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#i dont care what people think about something indo until someoen goes wow i love how you do x like no ones looking
narutomaki
·
11 months
Text
people will tell me it doesn't matter what people think about me and then turn around and go home/online to the people that love and care about them unconditionally
#bro have you ever even been kicked out of you house at 8. 13. 14. 15. because you either fought back or expressed yourself too openly
#and ur mum was just in a bad mood that day? have you never been abandoned on the side of the road half way across town?
#have you never had anything on the floor or our of place on your desk or shelf thrown out because it pissed her off?
#have you never been ostracized every day at school from KINDERGARDEN TO GRADE 5? have you never had someone you thoight
#was a close friend laugh in your face for talking to them on front on their other firneds?
#like dude. it matters a lot what other people think about me. that it comes off like i dont is not a fucking compliment for me 😭
#UNFORCH. AND I STILL CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY. :) COULD HABE BEEN WORSE!!!! XOXO
#i dont care what people think about something indo until someoen goes wow i love how you do x like no ones looking
#and then i will never do x again ever even in the privacy of my own bedroom 2 years removed from my mother being alive.
#like. idk man.
#i had people that did not like children OR ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL telling my mother to be nicer to me.
#its. idk man idk how to explain that its engrained in my fucking dna and idk hownto escapenit.
#sad. oh well
#vent
#neg
#like. dude i have had people drop me for being too interested in their lived and for not being interested enough.
#i have in fact been locked out of the house at night b4 without a key and only been let back in bcus the neighbours called the cops. lol.
#lmao. lmfao. even. like idk! idk!!
#if i was quiet if i was good if i sat and listened to her and asked the right questions and provided myself as the pwrson she wanted
#me to be thst day than i didnt get ostrasized! i wish i had had. any adult. growing up. thst i felt unconditional love and safety from
#id say thst person was my grandmother. and it was. she just wasnt there for me in practice? idk man. maybe
#she just didnt want me in the house w my grandfather. maybe she just didnt want the family stress that would come
#from taking me from my mother. but regardless. she died before i turned 16. so. doesnt matterm
#death m
#abuse m
#oh man we are spiralling oopsm
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