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#i dont want to vent to my friends they've heard this sob story enough i need to get over it but why am i making it so hard
eggceereal · 5 years
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sometimes ur brain feels like this and you just have to
#t#cloudy.txt#<- thats my vent tag if you want to block it! i dont rlly do this very often...#sometimes your brain is like hey stare at your hands and hate how they look and feel no matter how much you clench and unclench them#and think abt how they dont feel like theyre yours and how much u hate that#my brains been so empty today and i dont like it#its usually so loud i have to drown it out with music but listening to music right now is too much#im so aware of my chest being tight and my shoulders being tense and my eyes watering over bc im abt to cry but i dont understand why#because nothings really happened#if i have to think rlly rlly deeply about it i think i miss my old friends#but like they werent good for me#but my brain will say 'maybe you werent good for them' and that i should go and apologize#but like what will that do other then put me back in a situation where no one really cared about me#ughhh#i dont want to vent to my friends they've heard this sob story enough i need to get over it but why am i making it so hard#hands... god i hate seeing myself in the mirror or looking at my hands or just seeing myself somehow because i never really feel real#i know im there and i can ground myself fine but why doesnt that change how i feel about it like... the image of myself feels wrong#or like it just shouldnt be there#like someone edited me into the world and it makes me feel like i shouldnt be here. like. alive or something.#i hope i can play games again later today... i dont wanna feel like this forever and it usually goes away once... i talk to other people...#hhgm#sorry for all the tags i forget that these are gonna make this post super long for some people#typing it here feels more like thinking and less like talking
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