#i just feel even more distant and unable to connect with other people than i used to

[shaevilux]

People knock on Rhoam for being a bad dad cuz he's distant and stern to little Zelda and say how Rauru is the goat (heh) for taking her in like his own daughter. Like Zelda had her real parental connection with Sonia and Rauru. But frankly that's a little reductive.

Rauru literally descended from the heavens, married a priest, started a kingdom. Man didn't really know much strife yet. There's no looming threat of calamity or prophecy yet. Things are peaceful. Things are fine. Things are great. Zelda dropped in during this time, talking about a doom that's going to happen tens of thousands of years in the future.

This sad, lost princess.

Of course any reasonable person would take her in and calm her and tell her she is fine and listen and support her.

Rhoam not being able to be this kind of figure for Zelda is tragic. Just read this poor man's journal entries:

"It has been a year and three months since her mother passed. Perhaps she is held back by heartache too deep to heal. If the Ganon prophecy wasn't looming over our heads, I would tell her to take her time... To wait until she is ready. But our situation is dire and leaves no room for weakness—even on behalf of my beloved daughter. My heart breaks for Zelda, but I must act as a king, not a father. I must order her to train relentlessly at the fountain." Pg 4.

"In truth, I understand Zelda's feelings. Painfully so. She lost her mother, her teacher, before she could learn from her. Ten pointless years of self-training, without so much as a book or note to help her find her way... Those in the castle talk behind her back. And I, her only family, scold her for her shortcomings. No wonder she wishes to hide away in her beloved relic research. I'd love nothing more than to console her... But I must stay strong. She MUST fulfill her duty, just as we all must. Even if she comes to despise me." Pg 6.

"I have been told my Zelda went to the Spring of Wisdom... This will likely be her last chance. If she is unable to awaken her power at Lanayru, all hope is truly lost. If she comes back without success, then I shall speak kindly with her. Scolding is pointless now. I forced 10 years of training on her... and after all that, it seems her power will stubbornly awaken some other way. Perhaps I should encourage her to keep researching her beloved relics. They may just lead her to answers I can't provide. For now, I sit anxiously, more a father than a king in this moment. I sit and await my daughter's return." Pg 7. (He fucking dies and never gives Zelda this bit of closure uuuugggghhhhhhh Zelda I'm so sorry Rhoam I'm so sorry)

It sucks because most people remember the cutscenes (duh it's more immersive and important) and in the cutscenes of the first game Rhoam was mostly shown as being stern and mean to babygirl Zelda, who is closed fists explaining herself to him at the verge of tears. And in contrast everyone in the first royal family of hyrule in the second game treated her with such kindness and we can see how happy she was being there with them.

Rhoam was shackled by duty. By prophecy. By the looming calamity. And from the day he named his daughter 'Zelda' he shackled her as well.

And what does Zelda do with these shackles? She accepts them. She tolerates them. Because she loves her father and her kingdom and knows there's a power dormant in her that can stop the calamity that she must do her best to unlock. She does this dutifully. She does all the training, she does everything that is required.

But it still doesn't unlock. So she tries other ways. She isn't just going after the 'relics' because she's scholarly and nerdy and wants to learn about them. She does it because she's pragmatic. She knows her sacred sealing power isn't present in her. She knows she might not be able to control it or even unlock it in time.

So she tries this alternative approach. The Divine Beasts, the guardians. Ancient tech that was used to prevent the calamity of their time. And she awakened the tech. And her father chose the champions for each divine beast. And they were all prepared. And it's all thanks to Zelda.

And then... Fucking tragedy again. Ganon probably learned his lesson from the last time he was thwarted and immediately went for the tech, corrupting it and turning it against the new users. Against Zelda.

It's never really stated how fast it all turned to shit when the tech betrayed them (or maybe I don't remember) but every account points to it being almost overnight. The champions died. Rhoam died. And suddenly, suddenly Zelda unlocks her sealing magic.

I always always hate the literary trope of using tragedy to unlock a great power that could've actually stopped the tragedy from happening in the first place.

And it's no different in BOTW. I hate that Zelda had to go through all this to unlock her powers.

And then what happens next?

She's stuck in limbo (in an almost mocking parallel to Rauru in the next game with his imprisoning arm) holding Ganon back. For a hundred years.

This young woman had gone through so much only to be trapped with a calamity seeking to destroy Hyrule for a century.

Does she know her father died in the war? Does she know the champions died in battle? Would she know Link would survive in the Shrine of Resurrection? Would she know how long it would all take? The century she would have to wait?

I think she didn't. I think it all happened too fast. I think ultimately, she decided a stalemate with ganon was an agreeable outcome. I think in her mind she probably thought she failed Hyrule. When the divine beasts turned she must have been distraught. Distraught might not even cover it tbh. But at least... At least when the kingdom was brought to it's knees by the corrupted tech and was waiting for the final blow, she had the ability to ensure the final blow never came.

And oh boy I have a looot more to talk about regarding Tears of the Kingdom. But I do want to have a couple of more playthroughs of it to really formulate what I want to say.

[higanbana-writer]

Everlasting Family

Pairing: Gyūtarō x Platonic!Mother!Reader x Daki Summary: Tanjirō fails to behead Gyūtarō after you intervene. Note: Based off the headcanon I did with Upper Moon!Reader turning Daki and Gyūtarō into demons.

“Brother! Do something will you, Brother?!”

Daki’s shrill shrieks sounded distant, muffled by the roaring blood in Gyūtarō’s ears.

How? How had things come to this? That Hashira and those other three demon slayers – all of them were supposed to be dead! So why was it that both he and his sister were on the verge of being beheaded by them?!

He’d been so confident in their victory not too long ago, but now, try as he might, he couldn’t suppress the fear that welled up within him. He could feel it so clearly, the way the cold blade sliced deeper into his neck as its wielder bellowed in desperation.

No. It wasn’t over yet. He could still fight back.

He had to.

Clenching his teeth, blood began to bubble at the stump of his severed arm as he tightened his grip on his kama, sinking it further into Tanjirō’s jaw in a last-ditch attempt to force him away. But the boy never faltered, not even seeming to register the pain. And a second later, Gyūtarō found his head flying through the air. Oddly enough, instead of the expected sound of Tanjirō’s blade slicing cleanly through his flesh, he heard the piercing screech of blades scraping against each other.

Rather than dropping to the ground as it should have, his head was suddenly seized by something and the next thing he knew, he was overlooking the demon slayers from atop a building.

“Wha-“

With everything happening the blink of an eye, he couldn’t understand what had just happened. Uzui and Tanjirō were still below, and he was certain Daki had been beheaded as well, so who’s hand was it that held him? It felt gentle and somehow extremely familiar.

“Goodness, I see that some pests have crawled their way into our home while I was gone.”

Upon hearing your voice, Gyūtarō inhaled sharply in surprise. What were you doing here when you were supposed to be away on a mission for Muzan? Had you completed it sooner than anticipated? Well, never mind that. Though your tone had been light and almost on the edge of playful, he could hear the simmering rage layered underneath it, threatening to boil over at any moment.

While he was unable to turn his head with no body attached to it, he was still able to catch a glimpse of you through the corner of his eye and what he saw sent a chill down his detached spine lying below.

A frigid smile graced your lips and your eyes, ever intimidating with the Upper Moon rank displayed, held nothing but a murderous fire as you gazed at the humans that had decapitated him. Never during the entire century he’d known you for, had he ever seen you this furious.

Just as Gyūtarō opened his mouth to call your attention onto him, he suddenly caught sight of an open folding fan clutched in your other hand. It was a weapon he was all too familiar with, having seen you using it numerous times during hunts for meals and times when you needed to blend in with the human courtesans. What he was unaccustomed to seeing, however, was the blood that dripped off its bladed edge. His own blood, to be more precise.

Had you perhaps… sliced away at the remaining flesh that had connected his head and neck before Tanjirō could fully behead him? That would certainly explain why he hadn’t started to disintegrate yet. Then, if it weren’t for you swooping in at the last second, both he and Daki would have been guaranteed to die.

He grimaced at the thought, shame quickly overtaking any and all relief he felt towards he and his sister’s narrow escape from death. The two of them had upheld their position among the Twelve Kizuki for almost as long as they had been with you, taking the lives of countless people along the way and continuously growing stronger. They were your pride and joy, demons whom you turned and taught yourself, honing them into the perfect weapons befitting of Muzan.

Or at least, that’s what he thought. But here they were, having been nearly killed by one measly Hashira and three brats not even old enough to be called men. An utter disgrace to their rank and to you. It would come as no surprise if you were to cast aside the siblings and leave for good, though he dreaded the very thought of his cherished family breaking apart.

“Gyūtarō.”

He couldn’t help but flinch when you called his name and while reluctant – perhaps even scared – to face whatever harsh words you had for him, he was left with no choice when you lifted his head to look him in the eyes.

Contrary to his expectations, however, you looked far from displeased at his and Daki’s loss. As a matter of fact, the burning ire you held towards the demon slayers mere moments ago was all but gone, replaced with a gentle concern for your children.

He had been prepared to plead with you, beg you for another chance if you decided to abandon them. But met with your worry and love, not a hint of anger or disappointment to be found, all he could do was croak out a quiet apology. “Mother, I… I’m sorry Daki and I couldn’t do better.”

You quietly shushed him, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “You have nothing to apologize for. I know you and Daki did the best you both could, and that’s what matters. It’s that boy who’s the problem.” Your gaze flickered down to whom he could only presume to be Tanjirō, your lips curling into a disdainful sneer. “Those hanafuda earrings – he must be the one Master Muzan wishes dead. I’ll take over from here, so could you please check on your sister, Gyūtarō?”

“Of course, Mother.” His reply was quick and he blinked in place of nodding. As much as he wanted to kill Tanjirō himself for nearly beheading him not just once, but twice, he knew he was in no position to argue with you. He and Daki were already fortunate enough that you were so forgiving of their blunder.

Gyūtarō raised his body off the ground from behind Tanjirō and Uzui, and though the latter had lunged at it to prevent him from reconnecting his head, he was far too slow. Gyūtarō’s body leapt up and landed next to you on the roof side, taking his head back when you handed it to him and placing it back on the stump of his neck.

“Now then,” You narrowed your eyes as you looked down at the humans, a cruel glint mixing with the returning anger in them. “I believe you have reinforcements on the way, yes? I can see that most of you here are already on the verge of dying, but do try to stay alive until they arrive. I’ll have you watch as I slaughter them all.” As you let out a fiendish laugh, blue flames began to flicker behind you, taking on the appearance of nine fox tails.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Uzui muttered in disbelief, the ever-irritating confidant façade of his finally starting to break with dread peeking through its cracks.

But who could blame him? One glance at the younger demon slayer next to him was all it took for Gyūtarō to know that his poison had already taken effect. It wouldn’t be long now before Tanjirō succumbed to it. Uzui was now alone in his fight against you, Upper Moon Four. Oh, how the tables have turned.

A smug smirk slipped its way onto his face and as he began heading towards the direction where Daki’s head should have fallen, he heard the clashing of weapons and your voice snarling, “You should have never touched my children, human.”

Your children.

No matter how many times Gyūtarō had heard you say it, it still filled him with a warmth that almost seemed…human. With your words echoing in his head, he leapt from roof to roof, scanning the ground until he spotted his sister, clearly fuming. Daki seemed to still be in the process of reattaching her head, holding a hand to each side to keep it still as her flesh fused together.

She scowled when he dropped down in front of her, immediately beginning to whine. “Brother! What took you so long?! Those brats beheaded me again! You killed them, right? Tell me you killed them all!”

Wasn’t this the fourth time her head had been cut off that night? As exasperating as that fact was, he had to admit, after knowing that they would have died without your intervention, he was relieved to see her being so lively.

“Mother is home.”  

In an instant, Daki’s eyes lit up with delight. “Really? She’s back already? I have to go welcome her home then!” With her head now fully reattached, she rushed to her feet and started hurrying back to where they’d last been, eager to see you again.

As he followed after his sister, seeing how excited she was reminded him of the brief, mostly one-sided conversation he’d had with Tanjirō. It really was quite a pity that he’d refused his offer to become a demon. Gyūtarō had no doubt that if he had accepted, you would have welcomed he and his sister into the family. Well, not that it mattered anymore since the boy would be dead soon.

The three of you were a perfect family as it was and he knew that as long as you were together, nothing – no matter how many demon slayers or Hashira were sent your way – would be able to tear you apart.

[mysadcorner]

Could you do a Billy Loomis x Mommy issues! F!Reader? The readers moms a narcissist and mentally and emotionally abusive. The reader is unimaginably touch starved too? I just need some headcannons bc ✨coping✨ lmfao

Billy Loomis x MommyIssues!Reader Headcanons

- Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in headcanons and read request rules -

Masterlist Navigation

• Billy is going to seem very sympathetic when he finds out about your problems and the relationship you have with your mother, but he’s definitely putting it on. He’s mainly listening to get to know what weaknesses you have and how he can use them against you with a caring front. He’s pretty good at keeping this act up, and will still do it even if he cares about you genuinely in any way.

• After listening to you for quite a while, and maybe even seeing for himself where the problems are coming from surrounding your mother, he will use them as a way to get closer to you. He makes you feel sympathetic for him by playing on your problems while still keeping up the act of a person with good intentions, but he does also realise that he can manipulate you more and more as time goes on.

• Billy doesn’t want you around your mother more than you need to be, and go out of his way to convince you to go against what she wants. He refuses to have anyone else having possible control over you, no matter how much they demand it, so any time you give in to your mothers wishes out of fear or whatever other reasons she may use against you, it will make him incredibly angry and it may show you a glimpse of his anger problems.

• He’d use his influence over you to convince you to join his plans, manipulating you into aiding him without you even realising at first, or realising once it’s too late. Because he’s found you in a vulnerable position, he knows exactly how to get you to do what he wants while making you think that he’s genuinely there for you and being kind, even if his plans are absolutely cruel and morbid in some ways.

• He’ll definitely inflict at least one of his plans against your mother, and we certainly know that he isn’t opposed to inflicting violence or even killing people he wants to get rid of. By doing this, he’d want you completely reliant on him, unable to get away from him since he’s now dealt with your mother for how she treated you while also making sure you can’t expose him for what he does.

• Billy has a lot of issues surrounding maternal figures himself, so he tries to make you feel as if you both have a connection based on this, even if it is a distant one. No matter what problem you tell him, he will find a way to twist it and make it about himself, almost hoping that you’ll see the him as the one that understands you the most.

[kentuckyfriedsatan]

ℭ𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔨𝔰 ℑ𝔫 𝔗𝔥𝔢 ℑ𝔠𝔢

《 Chapter 1 》

❚ Rating: T

❚ Pairing: Dew/Ifrit, Dew/Rain (end goal)

❚ Chapter word count: 707

❚ Tags: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Self-Loathing, touch starved Rain, touch starved Dew, Ifrit is a manipulative bitch in this one, I am so sorry for that I normally love him, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort In later chapters

❚ Summary: Rain, who is touch starved and secretly in love with the emotionally distant fire ghoul, struggles to ask for the affection he desperately needs.

Dew, who never talks about his feelings and avoids physical closeness, spends his time with Ifrit, who Rain couldn’t hate more.

Will Rain be strong enough to reach out to Dew and break through their mutual isolation, or risk losing the one person who might truly understand and love him.

Read it on Ao3 or here under the cut!

A storm is raging outside, but that doesn’t compare to the turmoil within Rain’s head. Heavy droplets pound against the windows of the Abby that they call home, casting distorted shadows across the dimly lit room. Rain sits on the edge of his bed, being unable to sleep with this weird constricting feeling in his chest.

It had been another day of strained silence. Dewdrop had barely acknowledged his presence, as usual. Rain glances at the clock, it is almost midnight.

Dew was probably with Ifrit again. Cuddling or having sex or who knows what. The mere thought made bile rise in his throat. The jealousy was quickly followed by some more self-loathing though.

Who would even want to cuddle with you, Rain thinks to himself, echoing the hurtful words that his mind had drilled into him in the pit even long before his summoning.

He ran a hand through his damp hair, the remnants of his earlier shower clinging to his skin. He longed for touch, for connection, but the very idea of asking for it seemed impossible. His pack is there for him, he knows it, he just can’t bring himself to approach any of them. Especially Dewdrop, his stoic exterior is a fortress he couldn't breach.

Rain recalled the few times Dew had touched him, brief and impersonal. A hand on his shoulder, a brush of fingers when passing an instrument. It was never enough, yet those moments were all he had to cling to. Dew didn't cuddle in public, didn't hug him not even for a greeting, and certainly didn't talk about his feelings. He was closed off and distant, much like Rain himself had become. He knows he hadn’t always been that way. Rain liked touching and hugging other people when he was young, but as he got older his head began to tell him that the other person doesn’t even like to be touched by him. That they only put up with him because he is so pathetic that he doesn’t even realise when he is not wanted.

He needs to get out of his room that seems to be suffocating him by now. Rain decides to head to the kitchen in the ghouls wing. He doesn’t even bother with the light, maybe there are still some sleeping pills in the cupboard.

A sudden creak of the floorboards make him jump. He lookes up, startled, as Dew appeared in the doorway, his expression as unreadable as ever. They stared at each other for a long moment, the air thick with unspoken words.

"Rain," Dew finally says, "You’re still up.

Rain nods, not trusting himself to speak yet. He feels exposed, as if Dew could see his pathetic thoughts. The silence stretched between them, heavy and charged.

”What are you doing with the sleeping pills?" There might be a bit of concern in Dewdrops voice.

“Can’t sleep.” He mumbles. “There is only one left.”

Satisfied with the answer, Dew goes back at just starting at Rain.

"Dew," Rain begins, his voice barely more than a whisper. Rain is so done, he feels mentally drained and he just wants to not be alone. Still he hesitates, the words he wants to say lie heavy on his tongue. "Do you ever... need someone?"

Dew's eyes flicker with something Rain can’t quite decipher. "What do you mean?"

Rain takes a deep breath, forcing himself to continue. "I mean, do you ever feel... alone?"

For a moment Rain thinks that he sees a flicker of vulnerability in Dewdrop before it is quickly replaced by his usual cold demeanour.

"I have Ifrit." Dew says, the words sounding hollow.

Rain's heart sank, but he forced a small, bitter smile. He will never ask again. "Of course," he whispers "Good night, Dew."

Dew nods and turns away, leaving Rain to the darkness.

There is the one more sleeping pill that Rain takes without hesitation and washes it down with water. In his room, Rain lays on his bed, the ache in his chest is growing. Rain feels like he took ten steps backwards in getting what he needs. He wants to scream, to break down the walls that keep him so isolated, but he can’t. He doesn’t know how.

[sketchedspiders]

Hello! in your essay about how cotag is doomed yaoi (lol), you said Co-worker is deeply insecure and puts up a front? ig it would make doppleganger!co-worker more tragic but i wanted to hear more of your thoughts on that ^^

Dropping everything and rising from my depression bed to write this . Thank you anon i needed an opportunity to yap about Coworker because I love him

(Elevator Hitch spoilers and Coworker analysis undercut)

Lets start with his personality. Coworker, as we all know, is a flamboyant and overconfident character. He constantly brags about his position within the workplace, and always tries to one up Protag by taking credit for his ideas or trying to prove that he’s stronger than the other. This makes most see him as an obnoxious character— nothing else. Yet, there’s a reason as to why he acts this way.

People who act this way often are insecure themselves. They put up this front to not only give themselves a false sense of security, but also they want others to respect and praise them just as much. This is what Coworker goes through, and there’s multiple reasons that can prove this.

Despite the fact he’s not very helpful at all during the game, he still tries to initiate that he’s the more superior and capable one compared to Protag. He’ll take credit for Protag’s ideas, and when Protag does ask him for his help, he goes on to boast about himself even more. One example is when Protag tries to open the Elevator door, but isn’t able to by himself. He goes onto ask Coworker if he could try budging the door open with him, and he responds with this:

He mocks Protag, calling him weak. Yet when he’s unable to open the door himself, there’s a moment where he breaks.

Obviously, this was put in for shits and giggles, but it can say a lot about Coworker. He belittles others so he can feel better about himself, but once it’s shown that he’s not as great as he claims to be, he begins to break.

Let’s also talk about his position at the company for a moment. When you first enter floor 6, Coworker and Protag have this dialogue.

He insists that the reason he’s such a highly respected employee within the company is because of himself. However, it is revealed that his nepotism is the actual reason for his position.

Sure, he may talk about how he’s been at the company for ages, and he’s “the full time employee of the month”, but his efforts truly don’t matter when his nepotism is the only reason he’s stable within the company. This makes sense when you also take into account out of touch he is within the game. He hardly ever helps, and when he does, he’s never truly useful. Once he’s in a situation where his nepotism can’t help him, he’s worthless.

His items are also very important to him, much like how his title is something he cherishes and brags about the most. This may not seem very important in this analysis, but it’s something I wanna point out regardless. Coworker is never willing to give up any of his items, even if it would help them escape the elevator. He supposedly lies to Protag and says he doesn’t have anything on him when Protag asks, Coworker doesn’t give away his lighter nor his cigars willingly, and he adamantly refuses to throw his shoe into the “darkness”.

What do all of these items have in common? Well, they’re all expensive. Of course, nobody would want to give up items that cost them a fortune, but in Protag’s and Coworker’s situation it’s rather dire. Yet, he still refuses and lies, and that could be connected to how he uses materialism and his nepotism as a false sense of security.

Although, while Coworker is unhelpful, that doesn’t exactly mean he has zero clue of what’s happening around him. He may cover it up by acting clueless when Protag asks if he remembers any of the deaths that occurred, but that’s yet another example of him being fearful.

Even if Coworker remembering the deaths is just an implication or a theory, it would make a lot more sense for him to be distant from what occurs. It’s not because he is desensitized, but because he desperately wants to distract himself. For example, when he sees the sight of blood, he becomes stressed, and he wants to get out immediately.

When he has to face the reality of the workplace, along with his fears, he breaks. He’s no longer in his safe space now that he’s reminded of the graphic nature of the office. Coworker is insistent on leaving, or at least for Protag to investigate the floor by himself, because he can’t hide how disturbed he truly is for once.

Speaking of the doppelgängers in your ask, false Coworker is actually a BIG factor in this analysis, and it goes along with the last part. After you get the Stranger Danger ending, Coworker gives you this advice:

This is one of the rare times he helps, and this teaches you to go for false Coworker instead of false Protag. Meaning that Coworker KNOWS he’s easier to break, and that he’s way more desperate than Protag. That he’s “the weaker one”.

Then, once Protag tricks the doppelgängers, he says this with an uneasy expression:

He felt the desperation from false Coworker because of his insecurities that he hides with his narcissism. False Coworker is the personification of the side he masks with a hubristic personality. What makes this even worse too, is that Coworker would know this is inevitable if he remembers all the previous endings. You cannot proceed with the rest of the game if you keep going for false Protag. You NEED to go for false Coworker, because he’s the one with little power in reality, and is easy to fool out of the two. No matter what, Coworker has to acknowledge the unfortunate truth. That he’s weak, desperate, and fearful. He also says after this that Protag “would be a good fit for the company”, meaning he has witnessed people who are as weak as him get baited and suffer because of it.

This is why he puts up a front. If he lets his insecurities slip, then there’ll be consequences, and he can’t let that happen when he’s “the star employee”.

Also, I may be taking this way too seriously because this was definitely meant to just be a silly fun fact, but this info provided by Rachel is also important !!

Coming from someone who knows another person who has done this before— drinking on the job is used as an escape to get through the day. People who have a lot going on in their lives, who can’t even find an ounce of comfort within work, use alcohol as an unhealthy coping mechanism. This is yet again another example of Coworker using escapism to just survive at the office and detach himself from the day to day horrors he’s subjected to.

There’s probably more that I may discuss later, but for now these are the biggest things I could find.

Even if this is reaching, it is canon that Coworker is mentally ill. I’m unable to insert the image because I’ve reached the limit on mobile, but it was a shitpost drawn by Rachel saying Coworker is a “person who’s mentally ill as hell but comes off as well enough to be considered put together”. You can find it on the Elevator Hitch official contect channel in sigcord, or maybe on her tumblr. So!! I am right LMAFOKDNFM

But I digress, thank you all for reading another Elevator Hitch analysis (that’s more or less a dump of my thoughts) <3

Btw if there’s a typo or if a part doesn’t make sense be patient with me because I wrote a majority of this with a headache LOL

[vynegar]

vyn empyrean’s touch MR messages

disclaimer: this is a fan translation and i am not fluent in chinese, so keep in mind that there will be mistakes. feel free to let me know if you have questions, concerns, or comments.

do not repost without explicit permission. if you want to quote this or reference parts of the translation, credit and link back to me.

check my masterlist for more translations.

listen to the messages in S-CHN here and T-CHN here.

Title: Companionship (厮守)

Private Message 1: Like the Beginning

In the garden, the rose that I planted for you has bloomed.

Every time I see it, I cannot help but remember the first time I saw you.

I remember that card you chose, and the tower of cards that predictably collapsed after…

I remember that song “Emperor” playing on loop… and because of it, we began to discuss the topic of “change”.

For some reason, those memories are still so clear, even though they should have blurred over the test of time.

Just like how my heart pounds the moment I see you… Every day, it leaps in my chest, as it always has.

Did you know, before you arrived that day…

I thought I would be the same as usual… objective, distant, and able to remain uninvolved.

I found, however… that things did not turn out as I expected.

I felt a hint of emotion that I could not, and did not want to, control.

I allowed those feelings to ferment, until we confessed our feelings with each other and established our relationship in that manor…

It turns out that sometimes, being subjective and becoming involved… can bring about a precious experience.

And with you, I am willing to drown in this sea called “emotions”…

Considering all of this, then remembering what I asked you that day…  I feel like it was actually fate, testing me.

And my answer is… I will.

As long as I can meet you, I will repeatedly, without hesitation, draw that card.

Private Message 2: What One Sees

Once again it is time for bed.

Recently I found a book of mythology stories. I have already read quite a bit of it.

The page that I have flipped to right now just happens to have some connection to you...

I have always felt that you embody many of Themis's traits. Fairness, selflessness... Though of course, you are warmer than she is.

That was not intentional praise. Rather, that is my honest evaluation.

My impression of Themis actually originates from a sculpture.

The sculpture is from a castle belonging to the Haspran Family. Apparently, it has stood there for over a hundred years.

When I saw it as a child, all I felt was the pure awe and reverence that one feels toward art.

Later, however, I felt... pity.

Perhaps the goddess was weathered to the point that she was damaged and broken...

Or perhaps, despite how she wields justice, the unfairness and evils of the world continue to grow.

They say her eyes are covered to show fairness, selflessness, and impartiality, but there is something I have always wanted to ask her:

"Is this a sign of equal treatment, or can you not bear to see any more of the suffering around you?"

There were even times that I had a peculiar idea.

Regardless of whether that blindfold was put on by the goddess herself, or if someone around her wanted to cover her eyes...

Perhaps one day in the future, she would remove the blindfold herself and bring down a new judgment upon the world.

Of course, these are just my idle thoughts before bed.

Gods are only the embodiment of an image. They are unable to actually adjudicate everything on behalf of people.

None of the world's equality or wonders are a false image...

For me, you are the only truth.

[aetherstorms]

So a post popped onto my timeline due to the Fandaniel tag, and it reminded me that a vast swath of the fandom hates Hermes. They hate him for being depressed, for living in a society that he doesn't fit into, for being unable to conform, and for causing the Final Days (I assume). So I've decided to write it. I've decided to say why I love Hermes, and why I still love him as Amon and Fandaniel. This is going to be long, and contain personal comparisons to support why I feel such a strong attachment. Obviously this is very personal, so if you don't want brief insights into a stranger's mind, just keep on scrolling. It really is a lot to take in.

First of all, and I believe this is my first time saying it on this blog, but I'm autistic. As such, I live in a society I don't fit into. I have a lot of trouble with face to face interactions. I have a lot of difficulty maintaining eye contact and reading body cues and tone, and this has only gotten worse since the start of the pandemic due to avoiding people as much as possible to avoid getting sick. I don't see Hermes as autistic, but the fact he feels differently than those around him, the fact that he has such high empathy for the creations of Elpis, definitely causes him to be isolated. Whether they actually push him away, or he just has trouble connecting because they can't understand his point of view, it's pretty clear to me that he's quite lonely.

His short story told me that it was probably more of the second thing. They don't seem to reject him, but they can't understand his feelings, so he withdraws. When he decides to make Meteion, his fellows in Elpis apparently go to great lengths to help him create her. They want to help him, they want him to be happy. There's simply a gap they cannot bridge. Unlike in real society, those around him are compassionate toward him despite his differences.

But, through no fault of their own, this compassion also hurts him. He worries that he is an aberration. Because no one around him feels as he does, he thinks of himself as a freak, as someone different and it bothers him. He withdraws further. How often has this man removed his mask to have an earnest conversation with someone? I feel like when he's talking to the WoL it may be the first time he's done so, at least in his adult life. If he had even one friend, or person he considered a friend, might he have broken so easily? Or would that one tether have been enough to give him pause? It's hard to say, since in that moment it was so so very clear that he wasn't in his right mind. He had heard Meteion tell him horrible things, and he felt he needed to subject himself to all of it.

Yet, remember his question at the end of Ktisis Hyperboreia? Even though Meteion was telling him previously that all the Meteia found was death and murder and pain, he still asks her 'was there happiness in those distant stars? Was there a reason for living?'. He still hopes for good news. He still wants to hear that things can be okay. Meteion does not give him good news though. She tells him more of the same, more suffering, more pain and death. She snaps completely, overcome by the agonies of her sisters, and Hermes falls to despair. If this is the whole of the universe, then this must be what Etheirys also deserves and if they can prove themselves better than the whole rest of the universe, only then will they be able to survive, whether they deserve to live or not.

The fact that much of the fandom seems to hate him for this decision is troubling, to say the least. They slap the 'bad guy' tag on him without any further thought. They don't consider why he makes this decision, they don't see him as a man at the end of his rope, who sees no other choice he can make. As it turns out, he could have stopped the Meteia right then and there. His staff can apparently communicate with them, so he could probably have ordered them to return like Emet-Selch told him to. But his sympathies do not lie with mankind, not in that moment. He sees the Meteia as being the ones in the right, as of course they must be as creations that sense emotions. Even though he asked a flawed question, he isn't thinking straight. He was a man with depression, and having been pushed to the brink, he makes a decision that in the moment seems like the correct one.

From the perspective of those around him who obviously aren't privy to his thoughts, of course this seems an evil act. From that perspective, of course they would hate him. But we the player have seen him struggle. So why do so many hate him for this decision when they must surely know that the circumstances that brought it about were unusual? Did they forget that not long before they were chasing Meteion because she very much did not want to give her report, knowing it would hurt Hermes? Did they forget that just before she began her report, she was expressing that she was sorry to Hermes? Did they forget that she had been fighting against the will of her sisters to give that report? She knows this man, her creator, better than anybody. She knew what this news would do to him. If anyone is the villain here, it's us for forcing her to give her report. But only Meteion must know how this is going to go, or at least she has the best guess, and we can only do as the game dictates. The ending was a foregone conclusion, and it's one we already know. But why do so many hate him when they know more about his pain than presumably anyone aside from Meteion?

But that's just Hermes. Why do the players hate Fandaniel? Because he's flamboyant? Because he's annoying? Because he's weird? Because he's an utter nihilist? Maybe it's that last one. If you don't have depression, without knowing why he feels this way in the moment it's presented, it's easy enough to go 'what the hell?' and hate him for wanting to destroy everything. But why continue to hate him afterward? With the context of Amon and the things he saw? The player knowing he suffered for five millennia (he states ten when dying as Zodiark, which I still find curious) and found nothing good. He was a man who was forced to help kill entire worlds on top of the belief he already had in Allag that it should all end simply because his Emperor willed it so.

Now, to be perfectly honest, as something of a nihilist myself, I admit I might have a leg up on understanding him here. I see the atrocities around me and think how much better it would be if humanity just stopped existing. But I also make a point of seeking proof of the opposite, just as Hermes did. Maybe Amon's problem is that, like Hermes, he was isolated. Given current evidence, it seems like Noah was his only confidant in Allag and she stated that he was dour and serious until he succeeded in bringing back Xande, and he may not have tried to gain friendships among the Ascians. With that assumption, it's hard to want to find the good in mankind. He certainly wouldn't have been encouraged to find it.

But why not hate Emet-Selch, who created the Empire that broke Amon in the first place? Who had, by his own admission, created many Empires, all of them presumably as horrible as Allag and Garlemald. Why is he so popular? Because, also by his own admission, he kept trying to find a connection to us? Because he sees what he's doing as a step toward restoring what was lost, something the player can more easily relate to? Which even the Scions admit sounds logical from a certain point of view? Do they hate Fandaniel because he has no wish for anything better, but rather an end to everything?

I like Emet-Selch, but I have no idea why others like him, only why I do. Just as I can only guess why others hate Fandaniel, Amon, and Hermes. If I was given a big red button to kill all of humanity, would I press it? The answer may surprise you. I wouldn't. I wouldn't because I have people I care about, because I own pets specifically to keep me from killing myself when my depression would otherwise overwhelm me to the point even my friends wouldn't be enough. Hermes, Amon, Fandaniel....they don't seem to have had those things. By all indications, they were very alone and while Noah seemed to have a greater insight into Amon than any of Hermes' colleagues did, even she could only tell us so much.

Hermes had Meteion, but then she brought him multitudes of misery, a whole universe of it. His only tether had told him it essentially wasn't worth it and Amon states he dreamed the memories Kairos had supposedly erased until he was given the seat and memories of Fandaniel, giving him context. But he was plagued with these dreams supposedly his whole life. He dismissed them as dreams at first, but to see such things night after night probably didn't do his mental health any good and then he finds out these aren't dreams, but memories. He knew about the true cause of the Final Days, and then he's given no reason to believe in the good of man when he's basically made to foster the opposite. Is it really any wonder he was so manic at the end? His goal was finally coming to fruition. His suffering would finally be over.

Maybe that's why so many people like Emet-Selch. He's a bastard and a mass-murderer sure, but he's been doing all of this for a cause he believes in. Twisted as it may be, it's relatable; he just wants his loved ones back. This is a story told all throughout history, of people doing whatever it took just to get their loved one (usually their lover) back. The man is a walking Greek Tragedy. Fandaniel on the other hand wants everyone, including himself, to die. Not just die, but suffer on the way. Most people won't stop to think about his reasons, even when he outright hands them to you. It really does show how experiences shape you. If you haven't experienced things in life to make you feel the way he does, it can be hard to see why he'd think this way.

When Kairos does its work and we see Hermes outside Ktisis, he's obviously still injured and no one knows why other than Hermes' 'vague memories' of what he decided he would believe had happened to Meteion. He gave himself an ending that would ensure he never looked for her, never tried to use his staff to call out to the Meteia again. He was wounded physically, but emotionally he was shattered. He calls himself a murderer in Hythlodaeus' short story, after all. he is depicted as a man who throws himself obsessively into his work to the point of self-neglect, most likely to punish himself and also to distract himself.

When the Final Days came, how did he hold it together? How did he not fall to despair to be consumed by his own aether creating a monstrosity? Did the Meteia consciously spare him? No, I don't think so. Meteion offers him oblivion before she flees. She sees this as a mercy he has denied. She loves him, she would not want him to keep suffering. In this I can't guess how he managed not to be consumed. Maybe he suspected the true cause, or at least a part of it, and as he'd said, he would be working against the Meteia. He seems to very much be a man of his word, at least. Even to his own detriment. One cannot deny one's nature.

But yes, I both understand and don't why so much of the fandom seems to hate Hermes and his reincarnation, but if you've made it this far, you definitely deserve accolades. This was a lot, but I found I could no longer leave it unsaid. It was an unpacking of myself, the character(s) and an attempt to figure out why those who dislike them do so.

Of course, there is a difference between empathy and mimicry. Most of us have a healthy separation of fiction and reality. He's just like me fr, but that doesn't mean I'd want to do what he does if I had the power to do it. He's a fictional character with fictional pain that just happens to reflect a mindset I can understand. But it seems many can't understand or relate. They just see a man with an incomprehensible viewpoint and they don't even try to understand his thinking. I think I can understand why they don't understand, but at the same time it really just proves his own point, doesn't it? No one tries to understand people who are different than them, it seems. Not if they're the majority. At least the people in Hermes' life were apparently kind in their interactions with him, misguided as he saw their attempts.

[tsururoach]

Honestly I'd read your essay on P3 being a game about loving life because I've been holding the same essay in my head since playing the OG in like 2006 and I firmly believe it is the intended message of the game.

Persona 3 is a game about loving life, but god if I knew how to write coherently. Sorry if it's not perfect, I'm just writing off the top of my head for now.

[PERSONA 3 RELOAD FREELOADERS DNI!!!]

I could very well just talk about base game or p3r, but I feel like that'd be dishonest to my experience with persona 3.

One thing we'd have to talk about is the difference between the two protagonists. Hamuko Vs Minato is interesting because fundamentally to me they're the same people. They, at their core suffer the same kind of apathy... and the reaction is different. In all honesty this is pure speculation on my part especially since there is the dubious canonicalness of the alternative media forms but I believe the reason the difference is so big between Hamuko and Minato is because their gender forces their expression of self to be different. Like obviously there's Nihilism vs 's that meme about the two different versions of nihilism, but there's also this:

While Minato can act aloof and distant and live separate (and relatively unbothered) from other people, I've always interpreted Hamuko's more active/upbeat dialogue as... a sort of playing along? For a girl, especially a high school girl, it's probably easier to pretend to get along with everyone than act aloof and distanced since that is a common way to get singled out and bullied. While it would happen to guys as well, I think it's more typical and stronger with high school girls from my experience. Even removing my own experience it's also a common trope in media (ESPECIALLY ASIAN MEDIA) for girls who are unable to express themselves or refuse to get orchastrized. In fact, isn't this what happens to Saori?

Not only that, in the stageplay Kotone (Hamuko's stageplay name) is shown to also suffer that same indifference-- just how she shows it is different. For her, putting on that act is her way of passing under the radar- playing along with other people so they don't point her out as different and following how she's supposed to act. Her investment in others only goes surface level because that's what's best for her. (Yukari in the stage notes that she seemed to have no interest in her friends).

In contrast, Minato is like a wall. He doesn't play with how others want, but others aren't concerned with him at all. I mean you could easily make the case of him also standing out so much as well, but it doesn't matter too much. In any case both of them were unable to form full connections with others in their life before and both of them were somewhat helpless about how their life was playing out.

I think to the protagonist in most iteration where they were allowed their own self they were helpless because they didn't have a proper motivation aside from going on with motions.

This, of course they learn as they follow other people's lives. Finding out why others live.

"You all have reasons not to die, right? But I have nothing, so..."

The protagonist starts from 0.

But that changes. The more the protag goes through life, the more memories they make, the bonds they forge. It changes them. Gains something through the time they can spend with others.

The protag knows. Has known: They have something to live for- something to protect and stay with. They find their answer.

It's because they understand the beauty of life. Some, people finding their own goals and reasons to keep going. Others, finding acceptance of what's left.

I always interpreted the protagonist growing stronger after forging bond symbolic in that way. More powerful as their understanding of others deepen. As they find more and more reason to live, their ability to fight against death and the apathy that plagues them grows. Did SEES truly draw power from accepting death? Or is the instinctive will to keep living? The protagonist was alive, but they learn what it is to live. Through changing the world they inhibit, they learn what life is: Change.

Death is inevitable yes, but life does not end at death (Akinari told you as much)

Someone said the beauty of how difficult it is to 100% p3 without a guide is that it signifies the limit on life. I also think that the beauty is that I don't think anyone played p3 that first time with the thought of wasting time. Every moment, I think was spent meaningfully.

(I don't know if it's in the og since its been years, but I think P3R has more flavortext about the protaganist and their state of being as the game goes on. More reason to go on, their health increasing. Thinking about the future and such.)

IF THE PROTAGANIST DID NOT LOVE LIFE, THEY WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO MAKE THE SEAL.

-

We'd also have to address Aegis and Ryoji and their relationships with the protagonist. Moreso Aegis than Ryoji though (if you're following the older iterations of p3. the movies are. well. the movies. the manga . well. you know how it is.)

For the both of them, they are something inhuman learning about what it means to be alive. For Aegis, she knows the actions that humans can take, but doesn't understand the emotions behind them and the reasons humans do them. For Ryoji, he's able to carry out the emotions, but has no knowledge of the proper actions to properly convey them. They're both approximating a human being but it's something else they lack more.

There's a reason I said Ryoji understands how to "carry out" his emotions. Both of them don't understand [human connection].

Well.

And isn't that the whole point of the social link system? Isn't that becoming more and more the thesis of the Persona games?

Here, Aigis mostly only is able to connect to SEES through what she was made for. Ryoji is connecting to the inverse, able to connect to their classmates separate from who he was meant to be.

-

I'm gonna separate discussing the two to make it easier though, so let's start with Ryoji, since Aigis will have lots more to go over.

I think it's not totally wrong if Ryoji... is kind of like Hamuko? Now hear me out.

I've never fully stood by the Male vs Female protags are siblings, and instead stood by the 'they are the same person' like in Persona Q2. I think at their very core, they are similar if not the same people and their expression of it contrast each other heavily.

I think Ryoji started off on something like that? Like he's his own person and he deviates from Minato and Hamuko quite a bit even from the start, but I do think having lived inside of them influenced his (core) of being. The time before the protagonists properly started making connections, they had Pharos.

Pharos was the first social link the protagonist establishes (if I'm not wrong) and I think the way Pharos acts initially, is the same understanding of the world the protagonist may have internally... just maybe with more understanding of the world but not the people in it.

Now there's heavy distinctions between the manga, the game, the stageplay, the movies, and spin offs considering about media and their ability to portray stories. You cannot tell the (exact) same story across media especially when it's initial point is a game. Forgive me if my memories of p3p and p3 are loose since I quite literally was Ken's age when I first played. (Trust me I feel insane realizing that now too).

But as time goes on you're expected to interact with others and form connections to them as Pharos himself also becomes closer to you (but also separating, becoming his own being in the process). Maybe it's because of that he's able to.

Once Ryoji is able to be, he tries starting conversations with everyone and anyone... he just doesn't fully understand why or what makes a real connection. He asks this of the protagonist, what connections are and what they mean. He doesn't get it because he's trying to mimic it without understanding it fully I think.

But he's able to form a real relationship with the protagonist. Friendship or romance, there is an understanding there. Ryoji's not aware of it and the protagonist likely isn't either, but I feel like the reason that their connection works (in a way Ryoji can understand) is because I guess in a weird way, he's not forcing it? I can't think of the right word here, and hell I can be wrong. But I do think there is some significance in Ryoji trying to befriend several people, but only mostly hanging with Junpei and the protag.

I think a little bit in this way, he's like Hamuko? Of course, I don't think it's intentional, but shrugs. I do think initially he struggles to form actual meaningful connections.

Anyways did you know apparently the song that Ryoji plays in Reload is a graduation song. Did you know that. A song about hope and existing freely. Anyways. Anyways.

Anyways, killing Ryoji being a bad ending... I don't think it's just because it's yknow, against the plot of the game or whatever. I think it's because it's forsaking a bond that the protagonist forged, it's forsaking a life that the protag had connected to. It goes against their powers I think. Their reason to live... Not just the fact they'd be forgetting everything (A majority of SEES' reason) but also appreciating the beauty of life? I guess. I'm not the most eloquent.

I think also there's something symbolic in the protag loving the call of death, yes. But there's also the embodiment of what should be calling death, being told by someone who is so intimately familiar with death and grief that life matters. Even death's own 'life', he didn't kille the aspect of 'life' in death.

(Also I couldn't figure out where to fit Ryoji's fight from the manga and the tarot's meaning being told out to the protag as the fight goes on)

-

Now on one hand I can reference Aegis: The First Mission, for Aegis having already capacity for emotions and just losing it, but that was never the whole thing.

Aigis Atlus Autism Blast.

Anyways. Aigis... I think her capacity of feeling emotions being inhibited by her inability to break away from her "reason." Because her reason was still... being formulated I think? Like she kind of blocked off her capacity in order to follow this reason she was told to keep and not fully understand?

I think Aigis always had emotions it's just that it's always been held back, time and time again. I think she unintentionally forces her emotions down because she's prioritizing this [reason], before her emotions become part of her reason. I think for Aigis it genuinely about the small things. SEES can't help but consider Aigis human, even if her appearance is obviously not. Aigis can't help but have her humanity leak out of her, and its through her that SEES feels more cohesive. Like you may say that she broke out of those restrictions on her because of the protag, I think it's because each and every one of SEES is her friend. Yes shes weird, and acts out, but they cared for her.

Even way early on, Aigis had the capacity to be human even if bonds and such imply otherwise-- And I truly believe it's no other reason than Aigis herself. I think it's her lack of understanding of self, a little bit too? Like, I think she knows that the protag is part of her reason, and she genuinely doesn't know why. But it never delves into anything more personal than that until she learns the full truth. As Ryoji sheds his humanity, Aigis gains hers.

Like... Aigis is so compelling because she's so genuine about her emotions? Like simple enjoyment of being, her bluntness. She also is starting from a relative 0 like the protag does, but she's starting from not understanding the actions one takes to form a connection? Like you can very much argue that Aigis didn't, since she replies robotically, but I feel like its more so bc she didn't have that kind of care yet, personally.

GOD I'm making my case so poorly here, but her learning about life and learning about loving life to only lose the person who gave her purpose for so long. The person she loves, the person who loves her back. Losing the person who gave her that push to find her own humanity. Aigis drives me so crazy.

Like, Aigis doesn't just learn about happiness, she's forced to feel grief, forced to confront it and how to cope with it. She's forced to understand death... but she's also taught that death means you have to appreciate the time spent as well.

I think the fact she exists distinct from her purpose and the protag is her miracle of life. She finds her own answer. No one can give someone else their answer, but they can help find it. SEES fights with her, helps guide her to her answer. Like all the SL finding their goals and conclusions in their general life, Aigis is helped by the entirety of SEES.

LIKE. I'm trying to stick to main-game's storyline, but the answer. god. The Answer. Aigis is so painfully human, and the fact her body doesn't match is painful. Her failures isn't what makes her human, her refusal to lose purpose and keep fighting does.

She fights against death, and she fights the body that refuses her humanity.

If Persona 3 was a game about death, they wouldn't have filled it with so much determination to live.

ok i realize i spent too much time on this so sayonara. maybe another time.

[kittynannygaming]

[The Sandman] Tous les chemins mènent à Hob

Original Post

I’ve posted a prompt, not too long ago (see the link above) and @entropy-mephit​ and I began to answer back and forth, creating a mini-story.

So here is the deal. I’ll post the text here and if you want to add to it, you’re welcome to do it. I would prefer you add your text to the other post to keep this one as a fic (I’ll add your part as soon as possible) and its comments. If you have any question, please let me know!

I'll probably post it on AO3 so if you contribute to the story and have an AO3 account, let me know so I can.

Now, let’s enjoy the story!

What if Fawney Rig, property of Roderick Burgess & before him of Lady Johanna Constantine, was at the beginning the property of Sir Robert Gadlen aka Hob Gadling? What if Dream after escaping Alex, find Eleanor & Robyn mausoleum? (Original Prompt)

Dream is standing frozen, staring at the portrait of people he tried to not watch too closely (because he promised Hob to not interfere) but he still couldn't forget from back then when he expected the tragedy to finally break that man. He never could quite banish them from memory. And now he stood by the resting place of mortal remains, and his mind has drifted to what was left of his own son, and grief pinned him in place.

He had no intention of lingering but his mind was in tumult, made even worse by how frayed his connection has became. There was only his own grief, unable to dissolve into millions of unconscious minds across galaxies.

And then there was one, just single but connected to same thread of grief, looking at something so similar to the portrait that had caught him into the memory in the first place.

Pain shared, echoing, but finally Dream could feel, at least for short moment, he was not alone.

Instead of the Dreaming, he went to his friend instead.

Reaching trough dreams, path forged out of longing, the guidance turns out surprisingly gentle. Dream barely registers jagged edges of broken fantasies he passes trough, carried by current of patient anticipation.

To visit Hob was not fully conscious decision, but Dream is of subconscious more than anyone in Waking. It just felt right, to drift along and let himself visit.

Dream appears near the New Inn, he has barely any strength to conjure some clothes and, unconsciously appears as he has been beaten. Hob appears in his vision range and he calls for him. Hob turns his head, saw him and run to him. Dream is barely conscious when Hob carries him (bridal style) through the New Inn entrance.

Dream relaxes into soothing aura of the place, shining with stories and daydreams and he drinks in the ambience. Feeling just a little stronger for it.

Some people are sleeping nearby and he could just slip away into dreaming through their minds, but arms around him are too comfortable. There is voice he can't focus on. Saying something to him as he is brought to new room.

Dream smiles, letting himself file in changes in familiar man.

Such devotion, from the man whose he rejected the offer of friendship in quite a spectacular and dramatic way. He had time to think, time to regret. Dream was laid on the soft surface of a couch, moaning quietly when the warm embrace disappeared. A blanket took the place of strong arms and it smell so much of Hob that Dream wanted to get lost in it.

Then there was warmth and wetness, with a gentle touch of cloth wiping at his brow. he could vaguely feel a tiny bit of his self, fashioned from Night, come away, clinging to the material. Enough for him to open a single eye and try to perceive as mortal senses would have it.

He saw Hob, leaning over him with worry, reaching to clean his wound. On the cloth there was a smudge from drop of liquid darkness with wayward light of distant memory of a star that wandered into it Half mind present Dream calls the droplet back to himself, hovering it above his finger before he *looks* at Hob. Human is staring at him in wonder, suddenly silent and Dream instantly misses sound of his voice.

And with another impulse Dream spins this droplet of himself solidifying it into tiny orb of crystallised thought. Drops it into his palm and instantly reaches out, still too detached from human language to speak as he offers this little gift.

New wave of worry emanating from Hob washes over Dream like a river, swirling around edges of his physicality with man's attention checking for the wounds and taking account of bruises. There us feeling of fingers clenched tight around the marble just made. The warm blanket shifts. Even warmer hug comes, first tentative, then firm and grounding. Dream hums against Hob, enveloped in care and more affection than he could imagine. Blanket suited for one like himself.

Finally, the Dream gets feeling human enough to figure out words muttered

[valleynix]

Do you have any angsty headcanons for the fruit flies??

OFC I DO

since Bela and Cassandra are so protective, they play a big part in Daniela's delusions and her "babied" personality

even when she's so clearly in the wrong about something (like in chapter four with the Reader), they will defend her and accommodate whatever she did

(that being said, Bela is more likely to try and get Daniela to see what she did was wrong while it's just them, and Cassandra is more likely to brush it under the rug and move on)

Bela and Cassandra get along about 80% of the time; the other 20% is spent in yelling matches that may or may not turn into physical fights where both need to not see the other for about a week

i don't think it happens often, but Bela strikes me as the person to overthink conversations and other things she might have done wrong (at least in her head)

this isn't helped when Alcina will sometimes yell at her out of frustration or irritation and say things she doesn't mean

and Bela knows her mother doesn't mean most of the rude things she says, but they still hurt

before TPtM's Reader came along, it wasn't uncommon for them (mostly Bela and Daniela) to fight over maids, which usually ended in a dead maid

when Bela loses control, she often becomes very self-destructive for a while after

she's supposed to be better than that, and she was raised better

assuming the forest scene in chapter eight had continued, she probably would have ignored the Reader for a while, likely refusing to see anyone (especially them) and refusing to eat scheduled meals

anytime Cassandra has a Cadou-induced nightmare, they are horrible

they usually consist of glimpses of her past life, and in the end, she has to watch her eldest sister tear into these people she feels some strange connection to

the nightmare will often fade into one she can understand, meaning it shifts into one where she sees her currently family torn to shreds by someone she can't get a clear look at while she is powerless to do anything

this subconscious fear of loving someone only to lose them horrifically plays a big part in why she's so emotionally distant and rarely allows herself to care about anyone

even when she does love someone, there's a certain distance she keeps from them, regardless of her relationship to them

it's definitely why she's so snarky and pushes people away with her sarcasm, even her family

she's not very nice, and she prefers it that way

i believe Cassandra thinks the most logically of the trio, which is why she's able to essentially "shut off" her emotions to make rational decisions (ex.: when she was going to kill the Reader, despite her feelings for them)

Daniela is the most emotional, and she relies on what her heart is telling her to do rather than her crowded head

Bela is a mix between the two; while she often thinks logically, there are certainly times she lets her feelings get in the way of decision-making (like when she's arguing, you can usually see a mix of her rationality and personal feelings)

she may not show it, but Cassandra becomes disappointed with herself rather easily

she holds herself to a high standard, and she believes she has to be better than Bela. she's not sure why, exactly, but there's this built-in feeling that she needs to be better, stronger

similar to Bela, she rarely loses control, but when she does, she goes absolutely nuts

doesn't matter who you are or what your relationship is to her; if she sees you while she's feral, you better start running as soon as possible, but even that won't be enough to stop her

typically, when one daughter is feral, it has to be either their mother or another sister that snaps them out of it

so, Cassandra snapping both Bela and Daniela out of their little frenzies while the Reader was unable to do so and just made things worse

Daniela sees the world from a much different lens than everyone else does; she is very protected from what's going on, and she has a difficult time understanding power imbalances and personal space

it can be cute sometimes, but it's not so cute when some bloody, 6'2" vampire is giggling and grabbing onto you

remember when i mentioned the girls had gone back to the village and their old homes at some point?

if they were to ever look at a painting of themselves before their rebirth, i don't think they would recognize the person they see

i imagine they sometimes look in mirrors and wonder who is staring back at them

Alcina tries to protect her daughters from their past as much as possible, but she is a person, and she often makes mistakes

she certainly has high expectations of her daughters (less so Daniela), and she has been known to snap at them when those expectations are not met, even if they happen to be rather unrealistic

she's trying, she really is, and so are her daughters

they're not perfect (far from it, really), but they care for and love each other

to them, for now, that's all that matters

[brittleskyblue]

I’m crashing the party with angst again bc that bit of dialogue from that lost sector hit me with feels.

(Set after the angst fic I’m working on but I’m too impatient to wait till that’s done. Nelan and Ivo return to Neomuna, and it’s been a few weeks since the incident at the Veil)

* * *

The archivist, Quinn, had called this place an arcade and that these rectangle things are machines that people play games on. It was quite popular to the people of Neomuna. She can’t remember off the top of her head if such things exist in the City. She feels like they should.

Nelan studies one of these machines, wondering why the Vex had been so transfixed by it. These weren’t like the “music boxes” they had once encountered on Io years ago. The machines were colorful and made noise sometimes, but that was about it.

They tilt their head and press one of the buttons of the machine. It beeps at them. It startles her a little, but still she smiles. It was a curious thing.

She turns to make a comment to her Ghost, who apparently was absolutely baffled by the concept of arcades, but she finds him sort of staring off into space. Well, actually just at a nearby arcade machine that seemed to be reflecting his image off the blank screen. Come to think of it, he’s been pretty quiet instead of the normally chatty Ghost he is. Nelan knows that when he goes quiet like this there’s something on his mind. Given recent events…

“What’s wrong?” They ask.

Ivo looks over at the call of her voice, holds her gaze for a moment, but then casts his eye downward, the points of his shell drooping slightly. Yeah, he’s definitely got something on his mind, and Nelan can only hazard a guess as to what it is. They had a fairly good idea of it.

“I worry, Nelan, that I’m nothing more than another machine, like these games.” He tells her. “I haven’t just switched off, like during the Red War.”

‘You mean because you lost your connection to the Traveler and not Light itself?’ She thinks but holds herself back from saying. It’s still a bitter memory whenever he mentioned the Red War, and she counted herself fortunate Ivo didn’t die that day, remembering how battered he looked when they had found each other again. 

“Is that because I’m a person?” He continues, even as they hold out their hand for him and he goes to them. “Or am I just plugged into something else now? But I suppose a game machine can’t feel the absence of its creator…”

Nelan knows he means the Traveler, how it feels so distant from him since the incident at the Veil. It was widely reported among Ghosts that the presence of the Traveler for them was diminished, and yet they still had the Light it had given them; that which had given them life. Some said it was “gone” or “dead” or “silent”, even though it was still there physically above Earth. It’s “gone” and yet somehow they were still here. Ivo was still here.

They also wondered if by “plugged into something else” he means the instances of possession at the hands of the Witness. They recall that after the first time it had happened at the Luna Pyramid, he told them that he was worried that a piece of Darkness resided within himself now. He’d been afraid it would happen again. She hated to think that maybe he’d been right and neither of them knew it then; that if it had been done once it could be done again.

Nelan knew Ivo was still struggling with what happened at the Veil, how the Witness had used him as the catalyst to make the link and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. She too was still struggling with how she hadn’t noticed what was going on until it was too late; how she had been unable to protect Ivo from that dark force taking hold of him. They were both a little better now, but even a few weeks out from the convergence, neither of them were fully okay.

But it was a good thing they still had each other.

Nelan brought Ivo in close, bowed her head, and whispered to him, almost reverently.

“This unit has a soul.”

Ivo makes a confused electronic noise at them. “What?”

They raise their head peer down at their Ghost. “Something I heard in passing. I think Temperance might have said it? Don’t know where xey got it from. I just know xey said it to Fynch once.”

Ivo makes a noise that sounds like a laugh, but he goes quiet once again.

“…Do you think I have a soul?” He says at last, his voice sounding so small.

“I do.”

No hesitation. Not when it’s something she’s always firmly believed. It was true that Ghosts were beings created from the Traveler, commonly referring to them as A.I.s, but she’s always seen Ghosts as being so full of life. They were alive. They were existing. They were bits of stardust that experienced thought and feeling and were worthy of existing in this world.

“Though the Traveler is distant, and we don’t know what’s happened to it, you’re alive. You were still alive back then when the Light got taken too. Light or not, Traveler or not, nothing has changed that. You’re not- you’ve never been just a machine to me, not when you exist as your own self. Your own person. You are the person- the wandering soul- that found me. You’re alive.”

Ivo stares up at her, and then after a moment he hovers up from her hands to her eye level. He then floats forward and nudges her head.

“You know, you can be very philosophical when you want to be. Gonna make me mistake you for a Warlock.”

They chuckle. “Just because I can be philosophical does not mean I’m a Warlock. Besides, have you seen Temperance?”

“Fair point.”

She smiles and turns on her heel. Ivo follows as she makes to leave the arcade. Their bond holds steady.

“We should probably head back before Nimbus starts trying to place bets on whether the Vex got us or something.”

“Yeah.” They sense him dematerialize, his voice comes clearer in their headspace. “And… thanks.”

They smile and hope he can feel their sincerity and love through their bond.

“Anytime. We’re in this together.”

[lauvra]

My former boss was very fond of making preposterous claims at a point where it didn't matter anymore if he was serious or not: everything he said looked like a lie. But no harm done, the jokes were fun, but ridiculous. If I'm not mistaken it's called Pinocchio syndrome: if you lie all the time, how would someone know when it's the truth?

One way to deal with it would be more ridiculous than them. Like if you said to the vendor "Oh yeah? I do it for 50 cents."

I call this technique "The moon".

One of my all time favourite movies (and my heart is swelling in size) is Big Fish, -- I haven't read the book yet, but (I realise it's popular) because it's such a great love story that touches on this topic. A son is so angry with his father and grows distant -- he feels he cannot possibly get close to him, having listened his entire life to all these tales too tall to be true. As his father's on his death bed, the son grows desperate to know the fucking truth of his father's life -- time is running out, just tell the truth! For once! In the end, the essence of all the stories are true, they're just magnified by imagination and intrinsic awe. It's this wonderful lesson in accepting people as they are even if they're head-above-the-clouds unable to accept the world as it is. On the darker side, there's also a tactic manipulative people use when they are aware they're great liars to conceal this fact; they intentionally sprinkle lies very poorly every so often just to be discovered as bad liars, so that others will believe them when they really need / want to lie. It's a weird world, we're creepy bipedal creatures, for sure. I choose not to lie even when I should often at least keep my mouth shut, both because I don't wanna remember extra stuff and because I'm not interested in constructing a false world that others walk around in gladly, thinking I'm something I'm not. True connection is possible there, but that's not the same as brushing reality with more vivid colours to make them more interesting. IMO!

[kitkatdotcom]

September 17th 2024 10:44 AM

Sometimes I look back at my life like I’m watching the movie or hearing the story of someone else. I know that in order to survive, we must other from ourselves to carry on day to day, but I am trapped with the pain of my past as I wake every morning with the reminder of my fear. I am terrified that being disabled means I am unable to care for myself. All I have ever wanted since I was a little girl was to be able to wipe my own ass and care for myself. How tragic I refuse help, and lash out at he hands that seek to comfort me with pets. 

Today I am writing an e-journal, I guess. I can’t sem to find a coherent theme or real commitment to writing a real short story, or novel, or book, fiction or not to help me get over whatever the fuck it is that has me trapped in the past moments of my life. 

It’s crazy. I feel the past about to be ripped from me as I grow older. The political climate. The physical one. When you’re in it, nothing seems different. But looking back, nothing seems the same. 

I don’t know what it is about my past that’s so painful. I can navigate the loss of life. I can navigate threats to it. I can navigate a violent situation, a hostile one. But I guess an accident, a total consequence of fate is just too much to wrap my head around. When you’re not really mad at anyone, not even the omnipresent, potentially intervening universe. 

Today I just feel stuck. Doomed to repeat the same bullshit consumerist patterns in attempts to dress my wounds. Stuck repeating addictive, destructive behaviors despite all my best efforts to just be okay with myself. I look at myself and I know my body is acceptable, but I’ve gained 10 pounds. I struggle with numbers. My bank account, my weight, my followers. Fuck. I can’t seem to escape our objective attempts to measure each other although in the end I know it’s a heart’s game. 

When I die, (Oh how we frame our identity around the idea we leave in others’ heads.) I just want to give people an excuse to party. A day off from the bullshit to really celebrate life in a way that is meaningful to them. They do not even have to know or remember me. Just please. On the day y’all wanna celebrate my so called life, don't forget time to take in and cherish your own. 

I’m not conquering death today. Although, each morning getting out of bed and making a plan for the day feels like I’m intricately laying piece after piece to  Rube Goldberg device to my grave. Brush teeth, do laundry, smoke weed, work out, clean, clean, clean. There has to be more to life than surviving and just trying to make sense of your experiences through art. And I am living life on absolute easy mode. I connect with everyone I meet, yet there’s a deeper feeling they aren’t able to connect with me. I feel empty, lonely, hollow. Even as my relationships become more complex, I fall more in love, gain new friends, family, and followers. I still can't help but feel pointless and distant about the whole situation in the morning. 

But then I get going. And I find I actually like writing poorly written journal entries as a form of therapeutic art on teh internet. I get over my fears of death. I leave my house. I visit family. I get free Iris from across town. I eat a yummy snack. I feel my body again. I embarrass myself. I comfort myself. And life is good. The end. For today. So far. 

[imaginarybestie]

Burning Questions for Other Friends

Dear P,

It is not just D that I'd write burning questions to. But also C, perhaps, since she is someone who gets the real me, more. Maybe K, sometmies, too, since she also might get the real me, in some ways, if not all ways. Maybe other friends too. Sometimes T, with all her deep wisdom and life insight and intelligence, creativity, high ideals, compassion, and the empathy, that I all attribute to her. Also maybe other writers who I love. Maybe other people from the online community that D and I frequent.

Maybe other family members, even though we are mostly pretty distant and don't seem to see eye-to-eye or really see the same world at all, in so many ways. Yet they might know me better and have certain things in common with me that might let them see certain answers, maybe better than I'd expect. They surprise me sometimes with some of their strengths, intelligence, wisdom, kindness, goodness, gentleness, sensitivity, subtlety.

So often, it feels to me like the world is just so very cold and delusional in so many ways, but then my family will do some little things sometimes that makes me feel they're different, and they give me some hope for humanity, for love, kindness, the chance of closeness and relating. Even though it's usually a very short-lived little ray of hope. And others besides my family also give me hope like that, sometimes, but I guess it's different with family because we have more in common in a few ways, and they're this stable presence in my life, unlike all the others who give me hope, but I don't know them well enough or have enough in common with them to really be attached to them that much.

And then there are family members who have passed away now, my grandparents and maybe others. They have a special kind of meaning and memories for me, and maybe I would ask them some questions, if I could ask their souls or the ideal imaginary friend version of them. Other saints, perhaps. Other famous people online whose writings or youtube videos I love, maybe? Hmm.

And best friends I had in high school, too, maybe. When I get in the right state of mine and emotion, I can really feel a sense of connection to them the way we used to be. Maybr they're not really the same anymore, and maybe I am not either, and yet, maybe there's still some kind of commonality between us, our personalities, values, interests. Or even if not, then once there was. And who they were then inspires me to connect with an imaginary friend based on that past them. Maybe sometimes an imaginary friend of how I wish they would have changed and grown over the years, so that we could have stayed close, instead of what really happened where we changed so much that we didn't have much in common anymore, it felt, and things fell apart.

Maybe even my husband, who I have a bad relationship with, to say the least, and do not feel very close to at all and don't trust. Some imaginary friend version of him that's based on the good things that still exist in him, and the good things that existed in the past but are no longer there anymore, too. And maybe the ideal him that I thought he was but he maybe never really was, because I thought he was better than he really was. I thought he'd also improve and grow over time and we'd grow closer, while what happened was just the opposite, in so many ways.

Now I see he is a narcissist, but it's mostly latent and I've learned to deal with it and be ok, most of the time. I need to depend on him for a lot of things, at this point, and I'm better off with him than alone, due to physical and mental health issues that make me unable to support myself or to get the help I need from supposed governmental aid or anything such as that. So anyway, those are a few ideas of friends I migth write. Also characters from books who I really love and who really come to life or teach me important lessons. Maybe I'll think of others later. But that's a start for now.

Love,

C

[devilisln-moved]

So. Matt and Industrial Music? What gives? You may ask. Iggy, I love you, you might say, but it’s been already established that Matt is a classy guy that likes Jazz and classical music. To which I say 1) At one point he identifies a certain kind of electronic music while in an arcade, so lets not pretend he’s precious like that. 2) That sort of attitude assumes that all other types of music is nothing but noise (especially to someone like Matt). Which, very shitty.

So, now that I’m done with the defensive part of this post, because I’m sorry, as I said, I’ve been heavily influenced by ye olden days of fandom and feel like I need to bring every head canon to the table with a dissertation and full notes to back  it up. Because you know, god forbid we have head canons just cuz, but you know, this is why people say my writing is thoughtful, I suppose.

If you’re unaware of this particular genre of music, that’s fine. It’s very niche? Generally considered within the realm of “Goth Music.” Basically, it’s a type of electronic music that’s inspired by the noise and rhythm of machinery and also may use industrial noise to make music. For example the breaking of glass, striking sheet metal, hammering, banging, ever seen Eraserhead? A lot of the background music in early parts of that movie has that vibe (I say early parts because I couldn’t get further than a half hour in because the overall sound design of that movie triggered such anxious, miserable feelings in me that I just could not cope). Anyway, so not to bog it down with too much bullshit and turn this into a more personal than head canon post, I’ll say it’s been a thing since the eighties, foundational bands being Einstürzende Neubauten, Skinny Puppy, Ministry, and Front Line Assembly. Of course there are the sub-genres within, Industrial rock/alternative (Nine Inch Nails), Industrial Metal (Rammstein), Electro-Industrial (KMFDM), and has influenced other genres such as EBM and (god forbid) dub step.

So, how do I intend to connect that to Matt? The easy version is to say growing up in as big a city as NYC, in its most populated burrough, he would find a certain appeal in that sort of music. It’s deeper than that though. A much longer portion of his life has been shaped by the city itself, the sounds, the smells, the very feel of it in a very intimate way. This is a man who can tell the time by the sound of the trains rumbling underneath his feet, hear the minute creak of tall buildings swaying in the wind, and doesn’t know total silence. Even on the quietest of nights, distant motors reach him, voices, and I think as much as he might bitch about it from time to time, I think he’d feel lost with out it. I’m not sure how he’d cope with the absence of anything, especially sound. So I think instead of abstaining from music that reminds him of the harsher or more mechanical beats of the city, he’d embrace it as a comfort, something familiar. This is a man that would probably be unable to sleep in a rural town for the first couple days. He’d wake up with every rustle of grass that sound like a foot step, bird calls, and other myriad animal sounds. Matt’s used the cacophony.

So, tl:dr: I’m sure there’s some kind of eldritch vibe I could attribute to Matt and his connection to the city, and there’s some thing very primal in how people relate to music.

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS