#i hope the future has fun things in store for men's fashion because like damn 💔

[darcyolsson]

it's still crazy to me how radically western women's fashion has changed over the last century and a half and then you look at western men's fashion and it's just. suit suit suit suit suit jeans jeans jeans. thats it

[spectrumed]

8. book

I decided to start writing a book. A novel, it’s going to be fiction. It’s a big project. I dread big projects. I don’t feel as if I am ever able to complete them. It’s going to be left unfinished, why do I even bother? So many projects that I’ve started and never finished. I get an idea, then I can’t make myself do the actual work to make it a reality. Why do I think I can write a book when I can barely read books without becoming distracted and doing something else instead? I give up too easily. But, then again, do I really have it in me to produce something that is good? That people would want to read? Insecurity creeps in, telling me that I will fail. I fear failure. Of course I do, who doesn’t? Whenever people say that their greatest fear is failure, all I wonder is who out there is not afraid of failure? Is there someone out there with so much confidence that they absolutely do not in any way fear failure? Even narcissists technically fear failure, it is what leads them to such ridiculous overcompensation, putting on the facade of bravado to mask their actual dire sense of insecurity. Do not fall for the scams, no person is truly without self-doubt. (Well, I guess maybe psychopaths, but there’s a whole lot of things amiss with them.)

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve entertained myself by coming up with stories, fictional universes that I would populate with characters of my own invention. When I was a kid, what I really wanted was to become a comic book writer and artist. Well, in between other gigs I imagined would suit me, including at one point wanting to be a “singing farmer,” as I put it. Still, I’ve always returned to fiction and storytelling. There’s something about creating a world that lets you so fully distract yourself from all the stressful daily hullabaloo that goes on around you. Escapism, it’s fun, it’s therapeutic, I think. There’s a reason why humans have been telling each other stories for millennia, since even before we lived in houses. Back when we were all huddled around the fire, wearing our best comfortable animal furs, sharing tales of the hunt. Your uncle who once took part in killing a mammoth, the impressive beast nearly gorging him with its big tusks. How clever he was when he noticed that the mammoth had one leg weaker than the others, and used that to his advantage. How the entire hunting party banded together to bring the behemoth down, getting all that meat to feed their families with for months! Stories make you feel good. Like as if you have something to celebrate, even when you might be starving due to the more recent hunts not having gone as well. Damn that saber-tooth tiger that killed your uncle…

Storytelling is linked to acting. Both with acting and with storytelling you have to commit. Whatever you are doing, whatever role you are performing, you have to sell it. You may be on stage talking about that time you went scuba diving with your future wife, and how you encountered an oyster with the most magnificent pearl inside, and how you made a ring for the pearl and used it when you proposed to her. You have to sell it. You have to get the audience laughing, gasping, crying, going “aww,” feeling as if they were there with you that day. Of course, they don’t know it is all just lies. You made it up. It’s all fiction. But you committed, so they won’t ever know. Storytelling is a gift to others, people will appreciate you if you tell good stories, but you’re also kinda deviant. Even if it’s technically based on a true story, you’ve certainly added your embellishments. You’re a trickster, a devious individual. No wonder actors have historically been seen as dubious folks. They come into town, romances all the young women and men, telling them big tales of their lives on the road, and they can’t possibly know if you are telling the truth or not. You may just be lying. You probably are lying. Let’s be honest, you’ve probably not told a single true thing in your life.

I am bad at the hustle. No, I can talk quite well, and I can keep people’s attention for a long while. But I can’t be a huckster. Going out there, putting myself on the line hoping people will swallow my bullshit. I can’t really avoid speaking from my heart when I do speak. Or when I write, as I happen to be doing now. This blog has so far been thoroughly candid in places, in such a way I may come across like I’m at a confessional. Not that I have much evil to confess, but I can’t help but be transparent. I can’t flip into different kinds of personalities, each with its own schemes and plots, being some master manipulator, someone who you can never figure out what they're truly up to, or what they truly want. No, what I am is clearly written on my face. I’ve got one self, and it is the one before you. He’s hairy, and tall, and a bit of a dork. I am happy to talk to you, to engage with you, but I won’t be anyone but myself. I am me. I hope that’ll do.

Of course you are familiar with all those pick-up artists that plagues the internet. Or well, not just the internet. Go into any old-fashioned bookstore (where they store books on paper, not in digital code,) and you are bound to find some sleazy book written by a sleazy guy about how to sleazily seduce women. Those books don’t want you acting like me. According to them, seduction is all about manipulation. To figure out the very right thing to say to get women to fawn all over you. They don’t want you to be sincere, telling the truth as you see it. Nah, you gotta keep that stuff bottled up, deep down inside your soul, because most likely, your true self is ugly. It’s interesting how you can get little details from these pick-up artists depending on the sort of things they say, the tips they provide. The fact that all of them seem to harbour this festering misogyny is no big surprise, but every so often, you get these little glimpses of these people’s true worldview, one where power is everything, true love is a fallacy, and happiness is a lie manufactured by Hollywood to make us all into docile consumers. No wonder the “red-pill” so often leads to people taking the “black-pill.” First hucksters will lure you in, telling you that they’ve got the secret as to how to be a success, then when they’ve got you isolated, they reveal to you how truly misanthropic and bleak their actual beliefs are.

I am fascinated with cults, for much of the same reason why I am fascinated with storytelling. What is a cult leader if not just a great storyteller? They’re something like the modern day shaman, capable of spellbinding people with their weird idiosyncratic way of speaking. High-functioning people with autism are often said to have an idiosyncratic way of speaking. No, I am not suggesting that cult leaders are all somewhere on the spectrum, though it wouldn’t surprise me if some famous cult leaders did turn out to have been on the spectrum. However, for an autistic person to become a cult leader, I think they would have to be a true believer, and not some fraud just looking to scam others. Ultimately, no autistic person would want to surround themselves with people unless they truly do believe it is essential, to like, save mankind from damnation or something. It’s the difference between sincerity and insincerity. It is difficult for autistic people to be insincere, as insincerity requires a lot of social skills that autistic people struggle with. Having to juggle all these balls in the air, making sure you keep the big lie going, that you remember to change your behaviour depending on who you are speaking to in order to keep them from figuring out that you’re a bullshitter. Hollow people are great at being insincere. People like L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the highly profitable cult that is Scientology, was at his core a hollow individual. He had no problems twisting the minds of the people around him, because he never felt a need to be sincere. If an autistic person were to become a cult leader, I can guarantee you that it wouldn’t be a profitable cult. Nah, autistic people aren’t in it for the money, we’re all about keeping it real.

Being a sincere person, surely I should be able to write a novel and make it feel earnest. Like it was delivered with passion, because I wouldn’t be able to write anything that wasn’t true to myself. Well, I do hope so. Having something I’ve made be referred to as genuine is something I see as a great compliment. I’m a student of art history, I’ve made some “serious” art before, I know how terrible art can be when it is not delivered with good faith. Sure, some art is cynical, or ironic, but even then, it tends to come from a real place. Good artists, even when they’re fully armed with the dada mindset, must believe in what they are doing. Whether they are doing it for a laugh or not, that’s irrelevant. Even if all you wish is to be silly and make something that is comical, you have to believe in what you are creating. Or else people won’t bother engaging with it. Why look at a painting by someone who is just interested in making money? Insincere artists do exist, and they can end up becoming quite successful, but ultimately, history won’t be kind to them. Damien Hirst comes to mind, heard he's into NFTs now.

Sure, I don’t like insincere people. Does that make me a bigot? Like, it’s not as if they can help themselves. It’s just who they are, spineless maggots with no soul. It doesn’t mean we have to hate them. No, no, no... I am just generalising. Don’t go thinking there’s just two kinds of people in the world, the sincere and the insincere. It’s not a binary. Most people are both, just like with introverts and extroverts, humans are complex. But there are definitely those that decide to feed into their insincere side, realising that it is often the key to success. Through insincerity, you learn to let go of self-doubt, you stop worrying so much about what others think of you, because you are never truly yourself. If they hate you, then so what? They don’t actually hate you, they just hate a role that you are playing. So what if you seduced that woman, made her feel as if you were the perfect match, then you ghosted her and completely forgot about her? It’s her fault for falling for your tricks. You were clearly just playing the game, being a super-seducer, she should have known better. By embracing insincerity, it’s like gaining a superpower. No longer do you have to care about the impact you have on others, no longer do you have to worry about what it means to be a social human being making choices that affect the others around you. Because you’re not the person they think you are. Actually, you’re not quite sure you’re the person you think you are… Who are you?

I’ve got the plot all laid out in my head for the novel. It’s going to be based in the fantasy world that I’ve been working on for the last few years. I’ve been working on this world for almost half a decade now, come to think of it. Why do I keep feeling as if I am never able to keep to a project, when I’ve clearly been working on a massive project all this time? Sure, it’s all just in my head, but it’s not as if most people have the kind of patience to keep going back to a single big project, even if it is just in their head. Not once, while thinking about my fantasy world have I been distracted and started thinking about cute puppies, instead. And you know how difficult that is. Maybe I am too hard on myself. Maybe I will finish this book, and maybe people will want to read it. Maybe it will even get a minimal number of angry reviews, like, I may get a book published without some folks trying to harass me into committing suicide for daring to think I can write. Some people may even be enthusiastic, blowing up my ego with great praise. Maybe someone will come along and tell me that they want to buy the rights to make my book into a movie or a television series. Maybe I will get rich? Maybe I will get famous! Woo! Success here I come!

Well, no, here I go being insincere. That’s not what it’s about. I should be writing this book because I want to write it. Because I want to prove to myself that I am able to write it. Sure, it’s not as if there’s not a little brain goblin inside my mind whispering sweet nothings about how one day I might turn out a real respected author. One with real fans that gets to do big book tours talking about how brilliant I am, how brilliant my work is, and how brilliant things are going for me. I am not going to pretend I don’t have the same aspirations for success that others have. Inside of me you will find the same greedy piglet of an ego hungry for more adoration and more validation that you will find in any person. Humans don’t know when to quit, we always want more. But I am at least safe knowing that I will never debase myself, descending to the same depths as those inhabited by soulless grifters who go through life abusing the trust of others in order to get by. I’m sincere, in the end. I always turn out sincere, in the end. I am a good boy.

And I am also really sexy. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before on this blog, but I am really, REALLY, sexy. Like, you wouldn’t believe it. Oh, I am so hot. And if you follow and subscribe and hit that bell, I will teach you how you can be just as sexy as I am! And buy my book! And my merch! And my new single! And of course, my new cryptocurrency, by the name of “autism-coin.” It’s going to be a real success on 4chan, let me tell ya!

[eldritchsurveys]

637.

Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? >> You know, it’s funny -- I’m more likely to make snap judgements about atheists than Christians. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met my fair share of annoying proselytisers and hateful fundamentalists, have had “exorcisms” performed on me, the whole nine. I am definitely wary of Christianity as an institution, with good reason. But I’m really tired of the superiority complex that atheism seems to encourage (again, just like with Christians, not all atheists are like this -- but enough are). The fact that I dare to interpret my life and my reality in a non-materialist, often-arcane fashion immediately puts me at odds with a lot of atheists because their first thought about anything other than strict materialism is “only idiots believe that”, and I’m not going to let some other equally-in-the-dark human being treat me like an idiot because of something this personal (and this arbitrary!). Somehow, Christians telling me I’m going to hell because I listen to death metal or masturbate or whatever is less deeply irritating to me than that.

Do you ever brush your teeth in the shower? >> No. I can see why you would, though.

Has your printer ever stopped working at the last minute and you had a paper due the next day? What did you do? >> ---

Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? >> It’s more like... I don’t feel like dealing with other people’s baggage, you know? Their inflexibility of mind, or baked-in prejudices, or superiority/inferiority complexes, or whatever. It’s really not worth it all the time. I could be putting my energy to better use than fielding off other people’s contempt. So I wouldn’t say my reticence is fear-based as much as it’s... boredom-based. lmao

Do you have a girl that is strictly a friend that isn’t related to you that you can go to? >> Yawn.

Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? >> No.

Have you ever tried sucrets? >> I don’t think so.

Would you date someone that smokes? >> I don’t date, but in general being a smoker isn’t something that puts me off a person. Being rude about smoking and not accepting that not everyone wants to breathe in their secondhand cancer air would, though. And if you smoke cigars, no thanks. Cigarette smoke is bad enough but cigar smoke is twice as bad.

What about drinks? >> Again, it’s not the act of drinking that puts me off a person, it’s to what extent their drinking affects their life and the lives of those around them.

Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? >> I don’t think so. I mean, maybe one or two people depending on their tolerance? But not the whole damn party.

Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? >> Yes.

Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? >> No, the reason numbers tend to disappear off surveys when I take them is because when I paste the survey into this text box, tumblr automatically formats it like a numbered list, and when I unformat it the numbers go with it.

Person you like shows up at your house: you … >> ---

Last person you talked on the phone with? >> ---

Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? >> ---

Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? >> No.

Will tomorrow be better than today? >> I mean, today’s going to be pretty good. I’m going to play video games for hours to make up for the fact that I couldn’t all weekend.

What do you hear right now? >> Nothing.

What was the last thing to go into your mouth? >> Water, I think.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? >> I operate under the assumption that most people won’t care whether I’m upset with them or not, so I don’t bother informing them. That might be a maladaptive way of thinking, but so far I haven’t had much cause to question the notion, either.

Honestly, how is your heart lately? >> Beating.

Do you miss anyone? >> No.

Are you waiting for a phone call? >> No.

If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? >> I wouldn’t say anything. That’s their business, not mine.

What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? >> Hope that that person doesn’t go through what I went through. And if they do, hope that they have the presence of mind to leave sooner rather than later.

What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? >> First of all, who is doing that...

What do you usually do right when you wake up? >> Look at my phone to see what time it is.

Are you looking forward to anything? >> Yeah, playing WoW.

How late did you stay up last night? >> I got home at around a quarter past eleven, so I think I got to sleep shortly after midnight.

Do you truly hate anyone? >> No.

Would you ever get a tattoo? >> Of course.

In the past forty-eight hours, have you hung out with a girl? >> I hung out with a lot of people on Sunday.

Were you happy when you woke up today? >> Yes, very happy to be back in my warm comfortable bed and not in that janky loud motel.

If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you? >> I mean, it’s not going to change anything on my end, but I wouldn’t act weird about it if someone told me.

Would you rather go back a week or go forward? >> ---

Would you ever smile at a stranger? >> I’ve done so.

Who was the last person to text you? >> Sparrow.

What are you doing today? >> Playing video games, vegging out. Just enjoying being home.

Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? >> Not right now.

Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? >> Yeah, on purpose.

Have you ever been so bored that you started drooling on yourself? >> What...

Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? >> Not right away, but soon enough after.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? >> ---

Want to get smashed tonight? >> Nah, I’m good.

What time are you getting up tomorrow? >> I don’t know, whatever time I wake up.

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? >> Like, throughout my entire life? Some were fine, some were mistakes, some don’t even register in my memory anymore.

Think back to last June; were you single? >> No.

Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? >> Probably. That’s my only method of consolation -- distraction.

Describe how you feel right now. >> Neutral.

Would you date someone three years older than you? >> ---

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? >> In the morning.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? >> The present.

Are you okay with the life you live? >> Sure.

Could you handle living with the last person you texted? >> I do live with the last person I texted.

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? >> Everything I read is purely for my own interest/delight.

Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? >> The only “goal” I ever set is that Goodreads reading challenge, lmao. But even that’s just for fun -- if I don’t read 50 books in a year, it’s not like I consider myself a failure or something. Quantity doesn’t even mean anything. It’s just something to keep track of, I guess. (Also, when I do those end-of-year book surveys, it’s easier to just go look at my challenge because then I can see at a glance what books I read that year.)

If you could go forward in time and see your life 5 years from now, what would you hope to see? >> ---

Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? >> There’s one down the road from me, like a 10-minute walk. Family Video just refuses to go down without a fight, I guess. They jumped on the CBD bandwagon really fast, too -- revenue is revenue, I guess, lmao.

What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? >> When I realised I’d left my laptop and phone chargers in the motel room. *facepalm* Thank god for Amazon one-day shipping.

Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? >> There were a lot of attractive people at Elle’s wedding.

When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? >> Either. Just depends on what I’m in the mood for.

Have you ever been ditched by someone only to find them out and about with someone else? >> No.

How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? >> ---

What is the last song you sang out loud? >> I don’t remember.

Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? >> ---

Have you ever been fired from a job? >> No.

What do people tell you your voice sounds like? >> I don’t recall the last time anyone commented on my voice at all.

What financial class are you? >> Poverty class.

What poster is hanging closest to you? >> It’s not a poster, it’s an art print. It’s called “Heimdall” and that’s basically what it is, I guess. But very, very intricate and multilayered. One of those “stare at it for five hours and still see new things” kind of artwork.

What time did you go to bed last night? >> Sometime after midnight.

Do you watch any reality shows? >> Not regularly.

Are you more comfortable with men or women? >> ---

Do you think you’re fat? >> Sometimes I do. It’s all just societal bullshit, though, because I’m technically not fat (and it really shouldn’t even be a big deal if I was).

Have you ever borrowed money from someone and never repaid them? >> Probably.

Do you have a pet cat? >> Yeah.

What is worse: physical or emotional pain? >> I’m not going to rank one as “worse” than the other. Pain is pain.

If you had to get up at 6 AM tomorrow morning, would it be painful? >> Probably. It’s not my normal getting-up time.

How is your hair? >> Fine.

Who was the last person who called you? >> ---

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? >> Not long, because I don’t go to bed until I feel good and sleepy.

How many people have you had strong feelings for in the year of 2012? >> You know what I had strong feelings for in 2012? Drugs.

What are you doing for your next birthday? >> I have no idea. Probably going to Chicago like usual, although the idea of going to Canada is still on the table if we can get passports by that time.

Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? >> Not unless it was explicitly understood that I am aromantic and this is a platonic outing.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it? >> Sometimes that narrative is fun to entertain.

Last movie you watched? >> The Nightingale.

Who were you with? >> Nobody.

Who came over last? >> ---

Have you ever wanted to be a ballet dancer? >> No.

Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? >> I do not.

Favourite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. >> ---

Skullcandy headphones, yay or nay? >> Yeah, I like them.

Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? >> No.

Do you love when people remember little things about you? >> Sure, it means people actually paid attention to me and cared enough to remember, which goes against some of my less helpful self-talk.

Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? >> No.

How many phones have you gone through? >> Too many.

Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? >> No.

Do you think your future will be a good one? >> ---

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x17 I’m In Love

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) So… they’re doing a big reveal where Rebecca will tell who she has chosen right in front of everyone they know? Now I’m kind of hoping she chooses herself (although please please let her be with Greg!) because if she is about to choose one of the guys then she’ll be breaking the other two’s hearts in a very uncalled for manner…

2) Oh, Tim, what’s going on with your life, dude? First, the vibrator song, and now he’s happy not to be spending Valentine’s day with his wife…?

3) Dream ghost!!! Because Rebecca, in true Rebecca fashion, had another poop attack and fell asleep on the toilet… Dream Ghost is going to tell her about her future. Will we get to see what Rebecca thinks her life will be like if she chooses each of the three men in her life?

4) Oh!!! This is her future!!!

5)  That was a cheap trick, show. You got me. Because she’s now imagining her future with Nathaniel and Josh…

…and she’s not entirely happy in any of them.

5) Oh, god, I knew going into this I’d be an emotional wreck but I wasn’t expecting to be crying by minute 6. There’s just something about watching Rebecca shouting in her own face, demanding to know why she’s not happy. I think I know the answer. I think she just has to choose herself, I think the title of this episode is about Rebecca finally choosing to love herself first and foremost, and above all.

6) And she got the answer, straight from the horse’s mouth…

REBECCA: Tell me. Huh? Tell me why you're so sad. Why aren't you happy with Greg? Huh? I mean, what's wrong with him?

REBECCA 2: There's nothing wrong with Greg. Or Nathaniel or Josh. They're all wonderful.

REBECCA: Okay, then why am I not happy, with any of them? Don't… don't I love them?

REBECCA: You do love them. The problem is, you don't know who you are.

7) Is working at that firm the best fit for Paula if she can’t take the cases she wants to take?

8) Hmmmm.

JOSH: I just want to be in love. Get married, have babies. I'm ready now. She has to pick me.

This really sounds like Rebecca could be replaceable. He’s not talking about wanting or imagining all of these things with her, he just wants them.

9) George has great plans for his future. He’s growing a ponytail. Nathaniel, on the other hand, seems to have nothing going for him except the possibility of Rebecca choosing him. I kind of wish they had brought up the fact that he was bored with his job before the finale?

10) I love them. I’m gonna miss them so much.

11)  I loved this!

There had been some references to how Rebecca creates the musical numbers in her mind but never had we seen if the other characters were aware of what she does or how they react to it. it was a small moment, but it felt like a huge pay-off for four seasons of storytelling in the form of musical comedy.

12) This medley ruined me…

I was a sobbing mess all throughout, I was crying and trying to sing along, and each song brought up so many memories and feelings. I knew I wasn’t emotionally ready for this episode, but damn, I really wasn’t ready.

But thankfully, I also laughed…

13) OMG TIME JUMP!!! And we can tell thanks to George’s lustrous ponytail!!

So her big decision has nothing to do with choosing one of the guys? But what happened on Valentine’s day a year ago?! And everyone’s there except for Nathaniel, Josh, and Greg, or so it seems...

14) Good for you, Valencia!

15) April adopted Hebecca, and she and Darryl are having a baby!

16) Was… Rebecca… masturbating in the hot tub?

I wouldn’t put it past her, and we know Hector is already very acquainted with how much she enjoys self-gratification, but this would be going too far, even for her…

But… let me say that as much as I love the joke, I can help but feel that Heather was underused even in the finale.

17) I did really enjoy the whole back-and-forth between White Josh and Rebecca. She had no idea what had been going on in his life – two massive fires, apparently – and he admitted to never quite liking her, which is absolutely true.

18) Now, this is what earns a “Respect” as a response…

PAULA: The thing is, is, uh and I say this with so much affection, um, either we do this, or I quit.

BOSS: What?

PAULA: I love this job. But I am not gonna walk around with a hole in my heart because there are people out there who need me and I'm sitting up here on my ass in a fancy suit. I have to be true to who I am inside. So. Thanks. I loved it here. Bye.

BOSS: Paula, wait. Let's talk.

19) Nooo. It can’t be him. It has to mean something else…

Which brings us to another person. The person I care about very much. And he's really the reason I'm here. Josh Chan.

I really hope it only means that he’s the one who gave her the courage to find out who she is or something, or I’ll be pissed off.

20) OH THANK GOD! It wasn’t him.

21) $80 dollars a month, Rebecca? I guess she still continues to be terrible with money.

22)  Josh has a girlfriend. I hope he doesn’t mess it up this time.

23) And it’s Nathaniel’s turn now…

NATHANIEL: You don't, you don't have to explain. You only get one life. And you got to live that the way you want. I think everyone deserves that.

I’m really proud of Nathaniel. He truly came such a long way, and even if they are not together, his love for Rebecca had such a wonderful impact on him – he became a better version of himself because of it. I was absolutely floored by how mature and understanding he was, I wanted to hug him so badly.

And he quit his job and he got a job at the ZOO! TALK ABOUT A DREAM COME TRUE!

24) it’s fUCKING GREG’S MOMENT AND I’M NOT READY FOR THIS.

25) What a wonderful moment!

PAULA: What are you doing?

REBECCA: Uh, sorry, nothing, nothing.

PAULA: No, that's not nothing. That's You're staring off into space, like you do. You do that a lot. What's happening when you do that?

REBECCA: I don't want to tell you. It's weird.

PAULA: Oh, come on, any weirder than the many, many weird things you and I have done since we met?

REBECCA: I've just… I don't know I've never told anybody, except for the Dream Ghost and Dr. Phil.

PAULA: What?

REBECCA: What the hell? Okay. When I stare off into space, I'm imagining myself in a musical number. That's how I sometimes see big moments in my life, as musical numbers. And because I do that, so does the show. And by show, I mean the very popular BPD workbook acronym, "Simply Having Omniscient Wishes.” So, yeah, I see myself in these songs.

26) Paula is suggesting that Rebecca should write down the songs that she creates in her mind and that’s what I’ve been saying all along!!!

27) Oh my god, here come the waterworks again…

What an amazing reprise and what a great way to bookend the story! I’m crying but I swear these are happy tears! It’s been such a long time since Paula and Rebecca stood holding each other’s hands outside a party and singing about how Rebecca should go after Josh. And here they are, still holding each other up through thick and thin and being each other’s person. It’s such an amazing moment for so many reasons. I can’t help but be in awe at such a wonderful portrayal of female friendship. It’s amazing that the person that helped Rebecca figured out what she wanted to do was Paula. It wasn’t Josh or Nathaniel or Greg. It wasn’t her therapist or her mother. It was her best friend, the person that’s seen her at her best and her worst and has accepted for the wonderful, weird, chaotic mess that she is. This scene also conveys a much more important and impactful message – that all you need is, well, you. It’s all right inside you. You just have to be ready to find yourself.

28) Oh, the wonderful, wonderful callback!

29) And her break-up with Greg did not feel like a break-up at all. She was basically telling him that she couldn’t be with him right then. And even though he said he wouldn’t wait, he’s still single… I swear to god, I’ve been dreaming of a Settle for Me reprise, and if they deliver one I’ll probably die.

30) It was so fun to see Rebecca working hard and learning how to sing and play instruments and write lyrics. But this part was what really got to me…

REBECCA: I came to this town to find love, and I did. I love every person in this room. Each and every one of you.

I’m so happy she finally realized that! That’s what I’ve been saying all along. She’d always been so worried about finding one person or one thing that would make her truly happy, and there were so many people and so many things that did it for her and she just couldn’t see it.

31) Oh, wow…

32) What a wonderful ending to a wonderful series! It truly was everything that I had hoped for and more. I really wanted the end of the show to be about Rebecca, self-love, and self-awareness, and the show delivered that in such a beautiful and moving way. I know I’ll cry every single time I listen to that medley! I was kind of concerned about the heavy emphasis on the rom-com aspect of the show in the last few episodes, but I’m really glad that was put on the back burner and it was left kind of open-ended – although I’m positive wherever she is, she’ll end up with Greg. This weird, wonderful show has meant a lot to me, and I can’t wait to revisit this story. I’m glad Rachel and Alina got to tell their story the way they envisioned it, and I think it was a terrific idea to end the story sort of media res – just when Rebecca was about to start a new chapter of her life.

I’m too emotional right now to properly convey exactly how much this show means to me and how impactful and groundbreaking I thought it was for many different reasons, but I’m certain the legacy of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend will live on, and I truly can’t wait to see what the wonderfully talented people behind it have in store for us in the future. I know it will be wicked good.

Goodbye, Rebecca. Goodbye, West Covina. It’s been a wonderful journey!

 32)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[queseraone]

Home: Chapter Two

I’ve basically been cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West reading the feedback from the first chapter (catch up here). I swear I’m a nice person, but it’s fun to be evil sometimes ;)

Please let me know what you think of this!! I pretty much live for feedback

Just a reminder that this follows the events in I’m Fine and Don’t Look Back, so check those out first to avoid confusion.

You'll sit alone forever If you wait for the right time What are you hoping for?

—23 (Jimmy Eat World)

Erin settled back into her seat, trying to get comfortable as she waited for the plane to take off. She offered a sympathetic smile to the frazzled woman in the seat beside her, watching as the woman tried to simultaneously fasten her own seat belt and calm her baby’s cries.

“Do you want some help? I can hold her if you need an extra hand for that?” Erin suggested, extending her arms towards them; she knew how people could get with plans and crying babies. A look of relief washed over the woman’s face as she passed her daughter to Erin. The baby’s wails faded as Erin held her, smiles appearing on both of their faces.

Once the woman had herself situated and buckled in, she reached to take her daughter back into her arms. “You’re great with her, thank you. It’s my first time flying alone with her, still trying to get used to it.” As she settled the infant in her lap, she continued to try to make conversation with Erin. “So, have you ever been to Chicago before?”

“Hmm?” Erin had been staring out the window, looking at the tarmac outside in a daze. “Oh, um, yes. Actually I um... I grew up there.” Her tone was wistful, longing even; the woman took notice and decided to leave Erin alone with her thoughts.

It felt surreal to her that this was actually happening, that she was actually on her way back to Chicago again after all this time. Over the last four years, she’d never even considered going back to visit, and as she sat on that plane, Erin knew that she had stayed away because of him.

At first she had more or less forced herself to move on—a couple of one-night stands that she wasn’t particularly proud of had made Erin realize that she’d changed. Somehow she had transformed into a ‘relationship’ kind of girl. So she accepted a few dates, some of which had even led to a second or third. But nothing was ever right with any of those men.

About a year into her tenure with the Counter Terrorism Division, Wheeler had transferred out to a field office in California, and Erin had been assigned a new partner, Alexandra Herrera. She and Erin had become fast friends, to the point that Alex had actually started setting Erin up left and right. Most of those blind dates hadn’t amounted to much of anything—until Nick. There was no doubt that Nick Hughes was a wonderful man. He treated Erin well, and they were happy together. But in typical Erin Lindsay fashion, things started to get serious and she panicked and even tried to end things. Because Nick wasn’t him. No one was.

The more she thought about it, the more Erin realized that she was waiting for a reason, for a sign, for something to tell her to go back to Chicago. And until now, it had never come. Until now, she’d managed to convince herself that she was perfectly happy with her life in New York. Until now, she had buried her feelings and told herself it didn’t make sense to ever go back again.

But then they got engaged. They were getting married in a week. And that propelled Erin on a journey back to the city that had once been her whole world—and if she was being honest with herself for once in her life, it still was.

***

Jay sat quietly at the back of a diner in Canaryville, his nerves evidenced by his bouncing leg and the tapping of his fingertips on the table. He found himself looking up in anticipation at every jingle of the bell at the door, anxiously waiting for his breakfast companion to arrive. Jay didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts for any longer than necessary.

The bells chimed a couple more times before Will finally walked into the diner. He glanced around the restaurant and smiled when his gaze eventually landed on his younger brother. Will quickly made his way over to Jay and slid into the booth across from him.

“Hey little brother,” Will said with a grin. Jay returned the greeting and immediately reverted back to his fidgeting. A kindly waitress came by and filled their coffee mugs before either of them had a chance to say another word. “Um, what’s up Jay? Everything okay?” Will shot him a curious glance as he took a sip of his coffee.

“I’m going to ask Allie to marry me.” Jay blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer.

Will choked on his coffee, spitting the hot liquid everywhere before he blindly reaching for a napkin to wipe his face. “What? You’re joking, right?” But the look on Jay’s face showed Will just how serious he was. “Jay what are you thinking? You guys have been on and off so much, you’ve really only been back together for a few months!”

“So? What does that matter?” Jay responded indignantly. “Allie came back to Chicago out of the blue after so long. She’s back in my life now, there has to be a reason for that.” Jay thought back to that first day when he’d bumped into Allie at the grocery store; they’d spent almost an hour catching up in the cereal aisle, and the conversation had ended with Jay asking her out. They’d been together on and off ever since—their jobs always managed to get in the way of things, so they kept it pretty casual. But then in the last few months, things had finally fallen into place with them. Jay had had a few flings here and there over the years, but nothing else had really ever felt right.

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” Jay tried to bite back the irritation rising in his voice.

“I said bullshit.” Will folded his arms across his chest as he leaned back in his seat. “You don’t believe in ‘signs’ and all that ‘everything happens for a reason’ garbage. I know you Jay, that’s not you.”

“I’m ready Will. I can see a future with Allie, marriage, kids, all of it. I want that, I want what you have.” Jay couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Somehow the last few years had transformed Will Halstead from a rebellious, carefree party boy into a happily married doctor with a growing family of his own; Will and Natalie were busy raising Owen, had welcomed a little boy last year, and were expecting another any day.

“I know you do, Jay, but that’s the problem here. You want to take this huge step because you want it to be right, not because it is right.” Will liked Allie well enough, he really did. She was a sweet girl and she made Jay happier than he’d been in a long time. But Will knew there was someone who had made Jay even happier—he couldn’t help but feel like his brother was settling.

“No, you’re wrong. You can’t talk me out of this!” Jay’s voice grew louder as he grew more and more agitated. “I love Allie, Will! And I’m going to buy her a damn ring!”

Will was silent for a moment, taking time to gather his thoughts and try to find another way to get through to Jay. His voice was calm when he spoke again. “That’s the thing, Jay. You already have a ring. Mom’s ring. If this was right you’d be using it. And I think we both know the reason you aren’t.”

“Who fucking cares what you think!” Jay stood abruptly, slamming some cash on the table to cover his coffee.

“Jay, come on. I’m just trying to look out for you here!”

“Well I didn’t ask for that, did I?” He was already pulling his jacket over his shoulders; as he turned to leave, he felt Will grab his arm to stop him.

“Please just think about this a little more. I don’t want to see you do something you’ll regret, I don’t want you to settle. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy Will!” With that, Jay shook his arm out of his brother’s grasp and stalked out of the diner.

[connorrenwick]

Buzzfeed: 42 Gifts From Nordstrom For Every Single Person On Your List

Your one-stop shop for all your holiday needs — and maybe a few other things.

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

A plush hooded robe that’ll be the only monster they aren’t afraid of.

Price: $45. Available in children's sizes 2-20.

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A limited-edition collection of La Mer’s most popular products, including their Crème de la Mer moisturizing cream, treatment lotion, and eye concentrate to help hydrate, rejuvenate, and give your skin a youthful glow.

Promising Review: “I saw this and decided to order it for myself as an early Christmas present. I wouldn't even let my husband wrap it for me. I wanted to use it now! I love the way my skin feels after using La Mer. My skin has a tendency to be dry in the winter so I am loving the softness it brings. I plan on using it forever!” —Scarjo

Price: $85

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A canvas tote perfectly sized to fit their favorite bottle of wine or champagne, making it an ideal hostess gift.

Price: $25

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Uggs for everyone in the whole family — tiny booties for your adorable newborn nephew, a pair of rubber soled slippers for your dad who always complains about how cold his feet are, or some slip on slippers for your mom who is always running around the house.

Prices: Keelan Genuine Shearling Baby Bootie for $49.95 (available in children's sizes 0-5 months), Genuine Shearling Slipper for $119.95 (available in women's sizes 5-12 and in three colors), and the Ascot Suede Slipper for $109.95 (available in men's sizes 7-18 and in five colors).

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A long and cozy sweater to curl up with while you sip your favorite holiday cocktail and listen to the crackling of a roaring fire.

Promising Review: “I had seen several bloggers wearing this sweater and because of the overall fit and appearance I decided to order it. I was not disappointed. It is even more beautiful in person! It can be worn casually with jeans or dressed up for work. I love the feel and the fit. It is a great addition to my closet!” —AmyMP88

Price: $47.40 (originally $79). Available in four colors and in sizes XS-XL.

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A fleece-lined plaid shirt jacket for anyone looking to add warmth but not layers.

Price: $99. Available in three colors and in sizes S-XXL.

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A durable AF leather passport holder that’ll hold everything you need to get the f#@% outta here.

Price: $45

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A stunning pair of shoulder-length earrings to add that pop of color a cold winter so desperately needs.

Promising Review: “These are a stunning piece of jewelry. The bright color is a fun statement to toss on with a T-shirt and jeans.” —MIDIBU

Price: $48. Available in four colors.

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A pair of stemless copper plated glasses to help bring a little extra cheer to your eggnog this holiday season.

Price: $40

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A three-pack of socks that’ll be, without a doubt, a total thriller.

Price: $55

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A gift set of delicious treats like gummy bears, dark chocolate bars, chocolate-covered sea salt caramels and a bunch of other goodies so you can give in to your sweet tooth.

Price: $49

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A machine-washable monogrammed throw blanket, because you’re sick of Netflix and chilling — you want to Netflix and be warm damn, it!

Price: $59. Available in every letter.

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A super soft beanie with built-in headphones so you don’t have to worry about how you’re gonna listen to music when it’s cold out.

Promising Review: “My 12-year-old daughter loves this hat. It's fun, looks great, and it sounds good too. Very soft and definitely worth the money.” –skyesmom04

Price: $38. Available in six colors.

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A pair of sparkly AF Kate Spade earrings to help you add a little something-something to your holiday lewk.

Promising Review: “These earrings are the perfect gift for people who are hard to buy for; they come in different colors to compliment all complexions. They are beautifully made, a classic shape, and a classy, well-priced gift.” —CerritosFan

Price: $32. Available in three colors.

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A relaxing set with a soft AF eye mask and illuminating collagen eye patches to get gorgeous and rested eyes.

Price: $25

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An adorable and delicate monogram keepsake box to store all your favorite little pieces.

Price: $52. Availble in every letter.

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A chic print filled with all the legendary fashion icons, because your home deserves to be as stylish as you are.

Price: $75

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A pair of little Hunter rainboots for the tiny human in your life.

Promising Review: “We love these boots! My daughter loves when she can match her mommy! We always go up a size and usually can get two seasons out of them. Great purchase!” —TiffKick

Price: $55. Available in children's sizes 5M-13M and in three colors.

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A gorgeous and sophisticated aromatherapy diffuser designed with a built-in timer and automatic shut-off. Just add water and the essential oil of your choice to have a wonderfully relaxing and fragrant room.

Promising Review: “My husband and I love this diffuser! I love how it has a timer and is very easy to use. The colors change, which is also an awesome feature! The white cut-out part is ceramic and lightweight; it lifts off and you fill the center with water/essential oils. It does not make any loud noises so it makes a wonderful addition to our living room!” —LoveShayda

Price: $69.99

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A super cute Fitbit Flex 2 bangle that’ll hold and disguise your Flex 2 activity tracker while looking totally stylish.

Promising Review: “LOVE this bracelet. So light and easy to wear. I wear it both for fitness and everyday work or nights out. I prefer this bangle to other fitness bracelet options! I would highly recommend it!” —Princess28

Price: 59.98 (originally $89.95). Available in three colors.

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A fun and imagination-inspiring arts and crafts kit with over 1,200 supplies including beads, sequins, fuzzy sticks, pompoms, felt pieces, wooden dowels, floss, googly eyes, sticker-back jewels, wooden discs, craft sticks, scissors, needles and glue for anyone who just loves to DIY.

Promising Review: “THIS IS A DEAL. I go to the craft store all the time and no way in high heaven would you be able to get all this stuff (in quantity, quality, or variety), and it's organized to boot. The carrying case is sturdy and the thing just begs to be used. The kids can't keep their hands off of it and they are really spoiled children so that should tell you something.” —NinaDugan

Price: $39.99

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A deliciously fancy Sugarfina Bento Box full of Champagne Bears, Sparkle Pops, and Bubbly Bears to enjoy your sweet treats in the lap of luxury.

Price: $28

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A pair of cozy champagne-printed flannel pajamas so you have your Christmas morning outfit all figured out.

Promising Review: “I get a new pair of these PJs every Christmas. It’s become a family tradition. My daughter and I each pick out our favorite pattern for the year and open them up on Christmas Eve. They never disappoint in style, size, or fit.” —Judygwen

Price: $62. Available in 12 prints.

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A faux leather duffle bag for all your quick holiday getaways this winter.

Promising Review: “This bag is nice and spacious — plenty of room for a few days away. The color is gorgeous. The lining is a sort of animal print. And although it's not real leather, it still looks very nice and a great option if you don't want to pay for a full leather duffel.” —JulieL93

Price: $84.95

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A magical Diptyque candle scented like fir needles, hinoki, and mint to help your home smell like the holidays.

Promising Review: “Love love love Diptyque candles! This one is particularly yummy, and the unicorn is the perfect graphic for a limited edition. I will be keeping the glass as a drinking vessel when the candle is gone. Perfect holiday fragrance.” —lhlatx

Price: $70

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A set of glass coasters etched with your home state, because no matter where you are, you’ll always have a little piece of home with you.

Promising Review: “I bought the South Carolina ones for my best friend's birthday and she ADORES them! Said they're classy and look way fancier than the price tag would describe. Considering buying them in my home state!” —EmilyinNewYork

Price: $38. Available in all 50 states.

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A pair of festive pointy-toe mules for a perfect and super easy to wear holiday shoe.

Price: $195

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A practical AF Longchamp nylon and leather backpack to help you lug around all those things you just can’t leave the house without.

Promising Review: “My daughter is a world traveler and loves this backpack for hauling back her 'finds'. This one is absolutely perfect! I was shocked at the tiny size it folded into, the extremely light weight of it, and the color (I bought red) is amazing! Bright and classy.” —DogMom2018

Price: $83.75 (originally $125). Available in four colors.

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A water-resistant Barbour jacket, because the Queen of England wears Barbour, so maybe you should too?

Price: $249. Available in sizes S-XXL and in two colors.

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A plush set of cute toys for the future athlete who you don’t want to forget you once they hit it big — gotta ride somebody’s coattails.

Promising Review: “Very cute! It’s super soft and great for infants. Items are smaller and scaled to the baby. I don’t think you can really go wrong here with this purchase.” —ahwang

Price: $18.75 (originally $25).

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A mother f#@%ing Dyson Supersonic hair dryer designed to give high-velocity airflow so your hair dries faster without causing heat damage.

Use the magnetic attachments so you can adjust your dryer quickly and easily. It comes with a diffuser engineered to help reduce frizz and improve definition, a nearly silent motor, and negative ions to help eliminate static. This hairdryer is no joke. It's basically the hair-dryer of the future! Check out our in-depth review here!

Promising Review: “Amazing! I went from seven minutes down to less than three with this tool. Had two T3’s prior, so investing in a hair dryer was not foreign to me. The $1.26 per day is totally worth it!” —KVic

Price: $399.99

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A golden choker you’ll buy to wear to all your holiday gatherings but will end up wearing throughout the entire year.

Promising Review: “I bought this necklace as a gift for a woman in her mid-30's. She loved it. It is a beautiful piece of jewelry and priced right. The quality is very good.” —djinov

Price: $42

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A cozy colorblock turtleneck for all those chilly winter mornings when you don’t want to freeze to death but still want to look put together.

Price: $99. Available in two colors and in sizes XXS-XL and petite sizes XXS-L.

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A jeweled cat ear beanie I’m pawsitive will keep you warm all winter.

Promising Review: “I ordered the beanie for my daughter at Christmas time and she wears it all the time. I thought for sure the glued ears would unglue right away, but they are still in tacked. A wonderful addition to the collection of unique beanies my daughter loves.” —MKLadyLezcano

Price: $28. Available in three colors.

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A Kokeshi Doll designed to look like Ziggy, the guy who played guitar and really sang.

Price: $42

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A leather Rebecca Minkoff crossbody bag that’ll be totally worth the splurge because it’ll quickly become your every day, I cannot-leave-the-house-without-it bag.

Promising Review: “Great quality and perfect size. I wanted a crossbody that was medium size and could also be used as a ladylike bag without the chain. Exactly what I wanted and a great value.” —Kshort

Price: $295. Available in five colors.

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A iPhone 7 and 7 Plus leather case with a very practical little pocket so you don’t have to lug around everything, and the kitchen sink, when you just need to run out of the house.

Promising Review: “I have owned a lot of iPhone cases and this is definitely as good as it gets as far as quality materials and protection without adding bulk. Super sleek, nice leather, holds card securely etc.” —WWTY

Price: $49.99. Available in two colors.

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You IRL realizing you don’t have to actually go anywhere to get all your holiday shopping done.

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

Al Howard Productions

Do your holiday shopping with BuzzFeed. Check out all of our gift guides here!

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