#i guess even among cis women theres always going to be something about me that doesnt reallt work within that. social role or something

[peaceandlove26]

do you still consider yourself trans or not? sorry if this question is weird ive always been interested in how people view their gender :3

no its okay! i don’t consider myself trans anymore because i am not really changing anything about myself or wanting to be perceived in any way other than female. i don’t necessarily consider myself a woman, it’s silly but honestly “lesbian” is my gender haha

but i make the active decision to present as feminine even if whatever intrinsic homosexuality is in my body+mind causes me to constantly be perceived as trans by those who don’t know me LOL

[magical-agatha]

god my fuckin temperament is too weak to handle thinking about inguinal hernias anymore today. this: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-testicular-pain is still the only link i can find that has any confirmation of it as a danger to trans women who tuck. but it doesn't go into detail about how the actual hernia is occurring and what the relationship is with tucking. but at least it confirms a correlation so i know that it is in fact a danger and not just wild speculation or something based solely on one person’s experience, which may or may not reflect the rest of the community. from what i can guess its probably like? pushing the testicles into the inguinal cavity is distending it and weakening the muscles, which is allowing the intestines to slip through into the cavity. i wonder if theres like, something in this to do with like, physical exertion, bc it could also be that tucking is creating a weakness that is getting exacerbated by a moment of physical exertion? or maybe by moving in a way that like, affects the muscles in there? idk. there really isnt a lot of info about this and im not a doctor so the best i can do is speculation. but i dont think the idea that tucking is distending the inguinal cavity which is weakening the associated abdominal muscles is too extreme of a jump. this is one of those times where i really really wish there was more medical information and research about trans bodies, bc most of what there is is sporadic and incomplete and the rest is sourceless uhh, whats the word, when its just based off a persons experience being recounted without any like, reliable research or info. starts with A. im very tired lol. point is i wish there was more info out there cuz there really isnt a lot and im scared ppl are going to get hurt bc of that. this is also like, opening my eyes a lot about how uncertain the information i have in general about like, my body and the bodies of other trans women. bc im finding inconsistent info about things i thought were facts, like for example tucking has always been held up to be perfectly safe, but ive never been able to do it without it hurting, and apparently like?? the whole ‘hrt will turn you infertile’ thing might be inconsistent too? apparently it happens to some but not others. and the thing about like, ‘you WILL lose the function of your dick’ (with the implied ‘but thats a good thing’ that has always pissed me off) and my dick still works, it works differently and i cum and orgasm differently than i did before hrt but it still very much works, it just seems to follow different rules? and i still cum and i can still get hard, both of those things were supposed to stop happening but they didnt. it just like.. went through a process of being reprogrammed so it behaves differently now. cuz there was a period where i couldnt orgasm and i couldnt cum, but then i could again, and now my orgasms are totally different than they were when i was pre hrt. instead of it being like, sudden and intense and overwhelming, it builds up slowly to a peak, then gradually declines from there and leaves you feeling warm throughout and very very soft. and my hen leaks precum constantly when im aroused, and then when i cum it shoots a little bit out then like, leaks goo for the next half hour, not a little bit either. its a mess.

there was something else i wanted to say here but i forgot it. all in all im just. mad that the only ppl who care about the health of trans ppl are some doctors and trans ppl themselves. and that information about our bodies is inconsistent even between professionals. i cant be sure that my doctor actually knows how my body works and whats best for me. it makes it so much harder to trust doctors and feel safe when i see them. what a nightmare. i want to help ppl. i want to find and compile info about our bodies to keep us all safe but i can barely look after myself and i cant commit to doing that. i have to focus on myself. so all i can rly do is like, give advice and try to warn ppl of potential dangers and do what research i can. which is what we’re all doing. the danger is when personal biases conflict with caring for the safety of other ppl, which is the root of all the problems with trans medical stuff i think. whether its doctors enforcing their biases on trans ppl thru medical advice/medicine, or trans ppl themselves giving advice that is warped by their personal beliefs. it leads to misinformation and inconsistency and thats dangerous. that means people getting hurt. so i have to be careful when i give advice to be aware of my own personal biases. such as like, i hate tucking, but i cant tell ppl to just not tuck bc its not my body, i dont know if theres a way to tuck safely or not, so instead i have to tell ppl to be careful and to be aware of potential risks, and to listen to their body bc pain and discomfort are important indicators of harm being done. but im scared that will be lost in the tide of ‘tuck or you arent a real trans woman, you need tucking to pass, it cant hurt you’ that has been spread among us for a really long time.

i feel like this is like, tied to another big problem which is the like, necessity and obsession with passing. which are two very different things. necessity is like, passing to be safe, which i feel like has room to accept that tucking might not be totally safe and comes with certain risks, because it isnt about affirming self worth or identity, only about staying safe. then obsession, which might not be the best word but it will do for now, by that i mean ppl who feel they Have to pass at all costs, bc they think that if they dont they arent a real woman or something like that. they tie passing to self worth and identity, if they dont pass they are worthless or incomplete or like, inferior to cis women, and they will do anything to pass, with little to no regard for personal safety. they will do risky things like skipping meals or tucking unsafely bc they want to pass at any cost. but they spread their perspective on this through advice to other trans women, telling them they need to tuck and they need to wear makeup and they need to do voice training and get implants and srs and all manner of things or they are a trender. a faker. they put insecurities into other trans women and bully each other to propagate their personal biases and force other trans women to conform. most trans women pre hrt are extremely vulnerable and lost, which is when these obsessive trans women give them bad advice and twist them to their world view. that happened to me. i got sucked into that when i was trying to figure out my identity and needed validation. luckily i got out of that and i know better now. its really fucked. ive talked about like, versions of this idea before. that there are two kinds of trans ppl, those who love being trans and those who hate is and want to be cis. and i think as im getting a bit older and learning more and getting further thru my transition im starting to put together a bigger picture of the interplay between all of this stuff. like, the interactions between cis society and its expectations of trans ppl, how trans ppl deal with those expectations and how they deal with living and moving in a cis society thats hostile to trans ppl. this is all one big mess. and thats not even touching on the interactions between terfs, transmeds, and the various levels of trans communities both online and irl. its an absolute nightmare. and then as well there’s like, further interactions with like, nb and gender diverse ppl, gay vs straight trans ppl, intersex ppl, exclusionists, and the mess that the current lgbt+ community online is. i could write a book about this. im living in a nightmare. a massive roiling chaotic community thats fighting itself and the world around it and trying to survive and destroy the parts of itself that it thinks arent ‘valid’. which sounds like a metaphor for my experiences as a trans woman. god and theres more i keep forgetting. im so scatterbrained tonight. i havent had enough sleep to be trying to talk about something so complex as this. and im destroying my hands by typing this much. time to stop. i can sort all this out later. what a mess.

[maghrebim]

On your post about reblogging to punch Terfs and Nazis you talk about how you rarely see people stand up for the groups that they affect. What are some ways to better do this? What are things people can do that would be more helpful?

ok so i really like this ask and im sorry that it took me a bit to answer it but i wanted to do it somewhat right even though im like......an 18 y/o dumbass with a blog please keep that in mind

different groups have different needs, of course, and geographically what one can actively DO can vary a ton, but in online activism and generally in leftist/sj spaces there’s a lot that could use improvement. getting rid of microaggressions is a big one, and its something probably everyone is guilty of. analyzing your own conceptions about marginalized groups that you dont belong to and your language when talking about these groups and how you treat members of a group. battening down on cissexist and transphobic language and ideas is a good start, wrt the trans community at least. this isnt new at all but basically dont unnecessarily gender language to exclude trans folk, dont gender body parts, be cool about peoples pronouns, do your own research, TALK TO PEOPLE (!! this is an important one! members of a marginalized group tend 2 be the best experts after all), be careful of & learn to recognize insidious radfem rhetoric like ppl talking about “male socialization” re: trans women (an incorrect and fucked up concept) or “biological sex” or those kinds of things, and, if youre financially able, support people with their transition! that shit is expensive! there are tons of donation posts there for people who need hrt or surgery, and even just reblogging helps a little bit. boost voices coming from the community, be critical of the media you consume and if youre cis use your privilege to protect and help trans people in the ways youre able to. GET INVOLVED IN YOUR LOCAL ELECTIONS! do a bit of research about the politics and elections in your area, and use your vote to shut down horrible politicians who want to use their power to punch down on marginalized groups by passing laws and bills that discriminate against them, overtly or not. theres probably a lot more than this and its pretty basic, but its something at least!

also i think some of the above could be said for groups affected and targeted by nazis and white supremacy too, although antisemitism in particular can be incredibly covert and IS really widespread in leftist spaces, which someone else could probably talk more about than me since im dumb as fuck. but yknow, shut down alt-right assholes who spout that garbage (using reductive terms like “the jews”, “blacks”, “transgenders”, etc. is a BIG red flag), make an effort to educate yourself on the history behind nazism (and understand that antisemitism didnt begin or end with nazis), shut down holocaust denial AND attempted “justification” of the holocaust (but also: if youre not jewish or rromani then dont overstep your bounds wrt this topic in particular because whatever you have to say about it is probably gonna be extremely lacking), be careful of stereotypes and hate speech (”jews are greedy, barbaric, [any comparison to an animal], colonizers, white supremacists, controls the government” etc.) AS WELL AS goyim making criticisms of jewish people and/or zionism. be wary of (goyishe) people who generalize or use being anti-zionist as a shield against accusations of antisemitism, and who calls anyone who calls them out on their antisemitism a zionist. take jewish people seriously on our accusations of antisemitism (suggesting jewish folks are overly paranoid is, you guessed it, antisemitic), BOOST OUR VOICES (a lot of posts we make about things regarding us & antisemitism usually just circulate among other jewish people). for the love of g-d, do not ask a jewish person on their stance on palestine and israel if its unsolicited and not something they tend to talk about. learn more about our culture! knowledge is fun and learning whats appropriation and whats appreciation is pretty important i think. be wary of nazi imagery!!! its not always as obvious as actual literal swastikas, neo-nazis are known for using imagery and, like, certain phrases to be more lowkey about their nazism. learn to recognize these.

this is super long already so im gonna (try to) wrap it up and also put another disclaimer here that i can be really fucking stupid so if i messed up please tell me and also realize that i could probably be more constructive or specific about this and that i probably left out a shitton of things people can do. you can always improve in your activism!! theres always stuff to learn or unlearn, theres always something to do, theres always gonna be times when you fuck up but letting people educate you so you can better = very good start!

like, going into the point of my original post (here, for reference), SAYING you want to shut down terfs/nazis/any other hateful group is all well and good, spreading that and making sure they have no platform and dont feel comfortable expressing their disgusting views is great! but saying is one thing, actually doing it is another. like idk hopefully i managed to shed some light on how to do that and how to support marginalized people (specifically trans people and jewish people in this case i guess) at least a little bit. like....people can say they hate terfs and nazis all they want but unless they ACTUALLY do something to demonstrate that then its worthless. performative activism is completely useless and selfish and allowing yourself to become lackluster and not even try to do anything about the problems you claim to oppose or even think about why it needs opposition (beyond “its bad to oppress people”) has no place within activist spaces imo

its a constant struggle probably, and theres always gonna be things you could theoretically Do More of, or ways to be More Helpful, but yknow. begin with the little things and try to grow and extend compassion where you can. ask questions too, if you want to learn how to help specific people. oppression is often systemic and hard to untangle and hard to fight, and like.....not to be sappy but theres a saying from the talmud that goes “you are not obligated to complete the work, but nor are you free to abandon it” and idk. i think thats good to think about. doing just a little bit is better than doing nothing.

anyway im done