#i don't know. my own identity's still very much in flux and i'm working on it.

[sezja]

Content warning for she/her Feo Ul, but like, bear with me and take me on good faith here-

My own gender pings closer to she/her agender with every passing day, and I liked seeing that represented in Feo Ul when ShB first dropped - all of the other fae are expressly they/them and the world seems to understand that, so it made Feo Ul being she/her feel like a conscious choice on her behalf. The Exarch has no excuse not to know the fae, pixies included, use they/them pronouns; that he introduced Feo Ul with she/her pronouns instead felt like something specific and unique.

And I think that makes sense!

I think Feo Ul has spent time among mortals - she's curious, she's invested, she's observant - and I think it makes sense for her to decide "I like these pronouns! I want them for my own!" It feels like a nod to her interest in mortals and their habits. She may not fully understand what pronouns are or what they indicate; certainly I'm not sure pixies care about the fucking gender binary (which is to say, not she/her in the sense that she identifies as a woman, not at all, but she/her in the sense that those are the sounds Feo Ul decided she liked).

Obviously it doesn't keep her from being King.

And, again, it was close to my own tentative gender identity, so it was nice to see it, especially in such a vibrant character, one I loved a lot immediately. It stung a little to see it retconned in the patches, and obviously for my own purposes I ignore it.

Like, I don't think anyone who knows me at all assumes I have any issue with they/them pronouns or nonbinary identities. Most of my friends are they/them at this point. My primary WoL (Darcy) is they/them. This isn't an issue with not respecting they/them identities or trans identities on the whole. The other pixies and fae folk (original Titania included) are emphatically they/them, but I do like my interpretation of she/her Feo Ul and I stand by it.

[bifaq]

I'm 23 but i just realized i might be bi-romantic? i’d always assumed i was on the ace spectrum+ maybe demi-romantic. Since middle school i’ve had dreams with girls but ignored them as dreams. My brother is gay, if i turned out bi my parents would die. I feel I should have known earlier, i’m in my freaking twenties! I’m thinking about it because i have a bf who wants to be more physical and I don't. i had another dream and they aren’t explicit just romantic but really nice. Idk what to think

well firstly i’m really sorry and sad to hear that ur parents would respond so negatively if you came out as bi or anything really. that’s a big pooper and i hope u are able to have some kind of support circle in your life somewhere ;_;

also when it comes to discovering ur identity, it can happen at any age really. like, i discovered i’m actually asexual myself about two years ago and that is also when i realized i’m nonbinary and started exploring my gender identity.

i’m 28 now and i am confidently, comfortably biromantic, asexual, nonbinary person. i grew up like up till 13 not really knowing a thing about any sexuality at all. my first exposure to the concept of sexual orientation was unintentionally thru nsfw content with friends and then seeing their disdain for wlw type stuff.

i went along with it bc hey i didn’t know any better and i really didn’t have the resources to understand what any of this non-straight identities really meant. andi was too afraid to stand out even MORE from my crappy friend group so i hid a lot of my gay feelings till high school.

during high school i realized i was bi and came out a little bit my freshman yr but fully during sophmore yr. like it was literally just fuckin bi gals left and right in my friend group and i was lucky for the most part to be able to have a decent support system there for me which allowed me to like SHED the BURDEN of heteronormativity and EMBRACE the GAY within my HEART. lmao

so from 9th grade where i was 14ish till about 25 i thought i was bisexual - there’s a LOT of negative stuff i’m not going to cover but suffice to say starting therapy helped me realize that my experience with sexuality wasn’t in line totally with being a bisexual - i was much more aligned with the label biromantic and it took me quite a while but eventually i was able to accept that i’m asexual as well as be able to have the people around me understand my limitations in regards to sexual content and set new boundaries i hadn’t before.

basically there i’m just saying that discovering your identity isn’t always something that happens when ur rly young and it’s not something that necessarily has to stay the same. life changes ya! and it’s okay if ur identity fluxes with it as well.

as for ur bf, i think once u could come to a space where u feel like u have identified if u are indeed on the ace-spectrum, then talk with him and rly express to him that certain things are not things u are interested in. it’s a scary conversation, trust me i KNOW, but it’s rly important for ur ace-spectrum identity (if you decide you fall there) is respected first and foremost. otherwise the relationship will eventually just fall apart on its own and it could leave u with rly bad stuff to deal with later on. i wouldn’t wish that on anyone tbh

so in summary:

identity is something that doesn’t have a specific time set for it to be discovered

it can also change over the years from a different thing than u originally identified as! the more resources u are able to find, the better identity labels and such u could relate to bc u are accessing more knowledge than u were previously able to!

identity changing over time doesn’t invalidate any part of u. u are a person and ppl are prone to change. 

i am still very sry u would not have support at home when it comes to ur identity; i would ask if u could find some other support systems to help u even if it’s just ppl u know online. basically all my support is majority via my online friends - the value is immeasurable even tho we are all far apart

if u end up IDing on the ace-spectrum, one thing i’d recommend is just doin some browsing and reading up on either other ppl’s experiences or just base facts about the identity that suits u. i found SO much relief when i was able to see the wide range of just BEING that is within the ace-spectrum and it helped me validate my identity to myself

then, it would be recommended to have a good talk with ur bf to basically lay out ur boundaries and see what he is able to work with.

i know the concept of a break up bc ur needs and his needs are different is stressful and scary, and i know it’s easy for me to say that it’s better to leave a person if they desire things u aren’t/won’t/can’t give but pls know in the long run, u will be making the best choice for urself bc ur needs as an ace-spectrum person are of UTMOST importance.

just know that u aren’t alone at all and there’s a huge community for u if u ever need

-mod peach

[verseapetrova]

Little vent

Im juggling alot....

-new job about to start

-no support from anyone (non-existent family, friends, or therapist that I've been avoiding for over two months...)

-roomate problems hourly/daily/weekly/never fucking ends. Bigotry and ignorance is strong in him

-self discovery battle that has been on going for years but more so the last three years with my sexuality and gender identity

-new haircut makes people think they can just come up to me and pet me, touch it like I'm a fucking dog even though I say stop or no

-my disorders are a hoot...

-the group I finally stopped going to (while I was still attending) could not for their life get my pronouns correct, including my so called "friends", who also get my pronouns wrong on facebook although I've have settings on there as (Them) for probably 3-4 years now....

-once I start this job, I need to stick with it as best as possible to be able to live on my own the minute my roomate packs up and leaves

-"friends" keep asking me if they can be my roomate in the future and yet love bragging how much they do drugs, parties, and can easily get into fights or be fired. Why would I want to room with that? Or with anyone when I'm literally trying to get away from someone who controlled me for three years?

-I want to delete alot of people off of my facebook but they make me feel guilty when I've simply "sat in their chair" in group. I know clearly they arent friends but I'm terrified of confrontation.

-my new job has a dress code for men and women specifically and I'm not looking forward to this... I need the money but I'm gritting my teeth.

Recap- I don't speak to anyone at all. I'm not returning to the LGBT group. I told them maybe in three months but I think I lied... I get disrespected too much and it's mentally exhausting. I'm bottling up everything inside. I cut my hair, bought neutral clothing, but I'm struggling the most with loving myself and progressing with who I am because of no support. I'm my own damn cheerleader and it's hard. Alot of people daily tear me the fuck down. It's fucking me up mentally in a way thats actually new and thats is some serious shit because I thought I've endured it all.

When someone calls me by my birth name, I feel a shiver down my spine. When someone says "she". I want to knock their teeth in. When someone touches me, pinches me ass, fluffs my hair, fucking anything, I want to scream, curl in a ball while someone else beats in their skull with a rusty pipe because I cant. I freeze up in those moments and feel paralyzed and I despise how they take advantage of this. When someone calls me "Mami" because they recognize I'm hispanic and try to add fucked up spanish catcall attached, I can feel my eyeballs burn. When someone tells me "Dont kid yourself with trying to be a dude".... I just fucking cant. I don't know where all of this anger is coming from. And lastly, when someone tells me "You have a great body! Perfect hourglass figure! Nice tits!".....

I wear sports bras because I cant find a DDD bra that is 30 inches around the ribcage. I have a small ribcage and big breasts and it angers me because the day I get a binder, I know I wont be flat. I wish these breasts would go poof one day when I wake up. So no person, thats not a compliment. I despise my breasts and you view them sexually while I see them as a nuisance. My hips are bullshit and never stop fluxing in size and your comment makes me cringe.

Can I fast forward to when Im already working this new job very well, living on my own, doing what I want, when I please, and my self expression inside and out is bomb af?