#i could've worked on it a lot more but im fucking. tired <3

[skullzy20]

I wanted an excuse to draw teeth

[khaleesiofalicante]

A little advice and rant (because for some reason writing things here makes me feel better and hopefully doesn't, in-turn makes your mood somber)

Do you have days when you feel unproductive? What do you do?

This feels embarrassing to admit but I used to be one of those kids who got full marks in school and like the first year in college and now I can feel all that slipping away. I constantly feel like my parents are always disappointed in me. If they call me out, I lash out at them. The fact that I'm writing this is idk humiliating me, but I can't just keep it inside me anymore. Now I feel like I was never smart, I was just really good at faking it and now I'm not? I'm tired of faking it... what scares me is how i have started excepting what I am. It just terrifies me sometimes seeing what I have become. I feel angry when I tell this to a friend and they tell me oh ur smart ul make it and I just wanna scream at them like NO CANT YOU SEE IT IM NOT.

I'm glad you can come talk to me about stuff. I've always liked being someone people can talk to.

I do have days that I feel unproductive, but what you're describing sounds like a phase (for the lack of a better word).

As someone who was also the straight-A student in school, I always felt like school was... easier. College is something that is genuinely difficult in terms of the content we learn, the way we learn, the way we are taught, and our peers too. So, firstly, don't be too hard on yourself if you're struggling in college because it's supposed to be a little difficult.

Secondly, college gets harder every year—quite literally. So I think comparing yourself to your grades (or the amount of energy you had) during your first year to now is unfair to you. We don't have infinite amounts of energy and fucks to give. We do have finite amounts of passion for sure. These things get drained slowly, especially as we grow up. So that's why it's so important to study/work on things we enjoy and are passionate about so it's a little easier for us.

As someone whose self-esteem is very much tied to their intelligence, I understand you deeply. I once had a panic attack (a bad one) in my college bathroom when I found out I got a B in a subject. I remember my mom laughing and being like, "That's it? You're so dramatic," when I felt like I was literally collapsing.

So, I get you. I understand the need to be smart. But what I have moved away from is trying to measure my smartness through my grades. Because guess what? Grades don't fucking matter when you leave school/uni. It's not how we judge ourselves or our abilities. Now once you leave school/uni. It is a ridiculous system, and we mustn't let it make us feel shit about ourselves.

Just because you are not getting the same grades you used to, it doesn't mean you're not smart anymore. You do realize you literally know more than you did 2 or 3 years ago? You know more than you did a month ago? You are literally getting smarter every day. Just because it's not reflected in your grades doesn't mean you're not smart.

The fact that your grades are slipping could be because of so many things. The exam marking styles could have changed, the teachers could've become stricter, the subject might be harder, or maybe you have more difficulty remembering details because you are older and your brain has more things to focus on now. It could be any number of things. These are all things you can work on and improve.

There are lots of ways you can do this. Consider using a new learning style. I was always someone who learned visually, and I experimented with auditory learning in uni and realized voices are actually easier to remember than visuals (especially when I got older and could focus better). You can learn with others. It's okay to think of yourself as smart, but don't ever think you're the smartest person in the room - that shit is bad for you. So if you're struggling, look at the people who are not. Ask them to help. It doesn't make you stupid or small. Asking for help is the smartest thing anyone who wants to survive can do.

These are all things you can do to "get better" and go back to those standards you have set for yourself.

But from my heart, I tell you, don't try to live up to the standards you set for yourself when you were in school. The way you judged yourself in school cannot be the same system you judge yourself as an adult. It's two completely different lives, and trying to live up to those standards will only make you feel shit about yourself.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were faking it before. People don't feel so guilty and bad about losing something they faked. If this is something you want to fix and get back to those old grades, then like I said, try new things and see what works and what doesn't. But if you don't want to try too hard, that's okay too. It's not something to be ashamed about. I think the standards we set for ourselves should be based on our current realities, not our past or our future.

I am sure you will figure this one out and will feel like yourself again. You are smart. I have faith in you. You got this.

PS - Not to condone violence, but it's impossible to feel smart when the people around you make you feel stupid, so I don't blame you for lashing out at your parents. If their lack of support is making things worse, you need to tell them. If they want you to be smart, then they better act like it too.

Love 💜

[necroangelz]

🪽!! I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S OCS

『 🪽 』

infodump about an oc

i do too, anon!!

in this post im discussing two ocs instead of one!! that's because they exist within the same story and they're intrinsically linked with each other :3 (although this post will focus more on one oc, norwynn, because i was only able to flesh out their story before i tired of these ocs)

picrew linkie

introducinggg: my ocs essakaria or essa for short, (left one, she/he) and norvynnien or norwynn for short (right one, they/them) the twins with Complicated Sibling Dynamic!!!

i made these ocs when during my Encanto phase and empires SMP phase. the "twin siblings with a complicated bond" detail was inspired by Scott and xornoth from empires SMP, and the themes of like, special gifts and the consequences of having the special gifts were inspired by Encanto.

essa and norwynn are twin siblings and they're royalty. they're the children of the King and Queen of a prosperous and beautiful empire, which i nicknamed the gilded empire but never actually got around to naming

uu see in this kingdom there's some sort of prophecy. every century or three, one twin in a set of twin siblings will be chosen by the universe to receive great power close to godliness that's beyond your imagination (aka they can do literally anything with their powers except for overly crazy reality bending or anything that has to do with time). but they are not granted a good life. they will be revered and glorified, but in the end they will be disgraced, and they'll wither away and be forgotten from history. they will never be truly happy

no one knows about this prophecy. not even the royal family. sure, one could've observed that from reading up on the royal family's history BUT I NEVER THOUGJT ABOUT THAT but history is so distorted no one would know about that shit haha!

so, our latest receiver of this curse hidden as a gift is norvynnien, or norwynn for short.

left is essa, right is norwynn, like the first photo. this one is them as children. (i like this a lot because of the lil details i put in. the simple crown on essa's head vs the flower crown on norwynn's head indicates how adored norwynn was. norwynn stares almost negatively at essa while essa emptily looks into the distance. essa holds up the sword with a bare hand because he was honest and he wanted people to acknowledge all of his work and efforts. norwynn holds a bloody sword pointing down with a gloved hand because they lived a comfortable life and behind the scenes committed horrible acts)

norwynn had a shit life. everyone sorta dehumanized them and glorified them, treating them like a saint that performs miracles and they made them solve like almost every problem in the kingdom. the beacon of hope that only exists to serve. they made norwynn talk to the dead for fucks sake and heal the sick and wounded and breathe life back into forests and whatever the fuck

this caused norwynn to detach themself from everything from a very young age. they didn't enjoy a fun regular childhood. they didn't form meaningful connections w/ anyone because in their eyes everyone just wanted to use them. tbh they were constantly dissociated. they would've had a close bond with essa but the divide between them grew with them until they only regarded each other as strangers. norwynn saw essa as their lowly unworthy sibling, whom they only paid attention when they wanted to play tricks on her for their own amusement; and essa saw norwynn as the sibling she'll never have and the person she'll never be.

no one paid much attention to essa, meaning she made herself work thrice as hard so she can someday achieve her dream of ruling the kingdom. honestly it's interesting that essa actually had a proper dream she worked hard for while norwynn didn't really care about any of that. they thought they'd be fine until the end because of their power and fame. or so they thought!

okay so this part might be a little complicated BUT: norwynn's powers started fading. this scared them a lot. they don't know who tf they are without their powers. so they obsessively experimented with their magic to find out what's going on. they learned something shocking: all of their magic has been weakening except for their "dark magic" that deals with death, corruption, darkness etc which they've barely used because they never needed it.

they experimented often w/ their dark magic to learn more about it. it steadily grew as time passed and the rest of their powers weakened more and more. they found creative ways to cover up the weakening of their powers (example: pretending to heal someone with a morbid illness, and cursing the patient to get worse after getting better so they come back to norwynn again and again) no one suspected anything was wrong and they were admired all the more. norwynn was deathly afraid of anyone finding out something was wrong because they wanted to maintain that facade of godly perfection. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH NORWYNN WHATSOEVER! they were hanging on by a thread bro

i have this mini arc idea in my head where norwynn tries to learn more about the origin of their power (they don't believe that whole "sent by the gods" bullshit) they discover the locations of different lost libraries that could contain info valuable to them and they end up bringing essa along to find the libraries and peruse the knowledge stored within them. why essa?? idfk norwynn was bored. maybe essa had her own thing going on where the libraries could help her and she needed norwynn to access them. this mini arc would not help them get closer but they would feel connected. just a little bit. they'd understand each other just slightly and wonder if their lives would've been better if they were never separated but after that they never talk to each other again

eventually norwynn learned about the prophecy i mentioned in the beginning. this distressed them a lot. they didn't like that their life had been dictated since a millenia ago. most of all they didn't want to be forgotten and hated after giving their everything to their kingdom

so how does this part of norwynn's backstory end? well im not able to explain most of the logic behind this so just bear with me and go along with what i tell uu

norwynn decided to take over their kingdom. most of their magic had become non existent now, leaving only their dark magic available to them, which had become so strong they can hardly contain it anymore. they destroyed the kingdom, setting the streets on fire with unnatural flames that burned faster and hotter than normal flames do. they unleashed earthquakes that split the ground. invasive and dangerous flora grew everywhere, destroying the local environment. (if one is familiar with empires SMP, just imagine xornoth's corruption of the empires. it's like that.) this catastrophic event caused the deaths of norwynn and essa's parents, and the deaths of some nobles.

norwynn claimed that they unleashed invisible toxic vapors that poisoned everyone in the kingdom and everyone would all die in a few minutes. everyone panicked and norwynn enjoyed the power trip. after being coddled and revered and being told that they had to play the part of basically a god bc of the powers they were born with, in some twisted way they enjoyed feared

so yea the citizens of the kingdom were all scared and shit. they begged for their lives and they begged that... "whatever evil spirit possessed their saintly norwynn would leave and stop punishing their kingdom." basically people blamed norwynn's takeover on other faceless forces. most people didn't blame norwynn themself. this pissed norwynn off, that until the end people still hung on to the belief that norwynn was their saint. they couldn't even get the full satisfaction of a villain arc. so they bitterly stopped their attack, withdrew the evil shit they unleashed upon the kingdom, and left. just straight up disappeared.

what happens after that? essa immediately inherited the throne with her parents and twin (norwynn was supposed to inherit the throne lmao they didn't even want it) gone. essa struggled to get used to it, people watching her every move, expecting her to rebuild the kingdom after the destruction wreaked by norwynn, expecting her to be the perfect leader and to fill the roles of her parents and norwynn at once somehow. people looked at her like a stranger. essa knew she shouldve been happy now that she was crowned, but it wasn't right and it wasn't how she wanted it. essa became a competent leader though.

as for norwynn, they became a mysterious and evil witch who traveled around everywhere doing whatever they wanted. and also massacring and killing a lot of people. idk why. sometimes i think of norwynn adopting a very young child who lived in a town she destroyed and raising the child like their own. the child would've been an avian-like creature (like, idk, alula from oneshot) and norwynn wouldve named them Octavia.

norwynn practiced and trained themself to regain the rest of the powers they lost until they were almost at their full strength again. also the ghosts and corpses of everyone they slaughtered haunt them at every sleeping and waking moment of their life

they were free of their life as a "saint" but even until the present they still dehumanized themself, but now they regard themself as a killing machine who slaughtered for their own satisfaction. their sins follow them everywhere

i planned a storyline where norwynn and essa reunite in the present day, and they're forced to ally with each other for their own personal goals. this time they actually develop a bond with each other and norwynn learns to be human. this story never got developed sadly because i only daydreamed of it through vague scenes and concepts

if someone was crazy enough to get this far have some excerpts of my writing related to norwynn and essa.

in this next one i used she/they pronouns for essa

this writing is like years old holy moly. okay bye now

[enhypia]

JS ; exes

exes answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: park jongseong x gn!reader

genre: angst, mild fluff

words: roughly 1.7k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - jay speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and jay speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking, swearing, neglect, breaking up

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hello, i'm (y/n)

and i'm jay

we're (awkward eye contact)

uhh we're exes

[you guys were invited here today as exes for a fun little drinking game, you guys were aware of that right?]

yes

yup

*interviewer shuffles awkwardly

sorry it's just, our friends were the ones who signed up for us

yeah, we just found out about it three days ago

[but are you guys still okay with doing this?]

we're okay

just give us a few minutes to get used to environment

*(y/n) chuckles

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. are you guys ready? should we start?]

*jay nods

ready as i'll ever be

[how long were you guys together?]

we were together for almost 3 years

[how long have you guys been broken up?]

about a year and a half now

[who broke up with who?]

i did they did

[why did you break up with him?]

so this was all a year and a half ago okay? no coming for jay, he's grown, we've grown

thanks?

you're welcome

*jay laughs

uhh.. it just really reached a point where i felt neglected in a way? and it was just tiring? i kept thinking 'do i deserve this treatment?' and i hated that i was doubting everything, including his feelings. so i just said let's talk about it and then yeah we split up

*jay drinks and (y/n) laughs

sorry sorry

nah i just needed that

[okay, how about we officially start the q&a portion between the of you now?]

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, jay wins

*he picks up a card and facepalms after seeing the question

goddamn

should i be scared?

not sure, but you might opt to drink though

[do you blame me for what happened to us?]

oh my god *(y/n) laughs

i know right

so we're unpacking emotions today? okay noted

you can just drink if you're not comfortable with it

i'll drink but i'll still answer, might ease your mind no?

*jay couldn't stop his head from nodding

*(y/n) drinks

i admit that i blamed you at first, but then i got to thinking that it wasn't just you, i was also at fault too since i never really vocalized what i felt? i just let it build up until it reached the point where you couldn't do anything about it anymore, and i couldn't too.

yeah but it's more of my fault since i felt something was wrong but i just brushed it off, i brushed you off.

....

shot?

*jay smiles slightly and both raised their glasses to cheers before drinking

we were both at fault and i don't blame you, jay. i hope you stop blaming yourself

*(y/n) smiles softly then picks up a card to stop any reply they might get from jay

god why are these questions so heavy? it wasn't like this from other episodes

*jay and crew laugh

okay, hit me

[what's your biggest regret about our relationship?]

what the fuck

SEE ?!

*both laugh and jay drinks

okay, next question

no, i'm answering

[we won't stop you but just reminding you both that it's okay not to answer if you drink]

the alcohol releases the unhinged-ness

in other words, this is really just us using the alcohol to actually say what we feel

i think you already the answer, and it's that i didn't do anything about us even if i felt something was wrong. i just kept on focusing on my career that i reached a point where i brushed everything off as nothing. and in the end, while i got the success i wanted, somehow i also feel like i'm on the losing end really.

*(y/n) drinks making jay laugh

what? it's my first time hearing all this !

it was a rough break so

omg is this our closure ???

*jay's eyes widened

and it's filmed ?!?!

*everyone laughs

couple goals *(y/n) does a hashtag

oh wait *(y/n) looks at jay

exes goals *both do a hashtag pose

*they laugh, ignoring the sting in their hearts

okay, okay moving on

*jay laughs again

is it a heavy one again?

nope

[do your friends hate me?]

*(y/n) bursts out laughing

please 😭

we have the same friends

we share a lot of mutual friends

that's why there was like tension for a month in the friend group because no one knew what to do

i'm sorry you had to endure all that friends

remember when they literally made an organized schedule to hang out where we wouldn't see each since the break up was still fresh?

yeah like i got heeseung on tuesdays

and i got him on thursdays

😭😭😭

we love them though, they did their best to console us both

thanks guys <33

*(y/n) picks up a card

goddammit

[do you think we could've actually worked out our problems?]

i think it's unfair that i get a lot of heavy questions

i have the power of god and anime on my side today

i think we could've, if i just had taken the actual time to reflect and sit down and talk, we could've worked it out.

*(y/n) slaps jay's arm

i told you, stop blaming yourself

k

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

*jay picks up a card and

oh

what?

*he is stuttering guys, he is fidgeting

[do you wish we were still together?]

oh

yeah

.....

*both drink

i mean-

*jay has been paralyzed, he did not expect (y/n) to answer

i'm happy where i am right now, maybe there are moments of weakness that the thought crosses my mind but i don't dwell on it too much. i think we're both still learning and growing.

*jay doesn't want to think about the fact that (y/n) never said a clear yes or no

*(y/n) picks up a card and groans

please just drink to this

why?

[what do you think of me now?]

....

drink.

no?

why?

because-

why?

i'm answering

why?

i want to?

no.

right now i'm just really proud of you.

*WORLD PAUSE, (y/n) is malfunctioning

it's a little sad that i didn't get to witness a lot of it but i promise i watched from afar and i'm so proud of you. like it makes me feel lighter in a way? knowing that you're still going and pursuing your dreams. it just made me at ease that -

*(y/n) drinks, looking very much like snow white's apples

are you blushing?

jay i will kick you

*he laughs and pinches (y/n) cheeks making them redder, (y/n) slaps his hands away

i won't hesitate bitch

how about you huh?

[what do you think of me now?]

*jay you should know not to tease too much or else it'll bite you back

i think you're absolutely amazing.

*jay could only blame himself

i am in constant awe and there's this pride that i have in me whenever i see you thriving. it's weird because i thought i'd be bitter about it, but since i knew of your goals and how passionate you were, all i felt was pride. it did hurt a little that i couldn't go "that's my baby!" anymore.

*alert! jay's ears are red and it's spreading to his cheeks and neck

okay next question!

*he quickly picks up a card making (y/n) burst out laughing

everything i said was true though.

hajima. stop. pause. i'm not listening

*(y/n) laughs at flustered jay

this is the last one.

[question for both: if you could tell me anything, what would you say?]

sheesh

same

rock paper scissors? loser goes first

*jay wins

*(y/n) drinks

can you turn around for this one, like don't look at me.

*jay followed

i want to say that,,,, that it's not your fault for putting your future first. it kind of stung since you made me feel like i wasn't a part of it but i know that wasn't your intention. i understand your actions and i don't blame you. if i was in your position i probably would've been the same. i'm sorry that i didn't try harder, like you said we could've made it work but i just got so tired, i hope you can forgive me for that as well.

okay i'm turning around as well, your turn

*(y/n)'s eyes are glassy, but jay doesn't need to see that

i want to say that i'm sorry for neglecting you. i feel like you're tired of me saying sorry but that's really all i could do. i forgive you by the way even if i don't get why you're apologizing to me. i also want to say that, it wasn't you. it sounds cliche but you weren't the reason i became like that, it was me. it was never you. so please don't blame yourself for anything. please don't question your worth because you were more than enough.

yah i didn't want to unpack that

well i still know you and i was given the chance to say it now so

*(y/n) turns around wiping tears, jay is sniffling

i need a drink damn

*(y/n) pours a shot and jay as well, both drink after clinking their glasses

[you guys good?]

*both looks at each other and chuckles

we're good

i can't believe we have to thank our friends for setting this up

*jay groans

[care to answer one last question that is in everyone's minds' right now?]

oh god

is it what i think it is

[will we see you guys be featured again? maybe exes to couples again?]

let's drink!

*both take one last shot and waves to the camera

*(y/n) shrugs and jay winks

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments (peep last one)

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: i was planning to post this sooner but my pharma prof suddenly dropped a 6-page activity lmao rip, im scheduling the timestamps i forgot to post last update sorry sorry. my angst skills are subpar forgive me but i tried my best. i hope you like this one too !! jake's will be uploaded next ! please look forward to it <33