#i have no peace anywhere.... my grandma's house annoys me and so does this place i cannot wait to get enough money to move out.....

[robotpussy]

im wondering why my living room stinks of wet dog and it's because the woman that lives above me has left her door wide open all day.....

[deceptive-jo]

Merry Christmas

(The final ficlet for this...year probably! And Merry Christmas to all my celebrating followers!)

Even the numerous inhabitants of Egotropolis celebrate Christmas in their very own way, with their families and friends. Let’s take a look around the houses, shall we?

Words: 1922

Ships: The Author x Actor Marc; Darkstache; Marvin x JBM

“Merry Christmas!” Mad Mike slid into the living room, clearly exited to already be getting presents. “What in the heavens are you wearing?” Author’s shocked expression was exactly what he had tried to achieve and Mike looked down on himself. His sweatpants were a simple light blue but his sweater could be a bit...much with its blues and pinks. “You look like you slapped the Trans pride flag in there and then dumped a gallon of glitter on it.” Admittedly that was pretty much what had happened after he asked Bim for help… Marc threw his arm around him, in his own nightmare of a red Christmas sweater, “I for one like it. Good job on that, kid.” He ruffled his already unruly hair before falling down next to his fiance. Mike preferred a place on the floor, with direct view over the presents. Author’s were already in his room, having gotten them on the end of his holiday celebrations (an USB-stick from Anti which’s content still no one knew, though it was certainly not due lack of trying on Marc’s side, and a Death Note from Mike- a hilarious joke they were sure but considering their connections Author couldn’t be too sure). The lights on the tree flickered for a moment before Anti glitched into the room, red and green lights flickering in his hair. Well, you took what you got and at least he was enjoying himself. “When’s that brother of yours supposed to arrive?” “Any moment now, surely”, a voice came from the entrance where the Host entered. The room seemed to light up as Author jumped over backrest of the couch and pulled his brother in a hug. “Glad you could make it”, Actor smiled as he passed him a glass of eggnog. “Merry Christmas everyone.”

~~~

Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache were awoken by the sound of rapid knocking on their bedroom door. “It’s Christmas morning, get up!” Dark could only burrow his head deeper in the pillows, “Just wait, we’ll be out in a moment.” They could almost see Bim dramatically draped against the door when he answered, “I’ve waited one whole year. If you’re not down in ten minutes we start without you!” Slowly Dark lifted his head, hairs askew, “This boy, I swear-”

Exactly ten minutes later the couple entered the sitting room, with its enormous tree and the pile of presents underneath. Bim looked like he should be held back and as soon as he saw the two Egos enter he bolted forward, only to get tripped by Yancy. “Youse need to chill!” Wilford watched the scene fondly, Bim somehow managed to pull half the Egos into his enthusiasm and now the Jims and Illinois ere figuratively vibrating with excitement (Bing was literally vibrating next to Google which was disturbing to say the least). “Okay, go on-”, he hadn’t even finished before Bim surged forward and began handing presents out in light-speed. The whirlwind only stopped when the Host, so far clearly light-asleep next to Dr Iplier, got hit into the chest with what was probably another note book (they could be glad Bim decided against throwing the box that turned out to be a new typewriter). Egos began opening presents, either tearing into them like small kids (the Jims and King, mainly) or slowly unwrapping and folding the paper together again (the Googles and Yancy). Dark nearly got strangled when Bim thanked him for the new set of ties while Wilford next to him was too busy examining the dagger that had been sent from the Cabin. Google was fiddling with some new gadget, judging by the accompanied message in clean letters on gold-white paper it came from the Mind Palace. Bing looked over his shoulder while trying to pay attention to Chase’s present at the same time. The Host turned towards the demon, pulling his attention away from the gold-black journal- no, scrapbook- he was holding. “A merry Christmas.” “It is indeed.”

~~~

"Holy shit, now that's a tree!" Jackie stared in amazement at the giant Christmas tree that filled up half of the open living room. Marvin turned around from where he was letting the last ornaments float into position, "Good Morning, darling." "Morning", the hero pressed a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek, "you did an amazing job. How long have you been working on this?" "Pretty much all night", the magician wiped off the sweat and slipped his mask back on. "You must be tired. Tea?" "Coffee..." He chuckled dryly when the cup was pressed in his hands. "Oh wow, this looks so cool! Uncle Marvin did you do this?", Connor came running into the room, his sister close behind. "Sure did, glad you like it, kid." "This is great for celebrating- can we open our presents now?" Chase came down the stairs and began leading them towards the dining table, "Nah, first breakfast, then presents." Ashley pouted but sat down and waited patiently until everyone had finished their christmas pnacakes before she jumped out of her chair and rushed towards the heap of presents. The others followed in a calmer pace (if only to annoy her a bit) and to her credit she waited until everyone was seated before reaching for the first present.

Surprisingly enough Ashley didn't open it but instead got up and handed the small box over to Jameson. Four more packages followed and once every adult had a wrapped box in their hands she looked at them excited. "Go on, open them!" The wrapping wasn't very neat but you could see the effort put into it and a moment later Marvin held a small item in his hand. A strangled noise escaped him as he stared down on the handmade bracelet. It wasn't anywhere near as high-quality as his usual accessories but he could see its aura, could feel the love radiating off of it. Looking over he recognised similiar bracelets in his brothers' hands. Jackie and Jameson were looking utterly delighted and over-joyed, while Chase and Henrik smiled, there were clearly tears shining in their eyes. "I made us family bracelets! Connor and I have our own already-" Chase didn't wait to pull his kids into a tight hug, his brothers joining right after. "I love you, sunshine, so much." "I love you too, daddy. Merry Christmas."

~~~

The Crankgameplays Mansion was bustling with energy, if a  bit different than the manor’s. All the Egos were seated in the living room, enjoying a movie marathon when a chime echoed from the kitchen. “Oh Blank, the cookies!”, Mrs Thomson looked up from her brochure at the dark ego who was already slipping out of the room. A mere minute later he returned with a plate piled with cookies. “Oh damn, those smell awesome!” Bernice snatched a cookie away, painted red and green nails matching with the green designer sweater she was wearing. “And they taste delicious. Good job, boy”, Father Ethan patted Blank’s shoulder as he fell back into his chair, but now with a small smile grazing his lips. The next hour or so passed in peaceful silence as the family followed the movie and enjoyed their cookies and hot chocolate. But of course it was interrupted when Mc Gee cam tumbling down the stairs from where he must have been decorating the roof, as he usually did. “They’re coming!”

Mrs Thomson rose with a shriek and rushed to the nearby mirror, nearly pushing Bernice out of the way. “Oh god already? They’re early for once- How does my hair look?” “Nice, my dear. Don’t stress yourself on this peaceful day”, Father Ethan once again made no indication to get up when the doorbell rang but luckily the Postman was already in place. “Well hello there, Gentlemen. Looking fine today!” “How dare you, I always look fine!” Mrs Thomson had to smile at the teasing, oh how she adored her grandchildren. Speaking of- the entrance hall was filled with people, taking off their jackets and shoes and shaking out the snow-filled hair. One of the black-haired men was standing in the middle, still in his coat and clearly struggling with the package in his arms. “Oh, let me help you!” With a surprising swiftness the old lady took the box from his hands. The young man’s eyes lit up, “Mrs Thomson, how wonderful to see you. You look lovely as always”, he bowed down for a light kiss on the knuckles. “You’re impossible, Author!” She hit him playfully on his shoulder but couldn’t hide the blush at his attitude. “You know me, I’m an old man after all- Marc were are the presents?” A hand reached out of the mass of people and a pile of wrapped gifts floated into the living room. “You brought presents?” “Yeah, you got some as well, we planned ahead this time”, Mike tumbled out of a group hug with his brothers and came over to greet her, “Merry Christmas, grandma!” With a smile she send him in the living room to follow Author into the kitchen. The writer was rummaging through the cabins, “Where are the plates in this house?” “What’s in the box?” “Uh...a cake, the Gingerbread house Mike failed to deliver...Sufganiyot from me and Rugelach because Host made too many- Aha!”, when Author finally re-emerged with enough plates the female Ego looked like she was about to faint. So many baked goods!

Once they entered the living room with their for plates everyone else had settled down around the  TV. Blank was trapped between Mike (chatting with the postman) and McGee, looking peaceful and happy for once. Marc was already in an animated conversation with Bernice and Father Ethan (he was about to snap his neck, should probably stop that) while Anti was hanging around Yandere. Mrs Thomson teared up at the rare sight of her whole family together and joyful, untroubled by their problems for once. A large warm hand came to rest on her frail shoulders. “Merry Christmas, Oma.”

~~~

The view from the Mind Palace was always magnificent but now that the sun was setting and reflecting the snow covering the hills one last time it nearly looked magical. So Roman was sitting at one of the large windows and painted. He’d gotten new brushes after all, those should be tested! The whole atmosphere was soothing. The Christmas tree and few candles were the only source of light while the full room offered enough light for Roman to draw, while Virgil played some slow song on the piano. Logan relaxed on one of the couches enjoying his newest book and the rare quietness. Janus was over by the tree crafting something that was either a simple wooden statue or a doomsday device (depending on which of his acquaintances sent it). He was completely emerged in the gift- where those tears shining in his face? Roman shook his head and decided not to stare too much. He did however exchange the canvas for a new one to turn the easel around and instead began to draw the group in front of him. Where the first four Sides were keeping to themselves and savouring the last hours of Christmas, Patton and Remus were huddled together on a love seat, with the dad Side nearly slipping off, while Remus had draped himself over the back rest. They were giggling over something on his phone while Patton’s lighted up constantly with all the Christmas wishes he must be receiving. Roman allowed himself a short sincere smile. Merry Christmas.

[polygamyff]

Epilogue

“Also write down that we both are going to have a brunch in California, meeting business partners. Do not forget Malik, honestly” this nigga forgets things “I have wrote it down, well typed it out. I will be there. Do you want anything for lunch? I am going to pick up a pizza?” Malik asked, I paused thinking do I really want a pizza or not “I don’t want pizza, get me a sandwich. Anything, surprise me” Malik nodded his head as he left my office, that is one thing done now let me get these cheques signed off that need to be done “incoming” the intercom came on out of nowhere, I hate that shit and Ally be scaring me with it. My office door burst open “I got here first!!” Reign screamed, frowning at both Reign and Romano “uhm, what is this?” looking at Jay, he just shrugged “why are you here and not at home?” watching Reign walk around my desk “because I told Jay he had to bring me here and also” Reign tugged at my chair “I want to sit on your lap!” moving my chair back “also I didn’t want to stay with the nanny, she is boring and mom got called in so I said Jay let’s go and see dad and we can sit with him. Romano snitched on us. He told mom, and then mom started shouting on the phone, but I disconnected the phone” Reign climbed onto my lap “why do you listen to these kids?” I said to Jay “she told me she could fire me!” Jay pointed half shouting “I did not say that I just said it nicely. Jay likes me, so what are we doing dad” I sighed out “you know your mom is going to drive me crazy, are you ok Romano. Come here” waving him over, he seems out of breath “you both been running around the hotel again” moving back in my chair “I am tired dad” he whined “he is unhealthy dad, I said it to him” Reign does not stop, wrapping my arm around him “you’re only seven Reign, stop acting grown. He is not unhealthy” pressing a kiss to the top of his head “we said bye to the nanny though, she told me I was naughty but dad! Listen to me” Reign grabbed my head “I am listening, what is it?” looking at her “the baby is annoying, all he does is cry” I chuckled “that is what babies are like Reign, you’re supposed to be a good big sister” Reign pulled a face “I don’t want to be it anymore, can I do something dad! Can I do work with you” I ain’t about to do any type of work now.

I got to laugh, Malik bought pizza for himself and my kids ate it for themselves “uncle, can you take us to get candy?” poking my head up “no, Malik ignore Reign. You sit there and finish that drawing and eating whatever Malik gave you” my desk phone started to ring, picking it up “Maurice” I answered, “I been trying to call your mobile, why do you keep putting it down!” Robyn spat, looking at Reign “your daughter has my phone, Reign! Have I had phone calls on my phone” Reign looked at me with her cute little face and puppy dog eyes “no” she shook her head “she said no” I answered Robyn “don’t let her use you Maurice, you know she did. I specifically told her to not go anywhere, I told Jay to ignore her. I left her with the nanny, and this is what she does!” Robyn is not happy “I know but she is bored at home” I am siding with my daughter, Robyn is not going to like it “but what I say goes Maurice, you know that. My son told me; mommy Reign is telling us to go. You speak to her before I do” I am not the strict one “she is just demanding; she means well Bonita” Robyn scoffed “pootie, no. I got called in anyways, so I will see you tonight” that means she isn’t cooking “uh, ok. I wanted to ask baby; I thought your mom is coming back today?” I swear she was “you want her back because she can handle Reign, but her flight got delayed, I said to her that dick made her late. She is loving this man a little too much” I chuckled “no problem, love you speak soon” Terry is always away now with this new man “love you too pootie” she disconnected the call “Reign-Texas” putting the phone the down “uh oh” she said, she knows “why are you upsetting your mom? Sabes lo molesta que se pone tu mama” Reign got up from the floor “No papi, no yo, estoy Buena” Reign made her way to me saying, she makes me so soft “what am I going to do with you” I sighed out “me estás mintiendo?” I said, Reign shook her head “no papi” I can’t be angry with her “mom said she can’t speak Spanish in the house” Romano shouted “Cállate idiota!” Reign shouted back “it’s because he doesn’t know dad, this is because we know and he don’t” putting my hand over her mouth “ok, no more Spanish now” Reign be getting me in trouble.

These kids are driving me crazy, so I am going home early “did you sign anything or do anything?” Ally asked me “no, sorry. Malik will do it” if Romano holds my hand then Reign has to hold my hand, it’s just a constant back and forth with them “Ally! When are you coming to the home again? Jay misses you” Ally laughed at Reign “he does? Tell me more?” Ally said smirking “well I would but you need to come to my tea party, I invited you” shaking my head “anyways, I am going now. Come on, say bye to Ally” Jay is holding the elevator open for us “taking your damn time!” Jay spat “go and run to Jay” I said, they both let my hand go as they ran off “have a good evening Mr Davenport” one of my workers said “thank you” watching Romano run back to me “what you doing back big man?” picking him up “because then I can hug you in peace, Reign is annoying” I chuckled at Reign clocking him “hey, he cheated” stepping onto the elevator “we all cheated, let’s just go home and you can then explain to the nanny why you left her. And I mean Reign” Jay is laughing “is that because Robyn has scolded you to take action?” Jay asked but he knows damn well Robyn has demanded it “yes, and I have to obey. The women in my life are too demanding. I can’t take it” not even going to lie but I don’t really get to give my attention to Romano as much as I do Reign because she wants it constantly.

Stepping off of the elevator “what is this, daddy day care?” my sister pointed “you made it and yes it is, Malik is waiting for you, but I have to go home. These kids out here playing around” putting Romano down “hello Haviah, come here. Give uncle a hug” my niece looks so damn cute “go and give uncle a hug” my sister said, hugging Haviah “awww you want to come to uncle house today?” picking her up “I am seeing daddy today” letting out an oh “that is ok then you can come another day, Shawn seeing her then” placing her down “yes he is, for the weekend. He is picking her up from here” nodding my head “all is well then, and no. Shawn can drop dead, I am not over it after all these years” Nalah laughed as I walked by her “have a good weekend!” I hope I do; Robyn be giving me orders and we have to do fun things for the kids when I just want to rest “dad, can we go and get some candy. I mean we are already out?” Reign asked “nope, we have things at the house you can pick from, we are going straight home” I am not going to go nowhere.

Walking up the steps “why can’t you just open the baby gate Reign, climbing over it for. It is dangerous” picking Romano and placing him over the baby gate “hey Ramiro, hey little man. I missed you” opening the baby gate, my son in this walker is a nightmare, he is everywhere “awww you coming to me, and nice seeing you here” picking Ramiro out of the walker “thought I would pop in” pressing a kiss to his cheek “say hi to grandma and say sorry to Krista and Selena now!” I said to Reign and Romano, they both out here acting out “I am, Romano you go first!” shaking my head lightly watching my daughter bully him, I am just going to keep quiet on this because I am not choosing favourites “how have you been anyways?” my mom asked “erm ok, just busy with work really trying to get some deal out and meetings. What about yourself?” things have repaired between myself and my mother and that really makes me happy “I am ok Maurice, moving to the new apartment with Malik has been fun. He has done most of the work anyways” nodding my head smiling “well it’s been a long time coming. Both of you moving in together, Selena. Do you accept their sorry? It’s ok if you don’t” she laughed “I do, they are both sorry” Reign stuck her tongue out at me “Reign, shall we go and play in my room now?” Romano asked, “boy room is horrible, let’s go in mine” Reign ran ahead “play nicely please” one of them will be crying soon.

Robyn is back very late; I mean she isn’t even back yet “are you in bed then Mi Amor?” knocking on her door as I walked in “yes dad! No!! Romano can’t come in” she pointed “then I am not coming in either, my boy is either coming in or we both not” Reign scoffed “you make everything so hard dad! Fine” picking Romano up and sitting him at the side of Reign’ bed “so you want a story or just a kiss goodnight tonight” Reign stopped to think “tell us more about granddad” Romano pointed at the picture on Reign’ side table, staring at the picture of my dad and Reign. I do miss that man, a lot “you don’t remember him, the end” I chuckled “why are you so rude? Romano was just a baby still, I mean you don’t remember much either” correcting Reign “but I have lots of pictures and I do remember, he liked me” rolling my eyes “anyways, he was a very strict man” grabbing the seat from Reign’ vanity table “you got to put that back dad” sitting down on it “I always do, so” Romano got off from Reign bed and sat on my lap “he was bought up in a strict household and he did the same with me, he loved me but he showed me everything the hard way and showed me the hard way about things, but the difference with me is I want to show you all love, equally. Nobody is better then the other, not like Reign thinks” Reign’ face lit up “hi mom!!” she spat, Romano straight ran off to her, looking behind me “dad is boring us” my son is such a mommies boy “I can tell, you all should be asleep now. I will put him to sleep Maurice” Robyn said, nodding my head “mom still angry with me?” my daughter is just so grown, and so bossy “she gets annoyed that I let you off, she thinks you are my favourite” Reign smirked “but you’re my favourite, you’re my hero dad” getting up from the seat “stop it now” I said.

Reign is my favourite; she is actually my everything and I adore her so much. She gets my attention the most, this is the reason why she knows Spanish because she spent the most time with me and Robyn is trying to stop that and I don’t want to be like my dad but you do have that child you like the most, Reign is just like me “I missed you Bonita, what happened today? It was your time off” closing the bedroom door behind me “it was an emergency and I was the closest person they could call up on but then I get a call from Jay and I hear Romano telling me they are on a trip” placing my hands at the side of Robyn’ face, pecking her lips “we have head strong kids, Romano is no angel either. He is quiet with it” wrapping my arms around Robyn “we do, them two are like twins to me but did you hear? Ally is pregnant” I gasped “huh, what? I wasn’t told this!” I spat “office gossip doesn’t get around? She literally text me saying, how sweet is that. Did your mom come today? She wanted to see the kids, least your mom comes back. My mother is living her damn life, this home isn’t no hotel” Robyn is funny “let her have fun, she deserves. Grumpy” I always knew Terry would find herself a rich man that would love her.

[withfires]

for @kvating​

francine. it was a name fit for a grandma, or a bohemian boutique shop--not a category two hurricane. it sounded much more delicate in concept, but waking up to part of a fence nearly lodged into her bedroom window didn’t evoke a particularly fragile feeling. little pieces of the outer banks had been blown haphazardly around the petrov-garcia estate, reminding thalia of just how much unrecyclable plastic was just floating around their coastal paradise. the place could be flooded with rich people and second-homers for the summer, but it still managed to look like a living landfill. that was a pet peeve of hers--just one out of many.

another annoying part of hurricanes--besides the climate change behind them--was the disappearance of cell service. as much as she wanted to pretend like she could go off the grid instantly, out of her true appreciation of the earth — thalia couldn’t go anywhere without her phone. she needed to be connected to her boys, to be able to check up on them every five minutes. but thanks to stevie, she had to make her rounds in person today. which meant getting behind the wheel of one of alexie’s vehicles that just screamed eat me, i’m rich!

so thalia, wrapped in a soft, oversized hoodie, sat in her car, perpetually glancing at the ziplock bag full of blueberry muffins strapped into the passenger’s seat. she pulled up to rome’s place around eleven am--it was always a little strange showing up there, alone, like she used to in high school. but rome was something of a hurricane himself--thalia knew, maybe better than anyone, that there was always something sensitive stirring inside of him, just waiting to blow up. she found herself keeping a close eye on him. and that’s why she sucked it up and hopped out onto the curb, a muffin in one hand and her useless phone in the other. lia peered down at her sandals as she waited for him to answer the door, quickly growing impatient. “ rome ! i come bearing baked goods. open the door, asshole. ” she hoped to god that nobody else was home.

it’s not out of laziness or even his dislike for the outer banks that he doesn’t aid in the post-francine cleanup; it’s out of pure spite. high and mighty, before francine was even finished wreaking havoc, atticus keating demanded his family partake in their civic duties; under no circumstance were they allowed to bail. cyrus, ever the suck-up, saluted. he raised his hand to his forehead with a quick movement that made their father nod his head in respect. roman’s been holed up in his childhood home for an entire week and he’ll be damned if he spent another minute with his father five feet away from him.

evading his so-called ‘mandatory’ assistance outside of two whales was hardly a feat. it took one look at mayor winthrop and the words came easily: “my father wants me to help out around the station. i figured he would’ve talked to you already.” though he wasn’t going to be caught dead doing that either, it’s a stellar excuse and earns him pat on the back from the older man. he knows their paths will never cross. to keep some good conscience, he couldn’t say no to mrs. babcock — not when she startled him by clutching his forearm after the town meeting and more or less begged him to help clean up her yard later in the week. his promising answer to her came with a dazzling grin and his hand covering hers, “i’ll be there this weekend.”

he’s shoving a spoon full of cinnamon toast crunch into his mouth when the interruption causes him to groan in detest. it registers as one of his sister’s coming to drag him by the ear until lia’s voice echoes through the door. he debates with himself on whether or not he should even get up to answer, just let her believe he’s sleeping or out with the rest of them. he knows she knows better ( always does ) and the idea of eating something other than stale cereal appeals to him. with the swing of his front door, he greets her, “is that any way to greet your favorite asshole, lia?” now that she’s returned from california, it hits him that he’s missed her presence. when he allows himself to think about it long enough, it was never the act of thinking he didn’t miss her. he just didn’t think he had the right to anymore.

being back in town, on the keating family’s porch of all places, made thalia a little dizzy. she felt like she was getting whiplash, remembering all of the times she had climbed through the window on the side of the house rather than entering through the front door. lia didn’t particularly enjoy the feeling of those memories reentering her brain after they had been locked away so neatly for months, conveniently forgotten by two and a half thousand miles. but she couldn’t say she hated it, either--she was fond of that much simpler time. when the thought of college hadn’t even crossed their minds yet, for all they knew was each other. that was much easier to get lost in. and part of her had understood that back then--understood that she had to really know herself before she could dissolve into another human being. sometimes, thinking of that made her feel less guilty for leaving the outer banks behind in the dust.

“okay, you got me there.” she admitted, waving the muffin in the air. lia held it out in front of her, as a peace offering. “so, how ya been?” she asked casually. in an attempt to try not to look at him for too long, she slipped behind him and inside of the house, an eerily familiar skeleton from her past. suddenly, she was eager to go back to keeping her gaze on roman. “francine do a number on you?” maybe it was selfish, but lia didn’t really care about his answer to the question. these post-hurricane check-ins were merely an excuse for her to gauge how the gang was doing--and how they had been doing these past eight or so months.

thalia’s eyes narrowed at the sight of rome’s half-eaten bowl of cereal, glad to have brought him something with more sustenance. that wasn’t to say she wasn’t a fan of cinnamon toast crunch. but he knew that already. “did you miss me?” she pried, turning back on her heel to face him. it was her final question, a test that was nearly impossible to pass. lia didn’t really know what she was doing here, trying to breathe life into something that had laid dead for so long. she didn’t even know what the answer was to that question. all she knew was that she had gotten in her car, and somehow ended up on roman’s front porch, without even thinking about it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

[purplesurveys]

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Let's start off with some basics. Cool, I haven’t started off a survey with basics in a while. What's your name? Robyn, but y’all who have stuck around for a while know that already. How old are you? 21. What's your hair and eye color? Hair’s black, eye color’s dark brown/black-ish. How tall are you? I’m pretty certain I’m 5′1. What's your relationship status? In one. Alright, enough of that. Let's move on to the random shit.

What's your favorite song? Uhhh at the moment it’s Sam Smith’s cover of Donna Summer’s I Feel Love. They did their own twist to it and it sounds incredible. It would probably take a bit to get used to in 2019, but once you warm up to the sound, the cover is just brilliant. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? It’s a disco song, the lyrics just repeat for three straight minutes and is not supposed to be any deeper than ‘I feel love.’ Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? I love the beat, the sound, and what Sam offered to the song. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what's their names? Yes, I have a cute Santa Claus-outfit-wearing dog at the moment :)) His name is Kimi. Have you ever met your idol? I have never met Kristen Stewart, AJ Lee, Hayley Williams, nor Beyoncé. And I’d most likely pass even if there was a chance to meet any of them; I’m too afraid that I’d mess up in front of them. If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? What's your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) I don’t play a lot myself but I do enjoy watching games on Nintendo or Playstation consoles. If you're in college, what's your major and why did you pick it? I’m in journalism. I picked it because I thought it’s what I wanted to pursue back in high school. I was good at writing and loved telling stories, the obvious path was towards journ so I don’t hate myself or regret picking such a major. But through the years I’ve learned to hate it more and more though – my interests lie within public relations and advertising now, a complete 180 from the world of journalism. How're you doing today? A little too early to be asking that, it’s 7:43 in the morning. I do feel quite nice because classes ended up being suspended today due to the incoming typhoon, but otherwise it’s just mostly meh for now. What color are your bedroom walls? They’re white. Describe your favorite shirt. Right now my favorite shirt is a halter tank top I got for ₱50 at a small tiangge booth in Feliz, hahaha. I just wish I could wear it everyday without anyone judging because I look cute in it. Use this space to tell someone off. I don’t think anyone I know deserves that at the moment. What's your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Waste of money, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting one lmao. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I still have that damn poster of Nam Joo Hyuk up near my bed lol. I haven’t seen a k-drama since 2017, but I’m just too lazy to take it down. How many times have you moved in your life? That I can remember? Two. I think we moved a couple times more when I was an infant. If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? It’s definitely more peaceful, quiet, and much much cleaner in our house; but there are days where I still miss having my cousins and grandma under the same roof. What's your favorite color and why? Pastel pink. It’s pleasant to the eyes and looks good on most stuff. My wallet,  purse, main school notebook, one of my highlighters, my phone case, clipboard, backpack, and shoulder bag are all that color hahahaha Do you have a calendar? If so, what's the theme? I have one on my phone; I don’t really need a physical one. No theme because I don’t think my phone allows me to customize my calendar anyway. Have any famous person's autographs? I have AJ’s from a signed poster that I bought like 5-6 years ago from WWEShop. Was never actually sure if she actually signed it but it’s always easier to believe that. Do you draw well? That’s the worst thing I can do, or try to do at that. What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I am actually supposed to be working on final requirements, but they’re all for my newspaper layout class and I cannot be ASSED to open Adobe InDesign and work on some dumb layout stuff right now. If you're in school/college, what's your favorite subject and why? This semester my favorite class is Kasaysayan 117, or Social History of the Philippines (‘Kasaysayan’ means history in Filipino). Social history veers away from the typical elite/heroes/war/colonization/what have you narratives that history books typically go with, and focuses instead on the developments of, say, gender, education, illnesses, and religion in the country. It basically focuses on the everyday life of the ordinary citizen, which I find more interesting and relatable than war stories. I certainly wish I can take this class more than once. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? Dog person. They’re friendly and sweet and silly and will always stay by your side, which I love. I have never been able to connect with cats and finally at one point, trying just tired me out completely lmao HISS at me then, sis Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. Not my favorite, but definitely a memorable one – Scarlett O’Hara is in love with some dude named Leslie who’s married to his first cousin. Scarlett ends up gunning after him for a good chunk of time, even as she marries Rich Guy Rhett Butler and has a kid with him. Eventually [spoiler] kid dies and Rhett realizes Scarlett never cared for her just as Scarlett realizes she loves Rhett. Not a good ending for Scarlett. Bunch of people die. Oh and all of this takes place during the Civil War. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. I flinch at the idea of putting anything anywhere near my eye, so contacts are a no-no for me. What do you think about horror movies? It’s a hit or miss most of the time. Great genre with some even greater hits, though. If you love them (I do), what's your favorite? Misery or The Shining. Cliché picks, but I personally enjoyed both so why not. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I dunno about ‘cool’ but I got Gabie a Hydro Flask water bottle and I’m SO excited for her to get it because she’s always been envious of mine and she’s always talking about wanting one because water tastes so crisp and fresh from those bottles. It’s kind of a bittersweet story for me though – I lost my own Hydro Flask a day after I got hers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? I do neither of those things because I’m from the Philippines and we have no idea what those holidays(?) mean. Have any mental illnesses? I’m sure I do, I just have never gotten myself checked. What's your favorite word and why? I’m not really obsessed with any right now. What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? It’s either my laptop or my phone...I’m not sure how much they were; my parents paid for both. Although I’m guessing the phone cost more because it was the newest in the iPhone line at the time of their purchase. Did you buy that item yourself? Hahahaha, nope. Super grateful to my parents for getting it for me despite knowing I have the tendency to crack and break all the phones I own. This current one is staying strong, though! Where do you work and what is your postion? I don’t have a job yet but I’m part of two organizations in college, if that counts. I’m the vice president for external affairs in my journalism org and associate editor in our graduating batch’s yearbook club. How often do you cuss? Probably once every few hours? Definitely way less than when I was an angsty, feisty, annoying little teenager lmao. What type of car do you drive, if any? I have a Mitsubishi Mirage hatchback. Are you happy with it? If no, what's your dream car? I’m happy with it; it’s small, convenient, and easy to drive. My dream car is something just as small but a little more fancy, so I’m wishing for a Mini haha. Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? Nah I just have three main ones – Twitter, Facebook, and this Tumblr. I’ve made accounts on other apps like Snapchat and Instagram, but I stopped using the former and I never use the latter. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t have one. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? It’s not a unique tradition but we go to my grand-aunt’s house and we do Monito-Monita, which is essentially a Filipino Secret Santa. We fix ourselves in a circle and when you’re It, you have to dance/walk/prance around with your gift while everyone sings the monito-monita song (which I’m too lazy to expound on, lol). When the song ends, you have to hand your ‘baby’ their gift. If you're in a relationship, are you happy with it? Yes. How long have you been with your significant other? Three years, but that’ll change to four by February. Do you like psychology? (It's my college major). I love it. It’s one of my the-one-that-got-away courses, along with history. I wanted to have a glimpse of psych by taking a psychology elective once, but I got a bad prof and never got in the mood to take another elective again, so that’s a shame. What is something your state is popularly known for? We don’t have states, we just have provinces and cities. Antipolo is known for their delicacies such as kasoy, suman, and latik. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what's the coolest thing you made? Kind of? I don’t like anything I have to sculpt or mold myself; but lately I’ve been into paint-by-number kits and I asked Gab to get me a couple of them as a Christmas gift. It’ll help with my seasonal depression, so I’m excited to be preoccupied during the holiday break. Do you watch sports or do you think they're overrated? I don’t think they’re overrated. I just don’t find most of them interesting to watch. What's one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn't deserve to? TROLLS Do you straighten your hair? No. Ever dyed your hair a color that isn't natural? (blue, pink, etc) I haven’t dyed it at all. How's your relationship with your parents? We have a best friends-type of relationship in that we banter and not opposed to insulting each other and cursing in front of one another, but I don’t let them know me any deeper than surface-level. The angst and trauma I developed due to my mom being horrid to me when I was younger permanently kept me from ever desiring a soft, emotional, intimate bond with her. And as for my dad, well he’s worked overseas all my life and I only get to see him once or twice a year, so it’s easy to understand why I have not developed a super super SUPER close bond with him as well. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live with them but I’d love to have my own place soon. What's something you are currently saving money for to buy? More Christmas gifts for loved ones. I’ve only bought gifts for my girlfriend so far. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? I vape, but don’t smoke. Gab gave me her vape pen which is from a brand named Smok, because she soon learned after vaping a few times that she’s asthmatic. :( I do get disposable vape pens from Vedfun which I honestly prefer more, though. Ever done drugs? Other than painkillers, no. Tell me one of your worst habits. Letting myself go hungry because I’m a little obsessed with the thought of saving money. What's a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I have to lock my car doors three times in a row before I feel entirely secure. If you game, what type of headset do you use? What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? I have a Macbook Air, and I love it. What's the thing that annoys you the most? Metro Manila traffic. What brand of TV do you have? All of our TVs are Samsung, I think. Are you excited for Christmas? (It's December 1st today when I made this) I can take it or leave it. Tell me about your favorite vacation you've taken. Sagada x Baguio last 2014. I was hurting a lot that time because of recent shitty events that all happened to me, but the climate, the nature, and the peace and quiet allowed me to recharge and let everything out. It helped that there was a movie that had just come out then called That Thing Called Tadhana (Fate) wherein the lead girl was going through the same stuff I did, then she took a bus trip to Sagada, stood on top of a cliff, and yelled and cried her heart out. I set out to do the same (I didn’t scream though, just cry haha) and it was a good release. I’ll never forget that trip because I had never been more in touch with myself and allowed myself to be that raw until that week.

Tell me something cool about yourself. [continued all the way from 7 AM because I just got lazy for the rest of the morning. It’s now 4:41 PM.] Anyone outside of pro wrestling will probably not find this cool but I’ve been acknowledged by all three of my all-time favorite female figures in the industry (retweeted by AJ Lee, followed by Natalya, greeted happy birthday by Stephanie McMahon). All three are memories I’ll cherish forever. Did/do you get good grades in school/college? Not so much in grade school, because I was admittedly irresponsible and my elders didn’t pay much attention to my study habits, either. I got better in high school, but I still made sure not to tire myself out because I knew the grades I’d get then literally wouldn’t matter in college. Now that I’m in college and for once the grades DO matter, I’m working 15 times as hard and getting good grades throughout. What's your ringtone on your phone? They’re all ringtones provided by Apple. What's your favorite store to shop in? For clothes, independent stores would do. They can sell a tank top for ₱50 (1 USD) that I would otherwise find in H&M for like, ₱299 (6 USD) lmao. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I’d pay off my parents’ various purchases like our house and cars so that the guilt doesn’t eat me up when I treat myself. How long have you had a Bzoink account? I don’t have a Bzoink account, but I’ve been using it to find surveys since 2008. My survey habit started veeeeery early, y’all.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what's your favorite attraction? I have not. I’m not even sure I know what that is. Do you own a Polaroid camera? I don’t. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Hardwood. It's a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Taking surveys or catching up with work. Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a lot, fortunately. College taught me to open up my circle. What's your all time favorite movie and why? Two for the Road. It just clicks with me. Audrey and Albert very both very passionate in their roles and their tandem worked amazingly to bring the story to life.

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? Just one. What's the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? Queer Eye; I made Gab watch the Jones Bar-B-Q episode which is usually cited as one of the best of the series. I loved watching it the second time. Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? I use Netflix; I haven’t tuned in to cable TV for a good 4-5 years maybe. What is your dream job and why? Working somewhere in WWE. That company’s been a part of my life for...welp, my whole life. A part of me just feels as though I HAVE to end up there. Do you think you would be a good therapist? I know I’m a good listener and that I can read body language and signals quite well, but I don’t think I’d want people to dump their burdens and rants on me. What's your favorite brand of clothing? H&M. Did you like this survey? Sure!

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

All weird asks!! They're so good!

Sorry this is a bit late, babe! I wanted to wait til I had the opportunity to answer all these uninterrupted!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs! tbh I drink tea out of coffee mugs because who actually uses teacups? I mean my grandma has tons and I would use them, but the handles are so tiny and I am v clumsy so it scares me.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars!!! I’m too impatient for lollipops and plus they always get coated in saliva which just...drips down my chin since my mouth is already full.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum! I love cotton candy but I can only handle a bit at a time tbh. Also I haven’t had bubblegum in almost two years bc of braces and I miss it so much I can’t wait to have it again.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Okay, so even though I’ve always been homeschooled, when I was in elementary school we did this program with a ton of other homeschoolers where you could take actual classes and stuff. My teachers always said I was quiet and focused and studious, and you could always count on me to be lecturing everyone else on the instructions if they hadn’t been paying attention. (does any of that surprise anyone?)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? GLASS SODA BOTTLES. nothing beats soda that’s been bottled in glass rather than plastic. You ever had orange cream soda from a glass bottle????? SLAPS ASS MY DUDE.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel/boho/preppy/goth, my dude. I have so many sides to my fashion and aesthetic.

7. earbuds or headphones?

EARBUDS BC HEADPHONES NEVER FIT OVER MY EARS RIGHT. BUT EARBUDS WITH SOFT TIPS BECAUSE MY EARS ARE TOO SMALL FOR THE PLASTIC ONES.

8. movies or tv shows?

Tv shows tbh because even though I can binge 4 eps of 45 minutes each per night, they’ll hold my attention a lot more than a movie. It’s weird.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Thunderstorms/petrichor, also natural bogs. PEAT BOG SMELL FUCKING SLAPS.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. I liked trampoline time back when we took gymnastics, if that counts. I also liked jump roping and Irish step dancing.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing lmao. I sleep til like noon and then I microwave something for lunch.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My catchall playlist, Things I Love, my summer playlist, Summer Songs, my Gryffindor playlist, My Queen And Country playlist for writing, and my playlist for The Raven Cycle. (after I post this I’ll edit it and link them)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Keyring, a lanyard would like constantly detract from my outfit if that makes sense???

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Between The Grapes Of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, The Handmaid’s Tale, and To Kill A Mockingbird!

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Just fucking sprawled every which way.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My grey converse if it’s comfortable out, my silver flip flops if it’s hot, and my fur-lined black combat boots if it’s cold.

18. ideal weather?

65-70 degrees, partly sunny, breezy, not humid.

19. sleeping position?

I need to sprawl to fall asleep, but once I’m asleep I curl up into a little ball.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop and notebook ONLY IF I’m sure of myself, which isn’t often. But I do write dense, scribbled paragraphs on sermon note pages if something comes to me during church lmao.

21. obsession from childhood?

The American Revolution, weather, astronomy, and mysteries/ghost stories.

22. role model?

Idk tbh? Lately I’m just trying to define and live up to my own standards?

23. strange habits?

Pulling the collar of my shirt up to my mouth and sucking on it. Also being a perfectionist in my writing. I don’t do messy drafts. It’s all perfect by the time I write it, and I edit/spellcheck as I go.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst (my birthstone), bismuth, opal, and blue goldstone.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Other than nursery rhymes/kid’s songs, it was Light Up The Sky by The Afters, or California Dreamin’ by The Mamas And The Papas.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Find shade/a cool spot and read with a cold drink.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

ALSO READ. And snuggle with thick socks and a cup of tea and play DS games all day.

28. five songs to describe you?

My five faves atm -

I Am Here // Pink

The Pines // Roses and Revolutions

Soldier, Poet, King // The Oh Hellos

Traveler’s Song // Aviators

Hymn // Kesha

29. best way to bond with you?

Share my interests about politics, history, books, true crime, paranormal, tv shows, and also be kind and understanding when I don’t text for long periods bc I don’t feel up to talking.

30. places that you find sacred?

The woods on the hill behind my house. Dense, deeply green, secluded woods. Hedge mazes. Old and crumbling castles. Anywhere beneath a clear sky and a full moon. Your heart when you’ve come to terms with your fears and made peace with yourself. Anyplace with historical significance. Bookstores on an autumn/winter day. Libraries.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A kickass plaid, bruh. Also my leather jacket - once I lose enough shoulder weight to fit in it again.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre shavoc ado, the one where the dog eats the butterfly, the Lin-Manuel Miranda one where he’s brainstorming, “what the FUCK kind of weather is this, and the dad and son with the saxophone and the oven door.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“oh mood”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

“WOW! It’s NatureStone!”

35. average time you fall asleep?

Right now it’s 4-5 am because I suck.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, My mom used to look at the website with me when I was like 10.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

They both have pros and cons. :/ Duffel bags are easier to carry but suitcases keep stuff from getting broken better.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAAAAAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie!!! my stepdad made a really good one the other week.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Nothing, since I was homeschooled. Same weird shit that always happens at home. Our safe word for when I got overwhelmed in math was “quokka” and we’d stop and look at cute quokka pictures.

41. last person you texted?

My gf :)

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets because things are not only hard to fit in girls’ pants pockets, but if you put a chapstick/lipstick in there it starts to melt :(

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

BETWEEN HOODIE AND CARDIGAN. SO VERSATILE. SO COMFY.

44. favorite scent for soap?

Irish Spring soap or the blue Dial bars smells better and cleaner than anything to me.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It can take me a bit to get into it, but once I do, I love it. I only do sci-fi if it has rebellion and isn’t heavy on the sci. And superhero movies are great but a lot of the tropes are meh. Fantasy has a lot more versatility if you ask me.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Sweatpants/leggings and a soft, well worn tee.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Parmesan, white cheddar, or Muenster.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry!

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“do no harm but take no shit.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A really poorly edited political ad on tv a couple years ago. There was weird jazz playing, flames in the background of an image of the Capitol Building, and then the top of the dome opened and this guy’s face was inside. It is the single funniest ad I have ever seen and I laughed for 10 minutes so hard I was like an inch away from passing out.

51. current stresses?

Passing my driving test next month, getting a job, figuring out if my math skills are okay enough to take the SAT or an equivalent test.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia!

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My fingernails are short bc I picked them while reading earlier, my cuticles suck bc I pick at those two, and my pinky is obliterated and scabbed because of when I accidentally sliced through the nail with a razor while shaving the other day. So, not great, but I’m living.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That kids can be really annoying but also really cute and hilarious if you can get them to calm down. And also that baby fingernails are surprisingly sharp.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The OG Princess and the Frog where it’s implied the prince and “faithful Henry,’ his carriage driver, fall in love and ride off together at the end. JACOB AND WILHELM GRIMM SAID GAY RIGHTS.

56. favorite tradition?

Every December, my mom and I drive around after dark at night and I play Pokemon and we rate everyone’s Christmas decorations based on tackiness.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

So isolated I was as a preteen/early teenager, my self harm, and the internalized anger over my abusive relationship and PTSD.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle solving, singing, and calligraphy.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Benvoli-no.” (I recently remembered I used to say that a lot and I need to bring it back)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Dark, fairy tale anime with a lot of secrets to uncover and some dark woods.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

TV show - “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who

Movie - “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman

Book - “If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.” - The Dream Thieves, by Maggie Stiefvater

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Sam Winchester - Supernatural

Jack Kline Winchester - Supernatural

Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural

Gansey - The Raven Cycle

Blue Sargent - The Raven Cycle

Hermione Granger - Harry Potter

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Final Song // MO

Call Home // Heathers

I Am Here // Pink

Babylon // 5 Seconds of Summer

Shake It Off // Taylor Swift

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ AND THE OLD AMERICAN GIRL WEBSITE

65. any permanent scars?

Yes, I have several that remain from self harm, scars all over my left knee from being a clumsy child, and most of all a major scar down the center of my chest from heart surgery when I was a baby.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Rose, lavender, lilac, and dahlia.

67. good luck charms?

Not really???

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Olives, mushrooms, radishes, cottage cheese, and ranch dressing are all foul.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Martin Luther didn’t actually nail his 95 theses to the church door, he just kind of passed them around, which is a lot less dramatic tbh. Also light-up signs were first used in New York City in 1884.

70. left or right handed?

I’m left-handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

I think zebra stripes, leopard print, and houndstooth are super ugly.

72. worst subject?

Math for sure. Even science would be easier if it didn’t involve so much math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty!!!

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I think a 7, usually. My pain tolerance is pretty high because of a) years of self harm, and b) due to my PTSD my muscles are constantly tense and in pain anyway.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was 4, and it had been loose but it fell out when I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Fries or roasted potatoes that are charred and crunchy on the bottom. Chips are a close third.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk, my grandma’s the one with the green thumb mania lmao. But She keeps a lot of violets and arrowhead plants in the windowsills!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

NEITHER I HATE BOTH COFFEE AND SUSHI IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school ID, but my temporary license photo is actually pretty good right now!

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

I really like earth tones for myself.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

THEY ARE THE SAME MF THING. Also I call them both, it just depends on what comes out of my mouth haha.

82. pc or console?

PC, I guess, though I don’t really game. I just watch my stepdad game.

83. writing or drawing?

WRITING. I cannot draw to save my life.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so annoying.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, although I loved both.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology I guess??? Although again, I love both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

COOKIESSSSS

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, losing people I love, people secretly hating me. Also drowning, spiders, clowns, and guns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and work in a library/museum.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom and my gf.

90. luckiest mistake?

Almost dropping a knife blade first on my foot but it landed between my toes.

91. boxes or bags?

um boxes I guess? I’m really good at fitting things in tetris style.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FAIRY LIGHTS AND DIM YELLOW LAMPS.

93. nicknames?

Ell, Alexander, Ellie, Little Lion, and Nerd.

94. favorite season?

FALL FALL FALL FALL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr or Spotify. Two apps I couldn’t live without.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

About a half dozen. Mine, my mom’s, my stepdad’s, my grandparents’ home number, my grandpa’s, and my grandma’s.

98. favorite historical era?

Both the American Revolutionary period and the Victorian Era (esp in Britain)

THANK YOU LOVE THIS WAS SUPER FUN

[fallenangelofmurderhusbands]

((Sorry for the wait, but chapter two is now up, and I welcome all feedback/constructive criticism!))

Death’s Beloved Chapter 2

Will had no idea that being dead could still come with obligations and responsibility. Then again, he was a special case. According to Hannibal, being dead provides souls with peace, and leisure, or torture and unrest, depending on which one they deserve. Yeah, that's right, deserve. Apparently as Death, Hannibal is Judge, Jury, and Executioner in his realm. No matter what you did on top, death changes you, and if Hannibal decides at any point that you don't deserve the comforts he provides, he can immediately banish you to the part of his realm he reserves for those who displease him. Now Hannibal wasn't one who governed by fear, he had the respect of all who resided in his realm, who were on his good side that is. He really only had one rule that seemed to keep everything in working order: Don't be rude. Will found it trivial, but he couldn't deny its efficiency. Either way though, Will was sure he was the only one who was stressed about a job even in death.

It wasn't being dead that gave Will the cause of his current complaints, it was having a job even after being deceased. When Hannibal had told him he could become a powerful reaper who would work alongside his husband, it had sounded amazing. So, of course he didn't pass up the opportunity. Having been an officer - with his own moral code - before death, Will was able to settle into into his new role effortlessly. However, Will quickly learned that Hannibal had a habit of only telling people - though Will especially - half of the picture, keeping the finer, less appealing, details to himself. Therefore, Will didn't know that part of being this amazing reaper, also included wandering the streets of Hannibal's realm, and checking in with residents. If he was being honest, Will hated being sociable, and of course today was his first day of doing his rounds.

It was morning if you wanted to call it that; some say time passes differently in the realm of the dead, others say time is an illusion all together. There is no sun, nor is there a moon to float across the sky and help establish time. The sky changes colors only when Hannibal decides it is time for a change. The stars are ever present - though depending on the color of the sky, sometimes it is harder to see them. The dead have no need for rest, so sleeping cannot establish the end of a day. In the end, it is the feasts that establish a sense of time. They are mandatory - though no one would want to miss the event. Three times a “day” if you will, Hannibal calls together the town for the Feast of Souls. One of said feasts was the reason Will had decided to start his rounds.

______________________________________________________________________________

“How are you okay with this?” Will asked, shocked and borderline mortified upon hearing Hannibal’s description of the Feast of Souls.

“What do you mean?” Hannibal asked coolly, amused his husband would have such a reaction, and curious as to why.

“This is basically cannibalism!!” Will near shouted, voice growing slightly louder.

“Will, calm down. Please. It is no such thing.” Hannibal chided, though still amused by the situation. The souls - if you must call then that - which were consumed at the feast were in such low standing in Hannibal’s mind, they barely made it a mile below animals on the list. He would prefer them to be further down.

“A soul consuming another soul? How is that not, in essence, a form of cannibalism?” Will retorted, gesturing to nothing in particular with his hands as he talked.

“Well, technically, I’m -” Hannibal tried to correct Will, but was cut short by his spouse’s impatient temper at not being taken seriously.

“I KNOW YOU’RE NOT A SOUL! But those who dine at your table ARE. I AM! How can you sit back and watch as these people -”

“Souls -”

“Consume the essence of other souls completely unaware?” Will continued, ignoring Hannibal’s interjection. He was seething now, annoyed Hannibal wouldn’t take him seriously, angry he wasn’t receiving an explanation, and baffled by his husband’s reaction to all of this.

“They are not souls. They are animals - less than animals actually.” Hannibal finally tried to explain, seeing Will slowly reach the end of his line.

“Hannibal, that makes no sense. A soul is a soul no matter what.” Will shook his head, trying to understand this new culture and custom he had been thrown into.

“Will, maybe you would understand if you would just take part in -”

“No. I’m not having anything to do with your feasts.” Will rushed out, eyes snapping frantically to meet Hannibal’s. New culture or not, his old norms and values still resonated deep within him, and right now they were screaming that cannibalism was a NO!

“Alright, if that is what you wish, I will respect your decision.” Hannibal conceded. He knew he would not win Will over right then, and decided to choose his battles - saving this one for later.

“Thank you.” Will said, surprised by Hannibal’s respect of his wishes.

“Seeing as how you won’t join us,” Hannibal continued, because if he couldn’t win Will over, he would get the last jest in, “and the feast has now come to a close, perhaps you would find it suitable to begin your rounds. I know walks tend to clear your head.” The knowing smirk in Hannibal’s eyes made will’s anger burn bright. He opened his mouth to retort, thought better of it, turned, and stormed from the house. If Hannibal wanted him gone, then so be it; Will would walk it off. Too bad that included being sociable while he was already in a bad mood.

______________________________________________________________________________

Will stopped at a quaint little house; a garden of vegetables and flowers was planted just behind a short fence, half hidden by flags, windmills, and the other garden decor that had been lovingly added - in excess. He had walked to the farthest corner of Hannibal’s domain in the hopes that his sour mood would wear down enough for him to begin his check-ins. Thankfully, he was right, and after reaching his destination, he decided to start with the little house that just screamed grandmother.

The door opened when he was halfway up the path, revealing a short, gray-haired woman, whose smile almost rivaled the sun.

“Welcome! Welcome! Come in, please! Sit down. Sit down. Anywhere works,” she babbled off to him with energy he didn’t know she possessed as she ushered him through the door. “Would you like anything to eat or drink, hun? I know us souls don’t necessarily need the stuff, but my tongue can still taste so keep tasting I shall.”

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m okay for now. Unfortunately I won’t be staying too long.” Will returned her knowing smile with an apologetic one of his own before she disappeared into the kitchen to fetch herself some refreshments. She returned with a plate of calas and beignets - Will’s favorite Louisiana desserts - and a tumbler of whiskey. Will’s face must have betrayed his surprise because she let out a small laugh.

“What are you doing with your jaw dropped so low, boy? Come now, not every grandma is cookie-cutter predictable.” Will found himself laughing along to her words with an ease he didn’t know he could obtain. “Now, call me psychic, or just well attuned with how this place works, I don’t care. But I learned long ago that those who are new here carry with them remnants of where they came from, and if you know how, you can pick up on them and read ‘em. Now while I’m a Northern California child, I’ve traveled enough, and met enough people after being down here, to know a little about where you came from.” She gently pushed the plate across the table so he could reach the pastries  as she poured two glasses of the whiskey. “Now I can’t read minds, but I hope you like these. Hard to go wrong with tradition, but then again there’s always those few who prove ya wrong.” Despite her words, Will got the sense that the twinkle in her eye meant she knew more than she was letting on. Either way, he wasn’t about to pass up Louisiana pastries and whiskey, and he took a bite out of a beignet before accepting the glass she was holding out to him.

“Now,” she continued, sitting down across from him, “let’s get back to business. You didn’t stop by here for no reason now did you?” She paused for a moment to sip at her own whiskey. “What’s your name, hun? My name is Mira Greenwald, but you can call me Auntie ‘M’, or Mimi. Your choice.” She sat back and waited for Will to finish his beignet, neither in any sort of rush.

“My name is Will Graham. I’m, um, sure you’ve heard of me by now. I’m kinda soulmates with Hannibal…” Will, despite starting off well, let his sentence fade away. Before awkwardness could descend upon them, Mira continued on.

“Oh my heavens! You’re the one who all the fuss is about? My dear, you have this whole place buzzing! Everyone wants to meet you! You had us all up in a bunch when you didn’t show at the feast, you know.” When she saw Will’s panicked expression she quickly reassured him. “Now don’t go fretting! Breathe, hun. No one here is going to bombard you. We get newbies here all the time, so it’s not uncommon to see an unfamiliar face. Besides me, and Hannibal of course, no one else knows your face, so you’ll be just fine. Besides, even if someone does recognize you for whatever reason, it would be tremendously rude of them to call unwanted attention to you - and you know how well that husband of yours tolerates the rude.” She winked and humor returned to Will’s eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. “No one here is that brave. We all have manners, Will. It is wonderful to have met you though, my dear.”

From there the conversation spins away from Will, and back to Mira. She talked all about her life before she died, her husband and kids, where she traveled, friends she met, events she lived through, as well as her life after death. Will was surprised with how long she had been here for - 40 years, Earth time.

“Don’t you miss your husband?”

“Of course I do! I miss all of my kids and grandkids too. But I know that I will see them all again some day. Everyone dies eventually - though Albert sure is taking his sweet fucking time.”  

“W-What?” Will’s only reaction to hearing Mira curse was to laugh it off.

“Oh yeah! That old geezer has been in a coma on life support for the past… oh ten or twenty years or so. You see the kids have the payment plan setup, and enough money to support it, and then got busy, and forgot about him. No one has noticed long enough to think about pulling the plug on him, and the machines are doing their jobs well enough that he can’t just let go.”

“That’s horrible!”

“Oh, it’s not really. Neither one of us would want our kids wasting their time on us. We’re happy they are living their lives. Plus he still comes to visit me every once in awhile. Damn near gives the medical staff a heart attack every time, but it is nice to see him. Crazy bastard says it’s the only excitement he gets nowadays - seeing me and watching them scramble for his life.”

“There’s no way for him to die? Are you sure? Maybe Hannibal can help!” Will said in a scrambled rush.

“Slow down, hun. It’s okay. I’ve already talked to Hannibal long ago. As understanding as he was, there is nothing he can do.”

“What do you mean? He’s Death.”

“He may be Death, Will, but he’s not God. There are rules to life, just as there are rules to death. One of the main ones being that if it isn’t someone’s time, there’s nothing you can do. Even Hannibal has to obey the rules sometimes.”

“But…”

“Rules, are rules, Will. If you break them, there will be consequences, even for Death.”

“I think I understand…”

“You will fully, with time.” Her smile was warm and reassuring, and all Will could do was let his worries melt away and just believe in her words.

“Can I ask you one more question Mimi?” Will asked, hesitant about the topic he was about to bring up.

“Of course! What is you want to know?”

“Why does Hannibal consider some souls below others? Isn’t a soul a soul no matter what?” He asked, eyes fixed to the swirling whiskey in his hand. He raised them when he heard the smile in Mira’s voice.

“I thought the same thing too. I was as religious as they came when I first arrived. We all have to learn at our own paces Will, but we don’t have to learn alone. You see everything down here works different - time, space, bodily functions; we don’t need to eat or sleep, and yes, even souls. You see, it is possible for a soul to be corrupted, for it to become so twisted and gnarled that it no longer resembles even a trace of what it once was. On Earth we called these souls Demons. Down here, we don’t have a name. But they are viewed as the lowest you could possible be, further down in savagery than animals. A curse and burden to this world. And, viewed as a plague, we try to wipe them out. To become this thing, Will, you must understand there is no reversing it, no saving the soul it used to be. They become something new entirely, something ugly. It is these that we feast on. I too once shied away from the Feasts, disgusted and ashamed. But I promise you, Will, this world is not Earth, and those things are not souls.” She paused for a moment, assessing Will’s reaction before adding, “Give yourself some time to acclimate, and adjust. Integration into a new society - let alone world - takes time. But hopefully I will see you at one of the next Feasts. My philosophy has always been: Ya can’t bash it till you’ve done it.” Will chuckled at that, before exhaling heavily. His brain was starting to hurt from all of the information he received.

“I think it’s time for me to leave.” He smiled, nodding toward the door. Mira smiled back with understanding.  

“Oh Honey, you have all the time in the word, but I’ll let you get back to Hannibal. I’ve kept you long enough.”

“Thank you, for everything, Mimi.” He said, swallowing the last of his whiskey.

“No need to thank me, honey.” They both rose from the couch and headed to the door, Mira pulling Will in for a hug before he could escape out the door.

“Oh hey - If that husband of yours starts to get on your nerves like all husbands can, just come back over here. I’ll have fresh pastries and a full glass of whiskey waiting.” She called after Will as he walked down the garden path on her lawn. He turned with a raised hand, waving as he called back.

“Sure thing, Mimi. I’ll make sure to remember that.”

[paniccord-ff]

47.

Swallowing hard, I froze in the position feeling my erection leave me “what are you doing?” Rylee asked me while looking behind her, maybe if I keep going my dick will start to get hard again. Slowly going in and out but it was too late, my erection was gone. It was so gone that it slipped out of her “fuck” I said in a whisper, looking down at my now soft dick “really?” Rylee turned around falling onto her back “it is me isn’t it? I am just not attractive for you anymore” shaking my head “no, never that. It’s not that” Rylee’ lower lip quivered “please don’t cry” holding her arm but she snatched it away from me “fuck you, don’t touch me” she got up from the bed but kicked me right in my crotch “fuck!” falling onto the bed holding my dick “oh my god, why!?” I whined “to think I sucked your dick in my grandma’s house and then you wasn’t man enough to tell me you wasn’t turned on by me!” she spat, all I could feel is pain. Placing my face into the pillow screaming out “asshole” hearing the door slam shut.

Slowly pulling my sweatpants up, sitting down on the edge of the bed. My morning went from bad to worse, we had no Royalty so why not have sex, but my dick would not obey, it’s not even Rylee. It’s me, I just have so much on my mind but if I tell Rylee that then I might as well give away the whole damn surprise. I am not enjoying Barbados, shit is just too hectic for me and I don’t want to say anything. I will feel bad because this is her family’s home but I feel so enclosed, like I can’t go anywhere. People have been in and out of this home, I can’t even relax without pictures being taken. I want to be normal but I can’t, this place has never had a famous person here because they do not know how to act. My unhappiness is affecting my whole performance in bed and this is not good, I just want to go home.

I will now have to put up with Rylee, she will be angry with me but I need to see if Royalty is ok. I don’t want nobody to kidnap her, that is the last thing I need. Reaching the last step and just like clockwork, a house full of people. Turning the corner and seeing Royalty, I feel at peace now. Smiling at her, placing my hand on her head “silly butt” walking off into the kitchen area, walking by some lady “he is awake” she said, this is what I have to hear every morning, I know I am awake. Rylee is sat eating her breakfast “you want some?” Rose asked, shaking my head. I am just going to go out for a blunt, I need it. I have not had a blunt for breakfast in so long, I don’t want to go backwards but I feel it. There is nowhere you can hide here, seeing the gate on the other end of the back yard that leads to the beach, I guess that is where I will have my blunt.

Closing my eyes blowing out the smoke, that feels so good “Chris” I jumped at Harvey’ voice, squinting my eyes looking up at him “can I sit?” nodding my head “no need to put the blunt out, it’s ok” he sat down on the beach next to me “you don’t seem happy? A man with a thousand demons dragging you down, what’s wrong?” I shrugged “I appreciate you have a big family here, your side of family will be big but my side won’t be much at the wedding. Shit is embarrassing, hand on my heart I miss my mom but I love Rylee. I love your daughter so much, I just have a lot on my mind that I don’t feel I am me. I don’t appreciate being stared at, making me sing all the time. Shit is just not cool, I came here because Rylee wanted to come. I don’t want to offend anyone but I don’t want to be here, I want to just get married. You know what, I don’t even know what I want right now” looking over at Harvey, he stared at me not saying a word “you don’t want to marry my daughter?” licking my lips “I don’t know what I want” looking away from Harvey, he got up to go back inside but I hope I haven’t upset him.

I hope Mijo picks up his phone “you lucky I like you” he mumbled down the phone “I need to talk to you bro” I just feel life has been sucked out of me, I feel so enclosed and way out of my depth “I’m listening” sighing out “I want to run away from my shit man” rubbing the top of my head “you did this with Royalty, you can’t run away. Why do you want to run away? You have everything going for you” swallowing hard “I have these thoughts in my mind, I need to just go. I can’t be here, this is not me. I am just not built for this, the only person to know me is my mom and she knows it. She knows I don’t do normal” Mijo let out an oh “does she know you? Bruh, are you relapsing? What is it? If you run then you will be going back to that dark place again, don’t let your mind overrule your heart. Fight it, come on Chris. You need to fight this” I could just walk off right now “I’m having a son” I blurted out “oh wow, really? Congratulations, a mini you” I cringed at that “better than me, won’t be crazy as me anyways” I pray none of my kids have anything I have “so you want to walk away from your daughter, your son and your fiancé? I will not be the person you cry too because I told you so, nigga you will lose everything. You have so much happening and I think you are overwhelmed, just step back. Speak to Rylee” I snorted laughing “she is angry with me because my dick went limp” Mijo busted out laughing “you can’t fuck anyone when you feel like this, your woman is a ride or die nigga. Get speaking, don’t call me” he has a point.

I feel so high, morning blunts always fuck with my mind. Widening my eyes walking into the living area, as always it is so packed. Standing in the corner, leaning my back against the wall. I must have been out there for a while, everyone has eaten and I swear Rose was just starting to make food “what made you want my cousin Chris?” I have had this question so many times “me?” I pointed at myself “who else” her cousin said laughing Blake walked over to me “you’re so fucked right now nigga” Blake nudged me laughing “I’m not, I am really not. I just realised that life might be good” nodding my head smiling “how many did you have?” I shrugged “oh yeah, Rylee hated me I liked it. I think, where is the food though?” I got the munchies.

Watching Chris walk into the kitchen “I think we need to give Chris space, shall we go out” my dad said, what is even Chris’ problem to be doing this with my family here “come on, let’s leave them alone” he couldn’t even get his dick hard, like I did so much to get his dick hard but nothing “go and speak to Chris, go make him some food and speak to him” why is my dad telling me this, Chris can speak for himself “come on, everyone out” getting up from the couch “Royalty, stay here. Don’t take her” I rather I know she is safe with us “Blake did you give him weed?” he shrugged “he is a grown adult, you better go and get him before he hurts himself” I am so annoyed with him, Royalty held my hand “shall we go and help daddy make some food” he has been so weird this whole journey here, he has not been right at all and I am worried now.

Chris ate so much, he didn’t say anything to me besides going to sleep and then said thanks. Now he is asleep, I don’t understand what happened from LA to here. Did I do something, does my family know something that I don’t. I have cleaned the kitchen and now I am just waiting for him to wake up, Royalty and him both fell asleep. I feel like my family know something, does this make me a bad wife that I didn’t know this thing everyone knows, I don’t know. I am so confused now, sitting on the edge of the bed. Touching the side of Chris’ face watching him sleep, I know something is bothering him but he would say everything is fine but he has been so weird with everything. I want to make him feel better, I care about him so much. He is my little baby, I feel so sad now because I must have neglected him but everything is so stressful with a two-year-old around.

Is it weird that I have literally just watched him sleep, I am glad there is some movement from him now. Watching Chris rub his eyes, clearing his throat as he did “Chris” I said lightly “huh” he looked in shock “I want to speak to you, please come down. I have been waiting” getting up from the chair, I will let him gather himself. Making my way down the steps, looking down at my phone seeing Mark’ name. I wonder what he wants, answering the call “hello Mark” making my way to the couch “how is the new face of Burberry?” laughing a little “erm, I am fine. It’s weird but I’m great, how are you?” sitting down on the couch “great, just wondering what Chris is doing with what I have sent him? What do you think to the idea? Pregnancy photoshoot?” my eyes widened in confusion “uhm, he said nothing to me. What shoot? Who for? Who wants a fat mess like me?” is he stupid, Mark laughed aloud “fat mess? I think not, you are so beautiful pregnant. Well tell Chris to hurry up and speak soon” he disconnected the call “hey” Chris said, placing my phone down at the side of me, sitting back in the couch “hey” Chris sat down but away from me.

At least he is not high Chris anyways “I am hungry again” he sat down saying “I will make you some food soon but right now we need to talk, I feel like my family know something I don’t when I should be the one to know you Chris. I am hurting here, hurting to know that something is wrong. Everything seems so off, I ask you and you tell me you’re fine but clearly not so please Chris, please talk to me” if he says he is fine I think I will go crazy “I have just been thinking too much, I am trying to fight this” he mumbled “on your own? You’re not on your own Chris you have me, I told you this. All your life you had to fight this but now you don’t, I care, I want you. I want to be here for you Chris” Chris shuffled off the couch a little, sitting on the edge of the couch “this is meant to be a break away for you, you wanted to come here but I am ruining it” he rubbed his hands together “I did want to come here, come here with you but you’re unhappy and you’re not telling me why” he fell silent staring at his hands, I wish he would just tell me.

He rubbed the side of his head looking away from me shaking his head “I was thinking of running away, I wanted to run away. I don’t think I can do this, any of this. I am not built to be loved, to be a husband. For people to rely on me, you don’t deserve for me to be so bipolar that you don’t know my mood. I wanted to go because my mind wanted that” I felt my heart ache, to hear those words from him “I just felt like walking because I can’t deal” feeling my eyes well up “walk away from me? Is it me?” my voice broke “it’s not you, it’s me. It’s how I work, I run away from shit when I can’t deal. I just wanted to get away, I don’t feel I am me and I wanted to go. I am not running away from you but the situation, the words, the hurt, the feeling. I want it to just stop, I want to be happy but I don’t feel it. So many people just telling me things and I feel like my mind is going to explode if I hear someone say it’s Chris Brown, I know who I am and I hate it. You wanted to know so there is that, I am sorry I am not perfect” flicking the tear that fell.

Sniffling seeing that broken man again, the very same man I saw when she upset him on Christmas “I don’t want you perfect, I just got hurt to know you wanted to walk away from me. You just never speak, I cannot read your mind. I can see your body language had changed but that is it. I am or was annoyed about Vegas, and you still ain’t said anything. And then the whole sex thing really pushed me, but how am I supposed to know, I just felt worthless that was it, have you spoken to your mom? Chris, for you I will bite my tongue and have her around. See the difference with me and her is I will do it for you, if you want me to speak to her then I will” Chris shook his head “I just want to make shit right for you and your birthday, my mom is far gone but I am hurting. I am fighting this and I will soon, just give me time. I promise you Rylee, I promise you that I will love you so much, I just don’t want to disappoint you” shaking my head in disbelief “you don’t disappoint me, I just want you to talk to me. You being this way doesn’t put me off, people want me to give up on you but that would never happen. I am too in love with you” that is the truth “I love you too, I only got you now” smiling at Chris “and I want to make you happy, I want to help you when you are thinking such things. Like you said, I hated you but now I adore you” I don’t want to see him suffer.

Zipping the suitcase “what will your family think if we go?” Chris asked me “then I don’t care, you said you wanted to go so we are Chris. I do not want to see you sad, you mean more to me then what my grandma thinks. It’s too much for you, you have too much on your mind and you don’t need the headache. I understand you baby, it’s fine” Chris and I are staying in a hotel with Roro of course, I do not really care what anyone thinks because he comes first. I may have come here to get away from the mess but he is still thinking of it “pick the suitcase off for me” turning around “Royalty, have you got your things together?” I hope she has anyways “where are you both going?” hearing my grandma say “hotel, we need some space. I don’t care what you say, I need to go” I will eventually get more out of him when we are alone too.