#i hate working like a robot in this trashy system

[akashis-waifu]

why can't being delusional pay my bills

[masslessobtrusion]

Bragging about my big brain...

I had a high IQ in school. I was accepted into gifted programs and nearly made it into the “genius” program. I didn’t cheat on the tests and it would’ve helped a ton if I could’ve prepped a little. I was very young. Most of the testing happened in 2nd or 3rd grade. I remember there being excitement when I scored high on standardized tests. This led to further testing. I didn’t understand the scope of what it meant. I remember my brothers joking about me being a “genius”. I started attending gifted programs in 4th grade.

 In regards to the testing itself, I didn’t know what to expect and can see how it really is kind of brilliant that I was able to recognize and translate various patterns. Why did I see those patterns when other people can’t?  

You have to do things such as recreate patterns using blocks with various shapes on them. I was able to create efficient systems in my head on the spot to complete the tests very quickly. Segment and optimize based on visual color, piece together a segment of the picture. There’s written number, shape, and word pattern tests too. The tests took all day. 

I didn’t make the super duper genius program because I failed to test 2 grade levels above in 2 of 3 categories. 99th percentile IQ was the other requirement. I was trying to test at a high school level exiting elementary school. I had no idea about that stuff because I didn’t focus on it and had no access to it.

 I was able to pick up on that very quickly once it was taught to me and I think I could’ve been accepted into it. Freshman science was the first time I had a great teacher. He had a fun method of learning the periodic table and I was able to memorize it within a month. But as far as school stuff went I just learned what was taught to me. I was more into hobbies and cool/fun stuff. I played with toys and did dumb kid stuff too. I researched and learned as much as I could about the information that was available to me. I had to do this on my own through trial and error. My Mom gave me access to everything. No direction though.   We still did stuff with the super duper genius kids but most of them were weird and arrogant. I would describe it as a very insular clique. “We’re smarter than you.”.  There were only 5-6 kids in the program. 

I wouldn’t have been interested in learning math at the time. I wish I could’ve learned about programming earlier. I think that would’ve got me interested in math if the correlation was made clear to me. Especially in regards to engineering and aviation. I would’ve found a passion. I wish I would’ve had better better influences around me. I wish I wasn’t exposed to so much hate, anger, and violence.  The standard gifted program required a 120 IQ along with a high score on a general knowledge/creativity test. It involved recognizing objects on flash cards, trivia, along with several written and drawing tests. I scored extremely high on an additional general knowledge/creativity test. My Dad lived out of state for most of the time which was probably beneficial too. My Mom and Dad both failed to raise me in an appropriate manner. My Mom did better than my Dad but she wasn’t fit to raise children properly. It’s due to poverty. She had to stay married to my Dad. My Dad moved state to state trying to find work. I wanted to be around him. The way he spoke to people didn’t bother me like it does now. I thought it was normal.  Talking about having a high IQ is frowned upon for someone to mention and brag about. I would think a person was being arrogant and possibly disturbed if they talked about having a high IQ in public. I remember peers would often be surprised when they found out I was in gifted programs. Jeez, thinking about how trashy the kids I went to school with are. How trash a huge majority of the humans in this area is. It’s fucking gross and disgusting.  The reason you put your kids in private school or live in a nice area is so your kids aren’t exposed to bad influences. It also sucks to rely on an sadistic hateful weirdo as a source of money to raise your kids.  I see the potential I had and how I could’ve used it much clearer now. So many adults seemed absolutely stupid to me. Like angry robots. The divide between these people and how I acted at home was so drastic.   So, whether my brain is firing different. At that time in my life. I was recognizing patterns, experiencing thoughts, and emotions that less than one percent of a similarly aged population were able to. It could’ve been a good thing if applied in a better manner.  I often can’t stop my brain from racing thoughts and recognizing patterns. That’s probably why I like benzos. Just being able to not think about anything is what I have hoped to accomplish by abusing those drugs. When my Dad would call me a fat druggy. I have to not think about it because it makes me upset and I can’t react or cause problems, because it will cause more problems. That’s why I chose to start abusing benzos when I moved back. It’s an excuse, but that was my justification at the time. I would take a bite of a bar every time my Dad said something shitty to me, which is everyday. There had been discussions about how I have almost died due to drug addiction and being around my Dad’s abusive behavior is not good. It was said to me that it wouldn’t happen and I believed it for some reason. Then, it started happening everyday and continues to happen, even after I tried to kill myself and made it very clear that their abusive behavior was causing me stress. They refuse to admit there’s an issue and continue to blame me. 

[lazyghost]

Worms of New Paris

The thing about being dead is you don't remember any of it. Many of the undead describe it like being born and living as a baby. Being dead and buried is like your early years you aren't supposed to remember. Except not many people have their baby pictures. How many people can say they looked at the photos of the scene of their own murder? It was unbelievable seeing what they had done to me.

“I wonder if they did such a bang up job because they suspected I'd come back if they didn't.”

I said trying to play it cool to the detectives. I think my body language betrayed me because I could not stop twisting in my seat like I was fighting myself to keep looking forward at the projections of the photos.

“So you still have no idea why you were even there?” The curly haired male detective pressed.

“I got no idea. I remember nothing about that night.” I said truthfully.

“Damn shame. You can't imagine how disappointed I am to have a cold case walk through my door and-”

“Woah, hey, that seems kind of derogatory to people with no body heat.”

He looked not even a little amused at my joke and continued. “To have a victim of a cold case come through my door a decade later and they can't add anything to my investigation? That just isn't fair.” He huffed and leaned back in is seat crossing his arms like a frustrated child. I really wanted to help this guy, but there wasn't much I could really tell him.

The lady detective stood up and struck the light switch. The room lost the blue glow from the photo projector and transitioned to a warm yellow glow. “Maybe in another 10 years the FBI will actually physically come to this city again, and we'll have the resources to finally solve this case.”

“Yeah, and maybe we can convince a city full of super humans that a police force is necessary.” The dude detective said as he pressed the bottom of his palms over his eyes and dug his fingertips into his hair. He slumped down even further so his back was on the seat of the chair and his head was propped up on the back of it. He lazily tilted his head slightly toward me and looked at me with his eyes and said “Hey, listen. You can go home now. Its late and I don't really think we're getting anywhere tonight, sorry.”

So I went home. I'm not really one for lying, but to the detectives home for me is in the apartment complex across town. For me in reality I don't sleep any more so I just don't really settle in one place. Ever. Not many people really understand or know much about the undead so you kind of get away with what you want to if you play it right. We're a subclass of super humans that gets overlooked because most of us are homeless. It turns out once you die the system kind of forgets you existed in the first place.

Those that advocate for change for the undead don't get very far. If you have been dead for a while you don't retain your ability to vote. You see, after people started getting heavy on voter fraud it got cracked down on super hard. What was thought to have been happening was people voting under the names of dead people. Well, that is all fixed up, but anyone who rejoins the living can't influence the law at all.

As such, a lot of the undead have opted to confining themselves to parts of the city more or less taken by force. I say “more or less” because once a bunch of corpses move in next door, a lot of people would much sooner leave than stay. It doesn't work everywhere. The largest roving band of undead in recent history tried to settle in a wealthy area and Cocoon shut that down. It did wonders for undead visibility though. A lot more people know we're around. I'm not sure its the right image, but since no undead killed a human or super human during that invasion, I'd say we came out okay.

Unfortunately Cocoon managed to abduct a lot of the undead there during that. And this is when I have to start talking about Cocoon. Its kind of a dumb thing to get your head around. To put it simply Cocoon refers to three major things at once. Cocoon is the adopted name of Dr. Oval Packard. A man who believed so adamantly in eugenics he chased a global solution in secret for about fifty years. He chose to go by Cocoon because he considered himself the “pupa of human metamorphosis.”

And now you can understand the last two usages of the name Cocoon. It is also the name of the religion that was born from his experiments and the name of the corporation that carries on Dr. Packard's dumb shit. It is worth saying, and I will say many times, that almost every undead you meet has a burning hatred for Dr. Packard. If he had not died when all this shit began we would kill him again.

Now for the sake of this document I should really get to what actually happened to New Paris. First of all before we start I have to say “New Paris” is such a trashy name. Its something that sounds sophisticated to the kind of people who like Woody Allen movies. I don't know why I draw that comparison every time I hear it. Its like I'm thinking of Midnight in Paris, transitioning to how much I hate Woody Allen, and then circling back to how much I hate Cocoon somehow.

Anyway, New Paris. It was supposed to be this awesome city of advanced science. They bought up a nothing special town in southern Pennsylvania, cleared it, and then invited the world's most brilliant scientists around to come build the city of the future. When I say “they” I mean specifically Dr. Packard. Nobody really knew at the time that Packard was an asshole eugenicist and he was pretty well respected then so nobody thought anything of his invitation.

Thanks to some incredibly precise and intricate planning the entire city was built and running in just two years. This had people across the globe clamoring for Cocoon to build them a city like this. Entirely self sufficient, clean energy, and an infrastructure of robotics that ran the city. Packard promised to sit down with his fellow scientists and work out how they could build these Cocoon cities (as New Paris unfortunately became known) in other countries.

We know very well now that he never intended any of this. The meeting happened, but we never saw those scientists again. And directly after that he initiated Chrysalis Night. Which probably purposely is made to sound like Kristallnacht, considering it was named by literal Nazis. Anyway as you can guess, Packard's big eugenics experiment finally went viral. Some weird bug he called “Ygg” exploded out of his body and polluted the entire city within hours. He died, but his dumb fucking legacy lives on.

The little I understand about Ygg is this: They call it a dimensional parasite. While its effects on the human body can be beneficial it can just as often be consequential to the host. Although its not quite right to say it directly affects your body. The actual target of Ygg is the paste that binds you to this reality. Once that paste is eaten away your existence starts to slip into another. In this world you may be a run of the mill normie office worker, but in the slip reality that same person is very different. Maybe over there that person is built like a truck and can throw one a mile. The universe kind of just accepts both of these things being true at the same time and now you have Janet from HR who just got fed up with working so she punched the building down.

That actually happened last week, no joke. I just wish there was more to the story than “being super strong doesn't make it so you can survive a seven story building toppling on top of you”, but here we are.