#i kinda wish i had a reminder call - but i might've actually missed them if they made those attempts

[soysaucevictim]

My sleep/energy has been extremely fucked at this point... :/

[justmenoworries]

My unorganized thoughts about Hazbin finale because I am feeling all the feelings.

Positives

The songs? Absolute bangers. Both of them. The Chaggie "More Than Anything" reprise got spoiled for me but I still loved it. We stan a supportive couple ready to go to war together. The reprise for "Happy Day in Hell" at the end was a nice touch. Loved that it was Lucifer who picked up the slack to cheer up Charlie. Mans finally becoming the dad who stepped up.

The battle as a whole was awesome. Hot take, but if Adam didn't have the spawn infinite enemies cheat all bad guy armies seem to have in these situations, the Hotel definitely would've won.

I'll admit, I wasn't too jazzed about Sir Pentious replacing Mimzy in the main cast but he kind of redeemed (lol) himself for me this episode. Bro was both one of the funniest and most heartwarming characters in the finale get yourself a man who can do both. The unholy (lol) noises I made when he showed up as a redeemed soul in Heaven. Good for him! He deserves the best. Also I find Sera's and Emily's reactions to the reveal kind of interesting. Emily is overjoyed seeing that Charlie's idea works, but Sera looks... mortified? Disgusted? Kinda tells us which one of these two really deserves the title of Big Good. Side note, but it's kind of funny how the only physical change a redeemed sinner goes through is that their color scheme is now pastel instead of goth.

ADAM FUCKING DIED YESSIRRRRR! GOOD RIDDANCE BITCH NO ONE WILL MISS YOUUUU (Except for Lute, but no one gives a fuck about what Lute thinks, cry harder hoe)

Charlie's and Lucifer's true formssss! Razzle and Dazzle getting to be badassss! (R.I.P. Dazzle, hope you somehow end up in Heaven too)

Alastor Vs Adam. Cool fight, surprisingly not as one-sided as one might've thought. I mean, Alastor still lost but he lasted a lot longer than most of the others who fought against Adam (Poor Sir Pen)

Vaggie and Lute rematch, I fucking called ittttt!

Seeing everyone gear up and fight for the Hotel was cool, seeing so many Exorcists get axed off was cathartic as fuck.

Lute losing a part of her body because of Vaggie, just like she took a part of Vaggie's body was *chef's kiss*.

Lucifer Vs Adam and Lucifer just... not taking the fight seriously at all until Charlie almost gets hurt. He was really just toying with Adam for the entire first half and when he started getting serious Adam got trashed so fucking quick, I love it.

Charlie fucking shanking Adam and stopping his punch Just Like That. I lover her, she's such a badass. Sure wish we could've seen more of that (foreshadowinggg)

Vox acting as the greek chorus for the events of the episode works surprisingly well. Ngl I thought his constant commentary would get annoying really fast if they kept cutting away from the action just so he can say a funny. But no, they actually managed to time it pretty well. Props to Adam Stein (writer for this episode).

The Negatives (Yes, They Exist)

The other Vees did not need to be here. Seriously, we're starting off with Vox alone in his control room and we could've stayed there. Velvette and Valentino didn't even talk for the majority of the episode. And I'm not a fan of how Val continues to be played for comedy. Unfriendly reminder that this man is a r*pist and an abuser. If you needed a V for the funnies, Velvette and Vox are quite literally right there. (Can you believe Velvette had no lines this episode but fucking Val had both a speaking role and a not insignificant part of the ending song? Weak.) You can still have the ending scene of the Vees hanging out and planning after the aborted Extermination, literally nothing changes if you cut Val and Velvette from the cutaway gags.

Not a fan of how Lucifer stole the spotlight. "But you said you liked the Adam Vs Lucifer fight-" Yeah, I did. Doesn't change that this shouldn't have been Luci's fight, it should have been Charlie's. We've had hints this whole season that Charlie is actually way stronger and wrathful than anyone thinks and that she's actively working to keep up her cheerful and friendly persona. Her stabbing Adam with her trident was a nice start, but after Lute killed Dazzle and seriously endangered Vaggie, this should've been the moment Charlie decided "Alright that's it, no more Miss Nice Girl, I didn't want this to end in bloodshed but these assholes are going down." This should've been the moment where the gloves come off. How much more impactful would it be if Charlie was the one beating down Adam but stopping before killing him? If the show made it clear Charlie could murder this asshole, but she doesn't, because she's still better than he ever will be. What a way to show that Charlie truly does believe in the good in everyone or at least still believes in non-lethal solutions to the conflict between Heaven and Hell! But nope, Charlie gets two badass moments, then is banished to the side-lines and to the role of damsel Lucifer has to save and who has to be the metaphorical angel on Lucifer's shoulder who stops him from offing Adam (for some reason). If we needed to get Lucifer involved, maybe have him show up earlier to help the Hotel but get hurt somehow, forcing and motivating Charlie to step up as the future ruler of Hell. Speaking of-

Why the fuck was Lucifer so late to the fight??? Yeah yeah, I know, depressed shut-in, but in "More Than Anything" he literally calls Charlie "the only thing worth fighting for" in Hell. He knew the Extermination was coming. Yeah, maybe Charlie didn't tell him that the trial in Heaven went south and that Adam's Exorcists were going to target the Hazbin Hotel, but you'd think he'd have noticed something was up??? More importantly, if he really wanted to support Charlie's dream of saving the sinners in Hell, why didn't he take part in the battle from the start??? Why didn't Charlie ask him to fight alongside her??? Yeah, Charlie is reluctant to ask Lucifer for anything because they don't have the best relationship, but we've had an entire fucking episode of them growing closer and Lucifer assuring Charlie he'd help her. And this wasn't just a matter of pride, Charlie's friends and her girlfriend were in danger of getting killed, you're telling me she'd choose her own hang-up over all of them??? "But if Lucifer was there, the fight would've been over too quick-" refer to the previous point. Angels can be hurt and killed by angelic weaponry, there were like over a hundred Exorcists on that battlefield and don't tell me Adam would be above fighting dirty by attacking while Lucifer is distracted. There. Easy way to take Lucifer out of the fight and make way for Charlie.

Not a fan of how Cherri Bomb x Sir Pentious was bullrushed in this last episode. Yeah, we established Pentious likes her, but Cherri had like no interest in him until Angel commented he might have two dicks. Which, I guess her being after a purely physical relationship could work, but we all know that's not what Pentious wants. Their "romance" gives "He Was a Boy She Was a Girl" vibes. Like Velvette and Valentino, nothing in the episode would've been lost if that particular plot-line was dropped.

"The future of Hell belongs to the Vees" Yeah but does it though? Does it? Sorry, but I'm having a hard time taking these three seriously as a threat. Vox got effortlessly trounced by Alastor (and contrary to what the Vees believe he isn't missing, he came back), Velvette talked a big game about fighting the Exorcists but then did absolutely nothing and Val would eat dirt so fast against anyone who can actually fight back. Plus "Overlords hanging by a thread"? Which Overlords, exactly? Alastor? He's not dead and like previously stated, he's not 'missing'. Rosie, Carmilla, Zestial and the rest of the Overlords are just fine, the Extermination was centered around the Hazbin Hotel this time, no other turf even got scratched. "Nature abhors a power vacuum" What power vacuum? Again, no Overlords even died! No territory outside the hotel was destroyed! Are they just on a high from Alastor's supposed disappearance? I hope that's it, because otherwise damn, you three fucking suck at being Overlords.

[knowlessman]

benny no hill adventures (bnha) s2e17-20

why DOES this man have no nose, anyway?

think this OP's growing on me more than the other ones tbh

"look properly at what you want to be" damn I wish I wanted to be anything

hm. is Stain cleaned up, then? nobody's been dying so far, I doubt they did him in by accident (in spite of, y'know, covering him with fire, which can fry your lungs like instantly according to a CSI episode I saw once)

okay, now THAT is either a dead nomu or Mr X, no way that's not lethal force

huh, Brooklyn has a hostage (starting to kind of miss that show, but dang did Goliath Chronicles get boring) -- elemental spears? who are you, Gwyn?

"the fight with Stain probably only took ten minutes" I've played DnD. ten minutes is forever. heck, ONE minute is a long time.

…whut

-- well I guess that one's explicitly a dead nomu

handface's costume just kind of looks like nothing when he's only got the one hand on him. looks like a shitty onesie. thought wearing baby clothes was mineta's bag

:O he DOES have a nose. I guess it was burned off, maybe? kinda looks like michael jackson's, tbh

"at that moment, a broken rib pierced his lung" …deku did you just kill a man

"on that water tower. are those onlookers? why's one of them wearing a black onesie?" wait I think it's not a onesie, I think it's a black long-sleeved shirt with completely featureless black pants but wow is that just not even a look, especially next to portal guy's fucking classy bartender getup

-- googles sorry, apparently what I thought it was was a romper

the piece of chileaf is a dog man. …idk, tracks (as it were) I guess? one of the detectives is a catperson.

-- …this "we have to punish you for intervening but only if this is made public" bit is very long-winded and, tbph, not really understandable. hell, the kids were doing some kind of ride-along thing to begin with, and considering they're all effectively armed and far closer to combat-ready than makes any sense outside of shonen… yeah this kind of just feels like a waste of time. although I guess, realistically, if superpowers became the norm it'd take hella long for any country's laws to be able to change enough for anything to make sense

-- …come to think of it, america would probably encourage this kind of thing but holy shit the place would just look like a pile of warring apocalypses by a couple generations in, the life expectancy would be down the toilet

there was some kid's show that had dog heads on top of human bodies, it was a bit terrifying and I have no earthly idea what it was called but I'm sure it was real. might've just been one segment of a different show

this random newscaster guy either is part tiefling or just wandered in from jojo part 6

DANCING BOY. IT'S THE DANCING BOY, THE BOY WHO DANCES. IS HE THE GUY MAKING NOMUS, DON'T TELL ME -- wait, nomu. yoshimitsu soul calibur, that's what it's been reminding me of. 's one of his mantras.

if a radio buzzes in the forest and no one is around to hear it - oh nvm, apparently alt-color Blanka is around to hear it

ohey it's knife girl… shit, I've sort of heard a little bit about her quirk, wonder if she's a relative of stain's

…wait, handface was literally just competing for ratings? what a loser.

hehehehehe bakugo still has that boy band reject 'do

'XD (todoroki going "I must be cursed, people around me keep fucking up their hands!")

(all might's ringtone) "I AM… ANSWERING THE PHONE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!"

"stain's Cha stat is too high" krisma. bags of it. -- "those puny little ants outnumber us a hundred to one. and if they ever figure that out…" um, good thing Stain and Every Villain is Losers have nothing in common then.

I thought facepalm's only motive was killing all might. stain apparently thinks All Might's "the only true hero." …shrugs Well, I guess we haven't seen any of these copycats or whatnot actually interacting with the League yet, so maybe those auditions won't go anywhere and they'll have to start their own thing

todoroki: "they said endeavor defeated the killer when he didn't actually do anything. I want to see his expression." deku (to himself, thankfully): "you become kind of mean when it comes to endeavor, huh todoroki?" …! deku. deku wtf, you say the weirdest fucking things

…jeanist's costume is so friggin weird, it has a built-in cone of shame and the cone has a belt on it, I can't get over it

bakugo's fucking internship hair tho 'XD he looks like a snooty nepo baby, rather than… well, the opposite I guess… but anyway, rather than a guy who had to be put in a Hannibal costume after winning first place

jeanist's cone of shame has fucking back pockets, really tho wtf

'XDDD the fucking slime monster hostage thing again, bakugo is gonna be hit over the head with that for the rest of his life and it is gonna be hilarious every time -- "I wasn't captured, I was strategizing" "he's too proud" water's damp

gonna say. earphone jack's costume might be my favorite. it's just regular fucking clothes. it's, like, idk, stylish-(?)-but-not-overstated, normal-ass, comfortable-looking clothes that you can run in. (I might have already said this, not sure)

(froppy's internship with the smugglers or whatnot) "Boss Innsmouth" oh, that bodes well -- Innsmouth must be the Parent Inkling, judging by the size of that tentacle -- …hm. aye, that was fun

next one's a loredump, judging from the title, but let's have it

it's not a big thing, but I swear I don't remember iida always waving his arms around like this in season 1. he just kinda started doing it around the beginning of season 2. still feels kinda weird tbh.

let yaoyozorazoru - …let quiet metal gear (sorry) wear clothes challenge whatever year this was

(rescue race) "who do you think will win?" "deku will be last!" 'XD bakugo could be watching a competition with neither him nor deku in it and he'd still say that

all might with the american thighs. gonna be honest, was not expecting buttcam in this show.

(worst character found something) oh, for fuck's sake -- (kyoka put his eye out) damn straight.

("you remember how One for All is transferred, right?") uhhh… -- JESUS CHRIST

…well dang, ancient evil and everything huh (well, if a handful of generations counts as "ancient." a forgotten evil anyways) -- "as long as you're with me, I can do anything!" you're talking to a guy who coughs up blood every coupla minutes when he's not in super mode

seems like a decent stopping point. -- …they hid more episode after the ending; I coulda missed this bit. : / …I coulda missed mineta yelling about hot springs, anyway. is there anything here that I wouldn't just get from the next episode? -- "that kid will be the next me" dint know orochimaru was in this show

"here's the preview!" thanks for the warning deku; aye, this's my stop

[pastel9girlbunny000die]

Age Gap... AU

One Piece~

♡The characters are all between 27-29 unless said otherwise

♡The s/o is between 16-18

Warning: ...Kissing and Cuddles? PDA, nakedness and language.

Part 2

Exstra 😱😵🖊 {At some point I couldn't stop writing.}

Portgas D. Ace 🔥

🔥You met Ace at school during one of your art classes.

🔥He came in to do a favor for one of your teachers, to give tips on art and give you guys professional guidance and at some point he posed as a model.

🔥Yes a model !!!

🔥Soooo you kinda got to see him naked the first time you met, he was opened with all his god like built.

🔥When the class was done sketching. He caught a glimpse of your work seeing as it wasn't nearly done, so he offered to stay longer for you to finish.

🔥God damn you wish he didn't, him being there is the very reason your sketch wasn't done. It was too embarrassing to look at a naked man infront of you and sketch.

🔥Not knowing which to concentrate on?

🔥Ace saw that, and offer to help you like exstra lessons at his home maybe improve the areas you lack at.

🔥And you gladly took that offer.

🔥At some point after teaching you for half a year. You started just acting like a couple without knowing when it actually happened.

🔥Ace loves his s/o with every bit of his heart.

🔥You spend most of you free time with each other, either sketching each other or chilling playing video games or talking.

🔥Ace is a professional artist, with both a degree and diploma in practical arts, so ofcourse his art is going to so much more advanced than yours.

🔥You love staring at him while he paints.

🔥Ace loves not wearing a shirt proves he is comfortable in his own skin, he also got his s/o into wearing less clothes.

🔥With the less clothes you got use to drawing him only in boxers.

🔥And somehow you guys turned into that couple that's completely fine with walking around each other naked in his apartment alone.

🔥Ace's job is something he loves doing while having fun. Yes he does teach arts at a university.

🔥Remember your still in high school not in a college/university.. yet.

🔥Ace is a very clingy man he will hug you a lot even when his naked. He gives you a lot of pet names he's favorite is, teachers pet.

🔥He doesn't do small half ass kisses. Its either long and passionate or heavily horny make out.

🔥Ace's s/o loves the tattoos on his skin, trenching her/his fingers over his arm or back.

🔥Ace reminds you of a cowboy though to his country style and mostly the hat in his bedroom.

🔥Yes you have met his friends especially Marco, you didn't mind hanging out with them their nice people and fun.

🔥You met Ace's family the first week he started teaching you. You met his two brothers and his Father that goes by White Beard.

🔥The second White Beard met you, he told Ace to never let you go or he will beat the crab out of him

🔥Ace took it to heart and loved you even more.

🔥You never really told your parents that your dating Ace. One day you just brought him home and hanged out in your room, at some point they just assume you guys are dating and they we're all right with it.

🔥When it comes to drawing Ace, you love to draw his face the most, make it look like his freckles are stars.

🔥His black hair and freckles are the most notable features on him.

🔥Your first date, wasn't that bad except at a random part he fell asleep

🔥In the beginning when he started teaching you, you though he was just tired but it happens frequently so it made you worried.

🔥He calmed your nerves telling you he has narcolepsy and his fine, might fall asleep at random times but his okay.

🔥It made you relax, and questioned him if there's a way to stop it but he only shook his head and dropping down on you snoring as he sleep hug you.

🔥You can only ask him help with art work/homework anything related to art otherwise not he can't help, he'd be just as dumbfounded as you.

🔥He inspired you to get a tattoo of your own name in your (Body part), but he was against the idea of a random person touching so he did it himself.

🔥Accidentally spelled one letter wrong so he had to cross it out, you strated yapping at him that he did it purposely.

🔥He made it up to you by giving you another tattoo on your (Body part) that was your favorite (animal of your choice/any tattoo of your choice.)

🔥You guys never gets mistaken for relatives or family members even friends, cause Ace's is all over you, making out even sucking on your neck.

🔥But they do know you guys have an age difference but they don't know how much

🔥His already in his late twenties, and doesn't care as long as you are with him and love him for who he is rather than his age he'll love you back.

🔥You were happy afterwards.

🔥PDA *Public display of affection*

🔥He would hold your hand even kiss you.

🔥But he loves wrapping an arm around your waist having you lean against his body.

🔥Signaling others that you are taken and your his property.

🔥PDA kissing😏😳 just like I said, Ace only allows long and passionate or heavily horny make out kissing.

🔥He makes sure sexual tension rise when your with him, his happy knowing you desire him, so does he.

🔥The fire in your relationship might take a very long time to whither away.

🔥He loves you dearly.

Exstra exstra!!!

Portgas D. Shanks 🍺

🍺Unlike the others Shanks is way older. Reaching 37.

🍺But very childish and energetic.

🍺You decided to take on a part time job just to own a little side cash for yourself, you start working as a waitress/waiter at an old diner in town.

🍺One day Shanks and his friends came in after work to hang out and drink the place dry having some sort of celebration.

🍺And his glad he came along, (His friends might've made him go unwilling) but his glad one glimpse of you and he already knows what's for dinner on the menu.

🍺At first glance he didn't seem very approachable, maybe it was his appearance the three scars over his eye or maybe his big god like built

🍺But once spoken to him he passed off a kind caring and loving atmosphere his actions where so nice he even apologized for accidentally touching your hand

🍺Through out the night he shot complements and cheesey pick up lines, that made you either giggle or blush.

🍺You where kinda sad when he left. (or rather his friends dragged his black out ass out of the diner)

🍺You really wanted his number or at least his name.

🍺The next day he came in for breakfast, you were lucky to catch him, some how you talked the day over with him.

🍺So on he came in everyday, either for breakfast lunch or dinner, which pleased you very much.

🍺on some occassions you joined him, being able to enjoy the food you cooked and seeing him enjoy your cooking as well as the beer you pour for him.

🍺One evening your co worker pointed out that you must have been enjoying your dates.

🍺You were a little confused but decided to ask Shanks himself

🍺"Yeah, we've been going on dates for awhile now, why?"

🍺"u-umm?" That was your only response.

🍺You just let go, and decided to start calling yourself Shanks's girlfriend/boyfriend.

🍺He made sure you never regret it

🍺Later on you guys hanged out more outside of your part time job, and more at his house

🍺He began loving you more and more each day he's kinda a clingy guy

🍺He loves holding you in his arm and kissing you all over your face and neck.

🍺Only way he can show you how much he respects and care even loves you.

🍺He was happy that you didn't back away when you saw his missing arm.

🍺But you love how he still cable of a lot of things and doesn't need anyone's pity

🍺It makes you few him in a new light

🍺But sometimes he takes advantage of his disability and asks for your help, like putting on his shirt or drying his hair, a lot of other more minor stuff that might give you naughty thoughts.

🍺You know exactly what he's doing, but you get to enjoy it too.

🍺He can't help but laugh at you blushing at his bare skin, he loves you trying to be innocent

🍺Shanks has great friends their all lively like him and loves to drink as much as him. Whenever you come over to his place you might meet 3 or 7 of his friends enjoying a beer and BBQ.

🍺They respect Shanks very much, and is happy for him that he found someone that can deal with his childlike nature and take care of him at the same time

🍺When you are hanging out with them, they always tease Shanks and you making Shanks fall in a fit of laughter and you blush madly in his lap.

🍺School work/homework is something you can easily ask Shanks about he might not have all the answers but he knows more than he lets on.

🍺So at times you get better grades than you did before, the way he explained some things made it easier hand that you played more attention to your hot older boyfriend.

🍺But Shanks doesn't have much family left and never saw why you need to meet those his not close too.

🍺You just simply forgot to introduce him to your parents.

🍺Until it back fired, you forgetting to introduce him made the situation even more difficult.

🍺You just mindlessly invited him to a one of your family BBQ's and he cheerfully agreed.

🍺Once he came by the weekend that's when you remember that you forgot to introduce him to your parents before your family and distance relatives and family friends.

🍺You sucked it up and acted normal, which displeased Shanks since you didn't sit on his lap or kiss him much not even hugs.

🍺At first he thought you were embarrassed of him but saw you running around handing drinks and snacks to those who just use you as an little servant girl/boy, too lazy to get off their own asses and do it themselves.

🍺He also knows you have a hard time saying no, since you are a good person and very nice

🍺He decided to deal with the matter himself.

🍺Place down his beer, he grabbed your little ass that was about to hurry pass him, pulling you down onto his lap hugging you to his chest.

🍺Your tired body automatically rest on him laying your face in his neck

🍺Not a few seconds later you two started having a nice loving conversation he made you giggle at his words. Rubbing his hand in circles on your back.

🍺Making you love him more.

🍺That's when your mother/mom came by angry calling you lazy for not helping the others around.

🍺Before you could get up and back to "helping" the family, Shanks grip around your waist tighten.

🍺"Listen here, miss. I'm not a rude guy but the table is right over there, now I haven't seen (y/n) for entire week cause of my business trip. Now they can serve themselves, or can they all not walk."

🍺Your mother/mom got furious now turning to you.

🍺"Whose this?" She simply pointed at the red head

🍺"(Y/n)'s man... lover... Boyfriend. Which do you prefer miss?"

🍺"I forbid you to see him ever again."

🍺"You can't. (Y/n) is 18 an gown adult so she/he can make her/his own decisions. You have no say in the matter."

🍺Your mother/mom huffed crossing her arms stomping away. Not liking him one bit

🍺Your Dad/father couldn't help but laugh liking Shanks even more.

🍺This is the kind of guy he'd let his daughter/son marry one that can stand up to your mother/mom stupid shit.

🍺You thought that was the end but the tables quickly turned on your mother/mom.

🍺Shanks is truly the one for you.

🍺So having him meet your parents didn't go all that well especially with your mother/mom.

🍺The things you love about Shanks ofcourse his personality and body.

🍺But his red hair is what you love the most, running your fingers through the red locks makes you happy all the time. Is truly a beautiful color.

🍺Red has a range of symbolic meanings, including life, health, vigor, war, courage, anger, love and religious.

🍺You even asked if its his natural hair color and you got a yes, he even proofed with some baby pictures of himself.

🍺Which you adore the ones that his near your age.

🍺But you will always love the him who is in front of you the him you met and fell in love with.

🍺Shanks has a pretty good job, he is the owner of one of the biggest four business company in the world.

🍺Yes! That means his quite rich. Your set for life marrying him.

🍺That's where some of his friends teases him, calling him your Sugar Daddy.

🍺You have never really asked him for anything not even a penny. If you want money you make your own.

🍺A gift, you refuse any gift unless it is his love and affection that you'd gladly take.

🍺Shanks drinks alot sometime you question his liver. When his drunk his someone that anyone would like around a happy drunk, his not sad or angry, just ×10 more cheerful and clingy.

🍺PDA *Public display of affection*

🍺He wants bear hugs daily. Once your in his lap he doesn't let you out for a long time same goes for your butterfly kisses he wants them daily.

🍺He'd die without your attention.

🍺Your eyes must always meet his.

🍺PDA kissing 🍻😚~ Shanks doesn't mind cheek kisses or a make out session, he thinks it's brave of you that he won't take you then and there.

🍺At home DA *Display of affection*

🍺He loves when you leave a trail of kisses on his neck down to his lower abdomen, it happens rarely but he just loves being under your touch

🍺The little things you do for him makes him wanna keep you for himself.

***

The End.

Maybe~😏

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: what are you actually doing Ronnie: having an orgy Ronnie: ain't you gutted you didn't stay Joe: was before Joe: however appealing or un that is Ronnie: cry to some other cunt Ronnie: I told you not to go Joe: I ain't interested in no other cunt, that's what I just said Joe: I had to, didn't I Ronnie: don't be a pussy Ronnie: you ain't gotta be a mummy's boy all your life Joe: it's christmas Joe: that's what has to be done Ronnie: and what? family's for life Ronnie: tell that to your ma Joe: you should've come Joe: it's a mess, you'd have had fun Ronnie: I don't do babies Ronnie: and I weren't invited Joe: me either Joe: and you are Joe: come now Ronnie: whoever the fuck your ma wants me to be ain't who I am Ronnie: try telling her the truth and see if I'm still given a seat Joe: you don't need to be anyone for her Ronnie: swallow your own bullshit sayings first Joe: alright so it's stupid Joe: but I need you here Ronnie: you can't have me there Joe: for fuck sake Ronnie: you want me or you wanna be her golden boy Joe: you know exactly which I want Ronnie: you think you know but one look at my tracks and fun's over baby Joe: I can have you and drugs Joe: that ain't mutually exclusive Joe: never has been Ronnie: you can't have fuck all around your family Ronnie: a uni degree and a 9-5 is your lot babe Joe: they'd not even notice Joe: baby central, yeah Ronnie: they'd notice me Joe: we could find out Ronnie: don't Joe: alright Joe: fine Ronnie: it's not all about you Ronnie: selfish prick Joe: I know you don't wanna be here Ronnie: then don't fucking ask me Joe: I know what I am Ronnie: you know who I am Ronnie: you're wasting your own time Joe: yeah Joe: and you know I don't care Ronnie: that's why you're there pissing away the day, yeah? Joe: what do you suggest? Joe: taken every pharmaceutical I could get into the country Ronnie: leave the country Ronnie: grow a fucking pair mckenna Joe: on xmas day yeah Joe: called a fantasy play the game Ronnie: you want me to show up Ronnie: why the fuck can't you? Joe: selfish prick Ronnie: I don't pretend to be anything else Joe: no, me Ronnie: it comes out of your mouth so easy for me Ronnie: just tell 'em Joe: tell 'em what Joe: I don't wanna see you no more Joe: bye Ronnie: any of the ugly truth will make her not wanna see you no more Ronnie: it don't take much Ronnie: pushed me out of her and right away, like Joe: that wasn't about you, was it Joe: selfish runs in the genes Ronnie: not deep enough when it comes to you Ronnie: you're fucking soft mckenna Ronnie: that your da's fault, yeah? Joe: yeah, you should be the favourite, we both know it but ain't gonna wish it on you Ronnie: nah she should've swallowed or got scraped Ronnie: did the next best though Joe: you want me to say lucky you so you can hate me for being privileged and ignorant Joe: I'll do it for you Ronnie: such a people pleaser Joe: you know it Ronnie: call me when you're ready to shatter your wine glass and put the pieces in your mouth Joe: you dare me? Ronnie: I'm not playing games here Joe: come on Joe: get your paper hat on Ronnie: you want me to get on some old bloke's knee too or is that where the fantasy ends? Joe: not got any grandparents Joe: sorry Ronnie: shame Joe: isn't it just Ronnie: but we don't have to let it die 'cause you're a letdown Ronnie: I know loads of old men Ronnie: some of 'em have gotta still be alive Joe: 🤞 the holiday blues haven't claimed them Ronnie: yeah 'cause you wanna be special Joe: but I am Joe: if I cared about it I'd say no old cunts Ronnie: I'll lick your brains off the wall when you pull the trigger baby, how's that? Joe: Better than Courtney, babe Ronnie: the bar ain't high then Joe: she might've pulled the trigger Joe: don't you want that? Ronnie: you know what I want Joe: you know what I can't give you today Ronnie: yeah and I know that's your fucking fault Joe: didn't ask for jesus to be born Joe: or for me to into this family Ronnie: stop having a tantrum and come back Joe: tomorrow Ronnie: today Joe: didn't drive Joe: what flight am i getting on christmas Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: I can't hack it Ronnie: drop a baby they'll kick you out faster than you can say merry christmas Ronnie: especially if it's one of your brother's Ronnie: gonna have limited brain cells as it is Joe: 😂 Joe: that would require picking one up and nah Joe: nope Ronnie: you've touched worse Joe: I don't know Joe: it's weird Joe: fucked Ronnie: they're just little bags of meat and bone Ronnie: get a fucking grip Joe: says you Joe: you ain't here Ronnie: for me it ain't about nothing but resisting the urge to shake 'em and how I don't reckon I've got that in me Ronnie: one of many negative impulses I fight or don't on the daily like Joe: like you said, be a kindness really Joe: they're all just pretending it's a good thing when it clearly ain't Joe: not got the energy Ronnie: jail ain't gonna be that for me Ronnie: and like I also said you ain't the only selfish prick that bitch spawned Ronnie: they don't know a good thing they ain't tried it Ronnie: shoot 'em up it'll be a decent christmas for everyone Joe: you've not got room for the gang tats Joe: I get it Joe: oddly enough I've not got 💉 on my prescription Ronnie: baby I'm nobody's bitch but 💉 Ronnie: and we're exclusive 💍 Joe: you wish Joe: making do every other time Ronnie: don't fucking remind me Joe: miss those student loans Ronnie: I'm gonna miss being a christmas temp Joe: not just for the lap sitting priviledges Joe: yeah Ronnie: knew you were into it Joe: just miss you Ronnie: don't say shit like that Joe: whatever Ronnie: I mean it, it hurts Joe: I'm sorry Joe: if I could go back and not find you Joe: I know I should Joe: I wouldn't but established Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah Joe: I know Ronnie: nah you fucking don't Joe: you reckon Ronnie: I said it Ronnie: you're the cunt saying shit you don't mean Joe: no I'm not Joe: just 'cos you don't need to hear it don't mean it ain't real Joe: it is, that's the issue yeah Ronnie: tell it to your ma Ronnie: well full of it Joe: why would I Joe: not trying to convince you of anything here Joe: it is what it is Joe: however fucked Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: yeah love you and all Ronnie: if you did you wouldn't have left Joe: ever Ronnie: shut up Ronnie: you're not funny mckenna none of you lot are Joe: who's trying to be funny Joe: what do you want from me Ronnie: you're a fucking joke either way babe Joe: make up your mind Joe: glad I amuse you now, apparently Joe: one of us should be having a good time Ronnie: laugh or cry, yeah? Joe: goes something like that Joe: could go full newborn and do a puke shit cry combo Joe: why not Ronnie: if you're rattling hard enough, anything's possible Joe: getting by Joe: making do is never the same as previously lamented but not gonna start convulsing in my plate Ronnie: shame Joe: 💘 Joe: dunno how you reckon on me ruining christmas Joe: sister just became a teen mum Ronnie: it's an od or a run out take your pick baby Ronnie: both have worked for me Ronnie: you say that like its not a badge of honor who wouldnt wanna follow in your ma's footsteps, like Ronnie: if she starts dealing too give her my number Joe: ha, I forgot to tell you Joe: there's one here already Ronnie: if you wanted me there you should have led with that Joe: I know right Joe: no one tells me anything Joe: you'd like him Joe: purely 'cos she hates him Ronnie: you don't tell me anything Ronnie: too late to ruin christmas now Joe: I know you'd be here if you wanted that more than you don't wanna be here Joe: but don't worry, atmosphere is awkward enough regardless Ronnie: could still show up for your brother's big birthday Ronnie: freckles is a no go but he's old enough now to be on the table Ronnie: work my way through by new years, yeah? Joe: hilarious, babe Ronnie: not joking babe Ronnie: fucking the dealer won't make enough of a splash Joe: you do know they know you're related, yeah Joe: even if he weren't gay Ronnie: didn't stop you Ronnie: and being a massive homo ain't ever stopped Charlie Joe: we all do trauma different don't we Ronnie: if you want some therapy for christmas we can roleplay that shit Joe: why would i settle for that when i've got drugs and you Ronnie: saying that ain't gonna make me not hate you Joe: good Joe: hate me Joe: don't be an idiot like everyone else Ronnie: baby brain ain't gonna be a thing over here Ronnie: 💔 Joe: my deepest sympathies Joe: can't say I'm sharing in your 💔 though Ronnie: when have I ever used an emoji meaningfully Ronnie: not a fucking kid Joe: damn Joe: I really thought you meant those 😍 Joe: 💔 Ronnie: fuck off Joe: 😂 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: count how many glasses you've had Joe: is that an OCD joke Joe: you're on 🔥 today girl Ronnie: you wish no lighters at the table baby Joe: Charlie really sticking to those rules hard Joe: how are you gonna light the pudding? Ronnie: afters ain't like that round here Ronnie: 💉💊🚬 Joe: it's minging Ronnie: you love it then, all the pain, like Joe: don't reckon we've actually got one either Joe: how passive-aggressive of them Ronnie: ma keeps bringing the disappointments, yeah? Ronnie: reckon your brother's golden boy now he's sprogged up Joe: I wish Joe: marginally less of a disgrace than Ali Joe: but still Ronnie: your sister is gifting those flashbacks for christmas Joe: Truly Joe: poor kid Ronnie: she should've picked a white lad Ronnie: calm your ma right down Joe: maybe next time Joe: 2nd time's a charm, eh Ronnie: yeah Joe: have you ever been knocked up Ronnie: could probably have got a freebie down the clinic how often I've been down to get rid Ronnie: none of 'em were yours though you can relax Joe: god bless the nhs Ronnie: you ever knocked anyone up? Joe: not to abortion stage Joe: just had to get plan b Joe: as far as I know, anyway Ronnie: cute Joe: thanks 💕 Joe: ours wouldn't be so thank fuck Ronnie: that kinda shit passes for a date for us scousers 💋 Ronnie: you don't want a kid with gills or two heads? Joe: hot Joe: least you could see what was up with it Joe: but 👶💀 Ronnie: can't and won't happen Ronnie: you'd have to fuck your fertile sister Joe: we can pretend that's why I like you Ronnie: you like me 'cause I'll always find a vein for you Ronnie: what else is there Joe: what ain't there Ronnie: 👶🍼 Joe: exactly Joe: one of the main things I look for Ronnie: are you on one knee right now or what? Joe: get you a rock worth having Joe: how's that for a proposal Ronnie: I don't trust it but I'll take it Joe: why not Joe: got that christmas cash Joe: not gonna waste it Ronnie: why would you wanna share with me, selfish prick from your own mouth, like Joe: 'cos getting high together is better Joe: deny it Ronnie: you know I can't Joe: gonna be a white christmas Joe: no need to trust just see Ronnie: when Joe: tomorrow Ronnie: don't fucking lie Joe: I ain't Ronnie: swear Ronnie: swear they ain't gonna guilt you into staying Joe: swear Joe: they ain't gonna even try Ronnie: make sure they let you on that flight Joe: 'course Joe: I'm totally legally medicated rn Ronnie: you're also a pussy Ronnie: bet all the younger siblings have drunk you under the table Joe: you're not wrong that lots of them pride themselves in their light alcoholism Ronnie: whatever gets 'em through the day, yeah? Joe: can't judge really Joe: not with a 💉 sticking out my arm Ronnie: that's tomorrow Ronnie: today anything goes baby Joe: I'll be the one to dish out the home truths Joe: that'd be unexpected Ronnie: someone's gotta your ma will be too busy trying to chuck the babies out Joe: playing hostess with the mostest 'cos can't keep playing the boy when she's got two kids here knocked up Joe: his ma is well smug 😂 Joe: *blaming Ronnie: one of us is having fun then Joe: take the small victories, ms cavante Ronnie: if she's not gonna kick your ma in the tits it'll have to do Joe: wish on a 🌠 baby Ronnie: I've got bad luck or no luck baby Ronnie: that shit don't work Joe: you won't care come tomorrow Ronnie: I don't care now Joe: see? Joe: lucky Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: seriously Joe: my head is Ronnie: I know Ronnie: mine screams too but I go louder Joe: I can't do anything in here Joe: need to go outside and none of those other bastards better take their 🚬 break 'til I'm done Ronnie: if you didn't give so much of a fuck you could do anything Ronnie: that's why I can't show up to your family christmas, you ain't ready mckenna Joe: just shut up alright Joe: let me fucking think Ronnie: you ain't keith richards how many more years of me do you need to stop having such a limp dick Ronnie: every junkie is on borrowed time Joe: you really thought you were gonna fix me Joe: come on now Joe: you're better than that Ronnie: I'm not better than anything Ronnie: lowest of the low baby Joe: then what Ronnie: you want answers from me? you're better than that Joe: no Joe: what the fuck are you doing Joe: you're the one wasting your borrowed time Ronnie: what, you're the only cunt who gets to hide from family christmas? Ronnie: I'm sick and they're sick of me Joe: I don't mean just today and you know it Ronnie: I don't give a fuck what you mean and you know it Joe: it's been years Ronnie: you want out, get out Joe: I don't Joe: but I'm the one with the limp dick Ronnie: yeah Joe: that's what I thought Ronnie: you think too much babe Joe: no shit Joe: don't wanna play therapy, thanks Ronnie: what do you wanna play then? Joe: you're sick, I'm sick Ronnie: no game Ronnie: it's how shit is Joe: fun never stops, babe Ronnie: if your idea of fun is making me wanna top myself, soft lad Joe: you can't Joe: you've gotta lick it up after Ronnie: can't I? race yous Joe: wait 'til I'm there Joe: don't ruin their day any more Ronnie: I'm already waiting for you to decide you wanna come back and be scum of the fucking earth with me again Joe: it ain't a choice to be made or not Joe: it's how shit is Ronnie: you made loads of choices to get there Ronnie: plane rides to dublin don't just happen Joe: basically Ronnie: pathetic Joe: yeah Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: don't agree with me Joe: disagreeing ain't gonna change that I'm here now Ronnie: you don't wanna change it Ronnie: you love it Joe: yep Joe: big time Joe: fucking hell Ronnie: you've got such a misery hard on, you shouldn't be near kids Joe: why don't you hit them up Joe: let them know Ronnie: you're the only cunt with their mummy on speed dial Joe: alright well I ain't up for telling everyone I'm a predator Ronnie: do you wanna fuck her too or what? Joe: do you? Ronnie: nah Ronnie: why I don't come running every time someone in your family blows their nose or whatever the fuck Joe: me either Joe: it's christmas fucking day Joe: how many times Ronnie: like this is the first and only time Ronnie: but I'm crazy, yeah Joe: you are Joe: you're nuts Ronnie: don't forget it Ronnie: I'll be crazier by tomorrow Joe: promises promises Ronnie: I promise I'll ruin your fucking life, prick Joe: oh honey Joe: that's not a brag Joe: not hard is it Ronnie: you ain't talking to fitz baby I don't brag Joe: you can't Ronnie: you think you can tell me what I can and can't do Joe: don't take it personal Joe: try it Ronnie: don't take it personal when I kick the shit out of you mckenna Joe: how can I not when I love it so much Joe: think on Ronnie: 'cause I still love you 😍💋💘 Joe: s'alright baby, the way I wanna go out Joe: 💀💀💀 Ronnie: call me when you've stopped pleasuring your ma, I'll make it happen for you Joe: so understanding all of a sudden Joe: who's got your phone Ronnie: fuck off Joe: there she is Ronnie: what now you miss me? Ronnie: running late there baby Joe: I already told you I did Joe: you said I weren't allowed no more Ronnie: I said don't tell me Ronnie: I can't handle hearing it if it don't change a fucking thing Joe: alright Joe: but it changes a fucking lot Joe: you know Joe: not just for you Joe: I promise I'm really fucked from it Ronnie: yeah? Ronnie: so stop fucking around and come back to me Ronnie: first chance you get Ronnie: 'cause it's shit Joe: I know, I really know Joe: you've got no reason to believe me but you will see me tomorrow Joe: regardless of what any of them have gotta say on it Joe: never wanted to be here so not prolonging it Ronnie: I wanna believe you Ronnie: don't fuck me over twat Joe: I won't Joe: fuck myself over too Joe: time to start being fully selfish prick, yeah Joe: there's enough going on now, don't need me Ronnie: tell the truth that you're threatened by the off their tits 18 year olds that birthday boy will be surrounded by Ronnie: got more game than you Joe: yeah Joe: not the one chatting about fucking the barely legals Joe: but sure Ronnie: you would if they'd give you the time of day mckenna Ronnie: come on Ronnie: one day in dublin turned you into an old dried up nun? Joe: I dunno, I've not scoped out the guestlist that hard Joe: unlike my brother, girls I've known since they were kids don't do it for me, what can I say? Ronnie: blood relatives only like Joe: only when they're you Ronnie: such a lost fucking cause Joe: don't worry, was before you Joe: not gotta add that to the tally Ronnie: our safe word can be trauma bonding Ronnie: loads in common Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're alright Joe: when you're not a total raging bitch Ronnie: never then Ronnie: what am I when I'm a raging bitch? Joe: for me Ronnie: you sure you don't wanna party with the homos babe? that was proper gay Joe: fuck off Ronnie: write me a symphony next, yeah? Joe: and I'm the gay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: don't get an attitude 'cause I've fucked more lasses than you Joe: still time Joe: not as old as you Ronnie: you wanna make it to that age or what? careful how you talk to me Joe: wow, just like having a nan Joe: cheers babe Ronnie: fuck you Joe: 💘 Ronnie: we all know if you had a nan you'd wanna fuck her too Ronnie: step outside the family baby you might enjoy yourself Joe: doubt it Joe: do have one technically but she ain't all that Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you need the scouse accent to get it up, yeah? Joe: you or the beatles ain't it Ronnie: that was mildly funny calm down Joe: steady on Joe: might think you like me Ronnie: won't last Ronnie: due a mood swing in like 2 seconds Joe: s'alright Joe: all 23 of you love me Ronnie: 😂😍 here 'course Joe: yeah, never trusting your emojis again Joe: need photographic evidence, like Ronnie: [sends it cos that bitch but imagine her actual grumpy cat face bye] Ronnie: in proper stitches, alright Joe: should play poker pro Joe: you're too cute though, never believe that face is 21 or over Ronnie: call me cute again and I'll carve it into your chest Ronnie: capital letters Joe: [sends voice memo] Ronnie: I proper fucking hate you Joe: you knew I'd wanna so you clearly want to as well Joe: don't blame me you sadist Ronnie: you know what I want mckenna Ronnie: we ain't got a secret santa going Joe: take these socks back Ronnie: you'll wanna keep 'em for your misery boner babe Joe: you've not got me an escort then Joe: gutting Ronnie: crazy, remember? you could fuck her but I'd have to kill her Joe: alright, I'll keep your charges at manslaughter level Joe: for you Ronnie: 💋 Joe: when do you next have a shift or are you done fully now Ronnie: tomorrow but that ain't happening if you've meant a word you said Joe: I'll make it worth it Ronnie: not hard to beat out retail when there's sales on Ronnie: wouldn't have gone if you were here or not Joe: don't tell me that Joe: I was talking 💸 not the #experience Ronnie: you wanna be my daddy too now? these roleplays are getting hard to keep count of Joe: again, thinking how much gear I'm gonna get but you can pout about it if you wanna Joe: already earned the scars so I don't mind saying it again Ronnie: rain man ain't a fantasy, gutted for you, like Ronnie: doing my best here Joe: you do it well Joe: smarter than everyone I know Ronnie: the princess will be gutted Joe: you don't have to tell her, like Joe: but not too fussed Ronnie: no secrets among scumbags baby Ronnie: even if she reckons she's levelled up Joe: you don't? Ronnie: anyone can drop a sprog Ronnie: trap a lad Ronnie: didn't saint your ma, did it? Joe: nah Joe: just don't reckon she was ever really one of us Joe: surprised if you do Ronnie: she wouldn't fight it so hard if she weren't Joe: I dunno Ronnie: I do, seen it loads Ronnie: gutters such a good fit it scares her shitless so she's gotta cling to that poor cunt Ronnie: he's her life raft through the shit Joe: hardly dragging him down though, is she Joe: not gonna be complaining any time soon, I've seen a lifetime of that Ronnie: everybody needs a fix that's theirs Joe: guess so Joe: no sign of getting over it any time soon Ronnie: I'm more likely to get clean before she does of him and I've got a nosebleed from all the shit B's ground up to stop me puking up Charlie's christmas feast Ronnie: sent my boss a pic though so it ain't all 💔 Joe: ☁ Joe: so glass half-full you, baby Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: can't be trusted with an empty one Joe: why are you the only one who talks any sense Joe: least all they're chatting is just waves now Ronnie: I pay attention Ronnie: you'd have broke your rules and 💘 me as a kid babe Joe: yeah? Joe: charlie's told me stories but never fully know what's bullshit or at the least exaggeration with him Ronnie: a solid 85% at least Ronnie: I was fucking feral though he's got that coined right Ronnie: you think I'm crazy now this shit's nothing Joe: I should've known you Ronnie: everyone who touched me back then has got a bite mark out of them Ronnie: you wouldn't have made it Joe: nah Joe: shit was different then Joe: so was I Ronnie: still gonna have been too soft whenever Joe: not the point though is it Joe: she should've got bitten Ronnie: she should've done loads of things Ronnie: she didn't Joe: I know Joe: fucked Ronnie: you won't give a shit tomorrow Joe: well Joe: be too numb to chat about it and think about it Joe: good as Ronnie: deal with it til then Joe: 🤐 got it Ronnie: unless you wanna bite your ma yourself like Ronnie: whatever gets you off Joe: you too Ronnie: cheers Ronnie: swallowing too much blood to fit in a dick but I'll try again later Joe: are you alright? Joe: where are the lads Ronnie: don't cry Ronnie: they're enjoying the show Ronnie: it ain't christmas til someone bleeds, pukes or pisses themselves Ronnie: can't give 'em the other two I ain't a pussy 💔 Joe: adorable, some would say Joe: is it really so much to ask that they keep you alive 'til I'm back Ronnie: relax I've had heavier periods Ronnie: you'll have to kill me yourself Joe: be fun trying Joe: challenge accepted Ronnie: hot Joe: don't forget it Ronnie: not gonna black out this shit ain't working that hard Joe: good Joe: call me needy all you want just don't go Ronnie: if I wanted to take the piss I could better than that Joe: not that gone either Ronnie: what are you on? Ronnie: 🍾 Joe: and my meds Joe: managed to get some extra 'cos I'm terrified of flying, obvs Ronnie: you're the one who's gonna die before you get here Ronnie: basically sober Ronnie: baby that's fucked Joe: I know Joe: options are limited Joe: not like I can go in on whatever anyone else is having when one lot is off the coke and the others are off the psychedelics Joe: fucking babies Ronnie: I mean, you could suck on the princess' tits but that ain't gonna give you what you really need Ronnie: talk to the dealer at your table, he's a baby too but he'll be holding something Joe: she's not got 3 Joe: and shut up Joe: though the latter isn't a terrible idea Joe: like you said, not gonna have anything good enough but Ronnie: I know, she weren't fully clothed for the 3way Joe: what part of shut up don't you get Ronnie: make me bitch Joe: such a twat you Ronnie: stop being a little fucking girl Joe: stop chatting about bullshit for a reaction Ronnie: you wanted me to stay Joe: yeah Joe: don't need to talk about that Ronnie: what then Ronnie: how much you love me Joe: anything but that Joe: literally Ronnie: I've plugged the 🩸 you can dry your eyes Joe: good Joe: don't be wasting it on something so lame Ronnie: you reckon that's lame I'm gonna have to eat the 💊 like it's the fucking 90s Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: very retro Joe: see what throwbacks I can get from this kid too Joe: be a party Ronnie: get your brother some poppers for his birthday Joe: probably be appreciated Joe: hence I won't Joe: chuck the obligatory tenner his way Ronnie: 🌈🙌 Joe: 😬 Ronnie: such a prude joseph Joe: you didn't have to live with them/partially raise them Joe: not something I wanna think about and they insist on making me constantly, pretty much Ronnie: didn't get to, you mean Ronnie: we're all 💔 babe Joe: you can revel in how much of a blessing it is on that score with your commiseration toast Ronnie: yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: now we're finishing each other sentences 💘😍 Joe: christ 😂 Joe: oh Joe: you know uni sophie is engaged now Joe: wanna go if they make it down the aisle? Ronnie: I really fucking do Ronnie: did I miss her engagement party? Joe: dunno actually Joe: I'll actually ask next time she tries to talk Joe: bet she's missed you almost as much as me Ronnie: ask her now she'll have wished you merry christmas Joe: how'd you know? Joe: hacked my accounts Joe: hot Ronnie: I could but don't need to Ronnie: a 💍 don't mean she ain't still 😍💘 for you mckenna Joe: still only human, after-all Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: awh come on Joe: you know you wanna see 'em all in their festive jumpers Joe: [sends post] Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: she one of your plan b girls like, she's got fat enough that you might wanna check she swallowed it Joe: ugh no Joe: any plan b baby of mine would be toddling by now Ronnie: reassuring Joe: if you want 99% on that front I'll sweep the old friends list Joe: make sure they've got no offspring with the 👂s Ronnie: you reckon I haven't Ronnie: living with such a computer whizz Joe: true Joe: his talents are probably better spent getting free netflix Ronnie: way ahead of you Joe: boxsets are what the season is really about Ronnie: gutted you ain't here, yeah? Joe: yeah Ronnie: you'll be back in time for the finale where the korean robots stop fighting to the death long enough to save the world or whatever the fuck Joe: 😂 Joe: can't wait Ronnie: 'course not Ronnie: edge of your seat shit Joe: do you ever think about going back Joe: to liverpool Ronnie: for what? Ronnie: am I losing the accent? 💔 Joe: not as bad as I have Joe: I dunno Ronnie: no fucker there I wanna see Ronnie: you'll have to do the mckenna childhood ghost tour on your own Joe: come on Joe: gear must be good Joe: fuss they made about it Ronnie: it's decent here Ronnie: take another swing babe Joe: cheaper there Joe: everything, like Ronnie: you know how to get freebies Joe: fine Ronnie: I'm not gonna play house with you in that shithole, shut the fuck up Joe: I said fine Joe: jesus Ronnie: couldn't hear it through your tears like Joe: piss off Joe: it ain't about you Ronnie: you asked me if I wanted to go back Ronnie: I ain't stopping you Joe: can't anyway Joe: doubt their orchestra pays as well Joe: assuming there is one Ronnie: if everything's cheaper they don't need to Joe: whatever Joe: be a stupid thing to do regardless Ronnie: and you never do anything stupid, yeah? Joe: it's the one area of my life I don't Joe: yeah Ronnie: don't be a prick Ronnie: you know you could join the philharmonic Joe: I ain't going Joe: forget about it Ronnie: fine Joe: funny Ronnie: feels like shit don't it, getting one back Ronnie: just 'cause you're surrounded by sprongs don't mean you can't use your words Joe: you don't wanna go, there's nowt else to say Ronnie: it ain't about me Ronnie: you forgot you just said that already? Joe: doesn't mean I wanna go without you Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: you can find another girl to shoot you up babe Joe: if you're gonna chat shit don't bother Joe: I love you Ronnie: give yourself a gift and hate me Joe: If I could, it'd have been on sight Joe: it's not like you charmed your way into my 💘 Ronnie: nah I injected myself into your veins Joe: don't give away your secrets Ronnie: not to shit on your christmas but it's only a secret for that lot where you are Joe: worst kept Ronnie: why keep it then? Joe: why announce it? Ronnie: you reckon she should get bitten, that'd do it Joe: 🥂 gather round fam Joe: they'd not believe it Joe: find a way to laugh it off, ignore the obvious Ronnie: roll up your sleeve, they can't fucking ignore that Joe: I'm pissing off mid-festivities Joe: that'll do it Ronnie: pussy Joe: what's it matter to you Ronnie: fuck you Joe: I mean it Joe: I'm coming back Ronnie: and that's all I give a shit about, yeah? Joe: obviously not Joe: but it makes no odds to you if I ruin their lives or not Ronnie: you're a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: but why specifically Ronnie: why the fuck do you think Joe: you want me to pick you Joe: to burn it all to the ground for them Joe: it ain't enough all the ways I've already done both Ronnie: you want me to be happy that you've had your cake and ate it Ronnie: nah, I hope you fucking choke baby Joe: I'll try my best Joe: I can't go back and make her keep you, there's shit I can do Ronnie: I don't want her, I want you Joe: it's been four fucking years Joe: you have me Joe: fucking Joe: I'd die without you Joe: I could get clean before I could leave you Ronnie: you did leave Joe: okay Joe: I did Joe: I left Ronnie: and they want you to stay Ronnie: these pricks want the princess here over me Joe: baby Joe: they want you Joe: they just need a chance to miss you, it's all it is Joe: we can go somewhere Joe: anywhere Ronnie: I'm fucking off to yours Ronnie: after that wherever Joe: I promise Joe: wherever you wanna Joe: and for how long Ronnie: wherever you want Ronnie: I don't give a shit Joe: it don't matter Joe: I just need to see you Ronnie: yeah Joe: you know I want you don't you Ronnie: show me when you drag your arse back here Joe: of course Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: it's like walking through a ghost town, you'd have such a boner if you were here Joe: shame Joe: is the cat there Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: singing carols for me Joe: she's talented Ronnie: shame I ain't a pushy stage ma Joe: why live vicariously when you can be a double-act babe Ronnie: you're not funny mckenna Joe: s'okay Joe: won't insist on being the warm-up Joe: not that kinda dad Ronnie: you need the practice though Joe: have to write my set on the plane Joe: impress you Ronnie: give you something to do besides cry and touch yourself Joe: not flying first Joe: or business even Joe: no blanket, no tissues Joe: 😿 Ronnie: poor baby Joe: I know Joe: tragedy Ronnie: I'm not doing the dance moves, like Ronnie: keep dreaming Joe: 💔 Joe: send me a video of your duet at least then Ronnie: [imagine that sassy cat please] Joe: I miss her Joe: shame she'd probably gouge our eyes out if we tried to take her with Ronnie: so will I but that ain't ever turned you off Joe: no one's going to ring RSPCA if they see me kidnapping you Ronnie: childline maybe Ronnie: I ain't forgot you said I had a fucking 👶 face you twat Joe: 😂 Joe: true Joe: but I'm banking on you being that offended you'll sort 'em out, like Ronnie: and you Joe: 💘 Joe: banking on that too Ronnie: 🖕💋 Ronnie: brb calling Briggs for a full face tat before you show up Joe: if you don't wanna kiss that bad, just say Ronnie: shut up Joe: so what's it to be Joe: spiders web Joe: skull Ronnie: see what the genius comes up with Joe: I look forward to the big reveal Ronnie: what time's your flight? Joe: [some ungodly AM 'cos xmas madness] Ronnie: fuck Joe: don't worry Joe: won't wake you Ronnie: all these pills will probably keep me up Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: n'awh, you wanna wait up for me Joe: how sweet 😏 Ronnie: kill yourself Ronnie: you've got more of my attention than korean death robots, calm down Ronnie: it's not a brag babe Joe: isn't it Joe: it's pretty epic if Bronson's livetweets are anything to go by Ronnie: it's the pills talking Joe: 😂 Joe: never have that affect on you 💔 Ronnie: deal with it Ronnie: I ain't gonna clean your flat, like Joe: probably enabling that, if you think about it Joe: so caring, babe Ronnie: how late did you leave packing there's shit everywhere Joe: I didn't Joe: only needed what I've got on Joe: got their presents in town Joe: easy Ronnie: you fucking knew you were gonna come straight back and still wanted me to beg Ronnie: maybe you ain't as soft as you were Joe: wanted makes it sound like I planned any part of it Joe: I knew I was coming back 'cos today was all I could stand Joe: being here, not being there Ronnie: don't ruin the fantasy Joe: poor baby Ronnie: yeah I am Ronnie: climbing the fucking walls here Joe: you or sid Ronnie: me and her Joe: babies Joe: what can I do Joe: need something to do Ronnie: do me Joe: alright Joe: call me Ronnie: [obviously does so we can end it there]