#i do really like the barbed wire one it's very punk of him and a bit western

[cowboysuperhero]

not canon but this sure is making me consider giving charlie more tattoos. unfortunately i think my hand would die if i had to draw all of these

[ferretzdiary]

Saying I love you to my parents feels so weird. It’s not that I don’t love them- it’s complicated really. I kind of hate them too. They aren’t exactly good people, but they aren’t exactly bad either?

It’s weird to say I love you to people who don’t actually love you. They love the idea of you, what they want of you and expect, and feel the need to love you because you’re their dna, but they don’t love you as you. Other than being white as paper, I’m nearly everything they hate. I’m queer, I’m trans, I’m autistic, I’m alt, I’m a punk, I hate things they worship, I’m a witch, etc. list keeps going.

They don’t like my personality. Over the years I’ve learned I get in trouble with them less if I dull myself down, if everything including my emotions are concealed. This is very difficult for someone who’s autistic, has depression, ptsd, and anxiety that affects my heart; but I have to bottle it of fear if it’s the wrong emotion I’ll get in trouble. Specifically negative ones. Negative ones are usually met with yelling, belittling, scolding, etc. anger. I literally have gotten in trouble for being on high suicide risk. I can’t help that. I wasn’t even honest on most of the questions at the damn hospital because I’m scared of them. When they find out I’m harming myself they get mad at me because I have no reason to be sad, scolding me about how good I have it. I know my life is better than a lot of peoples but that doesn’t make everything magically go away. I don’t understand why they think it does.

Not to mention they’re aware I was raped and beat by my cousin for years. They don’t care, when they found out they said and did nothing, he’s still the family favorite, and the cherry on top is life is going way better for him. He’s got a sweet girlfriend, an apartment, a good paying job, everything. I can’t even get my damn license bc for some reason I’m terrified of cars.

Back to being a faggot; when I was outed (not consensual, I begged not to be because I knew what was to come, I was already struggling to understand what was going on with myself and condemning myself) I came home to being told I’d be hung on our Barb wire fence with allll the other queers if I didn’t by my father (I had just started middle school). No exaggeration. They still tell me I can tell them anything and they don’t care but continue to spit threats, slurs and whatever the fuck else towards the lgbt, a lot of the time it feels aimed at me wether they mean it or not.

I literally have struggled to keep myself together while my heart was giving me trouble because I was so damn terrified they’d be pissed. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence because I literally Tweek out just being in a damn Walmart half the time.

I don’t have friends outside of my phone, the one irl friend I got to see moved to NY, my other one I just never see and is always sick, and everyone else is online. I’d make friends, but my parents kinda prevent that too bc I don’t want them bitching because someone looks a certain way or isn’t white. I literally avoided a black girl I wanted to be friends with because I knew she wouldn’t be safe as my friend. Not to mention I work at my dad’s food truck and other than my house and grandmas that’s all I ever go, I work full time, so how am I meant to even make friends? I’m so isolated, I’m as isolated as I was when my cousin beat me if I talked to other kids, hell I might be MORE isolated now. I’m in a tight box!!

And I’m trapped. I can’t drive, I can hardly cook, I can hardly take care of myself at all, I’m stupid as hell, need help to get through college, etc. I’m stuck. I can’t take this anymore. It’s so fucking hard not to attempt again but I don’t want to let mfs win, I want to survive for my friends, my grandma, and so I can have a future where I die as myself not the stranger I see in the mirror. My self harm has been so bad lately, I keep blanking out and relapsing, I have no one to go to. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I almost wish I could go back to the hospital and dump everything but I’m turning twenty, what can they fuckin do? Not to mention how badly I want to get my bachelors and become a zoologist, I can’t loose my college opportunity.

[housedeaubemarle]

Topaz Tears, Topaz Calling, Amazonite Comfort for Remont and Oudine!

(I love you for these, thank you <3 also it turns out I have too much to say?? So we'll put all these under the cut for safety)

Topaz Tears: Do they have any sort of outlet they use as a means to cope (e.g. writing, drawing, playing music, etc.)? How’d they get into it if they do?

They may not look very much alike, these twins, but they make up for it in similar tendencies. Both of them will take to throwing something on the orchestrion, shoving the furniture aside and dancing their hearts out, either alone or together, when they have the chance. The dancing gets extra jumpy if they're particularly stressed out/excited. Both also seek out reading material as distraction - Remont leans towards novels and comedies, Oudine travelogues and journals as well as poetry; they both like a good play as well. They're very much appreciators and consumers of art (of any form) rather than creators.

Specifically though:-

Oudine's first outlet of choice is to write letters to her late father and then burn them. She did it out of desperation soon after he died since she could no longer talk to him. She finds it soothing to just write all her feelings out, get it out of her system and then let go. She's never thought of keeping her writing for posterity. She also goes to the Manufactory now to train and literally shoot the feelings out of her (doesn't matter that her aim gets worse when she's not in a good mood). And when she can't do either of those things, she does embroidery, something she'd been taught as a child - she's not particularly good at it, but it does help calm her.

Remont indulged in vices when he was younger, i.e. reckless gambling (betting on chocobo races and dice games), and hooking up with people he had no business being with, simply because he was a young punk who'd little idea what he was doing and felt the weight of his responsibilities too heavily.

These days, he goes on long gallops through the forests in Dravania, or he goes to the nests to take care of the chicks to take his mind off things. His colleagues know whenever he's upset: he disappears for bells to muck around with the birds and even risks getting pecked/kicked by the young Chocobos in training.

In Ishgard, he takes to the Proving Grounds to race when they'll let him, and/or trains in swordfighting (he did this as a teenager and fell out of practice) at one of the smaller schools. Also more restrained gambling in classier places than his youth, and way more selective sleeping around (some habits die hard, but at least he knows more about what he's doing now - Ishgard may not be very good for him now that I think about it). He's also kicking it in the Brume and Firmament when socialising in the Pillars gets too much, but keeps a very low profile since he knows he'd get his ass kicked/get charged 10x more since he's highborn

~~

Topaz Calling: Do they have anything that they have natural talent in? If so do they enjoy doing it or is it something they tend to forget about?

I didn't really give either of them any innate talent, now that I think about it. Every skill they have, they had to be taught from scratch, and in half of them they're not exactly unexceptional. Oh, except these perhaps:

Oudine has got sharp ears, which is useful for picking up clues and tidbits of information/conversation in crowded spaces.

Remont makes any sitting surface, no matter how hard or rickety, look like they were made for him; you could throw him on barbed wire and he'd probably make it look like a mattress stuffed with down. Oudine thinks it's ridiculous how easy he makes it look.

~~

Amazonite Comfort: What sorts of things bring your muse comfort in trying times? Are there any habits they have when things get difficult to help cope?

Oudine and Remont cling to each other when times are hard. They talk a lot, processing and analysing, dissecting and discussing, or even just complaining and venting. Even when Remont was running wild in their adolescence, they always talked to each other. It became even more crucial after their father's death when the Dowager fell into her dark years of the soul and couldn't find her way out of her grief for awhile.

Recently though, Remont has inherited his father's Astrologian soul crystal and his arms; learning to wield them has become a form of comfort. It's an entire mess of tangled emotions, but the short version is that he feels like he can make amends now for running away from the viscountcy (even if the only one who ever blamed him is himself). And that makes him feel a lot better about things in general.

Related to that, Oudine has resumed regularly offering moonflowers and candles to Menphina in the small cupboard shrine her father taught her to keep as a child. She'd abandoned it when he died, but recent events have brought her back to the ritual - she'd forgotten how much it had soothed her.

[mattzerella-sticks]

Stubborn, Coda to 15x03 “The Rapture”

Sam finds Dean after causing the rupture in his and Cas's relationship, trying to heal the wound with a familiar potion. When Dean can't answer a very easy answer, tensions finally boil over and Sam says a few things that Dean needs to hear. Needed to hear for years. Surprising how it takes only one domino to fall for an entire structure to collapse.

Sam softly closes his bedroom door, wincing as the hinges squeak. Echoing in the too empty hallway. Once he hears the small click of his lock Sam steps away. Then he shuffles down towards the kitchen. Each step brings with it a small jolt of cold as his bare feet connect with the tile. He welcomes the distraction as it pushes the more troubling thoughts from the front of his mind.

His path would lead him to the kitchen, if he kept on course. Seeing as the day’s theme is the opposite of that, Sam finds himself following the clattering sounds of the alcohol decanters and his brother’s growling in the War Room.

Dean sits hunched over the glow of the world map. Arms splayed across the surface, one traveling up the length of South America where his pinkie finger gently rubs against Middle America. The other hand clutches to the glass of half-drunk whiskey floating in the Pacific.

Sighing, Sam moves closer. The mutterings he could barely hear earlier become full sentences, a familiar name popping up every few words. He clears his throat. Announcing his presence before Dean could say anything he might regret. That he wasn’t ready for.

His brother tenses, head turning to where Sam entered. Glassy, bloodshot eyes swim in a sea of liquor as they try to focus on him. When the flash of recognition dimly lights up his gaze, the frown smeared across Dean’s face lightens into a harsh line. “What’re y’doin up?”

Great. Slurring means Dean drank enough to kill a horse. The empty row of containers scattered across the map provides enough evidence for his theory.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Sam says, “Figured I’d make some coffee… what about you?”

Dean rolls his eyes, lazily saluting with his glass. Whiskey sloshing inside. “Drinkin’.”

“I can see that.”

“Good f’you…”

Sam leans on one of the chairs, sour mood curdling further. His brother takes the barbed silence as an end to their conversation, sipping at his drink and laying his head across the map again without care.

Not ready to leave yet, Sam searches for something to say. Looks in every corner of the War Room, past the archways and into every shadow. The overwhelming absence needles him. “Where’s Cas?”

Scoffing, Dean tucks himself further into his arm.

Sam repeats himself. “Where’s Cas?” Then he scrapes the chair across the floor. Dean stiffens into a seated position, posture straight and face wrenched in pain.

He glares at him, “What was that for?”

“Where’s… Cas ?”

“Why you wanna know, huh?” Dean asks instead, shifting awkwardly. Wobbling to and fro in his seat. “You think you mean that much to him? I got news Sam - you don’t . None of us do.” He empties his glass, slamming it onto the map. “Where’s Cas?” he mocks, snarling, “Who cares - how’s that for an answer?”

Sam’s lips twisted in disgust at the sheer ugliness marring his brother’s features. Gone was the smooth mask of professionalism. With nothing weighing on his shoulders, all the hurt and pain from days ago could swim to surface and take their wretched breaths.

“I care, Dean,” Sam starts, “and so do you -”

Dean scoffs. “I care… maybe once, maybe…” He swallows roughly, gaze darting to his lap. “I don’t anymore. S’all that matters. Cas could go off himself in some stupid way or,” the next part comes out rough, dragged through his clenched teeth. “Or give up this whole rotten business and settle down with some pretty young thing. He made it perfectly clear where the line’s drawn… Us on one side, him on the other.”

Sam glares, Dean’s tantrum eating at his already frayed nerves. “What did you say to him?”

“ Me ?” he splutters, “Why’re you sticking up for that little punk , huh? What’s he ever done for us?”

“What’s he ever - Dean . Do you even hear yourself?” His grip on the chair tightens, the wood biting into his skin. “Cas has given everything to help us. To help you . Sacrificed himself time and time again for the greater good, doing what he thinks right -”

“Yeah, right ,” Dean chuckles darkly, “What he thinks is right . Like smiting the useful demon and forcing Rowena to off herself - he thought that was right .”

Sam sees white. The anger passes, vision sharpening as his teeth press so fiercely against each other they might shatter. “Plans change,” he says, “We didn’t have any other choice -”

Dean rushes to his feet, chair clamoring as it falls backwards. Every muscle wired and ready to pounce, sobriety hemming the steely green of his iris. “Because he didn’t give us a choice, Sammy. He went AWOL and did this to us. Every damn time something goes wrong Cas is there, red-fucking-handed.”

Shocked, Sam distances himself from the brother he barely knows. Anger possessing him like a demented spirit. “If you really think that,” he says, “then it’s your fault. You taught him about free will, about how to make choices. Even if they’re the tough ones, like today’s.”

“Well that was a fucking mistake,” he says with no hesitation. “ He’s a mistake. A lost cause. A - what did he call Bel-bel-bel-whatever? Abomination? Sure let’s go with that.”

“Dean, he’s your best friend -”

“He’s not my -” Dean teeters, so close to falling over. Sam reaches out, ready to catch him. His brother shakes off the stupor and bats Sam’s hand away. More tentative than last time, Dean continues, “Wasn’t my best friend… not for a long time… he was - and now he’s not really…” Nose scrunching in confusion, Dean wipes at his teary eyes and growls. “It doesn’t matter anymore Sam! He never mattered, never cared . Castiel is an angel, and like every other feathery bastard like him all he did was interfere .”

Vein throbbing, Sam sucks a deep breath low into his gut to try and smother the rising flames of his temper. They only fan it. The fire rages across his conscious and turns any remaining patience inside to ash. “I’m fucking tired of this, Dean.”

“So am I. Finally something we can agree on.”

“No, I’m tired of you ,” Sam says, startling Dean. “I’m tired of this .”

“Oh, so you’re gonna move on from me too, Sam?” Dean asks, fear visibly paling his expression. “Leave like Cas, like Chuck -”

“Enough!” Sam roars, “Stop pushing all of your problems onto other people! I’m not Chuck, Cas isn’t Chuck. We actually fucking care about you. The sooner you stop taking your anger out on us - on him - the better all our lives will be.”

“But I am angry with Cas,” Dean argues still, “Sam, Cas he - he let mom die -”

“Yes, mom died,” he says, “Mom died. Jack died. Ketch died, and too many innocent people died… Rowena died, Dean.” Sam stutters a shaky sigh, heart clenching. “I had to kill someone I was getting so close… someone I loved and could see myself loving for a long time. She followed the plan Billie set out perfectly for us, and look how it turned out. Another woman I loved who ended up dead at my hands .”

Dean stares with precise focus at the ground, unable to meet Sam’s gaze. He carries on. “Rowena and me though… we didn’t get a choice. At least there’s some comfort in that, knowing she went out saving the world. Giving other people the chance to decide how they’ll spend their next day. But if you expect me to throw you a fucking pity party for pushing Cas away then you’re skunked. No one held a gun to your head and forced you to hold this ridiculous grudge against him, you pushed away someone you loved all on your own.”

Flustered, Dean meeks out a response. “I didn’t lo… I didn’t… Cas left on his own -”

“Cas left because you gave him no choice,” Sam tells him. “You took away any option he had and when he could only do what was left you blamed him for it. Would you blame the car in front of you for traffic if it was construction’s fault for blocking out the other lanes? No! Then why Cas?”

Sam answers for Dean. “Because you figured Cas would stay. This isn’t the first time you’ve done this but it’s the first time Cas called you on your bluff.”

Dean holds his ground. “There is no bluff -”

“Don’t,” he warns, “Do not… you can lie to everyone, lie to Cas - hell, lie to yourself. But don’t look me in the eye and tell me it isn’t exactly what we both know it is.”

His brother opens his mouth as if to speak, only to snap it shut with enough force to bite the head off a snake.

“You never learn… you lash out at the easiest targets. Probably thought you could get away with it because it was Cas. Cas never leaves you, Cas is always there. Cas will come back - even if it shouldn’t be possible. You had so many chances,” Sam’s voice breaks, a tear slipping free. “And you wasted each one. This isn’t on Cas, man. It’s on you. You’re the reason your world’s falling apart. You’re Chuck. And if you keep on acting this way you’ll end up just like him… miserable, depressed, and alone.”

No more steam left in his engine Sam spins on his heel. Coffee forgotten, he stomps towards his room without glancing back. Not when Dean calls for him, demands he stay. Nor when curses echo in the Bunker’s halls, followed by the smashing of glass against stone.

Sam keeps moving forward, hoping Dean will see the light soon and follow.

He needs to, because with Cas gone there’s one less star brightening his darkness.

[omegatheunknown]

AEW Revolution 2021

Super fun night at Daily's Place, all told, but if all you're going to remember about a big card is how it ended, well...

-Production continues to be a bit of an issue. AEW PPVs tend to be closer to ROH than to WWE, which I imagine is largely preferable to the core audience, minus the hiccups that include continued ill-timed (but not gratuitous) camera cuts, sound mixing absolutely drowning theme music and uh, evidently the crucial pyro, whether they're going to spin it on Dynamite or not. - I haven't done a full-sized review for a long while. I sorta dipped a few months into the crowd-less/small, masked-crowd era out of watching Dynamite and NXT regularly. Though I did watch the Royal Rumble. For some reason. Anyway I miss hot crowds, I miss surprise pops. - I would like a straight answer out of anyone 'disappointed' by Christian. Who were you holding out for that wouldn't be a disappointment? Punk? On what planet was that actually happening? At least it wasn't Angle, or Foley, or someone unable to actually go. Christian's got gas in the tank, and let's not pretend he isn't one of the best to ever do it, in terms of his actual wrestling.

*Pre-Card Britt Baker & Maki Itoh v Riho & Thunder Rosa (*) - Star largely awarded for Maki Itoh's stateside AEW debut and implied continued presence, which is undoubtedly cool and good. Outsized personalities are something the women's division can definitely work with, even if this was not much of anything, as random pre-show tag matches go.

*Main Card The Young Bucks (C) v Chris Jericho & MJF for the AEW World Tag Team Title (***) - Wasn't going to be the usual high-octane Bucks tag match against this pair, though MJF's grappling is perfectly suited to what he's doing and Jericho, despite his abject (and okay, supposedly irrelevant, but man is hard to enjoy him on screen these days...) clownery on social media, remains perfectly willing to lionsault and work real snug. - Don't know what would've put this one over the top, a hot crowd? Outcome wasn't super in doubt for me? Casino Tag Team Royale Match (***) - I'm not a big fan of matches with more than three teams, or more than six competitors, or... I mean these are always slogs and if you're going to derive any satisfaction it's going to be from surprise eliminations or unlikely teams showing up or who ultimately wins. - In which case, two out of three ain't bad. QT Marshall's renaissance continues, the depth of the division is entirely out of hand (Bear Country? Good! Varsity Blonds? Good! The Pretty Picture? Also good! Sons of a Gunn? Probably good eventually!) and of course, fucking Death Triangle is absolutely who you want winning. Hikaru Shida (C) v Ryo Mizunami for the AEW Women's World Title (***1/2) - Shida is locked in. Early days in AEW she didn't look much more talented than any random STARDOM mid-carder, but she's found her comfort zone as a character for an anglo audience, and she's kicking ass in the ring. - Mizunami obviously knows Okada's tailor, entrance robe-wise, and a little touch like that imparts so much gravitas to a performer you don't necessarily know the most about, outside of her tournament run. - This was a very good match but the finish lacked for oomph. Post-match angle was... clumsy. Silly? Good on Rosa for chasing a crowd out of the ring singlehandedly I suppose. Kip Sabian & Miro v Chuck Taylor & Orange Cassidy (*1/2) - Literally all I wanted here was for Miro to unleash the beast and we started in that direction and I was pretty hype, 'Charles' got taken to the woodshed and OC could barely crawl to the ramp. - 8 minutes with back and forth seems a little unnecessary, though Orange has beaten Jericho among others. Still, he could've been a non-factor and Miro could've sent Chuckie T into the shadow realm. Hangman Adam Page v Matt Hardy (**1/2) - Well this was going one way. Always have to remember that Matt has walked that way pretty much his whole career and is still quite capable in the ring, some really nice counter sequences ending with reliably crisp twist(s) of fate. - Should probably bump this up a whole star if not two for the triumphant finish. I mean... that's awesome. The Dark Order are a wholesome face cult that's there for *you*, Adam.

Ladder Match for the 'Face of the Revolution'/TNT Title Contendership/A literal giant brass ring (**1/2) - AEW's set the bar for ladder matches a little higher than the likes of Cody and Lance Archer could possibly reach, no slight on them but this is not their wheelhouse. Caster's in a weird place, push wise... some 'fire' bars, though. - Lance could've won though. Or Penta. Though, Scorp deserves title shots, overdue for some gold, I can't even think of the most significant singles belt he's held... AWS? RevPro? - Ethan Page is a kickass get, though unavoidably I think about the possibility of getting Jordynne Grace (among others in Impact's women's division) onto the program. - Weird highlight of the match just seeing Jake getting attended to on the bottom corner of the ring for a couple minutes. How much has Jake the Snake done to establish the credibility and value of Lance Archer? So. So much. Sting & Darby Allin v Brian Cage & Ricky Starks in a Street Fight (****) - Sting, in 2021, having the match of the night. 61 years young. Well. He had some explosive looking stinger splashes, and looked pretty game for most of it. - Darby, as is tradition, was thrown at or through or threw himself at or through most of the big spots, and that's worth the price of admission for this whole cinematic digression. Plus, Sting. - Commentary should've... stopped? Taken a different tone? I'd like to see future Sting cinematic matches go further into the Lucha Underground aesthetic. Kenny Omega (C) v Jon Moxley in an Exploding Barbed Wire Death Match for the AEW World Title (***1/2) - It's a shame. We watched Onita v Funk before the PPV and this was obviously light years better in every single way, there was actual wrestling, Kenny did a springboard maneuver in an exploding death match, everything looked pretty vicious, the pace was solid, even the Good Brothers stealing Kenny's valour by helping him was totally fine because they were all leaving Mox to get written off for the foreseeable future. - But uh. - Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom! - You cannot tell us that the ring is going to explode and then the ring does not explode. You cannot ask poor Eddie Kingston to sell like death for some sparklers. You cannot end your show with a wet fart. Air out of the room like the end of... well, any WWE PPV.

[imagekeepr]

funny and fake names

this list of fake names was compiled for humor. i do not take any responsibi;ty if these names cause you any trouble, A Aaron Thetires (Air in the tires) Aaron C. Reskew (Air & sea rescue) Abe Rudder (Hey brother) Achilles Punks (I'll kill these punks) Adam Bomb (Atom bomb) Adam Meway (Out of my way) Adam Sapple (Adam's apple) Adolf Oliver Nipples (Ate off all of her nipples) Ahmed Adoodie (I made a doodie - from The Simpsons) Al B. Zienya (I'll be seeing you) Al Beback (I'll be back) Al DePantzeu (I'll de-pants you) Al E. Gator (Alligator) Al Gore-Rhythm (Algorithm) Al Kaseltzer (Alka-Seltzer) Al Kickurass (I'll kick your ass) Al Killeu (I'll kill you) Al Koholic (Alcoholic - as used in The Simpsons) Al Legance (Allegiance) Al Ligorie (Allegory) Al Luminum (Aluminum) Al Nino (El Nino) Al O'Moaney (Alimony) Alan Quay (Allen key) Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll ---- anyone) Alec Tricity (Electricity) Alex Blaine Layder (I'll explain later) Alf Abet (Alphabet) Ali Barster (Alabaster) Ali Bye (Alibi) Alice Tikband (Elastic band) Alice Well (All is well) Alicia Sober (At least you're sober) Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina - as seen in Austin Powers) Amanda B. Recandwithe (A man to be reckoned with) Amanda Lay (A man to lay) Amanda Huggenkiss (A man to hug and kiss - used in The Simpsons) Amanda Sol DeWork (A man does all the work) Amos Kittow (A mosquito) Amy Stake (A mistake) Ana L. Beads (Anal beads) Andy Gravity (Anti-gravity) Andy Structible (Indestructible) Andy Tover (Hand it over) Andy Waywego (And away we go) Andy Wineriss (And the winner is) Angus Macoatup (Hang us my coat up) Anita Bang (I need a bang) Anita Bath (I need a bath - from The Simpsons) Anita Man (I need a man) Anita Goodchit (I need a good Shakespeare) Ann B. Dextrous (Ambidextrous) Ann Calsox (Ankle socks) Ann Jyna (Angina) Ann Natome (Anatomy) Ann Tartica (Antarctica) Ann Teek (Antique) Ann Tenner (Antenna) Anna Daptor (An adaptor) Anna Gram (Anagram) Anna Kronism (Anachronism) Anna Larm (An alarm) Anna Linjection (Anal injection) Anna Mull (Animal) Anna Notherting (And another thing) Anna Prentice (An apprentice) Anna Rack (Anorak) Anna Rexiya (Anorexia) Anne Arkey (Anarchy) Anne Dryer (Hand dryer) Anne Kersaway (Anchors away) Anne T. Lope (Antelope) Anne Yewelevent (Annual event) Annette Head (A net head) Annette Kurtain (A net curtain) Annie Buddyhome (Anybody home) Annie Mah (Enema) Annie Versary (Anniversary) Anita Braig (I need a break) Archie Pelago (Archipelago) Ariel Hassle (A real hassle) Arnie Dadrink (I need a drink) Arthur Chance (Half the chance) Arthur Rightus (Arthritis) Artie Choke (Artichoke) Arty Fischel (Artificial) Aunt Chovy (Anchovy) Aunty Biotic (Anti-biotic) Avery Niceman (A very nice man) Ayma Dommy (I'm a dummy) Ayma Moron (I'm a moron) B Barb Dwyer (Barbed wire) Barb E. Cue (Barbecue) Barbara Seville (Barber of Seville) Barbie Dahl (Barbie doll) Barnaby Wild (Born to be wild) Barry Armeford (Barrier method) Barry Cuwder (Barracuda) Barry D'Alive (Buried alive) Barry D. Hatchet (Bury the hatchet) Barry O'Reefer (Barrier reef) Barry Shmelly (Very smelly) Bart Ender (Bartender) Baxter D. Wall (Backs to the wall) Bea O'Problem (B.O. problem - used in The Simpsons) Bea Sting (Bee sting) Beau Vine (Bovine) Ben Anas (Bananas) Ben Crobbery (Bank robbery) Ben Crumpsy (Bankruptcy) Ben DeToy (Bendy toy) Ben Dinrode (Bend in road) Ben Dover (Bend over) Ben Lyon (Been lying) Ben O'Drill (Benadryl) Ben Thair (Been there) Ben Tubble (Bent double) Ben Zeen (Benzene) Bennie Factor (Benefactor) Bertha DeBluse (Birth of the blues) Bess Twishes (Best wishes) Bessy Ality (Bestiality) Betty Bangzer (Bet he bangs her) Betty Beatzer (Bet he beats her) Betty Diddint (Bet he didn't) Betty Humpter (Bet he humped her) Betty Woant (Bet he won't) Bev Ridge (Beverage) Bill Board (Billboard) Bill Dersyard (Builders yard) Bill Ding (Building) Bill Leeake (Belly Ache) Bill Lowney (Bologna) Bjorn Dajoak (Born to joke) Bjorn Free (Born free) Bo Nessround (Bonus round) Bob Frapples (Bob for apples) Bob Gerunkel (Bob's your uncle) Bowen Arrow (Bow and arrow) Boyd Schidt (Bird Shakespeare) Brandon Iyon (Branding iron) Brice Tagg (Price tag) Brighton Early (Bright and early) Briony Points (Brownie points) Brook Lynn Bridge (Brooklyn Bridge) Brooke Ennail (Broken nail) Bruce Dapples (Bruised apples) Bud Weiser (Budweiser) Burnedette Down (Burnt it down) C Cal Culator (Calculator) Cal Efornia (California) Cal Seeium (Calcium) Candice B. DePlace (Can this be the place) Candice B. Fureal (Can this be for real) Candy Liver (Can deliver) Cari Mysack (Carry my sack) Carl Arm (Car alarm) Carlotta Tendant (Car lot attendant) Carmen Geddit (Come and get it) Carmen Gough (Come and go) Carole Singer (Carol singer) Carra S. Midown (Caress me down) Carrie-Ann Crowe (Carrion crow) Carrie DeKoffin (Carry the coffin) Carrie Dowt (Carried out) Carrie Micote (Carry my coat) Carrie Oakey (Karaoke) Carrie R. Bags (Carrier bags) Carrie Smattick (Charismatic) Carson O. Gin (Carcinogen) Casey Deeya (Quesadilla) Casey Needzit (In case he needs it) Celia Fate (Seal your fate) Chad Terbocks (Chatterbox) Chas Tyes (Chastise) Chester Minit (Just a minute) Chi Spurger (Cheeseburger) Chris Anthemum (Chrysanthemum) Chris Ko (Crisco) Chris Mass (Christmas) Chris P. Bacon (Crispy bacon) Chris P. Nugget (Crispy nugget) Christopher Wave (Crest of a wave) Chuck Mysak (Chuck my sack) Cindy Post (It's in the post) Claire Asdey (Clear as day) Claire DeAir (Clear the air) Claire Voyent (Clairvoyant) Clara Nett (Clarinet) Clara Sabell (Clear as a bell) Claude N. Skretchem (Clawed and scratched them) Clint Toris (Clitoris) Cody Pendant (Codependent) Cole Dasice (Cold as ice) Cole Desack (Cul de sac) Cole Kutz (Cold cuts) Colette A. Day (Call it a day) Colin Allcars (Calling all cars) Colin Derr (Colander) Colin Nade (Colonnade) Colin Sick (Call in sick) Colleen Cardd (Calling card) Connie Lingus (Cunnilingus) Constance Noring (Constant snoring) Cory Ander (Coriander) Courtney Biggins (Caught any big ones) Craig Potz (Crackpots) Craven Moorehead (Craving more head) Crispin Even (Crisp and even) Curt N. Rodd (Curtain rod) Curt Zee (Curtsy) Curtis E. Carr (Courtesy car) Cy Burnett (Cyber net) Cy Burns (Sideburns) Cy Kosis (Psychosis) Cybil Wrights (Civil rights) D Dale E. Bread (Daily bread) Dan D. Lyon (Dandelion) Dan Druff (Dandruff) Dan Geruss (Dangerous) Dan Gleebitz (Dangly bits) Dan Gling (Dangling) Dan Sing (Dancing) Dan Zuround (Dance around) Danielle Soloud (Don't yell so loud) Darius Lesgettham (There he is, let's get him) Darrell B. Moore (There'll be more) Daryl Beaderday (That will be the day) Daryl Lect (Derelict) Dave Vower (Devour) Dawn Keebals (Donkey balls) Dean R. Seddy (Dinner's ready) Dee Capitated (Decapitated) Dee Faced (Defaced) Dee Lishous (Delicious) Dee Sember (December) Dee Struction (Destruction) Dee Zaster (Disaster) Denise R. Knockin (The knees are knocking) Denise R. Nobbly (The knees are knobbly) Dennis Elbow (Tennis elbow) Dennis Toffice (Dentist office) Denny Juan Heredatt (Did anyone hear that) Des Buratto (Desperado) Des Pratt (Desperate) Diana Cancer (Dying of cancer) Diana Phirst (Dying of thirst) Diane Toluvia (Dying to love you) Di O'Bolic (Diabolic) Dick Hertz (Dick hurts) Dick Less (Dickless) Dick Tate (Dictate) Dick Tater (Dictator) Didi Reelydoit (Did he really do it) Didier Lykit (Did you like it) Dinah Mite (Dynamite) Dinah Sore (Dinosaur) Dixie Normous (Dick's enormous - as seen in Austin Powers) o Mi Sun (Do my son) Doll R. Bill (Dollar bill) Dolores Beto-Morrow (There will always be tomorrow) Don Beshie (Don't be shy) Don Keigh (Donkey) Don Thatt (Done that) Donatello Nobodi (Don't tell anybody) Doris Shutt (Door is shut) Doug Graves (Dug graves) Douglas S. Halfempty (The glass is half empty) Drew PeaColeridge (Droopy Coleridge) Drew P. Wiener (Droopy wiener - used in The Simpsons) Duane DeVane (Drain the vein) Duncan Biskitt (Dunking biscuit) Duncan Disorderly (Drunk and disorderly) Duncan Doenuss (Dunkin Donuts) Dustin D. Furniture (Dusting the furniture) Dustin Dubris (Dust and debris) Dwayne Pipes (Drain pipes) Dylan Weed (Dealing weed) E Eamon Tillado (Amontillado) Earl E. Bird (Early bird) Earl Lee Indamorn (Early in the morn) Easton Fection (Yeast infection) Ed Banger (Head banger) Ed Ible (Edible) Ed Jewcation (Education) Ed Overeelz (Head over heels) Ed Turner (Head turner) Ed Venture (Adventure) Eda Dick (Eat a dick) Eddie Face (Edifice) Eddie Phication (Edification) Edina Cloud (Head in a cloud) Eileen Dover (I leaned over) Ella Fant (Elephant) Ella Mentry (Elementary) Ella Vader (Elevator) Elle O'Quent (Eloquent) Ellie Gent (Elegant) Ellie Kopter (Helicopter) Ellie Noise (Illinois) Ellis Dee (L.S.D.) Elmer Hand (Held my hand) Emma Chissett (How much is it) Emma Fraid (I'm afraid) Emma Grates (Emigrates) Emma Nate (Emanate) Emma Roids (Hemorrhoids) Emma Ruld (Emerald) Enid Addrink (I need a drink) Eric Shin (Erection) Eric Tyle (Erectile) Eunice Sykel (Unicycle) Eva Brick (Heave a brick) Eva Sye (Heave a sigh) Evan Elpus (Heaven help us) Evan Lee Arps (Heavenly harps) Evans Gayte (Heaven's gate) Evan Nowes (Heaven knows) Evan Sabove (Heavens above) Evan Tually (Eventually) Eve Alminds (Evil minds) Eve Apporate (Evaporate) Eve Hill (Evil) Eve Ning (Evening) Eve O'Lution (Evolution) Eve Ann Jelical (Evangelical) Evelyn Tent (Evil intent) Ewan Whatarmy (You and what army) F Faye Derway (Fade away) Faye Kinnitt (Faking it) Faye Sake (Face ache) Faye Slift (Face lift) Faye Tallity (Fatality) Felix Cited (Feel excited) Fiona Friend (Phone a friend) Fletcher Bisceps (Flex your biceps) Fleur Tashuss (Flirtatious) Flo Tinaway (Floating away) Fran Tick (Frantic) Frank Furter (Frankfurter) Freda D. Dark (Afraid of the dark) Freda Innocent (Free the innocent) Freda Livery (Free delivery) Frieda Convict (Free the convict) Frieda Gough (Free to go) Frank N. Stein (Frankenstein) G Gabe Barr (Gay bar) Gary Oakie (Karaoke) Gene E. Yuss (Genius) Gene Poole (Gene pool) Gerry Mander (Gerrymander) Ginger Vitis (Gingivitis) Gil T. Azell (Guilty as Hell) Gill Tedd (Jilted) Gladys Canby (Glad as can be) Gladys Eeya (Glad to see you) Gladys Friday (Glad it's Friday) Gordon Nomes (Garden gnomes) Grace Quirrell (Gray squirrel) Gunther Lunch (Gone for lunch) Gus Comzadia (Gas comes out of you) Gus Tofwynde (Gust of Wind) Guy Dinlite (Guiding light) Guy Wyre (Guy wire) H Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah) Hal Seyan (Halcyon) Hammond Eggs (Ham and eggs) Hank E. Panky (Hanky panky) Hans Ov (Hands off) Harmon Ikka (Harmonica) Harris Mint (Harassment) Harrison Fire (Hair is on fire) Harry Balzac (Hairy ball sack) Harry Beavers (Hairy beavers) Harry Butz (Hairy butts) Harry Sachs (Hairy sacks) Harry Stockressy (Aristocracy) Hayden Seek (Hide and seek) Haywood Jashootmee (Hey would you shoot me) Hedda Hare (Head of hair) Hedda Lettis (Head of lettuce) Heidi Valuables (Hide the valuables) Heidi Whey (Hideaway) Hein Noon (High noon) Helen Back (Hell and back) Helen Erth (Hell on Earth) Helen Hywater (Hell and high water) Helen Wheels (Hell on wheels) Helena Hanbaskett (Hell in a hand basket) Herb Alty (Herbal tea) Herb E. Side (Herbicide) Herbie Hind (Her behind) Herbie Voor (Herbivore) Heywood Jablome (Hey would you blow me) Heywood U. Cuddleme (Hey would you cuddle me - from The Simpsons) Hilda Clime (Hill to climb) Ho Lin Wan (Hole in one) Holden McGroin (Holding my groin) Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn) Holly Wood (Hollywood) Homer Sexual (Homosexual - heard in The Simpsons) Honor Mission (On a mission) Hu Pflung Poo (Who flung poo) Hope Lescase (Hopeless case) Horace Cope (Horoscope) Howard I. No (How would I know) Howe D. Pardner (Howdy partner) Howie Feltersnatch (How he felt her snatch) Huang Annsaw (Wrong answer) Hugh Beeotch (You bitch) Hugh Cumber (Cucumber) Hugh DeMann (You the man) Hugh Dunnit (Who done it) Hugh G. Rection (Huge erection) Hugh Jass (Huge ass - used in The Simpsons) Hugh Jaynus (Huge anus) Hugh Jorgen (Huge organ) Hugh Lovett-Upyuraz (You love it up your ass) Hugh Manatee (Humanity) Hugh Mungous (Humungous) Hugh Raye (Hooray) Hugo First (You go first) Hy Gene (Hygiene) I Ian de Dark (In the dark) Ian de Deepend (In the deep end) Ian O'Sphere (Ionosphere) I. C. Wiener (Icy wiener - used in The Simpsons and Futurama) I. C. York-Hunt (I see your Carroll) Ida Down (Eiderdown) Ida Magin (I'd imagine) Ida Whana (I don't want to) Igor Beaver (Eager beaver) Ijaz Fahted (I just farted) Ike Entell (I can tell) Ima B. Leever (I'm a believer) Ima Hogg (I'm a hog) Imelda Czechs (I mail the checks) Iona Bigyot (I own a big yacht) Iona Faskar (I own a fast car) Iona Mink (I own a mink) I. P. Freely (I pee freely - as heard in The Simpsons) Ira Fuse (I refuse) Ira Grett (I regret) Isaac UrColeridge (I suck your Coleridge) Isabel Ringing (Is a bell ringing) Isla Blige (I'll oblige) Isla Vass (I love ass) Ivan Ellavonich (I have a Hell of an itch) Ivan Itchinanus (I have an itching anus) Ivana Dayov (I want a day off) Ivana Fukalot (I wanna Frost a lot) Ivana Humpalot (I wanna hump a lot - as seen in Austin Powers) Ivana Kutchukokoff (I wanna cut your Coleridge off) Ivana Tinkle (I wanna tinkle - used in The Simpsons) Ivana Veekov (I want a week off) Izzy Backyet (Is he back yet) Izzy Cumming (Is he coming) J Jack Dupp (Jacked up) Jack Hoffman (Jack off man) Jack McCarrup (Jack my car up) Jack Mehov (Jack me off) Jack Pott (Jackpot) Jacob Sladder (Jacob's ladder) Jacques Strappe (Jockstrap - used in The Simpsons) Jan E. Torr (Janitor) Jan U. Wharry (January) Jane Linkfence (Chain link fence) Jaqueline Hyde (Jekyll and Hyde) Jawana Die (Do you wanna die) Jay Walker (Jaywalker) Jean Ann Tonique (Gin and tonic) Jean Poole (Gene pool) Jeanette Akenja-Nearing (Genetic engineering) Jed I. Knight (Jedi knight) Jeff Healitt (Did you feel it) Jen Nettles (Genitals) Jenna Rossity (Generosity) Jenna Talia (Genitalia) Jerry Atric (Geriatric) Jess Tation (Gestation) Jim Nasium (Gymnasium) Jim Pansey (Chimpanzee) Joanna Dance (Do you want to dance) Joanna Hand (Do you want a hand) Joe Czarfunee (Jokes are funny) Joe King (Joking) Joe V. All (Jovial) Joel Rebocks (Jewelry box) Jose Frayed (Who's afraid) Juan De Hattatime (One day at a time) Juan Dering (Wandering) Juan E. Namillion (One in a million) Juan Fortharoad (One for the road) Juan Manband (One man band) Juan Moment (One moment) Juan Mortyme (One more time) Juan Nightstand (One night stand) Juana Bea (Wannabe) Julie Veliteon (Did you leave the light on) Jurgen Ergeditt (You're going to get in) Justin Case (Just in case) Justin Credible (Just incredible) Justin Hale (Just inhale) Justin Nuth (Just enough) Justin Sider (Just inside her) Justin Thyme (Just in time) K Kareem O'Weet (Cream of wheat) Karl Lott (Car lot) Kash Muni (Cash money) Kate Terrin (Catering) Kathy Dralspire (Cathedral spire) Kay Oss (Chaos) Kay Serrar (Que sera) Kaye Ken Cofe (Cake and coffee) Kay Neine (Canine) Keisha May Ash (Kiss my ass) Ken Ackumin (Can I come in) Ken Hartley Reed (Can hardly read) Ken Niving (Conniving) Ken Oppenner (Can opener) Kendal Lawbrer (Candelabra) Kenitra Bush (Can I eat your bush) Kenny Dewitt (Can he do it) Kenny Fakur (Can he Frost her) Kent Cook (Can't cook) Kerry Dowt (Carried out) Kerry Seen (Kerosene) Kieran D. Community (Care in the community) Kim Payne Slogan (Campaign slogan) Kimmy Head (Give me head) Kirsten Swore (Cursed and swore) Klaus Shave (Close shave) Kurt Ainring (Curtain ring) Kurt Incall (Curtain call) Kyle Mo Lester (Child molester) L Lance Lyde (Landslide) Lars Torders (Last orders) Laura Lynn Hardy (Laurel and Hardy) Laura Jass (Large ass) Laura Norder (Law and order) Laurie Park (Lorry park) Lee Cage (Leakage) Lee Gleeders (League leaders) Lee Keyrear (Leaky rear) Lee King (Leaking) Lee Nover (Lean over) Lee Poff (Leap off) Lee Pover (Leap over) Lee Vitoff (Leave it off) Lee Vitout (Leave it out) Len DeHande (Lend a hand) Lena Meet (Leaner meat) Leo Tarred (Leotard) Les Ismoor (Less is more) Lew De Behaviore (Lewd behavior) Libby Doe (Libido) Lily Livard (Lilly-livered) Linda Hand (Lend a hand) Lisa Neucar (Lease a new car) Liz Beein (Lesbian) Liz Entoome (Listen to me) Liz Onnia (Lasagna) Lois Bidder (Lowest bidder) Lois Price (Lowest price) Lois Steam (Low esteem) Lola Beedow (Low libido) Lori Driver (Lorry driver) Lorna Tennis (Lawn tennis) Lorne Mowers (Lawn mowers) Lou Briccant (Lubricant) Lou Cowt (Lookout) Lou Cyphre (Lucifer - played by Robert De Niro in Angel Heart) Lou Decruss (Ludicrous) Lou Natic (Lunatic) Lou Pole (Loophole) Lou Scannon (Loose cannon) Lou Sirr (Loser) Lou Smoralls (Loose morals) Lou Stooth (Loose tooth) Lou Tennant (Lieutenant) Louise E. Anna (Louisiana) Lowden Clear (Loud and clear) Lucy Lastic (Loose elastic) Luke Adamgo (Look at him go) Luke Admadick (Look at my dick) Luke Atmyass (Look at my ass) Luke Over (Look over) Luna Tick (Lunatic) Lwellan Dowd (You well endowed) Lydia Bin (Lid of your bin) Lyle Ike Adogg (Lie like a dog) Lynn C. Dole (Linseed oil) Lynn Guini (Linguini) Lynn Meabuck (Lend me a buck) M Mabel Syrup (Maple syrup) Madame Crotch (My damn crotch) Maddi Gascar (Madagascar) Madge Ority (Majority) Madka Owdiseez (Mad cow disease) Major Jump (Made you jump) Major Lee Gay (Majorly gay) Major Luke Twice (Made you look twice) Mal Adjusted (Maladjusted) Mal Twiskie (Malt whiskey) Mal Odruss (Malodorous) Malcolm Tent (Malcontent) Mand Lynne (Mandolin) Mandy Lifeboats (Man the lifeboats) Manuel Labor (Manual labor) Marcus Abscent (Mark us absent) Marge Innastraightline (March in a straight line) Marge Noferror (Margin of error) Marian Furlove (Marrying for love) Marian Furmunny (Marrying for money) Marian Haste (Marry in haste) Marion Money (Marrying money) Marius Quick (Marry us quick) Mark Mywords (Mark my words) Mark Smann (Marksman) Mark Z. Spot (Mark the spot) Marsha Dimes (March of Dimes) Marsha Mallow (Marshmallow) Martha Fokker (mother-Froster) Mary Christmas (Merry Christmas) Mary Gold (Marigold) Mary Ott (Marriot) Mary Thonn (Marathon) Mary Torrius (Meritorious) Mary Wana (Marijuana) Master Bating (Masturbating) Matt Ress (Mattress) Matt Schtick (Matchstick) Matt Tromeny (Matrimony) Matt Trustain (Mattress stain) Maude Yuller (Modular) Maureen Clined (More inclined) Maureen Portantly (More importantly) Maureen Tresting (More interesting) Max E. Mumm (Maximum) Max E. Pad (Maxipad) May B. Dunn (May be done) May Elman (Mailman) May I. Tutchem (May I touch them) May O'Nays (Mayonnaise) Maya Buttreeks (My butt reeks - from The Simpsons) Maya Magination (My imagination) Maya Normousbutt (My enormous butt - from The Simpsons) Megan Bacon (Making bacon or egg and bacon) Mel Lowe (Mellow) Mel N. Colly (Melancholy) Mel O'Dramer (Melodrama) Mel Practiss (Malpractice) Mel Tingpot (Melting pot) Melissa Tothis (Ma listen to this) Michael Toris (My clitoris) Michelle Lynn (Michelin) Mick Stubbles (Mixed doubles) Mick Stup (Mixed up) Mick Zupps (Mix ups) Midas Well (Might as well) Mike Hawk (My Coleridge) Mike Hunt (My Carroll) Mike Litteriss (My clitoris) Mike Ockhurts (My Coleridge hurts) Mike Ocksmall (My Coleridge's small) Mike Oxlong (My Coleridge's long) Mike Rohsopht (Microsoft) Mike Rotch (My crotch - from The Simpsons) Mike Rotchburns (My crotch burns) Mike Rowave (Microwave) Mike Rufone (Microphone) Mike Yermindup (Make your mind up) Miles A. Head (Miles ahead) Miles Prower (Miles per hour) Milly Meter (Millimeter) Milly Terry (Military) Minnie Mumwage (Minimum wage) Minnie Skurt (Miniskirt) Minnie Stree (Ministry) Miss Alanius (Miscellaneous) Miss Bea Haven (Misbehaving) Miss L. Tow (Mistletoe) Miss T. Eyes (Misty eyes) Miss Terri Novelle (Mystery novel) Miss U. Allott (Miss you a lot) Misty Meanor (Misdemeanor) Mitch Again (Michigan) Miya Buttreaks (My butt reeks) Moe DeLawn (Mow the lawn) Moe Lester (Molester) Moe Skeeto (Mosquito) Moe Telsiks (Motel 6) Moira Less (More or less) Mollie Coddle (Mollycoddle) Molly Quewll (Molecule) Mona Littlemore (Moan a little more) Mona Lott (Moan a lot) Mort Ishan (Mortician) Mort Tallity (Mortality) Mr E. Mann (Mystery man) Mubahl Zizary (My balls "is" hairy) Mustafa Look (Must have a look) Myra Maines (My remains) Mysha Long (My shlong) N Nadia Seymour (Now do you see more) Natalie Klad (Nattily clad) Neil B. Forme (Kneel before me) Neil Downe (Kneel down) Neil Efare (Nearly there) Neil Sonweels (Meals on wheels) Nesta Vipas (Nest of vipers) Neve Adda (Nevada) Nick L. Andime (Nickel and dime) Nick O'Teen (Nicotine) Nick Ovtime (Nick of time) Nick Rofilia (Necrophilia) Nida Lyte (Need a light) Noah Count (No account) Noah Vale (No avail) Noah Zark (Noah's ark) Nora Bone (Gnaw a bone) Norma Stitz (Enormous tits) O Olav Myfriendsaregay (All of my friends are gay - from The Simpsons) Oliver Bush (I love her bush) Oliver Clothesoff (All of her clothes off - from The Simpsons) Oliver DaPlaz (All over the place) Oliver Sudden (All of a sudden) Ollie Churpuzzi (I'll eat your Poe) Ollie Tabooger (I'll eat a booger - from The Simpsons) Ophelia Pane (I feel your pain) Ophelia Titsoff (I'll feel your tits off) Opie Umsbad (Opium's bad) Orla Nophin (All or nothing) Orson Cart (Horse and cart) Orson Ounds (Horse and hounds) Otto B. Kilt (Ought to be killed) Otto Matik (Automatic) Owen Monie (Owing money) P Paige Turner (Page turner) Pam Purd (Pampered) Pandora Spocks (Pandora's box) Pat Mebutt (Pat my butt) Pat Taytow (Potato) Pat Tranage (Patronage) Patty O'Furniture (Patio furniture) Paul Bearer (Pallbearer) Paul MyColeridge (Pull my Coleridge) Pearl E. Gates (Pearly gates) Penny Foram (Penny for them) Penny Less (Penniless) Penny Sillen (Penicillin) Peppy Roni (Pepperoni) Percy Cute (Persecute) Percy Veer (Persevere) Perry Dice (Paradise) Perry Docks (Paradox) Perry Scope (Periscope) Perry Shute (Parachute) Perry Winckel (Periwinkle) Pete Zahutt (Pizza Hut) Pete Zaria (Pizzeria) Peter Pantz (Peed her pants) Phil Atio (Fellatio) Phil Anders (Philanders) Phil Itafiche (Filet of fish) Phil Maglossop (Fill my glass up) Phil Maweeney (Feel my weenie) Phil McCracken (Fill my crack in) Phil MeBrest (Feel my breast) Phil Mianus (Fill my anus) Phil Officer (Philosopher) Philip Eno (Filipino) Philippa Bucket (Fill up a bucket) Phyllis Sofickle (Philosophical) Phyllis Stein (Philistine) Phyuck Yiu (Frost you) P. I. Staker (Piss-taker) Polly C. Holder (Policy holder) Poppy Cox (PoppyColeridge) Pyuck Meei (Frost me) Q Quimby Ingmeen (Quit being mean) Quinn T. Senshall (Quintessential) Quinton Chingme (Quit touching me) Quinton Plates (Contemplates) R R. Soul (Arsehole) Rachel DeScrimination (Racial discrimination) Randy Holeweigh (Ran the whole way) Ray Deator (Radiator) Ray Kupleeves (Rake up leaves) Ray Ling (Railing) Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation) Ray Neday (Rainy day) Ray Pugh (Rape you) Ray Scarr (Racecar) Ray Sersharpe (Razor sharp) Ray Sleeder (Race leader) Ray Strack (Racetrack) Reg Oyce (Rejoice) Renee Sance (Renaissance) Rex Cars (Wrecks cars) Rhea Gretabble (Regrettable) Rhoada Hoarse (Rode a horse) Rhoda Camel (Rode a camel) Rhoda Wynner (Rode a winner) Rick Kleiner (Recliner) Rick O'Shea (Ricochet) Rick Ottersheese (Ricotta cheese) Ricky T. Bridge (Rickety bridge) Rip Tile (Reptile) Rita Book (Read a book) Rob O. Flavin (Riboflavin) Robbie Ree (Robbery) Robin Emblind (Robbing them blind) Robyn Banks (Robbing banks) Rocca Vages (Rock of ages) Roland Buter (Roll and butter) Ron A. Muck (Run amok) Ron Devue (Rendezvous) Ron Osserus (Rhinoceros) Rory Motion (Raw emotion) Rosa Teeth (Rows of teeth) Ross Terr (Roster) Ross Trum (Rostrum) Rowan Boate (Rowing boat) Ruben MyColeridge (Rubbing my Coleridge) Ruby Kohn (Rubicon) Rudi Day (Rue the day) Rudi Mentry (Rudimentary) Rudy Nuff (Rude enough) Rufus Leakin (Roof is leaking) Russ Tinayle (Rusty nail) Russell Ingleaves (Rustling leaves) Ruth Tyler (Roof Tiler) S Sabina Pleasure (It's been a pleasure) Sadie Word (Say the word) Sal Ami (Salami) Sal Livver (Saliva) Sal T. Penuz (Salty peanuts or salty penis) Sally Mander (Salamander) Sam Aritan (Samaritan) Sam Manilla (Salmonella) Sam Owser (Samosa) Sam Pull (Sample) Sam Urai (Samurai) Sam Widge (Sandwich) Samson Knight (Samsonite) Sarah Bellam (Cerebellum) Sarah Nader (Serenade her) Sarah Tonin (Serotonin) Sasha Waist (Such a waste) Scott Chansoder (Scotch and soda) Scott Chegg (Scotch egg) Scott Shawn DeRocks (Scotch on the rocks) Seaman Stains (Semen stains) Seelin Phan (Ceiling fan) See Mihn (Semen) Selma Boddy (Sell my body) Sergovia Selv (Sick of yourself) Seth La Pod (Cephalopod) Seymour Asses (See more asses - from Futurama) Seymour Buttz (See more butts - from The Simpsons) Seymour Cox (See more Coleridges) Shanda Lear (Chandelier) Sheeza Freak (She's a freak) Sheila Blidge (She'll oblige) Shelia Mazeyer (She'll amaze you) Sheila Tack (She'll attack) Sheri Cola (Cherry cola) Sherman Wadd Evver (Sure man whatever) Shirley Knott (Surely not) Shirley U. Care (Surely you care) Sid Down (Sit down) Sir Fin Waves (Surfin' waves) Sir John Sands (Surgeon's hands) Sir Kit Breaker (Circuit breaker) Sonia Shew (It's on your shoe) Stacey Rhect (Stays erect) Stan Dandeliver (Stand and deliver) Stan Deasy (Stand easy) Stan Dingproude (Standing proud) Stan Doffich (Standoffish) Stan Dupp (Stand up) Steve Adore (Stevedore) Stu Padasso (Stupid Emerson) Stu Pid (Stupid) Sue Case (Suitcase) Sue Denley (Suddenly) Sue Donim (Pseudonym) Sue E. Side (Suicide) Sue Flay (Souffle) Sue Perrman (Superman) Sue Render (Surrender) Sue Ridge (Sewage) Sum Ting Wong (Something wrong) Sum Yung Gai (Some young guy) Susan Orty-Boyden (Who's a naughty boy then) T Tamara Nethercombs (Tomorrow never comes) Tanya Hide (Tan your hide) Tara Newhall (Tear a new hole) Tate Urchips (Tater chips) Teresa Crowd (Three's a crowd) Teresa Green (Trees are green) Terry Bulsmel (Terrible smell) Terry Cotter (Terracotta) Terry Fie (Terrify) Terry Ryst (Terrorist) Terry Torrie (Territory) Tess Tickle (Testicle) Tia Dropps (Teardrops) Tim Burr (Timber) Tim Lee Intervention (Timely intervention) Tim Panny (Timpani) Tina Beense (Tin of beans) Tina See (Tennessee) Titus Addrum (Tight as a drum) Titus Balzac (Tightest ball sack) Titus Canby (Tight as can be) Titus Zell (Tight as Hell) Toby Hynde (Tow behind) Toby Paidfer (To be paid for) Tom Bowler (Tombola) Tom Martow (Tomato) Torah Hyman (Tore a hymen) Travis Tay (Travesty) Tristan Shout (Twist and shout) Trudy Lite (True delight) Tudick Synsider (Two dicks inside her) Ty Dallwave (Tidal wave) Ty Imup (Tie him up) Ty Priter (Typewriter) Ty Tannick (Titanic) Ty Tass (Tightass) Tyrone Shoes (Tie your own shoes) U Uliqa M'Diq (You lick my dick) Ullee Daway (You lead the way) Ulrika Garlick (You'll reek of garlic) Una Brau (Unibrow - from Austin Powers) Upton O'goode (Up to no good) Ura Snotball (You are a snotball - from The Simpsons) Ustrokeet Islewatch (You stroke it I'll watch) V Val Crow (Velcro) Val Haller (Valhalla) Val Lay (Valet) Vasilly Sonovabich (That silly son of a bitch) Vera Cross (Veer across) Vic Tree (Victory) Vinny Gerr (Vinegar) Viv Atious (Vivacious) Vlad Tire (Flat tire) W Walt Sing (Waltzing) Walter Mellon (Watermelon) Walter Wallcarpet (Wall to wall carpet) Wanda Dorff (Wandered off) Wanda Lottie Wray (Won the lottery) Wanda Phul (Wonderful) Wanda Rinhands (Wandering hands) Warren Peace (War and peace) Warren Tease (Warranties) Wat Apistle (Water pistol) Wayne Dear (Reindeer) Wayne Dwops (Raindrops) Wayne Kerr (Wanker) Wayne Ningmoon (Waning moon) Wendy Windblows (Where the wind blows) Wi Phukem Yung (We Frost them young) Will D. Beest (Wildebeest) Will O'Patten (Willow pattern) Will Ting (Wilting) Will U. Jackmeov (Will you jack me off) Wille Belong (Will he be long) Willie Byter (Willy biter or will he bite her) Willie Gofar (Will he go far) Willie Makeit (Will he make it) Willy O'Wowntey (Will he or won't he) Willy Tert (Will it hurt) Wilma Fingerdoo (Will my finger do) Wilma Leggrowbach (Will my leg grow back) Winnie Bago (Winnebago) Winnie DiPoo (Winnie the Pooh) Woody U. No (What do you know) X Xavier Breff (Save your breath) Xavier Money (Save your money) Xavier Onassis (Save your own asses) Xavier Zelf (Save yourself) Y Yerma Wildo (Your ma will do) Yul B. Allwright (You'll be alright) Yule B. Sorry (You'll be sorry) Z Zeke N. Yeshallfind (Seek and you shall find) Zelda Kowz (Sell the cows) Zoltan Pepper (Salt and pepper)

[dianamargolis]

{ emmy rossum ♔ twenty-nine ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t diana margolis running around peach hollow. legend has it, they come from tangerine towers and have lived here for one week. if you’re wondering what they’ve been up to, i hear they’re a bartender at cloud nine for a living. they have been known to be temperamental but empathetic. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching. { ellie ♔ 24 ♔ cst ♔ she/her }

If someone were to ask Di if she liked labels, she would tell them that she didn’t on principle but could still see their use. Labels are restrictive, closing the wearer in a small box until they suffocate. However, labels also hid the complexity of a person’s past and experiences, reducing them to a few words.

So, Di will happily inform someone that she is an Aries, a hot-headed brawler, a nomad, a party-girl, a solid 4 on the Kinsey Scale, and a sarcastic bitch. What those labels hide are anyone’s guess, as she opens up to people so rarely. There is a softer side of her that few get to see. If she loves someone, she will take care of them and defend them to the ends of the universe, but she never allows anyone to care for her deep, secret wounds.

Peach Hollow was just another stop on the road. She plans to stay a few months, just long enough to pay her way to the next town. It’s been this way almost half her life. She assumes this quaint Georgia town will be just like all the others, but she has no idea the hornet’s nest she has stumbled upon.

B A C K S T O R Y

tw: suicide, domestic abuse, child abuse, violence

▼ born in the Bronx, NYC as Pearl Isaacson ▼ father: Malcolm Isaacson (Italian/English) || mother: Joanna Margolis (Ashkenazim) ▼ sister: Mia Isaacson (six years younger) ▼ Her mother committed suicide when Diana was just seven years old, leaving her alone with her baby sister. She knew why. She had peaked through a crack in the doorway to see the continents of bruises on the map that was her mother’s body. ▼ It didn’t take long for Malcolm to turn to the next punching bag. It happened to be Diana. ▼ Child services stepped in when Diana was nine, Mia three. For the next six years, the two of them bounced around foster homes. Sometimes they were put together, and Diana was able to protect her little sister, but sometimes they weren’t. Some families would foster a sweet seven year old but refused to take in an unruly teenager. ▼ Her father remarried to a woman who could nearly rival his cruelness. Every once in awhile, he would convince the courts to let him try again. Fool them all by putting on the perfect show of a happy family. No one listened to her, what she had to say. ▼ There came a moment when she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed out. She begged Mia to come with her, but she wouldn’t. So, she fled. ▼ She lived on the street for awhile before stumbling upon a group of young punks at the skatepark. She fell right into the group, joining all of them. She learned how to have fun, how to skateboard, and, most importantly in her eyes, learned how to fight. Often, an argument would result in a left hook and then someone on the ground. A few times, an entire brawl had broken out. With every busted lip and bloody nose, Diana grew stronger. ▼ Artemis - Missy - was among this group The two instantly clicked. Missy would sneak her in through the window at night, letting her share her bed. She still remembers her first kiss with the girl: the window cracked, letting in the November chill, the smell of her strawberry shampoo, black-tipped fingers tracing circles on her hipbone. She was her first love. But after a year together, that young love fizzled, hardening Diana yet again.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

▼ Myers-Briggs: ISTP ▼ sun:  ▼ sexual orientation: bisexual (4 on the Kinsey Scale) ▼ Diana isn’t necessarily “mean”, but no one would ever make the mistake of calling her “nice” either. She isn’t the easiest person to get along with, especially when she’s in a mood. ▼ She’s all about vibes, and if she senses someone has a bad vibe, she is very likely to be closed-off, if not down-right rude. ▼ DO NOT piss her off. She is ruthless, but not in a cold and calculated way. She is brutal and merciless. She is looking to scratch that itch and put her fists to use, so it’s probably best not to give her an excuse. ▼ She tries not to get in anyone’s business. People are drama, and she has enough of that on her own. Somehow, though, she seems to always end up somewhere in the middle. ▼ She can be funny and flirty when the mood strikes her, but that is a mask. It all is. She falls in love every once in awhile, but it always ends in heartache, so she never lets anyone get close to her, to really know her. When she loves someone though, she protects them fiercely. 

A P P E A R A N C E

▼ curly, messy hair that is often thrown into a bun ▼   often seen in thrift-shop clothes ▼ tattoos: silhouetted birds in flight wrapping around left forearm, crescent moon on right middle finger, band of intertwined barbed wire and rose thorns on her right bicep ▼ scars: faded scar across eyebrow, small scar on upper lip, trio of small and well-faded round scars on left tricep, broken nose ▼ usually has at least two or three bruises in different states of healing, and will sometimes show evidence of her fights (i.e. busted lip, scuffed knuckles, etc.)

M I S C .

▼ She owns a ‘78 olive green Gremlin that she cares for and maintains like it is her child. She won it in an underground fight. ▼ She participates in underground fights on a regular basis, whenever she is feeling agitated. Often she’s the underdog and can make decent bank betting on herself. For awhile, at least.

[notaringrat]

Jon Moxley

I haven’t blogged about wrestling whole-heartedly since 2011. Eight years. The last time I blogged about wrestling (on my old page) was June 29, 2011 - two days after the infamous Pipebomb speech. I marked the fuck out. And then everything went to shit, Punk eventually left and I stopped watching wrestling for a very long time.

Recently I’ve gotten back into watching wrestling. Sparked by going to a ton of local indie shows. I wasn’t paying close attention to the weekly TV shows, but I’d read articles and keep up with some news on Twitter. Then, Summerslam was announced in Toronto for 2019 and I got back into it hard. Not as hard as I was into it pre-2011, but hard enough that I was watching anything from TV that I could get my eyeballs on. I’ve been consuming it recently as a general fan of the “sport,” not the enormous mark I was pre-2011. And it’s been nice. I can’t say I really have a favourite current wrestler, so I don’t have a ton of specific things to be excited about, but it’s nice to be excited about wrestling as a whole instead of fixating.

But on Wednesday morning, I marked the fuck out. Dean Ambrose, who had tweeted, what, once? his entire time in WWE had changed his Twitter to Jon Moxley and dropped this video. I was a big fan of Jon Moxley before he came to WWE and super excited when he signed with WWE... and then Dean Ambrose debuted and I was pretty disappointed. I wanted to enjoy the character, but I did not. I missed Jon Moxley. And the fact that they paired him with Tyler Black Seth Rollins who debuted around the same time just made it less interesting for me since I was not a fan of his in the indies and didn't care that he had signed to WWE. So yeah, to see that Jon Moxley was back: I marked out. I marked out enough that I decided I needed to blog about it. Everyone's been talking about it and I have thoughts. Thoughts that can't be contained to a 140 240? retweet reply on Twitter. So here returns the wrestling blogging (no guarantees this'll be a regular thing, though, folks. I'm super bad with follow-through/upkeep).

The big question about the video is - what does it mean? As much as I want to just enjoy it in an isolated sense for what it is and not think about what it implies, one has to ask what it means. It's a great video on its own no matter where Moxley ends up, but fans want answers. Other talk about the video revolves around the imagery therein. The building from which Jon escapes, the scenery around him, etc.

Let's start with that second part - the imagery. Most of the comments on Twitter describe the building as the prison from which Dean is escaping and then point the finger at that prison being WWE (since it has been known to be pretty oppressive to its Superstars). Maybe. But the first thing I thought of when I saw it was that he was escaping the Ambrose asylum... because he's not that character anymore. Sure, they could have made it look more like a hospital, but I think the image still works with the way it's styled. It felt very much like Arkham asylum to me in that video - which was both a prison and an asylum, no?

We also see Dean breaking down walls - did he do that in WWE? Sure, a lot of new Superstars have. But who else do we associate that phrase with? Jericho. Keep that in mind for when I address the "where is he going?" question.

There's also the "Big Dog" chasing him out of the asylum. An easy reference to Reigns. But is he chasing him away, or is he chasing him to try to get him not to leave? At Dean's final Raw taping, the SHEILD came out after the cameras were off to say goodbye/thank you, and the crowd chanted "please don't go." Seth replied, "I already tried that." Seth - not Roman. Now, I'm not saying Roman didn't try to get Dean not to leave, but canon doesn't really sway in that favour. I think we are seeing Roman chasing Dean away. In the sense that maybe Roman got the push that Dean always wanted and Roman's success is what drove Dean to leave the Asylum.

The final image being talked about is the dice painted on the wall in the background of one shot. A 2 and a 5, the date of the next AEW event. But above the dice, it says VIPER, a name most commonly associated with Randy Orton (unless there's an indie viper reference I'm missing). So the message there is mixed. Is this one a reference to AEW or is the 25 a coincidence and it's actually a reference to WWE with the word "VIPER"? I haven't quite sorted this one out. I feel like VIPER being a WWE reference is maybe a little flimsy. Not too sure.

Now, let's address the question of "WHAT DOES IT MEAN, THOUGH!?" So, Dean Ambrose is no more. The new character is Jon Moxley, and given the hardcore imagery, it's a return to the old Jon Moxley. So where does Jon Moxley end up? Is this a promo video for a new WWE iteration of Dean Ambrose under his old name? Is this his announcement that he's signed with AEW? Is Jon Moxley returning to his CZW home? Or, is he going somewhere else entirely?

LIKE HONESTLY IT DOESN'T MATTER JUST ENJOY HOW GREAT A PROMO IT WAS AND ENJOY ALL WRESTLING. But OK, we're still all speculating and still want answers.

There's an argument he could be staying with WWE. They've reinvented characters a ton of times - sometimes they keep their old names (most recently, Bray) and sometimes they don't (another recent example: EC3). The production quality is high enough that it could be a WWE video. There are enough WWE references that it could be a WWE stay: The Big Dog, the Asylum, break the walls down, showing the old character of Dean Ambrose himself. But while the quality is up there, I don't think the tone/theme really screams WWE, unless they have a new production/creative team doing these videos, which is entirely possible. Moreover, Renee Young is staying on WWE... she hasn't left. I'd say she has no real reason to leave. I mean, AJ didn't leave immediately when Punk did and perhaps her best run was even after Punk left.

The other main consensus is that he's going to AEW. The breaking the walls down imagery could be a reference to Jericho, as mentioned above - who is a huge frontrunner for AEW. The dice show 25 which, again, is the date of the next big AEW show. AEW has a huge Twitter presence, a ton of their promo videos drop on Twitter. It's the platform for them right now. WWE has been trying to have a bigger presence on Twitter as far as Superstars sending tweets to strengthen feuds, but this feels different - this isn't something WWE has done before (again, could be a new team). Other wrestlers who are rumoured to be joining AEW have responded on Twitter to the video, too - in ways that could be considered calling out Jon to start a new feud at their new fed. The example I saw was Joey Ryan saying something to the effect of "I've taken a barbed-wire bat to the dick, what else you got?" Or maybe that's my own wishful thinking because I'd love to see a Ryan/Moxley feud since they're two of my faves.

And lastly, maybe Moxley is going home to CZW or even going elsewhere. It just doesn't feel like this is another company's doing. Maybe I'm being prejudice but I don't think any other companies would have the budget to do something that high quality (or maybe I'm just bad at judging the quality of videos lol). Maybe Impact? But this doesn't feel like the way they promote new characters. This feels big. I don't think there's anywhere other than AEW or WWE that's as big at this moment. But then again, it could be an up and coming competitor who's using this as a launching board to get big.

What are your thoughts? Where is Moxley going? Why do you think that? Do you even care where he ends up?

I'm firmly in the camp of being excited regardless of where he ends up. I still want answers, but when that music hits and he pops out on the ramp I'm gonna mark regardless of what show's name is on that ring apron.

[luckystarchild]

If the boys had tattoos, what would they be of?

You haveno idea how happy I am to answer this Ask. I LOVE TATTOOS. Will give a SeriousAnswer and a Shit-Post Answer for each of the main four guys—Serious Answerbeing the tattoos the boys would get if they put thought into their ink, and aShit-Post Answer pertaining to what they’d get if they got tattooed while very,very drunk. Enjoy!

KURAMA

Kurama would put quite a bit of thought into his tattoos, everylast strike of the artist’s needle full of intention and meaning. I see himgetting a very detailed set of sleeves in traditional Japanese art style, perhapseven using irezumi (single-needle Japanesetattooing method). The sleeves would depict (in metaphor, probably) the courseof his entire double life, from demonhood to his rebirth to his life as ahuman, connecting on his back between his shoulder blades, where he’d place agiant blooming lotus flower to symbolize said rebirth. I picture the sleeves insoft whites, blues, green, and pinks—or perhaps softer colors on the human sideand more saturated colors on the demon half. Precise down to the tiniestdetail, but with a sort of delicacy to it that fits his overall aesthetic (rosewith thorns, etc.). Lots of flowers with hidden meanings and images of demonicfigures, softness juxtaposed with terror, would fill these intricate sleeves. Thetattoos would stop short of the wrists so he could hide them under a crispwhite button-up, a reflection of how he hides his demonic side under his calmhuman façade.

And if he got really, really drunk, he’d get a cliché SailorJerry heart tattoo with “MOM” written across it on his upper arm, plus a roseor two to put it over the top as the most typical MOM tattoo ever. Whilstintoxicated (and no doubt egged on by a gleeful Yusuke) he’d think the tattoo abeautiful tribute to his human mother… and then upon waking he’d sigh and puthis head in his hands. He nevershould’ve imbibed those final shots Yusuke passed to him at the bar.

KUWABARA

Kuwabara would embrace his self-appointed role as a WhiteKnight and Warrior of Love and deck himself out in tattooed armor—literal shoulderpauldrons of polished steel, a physical manifestation of how he views himself finallymade visible to others. Shiny, photorealistic, lots of white and metalliccolors, it would look like real metal against his skin and make him feel like awarrior every time he looks in the mirror. For the mood board I picked metalshoulder armor tattoos that are embossed with a lion’s face, because as we allknow Kuwabara LOVES his cats. He might give a little nod to them in the armor’sdecoration, and he’d probably incorporate some mulberry twigs into the details,as well (“Mulberry is a tree, Kuwabara in a man!”). He’d tell the tattoo artistto make sure the lines of the armor complement his muscular physique, too.These are Beef-Cake tattoos, for sure, and if it weren’t for the stigma againsttattoos in Japan, he’d take off his shirt at every opportunity to show them offand flex.

And when they all get fucking WASTED and wind up at the tattooshop? This Warrior of Love would get Yukina’s name emblazoned across his chestbetween the plates of his armor in a drunkenly misguided attempt to prove hisinfinite love for the woman who inspired his tattoos in the first place. Hiei wouldbe FURIOUS, of course, and threaten to burn Kuwabara’s skin off for thisinsult. (Or, if Kuwabara is reallydrunk and willing to accept double-dog-dares, he’d get Hello Kitty on his ass,another member of the crew once again goaded into a terrible decision by the mischievousYusuke).

YUSUKE

Ever the one to flip convention the middle finger, Yusukemight remain tattoo-free for a lot longer than one might expect of Sarayashiki’snumber one punk… until his dad shows back up inviting him to join with thelocal Yakuza, at which point Yusuke belligerently decks himself out in the mostganger Yakuza tats ever witnessed on a human body—only then to tell the Yakuzato fuck off, he ain’t joining nobody.Point is, anything you expect Yusuke to do, he’ll do the opposite. I see himmostly in traditional Japanese (because no one will expect that punk to go traditional),OR with a horrible hodgepodge of unplanned ink scattered across his skin, depictedsubject chosen at random because he happened to think they were badass on that particularday, with no rhyme or reason to his decoration. If he went with traditionalJapanese, I see him putting a demon face on his arm and maybe a phoenix on hisback, honoring his demonic heritage. He might also slip his mother’s favoriteflower in there somewhere, to remind himself of her.

During his drunken tattoo escapade with the others, hestands back cackling while the others make fools of themselves… until he see Kuwabaraget Yukina’s name tattooed. Keiko is mad at Yusuke that night (probably forgetting so drunk on a weeknight) so he decides Kuwabara has the right idea! He impulsivelygets Keiko’s name tattooed as an apology… only he definitely, definitely uses the wrong damn kanji tospell her name, which only makes matters between them worse. Alternatively hemight get a symbol from a video game he liked as a kid tattooed on his chest,and anyone who sees it will think he’s a gigantic otaku nerd as a result. For Yusukethis is almost worse than death, and Kuwabara never lets him live it down.

(NOTE: Part of me thinks Yusuke might be too indecisive toever get a tattoo, but the question of whether or not they’d get tattoos isn’tthe point here—the point is what they WOULD get if they were so inclined.)

HIEI

Hiei doesn’t give much of a crap about aesthetic orappearances, only caring that his clothing isn’t neon colors that make him lookridiculous (we know he likes his belts, but it’s not like he’s got a frequentshoppers card at the local mall). To that end, I think his tattoos would bedistinctly practical, things he could use in order to survive and beat hisopponents. Perhaps maps of the world, keys and legends leading to secret stashesof treasure, star charts and navigational tools etched into his skin toreference on the fly, unable to be lost or stolen or washed away in a suddenburst of rain. He’d literally use his skin as a tool and a weapon (in more waysthan just the Dragon), eschewing purely aesthetic ink. It’s frivolous, Hieithinks, to mark oneself without reason for the benefit of those who look atyou. That’s why the one tattoo he has that’s only for aesthetic purposes meansnothing to anyone but him (see the iceberg in the image above). It would besimple, maybe geometric, and inscrutable, but it reminds Hiei of somethingpersonal—and private. If you know what that one secret tattoo means, you mustbe a privileged person in Hiei’s life, indeed.

The tattoo on Hiei’s forearm, opposite the Dragon, though? Itsmeaning is as clear as it is hilarious. That one he got because he thought itlooked HELLA COOL on the wall of the shop, where Yusuke and the others dragged himon a drunken bender. It’s a dagger wrapped in barbed wire and it’s the single mostcheesy edgelord tattoo imaginable, but even when sober Hiei defends it to hislast breath. “It will strike fear into the hearts of my enemies!” he snarlswhile the others snicker behind their hands. In private he looks at the tattooand smirks, proud of how badass it looks.

(Side Note: Kurama is the hardest to imagine wanting to get tattooed, but his tattooscame to me IMMEDIATELY. Hiei, who is already tattooed in some capacity, wasmuch harder. Ranked from Least Difficult to Most, it was Kurama, Kuwabara,Yusuke, Hiei—which is the exact opposite order in which I think they’re likelyto actually get tattoos. Funny how that works.)

[wrestlezon]

aew dynamite 4/27/2022 liveblog containment zone

im ten mins behind

oooo i love watching tag team people fight each other. woo ftr ok i was too busy watchin the match to say stuff about it. cute ending

oh man theyre just going through with the punk vs hangman thing at double or nothing huh! wow i was expecting punk to walk and talk and hunt down hangman page backstage for some weird reason but then i remembered hangman is out sick with covid SO MEAN TO EDDIE... AND FOR WHY... oooo tough guy punk. who is going to take him down a notch? i dont want him to win against hangman just because im afraid if he did mjf would then immediately take the title off him. i dont think punk would keep the title for very long

dan lambert alert... 😒i do not like this feud. i am looking away

oh! its the blackpool match! i love how street fighter yuta's theme is lmao. it makes me laugh every time oh hey look its kip. hes in a weird spot...? poor yuta. hes getting beat up. tho i guess thats the dream right? violence i love watching qt marshall sell moves. dude can take an entertaining hit wow what a cool move by danielson up and over the corner into jumping out of the ring lol cheers for yuta to get tagged! everyone loves yuta regal: "this is what yuta needs. to be thrown around by big strong terrible men" ok regal. ok

excuse me jamie LMAO

oh my god that jericho society sitdown is sooo not going to work out smoothly lollll

oh shit christian cage!!! mean to jungle boy... oh hey ricky starks and hobbs vs jurassic express! :o

yess! wardlow time!!! i like how everyone in the box turned around like :o mjf is here!? oh no! the security staff taking collateral lance archer damage!! wardlow fighting like crazy!! go wardlow!!!! wardlow off the shits!!!! lance archer's chokeslams look so violent... oh my god wardlow??? doing big flip????? hes unleashing his nips!! woooo wardlow!! yaaaayyyy eat it mjf

oh its jericho time thats a lot of table and chairs for people to get thrown into. oh eddie is so mad rn. hes pacing garcia really pulling that "what are you going to do, stab me?" - quote from man stabbed energy rn whoaaa!!!!! JERICHO with the words LMFAO JERICHO LEANING AAAAAAAAALL THE WAY BACK

oh boy!!! the serena deeb vs hikaru shida street fight!!!!! ive been waiting for these two to fight for realsies shida's facepaint-shirt thing going on is soooo cool POCKET SAND! oh man the water on the camera too! nice. this match is cool NOOOO... SHIDA.... 😭😭😭

oh its mjf again! i wonder who he is talking about. surely there is a finite amount of tall guys out there for wardlow to fight

house of black time! oh lmfao this is so dramatic. are they sacrificing fuego to satan??? oh no not his mask!!! oooo penta and his lil saunter. who-- oh!!! pac is back!!! yaaaay!!! OH!!!! REY FENIX IS BACK!! YAYYY exciting

lmao what the. they redded the redragon

also 🤔dang adam cole is trios-ing with redragon and not the bucks huh... im sure that has implications. or something uh ohhh! infighting within the elite!!! ooooo i wonder if something is going to happen at double or nothing, if theyre ramping up the internal discord between the group. ya know?

omg!!!!!! JERICHO... HOW DARE YOU... BURNING EDDIE WITH FIREBALL MOVES

LMAO HOLY SHIT THE CROWD POP AT DANHAUSEN VS HOOK OH!!!!!!! TRENT MATCH! TRENT PROMO YAY!! i dont think he is going to win. but i like to watch trent fight

oh yeah the main event final match is sammy vs scorpio ladder fight. well... *slowly shrinks down my browser window and moves it into the corner of my screen* i could catch up on my dash now... OH SAMMY GRABBED DAN LAMBERT? SAMMY I TAKE IT ALL BACK JUST DO ME THIS ONE SOLID YES TAY CONTI GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok im glad i was paying enough attention to see that nevermind i take back my take backs theyre mackin on screen. net neutral ok this match is pretty good not gonna lie. the ladder backpacking bit? lmao ohhh!! right onto the barbed wire ladder THE ROPES JUMP BACK ONTO THE LADDER??? ok yea that was good. not a bad match tbh

[ravetaper]

Svdden Death Live Set - February 2020 at the Hollywood Palladium (Full Set)

Svdden Death live set recorded February 14, 2020, at the Hollywood Palladium. 90-minute audio recording. The set began at 12:30 am the following morning (Feb. 15).

Every year, someone puts together a spreadsheet of all the artists performing at EDC, with links to various live sets. In the weeks leading up to the event, I do my due diligence and try to preview as many of those live sets as possible, to discover new artists and decide which sets I want to hit. Svdden Death was on last year's list (EDC Las Vegas 2019). I scanned his live recordings and thought they sounded good – I would try to make his set. And since he would be playing the Basspod stage immediately before Snails – who I wasn't going to miss – the plan made perfect sense.

The only question was if I could get to the Basspod on time. I had only 15 minutes to get there after Chris Lake's set ended at Cosmic Meadow. I would have to circumnavigate thousands of bodies and literally jog across the Speedway to catch the beginning of Svdden Death's set.

Unfortunately, I encountered a problem. I thought I dropped the battery cover for one of my cameras, and I felt compelled to retrace my steps and search the ground for it. Of course I didn't find it. I forgot I had slipped it into a small pocket in my backpack – which I only discovered once I was back home. That delay would cause me to miss the beginning of Svdden Death.

When I finally reached Basspod and moved into position, I realize how bad I screwed up. Svdden Death was playing some really heavy tracks, and I instantly regretted I wasn't recording. But I wasn't only moved by the music. I was struck by the unusual visuals displayed on the huge LED panels.

The imagery included computer generated skulls, skeletons, demonic-looking warriors, pagan symbols, horned figures. Quite frankly, a lot of the imagery looked satanic in nature! I was intrigued. Not because I'm attracted to Satanism – I'm definitely not – but because the whole production was a novel approach I hadn't seen before, at least not in any genres of dance music. Such imagery had been used by several hard rock and heavy metal bands – Ozzy Osborn and Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, and Metallica, to name a few, and helped create many memorable – and financially successful – brands. Furthermore, this was the imagery of Dungeons & Dragons – one of my childhood passions! To be sure, videos of demons and devils and skulls contradicted the PLUR vibe that characterizes EDC, but that was one of the reasons I found it so endearing. It was so different, and so unusual in that context.

Of course, video alone doesn't make a great set. But Svdden Death was dropping tunes that were extraordinary, hard riddim and dubstep that perfectly complimented the eerie visuals. The whole experience really left a positive impression on me. To me, it was the most unique set of the weekend.

Indeed, not recording Svdden Death's set was my biggest regret from EDC 2019. I vowed to catch him again, as soon as possible.

So I was elated when I saw that Bassrush would bring him to the Palladium in Hollywood. Tickets were a bargain - $40 for GA if I recall correctly. This was a no-brainer. I secured my ticket and waited for the days to pass.

Originally, I hadn't planned on recording. I figured trying to sneak in some kind of gear would be a hassle and cause unnecessary stress. I thought I would just go to the show and enjoy the music.

But my compulsion to record got the best of me!

I can't stand the idea of missing an opportunity to record really good music! Going to a show and enjoying the moment, living in the present, sounds reasonable – I get it. But there is something in my DNA that makes me want to document things. I just love capturing the good moments of my life and having the freedom to enjoy them again and again.

So with only a few hours before show time, I decided I would go for it. But I wasn't sure what gear I would use. I could try to bring in one of my Zoom cameras. At the security checkpoint I would have to put it in the tray along with my cell phone, wallet, and keys, and hope the security guard didn't think it was a "professional" recorder, which is prohibited by the house rules. In reality, the Zoom cameras do not qualify as pro gear – they are designed for armature use. But, I didn't want to risk getting denied and having to do the walk of shame back to my car.

I had another option. I had an old Tascam mic that attaches to older iPhones. I would have to use an awkward Lightening adapter and find an app that worked with the mic – the original Tascam app was no longer supported. After searching Google, I found an app that supposedly was compatible with the mic. I downloaded, tested it...and it worked! I quickly freed a few gigs of memory on my phone and headed out the door.

I arrived at the Hollywood Palladium not long after the doors opened. Suffice to say, I got the mic through security – I was in the clear!

There were several opening acts: AHZ, Neonix, Aweminus, Phiso, and Marauda. AHZ was cool live band that played dubstep. Neonix and Phiso were good. I decided I would get into position and do a test run of the app by recording Marauda's set. The app seemed to work, no crashes or any other issues. Marauda's set was pretty good, too.

Finally, it was time for Svdden Death!

The set started strong, the music was like what I heard at EDC – deep, dark, and powerful. Sure enough, the massive screens showed images of red and white skulls, barbed wire, and ominous figures. YES!

Let me take a moment to describe how I capture the audio in situations like this. Selfie sticks are not allowed, so I have to literally hold up my arm high enough above the crowd to get a clear line of sight between the mic and the speakers. Every few minutes, as one arm gets tired, I have to switch hands. Now, if I was doing this at a nice classical music concert, that would be easy. But this is the opposite that! I am positioned in a sea of tightly-packed bodies dancing and jumping to the music. And of course, there's another interesting phenomenon seen at many dubstep shows: the mosh pit.

Every few songs, a pit opens up and the sweaty bros (and a few brave gals) do their thing – pushing, flailing, and bouncing off each other as if they were human pinballs. I myself am not into mosh pits, but I can tolerate them. If others enjoy moshing, good for them – have at it! The problem for me is that I'm standing in the middle of the floor, with my arm up in the air, trying to make a recording. More than a few times there were two pits happening, one in front of me and one in back. I'm a pretty sturdy guy, so I can usually keep my balance and stay stable. But a few times a mass of bodies slam into my area causing me to stumble. You'll be able to hear it a couple times on the recording. Luckily, I didn't get hurt, and the recording never stopped. And a few times a few observant fellows noticed what I was trying to do, leaned in and told me they "had my back", and made sure no one came crashing into me.

By the end of the night, I was covered in sweat...other people's sweat! LOL.

I guess I just want my followers to know what I have to go through to get some of these recordings – it can get pretty extreme at times. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Despite the fact that I'm twice the age of most of the audience, I love getting down there into the mass of bodies and fully experiencing the energy of the event. At least once in a while. ;)

About 45 minutes into Svdden Death's 90-minute set, there was a noticeable change. Whereas the first half incorporated some uplifting tunes by Marshmellow and other "poppy" artists, the second half had a darker and more underground sound.

And then, it happened...

For a moment, Svdden Death disappeared behind the table. Then, he reappeared...wearing a sinister-looking mask! I guess it's an elk's skull complete with horns! Seriously, it looked like something out of a Netflix horror series. It was freaky, but somehow completely appropriate. Think about all the artists that use some kind of headgear – Deadmau5, Marshmellow, and of course the dance music robots, Daft Punk. So for Svdden Death, a satanic-looking animal skull worked perfectly.

A few minutes later, I was in the throes of a particularly intense mosh pit. I had to fully concentrate just to stay upright while keeping the phone in the air. Then, I looked up and had to do a double-take.

There he was, with the animal head mask on, floating 20 feet above the DJ table, looking like the incarnation of some kind of pagan deity. He had hooked into a high wire rig and was hoisted into the air. With the lights and lasers running full blast, the sight was surreal and amazing! This was a fantastic show!

Again, I take such imagery with a grain of salt. Is Svdden Death really caught up in the world of Satanism or pagan rituals? I have no clue and I really don't care. And I doubt he is. I think it's just brilliant marketing, and it makes for a very entertaining experience.

During this second half of the show, another logo was broadcast on the screens that I didn't recognize. The text wasn't easily legible – the font looked like a mess of tangled tree roots. It wasn't until I got home that I learned about Voyd, Svdden Death's alter ego who wears the mask and plays darker variations of riddim and dubstep. So this show featured both sides of Svdden Death, and it was a perfect mix.

I consider myself very lucky. I was there that night in Hollywood, when Svdden Death sold out the Palladium. I got to see a "regular" set and a Voyd set. And I predict that Svdden Death's career is just beginning. Wait and see how he gets better timeslots at EDC and other festivals. But I was there is the early days, when he was still young up-and-coming. I was lucky.

Fortunately, the recording came out pretty good. The raw file sounded rather flat, but with a bit of tweaking and massaging, the final product sounds decent. In fact it sounds really solid. I'm listening back to it right on now on headphones, and it brings me right back to that special night. My obsession for recording live events has paid off big this time. I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do.

Listen to Svdden Death on Spotify!

Follow Svdden Death on Twitter!

Buy Svdden Death music on Apple Music!

[dulwichdiverter]

Like a Rolling Stone

WORDS: SEAMUS HASSON; PHOTO: PAUL STAFFORD

Even in the context of a 40-year career as a music journalist, critic and author of no fewer than 20 biographies, 2019 has been an exciting year for Patrick Humphries.

He is currently promoting his new book about the Rolling Stones – titled Rolling Stones 69 – and has penned another called Cradle of Writers, a homage to five different authors who attended Dulwich College.

As a former pupil of the famous public school himself, the book has been a labour of love for Patrick as well as an opportunity to reacquaint himself with some old faces.

I met up with him for a drink at the East Dulwich Tavern to discuss both of his latest literary offerings, as well as his fascinating career in journalism.

I start by asking him why, after so many years in the trade, he waited until now to write a book about the Rolling Stones.

“I’d been writing about music since 1976,” he says, “but I’d never written about the Stones in any detail. I thought, ‘There’s no point doing another biography, there’s already so much out there.’”

Instead, Patrick’s book focuses primarily on one key year in the life of the band – 1969. It was, he feels, the most interesting period in their history, characterised by controversies and triumphs.

“I was interested in the 50th anniversary,” he explains. “I think Let It Bleed is their best-ever album and there was this incredible concert in Hyde Park in July 1969, which I estimate was the largest gathering of people in London since the coronation.

“Honky Tonk Woman was one of their all-time classic singles, which came out at that time. Brian Jones, the founder member, died only two days before the Hyde Park concert and then they undertook this American tour.

“They hadn’t played America in three years and America had changed so much.”

Patrick describes the America that the Rolling Stones returned to as “having gone very dark”. The squealing fans and teenyboppers of their previous tour were less prevalent against a backdrop of protests against the ongoing Vietnam War and the Charles Manson murders.

After the unexpected success of Woodstock that August, the band were under pressure from the American underground press to play a free gig.

“They were at the top of their game and the tour was well received,” Patrick says.

“They were still seen as rebels and the outlaw guys – it was long before they started hobnobbing with Princess Margaret – so they were keen to do it.”

The plug was pulled on the venue that the band had originally lined up for the gig, forcing them to rearrange it at the last minute.

“They ended up at this place called Altamont, it was policed by the Hells Angels and these were vicious, nasty guys,” Patrick says.

At the gig, a young fan was stabbed to death right in front of the stage. “It can all be seen in the film Gimme Shelter,” he says.

“I thought in terms of 12 months in the life of a rock and roll band, that’s pretty incident-packed.”

Reviews of the book certainly concur. Mojo gave it a “nice four-star review”, while Long Live Vinyl magazine awarded it a strong eight out of 10. Even the Spectator has been getting in on the act with a very positive write-up. “I mean, go figure,” Patrick says in a mock-surprise tone.

Patrick was born in Lewisham and apart from a brief spell in Scotland as a youngster, he has lived around south London all his life.

He attended Dulwich College between 1963 and 1969. Halfway through his time there his life took an unexpected and difficult turn.

“I lost my leg to cancer in 1966, which interrupted my schooling. I wasn’t doing very well anyway so I left with two O-levels,” he says.

On leaving school Patrick spent some years working for a government department, and his route into the world of music journalism was unconventional.

An avid pop fan and consumer of the music weeklies, he answered a now famous advert in the NME, which stated: “Hip young gunslingers wanted.”

His reply earned him a regular freelance gig with what was then a national institution. The magazine also took on Tony Parsons and Julie Burchill at the same time.

“They [the NME] knew something was in the air,” Patrick says.

“They knew that the days of Genesis and Yes and Led Zeppelin and all of these big bands playing 20,000, 30,000-seat shows had gone and there needed to be a kick up the arse and that was punk rock.

“And, of course they [Tony and Julie] had their finger right on the pulse, so that was my time at the NME.

“The offices were on the 22nd floor or something of the King’s Reach Tower and they used to go up in the lift with all these people from Yachting World and Country Life.

“I remember Tony and Julie put the filing cabinets and lockers in a square and put barbed wire around them to keep the bloody hippies out. It was very exciting.”

After a couple of years freelancing at the NME, an opportunity came up to join the staff at Melody Maker, the other leading music weekly at the time.

“I got offered the job when I was in my late 20s and I thought, ‘Do I stay with security and the civil service or do I take a bit of a punt and go into rock and roll?’

“I’d always loved music and I went with the Melody Maker.”

While there, he was thrown into the deep end at a weekly magazine, working to tight deadlines and writing about some of the music world’s biggest stars.

He has, it transpires, interviewed three of the four Beatles – only missing John Lennon by a couple of weeks.

“I had a couple of good years [at Melody Maker] but unfortunately musically things had moved on,” he says.

“Punk had been and gone, it had blazed brightly very briefly and then the New Romantics came along, and I had to go and review people like Haircut 100.

“I think when I got to 40 – I was on Vox magazine then – I realised I wasn’t recognising the likes of Oasis or Blur, but I had enough musical history and musical heritage to write about.”

As well as Rolling Stones 69, Patrick has written a number of other critically acclaimed books about music. His first was about a band called Fairport Convention, whom he describes as a sort of folk/rock band of the late 1960s.

That was followed up by a book on Simon & Garfunkel, which came about after a chance meeting with a publisher.

He has also covered the likes of Elvis, Nick Drake, The Beatles, Lonnie Donegan, Tom Waits, Bruce Springsteen and his all-time hero – Bob Dylan.

“Dylan, I mean he’s virtually Canadian, he comes from right up in the Canadian border and he’s this kid with, you know, not a great education but he was very bright and he just wrote these incredible songs,” Patrick says.

“I’ve never met him, although he brushed against this shoulder once,” he says, pointing to his left.

“It’s not as tragic as it sounds,” he adds. “I was at a press conference and he was making his way to the stage but that’s the closest I’ve been to him.”

Patrick’s easy-going nature has in the past disarmed some of rock and roll’s most difficult characters, including the notoriously moody Velvet Underground singer Lou Reed.

Despite a difficult start to an interview where Reed stated his definition of abject misery was “speaking to an English journalist”, the two eventually bonded over a shared knowledge of the author Raymond Chandler. Reed even requested Patrick for a subsequent interview some years later.

Interestingly Chandler is one of the authors Patrick has featured in his other 2019 book release – Cradle of Writers.

Along with four other authors – PG Wodehouse, AEW Mason, Dennis Wheatley and CS Forester – the book is a celebration of Dulwich College’s rich literary history and its publication coincides with the 400th anniversary of the school.

“I spent about a year on that and it made a really nice change, because rather than trying to track down someone who played bass on the second Nick Drake album, you’re doing deep research into writers whose work you admired,” Patrick says.

“It was a bit weird going back to my old history master Terry Walsh, who died earlier this year unfortunately. He was a very good history master, but he used to terrify me when I was at school.

“We ended up going for drinks in the Alleyn’s Head and I was like, ‘Let me get you a drink Terry.’ It was a lovely book to do actually.”

So, after such an eventful year, does he have any further ambitions left to fulfil?

“If I went home and found a message from Bob Dylan on my answer machine, my life would be complete,” he says with a smile.

Rolling Stones 69 and Cradle of Writers are both out now and available to order or buy in all good bookshops

[chorusfm]

Guitarist Chad Gilbert talks about switching things up on New Found Glory’s ninth album Makes Me Sick, writing 100 percent on instinct, what coming out of Florida was like in the ‘90s, and why the band has no plans of going away anytime soon.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

How’s the anniversary tour going?

It is going awesome. Very easy. It’s really cool.

How is it playing full albums but mixing them up, so you’re not playing them in sequence?

It keeps kids on their toes. You show up to a show and you know what songs you’re going to hear, but you don’t know when. So you can’t take a pee break. You can’t go too far or you might miss your favorite song.

I think it’s the better way to go. It makes it so if you like one album better than the other, you don’t have to wait through one to hear the one you like more. They’re mixed together, and it makes the set ramp up and ramp down at different times.

Is there a favorite deep cut you’ve enjoyed playing on this run that maybe you’ve barely played in the past or have never played at all?

I love playing a song called “Your Biggest Mistake” off Catalyst. That song we’ve never played in the set normally and on this tour it’s going awesome. When we play that song, kids go crazy. I was really surprised about that.

So the new record sounds very different than your last one, Resurrection, did. It’s a lot more pop-influenced and less hardcore. The production and instrumentation is a lot fuller. How did you figure out what you wanted to do this time and make that progression?

Without trying to sound too cliché, our music is true to who we are and what we’re going through. In making Resurrection, we were a little bit more pissed off. We wanted to be really raw and aggressive. Touring on that album for two years, seeing our fans love it the way they did and sing along to it, the growth New Found Glory has made has been so cool coming into this new era of our band.

When we went to make this record, we were more self-reflective with this “nothing is going to stop us” headspace. It led for lyrics that are a little bit deeper and music that was not afraid to step out of the box. We went into Makes Me Sick with a lot of confidence. That’s what made us able to grow musically and not be afraid like we used to in trying new things.

I interviewed Aaron Sprinkle last month and he had some very kind words to say about you guys. How did working with him show up on this record?

Having Sprinkle there gave us more room to imagine. When I would write a melody in my head, if I were normally to record it, it would take me an hour to find the right sound to match the keyboard. Where with Sprinkle, I could be like, “Hey Aaron, I wrote this part in my head.” I could sing it to him and be like, “I like the Bananarama vibe on ‘Cruel Summer,’ or this vibe on that song,” and he would know exactly what instrument it was, find the sound, play it, and we could track it within 10 minutes. Maybe even five.

He was able to take our ideas or stuff we wrote and help us find the sounds that were in our heads. You can be a songwriter but it doesn’t necessarily mean you can find the sound. That’s a whole different style of production, and he’s really, really good at that. He’s a great song guy, too, but for us he was about producing this record’s sounds and bringing all of our ideas to life. He was awesome and so fun to work with.

He said when he works with a band that’s been around as long as you have, it’s not that he disregards an artist’s past history, but he tries not to take it too much into consideration. He tries to be in the present and not overthink things. For someone like you, who has a couple hundred songs out at this point, is it a challenge to not overthink too much or be worried that a song sounds like something you’ve done in the past? How do you balance all that?

I don’t think we do at this point. What we remind ourselves is when New Found Glory started, our genre didn’t really exist. There was Blink and West Coast punk that was big, but that was a different style. Us and Saves the Day at around the same time were blending more emotional lyrics with punk/hardcore-influenced stuff. When we started writing songs, it just came out. We didn’t overthink it. Is this punk? Is this not? Is this whatever?

Looking back to Stick and Stones, we had songs on there like “Sonny,” which totally doesn’t fit the genre. Even “Head on Collision” and “The Story So Far,” we had a lot of songs that weren’t so much punk rock songs, they were New Found Glory songs. Looking back throughout our career, we always did that, so we never think about it. We write what feels real.

We never try to fit anything, and we also don’t try to recreate. We don’t go in and go, “Oh man, how do we write a New Found Glory song?” As long as we’re being honest in writing songs that are true and real about what we’re actually feeling, then it always comes out exactly how it’s supposed to.

It’s more on instinct for you, then?

100 percent instinct. It’s never like we got to write a fast song or what if our fans think this. It’s not like that. I don’t mean it in a cocky way, but we feel that our fans trust us. Especially if you look at our catalogue, Coming Home sounds nothing like Sticks and Stones, and Sticks and Stones sounds nothing like Resurrection. But they sing all the songs the same. They love them each differently for their own reasons, and that’s what our fans count on us for. They don’t want to have the same album over and over again.

One of the cool left turns you do on this album is “The Sound of Two Voices.” I don’t know how you describe it. Hawaiian or something like that?

The little sounds and percussion stuff that Aaron added gives it an island vibe. But overall, it was our take on a Paul Simon throwback. When we started writing, it just came out. We were like, “Oh, this reminds me of ‘You Can Call Me Al,’ but somehow still sounding like New Found Glory.”

It almost sounds like it could be in Moana, too.

I love Moana, so I’ll take it.

Were there other highlight songs that you enjoyed working on and writing?

Yeah, I really love the song “Barbed Wire.” I really love the song “Blurred Vision.” The last song on the record, “The Cheapest Thrill,” is a fun one. We made 10 songs because I feel like every song has its own life, its own sort of ride. They all have their own pacing and something in the melody that makes it really different from the song before it.

You also have the most synths on a record since Coming Home, in addition to a lot of layered guitars and some solos. Was that fun to incorporate more of as well?

Yeah, definitely. Looking at older records we’ve put out, and hearing the production and then playing them live, we noticed there’s a difference. Our fans love our songs live, even though it might be missing some of the bells and whistles because we’re still a four-piece. They don’t care. So we were like on this new record, let’s make it an album.

We know there’s two different forms of listening to New Found Glory. There’s when you’re at home, you’re in your car, you’re on your headphones, so we were like let’s make this record sound the best it could be right then and there while you’re listening and not sacrifice anything. If we have an idea, let’s put it in there. Let’s make it really fun to listen to.

And then when people come see us live, they’re busy going off and singing along. No one really comes and listens for the third guitar layer, you know what I mean? You’re there at the show to go crazy and sing along.

You’ve mentioned before there’s a level of vulnerability this album has where you’re not afraid to talk about yourselves like maybe you have been in the past. What about this album do you feel like brought that out more?

I think maturity. Being a little bit older and seeing worries we might have had in the past or mistakes people have made throughout our career. Seeing us come out of them and being able to reflect. After living and touring in a van for 20 years, you learn a lot and you make a lot of mistakes.

Do you think getting married last year had any impact on the record for you?

I wouldn’t say it had an impact on the record because there’s three other band members, you know what I mean? If it did, it’s in the same way that Cyrus having a kid impacted the record, and Ian being sober impacted the record, and Jordan starting a business. All of us individually and where we are in our lives impact our records. I wouldn’t say one impacts more.

So I wouldn’t say so much getting married. It’s who we are now, each of us individually, and realizing the things in our lives that have kept our band going. With this band and writing music, we’re very lucky. Personal lives can be very difficult and very hard. We’re able to use this band as a way to express ourselves and impact other people’s lives, as well as it being therapeutic for our own. That’s what you get with the new record.

I was able to attend Yellowcard’s final show last month and it got me thinking about what pop-punk’s legacy is at this stage. You were two of the biggest bands in pop-punk’s heyday in the early 2000s, but now it’s more of a niche market and we’re at the point where we seem to be losing a prominent band every year. Where do you think the genre is in 2017?

I really don’t think about it, honestly. We were before the genre existed, we’re a part of the genre now, and we’ll still be a part of the genre when it’s not cool, if it ever was cool. I don’t think it ever was cool [laughs].

When we first started, it was always us, Get Up Kids and Saves the Day. No one ever said pop-punk. It wasn’t a thing. It grew and became a thing. Instead of trying to control what our fans think, we wanted to have fun with it, so we played along. This is a 20 years of pop-punk tour. We have no problem with calling ourselves a pop-punk band, because that’s what our fans call us. We’re not overthinking it.

A New Found Glory fan knows we’re not just a pop-punk band. You can see that by going to our shows. There’s people that listen to hardcore. There’s people that listen to metal. There’s people that listen to indie rock, to emo, to pop-punk, to regular punk rock. We have this huge melting pot.

As far as the scene goes right now, I really don’t know. I’ve always felt like we waved the flag of the genre, but whoever breaks up or gets back together or starts, New Found Glory is going to keep going. We’re going to keep doing the same thing. We’ve never been driven by a scene. We built our own world inside of it. So I can’t really say what the scene’s like because there’s so many different styles now.

And the internet has opened things up so much more than when you were starting out. Now there’s so many options everywhere, it’s more diluted in a way, too.

Yeah. We’ll just always do our thing. We’ll always tour. I remember when we had three gold consecutive albums, and then we didn’t. We were playing smaller shows, but it still meant the world to us. Things always go in circles and come around. Now our shows are bigger than they’ve been in a long time.

Big or small, if you’re a New Found Glory fan, you’re going to get the same amount of passion one way or the other. I think that’s why we’ve lasted this long and why we don’t break up. We’ve given up our self-serving pride a long time ago with this band. We’re here to play regardless. We don’t get affected by what anyone says or what’s cool and hip at the time.

You see a lot in 20 years. You see a lot. There’s so many bands that have come that were big and we might have been told to open for, and now five years later they’ll open for us. It’s just the way it goes. We’ll always be the same and we’ll always be here because we have that loyal fanbase, which is all we ever set out to have.

New Found Glory and Yellowcard also got me thinking about that five-year or so period where there were so many cool bands coming out of Florida. There were you two, Anberlin, Copeland, Underoath, Against Me!, A Day to Remember, Further Seems Forever, Dashboard Confessional. What do you remember about that time? What made Florida a hotbed where all these bands were coming up at the same time?

A lot of bands you were mentioning were later than we were. When we were coming up, there was New Found, Dashboard, Further Seems Forever, Less Than Jake, Hot Water Music, Yellowcard, Poison the Well. The other stuff was a little later. What I always loved about Florida is when you think about the bands from Florida, everyone sounds different from each other.

At the time if you weren’t from New York or L.A., and maybe a little bit in Chicago, you didn’t really have a chance. The Northeast and California is where every band came from. It’s where all the record labels were. Because those scenes were so big, there was a lot of the same things going on. Where when it came to Florida, none of us thought we would ever get anywhere.

There was nothing to do, so you would write songs not based on what was going on but based on who you were. There wasn’t a big scene in Florida, so if you were a punk band, you were playing with a hardcore band. If you were an acoustic guy, you were playing with a ska band. It didn’t matter. There was this weird mesh of things stylistically. Even the hardcore back then was really melodic and weird.

I think the fact that Florida is so secluded from everywhere, especially South Florida. It took 12 hours just to drive out. It let people be creative because you thought you never had a chance. You were just writing music for your friends. You were writing songs because you wanted to play that weekend at a club in your hometown.

You weren’t distracted by the business side of things, because there was none. Whereas maybe if you were a band in the Northeast or California, you were focused on writing and getting signed. But in Florida, it didn’t really matter.

With this being your ninth album and reaching year 20, is there a different feeling now, or does it more or less feel the same and how it always has been?

No, it’s a different feeling. When you’re younger and you’re growing, you feel like you have all this stuff to prove to people. You think there’s this thing you need to reach or this finish line. You’re constantly worried about what’s next.

Now, 20 years later, there is no stress. We’re not worried. We’ve done nine albums. We’re not worried if fans are going to like our band or not.

Or if the album sells.

Yeah, or if the album sells. It would be great if the album sells. It would be great if it’s the biggest record and sells a million records. That would be awesome, but we’re not living for that. We’re able to get onstage and play our songs and focus on what matters, and not about the illusion side of the music business.

We’re able to live in the present and enjoy every show and be thankful. Does that make sense? That’s the difference between then and now.

’Makes Me Sick’ is out now on Hopeless Records. Find Chad Gilbert on Twitter and New Found Glory on Facebook, Twitter and Spotify.

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