#i guess there have veen some good things that havw changed. ill be moving back in with family but in a new place than before
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i wanna believe my life will be ok one day
#the bin#things have changed a lot over the last few years but not for the better really#i just feel even more distant and unable to connect with other people than i used to#i wasnt able to develop social skills and now im an adult stuck trying to figure things out#i wanna think things will get better but i have a lot of doubts :(#i guess there have veen some good things that havw changed. ill be moving back in with family but in a new place than before#and i wont have to deal with my horriblw dad now that he died so that really good#my relationship with my 1 sister crumbling into garbage feels like a bad thing but the relationship was always bad#and i always felt like it was bad. i just couldnt escape because i didnt have anyone else so i was trapped#but im out now. it mwans that im even more alone but it also means im free of her horrible everything#i had a lot of fear about talking to people previously and it had to do with her but i think now maybe ill have an easier time#i wanna believe thats true. i wanna think maybe this change will be enough to push me into making feiends somwhow#i hate feeling the way i do. loneliness is physically painful. i hate that i dont have anyone i can go to anywhere in the world#i like my other siblings. theyre nice. but its different. at least i can complain to my other older sister and mom mom abt stuff#hhh. one day tho ill meet friends and be ok. its hard to meet people. i dont know where to go. but onw day i will!!!#i hope its soon and not in another several years but yknow. ill wait. at least now i have something that makes me feel less awful#i find it surprising im even still alive after almost 9 years of this. i was 10 when i lost all my friends and im about to turn 19#but ill figure it out. at least i have weed now. maybe i get high too often and rely on it too much but its either that or feel suicidal#100% of the time. i mych prefer getting high to that.#it feels bad when i look atound and literally everyone else i know has lots of close friends. they make them so easily#and then im here and i cant even make 1 not close friend. but ill figure it out!!!!!
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