#i have a low libido but i am a freak so it kinda evens out i guess

[bobasheebaby]

Penny Prompts

1 “If I take it off, NAME wins.” “Sweetie, every night you don't kill him/her in his/her sleep, he/she wins.”

2 “Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.” “Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.”

3 “NAME, what did we say about being a nicer friend?” “Thank you.” “NAME, what did we say about being a gullible weeny?”

4 “I'm not signing a prenup.” “All right, NAME, listen up! You sign anything he/she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man/woman alive. If you let him/her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all men/women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.”

5 “What am I supposed to do?” “Err, keep your mouth off other men/women.”

6 “So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.” “Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.” “I told you if we were patient, he'd/she’d figure it out for himself/herself.”

7 [Person a knocks on NAME’s door three times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.”

8 “NAME 's mad at me, and I'm not clear why.” “Okay, were you talking before he:she got upset?” “Yes.” “That's probably it.”

9 “Ignore them, NAME. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.” “Isn't this when he/she says "bazooka" or something?”

10 [looking at caller ID] “Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight.” [answering phone] “Hey, baby...” “His/her right hand is calling him/her?”

11 “Doesn't he/she know you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” “He/She doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend he/she has a NAME.”

12 “What kind of teenager did you think I was?” “Slutty.” “Easy.” “The word is 'popular'.”

13 “Once you open the box it loses its value.” “Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.”

14 “Is that all you have? Shop-worn tidbits like ‘talk to him/her’ and ‘let it go’? Gee, NAME, life's given me lemons, what should I do?” “Well, you could shove them somewhere.”

15 “More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?” “Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.”

16 “I don't believe it. What's gotten into him/her?” “Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.” “You didn't.” “Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.”

17 “Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.” “That's true. How late did we stay up last night?” “Almost 1 am.” “Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.” “Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!”

18 “You gotta help me get my arm into my sleeve.” [Eyes closed] “Okay!” “Is that my arm?” “It doesn't feel like an arm.” “Then maybe you should let it go.”

19 “Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?” “I don't know, a psychiatrist?”

20 “Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?” “Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!”

21 “You wanna turn yourself into some sort of robot?” “Essentially, yes.” “Okay, here's my question: Didn't you already do that?”

22 “I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.” “I could think about you.” “Whatever works.”

23 “We cover ourselves in body paint and then we get on this big canvas and do our thing.” “Woah, that's kind of a big step for a guy/girl who only recently agreed to take his/her socks off.”

24 “He’s/She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.” “Hey, I talked to him/her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.”

25 [To NAME’s dog] “Bark once if you need me to call PETA.”

26 “NAME, that's not what boyfriends/girlfriends are for. Although you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?”

27 “Don't you dare knock!”

28 “Don't you think if a man/woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?” “Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.”

29 “Good morning, slut!” “What?” “Oh, please! I recognise the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it!”

30 “They're gonna get beaten up at that club.” “They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.”

31 “Holy crap on a cracker!”

32 “And then you put it back, compromising the rest of the onion rings.” “Aw honey, the buses don't go where you live do they?”

33 “What's up, buttercup?”

34 “And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?”

35 “Really still can't talk to me?”

36 “This is banana bread.” “This is a door knob.”

37 “Oh, I don't know. I don't want to manipulate him/her with sex.” “Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for.”

38 “I'm a little low on cash.” “How much you got?” “Nothing.” “How can you walk around with no money?” “I'm cute, I get by.”

39 “And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.” “What?!” “I know that face. That's your proposed face.”

40 “Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.” “Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?”

41 “NAME, will you marry me?” “Oh my god, yes!”

42 “Is this the stuff you want me to try on?” “No this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.”

43 “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” “Well, not to steal from the bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.”

44 “Oh, my God, you’re about to jibber jabber about jibber jabber.”

45 “I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.”

46 “We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.”

47 “You know deep down inside, NAME’s a nice guy.” “The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.”

48 “Um, you know it's kinda early. Do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee or something?” “Oh gee, its a little late for coffee isn't it?” “Aw, you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.”

49 “The thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.” “Interesting.” “Isn't it!” “No, I mean what you find enjoyable.”

50 “Do or do not do there is no try.” “Did you just quote Star Wars?” “I believe I quoted The Empire Strikes Back.”

51 “You can't let him/her get into your head.” “It's too late for me, my head is his/her summer house.”

52 “Well, while they're acting like teenagers we could do something grown up.” “Ooh, you mean like a museum?” “Yes, like a museum but anything else!”

53 “NAME’s being reasonable.” “Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.”

54 “Oh, my God, he/she won't stop.” “How does he/she keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?” “Nobody knows. That's why he’s/she's number one.”

55 “I love you.” “Who cares?”

56 “You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?” “Yes.” “Please can I do it with him/her, please.”

57 “Don't be like that. You two need to talk this out.” “Yeah, because you sound really funny.”

58 “I really thought he/she was going to say ‘let it go’.”

59 “Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.”

60 “I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.” “Well what do you need?” “You, you stupid Poptart.”

61 “What are you saying? That I'm using my body to get dinner? That I'm some sort of Chinese food prostitute?”

62 “I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.” “Again, it was miniature golf.” “Admit it, you're a little turned on.” “You can't be this proud.” “Why not?” “Because I beat you.”

63 “How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?” “Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.”

64 “Come on. How can you be sad when you're going home with all five foot six of this?” “You think you're five foot six? That's funny.”

65 “Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.” “Were you drunk?” “I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?” “I think you're the one who fell over.” “Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.”

66 “I need to go back to dating dumb guys/girls from the gym.”

67 “We'll take you to the mall to get it done.” “Why? I can do it right here.” “Really? You have a piercing gun?” “No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube. I've done it, like, a dozen times.” “Oh, I don't know.” “Oh, come on. I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity.” “This party's weird.”

68 “So is that it? Are we engaged?” “Yeah, I think so.” “All right.” “What's wrong?” “I'm not sure. It just feels a little anti-climactic.” “Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it?”

69 “I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.”

70 “I don't understand, exactly how did he/she get any friends in the first place?” “We liked NAME.”

71 “Here, have some pizza, sweetie.” “You know I'm lactose intolerant.” “I know; I just need you to stop talking.”

72 “So, what do you think?” “I thought it would be a little more ... just more.” “I'm not even sure why we were out of breath.”

73 “I mean I was on fire. I was in the zone like an athlete.” “Sweetie, I beat you at this, too.”

74 “Well, I can't eat like a ten-year-old all the time.” “You're dating somebody! Who is it?” “What? What are you talking about?” “You only watch what you eat when you're afraid you might have to take your shirt off.”

75 “So I'm like a bran muffin?” “What? No, that's not what I'm saying.” “No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.” “What does it matter? I'm choosing you.” “It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.” “Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.”

[theroadfromustome]

Mile 71

So never got on that followup post. That was Sunday night. It’s now Thursday morning and I do need to get my ass to the office, but I think it would benefit me to process some things first. For context, it’s production week, and I’m so weary. I feel like I could sleep for three days. I may also be moderately depressed? If that’s possible? Bc I feel low on motivation. I dunno maybe I’m just moping. Things are so...active...lately.... I dunno. Like I’m not even sure where I am anymore. I keep trying to go with the flow, but the flow is...so new and I sometimes feel like I don’t know how to keep up with it. It’s not bad necessarily. Just... I guess I’m still trying to sort out where I stands between the social, dating (I had another first date last night. what the hell?) woman and the homebody watching movies and hanging on her husband’s words. Ugh and I definitely don’t want to go back to her. But also I haven’t written much since I moved in; there’s S who has been sidelined more lately, there’s my professional development that has been shelved, I haven’t been spending as much time with my mom of late...these things are all not like me. But maybe they are? How to move forward and not lose the good parts of the old? The thing about dating is that I’m trying to represent who I am, and I’m not even sure who that is fully at the moment. It’s a bit confounding.

So first, there’s J. I saw him again on Saturday. It was rather different because I had to be back for my friend’s wedding that evening so I had a deadline and drove up in the morning and then back in the afternoon. So there was some element of rush to it. Also, it rained, and that mostly kept us indoors in his apartment. And it’s funny. Bc I certainly had a good time, as always. He was certainly as wonderful as ever. But I can’t think about it without unease, discontent, melancholy even. I can’t help feeling that I did something--not wrong, not wrong, not WRONG she says for her own self worth---that freaked him out a bit. Which I know, is his problem. But it makes me sad if this is going to end. Just because it seems so good. If he feels at all like I do then we generate happiness when together...and of course *clock clock fssssteam heat.* And then of course the less brave part of myself, the one I am always working to master feels like I was more vulnerable this time, more open, and that glimpse of me in my truest sense is what made him retreat; and that’s rejection--my personal kryptonite. So I wish I could say I haven’t wept over him this week; but that would be a lie. I wish I could say he didn’t affect me like this; that I was stronger and grounded enough that I could put this in perspective and lower the damn stakes. That I didn’t take three days to recover after seeing him and experience an emotional roller coaster after each date. But again, that would be untrue. Something I need to examine with my therapist when next we meet (next week at last!) is why I have such a pull towards romantic relationships; why I have this sick addiction, why I run full speed at them even if it means it will be too much too fast and then leave me with whiplash and overtax the engine or whatever. Much ado superquick about ultimately nothing because I couldn’t chill out and pace myself. 

I keep telling myself this. But also this song keeps playing through my head:

“His eyes light up and how can I complain? I did not know the rules do not apply...”

The more I get to know him, the more I am endeared to all his little idiosyncrasies, as his strengths and weaknesses. I can gush here bc noone is listening, noone else wants to hear this. But yes, his smile makes little warm sensations bloom in my stomach. I like his chuckle and the timbre of his voice. I like the line of his jaw and his temple--I always want to touch it, run my fingers over the line of it. I love his overlarge polish nose, esp, when it is pressed to mine as she kisses me, as I gasp against his mouth. And then of course there is his mouth...such clever lips that turn me to complete jelly; but also I can’t explain, it’s not just when he’s kissing me...I love the way they shape around a jest or an explanation, his smile... He will yammer on and on about a point until its complete conclusion; he’s scientifically logical to a fault--he must accurately qualify things--and I find it delightful.  He worries that he is an old man; talks wistfully about the days before his autoimmune started to limit his actions and energy and I just want to wrap him in my arms and kiss him all over and assure him that he isn’t old; that he can fall apart and I won’t judge him; that he can rest in me and I will be there as loyally as ever. I wish to help him find his way back to that self he misses, all the while adoring the current version of J.  

He has a terrible patch of hangnails on his right thumb, and I find it endearing. Why is that? He gets droopy after he eats, and I find it endearing. What am I doing? When we are in the process of sex, he will catch my fingers in his and run his thumb along my wrist...and it reaches into my heart and tugs on it. But I know he doesn’t mean any of it the way my poor embattered soul takes it. I know he doesn’t feel the same way, that he’s not thinking about me right now, that he hasn’t memorized my expressions; isn’t obsessing about my fingers or whatever. The sex is great, because it feels like he lets down his guard some and that he wants me in some way. But once it’s over he pulls back again...it’s almost transactional. He’ll never admit to enjoying my company without me saying something first, he never compliments me, and if it weren’t for physical tells I wouldn’t know that he desired me either. I mean, in his manner he is amenable...but he won’t touch me, or kiss me, unless it’s related to sex.  I cannot tell how much he actually enjoys  my body as much as enjoys playing it like an instrument. It’s not like with other men who have told me how muh they want me...I tried this time to give him that; to be open about how much I desire him, how much I want him. If I tell him I like him or am fond of him one more time he may vomit. 

At one point were making out, etc. And I thought “God I adore his smile. He’s so handsome,” and he saw this on my face and asked. And I didn’t want to be weird so I was trying to tell him and not be weird and I don’t want to scare him away, and he said “It sounds like you’re trying to tell me you’ve fallen in love with me but you don’t want to scare me away.” And I responded “Oh no! I’m not there...that’s...” (Very articulate. This is true though. Love is something I cannot swear to this early, and it’s a big ass deal after last time.) And part of me wonders...what would he say if I said yes? Was he trying to tell me something? “But all he said was” (Ragtime? anyone?): “We wouldn’t be here (having sex) if I wasn’t interested in you.” Right. Interested. That’s what a girl wants to hear. Conclusion: he is not where I am. He’s not over sentimental. He’s being careful and grounded, and also. I’m not the amazing person he is. So of course he’s not in my thrall as I am in his. I’ve known from the beginning that once he got to really know me, he'd realize I wasn’t for him. “Don’t you know that time is not my friend, I’ll fight it to the end, hoping to keep this best of moments when the passions start. Heaven help my heart the day that I find suddenly I’ve run out of secrets...” Another moment: He was...engaging in an activity that was very nice for me (don’t want to be cliche, but he touches me in a way I’ve never experienced before and...bloody hell...) and he was coaxing me with endearments and I know that was just sex talk, but some part of me wanted it to be real. I keep hearing the word “love” fall from his lips, and I think “wouldn’t it be wonderful to be cherished by such a man? I don’t know what I can give him in return, but it would be so beautiful to be loved by him.” 

In some ways I just wish he could be candid. “Listen A, I’m not into you like you are into me, and your pushy oversentimentality is kinda freaking me out. I may want to bang you, but I don’t want to start calling you sweetheart. Ok?” It’s probably a good thing I can’t see him again for a month. (In the meantime I’m going to see S, so that’s a whole other bundle of what the fuck am I doing? “Look at your life, look at your choices.”) Anyway, this time I’m going to try (we shall see if I succeed) to sit on my hands and not contact him, not present him with dates; to let him ask me. And maybe he’ll decide he doesn’t miss my company and that will be that. Except that I will be left with his birthday present. 

So that was Saturday, and that night I was at my friend’s wedding and I flirted shamelessly with one of her friends and then he got in touch with my friend and got my info and asked me to dinner which was last night. I said yes partially on principle--I need to remind myself that J is not the only man on the planet. This fellow, P, is nice, but there’s not the same crackle there that I feel with J. He may also be a bit more cowed by my recent history and child. But I may see P again. I would never have thought this would be me. I’ve never spent so much time flirting with different men in my life. Also, my libido is way up. That’s new. I blame J. 

Parting song for today:

[valkerymillenia]

Long long week

Just settling my thoughts of everything that has happened in the last several days.

So...A week ago I got two new piercings in a very delicate area. It’s supposed to take up to 6 months to heal but they already look halfway healed according to my experience with piercings... I might be mistaken but I’ve always healed quickly, just not this quickly.

Surprisingly enough, these little metal buggers sparked my libido back on, which had been pretty comatose thanks to all my medication. What an odd turn of events.

Meanwhile, my dad’s social security sick leave pay was almost cut because they wanted “updated medical reports”. Well, assholes, if you would hurry up with the process of actually getting him the specialist’s appointment before the old exams became obsolete, then we wouldn’t be in this predicament, now would we, morons?

But they shut up about it when I brought this up, they were also very rude and arrogant in wanting to exclude me from the meeting with my dad, stating that he hears “well enough” so I’m not needed. Five minutes later I was called back in to be the interpreter and take instructions for my deaf dad. Never seen an arrogant asshole wilt so fast before me in my life time.

Two days later we actually did have my dad’s specialist appointment for his knee. It was so freaking far away, so many trips, it’s a fortune just in petrol.

for those who are curious, 17 years ago my already deaf dad had a work accident at the metalwork factory where he works, it was christmas eve and pure negligence of the highest kind. His left leg was crushed but curiously the bones were ok, the tendons and muscles were not. So the company’s insurance doctor did surgery...and fucked up royally, he did a second surgery to fix the first and fucked up further. At this point the insurance company just didn’t want to be sued so they allowed my dad full free medical treatment with one of the best specialists in the country, but even this orthopedic surgeon said he couldn’t save the knee after so many screw ups so he did his best with another 2 surgeries and ton of intense physical therapy.

My dad never walked properly again and his leg was so scarred and so full of pins and screws that we nicknamed it the Frankenstein leg. 

After that he went back to work despite the permanent limp but although he’s only supposed to be the security guard and auxiliary help, they made him do heavy janitorial work too which slowly destroyed his leg further. Two years ago he started having spasms and sudden bouts of leg paralysis but chalked it up to age; last year his knee gave up completely and he was in such excruciating pain that they took him out of work.

Anyway, the current doctor looked at his exams but ordered another emergency x-ray. Some time later he and his assistant were going over a mountain of tests and paperwork and trying to explain to my dad what the next steps in recovery were... They gave up five minutes in and turned to me, I supplied all the data and answered all the questions with such clinical accuracy that I think the doctor was a bit at loss about how to treat me, in the end he took off the kid gloves and was leveled with me with brutal honesty.

My dad’s knee cartilage is gone, the tendons are tearing, the femur and tibia are grinding against each other, the kneecap is half the size it should be because it has been ground down to a shard of bone.

My dad is going to need intense physical therapy, a lot of cartilage-directed medication and in 3 months he will have surgery to REMOVE the screws and pins in his legs since at this point they are doing more harm than good. If the medication and treatment work he might be back to work soon and still have a year or two years before the next surgery (best case scenario) but the second  surgery WILL MOST DEFINITELY be needed at some point, whether it’s this year or in 2020- a complete knee prosthetic transplant. 

The surgery is free but we still don’t know the actual price of the prosthetic, basically his whole knee will be low-weight metal for bone and plastic for cartilage. More intense physical therapy and HOPEFULLY he will be able to work his last few years before retirement and be able to walk or even move without excruciating pain.

So yeah... A lot of heavy news that I had to explain painstakingly slowly to my dad and then repeat a dozen more times to other doctors, social workers, my grandma and relatives. It’s stressful as fuck after 10 hours in a far away hospital.

Meanwhile my dad also has another hearing appointment this week and again I have to go to help out.

Also, both my dad an I have appointments to our GP next week. He needs to renew his sick leave paperwork and I need...Well, we’ll see. A bunch of things really.

I was finally told which new psychiatrist I’m being considered for and am just waiting to be called for an appointment which I will then have to relay to my GP again. Gotta get this autism thing straight and I seriously suspect I’m going to be sent to a neurologist because of my neurological non-psychological symptoms. Let’s see how that shit goes.

I didn’t get the paid writing internship with an international magazine that I was practically already in. A last minute issue got me bumped into a waiting list.

On the other hand I gained sure steady work from a tattoo lifestyle magazine that is going international- I’m their official translator. Unfortunately they only print every three months. Ironically enough, I’ve actually been featured in this magazine for some modeling work my sister and I did at the Miss Vintage pageant in the Vintage Festival last year.

However, as luck may have it, my editor really likes my writing style and article ideas and has decided to also hire me a freelance writer for the magazine, rather than just a translator. Which is amazing if it works out.

On the other hand, fuck, between my dad’s meds and my own we are paying a fortune and bear in mind that medication here is a tenth of the price of it in the USA. So that just shows how much crap we need to keep functioning.

Meanwhile, my sister’s prom was last Saturday. She wanted me to do her make-up and be there as an escort and photographer but because of the issue with my dad I’m too far away and missed it... I honestly cried over this, both in disappointment and in pride, I saw some photos, she was so lovely, I’m so proud of her achievements.

Meanwhile I feel like I’m disappointing my boyfriend a lot lately because of these odd schedules and all the work I had this week, it took away a lot of the time I usually spend talking to him. I feel kinda bad... Fucking 7 hour time zone difference.

On the other hand, omfg, my other crush... Ugh, it hurts. I don’t want to say anything because the friendship we have is beautiful and I won’t make it awkward but she’s figuring out her sexuality and comes to me for advice... And I just want to smash my face on hers and kiss her and say “There! Did that help you figure things out?”. *breathes* Control, Rach, control.

A bunch of other things also happened but are minor at the moment. I may talk about them later or just forget them completely. I’m just so tired and overwhelmed.

Sorry for the mega rant.

[themasturcait]

(De-) Stress the heck out!

Okay, if you’re gonna sit there and say: “yeah nah, never been stressed a day in my life.” You’re a flippin’ liar. We all suffer from stress at some point in life. Its normal af. If you DON’T get stressed, I’d be worried about you as a human and whether or not you had a soul… How to explain stress in human form: that kinda sweaty annoying tingly feeling on the back of your neck, and the feel of your breakfast not sittin’ so well in your bowels, and you scoutin’ the area to see if there are any toilets near “just in case”. Yeah, that’s stress. Causes of stress: Um, life. Nah but seriously. I stress over everything. Friends, work, the future, my relationship, MONEY (shock horror), the fact I never have ANYTHING to wear. And all that first world stuff. Now I’m not gonna go into anxiety in this, I’ll leave stress’ older uglier sister for another blog. Stress is one of those things that just HAPPENS. It CAN even be a bloody good thing sometimes. I mean if we didn’t stress, we wouldn’t care, and whatever we’re stressed about its because we’re probably worried that things aren’t going to turn out okay and because we CARE TOO MUCH. So in turn…by stressing, we can push ourselves to do better... Does this make sense? Whether its pushing ourselves to do better at work and impress our boss, or to stand up to to a “pal” who’s making you feel like shit. If you don’t have a handle on your stress it can be super flippin’ easy to go all Nazi on everyone, though. Man have I put my parents and partner through some SHIT cause I’m havin’ a psycho stress FREAK OUT. You know the ones. Where you can’t rationalise and you’re overthinking EVERYTHING and nothing ANYONE says will calm you down and the world is JUST GOING TO END. Yeah, those. Work stress is the number ONE thing human beans tend to stress over, and boy is it a killah. We spend the majority of our time at work, and if you’re not enjoying yourself, it isn’t a good time. I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves and when our expectations aren’t in our control you feel like everything’s going to shit! The obvious – working long hours, poor management and workplace bullying are such insanely common factors in the workplace. It actually sickens me to think of what some people go through at work and how much stress they’re putting on themselves, not only mentally, but physically too. If work is making you THAT unwell and unhappy. BE GONE WITH IT. Search for something else. There will be a workplace for you and a team that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. If you don’t move on, how will you ever know, right? I definitely KNOW I overthink way too much and know that leads to the majority of my stress. “Do my friends actually like me?” “Will people want to hang with me even though I’ve gained all this weight?” “Fuck I’ve gained a lot of weight” “Shit I’m getting sick, can’t afford to have sick day, but am dying, lord help me Jesus.” “I HAVE NO FUCKING MONEY SO NO I WILL NOT COME OUT FOR A PINT.” *majority of time still proceeds to go out for middy as yolo. I don’t think a lot of humans understand the physical thangs that can impact you when dealing with stress... and I deal with these things most days when faced with stress: -Low energy. “Yes I have slept 17 hours. No I will not get up anytime soon. Yes I will proceed to lay here doing nothing, thank you.” -Pounding headaches. Your BRAIN is workin’ too fkn hard. Prob gonna explode soon. -Upset tummy. Legit. Always scout for bathrooms. Stress can srsly give you THE SHITS. -Chest pain. Am I having a heart attack? But I’m too young to die. -insomnia. wOT.iz.SLEP? I’ll just lay here staring at my boyfriend until he can feel my eyes burning into him and then maybe he’ll give me attention -Sick. All. The. Fucking. Time. Tissues and nasal spray are my new bestfriends. AND LETS NOT EVEN GET FUCKIN STARTED ON LIBIDO. Man, you think I wanna ride dat WHEN I’M WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER I’M GONNA HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT TO BUY LUNCH BC MY PAY HASN’T GONE IN OR IF MY TYRES GONNA GO FLAT ON ME IN THE MORNING BC ITS REALLY OLD AND BALDING AND OMG I JUST CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD I AM DEALING WITH SO MUCH RITE NOW U ARE SO SELFISH TO EVEN SUGGE- You get it. I’ve tried basically everything known to man to DEAL with stress. There’s no cure, ya just gotta DEAL. Here’s a few little things I like to do to try and de-stress and calm my mind. -Meditate. Seriously. Its not just for hippies. It really works!!! Even 10 mins a day. There’s something hell chilled about listening to a man telling you to focus on your breathing. Having the ability to control your breathing will help SO SO much when dealing with stress. -Yoga. Again, not just for hippies. A super good exercise to clear your silly little head. In fact, any fuckin exercise. Seriously ITS TRUE. EXERCISE IS THE FLIPPIN CURE. SWEAT THAT STRESS OUUUUUTTT. -Light up scented candles and make your space smell nice. Ain’t no-one gon’ be stressed with a caramel smellin’ bedroom lemme tell ya. -Open your windows and get some fresh light in. As much as you might wanna retreat in your cave, that sunlight and cool breeze will do a world of wonders. Trust. Breathe that shit in. -HAVE A GOOD SLEEP. Stay the fuck away from your phone at least half an hour before you go to sleep. Yes, god forbid, don’t check insta (unless its mine) right before you go to sleep. Your phone light is the worst stimulant and I guarantee it’ll keep you up longer than you should. Just layin’ there. STRESSING about how tired you’re gonna be at work the next day. - I hate saying this, but cut down on the booze and drink MUCH, muuuch more water. Don’t get me wrong, I love a glass of red after a stressful day. But I don’t have a whole bottle. Unless its Friday… or Saturday…or Sunday night…. Fuck I have a problem. -Have a bath, cleanse your face and listen to some super chilled out tunes. There’s something about that warm water that just chills me da eff out. Probably warming up my COLD HEART -Lastly for me: Writing. Getting all your thoughts out. Especially at the end of the day right before bed. We all love to vent, and I GUARUNTEE 1000% you’ll feel so much better getting it all out, instead of having all those poisonous thoughts locked up in your head. Stress is not something you should feel like you have to justify or explain. Your entitled to your stress. Just don’t let it consume your life. It does still consume a lot of my life but I’m working on dealing with it a lot more. And remember, worrying is like punishing yourself twice. So don’t fuckin do it, yeah?