#i cant ignore it because im affected. im not a middle class college educated cis person who could just leave town whenever they wanted | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

selamat-linting · 6 months

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yknow, my life is objectively better and i can confidently say that im thriving and more happy more than im not, but that feeling that im going to die young or that im not really human never really goes away. and i cant really stop it because the dying young thing wasnt just a trauma response, its me acknowledging that my hometown is ever slowly drowning or that a particularly hot day could simply burn everything and that the chance of getting killed from reactionary backlash from the government is never zero. and the not human thing is just something you get when youre trans and neurodivergent in this society. so like, i can go to therapy, i can improve myself, but im never going to stop being all combative and suspicious because that is necessary for me to stay alive. ngl its pretty depressing that im cursed to be a bitch.

#mental illness posting #and no im not exaggerating #my hometown is build around oil and coal processing plants and transport #and it has a lot of forests surrounding the area #located close to the mining sites too!#if it blows it blows up #and we already got news of town evacuating from forest fires in canada like it def could happen here #and the slowly sinking thing #well. have you seen the storms around here?#have you heard the news of stilt houses build above the ocean floor collapsing? or the houses by the shore falling in on itself #like let me give you a documentary about how other islands' have the same problem of shrinking landmass #and the murder thing. my country has a history. there are memorials dedicated to students dying in 2019 #and i havent talked about indigenous ppl or rural populations who got shot by the police for protesting that their land is taken away for #some bullshit infrastructure project #and i cant just step away from fighting. because the sense of helplessness from not doing anything will kill me #and that simply good workers who dont figh tend to die early from use and abuse #i cant ignore it because im affected. im not a middle class college educated cis person who could just leave town whenever they wanted #i've been living the life of a cornered animal #and by god im going to make the best of it

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