#i honestly haven't even had any particularly horrible experiences

[arcaneyouth]

being a moderator is an. enlightening experience

[mywingsareonwheels]

I've started to immediately block "and everyone clapped" commenters on posts. They somehow manage to be both the most unnecessary cynical *and* the most embarrassingly naive people on tumblr, and so fricking infuriating.

I mean... do they not know about life? Do they not know how weird and rich and singular a day can be?

When I was about a year old, I almost certainly got mentioned on a science programme on the radio (as an anonymous baby who'd been witnessed being totally unconcerned by a species of insect on a specific beach in western Scotland). My jazz upright bass playing was once complimented by one of the drummers for Animal (as in the Muppet) (and then I got too ill to practice... *sighs*). One of my ancestors was the Italian-born daughter of a Spanish mercenary during the Napoleonic Wars who shockingly married a roper from north-east England and went back to North Shields with him and their baby (and oh goodness does there need to be a novel about them ;-) ). I've had a hug from Jacqueline King to wish me luck when I was playing a principal boy in an amateur panto.

Those are four random facts about me, some impressive, some not really. I'm not particularly unusual! Life is just like that sometimes.

I'm not saying believe everything you read on the internet, but honestly personal history anecdotes in my experience tend to be a lot more reliable than some other things.

Also this: if you do "and then everyone clapped" about somebody's account of experiencing marginalisation or oppression you are being a shithead. Even if you are genuinely of the opinion that the person posting might not be telling the truth, you are entirely likely to be wrong, and the consequences if you get it wrong are bigger than if you leave well alone. One thing I haven't mentioned above is the times I've experienced ableism or biphobia or transphobia or neurosupremacy, and you know why? Because I honestly don't care if anyone on here thinks I'm lying about any of those facts above. I mean, I'll still block anyone who disbelieves me, on principle, because fuck that shit. But it's not exactly important.

Being disbelieved (especially openly disbelieved for lols) about the important stuff though? Oh man that's horrible. And nobody needs that.

[icharchivist]

As a Belial stan, I admit I fell for him because I saw a stupid meme that was my first introduction to him and Gbf in general, then couldn't get him out of my head, but the more I learned about him, the more I grew to love him

And I can confidently the atrocities only add to his character

The fact that he chose to cope with what happened to him by just digging his heels in and making the bad choice every step of the way like someone going for an evil run in a video game, despite tons of evidence pointing to him having the capacity to care for people (unlike Lucilius who checks a lot of boxes for sociopathy), it just. He's so awful and so hot and all the little things that make him Belial, including the tiny little quirks like collecting rare stuff and enjoying cicadas, they just make him so

Belial

It's difficult to put into words, but the way everything comes together just makes him such a compelling character. Also the balls and his tits. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a saint here

But they didn't have to go so hard on him and still they did! He could've just been horny and not tragic, or just tragic and not horny

But they went that hard and because of that he's now living rent-free in my head until the end of time

Anon you summed it all SO well!!! Honestly, pretty based Belial Stan experience.

I feel like Belial is extremely hard to sum up because there's a lot about him that's like... He's charming, so you kinda humor him when you read along the atrocities, but therefore, it leaves you just vulnerable enough that when he reveals why he's like this - all the tragedy that motivates him, and all the ways he specifically chooses to make himself worse as a result no matter how much pain it brings up - it genuinely hit like a truck.

I genuinely think the built up was really brilliant, because he's so entertainingly bad at first that you don't expect just how hard it's going to hit you when it happens.

I saw Belial in memes and people talking about him and stuff, and i found him particularly amusing and pretty charming, so i admit i was interested from the start. (also i had a dream of kissing him like, the day before i unlocked wmtsb in the story, which was coming out of NOWHERE because i hadn't met him yet at this point. This didn't help me going through wmtsb.)

And everytime he was being The Worst on the screen, even when he would genuinely make me angry, i still found him too charming to completely hate him. I was just obsessed with the way he talked and was taking the situation.

And ironically i remember that for a short instant, i got EXTREMELY pissed at him after he stole Sariel's wings and started to tell Sandalphon it was his fault Lucifer died, and for a brief instant i was feeling pure, unfiltered rage.... but then it led to his monologue, and then to his fake suicide, and i remember this was genuinely the moment where i was so distraught because of the quick succession of emotional highs i couldn't even try to keep up a sort of playful dislike anymore. I was just, so genuinely shocked by the absolute emotional roller coaster, that i was just there begging "please please it can't be happening please where is he, no, please no, don't let him be dead"

So when he reappeared and planted a bomb on us, almost killing us, instead of being mad, i was FULL OF JOY because i was just "aha! classic Belial! love you!!!" (and then of course the recontextualization of the Sariel incident made me fully at peace with him in the end.)

And it's so. so interesting to me because i wouldn't have Belial any other way. I love that he's a horrible person, i love that he makes all the worst of choices, but i also love that he is motivated by an honestly pretty sad backstory in itself, and that we saw enough of him to know he /is/ kind, deep down. He just choses not to be because he's the king of self sabotage.

It's SO difficult to put into words and even more so to put into words for people who haven't experienced wmtsb. You can take some of his scenes out of context, the sillies, the horrors, the serious, the sweets, the sads, all of them, but nothing would ever equate just experiencing the way the story is told and getting enthralled by all of that in quick successions of one another while this fucker also dares to be charming and sexy as fuck.

And honestly, learning that Belial literally came from the fact the writers were facing a writer block, and they took a risk with him because the only thing that could unblock them during the writing process of this tragedy was to be able to have a villain they could just put all sort of heavy but funny scenes on, really made it all even more of a tour de force. By 000 Belial is such a complex character that it's just. incredible to think this guy almost didn't exist, both because of the circumstances of his existence and the fact they almost veto'ed him for how sexual he is.

Worth it, truthfully. And now the guy lives rent-free in all of our minds and we're out there talking in depth about him at every turns.

oghh. He's just so fascinating but i somehow just feel like he needs to be Experienced to be Understood. This is what makes us Belial Connaisseurs, if you will. truly, one of a kind.

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, September 18th, 2024.

When are you at your happiest? (Started this survey yesterday; finished it up today.) When I'm out in nature; while spending time with people I love; when I'm cozy in bed with my kitties; during the holiday season; when it rains or snows; when I've accomplished something important or difficult; when I'm around good people at the shelter; etc.

Do you find that you’re attracted to people who aren’t “right” for you? I haven't been seriously romantically attracted to anyone for years. When it comes to friends/acquaintances, I find myself attracted to (or I get along well with) people who are considerate, intelligent, creative, and who have a good sense of humor.

Is there anything you wish you did today? Be more productive around the house.

Why haven’t you done it? I'm just kind of drained - physically and emotionally. All I want to do is take surveys or lie in bed and listen to the rain.

What were you doing before you started this survey? I had a brief chat with my dad while watching the rain.

Is there any exotic animal you’d like to have as a pet? If so, what is it? No. Speaking of exotics, though, there's a kitty at the shelter who is an exotic mix. She's much closer to a wild cat than a domestic one in terms of behavior. We were worried that people were going to flood us with adoption applications (that we would ultimately have to deny), but I don't think there's been a single serious applicant during the whole time she's been available. Granted, they do specify that one would need prior experience with owning an exotic cat, but still - I'm surprised no one has really even tried. She's definitely a handful, lmao.

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? I value myself much more than I probably ever have, but I still can't quite say I fully love myself.

How many people have you kissed? That actually meant something…four.

How many of those people are you still friends with? I'm not in touch with any of them anymore.

Do you just feel awkward when you dance? Yeah. I feel like I have no talent, technique, or rhythm whatsoever.

When was the last time you felt absolutely happy? I don't know if I've ever felt absolutely happy. There's almost always some other emotion clouding the mix. I did feel pretty happy and accomplished after transitioning to volunteering full time, though. It was a big leap and I wasn't sure I could handle it, but I'm glad I made it. It's been a huge boost of confidence.

Where did you go, the last time you left your house? The animal shelter. I was there from around 7:30am-11:30am.

Name someone that you love: My dad.

Is there something that you’re looking forward to right now? If so, what? I've answered this so many times recently, so I'm going to try to come up with something I haven't mentioned yet… Okay. Going to sleep when it's actually dark out. I go to bed super early, so during the summer months there's often around an hour or two of daylight left before the sun sets. Now that autumn is basically here, it's time to sleep like a baby in comparison.

What caused you to cry, the last time you did? Ugh.

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? I've also answered this recently, but the answer is still "lately, yes." I'm trying to change my perspective to one of happy anticipation. No matter what bullshit nonsense happens over the next week-ish, none of it has any prolonged meaning or influence. I'm going to do my best to just coast on through and let it all roll right off my back.

Is there anywhere you would rather be right now? If so, where? Here is fine.

Do you like your singing voice? It's not horrible, but it's not particularly great either.

Do you think that you’ve ever actually been IN love with someone? Yeah.

If so, do you still feel the same way about them? I still care about those people in a distant, nostalgic sort of way. I wouldn't want to get back together or reunite in any capacity, but I can still recall why I felt the way I did, I still wish them well in life, etc.

Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? Yeah.

What’s something that makes you feel uncomfortable? Merging onto the highway on the way to/from therapy.

Are you bisexual? Maybe pansexual…? That's probably the best way to put it without overthinking or overcomplicating things.

Are you a good speller? Yeah.

Are most silences awkward for you? Not unless there's some reason for it to be awkward. Otherwise, I'm fine with comfortable silences. No pressure to speak when I don't have anything to say.

Do you sing and dance? Unfortunately. ;D

Have you ever been to an amusement park? Yeah.

Name someone you wish you had never met: Tyler - my sibling's awful ex-partner.

Why? Douche.

Do you have any “nerdy” hobbies? If so, name some: Idk if this counts as a hobby because it's fairly passive, but I like learning about history, outer space, sci-fi, the paranormal…

Name a word that you just really do not like: Such as how people don't like the word "moist?" …I don't think I feel that way about any word in particular.

Why don’t you like it? N/a.

Do you still seriously make pinky promises? (Time to go make dinner. I'll probably finish this up sometime tomorrow.) Okay, it's the 18th now. I haven't made a pinky promise in forever, but if I was going to, then it would probably be more of a joke than anything else.

Did you ever see the movie Good Burger when it came out? I think so.

Do you and your friends have a lot of inside jokes? Oliver and I don't really have any inside jokes, but our primary form of communication is joking around, so. Maybe our whole friendship is an inside joke.

What’s your favorite aspect of your life? It's relatively stable, calm, and routine; I have people who truly love and support me; and I have something I'm passionate about to pour my energy into.

Do people tell you that you should smile more? No. In fact, one of the things Libby said about me before she left was that I was always smiling. :')

Do you prefer summer to winter? Nooo. If there was a way to bypass summer and live in a cycle of spring-autumn-winter, I would take it.

Do you use swear words? Yeah.

If so, do you have a favorite one? I don't have a favorite, but as for ones I use most frequently, probably fvck or shit.

What’s something you find utterly disgusting? I have a pretty high tolerance for grossness, but I do not appreciate the smell of skunk.

Are you easily angered? More like annoyed or frustrated. I feel like my true anger takes something more extreme or persistent.

What’s something someone could do to really piss you off? Try to seriously harm someone I love.

Do you spend a lot of time just thinking/daydreaming? So much pointless overthinking. Not enough pleasant daydreaming.

Name a song you’ve really been digging lately: There isn't one.

Are you a virgin? If yes, are you waiting until marriage? I'm not. However, when it comes to intimacy in future relationships, I think I will take things a lot slower.

Who has the nicest singing voice, that you know personally? Maybe Paris.

Say something nice about someone you really don’t care for: Alex really does have an admirable work ethic. She also has an uncanny level of attention to detail; she picks up on things other people probably wouldn't notice.

Do you think you’re pleasant to be around most of the time? Yeah. I'm pretty easygoing, silly, helpful, etc.

What are you gonna do now that you’re done with this survey? Eat lunch, then vacuum/dust my room.

[culttvblog]

Denis Shaw Season: The Invisible Man - Man in Disguise

I am delighted that this exercise in writing blog posts about an actor has brought several series that are new to me to my attention. The first of these is The Invisible Man (1958 to 1959), which I think I might actually have seen an odd episode of a long time ago but have enjoyed watching this odd episode because it has a role for Denis Shaw.

The premise of the show is of course borrowed from the HG Wells novel of the same title, however nothing else if taken from the novel at all. The protagonist - Peter Brady - is a scientist whose experiment into invisibility goes horribly wrong and makes him invisible instead of the rat he is trying to experiment on. In the TV series ultimately his invisiblity becomes publicly known and he ends up working with the authorities, using his advantage over everyone else. He does not go insane or die a miserable death, which is pretty much what you would expect from this situation. In fact I suspect that what would have put me off this series when I have seen it previously is the huge problem that it is impossible to make a human invisible. It is therefore completely science fiction but presented as if it is something that could really happen. As you can tell this is not an idea which appeals to me personally but I haven't been repelled by it this time.

The premise also gives the show licence to play with the special effects in a big way, which I suppose would have been an attraction for the show then and afterwards. For example we see cigarettes being smoked hanging in the air. The show had ongoing problems with depicting Brady driving a car or motorbike, which was of course done by having a stunt man drive the vehicle while crouching low out of view of the camera. Members of the public who saw this would of course think it was a runaway vehicle and respond accordingly.

I see the show was made by our old friends ITC who are no strangers to eccentric television, and I'm particularly taken with their gimmick of not crediting the actor who actually played Dr Brady, other than to put in the titles that the Invisible Man played himself. This has left a legacy where it isn't clear who played him in which episode and apparently he was played by different actors and voiced by another actor again.

Man in Disguise is a series 2 episode with a fairly straightforward drug plot. Dr Brady in his role as aide to the authorities is investigating a drug smuggling ring. A member of the ring pretends to be Brady (by bandaging up with dark glasses) to smuggle drugs into the country. A lot of the action is set around a night club where salt is peddled pretending to be cocaine, and Dr Brady sets out to bust the smuggling ring.

A lot of the show is very classic ITC. We have the French milieu of the beginning of the episode, which at the time was probably intended to suggest both continental sophistication and dodgy foreigners to its British audience. Then of course we have a presage of the classic 1960s televisual warnings about what happens when science goes wrong, in the shape of Brady's temerity in experimenting with invisibility and its effects on him. We have the slightly sleazy nightclub, and in fact I really enjoyed this episode.

Denis Shaw's role is of course as the manager of the nightclub. It's another perfect role as a dodgy man for him, and in fact in this role you can see how he could have obtained his name as 'the rudest man in London' and managed to get banned from every pub in Soho (quite an achievement). You get the impression that he's not even really acting but just uttering the lines resentfully, and honestly it's absolutely perfect for him.

I don't have any real criticism of this episode, although I see online that while it is widely loved there is some criticism that of course the contemporary special effects can tend to creak like an old gate. I think a certain inconsistency in plot and in the actual effects of the invisiblity has also been identified.

An excellent, enjoyable episode, which gives a perfect platform to Denis Shaw.

This blog is mirrored at

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Archives from 2013 to September 2023 may be found at culttvblog.blogspot.com and there is an index to the tags used on the Tumblr version at https://www.tumblr.com/culttvblog/729194158177370112/this-blog

[frostehburr]

A Few Games I 100% Completed but Haven't Mentioned Because I Did Them Long Ago

My recent blog posts have been about recent games I 100% completed but they're not the only games I've 100%ed.

Video games have been a big part of my life and I've been playing games since single digits. That's right, I've been a gamer my entire life. Starting with the Sega Genesis. That really ages me, doesn't it?

Admittedly, I only 100%ed one single game on Genesis and that was Disney's Pocahontas. There were a handful of games I had but couldn't invest too much time in because way back then I was a child attending school and homework.

Same story when I got an Nintendo 64. Exception was I didn't 100% any game on that console. However, I did manage to complete a few games on Nintendo's GameCube years later.

By that time I managed to get into double digits so back then I was still a child but was close to the 'edgy' phase everyone in the 2000s went through.

The games I definitely remember 100%ing were Star Fox Adventures, Wind Waker, Luigi's Mansion, Avatar the Last Airbender, Catwoman, Pikmin 1 and 2, and Geist. It may seem like a short list but that was long for preteen me. Especially considering majority of games I played were rented from Blockbuster. If you don't know what Blockbuster was, just know I'm from ancient times before the internet.

Anyhow, years later I had short lived experience with PS2 and somehow got XBox360 and PS3. Honestly, the 360 was a horrible console that destroyed itself more often that a sea cucumber. What games I managed to play on it were also available on PS3 at later time so I personally think 360 was a massive waste of money and would avoid if I was able to restart my life.

But it did give me some fun games to complete. Rare's final good game, Kameo Elements of Power, was particularly great. Fable 2 and 3 were simple and easy. I don't think it's physically possible to not complete a Fable game when it's played. And... ah, Crackdown was the only other one I 100%ed... That was... a game... yes it was...

Sadly, I do not remember 100%ing more games after that, yes even on the PS3 which I still held onto the games for.

I was incredibly busy with high school life at that time so investing an hour or so for a grind was not appealing in the slightest. Although, I do believe the majority of trophies (a new concept Sony/Microsoft came up with) being dependent on online multiplayer left a rather sour taste.

Then came a long period of not playing games as often due to having a job and college and another job to tend to. I did get a PS4 and still played what I could. Thankfully, the spark of dopamine still kicked in whenever I played so it was still something I looked forward to.

I also had a Steam account and played Team Fortress 2 a lot. Valve's most popular hat trading simulator was the only multiplayer game I ever played and enjoyed! Quite a few hundred hours went into that game. I would go back to play it if it wasn't for the forsaken bot infestation plaguing the servers.

Oh that reminds me of the first Steam game I 100%ed, Whispering Willows! It was a simple indie game I decided to play for Halloween season. Actually, it was the atmosphere and little secrets you could find that unlocked achievements that kept me going for the completion. After that, I hit up Tell Tale's Guardians of the Galaxy and 100%ed that easily. Tell Tale has the same issue the Fable franchise has.

However, I never had that sudden click of wanting to 100% all games until I played Insomniac's Spiderman on PS4. The game was spectacular with the placements for collectables and incorporating them into the game's setting. Looking at the trophies on my Playstation Profile, I had a sudden thought of finishing as much of my game library as I could so I can have as many platinum trophies as I can.

Before my PS3 fried and deleted my files on the drive, I managed to get the platinum for all Sly Cooper and Infamous games. I also platinum Second Son on PS4. I may have to restart those games if I can't save my old PS3. Don't know what I'm going to do if I can't save it. Maybe be forced to buy a refurbished one or be doomed to PSN Premium 'service' ugh, hopefully won't come to that.

Remaining platinum trophies I earned on PS4 were from MediEvil, Spyro Reignighted trilogy (with the exception of Spyro 2), and Subnautica. That list is as long as my 360 one but I'm still working on it.

I'm also working on 100%ing Nintendo and Steam games. While there's no official reward for 100%ing Nintendo games, I'm still completing them because they're fun. Sometimes you don't need a trophy or ribbon to say you 100% completed a game... it would be nice but it's not needed.

The games I completed on Nintendo Switch were Luigi's Mansion 3, Island Savers (a free kid's game that looked simple and fun to me), and Fenyx Rising... Yeah, Fenyx is available on other consoles but it feels at home on Switch.

Meanwhile on Steam I worked on and completed Helltaker, Force Unleashed, Overlord Raising Hell and Overlord 2, and Alice Madness Returns... while there's no achievements or blue ribbon for those EA games, I still wanted to complete them and never touch another EA game for as long as I can.

So, including the recent blog posts I made about recent games I've completed, I have a sum total of 21 modern titles. For PS3/360 games I managed 10 completed games. GameCube had 8 and the only other completed game was on Sega Genesis. Giving me a total of 40 complete games throughout my life. I plan on making that number higher. But I don't know if I'll stick with making blog posts about them. Sure it's easy but it doesn't feel as enjoyable or fun as gaming is. I don't know... I'll probably be stuck on here until I figure something out.

[noelle-holi-gay]

Good day Hazel! Just wanted to ask ya how on earth are you so consistent in writing? Whats your process like? I know you for Dare To Dream and im honestly fuckn impressed how you wrote 25k in... a month? I could barely manage 11k in two months! Admittedly I havent read a bunch of your other Suselle and Kriselle fics, but I'm still impressed how consistent you are, even with the recent concert one I'm surpised how fast you were.

Life kinda gets in the way sometimes, I haven't written in like 7 months because I've been absolutely hammered out with irl happenings, and I wanna know how you manage your schedule and momentum when writing.

Hey! Sorry I didn't answer this sooner, the past few days have been actually insane as I'm sure you can guess KDSJHGFSDHFGSDF

So, I don't know, this is kind of always a hard question to answer because process is always so personal, you know? But I do have a few tricks I use to make it as painless as possible, so that when I sit down to write I actually get words on the page. First, though, don't knock your pace, friend; 11K in two months isn't bad at all. Sometimes you can do a lot more with a lot less, anyway.

Primarily, I have outlines, and I outline constantly in my head. I don't always write down my outlines explicitly, but I think about my stories allll the time when I'm walking places, in the bathroom/shower, doing chores--whatever occupies my body and not my mind, I'm usually thinking about my stories. Sometimes down to the details; I've blocked out entire conversations between characters in my head before while in the shower or something, including which versions of 'said' i use for which lines and where I cut the dialog with actions, and all that shit. If you've already got it in your head, then when you have free time to actually write, it often just dumps out of you onto the page.

If I don't have a really strong idea for a scene already loaded, though, it can be a bit harder to jump that first sentence hurdle; but it gets a lot easier over time. I have had to start so so many scenes over the years that at this point I just run through a bunch of different potential starts--starting with fast-paced action, starting with dialog, starting with a character's internal thoughts, starting with a description of the setting, starting with sensory imagery that the POV character is feeling--and then find one that works and write it down before I can second-guess myself, just so I can get over that initial hump. It becomes quicker and quicker with practice. And once I break that hump, the rest of the scene usually flows pretty easily.

If I'm REALLY struggling with how a scene should go, thuogh, that usually means there's something missing from it structurally--its too boring, or its too convoluted, or something like that. In that case, I'll really think about what I'm trying to accomplish with the scene, what the best way to get there is, and if there's any sub-conflict I can leverage within the scene to chug it along. Oftentimes in scenes, you want there to be two parallel 'conflicts' happening that can bounce of of one another (though I use 'conflict' pretty loosely here). For example, maybe Kris and Noelle are having an emotional conversation about their childhood; but at the same time, maybe they're walking down the street. The 'walking down the street' part may sound horribly insignificant, but keeping things in motion like that is very useful for breaking up the conversation: maybe Noelle looks away to admire the scenery before going on, or Kris trips after hearing something particularly unexpected, or they both stop walking for a minute, even though they're going to be late for class, because they've realized this is more important--the secondary 'conflict' in the scene gives you something to bounce the primary conflict off of. If I'm having a lot of trouble getting invested in a scene, in my experience, it's usually because I need to give it a secondary conflict.

From a logistic standpoint, too, a lot of my productivity literally just comes from having google docs on my phone, because if I'm in like for two minutes at the grocery store, well, that's two minutes of writing I can accomplish. The little things add up, especially since I don't bring my computer everywhere -- if I were limited to just writing on my computer instead of when im walking places, eating lunch, running errands, etc, my fics would never ever get done. It's at least 30-40% of my writing time these days.

Hope some of that was helpful and/or interesting! Hope you have a good one.

[mother-snake]

More letters? More letters.

I'm going to break a few hearts....

------------------

The pain of losing your child was an agonizing one. You could never stop thinking that you should have been in their stead, that you should have protected them, that you failed as a parent because..... Because your baby is dead and you couldn't stop it.

Virgil didn't know someone could get that pale. Or that they could have black vains. Or that they could cry black inky tears until their face was sticky and it was impossible to wash off.

It was a very sad day.

They just came home from a very sad event, that no one wanted to name because they couldn't accept that he was gone.

Virgil went to his room almost immediately after they got home.

Tears still streaming, he hadn't stopped crying since they found his baby

He walked over to his desk, where four letters sat. Each envelope was a different colour with a different wax seal to match it. He picked up the white envelope with a deep wine red seal, the only thing that was marking it as his was the dark purple ink used to mark his name and the #1

He tore it open carefully.

Hey Vee Anxiety

I guess if you have these letters I'm gone now. I also suppose that you know what happened to the dark side. If you don't, well its gone now. I'm sorry it had to be this way. But I had too.

You and Remus are the only sides with black hair now. How does that feel? I know your hair is dead straight, does it fall into your eyes? Do the others treat you differently because of your hair colour? Speaking of that.

I know I was a horrible child Anxiety, you loved me from the very moment you met me and all I did in favour was tell you I hate you. I don't hate you. I could never hate you.

I hope you gave me a nice send off. Was there daffodils? You know, daffodils were originally called Narcissus. They symbolize self love. I'm sure you know the myth, but it also ended rather tragically. I'm no expert but I think my life also counts as a tragedy. At least it feels like it.

It feels like no matter what I do, I get punished. Society says that you get punished for your wrong doings but what have I done wrong? I wish I had black hair like you. Things might have ended better.

I'm going to be writing a series of letters. Simply because I can't bear to say goodbye to all five of you at the same time. I'll write to you tomorrow Vee.

~Janus Sanders

The sobs only got deeper as Virgil read on. Memories rapidly repeating in his mind. Over and over. The sight of his child dead on the ground. Crumpled suit and knocked over goblet, his eyes were like glass and any pigment in his skin rotted away.

"DAD! Dad!!" the 17 year old looked down at the much younger side. Just passed 7. "Yes my little baby snake?" the child bounced up and down "I'm hungry!!" Virgil's smile creeped onto his face "Hi Hungry! I'm Dad!" the look on the seven year olds face was something he could never forget. Virgil let out a loud laugh, "Fine! Fine! Come on little snake, lets go get you some food" the child's face lit up. "STRAWBERRIES?!?" Virgil grabbed the childs hand. "We can have strawberries, little snake."

Virgil went downstairs and dug out the box of strawberries form the fridge. He ate the entire box.

The next day was just as horrible.

No one wanted to leave their rooms and deep sobs were coming from many doors.

Everywhere Virgil looked, he was reminded of his baby snake.

When he ran out of oxygen for the louder sobs, Virgil grabbed the second letter. A lilac purple envelope with a yellow seal.

Hey Vee,

The others are getting particularly violent recently. Often getting aggressive for no reason. Well unless you call me standing in my bedroom a reason. Well, reason or not. I have a new bruse or five.

How are the others holding up? I'm guessing not well. But maybe I'm just over estimating how much all of you care. After all. Why would anyone care for a side that has only made their lives harder? I personally don't see the logic in that.

But I don't know that much.

I'm going to be completely honest with you Vee. You are absolute shit at taking care of yourself when you are upset. Did you even eat dinner the night before? Wow. Look at me. I'm lecturing my father to take better care of himself while I'm dead.

I should get an award for biggest hypocrite. I haven't properly taken care of myself in years.

I'm serious about this though, don't isolate your self and spend time with the others. They'll be your biggest help in accepting..... In accepting that I'm not there anymore.

~Janus

Sucking in a shaky breath, Virgil stood and went to ask the others for their company. Because Janus was right, its easy to spiral by yourself. Then there was a knock on the door.

Logan wanted to watch some of Janus' favourite movies.

Virgil couldn't say no. Even if he wanted too.

~~~time skip~~~

Everyone was passed out except for him and Logan.

Logan had been very quiet lately, then again. He did barely leave his room for days

The end of Over the Garden Wall was playing. The characters were talking about something when Virgil spiralled back into the memories.

"DAD!" Virgil burst into the room, running to cradle his child in his arms, "Baby, what happend? Are you hurt?" small sniffles left the eight year olds lips "I dr- dreamt th-that you left m-me!" Virgil felt his heart clench. "I will never ever leave you, my little one" Crystal coated over the childs eyes, "Promise?" "I promise with all my heart"-

Virgil fell asleep with a heavy heart, knowing that he broke his promise to his baby.

The next morning was slightly better, not by much though. They ate breakfast together. Then, they returned to their rooms.

Virgil grabbed the third letter as soon as he walked into the room. The pale yellow cover wrinkling in his tight hold. He carefully broke the purple wax.

Hey Vee,

I'm scared. Wrath keeps banging on doors and I think I heard a window break. Apathy keeps trying to calm him down but it isn't working. Depression just left. I honestly don't know where he went.

This is why I need to get rid of the darks. I heard them talking about taking over the mind and I just can't let that happen Vee. What kind of self preservation would I be if I just let them destroy Thomas? A shitty one.

Thats why I made a poison. Its made from my own venom and it is lethal with less then a drop. I'm going to put the whole vial inside of the wine at the party in a few days. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I don't really plan what I write here. I kinda just write.

I really want a hug right now. I think I'll vist today or tomorrow. If I can get passed the others that is. If they find out where I'm going I might not get the chance to poison the wine.

~Jan

Virgil could tell that the writing was frantic. Some words slurrrd and squished together. Janus did come over to the mind that day.

A small hesitant knock hit Virgil's door. When he opened it, there standing was Janus, he looked up at him, "Can... can I have a hug Vee?" Virgil felt a small blossom of hope in his chest, "Of course, my little baby snake."

That blossom of hope died when he found his child's body. Cold and pale. He cried over the memory and over the letter.

The soft sound of jazz coming from Logan's room.

The next day, he grabbed the last letter. Hands shaking heavily, he broke the white seal holding the black envelope closed. When opened, a picture fell out.

Hi Dad,

I'm almost out of purple ink. Most of it got dried out after I forgot to out the cap back on. I'm sorry dad.

I'm sorry that I took your love for granted. I never accepted it as enough. Even when you did your damnedest to protect me and anyway you could. I used to be mad and upset and wanting to cry at every memory but now I wish I enjoyed those moments longer.

Thank you for indulging my strawberry habit. Thank you for holding me late at night. Thank you for introducing me to reading. Thank you for all the memories and hugs. Thank you for everything Dad.

None of this is your fault. You were the best father I could've asked for.

I love you

~Your Baby Snake

The picture was of him and Janus when the yellow side was nothing but a toddler. Bright golden ringlets sticking out in every direction. On the back was written

"To the best Father, Thank you"

Virgil's tears were interrupted by loud screams from Logans room.

They all bolted to comfort the blue side. Virgil's eyes drifted down to the his letter.

I love you

Virgil couldn't help the thought of his baby in a suit. Attempting to tame his blond curls while walking down the isle. His baby fell in love.

And he'll never get to experience the rest of it.

His tears only fell faster.

-------

Hahahaha

OW

i almost cried tears, i held them in barely. fam were in the room. how dare you stab my heart like this?? i am wounded. (tho seriously, this is absoulutely amazing and i friggin love it to bits!)

[sulietsexual]

Could you elaborate why you were dissapointed in season 3 of Stranger Things? I haven't seen it yet but feel free to spoil stuff, already saw tons of gifsets on here.

royalweirdonj said:Thoughts on Stranger Things 3?

Okay, so I have some mixed feelings about this season, so I’ll talk about both the good and the bad and why I was ultimately disappointed with this season (at least in part). So we’ll start with …

What I Liked 

First and foremost, I absolutely loved what they did with El’s character development and characterisation this season. El is a character who hasn’t really had the chance to grow or develop because she’s always so isolated and/or going through so much trauma. In Season 1 she was basically just a traumatised child and in Season 2 Hopper kept her very isolated and her weird sojourn to find her mother and her sister didn’t feel authentic to me. But this season finally gave her the opportunity to start to develop her own sense of self and I loved that, especially the medium through which she did so, ie her friendship with Max.

We’ve all wanted this friendship since Season 2 but I don’t think that any of us realised how glorious it would be. El is a reserved and unsure character (when she’s not being pushed to save everyone) and so she really needed someone like Max in her corner, someone who was loud and assertive, who would stand up for her when she couldn’t stand up for herself and who could show her how to be more dominant and make her own boundaries and rules. I loved the shopping montage, particularly the part where Max helped her pick out clothes that felt like her (”Not like Hopper or Mike, but like you.”), as well as their sleepovers, the way they investigated everything together and the bond which formed from them being the only girls in a group of boys who didn’t always understand each other. It was a really sweet and organic friendship and I’m so glad that the Duffers decided to develop it.

And speaking of friendships, I also adored the dynamic between Steve and Robyn, the way the show turned what we all thought would be a romantic relationship on its head and instead turned it into a sweet and snarky friendship between two people who genuinely liked one another. Robyn herself was a great character and her presence on the show greatly improved the overall tone. I loved how smart and quirky and snarky she was and Mia Hawke really made the character feel authentic. And I really loved the subversion of her and Steve’s relationship and her coming out scene. Steve Harrington proved what an absolute cinnamon roll he is with his reaction to her coming out; I loved that his only response was to tell her that she needed better taste in women and I loved that in the Three Months Later sequence they were still besties looking for jobs in the same place so they could stick together. 

Steve Harrington remained the awesome character he’s always been. Loved that his and Dustin’s friendship is still so intact and that they still care about one another so much. Also loved him sneaking the other kids into the movies on a regular basis. And I liked how the series demonstrated that while he isn’t book smart, he’s smart in other ways, such as figuring out where the music on the recording came from or using the vial of green substance to jam the elevator door open. It shows that he knows how to think on his feet and that he pays attention to his surroundings and is street-smart. I love what they’re doing with his character, allowing him to continue to grow into a more kind, smart and compassionate character with every season.

Also, I loved seeing Science Teacher Scott Clarke again! I missed him in Season 2, so seeing his epic reappearance was amazing! Wish he’d been in more than just one episode.

Characters aside (although, I should mention that I love Joyce Beyers more with every season, her “Mom Voicing” the Government was brilliant and I liked that they touched on her grief over Bob’s death) but that aside, the season felt really well-paced. Only having eight episodes meant that the story progressed quickly and there wasn’t a lot of filler, which was good. There was also so much excitement and action going on that it was very easy to binge-watch the whole season. That being said, I feel like the season changed direction mid-way through, which brings me to …

What I Didn’t Like

Following on from the previous paragraph, I feel like Season 3 started as a character-based season and then quickly switched to a plot-driven season (and on an added note, I was kind of annoyed that the plot this season was literally the same as last season ie the Mind Flayer has taken over someone close to one of the party members and they have to close the gate to stop them - again. Also, the subplot with the Russians was kind of lame). 

There was so much characterisation laid down in the first half of the season which was then kind of forgotten about in the second half once the action got underway and then was never resolved. Will spends most of the first three or four episode lamenting his lost childhood and desperately trying to re-connect with his friends. It’s heartbreaking to see how much he craves the days before everything, the days where he felt safe, where his friends were there for him and not concerned with their romantic entanglements. It was actually a really interesting look into Will’s character and how he’s desperately clinging to the old days but once the Mind Flayer comes into play, this is pretty much dropped. Aside from a half-hearted attempt from Lucas to bridge the gap, Will’s disconnect from his friends and the fact that they’re growing up faster than he is and therefore growing apart from him is never addressed again, leaving this particular thread unfinished. 

Hopper’s characterisation and his storyline regarding being a parent to a thirteen-year-old was also left unresolved. Overall, I didn’t love Hopper’s characterisation this season. He seemed overly aggressive and I really didn’t like that he got so drunk when Joyce didn’t turn up for their date. He’s obviously having communication issues with El, and the opportunity to resolve these issues died along with him. His jealousy over any man who even talked to Joyce was irritating and I didn’t like that he essentially threatened a fourteen-year-old kid and seemed pleased with himself when said kid then hurt his daughter (because it meant that he got his way and that’s all that mattered). I understand why he was so alarmed with El and Mike spending so much time together but the fact that this never got resolved in an adult manner irritated me. And his death, well, we’ll talk about that soon because that pissed me off beyond belief.

Billy’s character needed more depth. I did feel a bit sorry for him this season and he definitely felt like a better character than the previous season, but any development he had (including his relationship with Max) happened offscreen, so it was hard to believe that Max would grieve for him so much after everything we saw him do to her in Season 2. Obviously things have gotten better between the two of them and Billy himself is nowhere near as gross as he was (although he’s still a dick) but we never got to see this growth/development, so it was hard to really empathise with his character or feel grief over his passing, even for Max. 

Nancy’s character felt (once again) kind of useless this season and her storyline was (once again) so separate from the main storyline that I really feel that it could have been removed entirely and it wouldn’t have made a lick of difference. Also, I get that we were supposed to feel that she was being treated in a sexist manner by the men at the newspaper but, I mean, she was only an intern. She wasn’t there as a reporter, she was working as a intern and it’s an intern’s job to run menial tasks such as getting coffee, picking up lunch and doing boring tasks like photocopying and filing and the bad treatment she received seemed to be based more off her intern status than her gender. Also, what did she think, that she would become some groundbreaking reporter based off a summer job with zero experience or writing credentials? Lastly, Jonathan barely felt like a character this season, his sole reason to exist seemed to be to prop up Nancy’s storyline and I hated that after Jonathan delivered that epic (and entirely true) speech about how Nancy didn’t understand the lower class and how he needed the job and wasn’t born with the same silver spoon in his mouth that she was, he then turned around and apologised and said that he was wrong (which he totally wasn’t). Yet another example of Nancy treating a boyfriend like crap and getting away with it, but hey, “feminism”!

I also didn’t really like the dynamic they wrote between Joyce and Hop. It was good at first, with him going to her for advice on how to deal with El and Mike. But once she “stood him up” and they developed that weird snarky “banter”, I found myself growing tired of the dynamic. Also, bringing back the creepy conspiracy theorist from Season 2 to tell them they needed to bang (like he did with Nancy and Jonathan) was, again, so annoying. I hate when characters are told that they have feelings for one another, rather than developing naturally. So yeah, never been much of a Jopper shipper and this season made me even less so. Bring back Bob!

Oh, and lastly, Erica Sinclair is the most annoying little snot of a character. I didn’t find her entertaining at all. She was rude, obnoxious and mean, horrible to pretty much every character, took advantage of Scoops tasting policy while acting like an entitled brat and I just honestly could not stand her. I wish they’d left her out of the Steve/Robyn/Dustin dynamic, she was just such an unnecessary addition.

What I Hated

So, characterisation issues and weird bait-and-switches between it and plot aside, there were a couple of aspects to the new season which I truly hated.

First of all, this season was unnecessarily violent. Like, I get that there’s been violence in this show before, but it’s always been stylized violence, usually aimed at bad guys and quite subdued. But this season? Wow. Starting with that horrible imagine spot where Billy envisions bashing Karen Wheeler’s head in, it just never let up. Having grown men savagely beat up teenagers was way more than I needed to see and the violence often seemed really gratuitous and unnecessarily drawn-out. Steve’s torture at the hands of the Russians was really hard to take, especially because it went on for so long. I hated having to watch them punch Robyn in the face. Jonathan’s brutal beat-down from the Flayed Editor of the paper was horrible to watch and, once again, went on for way too long. Also, watching Flayed!Billy literally choke, punch and smack thirteen-year-old El around was horrifying. Also, his taking of Heather (and later on his attempt to take El) was incredibly rape-y, what with him leaning over them while they were incapacitated and telling them “Don’t move/struggle”, “It will be over soon”. Totally uncalled for and incredibly hard to watch. Maybe I’m oversensitive but I honestly don’t think that the show needed to display that level of violence.

The character assassination of Karen Wheeler continued, with her and her creepy middle-aged mom friends sitting poolside to perv on a eighteen-year-old kid. Imagine if the genders were reversed and it was four middle-aged men perving on a young girl? Also, why would she even consider sleeping with a teenage boy? Sigh. Remember when Karen Wheeler was a concerned and caring parent, who was strong enough to yell at government officials when they wouldn’t tell her what was going on and dropped by a grieving friend’s house with food and comfort? At least she and Nancy had that sweet scene in which she was encouraging to her daughter, but the rest of the time she was just useless and didn’t even know where her kids were.

Speaking of which, why did this show separate Joyce and Hop from their kids for so long? And why on earth would Joyce and Hop be willing to be separated from their kids for so long, after everything they went through the previous year? It felt so OOC for them to not even be suspicious that they hadn’t spoken to either of their children for at least three days, just taking the word of other parents that their kids were alright. 

And lastly, the thing which pissed me off the most and actually made both me and my husband instantly switch off from the show and feel like we had just wasted eight hours watching this season, the death of Jim Hopper.

I know, I know, the Stinger maybe hinted that he was still alive. I know we didn’t see a body. I know that there were hints of time travel in future seasons and that Jim Hopper possibly isn’t dead. But you know who doesn’t know this? The characters. And I hate that. I hate that El has now lost her father, less than two years after finally finding one. I hate that she’s now alone, separated from Mike and while, yes, Joyce will take care of her the best she can, it’s never going to be the same. I hate that Joyce now has to suffer through the heartbreak of losing yet another man she had feelings for, less than a year after she lost the first. I hate that she made the decision to move away (even though I understand it) which separated her kids from their relationships and removed El from the one person who still loves her with all his heart. I hate that the season ended on such a downer, with such loss and tragedy and sadness. It really brought down the whole season for me and left me with a horrible, sad and empty feeling and not at all looking forward to more seasons because of all the crap the characters have gone through.

Whew. That got really long. Hope this was coherent! 

[mrskurono]

I know you've been getting a lot of stuff about it and it's been said before, but I don't get why people hate on Kindaichi! I haven't actually watched very far (but I'm aware of a lot of what happens), but honestly his reaction to the situation hasn't seemed unreasonable? He did see that Kageyama had changed a bit at the practice match and while he was like, 'I don't want any apology,' I didn't feel like he was mean or even overly hostile. I'm definitely learning to love Kageyama as a character and I'm really happy to see his growth, but at that time he treated his teammates horribly and Kindaichi doesn't owe him anything at all.

I'm glad they eventually became friends; I think it's lovely and happy! But speaking from experience, you don't have to make up with people who treat you badly. You don't have to let them back into your life. Even if they change. So it just seems ridiculous that people would be hating when, even at a point when Kindaichi hadn't yet forgiven Kageyama, he wasn't cruel, aggressive, or even particularly vindictive. He was much more inclined to talking negatively about Kageyama, which I feel wasn't an unreasonable reaction to what happened to Kindaichi. (And honestly I feel that was just typical talk about a bad experience. I don't even think he really went THAT far with that. 🤷‍♀️)

My long rambling point is: while I think it's great that they became friends (and that Kags baby grew a lot!), Kindaichi as a character was under no moral/ethical/whatever to ever have anything to do with Kageyama again (I mean, other than games and such) and that fact that people think that he's the bully for thinking Kageyama was a jerk (newflash: he was at that time!) is a whole bucket of poppycock and tomfoolery! I appreciate your love of him as he really is a big tall, sweet dork! ❤️❤️❤️

I'm sorry I took so long to get to this! I was actually heading out to see the Demon Slayer movie when you sent it in (horny rant to cum heuheu)

Honestly I think a lot of the Kindaichi hate stems from the fact people just think he's ugly. Which you know what, is a load of baloney. Nothing about him is unattractive and people who circle back to that are just the shittiest kind.

The entire Kindaichi Kageyama interaction is sad. It's sad on all accounts and it was kids dealing with adult problems (death, conflict, grief, etc) without guidance and help to process in a healthy way. Kageyama was a shit head. He felt like shit, that's normally how bullies work. Kindaichi is an empath. He internalizes everything said to him, of course that's going to hurt! Anyone in their right mind treated like a tool and then scolded for being "useless" is going to feel betrayed and hurt by those words. Kindaichi never had to forgive him. But still he did. Bc that's just the kind of character Kindaichi is. He's soft and absorbs what people say to him and around him on a personal level. That's just how he is, he's an emotional guy (which, I'm sorry, a guy that will openly cry in public and be real with his emotions is hotter than shit ok) and he never wanted to not be friends, he just didn't want to be treated like shit. Which, for as self righteous as Tumblr is, you'd think a character putting forth healthy boundaries woulda been a good thing 🙄 But again that circles back to a lot of people just think he's ugly and I literally don't understand why. He's tall, beefy, smart, articulate, the hole package. He's going down as one of my all time favorite husbands until the day I die bc Kindaichi is just that cute <3333