#like someone edited me into the world and it makes me feel like i shouldnt be here. like. alive or something.

[ganondoodle]

you know, as if it wasnt already boring enough that both link and zelda got back to their 'perfect' physical selves without any consquences from all that happened, the fact that zelda doesnt even remember anything either is just adding insult to injury

although it was also a lil disappointing at the end of botw that zelda didnt age even a little bit or had any other physical change at least she was conscious during the time she sealed calamity ganon in the castle and it overall feels less illogical

when you get the mastersword back in totk you get a cutscene of zelda with it after she had already transformed which kinda .... is weird? she seemed pretty awake there, and it being right after transforming is strange since the mastersword was already restored in that cutscene, i would expect it to be a slow progress- that said .. it also seemed like her soul was doing pretty fine, unlike how mineru said that you lose your soul when you do the dragon thingy; i guess it could be that that was jsut a thing that was believed without knowing if its true but ... why even mention it then, just to dangle some consequence in front of us only to reveal there wasnt any danger actually?

also someone (i think) commented once that zelda being turned back in that weird way was meant to be that she got time reversed .. which ... okay??? the teleport to that weird nakey floating dimension is still a weird choice to me (yes i know its probably the spirit realm or soemthing and thats why the ghosts that went poff already were there but it still feels off to me) .. aynway, i guess it was meant that ghost sonia + rauru did the give power to link thing that sonia and zelda did to rauru when he magic laser blasted all those poor moldoras (and never does it again ... why not magic laser blast away gan instead he was pretty openly standing on that rock problem solved hfldshnflsnjlfs) and that time reversed the dragon thing .... but aside from the symbol for the time thingy lighting up theres no indication for it if i remember right? its just some awkward looking magic beam blast save zelda edition (tm) why not at least include the clear tök sound that goes off when you use time reversal in game? would it have been both more clear AND cool if link was still standing on her head, the world gets that spirit realm filter like it did in skyward sword to indicate that theres a shift, then have the ghosties appear and let you as the player select time thingy and then her, ghosties give you their energy and the sound of time reversal goes off, the schemes of the world below goes black and white and start to shift; you dont need to literally show the path zelda had been flying over those thousands of years, but make the world a blurry mess and let the music speed up so you feel like you are actually doing something and then she turns back maybe near the temple of time (zonau edition) so its near the place where she was last human, the filters and ghosts disappear and whoop you got your epic falling scene ... but i would like to have zelda still remember it, otherwise it just feels .. weirdly manipulative? like lets reverse your brain and memory zelda no dont worry i meant good lmao trust me

that is if it was meant to be read as a time reversal on her .... but then i question why it wasnt used beforehand? couldnt you have done that to ganondorf even? if sonia and rauru can give you enough energy as ghosts then why couldnt sonia reappear after getting one-punche-mand-to-death or when you fight gan in the present time? is the excuse that he was so miasmafied or deep below the earth that the spirit world thing isnt in reach? couldnt you have done it after he did the dragon thing then? or is it a one time thing so they saved it for zelda? but then why didnt sonia get her ghost ass back there immediately after she died and time revrsed gan getting the enigma stone? ALSO if it was a time reversal on zelda where did the stone go??? shouldnt it be time reversaled out of her in some way to undo the dragon thing? where it go?? also to time reversal a body gotta be different to getting her soul back?? or was it just never gone so what mineru said about the risk was literally jsut so it seemed more tragic when it really wasnt??? like the apparent possibilty that the time reversal CAN be used on living things and not just objects makes me question it all even more?

(also was it meant to imply that rauru somehow through his arm got them both into the ghosty dimension?? bc how did they get there, and why cant they do it again? if spirits are fine over there even if they already went poof then why act so sad about mineru fking off like that? just go back there and say hi? njfkdnjkdj)

like im sorry i cant help but overthink all of this, with every supposedly explanation i just question it more?? i dont want to sound like one of those guys that go -OoHoh there was no clear text explanation for it so i dont knooooOOOOoOw i dont know how to use ma braiiin it makes no seeeensee- or maybe i am? i dont need an explanation for everything, in fact i LIKE when there are unexplained things, but it still has to feel .. whole? there are unexplained things that make a world and story feel more mystical without taking you out of it, but theres also a way to leave things both over AND underexplained with it seemingly contradicting itself or it just trusting that you take it all at face value and never think about it that it just feels off, the the first big moment where i felt SO taken out of the game i felt actually stunned was when i was at the shrine of life and it wasnt there anymore, at all, the cave shaped like a vague imitation of it, i felt like the game was laughing at me for being so distraught about it, like what you remember and care about the game this new one was supposed to be a sequel to? lmao, anyway theres a puddle of healing water :)))

idk i just ... if its not obvious already zelda is my special thingy so of course i overthink and criticize it in ways that may seem insane to the average person, but thats just how i work i guess :/

(i am still too thinking so much about how it all feels like such an afterthought, like especially with the weird time bubbles that literally NEVER COME UP AGAIN???? WHAT WAS THE POINT??? AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM??? and why youd choose to suddendly give zelda time powers out of nowhere and then basically not do anything with it?? zelda astral projecting to the temple of time somehow even tho her soul was lost but is also fine just to give you the time reversal gimmick is so ?? oh wow look at that zelda gave you her sage oath before you even knew about them look how coool ok but how? and why? it wasnt the actual engima stone you touch to go into ghosty world either just like a .. a weird ghost of it, it just feels off man, ok you got zelda out the way and have your neat gimmicks and uuuh dang we need to find a way to give them to you idk lol listen, i KNOW you are not supposed to question it, i KNOW they always go gameplay over story but goddamn the story ruined the gameplay for me bc everytime i think about playing it again i just get reminded of the things that dont make sense or are just so .. lackluster in ways that even botws worst parts didnt)

[matthewmurdockswife]

My Story <3

Tw: suicide,Sh,self-hate

Hey yall so I never really talk about my personal life on here but i feel like I owe everyone an explanation.

Within the past two years I have recovered from SH, and an attempted suicide, it was half ass but it was still an attempt. I was playing fast and loose with my life because I thought there was nothing left of it. I hated myself and how I looked, How I always felt so depressed the way my relationships with friends and family always seemed to fall apart but most of all I hated myself.

Im not sure exactly when it happened but about one year ago I met someone. She had similar interests as me and understood me on a personal level and even though we had lived completely different experiences she was there for me. We started talking more and more and I found out she lived Hours away from me in a completely different country, but I accepted our distance and created our connection. She helped me see that my life was very much so worth living. This girl was harley @dwntwn-strnlo

About four months later the only friends I was talking with in person blew up on me with fake excuses about why we shouldnt be friends, one had stolen some of my clothes as well as some of my money. It hurt more not because they left me but because I trusted them and they betrayed me, They left me out to dry and I reconnected with an old friend from middle school, M.

M helped me to realize that my emotional connection to people isnt a downfall but my strong suit. My intense passion love and energy I give to the world only makes me more beautiful not more weak.

Then M introduced me to S. And S is the most kind and gentle and loving people ive ever met. She reflected me in every sense of my love for others. S helped me to realize that just because someone else doesnt agree doesnt mean I cant formulate and stand up for my own opinions.

The three of us became very close and talked nearly everyday. Im not sure exactly when or why, but one day I decided to pull out my phone and film one of our lunches. Me,M and S all really hit it off we loved being in front of the camera and it almost just felt like the camera wasnt even there.

So we kept filming and that night I went home to edit our very first video and I posted it on an old youtube channel. I touched it up and added pretty colours and tried to make it more asethetic and I stayed up all night working on that first video.

And it got 13 views. And a hate comment. And then youtube took it down. But we didnt care. We kept hussling and we never stopped filming and i havent lost passion in the past half year weve been filming, I even branched off to start my own youtube channel because I love it so much.

I know I dont share much with you all and you dont even know my name, but I felt that where I was today was something i needed to share. My group doesnt have very many subscribers and im okay with that as long as it means I get to keep doing something I love.

so unfortunately I have been putting a lot less time and a LOT less effort into my writing. Im in my senior year of highschool and its all or nothing. I really want to do youtube as a career but i understand the sucsess rate is low, I have a backup plan but ill never be as happy as I am when im in front of the camera filming one of our youtube videos.

So I wanted to apologize to those of you who have been waiting for me to post but its very unlikely that i will be posting many or frequent fics anymore im not saying Im stopping im just slowing down. Its been a rough couple of years but ive finally found something I can pour my heart into. I hope yall understand I love yall so much seriously youve given me so much support<3

Love,

matthewmurdockswife <3

Please never hesitate to talk to me about anything through my inbox or my dms <3

@dwntwn-strnlo @fenoy7 @sturnioloshacker @lvrsparadise @querenciasturniolo

[wygolvillage]

a new year's resolution

well, as of 2024 i’ve decided i will no longer be posting on tumblr... this shouldnt be the hugest surprise since ive been pretty critical of staff, the over-monetization of the website, the site culture, and the user experience for the past year and gradually reducing my time spent scrolling the ol’ dashboard- ive even mentioned my intent to eventually leave; well, that eventually is now! gradually ive found myself analyzing the effect that using tumblr for 7+ years has had on me, and the effects of social media in general.

ive never had to write a goodbye letter like this before. while ive joined and left several online platforms over the years, its always been a gradual fade in interest rather than a conscious decision to stop. never have i used a platform as long as ive used tumblr, over 1/3 of my life. ive grown up with tumblr, for better or worse. how do you write a goodbye for that? i guess ill have to try my best. because as important as tumblr was for me, ive recognized the way its hurt me too.

finding other avenues of online self-expression particularly has made me think a lot about this. when i edit my website i feel accomplished, happy, and content, feeling i have put something of myself out into the world, my seed to grow and garden to tend. when i scroll through tumblr i feel as if my brain is mostly idle, and when i do emotionally respond its often out of anger or annoyance, because anger = engagement and social media sites like tumblr WANT engagement. particularly because i have OCD ive found myself upset by certain aspects of tumblr discourse culture, as well- it is basically the Scrupulosity Website and much of the way i react to and interact with media has been colored by my years spent absorbing the viewpoints of said Scrupulosity Website! i even used to look up discourse topics on tumblr just to anger myself on purpose, which is a dangerous road to go down, to build up Enemies and Factions in your mind- this is how discourse culture works. the culture of tumblr teaches you to see the world in black and white, and to feel like youre always in danger of compromising your moral purity or being attacked by the morally impure. If You Don’t Reblog This You Are A Bad Person. even as someone who nowadays tries to stay away from discourse entirely, its still there in the back of my mind, because the way we interact on this website is colored by this. when im online i dont actually want to be angry all the time! in fact i like putting my effort towards more positive stuff. but additionally: tumblr made me unhappy but it also made me an addict

and yeah social media addiction sounds like a silly boomer thing to complain about but one thing i noticed when i started trying to curb my time spent on tumblr was that opening the site was damn near compulsive. we all know those “open tumblr, close tumblr, open tumblr again immediately after” memes but that did describe my behavior pretty accurately. the draw and allure of social media feeds is powerful, if i accidentally click the youtubes short tab ill find myself a half hour later scrolling through random shit i don't care about and asking well how the hell did i get here? i dont even like that stuff! tumblr is no different no matter how much the site tries to coast on the reputation of being the last social media that's a “remnant of the old web” and “has no algorithm”. i like my chronological dash but it is equally as addicting to scroll through the thousands of people ive followed over the years, as it is to scroll through the algorithmic feeds of youtube shorts, because that's just social media!

and kicking addiction is pretty damn hard. before 2023, i made two separate attempts at reducing my tumblr usage and both fell through within a week due to that addiction. for reference this current bought of thoughts about reducing my tumblr usage and making my online/irl balance more healthy, around the start of 2023 when i began working on my website and its taken me an entire year to wean myself off of the hellsite, bit by bit. theres a point where it stopped being a conscious act, and even as i was carefully whittling down how often i use tumblr with extensions like leechblock i still had that compulsion go off multiple times every day, its a really strange feeling. but now that ive found so many more ways to express myself online, i just feel more whole now... i guess what im saying is that when i post on tumblr my first instinct is to complain or wallow about something, when i post on my own handmade blog on my website i always want to talk about things that excite me or make me happy! and its been such a tangible change in the way i think and act and im certain its because of the way social media and tumblr have their own “societal expectations” and structure that is built to feed on this negativity loop.

and a lot of the biggest shifts happened when i began immersing myself in the ideals of the web revival, while creating my own website. finding things that genuinely interested me and niches i want to occupy made me so much happier. i know we make a lot of jokes about having mutuals we never talk to that mean the world to us and i do think that is indicative of something. like, when i post on a forum full of strangers i am engaging with more “face to face” (or the digital equivalent) communication than i do with years-long mutuals. how genuine are these connections, this dashboard, the enjoyment i got from that meme post ill forget in 10 minutes? (not to say that i don’t genuinely care abt my followers and mutuals. ykwim?) i can still get all the things i enjoy out of tumblr in a more curated form via rss feeds; ive been so much more proud of what i post and create and code on my website. what am i here for? i gradually realized that i am losing absolutely nothing when i “miss out” or block tumblr on my phone or what have you.

since starting working on my neocities site ive felt so much creative drive. ive created whole interactive essays and worlds and games and writings and so many things i could never host on social media. my website is a place of my very own, and ive been learning the value of focusing on what i put out into the net compared to what i take from it. its made me feel so much more fulfilled when i spend time online.

and let's not forget about staff. i have broader issues with how automattic in particular has gone about running the site. the ads only took up more and more of the dashboard, and every month it felt like there was some new paid feature doomed to never take off. all while the user experience gradually degraded. using the site without browser extensions to fix the ui and block the ads and tumblr live and all the other shit they threw all over the place makes it look like its ridden with viruses, and i think the fact that its become so normalized to feel like we have to stay in spaces that become increasingly hostile to us, even while the internet is so vast, is really strange (i mean, i also thought that way at first). but Anyway. so much time and effort was spent on features no one liked or wanted in some desperate attempt to get a little extra money, while staff members get in public fights with users who complain about getting monetization shoved down their throat. its so openly pathetic. the merch store had mostly mediocre designs and the digital tumblrmart is absolutely full of useless digital goods with free alternatives. considering this is a userbase that gladly donates to other sites donation drives for hosting costs (i.e. ao3, wikipedia, internet archive), i am shocked that staff never considered the obvious answer of a fucking donation drive once a year or so! the ceo telling people with concerns about the ads being unsafe for epilepsy to “just pay the ad free subscription” is one of the most disgusting things ive ever heard from someone officially representing such a platform. do not be fooled by the reputation tumblr has cultivated: all that it cares about is making money from you. tumblr is “in danger” because it can't turn a profit- because a profit is all they care about!

so why stay here when im happier elsewhere, apart from the addictive compulsion? that's what ive been thinking through for nearly a year, realizing that i have no reason to, and that weaning myself off of the addiction is in my best interest. i can create and blog and have fun online and connect with others and follow other peoples work all without the need for tumblr anymore! and i think id be all the healthier for it.

over the past year ive truly fallen in love with the internet again and ive loved putting myself out there, unrestrained in ways i havent felt since i was very young. but nonetheless ive learned a lot on tumblr, ive had some of the worst and best experiences of my online life, and i dont doubt that i would be a much different person if i had never been a tumblr user for as long as i was. but i had to break out of this shell eventually.

i keep going over this wondering how i can express every feeling in my head, how i can word everything just a little better, how i can make the perfect goodbye. but i think this will have to suffice.

you can still keep up with me online here:

-explore my website: i keep it consistently updated and im always adding new things and writing new posts on my blog! you can even speak to me directly on the site! if you sign my guestbook or use my chatbox ill try to respond :) if theres anything on this list you do id like it to be this one! i worked hard on it! you can even send me chat messages on my homepage! just keep in mind it may not display everything right on most mobile browsers, but it should be mostly navigable...

you can also subscribe to my rss feed. if you don't know what rss is, it allows you to use a feed reader to keep up with updates from sites all over the internet! my rss feed will notify you whenever ive made a new post on my blog or made an interesting edit on my site id like you to take a peek at :0 convenient, right?

you can also email me at wygolvillage@gmail.com to message me directly. if you prefer im also “wygolvillage” on discord

thank you and happy new years :) thanks for seeing me off as i sail to a new sunrise <3

[shatnerihardlyknowher]

Need to vent.

Hhh. There's always that thought. The thought that everyone is lying. The thought that he never loved me. The thought that he's going to leave. Everyone else did. Why shouldn't he?

And I am thinking. Maybe I deserve it. There is no goddamn logical reason why else everyone left. Hell, I'm glad they left now cus I shouldnt have been with them but he's so different. This time, I hurt him.

I did. I was at fault. I was doing the same thing they did because I didn't know better. I was so fucking stupid. I hurt him. I can't believe I made him feel like that. I am so pissed at myself man.

I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you guys, I don't deserve him, I don't deserve to be here. I never want him to leave but I want him to be happy. And if he's happier with someone else who has their shit together, there's really nothing I can do about it.

I'm just a stupid kid, honestly. I don't understand what he sees in me. I'm dangerous.

But I wasn't like that years ago. I was kind and gentle and loved every creature on this earth. But then they hurt me. The universe fucking hurt me in return for all the love I gave it.

Why am I here? What am I going to give the world? I can't do shit. I have to work 1000 times harder to do shit that comes naturally to others.

I just wish I could make it better because I know how feeling how he did is. And I never wanted him to feel like that. I honestly don't know what I did wrong. But I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Charlie. I love you with all my heart.

You mean the world to me and I never meant to hurt you. Please never feel how you did. It's not like that, baby. That's simply a bonus of our relationship. I'd give it all up for you in a heartbeat sweetheart.

I love you. So much it hurts.

I don't ever wanna be them. But that's all it's been for years

And I hate to say it but they changed me

Into where I think that is normal.

And now I know it's not.

For that I thank you, and I love you more than you could know.

I'm sorry.

Edit: honestly just realized why I'm like this. I feel like I need to provide, and the way that has always happened is sexual. I never saw myself as more than that to my partner. That's why I feel I need to do that. Not making excuses. That just hit me like a fucking train if I'm being honest with you.

[tea-you-later-losers]

remember when people would make edits of serial killers with flower crowns and talk about how hot they were and we as a normal society went "wow hey thats fucked up and maybe you shouldnt?" i feel that way about krisoph gavin. like i know hes a fictional character and truly doesnt bother me people do whatever with characters but for me i cant see him in fiction without such a deep sense of gross dread. cant babygirlify him because i feel such a real disdain and fear of him.

got some really angsty headcanons and such that i enjoy looking at from afar but if i even think further about implications and interactions i want to puke and cry

all that to say that kristoph girlies you scare me and that i met someone at a con who for whatever reason assumed my friend and i were kristoph stans what is actually happening in the world

[thepoetjean-makes-stuff]

i completely agree that lack of accommodations is a huge reason why people can't learn what they need to in school, but boring teachers, reading is a chore? sometimes things in life are boring, and people have to learn how to contend with that but still do what they need to. those points are more telling of why we need to prepare students to be bored so they can stand in line at the bank or clean a bathtub and not feel like they're being tortured (its a terrible feeling! it takes time to learn how to be bored, and we're doing kids a major disservice by simply removing boredom from their early life). not to mention for every 'boring' teacher there's dozens of students who learn best from them

Hello anon! Good input, let me clarify (LONG POST UNDER READ MORE):

(3/30/24 EDITED FOR CLARITY)

BORING TEACHING IS A SIGN OF INSTITUTIONAL APATHY

When I say "boring teaching" I'm talking about "boring instructional style". A good teacher to //me// could be a TERRIBLE teacher to someone else; "boring teachers" are more of a POV thing ultimately. My criticism is more towards teachers using facts, rote memorization and literary terms to teach rather than teaching how to apply that knowledge in the real world. I can use the terms "red herring" or "propaganda" all I want to an uninformed student, unless I teach them how to uncover it for themselves, it's not gonna stick for them.

We have to teach that Media Literary is USEFUL for more than just school, IT'S IMPORTANT FOR LIFE! It's a flaw w education system, not individual teachers so much. It's a symptom of a much larger problem.

CHORES ARE IMPORTANT AND BORING -- BUT WHY SHOULD //READING// BE BORING AS WELL?

AKA Reading is Important and Shouldnt be a Chore

And yes, I also think that ppl should learn how to cope with moments of stillness and boredom in order to survive in the world. Overstimulation is a distraction and being in the moments makes folks more present, connected w their bodies, etc.

But here's the thing: // Why // would anyone read anything they find boring unless absolutely necessary (like in a school setting or work setting)? Because yes, reading is like eating food -- it provides the fuel you need to get thru the day. But //reading is more than "reading as a chore"// -- it connects us to each and ourselves, so reading for fun should be a priority as much as anything else.

My bone to pick is with institutions making something as FUNDENTALLY AWESOME as LITERACY and READING //into a chore as boring as cleaning your bathroom and going to the bank//; turning the human act of reading and writing language into a //necessary evil // rather than //an act of public good//.

Again, "reading as a chore" is sign of institutional apathy. //Letting people figure out healthy ways in how they garner joy is a human right as much as anything else//. We're meant to //LIVE// our lives not just //SURVIVE// them. Teaching people how to think for themselves is as important as teaching them to be. Reading for fun won't make someone any less smarter.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts again, anon! Wishing you well and happy reading :3

[eggceereal]

sometimes ur brain feels like this and you just have to

[brlankinney]

✨a long awaited michael hate list✨

last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order: 

s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit 

s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do

s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate 

s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!! 

s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man 

s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!! 

s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them? 

s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!! 

s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad???? 

s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it 

s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!

bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS 

s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done 

THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you

both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY 

i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity 

“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL 

s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices

e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe? 

when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing? 

going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????

[la5t-res0rt]

this was written several weeks ago in response to asks i was receiving i am posting it now it is very long the longest i have ever made and it is not very well edited but here it is in this final essay i talk about how shitty rae is about black people in her writing as well as just me talking about how her writing sucks in general lets begin

hello everyone 

as you may know i have received a lot of anons in the last week or so about issues of racism in the beetlejuice community both just generally speaking and also within specific spaces 

i was very frustrated to not be getting the answers i wanted because i typically do not talk about what i do not see but in an effort to be better about discourse i went looking through discourse from before my time in the fandom and i also received some receipts and information from my followers and from some friends

keep in mind that the voices and thoughts of bipoc are not only incredibly important at all times but in this circumstance it is important that if a bipoc has something to add you listen and learn and be better

i admit that when this happened i wasnt aware of the extent of what occurred and im angry at myself for not doing more at that time and i want to work harder to make sure something like this doesnt go unnoticed again

im a hesitant to talk about months old discourse because i have been criticized for bringing up quote old new unquote but this is very important and i am willing to face whatever comes from to me

lets talk about this

content from our local racist idiot that may be months old but its important

putting my thoughts under a cut to spare the dash but before i begin obviously this is awful

lets fucking unpack this folks

right out the gate op states that she supports artistic freedom but then within a couple words she goes against that statement

being entirely canon compliant isnt artistic freedom and even so if this person has so much respect for canon they wouldnt be out here erasing lydias obvious disgust for beetlejuice in the movie or ignoring lydias age for the sake of shipping that shit isnt canon either 

also we love the quick jab at the musical there hilarious we love it dont we because god forbid a licensed and successful branch on a media have any standing in this conversation but whatever

now lets scroll down and talk about the term racebending

the term racebending was coined around 2009 in response to the avatar the last airbender movie a film in which the east asian races of the characters were erased by casting white actors in the three leading roles of aang sokka and katara 

whenever the term racebending is used in a negative light it is almost always a case of whitewashing like casting scarlett johansen in ghost in the shell or the casting of white actors of the prince of persia sands of time instead of iranian ones

this kind of racebending erases minorities from beeing seen in media and is wrong

all that being said however racebending has also been noted to have very positive after effects like the 1997 adaptation of cinderella or casting samuel jackson as nick fury in the marvel movies nick fury was originally a white guy can you even imagine

i read this piece from an academic that said quote writers can change the race and cultural specificity of central characters or pull a secondary character of color from the margins transforming them into the central protagonist unquote

racebending like the kind that rae is so heated about is the kind of creative freedom that leads to more representation of bipoc in media which will never be a bad thing ever no matter how pissy you get about it

designing a version of a character as a poc isnt serving to make them necessarily better it serves to give new perspective and perhaps the opportunity to connect even more deeply with a character it doesnt marginalize or erase white people it can uplift poc and if you think uplifting poc is wrong because it tears down white people or whatever youre a fucking moron and you need to get out of your podunk white folk town and see the real world

the numbers of times a bipoc particularly a bipoc that is also lgbt+ has been represented in media are dwarfed by what i as a white dude have seen myself represented in media is and that isnt okay that isnt equality and its something that should change not only in mainstream media but in fandom spaces as well

lets move down a bit further to the part about bullying straight people which is hilarious and lets also talk about the term fetishistic as well lets start with that

this person literally writes explicit pornography of a minor and an adult are we really going to let someone like that dictate what is and what isnt fetishistic

similarly to doing a positive racebend situation people may project lgbt+ headcanons on a character because its part of who they are and it helps them feel closer to the character and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

depicting lgbt+ subject matter on existing characters isnt an inherently fetishistic action generally things only really become fetishistic when the media is being crafted and hyped by people who are outside of lgbt+ community for example how young teens used to flip a tit about yaoi or how chasers fetishize trans people

but drawing a character with top surgery scars or headcanoning them as trans is harmless and its just another way to interpret a character literally anone could be trans unless if their character bio says theyre cis and most of them dont go that deep so it really is open to interpretation and on the whole most creators encourage this sort of exploration because it is a good thing to get healthy representation out in the world

as for it being used to bully straights thats just funny i dont have anything else on that like if youre straight and you feel threatened and bullied because of someone headcanoning someone as anything that isnt cishet youre a fucking idiot and a weak baby idiot at that like the real world must fucking suck for you because lgbt+ people are everywhere and statistically a big chunk of your favorite characters arent cishet sorry be mad about it

lets roll down a bit further about the big meat of the issue which was when several artists were drawing interpretations of lydia as a black girl which i loved but clearly this person didnt love it because they have a very narrow and very racist and problematic view of what it means to be a black person

and before i move forward i must reiderate that i am a white person and you should listen to the thoughts of poc people like @fright-of-their-lives​ or @gender-chaotic it is not my place to explain what the black experience is like and it certainly isnt this persons either

implying that the story of a black person isnt worth telling unless if the character faces struggles like racism and prejudice is downright moronic 

why use the word kissable to describe a black persons lips now thats what i call fetishistic and its to another extreme if youre talking about a black version of lydia on top of that

the author of this post says herself that shes white so clearly shes the person whos an authority on the black experience and what it means to be a black person right am i reading that right or am i having a fucking conniption

how about allowing black characters to exist without having to struggle why cant a black version of lydia just be a goth teenager with a ghost problem who likes photography and is also black like she doesnt have to move to a hick town and get abused by racist folks she doesnt have to go through any more shit than she already goes through and if you honestly think thats the only way to tell a black persons story you need to get your brain cleaned

you know nothing about the complexities about being a black person and i dont either but you know wh odo black people who are doing black versions of canon characters they fucking know 

lets squiggle down just a bit further 

so the writer has issues with giving characters traits like a broad nose or larger lips if theyre a woman but if theyre a man suddenly its totally okay to go all ryan murphy ahs coven papa legba appropriation when approaching character design like are you fucking stupid do you hear yourself is that really how you see black men like what the fuck is wrong with you

none of the shit youre spewing takes bravery it takes ignorance and supreme levels of stupidity

do you really think you with your fic where a black lgbt+ woman is tortured and abused where you use the n word with a hard r to refer to her like that shits not okay its fucking depraved and yeah we know you love being shitty but like christ on a bike thats so much 

can we also talk about this

what the fuck is this fetishistic bull roar garbage calling this black character beyonce dressing her up in quote fuck me heels unquote are you are you seriously gonna write this and say its a shining example of how to write a black character youre basically saying ope here she is shes a sex icon haha im so progressive and i clealry understand the black experience hahahaha fuck you oh my god

on top of that theres a point where this character is only referred to as curly hair or the fact that the n word is used in the fic with the hard r like thats hands down not okay for you to use especially not in a manner like this jesus christ

oop heres a little more a sampling for you of the hell i am enduring in reading this drivel

oh boy lets put a leash on the angry black woman character lets put her in a leash and have the man imply hes a master like are you kidding me are you for real and what the fuck is with calling her shit like j lo and beyonce do you actually think thats clever at all are you just thinking of any poc that comes into your head for this 

also lydia fucking tells this girl that she shouldnt have lost her temper like she got fucking leashed im so tired why is this writing so problematic and also so bad

hold up before i lose my head lets look at some of her own comments on the matter of this character and what happens to her

hi hello youre just casually tossing the word lynch out there in the wide open world as if thats not a problem that is still real like are you fucking unhinged there have been multiple cases of this exact thing happening in our firepit of a country in the last five months alone like how can you still have shit like this up for people to read how can you be proud of work like this in this climate

and also what the fuck is that last bit 

what the actual fuck

i dont speak for black people as a white person but you do!? im sorry i had to get my punctuation out for that because wow thats fucking asinine just because one black person read your fic and didnt find the torture and abuse of your one black character abhorrant doesnt mean that the vast majority of people not only in the fandom but in the human population with decency are going to think its okay because its not 

i started this post hoping to be level headed and professional but jesus fucking christ this woman is something else white nationalism is alive and well folks and its name is rae

if you defend this woman you defend some truly abhorrant raecism

editors notes 

in order to get some perspective on these issues more fully some of the writing by the author was examined and on the whole it was pretty unreadable but i want to just call back to the very beginning of this essay where the person in question talked about holding canon in high regard but then in their writing they just go around giving people magic and shit and ignoring the end of the movie entirely like are you canon compliant or nah 

the writing doesnt even read like beetlejuice fanfic it reads as self indulgent fiction you could easily change the names and its just a bad fanfic from 2007

also can we talk about writing the lesbian character as an angry man hater like its 2020 dude and als olets touch on that girl on girl pandering while beetlejuice is just there like here we go fetishizing again wee

i cant find a way to work this into this already massive post but

im going to throw up

okay so thats a lot we have covered a lot today and im sure my ask box will regret it but this definitely should have been more picked apart when it happened

please feel free to add more to this i would love more perspectives than just my own.

[system-of-a-feather]

“The Inner World Isn’t Real”; Personal Comments from a Gatekeeper

So I have been looking around and I know that a lot of people who like to complain about people with DID and how they should “know the inner world isn’t real” and “take the inner world too seriously” and similar things. I know there are some that say “inner worlds don’t even exist” which to that I am not even going to comment on since I really don’t care to argue that. 

[[DISCLAIMER: This post is entirely based on our system and my perspectives as a gatekeeper that spends a lot of time understanding the inner world and how that works with our trauma memories and compartmentalization and stuff. This is not based on science. This is based on our experiences and as such, take it with a grain of salt. I’m not good with the science shit, that is Lucille and Riku’s things but what I do know is how our system and trauma work so this is coming from my experience.]]

Okay, now with that out of the way, the inner world isn’t real. It feels very real, it is a mental image / symptom / aspect of DID that is real, but the inner world itself is not real. If I am remembering Riku’s readings right, it is a form of coping through fantasy / daydreaming to help interpret and process trauma and understand the disconnect / dissociation between parts. Don’t quote me on that since I am remembering that from a layer or two down, but I believe that is probably founded - if not, that is my take on the inner world.

With that being said, I really very very much dislike people commenting on how systems “take the inner world too seriously” or “should know that it isn’t real and should stop taking aspects of it seriously” or “need to focus more on reality and less on their inner lives” and I find those claims absolutely ridiculous.

Firstly, at least in our experience, the inner world is primarily a safe place where a lot of parts retreat to in order to be able to relax, process trauma, process emotions, and internally go through events to either help process or come to terms with things that had happened. It is a “form of escapism” if used too much - that I understand - but more than not, it is a place of self regulation, relaxation, and being able to find peace in a mind that is full of trauma and mental health issues. It is a place that allows us to process things in an easier manner and in a more controlled environment. It allows parts to communicate and understand one another more - and if “dating” comes out of it, then so be it. That isn’t a problem and it is two parts understanding one another better and a form of self love. 

There is a reason a lot of therapists encourage the creation of an inner world if one is not inherently present. It helps to make sense of the disorder, the amnesia, the parts, and create an environment where one can relax and breathe. 

Secondly, for people that get upset about how specific and hyper fixated people can get on aspects of the inner world, they also do have to remember inner worlds, again at least in our experience, are conceptualized perceptions often built with trauma in mind. 

Yes, it might sound silly to be stressed about what one alter is doing in one part of an imaginary world and how that might affect how the imaginary world is functioning. Yes it might sound silly to get worried about how a part of the inner world is blocked off when it “isn’t really a real world anyways”, but a lot of what an inner world is is an intense and detailed metaphor / personification for parts of a whole that are not understood. 

Our inner world is structured and divided and have rules and universal laws (similar to physics) that apply to it as it is important to how trauma is processed, internalized, and structured. We have parts of the inner world that can’t change for specific trauma reasons. We have parts of the inner world that *shouldnt* change for specific trauma reasons. Some areas are known to hold heavily traumatic parts. Some areas are known to store memories that would upset others. Some alters are stuck behaving in a way or are unable to interact because of how a trauma had impacted them. 

Of course these aren’t “real” things and it sounds silly to be concerned or think much on them since they are “just an imaginary world” but they are very directly linked to the nature of the trauma and understanding it.

Thirdly, for those that comment on how “memories from the inner world aren’t real and shouldn’t be taken seriously” or anything similar, again, do remember a lot of what happens in the inner world is a conceptual understanding of trauma. If someone has very intense emotional memories of something that happened in the inner world, it is likely associated to something unprocessed from the real life. That applies similar to psuedomemories and any other sort of substitute belief. To shirk those off because “they didn’t happen in the real world” and “shouldn’t be taken seriously as real emotions” is ridiculous as - while they are likely twisted and turned to be easier to process / handle - they are almost always based in actual events that had happened to the system.

And in that regard “innerworld trauma” and “exotrauma” and “source trauma” aren’t real in the sense that “I got traumatized from my backstory”, but they ARE real in the sense that “inner world trauma” and “memories from one’s source” are able to feel real and be taken as genuine traumatizing events that happened because it was a reinterpretation and warping of actual trauma that had happened to the system. To say someone is wrong for “being traumatized from their source” and to try to push them into saying they are faking or wrong is problematic since it is very often that those “traumatic memories from a source” are warped / twisted / substitute memories personifying an aspect or type of trauma that is not ready to be digested or taken in through its truest and unadulted form. 

I have “innerworld abuse / trauma” that means a lot to me - and I know exactly where it came from in connection to our real life and I am aware that is what I am *actually* working with, but the truth is that what happened in the inner world is how I have best processed it as it is. I will likely pull away from the substitute belief, but that isn’t now and currently as it is - the inner world version can be a lot to handle. Its an elaborate re-wrap of an actual traumatic aspect of our childhood that I was gifted to hold. Yes, it isn’t real and it “didn’t really happen” but the core event did - just how it was encoded was different.

Anyways, this is getting a bit lecturey and rambly, but the point is - if people want to try to minimize the complexities of having an inner world while having DID, they should really stop. Inner worlds aren’t just some “imaginary world” or “just daydreaming” even if they are in a way. They have multiple purposes and work in a lot of different ways that are often hyper personalized to each system based on what they have gone through.

Also, for those that don’t have an inner world or have a small inner world or whatever - that is 100% valid and this post IS NOT to say that you HAVE to have an inner world or that it has to be a complex inner world. Inner worlds are not mandatory to being a system.

This post was just put out here to talk about inner worlds a little more seriously from our own experience and my knowledge of it.

((EDIT: Also, while I do say and talk about the inner world in a much more clinical-detached manner - other alters in the system would likely describe it differently. I have a particular relationship with the inner world as a large part of my job in the system is maintaining it and learning about it and how it connects to our life and trauma history. Riku and a few alters would probably consider it a lot less clinically.))

-Ray (Gatekeeper)

[benreyplush]

ok so

benny is some sort of benrey clone after some weird shit happened when benrey was defeated and made his way back into gordon’s games like payday 2.

he somehow got into terraria and has no memory of black mesa or who he was even based off of. he barely remembers his name and all it came out to him was “benny”

he’s also freakishly tall

when jack (the world’s guide) found him, he was very quiet and seemingly apathetic about his surroundings. didn’t really talk much and jack thought he was an enigma for a while. he did his usual and helped him begin his life there.

but then benny started doing some weird shit that jack wasnt prepared for. enemies couldn’t hurt him. he could freeze time. destroy and create items indefinitely. he has no idea what benny is and the order of the guide never talked about anything like this so obviously he’s very freaked out at first

slowly benny starts remembering some of his old personality and would say things that make 0 sense to jack. jack doesn’t know what “poggers” means.

eventually benny remembers a lot of it and actually feels kinda sad. like he feels like he has to be this “benrey” but he doesnt want to be. hes different.

and jack tells him he’s not benrey. he became his own thing and that was good! and he doesnt have to be like him. benny was very relieved by this and sorta became his own thing. like he was still like benrey but less of an asshole and really just goofed around. he still found himself harassing the new npcs that move in but he never harasses jack. he likes jack.

jack says he wont call him benrey. to him, he’s benny. and benny really appreciates it.

jack always wondered what benny meant by “self aware” when he talked about his memories. benny talked about the “npc ai just getting a mind of their own” and said when he joined this new world, it must have turned everyone in terraria self aware like in half life. so thats cool.

eventually jack like. realizes he might have a lil crush on benny and feels bad about it. because he knows his fate is to be sacrificed in the end and he doesnt wanna grow too close to benny.

but inevitably they end up together and jack is starting to question if he needs to die. like originally he came to terms with it a long time ago but now he’s actually reconsidering??? wow! they have at least one argument when jack actually sits him down and explains the wall of flesh thing.

at some point jack convinces benny to take him on an adventure and they end up in the underworld. jack’s plan was to go through with the sacrifice and almost succeeded but benny grabbed him and told him not to do that again. and jack was like “you have to let me do this” and benny was like “no dude i love u” and then they kissed and it was like. the first time either of them have kissed anyone ever but it was still nice.

and jack is like “ok actually i want to live with you forever lets go home” but a demon appears when they arent paying attention and attacks them and jack gets knocked into the lava and the wall of flesh is summoned. and benny is devastated. 

when thats over a new guide shows up but benny wants nothing to do with him bc he is not jack. and benny is mad at himself bc he can freeze time, control enemy spawn rates n shit but he cant bring ppl back to life and he feels worthless about it

so the rest of the story is about benny having to move on and accept his death :(

so its a sad story 

but here’s some nice things

benny knows the sweet voice still and uses it on jack all the time. it was confusing to them both when he did it the first time. eventually jack gets used to it and actually really likes it. 

jack is supposed to be the helpful npc so he usually keeps himself together but as he grows closer to benny his emotions start coming out more and whenever he’s stressed he can just look at benny and say “sweet voice pls” and benny calms him down with it. benny also uses it to get jack to sleep (”blue and red means its time for bed :)” ) because normally he shouldnt have to but being self aware is tiring.

oh also whenever jack gets burns from the voodoo dolls in the underworld, benny heals them with the sweet voice healing beam :). benny has no idea how he keeps getting burned and eventually just assumes its bc of the furnace and is like “bro stop shoving ur hands in the furnace lol” and jack cant bring himself to tell him the truth so he just goes with it.

benny was the first to confess and he did it by serenading jack with the worst guitar playing that jack has ever heard <3 but it still made him smile. i know he really had to think about it before accepting it bc wall of flesh, can’t get too close, blah blah blah.

plus idk how relationships work in the order of the guide. he probably really didnt expect to get into a relationship and the new guide that comes along probably found it super strange.

anyway this is a lot of text wow im gonna just add on to the post as i think of shit but if u read all of this i am in love with u

EDIT: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A HAPPY ENDING

after defeating the moon lord, either the order of the guide or maybe even the spirits of terraria herself brings jack back because benny deserves that after saving all of them.

so benny notices the new guide is gone and was like “weird but whatever” and then he hears someone call out to him. he’s like “ugh what” and turns and its jack and he like. drops his weapon in his hand in shock and takes his eye mask and helmet off to see him properly. like he isnt sure if he’s dreaming or not.

and then he runs to him and grabs him and he’s real holy fuck. so he’s overjoyed and both of them fucking cry (first time jack actually sees ben cry ever!!!) and they kiss n shit and its incredible the end. since the world has been saved, the two live a more domestic life and benny is like “we’re never going to the underworld again ever and also im going to be around u a lot bc i missed u so much and i cant lose u again” so he’s extra clingy but jack is so happy to be back with him that he doesnt care!!!!!

also funny fact but the mechanic was the first npc to move in with them and (i think her name was shayna in my world. will change it if not) was overly annoyed at their constant sappiness before jack was killed. ben was extra affectionate to jack around her bc he likes annoying ppl (except for jack). but when jack comes back from the dead, she still acts annoyed but she’s actually relieved to see benny happy again.

[hungwy]

wall of text about worldbuilding problems lol

a problem im having with worldbuilding right now is magical systems and deities. i want to include the supernatural and the mystical in my universe but since i approach their inclusion the same as i do everything else in worldbuilding (that is, from metaphysical naturalism) i cant help but think their existence would change literally everything. it is impossible for me to consciously make an alt-earth with magic and gods -- hell im having trouble justifying in my head that humans evolved at all, since their environment isn't perfectly geographically African (im using a realistic randomly generated map, so i cant just edit it either...) so you can see that i basically do nothing but consider the butterfly effect all day

ive been playing skyrim lately and i noticed that, since magic exists in the world, theres no real sense of magical wonder. reactions to strange events with “how did this happen???” seem incredibly stupid to me considering people KNOW about destruction, illusion, restoration spells, etc. and potions that have similar effects. i wouldnt want this in my worldbuilding. if someone turns invisible, i want people to have a justified freak out, because no one just turns invisible. therefore magic would have to be very limited in its scope, at least in the public eye. but i cant really convince myself that magic’s potential would stay secret for very long. it would be completely unrealistic to have a worldwide taboo on magic, either; there will always be people who think using magical power is fine, and there will always be some way to access it. so im kind of stuck at this highly decisive crossroad either to not have any real wonder to mysticism and have it basically be known for sure that magic exists (which follows that people with extrapolate its potential) or to have a true wonder to magic thats basically completely inaccessible and irrelevant in its application and power.

so that gets me thinking maybe i would have gods that bestow magical powers upon people, right? having a conscious mind cherrypicking who gets magic still keeps the wonder of actually possessing magic and makes sure its actually potent power. but that opens up a huge can of metaphysical worms... that would imply gods make direct contact with humanity and i really want humans to grow organically. i would even like human ideas of deities to stray away from the actual truth about them so that theres variety, but that would statistically mean one religion (the most conservative) would probably get a lot more right than every other one... which means, if the gods are anthropomorphic in any way, they WOULD FAVOR that religion. i both dont want the meta implication that some religions are more valid than others nor have anthropomorphic gods, because if gods exist in my world, they certainly dont embody human-ness. this kind of strays into lovecraftian territory which is fine i guess but i feel that i shouldnt get too close to those ideas or else it’ll seem like im using them instead of growing my own. im just not sure how gods would fit in with the science either... everything is hard when youre a metaphysical naturalist and want to make everything hyperrealistic...

[occultruby]

i did this a while ago but heres my imscared white face gender transing theory diagram. putting explanation under the cut for... courtesy? the amount ive thought about this is kind of embarrassing

ok first off i think wf is genderless because its not human or even corporeal, its just a terrible little computer curse. if anything i honestly think its more aligned with the feminine. idk its weird to me that most people gender wf as a man when ivan zanotti (hello sir if youre reading this im sorry) at least from the perspective of an english speaker, has pretty much done everything to avoid gendering wf at all (only ever having used “it” pronouns for wf! hello!), besides the only other appearances of humanoid forms (also wf) being coded as women/images of womanhood/concept of womanhood/whatever

down to business. maybe it isnt as specific as this but a potential idea is the entity being made and intended to be female or at least read as female. since it clearly is sentient and keeping in line with the knowledge that wf is not human and isnt the ghost of the deceased, i dont think its hard to believe wf would not only not understand gender, but also feel constrained by it. if the question is “why would it give a shit” my answer is 1. throughout the game its pretty clear that wf doesnt like being constrained, literally or metaphorically and 2. the same reason any actual person would feel trapped and uncomfortable with their assigned gender or any gender. it comes with expectations for how you should act, look, talk, where you should go, and what you should do there.

the sketch labeled “original” isnt really literal, more of an idea of “someone made a computer virus and its a girl i guess”. HER i think is what white face perceives itself to be, and therefore becomes, as its world is essentially made of its own imagination

everything about HER screams “caricature of womanhood” just straight up This Is How Dysphoria Makes You Think You Look. her huge [REDACTED] and hips/thighs, cinched waist, exaggerated limp wrist, and absurdly long hair. her name is literally “HER”. HER is white faces experience of feeling “this is all i am”, an embodiment of unwanted expectations.

what in general we know to be “white face” is the same entity, named for its appearance as a floating head. i read this as wf hiding its body (something that could be done by editing its own code to make it invisible) but i visually represent it as a black cloak. i also thought a neat but kind of odd idea would be wrapping itself up in its own long dark hair?

on the events of the game. the important part lies in the transition from the first part into BURY HER, in which wf changes into HER, making its body visible and adopting somewhat different behaviors (which seem to communicate a more depressed demeanor and an instinct to self isolate/hide). wf if pretty clear with the player that it makes this change to keep the players interest. personally i have known other trans people who, despite knowing they were trans and going through some levels of social transition, will go back to performing their assigned gender in an attempt to please someone whose approval they desire. and like in real life, wfs practice isnt sustainable. wfs monologue before shooting HER has SO much to dig into. of course it established that it made this change for You. but then, the rain turns to blood as it bitterly remarks that it hates what it became (knowing that wf feels like the mask of HER takes the players interest away from itself, meaning that even if HER and wf are the same entity, wf does not identify as HER. in the end its just an act to impress you). the part that gets me the most about the grave level is that she specifically tells You to “bury [HER] in front of [HER] birthplace”. she was already dead and buried. wf dug her up for You. even though You are the one playing the game, wf is the one seen with the gun. in the end, it was about wf once again burying this past version of itself that it cannot stand any longer.

i dont think it hits as hard as the main events of BURY HER, but im going to come back around to the concept of all figures in the game being coded as women. in the labyrinth we see the various portions of womens bodies (which some people use to theorize that wf is a serial killer but this is nothing to me because. it wasnt a human person lol) that lead into/are portals to a “dark world” (the whole thing with having to reconstruct shards of a broken mirror also kind of screams dysphoria, the whole dress thing! idek how to put this into words im just feeling it), the portrait of a girl in the house (maybe an “original vision” for what wf was intended to be? wfs one source for what a “woman” is?). you could argue that the weird little things with the long arms when youre trying to break the gramophones arent female but 1. literally whatever and 2. theyre essentially extensions of HER made to be mini jumpscares and 3. i think they parallel the “you shouldnt be here” area where HER is seen hanging from the sky by weird distended limbs.

we know wf is entirely unreliable and likely s completely lying on occasion. but i think lies, especially in a game like this, can be dissected to discover something truthful in the narrative. something so specific is the story wf tells about having a brother that it had horrible thoughts about getting hurt in an appliance store, only to reveal that it never had a brother. this is in one of the more vulnerable text files in the game. im gonna go on a limb here and say the story isnt literal, but also does hold significance. no one is reading at this point and its 2:30 so im going to word this more abstractly because thinking is getting harder and i have a 9am class. brother/not real brother is about an imagined person, who wf wants to be or how it perceives itself to be. like it is metaphorically the brother that it doesnt have because it WANTS to be that. honestly if you wanted to you could argue this point works towards the idea that wf is a trans man because of the idea that it wants to be a man but doesnt perceive itself to be a real man so it tells the story of a brother it does/doesnt/is/isnt/wants to be. the whole thing about being injured in the appliance store probably means something about the fragility of the concept or identity or whateverless complicated idea came to me like two paragraphs ago. and its that imscared is about coping with the loss of a sibling by trying to recreate their identity as a program but that its inherently impossible (program saying “i never had a brother” because the brother MADE u to be his sibling but you ARENT because you are just a little game file) but like i got too invested in white face transgender ANYWAYS SO IMSCARED IS OFFICIALLY ABOUT GENDER DYSPHORIAAAAAAA

[eclipsing-maestro]

Does your brain have you rethink doing things because of shyness?

It really does alot. And I think that it mostly has to do with low self esteem. Usually I uncontrollably point out the way I act and what I think. And I always had a hard time trying to not let it hold me back. And usually its an everyday thing, sometimes I break through the overthinking and rethinking and there are times where it really held me back abd kept me in my shell, which is one of the reasons why Im considered a hermit in some way. Overthinking is usually an ability of the brain, but depending on what you see in yourself and even in addition to what you been through, experience, or know, it would sometimes, rarely, or mostly hold you back from something that you were prepared or ready to get it over with, or something you were looking forward to but later on the doubts in your mind makes you reconsider... and getting the best of us. Its literally what I think because its mostly the reasons why I rethink a lot, even when I shouldnt. Especially when it comes to opening up, trying to socialize or make new friends. And one big flaw about myself is that having the reason of Social Anxiety is that I worry that maybe I’m just not good enough to be in the social world or make friends or attempt to be a part of a group because of how completely aware I am of myself that maybe someone like myself would not fit in any category, or make at least a single friend because of how I am, like im always super quiet but when I speak I have the feeling that “Im saying too much” so I shut down and crawl back in my shell cus I worry that I did something wrong, maybe I’m making that person uncomfortable, or maybe Im just not cut out to open up like others. Rethinking and Overthinking are very cooperative even when it comes to being shy, and its still something I’m still trying to improve even if its very difficult... but thats just in my perspective. Other than that, I’m getting that other side of my brain to not make me rethink too much cus Ill regret it if my shyness makes me rethink on something that’ll hurt anothers feelings cus Ill feel extremely bad about it. But just take it one step at a time!

Munday Asks Here! Shyness Edition

[cupidhaos]

(2nd attempt lol) So I went through Newsflash! and Move! with a fine-toothed comb...

This is structured into 4 parts to make it a bit easier to read. The first part is interesting information I 'found' again after reading through everything with watchful eyes again. The second part is a listing of everyone who could've done it, and what reasons they may have. The third part is not necessarily informative, but still interesting stuff I 'found' while reading through it again. And last are questions I had or things which didn't add up for me. This is extremely long (the Word document I have is 6 pages long RIP), so grab a drink and get comfy. Also, this is mostly just based on what is in Newsflash! and Move! itself. Hope you'll enjoy!

Interesting information:

“It’s crucial to the plot that you know” (DK in Newsflash! 5) implies there’s a hidden plot, one we don’t see

“You’re going to make plenty of friends soon enough y/n” (DK in Newsflash! 5) Did DK orchestrate Y/N becoming friends with SVT? Why? Does he want to tear SVT down? But why through Y/N?

Oh, remember that girl who told the schoolboard about Jeonghan and Chaeyoung, angry Jeonghan planned on resigning from SVT for Chaeyoung? The one who essentially was the cause for Jeonghan & SVT ghosting Chaeyoung in the beginning of Newsflash! because she got word to Chaeyoung’s father and he threatened to take away their scholarships? Maybe it has something to do with her… (Newsflash! 10)

Joshua said himself that the others give up easily (Newsflash! 10) as soon as the situation becomes a bit dire

Newsflash! 11 “I know what it feels like to just have someone slip away from you when you could’ve done more” (Y/N texting w/ Mingyu) Who?? Is she talking about?? COULD IT BE A REASON FOR SOMEONE TO BE A BITCH TO Y/N???? Adding to that the next text: “You have the chance to fix things before it’s too late” WHEN WAS Y/N TOO LATE?? FOR WHOM??

The Barista from Newsflash! 13 (I FORGOT HER NAME I’M NOT IN THE LOOP WITH GIRLGROUPS) could’ve heard everything SVT+Chaeyoung talked about when they were locked in that back room… maybe that started something? (Edit: okay in Newsflash! 22 several girls comment on Y/N’s tweet and one has the same profile picture as the Barista… so her name is something along the lines of Hyunie?)

Newsflash! 17 DK texting “He’s not the one for you trust me Y/N” makes DK all the more suspicious. How do you know that? Who are you trying to set us up with?

Newsflash! 21 DK knew before Y/N said anything at all that Y/N was out with Jeonghan and that Jeonghan had kissed her. How did he know?

Newsflash! 23 DK texting “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see” makes me think he didn’t actually plan all this… but the use of the emoji makes him still suspicious. But if he didn’t plan this – why does he know so much?! Is he stalking Y/N? Why? For what reason?

Newsflash! 29 Name of one of Jeonghan’s clients was dropped – Eunha. Was she the one who bitched to the schoolboard? Wonwoo calls her ‘VIP client ;)’, which Jeonghan doesn’t really appreciate (“how about u shut the fuck up :)” Has all the passive aggressive energy in the world)

Newsflash! 31 Okay, so Yuta: ex-bf from Japan; Y/N’s first love (what was Joshua then? Didn’t Y/N leave Korea because Joshua didn’t return her feelings in Senior year Highschool?); cheated on her (did he really?); showed her pictures/nudes to his friends;

Newsflash! 31 Am I… the only one who is kind of suspicious of Wonwoo? Like, why was he there? I don’t believe he was there by chance. And even if he was, why would he help Y/N? What does he gain from this? Yeah, SVT’s motto is ‘respect women and make them feel happy’, but… it still seems suspicious to me.

Newsflash! 33 DK texting “that?? wasn’t??? supposed to happen????” “where did he even COME FROM” confirms a suspicion of mine – it wasn’t an accident that Wonwoo was there. Or maybe it was? Ugh, I don’t know. All I know is that Wonwoo and DK are both suspicious as hell.

Newsflash! 34 HOLD ON A MF SECOND JEON WONWOO HAS A CLIENT WHO IS CALLED SOHYE. A CLINGY CLIENT. SOHYE AND SOHEE AREN’T TOO FAR APART. MAYBE SISTERS…? A SISTER WHO IS MAD THAT HER SISTER WASN’T TREATED ALL THAT NICELY BY WONWOO. THAT’S WHY SHE’S AFTER Y/N – BECAUSE SHE THINKS Y/N AND WONWOO ARE ACTUALLY DATING. IT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH SENSE THO BECAUSE CUPIDHAOS ALSO SAID ‘Sohee is connected to SVT but not in a way you think’ THAT WAY SHE’S CONNECTED TO SVT (HER SISTER IS WONWOO’S CLIENT) AND WE DEFINITELY WOULD’VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. YOOOOO

Newsflash! 37 Jeonghan chewing Y/N out… and showing a possible motive.

Also Y/N is a dumbass for believing you can’t get phones in Thailand. HOW DUMB DO YOU HAVE TO BE??? Honestly. I mean, I get it if they were like, in a really rural part of Thailand, but somehow I doubt that

Move! 3 DK not be cryptic for 1 minute challenge: failed. BOI- “oh y/n this is where the story starts my dear friend” ???? Dear friend sounds so threatening. Like, what did Y/N do to you?

Move! 4 Why does Seungkwan want to keep Y/N away from SVT so desperately? Like, if Y/N can prove to them that the whole thread is a lie, she has 6 more people on her side. That would give her a lot more credibility, to be honest. Does Seungkwan have a reason for keeping Y/N away from SVT?

Move! 4 Chaeyoung is… surprisingly good… and QUICK… at getting Jimin’s and Seokjin’s number… even after they changed it… That’s suspicious. How good is Chaeyoung with tech?

Move! 4 Someone wanted Y/N info. And they were willing to pay for it. (This is before Y/N left, right after Jihoon posted the picture of being on the train to Busan with Y/N. So someone planned all this before Y/N even left.)

Move! 4 Jimin’s and Seokjin’s education and jobs have been threatened. (By whom exactly? Schoolboard? Or just a ‘random’ person? An anonymous person? They don’t know either – anonymous.) They were forbidden from talking to SVT (someone wants to prevent SVT from finding out the truth…) or explaining themselves.

Move! 5 Y/N mentions deleting all the photos she had of Yuta from her phone. But maybe Yuta still had some? Also (that happened to me) if you have a Google account and don’t adjust your setting, pictures taken on your phone will be saved on your Google Drive. As a backup. (I once deadass couldn’t get rid of 3 GB WORTH OF PICTURES BECAUSE OF THIS). Maybe that’s how someone got the pictures? Hacked Y/N’s email?

Move! 5 Soonyoung is very quick to point to Yuta. Then again, Yuta looks very suspicious. So… a ruse, probably.

Move! 5 DK “I trust no one and you shouldnt either” just… why should we trust YOU telling us not to trust anyone? Hm?

Move! 5 Vernon still hanging out with SVT (when did he even become friends with them? Nothing of that was mentioned during Newsflash! ? How did that happen??) is very suspicious. Like, isn’t there a conflict of interest? Or is he just stringing along either side? Making SVT believe he is on their side, or making Y/N believe he is on her side. Also, has Vernon met Sohee?? Or did he only hang out with SVT before the thread was posted? (But if that were the case… Minghao wouldn’t retweet it and Wonwoo wouldn’t say ‘we should do that again’.) Vernon, you’re very suspicious now.

Move! 5 Also interesting to note: Vernon practically pushes Y/N into Wonwoo’s direction. First saying that Mingaho isn’t a fan of Y/N anymore (true, I guess), but then leading her to Wonwoo? Did he know Wonwoo was the weakest link/the one who had doubts? Does he know Wonwoo still has feelings for Y/N, and is trying to push them together? Is Vernon playing something???

Move! 6 “You just disappearing out of nowhere was a bit weird” HOE YOU SAW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED??? SEUNGCHEOL, MINGYU, JEONGHAN AND Y/N WERE IN YOUR APARTMENT ON THAT EVENING??? YOU WITNESSED HOW JEONGHAN YELLED AT Y/N WHEN SHE WAS ALREADY A MESS?? AND YOU THINK IT’S WEIRD SHE RAN AWAY AND NEEDED SOME TIME? BOI-

Move! 6 One of Wonwoo’s answers indicated that he didn’t text Seungkwan or Chaeyoung and never asked for clarification, but just believed Sohee. He also never asked Vernon or Chan (again, why Vernon? And why is DK and Hoshi missing here??)

Move! 7 Jihoon mentions Y/N being pulled into things she didn’t do since Sohee appeared – is he talking about the thread saying Y/N manipulated Wonwoo (a whole lie, and SVT KNOWS THAT), or is there something more? Wasn’t there once the talk of rumors? What kind of rumors? More than what is written in the thread??? Ouf…

Move! 7 Mingyu outright says "Wonwoo I thought you liked Sohee…" Makes me suspicious. Did Sohee specifically target Wonwoo? Or is Wonwoo just pretending to be on Y/N's side? Hm...

Move! 8 DK clearly hinting towards Yuta being behind it all… but can we trust DK.

Suspects and why they would do it:

Chaeyoung:

Might still hold a massive grudge against SVT, and doesn’t want Y/N associate with them (Not logical – why would Jihoon and Wonwoo be okay? Why would she keep them around? They’re SVT too, and they ghosted her too, unlike Joshua.)

Might still hold a massive grudge against SVT and wants to get revenge (Once again – why are Jihoon and Wonwoo fine? They are/were SVT too.) (Thread/Rumors mainly hurt Y/N, not SVT.)

Holds a massive grudge against a specific member (don’t know who – maybe Jeonghan? Maybe one of the guys who overran Y/N?) and wants to ruin them. Orchestrated this whole thing and ‘leads’ the ‘investigation’ so it’ll lead to (a) certain member(s), in order to ruin them or keep them away from Y/N.

Got extremely jealous with how popular Y/N became with SVT. SVT is neglecting her once again, and Y/N is neglecting her as well, hanging out with her new friends instead. So, she wants to keep Y/N away from them, and hopes that this break of trust will cause Y/N to not be friends with SVT anymore, even if the situation gets cleared. She can be friends with Y/N again, Y/N will spend a lot of time with her again, and Chaeyoung’s happy again. (Might be psycho, but who knows…? Some people are crazy. And Chaeyoung seems very bossy with Y/N. (Granted Y/N needs it because DEAR LORD but still…))

General Reason for SVT members:

They feel betrayed and used by Y/N. She just left them, without even saying goodbye to them (she only texted Joshua before she left, as far as we know). They feel manipulated by her, and want to get revenge on her.

Or stereotypical ‘If I cannot have her, no one can have her’ or ‘If he cannot have her, no one can have her’. Y/N doesn’t want to be her girlfriend? (Or the girlfriend of one of their friends – JH and SC, for example.) Then you’ll be no one’s girlfriend. And I’ll drag you down.

Seungcheol:

Angry and hurt that Y/N immediately ran away after he got injured (for her, might I add), so he might feel like he was manipulated 

Jeonghan:

Angered at how Y/N treated Seungcheol and the rest of SVT, unknowingly strumming everyone along. Literally blamed Y/N for ‘everything going to shit’ into her face. Could be prone to enlisting the help of someone to tear Y/N down.

Joshua:

Extremely frustrated with Y/N. Feels betrayed by her and wants revenge. Finally snapped.

(Feels like he doesn’t know his friend anymore, which is why he believes so easily.)

Jun:

Deeply hurt that Y/N just went away without even saying anything. Wants to get revenge on her. Feels like she didn’t give him a chance, and now wants her to pay for it.

Soonyoung:

Frustrated that Y/N is only spending time with SVT now, wants to bring her back to her old circle of friends

Wonwoo:

Fell in love with Y/N, realized there’s too much competition and decided to get rid of them. (But why would he be hesitant when Y/N contacts him? Wouldn’t he want to be immediately on her side, to get into her good graces? But that could make him suspicious again… Hm…)

Fell in love with Y/N before the others did, before Jeonghan ever saw her in Communications class. Knows the others are competition, and wants to separate Y/N from them, hoping the break of trust will prevent Y/N from getting close to them.

Jihoon:

Knows all of the members. Knows they’re not good for Y/N. Wants to keep them away from Y/N. Hopes the massive break of trust will prevent Y/N from becoming friends with them again, even after the situation is cleared up. ’Leads’ the ‘investigation’ with Chaeyoung to lead it away from himself.

DK:

Homeboy knows too much. He said ‘and this is where the plot begins’ when Jeonghan sat next to Y/N at the beginning of Newsflash!. Always knew what was going on, even if it were unlikely for him to know. Could there be a reason for him orchestrating everything? Did Y/N wrong him at some point?

I feel like we all forget that in the first profile post, it’s stated that Mingyu and DK are close friends. Maybe he got über salty at Y/N not getting together with Mingyu, like he wanted to (?)?

Mingyu:

Feels abandoned by Y/N. Wants her to feel the same abandonment.

Minghao:

In the same class as Y/N – maybe a petty ass reason but she could’ve been too much competition? So he wanted to get rid of her? Essentially make her so disliked she’s forced to leave for her own sake.

Seungkwan:

Frustrated that Y/N spent so much time with her new friends, barely finding time for her old friends.

Vernon:

Maybe wanted to get into SVT, but got rejected. Tries to shake them up (Wonwoo and Jihoon left SVT already) so he maybe gets a chance to join SVT.

Seems to know an awful lot; pointed Y/N into Wonwoo’s direction. If not the culprit, then someone who helped? But why would he betray his friend? Well… has Y/N been a good friend?

Chan:

Same as Vernon possibly.

Mad that Y/N doesn’t hang out with him and the others as much anymore, and wants to bring her away from SVT.

Yuta:

Angry that Y/N won’t take him back, and that she humiliated him in public (she hit him and called him a dick)

First plan (just outright ask Y/N to come back to him) didn’t work. Now, next plan is set in motion.

(Most likely to be a red herring. He’s a bit too obvious.)

Yiren:

Y/N ‘stole’ Jun from her for a moment. He’s back with her now (both of them are Clownsssss), but still – hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. It could be a reason why she would want to harm Y/N, and make her stay away from Jun.

Sohye:

Clingy client of Wonwoo. Is not happy AT ALL that her favorite SVT member is spending so much time with another girl, someone who is not a client. Maybe wants to get rid of Y/N and keep Wonwoo to herself?

Sohee: Popular Theories:

Ex of Yuta who’s angry at Y/N because Yuta dumped her to get Y/N back. Wants to ruin her to get back at her.

Related to Seungcheol/Chaeyoung/Seungkwan/Anyone and either isn’t happy with how Y/N treated her (relative is not a dick in this route) or is the henchman of her relative, who holds a serious grudge against Y/N and wants to see her go down.

Ex-friend of Y/N who is angry that Y/N abandoned and forgot about her. (Maybe she was mentioned in Newsflash! 11?)

My theory:

Sister/Cousin/Very close friend of Sohye (clingy client of Wonwoo). Angered to see her sister/cousin/close friend being ignored by Wonwoo and not have his full attention anymore. Also think Wonwoo might be falling for Y/N, and doesn’t want her sister/cousin/close friend to experience heartbreak.

Chaeyoung’s Father:

Already has a history of being controlling over who interacts with his daughter

(Is he still part of the Schoolboard? And does the School still restrict SVT, or is that no more?)

What does he see: His daughter in distress, talking to SVT again, leaving for an entire summer… all because of who? Y/N.

Knows he can’t separate Chaeyoung from Y/N – childhood friends after all – but he can separate Y/N and Chaeyoung from SVT. Then he can start working on separating them.

‘Bitchy’ Client of Jeonghan (Eunha?):

Could be the one who bitched to the schoolboard when Jeonghan wanted to resign from SVT for Chaeyoung – or not.

Could be jealous of Y/N taking Jeonghan away from her, and wants to keep him away from Y/N

Jaehyun:

That one dude Chaeyoung dated for a hot second (were they really together??), best friends with Yuta (makes him suspicious!)

Could be in on the whole plot, planned to get to Y/N through Chaeyoung, but after that failed, they’re now doing Plan B

Unknown:

In Newsflash! 11 Y/N mentioned she once was too late in mending her relationship with someone. (She let someone slip away, as she said it.) Who was it? And could it be that the person is back, angry at Y/N for letting her slip away and wanting to get revenge?

Funny-informative things:

Seungcheol considered Joshua still a brother, even after Joshua left SVT and basically told them to get lost. So it’s extra ironic that he told Jihoon to leave because of a girl he just met ~2 months ago (Newsflash! 4)

You know, it’s really ironic – in Newsflash! 10 Joshua cites the fact that SVT just left Chaeyoung behind as his reason as to why he doesn’t tell Chaeyoung the truth. It’s very obvious he’s angry about them just leaving her. But look at what he’s doing now, leaving his friend of YEARS for… well, poor reasons. At least poorer reasons than SVT had to avoid Chaeyoung. Their education was at stake, while for him… what is at stake?

I like Jun calling Mingaho out on his bullshit in Newsflash! 22. First telling Jun that Y/N doesn’t like him that way and that he should go on a date with Yiren but then later on turn around and tell him ‘omg it was obvious she had feelings for you why did you play with her!!!’ Hao you just sank.

Newsflash! 26 Joshua’s whole tirade about “You should come to me when you need something, I should walk you home at night, it should be me, not Jun or Mingyu or Jeonghan” just rubs me in the wrong way. Like, dude – you weren’t there for her, but others were. So Y/N learned ‘oh, ok, can’t go to Joshua, I’ll go to someone else’. You can’t blame her for that. She went and found a different support system because you weren’t there for her. Stop being so controlling and demanding – even if you’re her friend since childhood, she doesn’t owe you shit. She doesn’t have to rely just on you, and doesn’t owe you a relationship. (Gosh, sorry went off on a tangent.)

Newsflash! 28 Jeonghan saying he’ll wait for Y/N until she’s ready (a whOLE LIE)

Newsflash! 36 Y/N doing the right thing and PUNCHING YUTA LIKE HE DESERVES GOODBYE HOE

THE MF IRONY OF JUN TEXTING “you don’t have any rights rn ur a dick” TO JEONGHAN IN Newsflash! 38 I’M DIEING XD HONEY, YOU ARE DICK YOURSELF. AND YOU’LL CONTINUE TO BE A DICK. GOSH YOU’RE MY BIAS WRECKER BUT HONESTLY SCREW Newsflash!/Move!Jun (Can we please get a moment where Jeonghan is convinced of Y/N's innocence but Jun doesn't believe her stubbornly, making Y/N cry, and then later when he sees he was wrong and tries to apologize Jeonghan pulls a "you don't have any right rn ur a dick" PLEASE???)

Also thank you Lee Jihoon for telling the guys they need to freaking CHILL. “throwing yourselves at her like DOGS” is exactly the phrase I would’ve used. 10/10 (Newsflash! 38)

Newsflash! 40 Joshua being a whole clown and texting “ill wait an eternity for you even if I get heartbroken in the end” like yeah, look at where you are now

Okay so to get this right: Y/N, Chaeyoung and Seungkwan have left for 1 week; Y/N drops her phone into a river in Thailand; that same week the thread was posted (but not on the exact same day?); very soon after that Sohee shows up and lies. That's… quick. How did no one of SVT think "wait, how come she showed up so soon after the thread was posted??" They really have -5 braincells, huh.

Questions I have/Things which don't add up for me:

Why was Chae’s Dad okay with Joshua still being friends with Chaeyoung? Is it because they didn’t have a thing for each other? Also, Chaeyoung's father still could've threatened Joshua. Either by threatening to take away his scholarship (if he has one) or by threatening to kick him out of university. Why was Joshua fine?

Why was it only Joshua who held to Chaeyoung when shit went down back then? I can understand Jeonghan, since his education was threatened, and Seungcheol, since he seems to be close with Jeonghan. But all the others? Did none of them, of all 12 (10) of them, care enough for Chaeyoung to say ‘I am resigning from SVT, I want to keep being friends with you’? My point is: it seems that SVT has a history of dropping people quite easily. Especially girls. Which is ironic, since SVT’s motto/theme is about respecting women and making them feel happy.

Then again - for how long have Joshua and Chaeyoung been friends? For how long have Chaeyoung and Y/N been friends? We know Joshua and Y/N are childhood friends (as far as I remember), but since Joshua said he met Chaeyoung during his time in SVT and only got close to her at that point, I don't think Y/N and Chaeyoung were childhood friends. But we also know Chaeyoung and Y/N were friends in Highschool, or else Chaeyoung wouldn't know about the reason why Y/N left for Japan. So... was Joshua just not aware of Chaeyoung, the best friend of his childhood friend? (How would that work??)

How did Y/N not know of SVT at the beginning of Newsflash! ? Like, she has to ask Chaeyoung who they are, even though Y/N has already been there for 2 Quarters. I get being a reclusive, I am too, but even I know about the very popular stuff going on around me. And SVT has to be popular. A host club/frat like theirs, not popular? They wouldn't bring in money if they weren't. And they do, as far as we know. So... is Y/N so unaware of her surroundings?

What also confuses me – we know Chaeyoung and Y/N have history. We know Y/N and Joshua have history. But Seungkwan and Y/N? We don’t know about them. We’re told he’s close friends with Y/N (Mingyu asking Seungkwan for help for getting Y/N and Seungcheol together, Seungkwan being the one to travel along Chaeyoung and Y/N), but we don’t see it. We see as much of their friendship – even less – than of Y/N’s friendship with Vernon, Dino, Hoshi and DK. I’m just- what’s their history? Why was he the one to travel alongside Chaeyoung and Y/N? Yeah, Chaeyoung said it’s because he’s not trying to get into Y/N’s pants, but… neither is Vernon or Dino. Or Seokmin. Hoshi is on shaky grounds, but I don’t think he wants to either. So, why Seungkwan?

Did DK and Y/N ever actually meet? Either during Newsflash! or Move! ? Because we know Y/N spent time with Vernon, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Joshua and Chaeyoung on different occasions, but never was there any talk of DK. Speaking of which - how did DK and Y/N become friends? Was DK just an 'add-on' when Y/N started tutoring Chan and became friends with him? Does that really make them friends?

And... that's all I have. Sorry if I lost some things when I re-submitted them! And let's hope it'll work now!!

I really love what you do. Keep up the amazing work!!! 💕💕

[elijahfitz]

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man