#i just remembered that chris pratt was one of the first choices to play tom. so glad we're not in that timeline rn

[sonknuxadow]

if chris pratt is allowed anywhere near any future sonic movies i might actually die

[morizoras-cave]

Memories Last Forever (Collab with @Lozzypoz321)

Chris Evans x f!teen!co-star!reader, Chris Pratt x reader, Tom Holland x reader, Sebastian Stan x reader, Paul Rudd x reader

Genre: fluff!

Description: In an interview your costars gush over your talent and awesomeness, and reflect on all the good memories from set.

Warnings: None bro

A/N from morizoras-cave: Before this I’d never ever done a collab before, but Loz approached me and I was super duper excited about it. Loz is such a nice person and an evil mastermind and I definitely hope to write with her in the future! ;))) This was so much fun, I love you Loz :D

A/N from @lozzypoz321​: I really enjoyed writing this and it brought a smile to my face, I hope you do too! V is such an amazing writer and you may see something from us more in the future *wink wonk*

“So,” Mark, the interviewer started with interest and kept his eyes on you all “I saw that on Twitter a couple of months ago, you and your costar, (Y/N), took a selfie at the teen choice awards which you won by the way” hope directed the last part at you, making a blush creep up onto your cheeks involuntary “what would you say that was like?”

Chris (Evans) laughed lightly, taking a moment to ponder the question. “Well, I’m super thankful for all the people who nominated me and her, we enjoyed it greatly and I’m very proud of (Y/N) for what she’s achieved.”

You rubbed your face with sweaty palms, flustered that your costars were saying such nice things about you. Sebastian swung his legs back and forth on the couch where he was sitting and gave a grin “yeah, I think we all are, people look up at the screen and think that since she’s so small that the fame would get to her but,” he took a pause and jokingly nudged you in the ribs “she’s very humble.”

Without meaning to, you laughed out quietly. It wasn’t that you got embarrassed when someone complimented you, it was more that you thought that you didn’t deserve all the attention they were giving you. 

“Guys, stop” you mumbled quietly, earning a full on laugh from beside you. Chris (Pratt) nodded towards the camera in the rooms corner. “Super kind too” the man added on to Sebastian's previous statement.

“Woah, remember when she won an Emmy?!” Tom (Holland) said in joking amazement, earning another shake of the head from you. Paul (Rudd) laughed with everyone and ran a hand through his short hair and faked bitterness “man, I haven’t even won an Emmy!”

Mark chuckled lightly and brought his notebook back up into his eyesight, looking at his next question to ask you all. “What has been your favourite moment filming on set?”

Chris (Pratt) looked around at everyone for a second before asking “we taking it in turns?”

“Um.. yeah, sure.”

Tom (Holland) went first, rubbing his hands together in concentration, “well, it probably has to be that dinner we went to with all the cast. I remember Anthony Mackie falling over, I loved it” making you all laugh and turn to Chris (Evans) who looked as if that was the hardest question he’d ever been asked in his life. You swore you heard him mutter “I don’t wike it” under his breath but just shrugged it off, “well if I had to choose it was probably the dance battle me and RDJ had outside Scarletts trailer,” he looked at the camera with seriousness drawn all over his features and a smirk on his lips “I won of course”

Paul (Rudd) went next and he was practically bouncing in his seat, “I got to hold Thor’s hammer when he left to go eat lunch, (Y/N) helped me steal it off set.” You gasped.

“You’ve ratted me out!” shock was written all over your face. The other cast members laughed, as Paul feigned surprise. “I can’t believe you!” you said. Sebastian patted your shoulder, jokingly. “That’s what you get for trusting Paul,” he told you and you had to agree. What were you thinking?

Chris (Pratt) began speaking, taking the heat off Paul, “I loved when you guys held a surprise birthday party for me,” he smiled warmly. Chris (Evans) shook his head and sighed. “Of course, he picks something about himself!”

The entire cast burst into laughter, you included. You loved watching the banter between them all. “Hm, I’ve gotta say, my favourite moment was when me and Anthony,” Sebastian paused, winking at you in a very exaggerated manner, “stole the script all by ourselves.” You nodded along, mumbling “of course, of course. The full truth and nothing but the truth.”

There was a moment of silence, as you thought about your favourite moment. There were so many to choose from, and the thought of it all brought a small smile to your lips. Your eyes lit up suddenly. 

“My favourite moment was when we all had that sleepover on set! And everyone brought their sleeping bags and mattresses, and we ate pizza and watched Iron Man 1,” you stopped for a moment, but then gasped again, all the memories coming back to you, “and then we played hide and seek, and somehow Hemsworth was the last one to be found. And then we stole the food out the vending machines and accidentally broke, like, half of them.” 

All the other cast members chuckled at the memories from that night. Mostly, they smiled seeing how happy the memories made you. They were happy to have brought good memories into your life, ones you’d always be able to look back on with a smile. The interview ended, and so did the movies and their contracts, but the memories you’d made with them lasted forever. :)

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer @marvel-madness @40srogcrs @whatthefuckimbisexual @snarky–starky @garbage-potato @lozzypoz321 @allthecreativeonesaretaken @missamericana713 @rororo06 @shady80smusicsingercolor @ireadfanficforfun @deephideoutmilkshake @rae-is-typing @sophs-library @herecomesthewriterwitch @alicedanganh @eviemarvel @idk123906

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 927

A/N from @morizoras-cave: Before this I’d never ever done a collab before, but Loz approached me and I was super duper excited about it. Loz is such a nice person and an evil mastermind and I definitely hope to write with her in the future! ;))) This was so much fun, I love you Loz :D

A/N from lozzypoz321: I really enjoyed writing this and it brought a smile to my face, I hope you do too! V is such an amazing writer and you may see something from us more in the future *wink wonk*

Warnings: none!!

Memories Last Forever (collab)

-

“So,” Mark, the interviewer started with interest and kept his eyes on you all “I saw that on Twitter a couple of months ago, you and your costar, (Y/N), took a selfie at the teen choice awards which you won by the way” he directed the last part at you, making a blush creep up onto your cheeks involuntary “what would you say that was like?”

Chris (Evans) laughed lightly, taking a moment to ponder the question. “Well, I’m super thankful for all the people who nominated me and her, we enjoyed it greatly and I’m very proud of (Y/N) for what she’s achieved.”

You rubbed your face with sweaty palms, flustered that your costars were saying such nice things about you. Sebastian swung his legs back and forth on the couch where he was sitting and gave a grin “yeah, I think we all are, people look up at the screen and think that since she’s so small that the fame would get to her but,” he took a pause and jokingly nudged you in the ribs “she’s very humble.”

Without meaning to, you laughed out quietly. It wasn’t that you got embarrassed when someone complimented you, it was more that you thought that you didn’t deserve all the attention they were giving you.

“Guys, stop” you mumbled quietly, earning a full on laugh from beside you. Chris (Pratt) nodded towards the camera in the rooms corner. “Super kind too” the man added on to Sebastian's previous statement.

“Woah, remember when she won an Emmy?!” Tom (Holland) said in joking amazement, earning another shake of the head from you. Paul (Rudd) laughed with everyone and ran a hand through his short hair and faked bitterness “man, I haven’t even won an Emmy!”

Mark chuckled lightly and brought his notebook back up into his eyesight, looking at his next question to ask you all. “What has been your favourite moment filming on set?”

Chris (Pratt) looked around at everyone for a second before asking “we taking it in turns?”

“Um.. yeah, sure.”

Tom (Holland) went first, rubbing his hands together in concentration, “well, it probably has to be that dinner we went to with all the cast. I remember Anthony Mackie falling over, I loved it” making you all laugh and turn to Chris (Evans) who looked as if that was the hardest question he’d ever been asked in his life. You swore you heard him mutter “I don’t wike it” under his breath but just shrugged it off, “well if I had to choose it was probably the dance battle me and RDJ had outside Scarletts trailer,” he looked at the camera with seriousness drawn all over his features and a smirk on his lips “I won of course”

Paul (Rudd) went next and he was practically bouncing in his seat, “I got to hold Thor’s hammer when he left to go eat lunch, (Y/N) helped me steal it off set.” You gasped.

“You’ve ratted me out!” shock was written all over your face. The other cast members laughed, as Paul feigned surprise. “I can’t believe you!” you said. Sebastian patted your shoulder, jokingly. “That’s what you get for trusting Paul,” he told you and you had to agree. What were you thinking?

Chris (Pratt) began speaking, taking the heat off Paul, “I loved when you guys held a surprise birthday party for me,” he smiled warmly. Chris (Evans) shook his head and sighed. “Of course, he picks something about himself!”

The entire cast burst into laughter, you included. You loved watching the banter between them all. “Hm, I’ve gotta say, my favourite moment was when me and Anthony,” Sebastian paused, winking at you in a very exaggerated manner, “stole the script all by ourselves.” You nodded along, mumbling “of course, of course. The full truth and nothing but the truth.”

There was a moment of silence, as you thought about your favourite moment. There were so many to choose from, and the thought of it all brought a small smile to your lips. Your eyes lit up suddenly.

“My favourite moment was when we all had that sleepover on set! And everyone brought their sleeping bags and mattresses, and we ate pizza and watched Iron Man 1,” you stopped for a moment, but then gasped again, all the memories coming back to you, “and then we played hide and seek, and somehow Hemsworth was the last one to be found. And then we stole the food out the vending machines and accidentally broke, like, half of them.”

All the other cast members chuckled at the memories from that night. Mostly, they smiled seeing how happy the memories made you. They were happy to have brought good memories into your life, ones you’d always be able to look back on with a smile. The interview ended, and so did the movies and their contracts, but the memories you’d made with them lasted forever.

@rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, January 4

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Ghislaine Maxwell buying her way out of prison

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Gavin Rossdale playing tennis with his pup Chewy, Brooke Burke holding holiday balls topless, James Franco takes his cellphone into the sea 

Page 3: Leighton Meester surfing in Malibu, Robbie Williams, Lisa Rinna wearing two masks 

Page 4: Angelina Jolie is bracing for major humiliation after being dragged into Johnny Depp’s latest legal showdown with ex-wife Amber Heard -- Angie’s run-ins with Johnny who she starred with in 2010′s The Tourist are coming under intense scrutiny as Depp gears for a second court battle with Amber -- Angie and Johnny were so coy about their white-hot connection at the time even though their romance was an open secret but they got lucky because nobody had the smoking gun to prove it but now it’ll all come out in the open -- at the time Johnny was still dating Vanessa Paradis while Angie was five years into her doomed love-in with Brad Pitt -- there’s talk bisexual Amber was kind of obsessed with Angie so Angie is central to the plotline whether she likes it or not

Page 5: The Bachelor host Chris Harrison is worried he’ll follow Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron out the door -- both these shows have been on TV forever and the world has changed around them and to keep up with Black Lives Matter and the #MeToo movement changes are being discussed and that’s left Chris fearing he’ll be the next Tom Bergeron and replaced by a woman of color 

Page 6: Aging divas Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton are caught in a bitter country catfight and long-dead Patsy Cline is the excuse -- although there’s been little love lost between the Nashville icons for nearly 50 years their simmering feud exploded weeks ago when Dolly apparently took some veiled public shots at Loretta’s BFF Patsy who was horribly disfigured in a car wreck two years before dying in a 1963 plane crash -- in an interview Dolly recalled standing in the wings of Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry at age 13 and watching Patsy perform and she remembered thinking about how awful it was that she got her pretty face scarred up like that -- Loretta was fit to be tied over the comments Dolly made about her old pal and thinks Dolly should stop running her mouth about Nashville legends like Patsy and Johnny Cash -- Dolly’s heard about Loretta’s complaints through the grapevine and brushes them off as quarantine boredom mixed with old age 

Page 8: Blake Shelton’s going bonkers after fiancee Gwen Stefani told him she wants to skip the mega-million star-studded wedding shindig he’s been planning and elope -- Blake is all bent out of shape over Gwen’s latest switcheroo which calls for them to get hitched on the sly at a Mexican resort and she’s got him so mixed up he can’t think straight because for the longest time she wanted the Hollywood-style wedding with all the bells and whistles and was very particular about details but now she’s telling him to ditch those plans which have already cost them a small fortune and book a trip somewhere exotic so they can just just get it over with -- Gwen wants to elope so they can hitched at the Riviera Maya resort in Cancun where they could swap vows on the beach witnessed by her three sons and Blake has no choice but to give in to Gwen and he’s saying he’s fine with it as long as she’s sure this time 

Page 9: Hollywood horndog John Mayer is back sniffing around old flame Jennifer Aniston after his mom gave him a shove -- John and Jen had a steamy fling for about a year before he dropped her in 2009 and now John’s mom Margaret Meyer is scolding him for letting Jen go and John’s mom is always on him about settling down and she feels that at 43 he should be married and she recently had a heart-to-heart talk with him and told him she thought Jennifer was the most down-to-earth of all his exes and because John considers his mom one of the smartest people he knows he decided to reach out to Jen and he’s always admired Jen and thought of her as a classy lady and now he’s reaching out to her again in hopes of getting her to agree to see him again once things leave lockdown 

* FKA Twigs has socked actor Shia LaBeouf with a bombshell lawsuit claiming he subjected her to relentless physical, emotional and mental abuse and gave her an STD and she also accuses him of sexual battery, assault, and infliction of emotional distress -- although Shia says she’s lying Twigs insists Shia once choked her in the middle of the night and kept a loaded firearm by the bed leaving her terrified to get up at night for fear he’d think she was an intruder and shoot her -- she claims during an incident around Valentine’s Day 2019 Shia threatened to crash his speeding car unless she professed her love for him so when he pulled into a gas station she got out of the car but he threw her against the car while screaming in her face then forced her back into the car -- Shia also had rules about how often Twigs had to kiss and touch him -- Shia has been arrested several times on now-dismissed charges including assault and disorderly conduct 

Page 10: John Lennon didn’t have to die -- that’s law enforcement experts’ explosive analysis after reviewing newly discovered evidence about the Beatles legend’s December 8, 1980 murder in NYC -- an odd series of coincidences and simple decisions put Lennon and his killer Mark David Chapman in the same place at the same time -- a review of the details concludes Lennon’s death was a strange result of flukes including his penchant for running around without protection and a missed appointment with his photographer and without these quirks of fate John would still be alive and recording hit songs 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Pink flashes her bandaged thumb after getting stitches in Santa Monica (picture), Amanda Seyfried confesses she made a terrible decision for turning down the role of a lifetime as Chris Pratt’s love interest in Guardians of the Galaxy and now she’s watching from the sidelines as the director’s second choice Zoe Saldana skyrockets in the money-making Marvel franchise, Katherine Heigl will star in the upcoming limited biopic series Woodhull about Victoria Woodhull the first woman to run for president in 1872, Big Brother alum Zach Rance has come out as bisexual after admitting a sizzling same-sex romance with his former reality show housemate Frankie Grande who is the real-life older brother of pop star Ariana Grande

Page 13: Jaime King slurps down a meal on the streets on L.A. (picture), Jax Taylor mowing the lawn (picture), Guns N’ Roses axman Slash loads up on supplies at an L.A. grocery (picture), former teen heartthrob Chad Michael Murray admits his inflated young ego got the best of him and now he looks at photos of himself and thinks what a dweeb

Page 14: Julia Roberts is headed for the small screen headlining the limited TV series The Last Thing He Told Me where she’ll form an unexpected relationship with her teenage stepdaughter while searching for the truth about her husband’s mysterious disappearance, Emma Stone is also heading for the flat-screen in the comedy series The Curse alongside Nathan Fielder about a couple starring on an HGTV-style show who are trying to conceive a child amid an alleged curse, Nicolas Cage is hosting a new series called The History of Swear Words in which he’ll delve into the origins and pop culture usage and science and cultural impact of profanely shocking expletives

* Fashion Police -- Peyton List 8/10, Sofia Carson 9/10, Vanessa Hudgens 2/10, Neve Campbell 1/10, Chelsea Handler 4/10 

Page 16: Cover Story -- Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s $30M jail break -- terrified and tortured Ghislaine risks family fortune to buy her freedom -- the accused sex predator and her fat cat inner circle are set to plunk down an obscene $30 million to buy her way out of federal prison in what outraged investigators fear is a brazen plot to cheat justice 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Mayim Bialik

* Lizzo is admitting she’s having negative thoughts and is hating her 300-pound body but adds she knows she beautiful

* The Spice Girls were likely liquored up on cut-rate champagne when they made their first album according to Emma Bunton a.k.a. Baby Spice who says she and her bandmates swilled the cheapest sparkling wine in the studio 

Page 20: True Crime -- a chilling message left by the elusive Zodiac Killer has finally been cracked by a team of code breakers after 51 years -- a hodgepodge of numbers, symbols and letters called the 340 cipher was sent to the San Francisco Chronicle in 1969 and lawmen believed it contained key clues to the serial killer’s identity but the truth is even more chilling -- according to the experts the message says I hope you are having lots of fun in trying to catch me, I am not afraid of the gas chamber because it will send me to paradise all the sooner because I now have enough slaves to work for me 

Page 21: Caitlyn Jenner is terrified after learning her skin cancer has returned a second time -- she was diagnosed with basal cell skin cancer a few years ago and had an entire layer of skin removed from her nose -- since then she’s been slathering on sunscreen but a new red spot on the right side of her nose popped up along with some crusty areas on her scalp but the nose patch was not cancer but hypertrophic keratosis or scaly damage from sun exposure -- however the dozen spots on the top of her head was squamous cell carcinoma which is a skin cancer that’s known to be aggressive so her doctor burned off the offending spots -- her doctor recommended she replace her 1960 Austin-Healey convertible but the chances of Caitlyn selling her prized ride are slim 

Page 23: Your 2021 Horoscope -- love, luck, health, wealth, happiness -- plus surprising celebrity predictions -- Elton John, Valerie Bertinelli, Johnny Depp, Jessica Simpson, Matthew Perry, Cameron Diaz, Will Smith, Katy Perry, Howie Mandel, Savannah Guthrie, Justin Timberlake, Carrie Underwood 

Page 30: Larry King has reached a deal with estranged wife Shawn but she’s royally peeved about the payoff -- Larry has agreed to pay her a lump sum of $20,000 plus $33,000 a month in spousal support which lasts until at least their next scheduled hearing in April but Shawn claims the 33Gs only covers a third of her monthly nut which includes $25,000 for rent on her home, $12,000 on clothes, $3500 on groceries and $4500 for hair and nails and pet care and gym 

Page 31: Kim Kardashian is reading husband Kanye West the riot act over his junk food benders that are sabotaging her healthy eating program and it’s led to more than a few arguments with no peace in sight -- he’s telling her to chill and let him live by his own terms but she can’t do that because it’s driving her crazy -- what really ticks Kim off is his junk food has totally taken over her section of fresh cut veggies, fruits and water and she wants him to get his own storage in a different part of the house where she won’t have to see it or hold her nose 

* Kardashian momager Kris Jenner’s faux reality TV home is on the market for nearly $8 million even though she never lived there -- the L.A. estate was used for exterior shots of the image-conscious family’s compound on Keeping Up with the Kardashians but it was all for show -- dubbed the Iredell Estate the house also appears in True Blood and Chelsea Lately 

Page 33: Health Report 

Page 34: Wrestling Ring Kings: Where Are They Now? Sable, Bret Hart

Page 35: Lex Luger, Steve Austin, Ric Flair 

Page 36: The Undertaker, Tito Santana, Diamond Dallas Page 

Page 37: Kane, Kurt Angle, Sunny, Mick Foley 

Page 39: Despite an astounding 30 No. 1 country music hits legendary singer Charley Pride took a haunting regret to his grave that he never made it as major league baseball star -- Charley had so much success but he died tormented his baseball career short-circuited -- Charley was singing and playing guitar by the time he was 14 but his real goal was to pitch for the New York Yankees -- Charley signed with a Yankees farm team as a flame-throwing phenom at 17 but in his rookie season he threw out his arm and was just never the same -- after he struck out in baseball he put his full energy into singing but faced an uphill battle -- Charley was the Jackie Robinson of country music and he endured a lot of racism 

Page 40: Kelsey Grammer admits he often breaks down and blubbers like a baby and it makes him feel better and he cries when he’s upset or sad or scared and it provides him a lot of relief and he believes years of tragedy in his life taught him to cry as a healing mechanism and now he sheds tears whenever he has sad feeling bottled up inside him 

* A moneybags James Bond fan coughed up a whopping $256,000 for the handgun 007 Sean Connery toted in the first spy epic Dr. No -- the disabled Walther PP semi-automatic was supposed to bring in no more than $200,000 but the unidentified American buyer who claims to have seen every Bond epic went even higher 

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Miley Cyrus is now blabbing about why she broke up with husband Liam Hemsworth after years of togetherness and just nine months of marriage and it sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black 

Page 45: Furious Queen Elizabeth has booted Princess Eugenie and her husband out of Prince Harry’s Frogmore Cottage home in a bit to foil Meghan Markle’s plan to completely cut him off from England and the royal family -- pregnant Eugenie and her booze-seller husband Jack Brooksbank were ordered to quit the cottage and move back to Kensington Palace just six weeks after Harry and Meghan secretly leased them the home meaning Harry and Meghan are still on the financial hook for Frogmore which was a gift from the queen and they will have to underwrite the cost of keeping up the property and it also ensures Harry has a home in Britain if he ever wants to come back -- by moving Eugenie and Jack out the queen has made sure Harry still has a place to hang his hat if he decides to come back to leave his American wife 

Page 47: Bizarre But True 

[fallout4treasures]

I’m bored. Here are my actor choices for a Fallout 4 movie.

I don’t think it’s everyone, but it still took me all day.

I tried to keep them in a rough order of appearance.

Also, I based Nate and Nora off of the games’ preset. However, if I were actually casting a movie, I would just have open auditions. But anyway, here we go.

Nate:

Milo Ventimiglia

It was between him and Jensen Ackles. But honestly, I already had my Nora choice in my heart and I could just see Milo and her running to the vault in a panic together. If that’s not enough I saw Nate in him instantly. The widowed soldier desperately looking for his son in the annihilated future. Plagued with nightmares, but he would still stay warm and uplifting. Milo + Jumpsuit + Dogmeat = Yes, please.

Nora:

Anne Hathaway

Anything I say about her won’t do her justice. First off, she’s easily one of the most talented actors of all time. From the Princess Diaries to Les Miserables, she has proved time and time again that she can be anyone she wants to. Could she be a full-of-life but grief ridden mother, making new friends and enemies while shooting her way through the Commonwealth to find her kidnapped child? In her fucking sleep. Plus her presence would be plenty strong enough to stand up to any of the rest of our star studded, “would-be” cast.

Codsworth & all the Mr. Handy bots(voice):

Tim Curry 

I just want to see it, I have no other excuse.

Conrad Kellogg:

Christopher Meloni

I kept wanting to go with Jeffery Dean Morgan, but I just didn’t think I could learn to hate that face the way I hate Kellogg’s. But then once I thought of Christopher there was no other choice. He can do the voice and the terrifying, non-emotional thing with no issue. (His character seriously got to me in Handmaid’s Tale.) But he could also be relatable enough to actually feel for Kellogg while diving through his memories. 

Preston Garvey:

John Boyega

I had definitely forgotten about John when I was browsing through. My husband and I actually discussed him versus Donald Glover for awhile. In the end we decided that Boyega’s Preston would have a stronger stoic side as well as the fun loving friend. I think he would effortlessly display Preston’s disappointment in the Minutemen, as well as his survivor’s guilt.

Sturges:

Chris Pratt

This part is way too small for Chris nowadays, but I really think he could fall into Sturges’ carefree 50’s mechanic vibe. Plus I could see him throwing in a new sarcastic side to him that could be fun. If not, then I think he would still take him on perfectly, line for line.

Mama Murphy:

Helen Mirren

She’s powerful. She’s gorgeous. I would almost be afraid she would steal from anyone else on screen with her. And yet, it’s the surreal power that’s needed to make Mama Murphy a real life character. So there ya go. 

Paladin Danse:

John Krasinski

Have you seen him in Jack Ryan? I really think he could embody Danse, heart and soul. From his hardened and serious outsides to his soft, broken, and vulnerable insides. He would play the soldier with so much heart, and would probably have us sobbing when he struggles over his new identity. (Me being in love with both of them has absolutely nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.) Plus him in a flight suit. Nuff said.

Piper Wright:

Kat Dennings

First off, she’s freaking gorgeous. Second, I think Piper’s fiery personality would fit her like a glove. Plus she would take on the role of Nat’s big sister perfectly. If you’ve seen her in Thor then you already know she makes an excellent side-kick and adds some great comic relief.  

Mayor McDonough:

Alec Baldwin

I jumped around a lot with this one. I even considered people like James Spader and Jack Nicholson (too old, I know). But then I remembered Alec’s ability to lay on the cheeeeeese. I have no doubt he could handle McDonough’s suspicious but seemingly normal character, and transitioning into his manic and desperate attempt to stay alive. Plus, he would nail his “I am not a synth!” speech, finding the perfect balance of creepy and welcoming.

Ellie Perkins:

Ellie Kemper

She has an adorable, scrappy, and loving personality that glows every time she’s on screen. I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything serious, personally, but I bet she’d be up for the challenge. Especially to fill the role for someone cute and spunky like Ellie. 

Nick Valentine:

Liev Schreiber

I really, really struggled with this one. Obviously CGI and other special effects would have to happen no matter what, but whoever I chose still had to have those serious eyes, warm and friendly smile, and that old Boston gumshoe voice. Cue Liev. He’s probably a touch young, but if we’re already using CGI anyway so who cares.

Elder Arthur Maxson:

Tom Hardy

I don’t even feel the need to explain myself here. Venom. That’s all I’ll say.

X6-88: 

Michael B. Jordan

As sweet as his smile is, I feel like the minute Jordan pulls on a stone cold look, blood would drain the face of whoever was playing opposite of him. However he would easily be able to add the oddly comforting touch X6 has when he watches over the Sole Survivor. 

Desdemona:

Laura Prepon

Her commanding and sexy vibe in everything she plays is absolutely perfect. At least for me. She’s a bit young, but I think it would be easy enough to age her up. She would naturally become the leader of the Railroad, and would totally scare the piss out of everyone in her way.

Deacon:

Ryan Alosio 

Yep, the man himself. He’s got the look, the charisma, and he can obviously do Deac’s iconic voice. Don’t fix what’s not broken. If you’re not convinced, watch this very impressive reel of his. Or do it anyway because DAMN. It was shameful how quickly I fell in love. 

https://www.imdb.com/video/vi3911957785?ref_=nmvi_vi_imdb_1

Tinker Tom:

Anthony Mackie

Tom has a whole lot of energy to keep up with. I pushed him off to one of the last ones I chose because he is just so unique, and I actually needed my husband’s opinion. We finally settled on the talented and energetic Anthony. He’s goofy, absolutely lovable, and would probably have way too much fun playing into the crazy conspiracy bits.

Father(Old Man Shaun):

Gary Oldman

I feel bad not giving this brilliant actor a bigger role. His chameleon ability could land him almost anything here, but his soft but strong voice is literally perfect for Father’s. Just age him up a bit and he’ll melt into the role like with everything he doeswewse. He would make the reunion with Shaun 1000x more intense and emotional, and I could see him almost convincing all of us to join the Institute. I mean, it’s Gary fucking Oldman.

(Side Quest Characters)

John Hancock:

James Franco 

I actually couldn’t believe I hadn’t put this together before. I’m starting to wonder if Hancock was actually written for James. Super chill, but not scared to get shit done. Including taking care of Finn in the most casual and Godfather way possible within the first few moments of meeting him. Then afterward he would take some chems with Sole and talk about life for awhile. I’m totally okay with this idea.

Robert MacCready:

James Marsden 

I’ll be honest, I have never played with MacCready before. I had to watch some videos to get a feel for it but in the end I feel like I found a solid choice. I know he’s “pretty” but throw on some scruff, dirt, and a green cap and he’s there. Think Westworld.

Cait:

Karen Gillan

Cait can kick my ass any day, and that’s how I feel about Karen. They are both just so breathtakingly badass. Any sole survivor would struggle to keep from lusting after her, and then caring deeply as they worked through her drug addiction. 

Curie:

Mélanie Laurent

Both Curie and Melanie are just innocently stunning and can light up a room with a smile. Curie would be especially difficult because not only is she gorgeous, but she’s almost always the smartest one in the room, but I think Melanie could do her justice.

---

So there is our very expensive cast list!

There’s a lot here that I feel on the fence about but this was still a lot of fun to do. I’m sure there are other actors that I have forgotten that could take on these characters too, so let me know what you would have done differently!

[oltnews]

They really don't say anything to Scarlett Johansson. She may be the star of "Black Widow", but that doesn't mean that she has any idea when the movie trailer will be released. You may remember that we had a first surprise glimpse of "Black Widow" earlier this week. And when we say early, we mean early. Tuesday, our story was published just before 2 a.m. The trailer fell late Monday without fanfare or advance warning, and Johansson told Stephen Colbert Thursday evening that even she didn't know it was going to happen. "I woke up and received a text from Chris Evans saying," The trailer is superb. "I don't know what he was doing at 5 a.m. It's another story. Yeah, getting up, of course," she said, responding to Colbert's joke. haven't said it! They hide everything from me. " Also read: 'Black Widow': Natasha Romanoff has a family reunion and kicks ass in the first trailer for Marvel Prequel (Video) Johansson was on "The Late Show" to promote "Marriage Story", which she performed with Adam Driver, aka Kylo Ren from the "Star Wars" trilogy. So Colbert asked if she had any idea who would win a fight between Kylo and Natasha. She didn't have a lot of response, nor about the details she was allowed to say about "Black Widow", other than the fact that it was between "Captain America: Civil War" and "Avengers: Infinity War ". Johansson says the film is a "homecoming" in which Natasha must now face some of her guilt over the things she did before becoming revenge. However, fans wondered why a solo film, Black Widow is not an origin story that goes back to its training beginnings in Russia, and she explained why this story was better. "I could never have made this film 10 years ago when we had just started our journey with Marvel. It’s a film that speaks so much… the character informed this film. My trip with Natasha informed this film. She’s a character who’s a fully recognized woman. It has a complexity that it is delicious, "said Johansson. "Not to say it would have been something else or totally entertaining in 10 years, but we can do things that are good." Also read: Review of the film 'Marriage Story': Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver split up in the devastating drama of Noah Baumbach Colbert also had another theory to direct by her: that it was Johansson's last go-around as "Black Widow". Here is why: it is his eighth appearance because the character and the spiders have eight legs. Can't it be a coincidence? Of course, Stephen. Check out Johansson's appearance on CBS "The Late Show" above. All 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies ranked, from worst to best (Photos) No one on the Internet wants to talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it's something we simply can't continue to ignore. But seriously: even if this seemingly unstoppable franchise has rabid fans around the world, nobody can agree on those they prefer (or at least, for that matter). TheWrap film editor-in-chief Alonso Duralde gets into the subject - and no, he's not paid by anyone at Disney to love (or hate, for that matter) any of these films. wonder 23. "The Incredible Hulk" (2008) Released just five years after Ang Lee's "Hulk", this second attempt to make a man a leader in the great green creature radiated by Gamma proved just as disappointing. If we've learned anything from the Avengers movies, it's that Bruce Banner works best when he's a supporting character (and when he's played by Mark Ruffalo). wonder 22. "Ant-Man" (2015) Although this film deserves to be rewarded for not having put the fate of humanity at stake - the stakes are more than the size of a child's train - the stabs to the humor of the film seem to be overestimated , and little natural charm from Paul Rudd comes to the fore in what should be a breezy caper. We can only wonder what the original version of Edgar Wright might have looked like. Disney / Marvel 21. "Thor" (2011) Director Kenneth Branagh tackles the the-and-thou of Asgard's segments, but the little town where the pinnacle is played out has been one of the most cheesy fake towns on the screen since the terrible movie "Supergirl" in years 80. On the positive side, actor Chris Hemsworth shows a scintillating spirit in this adventure of the god of thunder, coupled with an impressive musculature. wonder 20. "Iron Man 2" (2010) The best MCU movies do a good job of distracting you from all the setup of future franchise entries; this one offers so much empire building that it might as well have a "Pardon Our Dust" sign on it. Still, Scarlett Johansson's first appearance as Black Widow, dispatching opponents down the hall, made an unforgettable impression. Disney / Marvel 19. "Captain America: the first avenger" (2011) Just like he did in "The Rocketeer", director Joe Johnston excels at portraying the brilliance of the 1940s, although the characters are not as vivid as the USO sparrow. But fear not, true believers - the screen adventures of Cap have improved a lot in his later solo and team movies. wonder 18. "Thor: The Dark World" (2013) Firmly average, yes, but an improvement over its predecessor and a good time, skillfully balancing superheroes, second bananas, entertaining villains and the occasional killer one-liner. In no way a cornerstone of the MCU, but this one, mainly, works. Disney / Marvel 17. "Iron Man 3" (2013) Director and co-writer Shane Black doesn't always have the narrowest understanding of history - what is the infamous Extremis still doing, and why? - but he shows his skill in witty jokes (which Robert Downey, Jr. can make within an inch of his life) and breathtaking action (a flight rescue of a dozen passengers who have just fallen from Air Force One). Disney / Marvel 16. "The Avengers: Age of Ultron" (2015) It's always fun when the group comes together, but it's also hard to rediscover the magic of this first time. This sequel offers a lot of excitement and banter scripted by Joss Whedon, but it's also a bit overloaded with characters and support setups for the next MCU movie series. Both fans and enemies of superhero movies can find arguments for their arguments here. Disney / Marvel 15. "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" (2017) The group is back together, and they are as hilarious as when they first came out, but overall, this sequel gives the impression that it is only vamping (entertaining) until the next major change of the intrigue in the MCU. Kurt Russell appears as Ego the Living Planet, who claims to be the long-lost father of Peter Quill / Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), and although the film is more concerned with character and emotion than intrigue , not all the movement the moments ring true. Disney / Marvel 14. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) This sequel has a better idea of ​​his own stupidity than his predecessor, as Ant-Man (Paul Rudd) and The Wasp (Evangeline Lilly) flee the Feds, fight the phased-in ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and thwart plans of a gangster (Walton Goggins), while planning a rescue of the mother of The Wasp (Michelle Pfeiffer) from another dimension. Feels more Disney - in the sense of Kurt-Russell-as-Dexter-Riley - than Marvel, but still fun. Disney / Marvel 13. Captain Marvel (2019) Both the personal development and the retro of the 1990s are played with a fairly heavy hand, but it's a lot of fun to have here, Brie Larson's heroine, both bubbling and haunted - nothing like amnesia to spice up another story of origin - to one of the biggest feline bananas in the history of cinema. 12. "Avengers: Infinity War" (2018) It's a little difficult to judge this one on its own merits, because it is clearly a half-film; we will not really know how this film will materialize until we have the sequel. But in the meantime, he does a pretty impressive job of juggling some 25 major MCU characters and keeping his sense of humor even in the face of mass destruction (and intense scenes involving torture and genocide). Disney / Marvel 11. "Avengers: Endgame" (2019) You get all the T-crossing and I-dotting required at this point in the game, but the capper for the first piece of the MCU saga is a mostly satisfying season finale that offers rare moments of catharsis among moments of entertaining characters. which will cause laughter and maybe even a few tears. Disney / Marvel 10. "Spider-Man: Far From Home" (2019) This second outing from director Jon Watts and leader Tom Holland maintains the lark tone and focus on the characters that make these films feel like such a unique corner of the MCU. This time, the post-snap (or "blip", as the film says) Peter Parker and his friends are heading to Europe in a film that looks like a road comedy that sometimes blows up some superheroes. Disney / Marvel 9. "Thor: Ragnarok" (2017) Director Taika Waititi ("Hunt for the Wilderpeople") strikes a delicate balance between breathless action and the fate of the universe on the one hand and ironic stupidity and catchy jokes on the other. Fortunately, he has Chris Hemsworth, who excels in both, surrounded by spirit like Tom Hiddleston, Mark Ruffalo and franchise beginners Tessa Thompson, Jeff Goldblum and a glorious Cate Blanchett. Disney / Marvel 8. "Captain America: Civil War" (2016) The plot and the pace aren't as tight as in "Winter Soldier", but if you're looking for somber human conflict and exciting superhero-on-superhero action, this movie does a lot of good as "Batman v. Superman : Dawn of Justice "did wrong. Disney / Marvel 7. "Iron Man" (2008) It all starts here - a story of superhero origins for literalists who cannot hide behind explosive planets or radioactive spiders. Jon Favreau, then most famous for directing "Elf" and writing and co-starring in "Swingers", seemed a strange choice for the material, but he knows how to give us the two characters (played by Downey and Gwyneth Paltrow with plume) and ka-blam. wonder 6. "Black Panther" (2018) While the titular African superhero king of Chadwick Boseman takes something from a back seat to a troika of fascinating female characters - played by Lupita Nyong'o, Danai Gurira and Letitia Wright - the film nevertheless overflows with excitement and of a rich history. (And Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger ranks among the franchise's biggest villains.) Disney / Marvel 5. "Spider-Man: Homecoming" (2017) Less motivated by guilt and haunted than previous versions of the character (on the page or screen), Tom Holland's Spider-Man has enough on his plate to manage his superhero growing pains. Hungry to join The Avengers but still struggling with everything he has to learn - he's only 15 years old after all - our hero faces the evil blue collar The Vulture (well Michael Keaton, Birdman) in a funny adventure all by presenting real challenges, formidable characterizations and a wonderfully detailed cast. (You must love a teen movie that works for Zendaya, Tony Revolori, Abraham Attah and Josie Totah, as well as scene-robber newcomer Jacob Batalon.) Sony / Marvel 4. "Doctor Strange" (2016) It would be too easy to ridicule the master of the mystical arts on the big screen, but director Scott Derrickson and his team somehow gave us a version of the surgeon-turned-magician, Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), who seems at ease in the real world, rubbing shoulders with the Avengers and crossing tripping and dazzling dimensions where no one else could go. 3. "Guardians of the Galaxy" (2014) Pleasant, casual and steeped in the super hits of the 70s, this comic adventure is something of an outlier - both tonal and geographic - in the Marvel universe. Yet whether Rocket Raccoon and Black Widow intersect or not, this saga that covers the stars reminded us that there is more than one way to tell a story about superheroes. Disney / Marvel 2. "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" (2014) Aggressive patriotism meets anti-government paranoia in this fascinating tale that pits the captain against labyrinthine plots. It also turns out that Steve Rogers is much more interesting in time travel in the 2000s than firmly at home in the 1940s. And you will believe that the Falcon can fly. Disney / Marvel 1. "The Avengers" (2012) Still the gold standard of the MCU, this film reveals that Joss Whedon gets comics in their DNA, in the same way that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas were fluent in the language of serials in the "Indiana Jones" movies. Putting all of these heroes in one room (or helicopter, anyway) has produced tremendous results, although the success of the film has led to the all-superhero-all-time ethos of contemporary Hollywood. Disney / Marvel Previous slide Next slide TheWrap reviewer Alonso Duralde orders the MCU, including "Spider-Man: Far From Home" No one on the Internet wants to talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it's something we simply can't continue to ignore. But seriously: even if this seemingly unstoppable franchise has rabid fans around the world, nobody can agree on those they prefer (or at least, for that matter). TheWrap film editor-in-chief Alonso Duralde gets into the subject - and no, he's not paid by anyone at Disney to love (or hate, for that matter) any of these films. https://oltnews.com/even-scarlett-johansson-didnt-know-black-widow-trailer-was-falling-video-thewrap?_unique_id=5ea1a7409999e

[alisonwritesimagines]

Press Tour Teasing ~Shawn Mendes Imagine~

Requested by anonymous:

Summary: You are dating Shawn Mendes. When you do a press tour for Avengers: Infinity War, you get teased by the cast about your relationship with him. Little did they know that he was watching you guys live in person the whole time. 

Author’s Note: I haven’t written in a loooong time so this may or may not suck. 

Being part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe was the biggest thing to have ever happened to you. You were extremely grateful to be with such a great and loving family. 

For almost ten years, you’ve been with the Marvel family. You had played Tony’s daughter and everyone has watched you grown up into a great and inspiring young woman. Robert Downey Jr. was your second father and Gwyneth Paltrow was your second mother growing up. 

As you became widely famous, you knew that boys and girls have had their crushes on you. You’ve dated here and there but the one who has really stuck out of the group you’ve dated was Shawn Mendes.

Shawn has had a crush on you ever since the first Iron Man movie. When he rose to fame, you had gained a crush on the Canadian boy from Vine. Your paths had crashed when you both were at the Teen Choice Award’s after party. Since then, you both were always together or talked to one another constantly. 

Right now, you were getting ready to do an interview with the cast for Avengers: Infinity War. You were in your chair as the crew did your hair and makeup until you received a text from Shawn.

I’ll be watching you from the crowd. Good luck out there, beautiful. 

You smiled before you were rushed over to the wings of the stage by some of the crew members. 

“Let’s welcome some of the cast of Avengers: Infinity War!” 

The fans cheered wildly as you all started to walk out. You instantly spotted Shawn who was next to some of his team and friends. You waved and blew kisses before taking a seat next to Tom Holland and Robert Downey Jr.

Most of the questions were serious or funny ones. You shared some laughs and heartwarming tears.

“So, Y/N, you are dating Shawn Mendes,” Most of the girls screamed making you laugh a little. You blushed as Robert gave you his dad stern look he uses when filming. 

“She’s too young to date,” Robert joked. 

“Oh god,” You laughed again.

“Y/N cannot stop texting him. Everyday she’ll either text him or sing one of Shawn’s songs all the time,” Scarlett joked.

“But then there was this one time we all joined in with her,” Tom Holland said.

“Honestly, we had a Shawn Mendes dance party one day after filming and we blame Y/N,” Chris Pratt joked. You laughed again as you knew Shawn was in the crowd watching. 

“We’re thinking, when is Y/N and Shawn getting married? They’re so in love it’s not funny,” Anthony Mackie said.

“I told her that we would be glad to help on the wedding details as well,” Sebastian Stan said.

“I remember when the rumors came out, we all bombed Y/N with texts about her and Shawn. It took her a week to admit that she was dating him. A week!” Chris Evans teased. 

“But in a serious matter, we’re glad Y/N has Shawn in her life. He makes her extremely happy and takes good care of her,” Tom Hiddleston said.

“Thank you Tom,” You smile. 

At the end of the interview, you walked over to see Shawn backstage, waiting for you.

“Hey!” You said before rushing over and hugging him tightly.

“Hi,” Shawn smiled before giving you a kiss.

“I’m so sorry for all that,” You said, referring to the jokes.

“It was pretty funny,” Shawn said. 

“Shawn! What are you doing here, kid?” Robert asked as he walked over to the two of you.

“Came to see the interview,” Shawn said. 

“Wait, did you see all of the interview?” Tom Holland asked him.

“Yeah. Kinda wished you guys have a video of that dance party,” Shawn joked.

“Oh no,” You said as you blushed. You hid into Shawn’s chest making him chuckle.

“You’re so adorable all the time,” Shawn tells you. You looked up at him and smiled. 

“Hey! No PDA here!” Anthony joked.

“Yeah! You two are too young for that,” Sebastian said. 

“Oh please,” You said, rolling your eyes.

“I was wondering if you wanted to get some dinner later,” Shawn said.

“If you’re not too busy,” You tell him.

“No. You’re going to be doing interviews and I thought that maybe just one night out before I loose you for two weeks,” Shawn tells you.

“You’re not going to loose me,” You said.

“I’m just saying. Everyone’s going to be asking you about the movie and all and just for one night we can just have some alone time together,” Shawn tells you.

“Okay,” You smile. 

“Treat her well, Shawn. She’s like out little sister, daughter, niece, etc,” Tom Hiddleston tells Shawn.

“Of course,” Shawn smiled. 

“You two go have fun now,” Scarlett said, nudging you a little. You let out a small giggle before holding Shawn’s hand. 

“Alright, we’re leaving,” You say. 

“Have fun!” Elizabeth said.

“But not too much fun!” Robert said causing you and Shawn to laugh a little.

“Your second family really is something,” Shawn said.

“Yeah but we gotta get use to them,” You tell him before giving him a kiss. 

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: AVENGERS - ENDGAME

You guys can you believe I saw a Marvel movie within like 5 days of its release? I DID IT! AND NOW I CAN WRITE A LOT OF SPOILERS - READ ON ONLY IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS 3 HOUR MARVEL OPUS TO ITSELF! But what about the wigs? OH GURL. LET’S DISCUSS.

We begin in the Mid-waste (I think?) where Hawkeye has been taking some time out of the fight and hanging by a sleeping tree, Bran-style (oh get ready for a lot of GoT crossover comments as I saw this right after the Battle of Winterfell episode and I might get my nerdy details conflated). Anyhoo, did you know that Hawkeye is married to Linda Cardellini? Is she just the supportive wife in everything? Side note: this fact might have existed in an earlier MCU movie. To be fair, I have seen MOST MCU movies (except Thor 2 and Spider-Man and I’m not correcting that) and only saw the other ones like once so I was going into this movie like most of America: vaguely confused about former facts and really exhausted about where this 3 hour movie was about to take me. ANYWAY, Hawkeye’s entire family vanishes like at the end of Infinity War and ugh I see what you’re doing Endgame: this movie is gonna be a BUMMER.

Iron Man of course lightens the mood with some cute banter with Nebula but also: they’re fully about to die in the space void and did RDJr lose a lot of weight or is this just that Marvel technology they used to make Chris Evans look spindly in the first Captain America? Anyway, things are looking BLEAK but then our girl Captain Marvel shows up and saves the day.

Back on earth, the Avengers are really bummed out about half the population being gone (but not so bummed out that ScarJo and “Best” Chris Evans haven’t taken some time to get haircuts - they look great!) But no time for  hair maintenance talk: Brie Larson is ready to go back to space! Also her hair looks good! This movie was made before Captain Marvel and it looks like they just used her real hair and it’s so much better than her wig in that movie. 

Anyway, to space! Wait, now Brie is wearing a wig. UGH. Dammit, space! However, I think this is ScarJo’s real blonde hair (a more natural look than her blonde bob wig seen in Infinity War) and what a long strange trip it’s been since Black Widow’s first perm to her mall hair in Age of Ultron and beyond. Thank the lord for this lewk. 

So the (remaining) Avengers land on whatever planet Thanos is living on now and apparently he’s using old Avengers costumes as Scarecrows? Ok I know we’re supposed to hate this guy but he’s all for population control, gardens, AND now recycling are we sure we hate him? The Avengers definitely still hate him and after learning that he destroyed all the jewelry he spent all of Infinity War finding, they are PISSED. Thor is so pissed he kills him! Which is a super hot-headed thing to do and is basically as bad as “worst” Chris Pratt’s behavior with Thanos in Infinity War and will these alpha males ever learn??? How are they gonna reverse this whole half of the population missing thing now?

Spoiler (haha these are all spoilers!): THEY DON’T. FIVE EFFING YEARS PASS. And in real movie time, at least like 45 minutes? In which we’re supposed to believe that Black Panther (and other notable Avengers but mainly Black Panther) are going to remain dead. GET ON WITH IT MOVIE. Even more damning: Black Widow is now a sad sad lady making sad sandwiches alone and with THIS HAIR LEWK. I was so damn happy for ScarJo to be wigless and THEN THIS. WHAT IN OMBRE HELL. I think (?) what we’re supposed to think is happening here is that she’s so damn sad that she’s failed at hair maintenance and let her blonde highlights grow out into this mess? Here’s the thing, this wig is actually fine - it looks like real hair - but with A TERRIBLE DYE JOB WHY UGH. 

Speaking of new lewks, ScarJo still skypes with the remaining Avengers (bless her heart!) and Captain Marvel went ahead and got THIS HAIRCUT WHAT. I guess the internet can stop talking about how much she needs a scrunchie? I think that this is actually truer to her comic book self but also is giving me all the Lilith Fair vibes (IN A GREAT WAY!) It is still a bad wig in a man wig way (the back taper is a mess) but you’ve gotta love the 90s gelled sideswept bangs for pure nostalgia. 

Speaking of nostalgia! Ant-Man is back from the quantum realm and damn am I happy to see Paul Rudd (ALWAYS). He is shocked to learn that five years have passed while he was gone (this storyline is very Flight of the Navigator) and goes to find his now teenage daughter even tho he looks exactly the same (tho this would be true regardless - Paul Rudd doesn’t age). However, she’s all alone in her house with no Judy Greer or Bobby Cannavale in sight and does this mean they’re vanished or just not in this movie? Is this daughter being raised by Michael Pena now? Also why isn’t he there? EVERYONE IS IN THIS MOVIE I DEMAND ANSWERS. 

So anyway, Paul Rudd is all: why don’t we just time travel through the quantum realm and get those damn jewels and fix this whole Thanos situation? Best Chris and ScarJo are in, but Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer are the real pros at this whole quantum realm thing but are definitely vanished (as is Evangelline Lilly) so they go find Iron Man since he’s smart, right? Unfortunately, he is now living in a cabin by a lake and has a daughter (mazel! but this is def gonna throw a wrench into the time travel thing). Also Gwyneth is around looking tanned and vaguely ginger. Her wig is basically a more expensive, highlighted version of Nicole Kidman’s wig in Big Little Lies which is to say: MUCH BETTER BUT STILL PRETTY SHITTY. There is also a “joke” (?) about Gwyneth reading a book about composting which I think was supposed to be a Goop dig but honestly: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT THIS MOVIE IS ALREADY SO LONG CAN WE JUST GET TO SAVING BLACK PANTHER AND THE OTHERS?

Iron Man def is like: dudes I’m not time traveling - I’m gonna do this whole dad thing WHICH IS FAIR so they go find the like #5 smartest person they know: DR. HULK. There are no pictures of this (that I could find) but Bruce Banner is now living life just AS the Hulk (but not an angry one) so he’s basically a bulky green guy in glasses which is fine but where does he buy those huge cowl sweaters? Asking for myself. Also ScarJo finds Hawkeye in Tokyo being some sort of hooded vigilante with a fauxhawk and guyliner and jeez someone is not dealing well without Linda Cardellini. 

Also not dealing well? THOR! #2 Chris is off in Asgard living life with the best supporting characters from Thor: Ragnarok (TAIKA WAITITI 4EVR) and LETTING HISSELF GO. Oh also, Tessa Thompson is there too being a fisherman (?!?!?!) even tho she’s an effing valkyrie how did she get this job?!?! But I have to give full credit to Chris Hemsworth for fully embracing the deglam life here and for the next several hours of this movie. DEGLAM THOR IS EVERYTHING. 

However, the wig is obviously terrible. ZZTop beard aside, the wig is these weird dreadlock tendrels which I’m guessing Thor wouldn’t have had time to maintain between playing video games, drinking beer, and eating pizza. Side note: I was really disappointed that he wasn’t eating Billy’s Pan Pizza (Lisbeth Salander’s #1 food choice in Sweden through all of those terrible books) which I actually tried in Iceland once and spoiler alert: original flavor INVOLVES HAM. Just saying: the devil’s in the details. Anyway, Thor and Iron Man decide to give this whole time travel thing a try (why not?) AND YES ONCE REASSEMBLED, IRON MAN’S FIRST POINT OF BUSINESS IS MAKING A BIG LEBOWSKI JOKE.

Iron Man somehow whips up some time travel gps bracelet and holy shit all of the Avengers movies are literally about jewelry. Then it’s on to making some sweet new time travel suits, Hawkeye gelling up that fauxhawk, and away we go to the quantum realm! Nothing bad can happen!

First stop: the first Avengers movie! OH GOD I SEE WHAT THEY’RE DOING HERE. The MCU literally made a plot where they could journey back to all the other MCU movies like a greatest hits tour and THIS MOVIE IS ENDLESS. This also involves journeying back to the ghosts of wigs past AND GURL I’M SHOOK. I guess I have to give credit to the MCU for wig consistencies - these wigs are as shitty as the originals! - and I guess they saved a lot in the already nonexistent wig budget. Also TILDA EFFING SWINTON IS THERE. This cast, dudes. Dr. Hulk and Tilda have a whole Back to the Future (which they make fun of in this movie, btw and I wasn’t here for it) discussion about time travel that I pretty much zoned out on until Tilda was just like eff it: here’s the jewelry you want, you seem pretty chill now, Dr. Hulk. 

Oh and Tom Hiddleston’s shitty Loki wig is back! Jesus Christ this wig. Also, Robert Redford is back? How do I not remember him being talked into the MCU?? Anyway, the jewelry Iron Man and Best Chris were looking for is DEFINITELY snatched by Loki so they have to figure out a new time travel scenario.

Oh and Best Chris and Iron Man totally made up after being at odds for the last 2-3 Avengers movies. Also what do we think the hairspray budget was for these two? There is also a LOT of talk about Best Chris’s ass in this movie (they literally refer to it as America’s Ass) and I feel like this could very much be its own movie with maybe some added Best Chris badass twitter wars. Just saying. 

Meanwhile, back in olde timey Asgard circa Thor 2, RENE RUSSO IS BACK (also Natalie Portman LOLOL everyone is in these movies). However, Sir Anthony Hopkins is definitely not wasting time on this nonsense and: fair. Also omg this wig on Rene. GURL. I don’t know what GoT prostitute dayplayer they stole this from but regardless: it’s a mess. Also apparently, Rene is about to die (I didn’t see Thor 2) and Deglam Thor is a MESS about it (also still very much a drunken mess also). He almost effs up the plan by going and crying on his mom (don’t worry - Bradley Cooper in his best work to date as Rocket Racoon got the jewelry!) And Rene tells Deglam Thor it’s ok to not be who he’s supposed to be an just be HIM which is very good advice OMG I LOVE RENE RUSSO. 

So speaking of parents, Iron Man decided to go find some Infinity Stones in the 70s where his dad, John Slattery is! Apologies for the quality of this picture - it’s the best I could do. Anyway, John Slattery was made for period piece witty repartee tho his man wig (like all man wigs) is a friggin’ mess. He and Iron Man have some fairly emotional dialogue despite the fact that John Slattery doesn’t know that he’s talking to his son and also someone refers to RDJr as Mungo Jerry so I was really down with this whole section of the movie. 

OH AND MICHAEL DOUGLAS IS THERE (again apologies for photo quality). What Marvel does best is face deaging technology (I still demand this be used for more 80s movies Michael Douglas wasn’t able to make at the time) but what Marvel consistently does worse is: wigs, specifically man wigs. WOOF. Regardless, they got all the jewelry they needed from the 70s! Moving on! 

Over in Thanos town (probably what it’s called), nice Nebula is reunited with her former shitty self and also her sister. Jeez this whole part of the movie is family reunions. Anyway, Gamora’s wig is still a Hot Topic mess. Also a mess: Nebula let Thanos into the whole time traveling jewelry snatching heist which will definitely ruin everything.

Meanwhile, over by the cliffs of sorrow (also definitely official name, probably), ScarJo and Hawkeye and their upsetting hair looks are trying to get that one piece of jewelry that can only be gotten with human sacrifice, which they somehow had forgotten since Infinity War when Thanos sacrificed Gamora to get it. Maybe they just weren’t that tight with Gamora and forgot this? Anyway, the most important thing is that ScarJo gave herself these highlight braids which make this whole look slightly better but it’s still really bad. Also bad: one of these characters has to die! In the end it’s ScarJo I think because she doesn’t have a Linda Cardellini to go back to (or 3 kids) but I don’t really like what the MCU is implying here about the value of single ladies but regardless: goodbye ScarJo and your wig! You are probably better than this whole mess anyway!

Anyway, all the (remaining) Avengers time travel back to present day (aka 2023 just go with it) and everyone is so stoked that they got all the jewelry but then bummed when they hear about ScarJo. Side note: I forgot to talk about Iron Man’s highlights and feathered lewk. It’s upsetting! Moving on! Linda Cardellini calls Hawkeye which means this whole time travelling thing worked and they brought back half the population and also most importantly probably Black Panther so go team! But before we can talk to Linda Cardellini, Thanos crash lands into the Avengers HQ AND DAMMIT NEBULA.

So then everyone is somehow transported (?) to Thanos town aka Fightsville which feels like a great place to probably die in the apocalyptic fight FOR JEWELRY. All the Avengers yet again suck at fighting computerized Josh Brolin aka Thanos and then he calls in all his evil space backup army and everyone is definitely effed. It’s a lot like the part in the Battle of Winterell when the Night King does a Nancy Pelosi clap and reanimates all the dead people to fight the living and Jon Snow cries.

It doesn’t even help when Deglam Thor gives hisself the most wild lightning based makeover. Seriously, he surrounds himself with lightning, gets those badass Total Eclipse of the Heart eyes, and somehow is able to use lightning TO GIVE HIMSELF A HALF UPDO AND BRAID HIS BEARD HAIR AND NO I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. The lightning fails to remove his beer belly and again: I’M HERE FOR #2 CHRIS COMMITTING TO THIS DEGLAM BODY. I don’t know the hows and whys of lightning makeovers - I guess it’s just restricted to hair. Which still looks like crap, beard braids or no. Moving on: Best Chris can somehow use Thor’s hammer now and did I miss something? I think it’s a Chris thing and I’m glad that everyone agreed that Worst Chris wasn’t invited to it. But also he’s not there. YET.....

BUT THEN. Dr. Benedict Cumberbatch who I definitely forgot about (and who has the most hilarious American accent) creates all his sparkler circles. Also his whole wig/goatee lewk is like that one adjunct professor you had who kept office hours at a coffee house and/or a part-time vampire. Anyhoo, he BRINGS. BACK. EVERYONE. Black Panther (and all of Wakanda!) Spider-Man! Guardians of the Galaxy! ETC! THE JEWELRY HAND CHANGED HANDS MANY TIMES. THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON. Everyone starts kicking ass but it’s still not enough until Captain Marvel and her 90s pixie cut show up and I swear to god all the lady Avengers made a protective barrier around her like the Lilith Fair is serious getting back together (I WISH!) It was all the ladies you love - Valkyrie on a flying horse! Wakandan warriors BUT NOT LUPITA BECAUSE US IS BETTER THAN THIS! Elizabeth Olsen in that terrible red wig! Kate from Lost! Gamora and Nebula I think! - plus also Gwyneth who I totally forgot had an Iron Man suit too but sure! It was a very girl power moment that almost worked but very did not. In a final moment we all saw coming since before Infinity War, Iron Man sacrificed hisself for the jewelry hand (also: humanity). Thanks for your service: the jewelry was saved! OH MY GOD THIS REVIEW IS SO LONG. Am I still writing this? Are you still reading this? THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

In the end, everyone is saved and reunited...to have a sweet funeral (apologies again for picture quality)! I shit you not: they gave Iron Man’s electric heart a viking funeral at his cabin. Really! And all the other prestige actors you weren’t sure would make it to this movie were there: Marissa Tomei in some sweet beachy waves! Michelle Pfeiffer in some not so sweet beachy waves but whatever: I’m always happy to see her! Michael Douglas! The Winter Soldier in his somehow shittier than Loki wig! That chick from How I Met Your Mother! Other people! Samuel L. Jackson! Oh and I think Iron Man’s daughter is now being co-raised by Jon Favreau? Ok! It was also a funerary co-production for ScarJo and I guess (?) Elizabeth Olsen’s computer boyfriend (aka Paul Bettany) who somehow wasn’t able to be revived by jewelry for reasons unknown. Oh and  where the eff were Bobby Cannavale, Michael Pena OR GODDAMNED JUDY GREER I DEMAND ANSWERS!!!!!

SO THEN. Captain America has to go back in time to return the jewelry because Dr. Hulk promised Tilda Swinton and I still don’t get how time travel works in this movie. Also Dr. Hulk is still running the time travel machine even though the whole Ant-Man crew specializing in this technology are back but ok? It all goes great until Captain America returns IN OLD AGE MAKEUP WHAT. Turns out he took a detour to have a life and get married and huh? He then tells Anthony Mackie that he can be Captain America now - officially making the MCU America of 2023 on the level of real America in 2008 and I can’t believe they didn’t cut to a weeping Jesse Jackson (or at least Don Cheadle?) However, Deglam (still!) Thor makes Valkyrie the King of Asgard which officially makes MCU Asgard of 2023 definitely way better than the America of 2019 (yeah I went there) and then he decides to be a Guardian of the Galaxy which means we get to spend an agonizing 3 minutes with Worst Chris. Then they cut to the 1940s and a slow dancing Best Chris and Hayley Atwell and truly: if you can just time travel and be happy can’t we bring back all the dead Avengers too then? HUH? Whatever: THE END! Oh and there’s no post-credits scene but still watch the first like 5 minutes of credits to enjoy the truly mind boggling way that the MCU chose to credit the 5000 people in this movie. Are we please done with Avengers movies now?

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (BUT NOW I WANT A LIGHTNING MAKEOVER)

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND January 25, 2019  - The Kid Who Would Be King, Serenity

(Yes, I realize the weekend just ended for most, but hey, might as well get an early crack at NEXT weekend, huh? January is winding down with what’s going to be seem like a fairly boring weekend after last week’s M. Night Shyamalan sequel disappointing when compared to the sensation of Dragon Ball Super: Brolly, a movie that few movie writers knew about before Wednesday but grossed $21 million in six days. But hey, variety is the spice of life, and the two movies opening wide this week certainly add some spice with a duo of films from reputable British writer/directors.

THE KID WHO WOULD BE KING  (20thCentury Fox)

Written and directed by Joe Cornish (Attack the Block) Cast: Louis Ashbourne Serkis, Dean Chaumoo, Angus Imrie, Tom Taylor, Rebecca Ferguson, Patrick Stewart, Rhianna Doris, Denise Gough MPAA Rating: PG

On the one hand, this action-adventure film is an exciting one, because it’s the second feature from Joe Cornish following his astonishing 2011 debut Attack the Block, but also, because it’s Cornish’s first studio feature for a mainstream audience, geared towards family audiences in particular.

It’s a fairly standard take on the King Arthur mythos with a young British lad (played by Andy Serkis’ son) finding Excalibur, the legendary sword in the stone and having to team with his best friend (and a couple school bullies) to take on the return of Morgana le Fey (Rebecca Ferguson).

It seems like a good idea to get kids, especially young boys, interested in the tales of King Arthur even though the last few movies have bombed as neither Guy Ritchie’s 2017 film King Arthur: Legend of the Sword or the Jerry Bruckheimer-produced 2004 movie King Arthur found much of an audience. In fact, trying to bring any British legend to the screen and get American moviegoers interested might be a fool’s errand, as seen by last year’s Robin Hood bomb.

The thing is that other than Patrick Stewart – star of Fox’s ongoing X-Men franchise, which seems to be in limbo these days -- and Rebecca Ferguson from the last couple Mission: Impossible movies, there are no stars in the movie that could entice those on the fence about whether to see this movie.  On the other hand, reviews have generally been good which could help boost interest a little more going into the weekend.

At first, I thought maybe this would end up with around $10 million, but it’s basically going to be a family movie coming into a market where most other family films have been in theaters for three weeks or more. (Dragon Ball is an exception.) Fox was also able to get it into more than 3,4000 nationwide, because wisely, it waited until after Glass opened for this.  Because of this, I’m going to goose up my number to somewhere between $11 and 13 million with most of the family movies geared towards boys falling away and Joe Cornish’s older fans maybe giving this a look. Sadly, the movie is not being marketed as “from the director of Attack the Block” as it clearly should be.

Mini-Review: Granted that Attack the Block was always going to be a hard act to follow for Joe Cornish, and yet he has written and directed a follow-up that might appeal to younger moviegoers though maybe not so much Cornish’s older teen fans from his directorial debut.

Louis Ashbourne Serkis, who is indeed the son of Andy Serkis, plays Alex Elliot, a fairly normal 10-year-old, who stands up to a couple school bullies and while being chased by them finds a sword embedded in rock on a construction site. It is indeed the fabled “Sword in the Stone” Excalibur as used by King Arthur. Along with his best friend Bedders (Dean Chaumoo) and their two relentless bullies (Tom Taylor, Rhianna Doris), they all go on a quest to fight Arthur’s evil sister Morgana (Rebecca Ferguson) and save Britain.

The first major hurdle this otherwise fine kids’ action-adventure faces is the fairly weak cast, because without liking Alex or his colleagues, it’s hard to root for them even with the stakes never feeling too great. The one exception is Angus Imrie as the young Merlin who somehow manages to get more laughs than the older Merlin, played by Sir Patrick Stewart. Alex’s mother is played by Claire Foy lookalike Denise Gough, and she also doesn’t bring much to what should have been touching scenes with Serkis. Ferguson is decent as Morgana, although the role doesn’t give her much to do.

Using many of the same creative team used by buddy and sometime producer Edgar Wright on Baby Driver, including DP Tim Pope and editors Jonathan Amos and Paul Machliss, as well as production designer Marcus Rowland, it’s a safe bet that Cornish has made another movie that looks damn good.  As with Attack, Cornish’s FX team perfectly integrate the many CG beasties with the human characters.

The thing is that Cornish does a fine job with this material, so that the movie is better than the Percy Jackson movies or other similar family films, and he should be commended for making such a smooth transition to studio family films. Even so, by the third act, I was just getting very bored, especially when I thought it was ending, and it went on for another 15 minutes.

The Kid Who Would Be King is perfectly fine -- it has its moments -- but there’s something about it that left me wanting, because it seems like it should have been a lot better overall.

Rating: 6.5/10

SERENITY  (Aviron)

Written and directed by Steven Knight (Locke, Redemption, “Peaky Blinders,” “Taboo”) Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Jason Clarke, Djimon Hounsou  MPAA Rating: R

The other new release of the weekend is something that possibly could have done very well in the ‘90s or early ‘00s as an erotic thriller, a genre that has had its ups and downs but has mostly done decently at the box office. This is the third movie from Steven Knight, the director of Lockeand writer of Eastern Promises, “Peaky Blinders” and “Taboo,” though I’m not sure his previous hits will convince many to see this in theaters.

Matthew McConaughey plays fishing boat captain Baker Dill, who has been living in hiding on Plymouth Island after his divorce. His ex-wife Karen, played by Anne Hathaway, shows wanting her to kill her violent and abusive husband (Jason Clarke) in order to save her and Baker’s teen son.  

McConaughey’s career has been all over the place in recent years, but his recent crime-thriller White Boy Rick didn’t do very well, and it feels like Serenity is heading towards a similar fate. In fact, McConaughey has been in quite a string of bombs since winning an Oscar for 2013’s Dallas Buyers Club with his biggest hit being the animated Sing. His most high-profile movie The Dark Tower made $120 million worldwide based on $60 million budget which made it barely profitable but especially disappointing due to its studio’s franchise plans.

Having Anne Hathaway could help as she’s been a lot more careful about her choices since winning her own Oscar a year earlier with last year’s Ocean’s 8, in which she played herself,being a relative hit with almost $300 million worldwide. Her last movie with McConaughey was Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar in 2014, which grossed $188 million domestically, so that’s somewhat of a bonus. The cast is rounded out by the ever-present Jason Clarke, who has yet to really break-out despite being involved in many Oscar-caliber films, as well as Djimon Hounsou, who is becoming a superhero film regular, having just appeared in Aquaman and having roles in Captain Marveland Shazam.  (Some might remember that he also had a great scene with Chris Pratt early in the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie.)

While erotic thrillers have done well in the past, this movie was originally supposed to come out last September, and there was advertising trailers all summer – I know that because I saw the trailer for this in front of a ton of movies – but then it was moved to January, which is never a good sign of faith. This is a rare release from fledgling distributor Aviron Pictures, who released just two movies in 2018.  Aviron is releasing this one into just 2,500 theaters, which might already be too many screens considering how little marketing the film has

Reviews are still embargoed until Thursday (never a good sign), but I’m probably not going to review the movie, since I saw it quite some time ago, though I do have to say that that the big twist in this movie angered me more than anything in M. Night Shyamalan’s Glass.

This movie looks like the epitome of a late January bomb, one that probably won’t come close to $10 million for the weekend and might even end up closer to $5 million or a little more. Either way, it won’t have to make that much to end up in the top 5 this weekend since it’s going up against many movies that have been playing since before Christmas.

This week’s Top 10 should look something like this…

1. Glass   (Universal) - $19 million -53%

2. The Kid Who Would Be King  (20thCentury Fox) - $11.6 million N/A

3. The Upside (STX) – $10 million -33%

4. Serenity (Aviron) - $6.5 million N/A

5. Aquaman (Warner Bros.)  - $5.5 million -47%

6. Dragon Ball Super: Brolly (Funimation) – $5 million -49%

7. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse  (Sony) - $4.8 million -37%

8. A Dog’s Way Home  (Sony) – $4.2 million -42%

9. Mary Poppins Returns  (Disney) - $3.1 million -45%

10. Escape Room  (Sony) - $2.8 million -46%

LIMITED RELEASES

Many of my colleagues will be heading to the Sundance Film Festival this week, but I’m not going, so I don’t have much to say about it. Sorry!

On a more local level , we get  FIAF ANIMATION FIRST FEST over the weekend, focused on the booming French animation film industry with a 20thanniversary screening of Michel Ocelot’s Kirikou and the Sorceress and 17 US  and New York premieres, including the New York premiere of Funanand a number of shorts programs. Studio Ghibli’s Isao Takahata, who died last year, will be honored. You can read the full program and schedule of events Here.  I personally have never attended, but if I wasn’t busy I might check out some of the programs.

As far as the limited releases…

Following its November qualifying run as Germany’s Oscar entry and with two Oscar nominations under its belt, Oscar-winning filmmaker Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s (The Lives of Others) new movie NEVER LOOK AWAY (Sony Pictures Classics). The historic drama is loosely based on the life of visual artist Gerhard Richter with Tom Schilling (Woman in Gold) playing a young artist who has watched East Berlin go from Nazi occupation, watching his older sister be sentenced to death due to her mental illness by a ruthless Nazi doctor (Sebastian Koch), to falling in love with a young woman (Paula Beer) who happens to be that doctor’s daughter and escaping to West Berlin during the country’s contemporary art movement.  I found the movie to be overly long and a little confusing, because I wasn’t sure what the movie was supposed to be about until about 30 minutes into it.  

Just a few months after his last film The Mercy barely got a glance, The Theory of Everything director James Marsh’s new heist film  KING OF THIEVES (Saban Films) will open in theaters (including New York’s Cinema Village) and on VOD and Digital HD on Friday. The true crime tale about a group of retired crooks trying to stage an elaborate jewelry heist stars an ensemble of legendary British actors in Michael Caine, Jim Broadbent, Michael Gambon, Ray Winstone, Tom Courtenay along with Charlie Cox aka Daredevil. I had high hopes for this movie being better than the likes of Zach Braff’s Going in Style, something classier like last year’s The Old Man and the Gun, but sadly, it’s an obvious money grab for older British men and women reminiscing about all the better crime movies made by the cast.

Claus Räfle’s docudrama THE INVISIBLES (Greenwich) follows four German-Jewish youth who decide to stay behind in Berlin as World War II is beginning, living vicariously while dodging Nazi officials before eventually joining the resistance.  This story of survival opens at New York’s Quad Cinema and Landmark 57, as well as in L.A. at the Laemmle Royal on Friday.

The Brazilian animated film TITO AND THE BIRDS  (Shout! Studios) from filmmakers Gustavo Steinberg, Gabriel Bitar and André Catoto tells the story of a boy and his father who are looking for the cure for an illness inflicted on someone after being scared. After playing a number of film festivals, it also opens at the Quad Cinema in New York

It’s hard to believe that 88-year-old French New Wave filmmaker Jean Luc Goddard is still with us and making movies, but all the recent repertory series in New York and L.A. have been leading up to his latest film THE IMAGE BOOK (Kino Lorber). Don’t know much about this film which received a special Palme d’or at Cannes last year, but apparently it’s a “collage film essay,” which means that it probably doesn’t have a plot or narrative that’s easy to explain. It opens at the IFC Center and Lincoln Center in New York.

Tom Arnold and Sean Astin star in Ron Carlson’s Dead Ant (Cinedigm) as the members of an ‘80s hair metal band called Sonic Grave who had a power ballad hit 30 years earlier, and while they’re on a road trip to Coachella, they find themselves trying to be relevant again…. Until they’re attacked by giant killer ants. Okay, I think I need to see this movie, as it seems like my kind of movie.

Playing for one night only nationwide on Thursday as a Fathom Event is Timothy Woodward Jr.’s horror film The Final Wish (Cinedigm), starring the wonderful Lin Shaye (Insidious), Michael Welsh, Melissa Bolona and Tony Todd, and produced by Jeffrey Reddic (writer/producer of Final Destination).  Welsh plays Aaron Hammond who returns to his hometown after the death of his father to help his bereaved mother (Shaye) and deal with the demons from his past, finding a mysterious item while going through his father’s belongings.

Opening at New York’s Cinema Village on Friday and at L.A.’s Laemmle Music Hall on Feb. 1 is Francois Margolin’s controversial French drama Jihadists (Cinema Libre), co-directed by by Lemine Ould Salem, which was banned in France. It follows two filmmakers who were given access to fundamentalist clerics of Sunni Islam to show what it’s like to live your life under jihadi rule.

From Bollywood comes Vikas Bahl ‘s drama Super 30 (Reliance Entertainment), starring Hrithik Roshan as Patna-based mathematician Anand Kumar, who runs the famed and prestigious Super 30 program in Patna. Not sure of the theater count but it’s probably opening in a dozen or so theaters.

Opening on Wednesday following its premiere at Doc-NYC is Robert Townsend’s doc The 5 Browns: Digging through the Darkness, which looks at the 5 Browns, a group of Julliard-trained sibling pianists who rose to stardom only to be devastated when it’s revealed that the three sisters were sexually abused by their manager father Keith Brown. It opens at the IFC Center for a single-week run.

Also opening at the Cinema Village and in select cities is John Kauffman’s Heartlock (Dark Star Pictures), a love story about a female prison guard, played by Lesley-Ann Brandt,  who becomes the subject of affection from a charming male convict (Alexander Dreymo) who wants to use their relationship to help him escape.

STREAMING

The main film streaming on Netflix on Friday is Jonas Akerlund’s POLAR, his follow-up to Lords of Chaos, which premiered at Sundance last year and comes out a few weeks later. Based on the Dark Horse graphic novel, it stars Mads Mikkelson as assassin Duncan Vizla, known as the Black Kaiser, who is getting ready for retirement in a suburban town when he’s dragged back into one last job, but when it goes wrong, Duncan’s new love interest (Vanessa Hudgens) is dragged into it. I’ve never read the graphic novel, and I’ve generally been mixed on Akerlund’s films, but this one is definitely in the same absolute insanity realm of his earlier film Spun with a lot of crazy over-the-top performance from the likes of Matt Lucas (Little Britain) and Johnny Knoxville (Jackass), but in this case, it’s not a good thing. Mikkelson gives another stellar performance, and Hudgens is also quite good (didn’t even recognize her) but the craziness surrounding them from Lucas and the other assassins sent after Duncan made it hard to enjoy the film, especially compared to Mikkelson’s other upcoming film Arctic, but hey, it’s on Netflix so I’m sure people will watch it anyway.

Speaking of which, I also want to note that last week, I didn’t notice that a science fiction film called IO: Last on Earth, starring Margaret Qualley (Novitiate),was also streaming on Netflix. I haven’t watched it yet, but one of the writers also co-wrote Claire Carée’s Embers, which is one of my favorite festival discoveries from the past few years.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

The Metrograph has a couple new series starting Friday, including Hou Hsiao-Hsien in the 21st Century, featuring 35mm prints of four of the Chinese filmmaker’s recent films: Millenium Mambo, Three Times, Flight of the Red Balloon and Café Lumieré. Then on Saturday, the Metrograph will show the classic Gone with the Windto kick off its Produced by David O. Selznick series, and there’s some great stuff to come, including Alfred Hitchcock’s Spellboundand Rebecca.  The theater will also be screening a 35mm of Ken Loach’s 1991 film Riff Raff, starring Robert Carlyle, who would breakout in Danny Boyle’s Trainspotting. On top of that, Kay Francis: Queen of Pleasure continues with William Dieterle’s Jewel Robbery (1932) and 1929’s The Cocoanuts this weekend, while this weekend’s Late Nites at Metrograph  option is Chantal Akerman’s News from Home  (1977) and Playtime: Family Matinees shows the 2015 animated film Shaun the Sheep.

THE NEW BEVERLY  (L.A.):

Weds. and Thurs. see double features of the 1977 film The Late Show and ‘78’s The Big Fix, starring Richard Dreyfuss. Friday sees a double feature of American Graffiti  (1973) and The Lords of Flatbush  (1974) with More American Graffiti (1979) added on Saturday… for just 10 bucks!The weekend family matinee is 1947’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, starring Danny Kaye.  The Sunday/Monday Franco Zeffirelli double feature is Romeo & Juliet (1968) with Brother Sun, Sister Moon  (1972). Tarantion’s Jackie Brownonce again plays at midnight Friday and the Tuesday Grindhouse triple feature is Katt Shea’s Poison Ivy  (1992), Streets (1990) and Stripped to Kill  (1987), which is already sold out online but may have more tickets at the door.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Far Out in the 70s: A New Wave of Comedy, 1969 - 1979 continues with La Cage Aux Folles and The Seduction of Mimi on Wednesday, double features of Who is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? and Theater of Blood on Thursday, Woody Allen’s Sleeper and Bananas on Friday, then Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, Monty Python and the Holy Grail on Saturday, and Papermoon, What’s Up, Doc? starring Barbara Streisand and Woody Allen’s Play It Again Sam on Sunday. As part of the series focusing on the great filmmaker and actor Elaine May, Film Forum will show A New Leaf (1971) and Mickey and Nicky (1976) next Tuesday. The weekend’s Film Forum Jr. is Gordon Parks’ 1969 film The Learning Tree.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Beginning another fun series of double features this weekend with Argento/De Palma with a double feature of Suspiria and Carrie on Thursday, Blow Out and Inferno on Friday, and Dressed to Kill and Tenebrae on Saturday. Saturday sees a special presentation of Craig Owen’s The Silent Film Era at the Alexandria Hotel, while the 1916 Douglas Fairbanks film His Picture in the Papers will also screen on Saturday with live music accompaniment.

AERO  (LA):

The AERO is offering an eclectic mixed bag of films this weekend including the 4k restoration of Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire (1987; Janus Films) on Friday night, David Fincher’s Fight Club  on Saturday, and the WC Fields comedy My Little Chickadee (1940) on Sunday night.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

Continuing the theater’s attempt to keep up with ‘90s Cinemax with its X-rated fare, Just Jaekin’s erotic drama Emmanuelle (Kino Lorber; 1974) will screen in a special engagement, leading up to next week’s Beyond Emmanuelle Just Jaeckin retrospective and Erotic Journeys: The Many Faces of Em(m)anuelle. 

IFC CENTER (NYC):

On Friday and Saturday at midnight, the IFC Center will show the 4k restoration of Dario Argento’s Suspiria as part of its Late Night Favorites series. While The Image Book opens here on Friday, Weekend Classics: Early Godard  continues with a 35mm print of A Woman is a Woman  (1961) and Waverly Midnights: The Feds screens Michael Mann’s Manhunter(with Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal coming in the next two weekends!)

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Friday night’s midnight screening is the Rocky Horror Picture Show follow-up Shock Treatment (1981).

MOMA (NYC):

This week’s Modern Matinees: Sir Sidney Poitier offerings are A Patch of Blue  (1965) on Weds, They Call Me Mr. Tibbs! (1970) Thurs, and No Way Out  (1950) on Friday. MOMA is also screening Ida Lupino’s Never Fear (The Young Lovers) (1950) to end its 16th annual To Save and Project series, although there’s a couple second screenings for those (like me) who only just found out about it now.

That’s it for this week… next week, it’s February! Already?? While many movie writers are still at Sundance and others are preparing for Super Bowl Sunday, Sony releases the crime-thriller remake Miss Bala.

[elizrhea]

This Looked Fun

I never do these but it’s late, I’m bored and I figured why the hell not.

1) Put your music on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

1. Cleopatra- The Lumineers. 2. Remember- Sammy Adams. 3. Kids- One Republic. 4. Closer- The Chainsmokers feat. Halsey. 5. One Week- The Barenaked Ladies. 6. You and Me- Lifehouse.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Tom Brady

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“Join the angry, infected mob ransacking the local pharmacy for antiviral drugs” How to Survive a Sharknado and other unnatural disasters.

4) What do you think about most?

Probably my next meal

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

noop.

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

Nope.

7) What’s your religion?

When I was practicing Catholic

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Helping my dad with lawn work. Or going to Work.

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Right now The Lumineers.

10) What was the last lie you told?

Not sure.

11) Do you believe in karma?

Yes.

12) What does your URL mean?

What URL? 

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness: I care too much even though I say I don’t. Strength: I use humor to lighten moods.

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

Tom Brady.

15) How do you vent your anger?

Gangster Rap. Like Rapping it while driving. 

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

Mugs.

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Hell yeah.

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: The sound of the Rotisserie Oven at work. Love: any sound that means my food is ready.

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

“What if Tom Brady wasn’t drafted to the Patriots?”

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No to both.

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: Wall. Left: The air.

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Funyouns. I just ate some.

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Can’t think of anything. I love every single place I’ve been because I love travelling. Every place is a new and wonderful experience.

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

Right now since I’m obsessed with the song “Closer” Drew Taggart from The Chainsmokers. 

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Does anyone really understand the meaning of life? No because everyone’s life has a different meaning to it.

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes. I have recently yes. I hit a patch of ice, fish tailed and ended up in a 30 ft ditch. 

27) What was the last movie you saw?

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Probably a sprained ankle from playing basketball. 

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Buffalo Bites.

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Not that i know of.

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Depends on the wrong they did to me.

32) What is your astrological sign?

Taurus. 

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

A shirt from Old Navy.

34) Love or lust?

Love

35) In a relationship?

Si. 2.5 Years. 

36) How many relationships have you had?

4.

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Crack a joke.

38) Where is your best friend?

Either sleeping or watching tv.

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping. Or watching TV.

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Hellz Yeah.

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Fuck work. Save the dog.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I tell those that’d be most affected by my death, like my best friends, family, so on. But I’d tell them not to be sad. Just remember the good parts of me. B) Travel the world with no regrets. C) fuck no let’s go live life to the fullest and die knowing I did something.

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Shut up and Dance.

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Don’t fight. Fighting sucks.

45) How can I win your heart?

Buy me a cheeseburger.

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Sure. If I was creative I could’ve given you a more creative answer.

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Stopped being friends with some dick I went to high school with.

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“here lies Liz Rhea. She requested Liz be on her headstone to piss her mom off in the after life”.

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

Love.

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Blue, Black, and Green.

51) What is your current desktop picture?

Some random picture of a chick running on the beach that was preloaded on my laptop cause I’m too damn lazy to find one out of the 1,000,100 pictures i have. 

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Probably some terrorist. I don’t hate anyone in my life that much.

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

How happy are you really?

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Flying

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Probably my college graduation. I was told “I have never looked happier”. or Being the Maid of Honor at my best friends wedding (not the speech part).

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Probably my car accident. I wasn’t hurt or anything but it really sucked. 

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Aw jeez. Probably be a toss up between Tom Brady and Chris Evans. 

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Anywhere that’s not in the USA. Probably back to Rome. But most likely Germany or Russia.

59) Ever been on a plane?

So many times I lost count. Flown to Florida, California, Italy, New York, so on.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

1. Tom Brady. 2. Chris Evans. 3. Chris Pratt. 4. Grant Gustin. 5. Channing Tatum