#i had a couple busy weeks at work and found myself craving the insane pace of this show

[linaxart]

drizzle with wine

[adkinemi06]

Blog Post #13- Love God First

Current Mood: Confident

Currently listening to: El Perdon by Nicky Jam/Enrique Iglesias

Current verse of choice: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

I do not even remember the last time I blogged.  My life has just been flying past me, and I have kept myself busy.  Cleveland is cold, but the sun is still shining.  We also have not had much snow yet, so I’ll take it.  It is super weird to think that, at this time last year, I was playing in my last conference tournament for volleyball.  I was in school, and trying to keep my head above water until graduation.  Things have changed so much in just one year.

Work has been insane the last couple weeks.  I started my orientation in a new unit called the CTICU (Cardio-Thoracic ICU-a.k.a. Surgical ICU).  It is a brutal place to work as a new grad, and it is exhausting.  No one talks to me, and no one cares who I am because everyone who works there is in “Game-Face Mode” the whole day.  However, I LOVE IT.  My preceptor is amazing, and we work really well together.  It is such a fast-paced, unpredictable, intense area to be in, and the nurses are unbelievably smart.  I basically crash and burn there every shift, but everyone tells me that I will get better at it. The CTICU and I have a love-hate relationship, but I will love working there.  I will be orienting in this unit for about 10 more weeks, then I move to the Cardiac ICU. So far the saddest thing I have seen there is a 46 year old man who had surgery as a last resort for cancer.  There were no signs that he was getting any better because we could not get him off the ventilator safely.  His family came in and withdrew care, and he died an hour later.  The saddest part is this: I was talking to his son throughout my shift, who is currently 18.  I could tell he was very upset about the whole thing (obviously).  I put my hand on his shoulder, and I said, “My mom was very sick when I was your age, too.  All you can do is try to be strong, and never stop living.” He started crying, and I just held him for a little bit.  It was such a surreal experience because I felt like I was holding myself…I was him 4 years ago.  I just silently prayed over him, asking God to give him strength, peace, and grace. I don’t know whether or not the situation impacted him or not, but it impacted me.

Moving on to a more positive paragraph: I just got back from Florida! My cousin Katelyn and I went to visit our cousin Cody in Ft. Lauderdale. It was an incredible trip.  It was only 2 and a half days, but it felt like a week. To start the trip off, Katelyn and I met these two ladies on the plane who were Christians.  After a long conversation on the plane, they ended up driving us from the airport to Cody’s-they were like angels.  We went to the beach, paddle-boarded, kayaked, went shopping, ate amazing food, listened to amazing music, went to a Miami Hurricanes football game, explored the cities, and fellowshipped with each other.  We did so much, and had so many conversations that I needed to have about life, relationships, and faith.  Being with my cousins was so refreshing for my mind and soul because they get me.  God has truly blessed our family with strong faith, and I am forever grateful to have them.

This leads me to my next point that has been on my heart a lot the past couple weeks.  As Christians, we must love God first in our lives. We should not love our phones, social media accounts, television, or anything else that we spend mindless time on. Over the last couple months, I have tried to be very self-aware of how I am spending my time.  I found that I was spending a lot of time on mindless apps, so I deleted them.  I should not be so attached to something materialistic, like an app, that it keeps me from spending time with God. Instead of wasting 20 minutes on social media apps at night, I read my Bible. Instead of binging Netflix (which I do not even have), I listen to a sermon on Youtube.  I am really focusing in on falling more in love with God because that is what he deserves. He gave the life of his Son for us, so the least we could do is spend some time with Him.  Even if it is just small changes, it means so much to God.  Giving up 5 minutes on Facebook to read a devotion will eventually grow into giving up an entire Netflix episode so that you can spend time with God. I truly believe that, once you truly fall in love with God, you crave his presence in your life.  I have been craving God’s presence, but I have not deserved it recently. However, I am falling more in love with Him and feeling Him work through me more and more.  We simply need to live our lives on fire for God-he deserves our whole heart, not just the piece of our heart that we set aside for him.

Random thoughts: I start an indoor volleyball league next week with a girl I work with, and I am pretty excited.  I love Thanksgiving. My car is still not fixed. Trying to decide where I should travel next.

Love God First,

Em