#i hope one day ill see this on pinterest/j

[strawberry-twinkies]

guys im so sorry i promise ill make real art soon

[trashbins-stuff]

some info abt me:

PART ONE THIS IS PART ONE (just summary):

Haiii!! ^^ :3 we M.A.C constellation program (collective) (osdd-1a or did we think) (M.A.C is for Morbid Antisocial Cosmonaut)

name: bin !!!!

! also goes by crt, cabby, roxy, charlotte, anne, sasha, rennie, catatonia, caroline

! also cosmic brownie, sunshine, ellie/ellen, jenny, marcy, ruby, ve(e), vinnie, danny is cool too!!

! friends/moots feel free to use candycane, ell, badger, đèn dầu/đd/dd or any silly nicknames <3

! also goes by kin names, you have to ask first before using our code name tho

-collectively identify as arospec queer a(pa)gender + system-fluid + autospec, altho headmates have their own orientation yeah

-adhtistic dysgraphia and is kleptomaniac

-language we can speak: Vietnamese + English

-doodle request r closed

-art tag:

current #trashbins-art

old: #i know it look uggo but i was drawing with a mouse okay??? (it is very unique ik/j)

boundaries (dni and thin ice):

-neutral/agaisnt Palestine i will block you

-ppl that like to start drama, i might avoid you

-look, i dont care if you dont know shit about plural systems or anything but if you call my headmate "siblings" then you better fucking say sorry, if you say it again i will block you

-if were not supa dupa close and jsut mootie that int sometime then ill be happy if we have toher shared fandom but uhm when u get jsut a lil close enough and i see u reblog other fandom post i get super uncomfy, huge pet peeve, big no no, might warrant u a soft block/timeout block until i get over it (or not)

PART THE POWER OF TWOOOOOO (social, plz check carrd and pronoun page to know more):

-my pinterest

-discord: trashbin2587

-my spotify

-pronouns page (there are english, norwegian and vietnamese ver)

-pronouns.cc (go more in deep)

-carrd (this one have facet introduction)

-toyhouse

-I HAVE A PILLOWFORT NOW

PART THIRD TIME THE CHARM!! (other stuff):

-sona info sheet or sth:

Items desp:

-bin's personal trusty shovel, bin like to refer to it as "Shovel Phoenix Thoradotte!! WARRIOR OF BURIED TREASURE, DESTROYER OF DIRT AND MY BESTIE!!1!" (if the string snapped or get removed form the shovel, bin shut down and go to a stage kinda like parallelogram (obs) when jerard died and stuck in a dream-loop until the string (u can get a new one) is tied back. the string being there is kinda of holding everything bin want to forget in) bin's is hesitant to telling ppl about the shovel in fear of them hurting it

i hope you have a great day :)

tags for moots (wip):

-carpybara (circuitcarp)

-blairy (blairdrawzstuff)

-moony hazel (moonmxple)

-winters ice trail (winterwrxter)

-messages from the stars (salachy-part-two)

-theres a frog in my boot and now were best bros (snoot-in-yo-boot)

-a harp-mony (harpjsutexsists)

-cola with no coca (devycola)

-tinted tunes (haiamkai)

-gooooobz (gooberdrawz)

-lovely shoelace (mausuwinasa)

-cuperooooo <3 (mochablogger)

synpath list below"

notes: red means theyre my fickin and im not always fine with doubles (especially if were very very close friends, am fine with double that i just met, already know theyre that before, or friends who arent that close, ask if u want), blue means high-mid synpath/other-hearted?, green means mid-low synpath (yes i know some of these characters r pieces of shits yes i still relate to them </3)

sasha waybright (amphibia)

tord (ew)

cabby (ii)

clover (ii)

ruby (bfdi)

remote (bfdi)

airy (hfjone)

charlottle/moldy (hfjone)

treasure chest (ppt2)

blue rectangle (voo)

buzzery (obs)

pinkie pie (mlp)

bmo (adventure time)

roxy lalonde (homestuck)

sollux captor (homestuck)

danny fenton (danny phantom)

little baby man (danny phantom phandom)

anne boonchuy (amphibia)

marcy wu (amphibia)

blueberry (ii)

four (bfdi/xfohv)

gold ingot (ppt2)

slipper (ppt2)

journal (ppt2)

fireball (aib)

pill (aib)

pitchfork (aib)

comet (objectified)

bee (bee&puppycat)

fionna (fionna&cake)

chloe garcia (dork diaries)

luz noceda (toh)

yuki sakasima (pretty girl neko show)

spinel (su)

horrid henry (horrid henry)

gus porter (toh)

mephone4 (ii)

bot (ii)

oodle (aib)

bone (aib)

moonstone (ee)

pool (object invasion)

thanks for reading! :] im probably gonna update these as time goes on

[petite-ely]

Together

Pairing: JJ Maybanks x female reader

Warnings: mentions of social anxiety and other mental health issues, slight swearing and slight mention of underage drinking.

A/N: this story is mainly based upon my own experiences and struggles with anxiety and social anxiety. I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing mental illnesses. If you need help you can always talk to me or contact crisis hotlines. It gets better, I know it. (Also this is the first time I post on tumblr and I am a very anxious bby please send feedback, it would make me very happy, okay thank you.)

Summary: Reader has been suffering from social anxiety for a long time. One night, everything falls apart and she hopes nobody notices.

Word count: 1,700 ish

This represents y/n’s thought and this jj’s.

Picture found on Pinterest, all credits to rightful owner.

It was a typical Friday night in the outer banks, the pogues had organized yet another kegger and the party was roaring. Y/n was sitting on a hard lump of wood, enjoying the music and the dancing flames of the bonfire. You could even see a soft smile drawn onto her lips. She felt good.

That changed quickly. One minute she was fine and the next she couldn’t feel anything anymore. Emptiness. It was all she could feel. Like she was nothing but a large void. It felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs, leaving her breathless and frightened.

It happened more and more lately. Small moments of disorientation where she couldn’t feel anything at all. These episodes usually happened when she was alone and didn’t last very long, but this time it was different. It felt much worse.

You’re so disgusting, and pathetic.

Not wanting anyone to see her in this state, she left silently, ashamed of herself. It’s not as though anyone would miss her anyway. She wasn’t very popular. She had friends, of course, but not that many.

There was John B, a friendly guy who everybody knew because, well he was John B.

There was also Pope, who was kind and smart, but that everyone knew because of his father Heyward’s business.

Then there was Kie, a cute hippie girl with a passion for environmental issues. Born a kook, but a pogue at heart.

And finally there was JJ, one of the best surfer in the Outer Banks. He was well known for his charm, being a pothead and his tendencies of getting into fights with kooks.

The five of them hung out almost every day and yet if you showed a photo of the group to an islander, they probably wouldn’t be able to identify y/n.

She was invisible, unseen. She was that one girl who was always with the four pogues. The one who nobody chose for projects. The one teachers never picked on. The one who no one noticed. She was nothing.

As she was sitting on the damp sand, small waves crashing onto her bare feet, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She wanted to scream, tell the whole world how she felt, but no sound came out. She couldn’t speak. Only her breathing was heard. She couldn’t move either, and yet she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

-

“You better reuse that plastic cup Maybank, or I’ll make you eat it,” threatened Kie, after JJ placed his empty cup on the ground.

The boy rolled his eyes and threw the red cup at his friend. “Keep it safe for me, I’m going to find y/n.”

“She was sitting by the bonfire, like five minutes ago,” said John B.

“Well not anymore,” muttered the blond when his eyes landed on the empty seat.

JJ wandered around the boneyard, looking for his friend. A bad feeling started to grow in the pit of his stomach. So after looking around the boneyard for more than half an hour, the boy became more and more worried.

Biting off the nails of his hand, he scanned the crowd once more. Y/n and him had been friends since they were little and they knew each other better than anyone else. He knew that she would never leave a party without saying goodbye.

Where could she be, he wondered, taking his hat off to run his hand through it.

A sigh of relief left his lips as he saw the small silhouette of his friend, sitting on the beach, away from the party. As he got closer, he noticed the shiny streams on her cheeks he remembered how distant she had been recently.

How she smiled less frequently and how she didn’t talk as much. How she didn’t eat as much and how her leg was always bouncing under the table. How her fists we’re always closed tightly and how tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes and the nothingness in her gaze. It was like she wasn’t there anymore.

JJ’s face twisted into a sad expression. He felt bad for not noticing it earlier, like it was his fault. It pained him to see her this way, in such a distressed state.

He sat next to her, making her flinch in surprise. “Hey,” he spoke softly, “are you okay?” She wiped her tears away and nodded her head.

“Y/n, please don’t lie.” His voice was small and full of empathy, like he felt the same way she did.

So pathetic, even when doing nothing you’re hurting your friends. How could anyone love you, she said to herself.

“I- uh I-“ she tried to speak but failed, choking on her words.

Panic filled the girl’s mind as she was suddenly aware of what was happening. Her heart tightened in her chest and pain shot up in her rib cage. Her hands were shaking even more and her legs felt numb.

JJ noticed how her eyes were filled with fear and how loud and uneven her breathing had become. She was having a panic attack. It had happened a few times before so he knew how to help her.

“Hey, hey hey,” he placed his arms around her and held her tightly. “You’re okay. I’m here with you, okay? Everything is going to be okay. Now I want you to listen to my voice and do exactly what I say, can you do that?” She nodded, JJ gave her a reassuring smile.

“Okay, good. Now every time you feel a wave crashing on your feet, I want you to take a deep breath and when you feel another one coming, you let it all out, “ she nodded once more.

They both looked down at the ocean and waited for a wave to come. “In,” the wave left the shore slowly and came back a few seconds later. “and out.”

“good, you’re doing good. In and out. That’s it.” JJ’s hand was now tracing small patterns on the back of the girl’s back, so softly she could barely feel it. “Now I want you to talk to me, can you do that for me?”

Her breathing had now slowed down to a regular rhythm and so had her tremors, but she had terror spread across her face.

“I want you-,” he paused wiping away with his free hand the tears off of her warm cheeks, “-to tell me three things that you can see right now.”

“I-“ she shook her head in denial, “no.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay you can do it y/nn.” His voice was warm and so reassuring. Just hearing it helped her calm down.

“I- uh I can, I can se see the ocean,” her voice was shaky and weak.

“Huh uh, keep breathing.”

“and um the uh the-the stars,” she stopped for a second to take a deep breath, her hand reaching out to his. The blond boy flinched at the contact, her skin was freezing cold.

“I-I can also see your eyes,” she finished, her voice sounding smoother and more confident.

JJ offered a warm smile, “good, now tell me two things you can hear.”

Y/n broke the eye contact and started a tte ocean, concentrating on what she could hear. “I hear music playing from the party and uh the waves crashing.”

She was no longer crying or shaking but JJ kept going. “ Name one thing you can feel.”

“Only one?” He shook his head in agreement.

“Your heart,” she stared into his eyes, “I can feel beating in my hand.”

“Good.”

JJ looked away silently. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but he didn’t. Instead he remained quiet and admired the star shining above his head.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked out. “It’s just that lately, it’s like I can’t feel anything at all-“ she wrapped her arms around her knees, “-it’s like the only thing I care about is what others will think about me.”

“Don’t wear that skirt, people will think you’re a slut. Don’t say anything or they’ll think you’re annoying. Did you see them, they’re laughing at you, shouldn’t have said anything. Did you really say that? Ugh you should have let somebody else talk, what a waste of time. He didn’t answer you? Well that’s because he hates you. There’s a party? Don’t go. Nobody likes you anyway, they’re just gonna judge you, they hate you.”

“Y/n, you know none of that is true, we do love you.”

“I know, but I can’t help it! I can’t stop it. And I’m so tired of feeling that way. I just want it to stop.” A single tear rolled down on the side of her face.

“Oh god, y/n.”

“I’m so dumb. I’m here talking to you about my little problems, but you’ve got problems much worse than mine. Jesus I’m so stupid.”

JJ looked at the girl next to him. She looked so small and vulnerable. He could see the pain in her expression and it hurt him so much. He wanted to hold and kiss her, but he was afraid of breaking her. She looked so fragile.

If only she knew how loved she is.

“No y/n, you’re not stupid or dumb. It’s not because I have a shitty life and a jack ass for a dad that your problems are not valid. You’re living something really intense and scary right now but I can assure you that I understand. We’ll get trough this together okay?”

They were both crying messes at this point, but neither of them cared anymore. The small girl opened her arms to boy beside her. Through her gesture a message was hidden, and JJ understood it perfectly. He held her tightly against his chest. Her tears were wetting his shoulder and his were falling onto the messe that was her hair. Her hands were grasping firmly that soft cotton of his sweatshirt, afraid he would let go.

“Don’t let go of me, please,” she implored. “I don’t want you to leave me, ever. I can’t do this without you J.”

“I won’t y/n, I won’t leave you, I promise.”

“We’ll get through it, we’ll get you help and we’ll survive this together, okay?” A sob left the blond’s mouth. “I promise, okay, I promise.”

[gretaes-blog1]

yup !  i’m nearly the last one to post my intro i think ( ︶⌒︶ ) took five naps.. head going boom boom. but hello!!!!!!!! i’m jay , i’m twenny one and livin breathin the eastern timezone. i am very excited to introduce u my baby greta. my intro will not do her justice but i hope time will. if i haven’t imed u already pleeeeeeeeeeease reach out to me ( even if u are stuck on plots ) we’ll brainstorm something really good. i’ll be switching between ims and my discord ๑•ૅㅁ•๑#4035 for convenience. i promise to get to everything as soon as i can. ill say the end cause i never know how to end those byeeee

𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  greta  is  back  on  campus  ,  which  is  surprising  considering  the  threatening  note  i  left  them  .  yes  ,  i  know  all  about how she hides her sexuality to maintain a relationship with her conservative family because  of  their  greed  .  imagine  the  tabloids  and  how  the  navarro  family  would  feel  for  such  information  to  come  out  ,  not  to  mention  the  reputation  of  kappa  because  of  their  actions  .  at  this  rate  , she  is  better  off  staying  put  in  palo alto  ,  california  and  living  off  that 7.9b  family  net  worth  .  what’s  the  point  in  studying  pharmaceutical  science with  plans  to  create  accessible  healthcare  ,  is  it  worth  it  with  what  i  know  ?  anyways  ,  they  may  want  to  continue  to  be  ambitious  &  reliable  because  the  domineering  & sarcastic  attributes  make  me  want  to  spill  .  (  alexa demie  ,  j  ,  est  )  .

family ties 

the name navarro has definitely been painted gold for a while. greta is the child bruno navarro who was passed down his fortune of nava pharmaceuticals - an internationally recognized healthcare company which deals with pharmaceutical merchandise and diagnostics 

she has two brothers which would’ve undeniably been first in line to take their father’s place if they played their cards right

her mother was an ambassador for the company but her voice always meant very little. she never complained though.. being ambassador meant long business trips to places she would never get a chance to visit and live a lavish life without being too burdened 

greta was awfully competitive though and never let herself be thrown to the side. the female roles instilled in her brain seemed like a waste of time and she wanted to be the best , especially in things that others told her she wouldn’t be 

when she was little, it was about the adrenaline of proving everyone wrong but when she got older, she realised her need to succeed and be seen was more deep rooted than that. it wasn’t unusual for greta to feel alien to her parents but seeing as all her private school friends could relate, it didn’t bother her too much. it was the values instilled in her family that were a harder pill to swallow

at the dinner table, greta had to listen to slurs thrown left and right at people who didn’t fit into their conservative agenda. she had to sit through an hour of her father chanting about gender roles and sickening politics that put everyone , except his own empire , at the bottom of the food chain. they knew their power and the only goal was unwavering cash flow

and that is about the only thing greta and her family had in common. her GREED. although her morals didn’t align with the values of her father , her eyes were set on the price. breaking the tradition of men owning their biggest investment and becoming the chief officer of nava pharmaceuticals. and if biting her tongue and faking a smile meant knocking the king over from the top of the food chain then.... CHEck MATE Bitch <3 

but obviously, its not easy living under pressure. especially when the reality is so far from the mask u wear to get what u want

meet greta

under that mask is a greta that is the complete opposite of what her father painted her out to be. she is independent, sometimes even selfish . she is strong and brilliant. she’s determined and ambitious . she challenges herself , she’s eager to excel, to be more than the best. she wants to surprise people with the extend of what she’s capable of. i honestly don’t think greta has even dreamed of what she wants to achieve yet ????? but she knows she has a deep yearning for it. the feeling of bliss and a peace of mind when you’ve gotten everything u worked so hard for.

unfortunately, it’s important to take time and recenter urself from time to time in the chaos of striving for perfection. greta has lost that ability and often impulsively runs off the tracks. u won’t ever see her tripping over her feet at the party but u will probably catch her lying about the amount of alcohol she had if u are sober enough to notice. she’ll let u unbutton her shirt, only if u promise not to tell. she’ll tell u she’s okay and she thinks she is even if she really isn’t 

greta was good in everything except in love. it was hard for her to entertain one night stands unless she had steam to blow off , she always had something more productive to do. she’d lie in bed and battle those thoughts, wondering if she’s only making excuses .... after all , she’s a pretty girl. but those who got to taste her cherry lips were always left with the memory they were told not to share with anyone. she would always find excuses, letting good things pass her by. she didn’t know then what was causing her scattered affection. but it was often because in order to know what u want, u can’t censor thoughts and treat them as distractions. greta has always treated romance as a distraction and consequently, she never let herself reflect on what makes her happy for too long. but, of course , sleepless nights would often lead to her having to face herself. truly. she would think about the people she considers her friends and how she hopes she doesn’t lose them in the process, she daydreams about the future and freedom to speak her mind even when the voice in her head tells her not to. and she thinks about girls..... a lot 

greta hasn’t thought about it enough to put her sexuality on a spectrum. she knows she’s dated boys and she liked it. but, it’s also the only thing she’s known. having her family instil in her brain that being attracted to the same sex is not right and knowing that she needs to play her cards right to be considered worthy of the fortune, it was settled. she would dig a hole in the ground and bury those thoughts deep down under. knowing that if her family finds out she’s been with girls or even felt attracted to them????? her dreams would be crushed and she would be lucky to still sit at the dinner table. 

she battles those thoughts and often gets caught up in them. kissing girls in places where nobody sees and keeping it a secret or turning to lying, saying they’re pathetic for falling for it. basically being a shitty person because she knows there is no way she could ever get away with it??? safe to say, having to feel guilty for the things u cannot change, doesn’t make her the happiest kid on the playground and with knowing how word travels fast, it makes her paranoid to even consider risking her future for that. she continues to strive for perfection instead of wholeness :/

on a lighter note.... she obviously studies pharmaceutical sciences. she sees a future for the company that her father fails to acknowledge. her father doesn’t know it but she aims to take the empathic route and use her fortune for a better cause.. to help make healthcare accessible for all. she’s got the fattttttest heart i tell u and believes in good karma. 

i said this in the app and ill say it again........... Loves cheese bread. honestly bribe her with cheesy bread i dare u. it will work (  almost always )

runs track.... Just as good at this one as she is in running away from all her problems. Stellar performance

reads those motivational books.. ( yup. those ) 

studies hard. really will study all night and fall asleep with a notepad on her face and highlighter stain on her forehead. again, anywhere where she has to compete for first place, she will do anything to get that first place. and if she doesnt ???????? shes a thunderstorm. angry music plays in the background. she storms off. lips pursed. and takes days to recover 

really loves mysteries. and crosswords. the process of figuring out how to get from point a to point b... thats greta. 

and if she doesnt focus and set boundaries in her head, she doesnt know where to finish. she is the most Opinionated bitch. like she has a strong opinion about everything. even whether tomato is a fruit or vegetable. like she knows its a vegetable. Ok? 

she’s the biggest know it all!!!!!! she won’t ever shake on anything and if it comes to it, she will stand by her words until she’s thought about it in her bed for days ( even made a list of rights and wrongs to weigh out how truly “””””’wrong””””” she is ) it’s hard for her to back down. of course.... she definitely is wrong sometimes even if she claims otherwise </3 

basically always a spitfire... always thinks shes right. and to be fair , she kind of always is. greta is stubborn and sarcastic. her facial expressions are transparent ( almost to a fault ) and she has an unwavering determination to be the best....at everything. she wants to be in control of everything in her life, unfortunately thats not always possible and that’s when greta finds herself feeling tense, paranoid and anxious. but she’s got a good head on her shoulders... she’s curious and easy to feel comfortable around even though she is bad tempered 

kind of stupid extras

neat freak..... bacteria be gone!!!!!!!!!!

always called her parents by their name

doesn’t really have a relationship with her brothers but its because they treat her as less and she will not have that so again keeps contact to a minimum and bites her tongue when need be 

pays attention to her nails.... really likes when theyre painted pretty 

has a butterfly necklace.. its a symbol she can relate to :)

here’s the pinterest !!

and the playlist !!!!!

and stats but theyre so bad. ill fix them later </3

       beep me reach me for the wanted connections page weeeeeeee 

[im-in-love-with-my-disco-deaky]

This is a long one and sad one folks so buckle up.

So I came across some prompts on Pinterest, and this one caught my eye. It's writing but only using voice messages left on a answering machine, I recommend it it's pretty awesome. The ending might be a bit sad, obviously hasn't happened and I don't know when it'll happen.

Also, 'received' is listen to, repeated or replied, and 'not received' is it hasn't been listened to at all.

The brackets are things Rog does, that you would hear but I can't describe as if he was talking. Hint I would pay attention to the status too 🤫

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time received: 12:17

Date: 12/06/1979

Status: Received

'Hey, hey, hey, Freddie-kin's! What's cracka-lackin? (Laughs) It was probably a BAD mistake givin me your home number but..... that's your problem. Anyways, gotta get back to recordin so you can listen to this and kick me arse tomorrow. Love ya!' End of message.

Time received: 22:34

Date: 13/08/1986

Status: Received

'Man, we ROCKED that stadium tonight. Blew its non-existent roof off! (Cheers) You were incredible, can't wait for the next session and tour! Anywho, it's the Deaks birthday in a few days and I was thinkin 'bout throwin a party for him. What'd ya think? Call me back and we can conspire (laughs evilly - then goes hysterical) Oh, got to go, I hear Rory crying. Till then, love ya, buddy-boy!' End of message.

Time received: 20:01

Date: 23/04/1987

Status: Received

'(Voice breaking) H-hey, Fred. Sorry it's late. Sorry I didn't say anything at the (exhales shakily) at the studio earlier, I-I was just so shocked... It's bloody awful that you have that disease, but I promise we'll get through it, the four of us, and you'll be right as rain before you know it. We'll always be there for you, Freddie. Love ya.' End of message.

Time received: 13:47

Date: 22/11/1991

Status: Received

'Heya Freddie. I was planning on coming down today but Phoebe said that you're not feeling so great today. So, I'll leave ya to get some rest. I'll come down and see you once you feel better. Best wishes from Deaks, Bri, the kids and I love ya and hopefully see ya soon.' End of message.

Time received: 08:03

Date: 23/11/1991

Status: Received

'Hey, Freddie, Phoebe said you're feeling better today. I'm glad. I'll pop around tomorrow and see ya, I'm a bit busy today. You'll feel right as rain soon, I'm sure. Anyways, I best be off, love ya, Fred. End of message.

Time received: 10:53

Date: 24/11/1991

Status: Received

'Hey, Fred, it's Rog. I hope you're feeling alright today. I'll pop down to see you all later on, just got to run a few errands first. Catch ya on the flip side, Fred. Love ya.' End of message.

Time received: 18:12

Date: 24/11/1991

Status: Received

'Hey, Freddie-Kins, (laughs) I'm just leaving now so I'll be at yours probably at like.... I dunno around 20 to 7. See ya then. Love ya..' End of message.

Time received: 18:37

Date: 24/11/1991

Status: Received

'Hey, Bud, it's Roger again. I'm, uh, stuck in a bit of traffic right now. So I'll probably be at yours around 10 to instead. See ya soon and love ya.' End of message.

Time received: 18:53

Date: 24/11/1991

Status: Not Received

'.....H-hey Freddie. I, uh, I just got the p-phone call from Phoebe....I know you're not going to listen to this. I just...can't believe that you're g-gone. (Breaks down) oh god. I-if only I wasn't c-caught in that DAMN TRAFFIC. I might of been on time.... I might of been there for you. I-I'm not even that far away. (Pauses) The others don't know yet... god, I don't how they're gonna deal w-with it. 'Specially Deaks. I'll keep a eye on him though.... Still, I don't know how we are gonna go on without ya. I still wanna spread out music, even though you're not h-here (sobs). I b-better be go-ing now, p-people are givin me s-strange looks (chuckles weakly). I, uh, I love ya Freddie. Bye.' End of message.

Time: 04:12

Date: 25/11/1991

Status: Not Received

'(Silence at start) ....At this point, I'm in denial. T-that you're g-gone that is. After the pho- (starts to sobs softly) after the p-phone c-call, I j-just went ho-ome. B-Bri, De-eaks and I all had a b-big cry, when I to-old them. Figured it'd be best if they, if they h-hear it from m-me. God, I really miss you already. If only I hadn't got caught in that TRAFFIC OR HADN'T DONE THOSE DAMN ERRANDS (Roger's voice fades slightly, before a loud impact of a punch can be heard. There is momentary silence, before Roger's sobs are heard) I-I Don-n't Und-derstand. Why they t-take you, F-Freddie? Why? We need y-you. Dammit, I NEED YOU. (Roger's cries are heard once more, before he moves around) I love ya, Fred. S-so much.' End of message.

Time received: 20:19

Date: 27/11/1991

Status: Not Received

'It was your funeral today....still can't believe your gone. Everyone was there for you, Deaks, Veronica, Bri, Anita and even Elton came. I don't think I've ever seen so many tears shed at once. It was a beautiful send off though, exactly like you wanted. Those damn paparazzi were there though. Can't stop them, unfortunately. You're being sent exactly were you wanted to. (Stops momentarily) I best be off before I cry again. Miss ya, Fred. I hope that you're happy. Wherever you a-are.' End of message.

Time received: 23:41

Date: 25/12/1991

Status: Not Received

'Merry Christmas Fred. (Chokes up) It's not the same without you. (Sobs)' End of message.

Time received: 00:39

Date: 20/4/1992

Status: Not Received

'H-hey Freddie.... it was your t-tribute concert tonight. God, you should of seen it. Hundreds upon thousands of people coming together to celebrate you. I still don't think anyone is over it, Y'know? I'm most certainly not. Brian is having a hard time, he's depressed and I damn well know he's been thinkin about....suicide. (Chokes up) I cant loose him, Freddie, I can't b-bloody handle it. D-Deaks is a mess too. He was in a right s-state before we went o-on. I gotta be strong, but it's so damn hard.... We all miss you, Fred. So damn much.... Rufus is starting to get a bit adventurous. (chuckles softly) He keeps looking at that photo of us, Y'know one where we're wearing those stupid sombreros? Anyways, I might as well try and sleep. I love ya....' End of message.

Time: 12:45

Date: 5/09/1992

Status: Not Received

'Keeping this short cuz I'm emotional. It's the first birthday of yours without you. None of ours we're the same this year. Gotta keep a brave face, y'know? (Happy screams of 'Dad!' in background. Roger chuckles softly) Got to go, duty calls. Love ya.'

Time: 18:49

Status: Not Received

'Happy Birthday, Freddie. Love ya. (Breaks downy) Miss you.' End of message

Time received: 19:00

Date: 24/11/1992

Status: Not Received

'.....Its been a year.... A whole year since....w-we lost you. It's still so hard to grasp. I think this is where it all starts to sink in. You're not here anymore. I can't call you if I feel sad, or wanna drink with a friend. Everyone's really different at the moment. Even the kids. They're all practically silent and are so well-behaved. I think they know somethings up. Even the young ones. They'll be a time in the future where I won't spend every last moment of this day crying, but I think that the pain will always be there. In a way, I'm glad that you passed on. You're not in pain anymore, that's the only upside. (Sniffles) Doesn't make the pain of it easier though. I don't know why I do these, I think it just brings me a unknown comfort. S'pose part of me hope that you'll reply. But you don't. Ya never will. (Sighs softly) Felix is calling me, so I'd better go.... I love ya, Fred.' End of message.

Time received: 19:11

Date: 11/10/1994

Status: Not Received

'Hey, Fred. It's been a while, hasn't it? Debbie gave birth yesterday, another little girl. Tiger Lilly. I best be going back to Deb, she'll be wondering where I am. After 3 years, it still doesn't seem easier. But I can't give up. I've got a family to care for. Love ya, Fred.' End of message.

Time received: 06:59

Date: 17/01/1996

Status: Not Received

'You've got a statue now, Freddie. In Montreux. Loads of people where there, it was beautiful. So many people still love ya. You are still changing so many lives. This ones short, but I'm ill and I really need some sleep. Love ya.' End of message.

Time received: 21:57

Date: 01/01/1998

Status: Not Received

'6 years last year. I don't really know what to say today.... Deaky left the band. Said he can't go on without ya. I don't blame him, Brian and I are struggling too. But the show must go on, right? (Chuckles weakly) I'm trying really hard to move on. Okay, I don't cry at any givin moment, but I guess I'm only just accepting that you're gone. Bri and I are gonna carry on, gotta spread your music to the lives we haven't reached. That's all for today. I love ya.' End of message.

Time received: 00:43

Date: 04/04/2000

Status: Not Received

'Good news for once! Deb gave birth again a coupla days ago, another girl. Lola Daisy May Taylor Leng. Quite the mouthful, isn't it? I noticed I'm feeling happier lately, this had really perked me up. Not a day goes by where I don't miss you though.... Anywho, I think Lola is the last for me, I mean I'm 50 odd now. Don't think Debbie and I will last much longer though, we've been arguing a lot. Anyways, better scoot. Got a little girl to look after. Love ya!' End of message.

Time received: 16:23

Date: 03/12/2004

Status: Not Received

'Heya, Freddie! Y'know, I'm a lot happier lately. Deb and I broke up, though I still see the kids. But, I met this lovely woman a last year. Her name's Sarina, she's from South Africa which is pretty damn cool. Still don't know why she came here, it's warm and don't rain so much over there. (laughs) We started dating a few months ago, and I'm more cheerful that what I've been since Lola came along. The only thing that worries me is the fact that she's like, 22 years younger than me? Apparently she saw something good in me. I've got to go and run some errands now, so see ya for now. Love ya, Fred.' End of message.

Time received: 03:39

Date: 29/10/2010

Status: Not Received

'Gosh it's been six years since I left a message to you, and 19 years since you passed. Nothing much has happened though. Brian and I are still preforming. Ooh, I lied, something did happen recently. I got married to Sarina. She honestly makes me so happy, I think I want to spend my life with her. Apart from that, nothing else has really happened. The kids are okay, Bri's kids are okay. Still don't hear from John. I miss talking to him. Sometimes I wonder, would he be preforming still if you were alive? Don't think I'm blaming this on you, cuz I'm not. You couldn't help it. It's just one of those 'what if' moments. Well, it's late, but not too late (laughs gently) sorry just can't help myself. Where was I? Oh, yes, I'd best be off to bed. ... Night, Freddie. Love ya.' End of message.

Time received: 15:21

Date: 13/03/2014

Status: Not Received

'Hey, Freddie. We've found someone to tour with us. His name's Adam Lambert. Young American boy. Bloody amazing voice, can't replace you, of course. We have a tour in a few months, can't wait to see how fans react to him. All well and good I hope! Love ya!' End of message.

Time: 22:50

Date: 23/06/2017

Status: Not Received

'Truth be told, I'm tired as hell. But I just HAD to share this with you. They're makin a film, well biopic, about us. Well, mainly you. About your life. The actor playing you is a dashing American by the name of Rami Malek. They started off those boys hard though. Live Aid, that's the first thing we shot. On day bloody one, none the less. I've got a rather impressive boy named Ben Hardy playing me, said he can play drums. Newsflash, he can't. Well, not till today obviously. For Bri, I think they cloned him. Gwilym Lee. Tall, some say Welsh some say British. I say British though, unless Birmingham is in Wales now? Anyways, will a curly wig on, I can't tell the difference! (Sniggers) Brian's is grey though so that makes it easier. And lastly, playing our lovely Deaks, is Joesph Francis Mazzello the Third. Bloody mouthful, innit? People were saying he's more like me though, well, he certainly is chaotic I'll give 'em that. Anywho, I'd best be off. Love ya, Fred.' End of message.

Time received: 23:02

Date: 25/12/2019

Status: Not Received

'28 years this year. Don't feel like it though. Should be asleep, shouldn't I? Ah well. Sarina's asleep upstairs, so I'm tryna be quiet so I don't disturb her. You were the most searched up artist this year, bloody hell not even here anymore and still higher than anyone else. Beats (sarcastically) Bieber Justin, or whatever his name is. Queen is still one of the biggest bands out there, y'know? You set us up for it though. God, sometimes I long to go back to those days. Brian had a operation few months back, nothing bad, mind. Freaked everyone out though. It's was for, uh.... oh, what was it for? Ooh, yeah it was to relive tension in his heel. It was bloody killin him last tour. He says he'll be alright for the tour next year. Still got Adam. And Bohemian Rhapsody was a big success. Four out of five awards, was it? Oh, I dunno. Too tired too care. Oh.....fudge, I think I hear Sarina upstairs. I'm going to go. Love ya, Freddie.' End of message.

Time: 18:18

Date: 4/07/2025

Status: Not Received

'This one'll be short, don't know when Sarina'll get home. Bohemian Rhapsody was release 50 years ago, Christmas number one may I add. Where did the time go? Some days, I wish we were young and dumb, still at Rockfield. I've locked myself in a cupboard until my song goes on the B-side. You've practically blown a fuse in anger, Brian has lost the will to live and is probably considering leaving the band, and Deaky lives on cheese a toast and hides in that so called room. (Laughs softly) Other days I'm glad I'm here. I wouldn't have my kids, for starters. Or Sarina. Don't know why she puts up with me. Cuz she loves me, I hope. I damn well know I love her. Nearly 36 years ago we lost you. You'd of been 79 this year. Old coot. (Laughs) Anyways, I believe I heard my lovely wife's car pull up. Love ya, Fred.' End of message.

Time: 23:58

Date: 20/03/2030

Status: Not Received

'Coming up for 40 years this year. God, it seems like a distant memory now. I, uh, got some bad news. (Voice cracks) I'm sick, Freddie. Really sick. Like terminal. Doctors say I've probably got less then a decade. Wife and kids took it hard. Haven't left me alone. I've got Sarina curled up on my left side, and Rory on my right. Lola's asleep on Sarina, Rufus is asleep by my left leg, I got Felix on my right and Tiger Lilly in front of my legs. Not that I mind. Don't know how much time I have left. I'll make the most of it though. I might not send another message, either not enough time or I'm too busy. We'll see. Damn, I've got to tell, Bri, Adam and the fans yet. Do ya think I should tell Deaks? Would he care? I might, I'll decide later. Night. Love ya.' End of message.

Time: 06:17

Date: 05/09/2031

Status: Not Received

'(Voice fainter than normal) Hey, Fred. Happy birthday. This is a short one. I don't have a lot of fight left in me. I think- (voice cracks) I think today is my last day. I'm gonna tell my family, friends and fans that I love them as much as I can before I go. I must confess something. I'm in love with you. Always have been. Just my dumbarse was too blind to see it. By the time I did, it was too late and you were gone. Remember you asking me why I always said, 'love ya', I just said it's cuz I love my friends. That's true. But I love ya in a different way. Don't get me wrong, I love Sarina, but I think you hold a different place in my heart, Fred. I'll see you soon. For the last time, I love you, Freddie. So damn much.' End of message.

Time: 22:45

Date: 12/12/2032

Status: Received

'H-hey, Freddie. It's Jo-Deaky here. Not su-ure as to why I'm sending this. Just felt compelled to. Roger pass- (chokes up) Roger pa-assed aw-way last y-year. It wa-as his trib-bute concert tonight. He's with y-you now though. Brian and I decided to work together, just the two of us. At least until we're gone. Rog's kids and Sarina came, poor things they are all absolute wreaks. Bless them. I wish I could do more to help them, y'know? I'm only human, sadly. They're coming 'round for Christmas though. It'll be the first one without Roger and they don't need that of their mind all day. Sarina is currently staying with Veronica and I. Poor thing can barely go 10 minutes without shedding a tear. Can't blame her, she's lost her husband. Who she was very close to, may I add. His kids have been amazing though, stayed with her, talking to her frequently too. It's nearly Christmas, not long now. I hope that you guys are happy, wherever you are. It's a Merry Christmas from all of us down her, and if you can say hello to my dad. Bye, Freddie...' End of message

Time: 13:39

Date: 23/02/2035

Status: Received

'(Starts with crying) H-hello, Freddie. I, uh, heard Deak- Deaky doing this one ti-ime, thought I'd try it. (Clears throat) Deaky passed away last night. Stopped breathing in his sleep. I'm, uh, in the midst of planning a funer- a funeral for him. After, I'm going to do a concert. Just like you and Rog. I think that'll be the last for me. I'm nearly 87 and I've lost my three closest brothers. I can't do it anymore. Adam's is going to headline, with a few others paying their respects to John. It's amazing how many people, already, have offered. News only got out this morning. I'm, uh, I'm going to head off. Got a lot to do. Bye, Freddie. If you're out there. Roger and Deaky, you troublemakers too.' End of message.

Time: 04:21

Date: 06/05/2045

Status: Received

'Firstly, I'm rather shocked these are still around. We've never spoken, never even met actually. But I've heard a lot about you, Freddie. I'm Sarina, Roger's wife. I guess you could say that. Quite frankly, I don't why I'm doing this. I've heard Rog do this before a few times, he seemed to perk up after, so I thought I'd give it a try. It's been hard. Especially after Roger passed, 14 years ago. I met John, he passed away about 10 years ago. Brian went 6 years ago. Anita was 4 years ago. It's just Veronica, the kids and I at the moment. We'll get through it though. ... I wish I had gotten the chance to meet you. From what I've heard and seen, you were a pretty incredible guy. I've got just a little bit of good news for you though! They've finally found a cure to HIV and AIDS. They found the cure for most cancers recently too. So that's some good in this pretty messed up world. Also, it may of took 20 odd years after the MAJOR awareness, but the O-zone layer has healed, greenhouse gas levels are lowering. The poles are getting some ice back. Deforestation isn't such a big issue anymore either, they found a way. It's just the silver-lining in this dark world. People still adore Queen. Like a lot. Adam, bless him, is still going around. He doesn't have Bri, Rog, or Deaky but he's trying. And absolutely killing it, even at his age. It was around 54 years ago you passed away. Gosh, I wonder where the years have gone.... Another thing before I go, I know how Rog felt about you. Mind, he never said it directly, but I had a feeling. I don't really mind, though. But I am glad that I was able to make him happy for a while. I'm okay with that. Right, I'll be going now before I cry. Goodbye, Freddie. Maybe we'll meet someday. In another life.' End of message.

[jmmauthoroftkwrtrilogy]

Long, long day. Mostly because I spent last night working and got sick. Now I’m rather ill right now but not too much not to do some work. My doctor wants to speak to a name author about how I go about publishing The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy--Book II: The Saga of Thranduil. I often wonder how someone can do so much outside of their original capacity to help someone they believe in. My family never did that. Now that my story has slipped far beyond the boundaries of its humble beginnings on Tumblr, they still refuse to acknowledge the existence of my book or me of that matter.

My doctor is determined that this book get published--so much so she is “lending” her copy of my first hard copy to my new doctor (she retires on April 24 so next week is our last day together). She doesn’t want to let anyone have her copy of my book and “can’t wait to see it in print” and wonders if this could be what I make a living doing.

Not even the good review will make my family budge--not one eye blinking. I wonder if I should just give up on them. I don't want to because of my father I have not yet seen (once again, I have no access to him and they aren’t blinking an eye about that either). Evil comes in all forms and most of them are closest to you--at least in my world.

A promise is a promise and I made it to my father and I will finish my book. Where it leads when it is done (in any form including the full trilogy) may just be to Scotland. My doctor believes that no one [here] would appreciate my story more than the United Kingdom and that is where the major studio following me is located. They are partnered with the studio that brought you “Lion” and the BBC, History Channel and have a contract with Martin Freeman (irony not lost on me with that one).

Tell my family that--nothing. If I get anywhere in life, I’m sure I’ll get a phone call should I show up at the Oscars or in an article with J.K. Rowling or something. I could be on one of my other books (not Middle Earth related) by then. I’d do anything to be able to know my father could see me if that happened. I will blame them if he gets worse or lost. Whenever he wanders off, he is only trying to go one place--to my house. That’s the only place he wants to go. I know my father loves me and I hope he knows I love him too before his mind shuts him off to the world completely and he’s wondering in darkness. That will happen as Alzheimer’s is a horrific disease to have when your youth was filled with scientific equations and researching cures for illnesses such as this.

I’ll face 10,000 dragons for my father--even if I have to go it alone (though thankfully, my doctor did what my mother would have done so I haven’t walked this far alone. And then there’s my beloved readers and followers and the Mythopoeic Society and a couple of published authors and a few Scots. You’ll notice no family there. Like at my birth, I was left to wait for someone to come along and claim me. That was my mom and dad. Now they are out of my reach (my mother has been dead for almost 20 years), I am again waiting to be claimed. Just want to belong somewhere. Who doesn’t?

I am grateful for what I have--which is far more than most but less than I had before. I am richer for having gone down this road than had I didn’t take the chance. Wherever I go now is in the hands of fate on April 28, 2017. I know it will bring chaos as it once did the last time I “finished” the book. This time it will be the complete story of Thranduil and there are far more people that want it to become a book people can buy in a bookstore. Tensions are high now--mostly between me and my family but there is the “good” chaos.

Things had to fall apart to come together. Looking back, I didn’t realize how the dominos were lined up waiting to start falling in line. From learning my father was ill and I had to change course; someone on Pinterest photobombing me with images of some strange blonde elf from a film I didn’t see until one day I just had to see what the fuss was about and bought the entire trilogy in one day and watched it that same night in my basement waiting out severe weather; hearing Lee Pace’s voice that forever will be stuck in my head; feeling all was lost and not taken seriously until I heard the voice that spoke to me and I never stopped writing my story to this day. When I thought no one was looking, I learned the world and continues to do so. I never thought I would end up where I am today--on the brink of possibly making history because of three little words: “I am Thranduil”.

Someone posted J.R.R. Tolkien for me--a video of the man himself talking about how he came up with the “beginning” (which actually was his Book II). When I heard him speak for the first time, I knew. I felt a sense of home; a kinship as it were. I didn’t feel as if I was doing something to be ashamed of. It was a peaceful moment. My mind was calm and for the first time in a long time, I knew. I belonged somewhere. He sounded how I always imagined. Exactly like that voice that started me on this journey that told me why I write in the first place: “To see beyond all that lingers”.

I will go home one day. It’s what I’ve wanted since I was three--to go to the Land of Tolkien.--J.

Image: ©2012. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: The Unexpected Journey. All Rights Reserved.

Image: ©2013. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. All Rights Reserved.

Image: ©2014. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies. All Rights Reserved.

[miryeanotmadea]

No Filter Needed

           I’m unsure as to why the old man in the red beret first caught my attention. Perhaps it was his vintage style, plaid sweater vest. I have always been a sucker for plaid. Maybe it was the way his right foot tapped the floor beneath it in a sort of hypnotic, rhythmic patter. Or maybe, it was the way he admired the darling woman with the short silver hair in front of the baristas counter, as she fumbled through her handbag in search of the right number of euros. Regardless of the reason for capturing my gaze, there was no doubt that he had my full attention.

           I watched intently as the old man bent over to tighten the laces on his brown leather shoes. It was a slow journey back to the upright position, but his painful grimace was soon replaced by a smile of sincere admiration directed at the old woman at the barista’s counter, as he watched her delicately make her way towards him. With two white, ceramic mugs in hand (cappuccino’s, I assume), the lady wobbled shakily to meet the man in the red beret. He stood and delicately transferred the mugs from her shaky hands, onto the table. After helping the lady get settled into her chair, the old man in the red beret returned to his own seat, directly across from hers. The couple whispered and giggled as two teenagers in love would, their cappuccinos still steaming in front of them. The bright, green plants which hung above them accentuated the dark glow of their olive skin. Their language was foreign, but the laughter was quite familiar to me. I continued to watch as they held hands from across the table, and spoke so tenderly to one another. The lighting, the beautiful plants, the steaming mugs, her silver hair, his red beret—it was a picture-perfect moment.

           The morning was unusually cool and breezy. It was a nice break from the painfully hot temperature I had experienced the very first day I arrived in Venice. I sat in bed, thinking about all the things planned for the day ahead. Latin at nine, homework, lunch, and a day adventuring through the city! I slowly rose, and with a cat-like stretch, let out a ferocious yawn. Reaching over to my cell-phone on the nightstand beside me, I repositioned myself to be propped uprightly. Scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat was part of my morning routine. I decided to browse through Pinterest to get some ideas for cute photo opportunities in Venice. I imagined the various pictures in my head. The Bridge of Sighs picture, classic gondola picture, cappuccino-in-hand coffee shop picture. I wanted to achieve them all.

           I began to rummage through my suitcase to find the cutest outfit amongst all the cute, but not cute enough for a photoshoot outfits I brought with me. After deciding upon a white dress with colorful flowers, I headed off to Latin to start the day.  

           Upon completing the mandatory Latin class, lunch, and a bit of homework, I closed my computer, and lying on my bed, rested my eyes for a moment. “Are you ready to hit the town!?’ My roommate nudged me with excitement. I came to, and we began to quickly grab our necessities and stuff everything in our bags. We scurried down the steps, five floors to be exact, and busted through the front door. It was nice to finally have some free time to explore. We wondered through the alleyways which seemed to go on forever, then suddenly became a dead end. We ventured through the shops and alongside the glistening canals. “Oh, my goodness!” My roommate clenched my arm with an eager grip. We had stumbled upon arguably the most adorable little dessert shop there ever was. My roommate quickly snatched the camera dangling around her neck and snapped numerous photos. I reached down into my pocket, only to find it empty. I could have sworn I put my phone in this back pocket. I checked the remaining three pockets, and began to rummage through my purse for a few minutes. My phone was nowhere to be found. A rush of anger swept over me, and overwhelmed my entire body. I left it charging on the nightstand. I swung my purse back over my shoulder in frustration. I’m so stupid. I have no camera, nothing else to take pictures with. What an idiot! My roommate saw the irritation on my face and suggested we go somewhere else to continue exploring.

           I continued to pout as we passed hundreds of picture-perfect spots. We eventually came to an adorable coffee shop, and decided to wander inside for some lattes. The latte art was the most adorable I had ever seen. My foam was decorated with tiny hearts, each popping out of the other. Without thinking, I reached for my pocket and found nothing but the ghost of where my phone would have been, had I not been as forgetful. I let out a disgusted sigh. Idiot. What a waste of a perfect latte. Nobody else can see it. After the last sip of our delicious latte’s, we ventured back out into the streets and over the most beautiful bridge. It was coated with flowers of all colors, and contained the initials of various lovers throughout the years. G and J forever. Those are my parents initials! I wish I could send them a picture! I swung my head back with regret. I’m such an idiot for forgetting my phone!

           My roommate tapped my shoulder. She had a wild look in her eye which made me curious as to what might escape her lips next. “I bet K and A stand for Kyle and Amy. I bet Kyle was a country boy from North Carolina, and Amy was a city girl from New York.” I chuckled. “They met at school in Nevada, and left to Italy to be married.” She continued with exaggerated gestures. “Then on the night before their wedding, Amy received word that her father became deathly ill and she had to go home to be with him. So, she decided to leave to spend her father’s last days with him, and then planned on returning to Italy be married to Kyle.” I laughed at her wild imagination. “Amy and Kyle said their goodbyes on this bridge, and carved their initials here in the middle of it as a representation of their eternal love. However, the ship that Amy boarded to journey home was the victim of a crazy storm, and everyone on board was lost at sea. Kyle waited for a call, a letter, or any sign that Amy was home—but nothing came. Kyle was madly in love with Amy and couldn’t accept the fact that she wasn’t coming back to him. So, he came to this bridge every single day for sixty years, hoping Amy would make her way back to him somehow.” I shook my head in disbelief. “That was wildly depressing.” We shared a laugh and bid Amy and Kyle and the bridge farewell.

           We stopped at a little bakery just a few minutes up the canal, and shared the most decadent blueberry muffin in the universe. We danced to the band in Piazza San Marco playing “Volare,” and watched the sun dye the sky a dark pink as it whispered goodnight to Venice. We ate to our hearts content at a fancy dinner spot overlooking the gondola’s sliding across the canals, and happily strode arm in arm back to our apartment for the evening. What a wonderful day it was.

           As I sit here in this coffee shop, observing the old man in the red beret and his lady with the silver hair, I can’t help but reflect on the events of the day prior; the day I forgot my phone. I see it as a blessing now, the fact that I was unable to distort the beauty of firsthand experience through a photographic replica. I think that oftentimes, society can become so fixated on the re-telling and re-capturing of a moment, we forget what it’s like to encounter the original. We lose the intimacy that comes with experience when we feel the need to make every moment a communal affair. The day I forgot my phone, I was forced to be in the moment in a unique way. I learned to see something as beautiful in and of itself, rather than merely as another photoshoot opportunity. I was forced to take in the moment instead of show it off to my friends back home.

           Today, I purposefully left my phone on the nightstand beside my bed. I want to see what the world has for me that only I can see. I want to see what secrets Venice will share with me that will remain between us two. I think the old man in the red beret was a beautiful one. As he grips the lady with the silver hairs hand tightly, the stare they share is one of passion and decades of pure love for one-another. I can’t help but smile. Perhaps Amy made her way back to Kyle after all. This is a picture-perfect moment indeed, but some photos are just better left not taken.