#i guess ill listen to some silly music rn and then i’ll watch a silly movie and eat biscuits like my friends and i used to do

[thyholymistress]

just discovered that someone who has really helped me and my friends deal with a lot of stuff through their job has just changed where they work at and the fact that now we won’t be able to look forward to seeing him each week and open up with him and learn stuff thanks to him is rlly killing me. like. this person is one of the few cishet men other than my close blood relatives that i feel safe around. this man is one of the most genuine and kind and humble people i have ever met and has helped so many people and the fact that we won’t be able to see him anymore and we won’t be able to have fun together as a big loving group is killing me. i’m trying to look at all the memories and ideas that me and my friends have because of me but right now i’m rlly just a snotty teary blob of flesh and bones and blood because i can only see the negatives. i know this is kinda stupid writing it on a tumblr blog to a bunch of people i have never met except for like the three people that i’ve been calling my best friends ever since i was a baby, who also knew this man. but i feel like i’d rather throw it all out into oblivion than ignore it and bottle it up and be poisoned by it for years. it seems like the healthier option out of the two, even if neither is like that good. i’m sorry to all the people who follow me and my mutuals and stuff bc i know that this is 100% not what they followed me for yet i felt like it was better for me to write this on here than on my shitpost sideblog, this is somehow more personal to me i guess, since a lot of the stuff here is related to very personal experiences even if they’re just photos. again i’m sorry sorry sorry to be such a negative person rn i’m usually positive and see the best in people and all that but i guess that sometimes i also need to scream stuff into my cushion to feel better and that cushion is this post. anyways,

i hope everyone is having a good day today. you deserve it. i know that. and tomorrow will be my good day too. tomorrow will be good for all of us.

[kpopcinnamonswirlroll]

50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @abangtanfangirl​ ^-^

1.       What takes up too much of your time?

Work, Youtube, Anxiety/Depression

2.       What makes your day better?

Music, sleep, cuddling with loved ones(without them teasing me for wanting attention)

3.       What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

umm... it’s only like 1:30pm..? I guess having ice cream for breakfast..?

4.       What fictional place would you like to go?

Hmm... probably Hogwarts.

5.       Are you good at giving advice?

I guess so? A lot of people repeatedly come to me for advice, even for subjects I have no personal experience with (ie dating, sex, relationships, how to run a business). I guess I’m just blessed with wisdom.

6.       Do you have any mental illnesses?

Yeah, it’s great, lemme tell ya

7.       Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

I don’t think so, if I did I was a baby.

8.       What musician inspired you the most?

I guess BTS..? Idk, I don’t really think about this.

9.       Have you ever fallen in love?

I... don’t know. Like, I get crushes on people very easily, I get lovestruck/starstruck quickly; like if I spend a couple hours getting to know someone after I already knew I was attracted to them, there is a really good chance of me just going 😍 & wanting to date them asap. When it comes to my romantic feelings, I’m fairly impulsive. However, I’m not sure if I can call these emotions love.

10.   What’s your dream date?

I’m not sure. Normally I’d say “cuddling in bed/on the couch watching movies/youtube videos”, but that’s most definitely what will happen if someone dates me. So, I’m gonna go with this instead; Go on a trip. It could be nearby, or we could go to a different country. I think it’d be cool to travel somewhere together, do some sightseeing, go shopping, eat food from that culture(if we do go to a different country). It’d be nice to relax and spend time with the person I care about most; without the worries & stressors of everyday life. Cuddling is a must, tho. I must be showered in physical affection. Holding hands, back hugs, & cute little kisses, no matter where we go.

11.   What do other people notice about you?

I’m not quite sure. I’ve had people say I’m cool. For the most part, it seems to be a consensus that I’m a sweet, smol little baby bean/crab/koala/bunny that must be protected.

12.  What is the annoying habit you have?

I have somehow developed the belch of a trucker & idk how to get rid of it. Even if I only had 6 oz of soda, I will burp, and it will be a gross trucker one. I hate it.

13.  Do you still talk to your first love?

Nope.

14.  How many exes do you have?

Gotta have dated someone to have an ex.

15.  How many songs are on your playlist?

Lmao which one? (This is just gonna be the ones on Spotify that I hearted: 478. I’m not gonna sort it by genre. Too much work lol.)

16.  What instruments can you play?

I can sing. Does that count?

17.  Who do you have the most pictures of?

Kim Seokjin... 😅

18.  Where would you like to go before you die?

I want to go to Asia before I die.

19.  What is your zodiac?

Gemini/Cancer! I’m technically a Gemini, but my sun is literally like half in Gemini & half in Cancer.

20.  Do you relate to it?

I relate to Cancer more than Gemini, but I have aspects of both, so yes.

21.  What is happiness to you?

Sleeping, Music, and Cuddling

22.  Are you going through anything right now?

Define “going through anything”.

23.  What is the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Ummm.... I dunno. I made a few bad ones when I was 17.

24.  What is your favorite store?

I like Barnes & Noble, but I also like Torrid...

25.  What is your opinion on abortion?

I am pro-choice. Idk about which trimester the person should get it in. Even if I don’t always agree with it, I still think someone should be able to choose whether to get one or not.

26.  Do you have a bucket list?

Nah. I might make one in the future. idk.

27.  Do you have a favorite album at the moment?

Surprisingly, I do! I really like Attention by Shinedown at the moment. I love all the songs on there.

28.  What do you want for your birthday?

Sleep, a Painless Death, A Nap in a Bottle™️, Money, someone that likes me back & actually wants to date me.

29.  What are most people’s first impression of you?

I’m pretty big/thick/fat & I don’t normally smile at strangers(unless I’m at work #CustomerService), so I probably intimidate them at first.

30.  What age do you seem according to most people?

A lot of people think I’m a bit older than I actually am. My boss thought I was 21; I’ll actually be 20 in June. I do have a baby face, tho. So online people think I’m younger than I really am. (Someone said I was 9 🙄)

31.  Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On my desk near my bed. I use it as an alarm clock and it charges in the alarm clock that my brother got me for Christmas. It’s just figuring out how to set the alarm on the clock that’s a pain in the ass, plus, I have BTS songs set for alarms on my phone so I’d rather wake up to BTS singing in the morning. (jskskjsksjskjsks I’m choking. thanks for writing this for me. XD)

32.  What word do you say the most?

Tbh I think I make random noises & scream in fear/surprise more often than any word I’d normally say. Maybe “I can’t English”, otherwise the screaming/noises.

33.  What’s the oldest age you would date?

Realistically, I think I’d do 3-4 years older than me(since I’ll be 20 in June, 22-24). Just because I haven't had any experience with dating, so I’d want them to be closer to my age.

34.  What’s the youngest age you would date?

18

35.  What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Something with numbers

36.  What’s your favorite music genre?

I dunno. I listen to whatever I like. I don’t really care about the genre.

37.  If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I am very happy living in the U.S. rn. If anything, I’d wanna live in Spain, I was there for 2 weeks & I loved it(also I can speak some Spanish), or Britain.

38.  What is your current favorite song?

RIght now I really like Kill This Love by BlackPink, What I Need by Hayley Kiyoko, Perdido En Tus Ojos by Don Omar, All I do by Monsta X, & BABE by HyunA

39.  How long have you had this blog for?

Idek, bro. 

40.  What are you excited for?

My birthday.

41.  Are you a better talker or listener?

Listener.

42.  What is the last productive thing you did?

Dropped off a prescription at the pharmacy this morning.

43.  What do you want for Christmas?

A significant other

44.  What class do you get the best grades in?

Math classes & Economics.

45.  On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling?

3. I’m tired, suffering, & have been put through the wringer.

46.  What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

Hopefully getting my own place to live in.

47.  When did you get your first heart broken?

Age 8. I was a silly 3rd grader.

 48.  At what age do you want to get married?

26 or 27 sounds good to me.

49.  What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be famous. A singer/songwriter.

50.  What do you crave right now?

Death, a nap, food, love, cuddles

Tagging: @btssavedmylifeblr @holy-kpop-hoe @angstchim @mxrvelspidey @requestfairy

omg i started this 2 hours ago

[natural--trash]

Tag thing, wanted to do it for some time but now im at my comp and stuff so uh yeah anyways

Rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people

I was tagged by @fluffyliontae

Name: tsu (just call me that, or susu or smth yknow)

Blood type: A-

Nickname(s): susu, mym

R/s: single

Zodiac Sign: libra

Pronouns: eh whatever, on some days its he > she > they but it can also be a diff order so yeah seriously whatever floats your boat

Favorite TV Shows: W - Two Worlds (same), a Persona 5 anime could be one of them but there’s none

Long or short hair: long

Height: 162cm or so

Do you have a crush on someone: romantic none, aesthetic ones? squishes? hoo boy

What do you like about yourself: my eyes, that cute scar on my hand

Right or left handed: right

List of three favorite colors: too many, i mostly like colour combos, but light blue, black and #540003 i guess

RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing, i had brownie ritter sport a bit earlier tho

Drinking: water

I’m about to: draw

Listening to: Believer - Imagine Dragons

Kids: 0

Get married: nah

Career: I want money

MOST RECENT

Drink: water

Phone call: i think my uncle??

Song you listened to: before Believer there’s Bonfire on my spotify playlist but rn its Queen by History

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: nah

Been cheated on: thats a long story

Kissed someone and regretted it: dont think so

Lost someone special: hmm

Been depressed: yeah

Been drunk and thrown up: never drunk alcohol

Kissed a stranger: nope

Had glasses or contacts: yeah

Had sex on the first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: not that im aware of it

Turned someone down: kinda??

Cried when someone died: yeah

Fallen for a friend: im aro, that doesnt work

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yes

Fallen out of love: no

Laughed until you cried: yes

Met someone who changed you: mhhh dont think so?

Found out who your true friends were: kinda (I’m sorry that I’m always answering like this omg)

Found out someone was talking about you: cant remember

Kissed someone on your fb list: i dont use fb

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kisses: hugs

Shorter or taller: taller

Romantic or spontaneous: platonic

Sensitive or loud: sensitive

Hookup or relationship: friendship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

FIRST

Best friend: have conatct with both or them but we’re not as close? although I still don’t mind lying/rolling around on his floor

Surgery: does removing my wisdom teeth count? (does it?)

Sport: swimming (I wish I hadn’t stopped)

Vacation: Turkey

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: depends on the day (same)

Miracles: yeah

Love at first sight: i dont rly believe in romantic love, but other than that yeah has flashbacks to when x impulse bought a ps vita

Heaven: i want to

EXTRAS

How many people from your fb list do you know irl: i still dont use fb

Do you have any pets: i used to have a duck

Do you want to change your name: yeah kinda i’d prefer something gender neutral

What did you do for your last birthday: i played video games at home bc i have no friends

What time did you wake up today: idk, fell asleep again

What were you doing last night at midnight: internet

Something you can’t wait for: when i move out

Last time you saw your mom: some minutes ago

What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how my brain is sometimes

Have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah, had a classmate with that name

What’s getting on your nerves: loud noises in the morning, often ppl i dont consider as friends

instructions: You can tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. No skipping.

(should i do the whole thing?? ok lemme get my phone pls note that i havent gotten the p5 ost yet)

Obtained a Berry! - DP OST

actually there comes some more Nintendo OST

Awake -BTS

Young Forever (unplugged ver) - BTS

crow tit (jpn) - bts

Mein Block - Sido

We don’t talk anymore - Jungkook

a song i do not remember what it was

Faint - Linkin Park

La la La - naughty boy

i think its time to make a new playlist bc i dont listen to some pop songs anymore

so uh yeah the whole thing it is

5 things you’d find in my bag:

tissues, a shit ton

wallet

probably some paper

charger

phone

5 things you’d find in my bedroom:

desk

clothes

stuffed animals

bed

my computer

5 things i always wanted to do in life:

Travelmore

Get a job i love

Own a cat

Get a life I like

Have ppl I’m close with that are not far away

5 things i’m currently into:

video games

persona 5, fire emblem heroes (they deserve their own point)

kpop

art

ummm edgesthetic?

5 things on my to do list:

go to a BTS concert

get a part time job

learn Japanese and perhaps Korean and get better at French

visit all the countries I still want to go to

get better at drawing

5 things people may not know about me:

I would love to study video game development but I’m too scared of what’s after that plus there’s no way I’ll get accepted hahaha

i love min yoongi and his mixtape bc he idk he helped me think that maybe not everything in my life will be shitty later and that maybe I’ll be able to be happy one day

I’m currently in a more down phase

i have problems with my sense of reality

i have a cute scar on my hand

Top 10 BTS Songs Tag:

  House Of Cards (Full Length Edition)

  House Of Cards [OUTRO]

  Good Day

No order from here on

4. I NEED U (Japanese Ver.) 5. FOR YOU 6. 쩔어 (Dope) 7. 등골브레이커 (Spine breaker) 8. 24/7 = Heaven 9. Blood Sweat & Tears 10. Not Today

I have time

10 groups/artists you like besides Kpop/liked before Kpop:

nqrse ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Fall Out Boy

Panic! at the Disco

DAOKO ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Casper

Die Ärzte

I think that’s it

DAT ADAM

uhh I liked Abingdon Boys School at some point

idk the old Sido songs aint bad?

10 favorite non-kpop songs:

ダイスキ - DAOKO

BANG! - DAOKO

Das Grizzly Lied - Casper

パラサイト(Parasite) - nqrse feat.まふまふ,luz  

ECHO - まふまふ (mafumafu) feat.nqrse

p much any song sung by nqrse im sorry im trash hmu and ill link you some good stuff

Believer - Imagine Dragons

Bonfire - Felix Jaehn, ALMA

Die Vergessenen 1/2 - Casper

omg i totally forgot about OSTs Toberu Mono from The Last Stiry, too much from Persona 5 liek Beneath the Mask, Last Surprise etc

10 favorite movies:

i don’t watch enough :c

10 favorite tv shows, including anime & cartoons:

W - Two Worlds

Acchi Kocchi

Psycho Pass

I’m giving up

10 things you enjoyed before kpop/enjoy besides kpop, that won’t fit in the lists above:

music

art

video games

esp atlus n nintendo games!!

cute soft stuffed animals

flight rising

sarma

collecting cute key charms

collecting cute things in general

dancing

ten tag last movie you watched: i dont know

last song you listened to:  that one song mentioned above by Daoko

last show you watched: I Hear Your Voice

last book you read: Der Vorleser by Bernhard Schlink, don’t read it

last thing you ate: chocolate

if you could be anywhere in the world right now where would you be: Tokyo

when would you time travel to: itll be spontaneous

first thing you would do with lottery money: buy a loft

character you would hang out with for a day: P5 Protagonist

time right now: 23:52

the ‘or’ tag

build a snowman with v OR have a snowball fight with j-hope

get coffee with suga OR get ice cream with suga

go to the cinema with jimin OR the amusement park with jungkook

do a dance cover with j-hope OR sing a duet with jin

kiss rap monster OR cuddle suga

babysit with jimin OR dogsit with v

meet j-hope’s family OR have v meet your family

film a commercial with j-hope OR film a sketch with v

hug jimin OR hold hands with jungkook

go to paris with jin OR go to london with suga (sorry been to paris already)

film a drama with jin OR do a photo shoot with rap monster

attend an award show with rap monster OR wear couple t-shirts at the airport with jungkook

spend a lazy day with suga OR explore a city with j-hope

fall asleep next to jimin OR wake up next to jungkook

make up a silly rap with v OR a silly choreography with jin

have a fun picnic with j-hope OR a fancy date with jin

have jungkook serenade you OR have v sing you to sleep

have a dance party with j-hope OR sing karaoke with suga

go camping with jimin and v OR go to the beach with rap monster and suga

cook with jin AND bake a cake with jimin

have a sleepover with the hyung line OR a birthday party with the maknae line

celebrate halloween with jungkook, suga, v and j-hope OR christmas with rap monster, jimin and j-hope

rules: answer the questions with the first letter of your name, then tag 10 people. If the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must use different answers. you cannot use the same word twice.

What is your name? - Tsu

A four letter word? - text

A boy’s name? - Tom

An occupation? - tailor

Something you wear? - t-shirt

A color? - turquoise

A food? - tomato

Something you find in the bathroom? - toilet

A place? - Tokyo

A reason for being late? - traffic

Something you shout? - yells

A movie title? - something that starts with “the”

Something you drink? - tea

An animal? - turtle

A type of car? - tesla

Title of a song? - Tage wie diese - die toten hosen

I’m,,, maybe later @mama-kisu @metroid-fr (you can do the non kpop stuff) eh whoever wants i guess