#i have a tendency to swear when i hear my alarm go off so i'm thinking i might have but here's hoping it was before i answered the call | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonillfated · 3 years

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🧫 𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗔𝗭𝗢𝗟𝗔𝗠.

𝘿𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣: Triazolam,sold under the brand name Halcion among others, is a central nervous system depressant tranquilizer of the triazolobenzodiazepine class, which are benzodiazepine derivatives.

This medication is used to treat a certain sleep problem (insomnia). It may help you fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and lessen how often you wake up during the night, so you can get a better night's rest.

⚠︎ Warning : Triazolam may cause side effects,which include:

Drowsiness, dizziness, lightheadedness, headaches, problems with coordination, nervousness, tingling of the skin and nausea. Please inform your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away.

This is a horror fanfiction oneshot about Jacksepticeye's dark/evil ego Anti :) It's based on a animation that you can watch right here! The original audio in the video is from one of Jack's older creepypasta readin's - you can listen to it by clickin' here!

3:47 am.

This is the third time this week that I woke up from a restless sleep. The angry red numbers of my silent alarm clock secretly mocked me, beaming brightly in my dark bedroom and illuminating my pale face. I stared at them for what felt like hours, unblinkingly watching as the minutes passed by agonizingly slow. For a second I thought about trying to close my eyes, expecting to fall asleep effortlessly and finally calm my disoriented mind. I already knew it would end in failure, but I desperately shut them. My breathing was shallow and broken, pathetic sighs and broken hiccups escaped my lips while I tossed and turned in my disheveled sheets. My pillow was too hot on my face and the disgusting urge to itch my insides was crawling over my sweat soaked skin. Another glance at my clock - 3:51 am.

I groaned and threw my too heavy blanket away from my body. This was worse than waking up frantic and scared becouse of a recurring nightmare - at least I knew why I woke up when it happend and wasn't laying down with nothing but an empty head. I had to force myself to not cry, the memories of that gruesome scene replayed in my head and I felt vomit rising up in my throat. I quickly pushed myself off of the bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming open the door and bending my head over the toilet I threw up what was left of my half eaten pizza. I don't know how long I sat there on my knees, grabbing at my green locks and pulling them rather harshly away from my line of sight. Grunting becouse of the stiffness in my muscles, I stood up on wobbly and unsteady legs. I felt dead, and looked it even more - I hesitantly threw a peek at myself in the mirror above my sink.

The perfect way to describe myself would be a living corpse. My once cheerful and enthusiastic blue eyes were now a endless deep void of confusion and fatigue. Dark bags painted themselves on my ghostly white skin, bringing out the visible pain and exhaustion in my eyes - one more reason to stay inside. It was already bad enough that my doctor insisted on scheduled appointments and weekly visits, unwanted questions being asked were not something I wanted to add to the list. I don't think I could bring myself to answer them politely and patiently without crying or swearing at them out of - of what? I don't even know what exactly I'm feeling. Anger? Perhaps its guilt and sadness? Or unresolved tension I have locked up inside. I shook my head, propping myself up on my palms and took a deep breath. I wanted nothing more than to bash in my skull against the wall, hear it crunch and finally - once and for all - end his fucking hell I'm going through daily.

No. I couldn't let him win- after everything that fucker put me through, the last thing I wanted was to give him the satisfaction that he oh so clearly relished. It's been ten years now since the first time he showed up and threw my perfect life upside-down. Ten years since the last time I properly slept. And ten years since I felt like a normal human. God - how many things I just wanted to do,now that I recall that distant and awful memory. If only I wasn't such a pussy - if only I had the guts to step foot into my parent's room. I was eleven at the time it happend, just a child - yet I witnessed something even a grown ass adult couldn't process. Nobody believed me when I told them what happend, not even the police who stormed my old house after our terrified neighbors called them. Of course they didn't - not even I would believe a fucking kid who told me he saw a monster drag his dead parents into the room and even precisely prop them up like barbie dolls.

They called me crazy,and people who heard about my past still do. Those bastards brought me to an asylum - a clinic for people like me is what they told me while I was uncontrollably bawling in the backseat of the cop car. Even there he was there and just watched like the creepy maniac he is, I could see him in the corner of my eyes and even now I'm afraid to look. He would talk to me, even tell me jokes and whisper some unintelligible bullshit in my ears all the time. I was naive back then, a simple boy with too much hope in his pockets. I would pray that he just dissapears when I wake up, even though I could perfectly make out his bent form on the wall. Sometimes I would pretend I didn't see him or hear him, even act as if he doesn't terrorize me every day. I can never put a finger on him, he is like a constant shadow made of all the bad things in the world trailing after me like a lost little puppy. Those sickening vibrant eyes, a radioactive green swirling in nothing but pitch black holes. I know that whatever he is, whatever he represents - isn't human in the slightest way.

The way he walks, looks and acts is far beyond human. His body is nothing but static, a mass of glitches and shadows. His limbs are unhinged and falling apart, his neck is slit but stitched together and I speak from experience when I say it was pure agony to have it sliced open. A sadistic freak that is too impulsive, unpredictable and dangerous for his own good. He's all twitchy and fidgety - craining his neck to the side and revealing a row of sharp, jagged teeth that could bite off your fingers one by one. The hair-raising giggles and maniacal laughter fill the noiseless atmosphere of my bedroom at night. And every god forsaken time I would try to get a good view of him, he was either on the other side of the house or behind me. I gave up after a while, and to my suprise he didn't show up for a short amount of time. The hopeful child in me returned and I dug up a glimmer of what once was lost - the desire to make him go away forever.

Not long after he returned, and I don't know how it was possible but he became creepier than before. I clasped my eyes close, they began hurting form how strongly they were shut together. A shaky rhythm of breaths flew past my open mouth, and I regret opening them back up - becouse when my eyes fell on my sleepless reflection I saw him right next to me. I was frozen and paralyzed with nothing but pure undeniable fear. He was practically breathing down my neck, and even if I didn't physically feel it - goosebumps rose on my skin. He didn't move, just stood perfectly still and held my glare in the mirror. I knew that if I didn't look away he would continue staring at me until I dared to. This was nothing new, a simple test. He could smell the fear and nervousness I displayed around him, I didn't bother hiding it becouse he could always tell I was petrified. There was blood dripping down his neck and then I realized: This is the first time I properly looked at him.

I wanted to scream, to rip my hair out and curse him out for not letting me live a normal life. I couldn't get a word out, my tounge darted out to lick at my chapped and dry lips - swallowing down my desperate cries of despair and vexation. I don't know what gave me the sudden bravery to dart my eyes but I carefully scanned him - my body trembling and barely holding itself up.

What I saw made my blood run cold.

He looked exactly like me - His hair was the same shade as my messy locks, his skin was a sickly pale green color and his clothes were mine but just more ripped and torn. His arms and legs were thin to the point only bones could be seen - a living stick. I didn't need to catch his stare to know that those haunting eyes were the same ones I was sadly familiar with. The freak's neck streched to the side, lazily hanging his head on his shoulder while a crooked grin formed on his face. I couldn't and most importantly didn't want to make any wrong movements, one tiny mistake could set off a whole new problem for me to unravel. His shoulders rolled and I followed his hands cautiously, every part of my being shouting at me to punch him square in the guts. I felt metal run along the sensitive skin on my neck, he didn't apply any pressure - just dragged the sharp edge of the blade over the thin organ.

The feather light touches made my skin crawl in only the wrong ways, at this point I was beyond scared shitless and the widening grin on the maniac's face told me everything it needed to. The sound of static filled my ears and my ears were pounding at how loud it was - I screwed my eyes shut once again for what felt like the hundredth time that night. It was my first instinct, becouse every time I opened them he went away. And just like I predicted, only the tingling on my skin was left of him. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding and relaxed my tense shoulders as much as I could with my current situation. I dashed back to my bedroom, picking up the motionless sheets crumbled on the floor and covered myself with them. I had to be still and could only observe as he positioned himself casually under my bed.

Its the way he moved so gracefully- even though that's not really a word I would use to describe his features with. He moved with deadly silence and if my eyes weren't used to the dark I would live my whole life not even realizing hes switching his location. Whatever I tried never made him go away, he is always here and just watches. My eyes finally gave in to the constant begging of needed rest and I drifted to a somewhat undisturbed slumber.

• • • • • • •

The waiting room was my least favorite part of the checkups. Everything was too white and it smelled of negative anticipation,I don't get it why they just don't add some color to it. I sighed mostly out of boredom but also becouse I wasn't prepared to see Dr. Schneeplestein yet. That man was too chaotic to be taken seriously, his emotions worn out on his sleeves and just - way too fucking ridiculous to work as a professional doctor. I eyed the people sitting in the room with me, I was thankful that he never followed me to my appointments. Bastard most likely despises this place as much as most people do, then again - he isn't like other people so who knows what the real reason is. I twirled with my thumbs in my lap, carelessly picked at my jeans and swayed my feet back and forth to make time pass faster. It was overwhelming no matter how much I stopped by this place, the feeling of excitement, anxiety and dread came crashing down all at once - which was difficult for me to handle.

My palms are sweaty and the beating of my heart is increasing the longer I sit, my stomach is fluttery and the apprehension is deadly. I constantly felt eyes on me, yet I knew he wasn't here - it was all in my head but the impact he has on me scares me. I listened uninterested to the multiple hushed conversations in the room but payed them little to no attention - I wasn't the one to eavesdrop. My head snapped upwards as the office door opened and Dr. Schneep's assistant stepped out with a folder tightly flushed against her chest. Her eyes read something on the papers she was carrying and she confidently called my name. My legs felt like gelatin, I didn't have the energy to stand straight but I miraculously managed to enter the office. The nurse sent me a polite smile which I barely returned, the corners of my lips only quirked.

"Jack - my friend! I'm so relieved you actually came, I was worried you may have skipped your weekly appointment with the best doctor the world has ever seen!" I sighed and meekly greeted him while he worryingly sat down across from me. Dr. Schneep knew about my sleeping habits, he already gave me about five different medication prescriptions to take regularly but not even one helped. Sure, some did their work for a week or so but after that everything went back to the way it always was. They are supposed to make me feel tired but somehow they made me feel even more awake and cautious about my surroundings. I didn't need pills or therapy, I just needed him to go away-

"Jack? My friend, have the pills I have given you helped at all? I must say you look awfully sick- and that's not something any doctor wants to tell their patient!" I rolled my eyes, careful that he doesn't see it. I shook my head and threw it back to stare blankly at the ceiling while tiredly thinking about last night. A shudder traveled down my spine and I felt the hairs on my neck stand - Dr. Schneep must have noticed becouse he audibly gasped way too dramatically and placed his hand on my thigh.

"Is he causing you trouble again?" The sudden change in his voice startled me and I automatically looked at him. He was eyeing me with expectancy, waiting for the moment I start speaking so he could begin making any notes he deems important for a diagnosis. I have already been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and Paranoia, perhaps even a type of serious virus or bacteria that makes me hallucinate. My vitality has been consumed for a long time and it's seriously draining to keep arranging these visits.

"I- I saw him last night- I woke up in the middle of the night again and I had to use the bathroom." I purposely left out the part of me vomiting. Dr. Schneep grabbed his pen and began writing, I observed as he messily noted the date and my name. I'm sure that at this point he has that whole notebook filled with norhing but my reports and files. I don't even know if he truly believes me or if he simply has some empathy for a traumatized patient - it's his job so I wouldn't be suprised.

"Was there anything eh- how do I say this? Special or significantly different that occured when you saw him?" His choice of words made my stomach turn and I cringed, the fucker looked like me - I think thats worth sharing. I kept my lips sealed for longer than intended, but I finally spoke up what was swirling inside my head. "I know what he looks like now." Okay- maybe I didn't say the whole truth, but better something than nothing afterall. And plus, I wanted to leave faster. Dr. Schneep nodded sharply, his blue surgical mask crinkling as he mumbled under his breath - the page soon filled up with everything I told him today. This was tedious, but I kept quite and waited till he finsihed.

"Alright then, that would be all for today Jack! Thank you for your cooperation once again, I need all the details I can get to help you with your problems - you know I'm only trying to make it easier!" I nodded at him and glanced at the clock on the wall. 4:56 pm. Before I could make a move and leave, Dr. Schneep snapped his fingers and hurridly urged me to stay a little longer while he frantically rummuged through one of his drawers. Whatever this was would keep me here even more, when the only thing I wanted was to leave - preferably never come back. Dr. Schneeple returned with a small white box in his gloved hands, the plastic container was plain and something was writted on the lid with a marker.

Triazolam

My eyebrows shot up and I looked at him confused: "What is this?" Dr. Schneep clapped his hands as he began telling me about the new sleeping drug to help me. Apparently it was a very strong and intense tranquilizer to make things easier for me incase of nightmares or poor sleeping quality. I was thankful for the research and time he invested to help me, but the results always failed. These prescriptions never did their job right and I began loosing my hope once again. I nodded again, turning the box a few times over in my hands. Dr. Schneep shook my hand and guided me outside his office, I said my goodbyes and left the hospital.

Here goes nothing.

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #anti #jacksepticegos #jacksepticeyeegos #youtuberegos #youtuber egos #writing #long post #fanfiction #oneshot #creative writing #youtubers #schneepstein #doctor schneeplestein #dr schneeplestein

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nightblink · 7 years

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Blink Reads Oathbringer - Chapters 121-122 and Epilogue

And so it is that we come to the end.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twenty-One – Ideals

Oh, hello Moash. How are you doing, now that you've accomplished what you set out to do?

'Shouldn't Moash have felt pleasure? Or at least satisfaction? Instead, killing Elhokar had only made him feel… cold.' Yep, there it is. Cold. Like your heart, asshole.

[winces] And of course by this point the Fused have made many of the humans of Kholinar slaves, to clear out the battle-rubble of where they once lived.

Note: confirmed in-book that there are only nine orders of Fused (which means they're probably missing access to one of the Surges)

What is in the palace that they want

NO. YOU KEEP THAT MEMORY. YOU SUFFER THE MEMORY OF HOW KALADIN LOOKED WHEN YOU STABBED ELHOKAR.

Looks like there's at least some of the Fused who are trying to catch up on what they're missed in the past four thousand years.

“You have killed a king. Would you do the same to a god?” Oh maaaaaaaaan, you know where one of the insane Heralds is. Jezrien, if that sapphire is any indication (and if it has any meaning beyond just being a gemstone) but the gold-white metal sounds important too. Oh this is not going to go well.

---

I love Navani. 'EVERYONE BETWEEN ME AND DALINAR BETTER MOVE.'

That has to be a little hilarious to see, though, because while Kaladin's only just a little bit taller than Dalinar, Lopen is short. They make for rather lopsided crutches.

SHOO, BOYS. Navani please

Ahhh, that's how he thought to trap the Thrill to begin with. Remembering Taravangian's words helped capture it in the end, but Navani is the one who inspired the plan in the first place. If anyone can manage to find out why the King's Drop(/Honor's Drop) was able to capture the Thill, it's her.

'Something unconventional, perhaps uncomfortable.” “Anything. What is it?” “I want you to teach me how to read.” OH HOLY SHIT. DUDE. DUDE. WHAT EVEN IS THIS THIS IS FANTASTIC

---

[winces] Shallan is still very Not Well – and it is the true Shallan that is the most tired of course, because she is the core, and right now, it's just easier for her to be her masks.

At least she's apparently going to actually dedicate herself to her wardship now? She won't flee?

But at the same time, the inside of her mind is spinning, spinning, spinning, the two mask-personalities flickering and overlapping her and I was right to worry because she's not settling as she calms down and lets the adrenaline and battle furor fade away.

They are going to have to pull out all the stops to explain the day's events to the Azish, admittedly. With any luck, Queen Fen can help them with that.

'He skidded a little as he fell to his knees beside her, then raised his hands – only to hesitate, as if confronted by something very fragile.' He can tell. He was going in for a relieved, exhausted hug and maybe a follow-up kiss but he can see she's masking.

Flicker, flicker, flicker, 'Adolin searched her eyes. She bled from one, to the other, and back. A moment of Veil. A moment of Radiant. Shallan peeking through– Adolin's hand tightened around her own.' Excuse me while I go scream about this, this moment of quiet worry and understanding and him knowing Shallan, the real Shallan, picking her out from her shields against the world without even a word. An anchor for her to steady on.

“Most of the blood isn't mine. Well, I guess it is. But I'm feeling better.” Oh my god, way to understate 'I almost died but at least the internal injuries are healed?'

Ahhhhh, and we get a moment of pure, quiet physical contact as they hold each other on the wall in all the aftermath of the blood and fear and chaos, and it's just the two of them taking comfort in simply holding each other and being and it's lovely-

And then when he quips to lighten the mood a little of course that's when Kaladin lands not far way and Veil barges up to the forefront. And the way she looks at/is responding to Kaladin's presence… [winces] Shiiiit, that’s- that’s not a good blush from Adolin; he sees where she’s looking, sees Veil-Shallan’s immediate interest in Kaladin and abrupt dismissal of him. That’s an embarrassed, hurt, I’ve-been-deluding-myself blush. Piling that on top of his already-low self image right now, that's… haaaah. I wouldn't be surprised if he started trying to back away – women have a tendency to leave him, after all, so why wouldn't this relationship end up the same, no matter how much I love her?

I'm surprised that Radiant is on Veil's side of preferring Kaladin now, considering that she was the mask-personality that preferred spending time with Adolin in the first place. That seems almost like a switch that's Convenient Because Drama.

!!!! Shallan, exhausted and overwhelmed as she is, is managing to assert herself?! 'They were not her. She was occasionally them. But they were not her.'

You have done some healing.

---

'She attuned Appreciation anyway. An old rhythm. She loved being able to hear those again at will – she could attune either old or new, and could make her eyes red, except when she drew in stormlight.' I'm so glad that we have a Listener Radiant – I mean, I'd hoped it was going to be Eshonai, but all the same – LISTENER/SINGER RADIANT I'M SO STOKED. She can hide herself among the Singers and Fused, too, keep them thinking that she's a Regal while she observes them and listens to what Timbre has to say. (I'm betting she's a Willshaper, but I could be wrong…? Stoneward is a possibility as well, since those two and Dustbringer were the ones that were missing from Dalinar's Radiant-count if we don't include Taln as possibly 'counting'.)

Yeaaaah, I thought it was impossible too, but it looks like that's not the case.

[hums] The Singers on the ship make some very good arguments, and those same arguments are probably happening all over the world now that the Singers' minds are awakened again, and not trapped in Slaveform. After the intial 'what's going on' assessment, we haven't heard what the rest of the Singers around the world are doing.

“I know who you were. Keep working, and let me tell you of the Listeners.” Yesssss, spread the songs and history of your people! Keep them alive!

---

Nightblood. Nightblood, not everything has to be destroyed.

How the hell is 'Obedience' one of the Dustbringers' Divine Attributes when you have Nale saying of the Skybreakers “The very reason we swear to something external is because we acknowledge that our own judgment is flawed.” I mean, come on.

You say that Ishar survived with his mind intact, but isn't he the one going batshit crazy and calling himself a god/priest and wanting to kill everyone? That doesn't sound all that 'intact' to me.

“The law is made by men, so it is not perfect either. It is not perfection we seek, for perfection is impossible. It is instead consistency.” The Skybreakers continue to confuse the hell out of me.

Well, there's the Ideal. Next up, cleansing the Shin of their false leaders. Hopefully that won't be as bloody a task as the last leader-culling spree you went on was.

“You may find him a harsh master.” “He is a good man, Nin-son-God.” “That is precisely why.” ………..fair.

Aaaaand he's still going to train with the Skybreakers, or at least with Nale, despite the fact that they're technically on opposite sides now. That's going to cause some interesting clashes in the next book, I'll bet.

Nightblood, please

---

Of course someone was making tea. There is always time to make tea.

[winces] I'm… not sure how long it'll take you to find him, Shallan. He's probably not doing too well right about now, no matter how well he may look like he's managing.

'She'd seen how envious he'd been as he watched those Fused, with their flowing robes, moving like the wind.' He was probably more jealous that they got to fly everywhere than of the robes. He does like to stay aloft. The skies are Kaladin's domain.

Lots and lots of dust, though he wasn't so much fighting a bag of sand as something much more solid.

Ouch. She put his arm around her shoulders herself, when usually he's the one who's super-tactile. That alone should sound Warning bells going off! Something's wrong! for her, and he's not responding to her efforts at being lighthearted, either.

'He took a deep breath, and removed his arm from her shoulders.' Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Warning bells heightened to Serious Alarms.

“I've decided,” Adolin said, “to step back.”' Aaaaaaaand there it is. I'm honestly not surprised. He's hurting and you can tell? so easily? But this is that crux point, that If-you-love-something-let-it-go moment of ‘I’ll step aside without another word if this is what will make you happy (even if it breaks my heart)', and he's backing that up with his body language with the way he goes all stiff and tall, like he's bracing himself and doesn't want her to see him falter.

[buries face in hands] There he goes with his concept-to-words getting screwed up between brain and mouth and I feel you on that, man, I really do, but oh my god Shallan please take him apart for that “I'm going to let him have you.” sentence.

“I'm holding you back. I see the way you two look at each other. I don't want you to keep forcing yourself to spend time with me because you feel sorry for me.” HELLO SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES. Even disregarding that, though, that's… okay, it's really dumb that he's not asking her her feelings on Kaladin first, but also it's really selfless of him, trying not to put any pressure on her about it.

I can't keep quoting here or I'm just going to end up going through the entire thing line by line-

THANK YOU FOR RIPPING HIM ON THAT LINE SHALLAN, there is no one who decides who 'gets' you because you are not a prize, but also please bash him over the head with the fact that this is your choice, not what attraction he's convinced himself that he's seen between Veil-You and Kaladin

….it's a good thing that she paused for breath because he'd never get a word in otherwise. That tirade definitely counts as smacking him upside the head with her honest opinion.

OOOP THERE'S THE PHYSICAL CONTACT COMING BACK (along with probably as much of an admittance of his inner weakness as he's going to give). And yet he still asks her are you sure, because he is going to Respect Her Choice and he'll be damned if he doesn't double check to make sure he's getting what she's saying exactly right, for both their sakes (because damn if it doesn't look like he wants to pin her against the alley wall right about now)

Still voices his worry for her concerning Veil and Radiant, and tbf she needs someone who will do that, and who will also be there to remind her who she really is if she starts slipping away and losing herself again.

“But that's the thing, Shallan. I don't want anyone. I want you.” [clutches chest] Be still my beating heart, but I'm such a sucker for things like this.

Ah, and now they get to have a heated makeout session in the alley. Good, they have some passion to work out and Adolin has some physical contact and dumbass words to make up for.

---

It is going to be a big effort to get the thunderclast's corpse out of that high tier of the city. Maybe once the next highstorm renews the spheres, the Radiants can help take care of that.

Oh good, Kaladin's not feeling bitter or jealous either THANK YOU SANDERSON. THANK YOU FOR NOT MAKING THIS A CLICHE LOVE TRIANGLE

Syl. Syl you can Kaladin need to sit down and have a Talk if this is how you're going to continue to be about his relationships both platonic and possibly-romantic.

“I don't think I loved her, Syl. I felt… something. A lightening of my burdens when I was near her. She reminds me of someone.” [cups hands] THAT'S CALLED PLATONIC LOVE, KAL, AND ALSO FRIENDSHIP and he's actually acknowledging that thank you once again Sanderson for having Kaladin realize the difference between Friendship and Romantic Love

And now I'm going to go sob over the memory of Tien thankyouverymuch

“He was your first god, before you turned to Honor.” HMMM. So. Perhaps the demise of the planet that the Rosharan-humans originated on was related to the fact that Odium was their only shard? If they came here and found Honor (and likely Cultivation as well), that could mean that the original Radiants weren't Radiants as we know them at all, but bonded to Voidspren of Odium.

'You could protect your home. You could kill to defend the people inside. But what if the people you killed were only trying to get back what was rightfully theirs?… Could anyone really be expected to let go because of what ancient people had done, no matter how dishonorable their actions? Who did he fight? Who did he protect?' Not easy questions, not with the humans having been on Roshar for so long at this point that they even forgot their own origins, and they're questions that're going to require much, much more in-depth assessment in the next book from every POV character we get.

That's… given Dalinar's vision, I'd thought the Recreance a single event, but that makes much more sense.

“The oaths are about perception, Syl. You confirmed that. The only thing that matters is whether or not we are confident that we're obeying our principles.” Hence why you couldn't say the Fourth Ideal. You couldn't say it and be confident that you meant it, much less could follow it. It also explains how the Ideals within each order are similar at their core but differ in small ways, like how Teft's Third Ideal differs from yours.

It is going to end up a little bit messy, but I imagine that that's why there's seven books left.

Cultural note: kuma = crushed lavis grain and spices, served with flatbread; Kaladin counts them as travel rations

“It doesn't change us, Teft. We're still who we are.” And that's the point. Broken people, the lot of the Radiants, and now Teft has a new perspective on that reality that he didn't before. He'll understand Kaladin a little better now, knowing that even storming Stormblessed is as broken as he is. And he has Bridge Four to help him, as Kaladin does. They're not alone in this.

“We lift the bridge together, Teft, and we carry it.”

I'm not crying you're crying

---

Did the Heralds disappear off somewhere during the battle? We haven't seen hide nor hair of Ash or Taln since the Radiant-count Dalinar did before everyone split and the POVs started flipping like popcorn.

Oh hello Taravangian. FUCK OFF.

He's fairly intelligent today, and Dalinar's at least starting to see a glimpse of his true colours – but only as much as Taravangian's choosing to reveal.

!!!! You think you've found Battah in Kharbranth? Ohhhhh, is that how you found out that the Dustbringers would be the most receptive to the plan of the Diagram, you found their patron Herald

---

Oh hello Moash. FUCK OFF.

Haaaaaaah. That old madman was Jezrien, I was right. Well, not anymore, though whatever that knife is that Moash is using to murder him, it's doing something – the dark smoke coming from the stab wound makes me think if Nightblood, but that glow at the pommel insinuates that they have him trapped there. Doing that should be possible, since the Heralds are a variety of Cognitive Shadow, but how the Fused/Odium figured out that not only could it be done but how, I'm not sure. Considering that they didn't want to do it themselves, though, there's probably consequences.

---

Lopen has a spren (at least one that's attached itself to him) and he plays hide-and-seek with it (him?) and teaches him rude gestures. Should we have expected anything less?

Dru-! Sanderson, you had better bring Drehy and Skar back alive; let them have a reunion, and a happy one at that.

'Kaladin had entered, glowing softly, speaking with some of the surgeons. Knowing Kaladin, he was probably telling them how to do their jobs.' Truer words have likely never been thought, Lopen, and you well know it. The poor surgeons probably have years upon years more training than Kaladin does, but he is glowing, so of course they're listening and nodding along. Glowing does that to people.

Haaaaaah. That's the thing, Lopen – just because you have an optimistic outlook doesn't mean that you're not broken. That looks different for each individual. Just because you're relatively sane or stable doesn't mean you're not cracked through.

JOURNEY BEFORE P A N C A K E S. Lopen have you been hanging out with Lift. You have, haven't you.

OMG. Of course he'd been wanting to save it for a dramatic moment. Hah – that's not quite how it works, Lopen. That is the moment to use your double-rude-gesture, though.

Kaladin plz

---

Ahhh, and now we get back to the Heralds. That answers where they were during Chapter 120, though. 'Talenel'Elin had broken like the rest of them.' He just took longer than the rest of you - the hardiest soul of the ten.

Uhhhhh, Ash, I don't know if you've been keeping up with Ishar, but he's kinda gone completely bonkers. You won't find any answers with him.

[eyebrows rise] 'She'd stamp it all out. She would ruin every depiction.' ….huh. Given that you were one of those on the field when Radiant Roll Call was done and there were no Dustbringers there, you might be a potential Dustbringer, considering that you're in the lineup to get a POV book in the second five. That sounds like very destructo-Dustbringer thinking.

!!!! Is Jezrien your actual father, or is that an excuse that you're giving to explain away the collapse? Also, confirmation that whatever that knife did to Jezrien, it tore his soul away from the cycle the heralds were bound to, though still unknown exactly what it did.

Midius? That must be one of Jasnah's contacts – and Jasnah definitely recognises the two of them for who they are.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twenty-Two – A Debt Repaid

!!!!!!! Dalinar retained the ability to infuse spheres and people with stormlight! That wasn't just an effect of the opening Perpendicularity or a temporary buff!

Oh thank god Drehy and Skar are alive – and on top of that, Vathah and Red and Ishnah… and Gavinor

ohhhhhhh, Teft and Lopen weren't the only new full Radiants-!

---

Back to Taravangian – compassionate Taravangian, who in all honesty should still fuck off

Who is now hearing voices in his head, and I don't think it's a spren. (But you never know…)

And he's the one who let the Singers in! Probably by using Malata to unlock and use the Oathgate, and from there the Honorblade was stolen. Ohhh, you scheming cremling of an old man. Not only that, but he and the others of the Diagram know to call the 'parshmen' Singers when none of the protags do as of yet.

'The confrontation predicted by the Diagram would happen soon.' what confrontation. Taravangian, what confrontation are you/they talking about and are we going to see it next book

Inviting Odium in like a goddamn vampire, that's just great

'Do you really think you will ever be able to negotiate with me from a position of power?' Oc course Odium wouldn't consider compassion to be power, but only the intelligent end of the scale. Still, it's not like there's any position of power for a human to 'negotiate' with Odium from in the first place.

Golden light, golden words – gold is as much Odium's colour as red is. Considering that one of his Unmade gives the Death Rattles/the power to foresee possible futures, he likely had a hand in granting Taravangian the ability to make the Diagram as well.

'A ripple in what Odium could see… At its root, a name. Renarin Kholin.' [from the distance, a muffled 'fuck yeaaaahhhhhh']

“I need nobody.” Oh for fuck's sake, I know that the majority of this book isn't supposed to feel all ~highbrow English~ and that's fine, it's part of the writing and atmosphere, but Odium is supposed to come across as haughty, not like a belligerent three-year-old. The editor should have at least demanded that it be changed to “I need no one.”

Haaaaah, he's still trying to bargain… and even though they technically made a bragain, I don't think it'll end up how Taravangian wants it anyway. Even if Odium himself leaves Kharbranth alone, he can simply let the Singers do as they wish to it, or blockade the humans in and simply wait for them to starve. Kharbranth has nothing but the Palanaeum and its medical schools, after all. One city alone in all Roshar will still fall.

---

Back to the Shadolin Constant Physical Affection and now in front of the other highprinces/princesses, generals, etc., with added “It looks beautiful.” “You look beautiful.” “You are beautiful.”“Only because you’re here. Without you, I fade.” No goddamn wonder Brightness Teshav is rolling her eyes at them. He’s tucking her under his chin and they’re happily leaning into each other amongst a people that Do Not Do Public Affection, and being complete lovestruck morons on top of that.

AND THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK HOLY SHIT

(it's gonna be a looooong week for those two)

Again with gold being Odium's colour, though this time Dalinar is the one preemptively associating it with him – burning gold, even.

(it's going to be a very long week for Adolin/Shallan)

Iri is fully allied with Odium at this point, and they've got three of the ten Oathgates. That alone will severely restrict protagonist movement in the north-northwest part of Roshar – and I bet we'll get to see that part of the continent for ourselves in the next book.

Looking out over 'Kholinar' has to be An Experience for those in the room that haven't seen Shallan's powers at work beyond the lightmap, doubly so since it shows the city under occupation. For those whose home it is – was….. the gut-wrench must be far more.

How long is it going to take them (Dalinar, lbr, it'll have to be Dalinar's realization) that Taravangian is their Traitor™

OH AND THEN ADOLIN COMES RIGHT OUT WITH THAT IDEA

But of course Dalinar shoots it down, though at least not entirely. It may take the entirety of the next book – or even longer – as well as solid proof for that realization to come.

Ooo. Oooo. I… agree with Shallan in that Adolin has the capability to be king, but at the same time, not only do we-the-readers know that he doesn't particularly want to step higher than Highprince, but he's got some serious internal self-doubt issues to deal with that he apparently still hasn't confided to Shallan (and likely won't).

I……. was not expecting that revelation, not like this. I don't see how Dalinar/the Kholins can manage to fix this, honestly, though they'll have to do something – and Dalinar is too honest to hide it. Ialai will know, and Ialai will remember, and Ialai will have her revenge. I'll bet a handful of emerald spheres that she manages to nearly kill Adolin and he survives by reviving Mayalaran (probably unintentionally/with his dying breaths).

Admittedly, he wouldn’t be nearly as good at politicking as they need in a monarch right now; they need someone who can negotiate and carve arguments. Highprince suits him better.

---

AYYY, PALONA AND SEBARIAL AGAIN

At least all the kings and princes from before decided to come back, after the whole fiasco of a meeting that happened right before the battle in Thaylen City. I’m honestly surprised that all of them are here, because while Gawx would at least listen to Lift, what led the other monarchs to believe that they could trust the Alethi again?

‘The Kholin family, it seemed, had chosen their new monarch.’ Haaahahahahah and now you all have to deal with Queen Jasnah. If the Alethi social system isn’t entirely overturned by the time the Desolation is over, this had better result in either absolute primogeniture, or even better, aptitude.

---

Moash! Hello again, and from the bottom of my heart, go jump off a fucking cliff

So. They’re depopulating the human inhabitants of Kholinar; but where are they sending them? They can’t all be sent to work as labor in farms and fields, there’s just too many - especially with all the refugees that had taken shelter in the city when Odium’s army attacked and overran Kholinar.

Even here they’re talking about Passions, rather than just down in Thaylenah where the ‘Passions’ are worshipped and therefore would be part of the narrative that Odium was feeding to the new Singers. Considering how Odium call himself the Shard of Passion, and he used to be the Old God of the original batch of humans, that worship could have a basis from those way-back-when humans, and now that Odium is ‘on the side of’ the Singers/Listeners, he’s instituting much the same now.

“We heard something. Made us want to be near you.” [squints] ….what did you hear. Are you referring to hearing rumours, or hearing Rhythms, or hearing something else…

Well, being near Moash doesn’t look like its going to last long, and not just because of the name change. Vyre, huh. It’s a lovely-sounding name, but the meaning…. not so much.

---

MARRIAGE DAY, MARRIAGE DAY

Weddings are usually a hassle, Shallan, especially for those near the top of the social order, and it sounds like ‘everyone’ wants to try to make this a spectacle in the ‘correct’ way (as opposed to the Dalivani ‘let’s have the Stormfather himself marry us if none of the ardents will).

Of course Lift would gift her something like a dried fish. Bless.

BOOTS FROM BRIDGE FOUR. Ohhhh, they are never going to let you forget that for the rest of your life - though at least at this point it’s apparently all in good humor.

(Ialai ‘[leaving] Urithiru in disgrace’ does absolutely nothing to assuage my worries/certainty that she’ll be back for revenge)

I definitely need to draw Shallan in her wedding ensemble (and Adolin too).

'Veil and Radiant faded. When Shallan looked back in the mirror, she didn't feel embarrassed by the attention any longer. It was all right. It was all right to be happy.' I am so very, very happy for how far Shallan's come – not just over the course of this book, with all its ups and downs, but from the very beginning. Actually! Allowing herself and admitting to herself that it's okay to be happy, that she deserves happiness! Her, Shallan, and not any shade of her that comes out sometimes.

AH GOOD THEY'RE ALIVE, MRAIZE KEPT HIS PROMISE. Heheh – this is definitely a time for joyspren if there ever was one. How different she must look to them, considering the last time they saw her was so long ago, a year or more! And now she's here in this tower and a Radiant and getting married.

Oooo, only part of her debt forgiven. It's not like she was going to cut ties with the Ghostbloods anytime soon, but still – she still owes them.

However, their goals still align, and Mraize somehow knows of Sja-Anat. Speaking of Glys being one of her corrupted 'children', though, can she somehow contact them through Glys, I wonder, much as she contacted the Shallan and the others through a corrupted gloryspren while they were in Shadesmar?

A celebration of being herself. This is a wonderful thing.

---

Teft gets his own Bridge of squires! YESGOOD

That has to be really weirdly awkward, though, with Szeth – the Assassin in White – taking up duty as Dalinar's personal bodyguard. WHY DID WE NOT GET A SCENE OF THEM TALKING ABOUT THIS WHOLE NEW ARRANGEMENT. Branderson I am disappoint.

W R I T I N G

It's so amazing that just the fact that this man. is writing. sends me into fits of flailing. How fantastic, how wonderful, that worldbuilding and characterization and character development can come together in such a way that this scene makes me hand-flap a mile a minute.

'We took Shardblades from women, and they seized literacy from us. Who got the better deal, I wonder?' I think you've already determined your answer to that question, Dalinar.

Writing this is going to be greatly cathartic for him, no matter how it's received by others.

!!! He calls Rock a Windrunner – is he insinuating full Windrunner there, or is that also applied to the squires for convenience?

The light – the light from that last 'vision', the one that wasn't sent by Honor or the Stormfather. That light.

Oathbringer, My Glory and My Shame. Written by the hand of Dalinar Kholin.

[insert flailing here. lots and lots of flailing.]

Epilogue – Great Art

Still in Kholinar, Hoid? Well, interesting things are happening there, though you are risking getting caught by Odium, and that could only mean Bad Things for everyone...

Of course he'd go into this deep and meaningful spiel about art, all as witty justification for “You are less a human being, and more a lump of dung with aspirations.” The King's Wit really was quite the perfect side-job for him.

'Not a mask he put on. Real sorrow. Real pain.' You don't live as long as Hoid does, be who he is, and not have a wellspring of both.

'-level the city and consider it a cheap price for even the slimmest chance of ending [Hoid]' does sound like something Odium would do.

[hums] Making the possible start of a new family from broken fragments of old ones now lost. People underestimate how much you care.

Of course Odium would have Fused – with their memories that stretch back Desolations – that are dedicated to keeping an eye out for Hoid.

!!!!!!!!

“I know you'd rather have someone else, but this isn't the time to be picky. I'm certain now that the reason I'm in the city is to find you.” Who? Someone – or something – in the walls of the palace?

Luring with truths.

A Cryptic.

“Life before death, little one.”

[muffled shrieking]

#blink reads oathbringer #oathbringer spoilers

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