#it’s just that i’ve been kinda losing stuff i love in this last couple of months

[thyholymistress]

just discovered that someone who has really helped me and my friends deal with a lot of stuff through their job has just changed where they work at and the fact that now we won’t be able to look forward to seeing him each week and open up with him and learn stuff thanks to him is rlly killing me. like. this person is one of the few cishet men other than my close blood relatives that i feel safe around. this man is one of the most genuine and kind and humble people i have ever met and has helped so many people and the fact that we won’t be able to see him anymore and we won’t be able to have fun together as a big loving group is killing me. i’m trying to look at all the memories and ideas that me and my friends have because of me but right now i’m rlly just a snotty teary blob of flesh and bones and blood because i can only see the negatives. i know this is kinda stupid writing it on a tumblr blog to a bunch of people i have never met except for like the three people that i’ve been calling my best friends ever since i was a baby, who also knew this man. but i feel like i’d rather throw it all out into oblivion than ignore it and bottle it up and be poisoned by it for years. it seems like the healthier option out of the two, even if neither is like that good. i’m sorry to all the people who follow me and my mutuals and stuff bc i know that this is 100% not what they followed me for yet i felt like it was better for me to write this on here than on my shitpost sideblog, this is somehow more personal to me i guess, since a lot of the stuff here is related to very personal experiences even if they’re just photos. again i’m sorry sorry sorry to be such a negative person rn i’m usually positive and see the best in people and all that but i guess that sometimes i also need to scream stuff into my cushion to feel better and that cushion is this post. anyways,

i hope everyone is having a good day today. you deserve it. i know that. and tomorrow will be my good day too. tomorrow will be good for all of us.

[aprils2ndhandshop]

hi i love your blog, your writing is so good! may i request what type of arguments the ‘03 boys would have with their s/o? like what would the argument be about? are they upset for a long or short amt of time? how do they make up with their s/o? hopefully that makes sense, thank you!

Arguments w/the boys ‘03

All 4!

Summary: what I think the boys are like during arguments with their favorite girl.

Hi friend! Thank you for your request and the super sweet words! Sorry for the long wait, love you!

Michelangelo;

Mikey definitely isn’t one to start or enjoy fighting with you… with his brothers, duh! But not with you.

The fights he starts -if one could even call them fights, are small, light-hearted and innocent. He is essentially just pulling your leg and trying to be a pain.

“Y/n! You can’t just walk past the t.v mid play! You made me lose the game!”

“I think you lost the game because you chose to focus on throwing pillows at me instead of playing your stupid game!”

Those fights don’t last long as the moment he thinks it’s actually stressing you out, he stops.

“I’m kidding angel! I’m kidding!”

He makes up for it every time with a kiss on the cheek too.

Generally, you’re the one who has to start the fights with him - even if he’s the one with a problem.

And trust me, he may not flat out say he has a problem with you but he sure can’t hide it.

Que the slight pouting and undeniable tension on his part. He can’t fake his feelings ever.

And don’t forget all the passive aggressive, smart ass remarks he makes under his breath when he’s annoyed.

Fights with Mikey are rare but when they do happen there is a common theme, a need for your attention.

Remember, Mikey is a needy boyfriend. It has pros and cons.

Pros - he’s doting, always makes sure you know just how much he cares, always makes time for you, remembers important dates and puts in all the effort a boyfriend should.

Cons - a bit too clingy.

“I feel like you don’t ever want to see me anymore, like you just come around to make me happy.”

“Why do you even think that, Mikey?”

“Because! I wish you wanted to see me as much as I want to see you!”

Fights with him never last long, ever! He’s the kinda guy that refuses to go to bed knowing you’re sad.

He also spoils you rotten after :) Gifts, food, foot rubs, everything!

Raphael;

Raph is a nightmare to fight with and we all know on some level, he loves to fight. More with Leo than anyone but still.

In regards to arguing with you, it definitely lies in a strange grey zone for him. He hates making you upset but also has a bad habit of enjoying a good conflict.

He hates that about himself.

Not to mention how bad he is at holding his tongue.

“I’m pissed, okay? I’m mad and I need to get away from you before I say stuff I don’t mean!”

“I don’t want you to go out there and get hurt!”

“You don’t get it! I’m not like you! I’ve been fighting my whole life and it’s hard for me to just stop!”

In the midst or after every fight, he disappears for a couple of hours. Cooling off is essential for you two to figure out the problem.

Surprisingly, fights between you and Raph are rare. Partially because he’s working on anger management but mostly because he tends to lock his emotions inside before having a massive blow up.

Once he’s calmed down, he always goes straight to you, full of shame.

“Hey baby.”

“Hey.”

One of the best parts about Raph as a boyfriend is how self perceptive he is, he always apologizes for what he did wrong and fully understands why it was wrong.

“I promise I’ll be better to you, and that I learned from my fuck ups, y/n/n.”

After fights, he’s a lot more affectionate with you and uncharacteristically, even keeps that energy in front of his brother.

Donatello;

Donnie and fighting really doesn’t mix well, it’s rare but when it does happen it’s always over dumb stuff.

The arguments start more like debates, his nerdy side comes straight to the forefront as he feels the need to correct you on everything.

“Y/n! I’m proofreading the piece you wrote and look! Are you sure this is really the angle you wanna argue your point from, beautiful?”

Now that sounds pretty innocent but if Don is one thing, it’s a little bit condescending - not on purpose or with malicious intent but nonetheless, condescending he can be.

Things that may seem like no big deal can turn into tension and fighting for hours very quickly.

Typically, you are the one that starts the fight but usually because Don accidentally did something to start the fight.

“I feel like you’re nitpicking to make yourself feel so much better than me, Don. It’s so frustrating!”

“Look doll, I’m just trying to make sure your don’t come off a little bit… foolish.”

Donnie is definitely book smart, but emotionally smart, not so much.

He has a bad habit of saying mean stuff he doesn’t think is mean that ends up hurting your feelings.

And sometimes it takes awhile for him to notice.

“Y/n?… y/n?… hellooo y/n! Are you giving me the silent treatment? Why?!”

He is kinda clueless about this stuff.

But when he does catch on, he’ll do the most mature thing and approach you to hear you out.

He’ll be engaged and ask all the important questions so he knows how he hurt your feelings and can properly apologize.

“You’re the smartest girl I know! I misspoke, I just wanted to be useful to you, sweet girl.”

Leonardo;

Okay hear me out on this one!! And don’t ever make any assumptions about thee Leonardo.

This man is whipped and it pretty much makes him incapable of starting a fight with you ever.

He will let you get away with just about anything and approaches any and all rough topics with you so gently.

“You don’t seem entirely like yourself, angel. Are you feeling okay?”

Even if your response is snappy, he is always gentle in his language and tone.

“Can I do something to help you, y/n/n?”

Fights between the two of you need to be started by you but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll fight back much.

Everything you would expect to happen, expect the opposite.

You give him the silent treatment, he’ll give you some space and come around later to talk it out.

You full on snap and scream at him, he’ll let you take out all your anger on him and tell you he understands why you are mad.

Complete princess treatment with him.

But don’t think he’ll always agree with you, absolutely not. He’s just patient and explains his point of view rationally.

“I really do love and understand you, y/n, but you have to learn to express yourself with me better. I don’t want to fight with you, because baby, I’m always on your side anyway.”

Sometimes fights with Leo can last pretty long, at least in comparison to Mikey and Don - but only because he backs off and gives you space.

When the arguments finally subside, Leo continues his princess treatment for you.

He just becomes even more affectionate than he usually is.

Missed you guys, hope you are all good!

[etherealising]

hey vee! omg i’m so glad you extended your celebration. i’ve been drowning in schoolwork and kinda losing my mind but i totally wanna participate at least once!

ik we’re team barmy in this house but i’m curious to see a drabble on what this day was like from camry’s perspective.

that day baby came to work and he was on a date with claire. how did he bring himself to even go especially after their previous night together. (ik this may be a lil agnsty, i’ve been loving that kind of stuff lately) 💞💞

stawph!!! this request excites me every time i read it and idk why lol. i love writing pre-aiekoy barby it's so much fun to just invent a bunch of lore!!

thank you so much for requesting!!! i see you in my inbox bestie and i promise i’ll get back to you love!! also your constant support really is one of the reasons i keep posting so thank you so much for indulging me 🫶🏽

After baby leaves the berzatto household carmy literally has zero clue what to do with himself, like man is just staring at his bedroom door 30 minutes later trying to figure out if what just happened was real or just his imagination.

He definitely brushes his fingers across his lips a couple of times, tingles racing through his body every time he thinks about your lips on his.

Carmy goes to sleep happy that night his mind full of visions of you as he finally lays his head to rest.

Sunday rolls around and he’s feeling a bit anxious that neither of you have seen or spoken to each other since that night.

Carmy is freaking out like it genuinely hasn’t even been a full 24 hrs since the moment the two of you shared and he’s sure he scared you off. Maybe you just kissed him back because you felt sorry for him man is running through all the worst scenarios in his head.

He’s definitely picked up the phone to call you and typed out messages but was too scared to do either one in fear of rejection or worse in fear of ruining your already rocky friendship.

At some point, he just relegates himself to finishing some English final essay to keep his mind off of you (it obviously doesn’t work).

It’s getting later as the day passes by and Carmy’s just staring at the few words in the notebook and the eraser marks decorating the page.

The sound of his phone vibrating against the table pulls him from his thoughts and that boy is racing from his seat to answer it, no hesitation no checking the caller ID nothing.

He answers breathlessly and calls your name with a smile on his face because who else would be calling him?

The devastation radiates off of him as Claire’s voice rings into his ears. He gives her an uninterested “Oh, hi.” Mans is not happy at all but he was raised right so he indulges her.

Carmy zones out as soon as he realizes it’s not you, moving through the living room to peek through the curtains at your house, your car is still in the driveway so you must be home, maybe he can go see you after this phone call.

Claire’s voice drifts through his ears asking where he’s at and homeboy is confused most of his focus going to how he’s gonna get his girl who isn’t yet his girl.

And then he remembers before his moment with you, before he knew what it felt like to feel the soft caress of your lips, the weight of your body in his lap. Claire asked him to lunch and he said yes!

He stumbles over his words, he can easily tell Claire that he’s not interested, that there’s someone else. But only an asshole would do something like that over the phone. So with one last look at your car, he decides he’ll meet up with Claire, let her down easy, and then you and him can figure out what this is between the two of you.

Carmy uses the back entrance not wanting to engage with any of the many people crowded in line at the front of the shop, easily finding Claire alone at a table a sigh of relief escaping him that she hadn’t chosen yours and his special table.

It’s awkward for the first few minutes after he sits down. He promised himself he’d start by admitting to Claire that he thought she was nice and pretty even, but that he realized he was in love with someone else.

Claire breaks the ice before he can even get his little speech out, maybe he’ll wait till the end of this little hangout maybe that would save the awkwardness of having to eat with someone you admitted you didn’t have feelings for.

Somehow the two of them go from awkward conversation to joking around about the previous night at prom.

Carmy’s back is to the entrance so he doesn’t take notice of your presence but he watches as Claire’s eyes drift from his face her eyes lighting up hand waving with gusto as she says your name.

Carmy doesn’t even need to turn around to see you, a heavy weight growing at the bottom of his stomach, but he does anyway and the way you avoid his eyes is enough proof that this whole situation upset you.

He doesn’t even give Claire a second thought before he’s out of his seat trying to find you, the muffled cries leaving the walk-in lead him straight to you, and he can’t help the annoyance that builds up in him at hearing Mikey’s voice.

His older brother, always there to save the fucking day. He stays a bit longer just listening to you sob and he knows he was the cause of your anguish.

Carm returns to Claire and apologizes for leaving and he doesn’t explain anything but he can see the sadness in her eyes as a silent conversation passes between the two of them her eyes watering with her hurt and realization.

Claire was kind enough to offer him a ride home, but Carmy decided to walk home, he didn’t know how he could live with the weight of making two girls cry in one day.

On the tedious walk home, Carmy comes to the decision that it’s best if he just lets you believe what you want. You’ll be gone soon and there’s no point in clearing anything up, no point in putting his feelings about you into words if the two of you will be apart soon.

So he self-sabotages allows you to think he’s the bad guy (i mean he kinda is lol) doesn’t clear up what you think you saw, and doesn’t address the kiss and intimate moment he initiated.

And as the days tick down to your departure he watches you grow closer to Hayden, ignoring Claire’s questioning looks as she tries to understand why you and Carmy aren’t together yet.

The time comes for your departure and he’s built up some false confidence about telling you the truth about everything but he chokes. Wishes you luck in college and mutters promises about keeping in touch, promises he knows are a lie as soon as he speaks them because he doesn’t think he could pretend to be happy for you knowing his own happiness lies with you.

a/n: gosh do i love making these two suffer, there’s some tidbits in here that i might expand on in a carmy interlude i have planned but only time will tell. enjoy!

[torturedblue]

It’s the middle of the week, have some dancing turtles

Spoilers below as I gush about my Mutant Mayhem Monday experience 🤗 please feel free to gush with me I wanna hear other people’s thoughts too!

First off… When Seth wanted to put the teenager in TMNT he meant it. Like, all the versions act like teenagers, but like Nickelodeon PG stereotypical teens. MM turtles were the realest PG-13 outta pocket 21st century teenagers I’ve ever seen and I love that shit because it’s the first time I actually felt like I was around the kids in middle school and high school again with the way they talk. Kinda appreciate Superfly cussing too? Like idk it’s Ice Cube and this villain goes hard tryna kill some teenage turtles he formally saw as his lil cousins, let the grown mutant cuss

Also uh, was not expecting to be sad so early in the movie? Like I could tell from the trailers it was gon be an emotional rollercoaster but shit like ten minutes in and these turtles are fuckin depressed. And to see it really hit me because in every other version (except for Bayverse) the turtles literally never let not being part of the human world get to them. In the shows especially they’re so well adjusted and never bothered by sticking to the shadows. Then there’s Rise where they pretty much go out whenever they want and indulge in most of the human world stuff they want to. For these guys to be so stunted and desperate to have more freedom was so heart wrenching. Especially when Splinter grounds them for a whole month and the reality sinks in of how much they know the life they want isn’t an option for them

Wasn’t expecting any kind of ship or romance but that crush Leo has on April hit me like truck because…… holy crap the Leo-April pair has never been a thing? On top of that this is only the second on screen black April we’ve seen and I’ve been a Leo kinnie across the board since day one so to see this combo of my favorite character liking a black girl is making me lose my mind 🥲 and like it got me thinking of several of my favorite shows and the single characters I kin in those and if they’ve ever had black love interests and it’s just still not a common normalized thing honestly.

I’m sure a lot of people aren’t excited for the prospect of ships coming back (especially after 2012 scarred us) but as a Leo lover and black girl it got me so excited to see something like this. I’m just hopeful and optimistic they won’t mess it up like a lot of shows do. The “this is just as friends line” already makes me a little worried bc that trope never has a good history but I have faith they’ll handle things tastefully and not make it toxic or messy

MURDER THE SHREKS!

“I assume you’d wanna be on camera. ‘Cause you have, like a very camera ready look…” OKAY SMOOOOOTH LEONARDOOOOOO 👏🏽

Could not stop laughing while he was shooting his shot my face was literally donnie’s restraining myself from bursting out laughing

Just a couple of my favorite questions that April wrote down for them:

“Do you carry salmonella?” Look I still don’t know wtf salmonella is but it’s the second time a TMNT iteration has joked about it so I’m starting to think it has something specifically to do with turtles 👀

“Have you caught covid?” Oml covid exists in this world

“Are you the source of covid?” OUT OF LINE 💀

“How many people has the red bandana turtle stabbed? Does he need therapy?” Yes.

“Does sunlight cause you to burst into flames?” They’re- they’re not vampires? 😂

Leon Ardo deserves the world and whatever he wants in it give him everything 😭

I will never understand what made Donnie laugh so hard at the name Nardo other than it being because it’s his sibling and that it bothers Leo lmao

All imma say about the puke scene is that I’m glad I heard an “out of context” spoiler about it bc I knew exactly when to look away and I’m glad I did bc the scene lasted for so long??? 😀❓But hey at least I had Unwritten to listen too while I was sparing my eyes 😂

The sequence of them going around and shaking down those gangs and Superfly’s connections. BAD. ASS. And each of them got their own moments to shine? Loved it. Like they each even got to take point and have their moments where they got to kick in the door lol. And the fight scenes were just, muah. Chef’s kiss, they all looked amazing taking grown ass adults down together

Okay Splinter definitely gets the best dad award for putting together that little surprise party, with all the celebrity Chris’s and pretending to wait on them 🥺 so pure. It did make me sad the guys immediately left and you can just see such a sad dejected look on Splinter’s face, knowing he can’t provide what his kids really want or make them happy enough without it 🥲 At the very least they say thanks and that they appreciate but I would’ve at least stayed for a lil bit and gone along with it, Splinter just looked so excited about it and it was so sweet 😭

And he doesn’t even get upset though he knows they’re hiding something, he just says he’ll help them if they’ve gotten into trouble, which is something I’m sure almost every kid has wanted instead of having the kind of relationship where they’re more scared of telling their parents they messed up instead of handling it on their own

I love how musical Superfly’s family is 😂 Ray Filet just starts sing-introducing his name and Mondo and the other couple mutants when they drive with in the car trying to find music they could all sing to together 🥹 not to mention the musical references Superfly makes later that I’ll get to. “Kinda don’t wanna murder everyone on Earth, I just kinda wanna sing” Me too bruh.

Raph immediately going “goochi goochi goo” and playing peekaboo with Genghis frog is so underrated that boy has such a soft side he’s not even that afraid of showing at times, and maybe it’s continuing the trope of Raph having a soft spot for pets/animals? Who knows 😌

Yo I was kinda shook when that government guy knocked Leo out and he just fell unconscious on the ground 😶 Like we’re used to seeing the authorities be brutal especially in movies like this but that’s a whole teenager? You just assaulted a minor? 🙂 Crazy

Also I know it’s sad they got captured and drained painfully but Mikey in that scene was hilarious 😂 like even the way he was dramatically crying and Leo was just started to cry with him like “iM sO sOrRy mIkEeEeEy! 😭” gold. When one of his children is hurting Leo hurts too. One of my favorite moments 🤣

They literally started singing BTS while being tortured they’re so unserious but like in a serious way to them and I love it. Also the fact that they did it just to make Donnie feel better? So pure. Like Raph of all turtles offered to sing while being drained of blood (bc I refuse to use the m word 💀)

The way Splinter snuck in and soloed literal government soldiers single handedly? Badass. Never loved seeing a Splinter save his sons so much 🥹

“But it’s the only way we’ll be accepted.”

“No! We accept you!”

“You can come live with us! We accept you!”

“WE VIBE!”

Oml they’re so puuuuure 😭 I really thought this was gonna be a moment where the guys invite them all to come live with them and Splinter was gonna be like ‘aha 😬 whoa slow down there’ but damn nah he was just as enthusiastic as them inviting all those mutants to come live in their home forever “The more the merrier!” Like ugh he just loves finding family like Baxter Stockman and we see where the guys got their loving nature from 🥹

The amount of his soul Mikey put into that BROSEEEPH was so real like I’ve never heard the name broseph be said in any other way, I’m so glad they put that moment in there

“New York, New York!” “I’m the king of New York!”

Oml superfly’s a Broadway baby 🤗 he’s a big bad villain marching through time square and talking about King Kong but he’s fill gonna nerd out and make his musical theatre references 😂

“For once in your life you didn’t sound lame. You actually started to sound like a leader”

“That was really heartfelt Raph”

I love the Leo Raph dynamic in this movie. Like they don’t always agree or understand each other but they will show love towards one another and show mutual appreciation

Something about any of the turtles shells cracking always gets to me for some reason like those are some serious permanent injuries so I want to see if they do anything special with that in the sequel or show maybe 🤔 And I couldn’t tell if all of theirs cracked or just one, and if so which turtle it was. I think Leo or Raph. I feel like it was Leo but Raph’s are also starting to have a trend of getting cracks in their shells so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also I do not want to judge what other people like to wear but why are Raph and Donnie the only normal dressed ones 😭 like Mikey looks like he’s going on vacation and Leo looks like he’s going to clock in at Best Buy 😂 tell me it’s because they have limited resources for clothes lmao. HE’S LITERALLY WEARING A LANYARD

Them taking off the masks was crazy honestly… like them deciding not to wear them made my brain pause until I realize they’re kids going to school now and not being ninjas all the time… they don’t need them anymore. I’m just so pleased with the fact that this movie was willing to do what all other iterations weren’t. I see why they’re getting a sequel and show already, these guys and the plot development deserve so much more exploration

Maybe I missed something in the beginning but I’m wondering where Stockman went. Like is he still in custody? Did he die? Because not seeing him again that’s what I assumed but we only saw him get arrested or whatever, so if anything I don’t get why Superfly and the others wouldn’t try to break him out 🤔 I was surprised they didn’t make him a villain though, but I’m pretty happy about him getting to be a more optimistic kind character tho

SHREDDER HAD ME SHOOK LIKE THE ARMOR ALREADY LOOKED SO COOL AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GET THE BIG BAD INVOLVED AHHHH I’M SO READY TO SEE THEM REACT TO THIS ANGRY GIANT TIN CAN

Although I do wonder if Shredder’s gonna have some personal gripe with them since they have a different backstory he doesn’t seem to be a part of. And shit now that they’re public and in school it’s gonna be so much easier for him to go after them 😅 pluses and minuses…

The soundtrack: golden. Cultured. Nothing but range. Goes from a 90’s rap song to Natasha Bedingfield’s soulful 2000’s song. Most movies only ever have all pop mainstream songs or only rap songs because they think they can’t mix but MM does it effortlessly. The turtles are so versatile not just with music genres but they make old and new references ‘cause they’re well rounded kings 💪🏽 Between rizz, Adele, broski, Hey Arnold, K-Pop, Ferris Bueller, etc… I mean Donnie’s literally doing the sprinkler and the funky chicken in that gif up top 😂 they’re born in 2008 I doubt any kids today know about those dances anymore

Clearly I have all the thoughts and feelings about these boys and the movie, but I think this is probably my favorite TMNT movie? I’ve loved all of them but I think this one definitely brings me the most comfort fr

[forwhump]

a/n; I’m back so soon already I’m so sorry !! I’ve kinda been playing around w my experimental outside pov character exploration stuff & somebody asked for some wren pov & wouldn’t you know it — I’ve got some of that ! so here we are ! <3

tw/cw: mentions of rape, noncon, misgendering, transphobia, graphic depictions of violence, stabbing, mentions of mutilation, sexualization, skinning

living weapon whumpee, military whump, captive whump

Wren had seen Silas die many, many times.

It never got any easier. It never made him feel any less sick. Silas had said something once, when they’d argued about it. They used to argue a lot. If it weren’t so bittersweet, it might almost make Wren smile. Silas was stubborn, and petulant, and self sacrificing, and he couldn’t understand why Wren cared at all if he lived or died; what fuckin’ difference does it make? He was reckless and Wren loved him so completely that sometimes his fear for Silas’ life would rear its head in outrage; stop getting yourself killed for me! Stop making me watch you die!

It never got any easier. It didn’t matter how many times Wren had to watch. Each time Silas died, he died violently. It was bloody. He died in pain. Each time he died, he died trying to protect one of them, usually Wren. He never got to die peacefully. Gently.

There was some comfort, though, in knowing that no matter how horrible, how traumatic, how painfully he died or how horrifically he was mutilated, Silas would be back. Silas always came back. More than a few times, Wren has watched Silas be slaughtered, he’s watched him suffer, he’s watched him sustain injuries no other human being would ever be recognizable after, much less survive. Each time, Wren spent a good chunk of time so inconsolable that Point would stick a needle into his elbow to keep him sedated because he was so hysterical he was almost unfuckable. And still, each time, Silas came back, probably with a new assortment of scars, sometimes speaking a little bit slower, but each time, he would look at Wren in almost the same patronizing way that a mean adult would look at a particularly rambunctious child, like he was an idiot; I told you. I’ll always come back to you.

And each time, he had.

Until he hadn’t.

Wren had known this last time was different, even before Silas hadn’t come back. Something had just felt different. Something was wrong.

Point had just been —

Wren sobs out loud, and he doesn’t mean to. He didn’t even realize he’d started crying again. There are no tears anymore. He’d run out a couple weeks ago.

Unfortunately, despite how desperately he wishes he didn’t, Wren knows a good deal about Point. Wren would dare say he knows him pretty well, and he doesn’t want to. But he knows how deeply he’s scared of Silas, and on what a weirdly human, personal level he’s threatened by him. His hatred for Silas has always stretched far beyond this place, but the cruelty, of course, has always been contained here. Even so, Wren had never seen Point lose it like he was. He was screaming at a pitch that was less human than anything Wren thought Silas capable of. There was something very manic about it, about the red of his face, about how wildly he swung from Silas’ insubordination to how fuckin’ disgusting and offensively ugly Point thought he was.

He’d been trying to get a rise out of him, and that’s what had made Wren intervene. Something was wrong. Point was always looking for a fight, but he wasn’t usually picking petty ones.

It was a mistake, though, and Wren should’ve known that. He should’ve known better than to intervene. He’d just wanted to help, but he just made things worse. He’d gotten Silas killed. Like usual.

And it wasn’t so much the injuries but how frantically Point inflicted them. He’d pulled a buck knife from his belt. Silas hadn’t fought him because Wren was being threatened, and Silas didn’t have the capacity left to care about himself, he cared too much about Wren. At his lowest, at his most helpless, Wren fucking hates that about him. He thinks he hates it about him now.

Silas had been slaughtered but something about how frenzied his death had been was wrong. Something about how frantically Point had fucked Wren in the pool of his blood in the aftermath was wrong.

Then Wren was formally removed from the unit. And Silas never came for him.

He thinks it’s been seven weeks, but what does he know, really? Seven weeks, give or take, that he’s spent in a room off the barracks, the soldier’s quarters. It had been a supply closet that they had converted just for him, to keep him close, in fucking distance. The wall is mirrored, as are two of the walls. Some of them like to make Wren watch. Sometimes he gets the privilege of leaving the closet and sleeping on the floor between bunks, shackled to a bolt in the concrete. It makes no difference to him either way; no matter where they keep him, he’s never alone.

He’s been in his room for a few days — and he’s started thinking of it as his room, and that’s sad, right? He’s been alone for a couple minutes, and it’s the first time he’s been left alone since he was dragged back in here by his hair.

His dress has been the same the whole time. All seven weeks. Short and skirted and gingham, he’s dressed like the farmer’s daughter. They’d held him down by the back of his neck and forced ribbons into his hair. It’s humiliating, but when he’d started to strip layers his palms had been whipped until his hands had been skinned.

He hasn’t slept much. They don’t try to stop him from falling asleep, but they don’t stop. They don’t leave him alone. It’s started to eat away at what little is left of him like acid. He hallucinates — in the first few minutes that he’s alone in three days, Silas sits next to him. He’s warm and whole at Wren’s side and his reflection isn’t there in the mirror across from them. Just Wren, looking small and pathetic.

“I miss you,” he says.

He looks up at Silas, who looks down at him with a smile. He’d always had a very human, very charming smile. Crooked, because of the scar at the corner of his mouth.

“My Wren,” Silas says, and Wren sobs.

He wants to touch but he’s afraid to. Silas isn’t really there. “You really died on me this time,” he says softly, “didn’t you?”

Silas gives him that look, like Wren’s an idiot. Sometimes, it would make him laugh. This time, he sobs again. “I told you,” Silas tells him. “They’re gonna have to do more than kill me to keep me from you.”

Wren has to look away. He tips his head back against the wall behind him, closing his eyes. “Then where are you?” He asks him, barely more than a whisper. “Why didn’t you come for me?”

The door clicks open again. Wren’s seen too many men, too many soldiers; he’s starting to forget the nicknames they use to identify each other. He knows some of their first names, but those come and go, too. It doesn’t matter much either way; if he’s to refer to any of them, it’s sir or master. Except Point, of course, who’s daddy.

He can’t remember what this soldier is called but he knows his first name is Adam. Sandy blonde, broad shouldered, handsome in that distinct, high school football, dangerously spoiled rich kid kind of way. He’s mean. He smiles down at Wren, and it’s mean.

“Well, hello there, darlin’,” he says, tipping his head at Wren, mocking. A lot of them mock him. They mock his accent. The dress is mocking.

Once upon a time, as a teenager, Wren had been a pageant queen in Texas. How many different lives he’s lived.

“Aren’t you a pretty little thing?” Adam says. Purty, he says.

Silas isn’t sitting next to him anymore. There’s a man in here with him and Wren has never felt more alone in his life.

He might say please. He might not say anything.

It doesn’t matter, anyway. Adam pulls his belt free with a grin. “You ready to ride ‘em, cowgirl?”

Wren closes his eyes again. Adam hits him so hard his head ricochets back against the wall and he blinks up at him quickly, dazed.

“You look at me when I’m talking to you, cowgirl,” Adam scolds, still mocking. “Y’hear?”

“Please —“ Wren whispers, and Adam hits again. The pain ricochets in every one of Wren’s teeth.

“Y’hear?” Adam repeats.

“Yes,” he whispers, and Adam grabs him by the hair. He pulls him face down to the concrete, and holds his nose to the ground as he quickly pushes Wren’s skirts up around his waist. Wren sobs and there’s nobody to hear him but Adam, who groans in delight.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir,” Wren whispers, and Adam forces his face into the concrete a little harder, then harder still, until Wren cries out.

“There’s a good cowgirl,” he mocks. “Don’t be shy. Make some noise for me, now.”

When the door to Wren’s room explodes into rubble and chunks of concrete, it makes a hell of a lot of noise.

It makes so much noise that it makes Wren’s ears ring, and his eardrums ache in the aftermath. Adam jumps, not a leap but a twitch, as much of a jump as a soldier will manage, but his hands leave Wren’s skin for just enough time that Wren can scramble away, through the cloud of dust and chips of shattered rock.

“What the fuck?” Adam asks loudly.

The dust settles. The door had been kicked in with enough force that the wall on either side had crumbled.

Silas stands in the wreckage. And he does not look happy.

Wren almost thinks he’s hallucinating again, because Silas is dead. Wren had been so sure that this time Silas was dead. It had taken weeks, weeks before he’d given up hope and realized nobody was coming for him. Weeks before the guilt finally worked its way through the cracks and tried to eat him alive from the inside — he had gotten Silas killed.

But Wren’s room is mirrored, and he can see Silas in every reflection, huge and dark and mad. He looks at Wren, and he doesn’t look mad as he looks at him, not for a second. He almost looks sheepish.

“You aren’t dead,” Wren breathes.

And then Silas is looking at him like normal, like Wren is an idiot, and Wren sobs with so much force his ribs rattle against each other. “Why would I be dead?”

It’s such a stupid thing to say, and it’s so, completely Silas that Wren doesn’t think he could’ve hallucinated that if he were desperate to. He didn’t think he was capable of producing any more tears, but he watches through them as Silas pulls Adam’s spine out through the back of his neck.

It makes a sound like firecrackers, and Adam makes the softest, weakest sounds Wren thinks he’s ever heard. He still twitches in the aftermath, his body broken and mangled, and he keeps twitching for a long time, even after Silas pulls his scalp off his skull, even after he skins his face with his teeth. He’s finally still once Silas turns him over and removes half his ribcage through the flesh of his right side.

When he turns back to Wren, he shimmers red. He’s at his most intimidating, his most terrifying post carnage, but the smile he gives Wren from beneath the gore is deceptively boyish.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he says.

“What are you doing here?” Wren breathes. What he means is, I thought you were dead. Silas, I thought you were dead.

Silas’ boyish smile sharpens into something a little more fitting for somebody so massive and bloody. “I came to get you,” he explains. “I’m getting you out.”

[inbarfink]

Alrighty, friends, it’s time for a lil project I’ve been working on for a while now. It’s time for…

MY VERY BIG ZIM VS. DIB SCOREBOARD

I am going to go through all of the (finished) episodes of Invader Zim that feature both Zim and Dib (at least two lines of dialogue from each, so that I won’t have to worry about weird edge-cases like “Bestest Friends” or “Abducted”) and count which of these two won at that specific confrontation/misadventure. Each episode is worth a point, a two-parter is worth two points (since they tend to be higher-stakes). 

I will give them both a point if they both equally won and I won’t give any points at all if they both lost… but I am only going to use it in true tie/no win situations. Most ‘Zim vs Dib’ episodes have some elements of both of them losing on some level. If only because their main goals - conquer the planet and unmask Zim to the world - can never actually happen without breaking the status-quo of the show. So I am going to do my best to judge, like, their goals for that specific episode, and how humiliated and/or hurt they got, or at least which one of them lost the least at any given episode.

I will also be judging the win/lose situation while taking the conclusion of the episode at face value. Because Invader Zim loves its implausible snapbacks where a character dies or ends up at a seemingly-impossible cliffhanger situation at the end of an episode - and then the next one starts with everything back to normal again. After some deliberation, I decided to still take into account obviously-not-going-to-remain-in-continuity losses as losses. So if Dib fucking dies at the end of an episode, that would still be a Victory for Zim, even if obviously he would be back in the next episode. 

Okay, so let’s start! With the start!

"The Nightmare Begins"

This one is pretty clear cut. Zim wasn’t even trying to take over the world yet, just to blend in. And he pretty much succeeded in that goal, while Dib failed to capture him and lost the ‘Alien Sleep Cuffs’ in the process. 

I was maybe considering if Zim's little ‘MY SPINE!’ right as the episode ended could change the score. But I think this is just a minor-yet-painful injury, rather than an Implied-Reset-Comedy-Death. And I think for both of them this matters less than Zim successfully or unsuccessfully fulfilling his missions. 

So the first two points (since this is a double-length) go to Zim!

"Nanozim"

So here we have our first classic Mutually Assured Failure situation with these two. They both failed in their overarching goals in that episode. Dib lost those pictures of Zim for good, and Zim failed to rid himself of Dib for good. Buuut, I think Zim got a lot more Physical Pain 

And got a lot more thoroughly humiliated in his defeat

So I am counting this as a point for Dib!

"Parent Teacher Night"

Yet another episode where Zim is only concerned with maintaining his cover. Since this is preserving the status quo of the show, I think they’ll inevitably skew in his favor. While stuff got kinda hectic and embarrassing for Zim a couple of times, he did successfully convince everyone that the Robo-Parents are his parents.

And Dib got in trouble for throwing punch.

So this point goes to Zim!

"Dark Harvest"

Zim got away with every horrible disgusting thing he did in this episode, successfully maintained his cover and

Yeah, point to Zim.

"The Wettening"

At first I thought this was going to be a point for Zim since he pretty much unambiguously won that water balloon fight.

But that’s where my ‘take the endings of the episode at face value’ rule comes into play, because Zim drowned in his toilet and died at the end of the episode!

Zim: Help! My head is stuck! GIR! Help! I can't breathe, I…

So for literally being the Last Man Standing in the conflict, Dib technically wins this round!

"Career Day"

More Mutually Assured Defeat!

Dib thoroughly failed to demonstrate to Bill that Zim is an alien, but while Zim successfully maintained his cover - he still got fired from McMeaties, which torpedoed his then-current world-domination schemes.

Zim: 8 billion! That is more than the entire population! And they all serve McMeatie? If I rule McMeaties… I rule the world!

(I mean obviously that wouldn’t have actually worked but.... to be honest, I suspect that even if Dib did get Bill to personally witness Zim’s molt it wouldn’t have helped him either. They were both kinda running fool’s errands in that episode, I think. Dib’s self-delusion was just more subtle.)

I mulled over it for a while, and I decided this is probably our first true ‘No Points Either Way’ Episode! Congratulations, boys, you both lost!

"Planet Jackers"

Zim fully achieved the goal he was working towards in this episode - rescuing the Earth from the Planet Jackers. While this is technically something Dib would’ve also wanted if only he had believed Zim, I am not going to give Dib any points - because Dib basically missed out on the ego-boost he gets every time he successfully defends the Earth. 

Plus, the Moon crashing into the Earth at the end there is probably not something Zim would be worried about - who cares if a few million humans die as long as the planet’s still here for him to conquer! But it might bother Dib a little bit. You know if he was aware of it.

"Rise of the Zitboy"

Zim successfully got the information he needed to improve his security system, while Dib was left without the blindspot he planned on using and he needed to clean up all of the disgusting alien pus all on his own. The point goes to Zim. 

"Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy"

Look, yeah, Dib did get beat up by the Lawn Gnomes by the end of that episode. And I’m sure that hurts. But you know what I bet probably hurt more?

Having your brain teleported out of your body!

PAK or no, I think that warrants counting Dib as having lost the Least in that episode, and so the point goes to him!

"A Room With a Moose"

While it was a tad humiliating, Dib did still manage to successfully save the lives of himself and his classmates. I mean, even Zim knows that he lost. Which is not that common for him.

Zim: No! The moose has failed me!

So that’s another point to Dib!

"Hamstergeddon"

While Zim’s evil scheme did not go as he planned, it did still cause a lot of death and destruction for the human race - which he is always in favor of. He managed to get rid of Ultra-Peepi before he actually caused damage to his base and got away with everything scot-free. And while Dib also wanted Ultra-Peepi gone, he did also get humiliated and ignored and placed in the Crazy Bucket. Point goes to Zim.

"Bloaty's Pizza Hog"

Gaz: There, see, you won. Eat your pizza.

Can’t argue with that logic! Point to Dib!

"Door to Door"

So while Zim technically won the fundraiser, it is important to remember what Dib’s actual goals were for competing with Zim in the fundraiser to begin with.

Dib: The only reason I'm selling this dirt in a wrapper is to watch you fail at something else, Zim!

The only reason that he wanted to win, is because he wanted to see Zim get humiliated. And he surely got his wish by the way the episode ended.

Plus he got that handy box of [Adhesive Medical Strips]! Point to Dib!

"Bolognius Maximus"

Both lost, zero points each.

"Battle of the Planets"

Okay, so we have a classic example of the ‘Dib foils Zim’s attempts to take over the world, Zim foils Dib’s attempt to expose him’ runaround, but I think in this context - with Zim sustaining a lot more physical injuries - 

And Dib actually getting to meet an ally in this episode - 

That this is a victory for Dib! A two-point victory for a two-parter!

"Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom"

While the two were basically working towards the same overall goal in that episode despite their constant double-crosses (get back home safely, foil the Halloweenies’ invasion plan) and those two goals were achieved by the end…

Zim still ended that adventure with a broken skeleton (according to himself)

Zim: As soon as my skeleton stops being broken, I'm going to destroy you, Dib.

While Dib ended up seemingly totally unharmed and with a lollipop for his troubles! Two more points to Dib!

"Mysterious Mysteries"

Zim successfully maintained his cover, got Dib publicly humiliated on national television and made even LESS likely that Dib will ever be invited on MM ever again. Point goes to Zim!

"Future Dib"

Well, Dib did at least successfully foil Zim’s plan to basically destroy all life on Earth. Buuut… he ends that episode still captured, with Gaz not really giving a shit about saving him, and implicitly tormented by a monkey for Zim’s amusement for the rest of his natural life. 

Obviously that gets reset by the next episode but like I said, I’m not taking those into account. The point goes to Zim!

"Walk For Your Lives"

Well, Zim’s plan succeeded… but that just means that he failed. His actual goal was to impress the Tallests for Probing Day and obviously he did not manage to do that at all.

And Dib also failed since he was trying to warn others and stop Zim. And… I think the implication at the end of the episode is that he probably died, with "you jerk!" as his last words. While Zim is burned, but alive and well. So… Zim does still win this one by default! Truly Zim’s most incredible talent is being able to pull a technical victory out of the most thoroughly embarrassing situations. 

"Megadoomer"

Yet another Mutually Assured Failure. Zim failed to kill Dib again, Dib failed to expose Zim again. They both lost the devices they were planning to use to achieve this goal (the Megadoomer exploded and Dib lost his camera to a random bird) and yet they still both claimed victory.

But thinking about the little details… While Dib ‘liked that camera’ it is probably a bit more replaceable than the Megadoomer was. And Dib was at least physically unharmed through that whole encounter, while Zim got crushed by a giant hunk of metal. So the point goes to Dib!

"Lice"

Well, Dib was pretty embarrassed to discover that the Lice Queen was real and he was forced to admit he was wrong and apologize…. But Zim got gruesomely skinned alive

AND as an added bonus, his pain is only going to lead to humanity being better equipped to deal with the lice menace. Which obviously he’d hate. Point to Dib for Suffering Less in that episode!

"Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom"

At first, I kinda debated what to do about this episode. Because while it’s true that Zim accomplished the goal he was trying to achieve in that episode and Dib seems to feel pretty humiliated at the end of the whole ordeal…

There’s no doubt that this whole scheme was an extremely flagrant misuse of resources and - since we know that at the very least the Meekrob’s planet exist and that the fact about the Massive’s side pods is accurate

Dib: The Massive; the armada capital ship. The side pods are filled with snacks. It's their weak spot.

Lard Nar: Ahem, well… If we can just knock a hole in one of the side storage pods, we can steal the snacks that fall out to feed the growing resistance.

Zim actually revealed to Dib some actual dangerous tactical information about the Irken Empire’s weaknesses. 

However, I mulled that over and I decided that

If I were to penalize Zim every time his scheme is a stupid/humiliating misuse of resources then this actually applies to almost every Zim vs. Dib episode actually. The question is whatever or not Zim accomplished his goals, rather than if there was a more practical way to accomplish them because the answer to that second question is pretty much always ‘yes’

The fact Dib has technically gotten some useful tactical information from that little simulation has literally never come up again in the actual Invader ZIm canon. As far as we know, he just literally forgot to write it down and now he has no idea.

So yeah, that point still goes to Zim. Even if by a very small margin.

"Tak: The Hideous New Girl"

I was considering making this our first ‘both of them get a point!’ (or well, two points, since this is a double-length episode) since they were both working towards the same goal of protecting the Earth from Tak and they both succeeded!

But… I think I am actually going to give these points to Dib, because Zim only managed to preserve his Status Quo. Dib actually made progress. Between finally getting a good look at Zim’s base, and getting some more info on the Empire

Dib: Your leaders are just taller than everyone else?

And, of course, getting one fun little gift at the end.

"Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars"

The entire gimmick of this episode is Zim having just so many things to worry about at once. He’s got this new Brain Parasite scheme, and he’s trying to bring the Tallests to Earth to check it out, and he’s trying to wrangle up the Robo-Parents and maintain his cover. And by the end of the episode, he only really succeeded in ‘maintaining his cover’ and even that just by the technicality that most Humans in this world are just so stupid and apathetic that he just shouldn’t have bothered probably. By the end of the episode the Robo-Parents are still running wild, his Brain Parasite plan has gone to hell and his plans for the Massive have gone wrong in every possible way.

Now, Dib has also suffered some losses in this episode - the spy-bug in Zim’s base got disabled and the activation of Tak’s Personality in her ship is obviously a huge drawback to that whole plan of repairing it and making it his own. Buuut… at least he didn’t get his brain eaten. So I think he at least won this round. Two more points to Dib!

"Mortos Der Soul Stealer"

While Zim got himself Touched by a Smelly Human and lost a few of his genetically-engineered rodents - the implication seems to be that he has more and this is at best a minor setback to his plan. Meanwhile, Dib didn’t just lose the chance to use basically a magical superweapon against Zim - he also lost a lot of money and then got arrested.

So yeah, the point goes to Zim.

"Zim Eats Waffles"

Nothing about Dib’s plan to expose Zim in that episode worked in his favor and ended with his entire computer being smashed up by Cyborg Zombie Soldiers Created by a Giant Flesh-Eating Demon Squid. Meanwhile, while Zim forgot his Evil Plan for the day - the fact that he sent these aforementioned Cyborg Zombie Soldiers after humanity has got to count for something. Plus he ate some waffles! Point to Zim!

"The Girl Who Cried Gnome"

While both Zim’s attempt to utilize the Moofy Media Storm for his own humanity-destruction plans and Dib’s attempt to do the same in order to expose Zim have thoroughly failed - Zim literally ends this episode whistling ‘If You Happy And You Know It’ as he torments Dib while he is stuck in his yard indefinitely. 

Yeah, Zim won that round as well.

"Dibship Rising"

Okay so that episode ends with the Dibship throwing Zim to the horizon. And then he saves Dib’s life.... only to leave Dib stuck in the cesspool for hours as he recounts every embarrassing thing that happened to him before the ship can properly delete his own personality. 

But while this seems to be a pretty humiliating and kinda uncomfortable (“the smell’s getting to me”) situation for Dib. I… think that being thrown to that distance would still probably hurt more. Plus, Dib did still make progress with the Ship since he successfully deleted Tak’s personality (I mean that didn’t stick with the Comic and Florpus Canons but we’re not even looking at those today, so…)

Point to Dib!

"Vindicated!"

Zim: Sad little Dib! No more ally and no more proof!

Yeah, Point to Zim.

"The Voting of the Doomed"

This one’s actually kinda hard. So… Dib’s plan succeeded and Zim’s failed - but that just means Zim was spared from becoming a brainwashed pawn of the school board. But is it more humiliating that you worked so hard for a plan that only ended up saving your enemy? Or that you worked so hard for a plan that would’ve doomed you if not for the intervention of your enemy?

Both Zim and Dib seem to assume it’s the former, so, yeah, point to Zim!

"Gaz, Taster of Pork"

While not inflicted by Zim, Dib sure had his fair share of Suffering in that episode. Meanwhile, as far as we can tell, Zim’s Exploding Monkeys Plan went off without a hitch. I mean, Dib or not Dib, I’m sure Zim can find a way to mess it up all on his own - but that was still probably less humiliating than

Yeah, so Zim kinda wins the two points by default. 

"The Frycook What Came From All That Space"

So despite going through a lot of painful and grueling and humiliating things in this episode - Zim still won at the end, he still achieved everything he wanted to do: escape Foodcourtia, return to Earth and resume his mission. 

Meanwhile, Dib once again failed to convince anyone Zim is an alien 

And his attempt to use Zim’s absence to gather information from the Tallests seems to have been thoroughly derailed.

So I think this point goes to Zim!

"The Most Horrible X-mas Ever"

So… Zim's plan has failed and derailed into a threat to himself more than anything - only to be saved by Dib (who earned some sort of Bonding Moment with his dad in the meantime) and together, they (but mostly Dib) throw Santa into space. And then Dib gives a heartfelt speech.

.....And then Zim convincely impersonates the Easter Platypus and incites an angry mob against Dib.

This is probably the episode I mulled over the most, and not just because it’s the last one. I was really unsure if I should prioritize everything Dib has accomplished in the episode - or Zim for getting the last laugh… literally!

But I think, after some deliberation, that yeah, those last two points go to Zim. It was kind of a close-call, but by the end of the episode banishing Santa was a victory for both of them and inciting a mob against the other is something they would both find a meaningful victory - so I think it’s got to count for something???

Final Score:

Zim: 22

Dib: 17

And now I can quite honestly say

VICTORY! VICTORY FOR ZIM!

(But also, like, I think Dib got a pretty good score too. Especially considering his reputation as a universal butt monkey, that gap could’ve been a lot larger. I mean if we counted ‘Enter the Florpus’ as.. by my logic like seven points we’d have a total turnabout)

And of course, this is just my own methodology of counting victories, like you've seen, I have a lot of Weird Edge Cases that you could make arguments on either way. If you have, like, your own interpretations and your own ways of counting victories for these two Ultimate Losers, I’d love to hear it! 

[ruthytwoshakes]

HELLO GUESS WHO MADE ART OF THE SILLIES AGAIN????? i love them so much they’ve infested my brain,,,, I love women, ,,!!!! I’ve been making some sketches over the last couple of week,, some that will be turned into big epic drawings over the next couple of months hehehheh.

thank you @friendlyengie for your epic characters they bring me joy,, 👍👍👍👍👍

YAYYYYYY !!! OLD PEOPLE !! This one has been sitting in the drafts for a little while,, hhhh. I like to think that the medics have entirely grey hair and just,,, dye it. Uh oh It’s the last hair dye box in all of New Mexico ,, they’re having a cowboy standoff thing or whatever you call it

cringe fail loser sapphic at it again. ,,,,, , she horrible o love her ,

woah,, tnnahts a lot of woman. ,,and pupy!!!. Got a little bit obsessed with the acne on Quinn. I have pretty bad acne myself and most people don’t really add it to their characters and stuff,, makes me feel a little sad and ugly. So thank you very much for that!! It makes,me happy 👍👍👍👍👍

when I first saw spy,, I was like. Oh yeah. That’s,, the,,, the, . She friends with orginal spy I think,, . That would be a little silly ,,I think. So that’s my little itty bitty headcannon. They hate each other too but in silly bestie way. B))

Went a little crazy with the weird gay thing,, just a little bit,,,,, just a. Yeah.

WEIRD GAY THING AGAIN ?????!!!! NO Way bro…,, This is a sketch I plan to turn into a finished drawing!! Also I’m so proud of myself the perspective looks very epic B)) Also I think Quinn is the type to sleep without a shirt on but I don’t know if tumblr would like that if I drewed that so she gets shitty tank top instead. They are having sleepover in demos room if you can’t tell

also that fucking bongu post keeps on coming into my brain at the worst possible times ,, like I’ll be having a really serious conversation and the fucking bongu appears and I fucking lose it

FINAL SKETCH!!! This is a very rough sketch of a very epic and cool drawing I plan to finish. If anybody has any suggestions I’d love to hear it!, I am struggling with what to shove into the background. Also fuck yeah the golden spiral babey,, putting those 9th grade art class skills into use B))

This’ll be probably the most intricate art piece I’ve ever made,, wish me luck. I think I managed to fit all 18 mercs in there! Hopefully! I’ll double check later lol.

(Drawings of the mercs by friendlyengie). Me when the women 👁👁

that’s the end of all the drawings!! Thanks very much for looking at them hhh,,,, I did not spend 16 hours on this, you spent 16 hours on this

go follow friendlyengie they make some sick ass drawings,, good food right there babey B)). I hope I was able to kinda characterize them correctly!! I’m not very good at that yet,, but I’m getting better I think!!

Now off to visit your mother. (Study and plan for spring term and clean my room)

[bugbyte]

Recent discoveries from the land of Bug lives with a chronic illness and is tired all the time:

This is probably obvious to everyone but holy shit, crock pot. I used to use this thing mostly for a few very specific recipes because I feel like there’s something about the cooking method where things can tend to lose flavor or texture (might just be a me thing) but lately it’s been a lifesaver when I am hurting and exhausted, which has been a lot.

I’m trying to cut back on premade or processed stuff where I can because I don’t think it’s good for me personally or for our budget. (No judgement from me if that’s what’s easiest for you, we all gotta eat somehow.) Cooking has become a mega effort for me when I’m having a flare up and it’s been tough. I used to do all the cooking for us because I genuinely love to do it, but it’s gotten so hard for me recently and I’m trying new methods.

More chatter and recipes under the break~

This is all kind of a medium effort (unless you have someone to help, which I am lucky to have) so it might not work for everyone, because the ceramic piece of the cooker is kind of heavy to get out and clean if you’re prone to dropping things (I am) but it can go in the dishwasher. Also chopping things can be a pain; I have a little chopping thing that helps when I’m cooking alone, it looks like this:

Anyway, if you can get past those hurdles via tools or help or buying pre-chopped veggies, you’re halfway there. You can also prep veg when you’re having a good day and freeze it so you have it ready on a bad day.

Here are a few of my favorite recipes, all are kinda chicken-based and the method is basically the same but you can probably substitute another protein, this just works for my budget and dietary needs. The only thing I might not use is ground meat; something funny can happen with the texture of it, I think because you’re not necessarily stirring all the time. It can cook kinda weird if you’re not attentive, and we’re going for as hands off as possible here.

Today we chopped up a bunch of veggies and dumped them in with chicken breast, a bunch of seasoning (curry, garam masala, garlic, ginger, a little Trader Joe’s sriracha seasoning for a little heat, I mean, I don’t think you can really add too many spices here?? Add and measure with your heart, as they say), and a jar of tikka masala sauce. Then we just have to make rice later and it’s all set. 4-6 hours on high, 6-8 on low seems to be the standard and works for basically everything I’ve tried so far. Yeah, it’s kind of premade with the jar sauce, but having something hot with real veggies and chicken when you’re not feeling good is a real morale boost at the end of the day. Plus, a ton of leftovers.

Another easy one I love is chopping up an onion and a bell pepper or two, pour in either a jar of tomato pasta sauce or a big can of crushed tomatoes + whatever garlic/basil/etc seasonings you like, and throw a couple of chicken breasts on top with some seasoning on those too. Same timing as above. By the end the chicken just shreds apart by pinching it with tongs really easily (I have hand grip issues and I can do it) so shred that and stir it all together. This stuff is great on pasta, probably also would be an amazing sandwich on a bun with some mozzarella?? Last time we used a can of tomatoes so there was a ton of extra liquid and I just dumped in a package of farfalle at the end of cooking (or 30 minutes to the end, ish) and mixed it well, gave it 30 minutes to soak up the sauce, and it was really tasty. You really only have to pay attention at the end to make sure the pasta is the way you want it, not over or under done.

Lastly, tacos. Chicken, in whatever quantity you want. We are 2 people and 2 breasts is enough for a bunch of tacos and leftovers for lunch the next day. Add a little olive oil (just a dash to help stuff stick) and half a packet of any taco seasoning you like (save the rest for the end). Mix in one of those little cans of chopped green chilies plus about one tiny can of water or chicken broth if you’re feeling fancy. Cook either high or low (as above) but I find low on 6-8 hours actually does come out better on this one. When it’s done, shred the chicken like the tomato recipe. It should just fall apart with very little effort. Then add in the rest of the seasoning packet and mix; it helps thicken any liquid into sauce. If you still end up with too much liquid somehow, just scoop some out with a ladle. Then just put it on tortillas with whatever taco stuff you like. This one also works pretty well with a big chunk of pork, like pork shoulder. You may need some extra seasoning and stuff because it’s bigger, and I would also add some garlic to the pork version for better flavor. If you have the energy or assistance this stuff is also great shredded up and thrown under a broiler for a couple minutes for crispy edges, but that’s totally optional. Still tasty without it.

Anyway, just thought I’d share some of the easy stuff I’ve come across and liked because I love cooking and I hate how much trouble I’ve had making good food without running myself to exhaustion since I started having health problems. It’s a learning curve for sure.

[askbensolo]

Wow big congrats on getting your degree, job, and moving out! I was so surprised to see an update post after all this time, but I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. How's the rest of your family? Is Rey still living with your parents?

Thanks! Younger me would lose his mind to see me going to the grocery store all by myself, haha.

Mom and Dad are fine. Well, Mom has been kinda stressed because…have you heard of “The Order”? It’s supposed to be this fringe extremist group that wants to reinstate the Empire. But everyone says The Order is just a Populist conspiracy theory. I’ve tried to look into it and see whether it’s real, but any reporting on it either gets swept off the HoloNet or labeled “misinformation”. The Populists aren’t making it better for themselves though, because half the time they are accusing random Centrist senators of being part of The Order. That’s the two-party system for you…

Uncle Luke is still training his Jedi. Some of his older students have now left his academy and gone out into the galaxy to do Jedi stuff. He seems really proud.

And yep, Rey is still living with Mom and Dad. She doesn’t really talk about Jakku or about wanting to find her birth parents these days—she says she doesn’t remember a lot about her old life anymore. When she was eleven, she decided she wanted to be formally adopted by my parents. She’s thirteen now. Dad took her to the junior high formal a couple months ago.

Dad loves being a girl dad. Mom and I had to talk him down from buying Rey every single item on her Life Day wish list last year. And some of that stuff was expensive. Like, what even is a "facial serum"?

[effervescent-au]

Hey, I know it's been awhile and unfortunately I won't be active in Tumblr often. But I just wanna know what's going on right? If you're okay about giving a small recap of the reason about having a new AU

Okay so there’s a couple reasons that I a) have this AU and b) am working on it instead of the Splat Chat.

First and foremost, Effervescent existed about a year before the Splat Chat, and while I wrote some stuff for it, I never shared anything for it. Effervescent was really the reason I got into writing fanfic, as that the story that I really, really wanted to tell. Back then, it just wasn’t very well put together, and I was not confident in what I had written. I also never worked on the old Effervescent fic consistently; I’d write 10k in a week, and then stop working on it for months. I ended up setting it aside for a while, as I was just not happy with how it was turning out.

Then Splatoon 3 came out, which I played day 1. That was my first time actually playing a Splatoon game (I was about to get splat2, but they announced splat3, so I decided to just wait ). I loved it, and then once I finished the story mode, I was reminded of my Effervescent fic, and I decided I wanted to give it another go. However, I had read a chat fic for another fandom that I really liked and decided that I first wanted to try writing a couple chapters of a chat fic as a warmup, and then I’d go back to Effervescent. So that’s what I did; I wrote a chatfic with some generic usernames and generic personalities, and figured I’d do like 5 chapters and call it done. I also decided to post it to AO3 since I liked how it turned out.

The Splat Chat got a much wilder reception that I could’ve ever hoped for. I loved having people vocally love my writing, so I wrote more and more, abandoning my intentions of writing for Effervescent and instead building out my own universe with the Splat Chat. I started building some lore, character quirks, and eventually named my agents. As we all know, the Splat Chat took off and became it’s own series, with the main fic and all the side stories.

So what happened? I kinda began to lose interest in the Splat Chat last summer. It got harder and harder to write for and think up plot. I really think I should’ve just ended the storyline after Raid Under Storm and Stress, but alas, I did not. The problem was that I never really had solid outlines for the Splat Chat, so I had very little direction besides some vague ideas in my head. Because I started losing interest in the Splat Chat, I ended thinking about Effervescent again. I went back to the old fic and began editing it again, with the intention of posting that. However, I soon realized that it was kinda not great, so I decided I would just rewrite it, and that’s what I did; I uploaded the prologue and chapter 1 in July, iirc.

Then I got caught up in moving out and trying to get ready for university, and I lost a lot of interest in writing in general. The only reason why I was able to post so much stuff for the Splat Chat anniversary was because I really kicked myself into overdrive to do it, because I had hyped it up so much and didn’t want to fall flat. But after that, I was really just exhausted with the Splat Chat universe and writing. I tried to get back into it for NaNoWriMo, but I ended up just getting back into Effervescent instead, and that’s when I started regularly updating that fic, and I’ve pretty much been focusing on writing for that universe since.

Why? Well, if I had to pick favorites between my AUs, it’s Effervescent. I actually have a really good outline and plan, so it feels much more cohesive, whereas the Splat Chat’s story was always messy. Effervescent is also the fic that I always wanted to write, whereas the Splat Chat just kinda… spiraled. I don’t always feel in control of the Splat Chat universe anymore. The Splat Chat just isn’t what it used to be, and I’ve had people point that out too. The cast is huge, the way the series and side fics are organized is horrendous, and it’s definitely a different fic that it was when it first started. I had someone comment that they didn’t like the new direction I was taking the series and they felt it was way too dark when I was working on the end of Amaranthine, and I got really discouraged by that. I was really trying to finish out my vision for that fic before I lost interest, but being told that it’s not what it should be really made me lose confidence in the Splat Chat series as a whole. It was the final nail in the coffin for my interest in the Splat Chat.

All in all, Effervescent was the story that I always wanted to tell, and I was just waiting for the right time. I do want to come back to the Splat Chat eventually, especially because I don’t want to leave a story unfinished when it was a fic a lot of people found solace in, but now’s just not the right time for me. At the end of the day, writing fanfic is just a hobby of mine, and I’m gonna write what I want to write.

Sorry that was certainly not a “small recap” but I think I needed to finally put an explanation down into words about what’s going on with my writing.

[any-apples]

my thoughts on the flyers’ season this year:

(this is kinda a long one 😬)

it’s been a fucking ride and i am so glad to have been on it for the entire season

i was absolutely high on them through january and parts of february and i said from the new year to mid march that i was expecting them to clinch in the WC2 spot

which obviously didn’t happen but i’m really glad i got to have that high because it was amazing after so long to even have that hope

i wasn’t a fan back when they were good (i started getting into hockey during the bad years) and i saw my first flyers home win this season!

i’ve been going to games for a couple years now (i went to way more that usual this year though) and the first win i have ever seen was the OT win against the Golden Knights!! it was a super cool environment and getting to be in the farg for a win was electric

i did end up seeing a couple of other wins later on in the season but that was the most memorable

i also got to go to 9 or 10 games! and the fans are like so back! the wfc has been kinda quiet in recent years but the hype is back and i am so excited for next season with these fans!

the flyers resilience has been incredibly impressive. i know everyone talks about adversity but like the shit these guys went through to get here is insane. like all of that different stuff that happened and they still managed to make game 82 matter

also they bounced back from an 8 game losing streak and gave me hope again! during the losing streak i was convinced that we were out of it and that was the end for us (and it did ultimately end up being the end) but somehow they lost 9-3 to one of the worst teams in the league and then turned around and beat the rangers 4-1? idc who you are that’s impressive

im a little concerned about torts’ long term relationship with coots in coming years but torts did manage to repair the sanheim issue last year, so until proven otherwise, i’m going to assume that’s going to be hashed out in the offseason

there have been several parts of this season where i have been concerned about that lengths that torts is willing to go to motivate the guys (coots scratching, sitting frost against his hometown team, etc) but so far it doesn’t seem like he’s done anything irreparable

that is a long term concern of mine that torts might cross the line later on and lose respect from certain guys or the room but it hasn’t happened yet so i still trust in torts and his ability to manage that type of issue

danny briere and jonesy! i am so excited that fletcher is gone and we have new brass! so far i have loved both of them!

i appreciate jonesy’s (well really both of them but jonesy has been more vocal) commitment to the rebuild. as much as i would’ve loved to keep sean walker and just keep the team as it was and see success on the season, the moves danny made matched the message he and jonesy were putting out and i appreciate that a lot

also all hail the flyers brass for getting ivan fedotov and alexei kolosov out of russia to play!

i also have a lot of respect for dan hilferty and the way the whole leadership group has shown that they are on the same page and there’s no sort of internal conflict, as well as everyone’s vocal support of torts and danny to do their jobs the way they see fit

the culture! so overused but it’s actually so much better! and i’m just excited about that

sam ersson! i was genuinely concerned about him and his future in the nhl during that losing streak, but he’s proved his mental toughness time and time again and i’m excited to see him back next year rested and with a full season under his belt! i’m hoping he can be a long term starter or tandem goalie and the end of this season has really given me high hopes for that

all of the progress we saw guys make this year! frosty took a HUGE step forward and so did tippett! also yorks defensive game was massive this year! i’m so excited to see more of tk (im assuming he’ll be re signed) (upon further consideration i watched the exit interviews and it sounds like he wants to come back if the flyers pay him right so im hopeful) and how he grows into this leadership role

im very excited to see how this offseason goes! even though i know we’ll be losing some guys who i’ll really miss, i have high hopes!

i’m obviously really sad that we couldn’t hold it together long enough to keep our playoff spot, but i still can’t call this season a failure in any sense of the word. i think a lot of good things happened this season and i’m happy to call it a success and im so excited to be back in the wfc next fall! im very grateful for the chance to see good flyers hockey through most of the year and to experience all these highs and lows with the team in a way i feel like i haven’t really gotten the chance to in the last few years, just because it was so hard to get so emotionally invested in a team that you knew was going to fall short. so i’m so grateful that i was able to really take the ride this year!

thank you flyers and we’ll see you next year!

[luvwich]

wip whenever

tagged by @merge-conflict @wistereia @ghostoffuturespast recently for a WIP whenevs~

i've been noodlin on a new fic (a sequel!) it'll be a while before i start posting it on ao3 as i'm still zeroing in on the broader plot, but for now i'm dicking around writing scenes like this one~

The candelabra's dancing flames hurled their light against the wall of the cramped booth. The penitent raised his head to regard his own shadow and, beyond it, the unseen face of salvation's ambassador.

“Forgive me, Father, for I’ve sinned.” Memories marched up the back of his neck, peeking ‘round dark neural corners, as he took to the confessional’s claustrophobic embrace. “Now, I dunno how you Valentinos do this confessin’ shit, but it was pretty laid-back at the church I used to go to in Watson.”

The priest, so far as he could tell through the screen, could have been any old Watson priest. “Proceed with your confession in the ways you’ve been taught, my son,” the man said.

“Well see, Father, it’s been…” Calendar pages fluttered through his mind; a counter spun its faces around digits zero through nine, sped up, faltered, and crashed. “…five thousand days or somethin’ since my last confession. You got a clear schedule this evening?”

“The Lord receives one of His flock who’s been astray for years with no less love and mercy than the others. For you, yes, I have time.”

“Okay, let’s just kick it off then, I guess. I’ve killed a few dozen people.” More fuzzy arithmetic floated behind his eyes in the cedar-scented darkness. “Maybe more’n a few dozen. Most of ‘em had it coming, though.”

The priest’s robes rustled from the other side of the grille. “That is for the Lord to judge only, my child.”

“Fine, fine, let him have it, let him have it. So, let’s see. I’ve drank to excess. And I’ve been bangin’ chicks left and right, if that’s still something God cares about. Haven’t really been keepin’ up to date on the rules.”

“God’s rules do not change with the times. They are the one thing that does not change. Please continue.”

The penitent drew a breath. It brought to him wafts of incense, resinous and heady, which attempted to mask aromas of less divine provenance: petrol, iron, sweet rotting garbage from the adjoining alley. He closed his eyes and traversed that dust-packed road of memory, seeking the ledger of his sins, his larks; all those moments of terrific damnation on which he’d built his name.

“Okay,” he said, “So. Since my last confession, I fingerbanged Mariah Sawyer under the bleachers. And I sucked face with Richie Greenwood — it was for a dare, but, uh, I also liked it. Does God still care about the homo stuff, too? Should I start another list just for that?”

The breaths and rustles from the other chamber of the booth were beginning to lose their patient cadence, and he thought he could make out the priest rubbing his forehead in silhouette. The answer came through lightly gritted teeth: “No, we can just fold the ‘homo stuff’ in all with the rest of it."

“Sure. Deal. Uh, I railed Kai Prestonson, and then I cheated on her with her older sister. That was a fun summer. Now, I’m gonna have some trouble rememberin' names after this point, so — yeah, let’s just round it up to like a hundred of this kinda thing.” He paused. “Do blowjobs count?”

“Yes. They are sodomy, in fact.”

He whistled. “Shit. Gonna be saying Hail Marys til my fuckin’ hair goes grey, then. Okay, add a couple hundred sodomies to my tab.”

“Alright. Continue.”

“And then I was railin’ Christine Markov for a while. So let’s say that’s another hundred or so railings and.. well, not as much sodomy as I’d prefer, if I’m bein’ honest. Never cheated on her, but she thought I did. And lately I’ve been doing absolute shitloads of premarital railin' with Vania Perez.” He paused, listening carefully for any reaction. “Been gettin’ a little sodomy in with her, too,” he added.

A holy silence emanated from the fragrant wood of the screen that divided the mercenary from the man of God. The priest’s voice was measured when he spoke again.

“You have sinned, it is true. Yet the mercy of our Lord is a jealous flame which cannot be extinguished. If your heart is repentant in the face of all you have done, He will welcome you in His heavenly house in the next life.”

“Killer. Thanks.”

“I'm not finished,” the priest grumbled.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Say three 'Our Fathers', three 'Hail Marys', and three 'Glory Bes.' Pray on this, reflect on the grace that's been given to you today, and carry your repentance forward into noble deeds.”

“Nova. Sure. That first part I can do.”

“Is there anything else on which you seek my counsel?”

Outside the booth, an altar boy whose face consisted of more chrome and ink than bare flesh began pacing fitfully.

“So,” the confessor ventured, “that last sin I mentioned. Vania Perez. Do you know her?”

The priestly silence prickled. “My child, I have given the sacrament here in Heywood for many years. I have heard confessions from a dozen Vanias Perez. Can you be more specific?”

“She’s about five foot one, smokin’ hot, curly hair.”

The priest sighed. “That narrows it down to five or six, my son.”

“Okay, well, she’s also got jade green Kiroshis, a hoity-toity accent, and a cuerpazo that could make a deacon slam his head through a fuckin’ stained glass portrait of the Santa Maria.”

The altar boy’s pacing continued.

“Ring any bells?”

Fifteen seconds and as many shuffles of spit-shined shoes trudged on before the priest answered: “Ah. Yes. That Vania Perez.”

[aeoki]

Blackjack - Gifts Will Not Arrive: Chapter 1

Location: Yumenosaki Studio Characters: Arashi & Mika Season: Autumn

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< The next day. Yumenosaki Academy Studio – “Knights’” gathering place. >

Mika: Ohh, and then?

Arashi: So I gave it straight to him!

I don’t know if Ritsu-chan just likes battling or hates Christmas, but it looks like he has zero motivation for this year’s “Star Fest”...

He says that Christmas is essentially a “celebratory day for couples” in modern-day Japan!

It’s fine when you’re a kid, though – since all you have to do is to wait excitedly in bed to see what Santa brings you.

But once you’ve grown up and learnt the concept of romantic love, then Christmas is basically the same as Valentine’s Day.

Mika: Ngh~ I’ve heard that sorta opinion a lot. Plenty of magazines tend to have articles ‘bout dates and stuff during Christmas.

Arashi: Right? We’re idols from the old era where dating isn’t allowed, but we’re humans too, so it’s natural for us to fall in love!

Neither God nor Santa would forbid us from having romantic feelings!

Mika: Ngh~... Naru-chan is burnin’ up with quite a temper. It’s a fiery Naru-chan.

Arashi: Of course I’d be burning with anger! Sure, it’s not like I have any plans every year, but it’s still something I look forward to! I love the warm atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re floating on clouds!

But a lot of things happened last year and I was in a bad mood, so I want to be happy and spend Christmas in good spirits this year!

Mika: Uuu. Sorry, Naru-chan… That was ‘cause of me, right?

I was also feelin’ kinda weird ‘round this time last year and I was the one who made you lose your temper, right?

Arashi: I didn’t lose my temper – You’re my friend, so I was worried about you.

Mika: That’s what everyone who’s angry says… It couldn’t have been helped – You probably saw me as an eyesore who you were arguin’ with on stage.

Arashi: That’s standard business with us. We’re always rushing around on stage.

Mika: Yeah but I should also reflect on my behaviour…

I got confused when Nazuna-nii appeared wearin’ “Valkyrie’s” outfit when I was feelin’ unwell and nervous.

But I think I’ll be able to stand on stage without feelin’ anxious this year.

Arashi: Yeah, we’ll be participating individually instead of in our units this year.

On top of that, we won’t be battling it out with someone else and it’ll just be a peaceful event where we’ll be making everyone smile.

I regret getting so agitated during “Tanabata Fest”, so I want to be the “normal Arashi Onee-chan”, who’s cute and innocent, for the other “S1s”.

But it doesn’t look like anyone in “Knights” is feeling up for it.

Mika: Ahaha. They probably just don’t wanna move about so much ‘cause they’re cold.

Arashi: You think my members are such cowards? They’ll be completely fine even if they’re sent to the North Pole!

But, you know, Tsukasa-chan is getting all stressed about being in charge of “Knights” and he himself doesn’t seem to be on his mind – all he has in his head is “SS”.

I don’t know if Ritsu-chan is busy with personal affairs or whatever, but he doesn’t have any motivation to do anything for Christmas or any of the religious events.

Mika: Ngh~ He is a vampire, huh. Ritsu-kun has those sorts of preferences.

Arashi: I bet he’s just taking advantage of the nature of those holidays to slack off. This big sister here won’t let him do that. Christmas should be enjoyed with family.

Mika: Still, this year’s “Star Fest” is individual participation… If Ritsu-kun doesn’t feel like takin’ part in it, then there’s nothin’ we can do ‘bout it.

I don’t think you have the right to force him to take part, Naru-chan.

Arashi: I know I don’t have the right, but I’m just saying that I’ll be lonely! Geez, I’ll look like a fool if I’m the only one getting excited all by myself!

Mika: Ahaha… I’ll be takin’ part too so I’ll do my best to make sure you’re not feelin’ lonely, Naru-chan.

Arashi: You’re so sweet, Mika-chan~ I love you to bits ♪ I’d also love to swap Ritsu-chan out with you!

Mika: Ritsu-kun didn’t do anythin’ wrong… There’s “SS” too – I think it’s smart not always goin’ full-out and slackin’ when appropriate, though.

Arashi: That’s not being smart – it’s called being sly! And it’s not cute at all!

Mika: “Knights” isn’t a unit that’s based on being cute.

Arashi: Yeah but… Geez, whose side are you on, Mika-chan?

Shouldn’t you be agreeing with what I’m saying at times like this?

Mika: That’s not what a friend would do… They have to disagree when they should disagree.

Just like how you’re always helpin’ me out, Naru-chan.

Arashi: Uuu~... That’s not fair, putting it like that. You’ve grown, Mika-chan – this must be the fruit of my teachings.

Mika: Yup ♪

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[no-nameno-face]

those all sound SO GOOD im excited!!! which one do u think you’d post first?? i literally can’t get enough of ur blog i love it so much u keep us fed

and omg no way? i’m ur first emoji anon??? i love that for both of us 💅🏼 but im good :) im looking for festivals near me to go to this summer but i can’t find any :( how are you angel!!

-🍄

Okay so teaaaa I’m thinking I’ll rework the daddy kink audio and combineeee it with the strap audio 🤫 but that’s yet to be determined… I’ll leave the for sure’s as a surprise 🤭

I feel bad cause I haven’t had as much creative flow lately so im not putting out as much content as I’d like to, plus I’ve kinda been losing engagement which I KNOW it’s not all about numbers 😭 and that’s def not while I do it, but I put in like 4-6 hours on each audio w/o the time it takes to script them so idkkk I’ve just felt a little down about my stuff lately (I thriveeee on external validation 🚩), but hearing from people (like you‼️) that you’re excited about it really helps motivate me.. soooo thank youuu 🥹

Not me venting to you 😪

I’m glad you’re doing goooood!!! FESTIVALS‼️ what kind of festivals?!?! 🤭 I loveeee them sm 😭 I hope you can find one soon!!!! (Keep me updated👊🏻)

I’m doing okay!!! I’m so tired cause I’ve been road tripping the last couple days but I’m finally home, so I’m very happy about that 🥹

[httpiastri]

Hello love!

It's been a little while, so first of all-Happy belated birthday! I saw the messages on the day and wanted to write a little something, but then I got so busy 🙈 so I wish you all the best, for all of your wishes to be fulfilled and a great year overall!

I really like the new layout, it seems so calm 🩵

I feel like my life has been so busy lately, I barely had time to catch my breath. But for now, I am incredibly happy to be here and getting to know me again in a completely different environment. My host family is so lovely and last weekend I met some nice au pairs that live really close to me, so now I am not even alone anymore haha!

Being here also means that I am kinda always out and about, so I only watched fp3 yesterday and the start of the f2 race today. It's a shame it got cancelled so soon :( but safety first of course!

I won't be able to watch the F1 race tomorrow, but I am still hoping for some Lando magic. I really want him to win the race, but I also want to be there and watch it live? But it will be Max's win anyways lol!

In the last ask you said you were planning dropping out of uni- I am sorry to hear that, even though its probably for the best if you don't like the subjects. I don't know how people react in your country with news like that, but just remember that it's most important to be happy with what you do! (Who knows? Maybe you want to do a year abroad somewhere as well?)

I will probably catch up on all the writing you uploaded in the last couple of days and go to bed then- I am exhausted 😴

-✨

love! hello!! thank you so much, i hope you get a lovely year too 💘 and thank you! my old theme was so random shssjhs i do enjoy this a bit more !!

aw it makes me so glad to hear that you are happy and that the people around you are good to you. and i love the positive mindset! it must be really challenging but you’re doing so well 🥹 and oooo you met some people!! that’s lovely !!! are they from a lot of different countries or is it all kind of similar? if you get what i mean shsksjs

yeah it must be hard to keep track of all racing when you’re so busy… i was disappointed about them cancelling f2 but i do think it was a good choice, it didn’t seem very safe. it just sucks that they can’t like postpone sessions instead of cancel them :( like i get that it’s because of the schedule on the track but it still sucks! for everyone probably

!! crossing my fingers for lando tomorrow !!!! hoping for maybe a little rain (but not so much that it’s dangerous) for tomorrow’s f2 feature so arthur can get some easy climbing…. pls he deserves some points 🙏🙏🙏

hmm well in my country i guess it’s kinda like… not super weird to not go to uni? or at least it’s common to take a few years off to work and stuff after high school. the good thing about sweden is that school doesn’t cost anything so i have no debts and won’t lose any money for dropping out, which i guess is a big problem for people dropping out in other countries. we even get paid to go to school here, and tbh i was gonna use that money to pay for rent but that’s not happening now…. so well 🫠 but yes thank you, i will try to remember that!! <3

to be honest, i’ve thought a lot about moving to another major city or even going abroad, because recently i feel like this place isn’t for me in some way. i applied (and got accepted) to a school in the second biggest city, but i have too many responsibilities here this year that i just can’t escape from so it just wouldn’t work out 🥲 but i really do think that moving abroad is going to be the goal for me for the future! idk how but im gonna try to make it happen lmao!! i shall take inspiration from your braveness 🥰🤭

awh, i hope you get some good sleep and dream sweet dreams of our boys!! 😚😚😚

[purplesurveys]

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Any recent purchases? I got sooooooooo much pasalubong from my Thailand trip that I’ve barely spent anything on my current Malaysia trip, lol. But besides vacation expenses, the last big purchase I did was my new sneakers.

Have you ever thought about giving up on life completely? Well yes, many times. I wasn’t exactly the healthiest person mentally not too long ago.

Have you seen the entire Harry Potter series? Nope. I haven’t finished any of the movies, then book-wise I stopped at around the fifth book.

Do you still have both of your parents? I do.

Do you live very far away from Kansas? VERY far.

Do you enjoy cuddling? Sure, it’s cute. I haven’t done it in a while though.

Do you play video games? Just basic, family-friendly ones. I can never finish those that actually have a storyline, aka a good 90% of video games haha; I leave that skill to my sister and dad.

How many colors are in your hair right now? I just had it dyed earlier this month so the purple is still extremely dominant and vibrant and I don’t see much black growing back just yet.

Do you have your full license yet? As opposed to an...incomplete(?) license? Hahaha in any case yes I have my driver’s license. Kinda need it on me at all times as I drive a lot and you never know what establishments would ask an ID from me.

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? Yes. Well all Filipinos have dark brown eyes anyway, so it’s not like we have a lot of wiggle room as far as physical features.

Does your significant other boss you around a lot? I’m not seeing anyone.

Do you prefer winter or summer? I wanna pick out winter even though I’ve never experienced it, just because I like feeling cold and I know what summer feels like (aka not pleasant).

Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Hmm. I don’t think so. Maybe just from gossip that goes around but I’ve never been invested to care or to stalk deep enough to figure out if it’s true.

Are you a fan of PDA (public displays of affection)? It’s whatever. I have the choice to look away if I think the couple looks gross. Otherwise, you do you. Love away!

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? I have not, and the thought terrifies me. What do you mean they’ll slice me open and I won’t even feel it? 😭

Where are your siblings as of now? They’re in their respective rooms in our Airbnb, most likely sleeping as it is currently 1:40 AM.

What color shirt are you wearing as of now? It’s white.

What is your favorite class? I’m not in school anymore but I always looked forward to history. Back in college I had a bit of freedom in terms of electives I could choose, and I made it a point to make most of them history majors classes, hehe.

Are you in love with someone right now? Nopes.

Can you speak any other languages than the one you’re fluent in? I’m fluent in both English and Filipino. I can understand extremely basic spoken Spanish and Korean, but I’d be a lot better reading either language.

Do you take a lot of photos? Nah. The only time I whip out my phone camera is if I’m going through an extremely new experience, which doesn’t happen a lot anyway. Topline examples: my Yoongi concert and ongoing vacations in Thailand + Malaysia.

When you were little, did you think band-aids healed everything? Yes. And the Asian way of healing wounds and bruises – blowing on them, lol.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Not at all.

Where do you download music from? I use Spotify; I haven’t downloaded music in more than a decade.

Have you ever cheated on someone before? Never.

Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes more times than I can count.

Do you know what ‘irony’ means? Yes, but I will say the word sometimes still confuses me...it’s the reason I just opt to never use it in sentences hahahaha.

How many pillows do you normally sleep with? Two is more than enough.

Do you lose your remote often? I don’t really use remotes anymore. I can control stuff using my phone anyway.

Have you ever skipped class before? Yeah, mostly in college. If the class felt like a chore more than anything, I usually didn’t hesitate to cut if I felt lazy.

Are you a regular school skipper? I wouldn’t say I was a regular skipper, though I did have my fair share of cuts. In my school you had a max number of cuts before the prof failed you, and in most cases it was like 6 cuts per class – and for each class, I just budgeted those cuts across the semester. Like I never went over, but I didn’t waste those free absences either hahaha.

Do you have any Pay-per-View channels? No, we haven’t even had cable since the pandemic. We canceled our subscription and ever since then we’ve just been using YouTube, Netflix, and Disney+ to watch stuff on the TV.

Who, in your life, makes you feel discouraged? Nobody.

When was the last time you went bowling? Years ago.

Do you ever suspect your significant other of lying to you? Don’t have one.

Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner? I don’t celebrate that.

Is there anything bothering you right now? It’s our last day in Malaysia and everything goes back to normal for me tomorrow...eugh. The feeling is gross. My overall trip (including my stay in Bangkok) the last two weeks taught me a couple of things about how to live my life though...here’s hoping that feeling will be sustained even well after I’ve returned to Manila.

Would you like to talk to someone about it? No, I would rather process it by myself.

Do you live by any major bodies of water? Yeah, the Pacific Ocean + West Philippine Sea.

Do you tend to make the first move in a relationship? Historically, yes. I am not opposed to doing so again.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? As much as I can, especially when my dad is home.

How many times have you been to Disney World, if any? None.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Yes.

Have you ever been accused of being on drugs when you weren’t? Never.

Do you have a more quiet or loud voice? I use my louder voice more often, but I definitely know how to whisper. I point this out because I know so many people who only know how to speak loudly and seem to not know how to modulate their voice lol.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot? Last April when I was getting followup shots after Cooper bit me in the face.

Can you play any instruments? If so, what are those instruments? Nope.

Do you have any diseases? No.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yeah but they’ve all been relatively minor. I have never gotten hurt, fortunately.