#i have lecture and lab tomorrow and that’ll be a good part of my day -_- dreading it -_-

[weirdgrrlgerard]

a time loop already exists and it’s called college

[austentatious]

Get to Know Tag

So I was invited to do this by @soundtracks2life​

Name: Almeera but my closest friends call me Eshi. Sometimes, I think people don’t know my real name is Almeera. I’d like to be called Almeera more. Star Sign: Leo Gender: Female Height: 5′3″ (5′4″ on my good days.) Orientation: Heterosexual Favorite Color: Red Time Right Now: 9:03 PM. We just got home from a trip. Current Location: Home, Philippines. Average Hours Of Sleep: 6 hours. Last Thing I Googled: Snake exoskeleton. I’m a biologist. Lucky Number: I’d like to think it’s 18 or 8 but I’m not really lucky. Number Of Blankets I Sleep Under: When you live in the Philippines, one is too much but I sleep with one blanket even if it’s scorching just to keep the mosquitoes away. I am allergic to mosquito saliva. Favorite Fictional Character: Hermione or McGonagall from Harry Potter, that guy from Dune by Frank Herbert (I read it a long time ago), Prince Caspian from Narnia, Captain Wentworth from Jane Austen’s Persuasion, and probably many more but I am exhausted from our trip so I can’t think. Favorite Book: At the top of my head, I liked Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Prisoner of Azkaban, Persuasion by Jane Austen, Dune by Frank Herbert. Dream Job: Be a doctor and teacher and librarian and researcher and traveler. What I’m Wearing: I just had a bath and I’m wearing a top that’s too fancy to sleep in but oh well and some ratty old shorts. Random Fact: I double-knot my shoe laces. When Did You Create Your Blog?: When I was in high school, aka A LOOONG TIME AGO. Do You Have Other Blogs?: Yes, a private, password-protected blog where I write poems. Who Is Your Most Active Follower?: I don’t know. What Made You Get A Tumblr: One of my oldest friends told me to make one because it’s a cool site. Do You Get Asks On A Daily Basis: No. In a parallel universe, maybe. Why Did You Choose Your URL: I love Jane Austen and thought austentatious would be cool as a play on its homophone--ostentatious which was the deepest word I knew back in high school. I tried to be so complicated back then and I just stuck with it--call it branding.

Invade My Privacy Tag

1. Did you wake up cranky? When I haven’t gotten any sleep and someone switches on my light or makes loud sounds that woke me up from REM sleep. 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. I’m turning 23 in a few months. That’ll be a huge age gap for me. I’d prefer dating a not-so older guy. 3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? I used to prefer boys as they are less drama but people are people. I don’t have a preference anymore. Just be a sensible person. 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? On occasion. Not all the time because I’d like to be invisible. 5. Can you commit to one person? Yes. The question is, could a person commit to me? 6. How do you look right now? Fresh, tanner, sleepy. 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? A mismatch of fancy top and ratty shorts. 8. How often do you listen to music? I used to listen to it everyday, whenever I’m not in class but these days, I seldom listen. 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? sweats. 10. Did you think your life will change dramatically before 2017? Yes. 2016 was the year I graduated, my Dad went to my graduation (this is ground-breaking because my parents aren’t together and he has a family and I haven’t seen him in 16 years). Also, I planned on going to medical school for sure in October 2016 (when I took the NMAT). That was the fiercest decision I had to make. 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? Anti-social is too extreme. I don’t socialize if I can avoid but I am not totally opposed to it either. I socialize when I HAVE to so I’d say I’m more of an asocial 12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I would never be the first to admit I like the person so if he tells me he likes someone else, I am safe from the embarrassment. I’ll probably act cool, shrug it off but deep inside I’ll be chiding myself for liking someone who can’t like me back. I’ll be able to move on pretty easily. I don’t create situations where I get invested too much. I am not comfortable about feelings and people. 13. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Every emotion except for anger. I get pissed off easily. I need to be kinder to people and myself but I am just so easily pissed off. 14. Can you drive a stick shift?  I can’t drive and I don’t want to drive. I am not confident about my eyes’ capability to assess road situations which is why I have to be rich so I can hire myself a driver. 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Yes. I think they talk badly about me even before they do, even if they really don’t but I try not to be openly affected by it. 16. Are you going out of town soon? Just went out-of-town a while ago but I will be going out-of-town in a few days to get lab exams done for my health record. 17. When was the last time you cried? Last month while watching Good Doctors. 18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes. It’s odd. Very odd. I moved on. 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I wanted to have gray or green eyes but it probably won’t work with my complexion. I have brown eyes and brown hair. It’s enviable in some places?  20. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Do the laundry because I haven’t washed the clothes I wore from two weeks ago. 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? That I didn’t get to swim in the beach as much as I’d like to. We were supposed to go to another beach but we got lost. I slept through the whole debacle but I’m not happy to wake up and realize we’re on our way home when I slept thinking I’d get to swim more. P.S. I can’t swim. I should say float and play on the water instead of swim. 22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? The last time I had a best friend was in fifth grade and all my friends were girls then. 23. Are you nice to everyone? I am not a nice-nice person but I try to nice. I’m more civil, actually. I am not easy to get-to-know in person. I am shy and awkward at first and I don’t like being totally nice because I think I’ll be a push-over then. I don’t like being vulnerable. 24. What are you sitting on right now? Wooden chair. 25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course. I may not be nice but I still afford people respect. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? What does it mean to want someone? 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My brother. I showed him Return of the Superman videos. 28. Do you get a lot of colds? Nope but on the off-chance that I get one, it’s pretty bad. 29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No. 30. Does anyone hate you? Probably. I’m not that likable. I believe people tolerate me. Maybe I should trust my friends more but I don’t even like myself sometimes so I can’t imagine people liking me. I plan to work on that. 31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?No. 32. Do you like watching scary movies? YES. 33. Are you a jealous person? For major reasons like this person is getting their shit together and I hope I do too, or this person seemingly gets to have it easy but I try to think about that ‘seemingly.’ Maybe something’s off in their life too that I just don’t know about and maybe they also have something to envy although it may not be obvious to me. 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 6th grade. Please. Let me just redo that year so I don’t reminisce and regret and cringe at old self. 35. Did you have a dream last night? I slept this morning. I probably had a dream but I forgot it now. I hopped through numerous islands today and that was exciting!!! 36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? No. 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? LOL, I’ll still be in school. I can’t see myself getting married. I haven’t even dated anyone legitimately. It’s hard to daydream such things when I want to focus on getting my shit together. 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don’t think so. My gap year has been people-less. I hung out with my college friends and went to trips with my family. Haven’t met anyone substantially new and interesting. 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No. 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? Exhausting. 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? I can think back to the past five years and still be able to say no. A decade even. 42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Nope. For one, I was in school and struggling back then. I took some shitty profs for not-shitty classes. I got grades below average despite trying to work hard. I was set on going to graduate school then. 43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Going on that road trip. 44. What’s the best part about school? Learning, not necessarily inside the classroom. I was an active org member and I was so inspired everyday that I work with different people of different ages and motivations. 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Yep. 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? We used to. I remember passing notes during Genetics. Whenever we have something to react to that is not about the lecture. In Cell Mol too! There was an okra clipart in our prof’s powerpoint presentation and I have no idea if that was a trick to see who’s listening but it was super odd and funny I just had to ask my seatmates if they saw. 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yes. I write in my head about imagined scenarios. 48. Were you single over the last summer? Yes. When was I not? 49. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Sleeping. 50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? I think I texted my Mom? She’s beautiful.

EDIT: I was supposed to tag someone. Haha. I tag @feel-o-sophy, @thesociallyawkwardprincess, and @ergo-i-blog

[docandprof]

Am I a Monster?

My dearest friend,

I write to you today in quite a frenzy. Things have not gone as planned...I had not anticipated any of this going the way it has. I have done something terribly wrong and I'm afraid the path I have chosen is one of no return. It is hard to say this, but I am no longer the Doc you have grown up with and call your brother, I am a man no longer, no, nothing but a beast...a monster. And this monster of me has but one purpose, to kill. Over the past weeks, I have been called to do some terrible things, and I am afraid that this week has pushed me past my limits, I have the blood of hundreds of innocent lives on my hands. It does not matter whether they are women, children, or men, nobody is safe and all had to die at my hands.

So yeah I have basically killed hundreds of fruit flies and beetles over the course of this semester in bio lab. Just thought I would grab your attention right from the get-go. I have had a pretty normal week. Chem exam, uggghhhhhhhh!!!! and I gave my lecture. The lecture went ok, I felt like I could've done a bit better, but my professor gave me good reviews and told me that it is hard to teach people why something is funny, so my lecture on Monty Python and the Holy Grail went decently. My chem exam was decent....hopefully. I am pretty upset today though because I didn't wake up til 1:30 this afternoon and I missed out on going to Holi with my friends. Now you may be wondering what Holi is; it’s basically a giant Indian celebration where you party and wear white and get color thrown all over you. I was pretty angry with myself for missing out on something so fun. In other news, I have created a D&D character, he is basically a khajiit ranger with a pretty lonely, from the streets childhood causing me to join the “Wall”. Our campaign should start tomorrow so we will see how it goes. And tomorrow I am going to see Inception with my writing class because it is part of our assignment, so that’ll be pretty fun.

Onto your question, which has made me stop and think this week. I am going to preface this by saying that I don't think you can get rid of regrets. They are our past actions, no matter how ugly or nice, that make us fundamentally human and are what make us “us”. Maybe you can learn to move past them, and doing so is a healthy part of life and a necessity for self-improvement, but what is done is done. Now I do believe, in my humble and super optimistic opinion, that we can learn to have less and less regrets. To me, life is a very fine line that we walk and how we ensure that we live “without regrets” is to ground ourselves. Ground yourself in principles that you want to live by, morals that you agree with, people who you learn from and aspire to be like. With a strong foundation, it is easy to make decisions, specifically decisions that won’t leave you wondering “what if...”. If you are confronted with two different paths, two choices, you make the one that aligns with your beliefs and this will allow you to become sure of your life choices. Regrets are simply choices that you feel you should have made, but went against your beliefs and took the other route. Sounds simple, and most of life is pretty simple when you render all of the fat away and expose the basis of life itself. The difficult part is in staying true even when something looks more appealing or when emotion get involved. That is how you live without regrets no matter how moral or crazy you choose to live. Hope that answers your question.

I would also like to say that I kinda expected your answer to my question. But I love it and would expect a great story on the tales of the prof: a man with no hips. It certainly would be a very entertaining affair. I'm not quite sure what I would ever write about.

My question of the week would have to involve your name. Now that Dark Souls is done, what are you moving onto next? I know you said you will still be playing it a lot, but I know that you like to incorporate new games into your library. Recommendation for the week: allergy medicine. It sucks to sleep half the day away because you feel like crap. Just my personal opinion. Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear from you soon.

Signing out,

the doc