#i dont care you 'skill level' or whatever nonsense

[sucktacular]

friendly reminder that if you wanna draw you should draw because I wanna see it and reblog it and eat it so it'll be with me forever

you MADE something!!! that straight up DIDNT exist before??? that's so incredibly metal and amazing and sick as fuck im so proud of you

[mwolf0epsilon]

Maybe. A story where Sammy and Norman get out of the studio right before hell brakes? They need a good ending ;-:

Summary: Sammy's sudden decline in health saves both him and Norman from something much more sinister than they could ever imagine.

---

     In another world, Norman Polk makes the mistake of ignoring the glaring signs that something is terribly wrong with Joey Drew Studios. In this one... He gets luckier. The butterfly effect could be attributed to this somewhat fortunate turn of events, as the split second decision to look for something he misplaced is what leads him to witness Sammy throwing up just outside of the men's bathroom nearest to the music department. Had he let it be for another night, he'd be none the wiser to the severity of Sammy's condition. Norman wasn't sure then how the cranky music director ingested the ink. Assumed, even, that it had been another near death experience that involved burst pipes and flooding. So he'd acted purely on instinct and taken the poor kid to the hospital.   "He's lucky to be alive. The amount of ink in his system would have been enough to kill at least three men." The doctor told him, equal parts fascinated and horrified with the case he'd been presented with. "I'm not sure how none of his organs have shut down from the toxicity levels, but I've got to say Mr. Lawrence is a resilient man."   "A pain in ta neck too... Had he called for help he likely wouldn't be in this state..." Norman had assumed it was Sammy's pride that kept him from calling out from what he was sure was just another ink flood in his department. How wrong he was. "I is gonna have ta call my brother ta see if his poor sister is at his. Can't imagine she ain't worried sick 'bout what's takin' him so long ta get home."   "You may use the reception phone to call his family, yes. I'll have a nurse get you if he wakes up." Sammy didn't wake up. Not that night at least... That would only happen the next night, and by then Norman would be busy with something else that would definitely boggle his mind.

-

  "Yous is sure Drew ain't said a hush o' a whisper 'bout what's goin' on?" Norman frowned as he talked on the phone with Wally. He'd gotten up that morning barely having slept after returning home from the hospital, only to discover the studio was closed down and under police investigation.   "Nothin'! Whatever happened he's keeping it real quiet... But get this: Several people in the studio up and vanished!" Wally exclaimed. "Into thin air, like it was a magic show!"   "Vanished...?" Norman frowned, sounding incredulous at the vague statement. "What does that mean exactly Wally?"   "What ya think it means pal. Gone. No clue how or why, just the when." The janitor sighed. "Bunch a good folks too... Miss Campbell, Shawn, Grant, that Piedmont fellow and Mrs. Benton..." Wally paused for a second, as if to figure out who else had apparently gone from under everyone's nose.   "Oh! Couple a' band members gone... Jack and Mel too, which Joey sounded real sad 'bout cuzz ya know... Mel gives the Butcher Gang that real voice magic o' his..." Wally dragged on before coming to stop at the two people Norman most dreaded hearing about. "Buddy and Dot, and like half 'a the art department..."   "That's 36 people gone. How in the hell did a group o' folks just up an' go without none seein'?!"   "I don't know Norman!" Wally sounded honestly freaked out. "I'm pissing my briefs just thinking something awful's gone and happened to them! But Joey insists everything is gonna be ok and... I donno, that just don't sit well with me..."   "Sure don't... Sounds mighty awful suspicious that he'd be so calm considerin' a ton of his employees went and pulled a Houdini act..." Norman hissed into the phone as he looked out the window. Something about this situation was getting him real paranoid all of a sudden.   "Eh... Wait, didn't that there Houdini fellow die during his own act...?"   "As a matter o' fact, yes. He did." Norman swore he saw someone retreating down his street. Something fishy was going on. And Joey Drew obviously knew more than he let on.   "Gosh... I think it's finally time t'a really get outta the studio."   "I'd say so kid." He pulled the curtains closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to think. "I'll call ya later Wally. I'm gonna go and check on Sammy at the hospital. You gimme the low down if ya find out anymore o' this scam."   "Got it Norms. Good luck with Sammy, he's probably gonna be real grumpy 'bout nearly dying again!"

-

     Grumpy did not described the state of mania Sammy seemed to wake up in. Later that night the blond music director had suddenly jolted up and awake and the absolute nonsense he was spouting was worrying to say the least. If Norman wasn't already so bamboozled by what was going on with the studio, he might look mortified at the scene the other was making. In fact, Norman was too busy shielding Sammy's sister from the absolutely insane tirade he was going on to really care...   "YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! HE NEEDS ME! I NEED TO GO BACK! LET ME GO BACK!" Sammy Lawrence was a tall man, but he wasn't particularly strong. A beanpole that was sharp bony angles and unconventionally handsome looks. The man currently fighting off three doctors trying to jab him with syringes full of sedatives was not even flinching when he was shoved. Norman had never seen such insanity in one person's eyes, and frankly he could barely recognize his coworker as he was. The way his curly long hair framed his face almost made his eyes look darker than they should be. Like inky pools. He could only guess what Abigail must be feeling, even as he tried his best to keep her from witnessing what was likely her brother having some sort of long overdue psychotic break.   "WOULD SOMEONE SEDATE HIM ALREADY BEFORE HE GOES AN' HURTS SOMEONE?!" The projectionist hollered over the screams, just surprising Sammy enough that one needle could find its mark. A minute or so later, the blond flopped back down into the bed he'd been laying on. Quiet as a sleeping mouse. Norman held the poor weeping Abigail Lawrence even as they were pushed out of the room.

-

     15 years later, Norman Polk found himself reviewing the last couple of years of his life. He'd abandoned a previous career path to help fix whatever horrors Drew's brand of ink had done to Sammy. The blond had been treated for all sorts of things, none of the treatments seeming to work whatsoever in his time playing the role of a sickly lab rat. Only time seemed to have some kind of positive effect, and even still the damage was noticeable. Abby had gone to live with Norman's brother and his niece and nephew, with the ex-projectionist himself popping in every so often to help where he could. His brother was short on money so he did odd-jobs here and there to help. Norman's own kids were well off as it were so he didn't need to worry too much about how much he spent looking after the others. In the time that the investigation had come and gone, Joey Drew Studios had closed for good. None of the missing folk ever returning. In fact, Norman knew for sure more people were going missing...      As of today things were... Quiet. Too quiet really, considering how turbulent it had been. Sammy was out under his younger sister's custody, labelled some sort of invalid because his head wasn't working too good (a lie, as Norman caught him in his more lucid moments and knew how frustrated and trapped the once-music director felt about his situation that he couldn't even explain). He wasn't nearly as outspoken and ornery as he used to be. All sense of pride vanishing and being replaced with this deep dark shame over something out of his control. Less wordy and more tired looks and vague gestures. His eloquence and motor skills had also suffered greatly from having consumed a toxic liquid that inexplicably caused enough damage to ruin his independence, but not enough to damage many major organs or bodily functions. Norman visited and played chess of all things, to keep him company. The blond seemed to appreciate it, but his interest was on what Norman did nowadays. He was a private investigator. His main case? Joey Drew Studios. And tomorrow he was getting answers from none other than Joey Drew himself, as the man had reached out to him in quite the compelling letter... It was about the right time to go back to the old studio and find out what had happened the night he and Sammy left.

[fairycosmos]

When i look in the mirror i don't see a pretty girl, i just see a young girl, and that's what people like and love, that i'm young. I can't help but think that when i, inevitably, get old, people aren't going to like me anymore, and what's more worrisome, i wont love me anymore bc i just come to believe that if im not beautiful(and that means young) im not worthy of people liking me or even loving me. And it's horrible, and i know its false, but i know that its true to some extent too.

:(( i think a lot of people can relate to that, especially other women. our worth is so often defined (in the eyes of others) by our youth and how conventionally beautiful we are perceived as. it’s a very empty way to view a person - to reduce them to such a natural and inconsequential part of their existence. overcoming the confidence issues and the complexes this sort of treatment gives us is often a life long task. it’s alright if it takes a lot of time and effort for you to grow into a level of self certainty that doesn’t depend on the opinions of those around you because you’ve been taught for so long that everything does. i think it’s important to begin with examining why you only feel you can love yourself if others like you - especially if they’re judging you in such a narrow way. you can see logically that their standards are baseless and nonsensical. and if they only value you for your looks, they’re not deserving of everything that you are anyway. there are so many people in this world who will like you for your heart, it’s not asking for too much or impossible to find. even if it seems like it is right now. i know it’s a LOT easier said than done, but i really believe that breaking out of this mind set and healing can happen even AS you’re processing hurt/anger/confusion + whatever else you need to feel. it’s alright to be upset. i dont blame you for the simple fact that it hurts. but just because you’re frustrated that ppl are so (for lack of a better phrase) brain washed by sexist ideals, doesn’t mean you can’t start questioning them and drawing strength from within rather from outside sources. there are a lot of women who talk about getting older as if it’s a very freeing thing. whether or not society is ‘happy’ about it, we grow and we defy everything that they expect us to be and at that point living is a radical act. but we go on anyway, we’re loved anyway, we enjoy the world anyway. because at that point we have learned enough about ourselves and about other people to know that there’s no wrong way to exist. because at that point, it just doesn’t fucking matter. you’re not going to feel the same way about your future as you do right now, once you’re actually living it, you know? the romanticisiation of youth is one of the worlds biggest lies. they just want us to keep chasing something we can never have. plus it’s a symptom of p*dophile culture, but thats a whole other conversation. in reality, we spend more time being middle aged than we ever spend being young - and even then we’re still learning new things, we’re still beautiful beings (beautiful by many definitions) - the world doesn’t end at 30. ultimately, growing up means finding more confidence in our words, actions and experiences rather than in superficial factors that are beyond our control. we’re able to do that because we can refer back to times when our character mattered more than our appearance. maybe right now, you’re just too young to see that like i am. perspective and hindsight will give you so much. and again, the world imposes this self hatred on us from birth, so of course it’s going to impact you. it may be a presence for a long time in the back of your head. but you don’t have to buy into it and you don’t have to view yourself through such a critical lens. if you catch yourself doing so, question where it’s coming from and whether or not it has any actual truth to it. can you trust the narrative enough to live your life by it? try to think about the people in your life, and what you treasure about them. i’m sure it goes way beyond how nice they are to look at or how old they are. anyone with common sense will treat you the same way. ‘worth’ really isn’t something that has to be earned, or something that you can lose with time. you were born with it, and you’ll die with it. but you don’t have to beg anyone else to understand that. if they don’t, it’s because their perception is fundamentally flawed and extremely shallow, so they’re the ones losing at the end of the day. it’s THEIR issue. and it’s not fair that you have to deal with it, not at all. but i really do believe in our own self growth showing us the solutions to our current worries. ppl are fucking mean and disgusting a lot of the time, but if they prove that they’re only around you cause you’re young or pretty, then that’s where you get to draw the line and distance yourself from that toxicity. which is a skill that takes some practice, setting your own boundaries, but very possible nonetheless. anyway so sorry this got long, i really hope you’re able to see that you’re so much more than your practicalities, and that as the years go by, you’ll realize it more and more. ALSO i got your other message and i’m 🥺🥺 literally blushing so much, you’re absolutely the sweetest. i’m honoured to be a comforting presence. i know how hard things are right now, but you’re really not alone. thank you so much for taking my words on board and for caring about my thoughts. take care of yourself and let me know if you ever need a friend ! ily 💖

[minjugato]

Notorious “Cheater” Part I (MinaXGender Neutral)

Twice Mina x Gender Neutral. Angst.

Anonymous: Hi! I love your blog 😀 You're pretty organized and I like how your scenarios are pretty long and explanatory. Could you please do a scenario where the reader has been courting Mina (twice) because the twice members dont exactly like the reader. You could make it into a fluff, smutt or angst. Whatever works. But please write it in a first person writing. Instead of writing 'You' please write 'I'. I dunno if i make sense but thank you 😘

Note: Hi everyone this is the first part of the scenario and the second part is scheduled to be released early next week. I left a cliff hanger towards the end to get you all to anticipate the second part; i promised it’ll be longer than this one.

Warning: Angst

Word Count: 1,337

“Hey” I said over the phone.

“The unnies are starting to like you which means we’re one step closer to being official” Mina said softly over the phone. My relationship with the ‘Twice’ members started on a bad note. They heard a rumour going around that I’m the town’s notorious cheater. That’s actually not true. My ex made it up. She’s some rich kid who always got what she wanted. Until one day I got fed up with her bossing me around and finally got out of that toxic relationship.

“That’s great! I’ll be there in 5 minutes. Do you mind waiting by the lobby to open the door for me?” I replied and it wasn’t long ’til I found parking close to the building. Mina greeted me with a hug when she opened the lobby door for me. We took our sweet time walking to their dorm wanting to cherish the short time until it gets chaotic.

“To be honest with you, I..” Mina cut me off before I got to finish my confession.

“I know. You don’t have to say it” Mina pecked my lips to assure me that everything will be fine. That’s just one out of the hundred reasons why I love her. She knows me so well; aware of my feelings and my thoughts.

Mina opened the door and went in. I froze and stood in one spot. A variety of noise can be heard. There were lots of yelling and laughter and a loud tv noise in the background. Mina looked back at me and that’s when I gained the courage to step in.

“They’re here!” a high pitched voice said as footsteps made its way towards us. Dahyun did her little eagle dance before she waved at me. Chaeyoung, Tzuyu and Nayeon had a warm smile as they greeted me. It made me feel comfortable and welcomed for a bit until I saw Sana, Momo, Jihyo and Jeongyeon stare at me coldly. I understand the reason they’re indifferent with me and I’m thankful because it means they care about Mina. The bond that Momo and Sana have with her it cannot be replaced and that’s a fact.

“I ordered food for all of us and delivery should be coming by soon” I announced to everyone as we settled ourselves in the living room. Almost everyone had picked a spot to sit and there were a couple of spots open. I made my way towards the available spot beside Mina but I was stopped by Jeongyeon who plopped herself down on the couch. She looked at me with a frown on her face. Her actions left me with a cold feet. Mina looked apologetic but she couldn’t do much in this situation.

I decided to let it go and headed towards the only available spot open about three spots away from Mina. I thought I’d be able to sit down and, lo and behold, Momo decided to put her feet up on the spot and told me to screw off. At this point with how hostile the members are, I decided to sit myself down on the floor closer to the exit just in case an emergency required me to save myself.

“So what movie are we watching tonight?” I asked everyone with a cheerful tone but my question was drowned by the constant chatter and laughter coming from nine girls. I put my head down in humiliation with thoughts of wanting to run away from here but the only thing that’s stopping me is my love for Mina.

The doorbell rang and the level of noise increased because the thought of food made them excited. Twice gathered back in the living room and started eating in peace. The room was so quiet and all I could hear was the cutlery hitting the plates. I, on the other hand, was unable to eat. Mina noticed it and took the chance to sit beside me when the girls shuffled to grab more food.

“What’s wrong? How come you’re not eating?”

“Nothing” I brushed off her question because I didn’t want her to get worried. I was there to impress the girls. Prove to them that I’m worthy enough to be with Myoui Mina. It wasn’t long ’til all the food had all been devoured. Jihyo was in charge of washing the dishes that night and I offered to help. I scrubbed the dirty dishes and she rinsed.

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“What is it?” Jihyo was startled at my question.

“Do you guys really think I’m a bad person? You know bad meaning bad not bad meaning good you know. I’ve been trying really hard for the past couple of months but its been so difficult. You put a barrier up. Anything that I do is getting ignored. Every single effort is being thrown in the thrash. I love Mina and she feels the same. I can’t take her out on a normal date. I can’t completely show her how much I love her without the fear of upsetting one of you. I’ve been fighting. We’ve been fighting. Together.” I said spitting out nonsense here and there because of all the built up frustration. Jihyo took a second and let out a huge sigh before she replied.

“We’re just looking out for Mina. We’re the same age but she’s like my younger sister. The love and affection we all have for one another is greater than ever. We’ve all gone through a lot of ups and down since our trainee days. We’ve been there for each other through the good and the bad” Jihyo paused again. She stopped rinsing the plate that was in her hand. The water continued to run. She turned towards me and looked me in the eye.

“The answer to your question is No. I don’t think you’re a bad person. In fact now that I think about it I do notice all the effort you’re putting in to impress all of us. You’re striving to prove us wrong. I realized that we’re hurting Mina in the process. Mina has always been quiet but lately she’s been gloomy. When Mina came in the house holding your hand, she had a smile that extended up to her ears. I’m sorry. I’ll talk the girls” Jihyo let out a heart warming smile that made me feel guilty for raising my voice at her. I was relieved that someone finally understood me. Even more relieved that its Jihyo. She’s the leader because the girls look up to her because of her amazing skills and influence.

Jihyo and I finished up in the kitchen. She dragged me back in the living room by the hand and we stood right infront of everyone blocking the television.

“I knew it! You snake!” Sana exclaimed as she stood up from her chair and pointed her finger at our hands clasped together.

“It’s not what it looks like” Jihyo said as she let go of my hand.

“The rumours are true after all. Jihyo how could you fall for the enemy?” Jeongyeon followed Sana’s lead.

“Can you all just please stay calm and listen to what I have to say?”

“How long has it been?” Momo asked.

“I bet you its been awhile” Jeongyeon replied

I was so surprised at this turn of event and was even more petrified when I saw the look on Mina’s face. She was holding her tears back. She was hurt. My instinct told me to go up to her and comfort her but Jeongyeon pushed me back which caused me to fall on my butt. Anger was slowly rising up as I saw Mina look at me and walk away. She left without hearing an explanation. I was so fed up with the way I was being mistreated.

Rage completely took over. I stood up from the floor and did the unthinkable.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled and pushed Jeongyeon back.

[argaliaofficial]

i started typing this earlier but then had to go to work so now im just gonna finish it so i get it off my chest

back when i was with my first ex, meg, we went to this private christian school i prolly made a post about this on here before but its topical right now i didnt sleep at all and im tired enough to spill my fucking guts out some more 

so anyway we went to this private christian school and thats when it happened. ive honestly repressed a lot of my time there i was not doing great but what i do remember just makes me feel sick. like, meg aside, the school just sucked. 

for context the way it was set up was that we had “placement tests” to see where we were in subjects like math and english, and however we did made us get placed in PACEs according to our skill level. in theory this is fine i suppose, but the thing was that there were no alternatives to the PACEs. 

PACEs were part of the learning curriculum of our school which was ACE- Accelerated Christian Learning. they were basically little study pamphlets that went over instructions on how to learn certain subjects and whatnot, while also having a christian perspective on things. scripture verses were abundent in them, and they had like a continuous series of comics going in there about their character Ace Virtuson and friends. 

Along with the PACEs, the classrooms were set up like an “office” of sorts with cubicles that you sat in. For me honestly that was one of the many hells because it was so cramping and clinical and I just do not learn well in that sort of environment. so you’d sit quietly for like 8 hours a day with occassional breaks with nothing but your PACE pamphlets to work on. you couldnt speak to any body, and if you needed help, there was a flag system in place where you’d put a flag up and have to sit around and wait for a teacher to come assist you, and usually their assistance only lasted briefly because theres countless OTHER students to get to, and nepotism is a thing and if they dont like you or think of you as a problem kid, you’re less likely to get the aid you need.

i was one of those problem kids. 

early on, i could manage that set up when my work was easier, but when i hit “high school age” and got into more advance work i began to suffer horribly. it didnt help that at this time, i got with meg, but less about her right now and more about how this school system fucking failed me and others tbh 

i do not learn by reading information. at least, i dont retain it. i need to discuss with people, with my peers and professors. i need one on one sometimes, especially with math- my biggest struggle. but how the school was set up made that sort of learning almost impossible. your peers were all at different levels, so group discussion was rare. their were attempts, but they never lasted long, and the extent of the help basically surmounted to the teachers just reading what the PACEs already said and vaguely explaining more, and that blew. 

so, me, being a hands on group learner who has to talk and listen to even retain information and needs to be allowed to move around often instead of being cramped up, started to fall behind in my studies. badly. and of course, instead of the teachers trying to asses WHY it was you were falling behind, you got written up and had to have your parents sign a slip. you could get written up for a few things and these were always detentions of sorts. usually they were lunch but if you were bad enough you’d get an after school one. i accumulated these almost once a day and after a while i got tired of having my parents sign them EVERY SINGLE day and just forged their signatures. i got away with that like 75% of the time lol 

like they were just for the same shit ‘oh ur kid didnt do their homework blah blah ur kids out of dress code blah blah” and so i was just “whatever” because like... nothing seemed to change i was just being perpetually punished for being unable to keep up in my studies. my parents tried to get a math tutor for me but halfway thru i think freshman year she moved and that was that

i got so fucking sick of just being behind while my other peers seemed to be moving forward that i started bullshitting my work just to get thru. ofc that didnt do anything because i wasnt learning the work, and because i lied about my answers and cheated i got punished again. and i was just like “whatever” 

i cried all the time. parent teacher conferences were hell. i always cried. it felt like i couldnt convey to them why i was such a fuckup. like i wasnt making sense, or i was being overemotional. instead of trying to make changes they just talked about how i had to work harder. least i think. i’ll be honest i always just disassociated during those meetings before going into meltdown mode.

on top of that, i was in a “gay” relationship with a classmate, and lots of bad stuff happened. ive always had an overactive imagination. great for being a wannabe artist. not so great when youre already an easily manipulated undiagnosed autistic child. me, her, and my current gf actually had our own little world! thinking back on this now, for me at least it was escapism to try and just cope with how miserable i was at school 

i dont know how soon in the “relationship” it was before things got sexual. my concept of time during those years at foursquare is so scattered. according to posts ive seen on dA me and her were together or at least “friends” for 2 years? so actually i think my saying “freshman year in high school” is inaccurate and things got bad the tail end of middle school and continued until i was a sophomore before switching schools.

ANYWAY, so yeah, along with all this school nonsense, i was in a gay relationship, one that was abusive in many aspects. ofc at the time i didnt know that i was being abused! i just thought yknow her forcing herself into me sexually was kinda par the course and i was already kinda a sexually curious kid growing up so like.. i was looking for that i guess? it hurting cuz she went in dry is just to be expected, yadda yadda. pretty sure i cried? and i know for a fact that i still sleep in the room where she raped me like that and its sometimes just “yea i was literally right in that spot when i was raped lol”

and she would constantly want me to touch her sexually too, and when i said “no” and pulled my hand away that she had been trying to force down her pants because i wasnt personally ready to do that she’d always complain and make me feel bad cuz i wasnt comfortable touching her. “i always get you off but you never get me off!” 

and at the time i didnt just tell her to fuck off cuz i didnt know any better. i didnt know that it was ok for me to not be ready to do that. i thought i was a bad person for not being ready to pleasure my partner, even tho its not my fault if shes ok w/ pleasuring me, and im ok with being pleasured (even tho tbh it was hit or miss sometimes she just did it lol), but im not ready to touch her, i guess? and like i tried to communicate with her and im pretty sure i told her that if she didnt wanna jerk me off cuz i couldnt do it to her yet that was fine but whatever

on the fourth of july she started groping me out in public while we watched the fireworks and i remember trying to get her to stop cuz i wasnt comfy with doing this in public cuz a) this was years ago and homophobia was a lot more common especially in this boonies town and b) i dont like seeing other couples being handsy in public so i dont want to be handsy in public either

and i remember while shes groping my chest and im trying to get her to stop theres this group of older kids in front of us and they see. and they start snickering. they started snickering at the sight. and i was so mortified and wanted to die.

looking back those kids should get hit by a fucking bus for laughing at someone getting molested and being obviously uncomfortable with it but i guess its funny cuz “lesbians! haha look at that pervy lesbo touching that other lesbian!”

and thats the story of why every fourth of july i want to kill myself

things kept progressing, ofc. i remember one night, while we were camping, i finally caved and fingered her. i forced myself to think “yeah ok i can do this” and i just thought the crippling anxiety i felt was cuz i was nervous to be intimate with my girlfriend for the first time like this, but really i was probably scared she was gonna hurt me since by that point she had. she had made herself perfectly clear in her mannerisms and tone of voice that she was stronger and bigger than me and could hurt me. 

and a few occasions she did. one time she started choking me so badly that i honestly thought “oh my god, shes going to kill me here at school”. i still sometimes feel her nails digging into my throat, and i dont think ive ever been as terrified in my life as i was in that moment. i dont think she would have stopped had a teacher not intervened. 

there was only one time i ever hit her, and that was before school started, and i had finally lost my shit over how much she kept fucking with me. all i remember was i came to school angry at her. over what i dont remember. she was always toying with my emotions, and i think that it had built up over the time that i finally snapped walked into class before school started, walked over to where she and alyss were talking, and a slapped her across the face before i walked over to my desk

i dont think i got in trouble for that cuz no one snitched? idk i mightve, but i didnt care. i was angry at her, angry at the school, and suicidal. 

i remember one time during a break i was crying. a teacher from another class came up to me and asked what was wrong. i told her i wanted to die. she just looked at me all uncomfortable. i think she mightve said something before walking off?

nothing came of that. 

i was more worried that i would get in trouble for being in a gay relationship than as apposed to thinking that these teachers- people who are supposed to protect their students- would help me. i gave up on them even recognizing the signs of me being abused. i feel like they wouldnt have even taken it as seriously as we were both “girls”, and this was back before talk of how women can be abusive was more common place. abuse was still strictly seen as male on female violence. and to some people, gay violence was comedic. 

eventually, one night, it all came to light. at least, that she and i were sexually involved. that week was a blur. she was taken out of school. it was brushed under the rug. everyone trying to save face i guess and keep other kids from finding out, but somehow i always felt like they knew. they knew that she was taken out of school because of me. because we were gay

i tried to move on, but my studies never got better. i just grew more jaded. i never did any work. i mouthed off to the teachers, continued getting detentions and just plainly stopped caring. no one could get me to do anything. i would play hooky. 

and that was just.... my life. perpetual anger at a system that failed me spectacularly. to this day i still hate that place. i cant be there. i was groped and molested and it was treated like nothing

so yeah

thanks for listening to my ted talks

[greer49woodward-blog]

Physical Train For Mind Well being

Bodily Train For Mind Health

It consists of charts and graphs despite solely being a smartphone interface device. Fact is, being pregnant should not be an excuse why it is best to stop taking care of your self. Dont end up being unwilling recipient to a awful teacher and dont let a adverse experience unhealthy ones views yourself exercise. Keep your tummy and pelvic flooring muscles contracted, and do not let your again arch. You'll know your weights are heavy enough when your muscles fatigue after 10 to 12 reps. Many people ask this query however few know the solutions. Maintain consistency with the options and your workouts and before you know it you’ll be staring at your self in the mirror with a giant smile on your face. Utilizing blended workout routines is the basic principal of some modes of train resembling Hatha yoga and cross-training. Train impacts the brain on multiple fronts.

The Picket Leg: Tone your legs with this train. Which are the legs and of course the gluteus maximus…the largest of all. Well, you are not mistaken there, but why will you want to put your self through all that when there are simpler and cheaper alternatives? If you’re weak in this space, this exercise will help. Still one other nice side that appeals to us is the machine’s self-aligning, contoured leg extension cuffs-these mechanically modify all by way of your exercise routine . Many additionally requested how they need to train to see optimum weight loss. While you read this text, you will uncover 3 explanation why you should not use cardio as a part of your fat loss plan, and what other things you should be doing in your workout applications as a substitute of it. With a purpose to burn more fats, the intensity stage have to be kept at a stage that is sustainable for lengthy sufficient to move into the "fat burning zone" or Oxidative System. To keep it simple: The extra muscle you might have by way of your total physique mass, the extra calories you burn per workout. The body will profit a lot from consuming or relying on diet meal plans. For those who plan to embark on some weight loss program, keep in mind that the course could possibly be powerful and stressing to a degree where you'll wish to hand over the race.

I don't have access to a gym. What are some good fitness exercises I can do with minimal equipment? https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/3tpr1g/i_dont_have_access_to_a_gym_what_are_some_good/ …

— FitFourGloves (@FitFourGloves) November 21, 2015

No one is immune to gaining undesirable fats, however with persistence and a plan, you can embark on a plan to alter your physique that simply might end up altering your life. Realizing how to pick up ladies is a kind of skills that the majority of us should learn. One journey throughout the room, both there and back, counts as one spherical. When it comes to becoming more bodily fit and wholesome, there are quite a few elements to contemplate. I am on the right track and feel like a new man once more also having to buy new clothes that fit. Just like the plank, it can be suited to any level. Add uppercuts that stop at water level and hooks that work your shoulder. Are there explicit areas of your body you need to work on, or do you simply wish to feel fitter? Coronary heart activity increases blood circulation within the physique and sends oxygenated blood to different elements of the body. goo.gl/GLZkbK This fats secretes inflammatory compounds that significantly improve your threat of disease, together with heart disease and kind 2 diabetes. Strolling. To begin strolling is the simplest method to effectively improve your coronary heart well being. And even when you don't have a history of disordered consuming, it is actually essential to have practical expectations and ensure you are pursuing weight loss in a healthy means.

When it comes to burning calories, it is higher to do the dishes the old style manner. When you end with hits and push-ups, start doing spot operating. For instance, embody bench presses, push-ups, squats with entrance raises, step-ups with overhead presses, and lunges with lateral raises. Depending on the severity of the hernia surgery could also be provided, although using again braces may also help when ready for the operation and let you continue usually understanding you've the extra help required. God and evolution additionally designed us to HEALTHILY use up this fat retailer once we wouldn't have sufficient meals. You may proceed to burn fats up to a full day after you end each session. What number of Calories Will I Burn Walking Briskly for 30 minutes a Day 7 Days a week? The coach will make sure that you stay motivated and won’t permit you to slacken your pace.

Be sure you work iron out any confusion along with your coach at the start to avoid slipping off the wagon later on in the programme. If you're employed out at a health club, go to during off-peak hours so you would not have to attend for your favorite piece of equipment. Do you've a date this weekend? Biologically talking it's because people have solely recently began to stroll upright and the skeleton isn't totally geared up to deal with all of the added pressures that this provides to the again. The best workout duration for a median man wanting to have a nicely toned body has additionally been tackled in No Nonsense Muscle Constructing by Vince Delmonte. When doing medium depth cardio your body produces an excessive amount of cortisol so you end up consuming away at your hard-earned muscle. Hey, I’ll do whatever it takes to stay in decent shape and take care of the body that wants to hold me by way of a number of extra a long time.

Health amenities might be breeding grounds for thievery, but your gym doesn’t wish to take accountability. I just wish I had grown up with fitness, each day fitness as a regular. P90x is the identify give to a collection of exercise videos that cater to people who need to attain fast and significant health outcomes. Happily, you can fight these extra calories with train. Do I need childcare in order that I can go to the gym? Do not sign up for a gym membership sight unseen. How do i enroll? Individuals with out good well being can't take pleasure in life. May I do extra pull ups this week? Then you can scale back your relaxation time every week. You should intention to go harder for shorter periods of time. They'll record down their running distance and time by exploiting this app. On-line, you can find all sorts of back ache merchandise and data, including yoga.

[jskim2112]

i havent been doing my counseling homework. i pick and choose the homeworks i want to do... sessions are biweekly. the first two weeks, i was very diligent. the second two weeks, i did the new assignments but did not keep up with the old ones. the third two weeks (now), i did it for the first half, but temporarily had to stop and never restarted. 

when life hits the fan and fecal contents are smattered along the wall, i am highly motivated to address the bad habits and whatevers in my life. when dust settles and “status quo” returns, the motivation dwindles. that’s pretty common in oppressive situations-- don’t torture your people so much that they revolt and coup; ease up just enough so they don’t realize they have the option of freedom. blegh. i’m an ignorant peon.

why do we choose to live in slavery to our flesh? why am i so weak?

let’s go back to some basic things you are learning in counseling.

#1 sleep, eat (WELL), rest (no) exercise (no) nature. these are your basic needs. you are not yourself when you don’t have these things. you do not make the best decisions when you do not have these things. you are not efficient (despite what you may think) when you do not get these things. no one else is going to make sure you get these things. this is YOUR responsibility to paradigm shift in your head that you MUST prioritize these things. despite the initial time investment, these things are efficient. duh. i know you know that in your head, but your actions say otherwise...

#2 do not try to immediately stop feelings or emotions. i started “headspace” a mindfulness meditation app and it gave the analogy of someone watching a busy highway. the cars represent our feelings/emotions. it seems silly that our first instincts are to run out and stop the cars. it just causes accidents. instead, you just watch the cars. they come. they go. do not react to your emotions/feelings by immediately starting to stuff your face with food. when you put it in writing like that, it sounds absurd hahaha... you are surprised sometimes by thoughts/feelings and your hand literally twitches in repetitive movements, bringing food into your mouth, until hours pass, mass quantities are consumed, and you have nothing to show for it but a costly costly habit. you dont need another EGD to tell you that you really need to moderate your eating habits. and that goes for every other compulsive and excessive habit of yours. fix it. if you want more motivation at a time when it feels like more work to fix it, remind yourself that you are wasting precious brain space. so much energy is spent on focusing on eating and planning and then being full and uncomfortable and then the cycle perpetuates. so much energy is spent on thinking through all of this nonsense. beat it. god is a jealous god.

#3 be kind to yourself. are people born being hard on themselves? i remember hearing this a lot growing up, that i was too hard on myself... but i always thought they just weren’t ambitious or hard working or had low standards -_-... whoops. hahah. someone pointed out to me-- if you could go back in time and see 5th-grade-jenny or high-school-jenny or even now-SRNA-jenny, how would you respond to her pain? how would you respond to her mistakes and failures? how would you respond if she were a friend or sister? i bet you a lot of money that you would be much kinder to others than you are in your internal monologues... you’re right. a lot of that stuff that happened... wasn’t fair. and that hurts. but that sense of justice is not pure evil. god is a just god. just, don’t try to right the wrongs in your own ways... there is more injustice to come. god is a just god.

#4 you have friends. good friends. many friends. maybe too many friends. you love people. but you cannot love everyone to the degree and depth that you want to. you just cant. you’re giving your all to all who you can give to... but you are choosing breadth over depth until those who don’t want your breadth and won’t put up with your breadth either don’t give back or just keep you surface level-- and then you feel their breadth and then look for others or new friends hoping to get more depth-- until you see those breadth-ers again and you remember how much you love them and then try to give them depth too-- but now you’ve expanded those you want to have depth with but you haven’t expanded finite time or energy because duh you are human-- and now you’re at an even more shallow breadth until someone else drops you again-- and then that feeling of being dropped or failing to love someone you wanted to love-- that’s painful. you cause yourself pain. stop it. and if that doesnt stop you, remember that you are hurting others too. ouch. 

#5 i’m so thankful that i love what i do. at the end of a 70+ hour week, when all i have to look forward to is time outside of the hospital to go to class or read my textbooks or work on my doctoral project or write another presentation... the saving grace is ironically within those 70 hours... the moments when i actually get to pause and remember-- i love anesthesia. the gratification of hand-eye motor coordination and when theory meets application in a clinical setting-- that, for now, ... is enough. thank you, jesus, for the validation.

also, back to #4, do not insult the friends you do have and who do care for you by not thinking that they care for you, just because they dont show you care in the way you may think or see or may think comes easy to you-- doesnt mean that it comes easy to them or is a light gesture from them. be more appreciative, gosh darn it. you have some really really really incredible friends.

on that note, #6 you also have some really incredible opportunities. probably a large part of that is because you don’t know how to say “no” and so you’ve said “yes” to too many things (we’ll come back to that... let’s make that #7). but also a big part of that is god has blessed you with many skills, talents, and passions. and people have noticed. those opportunities are not available to everyone or anyone. stop. pause. it’s okay to be proud of what god has given you. boast all the more proudly of your weaknesses too. despite your short-comings and self-sabotage, look at what god has been able to bring into your life~ incredible. really really incredible. GA, Penn, LA, CRNA school, DNP project with NIH and CDC, two state conference presentations, PANA board member, girl... and that’s just the career stuff. the real opportunities lie in the people that you’ve met along the way, the experiences and doors that has opened, and the wisdom you’ve been lucky to absorb from those around you. channel that. steward that. i know you will, almost to a fault, it’s in your DNA. so instead, i just want to remind you to pause. and recognize. and be thankful.

 alright, i’m tired, and have homework... but i’m glad i made a note to self to remember #7: sometimes, less is more. i think you have a tendency to swing on extremes. you are either too calculated and cautious. or more often than not, you are way too impulsive. between missing out on an opportunity or burning yourself out trying to do it all, you would probably 10 out of 10 times choose the latter. i’m still trying to figure out where that balance should be... but for right now, at this time in your life, err on the side of self preservation. homie, just do less and do them right. i know you THINK you can do everything to the 100% that you demand of yourself... and honestly, you might be able to somehow, but at a huge huge cost-- to your health, your friends/fam, your spiritual life, ... so actually no, no you cannot. less. is. more.

things i did not know about myself: i have a strong sense of justice. i care a lot about people. i have felt deep wrong or lack of parenting from my youth. i forget my human limitations... is that pride? okay, i should stop. good night!

[somedaypast-thesunset]

 im really tired of this drama for the sake of drama scenarios that keep coming up. like theyre completely avoidable but people choose really selfish and self centered ways of doing things and then dont even take into account the amount of people it affects. our friend was late for fishing so he left without him but didnt bother to say anything about it and just left while our friend was in transit. i mean, theyre both pretty rude. hes rude for being late, hes rude for leaving without notice. but no one cares that at 5am, our friend showed up at my house and then slept in my bed for the next 5 hours before deciding to head over to his friends house for a bbq. no one cares how that inconvinienced my day. no one cares that i didnt want to do that, or have our friend over at 5am but i'm not that selfish. i'm not soo self centered that i would turn away our friend at 5am when he's upset. it's not the right thing to do, so of course i invited him in. but he had no desire to listen to any of my problems. i couldnt talk to him about any of my plans or desires. the next day i asked  our friend to come over so i could grab and he did but he had hit his car in a parking lot and wanted zip ties to secure something. i tried to help but he was downstairs and didnt want to get up and find zip ties for our friend. so our friend took it upon himself to go downstairs himself where he was promptly yelled at for bothering him. today our friend called me five times from 8am and when i finally answered he just wanted to chat about how he wasnt mad anymore and wanted to be a limo driver and other such nonsense. i thought about how many times the calls interrupted my day, created anxiety for me, made me think i was being a shitty friend for not answering. even once i did answer he called back later when i was trying to sleep! i sent a simple text to him saying our friend was no longer mad and wanted to be a limo driver now. this was more just commentary on something that happened in my day. at the end of the day i recieve a long message telling me how he doesnt need to be reminded of this annoyance and is trying to distance himself from other ppls bullshit and if im not getting in the middle of it then why am i saying anything. i felt caught off guard - mostly because i didnt do anything. all i did was comment on something in my own day and now he was triggered to the point of attempting to take it out on me. i told him it was a joke and meant to be a joke and i had no idea he was still annoyed and that he should speak up so i dont invite people to his house because i dont care whether or not hes friends with anyone, quite frankly. but dont trap me into scenarios which cause drama and upheaval because i made a single comment about someone and you failed to mention that you dont even like this person. then he replies that its "his fault" and he just doesnt want to deal with it because it "already ruined fishing, it ruined his afternoon and now its ruining his dinner". i simply replied, "cool, same here". because he never takes into account how much something may be "ruined" by his behavior and attitude. what about me? what about the fact that i asked to stop "dealing with our friend's bullshit" in february when he made inappropriate remarks to me? or the fact he was willing to give drugs to him - on several occasions - despite knowing that im really not down with it at all? but we've continued, for four more months, until the breaking point became him being late for fishing. please. this has continually ruined my general life experience for the past year. the two main people in my life are two of the shittiest people to be considered "main" people in my life. a schizoid drug dealer whom i met through a girl i can no longer even consider a friend because she is equally as crazy and a guy who is best known for being the catalyst of his best friend committing suicide because he fucked his best friends girlfriend. this is a terrible landscape of my life right now and literally all i can do is continually displace myself from THEIR bullshit because the amount of inconvinience they place on to my life far outweighs whatever inconvinience they feel from each other or from me. the thing is though - i dont "trust" my gut fully. i'm actualy more inclined not to trust my gut but my gut is continually right about a logical outlook on someone or their behavior and what that could define in their morality and ways of thinking and acting towards people. my gut told me my first boyfriend was kind of an asshole and that we didnt truly have much in common and that i was filling a role he wanted me to. i knew this, but i continued for many years. my gut told me my abusive ex was an absolute piece of shit but i stayed with him out of pure desperation because i honestly thought it would be better than this and honestly it is not. my gut tells me my current relationship is a real relationship but neither of us are capable of having a real relationship based on our own personal issues and demons and lack of emotional maturity. it's like equal contributions to why it doesnt work at a level we both want it to. we both want to have a mature adult relationship. we both understand to a degree how mature adult relationships work. we are not in any capacity mature adults. we are overgrown teenagers struggling with basic life skills, possibly on a level that is even more of a struggle than our average peer, trying to pretend that we are in fact adults and capable of managing a relationship. we are not though. ive been in long term relationships and understand that bringing up things like "its my fault" or "your right/wrong" doesnt actually add anything to the relationship. admitting it's "your fault" doesn't do much; putting into action - "i'm sorry i misinterpretated what you were saying but im definitely not into hanging out with him any time soon" is far better. but its not up to me to "police" how he should speak. it's up to him to decide that this method of communication is a lot more fair for both parties. it allows him the freedom to express what he wants and thinks while respecting that i'm someone with my own brain and individuality. but thats not where we're at. you cant force maturity. you accept this persons level of maturity or you find someone who has passed that level or possibly wait it out? but waiting it out is a fucking gamble and that's the gamble i've decided to take. you know, i'm not entirely prepared for an adult relationship where i literally contribute equally to the relationship as a whole.  i'm not ready for that in myself as a person. as an individual, my life would not benefit from a relationship with a partner giving to me equal to what i give - we would both starve and live on the streets and drive each other bat shit crazy and smoke endless amounts of weed. that's a really terrible life. but at the same time an equal partner to him would be someone unstable, someone who plays with monogamy, someone unwilling to pay into the relationship and carrying burdens of past lovers. someone who has a short temper and bad attitude, who is outspoken on their hatred of the world and people around them and brutally honest regarding split second thoughts and emotions they have towards those people. he wouldnt put up with it. honestly. so neither of us are ready to ask for much in a partner because we are not giving much in return. either of us. and thats a hard thing to accept and like.. i think even my doctor might have an askewed opinion on this because he wants to see me as a victim; maybe ive portrayed myself as such but we are not looking at the other side of things. who is this person and why are they in my life? why do they remain to be a significant person in my life by their own volition? they choose this. something in them wants to see me succeed and be healthy and do well and feel loved and cared for. that does not mean they are _responsible_ for my success, healthy or wellbeing. they are semi-responsible for giving love and care because of the definitions of the relationship they created but theyre not responsible for MAKING me FEEL loved and cared for. i have to accept the knowledge that they love me. so yes - why is he not "helping me"? thats what it comes down to. why am i not receiving some kind of "help" from him? but why is he responsible in giving this help? why are the parameters of an assumed healthy relationship by other people who may or may not even be in healthy relationships being put on something private and considerably always one sided as no one accept our mutual friend has seen our relationship grow? it's almost antiquated, but not naive or dumb, to think because hes a man, because he makes money, because he fucks me and loves me, that he should support me. that he should give me a place to live. give me money. offer it to me. why? where the fuck does it say that anywhere? that's not the stipulation upon fucking someone and that's actually a hard thing for people to swallow i think. maybe its a really ultra feminist idea -- just because a man fucks you doesnt mean he owes you anything other than like.. respect of consent. he doesnt even really owe you a ride home. honestly. he doesnt even owe you a drink or dinner. you made an adult decision to give yourself up to this man and he doesnt owe you shit in return. of course, it goes both ways. he buys her a drink - she doesnt owe him anything either. no one owes anyone anything. it's all a matter of your own free will and choice in how you will behave. what kind of person is fucking anyone because they bought them a drink anyways? but thats simplifying - over exaggerating, even. its the guy that asks a girl on a date and spends 150$ on dinner and buys an expensive bottle of wine and takes her to a concert he bought the tickets for; but he doesnt get laid. its now frowned upon - like he struck out on it. like she owed him her body because he decided to spend all this money. but just because youre in a "relationship" -- which is self defined to begin with. like the basic of it is two people who are close and know a lot about each other and spend time with each other and are possibly intimate. thats it. thats all the fuck there is. they owe you nothing in the past present or future. its just two fuckig people spending time together. thats it. how they choose to spend that time is totally up to them and whatever makes them as a couple and as individuals happy. and when you cant find that balance you no longer spend time together and thus no longer have a relationship. i also though, have to break out of this old mind set i've had for years that is a really ignorant mind set brought on by upper middle class people degrading me and my upbringing. but it happened for so long and so often that it's hard not to now believe it and default to this line of thinking. i feel like i've been reprogramming my brain. and i have to or else i remain in limbo - i have anxiety about life and then i feel bad about not working and then i have anxiety about not working and cant work because it's all just a cycle and i've just been made to feel like such a piece of shit, such a subhuman because this is the path ive "chosen". but in a multiple choice scenario where your choices are given to you and you have to select one, your level of free will has been diminished. and thats the scenario you live in when you are in poverty. but i'm too sick to get out of poverty. i feel stupid in some ways for believing this doctor will help me get on disability and receive more money. but i just want to live. i just want to live and be able to survive without this constant anxiety and worry about how to eat let alone how to deal with issues i've been struggling with since my teenage years. so i'm really hopeful, on the inside, because it would be jynxing it to be hopeful on the outside. but i'm tryng to go with it. i'm trying ot believe that he's right and right now i am making myself sick, i am perpetuating the cycle by not trying all these avenues of help. instead of worrying about not working or having money, i'm just trying to be. i'm just trying to know that i am sick and it's not "my fault" and i'm not "a burden". it's "okay" that i'm not working right now. i wouldnt be capable of it if i tried. and those failures because i am sick and unable to succeed just add to the issue. so i am tryng to focus on what works for me. because i am doing "the right thing". i'm doing the few things i can do, what i'm supposed to do - it's atleast given me some results. i have a few projects on the go and one remains to be the most successful thing ive done in the past year of my life and the success i've gotten from it has been something i have consistently worked hard for and has given me a reason to perservere in some very dark moments. i dont think people realize that though. they just see it as this thing i like to do but i see it as one of the very few reasons to wake up and do something. i feel responsible to people i have build a decent relationship with even though i have discovered that everyone is a human being and all have flaws which make them difficult to work with at times. maybe a majority of the time, even, but this is how i created something that has a purpose to me. something that goes beyond financial gain and politics and drugs and death -- something that is just good. it's just nice and good. it's not poisoned - though it has been threatened to be. and it has taught me so many good lessons in life and business. its one of the best things i have done. i want to continue my belief in that and myself. i lost that in the past six months. i lost the confidence that i knew what i was doing but i was allowing other people to do shitty things, to take control, to take advantage when they didn't care. and it was okay they didnt care. but i cared. and now that ive shown that i cared i am receiving more positive feedback and gaining more respect including from people who did not really enjoy me before as a person. i believe the best steps i can take right now is to focus first and foremost on my health and mental well being; which is accepting that my mental health directly affects my physical health and thus i am not a bad person for being tired and feeling sick even if i'm physically active and eating healthy. secondly is to secure a foundation in which i can build a stable independent life on regardless of how that is secured - even if it is not viewed as positive in popular opinion, like disability. it doesnt matter because independent means seperate from other people so other peoples opinions dont actually matter in this scenario. even if that means losing close relationships - such as the one with him. if i have true belief that this is what is best for me and i am literally putting it into the action when i want nothing more but to die on a regular basis then it is worth losing a relationship for if it means i'm going to live until next year. if it means i have a personal reason to live until next year. third is to allow myself to follow my ideas through and promote a healthy work ethic in myself that will build towards better socializing and potential revenue streams. it does not matter right now that its not making money. i am not bill gates over here. i'm not trying to reinvent the wheel. i'm just trying to do me. it's not about how this "directly affects my life" because i "dont have money". i am not capable of earning money through normal ways and cleaning apartments is not sustainable or worthy of investing my time in when it doesnt benefit me in any way but a brief 50$ spent on weed to nurture myself from the experience. quick-cash scenarios are feeding the cycle, even if it seems beneficial short term. some of my ideas are artistic, some are more administrative with real potential to make money without relying on 20$ jewelry sales. i really want to elevate what i'm doing in all areas of my life because that level of attention to detail is what makes me feel good about myself. looking at what ive created and seeing it as aesthetically pleasing and professionally sound to my eye and recieving positive feedback for it makes me feel good about myself. and i deserve to feel good about myself and i'm not self absorbed; the things i do are very charitable and serve my community and peers as well as allow me to explore my thoughts and ideas creatively. it is very easy to feed into the very quick dim witted insults that i get about this though. "sure, i wish IIII could just sit at home and play on the computer getting diability but i have to work" -- at first response, we've both forgotten why i'm even sitting at home to begin with; why it's hard for me, why i would be getting disability. all that's seen is someone "sitting at home". they do not see the sickness. they do not experience the life i've lived. i've been contnually slashed at by almost everyone i've ever known and just gotten up like "okay, it's cool, i got this" and acted like everything was fine but i'm bleeding out and have been bleeding out for a long time. you just cannot fix this overnight. and it's only now even as i write this that i realize i havent even focused on myself like this in years. literally years. i've actually felt very surreal lately because this shift in focus like i dont know anything of whats happening becuse i dont know myself and this is new to me. i feel disconnected. but ive spent a long time analyzing other people. and their actions towards me. and how ive felt about their actions towards me. and how their actions affected my life afterwards. very rarely have i ever analyzed just myself. my own actions, my own desires, my own beliefs which have little to no influence from outside sources. my combining life experiences to form the opinions which make up who i am; not who i'm told i am by my parents or my boyfriend. just me. and for a very long time i would say or think that whatever i thought about things, whatever my opinions or beliefs were, they werent that important. they werent as important as what everyone else thought because i wanted to be seen as a good person because good people experience a positive life. i want to have a positive life. i didnt want to be around drugs or drunks or stupid people. i wanted to join groups and do good things and be altruistic. i wanted and maybe still want to in some ways, serve people. because everyone else is more important than i am. its taken me a very long time - like a stubbornly long time that is actually exactly how long it would take me because thats exactly who the fuck i am - to admit that not all people are good. like even if 50% were good, even if 70% were good, there are billions of people on this planet so 30% would still be a fucking shit load of people that more than likely are walking past you on the street. they gotta live somewhere. you cant pretend like absolutely none of the bad people that clearly exist in the world dont exist around you. and unfortunately, and i'm still really stubborn on this, i think the number is higher in terms of bad people. i see a lot of bad people on a regular basis. not even associated with me. just out in the world, people doing shitty things to other people. so i think i could almost safely say atleast half of the worlds population are probably assholes. so to live in the belief that you are not important perpetuates a serious amount of trauma and abuse by the sheer number of assholes who exist on this planet. you actually need to be much better prepared in order to really sift through who is an asshole and who is not an asshole. if you think you're a piece of shit then no one is an asshole because whatever anyone does, they're better than you anyways so how could it be "bad". how can you "complain". it's not downgrading the trauma thats experienced - for example, my abusive ex, but knowing i wasnt important allowed me to stay in the relationship. i perpetuated the abuse by staying and accepting i wasnt important. when i left, it stopped. and even if i think i'm not important, at 27 years in, i really also don't like trauma and abuse. i do not like those feelings even if feeling important is not "important". but in order to stop trauma and abuse, the number one thing that must change is not feeling or believing me or my thoughts or emotions are important. what i regularly would deem as selfish is self-sufficient. it's survival. my stubbornness in believing the world is good is causing me serious harm. people are not all good, they do not all have good hearts but it's okay because some are good. all of them are human beings with flaws, but some are good human beings with flaws. so the fourth most important thing right now is breaking and creating connections with the "right" people. i am tired of drug users. i have been tired of drug users since i was sixteen and i am still tired of them now. i have never known a good drug user. i have never wanted to remain friends with one. i have never become a regular drug user. i am constantly embarassed and ashamed of the times i spent on drugs. it's okay to be alone if it means not spending time with people you're not going to do anything with anyways and you don't feel a good connection with. i want to be heard. right now, i'm not being heard. i believe thats a serious flaw in my closest relationship but i believe the voices in his head are screaming so loud, even when he's trying to listen, he can't hear anything past his own bullshit. it's not for lack of trying. i would love for him to be finished being friends with our mutual friend. ive not wanted to be friends for sometime but he didnt particularly care. even though i respect the time ive had with our mutual friend and the help hes given me and the time hes spent with me when ive been feeling down - he has never been helpful. he has also only ever fed me weed and even harder drugs when i have been particularly down. he has hindered my recovery many times and triggered issues. the only reason he is in my life is so i can buy weed easily. and that in itself might be causing an issue in my life. the other week he handed me this book, "i'm okay - you're okay". he told me it was basically what i try to say to him; not the contents, just the title. and i guess that sums it up -- what i'm doing is "okay" and what he is doing is "okay". it hurts, yeah. because i'm a human being with flaws and emotions and my own issues and other people - many other people, not just him - will trigger these issues. a lady at the hospital coldly said, "to me, it might be nothing, to you, it might be everything". but it's true -- this might be nothing to someone else. ive occassionally thought successful marriages have docile women who have accepted that men can be ignorant and aggressive people by nature. everyone seems to have a story of an overzealous over the top angry man - even if they were just angry and no one was harmed. but to me, it's everything. to me, it triggers immediate fear and a response of crying and wanting to run away beause something bad is going to happen. it's not just being yelled at - something bad will happen. when he screamed at me on the weekend, things shifted. i could feel a level of embarassment; it wasn't like he was really trying to prove something. he knew it was a disgusting display, immature and extremely unhelpful for my particular situation. he wanted to quickly sweep it aside - just as he did again today when he realized i wasnt actually trying to start "something".

[xottzot]

2017-3(MAR)-45 onwards-2017-Friday onwards--several days of blog entries-

2017-3(MAR)-45 onwards-2017-Friday onwards--several days of blog entries.

Internet connectivity and speed has been so slow as to be non-existent. Even just getting something simple like radar image weather report literally takes awhile to scroll down the screen.

The official weather departmeht has been once again (as always and constant) over-ambitious in sayin that here's goimg to be rain here. They say thay're there's to be a 70% chance of rain. Hah! - We'll see what happens.....an 99.9% of teh time they're WRONG. There is no rain. And when there is rain, it's so light that it just pushes the dust on the ground around a bit then dries up again.

Friday night was the usual thing......aboriginals (especially ones who do not live there) wandering in and out of the aboriginal household and walking all along the streets as if the streets were footpaths.

Over the back somewhere is a nearby place that is also aboriginal and you can tell by the level of noise made. Think of manic children doped up on petrol (or whatever) and screaming out and yelling nonsensical and you get the idea. That goes on until darkness, and then they move-off onto the streets and other areas and it goes on and on.

It was later the turn of the local shops area to then have all that happen all about it, as they congregated all about there using the roads as footpaths.

But later that night in darkness, all become somewhat calm. I guess unmarked Police patrols are maybe making themselves more known about. But that's purely a guess.

Illgeal unlicensed motobikes again are a curse on the roads. On Saturday, I spotted one that has been tearing along the roads and riding all about. It came through a pedestrian walkway, then rode along roads, then all about the school poperty areas and beyond and about. It came back boldly along the road at the same time just as it was getting too dark since it had no lighting on it whatsoever (as if that would make it legal on the roads - Hah!), and this time it had two shitheads on it. Crazy.

During one of the many times on Saturday (25-March-2017), it made a circuit and tore through the pedestrian walkway, where a family consisting of a moother wheeling a pram with child in it, and together with a group of several small children walking all together as a sensible quiet group with them with ice-creams in their hands (it was HOT, and it was supposed to be 24C but was 6 degrees celcius hotter and was closer to 32 (90F), which was predicted (guessed) for this hellhole area. Forecasted it was supposed to be 26C (78F) but REALITY in this hellhole was closer to 32C (90F).

A hot day........some obviously illegal motorbikes were all about. And no care at all for the innocent family walking about who were just about to go through the pedestrian walkway and use it for what it was intended, a walkway for innocent PEDESTRIANS. They just simply watched the damn thing tear through there and roar past by on the road within spitting distance of them all.

So that's what pedestrian wlkaways are now are they?.....give-way zones to rampant out of control illegal motorbikes at all times, especially for mothers with baby's in prams, get outta the way! -- They innocents looked on at the speeding motorbike with disgust and resignation. The small kids probably then asked with ice crams in hand when could THEY have a motorbike to do the same. (shitheads in ghettos create more shitheads)

Up and down the streets illegal bikes were going. You could hear them day and approaching night, but at night then it was the turn of over-roaring engines of load cars mostly but still motorbikes at times.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

On Friday evening, I never got to sleep until near 1am. And I then was woken up later at 4am.

I fed Sam & Max and let them outside for their dog ablutions and went with them. Max started to bark and then Sam, at someone in the streets walking about in the darkness. -- That's what shitheads do....the moving about of shitheads from one place to another andor back again ad-nauseum was on and had been going on all in the darkness for hours.

As I write this part, it's almost midnight Saturday night. The streets 'seem' calm and quiet. But that's now always misleading. Tomorrow in Sunday I predict based on previous countless instances, that an unlicensed motorbike will come tearing along the roads. Maybe it'll go up to the shops area get some stuff, and fly back along the roads again. And as always it will use the pedestrian walkways as conduits and ways to stop Police from following them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

On Saturday 25-March-2017, that aboriginal toddler girl child, of the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD was once again free and roaming on the streets.

At one point an adult female walked out of there, crossed the road, got to the street corner and just happened to turn her head back and saw that toddler just walking out by itself and onto the road as it squawked for attention. (so, please judge that for the level of care that they give to a toddler and then magnify that to ALL the many criminal children of that CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD)

And so what does she do? - She justs stands there and is agitated the brat has come out and she has to deal with it so she beckoned the child to come to her, to walk across the road to her. The toddler races along the street verge, goes straight onto the road without looking of course, and then it goes to her.

Does the kid receive admonishment? - No, the exact opposite. It's actions and attitude gets rewarded. The kid gets picked up and carried to the shops area. - And you wonder why all these kids from the CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD have no road sense at all, why they actually play ON the roads, why cars and vehicles almost run them over and then the drivers get accused for supopesdly violating the aboriginals in some way!? -- They kids are taught and allowed to be this way from being toddlers onwards, who play actually ON the road, they do that and just get worse and worse as they grow older, until they run rampant on the roads. And when they get old enough to drive vehicles....they carry that careless atitudes onwards into the lives of all other traffic users. Before the useless get killed and or kill others in road smashes.

Recently within the past few days, there was a news report of a nearby area losing power to thousands of homes because a car driven by (women?) from this area smashed straight into a light pole bringing it down on top of the car they were deliberately careening about in. They dont care. - They'll just get another car, one way or another. (Being women gives them more bargaining power to get what they want.)

It starts out with not caring about anyone or anything. By being so utterly selfish and animalistic and feral and constantly being indulged, by departments and Police (who are obliged and forced to take extremely lenient or no actions at all against any of them), all of which creates the terrible aboriginal crime that is rampant and (the highest?) in all the states of Australia.

Do YOU dear reader have a toddler in diapers who is allowed to just run out in the road, ON THE ROAD, and is rewarded when it does that? - And this is not new. This was going on this time LAST YEAR with the the same toddler and inept 'parents'. Then it was in diapers. Now it's in training pants or whatever, still shirtless and without shoes and running headlong and without a care in the world onto the roads.

But it doesn't matter. Because they are making their own 'laws' (which are not) and influencing and subventing the existing laws so that they are creating a situation whereby normal lawful behaviour just does NOT apply to any of them. If you object, then you are branded as 'racist'. They've been using that tactic more and more lately, with authorities and Police to bend them to their wills and wants.

What would happen to YOU dear reader if you allowed YOUR toddler to run around anywhere it wanted, onto roads and wherever, in danger? - What would happen to YOU dear reader if your toddler was given into the hands of young (useless and criminal) children to take care of and play on the roads that they themselves play on? - I can tell what does happen here. NOTHING HAPPENS. And so they grow up doing whatever the hell they want. And if they they start bawling, suddenly there's a swarm of attention just to shut the damn thing up, stuff it's face full of candys or whatever. And so they very quickly learn to just bawl for no reason in order to get what they want. I've seen that here for myself in the streets truly countless times.

Now, progress that into them getting older..........they NEVER EVER GO TO SCHOOL. - Oh dear, they're now not just dumb, they're STUPID. But they then hold THAT up again as allegations that they've been mistreated and that it's somebody else to blame.

I'm waiting for the inevitable bullshit of them not having to have a drivers license at all for ANYTHING. I'm sure they'll soon enough bring in some sort of bullshit scheme where by they won't need to have a license and no 'skill' or intelligence. -- It's the way things are heading here.

Progress it further into teenage and older......they become criminals doing crimes too severe and many for Police to ignore, and for authorities to cover up. (forget about all the victims...apparently victioms don't matter anymore we're constantly being told even if victims are asaulted or killed let alone robbed or property stolen or smashed)

And so this state of Western Australia has an extremly high rate of recorded crime being performed by aboriginals...and even THAT rate is constantly being under actual real-world values thanks to all the bullshit that goes on to try to keep it under-reported and out of media and public knowledge. ('averaging' is a gtreat bullshit means to make statsitics lie and state whatever anyone wants to their advantage. Polticiians are expert liars and at doing that.)

How embaressing it would be for authorities and Police if the public knew that a toddler child in diapers was allowed to roam around at will and toddle all over the roads. NOT just a single instance......but which was allowed to happen at anytime of any day. - And in addition that the 'care' of the toddler was constantly handed over to children who never go to school and who themselves are lawless.....

All that above is TRUE. - IT's what goes on here all the time. - It's a ghetto that they've made it, and is allowed to continue and prosper.

So.....we've had a car in a nearby area smash into a power pole and bring down the pole and live wires on top of it, losing power for a couple of thousand people. - I'm sure the media maestros covered a lot of that up pretty quick in the NEWS.

This area also has a lot of those from country areas who breeze-in, set up living in other 'relations' housings inflating numbers, and then they bring in even more of their friends in. It's like a goldmine for them all. - And when things get too hot and Police are after them, they get in a car and take off and go back into the far flung country areaa to hide out for awhile.

In this way you necver know who's living at exactly where, and when they are living about here, they constantly move all about in each others houses day or night.

And yet the SAEM ones live in the SAME houses for more than a year and have been the focus of interminable departmental interventions and 'help', and also Police involvements,........and yet it all means nothing. -- Welcome to the ghetto.

1 year on, they're still doing what they were doing last year, but at a reduced rate, and they're doing it over wider areas now so that it simply just 'appears' as if the high incidences of last year has decreased. (averaging can say anything)

And as I have said so many times, all the shit that they do, it emboldens other shitheads. Hence the rapidly rising numbers of illegal motorbikes and going through pedestrian walkways and elsewhere at will at any time of the day or night.

A child-in-a-pram in the way of a motorbike? - Then they could just kick it out of the way. -- Pedestrian walkways are purely for motorbikes it seems.

I'm sure the Police have tried to stop some illegal motorbikes, however literally for 4 MONTHS straight, there has NOT been a single day around here where a motorbike has not gone tearing along around ON the streets and all about school property and elswhere and most of the time it is an unlicensable motorbike. (wait until they start tearing about on the school oval in cars...)

Lately they've been wearing helmets to disguise themselves but they are just as well not likely to either. And there can be two people upon a motorbike, a motorbike even if it's manufactured to only carry one person.....

And just the other day there was 2 shitheads walking done the middle of the road, 1 of them hobbling down the middle street on the road with his foot still in a cast or whatever, . - I guess he might have been going down there with his friend so he could catch a bus around the corner in order to go to the doctors to get it cut off......and maybe that's why he wants to illegally ride about so much on the roads again to make up for lost time........I'm just guessing.

Year ago, I used to be an offroad motorcyle rider. But every motorbike I had and those of my friend, we had licenses, and licensed (for roads use) motorcycles. -- And in those not far-off years, Police policed motorbike riders FAR more stringently than they do now.

I can recall simply one evening going to the Midland library to return some library books I'd borrowed from there, when Police pulled me over to check my drivers license. It was a random check. And though I didn't have my license with me, (I'd accidently left my entire wallet at home), I was able to quote my long numerical license number and details to them, and the other license types I posses for other vehicle types (several), and they were amazed that I could remember them. -- Since computer checking was avaialable in their vehicle, they did so, and it quickly came back with all the detail which were correct. And of course they had me confirm other details, again which they were surprised to learn I could remember. I asked them for the reason for pulling me over and they said that there had been a rising incidence of people illegally riding motorbikes who just (arrogantly) illegally assume that you could just ride a motorbike without having a license. -- Fast forward to the situation now, and now road users (and illegal road users) simply just don't care at all and just do whatever the hell they want.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

But all that about me is now ancient history. It means nothing. I am nothing.

Each day I wake up and wonder why I'm still alive when my life is absolute crap.

Each day I see the shitheads and the criminals ever more rising and rampant, and getting rewarded, and prospering, and multiplying ever more.

And when I'm gone, nobody will care. It will be as if I never existed. They'll make sure of that. What you've read about in my blog will be forgotten. Innocence and truth will not matter. Nor the constant pain. Nor the despair.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, 26-March-2017:.....it's supposed to rain today. Like a crazy mad sale, it's been predicted a week ago (as long range forecasting) that it would happen on THIS day Sunday. -- Isn't it strange how they can pin down that one single day and hold it out and yet are hopeless for others?

There's been bush burnoffs happening somewehere. Smoke has been in the air on Saturday. And despite the heat, to try to keep the smoke out, I had to close the windows of this hovel and suffer.

In the mid-morning, a cricket match is beingplayed on the school oval which has a cricket pitch in the centre of it. And in the car parks around the school are parked player and visitors vehicles which have ben a prime source of crime targets for the criminals of this area. They wander and prowl around there as they are always doing (even when there is nothing happening on the unfenced oval). Sometimes an unlicensed motorbike will tear around the place there and the Police have to deal with that to kep it covered up and dealt with but never solved. But criminals have slowly adopted a new tactic of waiting for the vehicles to thin out, then as they are leaving, motorbikes will dash across the oval. Or they wait until they are all gone and do the same. - I want all to know the extent of all these shitheads and criminals.

Last night/early this morning, I fed Sam & Max to beat the forecast rain because its always unprdictable whether it actually does rain or not. The recent thunerstorms (2 of them) were as nothing here for rainfall. And this rain was just supposed to be minor. (it ended up actually produced mroe rain onto the ground here than the two thunderstorms from before.)

The rain started spitting down in the darkness just after I let Sam & Max outside for their abutions after being fed for the day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Weird lights in the sky at 3am.

Outside, I happened to see a weird and strange light effect going on in the sky to the north west of here not far away. It wasn't lightning or anything natural. It was man-made. And it was at 3am in the morning.

The clouds of supposed wet weather was steadily and swiftly coming in, and that's why I was keeping an eye out. But I always keep a watch on the sky and have always done since a small boy. Fliss was always suprised at how I could tell when it would rain wherever we went. But that 'skill' has long gone since the wet weather has become so stupid and unreliable.

The strange lighting itself was cyclical and was oblique circular, the light kept catching on clouds in its cycling around not turning off, so it may have originated at a distance and was being shone onto the clouds, hence the elongated 'circles' or ovoids going around and around in a constant never changing figure-8 pattern. Not a circular pattern. -- It was bright, and at first I thought it was yet another dickhead fucking around with spotlights instead of illegal motorbikes. 15 minutes later it was still going on, just as it had been in a cyclical nature going around and around only in one large area of the sky in the north west of here.

Due to the proximity of the Perth airport, it probbly might have been some new equipment they have but why would they be projcting light into the sky clouds and having it go around in a figure-8 pattern? - Whatever was the source, I went inside and tried to get back to sleep. I'll keep an eye out for it for now on simply for curiosity. Nothing whoo-whoo or anything in the sky, just something odd.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It's 10:13am as I write this and it's been false calm.

7 minutes later a small white car pulls up on the street, has its indictor on and it stops against the kerb next to the newly constructed house across the road from the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD. Nobody gets out.

And within 5 minutes, aboriginals are out and literally staring at the car. They are quite agitated at the vehicle being there. They think it might be departmentals or whatever.

A male adult aboriginal agitatedly begin pacing up and down the street verges, trying to scare off the car. A female adult woman comes out and begins walking up the road ON the road towards the shops area. (the alchohol store must be open) - The male shouts out to her and she shouts loudly back along the street.

More aborgines come out onto the roads. From one group an aboriginal toddler wearing nothing but a disposable diaper runs along ON the road to the woman walking ON the roads and joins following behind. It's largely ignored. Treated worse than a stray dog. (its how these aboriginal criminals were brought up and perpetuate everything).

As I said, false calm.......a very typical Sunday morning percolating upwards......

What's worse is that innocent normal people have accepted all this as being 'normal' because it's been allowed to go on for so long from the criminal aboriginals. IT's low level shittery in the streets.

But of course where YOU live dear reader, you won't have this going on all the time and you think all this is just fiction. It's not. None of it is.

I've long since forgotten how just not so long ago these streets would have normal people in them, normal vehicles driving along and people NOT taking over the streets, how friendly families would walk about as a group on footpaths not on roads and feel safe, perhaps walk with their friendly dogs on a leash, and all was well in the neighborhoods.....

Now it is a ghetto.

The cricket match on the school oval is a relic of a friendly age where everything WAS friendly and everyone was friendly to everyone else because the entire areas weren't full of criminals and up-and-coming-criminals......

Nowadays there are shitheds like Ben Cousins (a has-been sportsman) a rampant, maniacal drug addict of West Australia who has constantly been in the news for extreme things that are quickly deliberately covered up and forcibly forgotten. - The lives that shithead has destroyed.....and now the newest thing is the umpteenth-time tried public relations spiel that he wants to get off drugs and be a 'good' person again....that he doesn't want himself apparently.

A typical criminal role-model for all the shitheads of this area believe me, and just as much a shithead. Watch the Australian media for another round of public relations bullshit to be manufactured.

Meanwhile, complete innocents are ignored, sidelined, marginalised and suffering......and all get painted by the antics of this shitheads actions and PR......

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Around 3:00pm the innocent people gathered on and about the Koongamia school oval playing cricket, they start leaving and from the car park area. And the aboriginals start their roaming about on the streets from the CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD.

It's like a trigger event for them.

People who do not live at the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD start coming and going, whilst the usual overweight woman wanders the streets and collects stray aboriginals drug addicts and takes them back there again including the ones who live there.

Now at 3:30pm it's becoming more noisy outside on the streets from them roaming about. - This goes on and will intensify as it always does every Sunday like clockwork.

I'm trying to do as the many neighbours do....ignore it all....but it's impossible.

There's nobody parked around the school oval anymore. Things will only go up in scale........they're free to roam across the oval and school area without being observed......

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ay around 5:42pm a Police vegicle (operational: GE 117) come VERY slowly into the area from te bottom of Kalara Way where it joins Clayton Street. It has come from Midland direction. It goes VERY slowly along the street, and takes a long pause slowly coming up Klara Way as it looks into the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD yard.

The big black mastiff dog, that wears no collar and is never ever on a leash, from the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD, that dog slinks out from the yard of the vacant house next door to the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD. The Police look at it warily.

But it's the presence of two older white youths on skateboards who they stop and talk to (without getting out of theoir vehicle) at the pedstrian walkway at the end of Kalar Road. Nothing happens. They next pull up at the rented corner household that has been the site of constant aboriginal comings and goings, including today. - Including the VERY odd acting adult male aboriginal of teh CRIMINAL HSOUEHOLD who went in there today for a short time.

Two uniformed police officers get out, a man and a woman officer, and they go and question the mother and of the two boys for about 10 minutes. About what?

Around 5:51pm, the Police vehicle drives away. Then after doing a circuit around the block by going past the Koongamia shops, the Police then heads back to the direction of Midland via Bellevue on Clayton Street.

And within moments, then a a small aboriginal boy is seen walking into that rented corner house property........

Once again.....yet another Police incident of which nobody will know about.....

But at 7:23pm, Sam & Max became distressd hearing the the sounds of slamming car doors. They thought FLiss had arrrived, but she had not. Now they are greatly upset. It was a small white vehicle parked at the rented corner residence that the Police had visited earlier. -- A lot of loud talking, not angry but inflective. Lost count the number of countless times the car doors slammed shut. The noise has also has disturbd neigborhood dogs who are all barking now. -- Around 7:30, the loud inflective talking has become unintelligble angry shoutings.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

At 7:32pm.....once more a motorbike has come roaring up to the pedestrian walkway in the cover of darkness and gone through it, then it loudly tore off into the Bellevue suburb through there.

At 7:34pm...the white sedan drives off and away.

At 7:50pm....in darkness, a VERY loud offroad motorbike (I did not get a chance to see it because it was flagrantly moving at such very high speed, but it sounded like it was one of the several illegal unlicensed offroad motorcyles that tear all about here and all around EVERY DAY. And it has no lights on it at all as far as I know. - THAT motorcycle came tearing though the pedestrian walkway at the end of Kalara Road, tore through the road intersection ON THE ROAD, went past the Koongamia shops area, turned left onto Jinda Road, went along that road, turned left onto Wangalla Road that goes past the Koongamia school, tore along at high speed all along the street, went up Stuart Street hill and was finally unheard of as it went down other roads. Into places other aboriginals and shitheads live and the strets are black with burnouts.

At 8:05pm:----that seperate loud road? motocycle is now tearing about in Bellevue beyond the pedstrian walkway and it sounds like it's using the roads and illegally the other pedestrian walkways.

So.....once again, the shitheads on illegal motrobikes tearing about has NOT been stopped by West Australian Police yet again, which has been going on for well into the 4th month straight daily. The shitheads only 'paused' for awhile today because Police had been seen in the area and the Police had gone to that corner house.

At 9:28pm....aboriginals are out wandering the dark streets and easily heard because they are being so LOUD. They have walked from the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD on the roads, around the Koongamia shops area, and into and onto the roads and other areas around past the shops. -- All the dogs in the neighborhood are loudly intruder-barking at them as the aboriginals wander about. It has also upset Sam & Max.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm vainly trying to wind down and get some sleep......it's impossible.

P@21:32 (9:32pm, Sunday, 26-March, 2017) -- I love you Fliss and wish to be with you. Poor dear Sam & Max keep getting greatly disturbed by all the rampant motorcycle noise and so on EVERY DAY close by, no to to mention the aboriginals roaming all about on foot in the darkness and yelling out on the dark streets in the dark of night.