#and now i do those things fine. i get kinda anxious but its really fine

[be-good-to-bugs]

i wish i wasn't so shy

[tokio-motel]

GOOD MORNINGGGG(istg if you dont reply to those tiktoks imma-)

ANYWAY i woke up and had an idea for u cuz im so smart and imma give it to you

so lemme get theeee mcflurry and a big mac(full band headcannons) with a bf who just be maddddd clingy and they love it like all the time but thing is if someone does it a lot then they bound to need space and they thought if they told reader to stop he finna be sad

BUT sooner or mf they yell(not yell yell) for reader to stop for just a god damn minute and readers just like "ok🤷🏾" AND WALKS AWAY AND DOESNT HUG OR KISS THEM FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK(hell even two)💀💀💀💀like they will sit next to bro and he doesn't even lean on them😭🤚🏾

like he aint mad or nothin he just took it really literally😭

add anything you want like duhhh

BAND X CLINGY READER

teehee hii😈 you send me like 10 tiktoks in under a minute bro

BILL:

・He genuinely does love when your clingy

・Bro is clingy asf himself oml-

・Yet everybody needs alone time to themselves, and eventually he would just feel the need to be alone

・He really didn't want to hurt your feelings, he knew this was your way of showing your love, but he would eventually get overwhelmed.

・At first he'd try giving you small hints, like when he would say he wanted to go out for a walk. Yet everytime you wanted to come along and he didn't have the willpower to ask to go alone.

・He puts up with it for a little longer before he reaches a breaking point.

"M/N! Please just leave me alone for a second holy fuck-"

"Oh, okay."

・He'd feel relieved you weren't mad at him

・Yet after a day- hell maybe even a few hours- he's craving that touch again.

・Like sitting next to you on the couch just waiting for you to hold his hand or cuddle him VKYXWUHWVEE

・You took u alot of his time so now that you didn't hang out with him as much he felt surprisingly lonley.

TOM:

・Less patient than Bill.

・Babe he loves your touch, kissing you and holding you and snuggling you and-

・He won't admit it but he's actually quite clingy too.

・He really loves his alone time though, especially if its spent playing his guitar. He just likes to be alone to relax his mind

・Gives you a few subtle warnings, telling you he "has to clear his mind" and "needs to relax"

・Yet you would still cling to his shoulders like a koala. He loved you soso much and didn't want to hurt your feelings but he felt almost suffocated.

・Telling you he's going somewhere only for you to say "Ah, where are you going? Can I come too?"

"Can I go anywhere without you following me?!"

・lol ok

・You shrugged and walked away from him, he wanted to tell out your name and call you back but he also wanted time to himself

・Feels anxious when you don't hug or kiss him like you used to, he's afraid you'll break up with him or something.

GEORG:

・He'd get overwhemles pretty quickly

・No no, don't get him wrong, he absolutely loves hugging you. But sometimes he would rather hangout and talk instead of snuggling for hours.

・So if you ask to go out with him somewhere he doesn't care at all at first, actually encouraging you to come along with him.

・But, like Tom, he loves to be alone.

・It's just comforting for him to be in a quiet area with nobody else.

・Bro gives no warnings, just flat out says "Can you not touch me right now..?"

"My bad."

・He's happy you understand him and don't just yell at him. He's happy you respect his boundaries

・He finds himself missing your touch, how you would kiss him all over his cheeks and lips or how you would play with his hair when yo would cuddle.

・HE THINKS YOUR MAD AT HIMMMMMMMM

・He's kinda scared to ask you to start giving him attention again

・You seem fine so...shouldnt he feel fine too?

(he doesn't)

GUSTAV:

・KJHBECJJLEFCBLUIEHRCLKUWEBDCLJHWEDCMKWEDCBMJDCMJWEDBM

・He absolutely loves your affection, doesn't care if he's doing something he will stop and hold you if that's what you want.

・He just feels so safe and happy in your armssss

・Sometimes he just needs a little break, like maybe a few hours or a day to himself.

・He always feels bad about this though, he loves you more than anything and doesn't wanna push you away.

・He'd give so many hints because he doesn't wanna hurt your feelings omfg

・Eventually just tells you flat out, even though his heart is pounding.

"I just need to be alone, M/N!" "That's fine."

・He doesn't know whether to be confused or relieved, he's a mix of both.

・He misses your affection so bad wtf...

・Just wants to pick you up and cuddle while watching a movie, but he's waiting for you to make a move but you want to respect him and-

・its very confusing.

[fruitsofhell]

People shit on Elemental for its race/culture allegory looking even more reductive and rigid than Zootopia's on the service, but I think it actually used it super well. It feels a lot more like a very broad and fable-ish metaphor than the sort of hard world-building with direct racial parallels found in Zootopia. Zootopia aged poorly cause it was so fucking direct in its parallel imagery to real world oppression with the police angle, whereas Elemental is just generally about the experience of being an immigrant. The way it uses the infrastructure of the city being actively built for some and harmful to others is really clever, I adored how they used that.

It also helps greatly that Elemental was written by a POC from the perspective of the marginalized because it helps make the metaphors feel more cohesive. The choice to make Judy the main focus as a perpetrator of the systemic predator oppression that greatly mirrors real world anti-blackness aged like milk to me, it screams white guilt complex. And the fact it spends a lot of time not engaging with forms of prejudice besides the bunny oppression until it gets to that feels very flat. Elemental immedietly explains its main allegory very strongly and from the perspective of those it affects, so there's no fluff or time spent ignoring the issues from the privileged perspective.

Literally the thing that will instantly kill your fantasy oppression metaphor is being white guilty about it or not thinking super hard about what you're paralleling if you're going to be as blunt as Zootopia. Stuff like accidentally giving the oppressed group a reason to be oppressed as you do with the predator-prey dynamic. It's just the biggest fucking red flag and shows little understanding of why these systems exist irl. In Elemental the metaphor obviously uses a lot of imagery to show that the fire people are meant to be east asian-coded, but beyond that its content just being a story about class and immigrant families. About being from different worlds and feeling like they're impossible to combine, because of experiences and backgrounds, which is expressed as being fire and water.

Unlike being a bunny and fox, that imagery is a bit less loaded and can be turned into a sort of mutual harm as it is in the film with Wade being at risk of evaporating as muxh as Ember is at risk of being put out. And, in the end, it's found that water can just bubble a bit as the metaphor for a compromise. Which is fine enough and where the more fable-ish approach to the allegory became clear to me.

It's also used very cutely for their personalities too in a way that comes back to the background divide - Ember being fiery, anxious, and high-strung from pressures of supporting her community, and Wade being all blubbery and emotional but mellower because he lives in a supportive upper-class family. Its just a lot cleverer on a couple of levels than the bumbling between 'predators are black and brown people but also their oppression is bad but also they are dangerous but also its cause of a conspiracy, and also small prey are kinda like white woman and theres intersectionality but its shown horribly'.

Despite Ember's racial coding, no matter how you code Wade's family it doesn't matter because it is simply about - 'you live in a city that has integrated for you, and I don't' - which could apply to an upper-class family of any background, cause it's more of a class thing now. Even if he was black-coded (which Ive seen from fans likely because of his VA, I dont remember if he was in the films text), it still works cause their ARE affluent black families whom by nature of having been here and integrated are in that privileged role over a poorer immigrant family of any other race.

Allegories for class or upbringing usually age better, the systems that create those are a lot more basic and less loaded to parallel on a surface level than racism or misogyny. Not that they CANT go really deep, but it's easier to not come off as blatantly offensive as long as you're not like a eugenicist about it.

[moonflwer-gutz]

I thunk you should drop your Adam hcs as well 👁👁

well if you insist!! (these aren't necessarily finding eden specific this is just. how he is in my brain.)

he loves loud loud LOUD rock/metal music. anything that he can put headphones on and get absolutely lost in. Metallica, Five Finger Death Punch, Three Days Grace, Deftones, Megadeath are some of his favorites (im absolutely not projecting what what are you talking about hm what who said that)

he cant sit still. cant stand still. nope. always has to be moving in some way. bouncing his leg, tapping fingers on something, swaying around, he just cant be still.

has a love/hate relationship with weed. he used to be fine before some of the more major investigations. in fact, smoking used to be a really good way for him to clear his head. it's like everything that was up there would get really quiet. he's definitely a mellow-out kinda high (as opposed to jonah getting even more hyper than he already is). however, as the investigations got more hands-on, and more dangerous, more and more alternate encounters, smoking just got generally worse for him. like everything that made his head quiet just made it louder now. he wasn't mellow anymore, smoking made him anxious and scared. he'd try to hold it together so he could enjoy the time with jonah, but he didn't know how much more he could do and if he could handle what those sessions made him feel. he never told jonah about this.

he's a crazy good dancer! like any style! mostly things like breakdancing and shuffle, but he can do anything. it all stems from the crazy control he seems to have over his body. before the Revelation, he was always acutely aware of what every part of his body was doing. like just. crazy muscle awareness. because he's actively holding himself together every second of the day even if he doesn't know it. dancing allows him to kinda let loose and use all his muscles in different ways. also it's good for him bc again, he's always gotta be moving, so dancing gives him a way to do that.

cannot cook to save his life. when he eats its always like microwave meals or something. or its food that jonah or evelin has made.

he fidgets with clothes and jewelry a lot. he likes to wear chains and stuff for this, something to zip between his fingers or just fiddle with.

he's not a big physical affection guy. however, he only likes it or takes it from those he's close to (mainly jonah and evelin), hugs, holding hands, arm over the shoulder, that kinda stuff they can do but no one else. he's known sarah for the least amount of time, but she's coming into the circle of people who are allowed to do that, slowly but surely.

[suzdotranslation]

[Interview TL] Holostars 3rd Anniversary special long interview with 1st gen - Part Two

Source

The flagship raised together with the fans– What kinds of "future" that Hanasaki Miyabi, Kanade Izuru, Arurandeisu, and Rikka dreamed of? Male VTuber group "Holostars" 3rd-anniversary special interview (Part Two)

-The relationship within Holostars-

——Since everyone from the 1st generation is here, is there something you’d like to say to any Holostars members, especially on this occasion?

Arurandeisu: Ehh–! What should I say!?

Rikka: Something to say for the occasion huh...

Izuru: I do have something. At first, Miyabi was a very delicate and sensitive guy, so whenever I started pointing out something he did wrong he usually replied "I see..." with a bit of a dejected expression on him.

Miyabi: Oh yeah! (lol). It used to bother me a lot whenever someone did that to me.

Izuru: We're not that close at first, so doing that kinda stuff might've put extra pressure instead.

Miyabi: Basically yeah. Nowadays we treat it more like a regular banter though (lol).

Izuru: I often told him to go and lose some weight too nowadays–

Arurandeisu: Get a grip Miyabi-kun! You're going to make our juniors at UPROAR!! worried at this rate (lol).

Miyabi: I’m sorry–!!

Izuru: Nowadays we’re mostly chatting like regular friends easily, I think back then Miyabi once thought something along the lines of "engaging with him is no fun at all" when it comes to me (lol).

Miyabi: Ahahaha (lol).

——Ehh!?

Izuru: During our debut period, it was mostly filled with a drive to just do what we can to make this a success, but oftentimes it felt like we were just circling with no ends in sight. We then learned how to balance things eventually and nowadays, we pretty much have a clear goal in mind.

Rikka: Everyone was forcing themselves a lot that we had to take a step back in the end.

Arurandeisu: Was that (lifestyle) too harsh perhaps? (lol)

Rikka: Not really, but it's more like– you guys shouldn't force yourself that bad! kind of thing.

Izuru: That's right. Back then it was pretty much forced, whether it was someone trying to crack a joke or saying something that could be relatable... But now, we can just chat normally.

Miyabi: Yeah. We finally got to know each other well now.

Izuru: We also understand everyone's limit, just look at how much Aru-san is laughing nowadays compared to then.

Arurandeisu: I heard stuff like that a lot (lol).

Rikka: We didn't have that many group collab back then too and it made me worried about our legality as a "group" on its own. But thanks to the meet-up on that day (December 2022), it made me realize just how important it is to meet everyone else properly before anything else.

Miyabi/Arurandeisu: True that!

Izuru: There's a lot of things you'll find out by meeting them directly after all.

Arurandeisu: Huh? Now that you mentioned it Izuru-kun, you kept saying how you didn't want to go to the interview before, was it?

Izuru: (laughs)

Arurandeisu: While you were eating you kept going like "It's fine if I don't go, right". By the way,  I only said this now precisely because it's the only right time for it.

——I guess it is true in a way (lol).

Izuru: It's harder if I have to come up with an excuse after all... Recently I just did most of my work while grumbling at the side too (lol).

Rikka: I understand how that feels though… Going outside feels like a bother sometimes. There's stuff to prepare beforehand and those are just as important so we can't just ignore it.

——I guess that's right. It should be fine if we take precautions, otherwise things could get awry easily. Sometimes it would even kill your motivation.

Arurandeisu: That's true.

Izuru: Now that I recall, recently Miyabi kept saying stuff like "Glad I didn’t quit~" on every occasion he could.

Arurandeisu: Oh yeah! What's up with that?

Miyabi: That's how I truly felt after all. I'm not sure if it's because I was anxious about something though… But everyone has been with me since then anyway, so I think it's time for me to stop saying that (lol).

Izuru: This kind of lifestyle somehow pushes you to do something when you're not resting up I feel. If it wasn’t for weekends and national holidays we wouldn’t even bother taking breaks either. That's why everyone looked like they were always busy during these 3 years, though to be precise– the first 1.5 years was the most crucial of all.

Miyabi: That may be it!

Izuru: That's why I think it is pretty amazing that we could last over 3 years.

——Now that you said it, there is some truth to it.

Arurandeisu: From that alone, it sure is good that we were able to have this kind of talk during our 3rd anniversary I think.

——After hearing everyone talking about their experiences, it seems like things have been in a much better situation now huh...

Izuru: Compared to the early years, I don't think anyone is trying to force themselves as much anymore.

Miyabi: It does feel much easier mentally speaking.

Rikka: Yeah. Having to stream a lot was quite troubling after all.

Izuru: Some streams nearly every day and some others do long-hour streams, having seen it all may have given us the much-needed experience. It almost feels like we've gone through trials and errors just to find "our" own streaming style.

Arurandeisu: After doing that, we managed to present a stream style that reflected each of our personalities.

Rikka: And one thing to note is that everyone moves at a different pace, in a way it makes for a good balance too I think.

Izuru: I also think it's good to have everyone move at a different pace altogether. Now that I remembered, I did tell Aru-san something like "I think it's better to move at a slower pace so don’t force yourself out" as well.

Arurandeisu: I remember that one!

Izuru: Because you’ll eventually tire yourself like that, Aru-san. Nowadays, he has managed to find his own pace thanks to that experience I think.

Arurandeisu: I'm really glad about that as well.

Izuru: In a way, it's nice that the 9 of us don't intervene with each other’s activity as much. We always gather around when we have to anyway, I think that itself sets off a good balance between ourselves.

Arurandeisu: In a way it's like respecting each other's solo activity huh...

Izuru: Not to make a comparison, but this kind of relationship that each Holostars members have toward each other is less common among others, I think.

Arurandeisu: I get what you mean. This is just my own opinion but I do think we're still getting along despite that.

Izuru: As more people join, having a clique formed inside it is mostly unavoidable. But for Holostars, it almost feels like there's no distance between us all.

Rikka: And I feel like everyone also has a soft spot. Like making sure we wouldn't stream over each other and such (lol)

Izuru: And even if we did, most would say stuff like "Sorry!!" and all (lol).

Miyabi: We casually chat with each other using emotes/stickers (on Discord) as well.

Arurandeisu: Though we don't appear as close on-screen, we care about each other a lot off-screen, to be honest.

Izuru: That's the sentiment that applies to everyone right? The same goes for UPROAR!!'s members as well.

-First-hand experience at the 3rd-anniversary event!?-

——Let's move to the last topic of this interview, the 3rd-anniversary event! Regarding the event that will be held on June 26th, can you explain what kind of event would it be?

Rikka: It will mostly feature 3D variety entertainment which will be a different experience compared to our previous events. To be honest, we rarely do this kind of event, to say the least.

Miyabi: You're right, we rarely do something similar.

Izuru: I guess being able to meet everyone in a "venue" almost "directly" would excite most people. Since the situation around has started to lighten up as well, it would be nice if this type of event could become something of a main among others.

Miyabi: It's always nice to be able to meet our fans be it on-site or stream after all.

Rikka: Besides meeting via an in-site venue, I think there's also a different kind of experience you can get through online meet-ups. Not only by watching, but we can also communicate through actions and other things.

Izuru: We'll be having in-site and livestream comment participation as well, so there are various ways to get the audience involved in the event.

Arurandeisu: That's right. Whether you were attending in person or watching through a live stream, all of us will be able to enjoy the events together! In a way, this event will be a joyful one for everyone involved!

Miyabi: Compared to our previous events, it's nice that we were able to have an event where our fans are actively "involved" in it.

Izuru: In a way, it will be our first-hand experience, right!?

——Ohh!

Arurandeisu: I hope everyone will be looking forward to it as much now.

-What does "Holostars" mean for everyone?-

——With the 3rd anniversary getting closer, if there's anyone who has something they like to challenge, a new goal, or perhaps a new dream– please let us know!

Miyabi: Maybe not exactly a "dream", but I’ve been uploading vlog-style videos recently, not a normal type of vlog but one that makes use of my VTuber self. For now, I hope I can keep doing something like this for a while. Also considering that Cover Corp. will surely continue to expand themselves, I'd like to attempt things that aren't done by many VTubers, starting with the 3rd anniversary, I'd like to challenge the limit of VTubers and try out many new things in the future.

——I've watched several of the videos already, and it almost feels like we're being taken on a trip together, it was a satisfying experience.

Miyabi: Thank you so much! I still have some videos to be uploaded soon, so I hope you can look forward to those as well.

Arurandeisu: You did go to a lot of places huh... Trying out new genres of activities is a pretty good dream to have.

Miyabi: I'd like to be the pioneer for a one-of-a-kind genre myself!

——How exciting. We will be looking forward to your future activities! How about Izuru-san?

Izuru: To be honest, I'm in the middle of tidying up some "stuff" right now...

All: Tidying up "stuff"!?

Izuru: It's probably not the kind that everyone initially thought about to be honest (lol).

——Please do elaborate!

Izuru: I was busy taking care of my moving process mostly. Personally, it would be nice if I could make content out of my outdoor activities I guess. Regarding my dream, I'd like to sing in a place where being a VTuber doesn’t matter much. I think it would also help more aspiring VTubers to appear in various media easily. Like doing anime theme songs and such.

Arurandeisu: Oh–!

Izuru: Also we rarely have TV broadcast appearances, so I thought I'd like to try it as well if possible. Lastly, I hope to continue my activity for as long as I can!

Arurandeisu: I share a similar dream with Izuru-kun, but since I like doing 3D streams I'd like to make a TV appearance while utilizing my 3D body. Izuru-kun would be focusing on the music side but as for me, I'd like to use my 3D appearance to go over the limit of the wide web through TV broadcasting. I feel like it would be nice if I could do my activities in a different and much bigger place possible.

——Maybe in the future, you will be the host of your own TV program perhaps...?

Arurandeisu: Talking about the bigger scale already!?

All: (laughs)

Arurandeisu: Though it would be nice if I have something like that in the future, for now, I'd like to focus on what's ahead as I try to broaden my reach and work myself toward that goal.

——It might be interesting to see what 3D Arurandeisu-san will come up with in the future! How about you, Rikka-san?

Rikka: Rather than prefacing myself as a "Vtuber" entity, I'd like to be known as someone who does music as normal people do. "This person makes music huh–", and "So this is what Holostars is about–" are among many comments I'd like to hear from people once Holostars are more known to the public, and I hope it will come to a point where it's more normalized to know about us.

Arurandeisu: How cool~!

Rikka: Once Holostars has spread its popularity, we can look back and go "We really done did it huh," to each other.

Izuru: You're right. It would be nice if Holostars became as popular as a known movie. Being able to be accepted widely for a long years must've been nice.

Rikka: I think everyone had the same thought, that is why we're all doing what we can now.

Miyabi: Yeah!

Arurandeisu: We're gonna get bigger soon surely~!!!

——That makes us excited to cheer for you guys as well...! Our last question is a big one but if it's alright… Please let us know what "Holostars" means for each of you.

Rikka: Wow it's like a contest of passion (lol).

Arurandeisu: So, you guys wanna say it together or–?

Miyabi: Sounds nice~!

Izuru: We'll say it in the count of three then?

Arurandeisu: Let's do that then. 1... 2... "What is Holostars to you?" and 3–!

All: (incomprehensible)!

Arurandeisu: Wait a minute, is everyone saying different things!? What did you say Miyabi?

Miyabi: Club activities!

(Everyone laughed together)

Arurandeisu: But why!?

Miyabi: I mean, it does feel like we're training to try reaching the national-scale competition together...

Izuru: That sure is Miyabi-like.

Rikka: For me, my answer is "family".

Izuru: Me too!

Arurandeisu: I said the same too!

Miyabi/Izuru: Absolutely not! It was "buddies"!

Arurandeisu: Ahhh~~~!

All: (laughs)

Izuru: For now, we have Miyabi with "club activities", me and Rikka's "family" and Arurandeisu's "Buddies".

Rikka: I guess we can sort the other two into "family" in a way.

Arurandeisu: We're like a group of people being bounded by an invisible string of bonds it seems.

——Thank you very much for your time, as a closing remark please tell us your message to everyone looking forward to the 3rd anniversary and those reading this article... Let's start from Hanasaki Miyabi-san!

Miyabi: Holostars will be hitting its 3rd year soon, but this is also where we will continue to grow even further. I believe we were able to do all these thanks to our listener's neverending support, and I hope even more people will check out Holostars from now on as well. Please watch over Holostars in the future too!

——Next, Kanade Izuru-san, please.

Izuru: Personally, this 3rd year also marked the 3rd start of my activity.

Arurandeisu: Whoa! How cool!

Rikka: That sounds nice!

Izuru: I would be happy if everyone continues to support us in the future, and I hope we can have fun together. We'll see you at the 3rd-anniversary event soon!

——And next, Arurandeisu-san if you would.

Arurandeisu: First off, thank you for inviting us to this opportunity.

Izuru: So serious!

Arurandeisu: I always am!

All: (laughs)

Arurandeisu: Everyone has their interpretation about what these 3 years meant for them, as for me– it's something that flashes by quickly. Within those times are numerous moments I've spent with fellow Holostars members, and alongside those who have been watching me over these past years, so it feels like these 3 years are something we all worked on together. I'm very thankful that we were able to hold this anniversary event during such important times. And during these years, I feel like Holostars had evolved much further as well. So to those who only start knowing about us or those who have been supporting us, I'd like to keep them excited for what's to come in the future.

For that, please keep supporting and watching over us from now on too! And to those going to the event, do look forward to it!

——Lastly, Rikka-san, please.

Rikka: Being happy about my fans' support is obvious, but whenever people say something like "I recently started supporting you!" it makes me really happy as well. I always welcome anyone to check us out anytime, and since you can catch us easily through streams or events, it's alright to watch us comfortably and casually as it makes me just as happy. I may say it like it’s an important thing but really, I'm not exaggerating or anything!

Miyabi/Izuru/Arurandeisu: Ahahaha (lol).

Rikka: "So there are streamers like this too huh, maybe I'll check them out", even things like that are just as valid. Trust me. And of course, I'll be doing my best so as not to bore our current fans too, so please look over us in the future too. With that said, let us meet at the 3rd-anniversary event and stream!

——Thank you very much, everyone!

[sewercentipede]

hello pretti human ^.^ i am interested in ket, i hope you dont mind me asking some questions... what does ketamine do for you? How long does a trip usually last? And is the trip more chill than for example mushrooms or LSD, I am a big advocate for mushrooms but I feel like I need to prepare a lot just for one trip, it takes a whole day and I need to book time away somewhere because I don't feel comfortable doing it around my flatmates, does ketamine bring similar benefits without being as 'deep' if that makes any sense? Thank you in advance!

hello! <3

1. I detail roughly what ketamine feels like based on dosage in this post but i don’t go too too much into *what it does for me*. so ill expand more now on that.

ketamine, being a dissociative, is really good at dulling, numbing, and at high enough doses even transforming into pleasure, the sensation of pain. this makes it a godsend for my crohns. nothing else even comes remotely close to the pain relief I get from ketamine when it comes to abdominal pain or during a flare. so it is a miracle drug for me. it’s also amazing with depression—in an acute sense—especially good at shutting down really intense/acute depression and suicidal thoughts even at super low dose (for eg: i was really depressed one night during a time when I was hypomanic and I felt really reckless and planned to self-harm, but then I did a line or 2 of ketamine and almost immediately all those feelings were replaced with a deep sense of calm, of everything being fine, that I was okay and i no long had any desire to do anything irrational. In more mild-moderate depression (not actively suicidal, but hopeless and can’t get out of bed vibe), ketamine is like… an immediate boost to mental wellbeing.. it helps me appreciate life as it is and the ppl in it and it makes me feel hope.

Ketamine has long been known medically/pharmacologically as a first-line therapy for treatment-resistance depression but until recently was only used in rare and emergency cases, probably (im guessing) due in part to the fact that its antidepressant effects wear off when it wears off, for the most part. In the last few years however ketamine has become a whole area of specialization in the realm of psychiatry particularly for things like depression and eating disorders, with ketamine clinics and doctors prescribing ketamine infusions (IV ketamine sessions done regularly, from twice a week to once every 2 weeks), or IM (intramuscular injection) ketamine sessions.

when I did an IV ketamine infusion (as a very depressed and anxious individual) it was incredible, I felt real joy and gratitude and appreciation and love and the ability to just enjoy the present moment and “be here now” for the first time in a long long long time. this can be achieved through other ROAs with ketamine but IV is the most intense.

when my husband did an IM ketamine session he k-holed and when he came back he said “I saw my entire life” and couldn’t really explain it further but he said that it changed his perspective on his life a lot. as soon as he got up from the K-hole he went “I understand!” Lol, but what he understood was for him alone to know.

when my dad did IM ketamine the first time the dose was too low to hole, but it made him very emotional, talk about his childhood trauma, his recently deceased mom with whom he had a super complicated relationship, etc. ketamine will do that too at low doses, it’s kinda like a release valve for trapped emotions especially grief and I think that happens to some people whose depression cuts them off from their emotions (it did The same for me when I did a medium dose after my grandpa died and it made me emotionally purge A LOT of grief). his second IM session on a higher dose made him k-hole and he became a bodyless observer going through and inside and above and around the earth. he never revealed whether or not it gave him any insight but I imagine for a guy like him (tormented by his mind) it was a nice reprieve.

the dissociative effect of ketamine makes you detach, from everything, in layers/to degrees, your thoughts, feelings, worries, mindset, your physical feelings, your body, yourself entirely; and in this detachment clarity can be found. wisdom from that clarity can be found.

2. most ROAs of ketamine last no more than 1 hour, often 45 minutes to 1 hour. After 1 hour you will basically not feel any effects anymore (although with high dose there may be lingering motor coordination effects). doing a ketamine IV infusion however (which is done at a doctors office) will last longer (closer to 3 hours) because the full ketamine dosage is being administered slowly. sublingual lozenge ketamine I also notice while have far more subdued effects, lasts longer (2-3 hours). and just straight up IVing ketamine I think also lasts a bit longer than the 1 hour (but that depends on dose too and I’ve only done a pretty high dose that way so that could be why it lasted 1.5-2 hours.) For insufflated and IM ketamine, at whatever dose reaches k-hole, it’s the standard 1 hour max.

3. Girlllllllllll don’t even get me started on mushrooms and LSD in that regard like oh my god. I can’t do shrooms without mentally and physically preparing for like a week beforehand. it’s excruciating otherwise. And it absolutely requires planning a whole day around it (carving out time AND having a good place to do it at, that wont potentially cause a bad trip).

Ketamine isn’t like that at all…… ketamine is so fucking chill. It’s not a grueling emotional experience wherein you’re traversing the labyrinth of your mind and battling your mental pitfalls or whatever. It’s more like you’re being freed of your mind and body and letting the ketamine work its magic on you.

First of all it’s an NMDA-antagonist (dissociative), not a seratonergic psychedelic, so you won’t be having those weird seratonin effects (anxiety, paranoia, sweating, jaw clenching, feeling wired and awake, having funny tummy -or urge to shit- on the come-up, etc). there’s no come up or comedown, it’s altogether very gentle and chill, evornment only matters insofar as dosage. If you want to keep it at real low doses, you can do it anywhere. If you want to do moderate to high doses, you can do it at home or a friends house but not in public (you want to be able to lie down in a safe environment). The state of the room or house doesn’t matter (idk bout you but on shrooms or acid, if im in a house and the house isn’t clean it fucks with me. Ketamine doesn’t care). you can do it around other people without you yourself being affected negatively by their presence whatsoever (if they don’t know you’re on ketamine they might be confused as to why you’re walking like a drunk robot). and you can sleep as soon as it’s over. The k-hole if anything is extremely euphoric for me, not like mdma euphoria, its different, but my god it is euphoria.

however i have heard the occasional experience of the hole being scary particularly at too-high IM doses (my BIL after a high dose IM ketamine session said he “turned into atoms and got torn apart” and the intensity of it frightened him; he kinda has control issues though and did double the normal dose of IM ket, so it does not surprise me). In other cases of bad k-holes its 99.99% of the time people accidentally k-holing at festivals, i hear it’s very unpleasant, and I imagine it would be! but that’s what you get when you don’t respect ketamine by doing too much at a festival or rave so I have no sympathy for that lol.

4. This is a bit hard to answer. Does ketamine bring similar benefits without being as deep…. Yes and no? It’s very hallucinogenic, moreso to me than lsd or shrooms, but in a very very different way. It can bring perspective shifts and insight like the other two can. But again, in a different way. I would say yes it does this stuff without being as deep, mentally, emotionally. It doesn’t feel like “work” the way shrooms or lsd do, and is less interested in forcing you to confront and overcome your thought patterns in real time. your mind and awareness is not really necessarily what the work ketamine does is dependent on. When it comes to what we know about the effect of longterm microdosing mushrooms on depression and cluster headaches (and anxiety I believe?), I don’t think ketamine has a similar effect… I could be wrong though. I don’t know the effectiveness of longterm ketamine IV infusion therapy personally; anecdotally ive heard both “this saved my life” and “this did nothing”. Then again, shrooms for depression also doesn’t necessarily work on everyone either. So yeah idk, that’s my take.

One thing though, chronic ketamine use will affect your bladder. Like itll kill bladder cells. We see this mostly only in ketamine addicts (doing lots of ketamine daily for years type of people), but it makes me wonder for people who do regular infusions for years what the possible long term effects on their bladder might be. And also makes me advise against ketamine use if you have existing renal/bladder impairment. But If this doesn’t apply or you’re not planning to snort a lot of ketamine everyday for a long time then this isn’t something I’d worry about. But I feel like I should mention it all the same.

[alex-writings]

★♪~ I think I'm in love ~♪★

The reader is hanging out with their "crush" and one of closest person of their crush (let said I know of to describe that) and realized they are in love then get love conseil from the other person (aaah I can't describe it well) btw most of the times my writings are in universe where Mari didn't die

Inspiration: a song I heard in tiktok

Warning: none

Characters : Sunny, Kel and Basil (separate)

Love advices from Mari (Sunny x Reader)

You were watching TV with Mari and Sunny, well Sunny was more playing with Mewo than watching. Since there was an ad on TV, you automatically started watching Sunny. Then you just realized it, which make you have a weird look in your face.

Mari : [Name] What the problem, you make a strange expression? Are you okay?

(quick note of the writer ig: btw Sunny wasn't listening at all)

You : I'm fine its just.. I think I have realized that I might.. have a little crush on Sunny..

Mari : It's was kinda obvious to be honest.

You : What?!! Really? So do you think Sunny know..

Mari : No at all.

You stayed quiet a moment, then asked her somes advices.

Mari : Just stay yourself I'm sure Sunny love you like you are ! But if you want that he knows without having to confess, you can give him somes obvious hints, Sunny is a really good observer.

You nod your head when Sunny turns in the direction of Mari and you.

Sunny : What are you talking about?

You said really fast "nothing" while blushing, which made a little laugh Mari and Sunny seems really confused.

Love advices from Hero (Kel x reader)

you accompanied Kel and Hero to Faraway park, Kel decided to go talk to a boy playing basketball in the park. Hero and you decided to not join him and let him talk. While you were watching Kel, you started blushing. Hero laugh a little bit seeing the red in your cheeks.

Hero : You really love Kel don't you?

That sentence make you blush even harder and you asked him how does he know.

Hero : I mean.. it's so OBVIOUS. For example just right now you were blushing while looking at Kel.

You confess to him that you were blushing because you just realized that you liked Kel as a crush. Then your brain start to process what he said. "So obvious"?! Does that means Kel realized you asked to Hero.

Hero: No, Kel is a idiot in thoses types of things he would never guess.

You : Hero.. since you are in relationship, you must have loves advices right?

Hero : Don't be afraid to show your love for the other, communication is the key and wait thoses are more when you are already in a relationship. Well I think you should take your time and when you are ready maybe confess to him.

Kel joined you and Hero back which made ending the conversation.

Love advices from Sunny (Basil x reader)

You and Sunny were helping Basil with gardening. Sunny and you were taking a break while Basil was finishing something with the plants.(note of writer : idk nothing in gardening Aha..) You stared a Basil when it's just clicked in your head; you love him. You see out of the corner of your eye, Sunny tilting the head slightly with a questioning expression.

You : What's that look for?

Sunny : I could ask you the same.

Then you understood that you probably made a weird expression when you stared at Basil. You explain to Sunny who listens to you carefully. Then you asked him if he had love advice.

Sunny : I'm not pretty good with advice, especially with that but Basil is someone really anxious be careful with him and rassure him. Are you going to confess to him?

You said maybe and then the conversation stopped, Sunny wasn't good with love advices and you knew it I mean at least he tried. Basil joined Sunny and you since he finished at that moment and you guys take a little snack after all the gardening.

I think that was my more long writing- should I make a part 2 like confession or something like that, or should I do more characters? Can you tell that I don't know any love advice ? Why did I even tried to write that 😭 and sorry I was missing of inspiration more in the end

[whetstonefires]

hey I was the one who asked about ao3 I'm sorry if the question came off as odd, I love your takes on mdzs and was wondering if you ever wrote any fics because you have really great diction on your posts and I thought 'This person could make really great fics' so I thought id ask, that's all

it's fine! lmao it just really looked like i was potentially getting set up for some weird anon hate game.

thank you! and the answer is i do have an AO3--i used to link it here a lot--but it's only got two mdzs fics on it. despite my having struggled to focus on any fandom besides mdzs for like two years.

because what happened when i got stuck in this fandom like a suction cup directly to the brain is, i wound up reading a lot more smut than i usually tolerate, because of the nature of the novel and how their relationships with sex are meaningfully integrated with their characterization and development as people and relative to one another. so a lot of the smut in this fandom has substance in a way i care about.

and my writing always reflects my reading material in a 'ooh i could do that like this' kinda way, so i started generating my own fic concepts with a sex element that i wanted to explore.

and then i got really invested in this new form and its tricks and affordances, so the only fics in this fandom i've actually been finishing are E-rated, because i'm inspired by the learning process.

(also because it turns out this shit is so easy to write, like you can cheap out on so many structural and narrative elements if you put sex in there, i'm so mad about this still. cheap!!!)

and having finished them i want to share, you know?

so i got a different ao3 for that, since mostly i like and write gen stuff, and i didn't wish to subject my existing subscribers to my learning to porn. i'm not sharing it here though, sorry, because everyone i've shared it with (upon request) has been weird about it.

the fic isn't even particularly outre! i'm remixing stuff that's done a lot in the fandom, according to my own artistic sensibilities! i do not know what the Weird is and what private conclusions are being made about me as a person on the basis of my very ace sex pollen remixes and shit. but it makes me anxious so i will Not be doing it anymore.

anyway as a reward or something for the guts to come back with your name out and take another shot and for the compliments <3, which of these not-sexy mdzs fic concepts do you vote i thwack into a postable form over the next month or so, and put on my main?

post-canon wwx gets amnesia back to the yiling laozu in burial mounds era and his current life explained very badly by lan jingyi, and concludes the lan have coerced him into a very creepy situation

funny wangxian modern au incorporating the height thing i was talking about earlier this week, where the main plot is ripped off from an autobiographical anecdote the singer told at a concert i went to and i was like, this would make a great one of those modern aus people keep writing. oh no now i want to.

time travel fixit outside pov, where wwx and wen ning get physically catapulted back from the qiongqi pass to before the war, and go and intervene just before lotus pier can be destroyed, wearing a mask and spooky cloak so no one will know the yiling laozu is wei wuxian (and a weimao so no one notices the ghost general is wen ning but let's be real that was less likely to happen for several reasons)

thing where the misunderstandings go off in a different direction early on, and wwx thinks lan wangji and mo xuanyu were actually an item and his impersonation has been tragically successful. very funny dramatic irony concept that is in execution going to be like 70% angst. some of it very funny angst though. (this one is the least developed because it doesn't really suggest its own plot.)

find what already exists at Kieron_ODuibhir lmao.

[beautifulblooms]

Hi! I would like to make a request. How about the one, when Aizawa and fem reader are in UA, like they are only 16. They started dating since second year. How started this relationship, who recognized first, and some headcanons young aizawa's and reader's relationship Sorry for mistakes, English is not my language

Dating Young Aizawa Headcanons

Gn! Reader, thanks for the request, I saw your other message apologizing for the fem reader part and thank you for that, and you did perfectly fine for explaining the request! Fluffy headcanons, Aizawa being cute and anxious, that’s really it

CIS Women and Female Aligned people, please DNI, this story and all of my others are for non-binary, masculine aligned and male readers!

See here’s the thing

Aizawa recognizes his feelings first

But he ain’t gonna act on them

No fucking way that’s happening

He’s not gonna walk up to the person he has a crush on and admit those feelings

Luckily for him, you’re the opposite

And it took a while, but after some very careful consideration and planning, you admitted your feelings

Probably either confronting him in school after/before classes

Making him a gift with a card that tell him everything

Or somehow finding a way to get the two of you in a room alone together, with the help of Hizashi of course

But whatever means the confession is

ITS SUCCESSFUL!

Let’s go with the first confession option for simplicity here-

He’s stunned, you kinda word vomited out the confession but he understands

But he doesn’t say anything for a little too long and you start to panic

“Um, I’m sorry if that was too forward and out of pocket, we can just forget it happened and move on, sorry again”

Turing around and trying to walk away you’re literally just processing everything

Then he grabs your wrist

“Don’t go, i-I don’t know how to say this but I uh, um, I like you too, like a lot, and um, yeah…”

Facing him again you are now the one in shock but it soon fades as you jump to hug him around the neck

From there he doesn’t do much in public

Like in school? Nope, not a chance

But he does take you on dates and subtlety gives you affection and gifts in public

He leaves notes in your locker

Somehow found out your code and snuck a couple gifts in there once

And by the end of second year he was far more open to kisses and hugs at school

Not 100% touchy but better than how it started

Summer break was fantastic

Forgive me for doing the cliche fanfic trope of awesome parents but I have to do it

Your parents are chill with having him over

Just like ya know, don’t close the door all the way

And understandably you both agree to do so

He pretty much has a second closet at your place just cause he spends so much time there

Your parents also don’t mind having him over a bunch

He’s respectful, quiet, and doesn’t mind following their rules

All a parent could want in their child’s “friend”

Speaking of the “friend” he is to you

Neither of you tell your parents your dating

Not yet at least

Gotta wait a few years before that happens, or wait for the two of you to get caught

He’s not a bad partner either

Very trusting

He doesn’t helicopter you

Somewhat affectionate in public, more so in closed off spaces

Such a good listener and like helps with emotional needs/issues

Definitely the best for patching you up after a fight or taking care of you when you’re sick

Best boyfriend, very good, would recommend

[poisonouswritings]

Can I make a somewhat obscure request? About some headcanon of what the main 4 are like with an mc who suffered sexual abuse in his work area (for example, a nurse) and because of this them does not want to be sexually intimate with his love interest?

I hope its not so shady and have a nice day/afternoon/night

I spent a little while debating if this was something I could bring myself to answer. I said in my rules that I would write about SA as part of a character's background, and I guess I should have been more specific in saying I didn't want to write it as the focus of a post. That's why I specifically said I would be fine with a 'mention' of it. But I've had some thoughts about it so hopefully I can do this one ask and then not touch the subject again for at least a while.

GN!Reader, I won't be going into any sort of detail but I'll still tag this with an SA trigger warning, this will be brief and vague for my own sake, I'm going to add the NSFW banner here just in case.

Felix Escellun

Felix is very understanding, though I think he's a little surprised. You never think it's gonna happen to someone you know, y'know?

When you tell him, he's quiet. He wants to give you the space to get everything off your chest, and he doesn't wanna risk rushing you. He asks a few questions here and there - did you ever report it? Did you go to therapy? Do you want to? - but mostly he lets you talk.

I think he's afraid to touch you for a while. Even if you tell him it's okay, he's just a little anxious about accidentally hurting you or scaring you or anything.

If you struggle with panic-attacks or anxiety episodes or PTSD nightmares or anything like that, he offers to make some soothing potions or maybe a charm or something. Maybe even an enchanted dream catcher or something? He'll talk to you about different options and preferences and that sort of thing. If you're embarrassed about it then he takes your hands (after asking if you're okay with it) and assures you there's absolutely no shame in needing help. He spent five years living alone with his grief over Rime's death, so he knows how much that sucks and how important it is to be vulnerable. I think you taught him that.

I don't think he ever really had sex when Rime was dead? I can't remember if it was mentioned in canon but I dunno, I just think he was too consumed by his own grief to be interested in that. So when you say you aren't comfortable having sex, he's genuinely fine with that. He just needs you to outline your boundaries when it comes to other types of touching (hugging, hand holding, etc etc).

Stella cuddles with you more often, but presumably that's just a coincidence?

Anisa Anka

Anisa, as a Sunstone lieutenant, has probably had one or two incidents where her subordinates reported something along those lines. So when you tell her about what happened, she kinda defaults to that official procedure - comforts you softly, gently asks questions but doesn't press for info, assures you it wasn't your fault, so on and so on.

I think it's very much in her nature to want to confront the problem and punish the abuser. That's why those subordinates felt comfortable with telling her - because they were damn sure she wouldn't just sweep it under the rug. Shifts would immediately be changed to ensure no contact, evidence would be gathered, and she would do her absolute best to get the abuser imprisoned. If that wasn't possible then at the very least they would be kicked from the Order and threatened advised to stay far, far away from the victim.

But how can she possibly confront the person who hurt you when they're in another dimension? I think that's really hard for her to deal with.

She was already careful about potentially making you uncomfortable and/or accidentally abusing her position as your guide of this world, so now she's extra cautious about it. Very encouraging about whatever boundaries you need to set. She's fine with not having sex - toys exist after all - and I think she values emotional closeness over sexual intimacy anyways.

Very protective over you. Never lets you out of her sight when you guys are in public.

Sage Lesath

Alright let me get this out of the way; you can call it projecting or you can call it a natural morbidity, but I HC that Sage has dealt with this in the past.

Remember in the intro where Sage said he 'doesnt roll out of bed for anything less than ten silver' and one of the bar guys said he'd heard Sage would 'warm any bed for half of that'? I think there's truth to that. Especially when he had to take care of Tulsi and desperately needed the money.

I also think that you combine him getting sloppy - if not blackout - drunk with a reputation for being a slut with his favored drinking spots being full of criminals...

All I'm saying is that when you tell Sage about whatever happened to you, he's painfully understanding.

I think he's struggled with feelings of being weak. He's a strong man, a mercenary at that, and being victimized just,, fucks with him. So if you have feelings like that too, he does his best to reassure you.

You're uncomfortable with sex, that's genuinely fine. Just tell him what your limits are. Is flirting okay? Kissing? Cuddling? Do you want a safeword? He'll do everything he can to accommodate you. You just need to communicate your needs.

Probably doesn't bring you around the tavern anymore, or at least he lets you decide when you're okay going. He'll do everything he can to shield you from people being assholes, but it's a bar. Creeps are kinda inevitable.

I don't know what it would mean for your relationship. Sage is a very sexual guy, y'know? He would never ever pressure you into anything, but he might broach the topic of an open relationship. His first priority is you, though, so if it comes down to him relying on his hands and some toys all the time, then he's fine with that.

Rime Varela

This is another one of those times where I really wish we had a Rime route so I could make a better guess about how he'd react to a situation like this.

Something I've noticed in my replaying of Felix's route - aka the closest we got to a Redeemed route - Rime seems to struggle with empathy. And while we can certainly say that it's because there wasn't really a situation that warranted him showing it or because he was still so hurt over everything that happened that he emotionally shut himself off or whatever, I think it would be interesting if he just,, lost the ability to express empathy when he was stuck in the Void. Maybe it's something that gradually comes back over time?

That isn't to say that he doesn't care about what you're saying. Far from it. He just... doesn't really know how to comfort you. Not with something like this.

He's the least reactive about what happened, and maybe that's a good thing. Obviously he assures you it wasn't your fault and doesn't think any lesser of you for what you went through, but he doesn't have the same sort of heaviness that the other three get.

He really doesn't mind not having sex. Five years in real life was like,, I dunno, a thousand years in the Void or whatever. He wouldn't mind having sex, but he also really doesn't if it doesn't happen.

Though it's not obvious, Rime is keeping a close eye on you from then on. If he notices you're getting anxious or having nightmares or anything like that, then he offers to let you talk about it. And if you don't want to then he'll change the topics, usually ranting about something he's been researching or complaining about something stupid the other Starsworn did or whatever.

[miraclemagnet]

hey bestie

i really need some kinda pep talk rn

i've been living until this point convinced that the only university i'd be going to is my dream school. but as the deadline for acceptances is coming up, i've become more doubtful and anxious. Like i know i have to go to this place, and i even let another college acceptance expire because i knew that i had to go to this place, and i would be fine. now i'm so anxious because if i don't get this acceptance, i literally will have nowhere to go, and to some extent not even a place to live. like how my life is going to turn out is all going to depend on this "manifestation" if you will. there's a side of me that's just already convinced i HAVE to go there and another side of me that's scared as heck because i really need this or else life is going to be literal hell.

it's one of those time crunches things and im tryna stop myself from panicking

what do i do 😭😭😭 i just want to have that acceptance letter already instead of waiting and convinced only in my 4D reality that i have it idk maybe i sound like a complete idiot

Ayooo.

PERSISTING. YOU NEED TO KEEP ON PERSISTING BESTIE.

Its alright bestie, I can feel you rn, relax bestie YOU GOT THIS.

Its alright if you panic, its alright if you cry, REMEMBER YOUR EMOTIONS DON'T AFFECT YOUR MANIFESTATION.

DO NOT REACT TO THE 3D. I KNOW IT'LL BE A BIT HARD BUT I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.

CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT MATTER, YOU JUST DON'T HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE 3D AND DON'T GO BACK TO THE OLD STORY.

Come on bestie, I KNOW YOU GOT THIS.

MANIFESTING IS HELLA EASY FOR YOU.

YOU ALREADY HAVE THAT ACCEPTANCE LETTER.

YOU CAN DO THIS YOU POWERFUL PIECE OF SHIT.

COME ON GET YO SHIT TOGETHER AND GET BACK ON TRACK BESTIE, YOU'RE ALREADY STUDYING IN YOUR DREAM SCHOOL.

COME ON BITCH, YOU CAN DO THIS.

Love, Moon.

[the-darkgod]

its like, the reason i didnt end up moving was bc a) i was scared and b) i was thinking that i should stay in seattle rather than kinda "giving up" parts of my life to move. i do think i wouldve had to - i think i wouldve had a hard time making friends, wouldn't've been able to go to as many events (many small american artists are not exactly touring in geneva lol, and as small as europe is comparatively, i dont make enough to be traveling every weekend or w/e)

but now im faced with so much regret. did i make a mistake in not moving? im not really doing much in this city anyway, its not like im doing something great by not leaving. sure i have some friends i hang out with, and i love those friends a lot, but is it worth it? am i really sure i wouldn't have made more friends? would it have been as bad as i was expecting?

im not sure. i think it wouldve been rly hard, i dont want to diminish that just because im feeling regret. the moving process sucks, and geneva is a really difficult city to move to, afaik. living there is expensive, and id prob be living in one of the french towns outside of geneva, making it even less of a city and more of just... a town. finding a place to live would have been challenging - i was reading a lot about it and the amount of paperwork you need as a foreigner is tough, and time consuming, and i wouldve had to find a place where i could keep my cats as well

im also on various medication which i wouldve had to find someone to prescribe to me. a psychiatrist wouldve been doable, but something like going to a gynecologist wouldve made me nervous, esp. bc im nonbinary, and on T, and wouldve liked to keep that going even after moving. switzerland isn't a super progressive country (not the worst, ofc) but it wouldve been harder to find an accepting physician or gyno than it is in the city i live in rn, where basically everyone is at least aware of trans people on some level, and the vast majority are trans positive

like - im not saying it wouldve been impossible. there are trans people in switzerland, obviously. but it wouldve been like - i moved, then in one month basically idve had to: travel btwn switzerland and home to get my cats a couple times + dealing with all of that, getting my antidepressants set up over there, finding someone to prescribe me birth control, and getting hormones and a doctor who is knowledgable about hormones specifically for nonbinary people. impossible? no, obviously not. but a lot to do in a short amount of time, when moving itself wouldve been hard.

but despite all of that, and knowing all of that logically in my brain and recognizing all of that - i still wish that i didnt leave this group. i wish that i had stayed, and moved, bc shouldn't it be worth it in the end?

finding research im interested in is hard - and that was research i was interested in. it was cool stuff - the physics was fun but it also was a lot of training in something i wanted to do after graduation. and thats maybe the biggest thing. the new research im doing now is fine in terms of physics but the computing is .... limited. the group is much more physics oriented rather than being like a mix of physics and CS. and thats fine - great even - for most people. but i dont want to do physics necessarily after i graduate, id rather do some sort of computing. but this new group isnt going to prepare me as well for that, and then what am i going to do?

like, was i just not going to move because it was too scary and missed out on this great opportunity for me? did i ruin my future just because i was too nervous to move? too scared of all the logistics? what am i even doing with myself now that im in seattle. just sitting around basically and thinking about how anxious and depressed i am. maybe seeing some friends once in a while. was it worth it? i dont know.

[sonderwrit]

C97: Eat!

I Have to Be a Great Villain - Masterpost

Wang Yi turns into a babysitter while roleplaying on the side. It's a hard villain life.

S-0: GAHH!

S-0: IT GOT SO BIG?!!

WY: (If consuming things lets it evolve, I'll start experimenting from now on) [In any case, gotta confirm if mind-reading exists first]

WY: Yeah, I don't know why either. Is it because it ate the spoon?

(From a certain perspective he's kind of a crazy scientist too)

S-0: B-but isn't it better to lock it up? After all, a few days ago it was still—

*DING LING LING*

WY: ?

WY: Hello, Dr. Wang's laboratory.

(Garbled speech)

WY: …..

WY: What do missing experimental subjects have to do with me? Not going.

*HANGS UP*

S-0: What happened?

WY: Exactly what you just mentioned. It seems that a frog born from a universal energy stone disappeared. The higher-ups worried that it ran off to a corner somewhere, so it asked all the research labs to search for it together.

Slime: ?

Slime: ! Universal energy stone…?

Slime: So that can't be eaten?

*KA-DA*

Male Researcher: Nothing here!

Female Researcher: I didn't find it either.

Male Researcher: Check the restrooms again.

Slime (X's separate body): Oh no, will randomly eating things bring him trouble? But that rock's energy far surpasses that of eating humans…

*Note: X's separate body has a shared consciousness with the main body

Slime: I can only eat less now…

Slime: Eat less…

WY: Okay, Sao Ling went to loaf off, so let's keep experimenting.

WY: You can eat whatever you want based on your likes!

Slime: ?

Slime: For me to…eat?

WY: Yep. Because I don't know what you like, I prepared a bit of everything.

[Included: newly acquired radiation spider experimental subject]

Slime: Anything…is fine.

Slime: (X loves eating your emotions best.) (Will you give those?)

Slime: To X it's all…the same. (X doesn't have a sense of taste.)

WY: !

WY: (He actually ate it?)

WY: Can you evolve from that?

Slime: Evolve…it's very difficult.

Slime: I'll need to eat lots and lots…of this.

WY: So it's kinda like leveling up in a video game by killing monsters? You need to kill hundreds of thousands of lower leveled rabbits and slimes to get enough…then is there any high-leveled foods?

(Lower level foods like 1 battery = +1EXP)

(Higher level foods like 1 monster = +10000EXP)

Slime: ?

WY: Aish, is it hard to understand again?

Slime: *munch munch*

WY: Forget it, even ants are meat despite their size. You eat first, I'll prepare more if it's not enough…

*Ding-Dong~ Hello, please open the door~*

WY: Hm? Who is it?

WY: (The original Dr. Wang has bad relations with everyone, so no one should be coming to find me?)

???: That there, hello Dr. Wang. I'm Xiao Yu, I wanted to consult you on a question…

WY: (Xiao Yu? The female lead?)

WY *getting into character*: Ah, so annoying—

Slime: *turns back*

WY: Coming.

WY: (I still have to see the female lead, for the sake of the plot)

*shwahhhhh*

Xiao Yu: Wuu…Dr. Wang. Sorry for bothering you in the middle of all your work.

Xiao Yu: I heard you're the most formidable expert in the lab, so I thought you'd be the only one I could come to for help—

WY: Get to the point, it's disgusting to hear you drag things on.

WY: If it's about the missing gemstone frog then get lost, I'm not interested in searching for it like those nitwits. 

Xiao Yu: !

Xiao Yu: No, it's not about the frog…

XY: It's the merman you wanted to me focus on…

XY: Recently it's been a bit strange.

WY: MERMAN? (Showing off his acting skills)

WY: WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? DID SOMEONE ELSE TAKE A FANCY TO IT? OR WERE ITS BEAUTIFUL SCALES INJURED?!

XY: N-no! He's fine.

XY: But every time I meet the merman…

XY: Even though I don't say anything, he seems to understand my thoughts…as if…

XY: He can read minds.

WY: (Read minds?)

WY: (Is it Qin Xian's mind-reading ability?)

WY: (He really transmigrated as the male lead again? Is the sense of familiarity I get from X mistaken?)

Slime: ?

Slime: Human…suddenly seems very anxious? (Still can't really read)

XY: Um, because it's so strange, I came to ask you about it. Are mermaids a species that can read minds?

WY: I don't know.

WY: Come, let's go see that fellow.

XY: Huh? Okay!

XY: I'll help lead the way…

Slime: *scurry scurry* … …?

Slime: Human…is going to see the merman? 

Slime: Why? Compared to X, does he like…

Slime: …that merman more?

*scurry scurry*

*seep* (separate body)

Merman: ?

Slime: … …

*click*

*slime swooshes away*

—

Mini-Theater:

Author: Don't worry everyone, X will have a human form oh~

Slime: I'll grow up.

WY: ??

[moth-mayh3m]

So tumblr updated so if someone were to reblog their own post it wouldn't pop up in any notification so I'm sending it here (plus I might later suddenly get another spike of anxiety and delete the reblog so its best to get this out of the way before I panic again)

Thanks mate and no need to apologize I was the one who was being stubborn about not communicating anyways so it's all good

Also don't worry it wasn't really about that specific one just most of non canon in general (Besides the early days I was more steady then)

(despite it being more recent I actually forgot that rp while writing the post)

It's alright you guys get carried away it happens a lot in non canon anyways

because I just am unfortunately very socially awkward outside the canon comfort zone ig

Just very hard for me to keep up with others when I can't use what I'm good/skilled at (my stories) as a crutch if that makes any sense hopefully that isn't weird

I'm mostly an outsider in things after a while so it was bound to happen but I wanna thank you for letting me play in non canon

Even if I faded out anyways it was nice being allowed to play

Again thanks I don't think anyone means to pressure me but it gets kind of stressful

Like I'm in limbo of not being able to join in because I'm bad at interactions but not being able to leave because people ask me not to#Same I hope it'll work out soon the server thing isn't really anyones fault logically it just makes me feel kinda empty and less motivated

Hopefully one day it'll work out.

(Also I really do love kf though I suspect my hyperfixation is close to dying soon I want to continue the story

But it's not fun if nobody else is there for the story cause the reason I write stories including kf is to connect with people and make friends and give gifts using stories

unfortunately it's harder when you're passionate about a story that includes OCs which is why KF still stands and tinhj is barely existent

Cause kf has the favourites and Tinhj is mostly ocs. I got off topic hold on circling back)

Thanks for trying to be there for me I appreciate it#I'll try to do the same when you need it

It's barely chapter one and I've already panicked a lot over it sorry I'm way too anxious of a person

anyways ily platonically thanks for the tags mate

I'll try to keep going with KF if I can it really depends on the players wanting to play though

Those are all the tags anyways my anxiousness has caught up to me slightly and is saying you might have gotten a notification and I didn't so I'm just gonna send this now before I get too anxious and delete the ask sorry

oh no worries! i saw the tags! tumblr hasnt been giving me any issues like that, so you're fine!

[valleynix]

The Fool. As in, the tarot card?

(With that "you have to remember" all I had in my mind was the "remember who you are" from lion king lmao)

"They’re right in front of you-

But they’re not real. They’re gone."

Can you stop?? I need a safe word.

"You won’t let her destroy more and more realities or worlds or whatever.

It stops now."

Yes, that's the spirit! Let's go!🎉

"It seems as though Cassandra has the most control over her urges after she drinks blood from a fresh source"

But little miss Bela will be out there saying she's managing it better than her sisters😭

🥺 Cass draw Reader and Daniela sleeping???? Pls that's so cute.

I wonder if she drew some more moments of her family spending time together. That'd be like family pictures :')

Idk if they have cameras out there so

There certainly must be something wrong with me, because Cassandra is extremely attractive when she's threatening the Reader.

My lil rainbow heart was at its limits doing all the Cass paragraphs 🥴

Reading with Bela 🥺

That would be such a nice experience I bet, her voice is so soothing like she could be talking about how she cut open a manthing in the cellar and that would be like a bedtime story.

Need her to talk to me when I'm anxious <\3

Yhm yhm nvm once again giving me a slap on the face with the sweet moment followed by nothing but pure pain.

Lunatic kinda fine tho 👀 I like their evil mind, games and plans.

Mmm mmm evil people who ruin the lives of others (if only it wasn't Reader's life ). It's a love-hate relationship 😭 we gotta learn self love

DANIELA 💘💝💖💗💓💞💕💟❤

I knew sth bad would happen once again 😩

The way they argued with Bela anyway, about leaving the castle. They couldn't escape it.

Gosh I hope the Reader won't fuck up with the timeline too much this time 😭

And for now I don't trust the woman from the cellar.

And damn what killed those maids from the castle. A mystery that is yet to be solved.

i love that i saw this just as i was about to start writing again hehe

The Fool as in the tarot card >:) i'm glad someone picked up on that sdkjfhskj (there's a shit ton of symbolism that i so far haven't really seen anyone mention just yet, but hearing this made me happy :D)

*THE SAFE WORD COMMENT LMFAOOO

*can't give up hope in these trying times >:)

*listen Bela just likes to think she has that control- little miss Bela "perfect daughter" Dimitrescu is struggling BAHA

*Cass 100% has a little stash of drawings no one will ever be able to find, and it's just sketches of her family doing things she can remember or that mean something to her :')

*also tbf Cass is just attractive no matter what she does. she could threaten to cut out my tongue and i'd be like "wow say it again" LMAOOOO

*so real of you </3 Bela strikes me as someone with a voice that literally everyone loves and wants to hear (cue Daniela begging her to read just because she finds it soothing for her nightmares)

*HEHEHEHEHE, i'm trying to get better at just comfort and not as much pain following it </3

*Lunatic is honestly really smart sdkjfhs, there is a method to their madness (also have you seen the fanart done of them?? bro is cool as FUCK)

*(i promise you will learn to like them more <3)

*IN CONCLUSION: DANIELA <3333333 (i'm on my laptop so no emojis but imagine i spammed hearts)

*some things are just set in stone, as we'll see more of >:) that's the unfortunate reality of fate; no matter how hard we try, sometimes we just can't escape what was already destined to happen at some point or another

*about that...

*i definitely wouldn't! she does mean well, but... yknow... the village is a scary place, and sometimes it gives life to scarier humans forced into a certain role by the horrid shit going on

*i think chapter ten briefly implies who/what killed the maids?? if i'm not mistaken? it's often difficult to know every little thing when we only see things from one POV >:)

i hope you're still enjoying it so far, though <33