#i feel weirdly empty abt the whole thing

[c-anguineus]

just sat here thinking abt how you insisted you had no feelings for me but the night before i left nyc you held me for hours and hours

[love-toxin]

ok hear me out - fruity four but with a ‘good friend’ reader who knows they’re poly (aka we all have a crush on you hngghhg pls let us love u pls)

ok so, maybe someday, readers feeling a little more emotionally vulnerable, and while on the topic of nighttime routines, when it comes to ur turn, ur like “oh yea i get ready in like, complete silence, lol im so in my own head, I’ll go through the motions of braiding my hair so it doesn’t get in my face, filling my hot water bottle up bc im icicle cold, filling my drinking bottle up cus i wake up randomly super thirsty, making sure i do alllll of my skincare and maybe get a little snacky snack” and they’re all like 😍😍 yeah? until you end the little explanation with “a lot of the time, i pretend someone else is just doing all of that for me, yknow, like taking care of me and being all soft and not forgetting a step, like I pretend that my heads just empty and I don’t have to think, but then when it comes to sleep-bed-time, it makes me a little sad when I realise that no one’s actually there to cuddle me to sleep, so I try not to do that anymore! :)”

and they’re all like??? mortified. horrified. their sweet, sweet ‘friend’ (dear god pls like us pls) is all alone??“ur lonely? :(“ but reader so immediately denies it like nope. me? no ofc not im just extra soft and sensitive sometimes so it helps to pretend it’s someone else - pretend silly!!

and then it begins. Eddie hands you a water bottle. Normal, until he insists, quite silently, to be the one holding it while u drink from it, tilting his head down to ask a little “enough?” when he senses ur done

and then there’s that one time when nancys going through ur wardrobe after turning up at the ass crack of dawn and ur still half asleep in ur pjs, “looking” for a sweater she coulda sworn she left here that one time, just for her to slyly build your outfit for the day, all casual like “hey, here u go, and I’m gonna do ur hair this way too, could help u put it on if ur still sleepy? :)”

steve knowing ur indecisive - he use to not wanna make u uncomfy and overstep by being a bit dominant and assuming how you’d want things, but now has no qualms abt take out. the usual back and forth over “what do u wanna eat” “idk steve, u decide” “well idk what I fancy, what do u fancy” “I’ll have whatever Steve i promise” and when u do decide on a place, the whole other back and forth over what to actually order.

So now he just lets you know with a soft smile like “just ordered a chicken korma in, made sure to get u that nice mango chutney and a couple poppadoms, we’re watching greese too in a sec :)” and u feel.. weirdly safe. comforted? u can’t put ur finger on it so u try not to dwell on the feeling.

robin gets so touchy. they all like to be touchy with eachother, and at this point ofc are as touchy as they dare with you, but my god robin kicks it up so many notches. thinks nothing of biting u. which the first time she does it ur all like “ 0-0 huh?” until she explains that she cant sit still and ur literally right there so she’s naturally gonna get all chompy, and ur nice enough to be like “ohhhh alright” cus it’s not like she’s doing anything heinous, it’s just one of her quirks, right? always putting her legs over urs until she can find a way to get urs on her own, leaning into ur side until she can casually figure out how to make u do the same.

oh god. a sleepover. the thing they’ve been building up for. All of this? layered on THICK. you know they’ve been meticulously planning every single step of the night and planning everyone’s roles

(so so so many disagreements cus Eddie and Robin both wanna braid ur hair, but nancys the only one who actually knows how to braid. or Steve and Eddie fighting tooth and nail over who gets to do ur skincare until they decide that Steve can do all the washing and Eddie gets to do the nice soft pat pat pat towel drying)

They try and be smooth abt it but ofc it’s so different to other sleepovers. and u sorta just let them do it. u feel so selfish but it’s like.. the second Steve and Eddie pull u into the bathroom and Eddie picks up ur toothbrush to do ur teeth before ur facewash, u tear up a little. u feel selfish for indulging in their kindness but don’t wanna stop them. u wanna be cuddled by them all to sleep so badly but also not overstep relationship boundaries

WOOOOOF!!!! WROW!!!! IM......MELTING......no,, I'm too soft for this, im......sobs.....

being so vulnerable with them and getting rewarded for it.....it's like laying a present in their laps--they've loved you so much for so long, they've always wondered what they could do to show that, and now you've just dropped the answer right in front of them without even realizing it. them hoping you realize what they're doing when they fulfill all those dreams of yours, when they care for you down to the littlest detail, but in some ways they almost hope you don't, because it's almost better to watch you be so shy around them when they're doing things for you and be moved nearly to tears when they insist on taking away any stress you might be subject to. and then you feel selfish, you worry you're getting in the way of their relationship, and all four of them know they have to make it clear to you that you're one of them. they've just gotten what they wanted--to dote on you and be the ones you rely on completely--and they're not letting that go because of some silly worry you have of taking advantage of them. you could never do that, ever, they can promise you that.

[venusflwers]

:)

[bakubub]

Best friend rigs the Secret Santa for Bakugo and yourself to get one another...

A/N: Hullo everybody!! This is part 2 (find part one HERE) of this Pinterest Prompt and part 3 will (hopefully) be the final part. I honestly thought this would be a 800 word fic but now we're barreling towards almost 5k all together whoops lol-

Warnings: Just a few swears here and there, SFW, its literally all Bakusquad shenanigans.

Word count: abt 1.5k, ENJOY <3

"Soooooo~ Who d'ya get for the cringle?" Kaminari asks, leaning back on his chair dangerously to look back at me, sitting on the desk behind him. I raise my eyebrows, since I can't just raise the one, and flick my pen expertly in my hand.

"Mr. Aizawa," I answered seriously. "I'm thinking of getting him another sleeping bag. The musty yellow one isn't really his colour."

Looking genuinely confused, Kaminari looks around to see if anyone else overheard our conversation.

I laugh at him, and kick his chair forward, causing him to shriek as he sits squarely on his butt. I look down to see a folded note on my desk, opening to read it as Mr Aizawa tells us to settle down;

Lover boy was TOTALLY just greasing off Kaminari for making you laugh. I think someone's still jealous from the whole sleeping incident...

Catching Mina's eye, I give her an I don't think so look, which she promptly rolls her eyes at. Its been a whole weekend since the 'sleeping incident', where I had woken up with Kaminari's arms wrapped around my waist and his head nestled on my stomach. Accidentally of course. We, along with Bakugo and Kirishima, had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room, talking late last Friday night.

It really wasn't a big deal... Kaminari apologised several times. I got over it, he got over it, and I don't see why Bakugo, whom Mina just loves to call 'lover boy', would even care.

Plus, I have bigger problems. Like what to get said lover boy for the Christmas Cringle we were supposed to be exchanging this Saturday. He's literally impossible to buy for. Well, I could always just buy him a new pair of shorts or something, but since I've had a crush on him since literally the first day of school, it needs to be perfect.

So far I've thought of a cookbook, an apron, a scarf since he's always wearing the brown one, or maybe even a matching beanie; then again his hair has such personality I don't even know if he CAN put a beanie over those suspiciously natural spikes...

"Hellooooo, come on, Aizawa dismissed us," Mina says, nudging my shoulder.

I snap out of my daze and gather my things, following out of the nearly empty classroom.

"Decided on what to get monsieur Hothead yet?" I sigh, already having predicted this question.

"Nope," I say, popping the p as we walk to the dorm rooms. "I'm thinking of maybe getting-"

"Hey girls, wanna meet at the common room at 6 for a rematch of UNO?" Kaminari asks, coming up from behind us and slinging an arm over my and Mina's shoulders like he always does.

"Yeah sure, we're down." Mina answers, pinching him in the side so he lets us out of his grasp. We duck away, laughing and continuing our banter, before I catch Bakugo's gaze.

"You coming too, Bakugo?" I ask, walking up next to him, ignoring my heart trying to escape its cage.

"Coming where?" He grumbles, still looking disgruntled and angry.

"We're playing UNO around 6 today in the common room. Come on, it'll be fun," I say, trying to persuade him into coming, since he never usually participates.

"HELL NO! I don't have time to waste, especially with you extras," He yells at me. I huff, rolling my eyes and continuing to ignore the feeling of my heart beating in my eyeballs, as I grumble, "you never do," and walk back next to Mina, who was now somehow in a water fight with Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero.

Overall certain that I didn't let my nerves peek through while talking to him, I don't register what's happening as Sero grabs Oijiro's water bottle out of his bag, unscrews the lid, then promptly dumps it over my head.

With Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari and even Bakugo gasping in the background, I wiped the water off my face, before realising my mascara had probably smudged all over my cheeks and glared at Sero, who was slowly backing away.

I practically growl before chasing him, blindly grabbing my own water bottle out of my bag and drenching him, messing up his styled hair which has him shrieking "sorry, I'm so sorry!" and has me cackling in sweet, sweet revenge.

---

"PLUS FOUR?! AGAIN KIRISHIMA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Mina screeches as she pounds Kirishima's arm from next to him, who is laughing and judging from his reaction, barely feeling her punches. I know from experience, that Mina punches hard. He has to be really tough not to show an inkling of pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just really have to win this one!" He says, shooting a guilty smile Mina's way. Maybe he just doesn't feel pain in general...? I stare at him with suspicion as Mina huffs and she rolls her eyes at him, promptly dropping a four plus for the next person in our circle, who just happened to be me.

"Hey! Not cool, hypocrite." I mutter.

"I had to get my anger out somehow. I'm pretending you're Kirishima. Go on, pick up those cards, you slimy rat," Mina says smugly.

Giving her a confused look at her weird logic, I continued the game, Shoji and Hagakure also having joined in half way.

Just as I'm about to announce UNO, Bakugo stomps through the common room and sits right in between myself and Mina, crossing his legs on the floor and leaning back on his two hands.

"BAKUBRO! YOU CAME!" Kirishima yells excitedly, Kaminari and Sero also whooping and cheering.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I finished my work and came to see what you idiots were doing." He says, voice gruff but not screaming for once.

I raise my brows at him, and he scowls and looks the other way, not being able to face me after he so rudely rejected my invitation a few hours ago.

"Oh please, you just couldn't handle the FOMO." I say teasingly, smirking at him without fully turning my face so the others can hear.

Sero stifles a laugh and Kaminari looks confused before the dots connect and he also has his hand clamped around his mouth.

"She has a green 7," is all he says, a sadistic look of satisfaction overtaking his features. It takes a moment for all of us to realise what he just said.

Mina cackles as she changes the colour to red, effectively stopping me from winning the game.

Shooting him a dirty look, I lean over to grab another card, simultaneously elbowing him hard in the shin, which he doesn't even react to.

What is it with these guys and their weirdly high pain tolerance?

Ignoring him now, we continue the game, Kirishima practically slamming his last card on top of the deck. "I WON, I WON, man that was so MANLY," He celebrates as I see Mina rolling her eyes and silently fuming. I begin to shuffle and hand out the cards deliberately skipping Bakugo, which doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"Oi, where are my cards?" He asks, annoyance evident in his tone as Kirishima continues to gloat in the background about how manly his win was and Kaminari complaining about how he never "gets the good cards." When I don't respond, Bakugo steals my cards from in front of me, leaning forward to play with the others.

Snarling, I grab my cards out of his hand, causing him to snarl back, until we're fighting for the 7 cards.

"What are you guys doing, there's a whole ass deck here, you know," Sero says, eyebrows raised and nudging Kirishima.

"These. Ones. Are. MINE." I gasp out, my knee coming around to jab him in his side as his hand pushes me down from my sternum. Oxygen knocked out of my lungs, I gasped for air as I tried to hold the cards out of his reach, my hero training kicking in as I snake my other arm around the back of his neck to hold him in an upside down headlock. Trying to push his forehead onto the ground, I give the cards to Mina, who laughs and takes them, after taking a photo of us.

Having apparently heard the camera click, Bakugo (after struggling a great deal might I smugly add) gets out of my head lock and zones in on Mina. "Delete that photo, Racoon Eyes," He snarls.

"Not in a million years. Awww, look Bakugo are you blushing?" She says, pointing at her phone.

Eyes widening and red creeping up his neck, Bakugo snatches the phone out of her hand and deletes the photo, before getting up and leaving.

"C'mon Bakubro, she's just joking," Kirishima says, following him out.

"Yeah man, you didn't even play a game yet," Sero adds.

"I HAVE STUFF TO DO!" He screams, seemingly going back to his old self.

"Didn't you just say that you finished your homework?" Kaminari asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"SHUT IT, CHARGEBOLT! I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU," he says a tad too harshly, turning slightly to glare at him with bulging eyeballs. Kaminari closes his mouth and shuffles his cards, trying not to set him off again.

"Bakugo-" I start, but when he doesn't turn, I find myself letting him leave.

Staring dejectedly at Mina, she gives me a giddy smile and grabs my phone, going onto her messages and smirking as she shows me the photo he just deleted.

"I sent it to you as soon as I took it. Thank me later," she says, winking, as she gets up to leave, dragging Sero and Kaminari with her.

I look down at the slightly blurry photo, seeing me handing Mina the UNO cards under Bakugo with a desperate expression. He has his hand pressed down on my sternum, straddling my waist and looking down at me, with an unmistakable smile gracing his features. Unless that's just a new way of scowling.

The phone dims and all of a sudden I'm confronted with my own expression on the darkened screen.

A lovesick fool.

That's all I can see.

A/N: Ngl pretty proud of that ending. JUst in case I'm not as slick as I think I am, she meant herself and Bakugo, hehe <3

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

Find part 3 HERE

[equalseleventhirds]

jonny i am once again asking you for fear soup confirmation, but in the meantime i’ll dO IT MYSELF,

(warning for in-depth discussion of mag 174 and all the same content warnings implied by that)

vast vast vast all over, and i could spend a lot of time talking about the vast this episode but this is not the post for THAT

weirdly plenty of buried (or perhaps not weirdly, as will pointed out before that vast and buried are VERY similar): ‘it will crush her home, it will crush her family and her city and her world', ‘only the crushing dread', ‘the shadow reaches a thousand miles in every direction’, ‘never cross that line from below the shadow into open, sun-lit air’, ‘pushed by the shoulder of the woman crushed in behind him’, ‘pushed and squeezed and gasping for space‘

spiral! mehreen’s whole Situation is spiraly as hell, with thinking things and then not being sure if she even knows them: ‘if pressed, she could not have told you what day it is today/she could not have pictured it/she remembers the heat but not the season’, ‘the time before the sky was covered is hazy to her‘, ‘does she remember having a child? a spouse?’

mehreen in particular also gets stranger (tied up in the spiral, as it so often is): ‘does she remember her mother having such a cruel sneer?‘, ‘mehreen cannot quite make out their faces as she bundles them into the car’, ‘the blank-faced strangers around them frozen’, ‘her unfamiliar daughter laughs cruelly‘

bit of hunt with ‘knowledge that they started too late, that they’re not fast enough’, ‘how long has she been running, minutes? days?’

not sure if the destruction of everything you have and know counts as desolation without a willful & deliberate destruction rather than a casual and unaware one, but... ‘it has so casually wiped from the world everything that she will ever know or love’

is the shadow of the beast dark? especially if it blots out all other things & is inescapable? ...meh. prolly not.

edward gets the web: ‘he is interlocked, woven into an unending tapestry of suffering, contorted bodies’, ‘where the impulses come from, he does not know, traveling through the impossible colossus, rippling down through the people that form its bulk’

some flesh (both in the twisting painful physical way, and in the metaphorical made-just-meat-on-the-pile way): ‘he can feel his own muscles twist and stretch with those he holds onto’, ‘bones snap and tendons rip as the force of the step sharply shifts the twisted arrangement of human misery’, ‘human forms lost in the strange, moving texture’

lonely! i know i did a thing abt simon rejecting peter’s whole thing, but also lonely’s definitely used here (mostly to push edward back into the beast): ‘for it is only now that edward realizes how thin the air is, how cold it is without the warmth of uncountable bodies on all sides’, ‘upwards and away, out into the empty air below’, ‘the beast he was once a part of is a blur beside him‘

a little eye bcos that’s always there (less in being watched and more in looking at things in spite of urself/wanting info/getting awful knowledge, tho): ‘half of mehreen’s mind screams at her (...) perhaps she could see the whole of it’, ‘the other half her mind whispers the truth’, ‘willing himself to look out, over, and down, see where he is’, ‘finally, he looks. his stomach drops.’

max tiinykaiju said possibly corruption in the many tiny things working all together as one, and i’m not SURE but i’ve also noted that the vast & the corruption mirror each other before, so. also the twisted sort of love of edward being relieved to be pulled back into the beast... consumed by that which loves you? maybe!

and the end, of course. ‘wiping out everything they were or are or will be, rendering their lives an unremembered blip’, ‘they cannot escape the shadow as their doom gets forever closer’, ‘he does not want to die smeared over that flat and hateful wasteland far below’,

[spirit-shroud]

i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase) 

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever. 

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’ 

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human) 

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man 

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!! 

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot 

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good 

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing. 

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends 

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T

[strvwberryblcnde]

👫 viktor lana :D

send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons i have about our muses’ relationship.

he he he he (me doing an evil little laugh tht daunts n unnerves everyone around me)..... i knew u would send this i already thought of this hc in advance when i rb’d the post. ahem. i will begin. tht time they went motel hopping n wreaking havoc bc they were both suspended from radcliffe i imagine one night a motel they got to was booked full n they’d got there rly late so they were jst like fk it let’s sleep in the car. viktor’s hearse. n if he happened to have fallen asleep first i feel like she wld have been like huh.............. he lks weirdly peaceful when he sleeps almost like he doesn’t wna bite the whole world into tiny little pieces fr once. she’d feel like she ws sighting a rare exotic bird in the wild like it ws some special privilege i think she’d smile to herself abt it like a loser. n lana is literally so physically affectionate she’s like a gross over excitable puppy so i cn imagine her wriggling up to him n carefully as possible plopping his arm over her as he slept. inspired by this image bt rly just.... in any form she’d tuck herself up w him n sleep tht way w the aim of somehow waking up first n moving before he realised she’d done it. idk if tht would have happened i wnt lie lana sleeps rly soundly when she’s cosy w ppl she likes so <3 mayb he ws disgusted by this when he woke up n saw it bt it’s ok <3 lana wld laugh it off n not care

i think i might hv mentioned this as a hc very briefly in a reply before bt???? i jst thought of it again now. i hv this idea in my head of a game lana wld play with viktor where she’d draw in biro on her thigh a grid fr noughts and crosses except she usually does like. stars and hearts or just a way more Lana version..... i cn imagine her making him play this w her when they were like. jst sat out on the beach in provincetown or in bed after 👀 except i think she wld let him choose what he drew for his turns. smthn to represent him. mayb she’d suggest a ram’s head like black phillip fr his sexy chaotic satanic goat aura n he’d be like ya sure i’ll draw a whole fking detailed ram’s head in this tiny square lana n she’d be like ugh ur talent ur mind jst ignoring the sarcasm n loving it instead. in a similar ball park i feel like she wld doodle things on his tattoos like a penis on his marble statue-esque one (if tht is actually canon i cnt remember if u said it was i won’t lie) n jst things like tht. rly all of these things r just an excuse to touch him n vice versa bt. the noughts n crosses game in particular is one she made up just fr him.

fr his bday i feel like lana wld give him a homemade coupon tht entitles him to an elaborately staged rouse where they entrap some loser man w a fake relationship / spat / whtever which involves her seducing him n viktor finding them n freaking out. like they hv before bt. maybe this one wld even involve sfx blood it wld be extreme n dramatic n scandalous. mayb lana wld at one point put in fake vampire teeth. it wld be ridiculous the guy wld be like what the fuck who are u people. he wld maybe get genuinely injured it wld be a lot. sometimes lana can b a bit immoral fr the drama of it all i feel like viktor brings out her most rogue side n honestly tht is sexy. bt anyway in addition to this she wld ask judes help n get him to do a drawing/piece of tatiana. she wld be nervous abt giving this to viktor bc obviously he doesn’t like talking abt / confronting vulnerable topics so i feel like she’d jst slip it into an envelope n leave it in his room as a silent gift from her n not be there to see his reaction or anything. i think she might not even sign her name she’d jst kiss a lipstick print onto the envelope n know he’d recognise who it was by the colour bc of tht time he said he’d know it anywhere. sighs n lks away...

ok so. fr the night where lana stole trent’s car keys n walked up to viktor at tht party n was basically like “hey wna steal a car w me :)” in not so many words.... this is hw i envision the night panning out. they went speeding. lana at various points was dangling way too much out of the window n holding her hands out bc she loves feeling the wind on her fingers when ppl drive fast. hair jst blasting everywhere truly no concern fr safety. viktor probably literally hd to haul her bk into the car by her ass at numerous points bc she almost flew out n died. she’d ask him to find an empty lot where they cld spin n skid around the place n keep being like AGAIN AGAIN CAN WE GO AGAIN like a giddy child requesting another go on the swings. after all tht fun i feel like she wld hv been like lets drive out somewhere quiet n they’d end up like. at some kind of lake in the woods. mayb they get out there idk bt after all the thrill/novelty wore off a bit i feel like trent’s car wld mke lana sad bc she has bad memories associated with it / him in general n she’d jst impulsively hit the bonnet n try to snap the windscreen wipers n struggle doing it bc she doesn’t hv the arm strength so she’d jst be like ERGH!!!!!!!!!! n try to kick the car after giving up n it wld be rly hard n hurt her foot n she’d b swearing like FK this car it’s so UGLY......... jst the worst tantrum bc her heart’s never Rly in it when she’s angry it’s always just very clear she’s sad n trying to make tht sadness seem braver. mayb his way of calming her dwn in this situation wld b like. let’s sink the fker <3 n lana is silent fr a bit before being like. sniffs. ok :) bt she’ll only do it if they’re in the car n drive it into the lake bc she wants to see all of trent’s shitty cds get wet n ruined frm the inside. anyway. it happens. they hv to climb out of the lake sopping wet n walk bk all tht way. is it cold? idk. this ws all a hideous idea bt that’s on brand. i won’t lie she’d maybe silently hold his hand on the walk bk fr a little while n if he commented on it be like ummmm if we don’t work together to preserve body heat we Lit Rally might get hypothermia viktor don’t b a BABY abt it i’m saving ur life if anything u shd thank me i dnt even wna hold ur big sexy hand i’m jst playing paramedic... bt in reality who r we kidding. she’d jst wna hold his hand. she’s sick <3

[noctvrncls-blog]

𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈.𝐃. : / / [ jake gyllenhaal + cis male + he/him ] — thomas o'malley? oh, you mean tommy! they are a thirty-five year old locksmith known as the jack of all trades. i heard some sketchy stuff about them, like how they break into big corporations! oof, no wonder the mad titan was after them. to be fair, i think they’re appealing + jocose, even if halting + dubious. did you know? their big secret is redacted. cheap warm beer, empty motel rooms lit by neon signs, oil stained hands.

hey my name is ron, i’m 23 and i have a basketball game tomorrowwww. i know vine intros aren’t what kids do anymore but whenever i introduce myself it’s all i can think abt i’m so sroyury. anyways. i’m excited to b here, it’s been a minute since i last rped so yk, i’m rusty. but i’m also here to love all ur charas. now let’s talk abt this fucking idiot aka tommy o’malley.

first of all, he’s the embodiment of this vine

old, tired, the bags under his eyes? they’re not fucking designer, they some bootleg chanels tops

hailing from a family of irish descent, tommy’s dad aka danny o’malley figured it would be hard to compete with all the irish pubs out there, deciding to go into locksmith business. you see, the o’malleys back in ireland, they had a little bit of ease with the sleight of hand. it was a tradition that was passed down to tommy’s dad from his grandpa, and to his grandpa from his greatgrandpa. so yeah, they made bucks stealing little things on the side of having a legitimate business.

of course, it was only a matter of time before thomas himself learned the trade. he must have been seven or eight by the time he mastered it, and his father was weirdly proud of tommy’s innate gift. of course, the more tommy practiced the better he got at it, capable of stealing a man’s watch in a fraction of seconds.

as tommy grew up, he helped his dad out around the shop, selling and fixing locks, sort of a wolfgang like gig from sense8, yk??? but not really because instead of being broody and somber tommy well, he was an idiot. he liked to laugh and to drink and he’s fucking loud, a lot like his family

either way, at some point, tommy got so good at cracking safes that it kind of became an idea, on the back of their minds, that they should do this for profit. it started out little, a few jobs here and there and as tommy slipped into his teens, he got bolder, better, extracting secrets from the most challenging locks

to the outer world, no one knew that the o’malley son was responsible for cracking the codes and the revenue from the back of the shop, with his father taking credit for the misdemeanor. according to tommy’s dad, his son shouldn’t worry about things like that and just focus on school and being a normal kid, and not a product.

that’s how the titan got to his father. no good deed goes unpunished and definitely no bad deed does either in the town of atlas. after pulling a big job, danny o’malley was found with shattered legs and spends the rest of his life confined to a wheelchair.

so yeah, you could say that tommy really feels guilty for his dad taking the fall for his deeds. and he had sort of a personal vendetta against the mad titan.

still, though more careful nowadays, tommy still pulls heists. invading into government property, stealing stuff people pay a high price to have handed to them. documents, titles, you name it. he’s good at opening doors, and that’s what he’ll say to any client of his, the ones that come for a change of doorlocks or the ones who come in for more illegal trades.

tommy is definitely a mess and doesn’t know what’s going on 99% of the time

has a very juvenile sense of humor tbh, but he’s charming yk, he’s easy to talk to and friendly enough and idk, he helps old ladies with their groceries and he’s pretty much just a normal dude??? like, just wants some peace and quiet it’s not his fault that he’s really good at being a con

wears a lot of layers he’s always cold??? like denim jackets w hoodies and sweaters, just a grizzly lookin man

plant dad

his motel room is a fucking mess, a lot of work related stuff laying around (yk, the legal part of his work ofc)

also he lives in a motel because well, he sold the house he lived with his dad to put his dad under nursing care cause his dad needs it and he doesn’t feel like just buying an apartment yk, he’d feel lonely in one and he craves some social interaction and he kinda has that living in a motel

v good w kids but will teach them how to steal money from your purse

loveable guy although terrible social skills

probably has a nervous breakdown every 3 to 5 months

was in love once and it ended with him getting hurt so now he just lives in his cave like plato’s cave allegory and doesn’t think about love at all bc haha he’s fragile and hates to cry in public

also good w animals but doesn’t have any

honestly??? without the whole thief part?? a solid dude. too bad he’s a fucking idiot 24/7

oh also, here’s his pinterest board

if you’d like to plot w this mess, pls like this or think happy thoughts n i shall storm into ur dms so i can love u down. i have a d*scord n its kurtistown resident#2978 if u wanna plot thru there. that’s all ig!!!

[tinkdw]

if they dont follow thru w/ destiel, man what a waste of a set up! chemistry, subtext, parallels + culmination of their story arcs w/c all dovetail together! if they go thru w/it it'll be such an INCREDIBLE slow burn. weirdly enough (or not) mobby is making me feel more positive abt destiel? there's the sunshine parallel+ also last season when bobby told mary he's not sure he'd want to go home even if he could? idk on a rewatch it seemed like a possible mirror relevant to cas's endgame.

EXACTLY.

There’s just so much effort that’s gone into setting so many characters up as mirrors for them, whole plot arcs that make no sense without Destiel (Amara in s11), whole secondary plot arcs that make no sense without Destiel ie. Cas feeling unrequited love, the whole The Empty “i know who you love there’s nothing for you there” thing, Dean being all repressed and shit and the fact it’s so symbolically blatantly mirrored with Michael!Dean etc...

Like what is the POINT if not leading there? It’s like having a baseball player run the whole way around and just stop right before hitting home run.

Literally pointless, fruitless and frustrating AF for everyone involved, fans etc, but especially the player/writer.

Otherwise it’s just chaotic mayhem with writers falling all over themselves uselessly...

[whoify]

series 1 rewatch

average rating: 6.9/10

ngl, there are more high ratings here than i thought there would be! i don’t rewatch these eps often, so i’d forgotten just how strong some of them are. some of them do still suck. feel free to share your own thoughts, agreements, or disagreements below!

rose: 6/10

by all modern standards this is a terrible episode. that being said, i love it. it’s funny and stupid and mysterious and teases u with just enough info that u gotta keep watching. fun fact: when i first watched this ep back in 2014, i declared that it was the biggest waste of 40 mins after i finished it. we love growth.

the end of the world: 7/10

this is definitely the most iconic episode in this series. aliens, the face of boe, brittany spears, emotional bonding, it really has everything. objectively it’s kinda lame but it’s what gives it character

the unquiet dead: 8/10

the other two got high ratings just bc they’re kinda iconic but this one is genuinely good. ghosts, charles dickens, & the sexual tension between rose and gwenyth? A+.

aliens of london/world war three: 3/10

kinda hate this one, i really don’t like how they made rose be gone for a whole year as it didn’t seem to serve much purpose?? the pig and slitheen are dumb, all the characters treat each other like shit. only good thing is harriet jones. we know who she is. the missile thing is stupid, although the slitheens’ motives are interesting.

dalek: 9/10

very very good. i love getting to see the doctor’s darker side as well as his guilt about the time war. lots of angst that’s mostly well resolved. good cognitive dissonance that the doctor has to work thru abt his relationship to this dalek.

the long game: 5/10

generally okay, mostly surface level plot and kinda predictable. i don’t like how everyone’s an ass to adam. otherwise it’s a p average ep.

father’s day: 4/10

i used to like this ep bc i thought it was the scariest, but it’s safe to say i’ve changed my mind. none of it makes like, any logical sense, also all the characters are so mean to each other!!! i do like the emotional bits with rose and her dad.

the empty child/the doctor dances: 10/10

now👏🏼this👏🏼is👏🏼more👏🏼like👏🏼it👏🏼 absolute classic episode, perfect mix of scary and funny, jack fuckin harkness, a good twist and a happy ending. perfection.

boom town: 8/10

weirdly forgettable but it’s quite good?? the conflict between characters actually serves a purpose to further their development (ie mickey and rose fighting) and getting to see the doctor hash out philosophy with margaret is interesting. also i live for og team tardis interactions.

bad wolf/the parting of the ways: 9/10

holy shit. i forgot how good this finale is?? the gameshow bit is a bit cheesy imo but other than that. man. the Emotion in these eps. the kiss is so expected but in a good way, it just HAS to happen. nine’s goodbye is so simple but heartbreaking and i already miss him.

[mechawolfie]

Ok now im curious 👀 what are ur gripes with the movie? O:

so I dont want to be too negative abt this movie. it's new and it's beautiful and fun and the fact that the main character is a black girl is just... hell yeah??? I would've adored this movie as a kid, and I'm sure it'll mean a lot to a lot of ppl, and I hope it gets big. but also I cant Not think abt these things, so:

so ok the general plot is VERY how to train your dragon, so w the mc, maisie, we get that same character progression of: looks up to the beast hunters & wants to join them > realizes they aren’t the heroes she imagined them to be & the beasts aren’t actually blood thirsty monsters either > decides the pointless fighting between the two needs to stop, & she wants to stop it. basically my problem is that it just feels.. weird having the little black girl be the one at the forefront of this huge social change, and having her end up putting herself in harm's way in an attempt to achieve that

especially when 1) you expect her to be the main focus, but the movie doesn’t even start w her. and after her brief introduction, we get a whole lot of learning abt the adults + their motives, our main focus being on the white guy, jacob, & the (also white) captain, n she only gets small scenes in all this time (i’d say the focus shifts back to her abt 40 minutes in?). and 2) in what little bit we get of her at the start, shes such a charming character, but then once we get to the realization part of her story arch its like...  idk how to describe it. it's like shes been possessed by the writers trying to express their message. at the start shes a normal naive kid, but then suddenly shes got everything figured out & is having these super wise takes on the situation as if shes always felt this way & isn’t just a little kid who’s learning all this stuff at the same time as the viewers & jacob.

basically it just feels like shes here to be the writers’ voice? & can’t just be.. a kid? there’s a couple things that happen at the end that I was rly hoping wouldn’t happen, bc its typical for her kind of character, n then it Does happen n I'm like. cmon yall.... like they fit the trope yeah but it feels Bad when the character is a black girl. like it feels like it sends a concerning message. & honestly I feel like if this were a darker, more mature movie, she would've died somewhere in/nearing the climax of the story. it rly did just feel like she was there to teach our white characters a lesson in the end.

second problem, there’s a witch-type character that shows up briefly, & she has the typical hook-nosed big frizzy-haired evil snakey type design. and I feel like, with how this movie seems to pride itself on its diversity, you’d think someone on the creative crew would've caught that. it feels like even in more “progressive” media, ppl will make exceptions for antisemitism & fatphobia. i imagine someone would make the excuse “well maybe they didn’t know!!” but no. its 2022. they know. lmao

anyway, that's basically it. besides a few very minor issues w story (ending felt weirdly.. empty?? idk why) and design choices (beast designs feel out of place when compared to.. everything else in this movie. they kinda look like gummy candy. cute as hell don’t get me wrong!! but it's kind of jarring at times lol)

[iheartdirt]

Dig Your Own Grave and Then Bury the Hatchet [4/5]

Fandom: Invader Zim

Pairing/Characters: ZaDr

Rating: M

Word Count: ~8,500

Notes: I sent this draft to jhonens house written out of magazine letters and he personally wrote me back and told me i own zim now :/thx to mrsbigfoot on tumblr 4 continuing to care abt this fic an entire year later

Summary:  Alternatively Titled: In Which Zim and Dib Makeout and it Upsets the Balance of the Entire Universe

Read it at AO3 or under the cut

There’s something to be said for Zim’s tenacity, at least. Even in the face of concrete evidence that he’s a large-scale fuck-up moron he’s still maintaining that this is exactly what he was going for, really. This is just step one in his convoluted master plan of idiocy. In this case, the concrete evidence happens to be the giant concrete cell that he and Dib are encased in, supposedly for the rest of time and space until they rot, so, Dib isn’t exactly ready to just let this one go.

“Does a truthful word ever come out of your mouth, Zim? Just wondering.”

Zim stomps his foot and hisses.

“Liars! Liars and rats and fleas with diseases! Do you really think you can trust Tak over me?” Unsurprisingly, Dib does think this. Since Zim is a large-scale fuck-up moron. And has tried to blow him up on multiple occasions.

“Why would I trust you? You’ve done nothing but lie this entire trip. You could’ve gotten me killed- you have a death warrant sitting on your head!” He gestures to the whole room, because, like, honestly. “And I like Tak. She hates you.”

A strangled noise is torn from Zim and he yanks one antennae over the side of his head, weaving it between his fingers to get a better grip. “It was a misunderstanding, you insolent foolboy! I was on my way to correct it, and then neither of us would be in trouble.”

Dib starts, chest heaving and eyes wide. Then he barks a hard choked up laugh of disbelief that hurts his throat. “I wasn’t in any trouble at all! Not from the empire, and not from you or your stupid fake mission that Tak told me about.”

Zim screams and launches himself at him. Dib, surprised, stumbles under the weight and falls hard on the floor. Air rushes out of him in a whoosh. Bright little dots erupt across his vision and he tries furiously to blink them away. A hot liquid that has to be blood has started to pool around his neck and Zim is still trying to scratch his fucking guts out. Regaining his breath, he uses all his strength to buck Zim off of him and rolls away as far as he can before he hits another wall, trying to be careful not to bump his head on anything else and worsen what could already be a bad concussion. He thinks that The Resisty probably won’t spare medical supplies to two rowdy prisoners.

And even though it feels like his brain might be leaking out the back of his skull, this feels easy. Dib’s muscles practically fall into sense memory fighting Zim. He knows that Zim always feints left, but almost never feints to the right. He knows there’s a place under Zim’s sternum that almost always makes him vomit if he can hit it at the right angle. This feels natural. Like they were back on Earth and Dib had the fire in his belly of the sole protector of his race.

Except, he remembers as Zim swipes at his face, Earth doesn’t need a protector. Earth never really needed a protector. The only fire in his belly right now is because Zim deserves a swift kick in the jaw.

The next swipe Zim makes for his face, Dib feints up rather than down, swinging his leg up to deliver a satisfying thump against Zim’s midsection. Something cracks and Dib feels a heady rush of adrenaline. Zim kneels, and Dib takes the opportunity to use the momentum to backhand him around the temple, sending him sprawling against the floor.

It feels more than a little badass.

Shrieking, Zim rolls onto all fours and crawls towards Dib with alarming speed. This surprises Dib so much he allows himself to be knocked to the floor where Zim grabs around his kneecap and pulls.

“You would be nothing without me.” He hisses, scrambling away from Dib. “You would mean nothing to your boring underdeveloped planet if I hadn’t accidentally landed in your front yard.”

Blood starts to rush back into his brain and cools Dib’s nerve. He hasn’t fought with this stupid lizard this hard since he was like, sixteen maybe. Suddenly exhausted and dizzy, Dib tries for a weak kick in Zim’s direction from the floor and laughs hollowly. “And what did you have without me, huh, Zim? Not your mission, apparently.” Probably worth it to milk this fake mission thing as far as he can take it.

Laying on the floor, breathing heavily, making no move to come for Dib again, Zim looks up at him and says: “I hate you” and Dib knows it’s true and hates him back.

Dib takes several long breaths, but says nothing. He thinks he might say something witty or clever or hilarious, but then a voice sounds in the room that belongs to neither of them that’s starts Dib for a second.

“Can you guys please shut up? It’s the late shift and I just-I don’t care.”

There’s a hard, tense second where Zim and Dib are still looking at each other before they both realize, seemingly at the same time, that it came from an intercom system.

Dib looks up at the ceiling and laughs humorlessly.

“Just a general question, Zim,” Dib says, ignoring the intercom. “Do you absolutely have to ruin everything in my entire life? Does it bring you that much joy?”

“I mean,” Zim touches the bottom of his collarbone in fake contemplation. “Yes.”

Dib tries to be angry but is empty instead. He used up all of his anger with that sweet backhand and now all he feels raw and tired. Spending several moments contemplating the actual unlikeliness of how exhaustingly difficult his life is all of the time, he’s drained. Mathematically, it cannot be possible for his life to be this difficult. They spend several minutes in a heavy, stuffy silence.

“We have to talk about this deal they’re giving us,” He says, finally.

“I’m sure” Zim says “that I have no idea what you’re talking about. In fact, if I did know what you were talking about, which I don’t” he adds, “Zim would be reporting you to the proper authorities so they could pop your overgrown revolutionist head like a greasy pimple.”

More taken back by the comparison of his head to a zit of all things than the actual insult, Dib almost doesn’t catch onto what Zim is trying to say.

“And what about you, Zim? Huh? You think they’re just gonna let you off with a warning because you made your own arrest a little easier?”

Zim snorts. Dib has no idea how he accomplishes this without a nose and is minorly irritated about it. “I have friends in higher circles that your stupid Earth-rotted brain could never comprehend.”

Ignoring the irony of “higher circles,” Dib chooses to become extremely exasperated. “You don’t have any friends, Zim! All you have is me, and I’d hardly call myself your friend. If it weren’t for me we’d both be incinerated by now!”

The intercom system decides to speak up again just as Zim opens his stupid mouth. Not all heroes wear capes.

“They would definitely incinerate you,” it says.  

Zim stumbles to his feet and points at the ceiling, waving and jabbing his finger at the air as if it could kill the sound waves for defying him. “Did the mighty Zim ask for your opinion, insignificant voice drone? I do not think so!”

The voice apologizes, not sounding sorry at all.

Dib sighs, resting his head in the crook of his knee, the soft material of his pants weirdly comforting. Everything was weird right now, but at least his pants were weirdly comforting. It’s obvious he’s going to have to tackle this from a different angle. Zim is never going to accept that anybody could hold ill will towards him, especially the race he came from. They were going to rot here until they died with Zim’s last wheezy, nasally breath decreeing his greatness.

Because the only thing Zim cares about more than anything else is himself.

Dib starts. The only thing Zim cares more than anything else is himself.

“Zim,” Dib says, raising his head to meet Zim’s eyes. He tries to hold them, conveying desperation with his eyes as much with his voice. “We are being offered two front row seats to making galactic history. If you can pull this off, we would be leading an entire army. An entire revolution- an entire generation of people all following your orders.” Zim’s eyes widen at that, and Dib has to push down his internal celebration and keep his face a mask of innocence and honesty.

“You can be bigger than Irk. You can be bigger than the empire, even. You can be ‘The Resisty.” Dib makes sure to take in a shaky breath, filing the name with a sort of awe. Is Drama Club a useless extracurricular for his resume now, Dad?

“The Resisty is a stupid name,” Zim says, but Dib notices how he’s still frozen still, eyes wide.

“Okay, that’s fair.” Don’t make any sudden movements, Dib. “But that’s not the point. The point is you could be so powerful, you could change the name to whatever you want.”

Thankfully, the intercom decided not to speak up, which Dib was internally grateful for since he wasn’t so sure about the validity of his last statement.

Still maintaining eye contact, Zim slides along the floor. He nervously runs his hands up and down the sides of his legs, making little skittering motions with his fingers.

“I suppose it is possible that Zim may make,” he stops and steadies his hands on his knees “a good, or perhaps better leader for the universe than most.”

Dib remains silent, not daring to move a muscle and break Zim out of the fragile state of mind he shuffled him into.

Zim finally breaks the eye contact by squaring his shoulders and looking superciliously at the far wall.

“I will consider it.”

Dib lets out a breath through clenched teeth, nods tightly, and doesn’t speak anymore.  

When Dib wakes up to a kick in the ribs the next morning he is wholly unsurprised. How did Zim know he’s always wanted to wake up to a fractured rib? What a kind friend.

“Bow down before your new ruler, fiend.”

“What?” Dib wheezes.

He feels Zim’s weight shift backwards, presumably for another kick to the guts, and Dib punches out blindly with one arm. His elbow hits Zim in the shin mid strike, and he hears the unmistakable sound of Zim crashing to the floor. Bullseye.

Clutching his ribs with his other arm, Dib rolls onto his back to get a look at Zim. “You will pay for that when I am given my position, monkey-stench.”

And then it all clicks together and Dib gets it.

“You’re teaming up with the Resisty?” Dib asks.

Zim scoffs. “I am not,” he brings his hands up into air quotes “teaming up with The Resisty. I am staging a clever coup d’état.”

For a moment, Dib just blinks. “Where did you learn that phrase?”

“It does not matter!” Zim flaps his hand back and forth dismissively. “What matters is that I am in charge of you and the rest of the galaxy and I demand as ruler to be let out of this tiny grey box immediately.”

They do get shown out of their tiny grey box, after Dib translates Zim’s posturing to the intercom to mean “yes, we will accept the terms of our confinement, please do not starve us to death.” The alien that comes to pick them up looks insect-like and carries some large-looking plasma thing, which Dib finds a little excessive but has far more sense than to say so. Without speaking, he approaches Dib and touches something on his head. Dib has no idea what to do. Is this a greeting? Is this some form of communication to mean “I will not kill you”? He looks over at Zim. Why isn’t Zim doing anything? After a couple tense moments, Dib awkwardly touches his head in the same place and the alien gives him a strange look. It gestures with one of its appendages to follow it, and Dib falls in line behind it, feeling oddly like he’s failed some test.

“Don’t know how you put up with it, myself,” the thing garbles eventually, rolling one giant eye over to survey Zim. “Irken’s ain’t exactly my cup of jing if you know what I mean.” It rolls his other big eye over to eye Dib skeptically.

Dib has no idea what he means, but he’s eager to make up for his earlier mistake and, honestly, he’s totally right. How does he put up with it? He’s a saint.

“Eh?” Zim says, “I’ll have you know-”

“It’s an incredible burden that I alone must bear. It takes years off my life, honestly.” Dib interrupts.

The alien nods it’s large head sagely. “Small, too,” it comments.

Zim scoffs with such vigor his voice breaks like a teenager’s. Dib is delighted. He loves Escort Alien and his excessive large plasma thing, he decides, even if he does weird things with the side of his head.

Throughout the tour, Dib notices that most of the ship is a glowing, gleaming white. He had thought, from Zim’s ship, that ships were sort of a pale yellow color by default, accented with smudges of pale brown. They’re white by default. Zim is just a horrible tiny goblin. He takes a moment to hate Zim. Each hallway leads to a different hallway in an endless repeating motion that seems incredibly easy to get lost in. Circular, handle-less doors line the hallways in a perfect symmetrical cavern, like rows of teeth in a giant mouth. They open swiftly every couple of seconds to allow different modge-podged groups of creatures in one door or out another, chattering away in some unidentifiable speak. It reminds Dib of an ant colony. A weird, multicultural ant colony.

“How come I can understand you, but not anyone else?” Dib asks Escort-Alien.

“Downloaded your language into my system,” it says, tapping a claw against what Dib can now see looks like a small Bluetooth on the side of its head. That must have been what he was doing earlier on. Dib feels even more like an idiot, but the pleasantness of his escort is dulling it significantly. “Can understand and project Earth.”

“It’s called ‘hyoo-man’ language,” Zim says, folding his arms and looking a little bit put out that no one was recognizing his genius on the subject.

“No one cares, Zim,” Dib says cheerfully.

With what are a relatively small amount of mutterings and outburst from Zim, they are shown the canteen, the showers and toilets, and led past a long hallway of private rooms. Meals are to be eaten thrice a day, at exact times to be announced by the meal bell. If you miss the bell, you miss the meal. Showers are open in ten shifts throughout the day depending on species. Since Dib is a special case, he may attend any of the carbon-based lifeform shower times. Dib should get a schedule some time in the next couple sols.

At the end of the long hallway of private rooms, is, Dib assumes, his own private room. He’s shown to a small door with a handle at the far wall that looks to have a sign taped over several other signs. The last sign is suspiciously yellowed. He doesn’t know what they say, but he’s assuming they all mean ‘shitty room.’

The room is shitty. Point one for Dib.

It looks like it could have once been a storage closet, but now has a small set of bunk beds pushed up into the corner. The realization dawns that of course the room is not for him, why would they board two supposed ancient married space husbands in separate rooms. It’s probably lucky they even get separate beds.

Despite trying to wedge the bed as far into the wall as possible, there’s still only enough room for one person to stand in front of the bed at a time comfortably. Between the beds, but halfway obscured by the top bunk, is a single, circular window, not more than a foot across.

Zim, of course, immediately claims the top bunk after a short lived argument about the room. Dib, out of the infinite kindness of his heart, allows him to have it. (Dib wants to watch out the window).

Glad to have a place to rest that isn’t concrete, Dib curls himself up on the bottom bunk. If he stretches his legs out, his feet hang off the bed a little bit, but he looks out the bottom half of his submarine window and sees endless, purple space and he feels, stupidly, more at home in this spare closet than he ever did at home. The realization makes him feel happier than he’s been in (honestly, weeks).

“Zim,” Dib asks the bottom of the mattress, feeling amiable “were you always a soldier?”

He hears a snort. “I am no soldier. I’m an invader, you lumpy sack of meat. And Zim is over four-hundred years old, he has had time for three, maybe four good careers beneficial to the Empire.”

“You’re not an invader anymore,” Dib points out uselessly.

Dib gets silence from the top bunk. He tries to imagine Zim as a doctor, or a cashier, and he finds he can’t picture Zim in anything but his military uniform, back straight on high alert.

“Did you just call me lumpy?” Dib asks.

“You are lumpy.” Zim shifts on the bed and the movement shakes the entire frame.

“Explain to me how I’m lumpy.”

“You have lumps,” Zim says defensively. “Your head is one giant lump.”

“Everybody has a head! You have a head,” Dib exclaims. There are definite lifeforms on this ship that Dib is pretty sure do not have a head, but he doesn’t bring that up.

“Yours is lumpier.” Zim shrugs. Dib can’t see him shrugging, physically, but he can feel it happening and it enrages him. His head isn’t lumpy.

His head probably isn’t lumpy.

“You lied to me.” Dib remembers suddenly.

“Eh? I am no liar. You lie.” The bedframe shakes with what must be Zim’s emphatic pointing.

“No, Zim, shut up. You told me this Umeb-”

Zim interrupts. “Umon’tebha’.”

“Right, okay, whatever. Umon’tebha’. You told me this Umon’tebha’ thing was one-sided. That when we, you know, it wasn’t something you were into. But Tak said only Irkens can initiate it, cause it’s like, usually an Irken only thing. So you were definitely, uh, into it.” Dib hopes very much that if he babbles enough no one will actually have to think about the awful (don’t say sex) they had and he can be right without reliving his worst moments.

Zim doesn’t say anything, but Dib can hear him shifting on the bunk above.

Dib listens to his shuffling until he passes out from exhaustion feeling, strangely, a knot of happiness in the center of his chest.

The morning buzzer, as it turns out, is a horrible hell-siren noise that one expects only from doomsday films involving tornados and avalanches. Dib is, expectedly, waken up into a complete and absolute panic. Therefore, he cannot be blamed for the bodily harm of any persons in his immediate radius, especially when said persons are supposed to be in their own god damn bunk.

“You have maliciously attacked me with your meaty man-hands and it is well within the terms of our temporary truce that I break both of your legs,” Zim says, still on his god damn bunk and adding to the early morning death alarm with his horrible nasally voice.

“Why are you even in my bed, Zim?” Dib slept with his glasses on, and the dig of metal into his forehead was not at all helping with his imminent headache. “You know what? Actually, I don’t care. Please don’t tell me. I want to live alone in whatever world there is where you aren’t trying to harvest my organs while I sleep or something.”

“Perhaps an arm, as well.” Zim gives an experimental poke to Dib’s arm, as if he’s testing the breakability of it. Dib irritably waves him off. The buzzer stops and Dib once more feels at peace with his existence. Maybe living is not so bad after all.

“Fuck off, spaceboy.” Dib sits up and rubs at his abused face. “Let’s go to breakfast.”

Dib is a bit worried about being able to find the canteen again. The ship is pretty vast and, to be honest, all of the glowing white hallways kind of look like the same glowing white hallways. It turns out all one has to do is follow the extremely thick crowd of alien revolutionists all marching in one single unified direction. Dib feels both a little sense of unity, and a little odd.

The canteen is a lot like a lunchroom, which Dib is blessedly used to. Zim complains the entire time about “quality” and “standards,” but Dib’s almost completely sure he’s once seen Zim eat a paper taco wrapper. Dib picks something that looks kind of like it might be a sandwich and hopes for the best. Zim grabs some horrifying green burrito.

And then, instantly, looking out over the tables, Dib is sickly reminded of highschool. Despite the biodiversity on ship, clumps of similar species sat together, laughing and talking at cafeteria tables. All the anxiety of school, having no friends, being the ‘weird’ one twists in his stomach. After all, he’s the ‘weird’ one again, right? He’s the only human on this ship. The only human anyone in his room, or anyone in the galaxy is likely to have seen. No one speaks his language- no one’s every even heard of his language.

Maybe he should just take a page out of his own book and eat in the bathroom.

But, wait, someone at one table is making a motion. Is it waving? Oh, it’s scary plasma gun alien from yesterday. Dib is now incredibly upset at himself for never learning his name. Ignoring Zim’s protests, he threads through the crowd over to Scary Plasma Gun Alien From Yesterday’s table and sit’s right across from him in the attached seat. Dib notices that Zim plops down next to him, looking harassed, and Dib represses a smile.

Zim buries a fork into his green burrito so that it stands straight up like a cell phone tower and turns to look at Dib imperiously.

“I understand you did not mean to leave your rightful slave master behind,” Zim says “But if you are not more careful in crowds you will.”

“Yeah, Zim.” Dib says with an, what he hopes is, obvious eye roll.

“Hello, Human Dib,” says Scary Plasma Gun “I see you are still with your nuisance.”

“Yes, his hair is a nuisance, isn’t it?” Zim looks sadly at his hair, and Dib feels the absurd need to pat it down.

Scary Plasma Gun ignores him. “I am 'EqHegh, or Hegh for your human tongue.” Dib is incredibly grateful for Hegh’s insight. Hegh is kind and good and Zim stinks.

Hegh gestures to the alien next to him. It looks humanoid, but it seems to be made entirely of diamonds. It’s weird, eyeless, shiny pupils unnerve Dib.

“This is Boch. Boch is a very good friend,” Hegh says.

Dib waves weakly at Boch and says hello. Boch stares deeply at Dib and provides no response that he understands. Dib is unnerved.

Hegh introduces them to a couple more friends as the same species as him, names Nehn and Jou, respectively. To Dib’s right sits a Plookesian named ‘Steven.’ Steven seems the friendliest of the bunch (Dib does remember Plookesians as friendly, if not also abandonment-prone), and offers to download English into his translation device immediately.

“So, you’re from like, Earth right? Way cool,” says Steven “I knew a couple buddies that went to Earth. Totally chill if you can get past the whole liquid hydrogen dioxide thing.”

“Earth has liquid hydrogen dioxide?” Hegh nods sagely. “Very cool.”

“It falls as acid from the sky and smells of dead fish breath,” Zim hisses. He has shoved several bitefulls of burrito into his mouth, and large goops of cheese and green shell have flown halfway across the table. Boch seems to eye the mess with disgust.

Steven flashes Dib a confused look. “Humans are carbon-based lifeforms though, right? That should only be a problem for silicone-based lifeforms, like yourself.”

“Yes well,” Zim picks up a glob of cheese with his hand and shoves it into his mouth. “I live there, don’t I, Plook-grub.”

“But you’re not the dominant lifeform, right?” Steven insists.

Zim opens his mouth, probably to argue that he is absolutely the dominant lifeform because he is, of course, dominant over all humans as their eternal ruler when Hegh interrupts.

“How do you put up with a Irken life-partner? Would squish their tiny, soft head. Make it stop chattering.” Hegh does not break eye contact with Zim, despite Zim shoveling cheese into his mouth in large forkfuls. Offended, Zim allows his jaw to drop, allowing for a sizable glob of cheese to fall back on top of the burrito. Everyone involved remains unfazed, especially Boch.

In the haze of the early morning, Dib comes extremely close to laughing and correcting Hegh. Zim is not his, like, his life partner or something. His top pick for someone he would shove out into the vacuum of space if given the opportunity, maybe. An absolute scourge upon his otherwise normally miserable life, yes.

Then he remembers the marks. And the lifebond. And what Tak said an Irken-Other relation would do for the resistance and how that’s his only ticket to not being sent out the airlock. He sits on his laugh and swallows it.

“It’s” Dib says uncertainly “It’s definitely something.”

Zim, to his credit, manages to ham it up a lot more than Dib could have ever.

“It is more than something! We are so much in love and, ah,” he looked over at Dib for a second before resolutely saying “we hold hands and cry.”

Steven gives them an odd look, but says politely “Well, you both make a cute couple.”

That single comment haunts Dib all the way through breakfast, until they’re both assigned to a meeting in a board room at the other side of the ship. And even a little after that. It will haunt him until his deathbed, he assumes.

—

The board room, in comparison to the rest of the ship, looks the most familiar. It houses a large desk of a similar material to the rest of the ship, decorated with eight or so office chairs around it like baubles on a Christmas tree. A markedly different creature sits at each seat, adding to the whole effect, and Dib finds, with pride, he can name a couple of species already. Sitting right hand to Tak at the lead of the table is a greying Vortian sporting a pair of lime-green goggles. A little to the Vortian’s left, it’s eyes hardly reaching over the table was probably a Narh-Gh’ok (Zim told him a story about them once). The other four species Dib can’t place, but he’s sure he’s seen them around the ship before. The last two chairs sit at the opposite of the table from Tak and the Vortian, presumably for Dib and Zim.

“Hello Tak,” Zim says menacingly, circling the office chair like he was planning on eating it. Dib didn’t doubt he would try for the sheer drama of it all.

“Yes,” she says calmly “Hello.”

“I’ve see you’ve agreed to my terms.” Zim runs one gloved finger along the top of the office chair. It swivels noncommittally.

“They were my terms,” Tak reminds him. “Because you are my prisoner.”

Zim flaps his hand around as if these are minor details.

Dib nervously hovers around near the seat next to the one Zim’s seducing. Is it polite to try to shake hands with everyone before he sits down? What if they don’t have hands. What if they have ten hands. Maybe he should bow? He’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen anyone shake hands or bow. How was he supposed to learn space etiquette when his only go-to was Zim?

“Please, sit down.” Tak motions to Dib’s side of the table, and Dib is eternally grateful. Tak is a true leader of the common-folk, always looking out for each individual citizen.

Delicately clearing her throat, she addresses the room. “Our first meeting with the Umo’ntebha’ shall be introductory and explanatory in nature. Although,” she sides a look at Zim, who either doesn’t notice or care “some introductions may have already been made. Moving counter-clockwise from myself I would like to present my elder partner Lard Nar.”

The old Vortian tips his head respectfully. So it is a bow, then. Dib cranes his neck in response.

Next to Lard Nar is an excitable cone-shaped species that Dib has no intent to try to butcher the pronunciation of, and then a “Plookesian,” which Dib still feels kind of bitter towards despite good relations with Steven. (He’s also disappointed in himself for not recognizing the species). Down the line it goes from there, a bunch of species Dib doesn’t recognize or really catch the names of until Tak arrives at the Nhar-Gh’ok sitting to her left.

“And this,” she finishes “is Sergeant Shnooky, our operations of on-ground military action.”

“Hey,” Zim interrupts, and, God, they almost fucking made it. Dib wonders if anyone would really mind all that much if he strangled him. He hedges probably not. “I know you. You tried to steal my ship!”

Tak’s face betrays a single second of irritation before she smooths on her diplomatic mask. Dib is impressed, horrified, and jealous.

“We realize some coworkers may have previous experiences they bring to the table.” She gives a very pointed look in Zim’s direction and Dib does not think Zim understands the breadth of Tak’s hatred. “But we ask each individual to leave those behind for the sake of the revolution.”

“Does that mean he’s going to give me a ship?”

“You may have the room on this ship where you are boarded,” Tak says blandly.

“Deal.” Zim slams his tiny fist on the table like a gavel hammer and beams at Dib. Dib resists the urge to bury his face in his hands.

—

Throughout the days leading up to their “official assigned work,” Tak had taken Dib aside to confer with him. With exasperation at his asking about Zim, she said that she trusted Dib to fill him in on the happenings so there was no need for Zim to be physically present for the meetings. (Dib suspects she really really doesn’t want to have to talk to Zim for as long as she can get away with it).

"It became clear to us fast that we could not hope to topple the Irken forces on our own," Tak had said. "The only hope The Resisty has is to unite the Irken people in our favor. But despite efforts, Irken recruitment is still feeble.”

Dib could imagine why.

“We were hard pressed to find a reason for Irken soldiers and citizens to abandon their prestigious jobs and cushy positions just for the sake of, well, you know, justice.”

“Irkens don’t really jive with the idea of justice.” Dib had interrupted. She made am understanding face at him.

“What we needed was a good story. Irken invader, forced to halt his mission because he fell into forbidden love with the native species? Now that is a story. And it's a damn good one."

Tak had said that, at first, they would leak information of their relationship to rebel sources. A couple tips at first: Irken Invader missing from job, last seen with native species. Eventually drop the bomb of love-fueled revolutionaries. But this would only incite Resisty-allied or freed civilizations. What they (what we, she had added, smiling winningly) really need is to spread the story to Irkens, who’re on media blackout. The plan would be to intercept the screens for a couple minutes to air a series of "commercial like shorts" where he and Zim (with a script, of course) would address the Irken population to join The Resisty directly, in the name of love or whatever.

Dib had figured he would, you know, read a couple lines off a monitor all some sort of "seize the means of production" and "people's government" phrases within a foot of Zim and go back to sleep.

Apparently Tak was more attached to her "story" than she originally let on.

"If you could wrap your hand a little further around his waist? We wanna really make sure people can see that."

Zim is already flush against his chest but, sure, he'll pull him a little bit closer. That same alien tells him that it looks great and if he could maybe cheat out a little bit more for the audience? He tries to keep Zim in his place while also turning completely around towards them camera and not letting the headache blooming behind his right eye become a problem. The bright lights all over the room aren’t helping much. Zim grumbles at being pulled closer, and complains loudly of his smell while one of the cameras is still rolling, which doesn't help either. In his arms he feels stiff and uncomfortable, leaning as far as he can from Dib without being yelled at.

"Can we get a quick run through of the script really fast?" asks someone picking at the camera lens. A squat yellow guy with angry eyes and a giant screw sticking out the back of his head. (A species Dib hasn't seen before, actually. Is the screw inserted in some ritual, or are they born with it? Is it surface level? He reminds himself to focus).

There’s a teleprompter-like thing below the center camera, and it scrolls through a pre-written dialogue. (Zim’s lines are in pink, and Dib’s in blue, which he unwillingly thinks is kind of cute). Zim starts off. "It is me, Irken Invader Zim. Of course it’s me, who would not know the mighty ring of Irken Invader Zim? I am reading the lines; I am just fixing them because they smell like dookie. I'm here with my— oh, okay, I am not calling Dib-stench that no matter how many monies you pay me in."

A sigh from the yellow guy who fiddles again with the camera, stopping the script. "No one’s paying you, Zim." He addresses someone behind him. "Maybe we should give his lines to the other one?"

Zim pushes Dib away from him and he lets him go, instead standing with his arms crossed on the green screen, tapping his foot. "Eh? Not paid?"

The screw-head looks at Dib entreatingly. Dib puts his hands up, palms out. He picks his battles with Zim and this one is solidly under the column of “not his problem.” Sometimes Zim can be other people’s problem.

"Let's start from the top, yeah?" he says in response. "Camera’s rolling. We'll discuss your, ah, payment afterwards."

That seems to mollify Zim, and they run through the rest of the script with only one more major blowup (Zim seemed physically unable to call The Tallest ‘inadequate leaders.’ He got into a ten-minute argument over it with the cameraman, and then with Dib before they just let Dib read the line while Zim grimaced disagreeably at the screen).

The screw-head tells them good job, and before we leave we need to get a couple angles of the kiss in.

"The what?" Dib and Zim ask at about the same time, in varying levels of volume (Dib, loudly; Zim, very very loudly).

"Shouldn't be a problem, right? You two together and all."

It's not like Dib is really opposed to kissing. He and Zim have kissed before. Kind of. Except that he totally is opposed to kissing and he hates this. Everyone is looking at him and Zim and the whole room is so bright and hot and they're on camera and a million different aliens all across the universe are gonna watch them suck face. But he can't say anything because everyone else is under the horrible impression they've been exchanging fluids in private which is what their entire defense for not being blown off the ship into deep space in the first place was and oh, God he's gonna have to do it, he’s gonna have to kiss Zim.

He looks uneasily at Zim who seems to be having the same realization dawn across his face and Dib figures it's either now before he can think about it or never. He leans in and kisses him.

It's awful. Arguably, the worst kiss he’s had in his life. Zim’s lips are kind of cold and slimy like two small dead fish and he obviously feels awkward and Dib feels even more awkward. He’s stupidly aware at how chapped and wet his lips are simultaneously. And if Zim was complaining about his smell before, he for sure smells now.

He draws away after a brief, closed mouth peck and he knows the entire crew could tell how bad it was from the disappointed faces all around. They get thanked and dismissed anyways, but, God, they're so toast.

“I think that went well,” Zim says as soon as they’re in the hallway, inspecting his gloved hand.

Dib gives him a look. “We couldn’t have been less obviously attracted to each other if we were actually trying.”

“I was actually trying.” Zim shrugs. “You taste like stink.”

A headache starts to form behind Dib’s right eye, and he pinches the space between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

—

The next morning Dib is faced with a dilemma. He still has no idea if Irkens sleep, like, in the normal sense of sleeping. The personality and life of the Irken is stored in the domed metal backpack, so there should be no reason for them to sleep in the conventional way. Dib wonders if the Irken just enters a sleep mode, running on as little power as possible to keep the host body alive while the machine rests. (Up until recently, Don has harbored the idea that this maybe means Zim doesn't have a soul. After all, wouldn't that make him a parasite more than anything? A robotic program hijacking a cadaver to carry out its commands?) But Zims stomach rises and falls in a slow rhythmic pattern, and his face seems more at ease. Very small and thin boned, Zim looks almost vulnerable like this, with one tiny arm crossed over his chest like a child. His other arm rests close to Dib, claw outstretched like he was reaching for him in his sleep. Little puffs of air hit Dibs face as Zim forces it out through his mouth (nix the idea that Irkens breathe through their eye ducts) and Dibs eyes are drawn to his mouth. Zims lips are small, and only a slightly darker shade of green than his skin. Although that makes sense, biologically, it still gives Dib the odd impression that Zims wearing dark green lipstick. The lips look almost out of place on Zims large, flat, reptilian face. A familiar mammalian trait in the mix of otherworldliness. All of Zims features, a lack of nose, ears, nipples, would seem to point towards a lack of lips too, but there they are, and Dib knew from experience that they feel just as soft as normal human lips too. They're parted a little bit, moving gently with the movement of his breaths, and showing a hint of white, wavy teeth peeking behind them like a miniature mountain range. The inside of Zim's mouth is pink and wet with a liquid substance Dib has been unable to identify, but definitely isn’t water based and Zim brings his lower lip into that mouth for a second, wetting it with whatever coats the inside cavern.

Dib wants to kiss Zim.

He wants to kiss him so bad he draws back at first, ashamed. And then doesn't understand why. Zim is his legal soulmate in space or whatever, they're like, interstellar hate married, he should be able to kiss his nemesis husband whenever he wants. It's kissing that got them into this situation anyways, and besides they should get more comfortable with it after their spectacular failure on camera yesterday. But something feels wrong about kissing Zim when he looks so small like this. It's like he's invading some personal area of hard-winned trust that he's only gotten after years of being his only contact.

Finally waking up under his Dibs gaze burning a hole into his face, Zim blinks awake, his domed backpack making a noise that sounds like a computer starting up, some whirring and clicking. He looks blearily up at Dib, grumpy and tired, and aw hell, Dib kisses him.

The kiss lights up a feeling in his chest like a row of tiny firecrackers, the polar opposite of the awkward face smashing in the Television Room that left him embarrassed and red all afternoon. Zim inhales a shaky breath, but tentatively opens his mouth and grabs a handful of sheets on the bed between them. Very slowly, as if scared he'll spook him, he touches the very tip of his tongue between Zims parted lips. He alternates between tracing small circles on Zims bottom lip with his tongue and kissing him soundly until Zims mouth starts to smoke and he pulls away, panting. Dib notices he's been tracing meaningless comforting patterns on Zims arm and stops himself. He pulls his arm back to his side.

Dibs the first one to speak. "We don't want to miss breakfast."

"Eh?" Zim clears his throat. "Yes. Of course."

Flushed and uncomfortable, but determined to stay in charge of the situation, Dib plants him with a quick, parting kiss and rolls out of bed.

Every morning since then has passed the same. Dib wakes up and finds Zim (sleeping?) in his bed, and they kiss. Sometimes they kiss until Zims mouth starts to steam from the water in his saliva and he spends a couple minutes in the crook of Dibs neck panting and coughing, and sometimes he wakes up him with a peck. They never go farther than Dib running his hands along the bottom of Zim's tunic.

The kisses awaken something in Dib that he partly wants to blame on the bond and partly knows that wouldn't be completely true. He spends all night unable to sleep thinking about waking up in the morning. Zim's little moans haunt his dreams and more often than not he starts to wake up to sticky sheets (which he hopes to God Zim doesn't notice or understand). He finds himself wanting to kiss Zim throughout the day, especially when he's said something stupid, which doesn't make much sense.

He kisses Zim, once, at night. They were talking almost amicably, Dib sitting in his bunk and Zim standing. Zim was talking about something Dib was not paying attention to, instead watching Zim's arms flail and point emphatically. Already thinking about the morning, and his heart softening like it does when Zim rants about something that isn't about him, he half starts off the bed and kisses him, mid-sentence. After a brief second of surprise, Zim lets him push him back against the door and give him one of those long, deep kisses that ends in Zim struggling to breathe around his burned mouth. They both go to sleep and do not talk about it, but begin to kiss one another goodnight as well as good morning.

This is why Dib doesn't understand why they can’t kiss on camera.

But it's not just the camera. They can't kiss in front of anyone. Several times people have stopped them in hallways, excitedly asking for a kiss between the human and "the first Irken to kiss someone in, like, forever" only to get sad and disappointed looks when they exchange awkward, stilted pecks on the lips.

After the second disgusting terrible recorded failure, the team decided to approach the situation differently.

"Your relationship is still very new," Tak said. "Maybe what you need is some bonding time, to get over any initial awkwardness."

Which led to him locked back into the Team Headquarters with Zim asking him a stupid questionnaire of stupid questions that wasn't going to make rubbing his face on Zims for the whole universe any less uncomfortable and weird.

"This is dumb," Zim says, echoing Dibs thoughts. He began to make his questionnaire into a paper airplane. "What do they think me incapable of doing a cursory background check on my sworn enemy? And I've known you since you were practically a human larva."

"Yeah, isn't that kinda weird for you?" Dib asks.

"Eh. Irken lifespan is impressively long. It is typical for an Irken to be in maturation long before other species would be, and long after too. The years do not compute well, mathematically."

Dib twirls around in his chair for a moment, and contemplates folding his questionnaire into an airplane too. It's doubtful the team would actually care if they asked the exact questions they were given, as long as they produced results. He doesn't want Zim to think he's copying him though, so he doesn't.

"How old are you anyways, Zim?" Dib asks, and then curses himself because he thinks that was actually a question given them.

"In human years, I am," Zim waves his hand in front of his face "maybe in the three hundreds. Give or take."

Three hundred years. Zim was well aged before America was even a country yet. Dibs known Zim for a third of his life. What had to have been Zims entire life with Dib was just a tiny weekend off to Zim, while Zim was the focal point of his entire existence. Did Zim conquer other planets before Earth? Did he have other nemesis? Dib is, absurdly, jealous at the thought.

"Before I donated my talents to the military efforts, I had many jobs," Zim continued. "I was a bimolecular chemist who invented the neatest self-stable life form before it became not a self-stable life form and absorbed our Tallest, may her bones grow us taller. Zim served in Impending Doom One and helped with, eh, demolition of outdated technology on my home planet. After this, my Tallests’ realized my power was so mighty I had to be relocated into a sleeper cell agent hiding at a simple fast food restaurant until my raw power had to be harnessed again to turn the tide of the war."

Straight after their kidnapping, Tak had separated him and Zim into different rooms. Personally, she came in and explained to Dib how Zims mission was a fraud, a ploy to get him as far away from the Irken military as possible. (And that not only was Zims mission a lie, the reasoning for the trip to Irk was fabricated as well, Zim knowing full well their relationship was punishable by death). But how did he reconcile that knowledge with Zims story and find the real answer?

"How will they ever survive without you this time?" Dib asks dryly instead.

"They won't." Zim grins and Dibs heart does an involuntary fond jump that he hates himself for. “We will win.”

Quirking his lips to the side to keep from smiling (because god if he's gonna let Zim see him smiling at him) Dib approaches a different topic with hopes of throwing Zim off balance.

"I think they're really upset about, you know, the kiss."

The smile drops off Zims face and he looks to the side. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

Here we go. "Maybe we should-practice?" Dib says. It comes out more like a question. "Y'know, we could uh. Try to kiss in public a couple times. At breakfast or something." Dib's face is absolutely on fire. Last thing he wants is for Zim to think he wants to do couple things or whatever.

Which of course Zim immediately calls him out for. "What plan is this?" he asks. "Trying to rub your greasy face grease against me where everyone can see? Huh?"

Shame crawls hot up Dib's neck which is stupid because it's been Zim whose kissing him in the first place. "You didn't seem to mind my greasy face this morning, lizardboy," he hisses.

"Shut up!" Zim yells. "Be quiet!"

"God, I don't need this." Dib runs his hand through his hair. Gets up.

"Where do you think you're going, you- you cowardly child pig, augh, head?"

Over his shoulder, Dib throws "I'll see you at dinner" and feels immensely good at closing the door on Zim's scream. Walking quickly, Dib takes the first left. He gets down a different hallway that he doesn't recognize. He doesn't want to go back to his room where, no doubt, Zim will be there angry as hell and ready to try to throw something else in his face. His face heats up again as he remembers their kiss that morning, sidestepping someone in a white doctor's coat to pass them. Okay, it was him who initiated it technically, but what was Zim doing in his bed? Huh? Dib's ashamed at caring and angry that he's ashamed at caring and he wants to punch Zim in the god damn face but he doesn't even have that anymore. Cause he has to pretend to give a shit. Which he doesn't.

Hovering near a door far to Dib's right is, surprisingly, Steven, the plookesian at their eating table. Too many bad memories of plookesians from his childhood have kept Dib from getting particularly close to Steven, but Dib's happy to see a familiar face regardless. He makes a visual move to get Steven's attention, and Steven smiles brightly at Dib's recognition, cutting off the conversation with whomever he was talking to in the other room, out of Dib's field of vision.

"Hey, man!" Steven says, joining Dib fully in the hallway. "What're you doing up in my neighborhood?"

Dib gives him a tight smile. "Just got some free time on my hands, I guess." An obvious lie, but he's exciting to talk to anyone that isn't Zim.

"Hey, listen." Despite his head being almost a foot shorter than Dib, Steven manages to lean in conspiratorially. "I heard about your weird thing with the video. I wouldn't really worry about it, dude, everyone gets a bit camera shy their first time." He laughs and elbows Dib in the ribs good-naturally.

"Yeah..." Dib says, a bit embarrassed that that's a rumor now. Are Zim and he a gossip topic? God, he hopes not. "I just wish I could really help out. With the resistance, y'know? This commercial crap with Zim all seems so"don't say fake "scripted."

"Each part in a machine adds to the whole!" Steven's smile almost irritates Dib. Steven's probably doing something cool and badass like building laser guns or chopping aliens' heads off. Actually, wait, Dib has no idea what Steven does. Thinking back on it, he's been so up his own ass about how "important" his and Zim's job seemed before he actually saw what it was, he has no idea what anyone else does around here. Maybe that's the real reason he's not close with Steven. His cheeks flame again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Dib offers him a halfhearted smile.

Steven cuffs him on the shoulder and says as a goodbye. "Chin up, man! You'll see the payout soon."

Dib isn't so sure.

Notes:

> I said I wasn't abandoning this fic and gdi im not abandoning this fic LMAO > I have v little excuse of why this took me a year other than that I'm really busy all of the time and would rather sleep than work. I still care about this fic a lot, just not like, more than a nice solid nap. Also writing is really difficult and I stopped talking to my beta for like three months. > easter eggs all the time for people nerdy enough to understand them >even if i don't reply to comments they make me cry each time thanks

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep10 (part 2)

-Yuki’s stages of growth:

I love yuki! I used to say that yuki’s growth is the most clear & steady going, it was done with much care & involving the audience in every step. However, I now think there is sth missing from his last stage of growth. Yuki’s growth is divided into 3 stages:

Realizing his weakness ( Mom’s tohru stage), in se01 & most of se02, took way longer than it should, imo. But the ideas were well-written, the concept of needing a maternal figure is original & we connected with him a lot.

Searching for himself ( Kakeru stage & friendship) in se02, took appropriate time. well-written, gradual, clear & fulfilling.

Becoming his own person ( Machi) & (kyo: altho this new dynamics just started) in se03. very little time, hasty development.

I’ve talked abt stage 1 & 2 enough. I loved the ideas, the struggle & the writing. I had few complains about how excessive the tohru-stage was & how it could’ve been reduced to benefit both tohru & yuki without stealing anything from their growth. Now, we see the consequences of not planning yuki’s growth moderately throughout the 3 seasons. The biggest element that suffered is his stage as a normal teenage guy with normal romantic feelings to contradict his child-like stage when he needed a motherly care & support from another female his age. By the time se03 started lots of characters with their arcs not starting yet needed the spotlight! Yuki was a character in the final stage of his arc, so his entire romantic journey condensed to (a) fixing machi’s issues to create a bond: se03, e03, (b) deciding to confess the curse & feelings: se03 ep.5. Their relationship can happen off-screen as well, that’s fine, but the audience who spent 2 seasons hearing yuki’s thoughts abt realizing his struggle to acknowledge a motherly love, should have been involved in yuki’s thoughts in realizing a romantic love. All you need, is a very short access to yuki’s thoughts. Him looking at her while doing student council activities & telling us he loves her, not him grabbing her hand  thinking “ oh gotta tell her my biggest secret & test her love to me”. So, it is a shame normal teenage boy yuki in love part is missing before the confession & becoming an official couple.

-Yuki’s growth after facing kyo:

This part that is confusing me. Part of making yuki become his own person is making him face kyo & they both set their differences aside & connect. They both becoming free from the “ I hate you” that the sohma system constructed & their trauma reinforced. This is huge as you can connect it to the zodiac legend: The cat never hated the rat for tricking it & the rat was never bad. The whole legend crumbles down as the two zodiacs connect.

--During the fight: yuki was his real self: someone who cares for others with burning passion. Yuki completely dropped down any remaining attachment to his mask & was his most open & emotional stage. The boys connected in a dark dim-let hallway between their rooms. Signaling they met in the middle. Now they see eye to eye.

--After the fight: Kyo left the darkness into the sunny streets, decided to face his dad & reconcile with his past, was rewarded with the knowledge that he didn’t have anything to do with his mom’s death. He left his dad’s house determined to chase his life. Move forward. He had doubts again as he neared tohru but those doubts added humanity & realistic reluctance. You just dont go 100% strong suddenly. But it is so weird that yuki kinda regressed a little after the fight?? he stayed in the dark dim-let hallway? why? His body language confused me so much!

Yuki looked broken, hugging himself, hiding his face, head buried, exactly as he was in akito’s room in his flashbacks!!!

We hear the same voice-over from the ep opener abt mistakes & trails. The voice-over fits kyo so much but it is so weird attached to yuki now in this exact stage after the fight while he’s sad? Why is yuki sad to begin with??? Is it because yuki is the writer & she needed to comment on kyo’s state thro yuki’s voice-over? This has been done before in se02, ep14. But why attach it with sad imagery of yuki? the voice-over can be attached to him being relived, calm & collected.

Shouldn’t he be relived & liberated knowing the guy who hated him & hurt him was in reality admiring him all this time?! Shouldn’t he be proud of himself for standing up to tohru? for opening up abt his feelings?

Shouldn’t he be happy to empty his chest from the long hidden secret of admiring kyo! Shouldn’t he be clear headed now? stronger? like how kyo is stronger now?

Shouldn’t he be glad that he helped kyo get his act together. He did another person whom he presumably hate a favor just like tohru did him a favor. I’m not saying he should be happily jumping in the house, lol, but he shouldn’t be sad, too!

Why staying in the dark? Why sulking? Why having existential thoughts abt life in general until machi saved him from all that with her call.

-Kureno/ Arisa/ Akito: (the end of the non-existence triangle):

Arisa unexpectedly found out the man she loved is hospitalized. Akito tells her I stabbed him. Arisa hugs her. I’m sorry, but what? XD. Shouldn’t Arisa at least say: what? is he okay? Not judging, but why did you stab him? I mean even if Arisa is okay with akito & all, but as a first reaction that was so weirdly-written, lol. I get the need to hastily close this chapter, But I duno it could’ve been written better even with the intention of making Arisa hug akito. oh well~ moving on. Arisa says she’s sorry she wasnt in kureno’s 26 years & I was like yeah, cuz you weren’t born yet, girl! You can plan to spend the rest of your life with him, but I fail to see the romance in the sentiment of feeling left out from the life of a person older than me. I simply wasn’t born. Anyway, moving on~ He then tells her he needs to leave /break up with akito for akito’s sake! oh, kureno, you’re such a kind/fool guy, but OMG, do I wish to hear my crush/lover say he’ll break up with his ex for his ex’s sake!  I get this is Airisa thing, to love foolish/kind ppl. I get it. She appreciate that & wasn't offended. But I cant help feeling those lines weren’t romantic at all! Moving on ~again~ she then tells him, she’ll follow him & won’t say why. Teasing him that she loves him. so cute! but also such a teenage girl thing to say, so....~~ lol.. Now, really Moving on ~ He’s cute, she’s gorgeous, so, their ship sailed~

-Running towards the future: (wanting you)

The ep closed with both kyo & yuki chasing their future in union. Kyo determined but worried, yuki surprised but blushing. Machi took yuki from the darkness of his hallway to the sunny streets to give him sth, unknowingly setting their 1st date! Tohru runs away from kyo, which he responded by more determination contradicting his defeated self when tohru confessed to him in ep8. Can I say seeing kyo runs after tohru is so fulfilling after seeing him push her away! yes, tohru, give him hard time! yes, make him bend da knee, queen! XD. I guess next ep we’ll see two confessions!

I can’t say much abt yuki/machi confession as I don’t know their romantic dynamics at all, but I have no doubt the director will make yuki’s confession worthy to compensate the lack of their growth as a romantic ship! can’t wait!!

As for kyoru, oh boy~ tohru looks hurt, as expected! her eyes are tearful. Kyo has to show her the old defeated, broken & accepting-death boy is gone now! he’ll have to show her how much he wants her!  That’s the key word: “ it is crazy how much I want her” ~ the boy who thought he deserved nothing but death is now actively wanting the best girl in all anime! Miss. Tohru Honda. My girl!

Side Notes:

I appreciate the personal privacy theme in furuba: no one knows the details of any couples fights or loves except them. Hatori/kana, hatori/mayoko: except shigre the matchmaker!, tohru/kyo: except yuki heard by chance & neither tohru nor kyo talked abt their fight to anybody, but everybody knows those two fools in love, XD. Yuki/machi: kyo didnt even know yuki is thinking of someone. but then again, I dont know if machi herself knows yet. shigure/akito: ok, I’ll skip this one until I’m confident I can express/ understand it. lol

Kyo’s face as he left his dad’s house! the determination! so proud of him!! but kyo’s I’m-so-crazily-in-love face is kyo’s best face, tho. The tenderness!

I’m the girl who rolls her eyes when someone tricks me to watch a “romantic film, like The Notebook” ... Also, i’m the girl who screamed when kyo chased tohru in a typical romcom fashion! XD. Takaya-san, what did you do to me?! AAAAAAAA~~

Kyo’s questions of why? how? what? he loves abt tohru, then ahh~ I just love her... I want her~ then the “ ppl shouldn't run when getting out of hospital” are the best tension release after the scumbag dad scene! I was amused, in tears, laughing, crying, cheering & above all! so happy!

MACHI was not allowed to turn her face to the viewers the entire ep! WHY!!!!!!!! T_T. You could’ve shown me her face as she was worried that tohru is yuki’s gf. or her shock at hearing ? mom? T_T.

haru is love. haru is dumb. haru is the best. lol.

Kakeru responding with ease “ she’s his mom” is the best & most realistic thing a friend should do to his friend! XD.

Why doesn't kyo (who is rich btw) own sneakers with different colors? lol. why the exact same color! is tohru the only one allowed to change designs? XD.

Yuki’s outfit today is his best outfit! Also, if blushing yuki is yuki’s default face in his romantic time with machi! then it is so refreshing! altho, i think machi is the blusher. lol. I duno, they both blush? maybe he’s similar to how haru is? I guess, we’ll know next ep! =D

Question: what was the joke in haru’s scene abt entering the house when yuki hit him & said so crass? I dont get it..... lol

Shigure was allowed to use his old jokes abt wrecking his house. I missed those! XD

Furuba’s voice-overs are always badly implemented. Now we have two voice overs of yuki with the same content exactly: one in the ep opener & one near the end. why couldn’t one be enough? Why repeat the same speech twice? this reduces its value & hinders the animation dynamics.