#i hate making people think that im boring but.. i hate that i think that at all

[witherwallflower]

TWENTY - ONE

🎂🦢🌙

“you’d be the love of my life when i was young”

“i made a mistake and i’ll tell you im sorry,, sorry”

𝜗𝜚⊹₊⋆

summary: taylor devoras makes a song called “21” about her youtube influencer ex, chris sturniolo. can this song bring them back together or make things worse?

warning: hate comments ig?

previously…

COMMENTS DISABLED

~ taylor devora

“CHRIS 🧡🦋 sent you a message.”

my phone read, “what the fuck.”

after me and chris broke up months ago, we never really kept contact. yes we did end it on okay terms, but we hadn’t spoken to each other after that. we would only be around each other when i’d come over to hang out with nick or matt, just sharing small glances.

something in me told me not to open the message but i do miss chris dearly and im kind of curious on what he has to say. i clicked on the notification.

“holy shit” at this point i had zero idea on what to do. reply? leave it on read?

i ended up just sending back a quick

to put my mind at ease, i opened my instagram.

opening the comments was probably something i mostly regret.

“boring ass song”

“oh fuck you 😂. chris deserves better”

“you do not deserve a platform lmaoooo”

and so much more, filled my comment section. my vision started to blur by tears forming in my eyes. hate comments never really got to me this bad but for some reason now, it’s hitting me.

most of these people are part of the sturniolo fandom which makes a lot of sense, but im so tired of this. people nagging me, sending threats, being called names.

out of everything i can do, i just chosen to turn off comments for all my posts.

i’ve decided this is enough for today. sighing, i put my phone down and just laid in bed, slowly letting sleep take over.

~ chris sturniolo

“i missed your 21st birthday….” replays back into my headphones for the hundred time. 

after taylor released her song, i can’t stop listening. no matter how many times i’ll tell people, including myself that i don’t want taylor again, i know im lying straight through my teeth.

i regret ending stuff with her, i regret wanting to put this new lifestyle over her, i regret telling her to just leave. i regret it all.

id do anything to go back to the day we broke up and just change my mind. all of this thinking of her had me picking up my phone, finding her contact and typing out, “hey, the songs fire. i know we don’t talk anymore but im proud of you taylor”

i know maybe sending this could be wrong but i just want to text her again. i hit send. i stared at the message while biting my nails out of being nervous.

it felt like forever until i saw the 3 dot bubble of her typing back.

“thanks chris, it means a lot” i sighed in a bit of relief, because she could’ve said something real worse like to leave her alone or something.

i went onto her instagram and started scrolling through her posts. she looks…happy, which makes me glad. i pressed the comment button and saw the mix of hate and support.

i know i need to speak up for her, she did nothing wrong. but im too hesitant and i don’t want to say the wrong thing.

i got up to go up to matts room. when i reached his door i knocked a couple of times before entering. when i got in he was just on his phone laying in bed.

“matt i need help” i said while sitting down on the edge of his bed

“what is it?” he asked me, still looking at his phone.

“well you know how ever since me and taylor broke up, everyone keeps hating on her and assuming the worse for her?” i said pausing to quickly look at him. he took his eyes off his phone and just nodded at me.

“do you think i should say something about it to maybe help all of the hate towards her?” still making eye contact with him

“i mean obviously… she does nothing to deserve all that.”

i looked down at my feet slightly nodding, because i know he’s right.

mahli talks! HI GUYSSSS!!!! im actually so proud on how much im actually doing for this story, it’s really bringing the writer of me back out and just ahhh!! i want to start a taglist so please lmk if u wanna b part of it! love ya 🩷

[shinhati]

I haven't seen bridgerton, (outside of like clips) but I am actually curious about your opinion on eloise. Everyone reduces her to a not like other girls and annoying and privelidged but personally from the clips I've seen she does makes valid points (maybe awkwardly so and a little condescending but I just can't help but roll my eyes at the people who hate her because it always seems to come from such shallow...choice feminist lense) i have plans to watch it (mostly BECAUSE of the Eloise clips ive seen ngl) but I wanted to see your opinion on her as it seems you have a different take on her compared to what I've seen.

absolutely i will take the bait i love talking about my opinions. eloise is there to discredit feminism so you can turn your brain off and enjoy the show

eloise is my favourite character she says exactly what im thinking and she's right about everything. the "marriage mart" IS demeaning. the rules and norms of polite society ARE ridiculous. she IS being restricted and oppressed because of her sex - principally she is denied education when ALL her brothers are college educated

maybe i relate more than most because i also know what it's like to have a mother who is constantly on your ass about finding a man and getting married and how it's the highest form of happiness a woman can achieve

but eloise's feminism is put there for you to mock and roll your eyes at. the script wants you to see her as annoying judgmental and hypocritical. they frame her against daphne: isn't daphne so admirable for being so pragmatic? she doesn't complain like eloise, she plays the game even though she knows it's not fair. why can't eloise shut up and appreciate she's not the only one suffering? why can't she be happy for her sister's success with romance?

they frame her against theo: how dare eloise be concerned with her own experiences oppression and not prioritize the plight of the poor? she doesn't know anything about real suffering, she just victimizes herself because she's bored and narcissistic. if she REALLY had any conviction in her beliefs she would burn her life down to make a point.

they frame her against penelope: how insensitive and bullish she is for forcing her friend to agree with her radical politics (even though penelope never says shit to eloise that implies she doesn't agree). see how penelope can be smart and entrepreneurial AND appreciate romance? why can't eloise do the same? she's just bitter and lazy when compared to the TRUE feminist: a woman who can walk both worlds. see how feminism doesn't have to come with an annoying antisocial distain for romance? see how eloise is complaining about nothing actually and everything is fine for women because she could just shut up and make money by writing?

annoying? - i don't find women speaking up about their oppression whiny but the writers obviously want you to

judgmental? - all of her judgements are correct. "why can't she understand other women want different things ☹️" choice feminism indeed

hypocritical? - it's not hypocritical to acknowledge and complain about the ways you're being hurt without testing the limits of your chains, being oppressed is not a moral fault. dignity and freedom are not actually things eloise should have to earn, they are owed to all women regardless of action. and she IS doing something: she's avoiding marriage, she's reading as much as she can, she's writing a novel, she's TALKING and facing social consequences for refusing to conform

you ever notice how eloise is the only character ever condemned for being wealthy even though all the other characters in the show are also wealthy? and she doesn't even have her own money - it's her brother's money

eloise is, consciously or unconsciously, a message to young outspoken women to shut up and assimilate and be happy for patriarchal conforming women. it's just a phase, it's silly, you'll grow out of it and find a man

she also reinforces the perspectives of women who want to disagree with her: the penelopes and daphnes and violets of real life. women who want to make decisions about romance and femininity while feeling superior and not like a vapid antifeminist. they've secretly known all this time they're more practical and intelligent and happier than those miserable radicals, and now they can happily hate eloise in the open

most importantly she's there to sell the lie of the bridgerton fantasy. the bridgerton setting is unromantic and uncomfortable for exactly the reasons eloise proports, for women to be able to enjoy the show they need to be able to banish the eloise in the back of their thoughts and the easiest way to do that is to set up a character to embody those ideas and discredit her. oh you've noticed how this premise is suffocating and nightmarish? good now that we've acknowledged that let's move on with the steamy romance

the writers said how do we frame perfectly reasonable normal feminist ideas so that women feel comfortable disagreeing. eloise is a feminist but her character is antifeminist

[bewitchedsouls]

I know you mean good but fat girls can also break easily. I also don’t mean to sound rude or offend you but it’s rare for fat girls to be 6 foot, I know you might be fat and 6 foot but it’s pretty rare. I think most people stick to petite girls in cod stories because it would be scary and horrifying if they gave reader their sweater and all the sudden reader fits or barely fits in it and it only works as a crop top on them. And please try to remember just because their fat doesn’t mean they aren’t clean fat girls bathe too and do their eyebrows too they aren’t slobs. Fat girls can break when they get laid and yes I believe they also will jiggle around in the process so please try to be mindful when bringing up cod guys with a fat girl

i’m extremely confused but this might just be me not having enough sleep, what are you questioning here? i try (i’m pretty sure i haven’t either) to not mention body types, sizes, descriptions etc, i want everyone to feel like they can read a fanfic i have written because they can imagine themselves as the person, i know in one i said simon could practically engulf the reader but that is because i see simon as this big military man who’s built like a brick wall so that just how i tackle it in writing, as a person who has always struggled with my weight it’s nice to be able to read about a love interest who (not matter your size) can pick you up or put you on his lap, i don’t like writing for body types because it can discourage others and make them feel as if they aren’t good enough or have something wrong with their body when infact i think all body types and sizes are beautiful and think that no matter your size you should feel included in a fanfiction because as it says in the name, it’s fiction, something where you can imagine yourself in that position, if someone struggles to do so i understand that it wouldn’t feel good to be excluded especially when i have been victim to writing that is catered towards a specific body or feature, now if someone wanted a plus sized reader fanfic i would be more than happy to write that, my requests are open as stated and i would do everything to make sure it is up to their standards and their body description if i am given one.

I am also confused at your point of saying ‘just because they’re fat doesn’t mean they aren’t clean’ ???? this is extremely baffling and you mentioned eyebrows, once again ??? i’m seriously hoping this was meant for another post because you may not want to offend but what you have written to me i find extremely disrespectful and rude, just because you say don’t mean to offend/no offence doesn’t mean anything you don’t have the right to talk to people who go out of their way to write fanfiction for people to read when they’re bored, lonely, seeking comfort (as i have myself many times) i have a full time job that i don’t get home form till 10pm (hence the lack posts) you do not get to slander people who don’t have to write fanfiction but choose to in order to make others happy. My last point to add on is that you said ‘yes I believe they will jiggle around in the process’ this is going to sound rude but whatever, are you even a plus size person yourself? as you sound unsure as to what happens when someone is plus size and has sex? i think it’s extremely rude that you think you can make those kind of comments and come on my page and try to tell me what my body is and what i can and cannot write about.

IF YOU FEEL MY WORK IS NOT FOR YOU EITHER POLITELY PRIVATELY MESSAGE ME AND TELL ME SO I CAN EITHER FIX IT TO BE MORE INCLUSIVE OR CAN WRITE YOU YOUR OWN COMPLETELY NEW FIC!!! OTHERWISE GET OF MY PAGE AND DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME OR MY WORK!!! I DO NOT NEED TO PUT UP WITH HATE AND NEGATIVITY WHEN ALL IM TRYING TO DO IS BE CREATIVE AND MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY!!!!

[solargeist]

despite my previous post, I don’t know how to handle when people talk abt things I don’t know or understand bc I focus too hard on my own reactions so I don’t accidentally offend them bc there’s only so many times you can say “oh really?” before you sound sarcastic ‼️💥

[memecatwings]

ive been seeing a lot of anti zosan posts in the tag recently hey do any of you guys wanna come over so we can argue and then make out?

[oceanwithouthermoon]

the realization that tumblr does not work like twitter and i cant just vague post about random discourse or arguments otherwise people will wrongfully assume its about them has flipped my whole life upside down

[colorful-horses]

Seriously got so heated thinking about High Guardian Spice again that I wrote a whole video essay script about it. A whole script about a show that nobody cares about anymore. I've got brainrot

[francy-sketches]

I hateeee how asoiaf has just become the "incest books lol" to so many people. what a dumb and reductive way to look at a series that has so much more like. of all the things you could say are the central themes of asoiaf incest in not one of them lmao.(yes obviously it's present, but not nearly as much as people make it out to be) And this isn't about people who havent read it and are just judging from the outside bc who gives a shit about them. But I see this mostly from fans and its just??? what the fuck did you read/watch lmao. I mean even hotd which centers around thee incest family isnt about the incest and you'd have to have negative media literacy to think it is.

Also it's fucking insane how being uncomfortable with incest shipping gets you ridiculed in this fandom lmao. like I'm not here to be the morality police ship whatever the fuck you want idc. but dont be surprised when it makes people uncomfortable??? "ummm if you dont like incest why are you reading the incest books/watching the incest show??? weirdo" I dont fucking know man maybe all the other 348593 interesting things it's about. just a guess. And these are the same people who go on about "well just bc you write something fucked up doest mean you agree with it" which. yes! true!! then why do you uncritically endorse targ incest blood purity 😭 do you think maybe that's one of the things grrm wrote that he doesnt agree with? of course not, hotd is a cautionary tale about the dangers of not doing incest and what happens when you let your pure valyrian blood be contaminated by gross peasant genes from outside your family ^_^ obviously ^_^ and anyone who's not into your incest ships is a bigot <3 "but it's normal in their world!1!11!!!" no its not lol. and even if it was. marrying children is also normal in their world what's your point

[widevibratobitch]

so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.

'you gotta sing this softer'

'what'

'this is mozart'

'this is vitellia'

'this is mozart'

'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'

'this is mozart'

'i wanna murder a guy'

'this is mozart'

'...'

'softer. gentle. mozart'

'...ok'

[sapphic-squid]

Currently near breakdown point cause I have this existential dread that I am at my core a boring person

[spearxwind]

.

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

[joskippy]

Simon petrikov they could never make me hate you

[slippery-minghus]

hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.

and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.

i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.

where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).

but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?

[andichoseyou]

cant stand big brother fans tbh dhdhhd someone makes a game move against someone the fans like, and they start making the weirdest & grossest comments abt the person who made the move. like um guys.... they r there to play a game.... they aren't being STUPID or DUMB or RACIST or SEXIST, JUST BECAUSE THEY WENT AGAINST SOMEONE YOU LIKE!!!!! some of their favs aren't doing good AT ALL in the house, like DUH they are going to be targeted!!!!! like i just know if these big talkers on twitter who spew the most hatred online would not last a day in that house, they'd realize they actually have to talk people face to face and would start shitting their pants and crying and throwing up because they have never had a human connection a day in their life

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this