#i find it pretty unlikely that one could easily stumble across my instagram with just my first name

[dumpsterhipster]

I have so far avoided talking about this publicly because I don't care for airing drama, but today I was shown something that has crossed the line so hard that I can't keep ignoring this weird one-sided feud any longer.

@elfinismsarts, you need to stop.

It's really weird that literally a year and a half after we last interacted you're still holding onto this bizarre idea that every comment or anon you don't like comes from me/my friends, and that I'm spearheading some kind of targeted harassment campaign against you. It's sad that I know you won't believe me when I say I'm not and never have, and that nearly a full year on from your callout post about me, I have much, much better ways to spend my time and energy.

I'm in my thirties. I don't have 'enemies'. I honestly find it a bit embarrassing and juvenile that you do, and that based on your reddit account you're still posting literally every few days about these 'enemies' who--I repeat--haven't interacted with you since 2021.

Until now I was willing to just roll my eyes and ignore it. But I can't ignore that you apparently think it's completely fine and normal to track down my irl socials, identity, habits and family and then post about it publicly with thinly veiled allusions to what you could do with that information if you had malicious intent.

Grow up and go away; it's going to be incredibly sad to have to address this again in another eighteen months otherwise. And if you can't do that, my boyfriend says you could at least buy his album.

Evidence that OP of the screenshot is @/elfinismsarts under the cut.

[deepphantomstarfish]

Starting a Tumblr

I stared at the screen in dumbfound shock, realizing, lost in an abyss of wondering why, that I had been brushed off. From friendship, from life, from a girl who I thought was my friend and wanted to see me grow. My thumb hovered over the list of followers on instagram, wondering why. I thought this girl was my friend.

I’ve been on an up and down spiral these past few days locked inside my house and room, the cold whispering in spiraling snowflakes outside my window, leaving me and my family to remain in our own little bubbles once again. I’m surprised I don’t consider myself a ballerina in a snow globe by now, just waiting to be turned to the enjoyment of those around me.

I can’t remember what ‘triggered’ it, what set me off on deciding I was going to go through my instagram followers and those I was following and start trimming off any emotional baggage or weight preventing me from growing. I think I was already considering it for a long time as I’d been getting signs, thoughts, and just thinking in general about leaving instagram for a while due to the toxicity its had on my life and others as a whole. So that’s what I’ve been doing these past couple of days - considering leaving I decided before I did anything too drastic and just pulled a plug all together perhaps following a guide to reduce the amount of people I follow and following smartly might help my negativity surrounding it. But, that’s when I stumbled across something that I never expected and I wasn’t prepared for;

A girl, who I thought I was pretty good friends with, had unfollowed me and I didn’t even know when. I hadn’t even considered it a possibility that she would have, especially because I went to her birthday party just a few weeks ago and had a absolutely great time. I had even spent all day gathering her a gift, a gift I knew I would have loved, of cute trinkets such as a candle, body exfoliator, some super soft soap, and a picture frame with recently developed some pictures I took on my phone when we were still in high school. I even included more thinking that, since it was her 21st I wanted to get her a nice gift as I did with all my friends I appreciated in the past. 

But I had to leave the party early, which I told her before I left why I had to leave. Maybe I should have told her before I came to her party but anyway I had to leave early. However, she seemed fine before I left.

Yet, here I am. I don’t know what led me to look under her following list. I’ve felt like a bit superficial in the past few days unfollowing anybody who doesn’t or hasn’t followed me back but if I’m going to be honest I don’t judge anyone too harshly for it. But it does feel so liberating especially considering this isn’t a new thing for me; ever since I was little... I was always the friend put second. And I’d always put up with that. I’d always taken whatever anyone would give thinking the best of everybody. I was always the one no one ever invited not because I was negative I assume... honestly I don’t know why. I never complained though because well I’m gonna be blunt... No one wants to hear the woes of a girl who has ‘it all’ on the outside, living with a/c, electricity, and a bed to comfort her. However, it has always bothered me even though it wasn’t something I could really complain about - being the second girl. The one no one really took the time to remember. Being on the outside I always wanted friends, lots of them. I just wanted what anyone else did - to be happy. 

And yet, why couldn’t anybody see? Why was everyone so willing to put me second? To live as though I was fine with being forgotten?

So if I’m going to be honest, going through my social media followings in order to reduce the negativity in my life felt so liberating as the more I just thought - well why not? Let’s just reduce our platform so we don’t have to spend so much time on it, the more I felt like I was starting to put myself first. It was a feeling I... it made me happier, feel freer the more I went on. The rules were twofold- don’t go out searching like some crazed number psychopath. Just next time you get on, the first few people who pop up in your feed see if they’ve been following you, ask yourself what are they contributing to your life or if they are even in your day to day, week to week life. If they aren’t in your life and they haven’t followed you back, you don’t have to keep following them. You aren’t under any obligation, you don’t owe them a thing. Apologies if I sound so shallow and childish. This should be common sense but I guess it took me a while to learn to start taking care of myself.

Anyway, I’ve actually... been enjoying this process of growth I guess. Oh boy, does that make me a sociopath? Who knows, I don’t know. All I know is every time I stopped giving my energy to people who seemingly were on my feed, I was following out of some social obligation, out of hope they might turn around one day and say ‘hey you you’re worthy of my time and attention too! Even though I don’t follow you’, even though in the grand scheme of things this might all be baloney... I still felt. Lighter, I guess. It was so relieving. 

But then when I was out last night with my family to celebrate my little sister’s birthday, and decided to text the girl I’m referring to, a girl I assumed I was friends with, if she wanted to celebrate with us at our house later, I didn’t get an answer. I was confused as I’d seen her story the past few days. I’d replied to a few of them to no response. Which wasn’t odd - I don’t blame her, we can’t all reply to people 24/7. Not to mention this is something she’s asked me before and I have always been so delighted every time she’d invite me over, I thought it was time to return the offer. But the longer I continued to check for a response, or to see the usual ‘read’ receipt on the text, the longer I began to suspect something was up. 

Could she... have just ignored me? I thought.

No. 

No, she wouldn't; I don’t think she’s that kind of person. She wouldn’t just get upset about something and not tell me right? She wouldn’t just drop me from our life?

The thought hit me; check her following. 

No, how childish can I be right? It’s just instagram, it’s not like she’d literally drop me without telling me. It doesn’t mean anything. But if that’s the case, then... what’s the harm, right?

I went to check. Low and behold. She was following everyone in our circle but me.

Once again, sorry if this sounds so arrogant. The world isn’t only mine. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.

No warning. No confrontation. I even gave her a card I’d taken the time to write just for her and our friendship. Not even a reply to my text. To this moment, even though it was last night I still haven’t gotten a response and I’m just going to assume I’m not going to because this girl is, whenever she’s not at work, literally on her phone 24/7 and it’s the running joke we have in our circle. 

Stunned, I refreshed the page over and over again. Days of finding out who I thought was just stringing me along as a digit in their follower count, of finding out who it was that actually wanted to watch me grow, or maybe this doesn’t mean anything at all and she just doesn’t want to follow me anymore it’s possible... even though I know to her that’s unlikely - instagram means something to girls like this. And, honestly. To girls like me too. No, not the follow count. Not the superficial lies of it all. 

Just the truth echoing behind the screens. And this lie was all I needed to see to understand a truth I thought didn’t extend to her -- I was excess. A photographer for her pretty lies. This surprised me because I just, I guess I thought she was better than the other girls who’d come and gone so easily in my life; from grade school to high school, I could tell the ones who reciprocated the energy I gave to them and I thought she cared about our friendship. So, if our exchanges meant so little to her when I thought we were close... if I was the second piece, not someone to support her in everything she did like I try to be in all my friendships,

I was done.

Days of realizing who treated the instagram machine like their own personal game and their actual social circle, I was done trying to pretend like this didn’t hurt me anymore. I won’t lie- this did kind of hurt. 

But if she wants to show up and pretend like I didn’t notice, just know; I’m done trying to pretend like people put me second. I am worthy of having people in my life who care about me in my circle, and actually care. If anyone actually reads this, feel free to make fun of me but just know don’t pretend like instagram doesn’t mean anything to some people. I’m learning to downsize mine so it means less. But you know as well as I do there are those out there treating it like their personal wealth machine, dragging their ‘friends’ along like spare bodies to hold the camera instead of actual support systems.

So anyway. Learning to put myself first isn’t going to be easy. Especially when I've been grading myself morally for so long on putting up with others, taking whatever comes my way and going the extra mile for everyone. I still will. But now, as someone who is starting to learn how to have healthy relationships with herself and others for her own happiness, someone who is prioritizing growing in this weird time of my life, I’m going to say fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. But drop me three times, I’m going to be kind to everyone and learn to forgive, but it’s time I start taking care of myself and knowing where my happiness really is.

This Tumblr is my journey. Of life, and my career. I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know where I’ll be, but if you like this is going to be my journey. In writing, trying to become a successful author hopefully or wherever my thoughts and life takes me. This is my first step in choosing how to show up for myself.

As a reminder, it’s okay to still love other people, forgive and support them. But the moment it becomes at the expense of yourself is the moment you need to take a step back. I hope whoever is reading this knows they are worthy of true happiness, no matter who they might offend. A clean and kind one. This Tumblr is my journey to a healthy life (not a professional guide. Just me, a girl trying to find her way in her own little world), a better me conducive to the mindset and future I’ve always not dreamt of, but needed. If you want to tag along, thank you. I guess the first step to learning how to enjoy life is to let go of all that no longer carries you and to just know that, it’s okay to put yourself first on the road too healing.

I’m not going to pretend like I know it all- I’m just an ordinary 20 year old girl in an odd 21st century. Who overthinks all the time, loves sea creatures and wild orca/killer whale pics, loves books and writing even though her ADDD can be hard to manage still she tries, who wants to write a book even though she has writer’s block most of the time, but is always observing. Always hoping to learn more. A girl who loves God, but  has also unfortunately seen the downsides of religion. A girl who for most of her life has wanted happiness, has wanted just for once not to be second place in her own life. This blog, these are my thoughts and this is just my ordinary journey to finding out where I want to be. A place where I can be me, happy and loved in my own life. Tag along if you like!  

Thank you for reading this. Even if it literally seems like the silliest most emotionally overblown post about social media (lol), thank you.

[travelteatv]

For me, Budapest was the perfect place to spend a long weekend – a lot of beautiful buildings to see, great coffees to try, cool bars to drink local beers at… And all of this at a price I could actually afford.

I went with my friend Naomi (@ohsixeleven) and it was lovely to have a weekend of meandering and catching up, without feeling rushed to do things. We saw everything we wanted to (and more, I think) but also had plenty of time to relax at bars and cafes.

It’s rare for me to come back from a city break feeling refreshed but I honestly came back feeling revitalised and energetic; ready to plan our next trip. Unfortunately for us, what followed about a month or so later, was the onslaught of coronavirus and so of course all of those ideas were put to one side for another day. Nonetheless, I’m incredibly thankful that we did still get to experience Budapest (before there were any of the current worries) and hope that I’ll get to return in the same vain one day.

  Out of everything we saw/drank/ate, these were my favourites:

  WHAT WE DID

Fishermans Bastion and Buda Castle

Fisherman’s Bastion is a beautiful terrace overlooking Budapest from the hill; the lower section is free to visit while the upper sections cost about £2.50 (in high season) to enter.

We saw quite a few people relaxing with coffee and a book, and I can see why – yes it’s a tourist attraction and therefore a fairly busy area, but it’s a nice place to hangout nonetheless.

With the castle, we got a bit confused about which building was which – personally I only walked around it due to time constraints so can’t talk about what the inside is like but the afternoon we spent exploring around the outside of the castle was absolutely lovely and something I would definitely recommend whether you plan on going inside or not.

The castle is free to walk around but I’m aware that inside there are two museums, which you do have to pay to enter: The Hungarian National Gallery, History Museum, Military History Museum and Pharmacy Museum.

  Climb the Hill for a great view 

The bastion isn’t the only great place to get a good view – this photo was taken from Castle Hill. To get up here you can either walk or take the funicular railway. I love a good funicular but this time we chose to walk – it didn’t take too long and saved us a whole £3. You can get a couple of beers for that price here!

  All the churches

Walking around the city, you’ll stumble across a lot of churches; we only went into St Stephen’s Basilica which is quite centrally located, and then walked around the Matthias Church (the only reason we didn’t go in was because there was a long queue to enter).

They’re completely different architecturally but both stunning and I’d definitely recommend stopping by.

  Great Market Hall

We visited here on the way to the Gellert Spa, with the aim of trying Langos which is a kind of deep fried bread dish that you can put different toppings onto.

It was a bit of a maze trying to work out where to find the stalls exactly but we finally came across them on the upper level. It’s a bit of an odd market hall but in that way I quite liked it. From what I could tell, the lower floor sells more local and necessary produce such as fruits and vegetables, meanwhile the upper sections are primarily for tourists; there are stalls after stalls selling souvenirs such as keyrings, postcards and tablecloths. My goodness do they love table cloths.

Once we made it past all of these tourist stalls, we got to the food section where I got a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing and stuck to cheese but looking back I definitely should have put a few other toppings on there. Saying that though, they are MASSIVE and it would have been a waste as I could barely eat the one with just cheese, never mind one loaded with a lot else.

We went there first thing in the morning and it was definitely a good option in terms of busyness – we only just managed to get a seat (you can only sit on the tables in front of wherever you purchased your food) and by the time we left, it was getting a bit overcrowded.

The only issue with that of course is whether you can stomach deep fried bread first thing in the morning!

  Wander the beautiful streets and hunt for cool doors 

I say ‘hunt’ but truly, they’re almost everywhere you look. The streets around Buda Castle are incredibly beautiful and a pleasure to wander around.

Our ‘quick’ diversion down a pretty street soon turned into a much longer walk as we were mesmerised by how lovely it all was. Especially seeing as it was a lot quieter than the main areas to meander around.

  Gellert Spa

The main thing everyone mentioned to me activity wise in coming to Budapest was the spa – the main spa I think people tend to visit is Széchenyi but a friend of mine said to me that she visited both Gellert and Széchenyi on her trip and much preferred Gellert as it was better value and quieter, so as we only had a limited time there, decided to follow her advice. 

Of course, I only visited one so would have to take her word for it but Gellert was very nice. It was still fairly busy and in all honesty, a bit of a strange experience in my eyes – it’s not like a spa in the UK. The rooms are a lot more open and the shared areas are a bit confusing – there are lots of winding corridors to walk down and I was never quite sure where I was supposed to be.

Also, we were a bit unfortunate in terms of the time of year we visited as a couple of the outside pools were closed off – the only open one was a fair distance from the inside door and my god, my feet were so cold by the time I finally got in I thought they were going to fall off.

That being said, I don’t think you can go to Budapest and not experience a spa, so I’m glad we did it. All in all, it’s also a bit of a laugh.

  Shoes on the Danube

View this post on Instagram

Scarpe che raccontano una storia, che hanno camminato tanto per inseguire un sogno che si è poi trasformato in incubo #monument

A post shared by Karloskagathia (@one.ca) on Nov 27, 2016 at 5:19am PST

NB I didn’t take any photos here personally, as I was a bit mesmerised and taken aback by the whole thing.

Created by film director Can Togay and sculptor Gyula Pauer in 2005, this consists of 60 pairs of iron shoes which represent the thousands of people who were made to take off their shoes, before being executed and falling into the river.

This is a heartbreaking piece but most definitely worth a visit to remember what once happened on the banks of the Danube. It’s a heavy stop and I would definitely recommend taking some time here, as it may take a while to sink in.

  Parliament Building 

We walked here on our final morning in the city before catching our flight back and it was so windy. As in, the wind was so strong that it was actually hard to walk around the building.

It’s quite the sight and I would definitely put this on your must visit list if coming to the visit but be aware that you might get blown away.

Half of our time walking around this area was spent admiring the building and the rest was spent pulling hair out of our faces/checking our belongings hadn’t been taken by the wind/trying to stay upright.

  Printa Budapest

I am obsessed with print and design shops. For me to come home without a print is incredibly rare, although I think my boyfriend wishes this wasn’t the case as our walls can’t really handle anything else.

I was fairly restrained this trip and only purchased one piece of artwork but I always love visiting a few different design shops while in new cities, as they’re my favourite souvenirs. I also really like being able to buy something that I know is locally made and that it’s unlikely you can just buy anywhere.

The additional (incredible) bonus to this shop was that I also got to look after a dog while inside. I’m still not 100% sure how it happened but the server needed to go and pick up the print from the back of the shop, wasn’t sure what to do with their dog and all of a sudden I ended up holding it (ok I offered). But it was a lovely dog and I’m very pleased it happened.

  WHAT WE ATE AND DRANK

Budapest is full of incredible, affordable and very cool options to eat and drink. You could easily spend a week here just making the most of their food scene!

  Breakfast/Brunch & Coffee  

Stika

This was an unexpectedly fancy brunch place that my friend Naomi saw online (in fairness, almost all of the places were found by her and I just tagged along for the ride).

We went there for brunch and it was quite busy but they were able to seat us very quickly – the servers were on point and the coffee was incredible (I don’t drink that much coffee but I had two here).

I almost always have eggs for brunch and so can be a bit fussy about them but the food was great; the plating in particular was so beautifully done, I felt like I was in a fine dining restaurant.

Don’t worry though, it wasn’t particularly costly and you don’t have to dress up or anything. It was just very well done and I was really impressed by it.

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Have a sunny October ☀️ Thanks for the picture 📷: @mamabrown.dk #stika #stikabudapest #breakfast #brunch #lunch #dinner #breakfastporn #eggsbenedict #eggsflorentine #pancakes #homemade #juices #sunny #october #foodporn #goodvibesonly

A post shared by STIKA Budapest (@stikabudapest) on Oct 16, 2018 at 10:58pm PDT

  Zerge

I had an absolute blast here – in the Buda Castle district there aren’t that many places to choose from so I’m glad this existed.

It’s a bagel/coffee place ran by lovely people and you can tell that someone really wanted to put their stamp on a place. The heavy metal music that they put on halfway through our visit was a bit random, as was the man who helped Naomi put her coat on (she wasn’t struggling, he just jumped in to help out of the blue) but still, it just made our experience more memorable.

  Lunch/Dinner 

Mazel Tov

100% one of the best restaurants/restaurant experiences I have ever had. I can definitely see why this place is considered the best restaurant in Budapest.

It’s a ruin bar/restaurant in the Old Jewish District which focuses on Israeli food and amazing cocktails. We ordered a big selection of different dishes and then shared them between us. Yes, it was a bit more pricey than some other places you will find in Budapest but it is definitely worth it. It’s still a heck of a lot cheaper than you would find in London/Paris etc.

We had heard that this place can sometimes be difficult to get into, so we got here early (at around 430/5pm) before the dinner rush and were seated within about 5 minutes. It was our first day in the city and we had woken up early to catch our flight, so luckily we were super hungry.

Everything about our experience was fantastic; beautiful decor, lovely atmosphere, a really nice waiter and of course, amazing food. I would eat here every night if I could.

Belli Di Mamma 

Right next door to Mazel Tov is this incredible Italian place which does amazing pizzas; we thought it looked good when we first walked by it and seeing as our hotel was nearby, decided to try it out for ourselves.

Again, really nice food, a cool atmosphere and good beers meant we had a lovely evening, and I would definitely recommend eating here.

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Hey pizza lovers🥳🍕! Van számotokra egy nagyszerű hírünk! Sajnos éttermünk zárva tart, de senkit nem hagyunk pizza nélkül, ugyanis a mai nappal megkezdjük házhozszállításunkat. Online tudtok rendelni a Wolt és a Netpincér Go segítségével, minden nap 11:00-22:00-ig! Rendelési link a BIO-ban! – We have fantastic news! Although the restaurant closed, we would leave no one without pizza, so we start home delivery today! You can order from Wolt and Netpincér Go online every day 11 am to 10 pm! Delivery link in BIO! #bellidimammabudapest #neapolitanpizza #pizza #pizzalovers #italianpizzeria #budapest #italianrestaurant #pizzagourmet #pizzatime #pizzaholic #pizzadelivery #pizzatogo #házhozszállítás #hazhozszallitas #pizzaházhozszállítás #mik_gasztro #leggjobbpizzaavrárosban #mik #mutimiteszel #pizzaislife #mostfogjunkössze #stayhome #staypositive #maradjotthon #sorryweareclosed #contactless #pizzacontactless #wolthungary #netpincergo ##netpincér

A post shared by Belli di Mamma (@belli_di_mamma_budapest) on Mar 21, 2020 at 4:22am PDT

  Drinks

Ruin Bar – Szimpla Kert

The other place that had been recommended to me over and over again by friends who had been to Budapest before, was this ruin bar. Well, it’s kind of a few bars put together.

I can completely see why they recommended it – it’s very cool, in an Industrial old warehouse (bit of an East London vibe) and the drinks are cheap.

We came here in the afternoon, not late on at night (we were too busy eating ourselves into a food coma) but I’d love to come back and experience it in the evening for the full experience.

Spiler

We ended up at Spiler as we wanted to try some traditional Hungarian dishes and weren’t really sure where to go. It’s not a particularly traditional place, as such but it does have a lot of good options if you are looking to try some of their national dishes, such as Paprika Chicken.

It’s a fun place to go to, with cheap beers and an easy atmosphere but it’s not necessarily the coolest/best place you’ll ever go to in all honesty! It’s definitely a bit touristy and gimmicky – I think we ended up here mostly down to location and hunger but you know what, we had a good time! We came in for food and ended up staying for about 3 more drinks, if that says anything…

  WHERE WE STAYED

We stayed at the Continental Hotel in Budapest, which worked very well for us. It cost about £100 each for 3 nights (based on us sharing a twin room), which for a European City Break is great value.

I won’t lie, it’s a bit of an odd hotel – very grand and open inside but not with a lot of life in it. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the stay – I mean it had everything we needed, with a few luxury touches but it didn’t have anything particular special about it.

One thing I will never forget, was the TV in our bedroom, which for some reason they set into a huge black board, making it look (when the TV is off) as though the TV is going to be massive. But once you’ve turned it on, you realise that the TV screen itself only takes up about a quarter of the board and the rest is just empty space hanging on the wall.

I wish I had another way to explain that but please just take my word for it that it was very strange.

  HOW WE GOT AROUND

In terms of location, our hotel was great as we mostly walked everywhere. If you don’t feel like walking, there are lots of other options for getting around though – taxis, buses, trams, bolts and more.

    BOLT

If anywhere was a bit further away, we tended to get a ‘Bolt’ (a lot like Uber except Uber doesn’t exist in Budapest). They’re very cheap (roughly £3 a journey) and it never takes too long to get anywhere within the city.

These worked very well aside from one instance where someone else basically stole our Bolt. I mean I say basically, they did. They got into the car and then asked the driver to drop them somewhere else, which he did.

Annoyingly, Bolt doesn’t have a way of doing anything about this while the journey is in progress, which I realise now is actually very unsafe – if you were inside the car and had an issue with the driver then there is nothing within the app you can use to alert anyone.

All we could do was phone the driver and try to explain that he had the wrong people in the car but he didn’t really speak English, so just hung up on us. It was a really frustrating experience, as you also can’t book another Bolt until that journey is ended.

Luckily there were two of us, each with our own phone, so Naomi just booked her own Bolt but then I had to go through the process of contacting Bolt for a refund, which took a good week to finally get as they didn’t really explain the initial problem. Thankfully I had taken screenshots while the journey was in progress, showing where I was on the map and how I clearly wasn’t in the car.

  BUS

To and from the airport we got the 100E bus, which was very easy (only takes about 40 minutes) although please be aware that the bus does not pick up and drop off at the same place in the city centre.

Tickets can be purchased from the machine located next to the bus stop and cost around £2.50 each way. The services are often very busy, but they’re quite regular so don’t worry too much about being able to get on one – just make sure you leave yourself plenty of time in order to catch your flight back.

  Abi

X

@travelteatv

    A Weekend in Budapest For me, Budapest was the perfect place to spend a long weekend - a lot of beautiful buildings to see, great coffees to try, cool bars to drink local beers at...