#i hate trying to sleep and hearing loudass cars outside and i hate the artificial lighting CONSTANTLY
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#it's a really bad night for missing my source material#i hoped a year ago id be feeling better. now we're here and im really not#am i ever going to get rid of this ache. it hurts so fucking much. i just want to see my friends again#it's days like this i want to just uninstall everything social media wise and cut everyone off and then never come back to the internet#like i swear so much of my misery spawns from the people i meet online and how my life is in general#i want a simple life again so badly. back in my home in the woods not really worrying about shit too much#i mean yeah i had issues but god it wasnt like this. it wasnt anything like this.#moments like this also make me hate being a system kinda. not really but also idk i want my own life again. but also idm at the same time#bro idk#we'd all happily live my life from before tbf LOL if i did just go ahead and try to shape things different to make myself happier.. hm yk#idk. idk idk idk. im just unhappy. horribly unhappy. even the fucking modernity of street lights and shit bothers me now.#i hate trying to sleep and hearing loudass cars outside and i hate the artificial lighting CONSTANTLY#it makes me appreciate that we lived in the countryside previously that much more. ya bitch actually had a natural sleep cycle to rely on#and it was like that back home too...#i feel like a fucking 'born in the wrong generation' kid for saying that lmao but yeah take me back to the weird 1800s fantasy world#i hate it here#i vent a lot on this blog i apologise
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