#i got to fuck lae'zel though so i guess i'm not doing so bad

[thatfreshi]

"You Better Tell Me" (Uni AU P. 5)

You get invited to the rooftop for a smoke sesh with Shadowheart and Gale

tw - weed (reader does not partake), athletic injuries, hints at grooming

@justporo

Soon after, the group fizzles out, starting with Shadowheart saying she doesn't want to be late to church. You weren't really expecting the whole religious thing with her, but hey, if it floats her boat. Gale says he has to meet with Mystra about his thesis project, and Lae'zel heads back to the room, leaving you free to do whatever you want.

So, you spend the day walking around looking for your classes, getting used to campus, finding the cozy places to study. The library is extravagant, filled with books from the past century, with a full online database. You even stop by the pool, which is full of swim team athletes preparing for the upcoming season.

After walking around all day, you come back to the dorm room, exhausted. Shadowheart however, is leaving.

"Oh, Tav! You should come with me! Gale and I are having our weekly smoke sesh. You don't have to smoke, but we like to chill out and talk about all the shit we've heard recently."

Without even really thinking about it, you put down your bags from the bookstore and follow her out the door.

"I thought we couldn't smoke on campus?"

She smirks, leading you to the staircase.

"Well, that's the nice part of being best friends with one of the RAs, their master keys work on the roof door."

As if on cue, Gale shows up behind the two of you.

"Good evening."

Fumbling with his key ring, he opens the door for the two of you to get onto the roof. It's a little chilly this high up. The lights of the city are apparent over the edge of the roof.

"You got Tav to join us?"

"I guess so. We're just cool Gale, we have to accept it."

The two laugh as Shadowheart takes a small plastic baggie out of her tote bag. Like clockwork, the two get to work rolling.

"You want one?"

You shake your head at him.

"No thanks. Honestly just hear to listen to all the gossip."

"See, I knew I liked you."

Shadowheart smiles, taking out her lighter.

"So, what do you want to know?"

You're all sitting on top of one of those electrical boxes, one that clearly isn't in use anymore. You hesitate, knowing you probably will get weird looks for your question.

"Lae'zel... what happened to her leg?"

Gale sighs, and Shadow goes to pull up a video somewhere in her camera roll. The two don't speak, instead showing you a video of a track meet from the previous year. You watch as Lae steps the wrong way, taking a nasty fall, the video picks up the scream she lets out on the track. Gale is the first to speak up.

"She fucked up her entire leg. Started as a sprained ankle, but she tried to keep going. Ended up tearing up her hamstring, and eventually tore the connection between her leg and her foot. Couldn't walk for months."

"Lae'zel doesn't like to talk about it though. She was supposed to be in the Olympics next year, but no amount of physical therapy has worked. As much as she pisses me off, I feel bad talking about it sometimes. Her whole family is full of famous athletes, and now she can't even play her sport anymore."

You weren't expecting the conversation to get so sad so fast, but it is tragic. The idea that you spend your whole life working towards something, and you can lose it all so fast.

"That fucking sucks."

Almost immediately changing the mood, Shadowheart lets out a gasp.

"Wait. Okay before I show you all this: Gale, Tav and Astarion fucked."

His eyes immediately fill with shock.

"I'm sorry. You, and that man, had sex? When?!"

"Ugh, last night. It was stupid and complicated, and then this morning I screamed at him."

"Yeah, and then he left crying. I don't think I've ever seen him cry."

The guilt bubbles back up again, unsure if you did the right thing. Before you can ask the group why they all hate him so much, Shadowheart shows you a paparazzi picture.

"Apparently this was taken earlier today. Looks like somebody's mad at Daddy, boohoo."

You almost ignore her mocking tone. It's Astarion and Szarr in the photos, having what looks like an intense argument at an outdoor shoot.

"You think he'd figure out how to stop complaining by now."

Gale takes another puff, coughing a little.

"Why are you guys so mean to him?"

Shadow almost doesn't know how to answer you.

"I mean, you've met him. He's just some rich kid piece of shit Tav."

"You should've seen him, at the party."

Gale perks up.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, the whole thing just makes me feel sick. Like something isn't right, but I don't know what. I met one of the other models, Aurelia, and she was being super cryptic and scary."

The two are fully staring at you now.

"And I met Szarr. He's a full-on creep, gave me this weird kiss on the hand. It was gross, but Astarion? He was like tense. I don't know, it just felt wrong."

"Yeah, but Astarion's been modeling for like six years now. I'm sure he knows the industry well enough to avoid people if they're truly bad people."

It's clear Shadow has made up her mind, but you're still not so sure. Before you can say anything else, she's trying to look at Gale's phone.

"Who are you blushing at?! Is there some lover I don't know about?"

He snatches his phone from her.

"Okay, I'll tell you if you stop trying to take my shit. I may or may not be seeing someone, as of today. BUT, she wants to keep it private for now, so no you can know!"

"Come on, please! I'm your best friend."

"As soon as I can, I'll tell you. But for now, please respect her privacy."

Shadow dramatically rolls her eyes, taking another hit.

"Fine, but as soon as I can know, you better tell me!"

The three of you talk about some other random stuff for the next hour or so. Within that hour, the photos of Astarion and Szarr are wiped from the internet, much to Shadowheart's disappointment. You tune out for a lot of the conversation, thinking about just how much shit you've already gotten yourself into. Although, you'll most definitely be back for next week's smoke sesh. Besides, you need all the help you can get with just how wild this place seems to be.

[ofstormsandfire]

Baldur's Gate 3 characters as fanfic authors

(Disclaimer: I have not played Baldur's Gate 3. However, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of infodumping and have seen some of my qpp Cas's durge playthrough. Also, I'm doing this for shits and giggles.)

Astarion: He has a profile filled with the most epic of stories, all of which are marked 1/?. His writing is great! However, he has yet to finish a single fic and quite possibly never will. One of those authors where you can tell they've got Issues irl, but he's private enough in his notes that you can't really guess at what those issues actually are.

Gale: Credits his cat as his editor. Strangely, his stories seem to be very well-edited in spite of this. Jumps from fandom to fandom semi-frequently, but he almost always finishes what he starts before jumping into something new, and you can Tell that he's researched the hell out of every new fic he writes. (There is one fic that remains unfinished; while writing it, he vanished off the face of the internet for months and his readers genuinely thought he died. He has not acknowledged what happened with that fic since returning and is unlikely to do so.)

Halsin: His fics are as well-researched and thought out as Gale's, but specifically where nature is concerned. In the past, he's gotten into very big arguments involving ABO fanfic and how it's not even based on how actual wolf pack dynamics work, though he's been around long enough at this point to just block and move on. Also, characters who are shitty towards the environment tend to either mend their ways or not live to the end of the fic.

Jaheira: One of those writers who has been around basically forever. She posts once in a blue moon but whenever she does, everyone goes !!! about it; probably has a lot of user subscriptions on AO3. Probably volunteers with the OTW in her downtime. Has a certain fondness for fics where, just this once, everybody lives. Extremely private where her personal life is concerned, but she used to talk about a husband. (Longtime readers may note that she has never once been online during a certain month of the year, not even to respond to comments.)

Karlach: She keeps writing oneshots about this one specific comfort character of hers going on adventures and getting nice things. Unfortunately, being literally on fire makes her prone to making typos, but we love her anyway, typos and all. Her fics tend to be best described as... shall we say, heartwarming?

Lae'zel: Gets into literally all the fandom drama. She has written multiple fics specifically to piss other authors off and she'll do it again. Several of these were aimed at Shadowheart in particular during a short span of time, like we're talking slamming out a fic a day for like a week. Doesn't get commenting etiquette.

Minthara: Bad endings abound here. Unlike with Shadowheart (see below) she just kind of wants to watch the world burn and write the most fucked-up AUs she can think of. Goes into concerning levels of detail where things like torture are concerned.

Shadowheart: Writes all these hurt/no comfort angstfest fics. Has been straight up asked in the comments of her fics on multiple occasions if she's okay. (She eventually starts to write more hurt/comfort fics, and her audience breathes a collective sigh of relief.)

Wyll: Very cheerful, very responsive to comments, has a lot of variety in his works. Every single one of his fics is co-authored by this other account who he thanks for her(?) assistance in every story, despite the fact that she has never once said anything in the comments section and doesn't appear to have other social media. It is unclear what this other person's contribution is; Wyll has confirmed that she is neither an editor, a beta reader, or a writer herself.

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Patch/Hotfix Cycle

So ... okay, much as I love Larian, and how much they've grown and developed as a studio between Divinity: Original Sin 2 and Baldur's Gate 3 ... does anyone else feel like we're still somehow in early access, just because of the Patch/Hotfix Cycle?

It's like ... they do a patch. And these patches are huge, with big quality of life improvements, and that's great and everything? But the more they tinker with the code, the more chance you're going to have of coming out with a game-breaking bug somewhere along the line. Patch 6 in particular, with all of its significant QOL changes, somehow brushed up against a change in ... *checks* ah, yeah, Patch 5 ... and completely broke the game for some of us in the process.

See, there's a condition that you can pick up - "Enemy of Justice". It's supposed to be for killing a guard or something. I'm assuming some kind of criminal activity. Thing is, even if you're not doing any criming, you can pick this status up - specifically if you want to try to recruit Minthara on a good playthrough. Because if you kill anything before you knock her unconscious (including, apparently, the 5hp Scrying Eye which'll get you everybody's attention if you're not careful, and the low hp goblins everywhere), whoever struck the knockout blow gets Enemy of Justice. Which I guess makes sense. You assaulted her and killed her guards. She's going to take issue with that, and probably know that you're not as devoted to the Absolute as you pretended to be early on. (Though why anyone should believe her at that point, no idea.)

The problem is ... apparently Enemy of Justice doesn't discriminate. If you killed any kind of guard, anywhere, and left a witness ... everyone will be after you. Look, I first found this out because Lady Esther over in the Rosymorn Monastery literally attacked me on sight. She doesn't know jack from shit about the whole Absolute cultist bullshit, and probably doesn't care because it's not her assignment. So she has no valid reason to attack me. However, Enemy of Justice says that I am Public Enemy Number One for ... killing minions of the big bad, okay. And somehow everyone in Faerun knows this.

And I mean that literally, as some people have gone into Act 2 and found that everyone in the entire zone wants them dead. The Harpers at the Last Light Inn and the Absolutists at Moonrise Towers will both auto-aggro if you've got the bug that sticks that fucking Enemy of Justice to you. It's a pain in the arse, and basically makes the game unplayable. I mean, the worst part is, this only seems to really come into force when you come out of the Underdark and into what's ostensibly Act 2-adjacent content, so you go through the Underdark thinking all's cool and then boom! Just ... everyone hates you. Apparently it all goes away when you kill a certain Big Bad at the end of Act 2, but ... I mean, how do you get to that point if everyone wants to kill you?

So ... yeah, sometimes it feels like we're still in early access, because we're still seeing such massive patches that, just because of how much the code's being tinkered with, is an open invitation for more game-breaking bugs. I do love Larian trying to polish the game to make it the best game it possibly can be. But ... I mean, I would like to be able to play it at some point. And I can't do that if I'm stuck just a bit before the Grym fight, unable to continue because if I'm going to kill Lady Esther (and make no mistake - I am going to kill Lady Esther), I want Lae'zel approval for it. Which I don't get if she just runs at me screaming.

Larian ... please. Make it actually playable, and then stop trying to polish it. Let it be finished. It's a great game. Stop breaking it trying to make it somehow better. We can't play it when you do this.

[riddlerosehearts]

...well. i finished my first playthrough of baldur's gate 3. over the last several days i did the fight against gortash, the final battle against the netherbrain, the ending scenes at the docks, and the epilogue party. in this post i'll just write about everything up until the ending cutscenes start, and then make another post tomorrow because i have many thoughts and i don't want to make this be insanely long. not that it matters since i've basically just been making these posts for myself the entire time, but ANYWAY

love the fact that i was able to cast otto's irresistible dance on gortash during the very first turn and keep him boogeying for a bit before he managed to break out of it. using it on someone like him is just hilarious. this battle was surprisingly really easy, though? like with both otto's irresistible dance and hold person available, gortash barely got to do anything and there were only a couple other enemies who were incredibly easy to defeat. the grenade launchers were more annoying than anything else. kind of underwhelming but considering how difficult some of the other act 3 fights have been, and how close i now am to the end, i'm not complaining!

i'm so sad about karlach oh my god. she hasn't even been a favorite of mine, i mean, i like her a lot, she's always a delight to talk to, but she's not the type of character i get as easily attached to and i haven't used her on my team that much overall. and yet her voice acting was so full of emotion and her dialogue so heartwrenching that she made me wanna cry. gortash is dead and it should feel like this big victory but for her it isn't, because it doesn't change anything about what's happened or what's going to happen to her... elenion tried to joke around and call gortash ugly and karlach said she was too tired to laugh. they told her they think she should keep living as long as she can and she said "you do it, i'm tired". she's tried so hard to seem positive and hide her loneliness but now she's so caught up in her grief and anger that she's just tired of it all. "i want to live" plays in the background of the scene. she ends things by saying "love you" even if you're not romancing her. god i want to hug her so bad :( going to use the hugs mod i have installed to do that after talking to her back at camp.

talking to everyone around the camp, lae'zel is so encouraging in her own way and even astarion says there's no justice in the world because of what's happening to karlach... for some reason, it was this bit of dialogue with jaheira that made me actually tear up a little:

like i guess it's just the fact that jaheira is this legendary hero that karlach looks up to and was so excited to meet, and here she is saying she doesn't know what else she can do to help karlach. it's so unfair what the fuck!!

had to screenshot this dialogue from wyll in the astral plane because i love him:

the emperor is an interesting character, and i can honestly understand why some people, and some tavs, might trust him and want to ally with him. but elenion is very untrusting by nature, and sure, he's grown a lot and learned to put more trust in his allies--but the emperor as the dream guardian just constantly made him feel confused and uncertain and then once he was finally willing to fully trust them, he found out that he was being lied to after all. and then the emperor kept withholding information from him, and trying to convince him that he should become an illithid. so no, he is not allying with the emperor!! although orpheus's attitude is not exactly winning me over lmao, for one thing we did not STEAL the githyanki egg!!

WOAH the baby owlbear grew up?! big armored owlbear?! was not expecting that! also, huh, zevlor is here too... i don't think the gather your allies quest ever mentions him in the quest journal so i didn't realize he'd show back up. maybe it's just me, but i kind of wish there was more resolution to his story. i looked up whether he ever reappears after you rescue him in act 2 and found that he doesn't, and he doesn't even have a voiced line of dialogue at high hall, which really sticks out and seems weird because everyone else does except for him and volo?? the gondians also aren't here even though the quest journal does mention them... i think i got pretty much every not-evil ally, though! except for mol, i guess.

i callled pretty much every ally during the big battles in the courtyard because i wanted to see what they could do! and then i only called a few during the actual final battle because i was afraid that certain characters like zevlor or the owlbear might permadie. but it's so cool being able to call on everyone who you've helped throughout the game, as it really helps these last battles feel more epic and exciting. though it also makes me wonder what the rest of my party who isn't here in high hall is doing... like, okay, so jaheira and halsin were not in my party and they still showed up to give their aid. but what about minsc and boo? what about shadowheart, astarion, and karlach?? are they all just chilling out at camp while the rest of us fight?? it just feels odd that they don't show up here at all.

i accidentally got party wiped while trying to reach the netherbrain because i couldn't figure out where i was actually supposed to be going and messed up... please, if i ever have to be part of a band of heroes rising up to stop a world-ending threat, do not make me the leader. my nonexistent sense of direction will literally doom us all. the second attempt was really easy once i figured out what i was doing LMAO but i did also have to restart the final battle because... i had no idea how the thing with the netherbrain destroying the platforms worked and my party all died at once the first time. it's my first playthrough and i knew nothing about this whole part of the game, so of course there was going to be some trial and error. i had a lot of fun with all of that, though!!

and now we get to the ending cutscenes... which i will be posting about separately later. for now i'll just say i love this game and i can't believe i've hit the end of it. i started playing in march what the fuck.

[concrete-beach-party]

BG3 Playthrough: Into the darkness! (Act II)

Co-op is frustrating sometimes.

We decided to follow up on Halsin's quest in order to make him FINALLY join our party.

Recovered Thaniel's body. Well, that was a shitload of monsters and shadows and whatnot.

Oh no! His spirit (?) is still missing. Thank god we already ran into the creepy little tiefling boy playing a deadly version of hide and seek, because that's him. Thaniel needed a bit of ... uh ... persuasion to come with us.

Now, this is where I am - again - fucking annoyed by how co-op works: I had Halsin in MY party. I did his whole quest so far. My partner had Lae'zel in their party, but they did have the last hit on the mobs spawned by Thaniel AND HALSIN TALKED TO THEM INSTEAD OF ME and THEY GOT ALL THE APPROVAL.

This is why I'm doing a solo playthrough on the side :(

Halsin finally agrees to make himself useful - this dude has been chilling in our camp for weeks now and I am delighted that all my companions are like "finally!!!"

We now continued to Moonrise Towers after avoiding this for a while.

First stop: rescue prisoners. They are free now.

Wulbren is an asshole. How the fuck are you trying to blow up??

Thank god only the basement is hating us now. Every other floor ignores that we just killed a bunch of guards. Ooops.

We may or may not have blown up that tadpole shipment at the docks. Who knows? Not the people in Moonrise Towers, apparently.

Rolan did not survive his attempt to get to Moonrise Towers on his own, which is honestly sad, despite him hating me. His friends also kinda hate me (one more than the other though)

Where the fuck are Wyll's dad and Mol?

I (Durge) wasn't nice to the resident cat. Accidentally killed her. Uhhhh.

The thing with Araj:

ARAJ. YOU FUCKING ASSHAT. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ASTARION. (My partner was confused when I rejected her offer, they then had to suffer a Ted Talk about Astarion's past abuse and his lack of bodily autonomy)

After bitching at Araj, we went to camp. (as this is co-op I have no hope of getting the high-approval-version of the following scene, so I went with this one)

Astarion and I are now official, I guess. He didn't really say anything, but we held hands and he was like "This? This is nice.". If I talk to him he greets me with "Gods, you're beautiful", so we're good.

He is fucking adorable because he really as NO CLUE what to do with real feelings, I love him so much, he is utterly confused.

YES I DID GO FOR THE FUCKING HUG.

Back to Moonrise!

Most of the people here know me. I just don't know them.

Ketheric Thorm also knows me and is somehow at fault for my current condition (a.k.a. brain damage, according to the ilithid in the Underdark).

The goblins are still alive, but I am seething. (Though, honestly, I don't know if they're really alive ... I have trouble believing the people in this tower would honor their word)

Ascending in the tower, we ran into Balthazar's chambers, where he did all sorts of interesting things. He kept a book about a "fallen one" who was "damaged" but a necromancer sort of managed to keep the fallen one alive and treated them like a pet, until - UNTIL!!! - the "pet" somehow ended up on a Nautiloid. I have a vague feeling we're talking about me here. Apparently I've been killed. And this is Ketheric's fault. The plot thickens.

I had the chance to talk to Z'rell and confuse her with my lusts for Astarion. He's into it, so it's fine.

Ketheric won't talk to us until we retrieve the Nightsong, which is kept in the Mausoleum and there's currently about 20 quests leading there. Balthazar is there too and he seems to kinda try to backstab good old Ketheric, or at least that is what I've gathered from his notes.

Next up:

He Who Was

??? the Mausoleum where every quest leads right now???

When will my butler decide he's unhappy with the fact that I did not kill Isobel? I have a very bad feeling about this.

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs Other People's Bullshit

Since they're in the area, investigating the githyanki patrol

Alisaie: That'd better not be the same dragon that breathed fire in my face on that nautiloid.

Lae'zel: Finally! Civilised people! We go!

Kithrak Voss: A nautiloid crashed here. We believe it carried an artefact. We seek it for ourselves. Have you seen it?

Shadowheart: *looking slightly panicked*

Alisaie: *very slight shake of the head at Lae'zel*

Lae'zel: No, but we will seek it out.

Kithrak Voss: Good. Find us when you do.

Githyanki Raiding Party: *exit stage UP UP AND AWAY*

Lae'zel: Why would my people want an artefact from--? Wait. That ... thing you carry, Shadowheart!

Shadowheart: Look, I don't know what it is either, but--

The Absolute: HEAR ME AND OBEY.

Artefact: *says NO*

Lae'zel: ...All right, we did the right thing. What do they want with this? My people can cure this ... can they not?

Alisaie: You're going to hate this, but I'm going to suggest looking into other means of curing this infection before we hand ourselves over to your people, Lae'zel. Something isn't adding up here.

Lae'zel: Very well. But if you must stomp through swamps for ... blackmail materials--

Alisaie: You can stay at camp. I need to take Astarion out anyway; I get antsy when he hasn't fed in awhile.

And, approaching the swamps

Wyll: So how's the rat diet?

Astarion: About to be broken if you don't shut up.

Alisaie: REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU.

Astarion: Oh, very well. ...What about these ruffians accosting that dear Ethel woman from the Grove?

Alisaie: *peeeeers* Erm ... she's lying about not having seen their sister and I'm thinking maybe she's not what she seems to be and I'm really glad it's been awhile since I ate anything from her because bad effects would have shown up by now but anyway, Ethel, lady? Why not just tell the actual truth?

Ethel: Fuck you. *vanishes*

Really Stupid Brother: FUCK OFF WE DON'T NEED YOU.

Alisaie: Um ... I mean, you're armed with a rusty sword and a pitchfork, respectively, and she's got magic out the ass, but if you really think so...

Brothers: *charge off into the swamp*

Alisaie: Hang on a minute. That looks ... off.

Swamp: *becomes absolutely horrific-looking*

Alisaie: Riiiiiight. Magic out the ass. Let's go. First we find that tree, then we see if those brothers have wised up.

And, a few dead mephits and tree-people later

Alisaie: Well, that makes that book you found about the Shadow Druids make sense, Astarion. We'll take a quick look for those brothers and then head back to the Grove real quick before this deal goes down.

Brothers: *are very very dead*

Alisaie: Well. So much for that. Hey, wait, who's up there?

Gandrel: Hey, you wouldn't happen to have seen a vampire spawn named Astarion around, have you? Some folks in Baldur's Gate really want him back.

Astarion: *gulp*

Alisaie: I mean, I'd need more of a description than that...

Gandrel: Yeah, that's been the problem lately. Well, guess I'm going to have to ask for the hag's help after all...

Alisaie: ...Yeaaaaah, good luck with that.

Astarion: Erm ... Alisaie ... he...

Alisaie: I am getting used to other people's bullshit by this point, Astarion.

Astarion: So we're going to take out this swamp hag before he can ask the boon of catching me ... right?

Alisaie: Have you met a swamp hag? Heard any stories about them? She'll fuck him over and he won't be in any shape to hunt anyone when she's through.

Astarion: Wonderful! So we can get out of this hideous place, then.

Alisaie: We still have to come back and deal with the hag, though, even if we don't beat him there. I mean, I don't think this guy deserves to die just for taking a job - though I guess he's not necessarily fit to survive if he thinks a bargain with a fucking swamp hag is a good idea. But even if we don't beat him there, it's obvious that Ethel is that hag in disguise, and equally obvious she has those poor guys' sister. And since they said she was meebling about her dead husband and getting him back, we should probably do that before undead start pouring out of this place.

Astarion: You are leaving me behind for that one.

Alisaie: So you want to leave me to deal with all the traps after I lied to keep that guy off your ass and, oh yeah, let you drink my blood. I'll decide after we save the Grove from Shadow Druids.

Astarion: Please take Gale for that at least. Altruism breaks me out in hives.

Alisaie: Oh dear gods you are such a shitheel...