#idk. idk idk idk. im just unhappy. horribly unhappy. even the fucking modernity of street lights and shit bothers me now.

[misskirisame]

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[featherfur]

Oh you know what else is awful :Re people's reactions to JC's childhood? A lot of JFM apologism consists of 'that's just how (Chinese) fathers are'.

Like maybe MXTX was trying to get at something, what with the yunmeng siblings having terrible coping mechanisms and poor communication, when she wrote JFM.

Why does everyone just assume JFM was a good parent just because WWX puts him in a good light? Of course he does! WWX's other option is sleeping on the streets so of course he regards JFM as kind and charitable!

But that doesn't erase the fact that JFM is a neglectful father who babysits his 'easiest to get along with' child when he feels like and leaves him for his wife to abuse when he does not to WWX, and a neglectful father who ignores his heir who is desperate to for validation, or a neglectful father who leaves his eldest daughter to raise the other children while making major life decisions for her without consulting her. Just because this is 'normal' does not make it right.

look, im not here to tell anyone who to like or who to hate but there is a Lot of JFM apologism that absolutely reeks of misogyny. And I don't say that lightly.

Saying "thats just how fathers are" doesn't... make him a good dad. It really doesn't excuse anything, it just says that you think it's okay for fathers to be bad parents because it's just what happens. Instead of like, acknowledging that it's not a good thing to be and that a good parent should yknow, be a parent.

Both Madam Yu and JFM are both horrible parents they're just on opposite sides of the spectrum. JFM is no less neglectful and abusive just because he isn't screaming. He doesn't parent any of his kids, he just exists with them and relies on the fact that his wife taught his son and daughter responsibility and hopes that WWX will learn it through osmosis or by his wife. He's a glorified babysitter at best and while WWX does put him on a pedestal, we also see JFM being neglectful in canon multiple times, and WWX is not a reliable narrator. Just because he says that JFM is great and wondrous, doesn't mean that he is especially when we then get scenes of proof that he just sucks. (Also a lot of those moments of him being a good uncle are just... JFM letting him get away with shit.)

And honestly like, if your kid goes around wondering if you actually like him then you've failed as a parent. No matter how good you are to the other kid. You don't get to just choose a kid to care for (which he does in like the worst way). I get that people like characters that are good to their fav and the MC but sometimes man,,, idk I don't like him lmao. He's not a good father even to WWX and it irritates me when ppl act like he was, or blame JC and Yanli for JFM being a shit dad. Or when they blame Madam Yu for Fengmian being a shit dad. Like no, look. I get it. You hate your wife (who you signed up to marry) and you feel like you got the short end of the stick. The person you loved went off to die in the wilderness and abandoned you. You're upset.

You're still a fucking parent. You don't get to ignore and belittle your kids because your wife sucks, because you're unhappy, because you didn't marry the person you wanted. Not to mention you're a pretty shit husband too, you give no shits about the rumors that are hurting your wife and your kids because heaven forbid you make a point to be like "Yeah no Wei Wuxian isn't my kid, my kid is the one in purple. The one with anxiety. And I wouldn't cheat on my wife." It's also the reason I get very aggravated when modern au's have JFM suddenly be a great dad because he's single. No he was a shit parent before WWX and if the reason is because he doesn't like his wife then he's a shit parent anyway. Madam Yu is more likely to be a decent mother, traditional and strict as hell, without a husband letting her name and her kids get dragged through the mud and everything her son has being put in danger because JFM can't be bothered to tell the kid he brought home that he has to follow the rules.

This doesn't even go into the stereotypes of mothers and how women are punished and hated a thousand times more than men because that's "just how men are".

I just,,, so much of the apologism is just refusing to admit that father's should be good parents. So unfortunately the more ppl try to apologize for him and insist he's secretly a good dad, the more i despise him and understand where Madam Yu is coming from. But people are welcome to make their own decisions, and at the end of the day they're both horrible parents and really should not have been allowed to be near kids as anything more than actual aunts and uncles so that the kid can go home and get a decent family dynamic