#i have fixation phases i guess idk ._.

[narugen]

feeling bad again 😧

[aerequets]

randomly remembered the time when I was 9 or 10 years old and in a Huge online game phase (think club penguin, fantage, Poptropica, etc). my fixation at the time of this memory was fantage, which, for those who don't know, was basically a dress-up game where you could also interact with other players and play games and whatnot.

so I was Obsessed. like begging my dad for memberships (he finally got me one for one month. it cost $6) and beelining straight to fantage when I got home from school and acting like the pixelated clothing items I got for my pixelated avatar were truly treasure. like this was my second world guys. My... happiness? No, not my happiness, but maybe my sanity hinged on this online game.

now one thing about fantage was that they had censored words, like cuss words, because it was a game for kids. if you said something, it could result in a temporary ban, or, if what you said was REAL bad, a permanent ban on your account.

anyways, people found a neat little trick where if you said the word 'sexy' (not a cuss word but also not something you want kids to be using?) the game would automatically convert it to 'cool'. and I was ALL OVER this trick. For some reason 9 year old me found it the funniest thing in the world to see 'sexy' written in the chat bar (which, by the way, I didn't even really know what it meant) only for the word 'cool' to come up in my speech bubble instead. I even started experimenting. what if I wrote 'exy'? (nothing.) what if it was capitalized? (COOL.)

what if I wrote 'sex'?

probably because it isn't a bad word, the orange pop-up of doom only declared I was banned for 24 hours instead of forever. but I can still remember the sheer panic and horror 9 year old me felt at that sight. I was Banned.

i guess 9 year old me also didn't have any foresight, because instead of 1) considering it was only a day long ban, I could wait and 2) considering it was only a day long ban, NOBODY HAD TO KNOW, I instead ran straight to my mom with tears running down my face and loudly asked "IS S E X A BAD WORD?" mind you, I spelled it out S-E-X because I was under the impression that banned fantage words would somehow also get me banned from real life.

my mother, bless her soul, only looked horrified as her sniveling 9 year old stood there after asking that question. after asking the normal questions (where did you hear that, what happened) and getting a hold on the situation, all she said was "Yes it's a bad word" and left it at that. Im glad she didn't put any stock into my panic over being banned for ONE DAY because wtf was I actually doing.

anyways moral of the story?? practice safe sexy I guess idk I have no idea why I was like that

[bomberqueen17]

ugh

I can't sleep and I'm just sort of stewing over how unprepared I am to be entirely on my own managing my own healthcare. blech.

Did I mention, Farmsister was suffering from hip pain and went to her doctor and was diagnosed with the exact same problem I have?

Diagnosed, I said. Yes! Her doctor actually investigated the cause of her pain, diagnosed her, referred her to a physical therapist, but also came up with a plan of treatment. Told her physical therapy often can't resolve this issue, so after a set amount of PT, if there wasn't enough improvement she'd refer her to an orthopedist instead.

Imagine that. My doctor was like "you've got intermittently debilitating pain? You should go see a doctor about that." and that was that. I went to a physical therapist because that's what she recommended, but I don't have a plan, I'm just spending $150/wk to work out in a room full of other people. I guess I'll ask my PT if there's a plan or like timeline or like, idk, something we should look for, or what. IDK what a realistic goal is. Pain-free seems out of reach. I'd settle for largely functional, I guess? But I don't know, and I guess I'm on my own to figure it out.

And the same with the ADHD! She was like "oh, your insurance isn't going to cover it and it's probably going to take months of waiting, but you had better go see someone about that", and refused to engage any further. So I messaged the psychiatrist today and he doesn't check the messages on that platform so I texted the admin who was like oh usually medication is adjusted at follow-ups, and I'm like well in the three minutes he talked to me it didn't come up I guess, so then they texted back that he says to try taking two pills a day for a couple days and then schedule a follow-up.

I've asked around, and usually I guess the regular adderall pills, you take in two doses at separate times. But if the point is that I'm trying to see if a higher dose helps, I'd probably better take them at the same time??

It's just that when the small ineffective dose wears off four or five hours after I take it, without my ever having had a good phase, I get horribly drowsy and also get this kind of gross formless yearning that I think might be a dopamine crash, where I roam the house in itchy horrible discontent trying to think of something that might help me, but it's not candy and it's not reading a book and it's not napping, and I guess I understand why people turn to drugs or self-harm because the feeling is awful, spacy and wrung-out and aimlessly needy.

But I guess it's up to me to research what that is and what to do about it, and then at my $250 three-minute follow-up appointment in three days or whatever I'll tell the psych what I want prescribed to me, because it's sure as shit not like he's going to have any fucking advice for me.

And like. Laugh out loud at the notion that my primary care physician would give a single shit about this. Maybe I didn't mention this on here either but literally the only thing she has looked into about me is that my blood tests came back with a fasting blood glucose level of 5.7 (idk what units, just that she's fixated on that number) and it is exactly entirely that post circulating about """"pre-diabetes"""? She has put in my chart that she wants to start me on Metformin!! Christ all fucking mighty, it could not be more obvious that she took one look at my fat ass and was like "this bitch eats only candy! I'd better scare her straight!"

Ma'am fuck off. She wants me to get my blood retested in July and I am figuring I'll take advantage of having to have a visit then anyway to get the ADHD stuff entered into my main chart, and I'm also going to tell her that since she was so disinterested in literally any of the conditions actually debilitating me (my hip pain and my ADHD) I had to research those so I could treat myself, and in the course of researching that I found out about the fake "epidemic" of "pre-diabetes" which isn't a thing, it's a fucking PR gambit to sell drugs, and so if she prescribes me diabetes drugs when I do not fucking have diabetes I will not be taking them, and I will also be looking for a new doctor, because I do not appreciate her fixation on treating a condition I do not have while ignoring things that are literally preventing me from leading the life I want to, wherein I can do things like, stand/walk as much as I like and can also like, perform tasks.

So there's my timeline.

(Yeah my insurance won't cover blood testing a second time in a year so that's gonna cost me $200ish, and the phone doctor visit she insisted on to discuss the results last time was $45 and it'll be that again for this one, but I mean, eventually I'll hit my deductible maybe.)

I don't know, people tell me that they have medical professionals that actually listen to and treat them and give them like actual good actionable advice on how to improve their various health conditions but as far as I can tell that all sounds fake and isn't a thing.

Unfortunately, I am too fucking debilitated by my Can't Think Good disease to do a competent job at caring for myself, so I guess I'm just going to have to fucking muddle through somehow, or something.

Probably I should put together my citations on how Pre-Diabetes Is Fake so that when I unload that on my doctor I can do so with fucking footnotes at least. Lord knows I can't sleep at the moment so I might as well do something productive.

[tamarisbiggestfancanon]

i had a random idea so uh what i think your favorite ghost and pals song says abt you and rating you by your fav song!!!!!! (including qualia automata songs)

Candle Queen

- You're either a animation meme kid, theater kid, or just love a classic

- Either haven't rlly listened to Ghost or just a newbie

- I'd say you're a 7/10 :3

Perfect Nothing

- You're either really chill or really chaotic

- How many times have you listened to perfect nothing exactly?

- Most likely listen to game OSTs on repeat, which I respect.

- I'm gonna say 8/10, you seem rlly cool

Honey I'm Home

- Religious trauma?

- You probably can't look at a spider without going "OH MY GOD IT'S CHARON!!" (me too buddy, me too.)

- You've probably either cosplayed Norman or Charon or you have thoughts about cosplaying

- You're probably theorizing the song 24/7

- 8.5/10, you're really awesome :3

Reckless Battery Burns

- IM IN LOVE WITH YOU.

- You probably own a Tamari plush or have a Tamari obsession (ME TOO!!!!!)

- How was your Adventure Time/Steven Universe/SpongeBob Squarepants phase?

- You're probably neurodivergent. I've never met a neurotypical Tamari or Reckless Battery Burns fan.

- Parental issues?

- You probably either want to cosplay Tamari or have

- ♾️/10, I love you so much.

End-World Normopathy

- Hand in marriage please?

- You've probably theorized the whole Qualia Automata lore

- You definitely freaked out seeing Tamaris first appearance

- You're probably a Mariyam fan (which is understandable, life laugh love Mariyam)

- 10/10, ily

Rotary Dial

- STAY AWAY FROM ME. /J

- Narcissistic mother?

- 6/10, I'm kinda scared of you

BLACK & WHITE

- Henry Elsner fan (mad respect)

- You've probably cried over Henry's death

- You love Ray or hate him, no in-between.

- 10/10, you seem so sweet aaaa

Housewife Radio

- Communications (hyper)fixation is all I gotta say.

- You probably know how to sew or crotchet

- I'm gonna assume you love tea

- You wish that Ghost would continue communications

- 9/10, we get that you love Communications.

The Things I Deserve

- Get some therapy. Please. (I'll pay for you dw)

- Idk what else to put but I'm concerned for you..

- 8/10

Amygdalas Ragdoll

- ANIMATION MEME KID.

- You're rlly chill but when you're comfortable around someone you go COMPLETELY FUCKING BALLISTIC.

- "Almonds? Is that an Amygdalas Ragdoll reference?"

- You're either scared of fire or love it

- 9.5/10, please get some therapy, I'll pay for you.

Star of the Show

- THEATRE KID.

- You were scared of clowns as a kid

- Hate loud noises

- Hate being the center of attention

- You're probably a sweet tooth

- 6/10, I don't see many Star of the Show fans sorry but I'm pretty sure you'd b sweet

Two of a Kind

- OHHHHH MY GOD I LOVE YOU

- Probably sad that the songs so underrated

- Had a galaxy phase or still in it

- Astonomy expert I'm guessing?

- 10/10, I love you so much

The Distortionist

- Christopher simp,,,,, or you absolutely hate him

- I'm concerned..

- You probably make theories

- I have a feeling you had a Bendy and the ink machine phase

- Probably love his design!

- 8/10, some of you scare me.

Happy Days

- SIT DOWN. WE ARE HAVING A THERAPY SESSION. RIGHT NOW.

- You probably relate to Slurpee (me too buddy it's okay)

- BPD I'm assuming?

- Most likely think Happy Days is the better version of Candle Queen

- You're probably a hot chocolate person

- 9/10, I love you but please get help

Appetite of a people-pleaser

- You don't need to change for anyone, you're perfect how you are.

- Eating disorder? And people pleaser?

- Sweet tooth most likely

- You had an UwU phase, convince me otherwise.

- Probably use emoticons

- 10/10, that's all I gotta say :3

Spider on the wall

- I'm scared. 2/10.

In Iolite

- I BARELY SEE YOU GUYS?????? WHAT????

- Probably get chills listening to it

- TV girl fan?

- 10/10 ^_^

part 2 maybe.. :3

[kitfizzo]

Hyyaa! I guess I should make an introduction huh?

Okay soooooo she/her, ally, and coincidentally Ally's the name! I dont want to say age because im weirdly fixated on privacy so we'll just put a friendly reminder: every osc fan is most likely a minor 🥰🥰😍🥰😍🥰

I love to draw and thats why I'm here of course! Currently I'm in my object show phase [obviously] idk for some reason drawing objects is really therapeutic for me 😭

But occasionally I'll post OCs! Cuz who doesn't love their own babis?

I have more connections to the outside world than this one so I'll put the links! ^v^

Fun fact about me! I'll never EVER surrender to putting numbers on my usernames. EWWWW so thats why I have a bunch of usernames if one of them is taken! SheriffCat, CatNSocks, AllyCat, Squeak!, and now Kitfizzo!

It was lovely talking to you! ❤️

Pinterest - https://pin.it/1Rr208ZSB

YT - https://youtube.com/@catnsocks?si=vknH8rkudMHXf6XE

[celestialmancer]

☁️ // 3:04 am, tbd ;

More low filter bs

Kind of wonder sometimes if I’d feel as much shame as I do towards rambling off abt nsfw ish or nsfw topics w my ocs or doing ramblings of that sort involving them if it weren’t for the… things I went through + the way I had to deal with being shamed due to the trauma responses I ended up with as a result of said experiences ig

& also if it hadn’t been for the ex friend of mine who was emotionally abusive to me for 4 years (i met her @ 13/14 & she was 21/22) & and anti-lgbt obsessive religious freak as well, seeing how she. Always was towards me about anything nsfw related? Like I remember she used to obsessively fixate on how engaging in any of those things meant you were disgusting & sinful & letting the devil influence you, & how anyone who wrote or hc’ed or drew or rp’ed nsfw stuff was ppl who were disgusting or sinful & “wasting their talent on things the devil wants”

Along w how. Victim blame-y she was w matters of sexual harassment or worse

(…which all those things were… the worst possible thing to be around given what i was going through w/ M & other freaks online at t the time that i wont elaborate on)

& just. Idk. I know that while ive mostly reprocessed everything w her & how she was to where it doesn’t rly phase me to talk abt anymore, it doesn’t change the impact it left on me where I guess it played a role in how i’ve like. Always seen myself whenever i do wanna muse on more nsfw stuff w my ocs or rp or create nsfw content w them (& well other things online that were ✨traumatic ✨ that i wont say just kinda fueled all that even worse along w bs from religion in general & also—from how ppl reacted to trauma responses i had )

Always there’s shame in sorta approaching that for this reason—mind you its not the only reason, there’s a lot more to it, but still

& ig that might be another factor why i struggle to feel comfortable w approaching anyone i trust for anything nsfw related w ocs? & just leave it to others to approach me instead if they want so that way i dont feel like im being viewed in some neg way that im not, all over tryna approach over something like that, ig

I p much need an explicit “u can approach me abt this anytime” type of deal wrt nsfw oc stuff or else i just simply do not 💀 once again w the “needs explicitly being told x thing is fine or invited to do x thing or else i will not” that follows me in a lot of things wfsvdg just general self suppression? Ig

(Now admittedly, again, there’s more reason to why i do that other than just religion & a lot of it is an intense fear of accidentally crossing a line & also coming off a bad way + like, other things, that are deeply personal, but still)

…Ironic that im that way considering the spaces i have w friends & all but yeah.

But still. Idk. Ig i just wonder if id struggle w feeling ‘dirty’ or w/e still if it hadn’t been for that connection—probably still would all other things considered bc, ik those dirty feelings also—came from how ppl viewed me over, certain… things i went through & responses to it… but, maybe to a lesser degree or something … idk.

Had more to say but it slipped my mind, so.

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

[weabooweedwitch]

Are you neurodivergent (autism/adhd) ?

Uhhhh honestly it's kind of up in the air? The problem with adhd specifically is, well at least the way I had it described to me by a psychiatrist is "adhd is diagnosed by process of elimination" and what that means is that if you have literally any other symptoms for adhd before being diagnosed with adhd specifically, they tend to assume those issues are caused by other things. So, for me, I lose objects a lot, I can bounce around topics in a conversation like racing thoughts to the point other people struggle to keep up, I have mood regulation issues, idk if what I go through are legitimate autism fixations but I call them "phases" where I'm just super into stuff like all consuming my mind but, that goes back and forth and happened a lot more when I was younger, idk. So, for me, as some one with diagnosed depression and anxiety, I've had doctors tell me l "well, those are all depression/anxiety symptoms, let's treat those first and if they don't respond to treatment/meds then maybe it's something else?"

I was 22 and had a doctor diagnose me with adhd and the immediate next psychiatrist I went to said they didn't agree. When I was younger my mom who at the time was specifically working with children with developmental disabilities thought I may have had Aspergers, but then when we saw a doctor who was well known for working wirh autistic kids, he said "she's a lil quirky but I don't see it"

So like, I dunno, I don't remember if I felt any difference when I was on adhd medication and currently I'm not on anything for depression or anything like that because, idk I just kinda stopped taking them and I was also struggling with alcoholism and taking meds with booze literally increases the toxicity damage done to your liver so I kinda just stopped taking meds in favor of drinking tbh 😩

But yeah I've had it suggested to me I might be neurodivergent but, unfortunately psychiatry is often a subjective field and I've yet to get consistent answers on 'what my deal is' so. I guess I'll just keep my eyes open and keep on trucking and hope maybe someday something will click and I can function better lol

[bobsbelchers]

i’ve seen a lot of people speculating that bob’s monotone/emotionless voice is coming from lack of interest/passion from h jon benjamin, which i guess it could be idk.

to me , i think bob as a character is going through a depressive phase; his restaurant and his family have endured and survived through so much, the trauma of struggling to make ends meet constantly while trying to live a fulfilling life, and the Trauma of being true life threatening danger multiple times (yes i know it’s a sitcom and blah whatever just listen). bob already had a bad childhood (lol) so he’s just… depressed.

but in the movie he realizes how hard it’s been for linda to be positive through all his shit, and this season so far they’re showing the restaurant is slowly gaining traction. this episode theyre making another cosmetic improvement to the restaurant— usually they only spend on strictly necessary repairs, you can tell by bob’s anxiety and fixation around their decision to improve the countertops— and the last time we’ve seen them do such a thing was with the new barstools, which was in season SIX.

i think bob is hitting a low point emotionally at a time when their circumstances are beginning to change and he’s going to be examining his mindset more and maybe growing as a character.

i think he should do shrooms with fischoeder and just become a lowkey hippie. still bob, but you can tell he’s a little woo-woo. he already had a little moment when he tried meditating lol.

[ladygata]

Listen. What I’m about to say physically pains me. But I’m gonna say it anyway. I’m almost glad to be phasing out of my Succession era.

I know, my heart breaks. Maybe I’m too old for the shit I’ve been seeing but all the haterade and discourse isn’t fun anymore (if it ever was?). Dare I say it’s…insufferable. Like some people are out here wishing ill upon fans who have different preferences and opinions? Of characters? Of a television show? Lmao I’m just here to have fun but y’all stay safe.

This is in no way some weird goodbye to the fandom, the Succ will stay one of my favorite shows of all time (a la Sopranos and X-Files). Also I love the small and intimate circle of friends I’ve made in this fandom, y’all are good people. Sorry I’ve been spamming you with my new fixations. 😂

Idk why I’m even making this post I guess I just wanted to say words.

[deanncastiel]

i feel like i need to stop reading fanfic (in particular destiel) cause its making me sad. I’ve never been in a relationship, and probably won’t for a long time. But like I’d like to have whatever destiel have (okay realistically whatever jenmisheel have, cause they’re not fictional).

i get that and if you feel you need to take a break from fanfic or deancas in particular bc you are no longer finding joy in it - or the joy you experience is overshadowed by the sadness - then i think you should, that's totally valid. at the end of the day you need to do what's best for you

nonny you really chose a topic that i have A LOT of thoughts on but they're kinda rambly and get personal so i'm going to put them under the cut.

i also have never been in a relationship and have no real plans of getting into one anytime in the near future??? and that's for a lot of reasons, that could very well differ from yours (but mostly it just sounds exhausting 😅😅😅)

and i also went through a phase years ago where i was getting sad reading fanfic for exactly this reason and had to stop and think about what was best for me in the long run. in the end i decided that i got more joy out of reading fanfic than sadness and so i continued, but it really is something that you have to decide based on your own feelings and what you think you can handle

i'll be honest i haven't read fanfic in a minute bc i started fixating on books, particularly m/m or other queer romance, but still occasionally get moments of sadness bc yeah, finding a person who loves me and to love another person like these couples in these books do (or like jenmisheel do bc yes they are perfection) sounds amazing.

and i've come to a place in my life where, if it (aka a relationship) happens it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't. and if it gets to the point where the desire for a relationship outweighs my desire to just be independent and by myself, then i'll be open to that life change. but constantly thinking about wanting to be in a relationship and then getting sad when i wasn't in one just, wasn't healthy for me, so it was a lot of soul searching and figuring out what made me happy

anyway idk i guess long story short is, you gotta think about what will make you happy and then.... take steps to achieve that bc... you know we only have one life and... idk about you but i don't want to spend it being miserable and longing for something that i never try to achieve

anyway thank you for coming to my therapy session akjsdf;lksjdf hopefully you found something helpful through all that

[638287492818472]

Orchid and sage for the ask meme :)

Hiii! Thanks for the ask!!!!! I just looked at the ask thing a second ago but my memory is ridiculous so if I get it wrong oh well 😐.

Orchid = what song do you consider perfect? Or something along those lines idk idk

Hmmmmmm that’s very difficult I tend to have phases where I get fixated on a certain song and play it over and over again and then kind of forget about it. Idk there’s lots of songs I like but I don’t think I’d say any of them are perfect 🤔 I really like Achilles Come down by whoever did that song I can’t remember and I really really like Fake Your Death by My Chemical Romance. If we’re talking classical music my favourite composer is Shostakovich and I really love his fifth symphony (I think lmao I can’t remember which ones which). Anyway I didn’t really answer the question but who cares we’re just here to have a good time

Sage! I’m pretty sure that one’s ‘what medium touches you the most‘ as in like art, poetry etc things like that

I think I’d definitely say writing for that, I think some things just work best when put into words. I think with writing it’s easier to just have a kind of ‘stream of consciousness‘ if that makes sense, like you can use whatever weird little metaphors and flowery language you like and you can wrangle meaning out of any little thing. I suppose it’s a bit difficult because I also do really love art and even with writing imagery is a bit part of it for me, lots of my favourite books stick with me because of the visceral imagery and lots of times I want to read a book just because I’ve seen a quote and the imagery and writing style stuck with me for example this one quote from Demian by Hermann Hesse something along the lines of ‘all the world is an egg. He who would be born must first destroy a world‘ don’t thing that’s right but something like that and I saw drawings and stuff based on that quote and I was like oh that’s sick and then I read the book (which is very good! The ending’s weird though). So I guess art is a close second because a lot of the time when I’m reading stuff I’m imagining paintings and drawings and stuff in my head to go with it. Also SCULPTURES are amazing we should bring back sculptures I don’t know what it is about them I love them I love them I love them ‘imitation is the sincerest form of flattery‘ or something like aah idk just taking to time to carve something out of stone idk something about it gets to me

anyway yeah! Probably should have added a bit more punctuation so that this is coherent but yolo whatever

Thanks for the ask! And have a good day :)

[the-sill-of-all-sills]

I haven't drawn in ages and looked through my old stuff. And I was like hold up I actually had some skills.

[muselexum]

Update: Semi-Hiatus

[ Hello friends! I feel like this has been coming for awhile, and I’ve made the decision to officially put this blog on hiatus until further notice. It has been a great joy to return to the rp scene. That being said, in recent weeks I’ve lacked the capacity to write on here and when I do I’m not satisfied with my writing and characterizations. I know this is mostly in my head but I also have an idea of what a ‘good rp partner’ should be, and I feel like I let people down when I don’t measure up to that.

I will still be lurking around because I enjoy seeing what’s up around here, however if you want to see active updates you can find me on my art instagram (@_artreflex), my art tumblr (@artreflex), and a new ooc-rp blog (@ooc-muselexum) where I will be moving my ooc commentary and doodles because I make a lot of those. The ooc blog is a sideblog, so I can’t follow back. I can share my discord if anyone would like it too. As for my commissions/kofi, they will still be running.

I may write a reply or two if I feel that I’m able to, but I feel wrong to call myself an ‘active’ rp blog at the moment.

To be very frank I feel myself falling into one of my depressive slumps (the winter season doesn’t help) and I can become very non-talkative, demotivated, and avoidant during these times. This is not new to me and I can feel it when it’s coming so I guess this is just my way of preparing for it? If you notice me becoming reclusive, I promise it’s not just towards you or because of you. You did absolutely nothing wrong and I’m very sorry. ]

[halfd3af]

I think I need to succumb to the cringe-free urge to publicly obsess over a musical group because I think *checks Muse playlist* loving 61 songs by a specific group means you’re free to be absolutely visibly batshit over them lmao

[pastelsandpining]

Zelink Week Day 4: Trust

broken | forged

Masterlist | Zelink Week List

words: 1086

summary: The Hero and the Princess catch up after Ganon’s defeat and Midna’s departure.

what’s characterization bc friend idk. country link superiority

Twilight Princess - post-game

@zelinkweek2021

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Princess Zelda became very grateful that the grand garden was one of the least guarded places in the castle. Being in the courtyard, it was visible from all balcony posts, yet there were areas, however small, where the hedges towered just tall enough to shield them from view.

But for good measure, they were also seated on a bench. She knew the men stationed everywhere in the castle were only doing their jobs, but there were times she craved privacy that wasn’t provided solely by her bedroom or office. Just once, she would like to walk the grounds of the castle without eyes locked on and following her. Her council and the people of Hyrule surely would have plenty to say if they could see her right now, using her plans for restoration as an excuse to see and spend time with their dearest Hero of Twilight.

Their perfect princess, who sat far too close to him with a gloved hand pressed over her mouth to hide her laughter, acting so irresponsibly was unheard of.

“—she promised me that it was all I had to do, that it was some sorta twilight barrier, but that wall didn’t budge. I guess I should’a expected something was up. I felt real stupid afterwards, too. She got a good laugh out of it, and I got a bump that lasted ‘bout a week. I still have the headache.”

Zelda lowered her hand when her giggles subsided.

“I’m rather surprised Midna hadn’t tried worse. But I suppose she thought it best to keep our Hero in one piece,” she said, raising her fingers to brush his bangs aside. “No mark remains now.”

“She got me to do all sorts of ridiculous stuff for her own entertainment. Every time I thought I’d caught on..”

“Even princesses need to have a little fun. It’s just a shame it had to be at your expense.”

She felt so warm and comfortable next to Link, sitting under the rays of the sun. They’d come so far in so few months, and speaking so openly about Midna was therapeutic—healing, in a way. She’d taken a part of both of them when she left. It had been a sore topic for a while, but now here they sat, exchanging stories under a beautiful blue sky.

“Did she ever do any of that to you, or was I just special?” he asked, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

“You are special for numerous reasons,” she replied and folded her hands on her lap. “But you were not the sole victim of Midna's tricks. We shared the feeling of imprisonment, and eventually, we grew close enough for her to make me a target too. Though her best by far was when she told me she’d found the Hero, and brought me a wolf.”

Link’s pout was enough to make her suppress another laugh, though the ends of her mouth were pulled up into a smile.

“That ain’t fair,” he said, crossing his arms. “And that was just in the twilight.”

“Perhaps, but I like to imagine the look on Ganondorf’s face if you had shown up as the Twilight Beast.”

“He wouldn’t have been phased. Bastard probably kicked puppies for fun.”

Zelda pressed a hand to her chest and looked at Link with wide eyes.

“No one could be that cruel,” she joked, leaning away from him.

“Darlin’, yes he could. And I didn’t hit him hard enough.”

She had to fight back a smile. Every time he called her “darling” in his little accent, she felt so light and fuzzy. But she figured it was an expression everyone in Ordon used, so she never thought too hard about it.

“Well, if he somehow ever shows himself again, you can have a rematch. Although this time, I’d enjoy sticking my heels into his eyes.”

“I, for one, would love to see that,” Link replied, offering her a smile. And then his hand was gently holding her arm, his blue eyes fixated on her. “And how are you doin’, Princess? It’s only fair we check up on you too.”

“I’m doing just fine, thank you,” she answered with a small smile in return. Link’s eyebrow quirked up.

“And is that the truth?”

Zelda ducked her head to hide the widening of her smile. How could she not, when things were looking up? When she felt cared about in a way far more intimate than the respect her people held for her? She placed a hand on top of his and patted it twice.

“I’m managing about as well as everyone else,” she admitted with a light shrug. “But you needn’t worry about me, dear Hero.”

“Someone ought’ta,” he argued, giving her a look that said he didn’t quite believe her words.

“I appreciate it, truly. I just don’t wish to cause any trouble,” she told him.

“It’s no trouble at all, darlin’.” He seemed to realize what he’d said and lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. “Sorry, maybe I should stop sayin’ that.”

“I don’t mind,” Zelda assured him with a small smile. “In all honesty, I missed this. The casualty of friendship, I mean.”

And the interactions she could have with someone she truly enjoyed being around. She hadn’t had that until she met Midna, and Midna was gone. Link offered her a smile. There was a gleam in his eyes that she had to look away from.

“Can I trust you with somethin’?” he asked, leaning a little closer.

“Of course,” she assured, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Anything.”

“I’m runnin’ from somethin’. I dunno what it is. Being lonely, maybe? Everyone back in Ordon--they see me different. It’s like they don’t even know me, and that’s... I like it here, where I get to... restart, almost, and I wanna thank you for that opportunity.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Link,” Zelda replied and gave his hand another squeeze. “You’ve done so much for Hyrule and the least you deserve is peace and a friend. I’m flattered you trust me enough to confide this in me.”

“I think you make for a pretty good friend.”

Link was smiling at her, soft and relieved like he’d gotten something off of his chest. She ducked her head and leaned backwards with a smile of her own, because if she looked at him any longer, she might’ve doomed herself to embarrassment by leaning in.

No need to ruin the blooming trust between them.