#i couldn't stop?? but idk if i actually retained anything

[brandnewhuman]

Upon seeing the new ghost zombie skin I've drawn some angsty conclusions AND YOU ALL WILL HEAR ME OUT.

Ngl broskies, this one hurts me too FR FR. From the trailer it almost looks as if he's still sentient (I could be wrong but compared to the other zombies in the trailer he still acts very much like his human self) which makes sense with Simon's survival pattern in life. He's always the one that remains, the one that outlives everyone else, the man who neither himself or others can get rid of.

It's so tragic to think that beneath all the stuff the body undergoes when you get zombified, he's still there and he can see and feel everything but can't do anything to stop it. I think what hurts him the most is not just the fact that he's losing himself but that, like I said, yet again he's forced to outlive everyone.

Now, I don't know much about the codmw lore (AND BEFORE YOU COME HERE AND START FLEXING YOUR KNOWLEDGE, JUST KNOW IM NOT GONNA CHOOSE PEACE) but for what I know soap, in the original timeline, died and roach and a bunch of Simon's teammates too. With that in mind, I imagine that if he's a zombie and, taking a few creative liberties here, this zombie timeline could be placed a little bit before mw3 where everyone fucking expires then babyboy here is really going through it.

He's a monster now, and not in the "I feel like a monster because I think of myself that badly" no. He's quite literally a fucking rotting corpse walking and running around at full speed, body slamming the shit out of everyone. He has lost his friends, he has possibly had to watch that happen and once again, just like with his family, he couldn't do anything to prevent it and somehow ends up being the only survivor.

There's no amount of therapy that could ever fix that fucking shit bro, like he's doomed to real life plot armour where it doesn't work in his favour but instead just takes away everything and everyone he cares about. And now, even if he manages to gaslight himself into thinking he could make it work for once, that he could fr be happy with the next person that enters his life, he still wouldn't be able to be with them cause now he's a fucking zombie.

My brain likes to torture me with the thought that him retaining his self awareness and stuff wasn't on purpose and surely wasn't his choice, that the way the infection works on him is different. He feels so tired of dragging around his body and the mental tool it takes on him makes everything so hard. I could actually see him just deciding to cave in to the need of just...letting go, like to stop holding onto whatever is making him sentient and just kind of die inside his mind (?) Idk if it makes sense but since he can't physically die he would be content with just kind of switching himself off.

That's it. That's my painful brain fart for you to enjoy and suffer with. Unfortunately I can't pay for anyone's therapy, you are free to end my existence instead.

[minorisato]

i made him not a misogynist guys!!!

fire emblem / saimarx / wc: 689 / warnings: saizo is just mean and xander is a little stupey??? post-revelations i guess maybe i think idk just roll with the peace.

Saizo fucking hates Xander.

This is apparent to anyone who has known Saizo for more than five minutes. It is apparent, then, to Kaze and Kagero. It is apparent to Lord Ryoma, who has the unfortunate need to suffer conversation with the heinous man almost daily. It is apparent, also, to Xander's retainers- Laslow and Peri both have developed a dislike of him, reflecting his dislike of their lord. Were it up to them, Saizo would never interact with the high prince, and he's inclined to agree that he'd rather not speak to the Nohrian ever again. His dislike of Xander is pervasive, and extremely evident.

Evident to everyone except Xander himself.

Despite how obvious Saizo's hatred of the prince is to everyone surrounding him, Xander seems to believe that they can be friendly with each other. Not civil- Saizo can do civil. Saizo can lead him down the hall to the main chambers without strangling him. But friendly. Xander, when staying in Hoshido, (which Saizo also hated,) would actually try to conversate with the ninja, discussing things he'd seen, or things he enjoyed. He would speak wistfully of deer, and the flowers outside the guest room, and books his brother had lent him. Saizo did not engage this conversation. It made his eyes twitch.

What was the purpose of this? Of Xander trying to be friendly with him? The walk from the guest rooms to the main chambers was not long, certainly not long enough for Xander to null any anger Saizo felt towards him. Xander had to recognize that. He had to.

Saizo grit his teeth, clenched a fist at his side. He had to. Xander could not- as high prince of Nohr- reasonably be dim enough to not recognize that Saizo absolutely fucking hated him. He couldn't be.

When Saizo glanced back at the Nohrian, he wore an expression of minor delight, of some flavour of relaxation. Awful. Hideous. His mouth was curved in the smallest smile, his eyes half-lidded as he spoke aimlessly of birds, or something. It made Saizo's stomach clench in a strange way he wasn't used to. "I didn't know Hoshido had that sort," he was saying, and Saizo resisted the very sudden urge to just turn around and punch him in the face. Anything to make him stop smiling, keep him from looking so relaxed. It might kickstart the war again. He'd probably lose his position. He continued to grind his teeth behind his mask. Not long now, almost at the chambers.

Down the hall, Saizo could see princess Camilla also being led by Kagero. Kagero looked distinctly less annoyed than Saizo felt, which was, in itself, annoying. When the two Nohrians spotted each other, both felt it fine to walk ahead of the retainers, meeting in the middle of the hall to greet each other.

Camilla let out a soft chuckle, adjusting her brother's hair. "My, you slept well," she commented, and how could she look so happy about it? "I haven't seen you this relaxed in quite a while."

Xander laughed a bit in turn, the sound new to Saizo, making him flinch. "The beds here are much more comfortable than the ones we have back home," he'd said, which seemed absolutely absurd to Saizo. "Besides, it's hard not to relax in such pleasant company."

The hall quieted. Saizo felt like the physical embodiment of shattered glass. He was completely frozen in place, eyes widened. Camilla, with a look of confusion, glanced over Xander's shoulder at the ninja. He hoped she could tell that he was just as confused as her. "Pleasant?" The princess parroted back to him, as if asking for clarification.

"Of course," Xander did not clarify, sounding something close to gleeful. "Saizo is such a good listener, after all. And so faithful in his duties. Lord Ryoma is lucky to have him."

Were Saizo a weaker man, he might collapse to his knees. He hated Xander. He hated Xander. How in the name of the Gods did the prince get this impression?

Camilla grimaced. "If you say so," she sighed, "I'm just glad you feel alright."

[only-lonely-lovers]

07.24.2022

tags: dubcon, peeing during sex

notes: it is time to discuss hanako-san of the bathroom

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

あ：Do you-- like do you think that Nene has to repress the fact that she's ever used this bathroom & do you think she decidedly uses bathrooms like on the other side of the school or something

つ：i think she considers asking him about if he's seen her before or remembers her when she started at this school but she has to be like. i cant handle the answer to that actually

あ：Your brain instantly takes you to a day you took a bad dump or something and cried

つ：i do think its a, don't play where you work, situation. I must use different bathroom. we need to maintain an illusion of some kind.

あ：Can't like pee and talk to Hanako during breaks or anything. which is a shame

つ：LIKE SHE CAN'T BE THINKING ABOUT EVERY HUMILIATING BATHROOM TIME girls be eating they lunches in there and like crying and stuff, you know. she be dealing with her first period and trying to scrub blood off her dress…

hanako im sure watches her tawddle off to pee and is like, such a prude nene is….

あ：If that's how it's going to be……………………….. [acts wounded]

つ：I would be fascinated if Hanako had any sort of memory of Nene, but I think he did see people as indistinct blurrs. but all themore reason to just casually perv? I do think its been distilled to like [spaces out, smacks lips] oh this girl's shaved a shape in…. I wouldn't expect that.

[half-lidded] wow, nobody at this school knows this girl is like that. damn those panties are wet. she must have been fantasizing all day. [expressionless]

あ：I have always gotten the impression Hanako is uhhh so not valuing people as individuals its totally possible he has seen Nene before. I mean even when he was getting to know her I think he really saw her as little more than. well like idk her pea eyed fish form. spiritually My respect for you. as if you were just this 🎣

The fact is even a nice memory with Nene in the past is just soo long ago and a blip, only 1 night at tanabata, and he can't retain. i think seeing her at school is like nothing the uniform is a blur At most later he'd be like fuck…. wait that day. when i was looking at a stall and noticed a girls fat ankles

つ：the girls become just a sort of fetish concept. thisis the 1 thing about nene like looking at pussies and panties… nene's got some sort of skull and bones panties. its like oh… funny. uh huh… jesus her legs

あ：[just perched here like a gargoyle seeing]

つ：you can only hope that once or twice he did some kind of spectral thing if he were able, like spookily blow a door a little or some crap. [makes your pee stop] i do this

あ：Not me processing that earlier today i was thinking about Nene peeing during sex

つ：hmmmmmm

あ：today had a theme. FUCK I was the pee pervert

つ：it'd be so easy for nene to be so like WAIT, STOP… HANAKO-KUN and him to be like mmmnooooo no chance. sorryyyyyy. and

あ：Right. This is the thing. no stop doesnt mean anything wjrhgf and she couldn't be like I'M GOING TO. I think it's like frog in throat. but like crying. CMONGH DFJLGH

つ：no way could she say it distinctly. no way

あ：but then it happens and. I mean it's kind of your worst nightmare because he's gonna be like Ohhh……… if he was fingering you its like [spreads your pussy with other fingers]

つ：so thats why… this isn't a good reason to stop.

あ：It's the sort of thing where only later will Nene have to be like. I fucking guess i am fuckign with. hanako of the bathroom.

つ：if anything, psychologically very nice to see Nene's pee sink into the slats of wood and run down the floor. It is my domain and this is my girl

あ：You knowww that's what I wanna see

So often it is Hanako being like ugh sigh rolls eyes… at things Nene and Tsukasa wants, I think it ought to flip for a sec where Nene is like. ofmg. pee pervert hanako-kun!!!!!

つ：it would dawn on her quickly and feel like. donk

あ：sheesh!!!!

つ：BATHROOM…!!! he's so openly like. I succumbed to lust. he's fine with being seen as pee guy

あ：Lol yes In that way its basically canon

つ：he's so far from being like, ew don't be like that.. instead he's like oh you know

あ：tfw. if tsukasa was also there it'd just be two stupid boys being like oh nice

つ：never seen it come out so close before and so open

あ：The objectification. That hanako puts a girl through. where if he was like penetrating he would pull out but hold her by the hips and keep her hovered above, want to feel it drip down over cock. mm yes…. now this i like.

I will teach Tsukasa the opposite of respecting women What Hanako doesn't know is it's like his karma to be the one to pee self in any instances of past shennanies

つ：mmmmmmm pee… if she attempted to stop/freeze at doing it once she fully grasped what was going on, he'd just shove at her and get insistent. Poor nene, it's a gauntlet….

あ：goes. oh cmonnn…. yashiro. [rubs pussy] i'm sorry it is a gauntlet. the way this is a one-sided affair Your mortal body so novel

つ：sadly very vital that Hanako have ego trips of embarrassing her for his pleasure… but he takes joy in the aftercare, too. its the condescension yet care he can lay on thick…. and his willingness to lean into being your sick pervert boy

like ah, you think this isn't what I would want…? Why would you be embarrassed…. I want to see it. It feels good. Nobody else will ever see you like this.

あ：Uhuhm… Bullyish but also cooing excessively, petting… Purring voice talking you through this, but also not stopping anything. ah… you know. I wish Nene could think to compare him to Tsukasa when he's like this… when you get all❤

つ：they are extremely similar when soothing another!

あ：Boys who will creepily run their hands all over you

I do think Hanako just as much likes to watch her cry and then comfort her after… you like inducing all the emotions

[birbfeedersart]

i,,,,,am going to try to draw, and thEN

i will EAT PASTA

aNd then I'M GONNA DRAW FOR REALS!!! (maybe)

[fatherquesadilla]

Orion D. Black -They/Them · @DungeonCommandr

4th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger

my statement

"It's July 3th and I no longer work for Wizards of the Coast. I no longer work on D&D, the little that I did. This is going to be a long thread and my last for quite a while, so bear with me.

I took the job for two reasons. The first was for the dream. To escape poverty doing what I love, writing and making games. The second was to make D&D welcoming to the millions who are scorned by it.

A lot of people had hope for D&D that they carried with me. While some people were upset to see me work for a corporation that overshadows indie, others hoped that I would be able to make real change. I tried. I failed. And I lost a lot.

Liking a tweet or post, RTing, or even following people who speak ill of WotC can lose you your job in an instant. That's why you never see it happen. @Zbeg is 100% correct. It's a silencing tool. I can say more now.

Kindness doesn't replace respect. Working within your comfort zone doesnt support change. Most people in that group were not ready for me to be there, a nonbinary Black person who would actually critique their problems. Idk what they expected.

I worked hard for a very long time. I got a lot of smiles and vocal support, but it was followed by inaction and being ignored. My coworkers were frustrated for me, and still are now. I confided in them often, cried on shoulders on a few occasions.

I realized at one point that leadership had given me 2 assignments over about 5 months. It was mostly me asking project leads for work, searching out opportunities. Leadership didnt really care about me or my growth. I had to.

I firmly believe that I was a diversity hire. There was no expectation for me to do much of anything. I probably disrupted them by being vocal and following up. It didnt matter if I was supported by seniors and positive.

I think genuine people proposed me as an option and it was accepted because it would look like a radical positive change. It would help quiet vocal outrage. And because I had to stay silent, it was a safe bet.

I started to lose all of my confidence. I started to lose trust in myself. After finding out that I wasnt getting an extension or FTE, I resolved to just finish things out and take care of myself. To stop fighting and to just survive, quietly. But it just kept getting worse.

They would talk about how they're going to start working on treating staff better, retaining contractors, actually answering questions. How much they were invested in diversity and change even though they hired two cis white dudes into two big leadership positions during this. One of whom claimed that he doesnt know what he's doing. No shit. I never want to hear "maybe they just hire the best person for the job" again.

I found out that some of my work was stolen, which destroyed me. It lined up with a project they were going to do and I had sent it in to someone in leadership months ago. The project was announced and this person who contributed "forgot" that we had a meeting where I gave them my ideas, and then a follow up document the day after. I knew nothing was going to be done about it. Someone else told me that the person said sorry that they forgot. That's it.

I was really losing my ability to do much of anything. I have depression and anxiety and ADHD, all of which I manage pretty well. But those parts of me were under the pressure of being ignored, disrespected, "forgotten", and not being able to say a word to the world.

Then, as social unrest continued global due to BLM, the D&D team comes out with their statement. It was like a slap in the face. How much they care about people of color, how much changing things (that I and others had been pushing for months, if not longer) was just going to happen now. It took weeks of protesting across the globe to get D&D to do what people they hired have been already telling them to fix. You cannot, CANNOT say Black lives matter when you cannot respect the Black people who you exploit at 1/3rd your pay, for progressive ideas you pick apart until it's comfortable, for your millions of profit year over year. People of color can make art and freelance, but are never hired. D&D takes what they want from marginalized people, give them scraps, and claim progress.

I spent my time in that building worrying about how much people hated me for working there. I spent a lot of time thinking about how much it hurt to work there. I had and still have supporters, and many. Thanks to you all for being my voice and speaking out when I could not. But I felt so isolated and alone. If not for some coworkers who checked in on me, who were going through the same things? I would've quit. Every angry statement about D&D felt personal because I couldn't fix it. Because I failed, whether it was my fault or not. I felt like I was being trashed by everyone because I could not disconnect what I set as a personal responsibility from the state of the game. That part IS my fault.

But I wound up as I am now because of all of this and much, much more. I am depressed. I am unable to write. I constantly question if anything I create is worth anything. I feel like I let everyone down, and no matter how much people tell me I didnt, that doesnt change. I feel guilty for not being what y'all needed me to be, what I wanted to be, and betrayed for how I was treated at that company. It's an exceptionally kind place on the D&D team. People are very nice to each other in a very genuine way that I truly enjoyed. However, that doesnt replace respect. That doesnt delete how I was treated. It doesnt change the fact that I honestly never want to play a trpg again and am definitely not working in that field anymore.

I know that I'm probably losing a ton of opportunities writing elsewhere because of what I've said here, as well as what I've sent in internally. It may mean that I will return to poverty, which makes me feel like a failure to my race, my family, and my partner who I want to provide the world. But under all these things, I have my integrity. I worked my ass off. I did my best for as long as I could. And I didnt let them treat me like that without telling the world what needs to be said.

Trust actions, not words. Not "look at how much we freelance so and so", because freelancing is exploitation of diversity with no support for the freelancer. Not "here we finally did what we KNOW we should've done a long time ago", because they only care about how optics turn to dollars. EVERYTHING involving D&D will continue to farm marginalized people for the looks and never put them in leadership. They wont be put on staff. They will be held at arms length. I hope they prove me wrong.

A lot of BIPOC and other marginalized people are trying to make their way by using D&D. Dont shame them for that. Think about how much, and when you wield your anger, that it is done righteously.

That said, I dont recommend to anyone, working for the D&D department of Wizards of the Coast."

https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sra9pq