#trying to be self-compassionate and patient - waiting it out just a bit longer until i can resume treatment later in wk

[soysaucevictim]

My sleep/energy has been extremely fucked at this point... :/

[birdship]

Leave It In The Sun: Chapter One (a Disco Elysium fanfic)

Warnings: Full game spoilers, eventual spicy scenes, basically the level of adult content in the game itself.

General summary: A slow(ish) burn exploration of life at Precinct 41 after Harry and Kim wrap up the case and Kim makes the move to Jamrock. Mainly just about how Harry and Kim's relationship might develop, and a sort of character study of some of the employees of Precinct 41 in general.

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Chapter one summary: Two difficult weeks after leaving Martinaise, Harry finally reaches out to Kim. Chapter length: Approx. 4.3k words

The sun is only just setting over the streets of Jamrock, drenched in rain and neon. The city stops to catch its breath in the intermission between day and night.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: And so do you. You could’ve sworn the nearest payphone was, y’know, nearer than this. Maybe that bone-shattering gunshot wound also isn’t quite as far along in the healing process as you thought either.

PAIN THRESHOLD: Brilliant claws of pain rake down your thigh as you lean against the payphone and try to center yourself.

You glance at the phone resting in its cradle, with some trepidation. Phone calls are always a bit… difficult for you. Especially these days.

SUGGESTION: You can still change your mind.

VOLITION: No. You came here for a reason.

SUGGESTION: Or… you could always just call her instead.

VOLITION: *Focus.*

You take a deep breath. The late spring air is turning chilly in the slowly setting sun. The rain drizzles lazily as it has all day, showing no sign of stopping. A handful of people are still--or already--out wandering downtown Jamrock, laughing and talking and hurrying home and running errands and entirely focused on just about anything in the world *besides* a washed up middle-aged man having a minor anxiety attack and moderate-to-severe hip pain next to a public phone at 6:04pm in the rain.

INLAND EMPIRE: The loneliness knocks the wind out of you. You thought you were used to it by now. It’s worse outside, around people.

DRAMA: The threadbare costume you created for yourself in the privacy of your dark, trash-strewn apartment doesn’t seem quite as convincing with an audience.

VOLITION: Stop the goddamn pity party and pick up the phone already.

The receiver is light in your hand as you fumble for change and the crumpled slip of paper you’ve had in your jeans pocket for the last two weeks or so. You slowly, deliberately dial the phone number written on it, as if some part of you is afraid that your fingers might just automatically fall into the patterns of *her* number instead.

VOLITION: They might. But you’re done hurting yourself.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Well, maybe not entirely. Yet. But you’re done hurting yourself *with her* for sure.

INLAND EMPIRE: You still feel like you deserve that pain. But it’s wrong to keep using her as the knife you gut yourself with. She deserves better, even if you might not.

LOGIC: In any case, this isn’t about her. It’s about you, and it’s about--

“Hello?” Kim’s voice is muffled and tinny through the old, worn copper wiring. He sounds tired, but you guess that’s not particularly surprising. You’ve been pretty damn tired too.

“Kim, hey, it’s uh, it’s me,” you reply awkwardly.

“Harry? Do you need something?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: This is the first time you’ve called him since leaving Martinaise, despite carrying that little piece of paper around for the last two weeks. He’s thinking, why now?

“Yeah, no, I just happened to be downtown this evening,” you ramble, “and I thought--”

“You’re drunk,” he says. It is completely without judgment. A stated fact. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Harry Du Bois is drunk. “Where are you exactly? I’ll--”

“Wait, no!” you exclaim, a little too loudly. A nearby pigeon makes a mad dash in the opposite direction at the sound. “That’s not it! I swear I’m basically sober right now. Mostly.”

A long pause on the other end. “Alright,” he says plainly. “So what can I do for you?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Make no mistake, he’s picking his battles here and gingerly stepping *around* that “mostly.”

EMPATHY: He’s just relieved it’s even that much.

COMPOSURE: How embarrassing.

VOLITION: Just start over. Your first sentence was garbage, but you know you’re under no obligation to continue it, right?

You take a deep breath, then try again.

“Well, it’s really more about what *I* can do for *you*,” you say as smoothly as possible. “You know that big motor carriage exhibition in town? It just so happens I’ve got *two tickets* to it.”

Another long pause. “You mean the one that ends today?”

“Yes,” you confirm.

“And are you aware that it is currently around six o’clock in the evening?”

“Is it? I mean, yes. Yes it is,” you say confidently. “I am aware of the passage of time.”

“And you waited until now to do this?” he asks.

EMPATHY: He sounds more amused than annoyed, though you definitely detect a bit of both.

“Uh,” you falter. “Look, it’s open until 8:00, so do you want to fucking go or not?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: About half a kilometer away, Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is sitting in the kitchen of his new apartment, already in his pajamas and winding down for the evening. It’s a bit early for that, but he figures he should take the opportunity to rest before he tackles that mountain of backlogged cases he was promised upon making the move to precinct 41.

Two weeks ago, he said goodbye to the strangest man he’d ever met. A man he found himself inexplicably drawn to in the week they spent together, and whom he thought about every day since. Wondering if he would take the lifeline Kim tried to throw to him, or if that little slip of paper would just end up forgotten at the bottom of a vomit-soaked trash can in some shitty bar. Wondering if the dawning trauma of everything that happened in Martinaise and the restlessness from sitting at home recovering from its aftermath would combine to pull him down into a dark place beyond Kim’s reach for good. Wondering and wondering to fill the silence. And now finally the silence is broken, but whatever this cry for help is, it is not the one Kim ever expected to receive.

But he knows one thing for sure: it *is* a cry for help.

“Alright,” Kim says finally. He takes a sharp breath. “Sounds good.”

The walk to his apartment takes a bit longer than you expected. It’s not that far from the downtown payphone, but you still wasted a good 20 minutes on the journey.

ENDURANCE: You are expecting too much of yourself too soon.

INLAND EMPIRE: It’s always one or the other with you, isn’t it? Too much or not enough.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: Twenty minutes to walk a few blocks? Fucking pathetic. What kind of cop are you? Hell, what kind of *gym teacher* are you? Man up.

ENDURANCE: No. It’s a miracle that you’re still standing at all.

PERCEPTION: Beyond the apartment door, you can hear footsteps and soft humming.

You knock, and the door opens almost immediately.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Shit. You were hoping you’d have a few spare seconds to think of something really cool to say.

REACTION SPEED: C’mon, say something fun and upbeat to prove you’re not a depressed sack of shit who’s been spending the past two weeks drinking alone in the dark.

DRAMA: Showtime!

“Howdy, pardner,” you hear yourself say.

SAVOIR FAIRE: Finger guns! For god’s sake, don’t forget the finger guns. Without them, you just look like a goddamn lunatic.

You do the finger guns.

Kim does not seem particularly impressed as he slowly looks from your outstretched gun fingers to the twisted grimace that now wracks your face.

“Please, holster those things before coming inside,” he says humorlessly.

You blow the pretend, metaphorical smoke from each of your hot weapons before stuffing your hands in your pockets. As you do this, he watches with an appraising look.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He’s wondering if this is *regular* weird or *drunken breakdown* weird. However, he is intimately familiar with your brand of stupid bullshit at this point and it doesn’t take long for him to place it in the former category.

“We should hit the road soon,” you comment as you peek curiously into his apartment.

“Hit the road,” Kim repeats with mild amusement, “in what?”

LOGIC: Oh. Right. The Kineema is property of Precinct 57. Not Kim Kitsuragi personally.

“Shit, yeah,” you concede. “But hey, if we call a taxi now--”

LOGIC: You’ll arrive just in time to immediately turn around and go home.

HALF LIGHT: You fucked up. You’re a fuck-up. Great job, idiot.

VOLITION: Try not drinking and blacking out all day next time.

LOGIC: Yes, but then…

“Fuck,” you inhale. “Fuckady-fuck-fuck. Shit. Goddammit.”

Kim waits patiently for you to catch up. You’re almost there.

“I should’ve called earlier, sorry,” you apologize. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

LOGIC: What is wrong with you is that you drank all last night, slept off a hangover most of the day today, and woke up in a daze about 45 minutes ago. But what’s done is done. No point in bringing that up now, right?

“Nor do I,” says the lieutenant with a small smile. “But whatever it is, I am no longer surprised by it, I assure you.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” you repeat, leaning on the door frame pathetically, a congealed ooze of mental illness and embarrassment. “Sorry for bothering you in the first place. You’re always so nice to me, even when I’m a pain in the ass.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Which is to say *constantly.*

Kim says nothing. Just sighs almost imperceptibly.

EMPATHY: Your self deprecation is frustrating for him, and he does not know how to respond to it constructively and compassionately.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He *does* think you’re a pain in the ass sometimes, but a pain worth dealing with.

INLAND EMPIRE: For reasons beyond your understanding.

“Why did you agree to go in the first place?” you sigh. “You’ve got a brain that actually works, you knew it wasn’t gonna happen. If you’re trying to make fun of me, then, well…”

You pause.

“That’s just fine, I guess. Good job, carry on.”

He adjusts his glasses and looks away. “I appreciated the intention,” he says finally, in a measured voice. “And since I hadn’t heard from you the past couple weeks…”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: ...He was afraid you wouldn’t bother trying again.

“Sorry,” you mumble. “I’ve been kind of busy. You know how it goes after cases like that.”

“I do,” he says. He hesitates for a moment, then adds, “you’re welcome to come in if you like.”

You hobble into Kim’s sparse kitchen and collapse on a dining room chair. It creaks ominously under the velocity of the assault.

“I’m glad we have an opportunity to catch up,” he says politely, pulling up the other chair and gazing at your pained expression from across the table. “Your injury is healing well, I assume?”

EMPATHY: It is obvious that he does not in fact assume this at all.

You shrug, still trying to get a hold of yourself and push back the ache swirling at the edges of your mind.

He watches you struggle for a moment, then gently says, “it will take time to heal, but it *will* heal.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: *So please be patient and kind to yourself,* is the silent plea left unsaid. It hangs in the air pitifully. You both know it’s there.

“Time hasn’t exactly been a good salve for me in general,” you mumble.

He’s silent for a while. Opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again.

“Harry,” he says finally. “What happened in Martinaise is not your burden to carry alone.”

“I thought you didn’t like *personal issues*, lieutenant,” you say.

“I don’t,” he says with a frown, “but this…”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: This is about me too, he thinks. As much as he hates to admit it. He doesn’t particularly like his *own* personal issues either. But the past two weeks were hard for him, and you didn’t make them any easier.

EMPATHY: He was worried about you, and--although he will never admit it to himself, let alone you--there’s a part of him that selfishly hoped you were worried about him too. At least a little.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He’s used to this line of work, and so are you despite the holes in your memory, but it never gets any easier to deal with some things.

EMPATHY: There was so much death that day. It haunts you. And now as you sit in Kim’s kitchen, the alcohol slowly filtering from your blood and leaving behind the dregs of a headache, you realize it still haunts him too. You both added perforations you never wanted to make.

ENDURANCE: It’s too much. Your head swims and your entire body aches in the throes of repressed grief fighting its way to the surface of a sea of quickly evaporating Commodore Red.

INLAND EMPIRE: Warning! Trauma containment center has been breached! Evacuate the area immediately!

HALF LIGHT: You’re going to cry, aren’t you? You’re going to fucking cry. Right here in his kitchen. Why can’t you keep your shit together for more than five minutes straight?

You are entirely unable to keep the tears from rolling silently down your cheeks, unbidden.

INLAND EMPIRE: You don’t have it in you to really cry properly, like a normal fucking person. Not anymore. Something has disconnected the wire from your “press here to begin sobbing during your emotional breakdown” button, and you’re not sure what or when.

ENDURANCE: But human beings *cry.* And despite everything inside you that’s broken and rotting, you *are* a human being. You can’t not be.

Kim’s standing next to you now, his hand resting comfortingly on your shoulder. He doesn’t say anything.

EMPATHY: That’s the point of this whole shoulder-touching business in the first place--your disconcertingly unhinged behavior has left him at a loss for words, yet compelled to offer *something.*

This goes on for the longest five minutes or so the world has ever seen. But finally, you’ve wrung it all out of yourself and the tears stop almost as abruptly as they began. His hand gives your shoulder a squeeze, then he sits back down in the chair opposite you, avoiding your eyes. He rummages in his pocket for something, then hands you a blue handkerchief.

“Where the hell do you keep all these?” you mumble as you reach for it. “Fuckin’... infinite handkerchiefs around here.”

“What can I say? I like to be prepared,” he says.

“For drunk idiots who throw up all over crime scenes and have mental breakdowns in your home?”

“Usually to clean my glasses,” he says flatly. “But at this point, I suppose it *is* fair to say that it’s also for your various crises as well.”

“Well, thank God one of us is prepared,” you say. “What would I do without you, Kim?”

He hesitates, a strange wistful expression tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I don’t know. What *did* you do the past two weeks?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets them.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t… That’s none of my concern,” he says quickly.

AUTHORITY: Who the hell does he think he is? You’re not a child who needs to be minded. You’re a grown-ass man who can sit alone in his apartment and get wasted if he fucking wants to. Assert yourself!

“Honestly? Drink, mostly,” you say with a self-conscious chuckle.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He just stares at you with the bleakest expression you’ve ever seen cross his face.

EMPATHY: He’s so tired. So frustrated. So disappointed.

INLAND EMPIRE: Oh God! He’s *disappointed* in you? This is terrible. Anything but that, please!

“I thought I was doing better,” you say quietly. “Guess not.”

“You were,” Kim says kindly.

INLAND EMPIRE: Tequila Sunset hasn’t happened yet. Maybe it still will. Maybe it’s inevitable. Maybe when you took up that mantle, it was like some sort of alcoholic event horizon. Tequila Sunset is the only way it was ever going to end. What other force in the universe could begin to exert as much gravitational pull over you?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: From the void we came, to the void we must return.

“Listen,” Kim tells you, “this is not surprising. It’s got to be harder now that you’re back in Jamrock.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: It’s *easy,* baby. All your old favorite haunts are here. You know all the cheapest bars, the sketchiest parts of town with the purest amphetamines… You can’t remember the names of half of them anymore, but the muscles in your legs can trace the steps there perfectly. That shit’s burned into your body forever.

“Yeah.” You swallow hard. “Anyway, what about you? How’s Jamrock treating you?”

EMPATHY: The darkness clouding his expression lightens a bit.

“Good so far,” he says. “I’ve actually only been here for a few days. G.R.I.H. wrap-up took longer than I expected.” He pauses and looks out the window. “But I’m glad to be here now.”

“Really,” you say with a laugh. “In this shithole?”

“It has its perks,” he says. “I’m looking forward to beginning work at Precinct 41.”

“You’re not working solo, are you?”

“For right now, yes I am,” he replies. “I’m fine with that. I’ve done it before.”

INLAND EMPIRE: The idea of sharing a workplace with him and yet not being at his side when he needs you… it makes you feel cold, lonely, somehow.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: You have a duty to Jean. Jean is your partner.

SUGGESTION: Fuck it, just say it. You know what you want to say. Say it and get it over with.

“You should work with me,” you blurt out. “We were such a good team in Martinaise. We could keep those good times rolling!”

“I’m flattered, but,” he says, turning his head. “Satellite-Officer Vicquemare…”

“Doesn’t give a shit about me,” you say. “Fuck him.”

EMPATHY: That’s not exactly true. You know it’s not.

INLAND EMPIRE: But the truth is complicated. It’s easier to just boil it down to *fuck that guy.*

LOGIC: Jean is bad for you, and you’re bad for him. Or, you used to be. And has anything really changed? Are you really any different? Maybe it was just the change of scenery that fooled you into thinking otherwise.

INLAND EMPIRE: Same old Jamrock. Same old coworkers. Same old bad habits. Same old *you.*

“I’m not so sure about that,” Kim says delicately.

“Forget about him,” you push, suddenly more serious about this than you intended to be. “I can arrange this shit with Captain Pryce, and I can deal with Jean.”

“I… uh,” he coughs. “I don’t know what to say.”

DRAMA: You’re in control of this show now. Pull an honest answer out of him.

You point at him and narrow your eyes. “I know what you should say: what you *feel* in your *heart*!” You pound one fist against your chest over your heart to drive home the point, then wince.

PAIN THRESHOLD: Please don’t do that.

You break the dramatic pose and lean back in your chair again with a shrug. “Or just tell me to fuck off. None of this wishy-washy noncommittal shit, though.”

He’s silent for a long time, watching and listening to the rain as it picks up outside. Then finally he gives you an apologetic smile and speaks.

“Harry,” he says kindly. “Fuck off.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Translation: maybe. But not now.

EMPATHY: He’s not angry, he’s deflecting. This is by far the nicest way you’ve ever been told to fuck off. Don’t take it too hard.

“Alright, alright,” you say. “Forget I said anything.”

You spend a while just making smalltalk at Kim’s kitchen table. None of it means anything, but it’s nice. It’s a nice, good, human thing to do, sitting and chatting with him. Makes your “regular well-adjusted person” costume fit a little better. The rain begins to let up a little in the fading sunset.

“You know, we could do something else if you like,” he says brightly. “Here in Jamrock, I mean.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Yeah. Lots of stuff to do in Jamrock. Like speed and hard liquor. Or crying in the bathroom of a dive bar because you’re too fucked up on speed and liquor.

SUGGESTION: He probably wouldn’t go for that.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: There’s got to be somewhere else to go. Something else to do with him. Think. What do you want to do with him?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Oh buddy, are you sure you’re ready to open that can of worms?

The lieutenant watches you as you rub your temples in an effort to massage the awkward thoughts out of your terrible brain. Then he says, “you know what, don’t worry about it. It’s fine, we can just stay here.”

“Yeah, okay,” you say. “Sounds good.”

“I’m going out on the balcony for a cigarette,” he informs you. “You can--”

“I’ll come with you,” you interrupt.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He pauses, wondering how many you might’ve had already. Then again cigarettes are, shockingly, by far the *least* detrimental of your *many* vices.

The two of you step out onto the lieutenant’s rather small balcony. It’s still raining very lightly, but this is probably as good as the weather is going to get tonight. Good enough. There’s really not quite enough space for two adult men to comfortably lounge around out here, though. You try to make yourself as small as possible as you fumble in your pockets for a cigarette and lighter.

PERCEPTION: You hear the soft click of a lighter and smell smoke on the gentle evening breeze drifting over from your left.

“Fuck,” you grumble. “I forgot my light--”

You realize Kim is holding out his own lighter wordlessly, still gazing out at the city sprawling out below.

“Thanks,” you say.

He nods. He pockets the lighter again once you’re done with it, then leans on the railing and exhales smoke with a sigh.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Outwardly, he is silent and pensive. He almost seems anxious in a way. But in truth, he likes this. He’s enjoying standing out here in the rain and the dark and smoking his nightly cigarette by your side once more, just like that first night in Martinaise.

You rest your arms on the railing as well and try to map his sightline. Your arm presses against his in the cramped space, but he does not react.

“Pretty bitchin’ view here,” you comment. “Comparatively.”

“Mhm,” hums the lieutenant. “By Jamrock standards, quite bitchin’.”

PERCEPTION: His hand dangles loosely over the edge of the railing. It’s a bit smaller than yours and much thinner, bonier. Sharp and angled like a marble sculpture.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: A work of art. Just like the rest of him.

SUGGESTION: Wonder what that hand would feel like in yours…?

“Everything alright, detective?” Kim asks, smoke escaping from his lips as he speaks. You realize that you’ve been staring at his hand for longer than is generally considered acceptable by polite society.

“Just spacing out a little I guess,” you mumble, averting your gaze.

“Par for the course with you,” the lieutenant chuckles.

VOLITION: Don’t make this too weird. Don’t think about that cigarette dangling loosely from his beautiful hands, or how soft his lips must be, or how nice it would be to just give up all pretense and embarrass yourself and hug him tightly right here on the balcony. Whatever you do, don’t think of any of those things.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Shit.

“Well, it’s getting late,” you say, stubbing out your half-finished cigarette in the nearby ashtray. “I should probably go.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. We’ve got work in the morning after all.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: You do?

VOLITION: Just play it cool.

“Yes,” you say, nodding stoically. “Tomorrow is Monday. I am aware of this, and that is why I said that in the first place, and not for any other reason.”

SAVOIR FAIRE: Nailed it.

“Tomorrow is Tuesday,” Kim says flatly, his face expressionless.

“I know that!” you say defensively. “I was just testing you. Come on, Kim, you don’t think I’m really that stupid, do you?”

He starts to say something, then thinks better of it and instead takes a long drag of his cigarette before trying again. “No, detective. I don’t think that.” Then he puts it out on the bottom of his boot and drops it in the ashtray.

The two of you head back into the apartment as the rain starts up again. You pull on your tarpaulin cloak in preparation for the long walk back home. But as you reach the front door, the lieutenant stops you.

“You know, you could just stay here if that would be easier,” he says abruptly, looking tense. “It’s late, and it’s raining, and…”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: ...And the route from here to your home features at least a dozen bars along the way.

EMPATHY: He’s worried you might not be able to resist the siren song of their garish neon signs and blaring dance music spilling out onto the streets like a red carpet unfurling.

“And your injury,” he adds quickly. “It was causing you some pain earlier, wasn’t it?”

HALF LIGHT: You don’t need his *pity.*

INLAND EMPIRE: Maybe you *do.* He knows you too well already.

EMPATHY: And, for whatever reason, cares about you a little too much. A terrible decision on his part, really.

“Yeah, good point. Plus your place is closer anyway,” you reply. “Thanks. Sorry to impose.”

He gives you a little nod. “It’s no trouble at all.”

Soon, you’re settled in on Kim’s couch under a small pile of blankets that still smell like artificial flowers, cloying and too sweet, freshly laundered.

He says good night and disappears into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. It’s strange somehow, lying here in his living room alone in the dark. Like you’re somewhere you shouldn’t be. Like sneaking into a museum after it closes.

PERCEPTION: In the hazy twilight of impending sleep, you notice a calendar on the wall across from you. You can just barely make it out in the dim light, and you realize something.

“Son of a bitch,” you shout, “tomorrow *is* Monday!”

Just before you retreat into the blanket nest you could swear you hear a muffled apology from the next room.

[chdatz9000]

Day 2: Music

Rating: Mature

Words: 632

Once again entrap within the thralls of passion, Asami lays herself on top of the all-mighty Avatar. But right now, and every moment that these two are together, the Avatar is just Korra. It was determined long ago that it was the sole life’s mission for Asami Sato to bring happiness and peace and pleasure in all aspects to Korra’s life. She found great purpose to love Korra of the southern water tribe. 

            That’s why in this particular moment, Korra’s lover finds her fingers inside of her. Korra whimpers, almost trying desperately to keep her composure, as her lover, her soul mate, applies pressure to her core. Suddenly finding the weight of her own head too much, Korra’s head falls back as she focuses more and more on the pressure building inside of her. 

            Upset with the new distance between their lips, Asami uses her own body weight and her free hand to press down on Korra, so her body is flat against the bed. She locks their lips together in an almost desperate plea, as any disconnection between the two is unbearable. Korra moans deeply into Asami’s mouth, her self-control all but forgotten. Her perfect partner knows she’s close and knows the most desired way for Korra to finish. 

Releasing their interlocking lips, Asami's mouth moves quickly to one of Korra’s breasts and bites so softly on the erect nipple. A shriek of desire is heard before Asami’s tongue did the rest for her pleasure. The free hand’s job is now to play with the neglected mound to overstimulate Asami’s life companion under her. A guttural moan escapes Korra as she arches her back into the air, it takes everything in her to not scream in delight. But with constant flicking, the constant pinching and massaging, and the intense focus on her inner wall made quick work to destroy her self-control. 

The room fills with the symphony Korra’s moans, her “yes”s,  and the “right there”’s until to all reaches a screeching shout of her destined partner’s name. Music to Asami’s ears. They ride the climax together, eyes locking until Korra squeezes her eyes shut. Slowly and carefully removing herself from the out of breath lover beneath her, Asami slowly moves and lays closely to Korra’s side, waiting patiently for her to recover. Asami slowly strokes the side of her beloved’s head to soothe and relax her.

Korra’s eyes slowly open and she moves her head to lock onto Asami’s eyes. Asami stares with a soft and loving smile, “Hey.” Asami speaks softly.

“Hey” Korra responds with a breathy chuckle. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” A large smile forms on Korra’s face.

Asami’s smile widens as she slowly moves to kiss Korra once more, but this time it’s filled with her love, her compassion to make sure that Korra is content. Asami hopes that it conveys how much she deeply loves and cares for this woman. This beautiful and compassionate soul from the southern water tribe. Maybe one day she will find the right words to even come close to how much she loves this person. As for now, she will use her lips and her actions, in bed and in their home, and everywhere else.

While Korra may be the Avatar, the bridge between the humans and spirits, the savior of their worlds, but it doesn’t matter to Asami. She will be by her side, showering her with her love and devotion at any opportunity she can. The risks of being the Avatar’s love could never come close to outweigh the reward of being with someone she loves so dearly. Even though there are things that need to get done, they decided to just bask in their love as they cuddle tightly together for just a little bit longer. 

[spasmsofthought]

unfinished (zuko x reader)

I altered the events of the ATLA finale unknowingly in the first part of this series, so I guess this could be considered a bit AU, but not really. I imagine the reader to be about the same age as Zuko in the cartoon, but it’s really not that big of a preference; read it however you want! 

Read the first part of this series here: Silence

So, the first part was set the night before the big finale battle during Sozin’s Comet. This part is set the morning of that day, so Zuko didn’t wait in his uncle’s tent alllll night - in this piece of fiction he stepped out for a break, which is why what happened with him and the reader happened. 

I was listening to Meet Me on the Battlefield by SVRCINA as I wrote this and found it very fitting for the mood I was trying to portray for this piece. 

I hope you guys enjoy! Feel free to let me know what you think. 

Like, comment, reblog! xo 

- 

“I’m a coward,” You sigh to Katara. 

There is so little time to prepare for today that everyone is doing what they can to soak in the simplicity of eating breakfast. She looks at you for a moment before setting her bowl and chopsticks down on the low table sitting before you both. 

“We’re about to go into battle and you choose now to let everyone know that?” Sokka interrupts, using his chopsticks as a tool to point towards you. It’s not an accusing action, but it still makes the nerves in your stomach fizz around like they’re trying to escape. There’s still some grains of rice that stick to the ends, one grain even falls onto the table. It’s a little gross how much of a slob Sokka can be, but you brush it away for today. There are more important things to worry about. 

He’s doing his best, but the joke falls a little flat. 

Sokka has grown leaps and bounds as a leader, but this morning’s atmosphere is not conducive to running jokes on someone else’s self-admitted flaws or weaknesses. 

Katara glares at her brother, “Shut up and finish your breakfast.” 

Sokka focuses back on his meal, grumbling words under his breath that you both ignore, and Katara subtly turns towards you. She takes your face in, or at least that’s what you think she’s doing as she stares at you. 

“What happened?” Her voice is softer, closer to a whisper. You have to lean in just to make sure the conversation stays between you both. 

Your elbows rest on your knees and your face falls into your hands. After you walked away from Zuko, you spent the rest of early morning as the sun rose lying on your pallet trying to reconcile the fact that you could die today and you were always the type of person to save important things for the very last minute. 

“It couldn’t have been that bad... whatever it is you did,” Katara says compassionately, her hand smoothing down your hair. She can be such a mother sometimes. 

“I kissed him,” You slightly grimace at the words. They’re bittersweet coming from your mouth. 

Both Sokka and Katara know who you’re talking about. As oblivious as Zuko is, you wear your heart on your sleeve in the same manner. They knew what you were feeling before you would even admit it to yourself. 

Sokka chokes and coughs loudly, ever the eavesdropper. Once he’s recovered, he looks at you with his mouth gaping open making a sound of unbelief. It only makes you want to curl inside yourself. 

“Okay...” Katara nods assuredly, like it isn’t that big of a deal. Like she’s not a teenager who’s also trying to figure out romance during war-time. You wish you had her confidence. “Well, how did he react?” 

Her curiosity will be the death of you. You can feel the grimace become more pronounced and you push your hair away from your face, eyes focusing on the surrounding scenery. Here it comes. 

“Uh...” You don’t know what to do with your hands, or with yourself. “I kind of walked away before he could say anything about it.” 

Sokka groans and slaps the palm of his right hand onto his forehead, leaving a red-ish mark (that looks like a blob) on his forehead, and turns his focus back on his meal. Katara only shakes her head and rolls her eyes with a slight smirk on her face as she turns her body to be perpendicular with the low-sitting table, picking up her bowl and chopsticks. 

“You two are perfect for each other.”

The entrance of Zuko and his uncle Iroh interrupts any chance you had at a reply to Katara. 

Everyone moves away from the solitary table, including yourself, so you can all sit in a circle together. They are greeted warmly and are handed breakfast, but it’s easy to tell the atmosphere has shifted. 

The reality of what today is can no longer be ignored. 

The group settles as Zuko and his uncle talk. You pay little attention to the words, trying to focus on the moment. Gathered together as a sort-of mismatched family, this may be the last time you are all together. 

Your stomach turns. 

Iroh makes it evident that Zuko is to become the next Fire Lord, which in no way surprises you. It was his destiny. The group is split up like you thought it would be: Katara and Zuko will travel to the Fire Nation Capital to face Azula, his sister, and challenge her for his birthright. You will travel with Suki, Toph, and Sokka to take down the Fire Nation airships.

“Don’t you want to come with us?” Katara asks, motioning to you and Zuko as the group separates to prepare to leave. You give her a sad sort of smile; the kind that tells her you had already decided. 

“I’d only be in your way. I can do much more if I go with your brother.” 

Appa and the rest is patiently waiting as you stand with her in what could be your final goodbye. 

“Besides, riding a giant eel hound this once will make more more grateful to be on Appa’s back next time.” You give a laugh, but it comes out as a small sob, too. 

Katara grips you in a tight hug, like she’s trying to press her strength into you so it’s something you can share with each other. You wrap your arms around her as your eyes water. 

It’s hard to be separated from the only family you’ve ever really known with the possibility, tucked in a corner of your heart, that you may never see Katara or Zuko ever again. Even Sokka, Suki, or Toph if you all somehow manage to get separated from each other. 

“Be smart. I love you, sister.” Her voice is infused with the kind of steel you need to hear. The term of familial endearment makes her squeeze you tighter for a second. “We’ll see you when this is over,” Katara says as she finally pulls away. 

You can only manage to nod as you do your best to discreetly wipe away the tear tracks on your cheeks.  

“I’ll see you then.” You give her a barely-there smile. 

She makes her way over to Toph, Suki, and Sokka. You know they’ve already said their goodbyes to each other, but it doesn’t hurt to have one more before today actually starts. 

Zuko now stands in front of you, silent as ever. You look away for a second, trying to take a deep breath in, but your lungs take in only a shallow one. You’re unsure of what to do or what to say. Despite the fact that you kissed him last night, you both had built up a decent friendship as he traveled with the group. 

You meet Zuko’s eyes finally after a few moments, feeling brave enough to do so. The amber color gives you a sort of strange comfort, a bit like the feeling of home (not that you know much about that feeling). 

There’s too much to say and no time to say it; to say anything. 

I might be in love with you. The truth reverberates in your soul, like it’s going to stay rooted there no matter how much you try to tug it out of the ground. 

You’re not sure you should reach out and touch him, but you do anyway. Your hand rests on his left shoulder, gently trying to steady both yourself and him.

Like you’re trying to hold onto him for as long as you can; as long as the spirits will allow.  

“Don’t be reckless.” It’s the only thing you can manage, knowing him the way you do. Your eyes stay on his, like you’re both trying to communicate something without wasting the space with a bunch of words and failing. 

Zuko’s eyes roam, though you don’t know what they’re exactly looking for on your face. You try to take him in, like last night. You try to do your bet to memorize what he looks like. Like if you can stare hard enough, long enough, he will be burned into your mind forever. 

There are too many things to say and no time to say any of them. There are too many things that may remain forever unsaid. You don’t know what to do with that. There is an incompleteness you feel as you stand in front of him. 

That’s the funny thing about war: it leaves a lot of things unfinished. 

“Don’t lose,” You voice almost breaks, and you think Zuko knows that. You can see Katara climb up to Appa’s saddle out of your peripheral vision. There’s rustling behind you that tells you your group is waiting for you as they adjust themselves on the giant eel hound. 

You don’t know if he knows, but it’s too late now. There’s no time. 

I might be in love with you. 

He’s oblivious, you think. 

“I’ll do my best,” Zuko finally says and your eyes can’t help but water. It’s all too much. There’s too much you need to say; too much you need to do. There’s too much to feel. You don’t let the tears escape. 

Your hand drifts down his shoulder slowly and he grips your hand in his before it can come back to your side. You don’t know what it means, but you hope you’ll remember this moment for the rest of your life. 

I might be in love with you. 

“I have to go, and so do you,” You nod your head forward to where Katara and Appa are prepared to leave. 

You take a step backwards and so does Zuko. He holds onto your hand until it has to slip out of his. The fingers that had been intertwined together now only hold air. You don’t know what he wants, what he meant. You don’t know how to read him, and now you are heading into a battle you may not even survive.

If only things had been different. If only you had been braver. 

You make you way to the eel hound and climb on to the saddle. It’s big enough to fit four people, which would impress you more if you weren’t focused on other things.

There’s a small speech that Iroh gives to you all, and you listen half-heartedly, trying to get your emotions under control. It’s firm and confident, but like everything else today, it doesn’t last long. 

The eel hound takes off just as Appa begins his ascent to the sky. You keep your eyes on the sky bison as long as you can, but after a few short seconds you lose their position in the sky. The wind whips your hair into a frenzy and something heavy settles in you.

I might be in love with you. 

Indeed, there are things war leaves unfinished. 

[erin-bo-berin]

Wrapped Around Your Finger

MASTERLIST

This was a request from @theitcaramelchick​ where daddy Spencer ends up caving into his little girl when she begs to adopt a cat. I was melting a bit while writing it, just be warned. I love me some daddy Spencer. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Word Count: 2,721

Rating: G (fluff)

Spencer lived for his daddy-daughter dates with his little girl, Willow.

She had asked to get ice cream, so getting her ice cream is what he did. She was happily eating her cone of mint chocolate chip but getting it more on her face than actually in her mouth.

“You love mint chocolate chip ice cream like your daddy, don’t you?” he smiled.

“Mhm,” she nodded big, taking another bite.

“Your face is a mess,” he chuckled, not bothering to wipe it just yet.

“Oops,” she giggled.

They’d been to the library previously, for her to pick out a book or two to have for the week. He was big on making sure his little girl was exposed to books and reading. So far, she loved having stories read to her, even pretending to read them herself. He couldn’t wait until she started reading on her own.

She kicked her legs happily as she sat in the chair, enjoying her ice cream.

“Daddy?”

“Yes baby?”

“Where’s your ice cweam?”

“I ate mine already,” he answered.

“Oh.”

“I ate mine without making a mess like you are, Princess,” he chuckled, tickling her side a bit.

She squealed and squirmed from his touch.

He grinned, taking her in. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe how big she’d gotten recently. She was no longer his little baby girl, but a growing girl with a mind of her own and stubbornness to rival her mother’s.

Today she was dressed in a periwinkle, sleeveless romper with a bright and colorful fruity pattern on it. Ruffles along the edges from the shoulder to the waist of the romper and little pink striped decorated pockets completed the adorable outfit. 

Y/N had put Willow’s light brown wavy curls in pigtails this morning, but by now they were starting to look disheveled with strands of her hair falling in her face from all the running and playing she’d been doing. 

He reached over to push a strand of hair out of her face and she looked at him with the same hazel eyes as his and gave him a big smile.

Y/N often said that Willow had gotten his own huge, heartwarming smile and in that moment he had to admit he could see what she meant.

“How in the world do you have ice cream on your nose?” he laughed.

“I don know,” she shrugged honestly, causing him to chuckle more.

“You’re a mess munchkin.”

He kissed her head and waited until she finished her cone then wiped her entire face with a baby wipe from his backpack.

“Your mommy will kill me if she finds out I let you have ice cream this close to dinner.”

“Our secwet,” she beamed holding out her pinkie.

Spencer smiled, hooking his much larger pinkie around hers.

“You finished?”

“Ya,” she nodded, trying to climb out of the chair.

He picked her up, holding her with one arm and grabbed their trash in the other, walking to deposit it in the trash can. 

When the two were out of the ice cream parlor, he set her down on the sidewalk and took her hand.

“Daddy?”

“Mhm?”

“When brudder be hewe?”

Spencer smiled, thinking of Y/N who was currently 22 weeks with their little boy.

“In about four months,” he answered.

“How long dat?” Willow asked, looking up at him confused.

“Still a little while longer, lady bug. He’s got to grow big and strong before he can leave mommy’s belly.”

“Well I want to see him,” she pouted.

Spencer chuckled. Willow was definitely something else alright. 

Suddenly, Willow was practically pulling him to a stop. To be so tiny, she sure had quite the strength against him.

“Daddy look at the da doggies and kitties! Can we go look?”

“Not today, sweetie.”

Spencer knew good and well that if he let Willow in the shelter it would take all his energy to pull her away when it was time to go. He loved that about his little girl though. She loved animals so much and had such a huge heart that was ever expanding to include more people and more animals.

“Pwease, pwease, pwease?”

She pouted up at him before wrapping her arms around his leg, attaching herself to it. 

He didn’t miss the amused glances and smiles from the passing strangers. It must be quite the sight to see this tiny girl quite literally clinging to his leg, as adorable as it was.

“Okay, okay. We can go in,” Spencer gave in.

It was hard to say no to her, much to Y/N’s dismay. But she too, experienced the same difficulties sometimes. Willow was for the most part, a well behaved little girl, so it wasn’t a big deal to spoil her a little here and there.

He bent down and unattached her from his leg, holding her in his arms.

“But we can’t stay long, alright? Mommy will be home from her doctor’s appointment soon and will want help with dinner. Deal?”

“Deal,” Willow nodded seriously.

They were welcomed warmly upon their entering and were told to feel free to walk around and interact with the animals. Willow was instantly in heaven.

“Hi dere,” she waved to one dog in a pen nearest to her.

The big German Shepherd came over, sniffing her hand briefly before licking it, causing Willow to giggle.

“Daddy it kiss me,” she beamed at Spencer.

“I see,” he chuckled, rubbing the friendly canine under his jaw.

Willow’s hand reached out between the pen bars, patting the snout of his nose. The dog gave a happy little bark, pleasing Willow.

“Bye bye doggie,” she waved again as they moved on to more residents.

Willow being her normal self had to stop at every pen she crossed, talking and playing with every animal in her path.

She giggled and patted the heads of a pen of puppies, squealed with delight when a kitten nuzzled against her hand and grinned from ear to ear when she got to pet a bunny. It even allowed her to kiss it on the nose. She got a little lick kiss back from the bunny making her scrunch her nose, claiming it tickled.

But Spencer knew he was in trouble when they came across one pen where a black and white fluffy cat laid. It peered at him and Willow curiously, but made no effort to get up to check out these new visitors.

“I wanna pet it,” she pouted, unable to reach her small arm far enough through the bars to the cat.

“This little guy is a new rescue,” one of the workers said, coming up to them, “He’s very hesitant to new people. In fact, he still hasn’t quite warmed up to anyone else. Would you like to go in and give him a treat though, honey?”

“Can I daddy?”

The young girl’s hopeful eyes looked up at Spencer.

“I don’t see why not,” he smiled.

“Just give me a second,” the worker replied before stepping away to fetch the treat.

A minute or so later, she returned with a treat in her hand and a key to unlock the pen.

“Just be gentle, okay sweetheart?” she told Willow.

Willow nodded seriously, walking into the pen.

“Here mista kitty. I have tweat. I pwomise not to bite.”

She sat down a bit further away from him than Spencer expected. He thought she would go in eager to pet the cat and startle or frighten it, but she was surprisingly gentle and patient with it.

He could see it had black ears and a ring of black around the center of its face. The outer edge of the cat’s face was white fluff. Its striking blue eyes were the most memorable part of it though.

“What breed is he?” Spencer asked, still watching Willow.

“We think he’s a Himalayan. It’s basically a mix of a Persian and a Siamese cat,” the worker answered.

He nodded, even though he didn’t have quite as much knowledge on cat breeds as he did statistics or serial killers.

Spencer was shocked to see movement from the cat. He had been sitting so silently, studying Willow, he was sure the cat had no interest in her. But slowly he stood, walking over to her.

It sniffed the treat in her outstretched palm before taking a small nibble.

“Can I pet you?” Willow asked sweetly.

Ever so gently, her hand rested on his back, stroking it softly. 

Spencer was always so surprised to see just how smart and compassionate she was, even to be such a young girl. Y/N would definitely say that she got all her heart from him, but Spencer liked to think she got a double dose from both of them resulting in her sweet nature.

“He’s so fluffy,” she giggled.

“He is,” Spencer nodded, imagining the mess of shedding this cat would cause.

She continued to pet him gently as he ate the treat out of her hand. 

Spencer didn’t know what it was, but something had made the feline trust his little girl and frankly he couldn’t be more proud of her.

“What’s his name?”

She tilted her face up at the woman, a questioning look on her face.

“Well, he doesn’t have a name yet. We were hoping he would be adopted soon and his new family could name him whatever they wanted.”

It was at that moment that the cat decided to climb into her lap and curl up. The look on Willow’s face said it all.

She was totally in love.

“Can we keep him? Pwease?”

He opened his mouth to protest, but when he saw the pleading look on her face combined with how at peace the cat looked, he knew he couldn’t say no. The cat had taken to Willow just as much as she’d taken to him.

“I guess we’re getting a cat.”

•

You had just gotten home from your latest check up and were walking in the door, when you spotted something out of the ordinary.

You were happy to know that baby boy was doing great and growing just as he should be. You couldn’t wait to be reunited with your boyfriend and little girl. It might just be the pregnancy hormones, but you always found yourself longing to be with the two of them, missing them so much even when you were only away for an hour or two, like today. It was like bad separation anxiety mixed with a need to constantly cuddle. Your happy place truly was with your little family and you just couldn’t get enough time with them.

You had set your keys on the counter and was getting ready to go look for Spencer and Willow, figuring they were home since you’d seen his car parked in the driveway.

You cut through the kitchen, heading towards the stairs, when something in your peripheral made you stop.

There was an open doorway from the kitchen into your living room, so you could see into the room. It always came in handy when keeping an eye on Willow playing when you were fixing dinner or cleaning.

What stopped you was a round ball of fluff in black and white, curled up on your couch.

“Spencer! Reid!” you hollered.

Moments after your yell, came the sound of your daughter’s feet on the stairs, her excited voice in competition.

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

She came barreling towards you when she’d descended the stairs, wrapping her arms around you, but more or less hugging your growing stomach.

“Hi baby,” you leaned down to pick her up.

She was definitely not a baby anymore. Picking up a toddler while five and a half months pregnant wasn’t ideal anymore.

Spencer soon followed her down the steps. You knew better than anyone that it was difficult to keep up with a three year old’s energy.

“Mommy we got a cat!”

“I see that,” you grinned tightly at her, shooting daggers with your eyes at Spencer.

“Uh honey why don’t you go keep him company, okay?” Spencer said.

“Okay!”

She wiggled in your arms until you set her down then ran into the living room.

“Before you get mad-” Spencer started.

“Spencer there’s a ball of fluff sleeping on my couch,” you said.

“Yes, I realize that.”

“A cat though, really? Look how furry it is! I’m gonna be cleaning fur up from everywhere.”

“I promise I have a good reason,” he answered sheepishly, “Willow wanted to visit a shelter that we passed by today after we went out for ice cream, so I thought it couldn’t hurt.”

You raised an eyebrow, curious to hear the rest. You weren’t mad, just a little bit aggravated that he hadn’t consulted you before bringing home a pet.

“Of course, you know her. She had to say hello and stop and visit with all the animals,” he rubbed the back of his neck before he continued, “Well she got to his pen and one of the shelter staff said that he was a rescue that seemed really wary of people and he hadn’t opened up to anyone yet.”

You had a feeling you knew where this was going.

“The lady asked if she wanted to give him a treat and of course she did. So she walks in and I’m thinking she’s gonna terrorize the poor thing just because she wants to pet him. But she didn’t. She just sat patiently a little ways away from him and let him come to her, which he eventually did. He sniffed her, ate the treat and let her pet him before he nuzzled her and curled up in her lap. How could I say no to her begging to keep him?”

You smiled, your heart warming at how gentle of a soul your little girl was. Spencer had a point. You knew you would’ve had a hard time saying no to her too, especially since he had seemed to warm up to Willow.

“He’s actually a really sweet cat. He let me pet him too. Also, the woman said he should be little trouble because he’s a very laid back breed that is known for loving kids and being good for children. He’s a total family cat, if that helps.”

“Alright, I can’t blame you. You’re just too wrapped around her little finger,” you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck, kissing his nose.

“That I am,” he smiled, a gentle kiss on your lips following.

“Well, I guess we’ll just be a family of five now,” you smiled.

“Speaking of,” he grinned, pulling back from your embrace enough to splay his hands across your belly, “How is my little Jay?”

“Growing like a weed, just like he should be.”

Ever since finding out the two of you were having a boy, the decision of a name was definitely a hot topic between you and Spencer. He wanted to name him Carl after Carl Sagan, which you up and refused.

But finally a name did come together with a few tweaks here and a little compromising there.

Little Jason Carl Reid—to be called Jay—, was named after the first mentor Spencer had in his early years in the BAU and of course, Carl Sagan. Little Jay was going to be the fourth member of your family, but now it seemed like he would be the fifth.

“I know you’re not thrilled about this, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. Anything you want.” 

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close.

“Ooh, anything I want? Would you still make it up to me even if I said I don’t mind the cat?”

You smirked suggestively, causing him to chuckle.

“Yes, yes I would. The pregnant woman always wins, I don’t make the rules.”

You grinned, going in for another kiss when your daughter’s squeals interrupted you.

“Mommy, look! Biscuit loves me!”

You and Spencer looked over to see Biscuit laying completely flat beside Willow on the couch. You had to admit, he did look pretty content.

“Biscuit?” you asked, shooting an amused glance in Spencer’s direction, wondering why on earth he’d let your three year old name the cat.

“Just glad we didn’t go with her first suggestion,” he deadpanned.

“Which was?”

“Sir Snuggleton.”

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[immortalcoelacanth]

Conductor x Oblivious!Reader Oneshot: Is it Still Called a Ship if it Involves a Train?

My muse is all over the place and I have tons of ideas, my mind cannot contain them all and I don’t know how I wrote this. Also as a heads up I’ve been thinking about backing up my other reader oneshots on Tumblr on AO3 just in case something happens, so if you see them there don’t be surprised. 

Wordcount: 2791

Summary: The Conductor loved his train and wanted it in peak condition, that was why he visited the repair shop so much, and of course you were always the technician who checked everything, you specialized in trains after all! It only made sense!

Now, what didn’t make sense was how oblivious you were to his feelings. 

“The Conductor’s back?! Again?! I thought we just checked out the train last week! Everything was fine!” 

“Maybe he blew some of it up again? Like in that one movie?”

“I doubt it! He’s just train crazy!”

You let out a chuckle at the banter between your coworkers as you clicked away your computer, scanning through the active tickets and what needed to be done after. You worked in a repair shop for all sorts of vehicles. Most of the customers had cars that needed to be checked out, but some had more unusual modes of transportation. 

Like the Conductor and his train. 

He was one of the more… interesting customers you had interacted with. He was loud, very loud, and self-centered. 

Not that he was ever rude to any of your coworkers, or your boss, but you assumed this was because you were the ones responsible for keeping his train in tip top shape. 

Granted, the pool of people responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of his train had slowly dwindled until you were practically the only one checking it out. This was mainly due to the fact that you were the one on site who was the most knowledgeable about trains, they had been your passion since you were a child, and… 

Well, for some reason the Conductor always wanted you to be the one doing the work. 

You assumed this was for consistency’s sake, and the fact that it would make it far easier for him to get to know you as it was generally a good idea for a mechanic and their long term customer to have a good relationship, but he was surprisingly insistent about it even if there were long wait times. 

Fortunately he was never rude to your coworkers while he waited, nor did he insist on rushing anything. He just waited patiently for his turn and occasionally spoke to some other customers about his movies, being surprisingly polite when one of them mentioned not having seen them. 

Which was very out of character according to some of your coworkers, and speaking of them-

“Hey! You got Conductor’s ticket again?” The coworker nearest to you asked, their overalls stained with oil and grime, as were their feathers. “Since he’s just gonna bug us until we ask you to…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll cover it!” You quickly nodded while walking over to them. “Do you know what he’s coming in about?” “I dunno, something about his train sounding weird earlier.” They shrugged. “According to the boss he didn’t sound super worried or anything, but he insisted on coming in later today.”

“CAW!” You both jumped at the sudden noise and spun around, facing the newest arrival of the slowly forming group. Towering above the both of you was yet another coworker.

Or, perhaps croworker would be a more accurate title to call her by. 

She crossed her wings and glared down at you. “Are you the reason why he’s back, again?! I thought you fixed everything the last time he was here!”

“I did!” You insisted, taking a step back and raising your hands defensively. “Everything was fine when he left, and I didn’t see any problems other than cosmetic damage in the first place!”

The occasional bump and scrap was much better than the broken up and busted train that had been brought in one day, the Conductor sheepishly scratching the back of his head as he briefly mentioned something about a filming incident. 

You had cried true, honest tears upon seeing all that damage. That poor, poor train. 

The Crow stared at you for a moment longer before leaning down and asking a rather strange question. “Did you say yes or no then?”

“... To what?” You countered, extremely confused. Your confusion grew when she threw her wings up into the air and stomped off, yelling something about dense bird brains.

“I wonder what’s up with her?” Your other coworker mused, and you offered them a weak shrug before getting back to work. 

Hours passed and eventually the train engine belonging to the Conductor appeared in the front of the shop. Already, you could hear the mumblings and grumbling of the train being immaculate, and it was fine before, followed by a why is he here?

Even your boss seemed to be a bit annoyed at the Conductor’s insistence on getting the train looked over, and probably would have scolded the bird if it were not for how much money the shop made off of him. 

It was a lot of money. 

You were snapped out of your musings when you heard that accented voice grow louder, indicating that he was getting closer. You quickly dusted off your overalls, smiled that signature, customer service smile, and made your way towards the source of the shop’s annoyance. 

And then there he was. 

The Conductor. 

There was no mistaking his short stature and the brightness of his feathers. Although, something that was quite unusual was the bag he was carrying with him, the plastic giving away nothing about what item might be contained inside. He was looking around the shop, trying to find something from the look of it, but the moment his gaze landed on you-

“There yer are!” He called out, waving eagerly as he practically ran over to see you. You instinctively smiled and waved back. 

It was good to be polite to customers, especially someone who spent as much money as the Conductor, but you also enjoyed your talks with him. Watching him ramble about his train and his experiences driving it were always fun, and you had learned that he was a magnificent storyteller. 

You missed the way one of your coworkers elbowed the other while quietly whispering something to get, getting a laugh out of the one they had spoken to. 

“Hello, Conductor!” You cheerfully greeted, smile immediately growing more genuine at the thought of being able to chat with him once again. “So, what’s going on with the train?”

“Well, erm… me train started soundin’ a bit… off.” He explained, sounding strangely nervous as he discussed what the problem was. “Can yer check the engine?”

“So you think the sounds were coming from the engine? Not the wheels?” You pressed, leaning forward as your eyes narrowed in concern. “Did you do anything to the train? Any… intense activities?”

Did you blow up your train again?

“N-Nae!” He quickly objected, quickly shaking his head. “Nothin’ like that! Just strange sounds. Can... can yer help?”

“I can take a look and tell you what I find.” You said, getting a toothy grin out of the Conductor. 

“Yer an angel.” The bird sighed, sounding quite relieved at your offer. “If yer’d like ta know more-”

“Of course I would!” You immediately replied as you made your way over to the train. “You and I need to have a long chat about what you’re worried about, and I’ll keep you updated on the status of the train. I’m assuming you’ll be waiting here?”

“Aye!” The Conductor was quick to nod, secretly happy to be able to spend more time with you.

You were definitely the best part about visiting this shop. Your personality was so bubbly and warm, but you also were not afraid to put rude customers in their place as he had seen you do on multiple occasions. You were smart and confident, yet you were also very humble and compassionate. 

Far more compassionate than he was, and he knew this. He knew how rude he could be at times, the Receptionist had scolded him on multiple occasions about his behavior, but… 

Every reason that caused him to act the way he did, his inner insecurities and worries and fears that bubbled up and filled his mind to the brim with their screaming seemed to fade whenever he was around you. 

You and your questions about his movies and his train, about the stories that he had memorized to tell his grandchildren over and over again. He knew he would get mocked if he ever voiced such feelings, so he always kept them hidden and to himself. 

Although, his feelings were not quite as hidden as he had hoped for since it seemed as though most of the workers in the repair shop had figured out why he was so insistent on you being the one to look over his train. That, and the smug looks some of them sent his way.

Especially that one Crow…

He was shaken out of his thoughts when he noticed you making your way over to the train, and he quickly rushed over to join you, the bag on his arm swaying. That’s right, he still needed to give you that, too. 

But first, train inspection. 

Together, you both climbed up the side of the train, with you taking a moment to make sure the Conductor was still following you, before making your way inside. You were unable to stop the impressed noise from escaping you as you took in the interior of the train engine, all the high tech glowing buttons and levers covering the main console. It was so easy to imagine how amazing it must feel to drive this train, the sheer amount of power and speed.

It left you breathless. 

… But, the interior was as spotless as it had been the last time you had seen it. Granted, you had not thoroughly checked anything yet, but the sheer amount of light reflecting off of the metallic surfaces, and the general lack of dirt and grime led you to believe that the problem was not here. 

And your hypothesis was proven soon enough as, after spending nearly an hour looking over all the intricate mechanisms, and chatting with the Conductor, you did not find anything that was damaged or showed signs of potentially causing problems. 

You let out a concerned hum and looked at the Conductor, not really registering how some of his feathers took on a more reddish hue, nor how he seemed to anxiously mess with his suit. Without a word, you made your way out of the train and moved to inspect the massive wheels, assuming that the problem might be there.

Nope.

Nada.

Nothing.

“There… there isn’t anything I can see wrong.” You slowly concluded as you backed away from the train. “No breaks, no other forms of damage, no malfunctioning parts, nothing.”

“Aye? Erm, well, perhaps yer should take yer time? Try not to rush and give yerself a break-” The Conductor rambled as you practically glared at the train, as if trying to force it to give up all its secrets. 

Where, where could that problem be?

You crossed your arms as you contemplated how to best solve this problem. The engine was… fine. Nothing seemed to be out of place or broken, nor were there any leaks or other signs of potential sources of problems. It was downright immaculate, what you had come to expect from the Conductor, but you knew you would not rest until you figured out what the problem was. 

It was a source of pride for you, how thorough your work was, and it helped that your boss rewarded you for your efforts. Not knowing whether the train was actually fine or not would… nag at you. 

Immensely. 

Although, given the fact that the train was stationary and the Conductor claimed to have heard those strange noises when he had been driving it, it was possible that the problem would not show itself unless the train was moving. Something that might be caused by stress, or even a poorly connected section of the tracks. 

You clapped your hands together as you came up with an idea. Yes! That would work perfectly! Excitement filling you at the prospect of your plan, you turned to the Conductor and spoke. 

“Can you give me a ride?”

The reactions to your question were… varied, to say the least. 

You heard one of your coworkers break down laughing hard enough to the point where they started coughing, you heard what sounded like someone facepalming hard enough to leave a mark, and as for the Conductor-

He squawked, loudly. 

The feathers on his face took on a more reddish hue, especially around his cheeks and forehead, and his maw hung open in what you assumed to be surprise. The feathers on the side of his head also seemed to have fluffed up at some point. It made him look…

Cute. 

“I might be able to find the problem if I’m with you when the train is moving.” You explained, watching as the red flush faded from the Conductor’s feathers. “So, would it be okay if I joined you on your next train ride?”

“Erm-course!” The Conductor quickly replied, still strangely flustered. “When… when should I pick yer up, then?”

“Hmm…” 

Obviously you needed to conform to his schedule since you had a feeling his days were pretty busy between running his train and filming movies, plus you were certain you could haggle your boss into covering how many hours you were there for.

“How about I spend the day with you?” You suggested. “That way I have plenty of time to check out the train without interrupting your schedule. Does that sound good?”

“Yer… yer be wantin’ ta spend the whole day…?” The feathers around the Conductor’s face started taking on that reddish hue once again. “From sunrise ta sunset?” 

“For as long as you’ll have me!” You answered with a nod. “And you can tell me to leave if I start bothering you.”

“Nae! Nae! That won’t be a problem!” The Conductor quickly objected as he flailed his feathery hands. “Yer can spend as long as yer want on… me train-”

Wow, I wonder why his voice cracked like that…

“Alright, it’s a date, then!” Once again you were oblivious to how his face flushed as he replied with his own, eager nod. Instead all you could think of was how wonderful it would be to ride a train across the tracks, see the sights and feel that wonderful breeze. 

“Ah, and I got yer somethin’ as thanks fer keepin’ me train in top shape.” The Conductor added as he reached into the plastic bag from earlier and pulled out a small cactus. 

“I remember yer mentionin’ that yer liked deserts, so-” He started to explain before he was cut off by you quickly picking up the cactus to inspect it. 

“I love it, and that’s so sweet!” The cactus was so tiny and round and just… looked adorable! You smiled brightly at the Conductor and instinctively reached out to hug him. “Thank you!” 

His suit felt surprisingly soft and warm as you wrapped an arm around him for the hug, careful to keep the cactus away so neither of you got accidentally pricked. His feathers were pretty soft, too, and you just barely managed to restrain yourself from impulsively running a hand through them. 

“Yer… yer welcome.” He mumbled, still blushing furiously. 

“I need to find somewhere safe to put this so it doesn’t break. Oh! I also need to find a good spot to put it when I get home, or maybe I can keep it here and it can be our little mascot!” You rambled as you made your way over to the staff room, too distracted to remember to say goodbye to the flustered bird. 

The Conductor just stood there, maw open in surprise at the fact that you had hugged him.

Oh god, you hugged him. You actually hugged him. 

He was dazed, stunned, and frozen on the spot as the memory of you hugging him replayed itself over and over in his mind. How warm you were, how bright your smile was. 

It was nice to see you smile, see you so cheerful and happy. 

He wanted to see that smile again. 

As the Conductor stood in place, too surprised to move, the operations of the repair shop slowly resumed. Technicians and mechanics got back to their assigned vehicles, and even the music that had been quietly playing in the background increased in volume. Of course, this also meant that conversations resumed, including ones focused on the interaction that had just taken place. 

“So,” The Crow began, leaning down towards one of her coworkers and whispering to them. “Are we shipping them, or do we call it something else since there’s a train?”

The resulting laughter could easily be heard by you in the staff room, leaving you confused as to what they were laughing at, and somewhat concerned as to what might have happened. 

Oh well, you had to get ready for your date tomorrow with the Conductor anyways.                                     xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maybe I'll write a follow up to this, maybe not~

I hope you all enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth

[outroshooky]

“the dawn before sunrise is darker than anything

but never forget the stars you hope for only appear in the dark”

a young man once told me that the dawn before the sun rises is always the darkest.

another young man told me that we can only live for today and the self we choose to grow into, day after day after day. we may not know about tomorrow, but we can certainly choose who we become in the end. 

it is nearly 2020- the end of this decade, the start of the next. the holiday season is a time of wonderful joy and celebration, but it is also a time of quiet reflection.

the idea of tomorrow has stuck with me month after month this year, for some reason. perhaps it’s a byproduct of struggling with dissociation, trying to get a grasp of what exactly it means to be real and present in life. perhaps it’s living in a world where nothing is guaranteed, where i have teachers who break me down rather than build me up by telling me that it is shameful to be a woman, god forbid a gay person who speaks her mind. indeed, something i’ve always taken for granted- tomorrow creeping in its petty pace, as it so likes to do- is suddenly juxtaposed against a great backdrop of change. this year meant finding an amazing therapist; gaining an understanding of self-love; solidifying who I am without the spindly, choking threads of trauma; and so, so much more.

who says that we are entitled to a tomorrow? who decides who lives, who dies, who falls somewhere in the middle?

there have been weeks this year where i begged that tomorrow wouldn’t come in hopes it would offer some sort of respite from everything i felt at the time, some ounce of shelter. on those days, i paid attention to lyrics that told me to accelerate more, not to get too far away, reminding me that i am loved without fail even when I find it impossible to look at the reflection staring back at me in the mirror.

thankfully, after falling headlong into them for days at a time, those weeks are in the past. i’m no longer holding onto a wisp, but grabbing a fistful and clutching onto it with everything I’ve got. in june 2020, i leave to pursue my childhood dream, putting everything aside and diving headfirst into a brand new world, with no idea of what may come. if seven months from now is the dawn, there are several hundred days of darkness i’ll have to wade through before i get there.

but i’m not afraid anymore.

i don’t know if i’m entitled to tomorrow. i don’t know if i’ll make it to that day, or the day after, or the next month, or to that fated day in june when i pack everything into the trunk of the car and shed a tear or two. i’ll never know until i live and breathe it, but i’m at peace with it. the north star will always shine in the heavens just as surely as we will change, but i am secure in the knowledge that i am evolving for the better. i am evolving for the days that i can look myself in the mirror and not be so critical about the way that shirt hugs my curves. i am evolving for the days that i can let go of my concerns and run headlong into life without being so worried about what happens as a result. i am evolving too for the days when the most i am capable of is retreating away from the world into the safety of my own bedsheets. it is those days, the ones where i doubt if the next will ever come, that the stars will shine down at me and smile just a little bit brighter.

thank you for the laughs, the tears, the sense of community, and falling in love with something that is bigger than yourself that will have your back without fail. thank you for your feedback and for reading my works, even if it’s just one word at a time. thank you for supporting me, for trusting me, for being patient with me.

thank you for walking with me on this journey into tomorrow, for painting the dawn in crimson and orange and the prettiest shades of pink. i can’t wait to see what the daylight brings.

merry christmas everyone, and have a blessed new year.

all my love, hope

“however it goes, it doesn't matter, yeah, yeah

it may be different to what you were hoping for

how you live on and how you love might change

that’s true

yeah, so, are you gonna move?

we are too young to be hesitating, just run head-on onto it

so what you gonna do?”

⤷ suga’s interlude; 2019

(a very belated) follow forever, for those who made 2019 such a special year!

🌙 = mutuals!; 💌 = a message for you can be found below!

a-m 

@170v3you🌙 / @94hixtape🌙 💌 / @a-big-woofle🌙 💌 / @aegissi / @baeseoul / @blushnote / @btssmutgalore 🌙 💌 / @chwepen / @dearlytea 🌙 / @diabolusdamnoselaborat 🌙 /  @fyeahsuga / @goldenscript / @gukgalore / @guksheart🌙 💌 / @gukster🌙 / @haoaiini / @hobidreams / @honeymoonjin 🌙   / @jincherie / @jingetspegged 🌙 💌 / @joonbird 🌙 / @junghelioseok / @jurngkook / @kassareo / @kookosaur / @kookyjin / @minjoun / @mi-ss-o / @moonmonos 🌙

n-z

@pantaemonium / @pjmskosmos 🌙 / @prolixitae 💌 / @pvrpletae 🌙 / @readyplayerhobi / @ruy-tan / @sanada6 🌙 / @seokjinglebells 🌙 💌 / @seulin / @slipped-away / @spidey-son 🌙 / @sugasinterlude 🌙 / @sugaxjpg / @syuga / @valetonvi / @versigny / @winetae / @writingseoul / @yoonsgiggle 🌙 💌  / @yooyoohoratio 🌙

a letter for you / sincerely, me

💌 @94hixtape:

my dear lu, it’s your old friend hope. i miss you more every day that goes by. i know life hasn’t been very kind to you, and i hope things have started looking up for you since the last time we talked briefly. i don’t expect you to see this anytime soon, but it feels wrong somehow to not write a dedication to you. although we only knew each other for what feels like the briefest of moments in the grand scheme of it all, you impacted me in a way few others have. you’re forever kind, full of endless love that overflows and bursts from the seams in the best way possible. you are warm and compassionate and good, and you impacted my heart with rays of sunlight, bountiful and bright. i cannot even describe how much i miss you; there’s so much to tell you. every time i see a sunset, i think of you.

i love you always, once around the sun and back again.

💌 @a-big-woofle​

woofle, we’ve found ourselves perched on the cusp of a new start, it seems. we’ve known each other since the first day of kindergarten many moons ago, and to imagine life without you is to imagine lungs without breath. we’ve completed each other for years now: the yin to my yang, tik to my tok, peanut butter to my jelly. they say hundreds of miles cannot separate two hearts who truly care, and it’s our bond that has taught us the truth in that statement. i miss you so much, but i can’t wait to explore disney with you next year- not as the gangly, awkward kids we once were, but as best friends in adulthood, just being with each other in all of the goodness of those words.

you are loved beyond words and you are so more than your flaws. i’m beyond proud of everything we’ve achieved and i cannot wait to make more memories with you.

💌  @btssmutgalore​

dee, i know that we’ve barely talked, but you’ve helped me heal in ways others cannot even dream of touching. sin city was a series i read before i even created a tumblr account, and it ended up meaning more to me than i could have ever imagined. the way you speak your voice touches my heart over and over and gives me hope that i will someday be in a position to learn to trust again in the same way that jimin does. when i feel absolutely broken, your fics remind me that healing is not a linear process; i feel safe when i am immersed in your writing. 

there is such goodness in your heart and it does not go unnoticed. thank you for helping me fight the worst of my trauma and realize that i’m not a broken person- i just need a little bit of patience. 

💌 @guksheart​

cait, my dear, it’s been five months since we last saw each other, but it feels like a century has gone by. you will be here! in two months!! i’m counting down the days, i really am.

there were times this year when we didn’t think we were going to make it. we braced ourselves for the brunt of the impact, but when it hit, we didn’t shatter. we may have cracked, but like the japanese pottery tradition, we filled those crevices in with gold. we truly are shining, even in the darkest moments of the night when we can’t see our own glow. it is that bond that will keep us going, because as long as you reflect in me and i in you, we can recognize that beautiful innate worth we share.

i am honored to walk into tomorrow with you- my platonic soulmate, sister, best friend, fellow crackhead, therapist, gay mother, ramen enthusiast, cat lover, future author, psych nerd, the yoongi to my jungkook, and so much more. i love you more than words can express, and i know tim and kurt do, too.

💌 @jingetspegged​

elin, i know we’re not very close, but your posts constantly and consistently make my day. thank you for being unapologetically you- it is a dose of reality that i need and a reminder that there is space in the world to be who you are and exactly who you’re meant to be. you’re proud to be yourself and that’s something i could really learn from. plus, you’re a jin stan, which means you’re automatically one of the best people out there. 

thank you for being an inspiration to a young gay trying to find her place in the world. all my love to you!

💌 @seokjinglebells​​

meara!!! i am so glad we’ve become close recently; i’ve been blessed with an angel at my side. you helped make one of the darkest times of my life just a little bit brighter, and your words bring solace to my heart. i truly hope we get to meet someday, because i think we’d have the best adventures together. 

never forget how sweet and kind and lovely you are, like a flower that blooms year-round despite the frost and the rain. in fact, you flourish despite these things- a source of goodness and beauty no matter what life throws your way. i adore you with every ounce of my being!

💌 @yoonsgiggle​

hannah, if i could wrap min yoongi himself in a box and give him to you, i would. your soul is too good for this world, but at the same time you are a living example of what yoon meant when he said “may your trials end in full bloom.” even on days when it feels like the world is collapsing, know that you are loved and there are so many wonderful things in store for you. 

you inspire me not only as a writer, but as a person. i wish i could have as much love in my heart for the simple things as you do in yours.

happy holidays, everyone. here’s to a christmas season filled with peace in our hearts and joy in our souls, wherever we may find it. 

[crue-sixx]

Making It Right (Keanu Reeves Imagine)

This was requested.

Summary: When news breaks that you and Keanu Reeves are dating, the media stops at nothing to hound you and your son. Keanu is determined to make it right.

You walked into your home as you carried your son, Oliver, and sighed in frustration. Your four year old was clinging to you for dear life. He wasn’t used to all of the attention he had been receiving. You weren’t used to all of the attention either. You were just like any other normal person out in the world...except for one thing.

You were dating Keanu Reeves.

You and Keanu had been dating for about six months. You met the handsome gentleman at the hospital you worked at. You were a doctor and absolutely loved your job. You loved being able to help people. Keanu was visiting one of your patients. It came as a shock to you when you walked into your patient’s room and there sat Keanu Reeves, visiting with them. Of course you knew who he was right away. He was a famous actor after all.

The sparks didn’t hit right away. In fact, it wasn’t until you found Keanu with your patient again that you two spoke. He was a friend who was just visiting, which you thought was nice. You’d bump into Keanu on your rounds here and there. You’d make casual conversation with the man. On one particular day you and him were in the cafeteria at the same time. He sat with you and you really talked to each other. He was kind and very interesting. He asked you out on a date and you accepted his invitation.

The rest was history.

You were worried how Keanu and Oliver would react to each other when they finally met, but there was no need. They got along famously. Oliver really looked up to Keanu since he was the only male role model in his life. His father was not in the picture and had never been. He ditched you when he found out you were pregnant so it had always just been you and Oliver. It was hard, but you loved your son so you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Everything had been great with you and Keanu. He was the kindest man you’d ever known. He treated you and Oliver so wonderfully. You couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend...but things started to get a bit choatic.

You and Keanu had managed to keep your relationship private. Only close family and friends of yours had known of the relationship. The media eventually found out about you two, however, and they were eating it up.

Keanu Reeves, well-known bachelor, spotted out with mystery woman!

Keanu Reeves is a bachelor no longer!

Keanu Reeves spotted holding hands with random woman!

The headlines went on and on. It didn’t sit well with you being talked about in the media, but you figured it would blow over. Another celebrity would do something that would knock this whole thing off of the microscope.

You thought so anyways.

Things only progressed from there. You and Keanu couldn’t go out anywhere without some random paps taking pictures of you. Some even tried talking to you both as you tried to walk away from them, asking questions that were none of their business. One had even asked you how old you were and if you were with Keanu for his money. Who asks something like that?!

It was all hard to deal with, but you were willing to try because you really cared about Keanu. He was the first man you had taken an interest in since Oliver’s father. You could handle it. It’d pass over eventually.

It didn’t really bother you till they started hassling your son. They would follow you and Oliver around, trying to make the boy talk to them even though they could clearly see how frightened he was. You would beg them to leave you both alone, but they wouldn’t budge till you made it inside somewhere. You even had some posing as patients or visitors at the hospital, trying to get information from you. It was starting to wear down on you and your son.

You managed to put Oliver down and get his coat off of him. He was being clingy because of the paps that had been following you from the grocery store. You went for a few things and ended up with a lot more baggage then you’d planned.

“Go watch some tv and I’ll bring you some frosted animal crackers,” you told your son with a smile. “Does that sound good, Oli?”

He nodded and finally smiled before he ran off into the living room. You watched him go before you made your way into the kitchen with the groceries. You sat them down before you grabbed Oli’s favorite little bowl. You put him some animal crackers in it and grabbed him a juice box from the fridge. You walked into the living room where he was watching some cartoons. You handed him the bowl and put the straw in his juice box for him.

“Thank you, mommy,” he said.

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” you replied as the doorbell rang.

You made your way to the door and looked out, making sure it wasn’t some pap trying to dig answers out of you. You found Keanu stood there, however. You opened the door and let him inside before closing the door quickly. There were bound to be some paps out there. Keanu waved at Oliver and he waved back to him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Keanu asked as he saw the look on your face.

“Yes...no...I don’t know,” you sighed out and shook your head.

Keanu frowned and stepped up closer to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. He rubbed them and looked down at you.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

You looked at him then glanced over at Oliver, who wasn’t too far away. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

Keanu nodded and followed you into the kitchen where it was more private. You were sure Oliver wouldn’t have heard you two talking since he was so engrossed in his cartoons, but just to be sure. You stopped at the counter and leaned back against it as Keanu stood in front of you.

“Keanu, this is getting out of hand,” you finally told him with a sigh.

Keanu’s brows raised. “What are you talking about?”

“The media, the paparazzi, everything,” you told him. “They’re hounding me and Oliver all the time. He’s absolutely terrified every time we go out because of them. They take our pictures and try to ask us questions that are none of their business. They even show up at the hospital. I really care about you, Keanu. I care about you so fucking much, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. This isn’t good for Oli.”

Keanu listened to you as you spoke, feeling guilty and angry. He felt guilty because it was all his fault this was happening and anger over the media for putting you two through all of that. You and Oliver were normal citizens who deserved their privacy. Just because you was dating him did not give them the right to stalk you and bother you. He could see how much it was bothering you and it hurt him.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Keanu sighed out as he pulled you to him and wrapped his arms around you.

You rest your head on his chest and wrapped your arms around him, letting yourself take comfort in his arms. Keanu’s arms were always so comforting. You didn’t know what to do about any of this. You certainly didn’t like the idea of breaking up with him. Keanu kissed your head and rubbed your back.

“Listen, I’m going to take care of this, Y/N,” Keanu said, softly. “I’m going to make this right for you and Oliver both. I promise you.”

You leaned back enough to look at Keanu. He was looking right back at you with a sincere and determined look. There was no doubt that he was going to do whatever he could to make things right. You smiled a little and nodded. He leaned in and kissed you softly before he hugged you again.

————

A few nights after that, you were sat on the couch alone. Keanu was going to be on one of the late night shows so you were tuned in on the channel, waiting to watch him. Oliver had been put into bed hours ago. Keanu had been over earlier that day to spend time with you two. You hadn’t been out much besides for work and you still dealt with the media, but you just ignored them. Keanu promised you he would take care of it and you believed him.

You turned the tv up a bit more when Keanu was finally introduced by the host. He walked out, looking great as he always did. He was wearing a suit as he waved and smiled at the audience. They were cheering for him, which made you smile. That man deserved all of the praise.

The host started asking Keanu questions about upcoming projects he was working on. He talked about random things with him as well. Keanu was being his usual charming and funny self.

“So you know I have to ask this because we’ve all seen it floating around,” the talk show host began to say. “Are you in a relationship?”

Your eyes widened slightly at the question. You’d expected the host to address it, but it still took you by surprise. You didn’t mind people knowing that you were dating Keanu. You just hated being hassled for it.

“Yes, I am in a relationship,” Keanu replied with a smile.

“Really?” The host asked. “Would you like to tell us about her?”

“All that everyone needs to know about her is that she’s a wonderful woman,” Keanu said with a nod. “She’s so kind and compassionate. She’s really amazing.”

You smiled at the things he said about you as you blushed. You were grateful that he didn’t release your name. People already knew it obviously because the media had found it out, but he wasn’t going to throw it out there and make it worse.

“Anything else?” The host asked, trying to pull more out of him.

“Well, I feel that there’s really nothing more that people should know,” Keanu replied. “My girlfriend really values the privacy of herself and her son, which the media really does not seem to understand. They’ve both really been hounded and hassled, which is totally uncalled for. They shouldn’t be stalked by people with cameras, looking for a story. They are normal citizens who deserve their privacy and I would really appreciate it if the media would respect that. The woman that I love deserves that as well as her four year old son. He’s too young and innocent for all of this. He’s a great kid and deserves a normal childhood.”

You gasped at the last thing Keanu had said. Did he just say that he loved you? He had never told you that before. It didn’t bother you that he had proclaimed it on national tv like it probably should. You were just in shock. You hadn’t expected it.

Keanu finished his interview before the show went on a commercial break. It was the end of his segment so you turned the tv off and sat there in shock. Your phone eventually rang, breaking you out of your stupor. You picked it up and found Keanu calling you.

“Keanu, hey,” you said after you answered the phone.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Keanu said. “Did you watch the show?”

“Yes, I watched it,” you told him. “Keanu, thank you for addressing all of that.”

“Of course,” he replied. “I just hope it helps. They usually leave me alone because they know how private I am so maybe they’ll leave you alone now too.”

“You’re really an amazing guy, Keanu,” you told him as you smiled.

“And you’re really an amazing woman, Y/N,” he said. “I have to get off here now. I was just going to call and check in.”

“Alright,” you said. “Oh, Keanu.”

“Yeah?” He asked.

You didn’t speak for a moment as your smile widened. “I love you too, Keanu.”

You couldn’t see it, but Keanu was smiling wide at those words.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said. “I’ll see you and Oli tomorrow. I love you.”

You ended the call after that, feeling happy. You weren’t sure if the media would chill out, but you and Keanu were in love. You would figure it out together.

[crossroadsimagine]

Hi henlo so basically: matchup. Naruto and black butler, 😎, gimme a mans pls. Okay so negative traits: easily frustrated, awkward in intimate moments(I find it hard to say I love you ect yknow), stubborn, saying sorry is hard too 😔. Good traits: I can sleep for 12+ and still be tired 😎. I do love physical affection tho and I’m quite good at giving it 😉. I like video games and being alive honestly don’t do much else, I don’t like waking up and I’m terrified of spiders, here’s my emoji: 😔

☰ Matched with Gaara

Gaara will slowly show a genuine interest and curiosity in you but he doesn’t come on strong and will need to know you for awhile and learn more about you, which can take some time just to become good friends. Because he will not show a romantic interest in you quickly but you do grab his attention just from your personality and he will want to be friends, which he will need to be friends with you before any kind of romantic feelings will develop. 

But slowly over time he will begin to fall in love with you but he can have a hard time realizing and accepting his feelings, since you are likely to be his first love. But eventually he will decide to ask you out and when he does, he will be pretty noticeably nervous or uncomfortable, but insists he’s fine if you ask him about it. 

He will ask you out some place the two of you can be alone, going for a walk with you, or even planning something like a picnic or star gazing with you and will ask you out then. He will be nervous but he’ll manage to ask you out and will go back to his normal self once you agree to go out with him. 

Once the two of you begin dating, he is pretty comfortable with you because the two of you were friends first, but he will not be comfortable with affectionate acts or PDA too early on. But the longer the two of you are together he will come around and become more affectionate and even instigating affectionate acts with you, though he can still be a bit shy to PDA he won’t mind holding hands or hugs occasionally but anymore than that in public can embarrass him. 

But when the two of you are alone, he really doesn’t mind affection at all and will enjoy cuddling with you, but at the same time he doesn’t need constant attention or affection from you. He also has no problems with expressing his love for you physically or verbally but doesn’t feel the need to do so frequently. 

You can be a bit awkward in intimate moments and find it hard to say things like “I love you.” And Gaara is very patient and won’t push you to express your feelings or prove your feelings for him, though you do love physical affection as well. Gaara is a very good listener and very understanding and he really won’t mind the fact that you are stubborn and have a hard time saying sorry, you are also easily frustrated. 

Though Gaara does not get angry or irritated very easy and nearly always has a very calm and peaceful nature, which means arguments generally don’t happen but that doesn’t mean the two of you won’t have disagreements or different opinions but the two of you can usually talk things out without the situation getting heated. You don’t take too many things seriously but you do tend to get serious when it comes to politics and Gaara will understand why, because much like you he will want to work towards a kinder world. 

This means he fully supports your dream of wanting to be a congress woman and will gladly help you out however he can, encouraging you the entire time as well. He is very helpful and caring and will gladly do anything he can to help you with anything, whether it’s goals or dreams or just doing chores around the house when the two of you live together. 

He will not want you to ever feel like you are alone or don’t have help with things, he will also want to be able to help you with any issues or problems you have, though he won’t press you to open up or pry into your business. He is very respectful, understanding and supportive and will let you come to him but does constantly let you know that he’s there for you if you need something. Gaara can be content spending time with you at home or taking you out on dates, enjoying going to peaceful and scenic places with you but he will really be open to going anywhere. 

Because he doesn’t mind going a bit out of his comfort zone since he will like being able to experience new things especially with you, which can also make him nudge you a bit out of your comfort zone as well but never forces you to do something you don’t want to do. Your friends and family mean a lot to you and Gaara is very protective over friends and family which includes you and any of your loved ones, though he rarely acts over protective because he’s not possessive and though he is also quick to defend you or others he doesn’t typically get hostile or aggressive unless he absolutely has to, he will always prefer working things out peacefully. 

You can be kind of silly and act like a dork at times but he really won’t mind and likes seeing you be yourself around him and your friends, and he can even become concerned if you don’t act like yourself. He can be a little motherly at times because he does worry about your safety and well being and is very attentive and checks on you pretty frequently, such as if you are studying or working on a project, he’ll make sure to ask how it’s going, or if you haven’t been sleeping well lately he will try to help. 

Gaara is extremely thoughtful and will always try to help you with anything he can, he is always very loving and supportive and is a great partner who will stick by your side no matter the circumstances, he encourages you to pursue your dreams and helps motivate you to be a better person. Once he falls in love with you, he’s with you until the end no matter what obstacles arise the two of you will see things through together.

☰ Headcanons between the two of you

■ Comfortable moving along in the relationship whenever you are though he won’t push things like moving in together, he waits for you to show that you are ready and willing to take steps like this and he really sees a future with you so he’s happy to hit milestones in the relationship.

■ As Gaara’s S/O this also means you will have a relationship with Temari and Kankuro as well, Kankuro will be a lot like a big brother to you while Temari can become a very close friend and she will become protective over you as well, she can really have a motherly attitude towards you and Gaara.

■ Gaara can be affectionate with you when the two of you are alone, especially while watching movies or reading, though he can be very hesitant to instigate affectionate acts if you seem busy because he won’t like interrupting something, you’re in the middle of. He has a tendency to hug you often and likes holding hands.

■ He is not very materialistic so he doesn’t shower you with gifts but will try to get you a thoughtful gift for special occasions, but he will prefer to spoil you with attention and affection rather than actual items.

☰ Other Possible Matches

◐ Charles Grey

He is attentive, protective and caring though he can be a bit excitable and even clingy to the point of being possessive at times, he can also get jealous relatively easily and can become childish when he’s jealous as well as when he wants your attention. He is not very comfortable with PDA but also not completely against some but far more content with cuddling and affection when the two of you are alone. Though he can be childish at times he is very intelligent and can be over confident in his skills and intelligence, but he is also very capable of discussing politics with you as well as any topic but he will genuinely enjoy discussing different things with you, because he will really like hearing your thoughts and opinions on different matters especially because you wish for a more compassionate world.

◐ Kakashi Hatake

He is very patient, loving and kind towards you and supports nearly anything you want to do in life, he can show a mild interest in politics but generally not to the degree that you do but he can hold conversations and debates with you. He is loving but not very affectionate when the two of you are in public because he really doesn’t care for PDA and doesn’t like verbally telling you he cares about you or loves you very often. He can be cuddling and hugs you often when the two of you are alone, he won’t push you to do things with him but he does enjoy spending time with you, he also won’t pressure you to talk or open up because he is understanding and patient and will let you come to him and talk and open up on your own. He is content with simple dates and doesn’t like anything too fancy or out of his comfort zone.