#i just love fostering that kind of relationship where you can be a comfortable pillar you know?

[trashlie]

I think a LOT about how the idea of being a parent terrifies me - how easy it would be to mess up someone's life because I have my own unresolved issues - but something I DO love is that role of being an older sister figure to people. Like, if I could drive (lmao) I'd totally be into big brothers and big sisters. When I was 25 I ended up in this chat group for a kpop concert lmao and the group ended up being mostly 15 year old girls lmao and it was the first time I was really aware of my age and how to be a good non creepy adult person in a teen-centric space. To this day I'm still friends with several of them (it's been like 9 years?! They are nearly the age I was when I met them OH MY GOD)

I love them a lot and watching them navigate adulthood and overcome their struggles and become these young women I'm so proud of 🥺 They still message me to talk about their struggles, their mental health, they cheered me on when I got my ADHD diagnosis and we talk about fear of medication and trialing them and idk idk it brings me a lot of joy I guess?

I love that kind of mentorship role, I love the role of older sister who has been there done that and has experience to share. I was (plsyfully) mom to one of them until she patched up her relationship with her real mom 🥺 Like idk parenthood scares me and I know it's not for me, but I get it. I understand what it means to people, and I'm glad I've been able to experience that sense of nurturing. I think that's the appeal of big brothers big sisters type programs? There's so many ways to be family to someone that don't involve birthing. Adoption and fostering for those who DO love that aspect of parenthood. But also just being able to be a trusted figure in someone's life, to help them navigate things that are overwhelming or scary.

I grew up in fandom spaces full of adults and until i was one myself, I never really comprehended what it meant or the kind of responsibility an adult has to someone sharing a space. I don't mean that we all must be responsible for children in our spaces (there's whole discourses on this and the lack of child friendly internet spaces) but rather, idk. In a world where you can't trust if people are creeps, I'm really glad I got to forge cool bonds with cool kids who grew up to be even cooler adults. I'm so proud of them, dammit

[alionne]

1 | Foster

MSQ spoilers up until the 65 dungeon. 1027 words.

(I did get a blowtorch for my birthday last week, so the combination of looking for foods to set on fire and this prompt may actually make me make bananas foster)

It is rare that Alionne finds herself with nothing to do. There is usually someone doing something that she can try her hand at, but it’s a particularly chilly night in Ishgard, and the streets of the Pillars are near-empty, as if everyone has decided that tonight would be a good night to indulge in rest.

And… she should probably be resting, too. Tomorrow, she and Estinien are to properly test Biggs and Wedge’s new manacutters, and set forth to do battle with Nidhogg himself. But testing brand-new airships alone might keep her from sleeping early, and the thought of battling dragons tomorrow has Alionne’s blood singing in anticipation.

Still, there’s nothing to be done out here, so she returns to Fortemps Manor. Perhaps the head chef will relent and let her in the kitchens, for once. What Alionne lacks in culinary talent, she’s sure she can make up for in enthusiasm and knife skills.

Fortunately (for the Fortemps staff, at least, who have insisted, repeatedly that a guest cannot be allowed to help, it would be terribly rude of them) Count Edmont catches her on the way.

“Alionne,” he calls from his study, and Alionne enters, just catching her gracious host tucking away a large journal.

Edmont gestures to a seat across the desk, which she takes, feeling slightly like a child in a teacher’s office. “Biscuit?” he offers, which doesn’t alleviate the feeling in the slightest. “Alphinaud mentioned your plans to assault Nidhogg. I can tell you are a woman of action, and I thought I might divert you, this evening, with some company.”

Hm. Okay. Entertaining their host feels like a duty Alphinaud might assign her, which helps her restlessness somewhat. “I could do with some diversion,” Alionne admits. “I have never been one for sitting idly.”

“You remind me of Haurchefant, when he was younger,” says the Count, with a slightly bitter smile. “Always running about, though I hear he has learned the value of words by now.”

Alionne returns the smile, hoping it doesn’t look as awkward as she feels. The relationship between Edmont and Haurchefant is… complex, she’s figured out that much.

Luckily, Edmont is happy to continue talking. “It’s the cold. Ishgardians were ever fond of the written word— journals make up a third of the works in the Saint Endalim Scholasticate— and now, with our freezing clime, the nights offer little else but an excuse to withdraw to pen and page.”

“Is that what you were doing when I came in?” Alionne asks.

“Indeed,” agrees Edmont. “Have you any interest in journaling?”

Alionne can’t help but wrinkle her nose at the thought, and Edmont laughs. “A few more nights like this, and perhaps you’ll give it a try. We’ll make you a child of Ishgard, one day.”

“Ishgard has been a home unlike any I’ve known,” Alionne admits. “Mostly because of you and yours.” The Waking Sands had been nice, but Alionne had been eager to prove herself, and as promising as the Rising Stones had been, they’d barely gotten set up before… everything. Haurchefant, and Aymeric, and all of Fortemps had been welcoming, first and foremost. Sure, she and Alphinaud had sought to make themselves as useful as possible, but it had never been an expectation. It was greatly comforting, and goodness knows the remaining Scions (for now, Alionne reminded herself sternly) had especially needed some comfort. After… everything.

“Full glad am I to hear that we have welcomed you,” says Edmont, “but fair unhappy, as well, to hear that you did not find such welcome as a child.”

And… oh. Thinking of home, and Alionne hadn’t thought of her family at all.

“My childhood was not an unhappy one,” she says, stumbling over herself to not give Edmont the wrong impression. Two parents who loved her well enough, nothing like… well, Haurchefant’s childhood must have been. “But my family is… particular. I don’t think any of them understood why I wanted to leave them, or even venture into the world at all.”

“One not need understand their children to support them,” says Edmont, rueful. “Halone knows, whenever I think I understand mine, I seem to be off the mark.”

Whatever expression Alionne is making causes him to look apologetic. “I didn’t mean to suggest your parents are… better than your experience of them. Indeed, I wish they’d been more supportive. I wish I’d been more supportive of my children, growing up,” he confides, and Alionne decides that it is the perfect time for a strategic biscuit, because she has no idea what to say.

“It’s taken me years to learn… well, it was never about understanding. I now strive to provide my family with a place where, regardless of understanding, they can find food, and shelter, and guidance, be it on how best to serve Ishgard, or how to distract themselves for a night,” he says, gesturing to Alionne. “A home, where they will be welcomed. If they forgive you, and accept it,” he says, a distant look in his eyes, and Alionne doesn’t need to ask which child he’s thinking of.

“And if you are lucky,” he continues, “your children will repay you in kind. They may not understand you, but they will emulate the best parts of you, mixed with the best parts of themselves.”

Alionne thinks of the last Fortemps who offered her food and shelter and guidance, and thinks that Haurchefant may be more like his father than either realizes, which is why she’s so surprised when Edmont continues, “Take you, for instance.”

It takes a moment for Alionne’s brain to restart, and based on Edmont’s slight smile, he knows it. “Me?”

“You came to Ishgard without an understanding of our customs, or our history. You know the origins of our war, now, but you do not understand it the way someone who grew up with it would. And yet, you are storming Nidhogg’s keep tomorrow, in support of our cause.”

“I… well, I— that is—“

“A warm meal, a space to rest, some conversation— you will always find them, here,” Edmont promises. A home, he doesn’t say, but Alionne hears it nonetheless.

[kiefbowl]

Do you want kids?

Good question. With a long answer you probably weren't expecting.I grew up wanting kids so so so bad. Like, it was the one thing I knew I wanted. I dreamed about marriage and a house and kids, but my husband was nondescript, never had a dream wedding, just imagined having a house full of kids and love and laughter. I wanted to be like my aunt KK who's house is a pillar of the community: she is known, loved, active. Her house is always filled with her kids and everyone's kids.But I think that came from a place of loneliness. As I get older, reflecting on my childhood, my home was not always happy and my life was often lonely. I think I saw adulthood as finally having a family you make and love because of your choices. Plus of course the female socialization. I wanted kids so much and a family that my other aspirations were always hazy and easily put down. I think I saw myself even as a kid as an incomplete person part of a unit that didn't exist yet. And I would be happy once my unit came together. Then I went to college and realized how much I could learn and grow as my own person. I realized how much my parents had hobbled me socially, intellectually, emotionally. I realized kids should be had because you're willing to foster another human that then contributes to the global community. I realized that I could be fulfilled doing things I never gave myself the time to consider. I never thought of myself and what I wanted, it was always about how other perceived me and what they wanted me to be. Kids could be put off, could be not many, could be never. The possibilities excited me and became comfortable with the idea of no kids, but still wanted some one day. Then came after college and wretched poverty and a come back of mental anguish that I hadn't experienced since I was in high school. Kids suddenly became a material reality in my mind unlike I had ever thought of before. I realized I could become pregnant easily but that doesn't guarantee that the baby I conceive is healthy. Maybe with my income and support system I could struggle successfully with a physically healthy baby, but would I be prepared if that baby grows into a child and adult with the same issues as myself? And what if that baby isn't physically healthy? What if I conceive a baby that had disabilities and handicaps or diseases? I would love it, but could I take care of it? Meet its basic needs? Could I really be a parent of it drifting between apartments and my parents basement?Suddenly children became not just a responsibility because they would need to be raised to be a global citizen, but also a very real and personal responsibility for myself to care for them, objectively in a sense I had never thought of before. I think I had some of these epiphanies maybe later than others because it is definitely not the way my mother thinks. Her kids were given life by her to satisfy her needs of validation and to feel love the way she wants. And it didn't leave me in a good place when I had to start doing things on my own, because my identity had been built around being a malleable ghost for others. And to sit in a shit apartment feeding myself once a day on ramen and realizing my mind could have been put to better use sooner and for the better if I had been seen as an autonomous human the moment I was born instead of a new toy for my misguided parents, kids become real even when you have none and you're very comfortable with having none forever. I think about my potential kids all the fucking time. And I would love them so I don't have them, if that makes sense. This conversation could even be longer, but I didn't even touch on my 3 year relationship with a man who we were convinced we were going to marry, and how I discovered radical feminism in the middle of that, and also transitioned from college to after college in the middle of that, and how I had a major breakdown in the middle of all that. I didn't even touch on losing my faith and religion. Father as godhead will affect the way you think of kids. I haven't even touched on politics, and what mine mean for sons, for daughters, for mothers and fathers, for labor, for my country, on and on. This conversation could go on for hours. BUTThe more I learn the more I feel I could be a really good mom. But the more I learn the more I realize how big the world could be for me if I remain my own person, the reality I've been living for the past two years. So I want to get out of this shit tunnel of poverty, and right now with my job I'm in a good place and it's going to happen. But I also feel like I've lost time. And I want to have fun. I want to wake up with a life where I can do whatever I want. But sometimes I also want a partner in this, and sometimes I imagine a lover, but sometimes it's my child. It's conflicting and confusing. And I also realize that kids don't have to come from my body to be my child. I think about fostering a lot, but that is far away if it ever happens. I don't have the resources. So from where I stand to how far I can see in the future, the answer is no. And that is ok, and also excites me. But it also sometimes makes me a little sad. Children really are amazing little freaks I love them it breaks my heart knowing how many smart kind children are being warped in their homes right now. I hate knowing so many people's minds go to waste early because of selfish nasty parents. Vive les enfants.

[mothergamerwriter]

Shadow and Ice (Gods of War #1) by Gena Showalter | Review & Excerpt

I received this book for free from the mentioned source in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book nor the content of my review.

This book may be unsuitable for people under 17 years of age due to its use of sexual content, drug and alcohol use, and/or violence.

Shadow and Ice by Gena Showalter Series: Gods of War #1 Published by: HQN on October 23, 2018 Genres: Adult, 18+, Paranormal Romance, PNR, Romance Pages: 384 Format: eARC Source: Blog Tour, NetGalley View on: Goodreads Grab it: Buy on Amazon Review Score:

About the Book:

Gena Showalter, the New York Times bestselling author who brought you the Lords of the Underworld, introduces a scorching new paranormal romance series… Gods of War.

Knox of Iviland has spent his life competing in the All Wars, where vicious warriors with supernatural powers fight to the death to claim new realms. One winner takes everything—and all losers die. Enslaved as a child for his ability to control shadows, the most ruthless champion in history will stop at nothing to kill his king. But first he must win the battle for Earth. When a fearsome weapon imprisons every combatant in ice, centuries pass without progress…until she walks in.

Vale London craves a fun arctic getaway with her foster sister before settling down to open a bakery. Street-tough but vulnerable, she is unprepared to find ancient gods escaping a frozen cave—merciless beings who target her when she inadvertently enters their war.

Though Vale is now his enemy, Knox is consumed with lust and a fierce need to protect her. But only one combatant can prove victorious, and he will have to choose: live for freedom, or die for love.

        Lights, camera, and tons of satisfying action!

  As a long time Gena Showalter fan, I was so delighted when I learned she would be coming out with another adult paranormal romance series. I mean, the Lords of the Underworld, is the series that hooked me on this genre. Showalter is an expert when it comes to writing breathtaking scenes, witty characters, and alpha males who will dominate your thoughts all night long. And Shadow and Ice did not disappoint.

  Forced to compete in a competition for realm supremacy, Knox is not just a warrior, he is the warrior. Every time a new realm is discovered, immortal slaves fight to the death in order to claim the realm for their rulers. This is Knox’s fifth All War, and hopefully his final war. To gain his freedom from his slave bands and avenge his daughter’s death, Knox must win this war — at any cost. No friend, no lover, no potential ally, or silly emotion would stand in his way, or so he thought. Unfortunately during the war for Earth, he and his fellow immortal warriors were imprisoned in ice for hundreds of years, unable to break free from its magical hold. But Knox is not the type of man to let a little — or a lot — of anything get in his way. And as he continues to try and break free and win the All War, something unexpected walks right up to his frozen cage.

  Vale is human who’s on vacation with her sister, completing an epic bucket list before they start their own business. Abandoned in the frozen Russian wilderness by their tour guide, Vale and her sister Nola have no choice but to venture out into the frozen wonderland in search of civilization. However, when all hope seems lost, the girls stumble upon a cave with life-size statues of people — which couldn’t possibly be real right? Things quickly escalate for the duo when the ice starts to break and the immortal All Warriors emerge blades swinging, magical  weapons blazing, and with their killer instincts intact.

  Even though all hell is breaking loose, Vale and Knox are instantly attracted to each other. A classic sign of a Showalter novel, claim first and ask questions second. Stuck in the middle of the carnage, Vale loses track of her sister. Knox, having his own agenda, takes Vale for information and in turn she makes a deal to get her sister back from another warrior. Which in turn, sets the stage for a whirlwind love/hate relationship between our main characters.

  Overall, I enjoyed the classic Showalter humor between the characters and the brutal battles that take place page after page. Even though the pacing was slow in some parts, which happens sometime with the first book in a new series, I found the overall world to be one of intrigue and excitement. There is a laundry list of characters, some last longer than others, and a lot of twists and turns that may not appeal to some readers. But, if you like epic wars, hardcore romance, and laugh out loud banter, Shadow and Ice will not disappoint.

  My Rating

          As they continued trudging through the snow, she asked, “What are we going to call our donut shop, any­way?”

Nola had suggested The Donut Bar and Drunkin’ Donuts, since their sweet treats paid homage to dif­ferent alcoholic beverages, but both names had been taken already.

“What about Tricks and Treats? Oh! I’ve got it.” Nola clapped her gloved hands. “Happy Hour Donuts.”

“Cute, but neither one says high end. Or revs my motor. I’m sorry!”

“Well, frick.”

Frick—Carrie’s favorite “curse” word. “We could simplify and go with Lee and London,” Vale said.

“I love it, but no one will know what we’re selling.”

“Maybe not at first, but we can leverage social media to spread the word.”

“True. What about Lady Carrie’s.”

Excitement instantly sparked. “Duuuude. Lady Car­rie’s is perfect.”

“Well sprinkle sugar on my butt and call me a gour­met donut. Did we just name our shop?”

Vale was just about to reply—Our timing is impecca­ble, as always—when she spotted an ice hill up ahead. There was something about it… something odd. But what, exactly? Her eyes and brain said Nothing’s out of place.

Heart and legs picking up speed, she crossed the dis­tance, gasped. A perfect six-foot hole had been cut into the side, leading to a perfect hollowed-out tunnel with a perfect upward tilt. Definitely man-made. What was inside? Or better yet, who was inside?

A whimper of anticipation broke free. If the tun­nel led to a cavern—occupied or unoccupied, it didn’t matter—she could get Nola out of the elements sooner rather than later.

“Wait here,” she said when her sister reached the hill. “I’ll check out—”

“Nope, sorry. We go in together.”

“If there’s a wild animal squatting inside, only one of us should be its dinner.” Mmm. Dinner.

“You’re right. The other one will be dessert.”

Stubborn girl. “Fine.” Vale withdrew a long coil of rope from her pack, knotted one end around her sister’s waist and the other around her own. Nola isn’t falling to her death on my watch. Next, she withdrew ice axes. Two for each of them. “We’ll find a cavern, or drop. Whichever comes first.”

After zipping and adjusting her bag, she swung an ax, walked her spiked boots up several jagged steps, then swung the other ax. Rinse, repeat. Again and again. Nola did the same, below and to the right of her.

The higher they climbed, the darker the enclosure became, and the more her muscles protested.

Drip, drip. Drip, drip.

Ironically enough, the steady chorus of water drops tasted like melted vanilla ice cream on a hot summer day. Like hope. Hope gave her strength. Up, up. Higher still.

“I’m not sure… I can go…much farther,” Nola said heaving from exertion.

“You can. You will.” If they stopped now, they’d end up right back where they’d started. When a soft, warm—well, warmer—breeze caressed a patch of ex­posed skin, she gasped. “There’s something ahead, so move your butt!”

The tunnel curved to the right and—

A small pinprick of light caught her attention. “I see something!” Vale climbed faster, closing in.

The light expanded, the tunnel leveling out, opening into…a cavern! Massive ice pillars propped up a domed  ceiling at least eight feet high. There was enough space between each pillar to stretch out and get comfortable.

Trembling with relief, Vale crawled out of the tun­nel, dropped her tools and bag, and helped her sister over the ledge.

As Nola sank to the ground, panting, Vale pulled the logs and kindling from her pack, and used a match to start a fire. Instant heat. Oh, such glorious heat. Smoke billowed, curling upward, and she removed her goggles and face mask.

“Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you.” Nola removed each piece of headgear, as well, reveal­ing a face so perfect she looked airbrushed. Dark eyes, a delicate nose, and model-plump lips, all surrounded by flawless brown skin and a fall of straight black hair.

Nola had no idea who her parents were. As an infant, someone left her near a Dumpster, with a note pinned to her shirt. All the note had said? “My name is Mag­nolia Lee and I need a home.”

Frowning, Nola pointed to one of the walls. “Is that…ice graffiti?”

Vale used the axes and rope to create a hanging line to dry her hat and coat before approaching the wall. Hello. Images had been carved throughout, like ancient hieroglyphs or something, and depicted some kind of battle. Twenty giant men and four women held various types of weapons, and surrounded a taller cloaked fig­ure—the grim reaper, maybe? He clutched a scythe.

In front of the group was a headless body. She shud­dered.

      Gena Showalter’s SHADOW AND ICE – Review & Excerpt Tour Schedule:

October 22nd

All Things Dark & Dirty – Review & Excerpt

Beneath The Covers – Review & Excerpt

Diane’s Book Blog – Review & Excerpt

Evermore Books – Review & Excerpt

It’s All About the Romance – Excerpt

Little Red Reading Hood +1 – Excerpt

NallaReads – Review & Excerpt

Read more sleep less – Review & Excerpt

October 23rd

A Book Lover’s Dream Book Blog – Review

Book Reader Chronicles – Review & Excerpt

Ceres Books World – Review

Declarations of a Fangirl – Review & Excerpt

For The Love of Fictional Worlds – Excerpt

Little Shop of Readers – Review & Excerpt

Moonlight Rendezvous – Review & Excerpt

October 24th

@reads_romance – Review

Bout-a-Book blog – Review

Crazii Bitches Book Blog – Review & Excerpt

Lo’s Lo-Down on Books – Review & Excerpt

Milky Way of Books – Review

Romancing the Laser Pistol – Review & Excerpt

Somewhere Lost in Books – Review & Excerpt

October 25th

Bambi Unbridled – Review

Caitlin’s World – Review & Excerpt

Feel the Book – Excerpt

Jen’s Reading Obsession – Excerpt

Kay Daniels Romance – Review & Excerpt

Reading in Pajamas – Review & Excerpt

Reese’s Reviews – Excerpt

October 26th

Cinta Garcia de la Rosa – Excerpt

Feeling Fictional – Review & Excerpt

Incidental Inspiration – Review & Excerpt

My Book Filled Life – Review & Excerpt

Nicole’s Book Musings – Review

Sip Read Love – Review

The Ink Spell – Review

October 27th

Another Book Hangover – Excerpt

Bookgasms Book Blog – Review

Booknerd1107 – Review

Family, Books and Food – Excerpt

Rantings of a Reading Addict – Excerpt

The Reading Cafe – Review & Excerpt

October 28th

Bingeworthy Book Blog – Review

Clare & Lou’s Mad About Books – Review

Jax’s Book Magic – Excerpt

Ginreads – Review & Excerpt

Mother/Gamer/Writer – Review & Excerpt

NC 2 DC – Review & Excerpt

Red’s Midnight Readers – Review & Excerpt

October 29th

3 degrees of fiction – Review & Excerpt

Avephoenix Naughty Readings – Review & Excerpt

Books 2 Blog – Review & Excerpt

Just Reading Book Blog – Excerpt

Sharing Inspired Kreations – Review & Excerpt

The Book Dutchesses – Review & Excerpt

October 30th

Dirty Girl Romance – Review

Nerdy Dirty & flirty – Review & Excerpt

Reads All the Books – Review & Excerpt

Romancing the Readers – Review

Sassy Book Lovers – Review & Excerpt

Total Book Geek – Excerpt

Writes Forward – Review

October 31st

Book Lovers Hangout – Review & Excerpt

KDRBCK – Review & Excerpt

Mean Girls Luv Books – Review & Excerpt

Movies, Shows, & Books – Excerpt

Reviews from the Heart – Review & Excerpt

Shameless Book Club – Review & Excerpt

November 1st

Book Nook Nuts – Review & Excerpt

Busy Bumble Bee Book Reviews – Review & Excerpt

Dreamer’s Book Blog – Excerpt

Jeri’s Book Attic – Review

Romance Schmomance – Review & Excerpt

Smut Book Junkie Book Reviews – Excerpt

Up All Night w/ Books Blog – Review & Excerpt

November 2nd

Book Addict – Excerpt

Fundinmental – Review

Reading Between the Wines Book Club – Excerpt

Ruby’s Books – Excerpt

Southern Vixens Book Obsessions – Review

The Book Maven – Review & Excerpt

    Shadow and Ice (Gods of War #1) by Gena Showalter | Review & Excerpt was originally published on Mother/Gamer/Writer