#i had to keep on reassuring myself through my splurging that i deserve it and should get to treat myself nice if people are giving money

[ru1-png]

SO... BASICALLY THE BIRTHDAY RUNDOWN

NEVER in my life did i think i'd spend so much money on a single series about queers rapping and feminism reigning over society. just finished ordering the last of my purchases before i TAKE A REST. $250 spent at kinokuniya (most of it was hypmic manga and cds including the double barrel and hot game ones), THEN like $200 on other stuff like ebay and mercari. got a dice nendoroid, some cool bat prints, more manga, ANOTHER CD, and that's just about it!!!

so happy i got to get the nurusara in the shopping district nagoya edition cd, one of my faves and will certainly try to piece together a rough translation using different posts i find online!!

(the hypmic corner is no longer "the hypmic corner with two random figures there to make it look more full" at long last<3)

[kiirokero]

Outro: Love is Not Over (8)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Nothing much, just fluff and some romance wink wonk

Word Count: 1.1k

Note: Happy day of starting life to me, Imma go splurge on pizza now.

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

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    It was 11pm. The inky black void of the night sky peered through the closed curtains as Yunho continued to watch his show. Yunho was hanging on to conciousness by a thread, and more than once I had tried to get him to go to bed, but every time he shook his head, insisting that he was fine and that he just wanted to stay next to me. It made my heart clench.

    Reluctantly, I let him. I let him drawl on about how worried he was when the main character got trapped by the villain. I let him lean on my shoulder while he stubbornly held his eyes open. I let him do what he felt was best for himself. As long as he wasn’t hurting himself. He’d probably sleep all day tomorrow, but if staying up with me brought him peace of mind, I’d let him do it. 

    Yunho’s ears perked up and eyes shot open when a knock sounded at the door. He looked at me, wide-eyed, fisting his hand tighter into my sweatshirt. “Eomma?” He whispered, and I gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, bub. It’s just a friend,” Yunho nodded, getting up along with me as I went to answer the door. 

     When I opened the door, I couldn’t stop the small smile of pure happiness that made its way onto my face when the handsome German Shepard hybrid filled my vision. He was dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, much like myself, and had slightly ruffled hair. His warm, heart-shaped smile graced his face as he held up a plastic bag. “I brought the goods!” He chuckled, looking down at my legs where Yunho was hiding. 

    Yunho recognized Hoseok, but didn’t immediately come out, opting to look up at him curiously from afar. “Say hi, bub,” I encouraged, putting a hand on the top of his head, playing with the blonde fur that hung from his ears. “Hi...” Yunho whispered, his tail slowly wagging side-to-side when Hoseok’s said hello back. Hoseok slowly leaned down so he was about eye-level with Yunho, but still keeping a respectful distance. 

    “Hey Yunho, do you remember me?” Hoseok asked, playfully tilting his head to the side. Yunho silently nodded, easing up a little bit. “I’m glad. Your Eomma was telling me that you had a bad day,” Hoseok continued, and Yunho squeaked out a “Yeah... Bad day...” earning a smile of sympathy from the older hybrid. “That sucks, but guess what! I brought ice cream!” Hoseok’s experience with kids was really showing now, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it. 

    I chuckled at Yunho’s starry-eyed expression, sending Hoseok an appreciative smile as Yunho came out from around my legs and went up to stand in front of Hoseok, sniffing the bag. “Eomma, can I?” Yunho asked hopefully, looking back up towards me. I don’t know whether it was his puppy eyes or well-behaved manners that made my heart squeeze, but it didn’t matter because the answer was yes, anyway. 

    “Of course bub, but let’s get to the kitchen first, okay?” I responded, picking Yunho up and guiding Hoseok towards the kitchen. Hoseok put the bag down on the counter along with his keys, turning to me, waiting for any sort of instruction or objection. “Thank you again, Hoseok,” I smiled, but Hoseok just waved me off with a smooth, “It’s nothing! Ice cream makes everything better,” Smiling, not realizing just how meaningful the gesture was to me and Yunho. 

    I got out a bowl and spoon for Yunho, asking him to wait in the living room while I get him his treat. Yunho did what I asked, somewhat reluctantly, but after I reminded him that he could see me from the couch, he relented. “Classic vanilla,” I chuckled, scooping out some of the cold deliciousness. “Can’t go wrong with vanilla,” Hoseok chirped, filling up bowls of our own. 

    Soon, all three of us were sitting on the couch, Yunho in the middle of Hoseok and I, shoveling down his vanilla ice cream with vigor. “And that’s how rainbows are made!” Yunho exclaimed with ice cream around his mouth, finishing the rant he’s been on for 5 minutes after Hoseok asked him about the show he was watching. Yunho had just learned how rainbows were made thanks to the programme, and he was eager to share that information to everyone. You, Hyejin, Yoongi, Hajun, Namjoon (somehow) and now Hoseok. 

But Hoseok didn’t mind. No no. He was actively encouraging him. 

    “Wow! That’s so cool! You’re so smart, Yunho,” Hoseok gushed, getting Yunho to blush and look away, fiddling with the edge of his space themed pajama top. “Thank you,” Yunho smiled, leaning back onto your shoulder. “I also know how to count to twenty!” Yunho boasted, puffing out his chest. Hoseok dramatically gasped, indulging the proud hybrid boy. “Amazing! Can you show me?” Hoseok asked, and Yunho confidently (and correctly) counted to twenty. 

    Both you and Hoseok clapped, and you didn’t miss the way Yunho seemed to relax a bit more. “I also painted a dragon at school! I’ll go get it! Stay here,” Yunho bubbled, running up the stairs. “Careful!” I called after him. “Okay!” He called back, voice now distant. Now it was just you and Hoseok alone, listening to the childish dialogue of the cartoon playing in the background. 

    “You’re a lifesaver, Hoseok,” You sighed, slumping into the couch. “It’s nothing. Y/n, really. We all have those days, even kids like Yunho,” He shrugged, finishing the last bite of his ice cream. “No, really, you have no idea how much this means. I mean, Yunho seems to really like you,” I pointed out, trying my best to stress just how hopeless the situation seemed before he got here. 

    Hoseok put his bowl down on the coffee table, turning his entire body towards me, giving me his full attention. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” He proclaimed, looking me right in the eyes. It felt like I was back in the cafe, on our little lunch get-together. Nothing but the two of us and the smell of coffee. His ears flinched, but his earthy hues never strayed from mine. His stare pulling me into an all too familiar trance. It blurred all other stimulation out and nothing but Hoseok filled my senses. 

Was he always this attractive?

Is his skin as smooth as it seems?

Why was the slight timbre in his voice so enticing? 

Where does he buy his cologne? 

What do his lips taste like-

    “I found it! Here!” Yunho cheered, shoving a wrinkled paper into Hoseok’s hands. Hoseok looked confused for a minute before he shook off whatever just happened and gave Yunho a big smile, complimenting him on his artwork. I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts that invaded my head to go away. I can’t. I just met the guy! I can’t let my emotions get the best of me. I’m just touch starved, that’s it. Nothing else. 

    Except that’s what I wish was the case. But the warmth in my heart when I found Hoseok and Yunho snuggled together, asleep, was too much to ignore. Yunho’s chubby cheeks pressed against Hoseok’s shoulder made him look like a dumpling, and the way Hoseok quietly snored shouldn’t have been attractive, but it was. I couldn’t ignore the feeling of home that filled my chest whenever I saw Hoseok and Yunho interact... But I found myself trying anyway...

[annpmag]

It matters how it ends.

2016.

If you are a fan of rom-coms, you’ve probably heard this line “I feel like the loneliest person in the world when i’m with you...” I never meant to quote any dramatic scenes but when you’re in that situation there’s no better way of saying especially when it’s the truth. I can say I lost myself in the process of building, fixing, and saving our relationship.

“...I don’t know if I still love you. Maybe it’s time to see other people.” I thought it’s normal for long-term couples to go through a phase of having doubts but it shouldn’t be this way, both should do their job of keeping the relationship healthy.

I could’ve chosen to ignore it or break it off the moment it hit me. Instead, I chose to save what was left of us. The intention behind that line, at least for me, was to wait and see his move given the problem presented to him. However, this particular line was used against me in the long run.

2017.

6 months ago I was in a situation where it felt like I was being robbed. No matter how much I I tried to fight back, everything was taken away from me as soon as it had a chance.

I couldn’t believe my eyes that the person who was robbing me of my life, my dreams, and my future was the one I gave my heart to. The same person who reassured me that “...it’s okay to let your guard down, i’m here for you and i will take care of you from hereon.”

After 5 years, I am left with nothing but a pack of cigarette, a bottle of wine, Viber messages from my best friends who first heard about the news, used tissues, and a mind full of desperate thoughts.

“This is not happening” “This is only a bad dream. I need to wake up.” “He’s not the type who could do such thing.” “Is it because i’m fat or because my skin is breaking out?” “Is it because i’m not her?”

aftermath.

It was a messy break up that lasted for a month. I just wanted to make it all go away and act like it never happened but for him it was time to “move forward” and “find out who he really is”. I never doubted how smart I am but when you’re in that situation you would believe anything you hear from someone you love, or you think you love.

I was depressed. I cried for help in any possible way that I could. I had friends who constantly called me, messaged me, and reminded me that I am such a catch and that he doesn’t deserve me. When you just had your heart broken and in your PJ’s chugging down a bottle of wine, none of those words made sense and you think you know better.

Everything tasted like crap even my favorite dishes my mom cooked to cheer me up and I lost about 13 kgs over the next few months. I still remember that time when my parents were too worried, they barged in to my room, and we had the talk. But instead of giving me that comforting it’s-okay-anak type of talk, it ended up in a fight because my dad wanted me to open up and be vulnerable in front of them.

I am the type of person who cries easily over rom-com movies, commercials, testimonies, and even a cute Loca the Pug video, but opening up, after someone who you trusted your vulnerability with ended up cheating on you, was just too much for me and I automatically shut down the idea. How I wish I could’ve said these words to my parents “I will come running to you soon. Just let me be with myself and let me embrace the pain.” but instead I said, “You are not the best person to give me an advice. Please leave me alone!”

self-love.

Prior to the breakup, I found myself losing sight of what was important –– happiness. The kind that doesn’t depend on anyone, but the one that comes directly from you –– the right and gentle kind. This will tell how much you love yourself and how much you are willing to be happy on your own whether it’s shopping with a friend, splurging on skincare, getting your favorite snack without feeling guilty or having an alone time at the movies. I lost that side of me.

lesson.

I have a long list of what I learned throughout that 5-year relationship but I guess the one closest to my heart is –– how you end a relationship matters a lot. This will clearly tell what kind of a person you are: the type who gets scared and runs away, the type who tells the hard and cold truth, the type who plays safe, or the type who faces it and gives a final good impression.

You owe the person a decent breakup because after all, you loved, cared, and shared happy moments together. Maybe, just maybe, even for the last time, you could leave a good impression so in the long run both of you could look back without any bitterness in your heart, remember the good stuff, and say “I had a good run with him. I hope he’s doing great.”.

big fat NO.

I’m just glad that God made me go through it, that He said NO to all my prayers. What I always tell my friends whenever they ask how i’m doing is this, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:2

Remember God knows better, He will let you go through pain so you can learn and appreciate His plans for you. So instead of running away from Him, like I did, you should hold on to Him and ask for strength, clarity, and forgiveness. Everything happens for a reason and in the future you will look back and say “Ohhh! So that’s why it happened.”

–––

Breakups are never easy but what matters most is how you get up and make up for the lost time.