#i don't know if they'd ever outright discuss it a lot but

[13eyond13]

I think something a fem!Light would find really fascinating about fem!L is how she doesn't seem to have much of an internalized sense of inferiority or self-consciousness about her gender, because that would just have been SO ENGRAINED in Light's entire upbringing since day 1

[piecanl]

Do you think Tubbo would recognize the path Bad is going down, because it's one he's already walked down on?

This self-destructive behavior coming from a broken heart?

He hasn't seen Bad at his best, before the eggs got kidnapped. He's seen him a victim to grief more than a father. It's why the blue staining Bad's being isn't out of the ordinary.

But suddenly he starts carrying flowers to remind him of the love he lost, suddenly the void calls out his name even louder and suddenly Tubbo sees himself in the older demon.

And it's scary, because suddenly he sees what he has become, how it affects others.

And for the first time of many, he sees Bad walk down a road he's paved. For the first time of many, Bad is the one repeating Tubbo's mistakes.

[gurugirl]

Do you think there will ever be a time where Priestrry and his Pet use a safe word? Or where they need a break from their dynamic to just be a couple not participating in kink?

I imagine that we don't see their day-to-day often as I write the check-ins so they probably don't always play everytime they're together. I think they'd wind up doing normal couple things (out of public view) because it's not always possible to be having that dynamic 24/7 (probably exhausting to be honest).

I think, though, that it is Harry's default to be dominant and Y/n's to be bratty and submissive, but even with that, they'd still leave out the whips and chains and cage and gags most of the time. But he's still going to be dominant with her as their norm and she'll be pushing his buttons and teasing him like the bratty sub she is to her core.

As for a safe word... maybe I can write something where a safe word is used while they're playing extra hard (I'm gonna go with they do have a safe word even tho I don't think I ever wrote about it). I just don't love having that incorporated often because they are very in tune with one another and they are in a very stable (apart from the whole secrecy thing) relationship with lots of trust. And also, Harry asks her and checks in with her a lot along the way while they're playing even when he knows her limits he still checks. When someone needs to use a safeword sometimes it means that one person has taken something to far, has missed a cue because they aren't paying enough attention, or they are too new in a relationship to understand their partner's limits.

I'm not saying that safe words or the use of the traffic light system isn't used in healthy established relationships because they definitely are, it's just not THAT common to pop out "Red!" while in the middle of doing some kind of scene that you and your partner have done before and usually enjoy.

As wild and kinky as some people can get... most of the time they're doing the same kind of kinky shit they always do with their partner - their tried and true favorites. Kinky couples aren't always exploring harder and harder limits with each other because they (like even not-so-kinky couples) get into a routine of what they like.

I think it's good to have something in place for any relationship - a kill switch if you will (which is essentially what the safe word or saying RED is), but most people aren't just going to be using them super often as long as there's good communication. The dom will check in - maybe they will ask "what's your color?" as a way to check or maybe they'll just say outright "look at me. are you okay still?" (which is more of what priestrry would do). I think too, most good doms will see it before even the sub does and will stop a scene without their sub even needing to say anything.

I'm not against using safe words in fic but when someone uses their word that stops the entire scene. It's game over immediately and on to soothing and reassurance and lots of care and then communicating what went wrong so that it never happens again - because safe words are used when something goes wrong. Which I don't love writing about. That's a personal preference really. Even in my mind... if someone gets to yellow - the scene stops so there can be a discussion about what's going on and how to prevent it from getting to red.

But yes! The priest and his pet definitely have a safe word but I don't think they've really needed it so far :)

oh my god sorry this turned into a full fucking novel 🙈

xoxo

[nihilara]

👫 for kuro & xun

the two of them actually bump into one another several times, before they really stop for a moment and talk. it was definitely one of those " well, we might as well if we're gonna keep going to the same places. " a lot of coincidences, and convenient meet ups, most of which did take place in locations where kuro's pack of strays tended to congregate to more. after the 5th or 6th time, they made actual plans to meet up and do more than just... feed cats in an abandoned alley. a series of chance run ins that kuro considers himself lucky for later down the road.

so we know that kuro's association with the shadow.decree will come up eventually. that's a given. i do think they'd be on fairly good terms when this happens. something that does heavily effect the course of their relationship. and the only reason it might not completely destroy it-- is due to kuro never lying. he struggles to lie, he's really bad at it ( especially with the ears, and the tails ). but he never outright tells him the truth from the get go. i think an understanding of fear for himself, and what either side might do isn't lost on xun. but it still hurts. and creates a lot of tension until there is a resolution or way to address it completely. you know me, i am a SUCKER for relationships, romantic or platonic-- that have ups and downs.

which leads me into the next headcanon: that xun is the one who finally pushes kuro into becoming a part of the esper.union. it can provide him safety and stability that he just cant find on his own. and though it's not easy, kuro does show that he has it in him to genuinely change. that there is remorse for the things he did, while working for the shadow.decree. joining the esper.union ends up being on the best things to ever happen to kuro. and he's happier for it.

giving it some genuine thought; i don't think either of them would discuss their own abilities very much. xun has some very real, and very valid trust issues. where as kuro finds his own powers rather distasteful, with the necromancy & fire. and the immortality on top of that, which is something about himself he never likes to think of. i think the two of them actually act... very normally? mundane?

( bonus ) he does get to touch the cat ears. but it takes a while...

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 / paramythas

[vohunara]

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

☀ What’s your rp pet peeve?

Salty mun meme  ·⨇· Here  ·⨇· @ccaptain

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

A few things come to mind: vagueblogging, guilt tripping followers into providing ships/interactions, and not giving me a forehead kiss every morning.

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Once, someone arbitrarily decided that my muse, in a roundabout way, had SA'ed theirs for the sole reason that they craved angst, when 1) it hadn't been previously discussed 2) it had never been stated, nor implied, that my muse would ever do such thing to begin with 3) I had said outright that is a line I don't cross. I was at work, hadn't even been active that day, and came back to a thousand messages from other muses' (understandably) aggressive reactions. They knew they'd screwed up, so much that @ccaptain asking them if I'd given permission to that sort of "plot" was enough to make them backpedal hard, trip over their own words and blame it on their meds or lack thereof.

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Being hounded for a ship of any nature (platonic, romantic, antagonistic, etc) without having it clearly stated that it's the mun's intention will forever mildly annoy me.

And I need to clarify that it isn't to equate the act to a cardinal sin or that it automatically makes the other person a "bad" RP partner, I know it's partly what makes the wheel spin in the RPC. It's that I am particular with my muses' connections and I never assume anything. Anyone's best bet is to be upfront and say they'd want our muses to have their stories tied, I can't remember one single time I ever turned something down.

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

I don't think so? At least not in the way drama in the RPC is defined. No call outs, no big stink on the dashboard and no groups of people duking it out in the proverbial parking lot. However, I have had serious disagreements that were resolved privately, then we went separate ways.

☀ What’s your rp pet peeve?

It is really obvious when someone only knows how to talk about their character and doesn't bother with listening to other people's stories and interests. It makes RPing incredible difficult as a collaborative work and makes me think of the other person as self-centered, someone who wants to be enabled and nothing else. I have no time nor patience for that, regardless of how interested I am in what they're creating.

[king-of-wrath]

I would've blocked this person for dropping the Other F-word, but they seem to have deleted the account since. However, let me take a moment to explain something for the general audience:

As much as some fans and fan forums like debating "Who would win?" in hypothetical fights between fictional characters (there's whole Youtube channels dedicated to this, both serious and not), it's considered common courtesy to ASK if someone is even interested in a topic BEFORE you start talking to them about it---especially if you're looking to debate it. Considering how little I know about of comic book characters outside of mainstream media (Superman, Batman, etc) and have no real interest in comic books, anyone seeking a brief discussion on the topic would simply be barking up the wrong tree

But in terms of RP etiquette, it's considered both rude and childish to press your beliefs about a character on someone or argue with someone about them---that is, to proclaim that your headcanons or theories are correct, that others are "wrong" and seek to prove that yours are "canon". With how this question is worded, the Anon's revealed a clear bias towards their favored character (Omni-Man). Anon even asserts that their character would outright kill several others by asking "Who would die first?"

I'm going to be blunt: I genuinely do not care for those age-old playground "My dad could beat up your dad" arguments. I'm a Warhammer fan and let me tell you, there is quite A LOT of that. Even for characters I like, I'm not even slightly interested in assigning them positions on a tier list---as if superpowerful and magical characters fighting in epic deathmatches would follow the same rules as the game Rock, Paper, Scissors

If this was the same Anon who asked me "Who would win in a fight between the Seven Deadly Sins and Omni-Man, Superman and Homelander?" yesterday, I gave them a polite answer: "I don't know". But this apparently wasn't enough, for they felt they needed to rephrase the question---albeit, revealing which side of the argument they'd be on---and inferring that two or more demons would be killed by their favorite character (Omni-Man) in this hypothetical war

To me, this seems less like a genuine curiosity and more like some strange attempt at a flex---an assertion that Omni-Man is capable of defeating and permanently killing the literal Devil from Abrahamic religions, who the Anon immediately belittles by referring to him as "Luci-faggot" like an ill-mannered middle school child who just learned the slur from a Heated MomentTM on Xbox Live matchmaking

Even without the latent homophobia, I'm entirely disinterested in hearing someone hype-up their favorite person who wears brightly-colored spandex. I don't care how strong you think he is. I don't care how hot you think he is. I don't need to know how badly you want to have sex with him. I don't need to read your 10,000-word self-indulgent domestic slice of life Omni-Man self-insert ship fic, nor would I ever wish to

[doverstar]

I don't know if you intend to make this in your fic, but I never read anything showing Chrissy opening herself about her problems. Usually fics are set in the future, where she already got over them. Do you already imagined how would be if she had this conversation with Eddie?

Hi! I have imagined it, yeah, but the thing is, realistically, nobody would say the words "my mom abuses me" or "I have an eating disorder" or "I have self-image issues". Instead, if someone were to open up, they'd probably talk about how their mom makes them feel, and what kinds of things she says. And if someone were to ask why Chrissy isn't eating or keeps excusing herself to go to the bathroom, it would take a long time before she ever even alluded to the fact that she has an unhealthy relationship with food. I think the mom abuse is easy to recognize as "hey, that's wrong" if it's something Chrissy is telling Eddie. But the ED is something Eddie would have to slowly understand by observing, because I can't at all see Chrissy admitting she has a problem with eating. And Eddie wouldn't call it an eating disorder. He wouldn't know what to call it, except Chrissy isn't eating food and that's bad. I think Chrissy would open up to Eddie about the eating disorder after a very long time of knowing each other, let alone dating, and that her mom making her miserable would only be discussed in small doses. Like if something happened between her and Laura and she just decided to hint that her mom hurt her feelings, or made her feel like crap, while Eddie just happens to be the person she's hanging out with at the time, so she says it in front of him. Kind of like "Do you ever feel like you're losing your mind?"

That wasn't Chrissy telling Eddie she was seeing things. It wasn't even Chrissy telling Eddie she was scared. It was just Chrissy feeling overwhelmed and saying something really vague to try and explain why she was so jumpy. She was basically telling Eddie something was wrong without actually telling him, and that's why she's in the woods asking for drugs. That's realistic. It would be the same for her ED or Laura's abuse. She wouldn't outright open up and say what is going on with her. She'd allude to it, and then, little by little, maybe Eddie and her friends can help. In their own way. Eddie wouldn't be perfect about it. I hate that people think he'd immediately start cooking for her or sharing food with her or tactfully, cautiously sharing milkshakes with her. They act like he'd know exactly what to do. Lots of people have no idea what to say or do to help someone who won't eat. And people who hear someone is being emotionally abused often end up saying obvious things like "It's not your fault". Well, that doesn't help, but thanks. People write as if Eddie would know the right things to say to build Chrissy up (really sweet, wolf-whistle things that make Chrissy see her mom is wrong about her) and it's just too contrived for me. It's too easy. Eddie wouldn't say and do all the right things, but he'd care, and he'd listen, and that's a huge deal for someone like Chrissy who, according to the character description Grace Van Dien received when she got the part, is going through deep emotional pain and trying to hide it. So. Yeah, those are my thoughts! Thank you for asking!

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[yurissweettooth]

On Trauma, Alienation, and Yuri Petrov

After the anon I recieved yesterday got me thinking about Yuri's lack of support system as well as had me coming back to this one scene in the Rising where Kotetsu tells Yuri that he could never understand what Barnaby went through. This will be a bit of a ramble so bear with me!

As he's meant to be a foil for Barnaby I feel like most of the attention goes to Barnaby and his trauma when making a comparison between the two (which is fair, he's a main character after all). Because of this some people don't really see the depth behind Yuri and the realism to his trauma. Some have written him off as part of the "abused people become abusers" stereotype or outright dismissed him as some egotistical man child of a villain. I think it's important to take a look at him and how his multiple traumas, and the alienation he faced thereafter, lead him down the path he's on by focusing on his side of the comparison.

To start with, one notable point is that Barnaby is able to reveal his trauma on live television and have the entire city rally around him. His support system and the people who have his back extends further than just the people he knows. 

Yuri, on the other hand, can't reliably even talk to his own mother (the only person he's shown to have any type of connection to) about what he's been through as her responses seem unpredictable. We can make the reasonable assumption that he doesn't have any friends because it states in the translated hero schedules that nobody has his phone number.

As a judge he can't admit to murder, as the son of the most highly regarded and beloved hero he can't speak ill of him (he likely wouldn't be believed anyway), and as someone who is seemingly still full of guilt and questioning his own behavior (no doubt aided by the fact that even his mother, who he was trying to save, doesn't always support him) he can't easily admit to the aftermath either. 

Continuing with the focus on his portrayal in the Rising, I'll point out again (as I did in my response yesterday) that there is a particularly interesting scenario where we get to see the aftermath of the effects of trauma relating to loss of a parent in three people at once. One desperate for revenge and one who has technically gotten his revenge yet didn't feel any better because of it.

"Now wait a moment." You may be saying "Yuri killed his own father so isn't that different than the other two?" and to that I would like to posit that Yuri did have his father taken from him before he ever killed him.

Aside from his hatred of "evil", Yuri also seems to view heroes as immoral, fame driven, and unable to help those in need. I think a lot of this can be tied back to the fact that Yuri lost his father as he knew him the moment the abuse started. 

Child Yuri seemed amazed by his father, right down to the Legend themed outfit. It can be assumed he was a great dad and a great hero at this point. However, that image was shattered when Legend began to drink and abuse his family (as an aside, one of the artbooks confirmed that Yuri was beaten as well). The man he looked up to, the hero, the man who taught him to never let evil go unpunished, was hurting him. It's not difficult to image what that sort of effect dissonance could have on a child.

Legend was staging his arrests and trying desperately to hold on to what he had, putting the anger he felt at losing his position over his duty as a husband and father to be there for his family (I could contrast this with how Kotetsu, in the same situation, uses this time to get closer to his family but that's for another time). He was loved and admired by all with no one any wiser to what happened behind closed doors. 

I think it's because of this that Yuri seems to live his life in opposition to the hero lifestyle. In a way this could almost be seen as a form of revenge seeking against heroes themselves. He's seen what a "hero" can be like and he can no longer trust them to make the right choices or have a genuine desire to help anyone so he takes it into his own hands and has no qualms about airing his spiteful opinions while doing so.

As a side note, in a way I also believe that his decision to kill those that are evil is, in part, a form of reassurance to himself that he's not wrong for what he did to his own father. We kind of get a hint of that in the scene where he's hallucinating and yells at his father's apparition after having his actions questioned by him.

To return to the main point, Yuri isn't really given the opportunities the others had to change their ways and heal. There was no one there to stop him from going down the wrong path. Barnaby tells Virgil that he's not out to save Schneider, he's out to save Virgil himself. Barnaby also says how Kotetsu was able to be there for him and that, had it not been for him, he wouldn't even have been standing there today and would have gone down the wrong path himself. 

I often see people discuss what Yuri might have been like had he never been abused or killed his father but I think a more interesting thing to consider is what he could have been like had he had someone on his side when he really needed it, if he didn't live in a world that would likely turn on him if he spoke against the most well-known celebrity hero (I would imagine that, much like in our real world, if an abuse victim spoke out against a celebrity they'd be shamed and called a liar), if there had been someone there to set him straight before his pain and twisted morals consumed him.

Even as we see him in the show I don't think he's a bad man. He does terrible things, yes, but he does them out of a desire to save people, to help others, to prevent more suffering. It annoys me to see him portrayed as some childish villain just stupidly killing for the sake of it. He's misguided, yes, but there's a method to his madness.

I guess the main point is that, regardless of how Kotetsu meant it, I feel sad thinking about Yuri stating his views on how to heal from the past only to be told that he "Doesn't know the first thing about what [Barnaby's] been through". Yuri does know pain, loss, and betrayal quite well which is how he came to those conclusions in the first place, he just hasn't been in a situation that's allowed him to admit and process that.

[mrfeenysmustache]

Some Family is Found

Summary: A collection of vignettes about the Higurashi family, from Single Dad Souta, schoolyard fights, blended family of three then four, and learning to let go and let fate take control.

"Papa Souta!"

Yanked from sleep with a harsh gasp, Souta was already half rolled out of bed and running before his eyes had fully opened. He knew that tone, scared and frail and small, and his body had become well trained over the last year to respond to it immediately.

He dashed quickly from his room to hers, throwing open the door and flinging himself inside right to her little bed where she sat wide eyed and terrified much like she had been when he'd first laid eyes on her.

"Towa! I'm here. You're safe. It was just another nightmare."

No sooner had he sat next to her had she thrown herself into his arms, shaking and snuggling while he crooned wordlessly and petted her soft, white hair.

The first time she'd called him Papa had been a night just like this one. A handful of months passed with her in his care and every night she woke in a fright, babbling about sisters and fires and someone named Setsuna. She'd clung to him just this way, rubbed her sniffling little nose into his shoulder and called him Papa with a shaky sigh that bound his heart right up.

Her nightmares came further apart from that night on, but every once in a while he was still needed to chase away the darkness.

"It's okay, it will all be alright." He shushed gently, swaying her back and forth while he scratched at her scalp and rubbed her back. Eventually she quieted down and then went limp with sleep again. He tucked her back into her bed, smoothed the hair back from her forehead and smiled at the peace that returned to her little cherub face.

He checked her alarm clock and sighed; it was early enough that she wouldn't normally be up, but his own alarm clock was about to go off, signaling his painfully early study hour. He was almost done with his degree and then waking before the sun could, hopefully, become a thing of the past. With one last look at the sweetly sleeping face of his little daughter, Souta quietly left her room to return to his own.

———

The bell chimed the end of the day and a flurry of tiny bodies rushed passed him, giggling and squealing and eager to leave the school yard behind until tomorrow. Souta gulped and straightened his shoulders before striding across the lawn and entering the doors once the last of the children had filtered out.

He'd spent enough of his own childhood here to know where he was going, and his legs carried him unconsciously to the principals office where he'd been called in for an important meeting.

He steeled himself at the door and took another deep breath before opening it dipping his head in greeting to the principal and eyeing the wilted form of the white haired toddler he'd been asked to come in to discuss.

His heart panged at the sight of her, his normally vibrant girl so small and sad and dejected, one of her pigtails drooping and a bright red scuff mark marring her round cheek.

'Oh no...'

"Higurashi-San, Thank you for coming."

"Of course." He replied, sitting in the empty seat across from the large desk.

A pair of sad red eyes shifted his way and he smiled softly, reassuringly.

The principal finally looked up from her paper work and blinked, looking perplexed before adjusting her glasses.

"I'm so sorry, there must be some confusion, I believe I requested that Towa-Chan's mother or father come in to speak today."

Souta winced internally, but kept his expression genial and placid.

"Yes, you did. There's no confusion. I am Higurashi Souta, Towa-Chan's father."

The principal blinked again and cleared her throat, looking between he and little Towa with a glint in her eye he didn't appreciate.

"My, you certainly look very young to be a father." She said crisply, and Souta bristled and struggled to keep his tone polite.

"I'm sure it doesn't surprise you to know I hear that quite a lot."

"Yes well. Let's get to the point, shall we? Towa-Chan has been exhibiting some shocking behavior of late. We are very concerned."

"As are we, she's made us aware that she's been on the receiving end of some unfair teasing."

The principal sniffed and shuffled her papers before folding her hands primly.

"Be that as it may, we can not tolerate violence against our other children, and Towa has instigated several physical altercations this week alone. Unless something drastic is done, she is risking expulsion."

His eyes widened and he sat up straighter in his seat, meeting the principal's gaze unflinchingly before looking once again on Towa. She still didn't look up, staring at her feet and making herself as small as possible. It broke his heart, and he heaved a sigh before looking back to the principal with a smile.

"I understand. I'll talk with her tonight. Thank you for your time."

He stood and scooped Towa up from her seat. She curled into him and he strode quickly out of the building. He stopped on the stairs to switch her over to his back, and after hooking his arms behind her knees she rested her head against his shoulder and sighed a forlorn sigh.

"I'm sorry Papa Souta. I caused so much trouble."

Her little voice, small and broken, tore into him, and he wondered if he might be doing something wrong.

He knew he was young to be a father, especially to a school aged child like Towa. She was barely six, but he wasn't quite out of university just yet, and was far from the ideal situation for having small, helpless people depending on you. He still had so much to learn himself.

"Don't worry about it Towa-Chan. No one wants to be picked on. You just need to remember your strength. You aren't like the other kids, you're much stronger."

"Okay." It was barely above a whisper, and Souta hated for her to sound like that.

The rest of the journey home was made in heavy silence, but Mama Higurashi swept in to lend her gentle touch and Souta watched Towa brighten a little under her attention.

Cookies and tea and an affectionate pat on the head as her grandmother helped her color a picture soon had Towa back on track and Souta sighed in relief.

"Why don't you go and study for your upcoming final and leave us girls to our own business, hm?"

"Thanks mama."

——

Mama Higurashi tearfully hung the picture she'd taken just a few nights before on the wall, brimming with love and pride.

Souta smiled back from the center of the frame draped in his graduation gown with Towa beaming atop his shoulders, his graduation cap covering her white hair.

It's not what she ever expected the photo of his university graduation would look like, but she glanced at the high school graduation photo of her firstborn daughter and grinned.

Both of her children seemed fated to walk interesting paths that twisted off from the rigid one set in place by society at large.

She couldn't say she was anything but proud.

A squeal of delight drew her attention to the window nearby and she watched indulgently as Souta scooped Towa up before falling to the ground with her, tickling her sides while she laughed and wiggled away.

A thread of worry wrapped around her heart then and she said a silent prayer that this new school year coming up for her would be easier than the last.

A new school, a fresh start, hopefully her granddaughter would fare better with the students at this school than she had before. She was such a dear girl with an unshakable sense of justice that she already couldn't help but fight tooth and nail for.

The sun glowed off her little white pony tails and her smile stretched freely across her face, and Mama Higurashi found herself wondering not for the first time if they hadn't ended up adopting Kagome and Inuyasha's child.

She looked very little like them aside from her hair color, but she certainly had Kagome's sense of right and wrong and Inuyasha's strength to back it up.

The likelihood of that was low, especially as she'd only ever spoken of someone named Setsuna.

"Well, time to call them in for dinner."

———

"I'm sorry Papa Souta. I cause you so much trouble..."

"It's alright Towa. I was thinking this other school would be better for you anyway. They have a wrestling team!"

Her eyes still held a glimmer of uncertainty and guilt, and though he was was stressed and concerned, he didn't want her shouldering such feelings all the time.

He knew she remembered her life before he'd found her on his front lawn, that she'd come from somewhere else before they'd taken her in, before he'd decided raise her as his own child, and he had a suspicion that she feared he might one day grow tired of her escapades and be done with her.

But he just couldn't. She may not have come from him, but she was his.

He was going to stick with her no matter what.

We have to go pick up your uniform next week, they have several colors to choose from, is there one you like best?"

He handed her the brochures and watched her nose scrunch up at the list of pictures of skirts with different colors and numbers of pleats, and bit his lip to keep from laughing outright.

"Um, no, I don't have any preferences."

"You're sure?"

"Anything is fine, really!"

"Alright. Well, have you been practicing with the sword you found with grandpa the other day?"

Suddenly her face lit up like the sun, and Souta sat back and listened while she detailed all the things she'd been practicing that she'd seen on various internet videos.

Her last teacher had admonished him for allowing her to peruse such interests.

'It's wildly unlady like. You should not be encouraging swordplay from a girl who already can't control her violent urges with her peers!'

She'd even thrown in a barb about her lack of a mother.

But while Souta agreed that Towa needed to be less violent while at school, he couldn't imagine discouraging her from the things she loved, even if they weren't the most feminine.

She bounced around the room, showing him some of the swings and stabs she'd nearly mastered and he couldn't help but think her Aunt would be so proud to watch her follow in her footsteps.

———-

"Grammy, when will Papa Souta be home again?"

"Oh much later I think Dear. I'll be tucking you in tonight, is that alright?"

Towa nodded solemnly but then burst into bright giggles when she saw her grandmother pull the secret stash of cookies out from the back of the cleaning cabinet.

"It's a big night Towa, what say we celebrate early?"

Mama Higurashi sat on the couch and let Towa settle in beside her before opening the box and letting her select two.

"One for each hand!" She chirped, smiling up at her, red eyes glimmering. It was their long standing tradition and she cherished how much her rapidly growing granddaughter still enjoyed it. She was now teetering on the edge of childhood, a vibrant girl rapidly approaching her pre-teen years.

"One for each hand my darling."

"So... you think she'll say yes?"

Mama eyed her granddaughter for a moment, but her face was unreadable.

"I do. She's a lovely woman."

"Yeah. She is."

"Do you not wish for her to join the family?"

Towa crunched into her cookie and chewed thoughtfully for a moment.

"It's not that. What if she doesn't like living with me all the time?"

"Oh Towa honey, Moe-Chan loves you! She's probably the most understanding person we've ever known. She's certainly taken everything in stride."

"She makes Papa Souta happy."

"She does. You know most of all he wants you to be happy though, right dear?"

"And I want him to be happy too. So yes, I hope she says yes tonight." Towa replied, leaning into her grandmother's side.

"Can we watch my favorite movie tonight?"

"That awful horror film? No chance young lady!"

Towa erupted into giggles while her grandmother put on calm, soothing movie they both enjoyed, and Towa drifted off into sleep feeling safe and content.

———-

Moe Higurashi hovered awkwardly in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, watching Towa as she sat still as a statue at the dining table, head down and pillowed on her arms. She heaved a tired sigh, and Moe's heart constricted.

She'd known before she married Souta that his daughter had many troubles at school. She was strong and sure and didn't stand aside when others were being mistreated. Thus, she was often a target for those who wanted to prove themselves stronger than her.

Towa had started another new school just this week, and already the fighting had started again. She could practically feel the stress and guilt oozing off her young step-daughter's young shoulders, and she wanted so badly to do something about it without overstepping any boundaries.

An idea struck her and she stepped quietly away to retrieve her violin from her room. Towa had not moved an inch when she returned, and in fact didn't seem to be aware of anything outside of her own troubled thoughts.

Moe hesitated for one more moment before delicately clearing her through and startling Towa out of her funk.

"May I sit here please?"

Towa nodded and watched silently as Moe took the seat across from hers and began tuning the strings of her violin. And then, without a word, she brought the instrument up, held it in place, and pulled the bow across the strings. She played something low and soothing, something that filled the room as well as all the stormy spots in Towa's mind until she felt the tension melt from her.

She put her head back down, but this time Moe noted with pride that her shoulders were noticeably less rigid. She continued to play even after Towa lifted her head and listened with a smile.

———-

There had been many times in the month since bringing his new baby home that Souta thought his heart would burst open with love and pride and happiness, and this time was no different.

Little Mei, still so small and sleepy and new, was reclined comfortably on a soft blanket his mother had knitted. She was fast asleep, swaddled tightly into a little bundle, and Towa had stretched out on the floor next to her, gazing lovingly down at her and running her fingers over the soft, wispy hairs on her head. She was whispering something, something he couldn't quite make out, but the look of devotion on her face toward her new little sister took his breath away. They were as mismatched a set as he'd ever seen. Mei's soft brown hair and eyes contrasted sharply to the burning red of Towa's eyes, or the shock of silver that grew from her head, but they both lived deep inside his heart.

Moe entered from the opposite side of the room from the kitchen with a flour stained apron around her waist.

"There are my girls! Towa, I've brought you a cookie fresh from the oven."

"Thank you Mama Moe." She whispered in return, careful not to wake her sister, and Souta watched Moe valiantly attempt to keep her own emotions in check. He knew how much it meant to her that Towa had grown so close to her.

"Let me know if you need anything."

Moe went back into the kitchen, and Souta took another indulgent moment to watch his daughters begin forging their bond.

————

Souta held his smile until the moment the shining portal winked out of existence, and then his expression fell and he grabbed desperately for his mother's hand.He squeezed it and she responded immediately.

"Souta, what's wrong my son?"

"How-" he gulped around the fear rapidly growing and choking him, watched Moe scoop up a crying Mei, silent tears tracking down her own face, and knew the dam on his emotions would break soon. "How did you do it mama? How did you... how did you let Kagome go over and over and over? How were you always okay with this?!"

Mama sighed and rubbed his back, staring off into nothing for a moment as old fears and anxieties swam back up from the recesses of her memories.

"Come inside my dears, let me make you some tea and try to ease your worries. At least, let me help you try to manage them better than I was able."

Souta hung back until the others had filed inside and looked back at the place his daughter had just disappeared without a trace. He'd watched his sister vault over the well time and again and remembered the distant fears he'd had for her as a child.

But she'd had Inuyasha, his larger than life living legend brother-in-law who he was convinced could beat any opponent conceivable.

This time, he wasn't a child anymore, and this wasn't his sister.

This was his child, one he'd practically grown up with he'd been so young when he'd adopted her.

And though he knew what she was, the very same sort of being his childhood hero was, still he worried.

For her safety, for her wellbeing, for her life.

He closed his eyes, and for a moment he prayed, that she would remain safe and unharmed, that she would find what she was looking for, that she would solve her quest, that she would return to them.

And then he wiped the tears from his face, and turned from the Sacred Tree that had taken her away, and he walked inside, trailing pieces of his heart behind him.

[riderdrauggrim]

Day Unknown. Sat, Sep 26, 2020.

Nervous about randomly hiding in 4G Motorsports parking lot, I'm awake a few short hours later around 6:30. I have the tent packed by 8:30, and huddle beside the bike, waiting for staff.

9:00 rolls around and I approach the doors, making my way back to the Parts/Service desk. A young woman who's family shifts her between Alberta and Toronto seems thrilled to meet someone else from Ontario. We check if they have a replacement battery in stock. They do not. And their mechanics are not in on the weekends.

But!

There's a MAGNACHARGE Battery megaemporium RIGHT across the street!

Heartened my luck might be improving, I trot over.

Nope.

They're closed on weekends.

I trot back to 4G, on the way calling Riverside Honda in St. Albert, the blokes who'd changed my tires. They sold their last YTZ14S on Friday. BUT they'd ordered more and they should arrive at the start of this coming week.

I run over my problems with their parts guy. He suggests I remove the battery and try starting the bike with another random battery attached; That might be able to isolate if it is my battery or my starter system/charging stator/rectifier/words.

Sounds good.

Back at 4G I ask if they have a charger or a booster. The parts girl knows where a tender is, but not how to use it. It's okay, I do. They graciously let me push the bike inside their service bay so I can tinker on it, good thing too as it starts to drizzle outside.

So! My battery: Out and Charging.

My bike: New battery hooked up to test the ignition.

My key: In the ignition, turning to activate the bike-*Crack*.

One of the few flaws I've found with the NC750 design is the key is needed in a secondary lock. Turn one way to unlock the frunk (front trunk) where the gas tank USUALLY sits on a motorcycle. Turn the other way to unlock the latch securing the passenger seat, this allowing you to lift it up to reveal the gas cap to fill the tank, which sits under the rider. The problem with this lock is the key does not fully insert. It's about 3/4 depth to the ignition proper.

Over time, this has created something of a weak point on the key itself, occasionally twisting ever so slightly if too much pressure is applied, if the latches are sticky, or the frunk is overfull and a bit jammed. This was usually corrected by sticking the key in and turning it the other way, straightening the blade out again. For this trip, due to the tail luggage making lifting the passenger seat incredibly difficult at best, I had opted to outright remove the pillion cover, leaving the gas cap exposed for easy access. All I needed the secondary lock for was to get in and out of the frunk, which I was doing several times a day to fetch out Goose and Hat, or store drinks, or change power banks.

Perhaps it was this excess of one direction twisting that finally did the blade in.

Perhaps it was just six years of use and wear.

Perhaps life just wanted to take the difficulty level up a notch.

In any event.

I was left holding the top quarter of my key. The remainder still inside the ignition. Even if I can get a new battery, I can now no longer turn on the bike.

My coworker who helped fund this adventure texts me to see how things are going. I tell him my key just snapped in half. He says if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. We discuss options. I'm 3,505 km from home. I'm 427 km from the nearest Honda dealership. I just want to Abandon Quest and Hearthstone out of here, but that's not an option. So I work through various plans.

I call Riverside back and get the Service department. Nick remembers me. I fill him in on the last twelve hours. "Wow." Indeed. He puts me on hold and consults his coworkers. If I can get it there, they'll try and squeeze me in and get this sorted. Some people have good luck using super glue to get broken keys out and then jury rigged back together. With my luck, I'll make a mess and fuse the tumblers and need an entirely new ignition system. The key is also a newer blade style, not a normal tooth house lock key. It's supposed to be stronger, amusingly enough. But it's not the sort of thing local locksmiths should be able to replicate, it needs a Dealership. So even if I got a Fort McMurray locksmith to fish the main part out, if he can't make a new one, I still can't Go.

AND there's the pressing matter of the battery.

During all this my battery on the tender has completed charging. I restore it into the bike, or try to, as the damn nut in the contact for the red lead slips out of the holder and falls precisely through the ONE (1) hole at the bottom of the compartment and somewhere onto the engine block. I don't hear it hit the belly pan, and wedging my fingers into every nook, curve and cranny yields nothing but grimy hands.

I call CAA anew. I get the same woman as the night before, so that helped since she already knew the first part of this story. I now have Multiple Problems that can not be fixed locally. St. Albert is outside the Alberta tow range of 350km. But my membership is from Niagara, and I'm covered for 500km. She calls them to approve it. They say 'of course'. One hurdle down.

She contacts the tow company. New hurdle.

Due to the nine hour round-trip commute, they don't run every single broken vehicle south to Edmonton every time someone breaks down. They wait for multiple items, load them all on a long truck, and do a couple runs a week. So. Yes, they can get my bike to St. Albert. Eventuallllyyyyy.

I get it; from a logistics and efficiency and financial perspective it makes perfect sense.

From a "but... my bike..." and waiting for a nebulous amount of time in a hotel somewhere just for it to get TO the mechanics, nevermind the unknown timeframe of the shop having time to look at it, figure out what's wrong, order new parts if needed, and install them.... Hrrrggggnnnnn.

So EMI came with the short bed and picked up the bike from 4G. The logic being, now it's in their secure compound, ready to go, and when they have a load ready, they'll shove it on and take it south for me. Solid.

How do -I- get back to Edmonton.

Well, there's several buses that run the corridor, presumably for the mine workers to get up and back around their shift days. Awesome!

Oh but they don't run again until Monday. Less awesome!

But what can you do.

My bike won't leave until monday at the /earliest/ anyway, so me being there any sooner really makes no difference.

I book a ticket - cheap at 65$! For a nearly five hour trip? I paid 85$ plus tip for the 20 minute taxi ride from Supertest Hill to Fort McMurray the night prior.

Leaving Monday at 8:30am, arrive near downtown Edmonton. Found a hotel for 80$ within a block of Riverside Honda, not as cheap as my beloved Whitemud, but Whitemud Inn being at the south center of the Edmonton bubble, I'd be paying more than the 15$ a night difference in a cab to get up to St. Albert region. So I'll be right nearby the bike if we can get it going, or I need something from my bags.

In the meantime.

I found an RV campsite literally next door to the bus stop. I called the owner and explained my experiances, and my need for somewhere to simply hide in a tent until Monday morning. Sure, I could try and hide -anywhere-, but for my own safety, and nerves, if I can do this cheap and legal, the better for it. She says she can help me out. She offers a site for a price considerably cheaper than the nearby hotels, which I of course agree to. It's a twenty minute walk from 4G, made longer by hauling two drybags of tent/sleeping bag and essentials, and a third partial of food. Plus wearing my gear. And being somewhat small and scrawny. I take several rests. I drink my Gatorades. I make it. She has the sweetest tabby cat with white socks, no tail, and the SOFTEST fur. Name 'Trouble'. Awwww.

Transaction complete, I set up my tent, kindly serenaded by a curious magpie.

I hear a nearby RV owner pull up, truck doors closing, and then I see a giant white monster making a beeline straight for me. My best guess would be Lab/Samoyed. The head was very much the rectangle block and jowls of a lab, but the pelt was definitely a living cloud. It gives an very quick sniff at my tent, and promptly accepts me petting it. I realize I've been pet-starved during my journey. All my stress is put on pause as I scruffle the heck out of this random dog's sides. In fact, twice I tried to move one hand to teach for my phone for a photo, and he turned in annoyance to see why I'd partially stopped. I hear a woman calling, and ask if he needs to go. He makes no move. In fact he tries to push backwards closer. On a whim, I drop to my rear and make a bowl with my legs. He promptly fills said bowl with his rump. Me on my butt and him on his haunches, I came up to his shoulders.

Good dog.

A woman shouts again, more insistent. I give him a bump with my leg. He resigns himself to getting up and heading home. I realize the owner can't see us, so I pop up and apologize for stealing her dog. She realizes he hadn't just ran off for no reason, and laughs, saying he loves people. Yes, I had learned this.

I needed that.

There's a valley beside the camp ground.

The trees are spent matchsticks, grey and charred and empty against the sky. New growth slowly fills in around the dead wood. I don't know if this is a remainder of the BIG fire of 2016, or another more recent event. It's a staggering amount of devastation, and only a small fragment of the damage done.

The clouds out here... I love skyscapes.

Beautiful.