#i just imagined jon drop kicking him like a football

[homeofjonicles]

The Jonicles - Entry 23 (image above lovingly drawn by yours truly)

It is currently the 18th of August, 2022 at 8:29 am and it's a nice Thursday. It is also officially day #91 of my Jon Arbuckle hyperfixation, waaaay more than I thought this would ever last Three whole months, jeez... I don't really have any overly analytical character analysis for today, but instead, I have this story that I'm surprised I haven't told yet until now...

Today's entry regards an experience I had while playing the shitty 3DS version of Garfield Kart that I non-chalantly, ahem, ""legally aqquired"" through conviniently untold means. This version of the original Garfield Kart is probably one of my favourites, as even though the PC version looks absolutely stunning compared to this version, the 3DS version is clunky and unpolished, allowing me to clip through many areas and completely skip some. I have quite a lot of fun doing this in "Play Misty For Me", as with a couple of springs, I can easily skip over corners and most of the entire first turn of the map. It's fun seeing everyone else struggle whilst Jon happily makes leaps and flies through the air, wind blowing through his lovely curly locks.

But I'm not here to talk about glitches and tricks you can pull in one of the funniest racing games I've ever played. No, I'm here to discuss mortal enemies.

Everyone has an enemy in a racing game. In Mario Kart 8, my mortal enemies are Roy and King Boo. In Sonic & SEGA All Stars Racing, it was most likely Billy. And in Garfield Kart, my mortal enemy is Squeak the mouse, one of Garfield's friends.

Now, if you're familiar with Garfield Kart's playerbase or have played it yourself, you may be wondering, "Jeremy, why is your mortal enemy Squeak? Nermal's way worse", and I would say that you're right, if Squeak weren't astronomically worse than Nermal, that is.

Squeak is an asshole when it comes to Garfield Karting. I don't know how, but this stupid tiny rodent can somehow reach the gas pedal with his weird little mouse feet and push on it hard enough in order to always have the winning spot in first place all to himself. He's always there, and poor Jon (my main) can never seem to catch up to him. He taunts Jon, bullies him, always laughs at him whenever he drives past. The little rat always has win and never lets anyone fly ahead... at least, on the PC version, that is. Jon always has to suffer the burden of being in last place when Squeak is around in the PC version, but in the 3DS version, that's a much different story. Due to the AI in the 3DS version being literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen (seriously, they crash into the map like moths fly into lamps), Squeak is no different, allowing Jon to take advantage of his new power and send that frustrating rodent in 8th place and below, right where he belongs.

However, this all changed one fateful day as I was just sitting there on my bed, happily racing around the twists and turns of Pastacosi Factory on my second lap, having a baller of a time. And so was Jon, as he was zooming around in first place, exactly where he should be, being the good boy he is. You know how in some racing games where you can become so first place that you end up looping around to the person in 6th place? That's what was happening here as I was driving towards the finish line and I could see a little kart driving around in front of me, and it looked like they weren't having the best time. Not thinking much of it, I drove closer towards them, ready to prove my might as a Jon main and speed right through the upcoming finish line. However, I spotted the very small frame of the head of the driver in the kart in front of me, and I realised that it was Squeak, my mortal enemy! I would have thrown a pie at him to prove my dominance, but considering I didn't have any items on me, I simply drove past, mocking him for being in last place and giving him a firm bump with my kart. After so many lost races because of this little rodent, I felt alive, having put Squeak in his place once and for all and proving that Jon is superior among the crowd of the other Garfield Karters...

... That was, until I heard a very familiar sound from behind me. It sounded like a sort of woosh, and I thought that maybe Squeak had just thrown a pie at me, and I was about to retort with another shove, but I realised that Squeak was... im front of me? But I had already driven past him, how could he suddenly just be in front of me now? Confused and slightly disoriented, my eyes darted up to the place indicator thingy, and it displayed the number 6 instead of 1...

I then realised that the woosh sound I had heard was not a pie, but instead, it was the woosh sound the magic wand item makes when you hit someone with a spark of magic, and it all suddenly clicked. Squeak, in an act of apparent revenge, had hit me with a magic spark and swapped places with me, putting him in first place and leaving me deserted in 6th place once again, and it all happened within the matter of 3 seconds. I was dumbstruck, stupified, bamboozled. My jaw dropped I watched the little pixels belonging to Squeak speed away on the little screen. That little rodent, that little bitch, after so long of having to go through endless races full of pain, loss and homicidal urges, had just duped me and stolen my spot completely out of nowhere. Needless to say, I was offended. Incredibly offended. I was doing so well, I hit all the shots, I was king, and then this tiny little rat boy came and swiped that all away.

I paused the game, took a deep breath and uttered the words "man fuck you squeak" and started a new race, because I knew. What did I know? I knew that I had, absolutely HAD to deal with this in the most efficient way possible. I had to exterminate this foul animal, this foul beast, and I was going to do it right there, right that moment. The moment that solidified my hatred for Squeak.

So now, every time I see this little rat boy, I sneer at him, throw insults and generally taunt him at every opportunity. When I was reading one of the KaBOOM! Garfield comics, I made the horrifying discovery that Squeak was the lead narrator for the comic, so every time the annoying little rat reared his ugly head, I insultes his narration skills and made threats of homicide and general violence towards the little mouse. Every time I see him onscreen in The Garfield Show, a cartoon that he's apparently a pretty big character in, I heckle him and call him disgusting. I especially dislike his stupid little voice, every time he speaks, I clench my fists and go "shut up, Squeak, no one asked". I found this really nice wallpaper of all the main Garf characters smiling and I was about to set it as my phone background when suddenly, I noticed Squeak's stupid dumb little smile right on the corner and I immediately regretted my descisions, pissed that he had once again wormed his way into my life. He is the bane of my very existence, and needless to say, whenever Jon asks Garfield to catch the mice running rampant in his house, whenever he sets traps to finally catch the stupid little assholes, I empathise with him, and I wish him well in the hopes that maybe one day, Jon will finally catch Squeak and, I dunno, feed him to a beranda snake or something. Just get rid of him already, I'm sick of seeing him, let alone thinking about him!

So, with that said, I don't really have any deep insights to give, apart from the fact that I hate Squeak and he fucked my wife. Thank you for once again reading my insane ramblings about Garfield characters and I hope all of you stay safe from this tiny little tyrant, he needs to be stopped. Take care guys :)

Last edited at 4:06 pm. i ated a pop tarts and now my body feels funny

Day #91! Hoooly bejeebus! As the top of this entry says, I never thought I'd actually get this far... Anyway, please enjoy my very tired retelling of this short story. Maybe I should make a parody blog dedicated to hating Squeak, like the Jon hate blog...

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 18th of August, 2022 at 4:43 pm.

[cloveroctobers]

SEBASTIAN “SEB” KATSAROS —

IG bio/info: @/s3bgl00m | 17.4k followers | i hate it here. i hate my username name too. Listen to my podcast wth my mate here...open.Spotify.com/podcast/?!.doomngloom

28 years of age

Born & raised in Liverpool, England...don’t ask if he’s met the Beatles he will completely ignore you if you do

Music shop owner in the heart of town

It’s called, “Kicking Kettles”

loves collecting vinyls, cassette tapes, & cds sorry, what did you expect?

His mother is a children’s illustrator

She’s Ashkenazi Jewish

His father is a graphic designer

And is from Nafplio, Greece

They’ve been separated for about a year now, with seb’s father living in France

His mother was skeptical on dating around while she was in a place of uncertainty in her marriage but with a deep discussion with her husband, then her children, she slowly went forward just to see what was out there & found that she wasn’t sure if she’d be open permanently with other beings

Seb was similar to his mother in many ways...

Has a older sister by 2 years named, Xenia...she’s very bossy, a busy-body, & is very vocal. The opposite of seb

she used to beat up guys just for them to turn around and ask her out on dates, a few of them tried to bully seb but Xenia was not having that ofc

very close to his family, even if things are a little off between mum & dad

I feel like he went through a buzzed hair phase & when he finally made the choice to start growing out his hair, going on 4-5 years now, everyone seemed to approve

Even if they didn’t? It be no matter, sure he’d feel a little awkward if someone he cared about didn’t like it but he was sure they would get over it OR get used to it

The hair only comes out when he’s showering or going to bed

His best friend who’s a barber (and a bit of a douche) tells him he’s got to let his hair breathe more often or he’ll have breakage, seb doesn’t think it’s that serious? He’s not sure how much longer he’ll keep the bun now anyways...

This same friend encouraged him to get a “Pompadour” haircut & seb’s never been so offended before in his life, “I wouldn’t want to look like the rest of you knob-heads.”

Anyways, he takes care of his hair the best way he knows how and it seems to work for him...some slightly expensive haircare products here and there & a trimmer & he’s good to go

When he first started growing his hair out, he felt like he needed to go to the salon to know how to manage it. After awhile he learned how to do it on his own + you save $ that way

uses his hands to talk or holds one hand in the other when having a conversation since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands exactly

He’s a chapstick kinda guy who always loses his before he can finish it (been there)

Absolutely loves Japanese food and eats it almost everyday

Japanese Mayo is the superior condiment, bill can stfu!!

probably watches anime

owns a bunch of vans, beanies, and hoodies

smokes hookah every now & then but isn’t too crazy about it

canon: catlover! I feel like he would have a Sphynx, Abyssinian, Ocicat, or oriental shorthair + was over the moon when his baby had babies !!!

He wanted to keep all 5 of the kittens but knew he probably couldn’t, at least not forever but he was going to wait until they were all at least a few months before he decided to put them up for adoption...which sucks but would ultimately be the best choice, maybe???

tried eyeliner again outside of the villa & finds pencil or pomade is better than the standard liquid liner

likes black nail polish but is slightly embarrassed to be seen out with it, it’s the same thing with the eyeliner...he’s not that confident

the guy is a huge blusher & he despises the fact that his face betrays him 80% of the time

often gets nosebleeds

loves red wine especially if it’s on a rainy day and he’s home to fully enjoy it, he feels like he’s on his grown man shit when he does so

I feel like he’d be a fan of the umbrella academy & thinks it’s way better than stranger things...him & nick have argued over this on doom n gloom!

Five is his favorite

Everything he owns is in either black, red, gray/grey, or green

His main phobia is emetophobia (fear of v*mit) & he won’t share why, that’s just what it is

Introvert!

Canon: he’s not a Aquarius

So wtf r ya? Nick & I would like to know plz

Virgo sun? + Taurus moon? + Pisces rising?

I feel like he’s one of those people that feels the need to bring a backpack with him everywhere and you can imagine it to be black ofc

“Who tf are you Linus? But with a backpack?” His sister often jokes (I do this with my sibs, both of them love carrying backpacks. Me on the other hand? I don’t have time for the shit)

He drives a shitty car from the 90s that’s Engine sounds as if it’s about to blow

but 100% perfers to drive his moped, Atticus around

played football (soccer) growing up to help get rid of his asthma

Cannot sleep with the tv on or any form of light around him, it has to be completely dark & quiet!

He’ll only do so if it’s with Genevieve since you know they’re trying this whole long distance thing out

Are one of those couples that will fall asleep on the phone/cpu together

Genevieve might be the, “no you hang up first” & seb will actually hang up the phone and get into bed lmao

Just for vieve to call back like?!! “I can’t believe you’ve done this!

“Well you said—

“Never mind what I said, sebz!!! It’s extremely rude...”

his last relationship before Genevieve lasted 6-8 months (there was a time when he felt like he was unsure if he was still in a couple with that person, isn’t that a shame?)

his love language is acts of service, he’ll do things for you to ease your worries out of love and not obligation so that you feel valued as his partner & I believe he wants this in return as well

I think he’s a bit of a worry wart too when it comes to certain things even if his exterior might show him trying to hide it

He was super nervous to get his first tattoo on his chest, “if words fail, music speaks” but he found that the slight pain was worth it? And quite nice! then he kept going back monthly and soon enough his arms were completely covered

mum hated it, her baby boy was becoming a man! (It’s not like he’s almost 30 but you know how moms are)

Deff has a collection of silver rings, he’s tried out necklaces but he thinks he looks better with his rings

The slit in his brow came from trying to squeeze thru the broken patio glass door with his sis as if it were some booby trap (not exactly, but a safety hazard forsure!) & a piece of glass fell from above slicing his brow and left him with 4 stitches

Secretly into watching those dating shows before and after experiencing it himself

people he enjoyed seeing on the Telly from previous seasons: jen, jake, talia, erikah, lottie, Noah, Carl, Kassam, Priya, & Hannah

AJ is his best girl friend (besides vieve) they FaceTime quite a bit & chat shit to each other on the daily

Feels like she fits in well with his friend group, which just contains his barber friend — they put up with his banter & give it right back to him but he can also be vulnerable & comfortable with those around him so that’s always a plus

It’s the same with nick, except they share a hobby together, their podcast & that’s what seb wants to keep it as, a hobby, for fun & giggles yet nick is thinking about getting paid for what they do. He thinks it’s a great idea whereas seb doesn’t want this to turn into a career/chore

He’s perfectly happy at kicking kettles

He feels strongly about his stance while nick is on both sides

They’ll figure it out, soon.

How are things outside of the villa & since the boat party? They all have a group chat that they randomly speak up in, in the beginning they would do morning and goodnight texts but that became tedious so they settled for either or. Or simply just checking in to see how each other’s days went with seb secretly being the most curious to everyone’s days

Things are awkward between him and Yasmin, he kinda avoids talking to her tbh & not because he doesn’t want to...its just yeah it’s not the same with him and aj where they can easily move forward, it feels like pulling teeth with Yasmin since they’re some what similar & it seems like she’s waiting on him to take the lead on fixing some imagined issue they have with each other? It’s weird idk

Lives in a cramped studio apartment, it works for him so he doesn’t need any inputs thank you

celeb crushes? Demi lovato, Hwasa, Amanda Seyfried, & Birgundi Angel Baker

as for music? Sleeping with sirens, pierce the veil, teagan & Sara, the pierces, panic!at the disco, all time low, twenty one pilots, x-ambassadors, awolnation, jon bellion— listen when atl dropped? Seb felt like he was reborn okay?! , Japanese breakfast, & great grandpa

Anthem = The Postal Service, “Such great heights”

[let-me-love-you-loki]

The Christmas that Wasn’t-Ch. 2

A/N: Written with @mox-made-me-do-it​

Chapter 2: Allie

           “Umm yeah…” I said slowly, feeling my heart pounding against my ribs. “Cowboys are supposed to be lucky. As long as they aren't from Dallas at least."

           Oh my God did I just say that? Surprisingly, my unfunny and awkward football joke earned a definite chuckle from Adam. But, oh, the way he smiled. Those eyes, I swear, could glow in the dark.

           The voices at the table seemed to fade away. I could just make out Leigh’s voice as she kept the conversation going. She was talented like that—able to talk up everyone she met. It was how we met in freshmen year at in the first place. She and Kenny seemed to be hitting it off, propped on their elbows and talking over the cheese fries and cookie skillet. I sat there in a stunned sort of silence every time I thought about trying to talk. Maybe not to Kenny, but definitely to Adam.

           I was suddenly jerked back to reality when I realized Leigh was poking my leg. She was watching me from the corner of her eye, lips turned down in a worried frown. Across the table, Kenny tapped his spoon on the skillet.

         “Hello? Anybody home in there?" Kenny said with a teasing smile.

           Leigh poked my thigh again. “Hi...sorry… the mimosas we had on the plane are kicking my ass." For a second, the world went fuzzy. Without warning, I jumped to my feet and excused myself, grabbing my backpack as I dashed off.

           I hurried to the ladies’ room. My ribs were tight, making it hard to breathe. I swore I was going to either throw up or pass out before I made it into the bathroom. I heard Leigh’s faint voice in the background, apologizing behind me as she followed behind at a run.

           “Als? You ok, babe?” Leigh asked, following me to the sink. The panic was so thick that I couldn’t think of anything else to do but giggle… almost maniacally.  “What's going on? What’s wrong?”

           I threw my bag on the counter, searching through it for one specific thing. Half a dozen things came out as I dug, finally pulling out what I wanted. I held up a smooth grey rock with the word courage engraved in black on the top.

           “Remember this?" I asked, holding it up. “You gave it to me at the airport when I moved to LA. It hasn't left my bag since.”

           Leigh stepped close and put her arm around my back and dropped her head against my shoulder. “Als…”

           “Jon made fun of me for keeping it with me, but I can't imagine not having you by my side, Leelee.” My voice broke. As much as he’d royally screwed me over, it still hurt to think of all the time I’d wasted with Jon. When I thought things were going perfectly, when I thought we were two steps from happily ever after… I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from crying. I refused to give him that satisfaction.

         “I can't believe you keep that with you,” my friend replied, hugging me tight. I turned and wrapped my arms around her. For a moment, we just stood there as the panic bled out of me. “I know things are hard, but there is a super hot, super confused cowboy and out there with our loaded cheese fries. If we leave them alone too long, they’ll eat all of them. And the cookie,” Leigh said with a nudge and a wink. 

         I grinned, relaxing with my friend’s presence. “What about Curls—Kenny? I think he likes you…” We parted and I leaned against the counter, raising a brow as I looked at her. We were almost the same height, but her hair was shorter and dyed a deep ruby red. “Maybe it’s time to jump back on the pogo stick?”

           Leigh blushed and tucked her hair behind her ears. She looked over her shoulder at the door. “He's so fit… and hot. I mean, look at him and look at me. I doubt he goes for the thick girls.”

           I knew the feeling. The doubt. I thought I’d found someone who accepted and loved me just for me, but I’d been wrong. I suppose it had been the same with Izzy and Leigh. They were like Jon and I… happy on the outside but broken deep down.

           As doubtful as she sounded, Leigh had a faraway dreamy look in her eyes. “Man… his smile, though. And those eyes…but I don’t know, Al… But I guess we’ve got to leave the ladies first so we can find out. Remember a week away from reality.”

           I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Whatever tan I’d gotten living in California had washed out beneath my panic. My hazel eyes looked shell shocked. I splashed some cool water on my face and behind my ears, the surprise bringing color back to my cheeks. Leigh handed me a paper towel.

           “You good?”

           “Yeah, I'm good.” I smiled and hugged Leigh again, glad to have her with me. I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Seriously, though. Kenny looked at you like we looked at that cookie skillet. I can't believe you don't see it. He is definitely into you. You deserve it after Izzy—go for it.”

           Leigh rolled her eyes and snatched my backpack up from the counter.  “Come on, our fries are probably cold.”

           We laughed as we exited the ladies’ room arm-in-arm. As soon as we opened the door, I was surprised to find the cowboy leaning up against the wall. His brow was furrowed, and his blue eyes were dark with worry.

         “Is everything okay, Allie?” Adam asked with concern. His southern accent seemed to get thicker and desperately more adorable “You turned pale as a sheet.”

           Something warm settled in my chest. “Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks,” I replied, smiling a little. I thought of that stone in the front pocket of my bag. “I guess I shouldn't have had that last mimosa. Got a little light-headed.”

           Adam nodded and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I tried hard not to think about how good he looked in them. “Let’s get some food in you. Always helps when I’ve had a few too many.”

           I felt Leigh bump me lightly in the hip as she unwound her arm from mine and slipped in front of us. Adam shortened his stride to match mine and I could have sworn he turned just a little bit toward me.

           “Hey… half the fries are gone,” Leigh exclaimed from the table. Adam and I sidled up to the table just in time to see Kenny look up at her sheepishly, melted cheese and bacon bits still on the plate in front of him.

           Kenny looked around, as if he were searching for someone even as he tried to casually wipe the grease and cheese onto his napkin. “Yeah, I looked away for one second, and somebody just swiped them.”

           Before any of us could say anything in response, Leigh’s phone went off in her pocket. I watched her face go grey as she recognized the ringtone. Don’t answer it. Don’t answer it, I thought, wishing she could hear me inside her head. But she couldn’t, and I watched her hands shake as she put the phone to her ear.

           “Hello, Itzabelle,” my friend said, her voice barely trembling. I could feel the fear spilling into her veins.

           I could hear her ex’s voice on the other end. She was shouting and screaming, clearly upset about something. What does she want now? Hasn’t the bitch done enough?

           “It’s none of your business if I am in Tahiti with Allie. You gave up having an opinion about what I do a long time ago.” Leigh was starting to go pale and I dashed over to slip a chair under her, guiding her to sit down. “I’m not telling you a damn thing, Itzabelle. You’ve broken my heart enough. I’m not letting you do it again.”

           Leigh dragged the phone from her ear and ended the call, clutching the device tight in her hands. She looked sick. Adam handed her a glass of water. “Head between your knees if you’re gonna pass out.”

           My earlier panic had been quickly burned away by something like rage. Itzabelle Parker and I hadn’t exactly gotten along while she and Leigh were together, but I’d done my best once they got serious. But I’d be damned if she tried to ruin my friend’s life after they’d broken up.

           The high ring of my phone made my heart jump a beat. I dug it from my bag and grinned sadistically when I recognized the number. I answered without hesitation.

           “Listen here, Itzabelle Parker,” I spat, the words drawing out. I paced a few steps away. “You don’t get to speak to her like that. You made your choice the minute you touched her cousin, and you don’t get to be pissed off at her for going on a vacation with me.”

           She snarled back at me, hurling insults and insinuations. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You never deserved her. How many times was it, Izzy? And don’t just say the once because we both know you are a lying bitch who broke my best friend’s heart.”

           The angrier I got, the more I could hear the southern Alabama slipping into my voice. I’d lost all but hints of it when I moved to LA, but it seemed pure and unadulterated rage could bring it right back. “She’s moved on to better and definitely bigger than you. My girl will be well taken care of by one of the hottest men I have ever seen if I have a vote in it. She deserves some happiness after everything you’ve put her through.”

           I hung up on her without another word, feeling some vicious glee at how she sputtered at the end. It never occurred to Izzy that Leigh might find a guy who could make her happy. “Gimme your phone,” I commanded, holding out my hand to Leigh. She dropped passed it over without complaint. I powered both of them off and stuffed them into the bottom of my backpack. “Now…”

           I finally looked up, drawing a deep breath. The anger I’d felt at Izzy had completely torn away at the panic I’d felt moments before. Leigh was looking up at me with a mixture of awe and embarrassment. Across the table, Kenny had turned a horrible beet red and was suddenly very interested in counting the bacon bits on his plate. But Adam…

           Adam was looking at me with an awful appreciation in his eyes. He grinned and nodded, bracing his hands on the back of his chair and leaning forward. “You, Allie Mason, are as full of surprises as a hellcat.”

           “I’m sorry. That woman just…” I growled, still caught up in the rush of adrenaline. “She thinks she can dictate everything Leigh does even though she’s the one who royally fucked up. I’m not having it.”

           As I watched, Adam looked over at Kenny and burst out laughing. I finally stopped long enough to realize how I might have embarrassed him. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Kenny. I didn’t mean… That woman is horrible, and I wanted to shut her up. I’m so sorry I embarrassed you!”

           He took a deep drink of the soda in front of him. Then he downed the water next to it. “It’s fine,” he said, waving his hand in the air. “Flattered really. I mean… surprising that I would… you know… make her… jealous? But… yeah… um…”

           For a moment he sat quiet, then looked down at the iPhone on the table. “Hey Hangman, our ferry leaves in like 10 minutes. Unfortunately, we need to bid these lovely ladies adieu." Kenny said, the slight sadness present beneath his lingering embarrassment.

           Leigh glanced over as well. "Shit! Allie, ours leaves then, too. Grab a box from the server for the fries.” She glanced up at Kenny—who was still a delightful shade of red—and Adam—who was trying not to laugh at his friend—and queried, “Where are you guys off to?"

           “The Four Seasons resort at Bora Bora,” Adam said easily.

           I looked at Leigh, my heart beating hard against my ribs. No. It wasn’t possible… She looked quickly between Adam and I and smiled. “So are we.”

[crowkingwrites]

Bang Bang!: Guilty (Ch.11)

Pairing: Ramsay Bolton X Reader

Summary: You are now a full-fledged member of the Red Kings. After your first successful mission, Domeric comes with troubling news: they’re being watched and there’s a mole among them. The Red Kings, Ramsay, and You now stand against a new enemy: Stannis Baratheon, a high ranking FBI member out to seek justice who may have his own dark secrets he’s trying to hide.

In this next part of the series, you will be tested, face old enemies, and encounter faces you’d thought you’d never see again. You thought you were safe, but the game has just begun.

Words: 1664 // Ao3 Link

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10]

You took a long, exhausted sigh. You suddenly understood why Petyr forbid any of you to be in relationships. This was hard. This wasn’t fun anymore.

“Y/N?” Ramsay’s voice rose.

“The more you raise your voice at me, the less I’ll speak,” you simply said. Red flushed Ramsay’s face.

“No. No, you’re wrong. I can get you to talk. Any way I can,” he said.

“So, you’ll hurt me? Is that how you’re going to solve this? More violence? So you can feel powerful and big? Because I made you feel small and worthless? Is that it?”

“Don’t. Test. Me.”

Ramsay started to pace around the room. His fingers itched to hit something. His nostrils snarled. You could only imagine what Ramsay thought of in his head. You have never seen him this upset before at least not with you. If being under Petyr’s protection taught you anything, it taught you to sit still and take whatever was handed to you. If the Red Kings taught you anything it was you took whatever you wanted, fuck everyone else.

But this? You had no idea what to do about this. A rush of emotions broke you down. You felt your heart beating faster than you could take note of. Your skin crawled when you thought of Petyr again. He was going to hurt you. It didn’t matter if you were a Red King. Petyr was going to kill you.

Your fingers weaved themselves in your hair. Painful cries left your body. The sobs were so hard that you made no noise but hard breathing.

“What happened, Y/N?” Ramsay shouted. “Why did you do that? Huh? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Why are you yelling at me?” you shouted back. Your tears streaming down your face. “Look at me! Fucking look at me!” You shrieked. It hurt to look at Ramsay. You fell in love with someone as awful as Petyr. Things started to be clearer now.

“You know what I see? A crying whore.”

“Ramsay—

“Y/N,” Ramsay mocked you. “You can’t stop, can you? You fucked the world, but that’s even enough for you, is it? No, you want to spread your legs across the entire north.”

“It wasn’t like that,” your voice broke. “Then what was it, then?” Ramsay tucked his finger under your chin. His intense stare grew blurrier.

“I needed someone,” you tried explaining to him. “Don’t you understand that? The need to have someone?”

“I do!” Ramsay screamed at you. “I do fucking understand that concept. Do you think I stayed in New York for their hot dogs? Do you think I risked everything, including my life, for what? Money? You betrayed my trust.”

“I talked to him. That’s all I did.”

“You bared your soul to him. You touched him,” Ramsay’s face twisted in disgust. “You looked at him like he could save you from everything. You’ve never looked at me like that.” Your heart dropped into your stomach. The weight of it all hurt.

“He listened to me. He made me feel—

“Feel what? Loved?—

“Understood,” you spat back at him. You stood up, backing Ramsay away from you. “I am scared. I am frightened. Petyr is still out there, alive and breathing. He has his underbelly at work. Who knows where his spies are? Who knows if they’re here watching me? Waiting for me? Petyr is coming for me. He is coming for you. I can’t sleep anymore. I can’t stop thinking about it. When I do sleep, I wake up in a sweat because Petyr killed me in a nightmare again.

“But, no. I wanted to fuck Jon. That’s all you take away from it. This whole damned hotel is filled with nothing but idiots who aren’t afraid to die. Even so, they don’t even trust me. I feel like I have enemies everywhere and you don’t even care. ‘My girlfriend has killed people. You can’t fuck with her!’ Your boys could kill me. Your whole crew could kill us.

“Does any of this occur to you? Do you even think of the consequences? Jon Snow listened to me and gave me something you never did. Empathy. He made me feel like I was right to be afraid. He made me feel like it was okay to feel them. I don’t want to fuck Jon Snow. I don’t need to spread my legs across the north. I need you. I need you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening,” Ramsay said in a low voice. You cried out another sob and embraced Ramsay. He did not hug you back, and kept his arms at his sides.

“I’m scared.” You hoped he would understand two words.

“Why should I care?” Ramsay’s words cut you.

“Because you love me,” you reminded him.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Ramsay said. A punch to the gut. “W-what do you mean? You love me,” you said, looking him in the eye. Ramsay didn’t flinch.

“You betrayed me,” he spat.

“How? Did I kiss him? Did I fuck him? No! How did I betray you?” You stood up now, facing Ramsay head on. “You still call me a whore. Even when the only man I ever wanted in a year was you.”

Ramsay shook his head and started to pace off. You still stood in place, holding your ground now more than ever. This hurt too much. You could feel a ghost of a headache creeping into your head. You watched Ramsay drag out a bag into the middle of the floor. He started to pull out drawers with your belongings inside, umping them onto the bag, not even packing them inside.

“What are you doing?” you shouted.

“You’re leaving,” Ramsay told you.

“What?”

“I fucking said you are leaving, Y/N,” Ramsay dumped another pile of your belongings onto the middle of the floor. He threw the drawer and headed to the bathroom.

“You’re kicking me out? For talking to another guy?”

“You bared yourself to the enemy!” Ramsay stormed out of the bathroom to face you. “You told him things that you couldn’t even tell me. You’re sitting here and telling me that you trust our enemy more than you trust me.”

“I—

“No, you’re gone, Y/N,” Ramsay dumped your toiletries on top. “You have ten minutes. If you’re not gone by then, I’ll make you disappear myself.”

“Ramsay—

“Fuck off,” Ramsay stormed out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. You felt hot tears stream down your face. You tried to hold it together as you quickly packed your things into the bag. You couldn’t fit everything inside, but you had to run. The Red Kings would no longer protect you now.

You rushed down the stairs into the hallway. You started to hear laughter and curse words galore. No, you couldn’t face them all like this. You were an outcast now. Turning your heel, you sped towards the back exit. The wintry light blinded you from seeing a friend in front of you.

“Get in the car,” Ben told you. He ushered you forward into someone else’s car. You headed to the passenger’s side until ben stopped you. “No, you have to leave by yourself.” “What? I don’t have anywhere to go,” you explained. Ben handed you an envelope of cash with an address on it.

“Go there. Tell no one. Understand me?” Ben pushed you into the car. You started it hearing the familiar roar of a tricked out engine.

“Ben, what’s happening?” you cried to him. He squeezed your shoulder.

“I heard your argument with Ramsay. You have to go. Now. Please?” Ben begged you.

“I’m so scared!”

“Just go. Please. Go to the address. I promise you’ll be safe, ok?” Ben looked behind him. You took your chance. He wasn’t fucking around with you. You sped off onto the road with cash and an address. After driving for twenty minutes, you pulled over at the edge of town. You rolled up all of the windows and screamed. You hit the steering wheel with your fists.

This couldn’t be happening. Your fears were slowly becoming real. Ramsay had abandoned you and earned you even more enemies. What if Charlotte was sent to hunt you down? No. You needed to think rationally. Charlotte would never do that to you.

You took out your phone and plugged the address in. Luckily for you, you owned your phone. Not Petyr. Not Ramsay. You. It was the one thing you called your own. Your Waze App showed the most direct route to the address in Montana. You set off in your course along the northern part of America, listening to 80’s hits on the radio.

It had nearly been midnight when you arrived at the address. It was a large property with acres of land stretching out into the night. A handmade fence bordered the land and a dirt path lead to a farmhouse complete with a wraparound porch. All of the lights were still on.

You approached the household by yourself. Your things and money still sat in the car. Ben told you this was a safe place for you to go, but something in your gut told you a different story. You heard a football game being played in the living room. The smell of baked cookies reached your nose.

You raised your hand to knock on the door and retracted it. What if Ben led you to the lion’s den? What if this was a trap?

No.

You had enough of your own anxiety. Ben was your friend. He wouldn’t rush you out of there if he didn’t want you safe. You took a deep breath in and knocked on the door loudly. If you were not welcome here, you knew where the gun was in the car.

You saw movement in the windows and eventually someone opened the front door. Emotions rushed over you when you took in the older man’s familiar face.

“Dad?”

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[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD Week 9 Preview

Well well well well well well well.... would ya just look at this.... Jared Donovan’s team, the number 1 fantasy team in the entire country. Is it a coincidence that the first year that I said I would try I’m dragging my balls on everyone’s face below me? No it’s not. Fantasy is 100% skill, there’s literally no luck involved whatsoever, I always knew it would be too easy if I actually cared but I just said fuck it this year and thought I could use some extra cash. My experience as a Division III CB and John Carroll Univeristy early has paid off.. it essentially makes me a Patriots football coach and directly correlates to my fantasy football skillset. It’s science. But enough of the obvious facts, let’s get to these predictions, huh?

*Warning: content is in no way a preview of the players on the managers’ teams*

Jared Donovan’s team vs. Mahomies Chubbies

Just ran into chad in the bathroom before I started writing this. We had a good talk about the Browns sucking and us giving up on them and how fantasy just isn’t going well for him this year. You’re telling me bro, you fuckin suck at fantasy idiot.. also, tiniest pp on the planet. I was going to say he might be more laser focused since moving out of the penis palace that was His and Dom’s Bingham apartment.. but it’s hard to believe you can’t focus in a place with what seems like 5 couches thrown on the floor, 4 TVs, endless wires, and a pool table coated with semen. That’s ideal if you ask me. Also, now he’s in Lakewood, where the gays are plentiful so there’s nooo way he’s gunna be able to focus. He’s gunna be fuckin dudes and chicks left and rooight. Might even sneak into Bennett’s apartment and fuck him too. Luckily for me this all plays to my favor, not that I need any luck, like I said it’s all skill... Jared > Chad

Under the Influwentz vs. Kickers and Defense

What can I say, Doug and I have really gotten a lot closer this year, 2019 has been filled with so many great memories for us, to that thing we did and then that other thing we did, man... friendship ya know? It’s great. Now Solden... there was no way Solden was going to have a good year in fantasy... the dude got engaged and is planning a wedding, but trying to have a kid which may possibly trump the wedding... wow, now THAT is stress. Also, bold move planning a wedding 1,600 miles away on an island country but maybe possibly not having it in case you plop a baby in Mere. This would be great for me since I told you I likely won’t be going and would have less FOMO and would feel like a better friend. This wedding is tentative, how fast can your swimmers swim, the clock is ticking... kickers and defense huh? well Kick that D into overdrive and go to town. And no jerking off, save it for when it counts. God I’m a good friend. Good luck man. And you get the W in fantasy this week. Solden > Doug

My Quads are Danger6 vs. Rooney Tunes

Dammit I don’t have any ammo against these two men... both stand up guys. But have they ever met? I don’t think so, but nevertheless... Jon, Shawn said you’re a bitch. And Shawn, Jon said lick his nuts... so... yeah I don’t know what you guys wanna do about that but I thought I’d just relay the message. Shawn hasn’t set his lineup yet but based off of the 92% chance Jon currently has of winning that definitely won’t change, Jon > Shawn.

Uncle Rico vs. She Diggs My Cobb

Ohhhh boy... look at this one. These two have had a nice little rivalry building over the past few weeks.. Bennett lives for just a few things... triggering TJ, bridges, fishing shirts, and endless blizzards... it’s almost as if Bennett has intentionally been trying to trigger TJ... but let’s be honest TJ, you’re triggered easily... fucking pussy. But really...TJ has definitely had a rough 2019 guys... from sales people doing sales people jobs, from fortnite dramas, sjws that literally have no affect on his life, a few birthday IG stories that sent him spiraling into fury, not to mention the ankle injury ending his 2019 beach volleyball season. And I swear to God if you guys don’t respond to his GroupMe messages quicker there will be hell to pay. Maybe one of the bright spots this year from tj was falling back in love with fantasy, falling out of love with it, falling back in love with, falling out again, and then his knight in shining armor Gardner Minshew arrived and restored hope. unfortunately Minshew has disappeared just mysteriously as he arrived, but he has left an everlasting mark on the Uncle Rico’s and lifted yet another 2018 consolation championship contender into the top 3... just look at us now TJ. TJ > Bennett

Christian McCuris vs Injured Reserve

I did the math, and according to my calculations it’s OK for Casey to date his brother’s girlfriend’s sister. I probably said that last year but fuck it’s still funny. Unfortunately for him there are no calculations that result in a W for him this week so I’ll just get that out of the way now.... Sam > Casey. Sam has somehow cheated his way into the top of the crop again.. but who are we kidding we all knew this would happen. I can see his fake innocent smile, smiling at this preview right now... sickens me. he won’t beat me this year so 1st place is out for the question, the only hope for you 2nd place contenders is that he gets distracted by his new future wife, Ashley. What a love story ya know guys? I did the math on that too...Sams in the clear, right Paul? AYOOOOOOOOOOO. Which brings me to my game of the week.

Butker in the Cooper vs. Juju Kachoo

4 vs. 8... this has big implications moving forward. Dom went from the top spot for most of this season but has dropped off to the 4 spot as we begin the all important second half stretch... it’s almost symbolic as he slowly phases himself out of Cleveland life while preparing to move to LA... Moving to LA.. Reaaaaa original!!!! But imagine how many places have bottle service out there... it’s basically gunna be him, Nico, probably 40 finance bros and fuckin Mel getting bottle service 4 days a week. Don’t forget that pool table Dom! And Paul... Paul, Paul, Paul... has Paul changed? I’ve heard some murmers that Paul’s a dick now? I’ve missed like 3 roast sessions where Paul has supposedly told you all how he really feels... I’m upset that I haven’t received my roast from Paul yet but I hope to someday. Maybe he’s upset because he was once champion but now is nearing the bottom of the league... which essentially proves last year is a fluke and the championship should probably be voided. We’ll look into that. What do I need to do to get roasted Paul? I’ll do anything.... even tell you how you’re gunna lose this week... Dom > Paul

Alright that’s it. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Good luck idiots

[junker-town]

The 9 dumbest mistakes from a messy NFL Week 4, ranked

Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images

Vontaze Burfict hasn’t changed, the Cowboys threw into quadruple coverage, and the Chiefs and Lions fumbled their way into our hearts.

It’s really hard to pick games in the NFL. And no, we’re not just saying that because this week, our entire panel got beaten by a (very good) dog. There are few guarantees in a league so parity-driven that after four weeks, 13 teams are sitting at 2-2.

Even the slam-dunk predictions— the Patriots and Chiefs will win; the Dolphins really, really won’t — looked dicey for most of Sunday. Well, in the Dolphins’ case, for three minutes and 47 seconds. Progress, anyway.

Week 4 ended up being especially difficult to figure out. On Sunday, road teams went 10-3, including upsets like the Bucs over the Rams, the Browns over the Ravens, and the Raiders over the Colts. Almost all the games had a face only a mother could love, too. Jared Goff, Josh Allen, and Dwayne Haskins all threw three interceptions each. Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes failed to score a touchdown. The Saints and Cowboys somehow combined to score fewer points than their 13-10 slugfest last season.

We’ve seen better football than we got on Sunday, but at least that unpredictability gives us a wide array of choices for this week’s edition of dumbest mistakes:

9. The Chiefs and Lions played a game of fumble chicken

Strangely, the most exciting game of the day was a back-and-forth battle in Detroit between the undefeated Chiefs and the technically undefeated (at the time) Lions.

The Lions jumped out to an early lead, but the Chiefs came back to tie the game 13-all heading into overtime. Apparently both teams sat in their locker room soaking in giant tubs of butter, because this is how the first six drives of the second half went:

watching football pic.twitter.com/YRAKRu2YXZ

— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) September 29, 2019

Yes, the Lions and Chiefs totaled five lost fumbles IN ONE QUARTER. It’s so ugly, it’s almost beautiful, like Detroit itself in about a month and half when the slush starts coming.

The Chiefs scoring on a fumble recovery — and the refs not blowing their whistles too early like it was a Saints game — ended being the difference in a 34-30 win for the visitors.

8. What was Josh Rosen looking at on his interception?

It must be a nightmare being the Dolphins quarterback. Rosen has to deal with drops and horrible blocking, and even when he has an excellent start to a game like he did in Week 4, it’s just not nearly enough.

Rosen could help himself by avoiding horrible plays, though. The interception he threw to Chargers cornerback Michael Davis was so bad it was confusing.

first career pick ✊ pic.twitter.com/INAa3IIig4

— Los Angeles Chargers (@Chargers) September 29, 2019

Did Rosen just not see Davis? That’s usually the explanation for such an egregious mistake, but it sure looks like Rosen takes a long look that direction then decides “Screw it, I can make that throw.” And even if Davis weren’t there, the throw was so late that Dolphins receiver Preston Williams wouldn’t have had a chance at staying in bounds.

At this point, the 2019 season is just an audition for Rosen to prove to the Dolphins (or maybe another team) that he has franchise quarterback potential. Those kind of throws aren’t going to look good on his reel.

7. Dak Prescott threw into quadruple coverage

Amari Cooper is the most dangerous receiver on the Cowboys’ roster. The Saints knew this, which is why they sent four defensive backs to cover Cooper as Dallas ran its two-minute drill in the fourth quarter trailing 12-10. Dak Prescott knew this, which is why he threw the ball to Cooper anyway.

The end result was ... familiar to Lakers fans:

pic.twitter.com/bBCMpptyMp

— Hector Diaz (@iamHectorDiaz) September 30, 2019

Cooper actually had a better shot at hauling in the pass than anyone could have imagined, but it still fell to the turf. Three plays later, an improbable comeback effort ended with a Marcus Williams interception of Prescott’s last-ditch Hail Mary, handing the Cowboys their first loss of the season.

6. Tom Brady threw a pass that could never have been anything other than an interception

Tom Brady’s career has been predicated on good decisions. Finding the right windows downfield. Choosing the right workout regimen to keep him chugging along at age 42. Deciding which foods not to eat (see you in hell, strawberries!).

But every now and then — way too often in the Super Bowl, if we’re being honest — Brady sees ghosts in the red zone and throws at them, making an entirely indefensible decision in the process. This was one of those times:

Brady unleashed a classic "0% chance of success" pass to Micah Hyde, who plays for the Bills pic.twitter.com/OkiQbv2QI6

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) September 29, 2019

The Bills took the ensuing possession 52 yards to kick a field goal seconds before the two-minute warning — in effect doubling the amount of points the Patriots’ defense had given up in 2019. He finished his day with just 150 passing yards and zero touchdowns, leading to a 45.9 passer rating. Statistically, he’s never been worse in a New England victory.

5. The Titans passed on an easy chance for a three-score lead

Generally speaking, NFL head coaches are painfully conservative and risk-averse. Titans head coach Mike Vrabel earned a spot on this list for the exact opposite reason, however.

Tennessee was up 24-10 early in the fourth quarter and in the red zone threatening to add to that lead. A touchdown would’ve been great, but even a field goal would’ve saddled the Falcons with a 17-point deficit.

So why did Vrabel think it was a good idea to go for a fourth down on the Falcons’ 10-yard line? The Titans were already 0-for-2 on fourth down tries in 2019 and failed to convert their third attempt too.

Big stop by the defense on 4th-and-1! pic.twitter.com/LANJ52xFtx

— Atlanta Falcons (@AtlantaFalcons) September 29, 2019

The field goal would’ve been a 27-yard attempt for Cairo Santos, who already drilled a 45-yarder earlier in the game. Luckily for the Titans, the recklessly aggressive fourth-down call didn’t come back to haunt them, because the Falcons’ subsequent drive fizzled in Titans territory.

4. The Bills had no choice but to take a delay of game penalty (and hooo boy did it cost them)

Buffalo was in excellent shape to hold the Patriots’ feet to the fire. New England hadn’t trailed at all in 2019 when the Bills charged deep into its red zone trailing 16-10. A touchdown would give Buffalo and backup quarterback Matt Barkley a fourth-quarter lead and some very real momentum in front of a raucous home crowd.

Barkley didn’t like what he saw when he stepped behind center on second-and-goal, but by the time he finished talking it over with tight end Dawson Knox, there was nothing he could do. With his team having burned all its timeouts in the third quarter, the veteran QB could only walk from the line of scrimmage and accept a five-yard loss.

defeated Matt Barkley realizing he has no choice but to accept an impending delay of game penalty because his team used all its timeouts in the 3rd quarter is extremely relatable pic.twitter.com/tOmagNGqF2

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) September 29, 2019

Barkley’s next play would drive Buffalo all the way down to the Pats’ 2-yard line — deep enough to have been a touchdown without the previous penalty. Frank Gore was stuffed on third-and-goal, and then the Bills’ fourth-down pass from an empty backfield fell incomplete. Buffalo wouldn’t get this close to the end zone again in Week 4, falling to 3-1 and handing the Patriots their third AFC East victory of 2019.

3. The Vikings’ timeout ended up gifting the Bears a first down

The Bears were up 7-0 in the second quarter when they faced a decision on fourth-and-3 from Minnesota’s 34. At first, it looked like they were going to try for a field goal before then sending out punter Pat O’Donnell late into the play clock. Chicago was about to just take the delay of game penalty, until Vikings coach Mike Zimmer called a timeout.

While it looks like the Vikings did have 12 men on the field, the Bears were ready to give O’Donnell the extra room to punt:

After getting a little more time to think about it thanks to Zimmer, the Bears opted to go for it on fourth down — and they converted. Even worse, Chicago got a field goal on the drive to go up 10-0 before halftime.

Zimmer took the blame after the game, saying, “That’s a bad mistake. That’s my fault,” as the Vikings fell to the bottom of the NFC North standings.

2. Bill O’Brien couldn’t get out of the Texans’ way

The Texans had the perfect opportunity to take over sole possession of first place in the AFC South. They were hosting the Panthers, who were trotting out Kyle Allen at quarterback for the second week in a row. Despite coming into the game 2-0 as a starter, Allen also hadn’t faced a defense as disruptive as the Texans’ before.

After Allen’s second of three fumbles, the Texans got the ball at their own 34-yard line in a 3-3 game. Deshaun Watson picked up two first downs in a row before a Carlos Hyde run set them up with second-and-4 at Carolina’s 18-yard line. The home team had all the momentum at that point — until, that is, Bill O’Brien decided to dial up a little trickeration.

It did not work.

This just happened. Ross Cockrell intercepts DeAndre Hopkins #KeepPounding pic.twitter.com/H8yHvAvRBY

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) September 29, 2019

DeAndre Hopkins is without question an elite wide receiver. He is not a great passer, though. That was the second time he has attempted a pass; the first time, last year against the Bills, was an incompletion. And it prepared Ron Rivera and the Panthers to be on the lookout for it:

Ron Rivera said his defense was ready for the Hopkins pass. He said they saw it on tape during the week. Ross Cockrell said they knew Hopkins and Stills were threats to throw.

— SportsRadio 610 (@SportsRadio610) September 29, 2019

The Panthers went down the field and scored a touchdown to go up 10-3. After the game, O’Brien admitted it as a bad call. It was also arguably the turning point in the game.

Even so, the Texans were still in it late. The problem was O’Brien had used up all three timeouts with more than four minutes to go. One of those was lost on a challenge he obviously wasn’t going to win: this Christian McCaffrey superhuman play (O’Brien wasn’t sure if he was challenging the catch or the spot.)

That meant they couldn’t stop the clock when the Panthers were driving down the field for a late field goal to go up 16-10. They also couldn’t stop the clock when they had a chance at a game-winning drive. With 28 seconds left, Watson was able to get them to midfield to set up a Hail Mary attempt in the end zone. It, too, did not work.

At least Hopkins didn’t throw it, we guess.

1. Vontaze Burfict continues to make dirty plays and laugh them off

Remember only a couple weeks ago when Antonio Brown was being calmed down by Vontaze Burfict, of all people? We probably should have seen Burfict being the voice of reason as a sign of the end times, but it didn’t last. Burfict is back on his bullshit.

KICK VONTAZE BURFICT OUT FOREVER!!! pic.twitter.com/91IQghasuf

— Warren Sharp (@SharpFootball) September 29, 2019

Burfict has a long history of dirty hits and subsequent punishments by the NFL — more than $4.2 million in career fines and 10 games of suspension, per Spotrac. At this point, it’s a wonder why someone who cares so little about the health of his fellow players is still even in the league.

After laying that blatantly vicious hit against the Colts tight end Jack Doyle, Burfict was ejected and once again handled it with the same nonchalance as usual: he was smiling and blowing kisses to the stands as he went to the tunnel. If this isn’t at least a suspension, the NFL has some serious explaining to do.

[zeroviraluniverse-blog]

10 Surprising Facts About Burt Reynolds

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10 Surprising Facts About Burt Reynolds

If your first memory of Burton Leon Reynolds is from the 1993 film Cop and a Half, then you’re probably too young to remember—or even realize—that Burt Reynolds was once Hollywood’s biggest movie star. To put it in perspective: Every year from 1973 to 1984, Reynolds was listed as one of Quigley’s “Top 10 Money Makers,” and held the top spot on the annual poll from 1978 to 1982 (the only other person to boast a record five consecutive years at the top of the list is Bing Crosby, back in the 1940s).

After a serious knee injury and subsequent car accident ended a promising football career at Florida State University, Reynolds found his way into acting. He got his start in a series of television roles, including a regular gig on the western series Riverboat, then hit the big screen big time with his breakout role in John Boorman’s 1972 backwoods classic, Deliverance.

Reynolds followed Deliverance up with such hits as Smokey and The Bandit (a film Playboy called “the Gone with the Wind of good-ol’-boy movies”), Semi-Tough, The Cannonball Run, and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Though he hit a bit of a rough patch for a few years, all of that changed when Reynolds agreed to star in Boogie Nights, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 1997 ode to pornography, which earned the actor a Golden Globe award, a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination, and one of the biggest comebacks of the decade. Here are 10 things you may not have known about the mustachioed Hollywood icon, who turns 80 years old today.

1. HE TURNED DOWN SOME MAJOR ROLES.

Over the course of a near-60-year career, one is bound to pass on some prime roles. And Reynolds has turned down a lot, including (by his own admission in the video above) Han Solo in Star Wars, R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Edward Lewis in Pretty Woman, and John McClane in Die Hard. Although he doesn’t regret that final one: “I don’t regret turning down anything Bruce Willis did,” Reynolds told Piers Morgan.

More notably, and perhaps more regrettably, Reynolds turned down a chance to play James Bond in 1969. As Reynolds explains it: “In my infinite wisdom, I said to [producer] Cubby Broccoli, ‘An American can’t play James Bond. It just can’t be done.’ And they really tried to talk me into it. It was a 10-minute discussion. Finally they left. Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat.”

The role Reynolds laments turning down the most, however, is a role that was written specifically with him in mind. When director James L. Brooks approached him about playing Garrett Breedlove in 1983’s Terms of Endearment, Reynolds balked, instead taking a role in Hal Needham’s Stroker Ace. “When it came time to choose between Terms and Stroker, I chose the latter because I felt I owed Hal more than I did Jim,” Reynolds explained (Needham also directed Smokey and the Bandit, Hooper, and The Cannonball Run). “Nobody told me I could have probably done Terms and Universal would have waited until I was finished before making Stroker.” The role went to Jack Nicholson, who took home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 1984.

2. HE POSED NUDE IN A 1972 ISSUE OF COSMOPOLITAN.

It may be common knowledge that Burt Reynolds posed naked in Cosmopolitan. What may be less known is that he regrets that decision. “I’m very embarrassed by it,” Reynolds told Piers Morgan. Editor Helen Gurley Brown asked Reynolds to do the photo shoot after the two appeared together on The Tonight Show. “I thought it would be a kick,” Reynolds said. The issue came out only a short time before Deliverance was released in theaters and all 1.6 million copies of the magazine sold out.

Despite the popularity of the spread, Reynolds now believes that it may have distracted from the critical reception of Deliverance. “I thought it cost some actors in Deliverance an Academy Award,” Reynolds told Morgan. “I think it cost Jon [Voight]. I think it cost Ned Beatty, who certainly deserved an Oscar nomination. I think it hurt me, too.”

3. HE TURNED DOWN HIS OSCAR-NOMINATED ROLE IN BOOGIE NIGHTS. SEVEN TIMES.

Paul Thomas Anderson was adamant that Burt Reynolds play iconoclastic porn producer Jack Horner in his 1997 masterpiece, Boogie Nights, despite Reynolds’s aversion to the material. Anderson asked seven times, and got seven passes from Reynolds. “One night—the eighth time—[Anderson] came to my hotel room,” Reynolds recalled. “And I said, ‘Look, you don’t get it.’ And I went a little berserk. And at the end of the tirade, he said, ‘If you can do that in the movie, you’ll get nominated for an Academy Award.’ And he was right.”

4. AN ON-SET STUNT CAUSED HIM A LIFE OF PAIN.

The 1980s weren’t always kind to Reynolds. “I can’t believe I did all those bad films in a row until I looked at the list,” he said. During the filming of 1984’s City Heat, Reynolds was struck in the face by a metal chair and shattered his jaw. He developed TMJ as a result of the injury and ended up losing 40 pounds due to his inability to eat solid food. The shocking weight loss fueled speculation that Reynolds had contracted AIDS, a rumor he spent years refuting. He also developed a severe drug dependency as a result of the chronic and debilitating pain he suffered from TMJ; at one point Reynolds was taking up to 50 Halcion sleeping pills a day.

Reynolds eventually kicked the pill addiction, but was not so lucky with the pain. He still suffers daily from the more than 30-year-old injury.

5. HE HAD AN IMPROMPTU PIE FIGHT WITH DOUBLE DARE HOST MARC SUMMERS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.

Burt Reynolds had just finished up his segment as a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in 1994 and had shifted over to make way for the next guest, TV show host Marc Summers (Double Dare, Unwrapped). Reynolds became visibly irritated with Summers for, ostensibly, turning his back on him while he was speaking to Leno. Summers then made the comment to Reynolds, “I’m still married, by the way.” This jab precipitated a water fight between the two combatants: Reynolds dumped his mug on Summers’s lap, Summers retaliated, so on and so forth. The donnybrook culminated in a rather violent pie fight followed by a very awkward hug.

“This was not a bit,” Summers explained. “I didn’t know what to expect. He was going through a divorce with Loni Anderson at the time and he was angry … He hugged me and said, ‘I only did that because I really like you.’ You wait to get on The Tonight Show your whole life. You’re sitting next to Burt Reynolds. He drops water on your crotch, then you get into a pie fight!”

6. HE PISSED OFF ELMORE LEONARD.

Reynolds was a longtime admirer of writer Elmore Leonard. After reading Leonard’s novel, Stick, Reynolds decided that he wanted to direct and star in the film version. Things did not go well.

After watching Reynolds’s first cut of the film, the studio pushed back its release date and forced him to re-shoot the second half of the movie, much to the actor/director’s dismay. “I turned in my cut of the picture and truly thought I had made a good film,” Reynolds told the Los Angeles Times. “Word got back to me quickly that the [studio] wanted a few changes … I gave up on the film. I didn’t fight them. I let them get the best of me.”

The biggest blow came from Elmore Leonard. “Leonard saw the film the day he was interviewed for a Newsweek cover and told them he hated it,” Reynolds shared. “After his comment, every critic attacked the film and he wouldn’t talk to me. When I re-shot the film, I was just going through the motions. I’m not proud of what I did, but I take responsibility for my actions. All I can say—and this is not in way of a defense—is if you liked the first part of Stick, that’s what I was trying to achieve throughout.”

7. HE DABBLED IN THE NIGHTCLUB BUSINESS.

Burt Reynolds’s foray into the booming 1970s nightclub business was a short-lived one. He opened Burt’s Place in the late 1970s at the Omni International Hotel in downtown Atlanta. The club’s most notable feature was a stained glass dance floor that featured a rendering of Burt’s face and the words, “Burt’s Joint”—which was odd, considering that wasn’t even the name of the establishment. Burt’s Place/Joint closed after a year.

8. MARLON BRANDO WAS NOT A FAN OF REYNOLDS.

Coming up in the movie business, Burt Reynolds was a huge Marlon Brando fan. Brando did not share the sentiment. When Reynolds was being considered for the role of Michael Corleone in 1972’s The Godfather, Brando adamantly declared that if Reynolds was given the role, he would remove himself from the project. The rest is history.

Brando later said about Reynolds, “He is the epitome of something that makes me want to throw up … He is the epitome of everything that is disgusting about the thespian … He worships at the temple of his own narcissism.” Ouch! To be fair, in the same conversation, Brando admits that he had never even met Reynolds.

9. HE RELEASED AN ALBUM. 

Hot off his success in Deliverance and his nude spread in Cosmo, a solo album seemed like the next, most Hollywood-appropriate course of action.

Reynolds released his debut record, “Ask Me What I Am,” in 1973 and somehow this gem seems to have evaded critics and fans alike. We do know that the album came with a double-sized poster of Reynolds in a blue jumpsuit and cowboy hat. You can listen to a track on YouTube, but if you must hear it in its entirety, it’s available on Amazon.

10. HE DOESN’T THINK DELIVERANCE COULD BE RE-MADE TODAY.

“They keep talking about a remake, but I don’t think you could find four actors crazy enough to do it,” Reynolds said. “Not by any stretch of the imagination were we white water experts. We’d quit for the day and come back and practice. We got to the point where we were more proficient, or at least we didn’t get tipped over all the time. I have to admit that, in spite of the danger, or maybe because of the danger, it was the most fun I ever had.”

Reynolds has often said that Deliverance is the finest of all of his films.

[wemarkmcleodblog-blog]

Who Do These Gators Want?

Mark McLeod

I spoke with seven former Florida players this week and got their take on the head coaching vacancy at the University of Florida.

 Scot Brantley- Linebacker 1976-1979

One of the most physical linebackers in SEC history. After winning a pair of state championships at Ocala Forest High School, Brantley was honored as a two-time honorable mention All-American and All-SEC selection at Florida.

A rare two-sport star, he was drafted by the New York Mets (5th round) and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3rd round), despite telling the Mets that he was not going to play baseball.  

Brantley played nine years with the Bucs before beginning a long career as a color analyst for Tampa Bay and the University of Florida radio networks. He also enjoyed a long career as a sports talk radio host.

And his Mama makes some of the best sandwiches in the south!

 Who do like to possibly get the Gators job?

"I like Jon Gruden. You've got to make a big splash with this hire," Brantley said. "I think that all of that energy that has been built up for these years doing Monday Night Football, he is excited. He has been on top of every little thing about running a football team. He never recruited anybody, but there is a lot of similarity in what you do in the NFL."

"If Gruden says that he is not interested then Scott Frost would be my guy. I afraid that Scott Frost will be like Steve Spurrier, who did a nice job at Duke and went back home. He seems to be in the same situation. So, if Nebraska doesn't take him, they're idiots."

"I just don't see Willie Taggart leaving Oregon after just one year. I would think they have him locked down. It seems they (the Oregon administration) would have had that conversation before he took the job because if a job opens up in Florida, you would think that there will be some interest."

"Still, I'm not so sure that he would be the guy," Brantley quickly added. "I'd rather have Charlie Strong. Of course, people are going to say, well, you lost to Houston. It's all about what have you done for my lately. He won seven games in a row, yet now he's not good enough? So, he's not going to be talked to about the job?"

"I don't know," Brantley said. "Frost and Charlie, if it's not Gruden. They need to talk to Gruden and see. No doubt. When he won the Super Bowl people said that he did it with Tony Dungy's players, but I was working in the booth for the Buccaneers and I had looked it up and there were less than 20 of the players he brought to Tampa and I have a lot of respect for what Tony did there. I just think that people need to look at what Jon did there."

Brantley is right. Gruden has said that he recalls having 25 new players in his first year in Tampa Bay. Many of those terrific defensive players were brought in by the well-respected Dungy, but Gruden added key pieces on the offensive side to bring the trophy to Tampa Bay. 

 Could you imagine the response from recruits when Jon Gruden walks into their home or school?

"How about the response from the donors to help get the program back too? But, you're right, Gruden walking into their house in Orlando, Miami, or Tampa, anywhere would be amazing. I hope that works out, but we'll see if they contact him. Scott Stricklin just needs to reach out to him and talk to him. It makes sense to talk to all of these guys. Get him in here and I guarantee you that he'll get this thing going in the right direction now. " 

"Now, Dan Mullen makes all the sense in the world for (Scott) Stricklin. I think Mullen needs to stay right there and if he wins seven, eight, or nine games a year there, he's golden." 

  Johnie Church- Defensive End 1992-1995

Church wasted little time getting on the field. He started eight games for the Gators and was named to the Freshman All-American Teams by both the Associated Press and USA Today. Church helped the Gators to their first-ever National Championship Game appearance and won four SEC Championships.  

 Johnie, I know that you are following this closely. You are always studying the program. So, who are you looking at and why?

"It waivers with me on who we could possibly get. I'm partial to Charlie Strong. I think that he's been b the most loyal coach in the history of the University of Florida with all of the times that he came back to coach there. But, I don't think that's an option. I just can't see it with him just getting to USF. He just got out of that pressure situation where there just wasn't enough time to clean up a program and get rid of a bunch of really good players. It's just my personal opinion that he isn't going to want to leave after just one year."

"I'm really partial to Coach (Bob) Stoops too. Really thought that something was building when he left Oklahoma with a Heisman-caliber quarterback and a national championship caliber team. He just left it to a guy he brought under his wing. He left it easy. There was no scandal or anything, but I just thought that was kind of weird. That was a weird situation and then to see Coach Spurrier coming back, I wondered because he and Coach Stoops have been close. But, I don't know if that's an option. Those are my top two, but is it plausible?"

"My third guy would be Scott Frost. What I see when I look at Scott Frost. He's a guy that knows championship culture because he was at Nebraska when they were very dominant. He did it as a player and as a coach. This guy knows the training that it takes to become a national caliber team. He knows the work ethic it takes. He was starting quarterback on a national championship team. So, he was the brains of the operation. Then, he had to transition himself into a pro at the safety position. Now, some people will tell you that linebacker is the brains of the defense, but the safety position is the brains of the defense. They have to know all of the inner-workings of the defense and he did it for seven years in the pros. He has to have a very high football IQ to be able to do that."

"This team went 0-12 and he had to change the mindset. He's still playing with someone else's recruits, so that shows me that he is creative and can develop those players while having to change the mindset. That's very impressive."

 Does Frost remind you of a younger Steve Spurrier, when he took over the Florida program? 

"I believe so even with an added element of touch there. We need a guy who is going to be in Gainesville for 10 to 15 years to get some consistency. We haven't had that in awhile and it's hurting our brand. We need that guy that has enough youth and that has enough energy to recruit the state of Florida. Recruiting is hard and it's much harder these days. Social media, you can reach a recruit so much easier. Back in our day, you'd have to catch a kid home because there were no cell phones.  And the price of plane tickets being so much cheaper makes it easier to go away."

 What about that guy with SEC experience. Your first two have SEC experience. Is that by design because of the conference experience and is that a concern with Frost?

"No, it isn't. And I'll tell you why it isn't with him. I see the SEC dropping off because of antiquated coaches. On every SEC team, the big programs, the national championship talent is pretty much there with the nucleus. I see old-style coaches in the league refusing to adjust their programs to the personnel. If you watch Alabama they adjust their offense to the players they have in their offense. The greatest thing about Nick Saban is that he adjusts their offense to the personnel every year. The best coaches are those who adjust on the fly. Just like Urban did when he arrived at Florida. They crafted an offense that could take advantage of the talent they had at Florida."    

  Chris Doering- Wide Receiver 1991-1995

Why has SEC Storied ignored Doering? What does he have to do catch yet another touchdown pass? One of the most acclaimed walk-on’s in NCAA history. Gainesville native Chris Doering redshirted in 1991 and made a splash with a touchdown catch in 1993.

And he didn’t stop there.

He went on to establish himself in Southeastern Conference history with a record 31 career touchdowns. He has three SEC Championship rings and played nine years in the NFL. And just for kicks, he enjoys a tremendous career on ESPN/SEC Network.

 Chris what is your take on the vacancy?

"It's interesting. What is the criteria that Scott (Stricklin) is looking for? Is it a situation where they want somebody who has head coaching experience? Is a guy like Stoops really a legitimate candidate both from a Florida standpoint or interest in his part coaching again in general?

"I assume they want a guy who can coach here for the next ten plus years. So is there an age limit that they're looking at and on the flip side you want to get a young up and comer, bur how many times has that worked out? We've seen it work out for other sports, but football hasn't worked out the past couple of hires. You know how I feel about Will (Muschamp) and I think if Will had been able to have a little more staying power here, he'd have been able to experience a little more success. I think Foley made the right hire there, but there was too much negativity. I think that I have him as my fourth best coach in the conference."

"There are just a lot of questions for us to know exactly what it is they are looking for with this hire” 

"I'm high on Scott Frost, like everybody else. You know another name that I have heard that makes a lot of sense to me is Willie Taggart, I had a chance to work with him a couple of times when he’s at Western Kentucky during his first season and I really like him as a person. I love the fact that he is from Bradenton and knows the state well and the southeast well.”

"Chad Morris is another guy that I mentioned last week that I thought would be a good fit. Although now with (Kevin) Sumlin looking more and more that he is on his way out Texas A&M may be a better fit with his ties to the state and recruiting in the state."

"I think (Mike) Norvell is an interesting candidate too and what he has done at Memphis” 

"Really, I think that one of the interesting things about is that there is no slam dunk hire. There is nobody that you look at and say, that's the guy. Even if you think that Jon Gruden or Chip Kelly are legitimate candidates, which I'm not even sure. I don't know that either of them are great fits here. Jon Gruden hasn't coached since, what, '92? And he hasn't coached at all in the last decade almost. And Chip Kelly, does he have the right personality to coach at Florida or in the SEC in general?"

"I just think there are so many questions. It's a hard hire with a lot of pressure knowing that there is a lot of pressure and you've got to get the right guy. At the same time, feeling like there isn't somebody who necessarily stands out as the guy that you have to go get."

 What about Charlie Strong? Where does he fit or doesn't he?

"I love him. I have known him since I was young, going to Florida football camps and had a chance to play on teams where he was on the staff. I don't even know what his interest is. I'm sure there is a part of him that wants to do it. Does he want to jump right back into the frying pan that's very similar to Texas? That's a tough job and one of the reasons that you're compensated so well is because you have to put up with all of the stuff that comes along with having a job at a place like Texas or Florida."

"I do have some questions about is it the right fit. I know that he can recruit. I know that he is familiar with the area and the culture of the University of Florida and I think there are some positives about that. But, does he feel like he wants to out himself into that situation after what he put himself through at Texas."  

   Bob Hewko- Quarterback 1979-1982

Somebody has missed the boat on making a reality series with Bob Hewko.

Hewko played for Dallas and Tampa Bay in the NFL before becoming an assistant tour manager for Motley Crue and Aerosmith. He has also served as a color commentator for the Legends Football League.

The southpaw was born and raised in Hatboro, a suburb of Philadelphia. We all know about the superb high school talent that resides east of the Mississippi in Florida, Georgia, and Texas. Pennsylvania has produced an amazing portfolio of quarterbacks like Johnny Unitas, Dan Marino, Joe Montana, Joe Namath, and Jim Kelly just to name a few. And Hewko? Well, he was recruited to the University of Florida by Steve Spurrier- a guy who knows a little about great quarterback play.

Hewko is very busy, but always makes time to keep up with his beloved Gators.

Who do you like for the Florida vacancy?    

“Scott Frost is number one and the more that I study him, the more that I like him,” Hewko said. “He was a wishbone quarterback and then he was the OC under Chip (Kelly) out at Oregon and I love that offense. That was like the number one offense in the country. So, you have that combination and you up it once more with what he is doing at UCF and it’s just a fun system. The players love him and he’s out there running the option with the players in practice. He’s young. He’s aggressive. And he’s scoring over 50 points per game.”

 What about Charlie?

“I love Charlie Strong,” Hewko said. “He and Frost would be the top two, I think. He (Charlie) should have had it before. You know that he was a GA there when we were still playing and is just a great person. I think that he walked into a tough situation in Texas, but players love him and he’s a great coach. You tie him up with an offensive coordinator and I think that it would be an awesome combination.”

“If it’s Charlie Strong, he should let me be the offensive coordinator. I’ll put a combination of (Mike) Shanahan’s offense and Spurrier’s offense and we would do just okay,” he joked. “We would do just alright. The scary part is that it’s true. I know that I don’t have a lot of experience, but you don’t forget. They ran two of the top offenses that I have ever seen.”

“Stoops, he is on my list if you can possibly get him. You know that I am an offensive guy and he’s always had great offenses through the years and he’s a good coach. He would fit right in here.”

“(Jon) Gruden. I would love that. I don’t see that one happening.”

 Todd Johnson- Safety 1998-2002

Tremendous hitter. Leader. One of the most beloved teammates by his peers. Johnson was a SuperPrep All-American coming out of Sarasota Riverview, but was listed by a recruiting analyst as a guy who might finally see playing time as a redshirt junior.

He forgot to tell him that.

Johnson redshirted his freshman year, but saw plenty of playing time as a redshirt freshman. He made it to the Super Bowl with the Chicago Bears and played seven years in the National Football League before returning home to take the head coaching job at Riverview High School.    

 What are your thoughts on the vacancy?

"I'm definitely following it and trying to keep track and see what's going on. I'm anxious just like everybody else to see what happens. I think (Tim) Tebow hit it on the head when he said that it's got to be somebody who handles the pressure because it's a hot seat and kind of thrives on that and embraces it."

"You know I would be thrilled if it were Bob Stoops, Chip Kelly, or Scott Frost. Those are my top three in no particular order. If they get somebody else, I'm sure they'd be good, but I would be thrilled if it were one of those three."

 Most of the candidates that seem to be in the running for this have no SEC coaching experience. Does that matter to you?

"No, as long as the guy hasn't taken an easy path and I don't think any of those three have. I think they have all been in very competitive situations whether it's playing or coaching and not scared to compete against the best as you well know."

 Charlie Strong is right in your backyard down there. Does he fit in among your top candidates?

"Yeah, he'd be in my top five," Johnson said. "I think Florida and the Gator Nation is probably looking for some more offense. Even though they're more defensive. Stoops produced some really good offenses there at Oklahoma. 

 Willie Taggart is in your area too, right there in Bradenton. Is he someone you'd like to see considered? 

 "Yeah, I think that he would be an interesting pick. He's a young guy with Florida ties and coached right there at USF and he can recruit the heck out of this state, so he'd be in my top five." 

And yet another one from that area is Jon Gruden. Is he someone that you'd like to see considered?

"I would think that Gruden would be far-fetched because he's got such a good gig now. That would definitely be a splash hire and someone who could definitely out some points on the board. He'd get the Gator Nation and recruits excited and hopefully go on a long run."

 Larry Kennedy- Cornerback 1991-1994

Back-to-back Sarasota Riverview graduates and members of the Air Patrol, a specially designated group that took pride in the tremendous secondary that suited up for the Rams year-after-year-after-year.

Former Florida star Larry Kennedy watched as the SEC East fell through the floor and knew the program was in trouble when Jim McElwain, the offensive guru struggled to develop a quarterback and put the team on his back. 

 Who are the guys that you like?

"Let me tell you what has to happen and I don't care what anybody says this has to happen. First of all, you have to go out and get a veteran coach. It's somebody who has been there and done that, who understands recruiting, relationships with the alumni, and has a chip on his shoulders and in the big one. Most importantly, he has to be somebody who can come in here and do it the right way and guide the program into the right direction. I have five names, but the two that jump out at me right away are Charlie Strong and Bob Stoops. And you can take either one, I don't care, but understand that those guys are going to find offensive gurus. They will find young, energetic offensive coordinators. When you've got guys like that, they make coordinators. People may not understand that, but they do make them"

"Strong had the hiccup at Texas, but we understand that it was like when Muschamp took over for Meyer. It wasn't like what (Ron) Zook left Urban Meyer. e walked into a situation that was fully loaded. I mean those guns were ready to blast. He was solid at the QB position and could call any number to score. Nobody walks into a position and is solid at QB. If you're strong at the QB position, you're 50% there. Zook already did the work on the recruiting class, so the work was already done. All that he had to do was close the deal on those recruits. When Muschamp took over it wasn't built."

"I don't think that we have been as strong and physical as we have been in past years, so I think that we have to go back and get that right. It starts with your strength and conditioning coach and you've got Strong, who is already tied into Pat Moorer. He built South Carolina. He built Louisville. He was at Texas. Now, bring him back to Florida. So, you put that piece back into play. You have to build this from the inside out. Forget about what everybody's saying, we have to have an offensive guy. No, we have to have a guy that rebuild the program."

"Scott Frost is a great young coach with probably has as good an offensive mind. He can build you a team that can get you some victories in year one and year two and probably a few in year three and make you competitive, but I'm talking about making a program. A well-respected program across the country where when you walk into an airport in Ogden, Utah wearing the Florida colors they don't think that you're Boise State. They know that you're Florida."

"So, I want that coach that brings back the respect of the program. I want a coach that can walk into any house and can capture any parent and bring back true diversity of the program. I want a coach that brings character back to the program, so when a Mom or Dad sends their child to that coach, they know the next four or five years  there is a father figure there that will stay with those kids for life. The thing about Coach (Steve) Spurrier, Coach (Ron) Zook, Coach (Jim) Collins, Coach (Dwayne) Dixon, Coach () Franks is that I still have a direct relationship with those coaches to this day. A lot of guys can't say that about their coaches."

"So Strong and Stoops, but if you think outside of the box, you look at Coach (Dave) Clawson at Wake Forest. He doesn't have any ties to Florida, but he's so professional the way he builds a program and the way that he deals with his players. The slow grind of watching Wake Forest be competitive year in and year out against some of the top teams in the country. And he's been able to get seven and eight wins every year, which we all know is hard to do there. And he does it consistently. He's an offensive guy and he does real well in recruiting. You nevr hear about problems or players getting into trouble at Wake Forest. And he's one hell of a coach that goes under the radar. Wake Forest has them something special. I can see Tennessee trying to pick him off."

"And the other is Coach (Dave) Doeren at N.C. State. Those two coaches are diamonds in the rough that nobody talks about.  They do it their own way, but those programs give them what they need and they do it their own way. You never hear anything about their players. He's very hands-on and has a good staff and people try to pick people of their staff and Coach Clawson's staff too."

"The dark horse in this and he would have been in my top three if it weren't for this bad year is Larry Fedora. The problem is that he lost his trigger man and his whole team left early. You can't be mad at him. He's not at a school where he can get top players every year. If he had 7-9 wins this year, he might have been mentioned for the Florida job."

  Kirk Kirkpatrick- Tight End 1987-1990

For many years the burning question in Gainesville was who will be our Kirk Kirkpatrick? He kicked off the Spurrier Era by taking the SEC by storm and spoiling Gators fans for more than a decade.

Kirkpatrick had 55 receptions during his senior year, which led the Southeastern Conference. He took seven of those into the end zone for touchdowns.  

"I think Tebow said that you do need a big name, a big personality for that role and I do agree with him on that. It's a big job and you need somebody who can fill it. Obviously, he (Jim McElwain) wasn't able to do that and I was surprised at some of his comments. He was definitely not the right fit and yet I think Florida wants to win with offense. He had the right pedigree, but it didn't work. I don't know how a guy with a spotty record got a guaranteed contract for that much money."

 Is there a guy or a couple of guys that you think might be the right fit for Florida?

"I am definitely not in the know about this, but I love Charlie Strong. I was there when he was there and I think that he is fantastic. He is one of my favorite people of all-time. I thought that he was a fantastic coach and that he relates to the players. I am very biased, but I love him as a person, as a coach, and as a leader, because I know him personally."

"Obviously, I would love to see the Head Ball Coach get it, but I just think it's too much work at this time. Scott Frost sounds very interesting. It sounds like he has been there and he knows what he is doing. He has a nice offense. I'm happy that I don't have to make the decision, I can tell you that."

 Does Scott Frost remind a little bit of Steve Spurrier when he was hired by the University of Florida?

"Yeah. Oh yeah, he absolutely does. He seems to have that bravado and he has had success everywhere that he has gone. I like that he has coached defense too. He was a quarterback and he understands how defenses work. So, that's pretty interesting. He has a nice pedigree. I'm not sure why Nebraska has not come calling. Why wouldn't he not go there? He's a Nebraska guy, so why not go back there? Think about it, there are no professional teams in Nebraska. So, they are the big fish in that state. Kids grow up there, they want to be Nebraska Cornhuskers. They don't want to be Buccaneers or Miami Dolphins. You are the major league sport in Nebraska, so I would think that if he is called home that he would want to go home."

[epitomy-of-venegance-blog]

Best Tv Shows All Time

'The Daily Show' 1996-Present

The fa-Ke information display that became mo-Re credible as opposed to news that is real. Comedy Central started The Everyday Show in 1996, but it hit its stride when Jon Stewart took over in 1999. The Everyday Present got more politically abrasive as the the headlines got worse. Stewart had the rage of a man who'd signed on in the conclusion of the Bill Clinton years, only to finish up with an America much more scary and more ugly for, as well as the anger showed. "It's a comic box lined with unhappiness," he informed Rolling Stone in 2006. While the franchise struggles on without him, Samantha Bee and Daily alumni John Oliver keep that hard-hitting spirit alive on their shows.

'The Office (U.K.)' 2001 03

Ricky Gervais created one of TV's most agonizing comic tyrants in David Brent – a bitter, awkward, pompous ball of vanities terrorizing his workers at a London paper company. He fidgets, fondles his tie, cracks awful jokes, plays guitar ("Free Love Freeway"!), invisible to anyone except the longsuffering office drones who need to put up with him. This mockumentary raised the cringe level of sitcoms everywhere, spawning the surprisingly fantastic U.S. version (also on this checklist) while paving the way for the glories of Parks & Re-Creation and Peepshow.

'Sesame Street' 1969-Present

No kiddie present has ever been as fiercely beloved as this urban utopian fantasy, emerge a brownstone neighborhood populated by a multi racial cast of smiling adults, a gigantic yellow chicken, a grouch in a garbage can, and z/n-loving vampires, plus many talking letters and figures. It's great songs, but most important, Sesame h-AS soul, which can be why the air h-AS stayed sweet for 40 years – or as the Count would say, 4-5! 46! 47 years!

'The Sopranos' 1999 2007

The crime saga that slice the the history of TV kicking off a golden age when abruptly something seemed possible. With all The Sopranos, David Chase smashed all the rules about just how much you could get away with on the little screen. And he created an immortal American antihero in James Gandolfini's Nj Mob boss, Tony Soprano over a crew of gangsters who double as damaged husbands and dads, men seeking to live using their murderous secrets and dark memories. As the late, great Gandolfini told Rolling Stone in 2001, "I noticed David Chase say one time that it is about people who lie to themselves, as we all do. Lying to ourselves on a daily basis as well as the mess it creates." What an inspiring mess it is. This particular poll was run away with by the Sopranos as the planet was altered by it. Chase showed how much story telling ambition tv could be brought to by you, and it didn't take long for everybody else to to go up to his problem. The breakthroughs of the next few years – The Wire, Mad Guys, Breaking Bad – could not have happened without The Sopranos kicking the door down. But Chase had a tough time convincing any community to take on a story of a guilt- while his mom plots to destroy him, gangster who goes to therapy. "We'd no idea this show would appeal to folks," he told Rolling Stone. "The show really unexpectedly made this type of splash that it screwed all of US up." The Sopranos stored heading having a wild mix of humor and blood shed for the long bomb over six masterful seasons on HBO. When FBI agents tell Uncle Junior which mobsters they want him to finger, he says using a shrug, "I want to fuck Angie Dickinson – let us see who gets lucky first." The Sopranos is full of damaged characters who linger on in the long term parking of our national imagination – Edie Falco's Carmela, Dominic Chianese's Junior, Michael Imperioli's Christopher, Tony Sirico's Paulie Walnuts. E Street Band guitarist Steve Van Zandt became Tony's lieutenant Silvio – Chase spotted him on early Bruce Springsteen album addresses. (As Chase told Rolling Stone, "There was something about the E Street Band that looked the same as a crew.") It might not have been possible without Gandolfini's slow-burning intensity – he was the only actor who could deliver Tony's angst to life. But the writing, directing and acting went locations Television had never attained before. The Sopranos arguably hit its imaginative peak with all the well-known Pine Barrens episode, where Christopher and Paulie Walnuts wander away in the woods, realizing the gangster they tried to whack is still out there-in the darkness. They shiver in the cold. ("It is the the fuckin' Yukon out there!") They wait. And worry. The Sopranos never solved this mystery – for all we know, the Russian is nonetheless atlarge, however another key these guys can't shake off. In the streets, family loyalties flip, both on The Sopranos and a-T home. Beloved characters can get whacked at any given moment. It stored that perception of risk alive proper up to the ultimate seconds. And not quite a decade after it faded to black in a Jersey diner together with the juke-box playing "Do Not Cease Believin'," The Sopranos stays the standard all ambitious TV aspires to meet.

'Friday Night Lights' 200611

"Obvious eyes, total hearts, cannot drop" is the golden-rule in a dusty Texas town where everybody else lives and dies for the large college football team. But Friday Night Lights isn't truly about football s O much as family, perform, class, the bitter flavor of dashed goals, with Kyle Chandler as Coach Taylor, Connie Britton as wife Tami and Taylor Kitsch as Tim Riggins – the most most notable of the many vulnerable kids who go through the Panthers' locker room. Riggins' tale becomes particularly moving after his grid iron glory fades and genuine existence beats him down.

'Star Trek' 196669

The Starship Business took off using a five-year mission: "To explore unusual new worlds, to to locate new life and new civilizations," and it succeeded in making the most beloved of sci fi franchises, maybe not just inspiring numerous spin-offs but also codifying fan fiction as a creative art form. Gene Roddenberry's original sequence stays the the inspiration, with William Shatner's awesomely pulpy Capt. Kirk, Leonard Nimoy's logical Mr. Spock, Bones, Sulu, Uhura and Scotty. They make contact with strange and inexplicable lifeforms – Romulans, Gorns, Joan Collins. During its three years, Star Trek suffered from low ratings till NBC pulled the plug, but thanks to the most doggedly faithful of Television cults (re-member when "Trekkie" was an insult?), Roddenberry's vision lives long and prospers to this day.

'Mad Men' 200715

The American desire and how exactly to sell it – aside from Don Draper as well as the hustlers of Sterling Cooper, selling is the American dream. Mad Men became a sensation as soon as it appeared, partly due to the glam surface – a New York advert agency in the JFK period, all sex and money and liquor and cigarettes – but mostly as it was an audaciously adult drama which wasn't about cops or robbers (or medical practioners or lawyers), staking out new story-telling territory. Jon Hamm's womanizing ad man, Don, is a genius a-T shaping other people's goals and fantasies, but he can not e-Scape his own loneliness – he's a con-man who stole the identification of a lifeless Korean War officer and constructed a new life out of lies. "A good marketing individual is like an artist, channeling the lifestyle," creator Matthew Weiner told Rolling Stone. "They're supporting a mirror saying, 'This is the way you desire you were. That is the thing you're scared of.'" A room can be reduced by Don to tears although the content family memories he is attempting to sell are a fraud. There was nothing on TV as seductive as Mad Men before – and years later, there still isn't.

'Deadwood' 200406

Al Swearengen's moral philosophy: "you-can't cut the throat of every cock-sucker whose character it would improve." Spoken just like a Founding Father that is true. He is the villain of David Milch's epic Western set in the mud and slime of an 1870s South Dakota gold-mining c AMP. In the middle of it all (i.e., the saloon), Ian McShane's Al glowers, pours drinks, counts money and slices jugulars, in a frontier hell-hole total of prospectors, whores, drunks and dropped freaks looking for one last fatal battle to get in to (and often discovering it a T Al's place). It was like McCabe & Mrs. Miller with mo Re depressing sex scenes. The first two seasons are solid gold, the third, flimsier, but Deadwood is about how communities get built – and every one of the dirty work that requires.

Third Watch TV Show

'Cheers' 1982 93

You require a spot where everyone knows your title – even if it's just a dive bar in Boston full of regulars with no place else to go. Cheers started with a focus on the mismatched romantic banter between Ted Danson's washedup Red-Sox pitcher Sam and Shelley Long's up-tight book-worm Diane. ("Over my dead body!" "Hey, don't b-ring last evening in to this.") By attracting new blood like Kelsey Grammar, Kirstie Alley and Woody Harrelson, but it regularly renewed it self. Cheers was to the purpose where you could tune in to see which regulars would hang tonight.