#i cant comprehend how someone could be so dense as to not only think of the free apatizer gesture as rude

[turquoise-stones]

Edge of Insanity Ch. 4: Hate

yandere!Todoroki x fem!reader

Previous Chapter

A/N: Next chapter will have fluff, I promise there won't be sadness much longer!

. . .

Maybe you had just been too tired that morning to notice, but people's eyes definitely lingered on yours in the hallways. You put your head down, trying to hide away your red eyes. You wanted to go up to them and scream the truth into their face, but of course it wouldn't do any good. It was almost comical how fast your happiness was whisked away. You had work so so hard, until your body ached and your head pounded with quirk overuse, to escape into Class 1-A. But it was clear to you in that moment that she would never stop targeting you.

You wandered into the cafeteria, trying not to notice the eyes that followed you when you walked by. You kept your head down, hoping they wouldn't notice your burning flush of shame. Looking around, you were slightly panicked when you saw your usual spot empty. The friends that would normally wave cheerfully at you were gone. Panic and dread washed over you in waves as you looked around wildly. They probably heard about the rumor, and they probably left to avoid associating with you. Damnit, you didn't find them fast enough, and you didn't explain everything in time… you never told them about Inomata and she had cut them all from your life in one fell swoop. You had finally found a community, a family where you felt safe and happy, and in one day, completely out of your control, it was all gone.

Everything was spiraling away. Your integrity was destroyed and your friends were gone. The past couple weeks of happiness were slipping away, all with one evil, evil post. You caught her looking at you. When you met those steely gray eyes, she merely gave you a sweet smile and turned away. You wanted to kill her.

Turning from the cafeteria, you rushed out. Deafening buzzing to resonate in your ears. You desperately turned the corner, feeling the stares of everyone behind you.

Finally out of prying eyes, you leaned against the wall with a shaky gasp. You shut your eyes and clamped a hand over your mouth to suppress the sobs. If the school thought you were a faker, fine, so be it, they were all strangers anyways. But the thought of your friends hating you was too painful to bear.

. . .

...don't know anything about her. So don't you dare gossip about her behind her back."

You perked your head up and slowed to a stop as a familiar croaky voice from around the corner pulled you from your numb thoughts.

"Now excuse me, I need to go find her. And the next time you see (y/n), you'd better apologize for not believing in her!"

In the whole month that you had known her, you had never heard Tsuya raise her voice, ever. What was she saying? You couldn't quite comprehend...

"(Y/n)! Oh my- Ochako there she is!" A voice from behind you called. Spinning around, you saw Midoriya and Uraraka speed walking towards you, waving frantically. Eyes widening, you tried to escape by turning the corner only to bump straight into Tsuya, whose face was still flushed with anger. And suddenly you were surrounded.

"(Y/n)! We've been looking everywhere!" Tsuya cried, before doing a double take. "You look so sad…"

You flinched away from them, their wide eyes becoming too intense to look at. Your heart was starting to beat faster and the tears you had just managed to stop were coming back. You really did not want to face them so soon. You didn't ever want to face them.

Urakara stopped you with a hand on your forearm. You squirmed away from her but she held you firm, brushing aside your messy hair and gently poked the wetness on your cheek with a concerned look.

"Oh (y/n)... please don't cry, we're not going to get angry."

"I don't want to talk to you guys right now." You said, voice cracking. "Let me go."

Uraraka shook her head firmly. "We heard the rumors and when you didn't come to lunch we were worried about you."

Midoriya nodded in agreement. He looked probably just as distressed as you did. "I cant believe the people here would do such a… a… cruel thing!"

"W-what?"

"You'd think people had better things to do with their time." Tsuya croaked. Midoriya nodded seriously at her.

"Do you know who did it?" Uraraka piped up.

"Huh?" You stopped squirming in Uraraka's hold and finally looked closely at them. And it hit you that they didn't look angry or disappointed… if anything they looked worried.

"Who spread the rumor?"

"You guys… don't believe it?"

The three of them blinked at you before an outpour of 'of course nots' and 'we would nevers' rushed at you.

"Did you think we'd believe some stupid rumor?" Midoriya asked, looking almost hurt at your lack of belief in them. You gaped at them. They were serious… the feeling of relief that washed over you was indescribable. You were so grateful. So grateful that you had friends that believed in you.

"N-no! I just… earlier today, Shinsou…"

"What did Shinsou do to you?" Uraraka asked angrily, eyes narrowing as she remembered the times when Shinsou would not so subtly poke fun at you.

"N-nothing…"

Urakara let out a sigh before raising her arms pulling you close into a big hug. You stiffened in surprise for a moment before returning the embrace. Her warm hands patted you soothingly on the back, and you felt heat prick at the back of your eyes. It had been a long time since anyone had held you like that.

You peeked from around her so see Tsuya and Midoriya looking at you with soft gazes. Even if the whole school thought you were scum, it warmed your heart that your friends would stand at your side.

"You… you guys are the best." You said, getting choked up. Uraraka gave you a tight squeeze. "Thank you… for not doubting me."

. . .

The rest of the day was nothing but stressful. After lunch, you explained the situation to your classmates of 1-A, and you hoped that they took your word over any rumors. Thankfully, they confirmed that seeing you work so hard in class was more than proof that the lies were nothing more than lies.

While your classmates were understanding, everyone else was not. When you were called to the principal's office, you were certain that you were going to be expelled. You were practically shaking with anxiety and fear when you stumbled out an explanation, but Principle Mezo ultimately cleared you because he couldn't find any trace of bribery in the treasury files.

However, even if some people could civilly deal with facts and numbers and accept the truth, others turned their nose up at you. In such a prestigious school such as U.A, where everyone worked impossibly hard to get in, students were more averse to foul play than normal. Someone even went as far as to call you out in the hallway. After that, your friends followed you made sure to follow you from class to class as bodyguards, which made you more thankful than you could ever say.

But your friends couldn't always be with you.

You flushed the toilet, pulling your heavy backpack onto your shoulder before shouldering your way out of the bathroom stall. Hearing the sound of running water, you glanced up and froze, ice running down your spine. There she was, with her long black hair steely gray eyes, washing her hands in the sink. She glanced at herself in the mirror, before spotting your stare behind her reflection. You watched as her eyebrows perked up and a slight smirk wound its way onto her face.

Seeing her, Inomata, the source of all your pain and stress, after the incident she pulled today filled you with such burning rage that you were practically shaking. And that expression… it was apparent that she held no shame or pity. You couldn't understand how someone could be so one dimensionally evil in her actions.

She slowly turned around, cast you a leisurely smile, before reaching for the paper towels.

You stared her down with an unpleasant scowl on your face. She wiped and tossed the towel before starting to walk out. No. You were not going to let her leave like that, without acknowledging your rage, without being punished. You weren't one for confrontation, but your body acted before you could stop yourself.

In a split second you were at the door, hand holding the handle shut and body blocking her exit.

"Get out of my way." She said quietly, lips pulling up in displeasure.

"Don't ignore me." You hissed back. She rolled her eyes.

"I'll ignore whoever I damn so please. Now get out of my fucking way." Her biting tone was barely concealed under her even voice. You didn't budge.

"Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you, dear classmate of mine. I simply want you to move."

"I never did anything to you." You hissed, eyes narrowing. She let out a sigh, anything but thrilled to be cornered here.

"Don't be so dense. You're quirk is too damn similar to mine. In this world, you're either the goddamn best or you're a fucking nobody."

You were taken aback. Somehow you never noticed, but her quirk, even her fighting style matched yours. The general studies teacher had always paired the two of you together and now it was making more and more sense why...

"Is that it? Is that why you're such a… a… bitch towards me?" You said angrily. "The world needs every hero it can get, this isn't some… some competition!"

"Get over yourself (y/n). Fine. Do you know why I hate you? It's because you think you're so cute and pure."

"W- I'm not-"

"SHUT UP. Stop acting like you're on some sort of moral high ground. This isn't some fairy tale where we all hold hands and skip to the finish line. I hate the break you bubble but whoever is stronger will end up on top."

"That's n-"

"And that little post I made? I never mentioned anyone's name. Everyone just seems to think it's you. Maybe cause they just assume someone as weak and useless as you couldn't possibly be in 1-A".

You flinched at her words. You didn't want to believe it.

Her eyes narrowed and her lips curled up as she watched your expression twitch.

"I hope you got what you wanted here." She said, scathingly sarcastic.

You were frozen as she shoved you aside, knocking your hand off the doorknob and pushing the door open. She paused for a second as the two of you stood side by side.

"You may be in a different class, now but don't you think for a goddamn second that you're stronger than me. I swear to God (y/n)... I will be on top. Even if I die trying."

With that she was gone. The door swung back and hit your back with a quiet thump.

Next Chapter

[whump-but-make-it-gay]

Febuwhump day 2

Prompt: I cant take this anymore  

Fandom: Once upon a time

Setting: After Cora death (s2e16)

TW: Grief about a dead character, child abuse

@febuwhump

Regina stepped away from the grave, her face distorted into a mask of grief and anger. It wasn't the first time she buried her mother. Strange how time changes someone. Last time she sent somebody to kill her and they tricked her into believing that Cora was dead.

She shook her head at the thought. She was so dense at this time, so consumed by her revenge. Now, she was tricked again, not into believing her mother was dead but into killing her. The only person that was there for her. Regina laughed at the irony.

It wasn't a happy laugh, but a dark one, mixed up with sobs. She killed both of her parents. The only persons who had supported her. Her father wanted her to be happy. He never said how wrong she were. He was always a bystander, when her mother talked her down, mocked her and hurt her. And when Regina hurt herself and other ones, he watched it in silence.

Thinking about her father let the tears stream down her cheeks freely. She stumbled through her vault before sinking down a wall. Her head was buried in her knees as she sobbed. Why did she always end up miserable? Why not Miss Swan? Why did she has to be like Snow, so dense and so full of herself?

The situation felt so painfully familiar, crying alone, being alone. Henry was with Miss Swan, why would he ever choose the Evil Queen when he could have the Savior? It was foolish to believe someone could love her. Regina knew she would always love her son, even though he chose Emma.

Sobs shook her body when she thought about Henry. When she was a child she would have done anything to be loved by her mother. Looking back, Regina could notice that her mother didn't have a heart. Cora was cold, distant and always focused on one goal: being queen. She never succeeded, all she did was making her queen. Regina never wanted this life, royalty meant nothing to her.

She remembered her strict mother, how she forbid Regina to talk to others because they were beneath her. How she would be punished if she misbehaved. The beatings never stopped, no matter how much she pleaded. How often did she wished for her mother just to love her how she was? She stopped counting after years and she stopped wishing for it when she was 14.

Now she understood the incapability of loving her mother had, however, she would never intentionally hurt Henry. Knowing that she hurt him too much already made her want to cry even more. Regina never wanted him to feel as unloved as she did, when her mother hit her, locked her in her room or made her stop eating for days, so that, she stayed slim enough for possible suitors. The memory of this caused her stomach to flip.

Regina remembered clearly, it was the day just before her 15 birthday. Having to sit at the table, watching the men her mother wanted to marry her off to, not being able to say something for herself; this was always the worst for her. Two dukes were already there, watching her like a price to be won. After the second one left, she had confronted her mother.

"Why do I have to do this?" Regina screamed these words demanding at her mother.

"Because you will never find a man by yourself. You are too stupid for that," Cora hissed at her.

"Maybe I don't want to marry a man! I want a live on my own!" Tears streamed down her cheeks. It was the first time she dared to yell that at her mother. She knew she would be punished for that.

"Oh stupid child. You don't know it but you need me. One day you will be thankful for what I did for you. Now dry your tears and change that awful posture of yours. The Earl of mist haven is visiting us today." Coras' face showed no empathy for her daughters words.

"No mother! I can't take this anymore! I don't want this." Sobs wrecked her body as she tried to catch her breath again. The corset she had to wear became unbelievably tight. Before she could comprehend what happened to her, she saw her mother smiling an icy smile while twirling her finger in the air.

Regina panicked, she couldn't gasp for oxygen and her guts were squeezed in the tight fabric. Black spots clouded her sight until she could feel herself crashing to the ground.

The next thing Regina was able to remember was waking up in her bed with bruises all over her ribs, stomach and sides. It wasn't the first time Cora hurt her like this and it also wasn't the last time.

Still sobbing, the walls and the air began to make her feel suffocated. She stood up and her legs nearly gave in at the sudden movement. Without looking back at her mother's grave, she left the vault in a hurry.

[zenosanalytic]

Harrow the Ninth: Flotsam

So I’m currently on page 136 and have more stuff to palaverate. Again: Spoilers if you aren’t to that point.

But gosh this book is dense! Not in a bad way certainly, but there’s just such a sense of Stuff going on in it, and I keep finding myself reading passages over and over again & checking vocabulary to make sure I’m grasping it, which works REALLY WELL with a narrative abt someone buried in grief, struggling with unreality, and not entirely in control of their own thoughts, behavior, and body.

“Insanity”, The Body, and Gideon

Ok so now I know that, whatever this is, it’s not JUST a psychological break but also some actual physical and metaphysical injury that Harrow did to herself(partly through the semioblivious assistance of Ianthe) which has created these false(or perhaps falsified, given the constant refrain of “is this really how it happened?”) memories, as well as Harrows physical and metaphysical frailties, and her blackouts/episodes of lost time.

I’m also getting the sense that the hallucinations&memories of The Body might be an alteration too? Like: there was no evidence of something like the “insanity” Harrow has in these memories, nor mention of the visions themselves, in Gideon the Ninth, and the letter DID say Harrow’s intent was to create a “new” Harrow(obvsl partly through a new history), and The Body(and similar manifestations like when Magnus’s eyes turn a color she won’t let herself comprehend[probably a golden yellow], or when she hears Lyctor!Gideon’s name -edited to Ortus- and immediately starts anxiety-bleeding from her ears), seem to crop up at moments which recall Gideon.

So I’m wondering if “The Body” and this “insanity” are not just set-dressing(though I was initially taking The Body hallucinations as real and previous to all this) but directly a method Harrow has used to hide Gideon from her, like an overlay? I mean: obvsl that’s the whole point of this Ortus alternate history, but I’m wondering if also, perhaps, the memories of The Body are overwriting memories of times with/thoughts of Gideon, and if some of these visions are Gideon manifesting for her, and her brain recasting it as The Body(which, if that’s the case, says some very Interesting Things about her feelings for Gideon[I mean: her whole “I cant live in a universe without you in it” speech in GtN was pretty explicit abt the intensity of her feelings, so it’d really only confirm a romantic/sexual component to that, if again that is what’s happening]). Though it could more be moments when she THINKS about or wants for Gideon(she tends to show up at tense or frightening moments as well) and her brain brings up The Body as a distraction. Also just the terminology here, “The Body”, is suggestive. I mean obvsl it’s an understandable term for the girl in the tomb, but it’s also the common term for a corpse(and also the title of a Buffy episode famous for dealing with the sudden death of a loved one and the grief that brings and I KNOW Muir knows that) like, for instance, Gideon’s corpse and all the trauma, grief, and heartache that it represents. Basically I’m just saying: it’s specific genericness makes it Ambiguous, and THAT makes it prime dictional real-estate for symbolic masking u_u

Also I’m wondering What The Deal is with those blackouts, obvsl? In the last one she impaled Cytherea’s corpse. Could this be Original!Harrow resurfacing, or another construct like New!Harrow, or violent responses to triggering events which her brain is then “forgetting”, or are these episodes more like the memory loss associated with psychosis? There are many possibilities here.

Also Also: I wonder why she rewrote Teacher as using her sort of over-the-top diction? Though, when she relates what he told her about the facility to Gideon, that was also more in her mien(though not nearly so as in the false memories in HtN) than what we’d seen before in his interactions with Gideon, so could it be that, one-on-on, Teacher behaved differently with everyone there?

Also Also Also, while we’re on the subject of diction, there’ve been moments where the 2nd person narration has used thoroughly Gideonian phraseology, and attributed it to Harrow’s inner thoughts, so I’m wondering if that’s a sign that she still IS connected to Gideon’s soul but has blocked it somehow, or if it’s just supposed to be suggesting Gideon as a narrator, or if it’s just Muir’s style(I mean: it very much IS Muir’s style either way, but is it JUST that or intended to convey something?). I’d read an old interview recently where Muir talked abt writing Gideon as being “very human”(also: “a kiwi hero”, but neither here nor there :p :p) in opposition to Harrow who was trying to deny her humanity, which makes Gideon’s diction popping up Suggestive; either of her continued presence in some sense, or of a change in Harrow towards the more humane(and I mean: she’s literally altered her own memories to make herself a different person because of the disgust she felt at herself over Gideon’s death and all the abuse she put her through in life, so...).

FTL

The shuttle Gideon and Harrow used didn’t, and couldn’t, have had a stele, so either there is another form of FTL the Empire is using, or Ninth isn’t Pluto, or Muir just fudged the numbers in Gideon the Ninth :p Maybe there’s some other FTL transit method connecting the Houses?

EGGS

WTH is the DEAL with these Egg messages, HUH?!? They’re a bit too coherent to be word-salad, and they’ve only popped up in these false memories so far(in fact; other than The Body visions, these “insanity”-hallucinations have only ever manifests in those false memories so far), so I wonder if it’s something to do with Gideon; a message perhaps? The “You Lied” is suggestive, given the message in the final Lyctor room. Maybe this is just me trying to read into something that’s not meant to have meaning other than to be disturbing&build the mental-illness narrative for New!Harrow. They are pretty over-the-top, and Harrow has an obvs love for the over-dramatic

Harrow and The River

So, even tho she’s deliberately maimed herself so as to prevent her use of Lyctor abilities, she can cast within The River, which no one’s supposed to do/be ABLE to do, and she didn’t experience any of the dislocation, at least not til the end(?), AND she felt as if she remembered the experience? What’s up with that?? And her dislocation seemed different than how the Emperor described it, losing touch with your body. Like: she set it off by casting, which was amplified and misdirected for some reason, and her blood got into The River, and then she saw that vision of the Ninth House dead, then the Gideon!Baby which REALLY set her off, and the Emp talked of this as an attempt by The River to disrupt her(meaning: she wasn’t disrupted at the time, meaing she was holding together really well). And she got kind of Ascendy and could see the shuttle from The River’s perspective?? ?

And then the whole thing with the Lights.

“one, two, three, four, five, all around you, and one beneath”

“... five points of light...”

Hmmm... The ppl on the shuttle? The Four passengers and who; The Body/Gideon?? Given the “two hundred pinpricks of light” representing the Ninth House dead killed to make her, I’m pretty sure the points of light are meant to be souls so that’s likely, but then what about “and one beneath”? The River? But that’s all around them. Perhaps the Resurrection Beast revealed to be nearby in the latter chapel sequence by Lyctor!Gideon/Ortus? idk I need to think about it.

[pipulp]

gonna tell y'all a fucked up story (needle tw) okay so like about a week ago the regional loss prevention manager of our store came by to basically judge the store and he said he was upset about the industrial dumpster we had outside being gross or whatever and said we should do something about it. so come yesterday he visits again (i wasn't there) and gets into a fight with one of my managers about how the dumpster is still there and that he (my manager who i'll call jason for anonymity reasons) should go and call the dumpster people and so he does. the dumpster people send a representative or whatever and the representative is basically like "lmao i ain't taking this shit it's too full" so then the loss prevention manager tells jason that he and the other employees had to actually deal with the trash themselves. one of my coworkers basically said the the loss prevention manager “this job isnt that important to me im not doing that” but jason goes ahead and does it. it’s discovered that there’s not only general garbage in the dumpster, but also human feces and, wait for it, used needles!!! (and i was told conflicting information about the regional loss manager having his actual children deal with the garbage too but another coworkers said the kids were just near it, which is bad too) so jason is pulling out the garbage and then he gets poked with a needle and my jaw dropped when i was told this like holy shit that’s an actual biohazard idk how u can be such an asshole of a person to force people to clean that shit up without the proper experience or equipment like im pretty sure jason only had gloves meant to keep ur hands warm, maybe some plastic doctors gloves too cuz i saw some around today but actually holy shit i hope that guy loses his jobs bc that’s just so ridiculously fucked up i cant comprehend how someone could ever think that’s okay???? and apparently a truck that was delivering inventory was left alone and hobos n others were climbing into it to steal stuff and also there were a lot of grabby hands in the store itself with only one employee inside bc everyone else was outside with the garbage, and the loss prevention manager had the actual audacity to get mad that no one was in the store to watch it like are U FUCKING DENSE U PIECE OF SHIT EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN...