#i just cant. i know at least most of my coworkers like me but. hhhh. the thought of going makes me super anxious
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i wish i wasn't so shy
#the bin#theres a party happening where i work tomorrow after close. i really like my coworkers but i cant make myself go#im so tired of being home alone all the time but :/ the coworker i dont like isnt even gonna be there so i wouldnt have to deal but :/#i just cant. i know at least most of my coworkers like me but. hhhh. the thought of going makes me super anxious#i dont know why it makes me so nervous. but the fact ill definitely have to see all these people again doesnt help bc if i seem weird its#a permanent fumble. until i move at least.#i can be normal in work settings because i dont HAVE to talk. i can focus on working and i think that actually makes people see me as very#professional. it certainly did at my last job. and where i work now im always tryna make sure if theres stuff to be done that im doing it#and asking. whenever theres nothing to do i feel so awkward and bored. a few of my coworkers are nice to talk to but we only talk bc they#have nobody to talk to. when its more than 1 other person then those 2 people usually talk to each other and i do nothing#idk. this sorta thing isnt the kind athing everyone likes doing but it feels like the kinda thing i would actually enjoy if i wasnt so shy#its weird to me that i was able to push past some of my social anxiety in order to get a job. but that only happened bc i was fully forced#to. and i procrastinated it quite a bit. i forced myself to deal with stuff previously so i could go to the store and that was the same case#i fully tan out of food and drink for 3 days before i finally forced myself to walk to the store out of pure necessity bc i HAD to#since the ppl i lived with refused to go to the store even tho i was out of food#and now i do those things fine. i get kinda anxious but its really fine#but i cant force myself to do other things. it sucks so much#well. it doesnt matter.
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