#i did a little ref with both summer and winter clothes

[hishoi]

So, for the past 2-3 days i've been thinking about a little oc, and i decided to show them to you all!

This is actually the first sky oc i've made, and i'm very proud of their design myself. I hope you like my little woodcarver kiddo!

Here's a little introduction:

Chirp is a young skykid who lives by themself in Hidden Forest. Their home is a little cavern, safely tucked away under a tree. They work as a builder and likes carving wood, adding small details to their projects. They enjoy good food, crafting things, being with friends and wandering in nature. They dislike making plans, fog, and big social gatherings

[dolcetters]

i’m filling this out for rosecetto because i just really need to talk about them, okay? okay. here’s a link to the actual meme if anyone wants to reblog it to receive asks for it. i’m just barging right in with the otp. let’s go. just doing the first round tonight though because i feel like TRASH.

also, @forsakenflora, if u have anything u wanna add or correct or whatever when it comes to the lovely rose, plz do so however u wish.

----------------------•••••----------------------

big spoon/little spoon:

not always applicable, primarily due to dol’s haphephobia. it takes them long enough to get to sharing a bed and even a while after that to touching while sharing the bed (and i imagine that’s not entirely due to his preferences; rose has some hesitations, too). in the instances where it DOES apply, though, i don’t think there’s much consistency? except maybe if they’re not facing each other, dol’s usually the big spoon and if they ARE facing each other, he’s the little spoon.

favorite non-sexual activity:

like, all of them. but probably cool summer nights spent on rose’s balcony with a couple glasses of wine, a nice breeze, and plenty of conversation and just... very tender displays of affection... like dol absently braiding her hair while they talk or rose doodling on his shoulder with a pen... or just silence as they sit and just... enjoy the quiet and the other’s company.

who uses all the hot water:

i’m gonna say rose, primarily because dol ENJOYS the cold water--especially given the climates he’s used to living in (and, also, his higher base body temperature). he’s always lived in the south and in cities with hotter weather, brutal summers. cold showers or cool baths after a day’s work are more than welcome. at this rate, a hot shower/bath would likely just make him sweat and defeat the purpose, unless it’s the dead of winter.

most trivial thing they fight over:

probably something along the lines of  “where did you put the ___???” “i put them ___, where they belong” “but that’s not where i keep them!!” “you don’t ‘keep’ them anywhere, y’just put ‘em on the counter half the time!”

who does most of the cleaning:

it’s pretty evenly matched most days, but dolcetto likely does most of the “little” cleaning tasks or is the best at cleaning up a thing once he’s done with it. rose seems to get a little flustered from time to time and leave things out/tell herself she’ll get to it later and can’t find time to do so between everything else she has going on. dol likely just kind of follows up behind her on some days and puts things away or cleans up or just overall tidies the apartment so it’s one less thing for her to worry about later in the day.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working:

fuck that, dol will fix the heater with his own two hands if he has to.

who steals the blankets:

again, it’s most likely rose if not just because dol’s higher base body temperature makes him more resistant to and tolerant of the cold. elsa, who?

who leaves their stuff around:

most likely rose, due to the previous answer and ALSO dolcetto just... doesn’t... really have “stuff”. as far as belongings go, he has his sword and the clothes he’s wearing. ...not a lot of stuff to leave around. and if he gets anything else, he’d be more likely to resource-guard it than leave it out in the open.

who remembers to buy the milk:

they both do, who picks it up just depends on who’s already out and in the area.

who remembers anniversaries:

they both do and it’s fucking disgusting how adorable it is because they try to surprise the other but they can’t because they both remembered and they keep catching each other red-handed... it’s basically the embodiment of this post: 

“My parents have been married thirty six years and my dad had to work a few hours early this morning (he refs hs football for extra cash), while he was gone my mom went to Dunkin Donuts to get breakfast and bought him his favorite muffin to surprise him when he came home and when he did it was with her favorite muffin from Dunkin Donuts and you know what I’m so not interested in all the cynical bs about love and marriage being fake like if that’s not some romantic shit right there idk what is”

[nepvantas-blog]

August Flynn McGee

WRITTEN REF

 GENERAL

Real Name: August Flynn Mcgee Alias: August McGee Meaning to Name:

AUGUST - The name August is a German baby name. In German the meaning of the name August is: Latin Augustus, meaning majestic dignity, or venerable.

FLYNN - The name is derived from flann (red): hence, “red-haired one."

MCGEE - McGee (Irish: Mac Aodha, meaning "son of Aodh") is an English language surname of Irish and Scottish Gaelic origin. Nickname(s): Batty Auggie, Auggie, Gus, Gussie Age: 16-18. D.O.B: August (ironically) 10th, 1999-2001. Birthplace: Riverside, California Language: Native tongue is English, but knows some Gaelic Voice: According to Jayden ( @carcinogenicgod ) August has a light colourful voice almost to the colour of pastel. It isn’t at all foul but at times her voice can drop to a deep tone that seems to resemble a male’s. Biological sex, Gender: Male, Transgirl Species/Race: Human, blind. Status: Alive and active.  Occupation: August is currently still in school for blind children. However she wants to teach other blind children how to use echoloction.  Theme song: Possibly Bubbly by Colbie Caillat or King by Lauren Aquilina Hobbies: Because she is blind, it is hard for her to do most activities. However, she enjoys company and making friends. Other times she enjoys making food with her mother and making sure her friends are okay. She has a habit of whistling too. Special Items: Walking stick. She hits it against something to use the ability of Echolocation. Likes: August is interested in teaching others and could possibly make her dreams come true if she tries hard enough. She loves her friends more than anything and is fond of candy. The feeling of certain materials is another thing and she enjoys calm and peaceful moments and calm nature.  Dislikes: She hates being without her walking stick and when she does, she has to click her tongue against her roof of her mouth to make a clicking noise. The fact she has Echolocation just makes her angry. Other materials she can be without and storms scare her a bit. Fear(s): Philophobia Personality:  August is bubbly and bright, and most enjoys things when they are calm.

However too much noise can make her confused as the Echolocation ability springs to life. This causes her to fall down and soon to lose her walking stick. When she does she absolutely is in a panic. Other times, August is more of a mom friend if anything. She can be overprotective of her closest friends.

August is deadly afraid of falling in love. She fears that she ever had a partner and they found out she wasn’t a biological girl, that they’ll leave her.  Other times she’s afraid that she’ll forget Echolocation, but maybe that she’ll be relieved.

August also has a bad habit of building up her aggression and honestly hates being compared to her brother even after the 10 years he’s been absent from her life. Her brother teasing her sometimes lights the fuse that causes her to snap, even though she hates doing it.

Speaking of hating something, August has Philophobia, the fear of falling in love or growing strong emotional attachment. This was caused in her childhood when Juno ‘died’ in the car accident. It wasn’t because she blames him - which she doesn’t - but it’s because for a long time she lost that twin connection again and don’t want to replace him, romantically or sibling wise. Backstory:   Childhood

August was born in Riverside, California at 4:33 in the morning to Charlie McGee and Mallory McGee with her - back then going by he/him pronouns - twin brother Juno. For six years the McGee family grew up happily with their depressed relative, May.

However, even though August and Juno are identical twins there is one difference. August wore glasses. The glasses were a part of the poor eyesight August inherited from his mother, so it was easy to tell the difference between the two when August wore his glasses.

Out of the two twins, Juno was more successful. He was smarter and faster than August. The only good thing August could do was make sure he had enough friends. During this time his - slowly transition to a girl  - eyesight was getting worse and worse

On the way to one of Juno’s sports game, there was an car accident. The car accident took Juno’s life overnight and did a deal of damage on August. August got hit in the head and had amnesia for awhile. This damage also brought August her blindness and since then, she hasn’t been able to see things.

During the time of her brother’s death, her parents had been ignoring her more and more. ‘What use is a son that can’t see? None, I say!’ She heard them say once. She was growing apart from her family except her relative.

May is genderfluid, meaning she can be an aunt, an uncle, both or none to August and once she came out to May, they understood and helped August slowly develop. More feminine clothing. During this time May taught her to whistle, which helped her in the long run as she started to see flickers or imagines of a outline when she whistled in the basement. The basement was a safeplace from her parents who constantly ignored her, and the echoes bounced off the walls and into her brain

  Adolescence/Teens

August soon came out to her to her parents a little while after they found out her Echolocation ability as they were calling her ‘son’. ‘My son is indeed blind, but what about yours? Can he use Echolocation?” After several years of building up aggression, August snapped at them. “For god sake I’m a girl ,not a boy!” Her mother was thrilled, but her father.. Not so much.

  Adulthood:

She has not reached this stage of life yet.   RELATIONSHIPS Orientation: Greyromantic Asexual. Due to her philophobia, August doesn't find much romantic attraction out of fear.

Relationship: Single. ( + BEING SHIPPED) Family: Charlie McGee and Mallory McGee (mother and father, alive). Juno McGee ( twin brother, undead) May (Aunt/Uncle, alive) Allies/Friends: She considers Jayden ( @carcinogenicgod ) a friend, even if they just met not to long ago. Otherwise, she has no friends. Rivals/Enemies: August hasn’t interacted with much people yet to make enemies, and I dont think she wants to.

  APPEARANCE Hair: She has a pumpkin spice coloured hair, dyed from her platinum blonde colour, goes a little past her shoulder blades. Skin: Tanned. She has a few scars on her shoulder from the car accident and some on her head. Eyes: Her eyes used to be a light blue but soon turned this paleish blind colour. Height: 4’10. Weight: 80 lbs. Body Type: Ectomorph with a triangle/pear body type. Thin and narrow shoulders. Outfit:

SPRING: August wears a t-shirt with ripped jeans, leggings underneath. She also has a clip on her shorts where she puts her walking stick when she wants to put it away. Normally, she doesn’t use her walking stick in places she’s familiar with.

SUMMER: In this time of year, this is where you’ll see her wear dresses the most, but at times she’ll wear shorts, flip-flops and a tank-top.

FALL: As the seasons get colder, August will wear light jackets, a scarf, and thick leggings with her normal tennis shoes. Long sleeved shirts

WINTER: In the winter she’ll wear thick coats and boots. She also wears her long sleeve turtlenecks and jeans.

Accessories: Her walking stick. Distinguishing Features: Blind blue eyes, scars.

  PHYSICAL Disorder(s):

Blindness

Unable to see.

Abilities/Strengths: As stated before, August has the ability to use “echolocation”. It is the same ability that Dolphins and Bats use to get around in the dark. She uses her walking stick or her own voice where the echos of the noise paint a picture in her mind to detail where all things are.  August is also super kind. Even when her parents basically disowned her, she still smiles on.  If you are a friend she might

Weaknesses/Faults: After years and years of built up aggression, it only takes a little bit to light the fuse that causes August to snap at you. Otherwise than that, she doesn’t like her body all that much. Is she too skinny for others to like or not skinny enough? What if she has a romantic partner and they leave her because she’s biologically male?

August also isn’t that strong or fast, and even if she ran, she wont make it far. Her stamina isn’t all that well either.

  STATS (Rate from 1-10, 10 being the highest/best.) Intelligence: 9/10 Strength: 4/10 Speed: 3/10 Agility: 4/10 Endurance: 5/10 Stamina: 3/10   Balance: 5/10 Tolerance: ??/10   FACTS/TRIVIA/HEADCANONS  Origins

Scottish Gaelic, Irish and German origin

Irish and German from mother’s side.

Scottish Gaelic from father’s side.

 Smokes? Alcohol? Drugs?

None.

[messykarma]

a bit much

11/06/2018

Not even halfway through 2018...

Today kinda reached my breaking point.

You get used to being put a little to the side, I’m 2 years younger and it’s the critical years for a brother older than you in high school yeah I get it his education at that point will be more important than mine (or are all years especially the years leading up - the building blocks - arguably also just as important???) back when we were both in high school. At this point, I’m in my final high school year and he’s in University, yet he’s still regarded as the more important person in regards to school life.

I’m usually always the reliable go-to person/child

“do you have a charger”

“do you have glue/scissors/tape”

“can I borrow (where’s your) cash for the aircon guy”

“do you have a thumb drive”

Bonus: bro gets his bedsheets done for him all the time (or at least used to, he does it more now but not all the time) while I’m expected to do it all by myself and even help with parents - if I don’t help I get shit for it even tho I prefer not to and sometimes opt not to. Mum will put his clothes away for him a lot of the time whereas I do it myself (not too fussed about it, I’d prefer to do it myself but it’s still a difference), will get mad at me bc I don’t like helping in the kitchen with cooking/baking/cleaning etc. and if bro and I are forced to help (also clean the bathroom/take out the pail of water) and he doesn’t do a lot I’m expected to pick up the slack (happens anytime we both have to do something) and if something goes wrong/is bad I usually get shit for it - or if I refuse to do what he didn’t do I get shit for it bc I should be the better person or whatever which I usually am bc I hate getting into trouble.

But when I don’t wanna then omg “you’re so calculative” like ok sure I am a little but if it’s a frequently reoccurring thing I’m going to be fucking annoyed and frustrated

Events leading up to the Charger Incident(TM) that frustrates me

Taking my headphones without telling me or asking for my permission. Taking my cables without asking or telling me and not giving them back sometimes even when I ask for it back

The one time I left it for too long because I felt bad for continuously asking was when he magically forgot he borrowed my only secondary cable (the one I use for my portable charger) and so now it’s gone forever - this cable is good because you can swap out the heads so you can charge many types of devices.

It’s not my damn fault you’re shit at taking care of your things. I love to have a cache of spare shit in case something goes wrong and stuff.

My bro has taken a bunch of earphones from me over the years bc he broke his or lost his and I’ve had to give them up to him because “you have spares, why not just give it to him”... this continuously. I think I’m a selfish person but I’ve been so selfless sometimes. 

-

I feel bad when others get into trouble especially if I caused it but then again it makes me feel angry, sad and frustrated when I get into trouble for things like this.

Bro school fees = $16k a year (half for the first year) at least  My school fees = $1k required a year but parents opt to donate another $1k more My school is the top high school in Australia and is academically selective. I went on 2 tours which in total cost $18k together, pretty much school fees of my bro’s school for 1 year. I got better education and more exposure (he also went on tours but just for sports because yes his school actually offers opportunities in sports)

Right after I gave my charger back to my bro to use and told him to give it back to me, mum screaming in my face (me trying to hide that I’m tearing up):

“you are very rude”

“attitude problems”

“why do you even need your phone... [not important, he needs it, it’s more important, Uni blah blah exams]”

“don’t think we don’t know about the boys you talk to”  (I actually don’t talk to boys online and if in the rare case I do it’s usually related to school or another friend of ours etc. nothing romantic at all, I try to remove myself bc ik I’ll get in trouble)

“.. want to get fucked??” (can’t believe this is what my mum thinks I want)

“that’s not that important” (referring to what I want to do)

“selfish”

(it’s now around 3 hours past when he had my charger and his phone was literally at the same percentage as mine and I still don’t have it back but I’m afraid to ask for it back) --> When people get mad at me and my brother who is currently mad at me, I always feel like I’ve done something wrong and I feel sad and I hate it but like... I can’t even tell anymore if what I’ve done is totally acceptable??? But he’s so damn selfish what in the entire fuck - always expects me to do shit for him/give him shit to use etc. but won’t return the multiple favours???

Everyone always fucking acting as if everything he is and does is so much more important than me and mine.

Always threatening to take my phone away/linking my behaviour to leading to getting pregnant (as if I want to) - assuming I want to have sex with people all the bloody time (”you want chips? Are you pregnant? You had sex with a boy on a school trip?!) vs never taking away his phone and never demanding for his password, respecting his privacy even though I know for a fact he has bloody nudes on there.

She never says shit like that to my bro and stuff... it’s only ever getting mad at something he does but she never really personally attacks him or hits him. Mostly bc hitting him doesn’t hurt him bc he is brave enough to hold her hands and shit, I kinda just stand there and take it while crying and saying sorry and then she gets more mad LMFAO bc I’m crying and I ‘have no reason to cry’ and I deserve it and shit

I’m so tired of always ‘being in the wrong’; I can never win. I don’t even know if it’s justified that I feel this way, I have no idea if my feelings are valid??? 

Ever since one of my close friends back in Year 8 said something along the lines of “why would you tell your friend that? Why would you unload all that onto your friend?” when another girl called her crying because her dad had been mean to her, I took that situation to heart. I used to be sceptical and not wanting to talk about personal problems unless I’m joking about them until then - at that point I decided that I should never tell my friends anything and keep everything to myself, stewing inside and letting it eat me up. 

If I’m feeling any emotion other than content and/or happiness - any negative emotion, I get so much shit and parents get mad as if I have nothing to be unhappy about and that I don’t deserve to be anything but happy. Because “they were poorer”, “they had it worse” it means that I’m not allowed to be anything less than happy. Yeah I get it you had bad circumstances but that doesn’t take away from the facts of my own life which you can’t see because you’re not empathetic or self-aware??? I just.. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel any non-happy emotions.. just that I’m not allowed to be in control of my own feelings and that they’re not valid. I always feel so shit when I’m in a bad mood and I hate myself when I act in a negative manner because I don’t like hurting people, it makes me feel bad.

Even if my parents were to suddenly become nice and super caring about my emotions and shit... it wouldn’t feel right, I’d feel even more on edge and suspicious and it would feel weird. 

At this point my parents are aware that there’s really no career I’m particularly interested in, I mean software engineering is kinda my ‘I guess I have to pick something so it might as well be this’. At this point the only thing that really makes me happy is soccer and that’s something I fought so hard to keep but my parents fought just as hard to separate me from (bc of academics - in contrast, they allowed my brother to continue to play summer and winter sports and he sacrificed so much time to train for them, albeit they were for his school... mine is club but the thing is his school offers the same quality gameplay my club does bc my school does not offer anything).

I had girls who played in state teams telling me to try out bc they believed I was good enough and said I’d be pretty much in and after a lot of matches I get people/refs/coaches coming up to me telling me what an excellent keeper I am and what good saves I’ve had - there was 1 specific save I did that was top corner and a ref literally told me just after “that was a really good save”. I’ve had coaches and parents try to convince my parents to let me keep playing, offering to give me lifts, saying I don’t have to do training at all I can just play games. For 2 years. They gave up after 2 years.

Am I over-hyping myself? Am I even that good? I suppose that’s the only positive reinforcement I’ve had and I’d hope that’s an indication of my talent/worth.

At dinner after the Charger Incident(TM):

“be nice to each other, you’re siblings” implying that I’m not nice??

Comparison:

Whenever I walk into his room he usually threatens me with spraying me with deodorant or throwing things at me, usually objects that really hurt. I knock on his door more often than not before entering. Whenever I ask to borrow something: if he’s using it, it’s a straight up no even if I say I may need it more, when I ask to borrow books it’s usually a no or a hard won yes with me having to give something back in return like food etc. If I come into his room and take his shit I’ll pay.. usually in a harsh physical sense. Will be very mad and shit if I do into his room.

Whenever he walks into my room he doesn’t knock, he doesn’t announce his presence he just comes in and looks at my shit. Doesn’t ask me for things, will almost always just take it. He’s literally taken headphones from my room before without telling me and not returning it until I go to his room to take it back. Doesn’t give back a lot of shit I let him borrow. Will come into my room and eat any food I have there if it so pleases him. I don’t threaten him at all I only ever ask him to leave my room. He laughs at me and shit and acts as if he has the right to do whatever he wants (compared to how he acts when I’m in his room). When ‘he needs something more’ he just takes it. After giving away books he doesn’t want, will come into my room to take it back bc ‘he wants it back’. Generally will take everything and everything from my room even without telling me or returning it. Happens so much over the years.

Honestly, at this point, I wish I lived in the US even at the risk of getting shot because then it would be so much easier to be able to afford good schooling while taking part in College soccer which provides such good opportunities and is pretty much glorified. I’m very confident I’d be able to get into schools such as UCLA and stuff that have great soccer teams (almost confident if I tried a little I’d be able to achieve an acceptance to Stanford) but the only thing holding me back is pretty much living expenses and tuition that isn’t subsidised or not student loans for overseas. I just want that competitiveness and environment, it’s so crazy good. And I understand my parents are looking to retire and shit so it’s very out of the question... it’s just I’m aware of opportunities that would make me happy, albeit help back for financial reasons.

Used to think dad was on my side and shit until I had a little chat with him and he basically told me he had it worse bc his dad was bad (but the thing is both of my parents are/were never very emotionally there and shit and his mum was so damn nice to him) anyway I have no right to complain!

I talked to mum about ideal opportunities I’m looking at and she got bad at the fact that I wanna go to the US even tho living expenses are crazy expensive and I’m selfish for even thinking about my parents paying since dad wants to retire and I’m selfish etc.

[cameronsexybeastkingkeo]

The Words I Never Got To Say.

May 7, 2017 Finished at 3:00 AM. Let’s start from the beginning shall we. From the day we first hung out all I wanted to do was show you how much I liked you. I spent over $40 for lunch and a movie just to make a good impression on our first time hanging out. You didn’t take out your wallet once that whole day because I paid for literally everything. I put on my most favorite outfit to impress you. That was the first day I showed you how much I tried. After that day I would walk from school to your dance studio everyday by myself. A 20 minute walk I endured during the hot spring afternoons. I walked 20 minutes back and forth from your dance studio to buy you boba before practice. I would always show up 20 minutes before you dude. I did all this just to talk to you for less than 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes. But I didn’t care about the time. All I wanted to do was talk to you. And then there came Bridge, your dance competition at Lakewood High School. I spent $20 for the ticket. For a night where you told me that you couldn’t talk to me because you didn’t want anybody to know that I was there for you. But yet I still went. I went with a handmade poster for you saying how amazing you did. I sat in the back corner of the theater for 3 hours watching people dance. I texted you right after your performance and you didn’t reply. I didn’t get to see you that night. Do you know how embarrassing it is to leave the house with a poster you made for someone and to bring it back home that same night? It wasn’t until months later that you told me that you saw me alone and you didn’t even say Hi. But I didn’t care. I shrugged it off. Instead I kept trying. Summer came and so did volleyball. I live 2 miles away from the park we play at. We always played until it went lights out. Every night I would walk home in the pitch black darkness. And do you know why? It was because it gave me an excuse to call you on the phone and talk to you for 40 minutes a night. I bought you a $45 volleyball. One that the both of us were dying to have. But you couldn’t go to the park to get it from me. But that wasn’t a problem to me. I walked to your house at 10:30 at night just to give you the ball. You came outside and talked to me. For 5 minutes. And asked me when my uber was coming. I wanted to give you something nice and that’s what I got from you that night. Then I wanted to take you to a beach volleyball open in long beach. We were together for 12 hours that day. I will always remember the time I got you dole whip and it melted on the way back to you. We sat down for dinner. Our first time eating a legit meal together. It was one of the best days of my life. Summer was ending but your season was just starting. I always wanted to watch you play so I did. I went to your first game of your junior year against whitney high school. You came up to me after that game telling me how nervous you were. I wanted that to happen after every one of your games. But it didn’t. After that day you told me that you couldn’t talk to me again. You told me that it was because of your dad. No other reason. So I wanted to cheer you up. I took 3 ubers from chick-fil-a to your mom’s apartment and then to my house just to drop off food for you. You weren’t home. After that you still didn’t talk to me. But I continued to go watch your games. I took the bus every day to watch your games. I sat in the bleachers alone and cheered my loudest for you. You never came up to me after the games. And let’s not forget the 6 hour tournament i went to. I sat down that whole time watching you play. I was at that tournament all by myself. I was there for you. Nobody else. But I got the same result as before. You would continue to leave me. You would continue to never tell me why you did. I would try to text you but you would never respond. Christmas was coming around so I decided to buy you a gift. 2 gifts. A long sleeve from Pink and a Tina belcher Christmas sweater. I asked if I could give them to you. If we could have our own personal friendsmas. You said sure. But you gave me only 2 hours. I never wrapped a present before until I attempted to wrap yours. I dressed up so nicely that day. Hair all done, nice shoes, pants, and even my braces off. Just for 2 hours. Then came winter break. And we had our little adventures. I lied to my girlfriend so I could hang out with you. I told her i was up in the mountains hiking just so you and I could go hang out together. You told me you had feelings for me that winter. I told you I’ve been having them for you. You and I got matching bracelets that break. Something that I kept denying to get with my other 2 girlfriend’s. I broke up with my girlfriend just so I could be with you. Someone that I had dated FOR OVER A YEAR. I fucked up her whole school year just so I could be with you. She hated me for whole year and talked shit about me 24/7 at school. It wasn’t until earlier this week that she made me realize how much I’m not okay. She came up to me and ask me what was wrong. And I was able to give her the satisfaction and tell her what happened between us. Oh yeah but besides her. All of those things that I said up there about me trying for you? I did all of this while we were just friends. Friends. If I could do all of this while just being friends with you imagine all the things I did while we were actually together. I tried to give you everything that I could’ve given you. I tried to buy you everything. Clothes. Food. Shoes. I spent all of my weekly money on you every single time. I lost all of my friends because I hung out with you so much. You were my best friend. I wanted to do anything and everything with you. I let you do my makeup. I let you paint my nails. Everyday I told you how beautiful you are to me. Everyday I’d tell you how much I love you. I would literally drop anything I’m doing just to make sure that you’re okay. You told me that you hurt yourself. I rushed home from school and drove to target to buy you aloe vera, bandages, and chocolate. I would try to drive us wherever you wanted to go. The movies, shopping centers, the beach, volleyball games. I would drive us to and from all of your volleyball tournaments. Do you know how expensive those are? Having to pay for both admission AND parking every weekend? And let’s not forget that I would cheer alone every game. You would always be busy playing or reffing and I’d be alone the whole day. But I didn’t mind one bit. I loved watching you play so much. I try to give you everything. I always want to show you how much I care for you. I planned out my whole future with you. Our future college, work, home, kids, everything. And now without you there is no future for me. I never thought that I would get to the point where I would want to give up on you. Until tonight. Tonight was probably one of the most embarrassing nights of my life. You told me that you were skipping prom because of me. I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted to bring prom to you. I dressed up at 10:30 at night. Bought a huge bouquet of flowers for you. Bought you a Baby Groot. And a tiara. I rehearsed what I would say to you for 2 straight days. I played the song we slow danced too at last year’s prom. I crowned you my personal Prom Queen. I expected a typical movie ending, a reaction where you’d be in my arms crying from the most romantic thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I got the opposite. The whole time I talked you didn’t even look up once. I had to pull you so you would hold me. You didn’t smile. AT ALL. When I gave you all the stuff I bought you. YOU COULDN’T EVEN KISS ME BACK. And then you tell me that you decided to go to prom. Instead you just told me that you couldn’t stay outside with me. That you didn’t want to talk to me. You left me in the rain feeling stupid and worthless. I never wanted to end my life as much as that moment. After I got home from that moment I didn’t even bother to go inside the house. I was too embarrassed to face my family. Instead I walked around my neighborhood for 2 hours. I listened to the same song over and over for 2 hours. It was 50 degrees and raining outside and all I had was a shirt on. I TRIED to give myself pneumonia. I cried so much that I couldn’t tell if it was rain or tears on my face. I know that I’ve done a lot of bad things in our relationship. But I always try to come back stronger for us. I always changed my whole personality just for you. You know how much you fucking mean to me. I have never cried for so long. For so many consecutive days for someone. I have never cried in school about ANYTHING. But I ended up doing it. Several times a day for three days. If that doesn’t show how much I fucking miss you then i don’t know what will. I haven’t been able to sleep ever since you left me last week. The first night you left me I stayed up for over 24 hours because all I did was think about you. I drove to the beach at 4:30 in the morning just to try to get my mind off of you. I sleep at 2 AM everyday because all I do is fucking worry about you. I’m worried about how you’re doing. If you’re safe or not. If you’re at home. If you’re talking to anybody else… I know I’m greedy. I know I’m selfish. But I love you and I just want you all to myself all the fucking time. I don’t want to think about you with anybody else I don’t want anyone else to have you. Since the beginning of our relationship I told you that I would never breakup with you because I knew you were the perfect one for me. I told you all the time that I would never breakup with you if I was offered everything I ever wanted. I would never breakup with you. That the only time I would leave you would be on my deathbed telling you with my last breath how much I love you. You PROMISED ME that you would NEVER LEAVE. You tell me not to break my promises but look at the one you broke. I know you made me promise not to do what you don’t want me to. But after tonight I wish that I never made the promise. I know I did a lot of shit. I know that our relationship isn’t the perfect one you dream of. I know that I’m not the perfect guy you want either. But I’m the guy who loves you more than life itself. The guy who puts you in front of his own family because he loves you so much. I know I fucked up the past year but everything that I’ve ever done for you during the past 3 years, while in a relationship or not, shows how much I want to fucking be with you, shows how much you mean to me, shows how much I always want things to work, shows how much I’ll never give up no matter how bad it gets. Everything that I’ve ever done for you in the past 3 years overshadows all of the things I regretted doing to you in the past 1 year. I know you told me that you just want to fix yourself. But I just want to be there for you. I WANT TO HELP FIX YOU. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. ISN’T THAT WHAT TRUE LOVE IS ABOUT? The worse part is, is whenever you say that you don’t WANT to break up, but that you HAVE to. The saying is that, “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to.” And look where we are now. One year and three months later. I know you tell me that you’ll always love me. And that it’ll always be there. But I’m sorry. I’d rather have that love with you in a relationship with me. How can you say that you’ll always love me but tell me that you don’t see a future with us anymore. To me that’s bullshit. When I first met you I knew that you were the girl of my dreams. I would do anything o be with you and i have done anything to be with you. To just call you my girlfriend. I always thought that I would do everything for you. But after tonight I reached my breaking point. I never thought that I would want to give up on you. That I would want to stop trying to be with you. But you showed me that everything I did was just a waste of time and that I should be sorry for putting you through it. Well I am sorry. I’m sorry I wasted 3 years of your life when I should’ve taken the hint the first time back in 2015. But look. I’m so in love with you that I’m still here for you. I’m always going to want to get back together with you everyday of my life. As long as my life will last. I hope you’re happy with your decision. To me it will always be the worst one. But like you’ve proven to me, there’s nothing I can do to win you back.