#i did order a tablecloth for my setup too!! anxiously waiting for that to be printed and sent out...

[graff-aganda]

first draft -> second draft -> final version !!

[starlabsforever-blog]

Killervibe no. 32 please!

32. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

For four people who knew each other this well, there was anawfully awkward silence hanging over the table where Cisco, Caitlin, Barry andIris sat. Normally, the four of them could carry on a conversation aboutanything, but in this fancy French restaurant with its smothering rich aroma,they were all at a loss for words. The grouping in which they sat wasimportant: Cisco and Caitlin andBarry and Iris.

“Come on,” Barry had told Cisco. “A blind date. It’ll befun. It’s this friend of Iris’s and she’s awesome and you’ll love her.”

Iris’s words to Caitlin were similar: “It’s this friend ofBarry’s, he hasn’t been on a date in a while, but he’s really sweet and I justknow you guys will get along.”

Although none of their statements were exactly lies, Ciscodid not see it that way.

“You lied to me,” he said to Barry across the table. “Thisis not a blind date. This is a setup.”

“Technically, a blind date is also a setup,” Iris said.

“We didn’t lie,” Barry argued. “She is a friend of Iris’s. You two doget along great.”

Caitlin was fiddling with the sleeve of her purple dress. “Ithink what Cisco means is, it’s a little dishonest to set up two people who already know each other without theirknowledge.”

Cisco nodded. “Right. It’s one thing to set up two peoplewho you think might like each other, but with a pre-established relationship,you don’t really know what you’re dealing with.”

Caitlin started to say something, but just then, theirwaiter- Theodore, his name tag declared -swooped in and deposited a basket ofcomplimentary rolls on the table and took their orders. He left, and it was asif someone had pressed play on the conversation.

Iris leaned forward. “Listen, you two are perfect for each other.” The two facesacross the table regarded her skeptically. She glanced at Barry. “Back me uphere.”

Barry had torn into one of the rolls and had taken a hugebite just as Iris turned to him. He swallowed and coughed, his face slightlyred. “All of the employees at Los Tacos think you two are a couple.”

“Betrayed by my closest friends,” Cisco said offhandedly.Caitlin’s hands laced together in her lap and her knuckles went white.

“Look, at least give it a try,” Iris said. “Barry andI did this because it seems like you two don’t do anything for yourselves. Yourwhole lives are saving the city. You deserve something for yourselves, both ofyou.”

Cisco glanced at Caitlin, but hereyes were fixed straight ahead. When he directed his gaze to Barry, she shot ashy sideways glance at him. He rested his elbows on the table, etiquette be damned. “It’sstill kind of a biff move to set up two people who are already friends. Younever know if those people have ever thought about a relationship.”

“Or maybe they’re just not interested in each other,”Caitlin added. Cisco’s face went pale and he sat even stiffer than before.

Iris glanced at Barry, who was chewing the roll anxiously. “Givethis date a chance,” she said. “Just tonight. If it feels wrong, we’ll neverbring it up again, but give it a fair chance.”

Cisco and Caitlin didn’t look at each other. Theodore savedanyone from having to say anything by arriving with their drinks. Caitlin’sfingers clenched around her wine glass, hard. Cisco traced a square on the tableclothwith his thumb.

Barry and Iris tried to get a conversation going, but they all spent so much time working together that anything they hadn’t already discussedthoroughly felt too trivial. At some point after Theodore brought their meals,Caitlin excused herself to the bathroom

Cisco watched her leave, and then said, “This must be thepart of the night where I get dumped.”

Iris’s brows shot up. “I thought you said you weren’tinterested.”

His fingers found the hem of his suit coat. “Because she isn’t.”

“But if she was…?”

“She’s way out of my league.”

“Is not,” Barry said loyally.

“And to be fair,” Iris said, “both of you were sending outmore mixed signals than a broken traffic light. I think you should go talk toher about it.”

Cisco stared at the square on the tablecloth. This was allkinds of scary and he didn’t want to risk it. He didn’t want to ruin theirfriendship, their movie nights, their secrets, their late-night textconversations, the casual intimacy of every moment they spent together…

Then again, maybe he was ruining it by not going for what was right in front of him.

He stood up. “I’ll be right back.” He turned on his heelquickly so he wouldn’t see Iris and Barry’s smug expressions. This wasdifficult enough without the peanut gallery.

It took him a couple minutes and a couple heavily accentedwaiters to find the ladies’ room, and when he did, he just hung outside of itawkwardly. He waited several minutes, and the only person who exited was anancient-looking white lady who looked at him very suspiciously. Yes, I live here and no, I’m not sellingdrugs, he wanted to say, but he focused his eye on the ball, which wasCaitlin. He got so lost in thoughts of whatam I going to say and some added crap crap what am I gonna say why are my hands sweaty that he almost didn’t notice when she walked right by him.His eyes registered the flash of purple and he panicked.

“Caitlin,” he accidentally yelled, and she spun around,bewildered. A very European man with a mustache frowned at them.

“Cisco,” she said, regaining her composure, and then theprevious air of awkwardness settled back over them like a damp blanket. Shehugged herself. “Listen, about this date. You don’t have to- I don’t- I mean-”

“Cait,” he said.

She was on an anxious downhill roll and didn’t hear him. She was stammering, gesticulating wildly with her hands. “Iknow this is weird, and you don’t have to feel like you owe me anything, I don’thave any expectations, this never has to go anywhere, I just-”

Cisco grabbed her elbow and she stopped. “What are youtalking about?”

She stared back at him, puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

His brow furrowed as he started to piece the puzzletogether. “Why wouldn’t I want this to go somewhere?” he asked slowly.

She tilted her head. “Because you’re not interested?”

Even though he had thought that might be the answer, itstill astonished him to hear it said aloud. “Why wouldn’t I be interested?”

Caitlin hugged herself. “Whenever the employees at Los Tacosask us if we’re dating- or anyone -you shut them down so quickly.”

He nodded. “Because I thought you weren’t interested.”

Her eyes widened and instead of relieved, she lookedoverwhelmed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged. “I dunno, lots of reasons, I guess.” She lookedat him nervously. He stepped forward tentatively. “Okay, this has got to end. I like you.”

She stared back at him, so still she might have been holdingher breath. “I don’t,” she breathed.

That hit him like a punch in the stomach and he recoiled. “So,not interested?” he asked weakly. “Okay. That’s okay. I’ll just-”

“Cisco, no, that’s not what I meant,” she half-shouted,eliciting another round of glares from the denizens of Le Papillon. She inhaled sharply. “I don’t just like you. I think I’m in love withyou.”

This was a straight-up comedy of errors if he’d ever seen one. He felt his face go hot and his hands go cold. “Huh?” wasall he could manage to say.

She swallowed, hard. “I think I’m in love with you,” sherepeated, and her voice had a miniscule tremor in it. “And I’m terrified.”

He studied her eyes. “Why?” he whispered.

She shrugged wildly. “Because all kinds of things could gowrong and I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship.”

Cisco took a deep breath to calm his nerves. “Me too.”

Her eyebrows arched anxiously. “You don’t want to risk it?”

He shook his head and stepped closer. “I think I’m in lovewith you too.”

Caitlin looked down at him- she was slightly taller in herheels -and her eyes were still anxious and shy, but her mouth slid into atentative smile. “Really?” she asked, with the awe-stricken demeanor of a childreceiving a first-place ribbon.

He nodded, and they were a whisper away from liplock. “Really.But I’m also terrified. Can we work around that?”

Even though they weren’t touching, they were so closetogether that he could feel the nervous energy that was shaking her body. Helaid a hand on her shoulder and she tilted her head against it, like she wasmemorizing his touch. “Say something,” he said in a low voice.

She lifted her head up. “I’m extremely nervous and relievedright now and I need to either throw up or kiss you.”

He stared at her, memorizing her face- the curve of hernose, the rise of her cheekbones, the crinkles around her eyes. He moved hishand from her shoulder to her head and drew her towards him.

She was a sloppier kisser than he’d imagined, but it wasprobably because she was nervous, and even if it wasn’t, that was okay. Shepulled back, gazing at him as if for the first time.

“Barry and Iris are waiting for us,” he said.

Her hand slipped into his. “They could wait.”

His eyes darted around. “As much as I enjoyed kissing you, I’mnot sure how I feel about doing it with all these old white people watching me.”He drew in a deep breath. This was happening. “Besides, we should probablyfinish the first date.”

Her smile was so tender that he thought he might faint. Theyheaded back to the table and silently agreed not to tell Barry and Iris justhow right they were. They’d have to tell the entire staff of Los Tacos, too.