rush though, helping him get dressed and clean up in his rather hazy afterglow. He lead Geralt over to one of the benches and sat down, pulling Geralt into his lap, straddling his hips. His arms wrapped around Geralt's waist and pulled him close, one hand snaking into his hair and lightly scratching little circles on his scalp. Geralt hummed in exhausted pleasure and laid his head on Jaskier's shoulders, wrapping his arms around his ribs. 

"For as scary as you look, you're a big softie," Jaskier laughed, giving him a little squeeze. 

Geralt heaved a sigh as if raising his head from Jaskier's shoulder was a monumental effort, "I thought you said 'handsome'?" He teased, looking to Jaskier's lips as if to ask permission. 

Jaskier pressed a soft kiss to his lips, overwhelmingly gentle for a quickie in a supply closet, "Scary good-looking," he mumbled between kisses. 

Geralt let out an amused huff and before he could stop himself, asked, "Wanna go get lunch?" 

Jaskier pulled back to look at him in bewilderment. 

Geralt scrambled to take it back, failing miserably, "Unless- I mean. We fucked in a mall closet I'm not saying- i- fuck, I ruined it." 

Jaskier placed a finger over his lips and smiled, "I'd love to." 

[suaneio-blog]

Are you introverted or shy?

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