#i cant even have things like that in our family laptop lololol

[floraflow]

unhappy birthday to meee

k so that is me being overly dramatic but still im not feeling HAPPY. idk my mom and tia are OBSESSED with birthdays. its a cultural thing. like paraguayans crap themselves over birthdays and you HAVE to celebrate them the DAY OF, or else its bad luck. actually i think it might just be a them thing cuz i dont rember anyone else caring that much abt them lulz

basically it was just a family celebration + ana. my parents and tia made a bunch of delicious food -- pao de quiejo, arroz con pollo, empanadas, and flan (FLAN IS MY FAVORITE). my mom even let me drink wine! they offered some to ana but she declined lol, shes a goody two shoes. my family spent literally all day making this feast for me and yet ..... i just felt so sad. and lonely. and weird. idk,,

i know i should have been so grateful. but all this food just reminded me of when we lived in paraguay. we left there when i was 5 and nobody will tell me what happened but i know it had something to do with my tia and carmen’s dad. but hes been out of the picture since basically we got here. like i literally have NO IDEA what happened there or where he went 눈_눈 so weird. whatever happened, we all live here in this town that never gets any more interesting or worth living in. and i guess we cant really go back. i miss my old friends. i miss the warmth. i miss our vecinos. i miss playing in the red dirt. i miss our mango tree. ugh

i feel so lousy. i just tried to keep a smile on my face but i really just wanted to cry.

i want to go back. i will go back. idk when, but i will. whether my mom will allow it or NOT.

anyway, mom didnt really get me gifts (besides the feast of course, and the laptop last month) but tia got me this cute little journal. its green, leathery and even has a lock! i kinda prefer having an online diary tho cuz of the gifs lololol. but i might be able to make some use of it, we will see i suppose.